Nicole [00:00:00]: I need men to realize how women feel. You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. When it comes to men, you get with a man who has a dream, and you help him build the dream, he cheats on you anyway. You marry a man with money, people are like, well, what do you expect? He's going to cheat on you. You marry a man with no money, he still cheats on you anyway. And then there's this very small group of men that they do care about the person that they're with. And you might get lucky, but that is like a 2% of men. Women can never win with men that are unhealed.

Intro/Outro Voiceover [00:00:34]: Beyond the perfect, we discover through our flaws, we complete each other. Better than perfect, we stay through every fault we find our way.

John [00:00:50]: All right, welcome back to the Better than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:59]: That's right.

John [00:01:00]: And. Go ahead, say it. Nicole, do your. The line you want to do.

Nicole [00:01:05]: I mean, I was gonna, like, put it in naturally.

John [00:01:10]: Oh, okay. Well,

Nicole [00:01:11]: but since you put me on the spot here, the thing that this whole episode is gonna be about is that cheating men will destroy the world. That's my prediction.

John [00:01:23]: Yeah. Okay. So. Yeah. So what we're gonna talk about today is our favor.

Nicole [00:01:30]: That's why it

John [00:01:31]: is our lately favorite. We

Nicole [00:01:32]: have too much. We get too much material for it.

John [00:01:35]: I know. There's so much material. Thank you. Or you're welcome for providing some material.

Nicole [00:01:40]: No, I would prefer you don't provide it. The other people.

John [00:01:43]: Yeah, me too. But. Yeah. So the topic, the big thing in the news is Jensen Huang, it's affair. And now being basically affairs. Yeah, well, they

Nicole [00:01:59]: thought it was just one.

John [00:02:00]: That's what it always

Nicole [00:02:01]: never just.

John [00:02:01]: Yeah, exactly. It's always affairs.

Nicole [00:02:04]: Yeah.

John [00:02:04]: Right. Because there's never just one when it. When it comes out. And then. And then his being basically being fired from Nvidia. Right. So hence the destroy the world. Because his affair was with a Chinese spy. Alleged Chinese spy. Probably a Chinese spy who, you know, exported technology from the US And. Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:28]: So this man not only embarrassed his wife and disgraced his wife.

John [00:02:34]: Yeah,

Nicole [00:02:35]: he. And put her at risk. He put everyone at risk.

John [00:02:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:40]: He put the entire world at risk. Do you know how embarrassing and how insane it is that, like, you can't keep it in your pants for the world, for the sake of the world.

John [00:02:53]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:54]: This is why men have a serious problem.

John [00:02:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:00]: And I don't want to Say all men, but a lot of men have a serious problem. Because if you can't keep it in your pants to save the world and respect your wife, like honestly forget the world to even respect your wife.

John [00:03:13]: Right.

Nicole [00:03:14]: Of 40 years.

John [00:03:15]: Right.

Nicole [00:03:15]: Or however long it's around there that has stood by you and honestly help you build the thing that you're taking credit for.

John [00:03:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:24]: If you can't respect her, you're disgraced. But if you can't take care of the world, like, what is it, the like Spider man

John [00:03:36]: quote? With great power comes great responsibility. Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:03:41]: Don't take that seriously. If your penis overrides your responsibility to everything in your life and the world.

John [00:03:50]: Right.

Nicole [00:03:51]: Do we not think that that's a huge problem? Maybe that should be the

John [00:03:55]: clip. Well, and your company and all the employee, like people that are like depending on you, you know, I mean, it's like, because you're letting all those people down, like all the.

Nicole [00:04:06]: Right,

John [00:04:06]: right. And everyone who has a 401k who just lost like a lot of money and you know, I mean, Nvidia is a 5 trillion dollar company and now it's worth 4 trillion. So like a trillion dollars loss. That's a lot of money. But, but, yeah, but I mean,

Nicole [00:04:24]: I have nothing nice to say.

John [00:04:26]: So. So there's that and then, but then, you know, it's funny because I was talking to one of my friends when this went down and he said, we won't name him because he's. But he was like, oh, it's like all the billionaires. Right? Like, because Jeff. And we'll talk about that too. Because Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates. Right. All of them kind of got taken down with, with this because they had these secrets, these illicit affairs that. These

Nicole [00:04:53]: weaknesses.

John [00:04:54]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:04:55]: That's what it is. We need to start calling it what it is.

John [00:04:58]: Yeah,

Nicole [00:04:59]: obviously you're a billionaire. People think you're smart, but you're obviously not smart enough.

John [00:05:05]: Yeah, well, I think they also start to. Well, I would say they. But it's like, I think men in general start to think that they're invincible or that and

Nicole [00:05:16]: they're selfish. They only think about themselves. Yeah,

John [00:05:18]: it is a selfish, selfish thing. But. Yeah, but no, I mean, it's become more apparent to me that this is, like you said, this is a problem. Not to say that women don't ever cheat, but. But it is certainly more prevalent and troubling of a problem that generally that so many men are involved with. You know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:05:40]: I think it's more of a problem because men try to cover it up and try to act like. No, like women are just as bad. That's not really a reality. But regardless of that, if this guy, this Nvidia guy, was a woman, I would be saying the exact same things. Like,

John [00:05:59]: yeah, for sure.

Nicole [00:06:00]: You couldn't think about everything else in the world. You could only think about what you could get out of it. It would be the exact same response. The only difference is, like you said, there are countless. Countless.

John [00:06:14]: Yeah,

Nicole [00:06:16]: like, scenarios of this happening with men. Not only billionaire men that we see, but also the guy who works at Pizza Hut.

John [00:06:25]: Well, I even forgot the one that just happened, like, in the last year. Remember on the Jumbotron where.

Nicole [00:06:32]: Oh, yeah,

John [00:06:33]: that guy was. I

Nicole [00:06:34]: don't know, the Coldplay concert.

John [00:06:35]: Yeah, the Coldplay concert. The CEO of. I can't even remember the company.

Nicole [00:06:39]: Right. And that was with someone he worked with.

John [00:06:41]: Yeah, yeah. So, I mean, it is. Yeah,

Nicole [00:06:44]: I get that, because we've talked about this before, that men cheat with people they work with because they feel respected by those people, but then they do something so disrespectful that no one can

John [00:06:56]: respect.

Nicole [00:06:57]: So that is why when men are like, women are so complicated. I'm like, you guys don't even know how complicated you are. You say, I just want peace. I don't ever want to hear that. Because if you're out here lying and you're out here cheating to the level, like this guy, like, you don't give a. About the world.

John [00:07:17]: Right. You know, let

Nicole [00:07:18]: alone your wife. But, like, I mean, you should care. Your wife should be your world, so that should be the equivalent. But you also have that responsibility and the responsibility of the world.

John [00:07:27]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:28]: You don't care about those things, but you want peace

John [00:07:32]: and

Nicole [00:07:32]: you want respect. Right. But you're not living where you deserve any of those.

John [00:07:38]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:07:39]: You're not living in a way where you are even in a place to properly take care of getting those things. So you take the cheap route and date somebody or have an affair with someone at your office who has to respect your authority because they're forced to, because that's their role.

John [00:07:59]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:08:00]: Because you can't get it any other way because you're not acting respectfully.

John [00:08:04]: Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it. Yeah, that makes sense, right? Yeah. Yeah. Well, let's backtrack a little bit and talk about, like,

Nicole [00:08:12]: each. No, no, it's good. You made me watch all the videos. You're like, are you ready to fight

John [00:08:19]: I know I amped you up on this.

Nicole [00:08:21]: Yeah. But he poked to the bear.

John [00:08:23]: But we can talk about like each one of the. So the Jensen Huang thing or Huang thing is basically he's the CEO of Nvidia. Right. I actually read his biography about like the story of Nvidia, which is quite an amazing, inspiring biography. Until now you have the final chapter. Hadn't been written yet apparently. But. But I mean, he started from very humble means, right. And built this company. And his wife was there a lot. Like he met her in college and they, you know, she supported him when things were not. There's a lot of times that Nvidia was not going well before it became the biggest company in the world. But then what's happened now has come out that he had this affair. I think he's 63. He had an affair with a Chinese spy they alleged

Nicole [00:09:12]: at 63.

John [00:09:14]: And then his. And then when that came out, then the thing that really put the nail in the coffin for him was there was a. Was she. 43 year old woman that was like reported to him that in the company Nvidia that he had an affair with. And then I guess there's a third one. So there's more of these that are coming out. And the interesting thing about it is that like, you know, I was telling you because you're not as much in the tech world, but

Nicole [00:09:41]: no,

John [00:09:41]: Jensen Huang is the cool. Was. Was the cool guy of tech. He wore his signature leather black jacket. Everyone was like, I mean, it helps if you're like the CEO of the biggest company in the world of a $5 trillion company. But he had this. Everyone thought he was cool. Like now people don't. Right. So the. But. But he had this cool Persona that. Which, which the thing. The reason why I mentioned this even is because as we'll see, like there's a pattern there. Right. Because I can echo the pattern as well. Right. It's like you've got a lot of guys that were kind of maybe nerdy, maybe not as cool. Right? Right. Growing up, they get into positions of money and power. Right. And then they still have something to prove. They still have a chip on their

Nicole [00:10:31]: shoulder that they wish they could have lived when they were there.

John [00:10:33]: Because look at Jeff Bezos too. Right? Right. Remember the before and after pictures when he got on TRT and he's got his muscle shirts and he's like, even

Nicole [00:10:41]: the video you made us watch on the way here and there was like a foam party on a yacht. I'm like, this is Giving like, you didn't do this in your 20s. Exactly. And now you're trying to do it now.

John [00:10:50]: Right. And you know, and again, like, I'm not excluding myself from this because I did the same thing. I did the same. I'm a basic, basic, basic bitch boy. Exactly. Yeah, that's the. Yeah, because I did the exact, like the pattern. And when we looked at the books or read the book on the betrayal bind. Oh, we got an episode on that too. But I was like, damn, I'm a basic bitch. Like, I was like, I did exactly the things that. That are like, predictable of what a man will do. So I didn't deviate from that. It was like I, you know, and I think that's important to know as a man because understanding that you're a basic bitch boy as a man will help you to. You're

Nicole [00:11:35]: not a man, you're a basic bitch boy. You need to become a man.

John [00:11:37]: It will help you to not make the mistake. Because what everyone thinks in their head is, my situation is unique. Oh, my wife is treating me this way, or my wife is denying me sex or like, whatever justification or circumstance that you come up with, or like, I need this for me, or this doesn't affect them. Like, whatever it is. All the guys that have come before you had said the same exact stupid thing. Right. Because they thought that their situation was unique. Right. But I don't want to get too far off topic, but basically that's the Jensen Huang one. And then you've got Jeff Bezos. So he had married his. I forgot her name, but they.

Nicole [00:12:25]: Is it Melissa? I feel like it's something with the M. McKenzie.

John [00:12:29]: Maybe that's it. Yeah. But she had helped him. Well, I read his biography too. Right. The A to Z, the Amazon story. Right. The Everything store is

Nicole [00:12:39]: what it's called.

John [00:12:40]: Yeah. And like. And she helped him when he was selling books. Like, she was like, she worked for him initially. Like he had a couple employees and they built this thing. Essentially. She supported him the whole time, built this thing together. And then it turned out that he was having an affair with his best. One of his. Not his best friend, but one of his friends. Wives, which he's now married to. And you know, and they did the foam yacht party and. And then you've got Bill Gates, who. Bill Gates was the epitome of humanity and get rid of the bad diseases in the world. He's a philanthropist. He had this really high image of being this Mother Teresa of the tech world.

Nicole [00:13:25]: But did he do that to Cover up his shadiness.

John [00:13:27]: Well, that's the thing is because he ended up. When the Epstein files came out, it turned out that he had got some medication to cure STD and then he secretly got antibiotics that he was secretly drugging his wife so she wouldn't know about it to cure her from the std. And then he admitted to a couple of Russians, like a Russian chess player or whatever, that he was in a chess club with that he had affairs with and stuff. So it's like all these billionaires that basically did not have. Weren't cool, didn't, didn't. That needed the external validation that they didn't get. Like it does like even getting a billion dollars, like being a billionaire, that's still not enough because you can never get enough external validation. Right. And I think that's really like the,

Nicole [00:14:19]: the success isn't enough. The women's not enough. Nothing is ever enough because men are being selfish and it's. They're doing things that harm their character and their morality and their integrity.

John [00:14:34]: Right.

Nicole [00:14:35]: So then they keep doing messed up things and then they don't ever live from a place where they're actually proud of themselves. They don't ever get true self confidence in themselves. It's never confidence, it's arrogance, it's cockiness. It's overcompensation for the lack that they feel.

John [00:14:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:54]: And that's why those things are never enough. The money's never enough. The women is never enough. The life, the yachts, the foam yacht parties are never enough. Like that is the problem. But also, I want to take a moment here before I forget this.

John [00:15:06]: Yeah, go ahead.

Nicole [00:15:07]: That what I want to bring up is that I need men to realize how women feel. You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't when it comes to men.

John [00:15:20]: Okay. Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:20]: You, you get with a man who has a dream and you help him build the dream. And you think I helped him build this? He won't leave me. I've been here through everything I've sacrificed with him. I've supported him.

John [00:15:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:32]: He cheats on you anyway. You marry a man with money and people are like, well, what do you expect? He's going to cheat on you. He is a successful man. I

John [00:15:42]: see what you're saying. Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:43]: You marry a man with no money and

John [00:15:46]: no ambition.

Nicole [00:15:47]: And no ambition. He still cheats on you anyway for whatever his excuses. Because

John [00:15:53]: he. Because he has. Because he really needs external validation. Sure.

Nicole [00:15:56]: He's

John [00:15:56]: got. He hasn't.

Nicole [00:15:58]: And you're taking care of him and he's emasculated. Exactly.

John [00:16:00]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:16:02]: And then there's this very small group of men that they're not problematic, really. They do care about the person that they're with. And you might get lucky, but that is like a 2% of men.

John [00:16:18]: Well, and.

Nicole [00:16:19]: And it's like finding a needle in a haystack. And I'm not saying those men don't exist, but I'm saying it's so hard to find these men these days. And here's the caveat, too. You might think you found one,

John [00:16:31]: right?

Nicole [00:16:32]: But then you might find out he lied to you or pretended to be this man.

John [00:16:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:37]: So, like, women can never win with men that are unhealed,

John [00:16:46]: Right?

Nicole [00:16:46]: And there are a lot of unhealed men.

John [00:16:50]: Yeah, you're absolutely right.

Nicole [00:16:51]: And then men complain that women want men with money,

John [00:16:55]: Right?

Nicole [00:16:55]: But when every man, for the most part, is going to treat you like

John [00:16:59]: you might as well pick the one with money.

Nicole [00:17:01]: It's not good.

John [00:17:03]: No, but it makes. It makes sense. It makes sense. It's not good, but it makes sense. Right? Like logic. Sure, Right. But here's the thing about it that's interesting because, okay, men are going to be upset. The men that are watching this right now are going to be upset at me for being like, so, like. But here's what I would say, because they're going to be like, you're making it seem like it's all men. And you're. And she's saying it, and you're agreeing with her, right? And so you're actually, like, you're just letting her. You're letting her take charge of the conversation. You're just, like, agreeing with what she says and letting her just. Just defame men because you're a coward. And you're gonna just let your woman be. Be in charge because you're afraid of her. Hold on, hold on. Let me.

Nicole [00:17:46]: Let the men be a coward,

John [00:17:47]: right? And let. And. But here's the thing about it, right? This is what I'll say is that because they're gonna say it's not all men, like, you're just. You did it. So you're just trying to make it like it's all guys, right? And it's not all, But

Nicole [00:18:01]: I did it.

John [00:18:01]: No, no, to me, like, I did it. I was one of those, right? So I fully admit that what I did. But here's the thing, okay? We're talking about. If you say it's not. I wouldn't do that. Like, you're defaming men. And I'm not one of those guys. I didn't cheat. I wouldn't lie. Right. Okay. These billionaires, right, that we're talking about. You're not a billionaire yet, right? I'm saying talking to men, right? So that are saying this. What would happen if you were a billionaire, if you were Jensen Huang, if you were the CEO of a 5 trillion dollar company, if women were throwing themselves at you, right? Because your money, fine, it doesn't matter. Like they're, you know, because of your power. Doesn't matter. But if you had all this money jetting around the world, right, and you had this opportunity, you're telling me you would be walking the straight in there. You're telling me that you wouldn't be tempted. All you're telling me that, like, you can say it.

Nicole [00:19:11]: They're lying to you,

John [00:19:12]: right? Well,

Nicole [00:19:13]: to everybody. They will lie to you and say, no, I wouldn't do

John [00:19:16]: that. You can. Exactly. You can say it.

Nicole [00:19:19]: Mm.

John [00:19:19]: But when. If you get there, right? Which most people won't. But the thing is that most men have never been tested. And I'm not trying to say it as if, like, oh, to excuse me, to be like, well, you would be just like me if you were tested. No, I'm not saying that every guy. I'm not saying that. Like, I'm not trying to cut, like I made bad moral choices.

Nicole [00:19:40]: No, it's the truth. Because it's exactly why men will cheat and say that they still love their wife and they were happy in their marriage. It's because they got the opportunity, so they took it. You're not wrong.

John [00:19:49]: But most men have never really been tested, right? A lot of guys that have money that already, you know, in fact, that's what. We talked about this in another episode. One reason to maybe pick a guy that has money is that is good looking and has money is because he's already been tested. I mean, it doesn't mean that he's not, but. But that's. You have a better hope that that guy's been tested. Because if that guy who has money and is good looking, if he is honest and faithful, you can probably guess that he'll remain that way because he's already been tested. He's already had the opportunity. If you have to choose between a guy that hasn't had opportunity and one who has had opportunity, the safer bet is probably the guy that has opportunity. Because if he's still coming clean after that, then he's been tested. But what I'm saying is Just to those guys that are going to be very upset with me about my stance on this and my kind of flip to really taking more of the woman's side on this. And this has come from learning some empathy from seeing the stories of so many women, from being the perpetrator and seeing the damage that you've caused. Right. Not just to get out of the doghouse because I'd be like, oh, she's mad at you. So you're going to just say no, no, no. It's because I've actually really seen it and really have felt it and have understood it, which took a lot of time and a lot of soul searching to find. But. But my point is, is that those guys that are upset at me right now really, really think in your mind, have you actually really been tested? And if you haven't, you don't know what your outcome would be.

Nicole [00:21:21]: Do you know why I know that? The men that are in the comments that are like, it's not all men. I'm not that man.

John [00:21:28]: Right.

Nicole [00:21:30]: They are that man. Because if you weren't that man, then you would be in the comments saying, men need to stop doing things like this. That is the only true man. Not someone that's in the comments, like not all men. Some. A man that's in the comments that's like, you know what, we need to stop excusing this behavior from other fellow men.

John [00:21:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:51]: And not from a pick me like

John [00:21:53]: no

Nicole [00:21:54]: man. What's the pick me man like version? Simp. Do they still say that? But

John [00:21:59]: simp. Yeah,

Nicole [00:22:01]: but like

John [00:22:02]: who cares

Nicole [00:22:03]: if another man calls you that?

John [00:22:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:05]: Because you're doing the right thing. Because I would sit on here and do a whole episode if women, like if a woman cheats on her husband and I know her, I don't want to be friends with that person. This is not a, a one way street. It's just that men need to start actually admitting because like you said, like you didn't even really see it. And all these men don't really see it because they don't have actual empathy towards women. And they think it's because women don't have empathy. Empathy towards them. And that's not true. Like how many stories of Bill Gates, of Jeff Bezos, of I don't know this Nvidia guy's name.

John [00:22:42]: Jensen. I

Nicole [00:22:43]: don't. Jensen. All these women that stood by these men.

John [00:22:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:48]: And these men slapped them in the fucking face.

John [00:22:50]: Right. Didn't. Didn't like again, it's like, okay, they could have dissolved their marriages and then got with other women if they wanted to. You know what I'm saying? Or like, you know that. And, and again, like I said, I made. That's

Nicole [00:23:01]: more respectable.

John [00:23:02]: I also made the unrespectable choice, you know, in the past. So. But, yeah, but you're, but you're right. You're absolutely right. But, but that's why I keep on saying that. Like it comes back to. And you're right. Like the guys that say in the comments, it's not me or it's not all those are the ones that are, that actually they're

Nicole [00:23:20]: covert.

John [00:23:21]: Right. Because if your response to hearing this is not empathy.

Nicole [00:23:27]: Right.

John [00:23:28]: But it's defense, that's exactly what gets you into. And I can speak from personal experience because that's exactly, that's the mindset that got me into this mess. Because I guarantee you I would have been in the comments being like, it's not me, it's not all men. I would never do this. I would say that,

Nicole [00:23:45]: right?

John [00:23:46]: While I was doing it, I would say that. But even before I would have, I would say that. Why? Because it's, it's a defensive mindset instead of an empathetic mindset. Because it's like, it's ego driven. If you need to defend yourself, there's ego there that's whole. And that is the exact ego that will take you down. Right? Because that's the same exact voice in your head that says, yeah, you deserve this. Yeah, she, she's treating you wrong or whatever. Or she's not gonna, it's not gonna hurt her. It doesn't matter. Like, this is for you. You have to live your life like whatever. The thing is, that's the ego instead of the empathy.

Nicole [00:24:20]: Right?

John [00:24:20]: And so you can either be self focused or other focused. And self focus is ego and other focus. You know, when you hurt someone, you're like, oh, I'm hurt because I hurt someone, I feel bad about it. Like for yourself. Or I'm hurt or like, or I hurt someone, I feel bad for them.

Nicole [00:24:36]: Right.

John [00:24:36]: You know what I mean? Put

Nicole [00:24:38]: yourself in someone's head

John [00:24:38]: and you might not know the difference. Because I didn't know the difference really. I mean, to a degree, but I didn't realize how much I didn't know the difference. But that's why this is such a dangerous thing. And what you're saying is absolutely right, is that if you hear this and you're like, yeah, men need to hold other men accountable so they can get this message. And also the other Thing is, if you're afraid of being called a simp, that's the red flag right there. Because that means external validation. That means that and all of these things root in external validation. Because if you need.

Nicole [00:25:12]: Women think women have a problem with external validation because they'll post their butts online. Which I'm saying that is a part of it. I'm not going to excuse women that do that. There is a part of that, that. Right. But men's is more covert.

John [00:25:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:25:25]: And so they use something that's overt

John [00:25:28]: right.

Nicole [00:25:29]: To say, no, this is a problem. Which that is a problem. I'm not going to sit here again, like if I see something about women like we've done a whole episode on Secret Lives of Mormon Pies for sure. And I sat here and been like, no, women cannot just do whatever they want and treat the men poorly and like go do, you know, go to the Vegas bars. But their men can't or whatever. Like they can't act that way like this, this is not a one way street for me. But we do need to realize and this Nvidia thing should make it pretty obvious that men have a problem. They have a problem with cheating, they have a problem with lying. Right. They have a problem with disrespecting people that they should not be disrespecting. And men should be appalled by this because men should not want to be around men that are doing this.

John [00:26:19]: And I think the thing is, it's like it sounds like a condemnation of all men. And I get it again, like I can understand. But the thing is that it doesn't mean that you have to be this way, but you do have to get this. I firmly believe now that if you don't get what we're saying, then you, then you're going to be this way. Yeah. Like you have to get this first and then you can move on. Then you can be a healed man. But you have to understand what you're with the capability that you have, your propensity for damage that you can cause. And if you're not aware of that, then it's just a matter of time before it, you know, I mean, it's like I was telling you, there's. There's three kinds of men. There's, there's men that haven't done it yet that, that are doing it or have done it and haven't learned anything and who haven't learned. But I hate to make it that there's only those three. But I am starting to learn. I mean Every guy I know, I'm not gonna rat anyone out, but I have some kind of story. They've done something or they're covering something, or

Nicole [00:27:26]: they're telling you, you should have lied to me. That's a problem. That's enabling. That's not accountability. How many men go in the comments of all these things and are like, women take account to take accountability. When men don't take accountability, they don't even take accountability for the other things that men do. And women should take accountability for the things that women do

John [00:27:45]: for sure. Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:46]: And so I'm not saying that it's a one way street. And this is not to like on men. This is like a Hail Mary. Like this man just put all of our lives at risk because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

John [00:28:00]: Right? And it just keeps on repeating, you know what I'm saying? That's the thing is like it's screaming so loudly now that I can't deny. And I was denying it before, right? I was like, I was part of it. I was denying it or I was playing it down. Like I acknowledge some of it. I'm like, yeah, you know, and I even said the things, but I didn't really get it. But now it's so loud that how can I ignore it?

Nicole [00:28:21]: But I think maybe too collectively men don't fully get it because similar to how you were feeling, if you really accept this about yourself, your ego thinks that you will completely crumble. But in reality you have to accept this about yourself, like as a man or if you're a woman doing these things as a woman.

John [00:28:44]: Right.

Nicole [00:28:45]: And then you can free yourself from them. You can't free yourself from, you know, slowly walking down a path towards lying to your partner and then cheating on your partner and disrespecting your partner and then losing everything in your life. Like men get divorced, a woman divorces them and they're like, this came out of the blue when if you really look back, if there was a camera in that house, right. It would be completely obvious.

John [00:29:10]: Right.

Nicole [00:29:10]: But men try to act like it's out of the blue because they're negligent.

John [00:29:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:29:15]: In really trying to understand the world around them. They're only trying to understand their own world. Like the issue which people have been saying for a long time, but I think they got it wrong. The issue is not men expressing their feelings, it's men understanding their feelings and feeling their feelings and processing their feelings.

John [00:29:35]: Right? Right. And it is a lot like the first level feeling, the first order Feelings versus the secondary. The

Nicole [00:29:42]: vulnerable hurt.

John [00:29:44]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:29:44]: The

John [00:29:44]: secondary ones come out as, like, anger, like, you know, frustration, things like that. But. But behind it is the first level feelings, which is the hurt, which

Nicole [00:29:52]: they don't want to express.

John [00:29:54]: Right. Which is important because you have to. Because that wound will cause you to wound. Right. Like the hurt that was in me caused me to hurt. Not because out of a revenge type of thing, but out of a. Like not understanding enough about my. Of that acting out, seeping out of me in a different way. Right. That is not who I want to be. Right. Because I generally. I mean, I sincerely believe that the men in the comments that are saying, it's not me, I would never do that. It's not all men. They. That's what they want to believe about themselves and they want to believe about men. And that's. That's a noble thing. That's good. However, it's also

Nicole [00:30:34]: ignorant.

John [00:30:35]: Yeah, yeah. Negligent ignorant. Because you. To have that aspiration. Look, while I was doing the wrong thing, while I was cheating, while I was lying, I wanted to believe that about myself. I. I aspire to that noble.

Nicole [00:30:51]: Right. You got on this podcast. Right?

John [00:30:53]: I did because. And I got on this. I didn't get on this podcast every week like, like lying to. To the viewers in the sense that, like, I. I did because I wasn't telling you. But. But what I mean is, like, the stuff I was saying, I believed.

Nicole [00:31:05]: Right.

John [00:31:06]: And I wanted to help people genuinely. Like, genuinely.

Nicole [00:31:10]: Yeah.

John [00:31:11]: So it's not that it was like, I'm. I'm just trying to, like, it's not like I'm feeding you some bullshit.

Nicole [00:31:17]: Right.

John [00:31:17]: It's just that I was feeding myself bullshit because I was not living up to an ideal that I aspired for other people to live up to and for myself to live up to.

Nicole [00:31:29]: You weren't taking full accountability of your life, because taking full accountability of your life would have been taking accountability for the cheating and then taking accountability for how long you lied after.

John [00:31:39]: Right.

Nicole [00:31:40]: And that's the thing. I don't think men take full accountability of their life. And honestly, women probably don't either.

John [00:31:46]: Right.

Nicole [00:31:46]: Like, I think it is just a people problem. But the issue is if men want to be in charge, if men want to be the leaders of their relationship, you have to take full accountability.

John [00:32:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:01]: Complete, full accountability. You have to have transparency. You have to be a man that is respectable to get respect. Yeah. Like, you're not just owed that. And unfortunately, men act in a way where it is hard to Respect them. Women want to respect men.

John [00:32:22]: Yeah. I believe that. But

Nicole [00:32:24]: I have found the hardest time trying to think of one man besides who you're turning into now that is fully respectable.

John [00:32:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:36]: Because I don't know, a man that takes full accountability like you have in your life and changed it around, and that's what's hard. And like, I'm sure it's also hard to find a woman that takes accountability for the things that she does, but I think if you led by example, you're more likely to find a woman that does that.

John [00:33:00]: Yeah. Because women do follow.

Nicole [00:33:03]: They mirror and.

John [00:33:04]: Yeah. And so you're absolutely right, because I think a lot of men do complain that women don't take accountability, and I do see that too. Right. And I do. And I do see a lot of that. However, if you look at that mirror like it is a reflection a lot of times, and it's like, you may think you're taking accountability as a man, but are you really? Because that's the thing that I learned also is that you're not really taking accountability if you still have a lie that you're.

Nicole [00:33:32]: Yeah. You're not.

John [00:33:33]: That's not, you know, that's. That's. That

Nicole [00:33:35]: hasn't even. You're doing something that you're trying to cover up. How's that taking accountability? You're also covering it up so you don't get the consequences of your actions. How's that accountability?

John [00:33:44]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:45]: And, like, that is dishonorable.

John [00:33:49]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:50]: Like, if you want to be an honorable man, you have to live an honorable life. I mean, I talked to my dad, you know, about the stuff that were going on. Going on in our lives. Yeah. And he talked about my great grandfather, and he was like, you know what? That's how they lived back then. Like, they would hold their family members to this high standard so that they wouldn't fuck up.

John [00:34:11]: Right.

Nicole [00:34:12]: We have lost that. That's society.

John [00:34:14]: That's. That's. We

Nicole [00:34:15]: lost that as a society. And, like, that is what we should be doing for each other as women to women, as men to men, as women to men, as men to women, in a respectable way. Like, I'm not coming here. I mean, we did say, baby boy. But, like, honestly, we're not coming on here to, like, on you. We're coming on here especially you. Because, I mean, you can attest to it. I told you before all this. Yeah. Happened. That if you live from this place of high standards for yourself.

John [00:34:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:46]: Of like, upholding your integrity and your character no matter what you Will feel amazing about yourself.

John [00:34:52]: Right.

Nicole [00:34:53]: And that's what these billionaires have not done. And I sent you another video that talks about. And I do think men slip into this more. You start lying about one little thing and then you realize you can lie about something else, something bigger. So then you start acting in ways that are dishonorable to yourself, to your character, to your integrity.

John [00:35:15]: Right.

Nicole [00:35:15]: And then it gets easier. You don't feel the guilt anymore, so you keep doing it. And you think that you're immune. It's not doing anything to you, but you've just learned to not really focus. Focus on the guilt and shame that you feel. And then by the time you actually have to face this stuff, if you ever do, like this Nvidia guy is having to face all the things that he's done.

John [00:35:34]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:35]: The weight of that feels so heavy,

John [00:35:37]: right.

Nicole [00:35:38]: That then the man becomes a real danger to himself and the world because now he feels hopeless.

John [00:35:46]: Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:47]: Instead of just living from a place of like, I'm not going to do something that goes against my character. Having the discipline of yourself. Men do not have the discipline of themselves. Like they think.

John [00:36:01]: Yeah, yeah. And that's like I said, I mean, not trying to make it a shit on men thing. And I know that a lot of guys are going to think that whatever about the thing, but it's like you have to hear this message first and you have to be okay with hearing this mess. Like, if this is disturbing you, then that it's hitting something that needs to be hit.

Nicole [00:36:22]: Right.

John [00:36:23]: Because the purpose is not to. The purpose not to be like, you're a hopeless and you can never.

Nicole [00:36:30]: Hopeless.

John [00:36:31]: It's not. It's to say that until you acknowledge that you have this capability within you, which may be dormant or maybe active.

Nicole [00:36:40]: True.

John [00:36:40]: Right. But if you can't see it, then you. Then it's going to happen.

Nicole [00:36:45]: Right.

John [00:36:45]: If you could see it. Right. If I could go back in time and what would I do? I would give myself this message before I had done anything. I would read the books on betrayal before I had done anything. I would understand these things. And then I would know that I have a bomb inside me that could go off. You know what I'm saying? I would be aware of the danger that is within. I wouldn't think I'm immune from it. I wouldn't think I'm special or I'm of such high character or nobility that. That I cannot have this happen to me. That I cannot become this. This monster.

Nicole [00:37:24]: Right.

John [00:37:24]: And said I would understand that this monster may live inside me. And I would understand. Like, you know, I'm saying they would. That's why this is important. That's why, like, I feel like we can keep on talking about the subject like we need to, because it would have. It would have saved me. It could have put me on a different path and then, you know, and. And saved a lot of harm and pain in a lot of people's lives that I caused, not out of intention. And that's the thing,

Nicole [00:37:48]: right?

John [00:37:48]: Like, it wasn't like, oh, I want to hurt people and harm people, or

Nicole [00:37:51]: you weren't a bad man,

John [00:37:52]: right? Or I didn't even think, like, I don't care about anyone. I just care about my. I didn't think that.

Nicole [00:37:58]: Right.

John [00:37:58]: Subconsciously, that's what was going on, obviously, in order to make those choices. Right? But. But at a conscious level, you think you're good. You think that everything. That your shit doesn't stink, that everything that you're doing, you're making it for a right reason in your mind, and that's the danger of it. But if you understand it and you can hear a message like this and be like, okay, if it doesn't apply to you, if it really doesn't apply to you, because you already know this, then you're cheering. You're like, good,

Nicole [00:38:28]: right? You're not in the comments, like, not all men.

John [00:38:31]: But if this is getting you in the fields and you're like these, you know, Right? That's because you don't get it yet,

Nicole [00:38:40]: right?

John [00:38:40]: Otherwise you'd be cheering. You know what I'm saying? And I was. And I can say it because I was there, because if I would have heard this message, I would have been like, these idiots. Yeah. They don't. This. This guy's a wuss. And this woman is, whatever, overbearing, like, masculine woman. She's going to leave him in 10 years. I would say all that shit. I would think all that shit. I might not say it because I. At least

Nicole [00:39:02]: you have some decorum.

John [00:39:04]: Yeah, but I would think that that's what. If I were hearing this, I would think that.

Nicole [00:39:08]: Yeah. You know why? You know why? A lot of men think like this.

John [00:39:13]: Go for it.

Nicole [00:39:14]: You know why.

John [00:39:14]: I know why. But you tell me.

Nicole [00:39:16]: The Internet.

John [00:39:17]: Yeah,

Nicole [00:39:17]: the Internet,

John [00:39:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:20]: Other men playing into other men's victim mindset. And what does victim mindset breed?

John [00:39:26]: Right?

Nicole [00:39:26]: Only thinking about yourself. Only doing things because you've been hurt.

John [00:39:31]: Right?

Nicole [00:39:32]: Like, men need to realize the hypocrisy of, like, you know, when you Came on here and did your episode by yourself. And some of the men literally being like, good job for telling the truth. Like, yes, good job for telling the truth. That's all they say. I mean, I feel like, honestly, on your bulldog mindset video that you did, men were a little bit more, like, harsh with you, which I was actually kind of glad to see.

John [00:39:58]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:59]: Because the reality is that if I came on here and said I did everything that you did.

John [00:40:06]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:07]: Oh, it would probably be the most viral video because every man would share it with everyone and be like, see? Never trust women.

John [00:40:14]: True.

Nicole [00:40:14]: And like, the fact that men can come on your video and be like, good job for telling the truth.

John [00:40:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:22]: And that's all they have to say. They don't have to say, yeah, John, like, I do. I think you're a good man, but you really weren't living in your integrity. You really didn't do the right thing. Like, you know, you can come back from this, but you need. I'm glad that you realized that you weren't being the man that you thought you were. That is what I want to see. That's what I'm talking about, accountability from men.

John [00:40:42]: Right. Because. Because. Because the thing is, like. And this is. I think, where I didn't fully get this to a degree, is that accountability is not just telling the truth or admitting that you're wrong.

Nicole [00:40:53]: Right.

John [00:40:54]: It's. It's repairing the window. It's like it's saying, all right, I gotta now do the things to make things different. Right. And have a plan for doing that. Because that's. That's what really makes the change. Because it's easy to be sorry.

Nicole [00:41:14]: Right.

John [00:41:14]: Everyone's sorry when they get caught, when they do something wrong, when someone's feelings are hurt, you're sorry.

Nicole [00:41:19]: Right?

John [00:41:19]: Right. It's easy to be sorry. It's easy to say you're sorry, but it's not easy to really

Nicole [00:41:26]: repair.

John [00:41:27]: Yeah. Which means that you have to really be empathetic about understanding the damage that you cause. Because if you don't understand the damage that you've caused and the pain and can't feel the pain that you've caused other people, then you're not going to be able to make the change. Then. It's not going to. It's going to. You're going to for a couple days, remember it, and be like, oh, I'm sorry, I won't do that again. But it won't create an internal change. What requires for an internal change is a real embodiment of the situation, of the other person's perspective, of the pain that you've caused, to really get it and understand it. Which takes time. You want something to just go away, but it takes that. That's why I think it is super important. And we'll probably talk about this topic a lot a times because it is so critical.

Nicole [00:42:16]: Well, now you can finally see it.

John [00:42:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:18]: And like, men should listen to you because this is the way to actually have the life that they want.

John [00:42:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:42:25]: They think that being very aggressive and like hateful towards women. And again, like, I'm not trying to be hateful towards men. Like, it's very frustrating that this is a pattern and that a lot of women, if not the majority of women, deal with this in some capacity. Like I said, like, I mean, I had conversations with my dad. You had conversations with your dad. Like, and they were still saying certain things that were concerning. Right. You have learned.

John [00:42:53]: They were backing up my position.

Nicole [00:42:55]: Right.

John [00:42:56]: Instead of

Nicole [00:42:58]: physical things that make sense without actually like doing the work that is necessary,

John [00:43:03]: which they don't mean harm in it. No. But they're not understanding.

Nicole [00:43:07]: It's coming from a place of ignorance rather than understanding. Again. And it's because they're hurt, like you said. Or like their things that they have gone through is overshadowing, like listening to why this is so important.

John [00:43:23]: And we, our DMs are filled with. Women are in the comments also that have the same story.

Nicole [00:43:30]: Right,

John [00:43:30]: right. That the same

Nicole [00:43:32]: stuff is happening

John [00:43:33]: to them. And so it's like you have to see that this is a pattern, that this message.

Nicole [00:43:39]: Men can't see it.

John [00:43:41]: I talked to a female divorce attorney this week at this event and it was like clear that women that are getting divorces, that are going to divorce attorney to get the divorce, it's always the same exact story. And they always tried and tried and tried and tried and tried. And then they're finally done because they can, they, they feel like they can. There's no way in hell that they're ever going to be able to trust this man.

Nicole [00:44:06]: Right. Well, look at me and you. Honestly, how many chances have I given you?

John [00:44:10]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:44:11]: Honestly, probably more than I should.

John [00:44:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:14]: And I don't think that that's abnormal. I think women will try as hard as they can until men keep making the same mistake over and over and over again. And I'm not saying that it doesn't happen for women too. I feel like you were also in an experience where actually the opposite happened to you, where you were told things would be they weren't ever different.

John [00:44:34]: And there's. And there's still.

Nicole [00:44:37]: Right.

John [00:44:37]: I'm not going to get into it, but. But there's still indications of things that are still

Nicole [00:44:42]: happening. Yeah, it doesn't actually change, but men are prone to doing that more, I feel like. And so that is when a women. A woman does reach a point where she's like, I can't do this. Like, even though I love you, I can't live like this. I can't live in this circle. Nothing's ever fixed,

John [00:45:02]: right?

Nicole [00:45:02]: It's always. You're hijacking the situation, you know, like, you're not actually listening and understanding. You know what I mean? And so men do a lot of times, not all the time, because there are some women that are the problem. I'm not saying that that never happens, but men, a lot of time push women to divorce them, right? And then act like, how did this happen? Right?

John [00:45:29]: Because when we see. Again, like I said, I'm reading the DMs and the comments on our podcast, and when you see these women in their stories, you're like, wow, like, this woman really is like, loves this guy, this piece of shit guy, right? Like, beyond. So this guy's lucky to have this woman. And he doesn't realize it. You know what I mean? He's putting her down. He's making her the problem. He's like. And she's here. Like, even though he's done all this stuff, but the problem is what ends up happening, too. And this is what I didn't understand is that the thing happens, the breach of trust, however it happens. Lies. Sometimes it's not even a lie. Sometimes it's just not being gentle. Not being gentle with a woman, speaking harshly to her, speaking words instead of words of edification, words that put her down in some way, maybe even just a small way. And that hurt just, like, never gets resolved. It just stays kind of buried. And then there's more cracks in the glass, more broken windows and more. And it's like there's this. This emotional burn, like the big man has moved on with his life and thinks everything's fine because they're not fighting,

Nicole [00:46:44]: right?

John [00:46:45]: But there's a deep hurt that's never healed that she's carrying with her every day,

Nicole [00:46:51]: right?

John [00:46:51]: And he's not aware of that happening. Well,

Nicole [00:46:54]: because she feels like it'll never get resolved because she just tried to resolve it and then it never got resolved. So why is she gonna bring it up right when it's just gonna happen again?

John [00:47:02]: But As a man, like, if I could give. I don't want to go too far off topic, but if I could give some advice of what I've learned that I think would be the most valuable advice for. For a man, that if your life hasn't blown up yet. Right. If you think everything's okay, but something feels a little bit off, go figure out what those unresolved hurts are for the woman that you love for your wife and go and dig them up for her. You don't want to. It's what you don't want to do. You don't want to be like, hey, remember that time I hurt your feelings? Like, when everything's good? No, but you need to. Because she

Nicole [00:47:44]: still. She

John [00:47:44]: didn't forget it. Because guys say, oh, women have the best memories ever. Yeah, they do. They do. Emotional. Their emotional memory is you're. As a guy, like, we're. Our emotional memories are very short. Right.

Nicole [00:47:56]: That's not true. They get buried in your subconscious and you end up lying and cheating. And that's what

John [00:48:01]: I'm saying is that, like, it doesn't. It's not something that we. That we consciously hold on to every day. But. But when a woman's hurt,

Nicole [00:48:10]: that's because you just compartmentalize it.

John [00:48:12]: Sure. Compartmentalize. I'll take it. But what I'm saying is that women, you might think that if you bring up this thing that you heard her before, that you're going to now open up a can of worms, that she had forgotten about it, but she didn't forget about it because it wasn't resolved. And so my advice would be to go preemptively and have the conversation and find those things, or if there is a lie, go preemptively tell that lie. It's going to be a painful process, but

Nicole [00:48:44]: whatever it is.

John [00:48:46]: Yeah. But if, you know, if your wife, your woman is probably living with some unresolved hurt from you. Probably. Right. And if you can be the hero and go and bring that out of, like, heal, you know, repair those broken windows before things go bad, then you can change the entire relationship.

Nicole [00:49:13]: That's true.

John [00:49:14]: The entire nature of that. Like, you know, like, that's. But you might not even think it's there, but it's there.

Nicole [00:49:20]: Yeah. But I would say first you have to live in your integrity.

John [00:49:22]: Yeah, yeah. Obviously

Nicole [00:49:24]: that's the key, because

John [00:49:27]: you need

Nicole [00:49:27]: to realize if you are living, if you discipline yourself, because that is what men are lacking. That's obvious. I mean, they can't even sexually discipline themselves. Right. But integrity is a self discipline.

John [00:49:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:40]: Like living in your character of who you want to be is a self discipline.

John [00:49:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:46]: And if you don't do that,

John [00:49:49]: right,

Nicole [00:49:49]: like you said, it's only a matter of time before you fuck up.

John [00:49:52]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:49:53]: Man or woman, really. But

John [00:49:55]: you have to be.

Nicole [00:49:55]: But if you're the man, right. If you're the protector,

John [00:49:59]: right.

Nicole [00:50:00]: You have to be safe. That's why a woman will leave an unsafe man. Like it is way more dangerous for a woman to feel unsafe. That's also why she keeps tally of all these things that you're doing. Because she's building up a case, am I safe with this man or not?

John [00:50:17]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:50:18]: And it's not like a tit for tat thing. It's just her holding onto the things that you haven't fixed. Because if you fix them, like you said, she'll let them go. She'll be able to lean into you, she'll be able to trust you.

John [00:50:30]: Right. And her body will open up to you because it will be close to you because that's, that's built into her biology.

Nicole [00:50:35]: Yeah.

John [00:50:36]: And, and the thing is like if you hurt a woman and she said, and you say I'm sorry, and she says, oh, it's okay,

Nicole [00:50:47]: don't accept it.

John [00:50:48]: Right?

Nicole [00:50:49]: Yeah.

John [00:50:49]: Say no, no, it's not okay.

Nicole [00:50:52]: Right.

John [00:50:53]: And get the poison out.

Nicole [00:50:54]: Right.

John [00:50:55]: Because she's learned to

Nicole [00:50:57]: appease you because you're scary when you're upset

John [00:51:00]: or just to even like

Nicole [00:51:02]: brush it off.

John [00:51:03]: She wants to keep the relationship. She doesn't want to create a disruption the relationship. So she's burying the things that, that are hurting her. Like it's like you have to be the one to be like, no, it's not okay. What I did was not okay. Even if they're saying it's okay. Because when you hurt someone and you say you're sorry. Right. And this is just, this applies to just in general, Right. I think this is just good like that. Something I've learned recently is that you want the other person to be like, oh, don't worry about it, it's okay. It's not a big deal. And then you want to be, to have the heat off of you. But if you're really living in your integrity, then you say, no, wait a minute, I know you're saying it's okay, but it's not okay. Like I don't think it's okay what I did.

Nicole [00:51:42]: Right.

John [00:51:42]: Like

Nicole [00:51:43]: you want to fully repair it.

John [00:51:45]: You want to make sure. No, no, let's get this like let's not just put the band aid over it. There's dirt in the wound. Let's get the D dirt out of the. It's going to be painful, but let's get the dirt out of the wound and then it can really heal.

Nicole [00:51:56]: Right.

John [00:51:57]: Because if there's dirt in the wound and it heals up, guess what it's going to be this infection or it'll be under the skin there and, like, you're going to have to cut it open at some point.

Nicole [00:52:05]: Ew.

John [00:52:07]: But I mean, these are the things that, like, I wish I would have learned before because they would have saved me from doing things, becoming a person that I didn't want to become.

Nicole [00:52:19]: Yeah. But I think, sadly, men only learn from bad experiences. I mean, that's where all this started. Right. Like, this guy's obviously very smart tech guy.

John [00:52:30]: Right?

Nicole [00:52:31]: Obviously very smart.

John [00:52:33]: Right.

Nicole [00:52:34]: And then still did the dumb thing that he did.

John [00:52:37]: Right? Right.

Nicole [00:52:38]: People could have told him, and I'm sure people did tell him, don't cheat on your way. Like, you're a very successful guy. Do you want to lose half of your shit? Do you want to. Blah, blah, blah. You don't like or don't get. You shouldn't be doing this. Did he listen to them? Obviously not. He did it three times.

John [00:52:55]: Yeah, well, yeah, if there's one, there's always, like, it's gonna be if. Once you've. Once you've made that choice,

Nicole [00:53:01]: once you've crossed that line, that's normalized.

John [00:53:03]: Yeah. No, I mean, once you've crossed that line, you're just crossing that line. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's. That's why, like, you can't be like, oh, it's just this one. Or the. Because you're now a. Once you're a cheater, now you're a cheater now. Once you're a liar, now you're a liar. Like, you know, like, that's. It doesn't. You know, we want to say. And I've said it before, it's like, okay, because I lie doesn't make me a liar. Because I cheat doesn't make me cheat. No, it actually does actually. Like, I want it not to be the case, but it really. But if you can't recognize that that is the case, and the reason why it's the case is not because that's going to define your life from now on, it's because you've crossed a line.

Nicole [00:53:38]: Right.

John [00:53:38]: That.

Nicole [00:53:39]: Where it's habitual enough where you are that thing

John [00:53:41]: because because now you. Now it's easier the second time and the third time. And so you're either on one side of the line or the other. You could go back to the other side of the line. That's the thing is you could be a liar and then not be a liar anymore. But if you're. If you. But yeah, but if you're a liar and you say. Or if you lied and you say that doesn't make me a liar, then you're on the. The other side of the line. You see what I'm saying? Like, if you cheated and you say that doesn't make me a cheater. You're on the other

Nicole [00:54:08]: side.

John [00:54:09]: Yeah. You have to first be acknowledging of that in order to be back on the, on the Right. Because. Because it has to mean something.

Nicole [00:54:17]: Right.

John [00:54:18]: Again. Right. You got to be a reborn virgin. You know, you have to, like,

Nicole [00:54:21]: it has to be baptized. Hit me up if you need to be baptized. But no, you're right. But the thing is.

John [00:54:29]: And

Nicole [00:54:29]: again, all the men that are upset about this.

John [00:54:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:54:32]: You have a choice. I have not cheated on someone and I have not lied. I have not done that. So I have not lied to you about any of those things.

John [00:54:40]: Yeah,

Nicole [00:54:41]: it is possible to learn these things before you make them. For

John [00:54:45]: sure. That's what I'm saying. Exactly.

Nicole [00:54:47]: It takes a lot of self discipline. It takes a lot of acknowledging that, okay, I don't want to be this person. I don't want to do that to someone else, and I don't want to do that to myself. So I'm not going to, no matter what.

John [00:54:59]: Which is how you accept what we're saying now. Like, if

Nicole [00:55:01]: you

John [00:55:02]: take this episode and you're like, these people are idiots. And like, this guy's

Nicole [00:55:07]: good luck. We'll see you when you're cheating. Then

John [00:55:09]: you're not gonna.

Nicole [00:55:10]: Then

John [00:55:10]: you're. Then you don't have a chance of saving it before it. What you just said. Right. But if you like this, if you see this and you're like, okay, I don't want that to ever be me, but it could be

Nicole [00:55:20]: right.

John [00:55:21]: But I'm not gonna let it be because I like, yeah, I'm glad you guys are saying this, then. Then you could change it before. That's why I'm giving this message. It's not an easy thing. Like, we don't have to do this. I don't have to come on. And we could have just been like, oh, shit, let's go to the podcast. Like, yeah, this is like, we're frauds now, you fuck. I'm like, I'm a hypocrite now. And so, like. And I don't want to, like, tell people all my dirt that. That, you know, like,

Nicole [00:55:48]: everybody has,

John [00:55:49]: you know, but we could have just shut down the thing and been like, okay,

Nicole [00:55:52]: yeah.

John [00:55:52]: But I do believe that by giving this message, even if it's a small percentage of people, that we can make a difference in and save life. Save lives families.

Nicole [00:56:07]: No, for sure.

John [00:56:08]: You know, companies.

Nicole [00:56:11]: Yeah. Well, that's the thing. Like, one last thing. Is that one of the videos we watched, like, on the way over here, the Nvidia guy was like, yeah, I think that I could be fired at any time. He's like, you know, I don't think anybody should be comfortable in their position. And he believed that, and I do believe he believed that. But he also believed that he would never

John [00:56:37]: exactly

Nicole [00:56:38]: get fired.

John [00:56:39]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:56:40]: And that's the danger, like you said, is that, I mean, you came on here and you believed in what you said and you thought that you were living it. And in some ways you were, but in some ways you weren't.

John [00:56:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:56:52]: And that made you arrogant.

John [00:56:54]: Right, Right.

Nicole [00:56:55]: And arrogance always has a downfall.

John [00:56:59]: Pride goeth before a fall.

Nicole [00:57:01]: Yeah. It always has a downfall. There's a difference between confidence, which is what you have now, which is why you get on here. And I admire you and I'm proud of you for getting on here and talking about all this hard stuff. But I also know that it's because you have strength in owning it, and that is the true strength and that is the true version of a man that men should be. Just like my dad said, like, my great grandfather was a hell of a man. Yeah. And he had integrity.

John [00:57:29]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:30]: And he got done.

John [00:57:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:32]: And he held other people in his life accountable. And we don't do that anymore.

John [00:57:37]: Yeah. That's true.

Nicole [00:57:38]: And I think women should do that as well, too. I'm not saying that it's just a man thing, but if men are going to lead the world the way that they want to.

John [00:57:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:47]: And not have it crash and burn. I mean, look at the state of our world right now. It's just getting shittier and shittier. But we have a choice. Like, we think we don't have a choice. But the way you live your life influences other people to live their life that way as well, too. And instead of complaining and being the victim, let's step up and do the hard thing. Let's have discipline for ourselves. Let's have high standards. Let's treat people the way we want to be treated. Let's not lie to people. Let's be transparent.

John [00:58:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:17]: Like, that is what the world needs, because no one's safe from it. Doesn't matter if you're a billionaire. Doesn't matter if you're not.

John [00:58:25]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:26]: Like, it's an integrity issue. It's a character issue. It's an arrogance issue. And that's the problem.

John [00:58:34]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:36]: So

John [00:58:38]: should we go to what we are. Are weak like us?

Nicole [00:58:42]: What's with us?

John [00:58:44]: I mean, I guess what I could tell

Nicole [00:58:46]: because I got. I did act in a way. No, no, no.

John [00:58:50]: That's not even worth talking about, honestly, like, that.

Nicole [00:58:53]: Well, I was angry towards you, and I apologize, and I don't want to act that way. And I have not acted that way since we had that conversation.

John [00:59:03]: You know, I was in. I think it'd be worth sharing that I was in Boise this week without you, because I was at a. Which, you know, people be like, wow, that's. After all this then, you know, but. But I was at a. An event, like, doing. Doing sales, like, you know, and. But I checked in with you all the time. And. And I think, like, maybe the good, like, the story to talk about that happened between us was that after one of the. The dinners, when we were doing sales at this inner circle, like, mastermind event, my friend and I, who. Business partner who were there, we gave people rides because I had a rental car. So we gave a guy and a girl a ride to their hotel to drop them off. And then I texted you and told you about it, and you said, oh, was there a woman in the car? And I said, yeah. And I explained that it was a business thing and just dropped her off. But. But you said you didn't feel comfortable with it.

Nicole [01:00:05]: Well, I asked if they were a couple. Yeah,

John [01:00:08]: if they're

Nicole [01:00:08]: a couple.

John [01:00:08]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [01:00:09]: And then I said I was not comfortable with you driving a woman around in the car.

John [01:00:14]: Exactly. And, you know, and obviously, like, there's nothing inappropriate about, like, what was going on. But the thing about it that I think why I wanted to talk about it is because, you know, like, I know that there's nothing appropriate going on. I'm like, you know, but. But what I did the next morning is I had a conversation with my business partner, and I said, hey, just so you know, if there's ever a situation where a woman needs a ride, I'm not giving her a ride. I'm not riding in the car with a woman unless she's in a Couple. I'm just not going to get into the car. You can take the rental car and I'll take an Uber. Or you can take an Uber and I'll take the rental car or whatever it is if you want. But. But that's how it's gonna be. And I, you know, like, because I learned, like, I want to respect you and that, like, it's important. It doesn't matter whether I. Like, there's no. I don't think there's any worry about it. There's nothing that's gonna happen.

Nicole [01:01:17]: That's the principle.

John [01:01:18]: It's that, you know, I want you to feel like what you said it matters to me, and I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen. You know what I mean? And so anyway, I just wanted to share that. It's just because, like.

Nicole [01:01:32]: And that's the respectful thing to do.

John [01:01:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:01:35]: Because also, like, what if I was driving some guy around even though it was business.

John [01:01:39]: Right.

Nicole [01:01:40]: And a woman with my other woman. Business partner and I had cheated on you with four other people and lied to you for years. Like, even though it is a seemingly innocent thing.

John [01:01:52]: Right.

Nicole [01:01:53]: It's respect for that situation that has not been that long.

John [01:01:56]: Right.

Nicole [01:01:57]: And I know that you would probably feel very similar that you would not feel comfortable with me taking a guy around that's not in a couple.

John [01:02:04]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:02:05]: Even if it's just for business.

John [01:02:06]: And it doesn't even matter because it's something that makes you uncomfortable. So why would I not take the steps to make sure that that doesn't happen?

Nicole [01:02:16]: Which I get and appreciate. And I told you how much I appreciate that. I'm just trying to. Yeah. That there is a double standard with a lot of this stuff. And that's also part of the problem of them not taking accountability. Like, it. And it does tie into the selfishness that they think that they should be allowed to do things that other people are not. And that's not how you can live your life.

John [01:02:36]: Yeah. But that could have ended very unwell that whole circumstance.

Nicole [01:02:42]: Oh, if you were. Yeah.

John [01:02:44]: If I'm like, oh, it doesn't. It doesn't. It's not a big deal. Like, why? Like, I'm trying to do business. I'm trying to. Like, we need to. Like. But. But no, it doesn't matter because.

Nicole [01:02:53]: Yeah. Because also the drive in the car is the only way you can do business. That's not believable either.

John [01:02:59]: Right. Like, it doesn't. It

Nicole [01:03:00]: would have been an excuse.

John [01:03:02]: Yeah. It would be. Yeah. It really just Doesn't. It doesn't matter. It just matters that like, that you. That it's something that I care that you feel this way and I don't want you to feel this way. Like, I don't. Like, if I can prevent the thing, then I will prevent the. The thing. Right. Right. And I, and, and also I will tell my business partner and for. I'm not going to even hide it. Like, this is how. But, but that's. I guess the reason why I'm saying that is because that is part of accountability. Because when I tell. Because I could just not do it.

Nicole [01:03:33]: Right.

John [01:03:33]: And, and not tell my business partner because it's embarrassing. You know, I'm saying. But when I tell him, I'm holding myself accountable, but I'm also holding other men accountable. Because I'm saying, though, this is like this. I'm not hiding how I live in integrity.

Nicole [01:03:51]: Right.

John [01:03:51]: I'm show. I'm telling him this is the standard that subtly that he should have as well. You know, I'm saying that. And it doesn't mean that he can't drive women around in a car with girlfriend or what. It means that if your girlfriend or your wife

Nicole [01:04:05]: is uncomfortable,

John [01:04:06]: then you should be respecting that and, and making actions to help her feel safe.

Nicole [01:04:14]: Right.

John [01:04:14]: Right. Whether you agree with them or not, it doesn't matter. And that, and that's the thing about it, because that is really the. That's what I realized is like, not only do I need to not do this, but I need to. I need to not be afraid to tell.

Nicole [01:04:27]: Yeah.

John [01:04:27]: My. My business partner that this is why I'm doing this.

Nicole [01:04:30]: Well, especially if you fucked up. Honestly, like,

John [01:04:33]: yeah.

Nicole [01:04:34]: The minimum that you should do is respect what a woman says to you in regards to that.

John [01:04:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:04:39]: The overachieving and like, honestly, like, what women are capable of doing is thinking about what would feel disrespectful to you before it even happened.

John [01:04:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:04:52]: So, like, I wouldn't even want a man in my car.

John [01:04:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:04:56]: After what I did to you. Because I'm thinking ahead. I don't even want you to have to be like, hey, I don't feel comfortable with a man being in your car. I would just not do it because I already know what I put you through and I would be going above and beyond to show you. Like, I'm not saying what you think is

John [01:05:15]: wrong.

Nicole [01:05:15]: I

John [01:05:15]: get it.

Nicole [01:05:15]: I'm just saying that if men think a little bit ahead, they can get even more brownie points than just respecting a woman's wishes when she's like, hey, like, this makes me uncomfortable. What you did was right. You didn't do anything wrong. But I do think men just don't look ahead with a lot of their decisions in general. And I think that would also save them a lot of grief and unrest, not peace in their life. Like, if men want peace, think ahead, put yourself in other people's shoes. And like you said, come to her. Because you said this with the repairing. Come to her about things, open up the can of worms again without her asking.

John [01:05:57]: Right.

Nicole [01:05:58]: And that will actually, you think it's going to be horrible, but it will actually probably get you closer than you've ever been

John [01:06:03]: very

Nicole [01:06:04]: long.

John [01:06:04]: And I even had another instance, like I think from before our last episode where I took our daughter to the, to this concert in la and this girl is coming up to me and talking to me and touching me and I'm like, immediately text you. That's where I did think ahead. Because I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna come home and tell you what happened. I'm gonna tell you right now, this is what's happening. I'm not giving her any attention. Like I'm, this is what I'm doing. And this is what's happening. Because you'd rather get that info. Because I was like, she would probably rather get this information right now. Even if I don't do anything and I did all the right things, you wouldn't want to hear it two hours later. You'd rather hear it right as it's

Nicole [01:06:45]: happening. You were still trying to protect me from something.

John [01:06:48]: Exactly. Right. So that

Nicole [01:06:50]: was still feel secretive.

John [01:06:51]: Yeah, but. And I'm not saying these things to too horn. I'm saying it because these are things that I'm learning that I'm like seeing different ways of acting.

Nicole [01:06:58]: You're trying to help other men.

John [01:06:59]: That's different than how I would have done things before. Right, Right. You know what I mean? So. And it's good and it's. And I know. And I'm saying these things because these are the things that, that, that you responded by saying, I'm proud of you.

Nicole [01:07:10]: Right.

John [01:07:11]: Like I, like, like you're

Nicole [01:07:12]: being

John [01:07:12]: a respectable man. And so like, that's why I know that these are the, you know, you know, because that's the response that you should be getting. And if you can't, if you're continually getting that response as a, as a man from your woman, then she's going to trust you and she's going to feel safe around you. And if you create that environment, you're not going to have any problems.

Nicole [01:07:31]: Yes.

John [01:07:32]: She's going to desire you. She's going to all the things that you want that men say that they want. You're going to get all of those things. Because her biological response to not feeling safe is to shut down, is to not open up to you, to not give you the things that you think that she's just withholding from you. She's not. It's because her biology is wired to protect her from unsafe situations. Right. And that's. And that's what I'm learning. You know what I'm saying? Like, I didn't. I got it at a surface level, but now I get it at a deeper

Nicole [01:08:06]: level. And a man that lies and cheats is extremely unsafe.

John [01:08:09]: Yeah. 100%

Nicole [01:08:11]: to the world, obviously. So.

John [01:08:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:08:14]: That's why this is such a big deal.

John [01:08:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:08:17]: And I am proud of you for getting on here and talking about it all and for all the things that you've learned and how you've showed up. It's like, I'm not trying to get you or anyone here to hate men.

John [01:08:28]: Right.

Nicole [01:08:28]: I. I do care about men and I do want them to be better because I want men to have all the things that they say they want. But you can't have those the way that men are operating.

John [01:08:39]: Right.

Nicole [01:08:39]: But you are learning that you can have those. When you come from this place of integrity and being a safe place and expressing your emotions properly, like, dealing with them properly, like, you. Men should really listen to what you have to say. It will help their lives immensely.

John [01:09:03]: And if you don't want to listen to me, just listen to your woman. Because she'll tell.

Nicole [01:09:07]: Probably.

John [01:09:08]: Right. Well, because you had told me many of these things, maybe some of them in different words or different ways, but if I needed to find the information, I could have found, like. And any woman can tell you these things

Nicole [01:09:21]: a thousand percent.

John [01:09:22]: But if you're like, oh, don't. Don't

Nicole [01:09:24]: listen to women. Don't listen to the

John [01:09:25]: fish. Yeah. Then you're gonna be blind. You're gonna be blinding yourself.

Nicole [01:09:30]: Right.

John [01:09:30]: Because women intrinsically know this.

Nicole [01:09:33]: Yes.

John [01:09:34]: And it might sound to you like, blah, blah, blah, but it's truth. And you can. If you don't like me saying it, listen to your woman saying it. Because she'll say it's

Nicole [01:09:44]: the

John [01:09:44]: same thing. Because. Because I guarantee you, when this episode comes out, if there's comments on it that are, it'll be a lot of women saying, Yep, exactly. 100%. Right. I agree, right. There's not going to be women in the comments that are like, that's bullshit.

Nicole [01:09:59]: Right?

John [01:09:59]: That's not going to happen.

Nicole [01:10:01]: No. So

John [01:10:01]: they already know it. So you've got the information. But, but it, but, but I know we're going really long, but, but what it takes to do that is humility,

Nicole [01:10:12]: right?

John [01:10:12]: And, and when I really look at like where, where was my biggest character weakness that I've had, it has been lacking humility. That has been it. Right? And because it's, it's hard to eat crow, you know, but sometimes you do have to eat a lot of shit. But

Nicole [01:10:30]: if you don't eat it,

John [01:10:31]: right,

Nicole [01:10:31]: when it's easier to eat,

John [01:10:32]: right,

Nicole [01:10:33]: then you have to eat the buffet that you don't want to.

John [01:10:36]: Right? But, but like the humility will say, because you can't be like, as a man, oh well, I'm the leader. I'm like, I know all the things like, like I can't, you know, like, but sometimes as a leader you have to listen.

Nicole [01:10:49]: Yeah.

John [01:10:50]: And not just like hear, but listen,

Nicole [01:10:53]: right.

John [01:10:53]: Like really, it doesn't mean do everything. That's, that's what listed means to, to take in,

Nicole [01:11:01]: right.

John [01:11:02]: And, and allow it to mix with you and change you in some way. It doesn't mean it's going to change your action,

Nicole [01:11:10]: right.

John [01:11:10]: You might still make it. You might still make a choice, right? But if you're listen to, if you listen to someone you've taken in and it's become a part of you in a way, like it's, it's mixed in with, with you. You know what I'm saying? If it hasn't, if it's. You can hear and not take in,

Nicole [01:11:29]: right?

John [01:11:30]: I can hear what you're saying and then deflect all of that or give you some kind of line like, oh yeah, that's great, right. But to listen is to take in. It does change you. It doesn't mean it changes your mind, but it changes you in some way. Because now you've, now you understand, you have a different perspective. It has to change. If you listen, it doesn't change you in some way. You haven't listened,

Nicole [01:11:53]: right? Because

John [01:11:54]: you don't really understand.

Nicole [01:11:55]: I'll say one last thing,

John [01:11:56]: okay.

Nicole [01:11:57]: Kind of goes along with that. Is that a woman, Men think that women just want men to do whatever they say. That's not actually the case. Women want to be heard. Have a man consider what she says,

John [01:12:14]: right?

Nicole [01:12:15]: And then based on their conversations, him show up in the way that is. Right. Even if that's against what she's saying, like, what she wants to happen. But if she feels like you can reiterate it back to her, what she said, talk about why you did what you did.

John [01:12:35]: Right.

Nicole [01:12:36]: It doesn't matter what you do. She wants you to make your own decisions and her be confident in those decisions a majority of the time

John [01:12:44]: right

Nicole [01:12:44]: now. Are there going to be times where you disagree on what should have been done? Sure, that's going to happen naturally, but that will cause a lot less issues in your relationship if you listen to your woman and make her feel heard.

John [01:12:57]: Right.

Nicole [01:12:58]: And then you go and lead the life rather than you be like, no, I got it, I got it, I got it. You don't have to say anything like, I can do this. Like, let me just lead. That is dismissive. That doesn't feel like a team. That feels like a dictatorship, and that will eventually crumble any

John [01:13:19]: relationship. Let me give an example. Keep on going. Stretch it. But I think it's worth giving an example. Let's say that you're. You're the breadwinner as a man and your wife doesn't work and you got a new job opportunity in Des Moines, Iowa, or whatever. You're moving somewhere, right? Like, like, you got this job. Des Moines, Iowa. I

Nicole [01:13:40]: don't, I don't even know where that is. I just

John [01:13:42]: picked that up because. Yeah, so. And it's, it's, it's really the best choice for your family. There's better schools there for your kids. Like, the money you guys need, the money is gonna help you to live a better life. Like, this is important for your career. Like, you know that, that you need this step in your career, like, whatever the thing is. But you talk to your wife about it, and she doesn't want to move because she has friends there. She, like, has her life there, whatever, you know, And. But you know that this is the best choice, your family. So you, so you talk to your wife about it, and she expresses, no, I don't want to do this. I don't. Like, this is what you know. And so there's. There's two ways to go about this. Right? So there's three. There's one is you just do whatever she says.

Nicole [01:14:26]: Right?

John [01:14:26]: Okay. But if you really believe this is the best choice after you've really heard her.

Nicole [01:14:30]: Right?

John [01:14:30]: Right. If you've really hurt her, what you won't do is say, okay, we're moving. And guess what, you're gonna make new friends there. It's not gonna be a big deal. Like, it is better for the kids. Like, you know, this is why I'm do. Like, we have to do this. Like, don't worry. It's not gonna. Like, you. You'll get over it. It's not gonna be a big deal. And here. Here's a class you can enroll. And here's. Right. That's the wrong way. That doesn't make her feel. But the right way is to say, okay, we're going to move here. And I know this is going to be really hard for you, and I know that you've told me you have friends here, and it's going to be hard. And I don't want you to have to lose that friend in the life that you've built here. And I get that, and I want to do everything to help mitigate that. But. But it's important to me that I get why this. Why you don't want to do it. And here's why I'm doing it. But, you know, but like.

Nicole [01:15:32]: Or you can say, like, what is something that would make the transition easier for you? Because we do need to do this for our family. Like, let's figure out ways where maybe your friends come and visit once a month or something. Exactly. That makes a woman feel considered despite the decision,

John [01:15:49]: as opposed to, like, mowing over it and being like,

Nicole [01:15:52]: like, it's fine. You'll get over it. Like, Right.

John [01:15:54]: You see what I'm saying? Like, like,

Nicole [01:15:56]: you

John [01:15:56]: can make a decision that she's gonna disagree with.

Nicole [01:15:59]: Right.

John [01:15:59]: But make her still feel considered by showing that you understood what her. What her pain was about it. Like what? Like, and that. That you've considered that you. Or that you've come up with some ways to mitigate that, to help her. Her with that.

Nicole [01:16:11]: Right,

John [01:16:12]: Right. But you're still making the decision that she doesn't agree with, which is fine. Like, but. But that.

Nicole [01:16:17]: But she'll be more fine with it as well, too, if she feels like you are working with her as a team, not just making a decision and then being like, you'll get over it. There's stuff you can do.

John [01:16:27]: Ultimately, you're still making the decision. Right. Ultimately, you're still the one who is the leader, who is still the one in charge. Like, if you want to put it that way. But. But now it's. It's considered.

Nicole [01:16:37]: Right. And she'll feel supported.

John [01:16:39]: Exactly. Because a woman doesn't want a man that just does, like you said, whatever she wants. She wants you to make your real own choices and to own those choices even when she disagrees with them because that's what her leader. Otherwise, why does she need you? She just makes her own decisions. Or she'll be in charge. Right. But it's the part of being considered. That's what makes you the team. Because even teams have team captains,

Nicole [01:17:01]: but you still have to work with the team.

John [01:17:03]: Exactly. All right. I think that's it for this episode. If you want to get we have some free resources. There is a Is this cheating or not Comment the word verdict below and we'll send that to you and make sure that you check out the the website betterthanperfectpod.com you can ask us any questions there or DM us on Instagram. We just hit 10,000 Instagram followers. So we're going. And we'll see you next week.