Nicole [00:00:00]: I am not trying to blame all men, but at the same time, the puzzle pieces are connecting here. Like why men want younger women, why they want a virgin, they want a woman that other men have not tainted, but yet other men do not hold their fellow men to the standard to not fuck women up and they think cheating is fine. Like, they're like, oh, well, if a guy's rich and he has status and women want him, that's a good thing. Men do cheat. Statistically more for sure.

John [00:00:26]: Yeah. Yeah. Well, because if a man can cheat, he will cheat. That is the default. Now, that doesn't mean that's every man, but that's a default. Beyond the perfect, we discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome back to Better Than Perfect podcast where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow each other equals one better than perfect relationship. And today I forgot the. The. What are you talking about?

Nicole [00:01:03]: The Better than Perfect podcast.

John [00:01:04]: Oh, I just said better than Perfect podcast. I'm just shortening it. I'm just going to go BTP from now on. Welcome to btp.

Nicole [00:01:12]: I wonder how many people would not know what that means.

John [00:01:15]: That's. Yeah. Or what. What other acronym work? Titty Pandas.

Nicole [00:01:22]: Wow, now you just made the video already get blocked. Thanks, John.

John [00:01:31]: You're welcome. So today we are going to resurrect the age old debate. I don't know if it's an age. I guess it's an age old debate of would a woman prefer a man who is honest but broke versus rich but cheat, cheater or liar? Yeah, no, cheater. Cheater. Like, okay, honest.

Nicole [00:01:58]: Well, because, like, that's not the, like, opposite. Well, I mean, cheating is lying.

John [00:02:04]: Okay, fine, fine. Poor guy who's honest, who's faithful. Rich guy who's cheater.

Nicole [00:02:14]: Well, you already know my answer and it contradicts your answer.

John [00:02:18]: Well, I don't know.

Nicole [00:02:19]: Do you want me to say it out loud?

John [00:02:20]: I mean, what's your answer? What do you think is. What do you think women would do? Not what you would do. What would women do? Women.

Nicole [00:02:27]: I want to believe that women are like me.

John [00:02:33]: Huh. But not what you want to believe. I mean, you can believe it if you want. I don't want to.

Nicole [00:02:40]: I do believe, okay, that a woman with true intentions would choose a poor man who is loyal.

John [00:02:56]: Okay.

Nicole [00:02:58]: Than a rich man that cheats. Because the thing is, being broke can change someone's character. Normally does not change. Normally. Right again, that can change as well too. But it's easier to get to go from broke to not broke than it is to take someone with bad character and improve their character.

John [00:03:21]: Yeah, but, but broke is, are usually broke, right? Like, let's say that, I mean there's

Nicole [00:03:26]: some people that have been broke.

John [00:03:27]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:03:28]: Become not broke.

John [00:03:29]: But like when, when we, when I say broke, I guess like what I'm talking about is broke broke mindset. Right.

Nicole [00:03:36]: Like, but see, broke dog mindset. Not fair to like hyper classify. Well, like because you're, you're trying to make it super severe then like the guy has to be a billionaire then or something. Like not just like rich guy. Like you can't go. No, this is a broke guy who never wants to make money.

John [00:03:56]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:57]: And he's faithful. And then be like any rich guy and he cheats though. You know what I mean? Like, you can't make it hyper specific.

John [00:04:05]: Right.

Nicole [00:04:05]: But let's just assume that the other

John [00:04:08]: that broke guys, that they're like, there's a difference between someone who has ambition, who is like, he's like, he's building his tech startup or he's like going to medical school, but he's now right. In an intern or whatever. He's like going to medical school and he doesn't have his degree and he's like not making any money versus, you know, I'm like a broke loser that's always like going to be a broke loser. You get what I'm saying? Like there's a difference between that. So I'm saying more of that.

Nicole [00:04:40]: I guess it's like not very realistic because there are plenty guys that are not broke but they maybe have like a lower income job.

John [00:04:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:52]: That are faithful.

John [00:04:53]: Right? Yeah. Yeah. Lower income.

Nicole [00:04:55]: You're making it either very severe. The guy has to be a broke loser. Using your words.

John [00:05:00]: Yeah. Or.

Nicole [00:05:01]: Or rich and cheater. Like I think if I'm being honest now that you're making it so black and white.

John [00:05:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:08]: A woman, women would choose to be single like they are now. They would choose neither man.

John [00:05:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:13]: Because if she can make money.

John [00:05:15]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:16]: But she has to choose a broke guy who's always going to be broke but he doesn't cheat on her.

John [00:05:21]: Yeah, right. There we go. Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:22]: She can choose a rich guy and he's going to cheat on her.

John [00:05:26]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:27]: I think that women would rather be single.

John [00:05:30]: That women would rather be single. Okay.

Nicole [00:05:32]: I don't think she would choose either of them. So if you're gonna make it so black and white.

John [00:05:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:36]: That's Where I'm gonna lay.

John [00:05:37]: What if she has to choose, though? Like, what if she has to? Well, yeah. What do you think women would choose? Like, if they have to choose? This is the debate.

Nicole [00:05:48]: You're, like, asking me what women would choose without me being able to give you my answer.

John [00:05:53]: Oh, no, give your answer. Yeah, give your answer. Go ahead.

Nicole [00:05:55]: I would choose a broke person that's loyal. Right.

John [00:05:58]: Okay.

Nicole [00:05:59]: Because I think that the integrity of a person matters. And yes, it's not attractive, right, that a man is broke, but it's attractive that he's loyal.

John [00:06:10]: Right?

Nicole [00:06:10]: And it's that, again, a broke. Even if he has a broke mindset, that can still be changed, right? But someone who's loyal to somebody and, like, committed to that means more to me as a person than just how much money he can make. Like, if he's loyal to me, he's probably treating me very well, right? He's not cheating on me. He's treating me well. He's invested in me and our relationship, but maybe not in making money, but maybe I can help him do that. I don't know. I won't count on it. But if I'm in a relationship, if I'm forced to be in a relationship, yeah, I want it to be a relationship.

John [00:06:56]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:57]: I want there to be love and.

John [00:07:00]: Right.

Nicole [00:07:00]: Connection and partnership. And if someone's cheating on you, you can't have that. There's no trust there. There's no building of things. It's superficial and that.

John [00:07:10]: And now what do you think that. That women will. Would. Would choose? Actually, let me ask you this. What do you think women will do? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Do you think.

Nicole [00:07:20]: Yeah, not all of them.

John [00:07:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:07:22]: But in today's age, I think they would choose money.

John [00:07:26]: I think. Yeah. I think most women would choose money. I think it's biologically wired for women to choose.

Nicole [00:07:33]: In fact, it gives them security.

John [00:07:36]: Here's what I'll say from my experience, and not just my own personal experience, but from. From working with men for a long time, is that women actually stick with a guy more. The more that he cheats. Women are more.

Nicole [00:07:56]: Why.

John [00:07:58]: Why is a very long.

Nicole [00:08:00]: But any guy or a rich guy. Because we're only talking. We're only talking about rich guys.

John [00:08:05]: Well, here's the thing to think about with this, right? Is that. Here's why. Actually. Why is actually the answer to that question, right? The why is because the strongest biological signal of a man's status and value is that he has access to other women, that other women want him. Right? And so the best way that a man can demonstrate that is by being with other women. Now, I'm not saying that. That is. I'm not condoning it. I'm not saying this is smart.

Nicole [00:08:40]: I'm just saying that I was literally think. Thinking that that's the dumbest thing of ever heard.

John [00:08:44]: But from a biological signal, right? This is why it happens, right? Women tend to stick with guys who cheat on them. In fact, they're more bound to those guys than guys that don't cheat on them.

Nicole [00:08:57]: What?

John [00:08:57]: Yeah, think about. We've got some friends.

Nicole [00:09:00]: So you think that I'm more, less bound to you because you haven't cheated on them?

John [00:09:04]: No, no, Actually, that's actually a unique case because in my past, I had cheated. Not on you, but I had cheated. Which actually gives the same signal.

Nicole [00:09:17]: No, that actually was the reason we almost didn't end up together.

John [00:09:20]: But it's also a strong signal of status, right? So what I'm saying is that when we go to the basic biology of women, right, Women are attracted to status in men, right? Hierarchy, higher in the dominance hierarchy. Status hierarchy. That a man is. That is the attraction trigger. It's not necessarily money, it's not necessarily looks. It's not any of those things. It's really status. Is that the biological. Not at a logical level, but a biological level. That's the main attraction trigger. And so that's why women would choose a man that has money over and is unfaithful to a man that's broke is because of the status. Because that guy is demonstrating his status. Again, not in a good way. I'm not condoning it. There's a difference between what I'm saying is biologically happening versus what I'm condoning. I'm not condoning any of these things. We're all about having a good monogamous relationship. That is the. The point of this podcast. But what I'm saying is that biologically, that is a high signal of a guy's status. The fact that he can cheat and the fact that he has money, like those two things together are actually. Are actually both showing status. Whereas when you take the other side, a guy that's broke is showing low status. A guy that's faithful because. And the reason why a guy being faithful is showing low status in general, depending on the guy, is because a woman is generally going to assume that a guy that is not a player. This goes back to the dating. Like women only date players, not guys looking for relationships. Is that a man that would take his Option that has options would take them. Women generally think that about men. Like you think that about men. Not, not like, not me, of course, but like, in general, I think what about men? That a man that has options would take them. So a lot of women understand about men. They're like, all men cheat. Right. They're like, all men would cheat. And so if you have a base thinking of man that all men would cheat and your man's not cheating, it means he doesn't have options. It means he can't. Right. So again, that doesn't apply black and white. It doesn't apply to all people in all cases. I'm just saying at a base biological level, these are high biological triggers or signals. A man that is cheating or is. Is that can cheat, does cheat. And a man that has money is very high status. Boom, boom, boom. It's giving off that a man that is faithful and doesn't have money, especially the combination of two, is giving very low status because probably that guy doesn't have options. Why doesn't that guy have money? He doesn't have status. It's a, It's a low, low value signal.

Nicole [00:12:12]: Again, I hear it's not a moralistic perspective. I think it has nothing to do with cheating. You're acting like it has everything to do with the status and the man being desired by other women. I think it has nothing to do with that.

John [00:12:27]: Okay.

Nicole [00:12:27]: I think it's a survival mechanism. The man with money will provide a woman with a safe life.

John [00:12:35]: Right.

Nicole [00:12:36]: Even if he is not safe to be romantically involved in.

John [00:12:40]: Sure.

Nicole [00:12:40]: She is financially safe. She will live.

John [00:12:43]: Correct.

Nicole [00:12:43]: She will have access to. Let me finish because I know you're like, waiting.

John [00:12:48]: Well, I'm just saying. I'm saying I agree with you. Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:51]: So she'll have access to a bunch of different options. Financially, she'll have healthcare. She'll have all these ways to take care of herself that someone with lower income will not have. That's true. I. I don't think it has anything to do with cheating. Like, I'm not saying that there isn't some of the biological stuff that you've talked about involved.

John [00:13:16]: Right.

Nicole [00:13:16]: But I think that is 20 if that maximum of the decision. I think it is majority survival.

John [00:13:26]: Right.

Nicole [00:13:27]: And that they will forego a romantic relationship in order to survive or in order to live a certain lifestyle.

John [00:13:35]: Yeah. To. To survive. Yeah.

Nicole [00:13:37]: Personally, I think that's a sad existence. Well, like, even if you have. I mean, it's a tale as old as time.

John [00:13:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:13:45]: That money can't buy you happiness.

John [00:13:47]: Let me, let me. What. Let me ask you this, though. What is the strongest signal that a man is good for a woman's survival? What one thing in him is the strongest signal that. That. That she can survive, that he can make her survive. Give her.

Nicole [00:14:06]: I don't think it's how many women that.

John [00:14:08]: No, no, it's status. Status. So it does. It's. So what I'm saying is it comes back to status. So. So you're right. Like the root. The root of it.

Nicole [00:14:17]: People can have status and not have money. There's like celebrities. Yeah, but our celebrities.

John [00:14:21]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:14:21]: But have lost all their money.

John [00:14:23]: Right, but it doesn't matter because. Yeah, but with that status, they can get security, right? If.

Nicole [00:14:28]: If not financially, they can get women.

John [00:14:31]: Yeah, no, no, no. Financially, like, so someone like Mike Tyson, right? Mike Tyson's a great example. Okay? This dude, I read his biography. I mean, he definitely was. Is crazy, but. But he lost all his money. Okay, but he's Mike Tyson. He's Mike Tyson. He could get money again because he's Mike Tyson, right? Because. Hey, do you want me to do a commercial for you? Boom. Million dollars, right? You know what I'm saying? It's like he's Mike Tyson. He has status. He maintained his status and now he has money again. Because if you have status, you'll always have money.

Nicole [00:15:02]: Okay, but do you want a man that gets money for not what he does, but for just his name?

John [00:15:07]: It doesn't matter. Like, do you want that? Not necessarily, but what I'm saying is that status is the attraction trigger for women, right?

Nicole [00:15:15]: Because it makes it easy for men to make money because it means. It makes. It means survival gives men easy mode.

John [00:15:21]: So think more caveman days. Like, right? So a man that has high status in the tribe, right? He, like, he. He's not going to get killed. He's not like, he's. He's respected by the other men in the tribe. Like, you see, I'm saying that status is going to give you that survival

Nicole [00:15:40]: because he does stuff, right?

John [00:15:41]: Yeah, he's valued. Whatever. For whatever reason, he's valued, right? I mean, sometimes the king is the weak, you know, pathetic guy, but he's the king, so he has status. So he has. He has protection money, guards. He gets to command everyone, Right, right. Like that. You know what I'm saying? So status is. Is ultimately the driver. That's happening. But. But it, but it's. It's survival. It's like you said, like, you're at. You have it Exactly. Right. The survival instinct is the strongest instinct in humans, and in women, it's even more so. Right?

Nicole [00:16:10]: Yeah. But it's interesting. You said, like, a weak king, he still has status. Or what was the other example? Like, I. Okay, like the caveman. So my thing is, like, you're like the caveman. He did something to earn his status. There wasn't money back then. He went. He killed the most gazelles or. I don't know. You know what I mean? Like, he had to do something, right? So that should give him status. Now, if you're with a weak king or you're with a rich man who's weak, right. You're not attracted to that man. He didn't really do anything.

John [00:16:41]: That's a good point.

Nicole [00:16:41]: And so, like, that's unattractive. And at that point, you're kind of. If you're a woman that just wants security, you're kind of using that man because you're not attracted to him.

John [00:16:51]: So, example, like, let's take the. The. Maybe, I guess we could say the trust fund kid, right? Who gets a bunch of money from a trust fund, right. And he's blowing it at nightclubs and all the stuff and. Right. Lavish, Right? What's. What's that movie with Russell Brand, get

Nicole [00:17:11]: him to the Greek?

John [00:17:13]: No, no, the one where he's like the spoiled rich kid that.

Nicole [00:17:16]: Yeah, get him to the Greek.

John [00:17:18]: No, it's like. It's a name. It's one. Arthur. Yeah. Arthur.

Nicole [00:17:22]: Wait, what is get him to the Greek then? Isn't he in that one, too?

John [00:17:25]: I don't know. I don't know. Oh, okay.

Nicole [00:17:30]: Oh, okay. Is that not the same thing?

John [00:17:32]: No, Arthur, he's like the spoiled rich kid. Whatever.

Nicole [00:17:34]: Okay.

John [00:17:35]: Yes. Okay. So women will see that guy as a target, right? Because he's weak. So they will want to be with that guy to be able to use him, and they will cheat on that guy. Right? You see what I'm saying? They'll cheat on the guy that just has money, that didn't earn the money.

Nicole [00:17:50]: So that's not very smart from a survival.

John [00:17:53]: Yeah, yeah. But when you ask a woman, would you rather be with a guy that is broke and faithful versus rich and cheats? The fact that he cheats means that he probably got that money from being successful because he has status. You see what I'm saying? Like, that's why those things connect. And women, in their mind, think rich guy. They think successful. They think he made money. They don't think he was a trust fund kid. Right? So that's not what, what normally comes to mind, but when you combine it with the cheating, that's also where you're like, okay, a person who is capable of cheating is probably someone who has high status. Again, not condoning it. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying from a biological level, that's why it makes sense. And also different countries. Right. So what you said. Right. So in the western society. Right. In the US Women are less inclined to choose the man who has money and is unfaithful. Right. Why? Because of exactly what you said, which is survival instinct. Because in Western society, women have less of the survival instinct. They still have it, but not as much as in third world countries. Right. You go to like especially war torn countries. You go to like Russia, Ukraine, Colombia, places where Venezuela, like places where there's more poverty and it is more survival. Right. If you're low class, you're in survival, like just getting enough food to eat and survive. So in that sense that women are thinking more, okay, I need to survive. And so they're looking at, okay, which men will give me the most survival. And that is an attraction trigger. So I think it's like, I think people are always like trying to separate it and they're like, oh, gold digger, whatever. Women care about money, men care about looks. And it's really like whatever biologically makes you feel like you're going to get the thing that you need actually makes you attracted to that person at a real attraction, not just a using them type of attraction. But so for a lot of women, men with money or success triggers true genuine attraction. It's not just a I want to get his money.

Nicole [00:20:04]: Yeah, but if a man cheats on you, you should not be attracted to him. And honestly, you have no self respect for yourself. There has not been repair to the actual relationship. Look, like, I'm not saying that a man can't cheat and things can't be repaired. Personally, I don't think that I could. If you cheated on me.

John [00:20:26]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:27]: Follow through. I mean we've been through so much stuff, it's just not possible.

John [00:20:31]: Look, you don't have to, you don't give me the, the warning.

Nicole [00:20:34]: I, I know, I'm just saying. No, no, I'm just saying though that like, and I'm not saying that it can't be worked through for everyone.

John [00:20:41]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:42]: For me and you. No, for everybody. Like some people, I, if they feel like they have.

John [00:20:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:48]: Fix their relationship, I'm fine with that.

John [00:20:51]: Okay.

Nicole [00:20:51]: But yeah, there is still some level.

John [00:20:56]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:57]: Of Lack of self respect.

John [00:20:59]: Yeah, for sure.

Nicole [00:21:01]: And so how can. Again, another like thing you hear all the time, how can you love someone if you don't love yourself? And if you stay with someone that cheats on you because they have money.

John [00:21:13]: Right.

Nicole [00:21:13]: You, you don't love yourself.

John [00:21:15]: Granted, I agree with you.

Nicole [00:21:16]: You just want to survive. Which I get from like the perspective like you talked about. I get that it's ingrained in us to some degree. However, there is obvious issues here on this side of like, rich guy, but he's going to cheat on you. And I also think men asking this question goes into what I feel like is a part of the issue and problem as well is that the more money men make, the richer they get.

John [00:21:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:21:48]: The more they feel like they can cheat. Because now they have women that are attracted to them just for their money.

John [00:21:55]: Right. Which again, but that is, but just for their money is a misnomer because. Because like I said, biologically the thing that is a survival trigger is the

Nicole [00:22:05]: attraction trigger, the status. I understand what you're saying. However, they know nothing about you for sure except that you have status.

John [00:22:11]: Yeah, but you see attractive woman with, with a nice curves and you don't know nothing about her, but you're attracted to her just because of what she looks like. Right. So.

Nicole [00:22:21]: But I think that that's different. Yeah, like, it's the same. Yes. In the sense of like, it's very superficial at initial stage.

John [00:22:28]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:29]: But I'm saying in terms of relationship, I don't know any woman that would just be content that a man likes her for her body. Because yeah. As a woman, you know that that's going to change no matter what. No matter, like, you're going to get wrinkles.

John [00:22:43]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:44]: You're going to have to go to the gym to maintain, but you're still not going to be able to maintain. Your body's going to go through different phases. It's not going to look the exact same.

John [00:22:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:52]: For 60 years.

John [00:22:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:54]: So no woman would ever take a bet where.

John [00:22:57]: That's a good point.

Nicole [00:22:58]: Hey, I'm going to marry this man and I'm okay with him just liking me for my body and my looks.

John [00:23:03]: You just uncovered something really big that I don't think I've heard anyone talk about.

Nicole [00:23:07]: I'd be doing that.

John [00:23:09]: That was really good because like, I want to just unpack that for a second because like, the reason why women don't want. What you just answered was a question of why does a woman not want a guy to just be attracted to her. Why does a woman not like compliments about her looks? Like, for example, why does a woman. Why is that not actually attractive that the man's attracted to her? Just her looks? Right. Why does she want more? Is it because. Because the default answer is like, oh, I want him to appreciate me or to care about me is also me as a person. Right. Which is. It sounds lame, right? But the reasoning behind it is exactly what you just uncovered it, which is

Nicole [00:23:49]: that it's not sustainable.

John [00:23:51]: Exactly. So if a woman knows it's not sustainable, she knows that she needs him to be attracted to something besides her looks in order to actually that he's going to stay with her over the years. I never heard anyone say that before, but there you go.

Nicole [00:24:04]: I didn't think it was that profound.

John [00:24:06]: I think it is pretty obvious. Like, I never even thought about that and I've never heard anyone say that. It makes a lot of sense. It answers the question.

Nicole [00:24:14]: There you go. But also. Okay, so besides that, you know, it's not sustainable. So a woman would never take that deal. But men can be successful for the rest of their life, right? And so a woman would take that bet if she's okay with not having sure. Money. But here's the thing. Or not having love.

John [00:24:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:24:36]: Here's the thing, though. What if that man loses everything? That woman is not staying, Especially if you cheated.

John [00:24:42]: It depends.

Nicole [00:24:43]: She's not going to stay.

John [00:24:44]: Again. It depends. Again, status. Right. So the attributes that make a man able to cheat, that make a man able to make money to be successful. Those. Assuming those things don't change. Right. So here, here's something to go back to because I wanted to make sure we hit this as well. So the whole thing of cheating and a woman being attracted to him, what will really blow your mind is that I'm gonna say that women are more attracted to the guy the more that he cheats. Okay. And we have examples of people we know where this is the case. Right. There's one I can think of in particular that you know, of. Of a guy that's cheated like three times on this woman and she.

Nicole [00:25:32]: Oh, right.

John [00:25:33]: Okay.

Nicole [00:25:33]: I. But I don't think that's the reason.

John [00:25:35]: No, but it does happen. I. And I've seen it myself and I've experienced it myself.

Nicole [00:25:39]: They also had another aspect of their relationship that I think is.

John [00:25:43]: Yeah, but. But it is, it is true as. As harsh of a reality. It is, it is true. There's a lot of reasons behind it. One, one of the things I would put is that if a guy cheats on a woman and he goes groveling to her and he's like, oh, I'm sorry, so, so sorry, sorry. She's more likely to leave. If he cheats on a woman and she's like, I'm leaving. And he's like, okay, I understand. Then she's more likely to stay and chase him down. Now, is it good? No, but it's built into the psychology to the biology. Why? Because it's all about status. It's indicating that this guy is. Is high value because he is able to and he doesn't care. And those are the, those are the men that women stay with even though they shouldn't. They shouldn't. I'm not saying they should, but you see that pattern happen a lot of times where the guy is a complete asshole. He's cheating on them all the time, whatever. Every time he gets caught, he says, I'm sorry, I'm never. I'm not gonna do it again. But he doesn't really care. And then he does it again and she keeps on staying with him. Right? Like, you see that pattern? That is a pattern.

Nicole [00:26:56]: Okay. And it is women's responsibility to walk away from that stuff. I agree. And not accept it again. Self respect, right? However, do men just get a moral free card to be assholes and keep cheating on.

John [00:27:14]: This is not. This is not morality, right? In the sense that, like, I mean,

Nicole [00:27:18]: I think it is. Cheating is a morality.

John [00:27:20]: It's wrong. I'm saying, I'm saying it's wrong. It's not good. But this is the facts of life. This is how even though it's not good and you shouldn't do this as a man. Right. It's a dark psychology type of thing that happens. Right? Is because by indicating it's the strongest signal that a man can. Can give that he is higher value than that woman. Which women are attracted to men that are higher value than themselves. So it's the strongest signal that he could possibly give. It's dark psychology. It's not good. It's not going to create a good relationship, that's for sure. Like if, like people that are here listening to this podcast, they're here to have a good relationship. Like a better than perfect relationship. Like we have. Right. That doesn't create a good relationship, but it does have a woman continually chasing that guy down.

Nicole [00:28:07]: I hear what you're saying. I don't think a man that makes money and has high status but cheats on people is higher value than anyone. Like, yeah, they're not. And if you make more money and you have high status and you're a good person, right? You have, you are high value. You're the highest of value for sure. But if you just look good on paper, right? But you have all this dark side to you. You're making these moral, like, decisions that are not good, right? You are not high status. You are not high value.

John [00:28:41]: Well, okay, but here's the thing. I agree with you in the sense that I don't consider that person to be high value or high status, right? In my mind. But we don't get to decide. The world decides, right? Because status is driven by populace, right? So yeah, but the populace, right? Like do you think that Kim Kardashian is high status in your opinion? No. Right, like trashy, like low status in my mind, lowest of low status. Right? But in the world is she high status? And that's what counts. You see what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:29:15]: But see, okay, that's what counts.

John [00:29:19]: That's what counts.

Nicole [00:29:19]: In terms of attraction, then this podcast means nothing because we're talking about things that are not the norm. You're saying that she's in society, high status, right? But just because someone is high status or something is normal doesn't make it the right thing. And that's what we've said on this podcast.

John [00:29:38]: And I agree.

Nicole [00:29:39]: So it doesn't matter in my opinion what society thinks. That's also why I would choose to be single. Or if I really had to choose and I couldn't be single, I would still choose the poor guy, right? Because I'm not losing respect for myself. Because I want financial security, right? And have no love and no connection and someone that's blatantly disrespecting me, right? On the regular, right? And live that life, right?

John [00:30:09]: But if you lived in a war torn country where like survival was not guaranteed, you might make a different choice.

Nicole [00:30:16]: And I can see that. But we're not. You can't add all these things to it in order to push me into this decision.

John [00:30:23]: What I'm saying is basic biology is what creates the default, right? So like your default biology might move you in this direction, but your logic and understanding and what you want out of life and wanting a relationship and your, your self respect for yourself moves you in this direction. You see, I'm saying it's like the basic wiring says this is how men and women are wired, right? When women are wired for survival, right? And it pushes you in one direction, but then everything on top of that, that is your Life and your, your values and, and who you are, like overrides that.

Nicole [00:31:01]: Yeah, right.

John [00:31:02]: Just like a man's basic biology is to go and spread his seed as far and wide as he can. But the over, over override of that is being in a relationship, wanting to be with one woman, making that woman the most valuable thing in his life, you know, is protecting that woman. Like that's, that's an override that happens over the biology.

Nicole [00:31:25]: Okay? So you would say that men are non monogamous by nature and they choose to be monogamous.

John [00:31:33]: I would say that.

Nicole [00:31:33]: So no man really wants to be in a relationship or be married that is outside of the norm of a man.

John [00:31:42]: I would say that the basic biology. So, okay, here's another basic biology, like to help you understand what I'm saying is that.

Nicole [00:31:49]: No, I understand what you're saying. The biology of a man is to be with as many people and spread, recede.

John [00:31:54]: Like our basic biology, monogamous is eat as much sugar as, and fats as possible, right? Like if, if it's just, if we didn't care about health, right, and looking good or whatever, we would just eat junk, right? Like the most, the most. The thing we would want to do the most would be to eat the worst foods for us because those are the most appealing foods. That's our basic biology. We override that biology and we eat reasonable meals. We don't just eat junk. People that don't override that biology suffer. Right? In this world that is hyper food, it's hyper sexualized, but it's a hyper, I don't know what the word is. Consumer. Appealing to the taste buds as well, right? And so, so people who can't over ride their basic biology end up being like animals and end up getting the results of an animal in this world, right? In relationship, they end up being fucked up, they end up ruining their lives, right? If you're, if you're a person that just is going to be driven by like a, a guy that's driven by your biology and you're just cheating all the time or whatever and you're just completely, you know, living your life based on your dick like thinking with that head, it's going to ruin your life. You're not gonna have a good life. It's going to be destructive in this society, in this world, right? So what I'm saying is that you have basic biology and then you have what's built on top of that to override it. We all have to override.

Nicole [00:33:18]: But maybe men have to face it more because then it actually proves you have discipline and you're a man.

John [00:33:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:24]: Because I'm not saying that women don't cheat and they don't do up stuff that men do. They do. But I would say our natural instinct is to be in love and have a relationship and have a family where men's is not.

John [00:33:38]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:39]: That, that's true.

John [00:33:40]: It's true.

Nicole [00:33:41]: But I also think that men. That also helps prove who a weak man is. Like, if a man cheats, you're a weak man. If you can't control what's in your pants, you're a weak man.

John [00:33:53]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:53]: Like, and so that's also why, like, if a man is rich but he's cheating, he's a weak man. It doesn't matter if he has money. It doesn't matter if he has status. If you can't control yourself.

John [00:34:09]: Right.

Nicole [00:34:11]: But you can provide money, which again, like financially and in some ways that gives women survival.

John [00:34:19]: Right.

Nicole [00:34:19]: And she will just detach, I guess, from that man. Because there's no way a woman is truly loving that man who's disrespecting her.

John [00:34:28]: Right.

Nicole [00:34:28]: She thinks, yeah, she thinks she might love him. Like, well, he's helping me live or something, some very minute thing. But she just, she's not in love with him.

John [00:34:39]: No, she thinks she, she thinks she is.

Nicole [00:34:42]: I don't.

John [00:34:42]: Because she's more attracted to him.

Nicole [00:34:44]: I don't think so.

John [00:34:44]: Yeah, yeah, because. Because that's the same thing like I said about, about the, the guy that cheated three times on the girl and then she's even more. Because she's now chasing that validation.

Nicole [00:34:55]: Well, she's insecure. That's the difference. And he's made her insecure by cheating on her.

John [00:34:59]: Because what's happened is the, the status levels that they were at relative. He just pushed hers down and pushed his up. And so that creates a stronger pull of attraction to her because now this guy is viewed as much higher status than her in her mind.

Nicole [00:35:16]: That only works if you have no self respect for yourself.

John [00:35:19]: For sure. Like, if you have self respect for yourself, you're leaving that situation. You're dealing with that at all.

Nicole [00:35:24]: But that's like, that's not a healthy.

John [00:35:27]: No, it's not woman. No, it's biology.

Nicole [00:35:29]: A woman that is attracted more attracted to a man that's disrespecting her is not a healthy woman is what I'm saying. Like, she does not have a healthy relationship with herself.

John [00:35:38]: She's following her basic biology instead of overriding her biology with self esteem.

Nicole [00:35:43]: She thinks that there's nothing else. She either thinks that she can't do it on her own, which is not true.

John [00:35:48]: Right.

Nicole [00:35:48]: Like if you're with a shitty guy right now, watching this, you can do it on your own. Go get a job, go do it on your own. You should do that.

John [00:35:55]: Unless you're in a place where you can't do that. Right. Whereas, you know, but here in the U.S. sure.

Nicole [00:36:00]: Which isn't that what we're mostly talking about? Like, I know you're using it. I'm just saying like different places because

John [00:36:05]: it's because it's just because it's more

Nicole [00:36:07]: prevalent to like need to survive. I get why you're.

John [00:36:10]: The reason why I think these topics are useful is because it's because. Because as humans, you and I, in order to have a successful, successful relationship, we have to override our biology. Right.

Nicole [00:36:21]: Right.

John [00:36:21]: So.

Nicole [00:36:22]: Well, I mean, understanding. I don't know what I'm overriding. I mean, because I feel like my natural instinct is to be in a monogamous. Monogamous relationship.

John [00:36:32]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:32]: And love my partner and want to be.

John [00:36:35]: Yeah. But there's, there's like, there's aspects of your biology that still. That you would.

Nicole [00:36:40]: Well, what are they?

John [00:36:41]: I mean, things like trying to take control, which. Okay, to a degree like that is

Nicole [00:36:48]: something that's not even my biology. That's like what society has put on me.

John [00:36:52]: Yeah, but women in general, biologically are wired to try to take control from a man.

Nicole [00:36:57]: You think that's. I think that that's more of a modern day problem.

John [00:37:01]: No, no.

Nicole [00:37:01]: You think it's a biological problem.

John [00:37:03]: It's bio. Even the Bible says it. Even the Bible is like, you know, in when, when, when God pronounces the curse on Adam and Eve and it says that, you know, Adam you'll work all the days of your life and Eve you'll try to be in charge. Basically. I'm misquoting, but basically. But he'll rule over you.

Nicole [00:37:23]: Why do you think that is?

John [00:37:25]: I think. Okay, I'll tell you exactly why it is. I don't think I know exactly why it is. It's because. It's because women in their sexual selection. Right. It's the same reason why women are more monogamous. Right. Is because there's a much greater parental investment from a woman. When a woman makes a choice to have sex with a guy. Back in the day, there wasn't condoms and birth control. Right. She's now making a commitment to like carry a Child for nine months, right? And to, to those, you know, she can't, doesn't have that genetic diversity. Like she has one child that she has to care for nine months and then she has to take care of that child and it becomes a economic and survival burden on her. Now she has to take care of herself and a child. And so her choosing a man to have sex with is very, very important. A man choosing a woman to have sex with, it doesn't matter. He can have as many.

Nicole [00:38:18]: Because he can just leave.

John [00:38:19]: Yeah, because he can just leave. He can, but that's not what should be. He can spread his genetics all over the place and get this woman pregnant, this woman pregnant, and this woman pregnant. A woman that makes a choice has nine months where she's confined to that one choice, right? Like biologically, Right? And so give me the question again because I, I went off, but it relates to it.

Nicole [00:38:40]: How Am I fighting against my biology?

John [00:38:42]: No, like, like why? Why does a woman want to take control?

Nicole [00:38:45]: Oh, oh, okay.

John [00:38:46]: Because almost all of the things that a woman does are based in testing the man, right? Because a woman needs to make sure she wants to try and take control of the man in order to see if she can. A man that she can control is a weak man, is not a good investment for her child, understand? Because it's not very good for survival. Because a man that can be controlled by a woman can be controlled by other men, can be controlled by other women. Not a safe choice, right? Because if you try to control me and I'm like, yes, ma', am, whatever. I've become like a people pleaser, like pushover guy, right? Then, okay, some attractive woman comes by and now I don't have the self respect or discipline. Like she can just steal me away, right? Or some guy comes and wants to kill you and he's like. And I just run away because he tells me to get out of here and I get out of here. You see what I'm saying? It's a survival instinct. So almost all the things that women do is to test a man, right? To see, right?

Nicole [00:39:56]: Because they're unpredictable.

John [00:39:58]: Like even, even acting irrational. Like, okay, is he going to get angry and become violent? Need to see that, right? So, so all of the behaviors that men think are crazy behaviors that come from women, they're really just biological tasks to see if a man is fit, right? That's why women do those things. They're not psych. They're not, they're not logically doing these things. They're subconsciously Doing these things because it's built into the biology to test a man.

Nicole [00:40:21]: Mm. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, makes sense. But I do think men are more of the rogue ones now, actually.

John [00:40:32]: In. In what way? What do you mean?

Nicole [00:40:35]: They're more unpredictable. Cuz like you had mentioned when you briefly talked about this topic a little bit, that one woman said, well, if a man's going to cheat anyway, then I'm going to pick the rich guy. And I was like, that's the only one that makes sense to me is because not all men that cheat are the rich guys. There are some good men that cheat. You are one of them. You know what I mean? You didn't cheat on me.

John [00:41:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:02]: But you're a good man and you still cheated. And so that's rogue. And I'm not saying that women don't do rogue things as well too.

John [00:41:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:11]: But it also made me think about why men want younger women. And it's because they have less experience with other men messing them up. And so.

John [00:41:23]: Yeah, okay, okay.

Nicole [00:41:24]: And so, like, men actually cause a lot of the problems with their rogue actions. And maybe it's their singular focused brain, maybe it's their biology taking over and they're lacking discipline.

John [00:41:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:41]: But again, like, I am not trying to blame all men, but at the same time, like, the puzzle pieces are connecting here. Like why men want younger women, that why they want a virgin. Like, they want a woman that other men have not tainted, but yet other men do not hold their fellow men to the standard to not fuck women up, essentially. And they think cheating is fine. Like, they're like, oh, well, if a guy's rich and he has status and women want him, that's a good no. Like, sure, from a man's perspective. But like, men do cheat statistically, even if it's slightly more.

John [00:42:24]: More for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Well, because. Okay, and the default is. And this is the painful truth to here, is that if a man can cheat, he will cheat. That is the default. Now, that doesn't mean that's every man, but that's a default for most men. Like, I can guarantee you, right, we did this, we had an episode where some lady was like, tempting this woman's women's husbands on TikTok.

Nicole [00:42:49]: Remember that?

John [00:42:50]: And I was like, oh, yeah, I'm gonna guarantee you 90% of men are gonna respond to that. Right? Because the reason why a majority of men that don't cheat, don't cheat is not because they're faithful, it's because they can't. It's because they can't. Because, you know, you were. We've been talking to Manny, you know, my friend, and he was talking about how like. Yeah. Or telling you about how difficult it is for a man to actually be able to get laid. Right. Like, you have to have skill, you have to have a lot of things going for you as a man to even be able to have a shot. Like, it's hard. And so most men are not going to be able to do that. Can I, like regularly? Right. You see what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:43:33]: Like, can I say something?

John [00:43:34]: Yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:36]: Do you see why?

John [00:43:37]: Oh yeah.

Nicole [00:43:38]: That statement that woman made.

John [00:43:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:40]: Makes the most sense for sure.

John [00:43:42]: No, say which one? I know which one you're talking about.

Nicole [00:43:45]: That all men are going to cheat anyway, so you might as well pick a rich one.

John [00:43:48]: Yeah. Like it makes a lot of sense.

Nicole [00:43:50]: Do you see, though, where it's literally unfathomable that any man who could cheat will cheat?

John [00:44:02]: Well, because I think the thing is, is to understand that, and this is why these discussions are important, is that that is in the basic biology of men, Right? But is that okay? And to be non monogamous. Right.

Nicole [00:44:14]: I hear we already talked about that.

John [00:44:16]: So it has to be overridden, Right? So that's why, like, why that assumption that like that base assumption is generally correct. Like, like a woman having that assumption that was like all men are going to cheat anyway is not. It's not that crazy of an idea to have. It sounds bad. I'm not like trying to, but. But it is actually fairly accurate because you should assume that's the case until proven otherwise. As a woman. Right. If I were a woman and I were dating a man, I would put him in a lot of situations to see what he does and I would see if he cheats.

Nicole [00:44:45]: But how can you trust that he's not going to slip up? Like, you can't keep testing this guy. And that just proved to me what you said, that so many men are actually weak men. And that's the problem with dating today. And that's why women are probably going to these superficial relationships because of exactly what you just said. Like, if most men would cheat, right, that means they're weak men. That means to me they're not good men.

John [00:45:16]: Yeah. Well, okay, so that's why I'm saying it's like if I were, and I were dating a man, right? Okay. And I would test him. But. But here's why. Like, because you need to know, first of all, is this man faithful only because he doesn't have options. So you need to put him in situation where you can see if he has options.

Nicole [00:45:37]: So how do you do that?

John [00:45:38]: Like, have him around a lot of your attractive friends or things like that? Like, like, like give him situations where you can observe his behavior and see what he does in those situations. Right. So is he a desperate man? Like, is he, like, is he trying to talk to women, like at a, at a party or place? Like, like, is he looking around at, at, at women? Right? Like, because those are signs that, that he's, that he's not able.

Nicole [00:46:10]: But a lot of men look around at women and try to act like it's normal and it's fine.

John [00:46:16]: Yeah, but like, I guess what I'm saying is that the thing you have to distinguish is, is if this guy,

Nicole [00:46:22]: like, do you trust him?

John [00:46:24]: Could this guy, if he wanted to get women, that's really the thing that you have to know about a man, right? If you're dating a man, you have to know, could this guy, if he wanted to get women, and if that's the case, and then you observe that he doesn't, then he's good.

Nicole [00:46:39]: Okay, but what about if he makes more money, gets higher status? Yeah, but then you think he, you just assume he's still gonna stay the same because plenty of men.

John [00:46:48]: No, no, but that's the wild card. And this is why women, this is why women don't like a guy that doesn't have status because he, he is a wild card. So let me. Here's what I'm saying.

Nicole [00:46:58]: So you're saying if he started out not having status and he was loyal.

John [00:47:02]: I'm saying this is why women only date players, right? Like, women don't want a guy that's looking for a serious relationship. They want a guy that's, that's playing around, playing the field. Why? Because. What does that indicate? That indicates that this guy is not as much of a wild card. Why? Because it means that he can get women. If a man can get women, right? And then he's in a relationship with you and he doesn't cheat on you, you can have a lot better surety that, that will continue that way. Because he already had the options to get women. Even if he makes more money now, it doesn't matter because he was already getting women before he met you, right? And now he met you, and now he's with you and he's staying with you, and he's not cheating on you. So even if he gets a lot of money, he's probably still going to be the same. Whereas probably still there's no guarantees. But the man who does not have women, who's not successful with women, who's not a player, he's the most risk. He's not guaranteed to do it, but he's the most risk. Because what happens if he has a glow up? What happens if he starts making money? What happens if he gets a promotion at his work and he has higher status now? He didn't have access to the women before, so you can't judge his loyalty just because he's staying with you and he's being faithful to you now. Right. Because now he may go and do that stuff. So he's more of a wildcard. That's why women will only date players, is because the player is a known quantity, is because if he had access to the women and then he chose you and chose to be with you, then you can know that he made a conscious choice, not a desperate choice.

Nicole [00:48:42]: Which I. Okay, I understand that and I appreciate you explaining that because it makes a little more sense. However, it's getting kind of far into this episode and you said probably won't cheat on you. You said that there's not a guarantee.

John [00:48:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:48:58]: So essentially, like this whole conversation makes me really sad for women, for sure.

John [00:49:04]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:04]: Like the woman that said again, like, might as well date the rich one because they all cheat anyway.

John [00:49:10]: Right.

Nicole [00:49:13]: I don't want to end this episode in a sad note.

John [00:49:18]: Right.

Nicole [00:49:18]: But. So maybe you can help out here.

John [00:49:20]: Well, this is. But I'll help out.

Nicole [00:49:22]: I don't blame women for being single. I don't blame them for wanting to stay single after this conversation, like, okay, it's. It has made me look, I mean, like, I guess if you're a woman that only cares about money, go ahead. But if you're a woman that wants a man that's going to be loyal to you, your argument makes it sound like that that is a very rare thing to find and that if he's not already successful and has status, he could be loyal now, but not later. So like, well, it just seems very disheartening for women.

John [00:50:00]: I think women should only choose from men that are successful because. Because you can't, you can't know, like a guy that's not successful is a risk, is a greater risk.

Nicole [00:50:09]: Right.

John [00:50:10]: Because he, if he becomes successful. Right. But, but I would say this, but

Nicole [00:50:14]: that's such a small percentage and that's what guys complain about women going after the same successful men. And it's a small percentage. So like, and women are supposedly doing that according to the 80% of men that can't get a date. So, like, what do you see what I mean?

John [00:50:33]: They're doing the right thing. They're doing the right thing. It's going after successful men. Right? That's. That makes the most sense. What I would say, though, is that, okay, the whole purpose of this podcast is building a better than perfect relationship. And that is the best thing that you can do, right? That's the best guarantee, the best chance of. Of having a man that is.

Nicole [00:50:55]: But I don't even know how to do that unless you do date players and you somehow convert him. And that's not very realistic for a lot of women.

John [00:51:02]: Yeah, but I think that, like, okay, if you look at this could be a whole nother episode, right?

Nicole [00:51:08]: Maybe we need to do a part two.

John [00:51:10]: Yeah, I mean, we could do. Do a part two. Should we. To be. Continue this one?

Nicole [00:51:14]: Yeah, maybe we should, because I'm feeling dejected. Okay, Honestly, to.

John [00:51:19]: To be continued in part two next week. Next week.

Nicole [00:51:24]: Hopefully we can turn this around because I'm not feeling very hopeful right now.

John [00:51:28]: Okay, so tune in next week.

Nicole [00:51:31]: Check us out on betterthan perfect pod dot com. Yeah, and send us an email if you have any topics or conversations you want us to have at Better Than Perfect Podcasts at Gmail.

John [00:51:43]: And leave your opinion. What do you think? What would. What would. What do women choose? A. A poor guy who's faithful or a rich guy who is a cheater? Yeah, vote down below. Let us know. All right, we'll see you next time.