John [00:00:00]: It's easier to tell if a woman's a cheater than it is to tell if a man's a cheater. A man can be in a perfectly happy relationship, and he'll cheat because it's just sex to him. A woman who's a cheater, she's going to the club with her friends. She's not being modest. She's wearing stuff that is inappropriate. I have had a lot of guys I've coached where they're like, oh, I can't believe that my girlfriend cheated on me. I had no idea. And I'm like, I would have told you for sure that this was happening. But what I'm saying is it is way easier to figure out if a

Nicole [00:00:26]: woman is a cheater, which is why women will pay other women to slide in the men's dms.

John [00:00:33]: Beyond the perfect we discover through our flaws. We complete each other. Better than perfect. We stay through every fault we find. All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how to imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:58]: Two to squirrels to.

John [00:01:03]: It's been a long life. Okay. Give me a break.

Nicole [00:01:08]: No, it's just funny that you stopped on two.

John [00:01:12]: Yeah. Just like, it just left my mind. There's too many things in there already.

Nicole [00:01:17]: That's actually really funny because on the way here, we were mispronouncing so many words, and we were like, our brains are not working.

John [00:01:25]: What is the words we're trying to say? Or, like, I can't even remember now.

Nicole [00:01:30]: Yeah, let's not embarrass ourselves.

John [00:01:33]: Iconography.

Nicole [00:01:35]: That was one.

John [00:01:36]: That's a hard word.

Nicole [00:01:37]: What was the other one?

John [00:01:38]: It was ambiguity. Ambiguity. Iconography and ambiguity. Those are hard words. Those are hard words. They're not common either. So today we are going to do an episode on loyalty tests. So. Loyalty tests. Right. You've probably seen some of these little clips.

Nicole [00:01:58]: We did an episode on, like, a specific lady that did one.

John [00:02:04]: Yeah. Like. But not intended. Like, she was more like a revenge type of doing. Right. This is more revenge. This is, like, where you pay someone. Exactly. There's these paid services now and so. And then you, like, pay a hot

Nicole [00:02:18]: girl to, like, slide in your boyfriend's DMs to see what he's gonna say.

John [00:02:21]: Exactly. So, yeah. Or they do it a lot now. They make it into a whole thing where they'll have these episodes, like, creators will make where they'll do the live loyalty tasks and how someone's the live. They'll have someone come into, like, a coffee shop and hit on this girl's boyfriend and then see if he gets her phone number or whatever.

Nicole [00:02:43]: And he's not in on it. He doesn't know?

John [00:02:45]: No, he doesn't know. He doesn't know they're filming him. Like, secret camera.

Nicole [00:02:49]: I've never seen any.

John [00:02:50]: Yeah, there's a few of these. I mean, some of them might be manufactured, but, I mean, I think a lot of it is real. Right. So. So. So the big question is, you know, what. What does this. Is this okay? Is this makes. It's like there's arguments on both sides.

Nicole [00:03:03]: Right?

John [00:03:03]: So.

Nicole [00:03:03]: Well, it's actually kind of funny because in some of the pre. Like, most recent previous episodes, you and men like to talk about how women have a lot more options and because of social media and all this stuff. But men also use social media to try to get more options and do more nefarious things because that's why these things exist now. Right. Social media, obviously is just bad.

John [00:03:33]: Right, Exactly.

Nicole [00:03:34]: It causes a lot of problems. But it's just funny because guys are like, it gives women more options, but at the same time, guys are also trying to get more options or, like, they'll take their options. If some girl's, like, in their DMs, they're like, oh, wow, this never happens. Little does he know that his girlfriend's paying that girl to see what he's gonna say in response to hitting on him. You know what I mean? So it's just in general, not really great on either side.

John [00:04:06]: Yeah, I think that. I mean, the thing is. Well, yeah, women are having loyalty tests all the time. Right. If you're. We can get into. But if you're a woman who's attractive, even if you're not attractive, but you have an Instagram profile and has pictures of you on there, you're probably getting guys sliding into your DMs already. Right now, the thing I would say is that if you're in a relationship, you should not have a public Instagram

Nicole [00:04:36]: profile as a woman or a guy.

John [00:04:38]: Well, unless it's used for business type of stuff. Right. So that's different when it's a business thing.

Nicole [00:04:44]: But that's like, minority.

John [00:04:46]: Yeah, yeah, that's. That's the minority. So in general, yeah, you shouldn't. If you're in a relationship, you don't need to have a public social media presence unless it's specifically actually used for, you know, like, your business or you're an influencer. And when I say an influencer Let's. I hate the word influencer, but.

Nicole [00:05:01]: Because a lot of women are influencers.

John [00:05:02]: Yeah, but. But that's okay. There's a difference between, like, influencer. Let's say a content creator, right? Because, like. Well, again, now, that's been. It's a. Let's say that an educator, an online educator, an online brand. You know, let's put it this way, okay? If you're doing something that doesn't involve showing your body and then. Then. And that's your business and how you're making money, then. Then it's fine, right? So.

Nicole [00:05:28]: So if you have lifestyle content.

John [00:05:30]: Yeah, because if you're like, oh, I'm an influencer, and it's like, well, but, yeah, your Instagram is just pictures of your ass, then you're.

Nicole [00:05:37]: But that's also.

John [00:05:38]: That's not how you make. You need to find a different way to make money, right? Yeah, but a lot of women will. See. I don't think it's a minority. I mean, it's maybe a smaller. It is somewhat of a minority, but not as minority as you think. Because a lot of women will say, oh, this is my thing. I'm an influencer. It's like, yeah, but it's just pictures of your ass. So that's not. You shouldn't have.

Nicole [00:06:00]: Fitness. We've gone down a hole.

John [00:06:04]: Is sort of like. It's a blur. Okay? There's fitness content, right? Which is like.

Nicole [00:06:08]: And some of it's fake.

John [00:06:10]: Well, some of it's. I'm legit. I'm legit teaching yoga, right? So I'm wearing an appropriate outfit and I'm teaching yoga. And I actually make a business out of teaching yoga versus there's. I'm teaching yoga. And look, look at this. Look at this. You can see right into my, you know, in between my legs, on, like, poses like that. You're not really teaching yoga. You know what I'm saying? Like, do you get what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:06:37]: I know what you're saying.

John [00:06:38]: Like, there's fitness. Like, okay, I'm showing you how to lift weights at the gym, right? Or how to get in shape, or this is the kind of meals that you should eat. And there's fitness. Like, I'm making this. This is what I eat in a day. And your boobs are pushed up to here and you're not wearing a bra, and that's like, you're creating a different kind of content. You understand what I'm saying? Like, there's legit content, and there's not legit content. There's like, content where the content is the actual fitness thing and there's content where it's like, oh, I'm pretending like this is a fitness thing, but I'm really just showing my clin.

Nicole [00:07:11]: But guys do that too. Like, it's different. But I think guys do that too. I think you've even done that at times. Not recently, but come on. Okay, you have, like, you know.

John [00:07:24]: So, okay, bring it, bring it, bring it. How have I done it?

Nicole [00:07:27]: I'm just saying that, like, I hear what you're saying. We've definitely gone off topic. But yes, the like bordering on the of stuff and like trying to act like you're doing everyday life things. I agree with you. But both sides kind of do the same thing. That's what I'm trying to say. There's not a lot of guys on of doing all those things, but fitness wise guys also post thirst traps in a different way than women do. And that's what I'm saying. Thirst traps in the past is what I'm saying. So have I. So have I.

John [00:08:07]: For men to get into my membership so they can.

Nicole [00:08:13]: John, that's even worse. You posted thirst traps for men to

John [00:08:17]: be like, yeah, fitness. Like, okay, like you want to be a badass.

Nicole [00:08:20]: Don't act like it was just for guys.

John [00:08:22]: Okay, well, whatever. Like that. But I was single. Well, I wasn't single then, but I was pretending to be single then. Okay, so this is single.

Nicole [00:08:31]: I was pretending to be single.

John [00:08:33]: I was single minded.

Nicole [00:08:34]: This is hilarious.

John [00:08:36]: But anyway, in our relationship, it's not even about that. Yeah, no, but it's okay. You got to be making at least $20,000 a year for it to be considered a business, and it cannot be an of business. That's what it is. All right, so if you're like, I'm a yoga teacher or whatever, but no one pays you to do yoga, you're not a yoga teacher. Okay. If you're a fitness coach, but no one's paying you to do fitness coaching, you're not a fitness coach. They have to pay you specifically for the thing that you say that you're doing and not for some other type of thing. Thing. And not donations. And you have to make more than $20,000 a year, otherwise your Instagram is closed. It's private. Okay.

Nicole [00:09:12]: Okay. That's very specific. I hope everybody wrote that down. But no, what I'm saying though is. And this, it kind of goes along with the tangent we were just on is that it's not great on Both sides. And like, yes, like, women are more likely to get DMs. And I'm not saying there's not women that do bad things. Like, there are women that cheat. There are women that whatever, like, go behind their partner's back. I'm not saying that doesn't happen. But women are more likely to stay committed to the person that they're with. Like, especially if they're happy.

John [00:09:49]: Like, well, they're already being tested is what I'm saying. It's like. Because that's where we got off this tangent.

Nicole [00:09:54]: It's as much of a test because

John [00:09:56]: it's been DM to.

Nicole [00:09:58]: It's not as much of a test for a woman as it is for a man. And that's the thing. That's why there's not men paying other men to slide in their women's DMs. You don't see that.

John [00:10:08]: I mean, there's some of it.

Nicole [00:10:09]: I'm saying there's some of it, but there's not. There's not, like, there's not as much. Not as much content on it, because that's not really a thing. Like, even when I was watching the Love Island UK thing, which we talked about in a previous episode, but all the guys went to this other villa with a bunch of women, new women, none of the girls. They were. And then the girls stayed at the main villa with a bunch of new guys. The guys, even the guys that said I love you to some of the women, were doing things they shouldn't have been doing. And then the girls, majority of them over here that actually liked the guys they were with, didn't even barely talk to the new guys. So it's like. And that's a show with women that men like to say, will, whatever. And then we're going off a lot

John [00:10:56]: of tangents, but to go off on another tangent also, they're on tv, so there's different rules that apply to women and different rules that apply to men. So if a man is, like, with a lot of women and he's on tv, he will leave the show as being cool.

Nicole [00:11:13]: But women hate him.

John [00:11:15]: Yeah, but they'll still want to be with him. He will definitely have a bump in his reputation. Even though, like, he'll definitely have benefit from it. If a woman does that, she will.

Nicole [00:11:26]: No, they look bad because they came back and then they were like, oh, no, I actually liked you. Cause the girls were waiting for them, and so then they look stupid. You know what I mean? But that's what I'm Saying is like, men, given the opportunity, they are more likely to do something versus women. I'm not saying women never do.

John [00:11:45]: I agree. I actually agree with that because that's what I'm saying is that if you have a woman and you have a guy slide into her DMs, and she's in a relationship, it's way less likely that she's going to take the bait. But a guy, especially a guy that doesn't have women sliding into his DMs, right. He's way higher chance.

Nicole [00:12:07]: A guy that's not really happy, he just doesn't want to upset the woman he's with or whatever.

John [00:12:13]: Yeah. Even if he is happy, there's still a pretty high chance that he's going to respond to that's horrible. Attractive woman DMing him. Yeah. I told you in the other episode that it was like probably 90% is what I would guess, right?

Nicole [00:12:25]: And that's supposed to be fine. And we're gonna sit here. You just told me 90%. And we're gonna sit here and act like, oh, well, women get DMed all the time. Yeah. And they don't respond most of the time, but 90% of the time a man's gonna respond.

John [00:12:38]: They want to talk about it. Well, here's part of the reason why. Right. Because if you think about this, right? So if you're a woman, right. You're constantly getting. I was gonna say cocks thrown in your face, but that's.

Nicole [00:12:52]: Come on.

John [00:12:54]: But I'm trying to think of a more.

Nicole [00:12:55]: Do you want people to watch this episode or do you want YouTube to just be like.

John [00:13:00]: I'm trying to think of a better way to say that. But that's what it is like as a woman, you're used to that happening to you, Especially if you're an attractive woman.

Nicole [00:13:06]: I don't think we would classify it the way that you have.

John [00:13:09]: You've built. You've built up a defense to that to a degree. It's also like, you know, if you are well fed, right.

Nicole [00:13:22]: Then I just heard an analogy.

John [00:13:23]: You're getting food all the time versus being starving, right? That's why they even say, like, thirsty.

Nicole [00:13:27]: Did you listen to the thing that I was listening to?

John [00:13:30]: No, I did the same thing. I did not. But like, oh, really? That's funny. But thirst, that's where thirst comes from, is thirsty, right? Like, if you've never had water and you're thirsty, men are thirsty, then you're going to like when something comes along. Especially an attractive woman who women never Pay attention to you, and they DM you. Much more likely that you're gonna take the bait.

Nicole [00:13:50]: Even if he has water, he's still thirsty. That's the thing.

John [00:13:54]: You can still be.

Nicole [00:13:56]: That's the hard part. But I get what you're saying.

John [00:13:57]: If you have a lot of water, you're not.

Nicole [00:13:59]: Cause women are used to it. So they're like, they'll take their pick. They're not gonna just go after whatever is thrown at them.

John [00:14:07]: But the test for a woman, actually. Okay, so here's actually it.

Nicole [00:14:11]: You have to hire a celebrity. You have to hire Leonardo DiCaprio.

John [00:14:15]: Yes. A celebrity, a rock star. Expensive, right? And see that test? 90% of women are gonna fail that one.

Nicole [00:14:24]: You think 90%?

John [00:14:25]: I think it's. Maybe it's a little bit less, but close to the same percentage of women are gonna fail that test as men. Just any attractive woman will fail.

Nicole [00:14:33]: Okay. I don't know if it'd be 90.

John [00:14:36]: I don't know if it's 90. I don't know. Like, I'm making up numbers out of my ass. But it's a higher number.

Nicole [00:14:40]: It's much higher than. That's the equivalent.

John [00:14:42]: So that's the equivalent. That's the thing is, like, that's why the test has to be. But I'm against the test in general. Right. And I'll tell you why.

Nicole [00:14:49]: Okay.

John [00:14:50]: Because you shouldn't set yourself up for failure. Right? So one of the talking points when we kind of researched this was around, like, snooping on phones and spying and stuff like that. I'm cool with that, actually. I think if a woman. If you're dating a guy, you want to look at his phone, like, sneaky. And look at his phone and see who he's messaging. Go for it. I think you should be.

Nicole [00:15:10]: Do you think sneak?

John [00:15:11]: Yeah, I think you should. Well, yeah. Yeah. Because you have to.

Nicole [00:15:14]: And not be like, hey, let me see your phone right now.

John [00:15:16]: I think that should be just the rule in a relationship is transparency. But I've counseled multiple people, women and men, and I said, hey, you need to go and, like, sneak out that phone and go get the password and look at it.

Nicole [00:15:28]: That's the guy who had sneaky stuff on his phone.

John [00:15:30]: That's why. That's one of the reasons why. But because you need to at least do that one time before you marry someone. Because you need to know what is their actual secrets that they're not telling you. And maybe it's not.

Nicole [00:15:43]: You think you're gonna find it on the Phone.

John [00:15:44]: You're gonna find on the phone. If they don't know. If they don't know that that's what you're gonna do. Right? It sounds really bad. I get that fully, that it sounds really bad. But you're about to make a decision that is going to affect the rest of your life and your children's life. You should at least know what you're getting into. And probably you're gonna find some stuff that you don't like, but then you can have the discussion and be like, okay, yeah, these girls that you're talking to, they might be just friends, but that's gotta stop. Like, you're not. You're not doing it in a transparent way. First of all, right? Or whatever. Or opposite some woman that's talking to a lot of guys, she has her second options. And a lot of women put their second and third picks and it's like they're ready for, you know, if they need to sub someone out in the game. Right? Like, women do that too. Yeah, yeah, but that's more of a woman thing, whereas that's because they have more options. Yeah, exactly. If the guys had the option, sure, they would do it. But what I'm saying is that, like, that's. I'm more for that, right. Than for setting someone up. Because you don't need to tempt fate, right? Like, okay, if we use the numbers, right? If I said that 90% of guys that were in a relationship, if they got DM from a very attractive woman, that they would respond, And I said 90% of women that have got DM from a celebrity, a famous celebrity or rock star, whatever, they would respond, then so many people are going to fail it. But that situation would have never come up in real life. So you're creating situations, right? I don't think you should create situations that wouldn't come up in real life. And making those temptations, what if all the time I just figured out ways to tempt you to see if you would fuck up? That would be a pretty fucked up life, right? Like in all different ways, I'm like, oh, like, let me. Like, what if, like, you tested all your friends all the time? Like, you left money somewhere, like, you did stuff that you're purposely setting people up to fail, and then when they fail, you're like, oh, oh, see, they're not loyal. See, they're. They're bad person. Or they lied. You're gonna be. You're gonna have a hard life if you do that. And it's. It's Not. And one of the things is, you know, there's sort of the subconscious thing is like if you give a dog a bad name, you might as well hang the dog, right? You've heard that, right? Probably just for me multiple times. But it is a real thing. If you set someone up and you believe that they're going to do something bad, it increases the chances of that. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. So I think it's a really bad idea. If real life happens and it just so happens that this person you see on their phone, that they're unloyal to you or whatever, then sure, now you've got the evidence, now you confront that. But don't create those situations because you're creating sometimes unrealistic situations anyway. Like if it's an average dude and he's not getting DMed by girls and he's definitely not gonna get DM'd by some supermodel or you know, some really like hot girl and then he's getting DMed by her. Like you're creating a situation where you probably never, like now you're probably gonna. If that guy fails now, it's going to ruin the relationship and you never would have had to deal with that and he would have never gone out of his way to cheat on you. But it's sort of like cops creating situations where they're like they're trapping you. Right? That's also not good. Right? Where it's like you're being put into a situation where it's very likely that you're going to do the wrong thing and then you're getting busted for doing that thing. It just doesn't, I don't think it flies.

Nicole [00:19:07]: Yeah, I agree with you. I want to start by saying that I agree with you. I don't think it's a good idea, but I understand where it comes from.

John [00:19:16]: Yeah, yeah, it's.

Nicole [00:19:18]: It's a way for a woman to control the situation and have it not be an actual romantic investment, but to see if her man would invest. Does that make sense? Like, she knows that the woman is just doing her job because she paid her to do that job, but she wants to see if her man would do that. And that's where like I can empathize with them wanting to know because like what you just said. Yes, like some average guy, if some super hot woman messaged him, like he's probably gonna answer, right? So it's like, okay, but does she just wait for like if that did actually end up happening where she didn't Pay the woman, then she has to be blindsided by it or not find out about it.

John [00:20:11]: So, yeah, I get that. I get that.

Nicole [00:20:13]: It makes sense, wanting to see if a man's likely to do that either way. Because it's like, yes, I understand what you're saying, and I agree. It's like, why are you kind of, like, setting up the situation to get your boyfriend to cheat on you? Like, that doesn't make a lot of sense. But at the same time, she knows what's going on, and she just wants to know, is he capable of doing that? And obviously, this woman's super hot, so this would be someone that he would potentially run off with.

John [00:20:49]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:50]: Like, would he go for that?

John [00:20:51]: But here's the other thing about it, though, the other piece of it, which is that he's also learning that she's the kind of person that would set him up and test him in that way, Pay someone to try. And, you know. So, like, that's also. So it's shady to respond, right? Like, if you're in a setup situation, it's shady to respond, but, like, to get a phone number, to give a phone number or whatever, to have that interaction. But it's also shady to set someone up.

Nicole [00:21:24]: I agree.

John [00:21:25]: Because there is some deception there as well. Right, I agree. And so that's also shady. And so it's like you're doing something bad to prove that someone else is gonna do something bad.

Nicole [00:21:37]: Yeah, but you don't want me to go down this road. Cause I'll go down the road.

John [00:21:42]: Go down the road.

Nicole [00:21:43]: I agree. Again, I agree with you. First and foremost, I agree it's shady. It's sneaky. It's not gonna make you feel good. Even if you think you'll feel good by getting the answer, you're not gonna feel good. Whether he passes or he doesn't, it's not gonna feel good. However, it's pretty bold for men to act like they don't ever do sneaky, shady, deceptful things.

John [00:22:10]: Yeah, yeah, no, that's.

Nicole [00:22:11]: They're not paying someone to do it. But actually, you said that there are men that do this, so.

John [00:22:15]: Sure, yeah, it works.

Nicole [00:22:16]: Both. There's men that do this, but honestly, like, it's not a good thing. I want to make that clear. But men do a lot of stuff. Not even to, like, try to see if their wife or their girlfriend wants to still be with them.

John [00:22:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:37]: They do things to try to skirt around them and do whatever they want. That's even worse, in my opinion. Like, yeah, that's not great.

John [00:22:45]: That's worse than setting someone up for sure. Right.

Nicole [00:22:47]: Like, so, like, it's kind of, like, ridiculous to be like, that's shady. When, like, guys do shady things too. Like, it is shady. I'm not saying it's not, but, like, we can't be like, this is super bad when, like, men used to have horrible whole second families on the side.

John [00:23:04]: It's just bad. I'm just saying that. It just is also, like, you're also proving that you're not loyal.

Nicole [00:23:10]: I agree.

John [00:23:11]: When you do it, you're proving you're not loyal. Cause it's a violation of loyalty to do it.

Nicole [00:23:15]: Right.

John [00:23:16]: So it's like.

Nicole [00:23:17]: Cause it's a whole different.

John [00:23:18]: And then what happens if they pass

Nicole [00:23:19]: the test and then find out that.

John [00:23:21]: And now you're done. Now they're probably like, oh, wow, that was pretty fucked up. Like, that you did that to me.

Nicole [00:23:27]: I agree. Unfortunately, if I'm being honest, this was not really a thing until recently.

John [00:23:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:37]: Like, you didn't pay people to do it. You didn't do that. Sort of.

John [00:23:40]: I got a story for you. Right.

Nicole [00:23:42]: But unfortunately, I do think it's because men have a bad track record of being honest, of being trustworthy. Not every man, but there's a lot of horror stories that women become so fearful of one of those happening and she can't control it, so she does something crazy and untrustworthy as well in order to try to figure out if the man she's with is trustworthy or not. Yeah, that's why I don't think it's a good idea.

John [00:24:12]: Just look at his phone. Like, that's what I'm saying. It's like, just.

Nicole [00:24:15]: Yeah, but some people think that that's. That's a reason to break up with people.

John [00:24:19]: And I get that. But, like, that's also justifiable.

Nicole [00:24:27]: But here's the thing.

John [00:24:27]: In the sense. Because that's real life. It's not a setup. It's like you were really actually doing something bad and I caught you versus I set you up to do something bad. That's why, like, I get that people would be like, okay, that's unethical to, like, look at someone's phone. But when you're in a relationship, this stuff should be transparent.

Nicole [00:24:45]: Here's the issue, though. And not to call you out again, but, like, I have to use actual.

John [00:24:50]: Go for it. I'm ready for it.

Nicole [00:24:52]: You would delete stuff from your phone?

John [00:24:53]: Yeah, for sure. So not in our relationship.

Nicole [00:24:57]: No, no, no, no.

John [00:24:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:59]: Before we form, Would that even, like, See, that's the problem. Yeah, but like, if a man is cheating or a woman suspecting. Because most of the time also too, women aren't going to these women unless they suspect that something's going on. Like, sure, maybe there's a few that just want to do it for the hell of it. I don't know. But most of the time it's because they have this suspicion that their boyfriend or husband or whatever's already, like, up to him.

John [00:25:25]: Yeah. But they can catch him with it. Like, okay, even if someone deletes stuff on their phone.

Nicole [00:25:29]: But that's what I'm saying. There's still traces deleted.

John [00:25:33]: That's why you have to do it. That's why it has to be covert.

Nicole [00:25:35]: That's why they can't have to snoop. You have to.

John [00:25:38]: Yeah, you have to snoop. It has to be snoop. Because, like, I'd like it to just be transparency, which you should have. Like, you should have access to each other's phone all the time. Like, you've got my face recognition on your phone and I've got on yours and whatever. Like, we have it. Right. But if they don't know it's coming, then they might not delete the messages. They still might be, you know, whatever. But you can look in the delete message. Like, usually if they don't know what's coming, then they're not going to have time to prep.

Nicole [00:26:06]: You're saying that you could have got caught. Like, you weren't on top of it

John [00:26:11]: at some point when I was. Again, we have to go back to the story. But to recap everyone real quick, what is episode like four or something in my previous relationship, marriage? There's a long story to it. So I don't want to, like, just.

Nicole [00:26:26]: It is a long.

John [00:26:27]: But essentially I was doing stuff I shouldn't be doing.

Nicole [00:26:32]: Nefarious.

John [00:26:32]: Yeah, nefarious things. Okay, so. But it's reformed. It was not a good thing to do. It wasn't the right thing to do.

Nicole [00:26:40]: There's a lot of rehabilitated.

John [00:26:42]: There's a lot of extenuating circumstances that aren't justifications. But to understand the full story, you should watch the thing without, you know, but. Because it does sound pretty bad when I'm saying this to give a background. But yeah, there was. There was a point in time where I was like, I just. I didn't even delete stuff. I just left it there. I just kept my phone and kept my password and just made sure that she never had My phone.

Nicole [00:27:13]: But didn't it have, like, a cover on it and stuff?

John [00:27:16]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:27:17]: Which you did. Strategically.

John [00:27:19]: I mean, that wasn't necessarily strategic. That was just like.

Nicole [00:27:23]: You told me it was strategic.

John [00:27:24]: I mean, I like the phone with the COVID on it, but it looked like a book. I had, like, a book cover.

Nicole [00:27:30]: Yeah, but you told me it was for a reason that you had a cover.

John [00:27:34]: I mean, I just, like, just.

Nicole [00:27:35]: He doesn't have a cover, but it's pointing down. Should I look at his phone? Should I look at his phone right now? I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. But no, I'm just saying that, like, some guys are, like, keeping up on this stuff.

John [00:27:51]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:27:51]: To not get caught.

John [00:27:52]: Yeah. And that's fine. But the thing is, you should at least know if you're with a stupid liar or a smart liar.

Nicole [00:28:03]: That's not their responsibility.

John [00:28:04]: No, but my.

Nicole [00:28:05]: That's men's responsibility to not lie.

John [00:28:07]: I got it. But I'm just saying that, like, that's a better method than setting someone up. Setting someone up is not good.

Nicole [00:28:14]: I agree.

John [00:28:15]: Again, like, let's say that I was like, oh, let me just test Nicole all the time. And I was like, okay, let me.

Nicole [00:28:20]: I would pass.

John [00:28:21]: Yeah, you would. Fast. But what if I, like, throw, like, pay all these celebrities a bunch of money to, like, go and talk to you, and then I would just show you, and I'm like, okay, like, she's ignoring them. But did she. But did she blush a little bit or did she giggle even when she rejected them? Or, like, you see what I'm saying now? I'm going to evaluate all those things, and I'm going to break my fucking brain by setting you up for all of these. Like, I believe you pass. But you see what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:28:48]: Like, yeah, I get what you're saying. You're like, women. You're saying because you're right again, like, you're right. That it doesn't actually fix your problem. Like, it kind of makes it worse whether they pass or fail. That's why I said you're not going to feel good whether they pass or fail. If you're a woman doing this. Because now you're going to have more anxiety and fear, and you're going to want to test them more, and it's just gonna destroy the relationship.

John [00:29:15]: And what if he knew that I was testing him? What if he figured it out? Right? And then it's like, so then. But then he's really like, if it were a real situation, then if he didn't know I was testing him. Then he would have failed it. Right. Like, what if he only passed because he figured out he's like, there's something suspicious about this?

Nicole [00:29:31]: Right. Then you go call.

John [00:29:32]: Like, why is this girl talking to me? Right.

Nicole [00:29:35]: Yeah.

John [00:29:35]: So I just think it's a bad idea.

Nicole [00:29:38]: No, I agree with you. I do agree with you.

John [00:29:41]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:29:41]: Like, I don't think. I'm not saying it's a good idea. I'm saying I understand where it comes from. Especially because if you're a woman or honestly, anyone who's been cheated on. Cause men get cheated on, too. You are so blindsided by the behavior. By like, oh, I thought I knew this person. By, like, your lack of control of the situation of people blaming you. Like, why didn't you see these signs? You know what I mean? So I get why women do this, but it's not good. Like, I understand why. Because it's in their control. Again, it's not like a woman that's actually interested in her husband or boyfriend. She paid the girl to do this, and the girl's gonna give her intel. You know what I mean? But it's not ever gonna make you feel better. And same with men. If you have to do this to your wife, too, like, there's no coming back. You're going to be paranoid. You're not going to feel better.

John [00:30:44]: Right, Exactly.

Nicole [00:30:45]: Like, you're going to have to keep doing more and more things like this.

John [00:30:48]: Yeah. And what is the other thing to think about is, like, what is the level of temptation that gets a person? Right. Because there's different levels of temptation. Right. Like, have you ever lied? Ever steal, stolen something? Have you ever liked, you know, done something wrong in your life? Well, yeah, everyone has. Right. You're not flawless. I'm not flawless.

Nicole [00:31:09]: Yeah.

John [00:31:09]: But what is the level at which I could cause Nicole to steal? What is the level at which I could cause Nicole to lie? There's some level, right. I'm not. I don't need to test it to figure out what it is, but there's some level where you would lie. There's some level where you would steal. Right. In whatever circumstance. And so what I'm saying is that when you're creating artificial circumstances where very high levels of temptation. For example, again with a guy, let's say that we keep on using guy. But I think that's. It's more likely because like we said, the equivalent is a celebrity for a woman or a rock star. But let's say that you have a guy that's an average guy, and maybe occasionally in his life, some women talk to him, whatever, and he rejects them or whatever. He's in a relationship. But then you take a extremely attractive woman that's at the top of his. Like, he's never had a woman of this level, and she not just only talks to him, but she throws herself at him. Okay, that's a very unrealistic scenario that you're creating of a high level of temptation. Now, yeah, you would want your guy to pass that, but where is the level? There's some level where he's not going to pass or someone's not going to pass. And it's hard to say with fidelity.

Nicole [00:32:18]: So is there a level that you wouldn't pass?

John [00:32:20]: No, there's no level that I wouldn't pass. But for that guy, there's a level for most. Okay, I'll tell you why there's no level. I'm not trying to put. Like, I'll tell you why there's no level for me because I have fucked up my life by fucking around. Right. And you've got. I've caused a lot. Exactly. So I know that no matter what the fucking level is, there's no level that's number one. But number two is I already have the hottest woman in the entire world.

Nicole [00:32:48]: Well, that should be number one.

John [00:32:51]: But see, the reason why I put it in that order is because if I put in the other order, you don't believe me. If I put it in this order, you believe me.

Nicole [00:32:57]: You're a smart man.

John [00:32:58]: Yeah, but that's what I'm saying is there are levels of temptation. And so do not create artificial levels of temptation for a person. And then when they fail, then you're like, you just fucked up your whole relationship for no reason at all. There's no point to do that. And if you've done this and you've hired someone to test someone, you've kind of already fucked up your relationship. Because either. There's a lot of scenarios here, right? So one scenario is they fail, okay? And then you probably have fucked up the relationship. But then you're probably like, okay, I'm glad that. Okay, this other scenario is they pass, okay? Now, there's two scenarios on the past. The scenario where they passed and you told them what you did and you probably fucked up the relationship, or you don't tell them what you did and you still probably fucked up the relationship. So almost all roads lead to you fucking up the relationship.

Nicole [00:33:46]: Hold on to that, right?

John [00:33:47]: Unless these. Unless two people in that situation, are honest with each other eventually and then work out their shit. But most likely all scenarios lead to you fucking up the relationship. Because what are you going to do? You're going to tell them that you did this test or are you going to hide it from them? You see what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:34:06]: It's better to tell them. But yeah, you risk fucking.

John [00:34:08]: But if you hide it from them now you're hiding something. And now, now you're the bad. Now are you trustworthy? Because you're trying to test if they're trustworthy, but you just proved that you're not trustworthy. And I guess what I'm saying is like the whole point of this loyalty test is to test whether they're trustworthy. But by doing the trustworthy test, you become untrustworthy.

Nicole [00:34:27]: Yeah.

John [00:34:27]: So it proves that you're not trustworthy. Now, to the degree you could say, oh, well, that's worse because they're cheating. But you initiated the thing from the get go. And I actually do have a story with this because I learned this lesson a long, long time ago.

Nicole [00:34:39]: Wait, really quick though. The thing is that the women doing this. And again, I agree, it's not good. You become untrustworthy, you become a problem by trying to see if you have a problem in your relationship. It's not good. But all women do this, even though it makes no sense and it is crazy to hear what you just said about me. They want to know that no matter who comes along, no matter if it's the hottest woman in the world, that their man is not going to cheat on them or whatever. Like break their trust, betrayed them.

John [00:35:16]: Right.

Nicole [00:35:17]: So that's why they do it again. It's not a good way to do it.

John [00:35:20]: You're right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:21]: But I'm just giving the perspective I had.

John [00:35:24]: Yeah. And I'll tell you the story now, right? So when I was younger, like my first or second girlfriend, I had a friend of mine that was in the modeling agency with me. He was the guy that a lot of women liked. And we were talking, we had. He had his girlfriend, he had my. We had. I had my girlfriend. We were downtown in Boise and they went somewhere or something or I don't know, like. Anyway, the topic came off. Me and him were alone and the girls were alone. And he was like, something came up about with. Oh. I was like, oh, she's so great. She's wonderful, everything. And he's like, do you trust her completely? And I was like, yeah, yeah, I trust her completely. I'd only Known her for a very short amount of time. Right. I was young. But he was like, I bet that I could get her to kiss me. And I was like, no, that would never happen. Blah, blah, blah. Right. He's like, no, I bet I could do it. I bet. You know, and then. So I let him try, like, set up. I set up the scenario where he would be alone with her, and then he did and she did, and so it messed up the whole. Now, had I not set up that scenario, probably wouldn't have been an issue. Maybe it would have been, but, like, I created the scenario.

Nicole [00:36:35]: How long have you guys been dating?

John [00:36:37]: A few weeks.

Nicole [00:36:41]: That's also really short amount of time.

John [00:36:44]: It is a short amount of time.

Nicole [00:36:44]: I'm not saying you should do it.

John [00:36:46]: I was young. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I'm just saying that that's a good example.

Nicole [00:36:50]: Yeah, no, it is a good example.

John [00:36:52]: Look. Yeah. Like, this is. Do you really want to find. After I'd done it, I'd regretted I had done that? Right.

Nicole [00:36:58]: But wouldn't you want to know that's why women. Well, because there was also a situation.

John [00:37:01]: Like, the thing was. No, I wouldn't want to know because, like. Because, like. Okay, how did this scenario happen? Like, her story is that he just, like, went in and just grabbed her and kissed her. His story was that she welcomed it. Right. So because he was aggressive with it, like he did, you know, like.

Nicole [00:37:20]: Cause he wanted to try to make it work.

John [00:37:22]: Exactly. So what do I even know? What is the truth now? You know what I'm saying? And how much of it was willing

Nicole [00:37:27]: and how much of it could have smacked him?

John [00:37:29]: Yeah, but like, if someone grabs you real quickly and plants their lips on your face.

Nicole [00:37:33]: Absolutely not.

John [00:37:35]: Can you. Can you. Are you going to be able to react?

Nicole [00:37:37]: Yes, I would push him off of me. Hopefully do that.

John [00:37:39]: Hopefully. I don't know. You know, I'm saying if you can't

Nicole [00:37:42]: smack him because he's coming in too hot, you can push him off of

John [00:37:45]: you if you know it's coming. But. But again, like, it's. It's all of these levels of, like. You see what I'm saying? Like, there's no way to win that situation.

Nicole [00:37:52]: Right, Right.

John [00:37:52]: Like, it's going to cause a bad problem no matter what. So.

Nicole [00:37:55]: Yeah.

John [00:37:56]: So don't do it. It doesn't make any sense.

Nicole [00:37:58]: No.

John [00:37:58]: Let me see some of the stuff that we had on here. It's like some of the talking points. Okay. He stole your woman passing a trap no, he didn't, actually, because he just. He wasn't interested in her.

Nicole [00:38:12]: But she kissed him, right?

John [00:38:15]: I don't know. Maybe she kissed him back, maybe she didn't. He says yes, she said no, she pushed him off. Either way, I set the thing up. Right. Which made me a guilty party.

Nicole [00:38:26]: So you end up being like me.

John [00:38:28]: I'm complicit. Right.

Nicole [00:38:29]: We must solve the mystery.

John [00:38:31]: Passing a trap is not the same thing as being trustworthy. I think that's true as well.

Nicole [00:38:37]: Yeah. Because you can pass the test, but you could still. You could already have a girlfriend, and that's why you don't. Because you like that girlfriend.

John [00:38:44]: Yeah. Or. Yeah, or maybe you don't like that girl or whatever. Or maybe the circumstance is one. Or it's like a speed trap. When a cop. And then you see the cop car and you're like, yeah, not this time, sucker.

Nicole [00:38:54]: Yeah. It doesn't actually prove anything, but that's the same thing, is, like, even if they pass, you're still gonna have. Now are you gonna keep doing it because you still don't feel good? You still don't feel like you have the answer. You don't just do it one time, and then you're done.

John [00:39:07]: Yeah. Yeah. So loyalty test is manufactured temptation sold as clarity. It may catch bad behavior, but it also turns the relationship into a sting operation.

Nicole [00:39:16]: Yeah.

John [00:39:16]: So there's a little bit background information. So. Yeah. So paid testers, DM partners through Instagram, TikTok dating apps, and fake accounts services marketed with discretion, anxiety relief, and proof. But then, like I was saying, creators turn it in private. Insecurity into screenshots, cliffhangers, and public humiliation. Right. But there's some data here. So 57% of young women and 44% of young men say infidelity in committed relationships is extremely or very common in society. Pew reports says that 42% of young women in relationships reported snooping on a partner's phone without their knowledge. See if they're listening, they're smart. They should do it. 20% of men and 13% of women reported sex with someone other than their spouse while married.

Nicole [00:40:09]: They reported it. Probably people that didn't report it.

John [00:40:12]: Right, Right. So. Yeah, but. But yeah, but I mean, I think that's. That's the thing is, like, you can't. You can't know for, like, you. You have to actually have real evidence, not manufacturing things.

Nicole [00:40:28]: Yeah. I think you can't allow, like, as women again, because we're mostly talking about women paying other women to slide in their Guys, dms you, even if you're afraid of what might be happening, like you said, you can't go and pay this woman to DM your guy. Cause you won't actually get an answer. Even if you get an answer, you still won't have the answers. It doesn't really resolve your anxiety problems. It really doesn't make you feel like you trust him more. It doesn't do any of the things that you think it will do.

John [00:41:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:01]: You can't control this. You can't control. I can't control you. Like, I believe that you wouldn't do those things to me, but I. There's no way for me to actually know. Even if I paid someone else to slide in your DMs, or whatever, that would. That wouldn't. That wouldn't solve any problem.

John [00:41:23]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:24]: So you can't allow the fear of being cheated on or what your partner's doing. Like, if you're at a level where you want to pay somebody.

John [00:41:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:34]: Because you have some sort of suspicion. Or you just, like, don't trust the guy you're with. Just break up with him. Because obviously you're at a point where, if you're willing to, like, the things that do a sting operation, go undercover now, you're going to have secrets.

John [00:41:51]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:41:52]: Then you might as well just throw in the towel because it's not worth it. Having fears or insecurities is normal. Talk to your partner about them.

John [00:42:02]: Right.

Nicole [00:42:03]: If you don't believe your partner, that's a bigger problem. You have a trust problem, and you need to figure out where that came from, if it can be resolved or if you need to end the relationship like that. Point blank is how to deal with it. Not doing any of this. And same for men. If you're going to hire somebody to talk to your girl or your friend's like, I bet I could steal your girlfriend. And then you're like, okay, try. You know what I mean? That's not gonna end well. Like you said, it's not gonna be good. Even if she passes, like now, just because your friend even brought that up, you're going to be like, who's going to be doing this? Like, are my other friends going to be trying to, like, do this? Or like, did she just not go for him? And she would kiss someone else because he was really confident.

John [00:42:50]: Right.

Nicole [00:42:51]: Like, that it would happen with her. So it's like, it just doesn't actually solve any of the problems in the relationship that you might be having or the fears. But sometimes it's not even. You don't even have problems in your relationship. It's in your own head as a woman.

John [00:43:05]: Plus, what happens if. If, you know, if he takes the bait and then you bust him and you're like, ah, see, like, I set this up. I paid this girl. And he's like, I know you paid the girl. That's why I gave her my phone number. I gave her the wrong number.

Nicole [00:43:19]: I wouldn't believe that a guy would actually.

John [00:43:21]: But how are you gonna know? He'll be like, yeah, I was pissed off. I actually figured it out. And when I figured out, I decided to play turn the tables on you.

Nicole [00:43:28]: See, now, ladies, definitely don't do it because John just gave all the men that are doing this a way to answer that will just leave you more confused.

John [00:43:38]: But what I'm saying is, if he really is sly and doing stuff behind your back, then he might smell the trap and he might actually turn it on you or whatever. Or even if he didn't smell the trap, he might just be quick to lie and be like, oh, oh, yeah, no, I knew she was a setup. Clearly she was a setup. And that's why I decided to turn it on you. Then how are you. Then what are you gonna do? How could you even counter that? What are you gonna say? How are you gonna prove it?

Nicole [00:44:02]: At that point, definitely, you guys need to break up. Because at this point now you guys hate each other. And you're just like, I'm gonna get you. No, I'm gonna get you. No, I'm gonna get you.

John [00:44:11]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:44:11]: At that point, it's definitely.

John [00:44:12]: Let me see if some of the questions I had here. So is the test itself a betrayal?

Nicole [00:44:17]: Yeah, it is.

John [00:44:20]: What counts as failing? That's a good one. Replying. Flirting, Hiding the relationship, Making plans.

Nicole [00:44:28]: Definitely making plans.

John [00:44:29]: I think even replying, right, like, you know, flirting.

Nicole [00:44:34]: Like, some girls like, hey, you're really cute. And the guy's like, hey, thanks. I'm like, I would be like, why do you need to say thanks?

John [00:44:40]: Yeah. See, some people would be like, oh, I'm just being polite. Right? And so that. But they don't have any intention of cheating, but you set them up into a situation where now you think that's cheating, even though they have no intention, they would never have cheated on you. You see what I'm saying? So, yeah, so that's another bad reason why this is bad. Because different people are going to have different definitions, and you don't know what's actually in their head. Unless you have very conclusive Proof where they, like, set up a date or something like that, then you can't know for real.

Nicole [00:45:07]: I mean, I think if you're communicating with a woman of the opposite sex,

John [00:45:11]: if you follow our rules, that's clear to us. Right. And to like. Yeah, but in most people's world, that's not the reality. So what if her gut is right and he has lied before?

Nicole [00:45:25]: Like I said, if you really feel like you can't trust the guy.

John [00:45:29]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:30]: And you're willing to pay someone to find out, just break up with them.

John [00:45:34]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:45:35]: That's not the person for you. If you're already that far into not being able to trust him, you're too far gone.

John [00:45:42]: Yeah. Do loyalty tests create the exact insecurity they claim to solve?

Nicole [00:45:47]: Yeah, because like I said. Well, like, I think it exists before, obviously, because that's what pushes people to do these things is like, this fear and anxiety and insecurity.

John [00:45:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:45:59]: But then, like I said, once you get your answer, you don't feel better.

John [00:46:04]: Or what if you're like. Like, what if you loyalty test me and then I pass? And then you're like, yeah, but did you want to? Did you want to?

Nicole [00:46:11]: And you know, I was gonna say

John [00:46:12]: that, like, yeah, but did you think she was attractive? Like. Like, it's like all kinds of questions,

Nicole [00:46:18]: but I'm thinking about her.

John [00:46:18]: Exactly. Exactly.

Nicole [00:46:20]: But do you think she's prettier than you?

John [00:46:22]: Are you wishing that you could have done that?

Nicole [00:46:24]: Yeah. Are you sad you're not single?

John [00:46:28]: Yeah. This is. It's just bad idea. Don't do. Would men and women judge the tester differently depending on gender? We talked about this, right? Like, celebrity, right?

Nicole [00:46:38]: Yeah.

John [00:46:39]: So for. It's not the equivalent. So if an attractive guy goes up to your. Your girl and hits on her and she doesn't respond, that doesn't prove shit. It has to be like Leonardo DiCaprio, a rock star. Celebrity really loves you. Yeah. Then, yeah, that's the.

Nicole [00:46:54]: I think women love the men that they're with, if they really are in love with the man more than men give them credit for.

John [00:47:00]: No, I agree. I do agree. I do agree with that. Right.

Nicole [00:47:03]: Because I do think, you know, if

John [00:47:05]: your girl is a hoe, you know, like, you know, like, you just know.

Nicole [00:47:09]: Well, it's the same sort of thing that if a man's not happy, even though he says he's happy, like, you can kind of tell that it's easier to tell he would run off if the right opportunity, it's easier to tell

John [00:47:20]: If a woman's a cheater than it is to tell if a man's a cheater, right? Because it's true. Because a man can have a perfectly happy relationship and he'll cheat, right? We talked about this many times before, right? Because it's just sex to him. He's just like, whatever. He's, you know, like, that's how men look at it, right? Whereas a woman who's a cheater, she's got her pictures on Instagram, she's going to the club with her friends, she's doing stuff that is very obvious to me that she's a cheater. Right? Like, she's not being modest. She's wearing stuff that is inappropriate and going places where. Where. Where there's these possibilities, right? Like, that's. It's very. To. I guess I say to me, because I have had a lot of guys I've coached where they're like, oh, I can't believe that my girlfriend cheated on me. I had no idea. And I'm like, when I dig into it, I would have told you for sure that this was happening. But what I'm saying is it is way easier to figure out if a woman is a cheater than a man. Because.

Nicole [00:48:25]: Which is why women will pay other women to slide in the men's DMs. That's why it exists. It's not a good thing to do, but that's why it exists. That's precisely why. Because as a woman, you don't know. As a woman, you think that everything's fine, you love the man you're with. And that's why women are so afraid and why they let their fear spiral out of control and cause them to maybe make poor decisions, like hiring someone to figure this out. Because you don't really feel safe as a woman. Because like you just said, a man could tell you he loves you and he could be home. And then you're like, how the heck did you even find time to cheat on me? What did you do? And the man will still find time, even if you're like, he's with me all the time. He found some way. He figured it out. So that is why these things even exist. It's not the right thing to do again. It's better to just leave. It's better to not become the thing that you're trying to protect yourself from.

John [00:49:29]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:30]: Because that's what you end up doing when you hire somebody. But I'm just giving the perspective of why this all even.

John [00:49:39]: Yeah. And I get what. What you're trying to solve by doing it, but it does not solve.

Nicole [00:49:43]: No, it doesn't.

John [00:49:44]: Like, proving that you're untrustworthy in order to prove someone else is untrustworthy is not a good. Not a good plan.

Nicole [00:49:50]: Right.

John [00:49:52]: It's not going to be a good conversation when you. If they do pass. And then you have to now tell them what you did.

Nicole [00:49:59]: That's very true.

John [00:49:59]: Which you have to do, right? Otherwise you're definitely untrustworthy. Like, now you're a liar and untrustworthy. You're going to be untrustworthy for sure.

Nicole [00:50:08]: But they're like, but you were untrustworthy first. And then it made me be untrustworthy.

John [00:50:12]: And yeah, actually, they have a way out too. They can say, hey, well, you. You did something untrustworthy. So. So it is kind of hard. I mean, I. It's not of the same level, but I am saying that, like, if you do this, that is untrustworthy, and then they respond in an untrustworthy way. It's really hard for the kettle to call the pot black in that case. Right? It's like, okay, well, like, we're both liars.

Nicole [00:50:37]: But if you were doing shady stuff and it just confirmed it, it's like,

John [00:50:40]: yeah, but then find the shady stuff. Actually, like, you know, rather than, I agree.

Nicole [00:50:45]: But it doesn't cancel it out.

John [00:50:46]: It doesn't.

Nicole [00:50:47]: Because someone was doing something bad before. I'm not saying that this isn't bad, but you can't nullify, which a lot of men like to do when they do something bad. And someone had to do something.

John [00:50:57]: But you're giving them the way to do it, is what I'm saying. You're creating the way to make the argument be like, well, I mean, you did something bad to me, right?

Nicole [00:51:08]: Don't give them the argument.

John [00:51:09]: Yeah, don't. Don't do it. Just actually catch someone.

Nicole [00:51:10]: It's not the same, but it's not good either.

John [00:51:12]: If you're really trying to catch someone, it's not hard to catch someone. Like, it is really not hard to catch someone. If you really suspect, then go find it. You can catch them. Like I said, covert operation. Look at the phone, right? Tail them for a day and figure out where they go.

Nicole [00:51:26]: Tail them. Do private investigators. How is that no different, though, huh?

John [00:51:32]: Because it's real life. It's not actually setting them up. It's just watching what they're doing.

Nicole [00:51:36]: Okay, but you wouldn't feel betrayed if I had someone follow you around?

John [00:51:40]: I would not. Like, I would. I'd be like, I would totally expect you to do that anyway. No, I would. I wouldn't expect you to do that, but I would think that's crazy. I would think it would be funny if you had someone follow me around.

Nicole [00:51:53]: I'd be following him.

John [00:51:55]: Like, all he does is talk to his AI all the time with my. Just. Like, he's just talking with AI.

Nicole [00:51:58]: I'd be like the you guy. What's his name in this show? You.

John [00:52:03]: Oh. Oh, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

Nicole [00:52:05]: But I would be him.

John [00:52:06]: Yeah, exactly. Following around. But, yeah, no, I mean, if you want to figure it out, like, you can figure it out. I don't think it's very hard to figure it out.

Nicole [00:52:13]: That's true.

John [00:52:14]: But that's real life. That's different than setting something.

Nicole [00:52:16]: I think hiring a private investigator is pretty insane as well. I think also, if you want to hire a private investigator, you should also probably break up.

John [00:52:24]: That's how I would handle it if I suspected. Right. If I was in a situation where I was in a relationship with a woman that I was thinking about marrying, proposing to, but I had a sneaking suspicion, then I would hire a private investigator just to.

Nicole [00:52:41]: Then wouldn't you not want to marry her? Like, wouldn't you be, like, having a conversation?

John [00:52:45]: Yeah, but what if it's some kind of just like, little weird thing that you can't figure out? I don't know.

Nicole [00:52:51]: I didn't understand.

John [00:52:53]: Oh, yeah, definitely. I did the whole background search on you. Like, everything. No, no, I didn't. Because I didn't.

Nicole [00:53:01]: Like, I'm learning this here right now.

John [00:53:02]: Yeah, you're learning the.

Nicole [00:53:04]: Great.

John [00:53:04]: Yeah. Let me pull out the dossier I have on you. Here you go. See all the profile? Yeah. So, all right. I think that. I think that pretty much covers it, though.

Nicole [00:53:13]: Yeah, I think so.

John [00:53:14]: So for our segment, for our. We've been gone. We've been traveling for family. Yeah. I can't think of really anything except that I called Toto retarded.

Nicole [00:53:27]: Yeah.

John [00:53:28]: And then I apologize for it.

Nicole [00:53:29]: He did. Which was very good. He did a very good job doing that. I'm like, our dog's back legs don't really work.

John [00:53:38]: No. It makes me such a bad. Did you tell everyone that? Okay.

Nicole [00:53:41]: Yeah, because I was upset. Her dog's back legs don't really work anymore. She's literally going to the neurologist on Wednesday. And so her bowel movements and things are a little bit sporadic. And then John was mean to her. It made me sad.

John [00:54:02]: I just said that she was retarded.

Nicole [00:54:04]: Which it was not nice because you

John [00:54:05]: just took her out the way you

Nicole [00:54:06]: said it was not nice every time

John [00:54:07]: you took her inside. Then she would poop in the house after. So it was. I apologize for it.

Nicole [00:54:13]: He did apologize.

John [00:54:14]: I said that I am retarded instead, which is partially true.

Nicole [00:54:21]: You did make amends, which was good.

John [00:54:24]: Yeah. So.

Nicole [00:54:25]: But just bear with Toto, okay? I was like, if I had.

John [00:54:31]: Couldn't use my life.

Nicole [00:54:33]: Do you call me names?

John [00:54:37]: Yeah. No. No, I wouldn't, but.

Nicole [00:54:39]: Well, you heard it here. He said, yeah, but, yeah, I would

John [00:54:45]: be like, come here, my little gimpy.

Nicole [00:54:47]: And then I poop on you and you have to still love me.

John [00:54:51]: That's true.

Nicole [00:54:52]: But, yeah.

John [00:54:53]: So that's a test. Poop on your partner. See if they see how they would handle it. If you're debilitated and can control your bowels, what happens?

Nicole [00:55:05]: We'll have to try that and let them know how it goes.

John [00:55:11]: All right, that's it for this week. Follow us at or email us@betterthanperfectpodcastmail.com if you've got a question.

Nicole [00:55:18]: Yeah.

John [00:55:19]: And you can check out the website betterthanperfectpod.com subscribe on there.

Nicole [00:55:25]: Apple Review or Spotify? Does Spotify do reviews?

John [00:55:28]: Yeah, they have reviews. Do reviews. Those are good.

Nicole [00:55:31]: Share. Like share. Subscribe. Yeah, all the things.

John [00:55:35]: All right, we'll see you next week. Bye.