John [00:00:00]: What does a successful guy, a player, want that he doesn't have in his life?

Nicole [00:00:04]: Love. Well, see, men don't care about love. Is that what it all boils down to?

John [00:00:10]: Yeah. I mean, yes. Right?

Nicole [00:00:11]: But men don't care about love.

John [00:00:13]: No, no, no, no. I'm not saying men don't care about love.

Nicole [00:00:15]: You just said yes.

John [00:00:16]: No, no.

Nicole [00:00:16]: Men are so complicated. They act like women.

John [00:00:19]: It's not that complicated.

Nicole [00:00:20]: I said in the first one that men are the rogue ones. Men ruin everything.

John [00:00:24]: I can predict a man's behavior.

Nicole [00:00:26]: Oh, Lord.

John [00:00:27]: Beyond the perfect we discovered through we complete each other.

Nicole [00:00:34]: Better than perfect.

John [00:00:36]: We stay through every fault we find.

Nicole [00:00:41]: No way.

John [00:00:43]: All right, welcome to the Better than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship. Relationship.

Nicole [00:00:53]: That's right.

John [00:00:54]: And we crush dreams. We crushed the dreams. Here we're back with part two of Dream Crushing.

Nicole [00:00:59]: We'll see if John can turn this around, because I'm not. Again, feeling very hopeful.

John [00:01:04]: Well, okay, so in the first episode last week, if you haven't watched it, check it out. We posed a question. Would a woman prefer a man who's broke but faithful versus a man who's rich but not faithful? There's a cheater. And we talked about that and went off into a few different rabbit trails about biology. But the big thing that you're leaving it with was. Was what? Like, kind of gloom and doom for women. Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:34]: I mean, I understand why women don't want to date. Like, I would just be single if I felt like most men, if they had the option, are gonna cheat. Like, some women are saying they'd go for the rich guy because all men are going to cheat anyway. But that's also seems like it would be a sad existence. I guess my thing is I'd rather, like, be alone and enjoy my life and not have to worry about a man.

John [00:02:00]: Right.

Nicole [00:02:01]: Like, doing those sort of things. If I were in that position, then, like, just be with a man for his money and not care if he cheats or not. Because then it's like you're. You're either gonna probably end up cheating.

John [00:02:15]: Right.

Nicole [00:02:15]: And then it's basically going to be an open relationship, which aren't. They don't work very well, honestly.

John [00:02:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:02:22]: Unless it's just a business deal. Yeah, yeah. Or you're gonna be so unhappy but have money, which is not gonna make you happy. Like, yes, you'll survive. You'll be able to do more things. Like I mentioned in the other Episode.

John [00:02:39]: Right?

Nicole [00:02:39]: But you won't be happy. Whereas if you're single, you're making however much money you wanna make based on your ambition, you're living how you wanna live, and you don't have to worry about someone cheating on you behind your back. So.

John [00:02:53]: Yeah, well, I think the key is what you said, which is relationship. And I think, like, what we were talking about in the previous episode was like the basic biology, like, what will women like? There's two things. The basic biology of what women are inclined to do and men are inclined to do by their biology and then what women will choose. So it's a choice. If you're choosing the rich guy that will cheat on you, that's a choice that you're making. You don't have to make that choice. But then I think the key is what you just said, which is relationship, which is. That is the thing that supersedes those. Those other things, right? So in all the situations in which, which that, that. That are the bad situations, like the rich guy that cheats or whatever, like all these, these situations, it is a situation where their relationship is not. Aspect is not there. Right? Like, obviously a woman, that is what the guy, for his money, doesn't care if he cheats, is not investing into a relationship and is not requiring that guy to invest into a relationship. Like, that relationship doesn't really exist. It's a. It's a transaction to a degree. It becomes more transactional of a relationship. But that's why, like, what we're doing on this podcast is teaching people to have better than perfect relationships. Those relationships are the thing that binds the two together. Right? And those things are stronger. And so there is hope in the sense that, like, you have to. This is why even, like, the things that we say on the podcast that people don't like, like the six rules for the relationship and like no 5050 relationship. And that you have to have a modern, traditional relationship where the man is the leader and the woman follows that man's lead and trusts that leadership. These are all core fundamental things that people don't like to hear, but they also create the foundation that overrides the biology that creates the depth of connection and intimacy, that creates a bond that is much less likely to be broken.

Nicole [00:04:59]: But I still have an issue.

John [00:05:01]: Okay.

Nicole [00:05:02]: And I'm curious to see what you think about this. So I agree with you that when you invest in the relationship and you have those rules and things that we talk about a lot on here, that helps get you to a more invested place and I think as a woman, a man has to be invested in you, period. Like, you should not be in a relationship if you feel like he's not invested in you.

John [00:05:26]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:27]: In whatever way, in multiple ways. It should be multiple ways, but he has to be invested in you. That's the bare minimum. But I do want to bring up that there are men that cheat that say that they're happy with their wives and that they love their wives. So again, like, I'm still not feeling very convinced because one, you said if they could cheat, majority of men would unless they have discipline.

John [00:05:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:59]: And now, which is rare, a lot

John [00:06:01]: of men are going to in the comments disagreeing with me about that.

Nicole [00:06:04]: Well, they're just going to be mad

John [00:06:06]: anyway, but they're not correct. Like, I stand by what I said. Like, I do believe the majority of men, if they had the option, would cheat, because the majority of men don't have the option. And so they don't know. They think that they wouldn't, but they don't have the option.

Nicole [00:06:18]: I guess what would make me feel better is maybe you explaining how a woman could feel safe and secure in her relationship despite these things that you've said that obviously go against it. And like I said that we both know that a man who's in a happy relationship and loves his wife would cheat. So how. I guess that's my thing is like, how can a woman.

John [00:06:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:45]: Like, hear all these things and then you be like, he has to invest. And I agree with you. But there also are men who are invested that cheat as well. So.

John [00:06:53]: Okay, let me start with the easiest one, right? That gives a lot of women a little bit more peace of mind, right? Which is that majority of men that can't cheat won't ever. Because they can't. So. I know, I know. That's not like the. But in reality, if you're married to some dude and he's not super successful, he's just. He's a good guy. You love him, he loves you. He's not going to the bar and women are hitting on him. Whatever. He's not going to the gym. He's. He's just whatever. Then, like, he's not gonna have the option, so he's probably not gonna have the temptation. So there's probably not gonna be a problem. I just wouldn't. I wouldn't take him to Thailand, though.

Nicole [00:07:35]: But see, men might be fine with that. Women are not. I know, but women are not fine with the answer of, like, I got that. He can't. So Be happy that he can't.

John [00:07:45]: I know, I know. But like, but that's a majority of men and majority of relationships. And so the thing is, is it's like you're going to be ignorantly.

Nicole [00:07:56]: You have not made it any better

John [00:07:59]: for you because you, you're, you understand all this. But for the majority of women, right, that are just in a relationship with a regular dude, right?

Nicole [00:08:07]: And like, I'll be fine knowing that he just can never get laid. So they're, they're like, well, I guess

John [00:08:12]: I'm safe, but they don't even know that. But that's like, that's the, the safety net. Most of the time that's going to just be fine, right? Because there's no risk of that happening

Nicole [00:08:23]: until he glows up or something.

John [00:08:25]: Okay? That's, that's the risk if you got to keep him down, see, got to keep him fat, feed him a lot of food, just feed him, cook for

Nicole [00:08:36]: making this better for women.

John [00:08:39]: That's why women used to like, that's why women used to fatten their husbands up, you know, that's like in the old country, like give them a lot of food so that he's, you know, gets nice and fat. No.

Nicole [00:08:48]: Okay, that one didn't help. Okay, so next one.

John [00:08:50]: Okay, okay, next one. Is this so successful guys. So, so I said that women should date successful guys, right? Like that. That's true. Right? I know all the haters in the comments, I know they're like, whatever, fuck, fuck you guys. But like just be successful. Like you can do.

Nicole [00:09:07]: Just be successful.

John [00:09:08]: Yeah. I mean, it's not that hard. It's not that high of a bar. Most men aren't even trying to. Right. They're just watching porn and like doing whatever and like wasting their time. Exactly. I'm not saying you can't play video games and I'm not saying, well, whatever.

Nicole [00:09:21]: But, but, no, you are saying but,

John [00:09:23]: but, but be successful. Like, and then do it, right? Like if any man today that wants to be successful and dedicates his life to being successful can. It's not a high bar. It's not like we live in the middle evil times where like you're a peasant and so, well, you look like

Nicole [00:09:40]: you're in the medieval times.

John [00:09:41]: I am in the medieval times. But, but what I'm saying is I. So I said women should date successful guys, right?

Nicole [00:09:46]: Yeah.

John [00:09:47]: So what does a successful guy, a player guy, want that he doesn't have in his life?

Nicole [00:09:55]: Love. Well, see, men don't care about love. Is that What? It all boils down to yes.

John [00:10:03]: Yes. I mean. I mean yes, right?

Nicole [00:10:04]: But men don't care about love.

John [00:10:06]: No, no, no, no. I'm not saying men don't care about love.

Nicole [00:10:08]: You just said yes.

John [00:10:09]: No, no. I was saying yes, that love is so complicated.

Nicole [00:10:14]: They act like women.

John [00:10:15]: It's not that.

Nicole [00:10:16]: I said in the first one that men are the rogue ones. Men ruin everything.

John [00:10:20]: I can predict the man's behavior, okay?

Nicole [00:10:23]: Oh, Lord.

John [00:10:24]: So what. What is. What is he missing from his life? The player dude, right? He's got money, he's got women.

Nicole [00:10:29]: I obviously don't know.

John [00:10:31]: What is he missing?

Nicole [00:10:31]: I don't. I said love, and you said partially love.

John [00:10:34]: Let's say partially. But what else?

Nicole [00:10:36]: Companionship.

John [00:10:38]: Okay? But he has companionship for the night or whatever. He can have women around him if he wants.

Nicole [00:10:43]: I don't know. Then, okay, I'm not a man.

John [00:10:46]: Right? He's missing, right? The rocket fuel in his rocket, right? He's missing the woman, the support. The support, right? He's missing the woman who stands behind him, who, like, supports him, who, like, you know, who is like his. Who assists him in his life, right? Who trusts him, who follows his leadership, like, who respects him. Right? Those are the things that he's. He's missing because the random women that he's having sex with, they're not really. That. They're not really like. Like, I respect this guy so much. Like, I would follow this guy. They're like, this guy, he has money, right? Like, and he's charming, right? But what I'm saying is that that's what he's missing, right? From life. Because you can have all the money, you can be successful, but if you don't have a good woman in your life, in fact.

Nicole [00:11:36]: But cheat on that woman too.

John [00:11:38]: Majority of men that are successful have a woman in their life backing them, right?

Nicole [00:11:42]: Yeah, we already talked about this at one point.

John [00:11:44]: Okay, But.

Nicole [00:11:45]: But he will still cheat on that woman potentially.

John [00:11:48]: But it's less likely if a man had all the options and then he chose one that he would cheat. Right? But also, then that becomes the. The relationship. The depth of the relationship that. That she builds with that man. Right? Like, okay, like, take. Take my situation, right? Like, like me, I've already been the. The cheater guy, right? Like, we don't have time to get into the whole story, but I repented and that was. There's a complicated situation. I don't condone it.

Nicole [00:12:16]: You can go look at the episodes.

John [00:12:17]: Yeah, but, you know, and I was a player and did all the pickup stuff and all that stuff, so. And coached it. Right? So that's why I'm coming from this background. But. But, like, you take my situation with you. Like, we have a public podcast. Yeah, that's. That's a good insurance. But, you know, on relationships, that's also good insurance. But.

Nicole [00:12:36]: So, yeah, if John does something stupid.

John [00:12:39]: Aren't you that guy from that podcast? Like. No, I don't know what you're talking about.

Nicole [00:12:43]: And against all the men in the world podcast.

John [00:12:47]: But, like, you, like, back me, support me, right? Like, you make me better, right? I. I recognize the value that you bring to my life because I see it every day, right? I see the person that you are. I see how you help me when I'm struggling. Right? I see how you have my back when nobody else does. You. You give me what I need to be the man to be a better man. You make me better because I'm with you.

Nicole [00:13:24]: And that's cute. Okay? You're the only good man left. Sorry. And Rodrigo.

John [00:13:30]: But you see, like, that is an immeasurable value that you bring to my life. And because of that, I wouldn't throw that away. It would be. I would lose everything if I lost you. You know what I'm saying? And would get my banana chopper gone. Yeah, Kendall, But. But that's. That's the thing. That's what's powerful, right? And so that's the best guarantee, the best. Right. That you can possibly have is being that kind of woman for a man that's already successful, that already has all of these things, but he knows that his life is better because of you because you make him a better man, because you make. Make him stronger, because you're the rocket fuel in his rocket. Yeah, he can't get that from anywhere else.

Nicole [00:14:22]: But what if a woman's been that for a man and then he cheated on her, and then now she's, like, jaded and, like, hardened because of it.

John [00:14:31]: But maybe she hasn't been that for him. Maybe she's tried to be that for him in the same way that men say when a woman leaves and gets a divorce and she's. And he's like, I worked. I provided money and food and clothing, and I took the kids to baseball games and did all the right things, but then he didn't actually, like, have a real, like, intimate relationship with her and see her and appreciate her and validate her emotions and do those other things that are more important to her. And so maybe the woman's like, well, I Paid. I worked a job while he was going through medical school, and, like, I was there and doing all these things. But did she respect him? Did she make him feel like the man? Did she make him feel like the leader, that she trusted his judgment? You see what I'm saying? Because those are the things that actually matter at the end of the day. Right. Like, for a man. That's what matters to me. That's why you're so important to me and so critical to my life, is because you make me better.

Nicole [00:15:30]: Yeah.

John [00:15:30]: Do you understand what I'm saying? So that's.

Nicole [00:15:32]: That's why I understand what you're saying, and that's fair to say.

John [00:15:34]: And I'm not saying that some people

Nicole [00:15:36]: don't realize that they're not doing what actually makes their partner feel supported or valued. So.

John [00:15:43]: So. And that's why we're doing this podcast, too. So you can see what that is, you know, so people can see what that is.

Nicole [00:15:48]: Well, you've given me a little hope after all the nice things that you said.

John [00:15:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:52]: But I still think that's hard to find. You know? Like, I think it's like finding a needle in a haystack today.

John [00:16:01]: Right. Right.

Nicole [00:16:02]: Like, at least you gave me some hope that there are some men like you out there that feel the same way that you feel and want that and would value that over variety, over, like, going back out in the field and having whatever woman you want, whenever you want. Multiple women.

John [00:16:19]: Like, but you build that. So it's. It is something that. That you're to a degree in control of because you build that. You choose to invest and have that kind of relationship and to build those things and to understand and to study. How many women actually study a man to find out what he wants?

Nicole [00:16:36]: Yeah.

John [00:16:36]: No, no, no. One. That all women or not all women, but most women are reading relationship books about what they want, not about what. How they can give it to the man. They're not reading the Surrendered Wife or, you know, or the Queen Code or those books that we recommend. Like, those are books that will help a woman to create that kind of relationship. Like, because they're all just thinking, what. What do I want? Like, how does man need to be for me? Instead of realizing, how should I show up for this? More women did that. I'm not saying that. That it's like, men are not responsible for cheating, but I'm saying that they could create what they actually want and have the security that they want.

Nicole [00:17:17]: Which I think that. I think you're right. I'm not saying you're not right, but I think they focus more on trying to find the right man because it is hard to find the right man. And you're telling them to go after the minority of men, Right? All women to go after the minority. And that's going to be hard. But I agree with you that I don't think women know how to lift men up because as a society, majority of women are tearing men down.

John [00:17:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:46]: And so I do agree with you that women should take the time to read those books because especially if you found a good man that you do trust and you want to be with, right? And is a needle in a haystack, you do need to build that man up and be his rocket fuel and support him. And so I agree that that is important and I do think it doesn't get talked about as much because as a society, we're just used to in general tearing each other down. But women definitely tear men down and men definitely tear women down.

John [00:18:20]: Yeah, yeah. And it's like, I mean, because a lot of women are frog farming, right? The Queen's Code is the book we're talking about here. The other one is the Surrendered Wife and the Empowered Wife. Those are the three books that you should read as a woman. But like, think about how rare that is, right? For a man to find a woman that actively respects him, treats him as a leader, like, understands what he wants and tries to provide that for him. Like, is trying to be that. Right?

Nicole [00:18:53]: I'll tell you why it's rare, right?

John [00:18:54]: Why?

Nicole [00:18:55]: Because majority of men would cheat if they could. How can you respect men? I'm not saying that they shouldn't, but how can you respect men as a collective if a majority of them would cheat if they would. And as a woman, you're supposed to be okay or happy that your man can't get women, so you're fine.

John [00:19:19]: That's the frog farmer though, right? Remember, the Queen's Code is like, if you come in with that premise and you treat men that way, you're going to get that you're frog farming, you're creating the frogs, Right? Whereas if you take a man, like, and you take, if you take a

Nicole [00:19:36]: man, but what if you actually are meeting frogs? Like, yes, I agree. Like, I'm not saying that women should focus on this, but at the same time, like, you know, like, it's really hard, right? As a woman, when you've been in relationships, you've been cheated on.

John [00:19:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:56]: But okay, and I'm not saying to, to have like A negative view of men. But it is hard. Just like men have a hard time finding a positive view of women when they've experienced women doing negative things to them. I'm not saying that's the right way to be. And I do think you should. Like, women should read those books. I'm not saying they shouldn't. But it is still really hard to hear that a majority of men would cheat if they could. That's really hard to hear. And I think that if I sat here and was like, a majority of women would cheat if they could.

John [00:20:32]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:20:33]: It's different. I get that before all the men are like, it's different. Women can get laid whenever they want to. I understand all those points. So that's what I'm saying.

John [00:20:42]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:43]: Do you think men would be like, no, we need to focus on the positive of women. When I'm sitting here telling you a majority of women would cheat or a majority of women just want your money and they're going to divorce you.

John [00:20:57]: We know that's not a case. That a majority of women would cheat because they can. Because all women can and they don't. So that just seals the deal that men cheat more than women opportunistically. Right.

Nicole [00:21:11]: I'm just saying.

John [00:21:12]: But the thing is, even if you say a majority of men would cheat. Sure, if they could. However, a majority of men do not have a woman that respects them, that gives them all of those things that I talked about that you give me. And if they had that, then they wouldn't even if they could.

Nicole [00:21:28]: For sure.

John [00:21:29]: For sure.

Nicole [00:21:31]: I guess. How can you explain, like, I believe you, but can you explain, like, why that is?

John [00:21:41]: I'll tell you. I'll tell you why.

Nicole [00:21:43]: Like, solidifying the relationship.

John [00:21:45]: Because one thing about men that's biologically kind of wired into men is protection. Protecting the people that are. That they are responsible for.

Nicole [00:21:57]: So can I do a little side note, though?

John [00:21:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:59]: If that's true, why would you cheat on somebody? Because that's not protecting the person.

John [00:22:03]: Exactly. That's exactly where I'm going.

Nicole [00:22:04]: Okay, sorry.

John [00:22:06]: So a man will fiercely protect his child. You do not want to. With a man's child. Right. He will kill for his child. Right. Not so much for his wife. Why? Because she hasn't created. Because he doesn't really feel like he's the leader. He doesn't really feel like she respects him. He doesn't really feel like he's in, like, in charge of her. Like, in. In the sense of. When I say charge, I mean in Charge, but also, I mean, like, responsible for it. Responsible that she's in his charge. And so if a woman has put everything into a man. And when I say everything, I don't mean what women think is everything. It's not what women think is everything. I'm talking about really respecting, trusting, you know, like relying on the man's leadership, putting your hands into, you know, your life into his hands. He's way more likely to not do something that would harm that person. Now, again, it doesn't guarantee. There's no guarantee. I'm not saying. But I'm saying that biologically, that instinct of protection, women have to know how to trigger that in a man. Right. And that is being helpless in the sense that like.

Nicole [00:23:25]: Like needing him.

John [00:23:26]: Yeah, Needing him. Need. You know, I'm saying, like, if. If a man feels like, oh, this woman doesn't need me, then he's much more likely to be like, well, it doesn't matter if I cheat on her, because it doesn't matter that much. I'm not. Like, it's so much of a greater offense to imagine because he doesn't feel like he needs to protect her. And she's like, I don't need you to protect me. She's giving that signal to him that, I don't need you. I don't need you to protect me. I got myself. So then why would he have that? It's not triggering that protection instinct. And this is not happening at a cognitive level. It's happening at a subconscious, biological level. That's where these things are occurring.

Nicole [00:24:09]: I guess I just assume that men's need to protect was not like, tit for tat. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like women's biological desire to nurture is not like, oh, I'm gonna nurture you because you're my dog. Like, yes, you're gonna nurture your dog. Cause that's your dog. But if some random dog on the street came up to you, you're not gonna not nurture it because it's not your dog.

John [00:24:34]: No, but if you have to choose between the two and you only have enough food for one. You know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:24:41]: Like, which I get that, but I.

John [00:24:43]: But women are less tribal.

Nicole [00:24:44]: I'm just confused that it's like, you wouldn't just protect.

John [00:24:48]: Right. Women are less tribal. Yeah. I think men in general will protect people, but they will fiercely protect their tribe.

Nicole [00:24:58]: But you feel like your wife's not your tribe.

John [00:25:00]: Not if she's not acting like your tribe. If you're not the leader.

Nicole [00:25:03]: But even if you committed to her and you married her.

John [00:25:05]: Yeah, but it doesn't matter. Like, she has to choose. It's like we had the one episode where we were talking about a man being in charge, essentially. And I was saying that, like, well, we talked about protection there. And I said, okay, let's say that you're in a safe house, right? And I'm the police officer or whatever in charge of, like, when is protection protecting you? And I'm like, okay, I need you to stay in this house and you go out there, and then you don't get. And then you're not protected. I'm offering my protection. But. But you have to. You have to be in my kingdom. I protect the people in my kingdom. If you're like, I can do whatever the fuck I want. You're not my king. You. You don't tell me what to do. Then I'm not protecting you. Like, you. In order to get my protection, you have to be in my kingdom. I protect the people that are in

Nicole [00:25:51]: my kingdom, which I get that. But that is still your wife. You did still marry that person. You did still make a commitment to that person.

John [00:25:57]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:25:57]: And so, like, by just choosing that, you don't want to protect them anymore.

John [00:26:03]: It's not even a choice. It's a subconscious thing. But you're right in the sense that you still have an obligation. But it feels like an obligation and a commitment. As opposed to an instinctual drive, which because you're trying to override one instinctual drive, you need a stronger other one. Right. I think that's what it comes down to. The instinctual drive is man sees attractive woman, he wants to mate with that woman. Right. The instinctual drive that you're overcoming with another instinctual drive is a drive to protect. That one is stronger, but it has to be triggered, and it's only going to be triggered by someone who he feels like is actually in his kingdom, is actually someone who. Who actually sees him as the leader who's depending on. On this man.

Nicole [00:26:44]: Yeah, Right.

John [00:26:45]: Not from financial perspective.

Nicole [00:26:47]: And I'm not trying to argue that that point is wrong, because you're right. It is something that I feel like women are lacking these days because they haven't read the books and they don't really know how to treat a man that they do value and respect. Like, not fully. They don't know how to relinquish control to that man, you know, or let go of it and allow a man to lead. So I do agree with that. I'm just saying that, like, I think if you made a commitment and you're not feeling like you want to protect that person, there needs to be a conversation.

John [00:27:23]: Yeah. There's no excuse.

Nicole [00:27:24]: There needs to be like, a dissolving of the commitment, AKA a divorce.

John [00:27:30]: Right.

Nicole [00:27:30]: If you don't want to protect that person and, like, you would just go cheat, which would obviously not protect that

John [00:27:37]: person, there's what should happen, is there? And then there's what does happen. Right. So it's like, what should happen. I agree with 100, but you're talking to the wrong audience because, like, the woman who's trying to build security in her relationship, it doesn't matter if you tell her that her man should hear this thing that you're saying.

Nicole [00:27:58]: Yeah.

John [00:27:58]: It's more.

Nicole [00:27:59]: So that's what I'm saying is men should hear this. Men stop. Like, men need to grow a pair and get a divorce and the relationship, rather than cheating. Like, let's be real. Like, that happens a lot.

John [00:28:12]: Right.

Nicole [00:28:12]: And then men tried to act like, oh, well, I didn't want to hurt anybody. That's like, that is. I mean, I. It must come from where he doesn't want to protect the woman anymore. But, like, you know, like, there's no world where I believe that men genuinely think that cheating on someone is not going to hurt that person.

John [00:28:35]: Yeah. I think it's just not considered.

Nicole [00:28:38]: Right. Which is up.

John [00:28:39]: Right. Well, but.

Nicole [00:28:40]: Sorry.

John [00:28:40]: But it's like if you're. If you don't feel considered, then you don't feel the need to consider. Right. Like, that's general. How.

Nicole [00:28:47]: But that's immature.

John [00:28:48]: It's immature. It's not correct. Right. I'm not saying that any of these things are correct. I'm just saying, like, again, you can, like, fight the way that things work and say they should be this way, which I will agree with you. Or you can look at the way that things actually work and then figure out how to operate within that.

Nicole [00:29:04]: I can look at the way things actually work. But the thing is that, like, this has to be talked about. Like, it can't be just like, well, this is how things work. Like, no, like, they work that way because we've allowed them to work this way. So, like, the cheating thing, like, being like, well, he's not considered. So he's not considering. Like, if you're not considering someone, then why would you not just get a divorce?

John [00:29:27]: I agree. That's fine. But. But the. But which is more compelling, those words to tell a man that, okay. Some men will listen, most will not. Right. Because they're going to do what they want to do. Or a woman that inspires that protective instinct within the man.

Nicole [00:29:44]: Right.

John [00:29:44]: That's the more point.

Nicole [00:29:46]: But also, like, I'm not just going to act like this is fine. This is how it is. Are you going to fight against it or not? Like, the issue actually is that this stuff though, is giving men a bad name and it is causing more problems for themselves. Like, it is. It's all connected. Like, I agree, like, women need to learn how to uplift a man and support a man.

John [00:30:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:08]: I'm not arguing that whatsoever. That's very important. And it's one of the biggest things here.

John [00:30:13]: Right.

Nicole [00:30:14]: Like you said, to combat against all this stuff that we're talking about. And it is the glimmer of hope that women have because they can be that woman. However, I am tired of men being like, this is how men are. This is how we're wired. And then they do crappy things and women get upset about them. Rightfully so. And so women don't want to deal with men. And then it just goes around in circles and then we're like, well, this is how men are. That's. That's why women don't want to deal with men.

John [00:30:42]: Oh, yeah, but that's like. But this is how women are and this is why men don't want to deal with women. And then you get into the whole thing where guys are mgtow and they're like, this is. This is how women are. Are all awol. All women are like that. Right. Like, this is like, it's the same cycle. So it can't. That can never be the solution.

Nicole [00:30:59]: But men don't care about love, so that doesn't really even matter.

John [00:31:02]: I didn't.

Nicole [00:31:03]: Men.

John [00:31:03]: No, no, I didn't say that men don't care about love.

Nicole [00:31:06]: What did you say? It was something along those lines.

John [00:31:07]: I said that was not the primary thing that men are missing from their life. That wasn't the. Like, it was the other pieces that I told you. Right. Like love also is part of it. That is true. But you know, they don't put as much investment into it as women does. As woman does. Well, because a man can feel like he has love and be with other women at the same time. A man can. A man can feel like that how a ton of men do.

Nicole [00:31:33]: Because I'm not saying that they don't, but how can you explain how. Because women don't understand this either.

John [00:31:38]: Yeah, yeah. This is a hard One for a woman to understand. I don't think it's even necessary for a woman to understand it. But, but in the sense that a man doesn't think like, of some woman that he has sex with necessarily of anything that just, he just had sex with her. So why. It doesn't affect his, in his mind, his relationship with the woman that he loves, because he doesn't love that woman.

Nicole [00:32:03]: How? Because he's entering another human being.

John [00:32:06]: It's just a physical biological process to him. He's just.

Nicole [00:32:09]: So men don't take sex seriously.

John [00:32:14]: Not enough do. Right. Like that. Like, you're correct. Like, that's probably the root of it. But that, but that's how psychologically that men think.

Nicole [00:32:24]: But men should take it seriously, even from a biological standpoint, because you can impregnate a woman.

John [00:32:30]: Yeah, yeah, I, I got that and I agree. But that's not what is going on from that, you know, you're asking the question and I'm, I'm telling you how it is. Right.

Nicole [00:32:39]: I'm not fighting against you. I'm just saying, though, that like, again, this is like an answer that you're just answering for the collective. I'm not coming at you. Yeah, yeah, but that's kind of a bullshit answer because if you don't care about sex, you have a sex problem. Like, I know men are biologically more sexual than women. They want to spread their seed. I get that. However, if you view, especially if you're in a relationship, if you view entering another woman as not that big of a deal, you probably have a sex problem. You're either addicted to sex or addicted to porn or, well, some other kind of stuff. Because if it's that nonchalant while you're in a relationship. Yeah, that's a problem.

John [00:33:24]: I, like, I, I, I kind of agree. I think. It's not like, I'm just saying, like, that's kind of like how men could think that way. Right. Like, it doesn't mean that, that they have to, like, have sex with every woman that they see. But I'm just saying that, but you're saying, like, sex addiction. Sex, Sex problem. But I do agree that in general, people take sex too lightly. In, in, in general. Right. Like, that's, that's true. And that contributes to that, that psychology.

Nicole [00:33:54]: Yeah. I mean, when I say sex addiction and things like that, I don't mean you have to have sex with everything, but I mean that, like, your relationship to sex is not.

John [00:34:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:04]: Healthy. Because the thing is biologically right. If you want to go straight biology, which men like to do. Every woman you enter.

John [00:34:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:15]: You should be okay with having a child with.

John [00:34:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:18]: And men don't think like that. So it's not from a biological point.

John [00:34:22]: Yeah, but no, biologically, men don't have to think like that from biology. They don't. Because they, because they can just leave.

Nicole [00:34:28]: They're not attached. But that's also.

John [00:34:30]: Women are attached to the child because they.

Nicole [00:34:32]: Because they.

John [00:34:33]: They birth a child. Exactly. They. They.

Nicole [00:34:35]: Yeah, but men should also be attached to their offspring.

John [00:34:38]: Should. But that's not this whole thing.

Nicole [00:34:42]: And I'm not saying you again, but this looks really bad.

John [00:34:47]: I got it.

Nicole [00:34:47]: Like, it's like, it's like I could.

John [00:34:49]: But I could get why we could do.

Nicole [00:34:51]: They're comparing me to bears because it's like a wild animal. It's like they're just dogs.

John [00:34:56]: We could do a whole episode with the exact reverse standpoint of all the stuff that. That, that are bad about women. And it would be. I mean, believe me, there's all the, the red pill stuff that's out there and the incel stuff and the black pill type of stuff that, that, that is. That has a ton of stuff against women that they could bring up all those arguments. There's no need to do it. But I'm just saying that, like, it's. It exists on both places, so it's

Nicole [00:35:23]: like saying it doesn't. But at the same time, though, like, this all started with a kind of red pill question. I'm not gonna lie.

John [00:35:31]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:35:32]: To try to make women look like they only care about money.

John [00:35:35]: No, no, not to. Not to do that. That's not the purpose of it.

Nicole [00:35:38]: You said majority of women would pick that choice.

John [00:35:40]: Right. That's just understanding the psychology. Like, what would women pick? I mean, that doesn't make.

Nicole [00:35:47]: That goes along with the agenda that women only care about status and women.

John [00:35:53]: No, women don't only care about status and money. Women's highest attraction trigger is status. Women are more attracted to status than any other thing.

Nicole [00:36:05]: But.

John [00:36:06]: Okay, that's not a good or bad thing. It is a thing.

Nicole [00:36:09]: But then you're saying that they would still stay with someone with status that would cheat on them multiple times.

John [00:36:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:16]: So over someone that doesn't have status, but it's loyal.

John [00:36:20]: These are just understandings of things. Like the interpretation of the, like right or wrong, or this is bad or this is good is best left out of the conversation because it doesn't help.

Nicole [00:36:32]: Well, it's not good.

John [00:36:33]: Well, I, I know it's not good. But like, like the, the point is like, what. What do people do?

Nicole [00:36:38]: Questions like that are not good. Like, I think that's the biggest problem is that our whole episode was based on this question. That also you had to like, hyper makes specific on this side, right? But then this side was a little bit more open. But then, honestly, in the middle is where most people would land, where they would take some guy that doesn't make the most money but is faithful. You know what I mean?

John [00:36:59]: Okay, but the thing is, it's understanding the basic psychology of. Of humans in relationships, right? And in, in. In relation to each other that I think is important to understand. Right. So.

Nicole [00:37:11]: Which I think we could have done a better job. I think that's phrasing.

John [00:37:15]: No, that's like, It's a good question. It's like, men should know this. They should know this about women. They shouldn't judge women because of it. They should just understand it. Just like if I was going fishing, right? I should know that this fish eats worms and this fish goes for whatever, live bait or a jig or whatever. I should know. I'm not judging the fish, but I should know what will attract the fish,

Nicole [00:37:42]: which I think that's fine in the way of like trying to convince men to have more status, you know, motivate them.

John [00:37:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:52]: But I am concerned that it's been attached to. A woman will stay with you if you cheat. It doesn't matter. That's what I'm concerned about. And I know you've said that it's not okay.

John [00:38:02]: Not okay.

Nicole [00:38:03]: However, you also said with the proposing the question that a woman will stay with a man who cheats.

John [00:38:09]: And the reason why that's very important is because that's more for women to understand this about themselves is to see that. To see that women do this and to actively counter that in themselves. Because a woman will feel a stronger pull of attraction to a man that cheats on her because he will have reduced her. Will have reduced her validation and increase his status.

Nicole [00:38:35]: So you set it so that women would leave men that cheat on them.

John [00:38:38]: You understand? You have to understand it. Because all women, when they hear that, they're like, I would not. I would not be more attracted to a man that cheats on me. But that's not true, because you will be. However, that doesn't mean you should stay with him. There's two different things here. You should recognize the fact, if you understand that this is what will happen to you. This is how your brain is wired, that when a Man cheats on you, it will make you feel invalidated and desperate for his approval and validation. And then you'll now think that he's maybe better than you in some way because he's cheating. He must be higher status again psychologically, subconsciously. If you understand that about your own biology, then instead of denying it, you'll understand that and then you can make a choice. But if you don't understand that, then the chances of you thinking that this guy's unique or this is an exceptional circumstance or this is why I'm doing this is much higher and you'll backwards justify it. But when you understand it and you're like, hey, like, this is going to cause me, like, if the situation happens, this is how I would be drawn. You can counteract it. When you don't understand it, you backwards rationalize and justify. You're like, this is an exception. Oh, this is why this, in this case that I, that I am going to stay with this guy.

Nicole [00:39:50]: I mean, I hear you and I think that some people. Yes. What you said is true. However, I got cheated on at 21, 22 years old.

John [00:39:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:40:00]: And I wanted nothing to do with him.

John [00:40:01]: But you already.

Nicole [00:40:02]: I was not attracted to him anymore.

John [00:40:04]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:05]: At whatsoever.

John [00:40:06]: Where was the relationship already at that point, though?

Nicole [00:40:09]: Not good.

John [00:40:09]: Right. And did you already think that he was very. At that point in the relationship before you found out that he cheated on you, did you think of him as a really great guy, like high status, like, this is a super valuable guy I've got here?

Nicole [00:40:24]: No.

John [00:40:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:25]: But even if you cheated on me, I would not want anything to do with you.

John [00:40:28]: No. Of course you'd be very upset though it like. Well, rightly so. Yeah, obviously. Right.

Nicole [00:40:33]: Like, but that doesn't mean I'd be like craving your validation.

John [00:40:37]: I mean, you, to some degree, you would probably like psychologically. Would you stay? No, absolutely not.

Nicole [00:40:42]: I wouldn't. Because my disdain for you.

John [00:40:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:40:45]: Would be, Would overpower the validation that you think that I would need from you.

John [00:40:51]: Yeah. And again, we never have to experience that situation, so you never have to.

Nicole [00:40:55]: But I agree with you that some women do behave that way. I'm not saying that that's the case. And I, I appreciate you trying to help women recognize that and so that they won't do that no matter how high value or how much money a man makes. Because I agree with you that some men or some women who are with successful men let them get away with things that they should not get away with. And really that's just you teaching that man how to treat you. So if you stay with a man that cheats on you just because he has money or he's high value, you're teaching him that he can continue to do that to you and that's why he continues to do that to you.

John [00:41:37]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:38]: But like, that's not going to be. Again, everyone's experience. And if you have self respect.

John [00:41:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:45]: But you're right that like, if you already have low self respect because everybody's going to be insecure. And obviously if you're really, really, really insecure, you probably don't have the highest level of self respect for yourself.

John [00:41:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:59]: Or if you're insecure because you value outside validation to make yourself feel better. Yes. That man will tear you apart because like you said, now he's up here and now you're chasing his validation. And you're not ever really going to be on the same level because he did something that cannot really be fixed.

John [00:42:20]: Right.

Nicole [00:42:21]: Not really if you're in that state.

John [00:42:23]: Exactly. So.

Nicole [00:42:25]: Yeah, but I am worried, like I said, that men will hear this and, you know, especially successful people will be like, I can do whatever I want.

John [00:42:33]: Yeah, you can do dark psychology if you want to, but it's probably not a good idea. It's not good for your soul. No, it's not.

Nicole [00:42:40]: It's not gonna take it from someone who knows.

John [00:42:43]: Yeah, well, I wasn't trying to do dark psychology.

Nicole [00:42:46]: No, but, but I understand you were

John [00:42:48]: doing D. Yeah, okay, but I understand it. Right. And, and like, the thing is about it is that also it's not going to create a true fulfillment in life. It's not going to create the relationship that you want. It's not going to give you those things. You know, a woman may stay with you because you cheated on her, but you're going to have, you're not going to have a real relationship in that case, because what's driving her is not going to be her love for you is going to be her love for money. Well, her, her need for the validation.

Nicole [00:43:21]: Right.

John [00:43:21]: Her like, drive to like, get back what you've taken from her, which she'll never get. Right. But that's what, where it comes from. It's like, well, like, why did he cheat on me? Am I not attractive enough? Is there other women? Like, is it like, you know, am I not valuable enough? Can I never find a man like this again? Like, these are the things that you know that are like, that she's trying to get back from that man. Is that validation of those Things not because she actually loves the man or wants the man at that point. She wants what the man represents. That's why the psychology of it.

Nicole [00:43:52]: And are men okay with that? Are men okay with being the money? Like, not even about him? I guess that's my, My question too, is that, do men not care that they're being used?

John [00:44:04]: Here's the real thing about this, and this is what I warned one of my coaching clients where this situation did occur. I was like, okay, so if she takes you back after you've cheated on her multiple times, you know what this means, right? You can never, ever, ever, ever, ever give her the validation. You can never have a real relationship with her because as soon as she's comfortable, she's gone or she'll tell you she's gone. You understand What I'm saying is that like. Because once you've created that scenario, right? And I'm not saying, like, don't get it twisted to what I'm saying in the sense that. I'm not saying that, okay, now treat this woman poorly so that she'll stay with you. I'm saying that you can never actually have a real relationship at this point because of what has occurred. The reason why she's staying with you, the reason why she's still seeking your validation is because she doesn't have it. And the moment she has it, the moment you show her, like, really show up for her and really become that great guy to her and be a great boyfriend to her, she'll be gone

Nicole [00:45:14]: because she got what she came for.

John [00:45:16]: That's what she. Exactly. So you never want to create that

Nicole [00:45:18]: which he created, though he created that

John [00:45:20]: drive for, which is the same thing where even just with guys picking up girls, right? If you pick up a girl by tearing down her esteem, by causing her to become invalidate, which you can do that. It's a dark psychology, sure. But then if you ever give her that, she will lose attraction for you because the attraction is based on what you've taken away, not what you've added. There's additive attraction and there's subtractive attraction. Right?

Nicole [00:45:46]: And subtractive attraction is never sustainable.

John [00:45:49]: Yeah. Because you're always in the negative. You have to maintain the negative.

Nicole [00:45:52]: Right.

John [00:45:53]: It's just like fear based. Like if a woman stays with you, like if you constantly make her afraid that you're going to cheat on her and that's why she stays with you, then the moment you give her security, she's not gonna be attracted to you anymore because it was all a Negative attraction.

Nicole [00:46:08]: Yeah, that's true.

John [00:46:10]: So you can't ever do that.

Nicole [00:46:12]: Yeah, no, not smart.

John [00:46:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:15]: But I do think the question is very black and white. And I do think that women value faithfulness, especially because it's so rare. And you proved that with what you said. You know what I mean? But you also told women how to, what the best way is to get faithfulness from a man. And that's being his support and his rocket fuel and lifting him up and supporting him, which women do need to learn to do that. But I feel a little better. I mean, I feel good because I found you.

John [00:46:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:53]: But I feel a little better for society. But I really hate on both sides, honestly. But I really hate the whole, like that's just how things are because we have allowed things to get so messed up.

John [00:47:05]: I like to understand the reality of

Nicole [00:47:09]: what it is right now.

John [00:47:10]: And I think, but not even that, but just like what truly drives people, right? Like the carnal nature of human desire. And then I'm not saying that it's correct, but I like to understand what it is because I feel like if you understand what it is like as a man, if you understand, okay, a woman 99 out of 100 times is going to pick a successful, high status guy that has money regardless of his faithfulness, even though women will say that faithfulness is the most important thing, it doesn't prove out to be true. Like, I'd rather understand that and know that than not know that. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't want to judge that. I don't care. I'm not judging any of these things. It's fine. This is what it is. I just want to know what it is and then operate in that environment. But I don't want to like deny myself from the reality because I don't like the reality. Whatever the harsh truths of reality are, I want to know them all. And then I want to play the game knowing those things.

Nicole [00:48:12]: But see, I think my perspective is I would take faithfulness almost over everything. And even if that's not realistic, I'd rather be alone.

John [00:48:23]: Sure. Which is fine. Which is fine.

Nicole [00:48:24]: And I, I understand you want to come from a biological standpoint. Again, men love to like come from these sort of angles.

John [00:48:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:48:33]: However, and maybe it's because I'm a woman, I don't think that. And this is maybe the woo woo in me, but I think we all come from a place of love. And men try to use their biology as an excuse for their behaviors, which I'm not saying that they don't drive men. I'm not saying that biologically we're not driven by these things. But I think that spiritually love is the biggest driver of all these things. And to act like we're just robots in a meat suit.

John [00:49:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:07]: That are gonna do what we're programmed to do is not realistic. Whereas like, like we're gonna do what our souls are here to do, which is love people. And like even though men tried to like throw that away with like, you know, they acting like they don't really want love, like the incel people or whatever.

John [00:49:27]: Exactly. It's not true.

Nicole [00:49:28]: I think that men want love as much as women do.

John [00:49:30]: Sure.

Nicole [00:49:31]: I think that they are weaker minded because they have more temptations biologically. But I think that if you conquer those things, that's even more powerful than what women can understand because we don't have besides like maybe the control thing, like this huge primal desire.

John [00:49:59]: Yeah. There's a different type of thing that goes on with a lot of. Here's. Let me give you one instance of it. This is probably the most valuable thing that a man can learn about women. Women say a thing, but that's not what they do. They say they want a man that's like this. That's not what they actually do. The most of the things that women say are not accurate. It's what they, they do something other than what they say. Now I'm not blaming women for.

Nicole [00:50:27]: I'm so hurtful. You're saying that after what I just said. So it seems like you're implying that.

John [00:50:33]: No, I'm not saying.

Nicole [00:50:34]: I'm saying something that I want and you're implying that. I don't mean that.

John [00:50:38]: I'm not saying you in particular but

Nicole [00:50:40]: how can you say that women say that and then you say I don't.

John [00:50:43]: Women will always will swear up and down that they want a nice guy. Women will swear up and down that they would pick a guy that is more that is faithful and that they would never stay with the guy that cheats on them. Women swear up and down all of these different things that the guy that status are like, you definitely don't have to worry about this guy. I'm not attracted to this guy. Women will say all these things. It's not accurate. Now it's not purposely deceptive either.

Nicole [00:51:08]: It's just that men do the same thing.

John [00:51:11]: Well no, men don't. Men, men are more straightforward.

Nicole [00:51:14]: They say yeah, don't worry about that girl. And then they're banging her they're full blown banging sometimes.

John [00:51:19]: Sometimes that might be the case. That's it. But I'm saying in general that women will say something, but it's not accurate. But the reason why that happens is because it's their own mechanism of self survival, of protection. Like a separation between their cognitive psychology and understanding what their instinctual behavior is. If a woman understood what her instinctual behavior is, it would not be good for her. It would actually cause her to make wrong choices because she has a bigger heart and is more compassionate. Her ruthlessness has to be hidden by her psychology. So she doesn't understand her own ruthlessness. That's not the case for men. But it's because men don't have to have that survival mechanism. Men aren't wired in that way. But that is why there's a disconnect between what a woman says and what she actually does. And men have to understand that about women. Now again, I'm not saying that what

Nicole [00:52:16]: you're saying is not. I don't really understand what you're saying.

John [00:52:19]: What I'm saying is that, that if a woman understood how ruthless she actually

Nicole [00:52:24]: is, I think women do know that.

John [00:52:26]: They don't know it. They don't know to the degree of their biology how much it drives them and their choices in life. If a woman did know that, then it would prevent that biology from protecting her. That biology is in place for important reasons. To create that protection for her survival instinct. To make sure that she weeds out the nice guys. Right? Like her compassion would overrule from a psychological perspective if she understood her biology. So it's better that women don't understand their biology and they're self protected by their brain from understanding their own actual reasons why they're doing things.

Nicole [00:53:02]: No, I think they do understand. I think as women you do understand that you do have to have boundaries. Again, it's like the self respect. Yeah, but I'm not talking about there's a reason. Well then what are you talking about? Because it's still hard to understand.

John [00:53:14]: I'm talking about things like why a woman wants a man that cheats on her. Why a woman would say that she wants a nice guy but she doesn't want a nice guy. Like why, like the, the, these, these instinctual, like why a woman will chase after a man that has money or status even though like psychologically she doesn't think that that's what she actually wants. But then it's like oh, but this guy is super attractive to me. Right. Like, but there's some Reason, some backwards justification as to why this guy is attractive. And it doesn't have to do with his money. No, he's a really good guy. Right.

Nicole [00:53:49]: So I think they don't know how to sort through those things.

John [00:53:53]: No, there's a protection, a literal protection in a woman's brain that prevents her from being able to connect those two pieces together in majority of cases. I'm not saying that it can't be overcome and understood, but for the. For the most part, it's better that it's there.

Nicole [00:54:10]: I mean, I think that it's an ignorance thing, because I think that if you're attracted to a man that cheats on you, like you said, yes. There is this biological thing in you, or whatever you want to call it, instinctual. That's like, okay, he has options, so he's valuable. But if you're only choosing that man or you're choosing to stay with that man because of that, that is not. That's not correct either. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes like you have to collect that knowledge. You have to realize, okay, like, this man has options. That means that women pursue him. So there's probably something good about him.

John [00:54:49]: Right.

Nicole [00:54:49]: You make a mental note of that. But if he's cheating on me with multiple women, that's not something that I want in my partner. That's not sustainable. That's not good. But if there's a woman that's just going for a man because he has options.

John [00:55:04]: Right.

Nicole [00:55:04]: She is discrediting the other half of that equation.

John [00:55:08]: Right, but.

Nicole [00:55:09]: So that's like a lower level of consciousness is what I'm saying.

John [00:55:12]: She doesn't understand. That's what she's doing. That's what I'm saying. Is that like. Like that, like it's not.

Nicole [00:55:16]: Then they're off. They're operating at a lower level of consciousness.

John [00:55:19]: Perhaps. Perhaps. Yeah, that's.

Nicole [00:55:21]: I mean, I think that that's what

John [00:55:22]: it is, but that's what a majority is. That's what.

Nicole [00:55:24]: Well, that's the majority of majority of people.

John [00:55:26]: Exactly. So that's what I'm saying, is that. So that it's like. It's just understanding that a woman will swear up and down and say that she would pick the poor man that is faithful. But that's not true. That's not what reality proves. That's not what. Even though she might say that, you better get your money up, you better get your status up, you better get your shit up. You know, I'm saying. I'm not saying cheat, but so you could cheat. No, but I'm not, I'm not saying,

Nicole [00:55:50]: I'm not saying do that can they would.

John [00:55:52]: I'm not saying do that part of it, but I am saying have options. Get that. Be that guy. Like it doesn't matter. Like that's, that's the thing is that

Nicole [00:56:01]: I think men should have options because I think as a woman, you can make a better choice of a man if he has options. Yeah, like I'm not saying that. That's not a bad thing.

John [00:56:09]: It's true.

Nicole [00:56:10]: But if you don't know, again, it's all about men. A lot of men do not have self control. They do not have self discipline. And so a man who has a lot of options but has self discipline can be a man. Like you can be a man that we're talking about that is a needle in a haystack. But a man who doesn't will just continue, will just be at the bar for 10 years waiting for a woman or taking some home occasionally, but never actually feeling love or satisfaction. So like, it does boil down to like women's lower level of consciousness, I guess, not being aware of the decisions that they're making, even though they make some sense, but not having the full equation and not making a proper decision.

John [00:57:00]: Let me give you one, one final example that, that will kind of paint the picture, right? So, and as to why this exists, so let's say that you ask a woman, what are you looking for in a man? Like what, what man are you looking for? A woman says all these things, right? So then Mr. Imposter Guy says, oh, okay, and just pretends to be all those things. Men do that and they don't succeed, right? Eventually. Because the woman, what she said that she wants isn't what she actually wants because she doesn't know, because her actions will be different. That's why that psychology exists. It's a protection mechanism for women by women in their own psychology that prevents them from actually being able to communicate the things that they actually want to actually even understand about themselves what is actually attracting them. They think they know at a logical level, but the reason why that cannot be nature has played it out this way is because of mimickers, right? Even in the animal kingdom, there's birds that mimic other birds in order to mate with the bird, and they pretend to be the thing. And so in those species of birds, the female bird has a counter mechanism to, to figure out if this guy's an imposter, right? So women's entire sexual selection is based on Solving a mystery. This is why women like murder mysteries and like mysteries is because they are very good sleuths. They can figure out if you're full of shit. Right. And so at the same time, they don't betray their hand. They don't. Even though a woman might say she's looking for these things in a man, that's not what's actually attracting her. She says that thing. The guy tries to duplicate that thing. It's not the. It's not the key that unlocks the. The door. You see what I'm saying? That's why that exists.

Nicole [00:58:43]: Okay, well then do you think men get what they want when they say what they want in a partner?

John [00:58:50]: They just. Or want a hot woman.

Nicole [00:58:53]: Right, But I think so.

John [00:58:55]: And that's exactly what they want. That's exactly what they say. That's exactly what they want.

Nicole [00:58:59]: Yeah, but eventually all women become unhot. But that's what they get older.

John [00:59:02]: If you say what attract. Again, we're saying what is attractive. Women say what they think is attractive to them. It's not what's attractive to them. Men say what they think is attractive to them. A hot woman. That is what's attractive to them. Men don't have to play that game because they don't have to watch out for women mimicking what they think is attractive to men. Women aren't trying to pretend to be some woman that they're not in order to attract a man in general.

Nicole [00:59:28]: Okay, but I also think that women.

John [00:59:32]: Well, actually the women do they dress up?

Nicole [00:59:35]: Makeup is true. But Yeah. I also think that a woman could give you a list. Yeah, but she knows that it's more than just checking these boxes off. You're still thinking like a man. You think that women are lying?

John [00:59:48]: No, no, I don't think they're lying.

Nicole [00:59:50]: Or you think they don't know what they want. Right, but the thing is, you actually said what is actually true and that women are trying to uncover the mystery. They do want these things, but there are little tiny things in between that she can't tell you what she wants.

John [01:00:05]: Right.

Nicole [01:00:05]: Because you have to act so she can see.

John [01:00:09]: Exactly.

Nicole [01:00:09]: So she's not giving you the full list. It's not because she's leading you on or she doesn't know what she wants.

John [01:00:15]: She doesn't know the fullest.

Nicole [01:00:16]: No, she does know the full list, but she has to see your actions. So then when you do try to mimic these things to try to be the nice guy, she's got to see that your actions actually counteract you think

John [01:00:26]: that's happening at a cycle, at a, at a logical level that let me hold back this clue. And then there's no, it's all happening at a subconscious level. That's why it's, it's, it's mask. That's. There's the protection built into the biology is that it has to happen at the subconscious.

Nicole [01:00:40]: I mean, I think that's why we mentioned. So like I'm saying, you can't be aware. No. If someone said what do you want in a man? And I'm like, you know, gentlemen and successful and tall and whatever. So.

John [01:00:56]: Yeah, but that might not be what you're attracted to. You come up with a list of what you want.

Nicole [01:01:02]: I'm sitting across from those things. I'm obviously attracted to them.

John [01:01:05]: Yeah, but there's other things that you won't be able to uncover in your own self esteem.

Nicole [01:01:11]: And so he thinks gentlemen. But maybe he's acting like a nice guy. And I'm like, no, like a gentleman is someone that stands up.

John [01:01:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:01:18]: Or successful. And it's a guy that just got handed a trust fund and doesn't actually have any ambition or anything. Like that's what I'm saying that women are trying to suss out. It doesn't mean that those things aren't true.

John [01:01:31]: Yeah, but it's at a deeper level. It's at a deeper level, there is a masking of, of, of understanding your own psychology that's built into your biology.

Nicole [01:01:41]: I mean, I just think it's weird that you act like it's women that do this and that men don't do anything.

John [01:01:49]: It's just a masking of, of the, of the understanding of, of their drives. That's how it is. Like it is always a mystery. Women will always be a mystery to themselves, to men.

Nicole [01:01:59]: I don't think so.

John [01:02:00]: It is, it's true.

Nicole [01:02:01]: I think especially after these two episodes that men are actually the ones that don't make any sense because they'll love you and then they'll go stick their. You know what, and someone else too. That makes sense. Makes zero sense. So sitting here acting like women don't make sense is not fair because a lot of men's actions don't make sense. Like right, you love someone from the outside. You don't. And you again, you agreed with me.

John [01:02:24]: Right.

Nicole [01:02:25]: You know, if you go stick for sure thing in someone else.

John [01:02:29]: Right.

Nicole [01:02:30]: That's gonna hurt the person you supposedly love. So it doesn't matter if it means nothing to you. You know, it means Something to them.

John [01:02:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:02:38]: And you're. You're just doing it anyway. So the thing is, like, it's not fair to sit here and act like women are this mystery when honestly men are just as much of a mystery, but in a more simplified. What's the word I'm looking for? Like caveman, like, way. Like a simplified, like, biologically, like, like. Yeah, but it's still a mystery. It's still.

John [01:03:03]: But the difference. The difference between what I'm saying and what you're saying is. What I'm saying is neutral. I don't care. I don't care that women are like that. It doesn't bother me at all. I don't consider it to be a bad or good thing. It just is what it is. Whereas yours is charged to the negative. So that's what I'm saying is a difference, is that. I'm just saying, calling it as it is. But I don't have any. I don't have any pony in the pony show.

Nicole [01:03:26]: I mean, I think it's. I agree with what you're saying, but I'm charged about it because you are saying, just in a calm way.

John [01:03:34]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:35]: That women are more complicated. But that's not true. Like, they're just complicated in different ways.

John [01:03:43]: No, it's just hidden. Their motives are hidden even to themselves. That's a better way of saying that. Like. Like their. Their actual drives are hidden even to themselves.

Nicole [01:03:53]: Okay.

John [01:03:55]: Which is fine. That's not. It's neither here nor there. It's just something to understand, to know. Right. Because.

Nicole [01:04:02]: And men's drives are just out in the open because they just have sex with everything.

John [01:04:06]: Yeah, they're.

Nicole [01:04:07]: But that doesn't make one or the other better. It doesn't make them both complicated.

John [01:04:10]: Exactly. It doesn't make.

Nicole [01:04:11]: But you've been standing on this. Like, women are so mysterious and men aren't like, yes, they like, show their cards, but that doesn't mean that what they logically do makes sense at all.

John [01:04:21]: No, no. Yeah. There's a difference between mysterious and making sense. Mysterious is unknown mechanism, doesn't know how. What you give this input, you don't know what the output is going to be. Not making sense means. Could also mean stupid. It could also mean stupid. Right? Like not making sense, saying you love

Nicole [01:04:38]: somebody and doing something like that.

John [01:04:40]: Stupid behavior. Men are more inclined to stupid behavior. I agree with that.

Nicole [01:04:43]: Okay. I'd rather be mysterious than stupid, that's for sure.

John [01:04:46]: Men are much more inclined to stupid behavior. Women, mysterious don't know what like, they don't even know.

Nicole [01:04:51]: But they're still complicated.

John [01:04:52]: Sure, sure. For sure.

Nicole [01:04:53]: In their own different ways they're complicated.

John [01:04:54]: But. But yeah, it's stupid behavior because like what you're just. What you're describing that men do it from a logical perspective is to behavior like it's going to have.

Nicole [01:05:03]: Right.

John [01:05:03]: It's going to have, it's going to have long term consequences and they don't think about that. Yeah, because men think short term.

Nicole [01:05:09]: Again, I already talked about this.

John [01:05:12]: Because if you're a man, right, like you could die, but go spread your seed before you die. Right. If you're a woman, you're thinking security, I need to be able to stay along alive long enough to raise my genetics and keep them safe for. Until they get old enough to defend themselves. Man is just like, okay, like it doesn't.

Nicole [01:05:30]: I'm here, I'm not kind of dumb. I'm not gonna lie.

John [01:05:32]: I'm gonna get killed. Like it doesn't matter.

Nicole [01:05:34]: Without going on a tangent from if you're about to die, why do you want to go spread your seed? You're going to be dead because you're not going to take care of the kids anyway.

John [01:05:41]: It's the biology of the genetics. Like the more offspring you have, the

Nicole [01:05:44]: higher still doesn't make sense.

John [01:05:46]: It's your, your. It's the natural selection genetics that you're

Nicole [01:05:49]: not going to be taken care of because you died. And all these women are going to be raising your kids. Which women are so mysterious but you're going to leave them with your kids.

John [01:05:57]: Biology is not logical. It's just like what survives. Like what again has the highest chance of passing on the genes is where

Nicole [01:06:06]: I think of people less focused on biology and more focused on loving each other. Everything would be a lot better.

John [01:06:12]: Like I said, I just want to

Nicole [01:06:14]: understand what actually men love talking about biology.

John [01:06:18]: I just want to understand what.

Nicole [01:06:19]: Actually women don't typically sit around and explain everything in their life with biology. We actually don't at all. We're more spiritual in general. We're more like emotional. Like we don't explain things logically.

John [01:06:32]: I mean I, I explained it in biology.

Nicole [01:06:35]: No, but I do think men do that. It's. I guess it goes with the statistic thing. Men love a good statistic. Yeah, but it's funny because exactly like what you just said, they'll use biology, statistics, these things that they prove as facts. Yeah, but then they do dumb things which are not smart at all. Not logical, that are short term.

John [01:06:57]: Short term plays is how I would describe them versus long term plays, which

Nicole [01:07:01]: is also not very.

John [01:07:03]: Women are playing the long game, men

Nicole [01:07:04]: are playing the short game biologically.

John [01:07:08]: Right.

Nicole [01:07:08]: If you're playing the short term game, you probably are gonna die soon.

John [01:07:11]: Exactly. That's where it's driven from. That's why men have. Have short term thinking versus women have long term thinking. Women have to bear.

Nicole [01:07:19]: Men should listen to women more so they can live longer.

John [01:07:22]: A man has sex with a woman, Right. The worst that he can get is a venereal disease. Right. Woman has sex with a man, she could have a child that she has to carry for nine months and that could cause her to not survive because there's not enough food. Now she has to take care of this obligation.

Nicole [01:07:39]: So give birth.

John [01:07:40]: Give birth. All kinds of complications and things. Right. So men biologically wired, short term thinking, especially when it comes to sex. Women are biologically wired, long term thinking, especially when it comes to sex.

Nicole [01:07:50]: You know, I think the word menace came from men.

John [01:07:54]: Men.

Nicole [01:07:56]: That's what I've learned from this. Yeah, I see where the word menace came from. Menace to society.

John [01:08:04]: All right, we should probably wrap this up because. Yeah, we're over. How did the second episode be longer than the first one? I thought this was going to be a short one because we went on rabbit trails.

Nicole [01:08:12]: Yeah, but it's true. Okay, well, comment. If you think men are a menace, the men are gonna be mad in the comment section.

John [01:08:22]: That's okay. Women will be mad too, because they'll say that. That I'm saying that they don't understand their own selves. Which is fine.

Nicole [01:08:29]: I mean, I did. I just don't like when men say that. And then they act like men are just so easy to understand. Because you're not. That's my only point.

John [01:08:37]: I mean, I can predict a man's actions pretty accurately.

Nicole [01:08:42]: Yeah, but that doesn't mean that they. Like just because you can predict them doesn't mean that they make sense. Does that make sense?

John [01:08:48]: Yeah, they make sense from a short term thinking a lot of times. Not from long.

Nicole [01:08:52]: Like a dumb thinking. A dumb short term thinking.

John [01:08:55]: Sure. I'll give you that.

Nicole [01:08:56]: Okay. All mistakes that men make, are they not dumb? Because I know that you've talked to plenty of men.

John [01:09:02]: Yeah, for sure.

Nicole [01:09:03]: That have done really dumb things. So you can't even sit here and be like, they're not dumb choices.

John [01:09:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:09:10]: Most of the time when men don't think long term or try to think long term.

John [01:09:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:09:14]: It's not a good choice. It's dumb choice.

John [01:09:16]: That's true. I agree. That's 100. Correct. Yeah.

Nicole [01:09:19]: Which is part of their biology. They're like, singular focus. They're like, you know, they don't think very far ahead. You got to fight against that.

John [01:09:25]: Exactly.

Nicole [01:09:26]: You know?

John [01:09:27]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:09:29]: I don't know. Okay, okay, I. I don't hate men, but I'm obviously a little. A little perturbed.

John [01:09:40]: You just got to be neutral. You've got to be neutral. I can't. This is what it is. It's okay that it is what it is.

Nicole [01:09:46]: Just like, Joe, I just don't want it to perpetuate like.

John [01:09:49]: I know, but.

Nicole [01:09:50]: And again, we've had plenty of episodes that I've talked about men doing better because I do believe that when men do better, society in general does better. And, yeah, men are the leaders of relationship. If they're doing these dumb things that you're talking about.

John [01:10:06]: Right.

Nicole [01:10:06]: Relationships are going to be shit. And that's why we're here. And so that's why I'm very charged about this, is because I don't want it to just be, oh, this is how it is. That's too nonchalant. That's too, like, dangerous to relationships for me to sit here and just act like that's just how men are. That's just how women are.

John [01:10:25]: No, there's just.

Nicole [01:10:26]: Because it's not good either that women are not learning how to support a man.

John [01:10:29]: Right.

Nicole [01:10:30]: It's just as bad.

John [01:10:31]: You just have to understand what. What it is.

Nicole [01:10:34]: I can understand.

John [01:10:35]: It doesn't mean that it's like, that's how it should be. But then the key to change is first understanding. And so it's like, you have to have a base understanding, and then you can decide what you're going to do based on that, but you can't decide

Nicole [01:10:47]: what's going on, which I do understand, but I don't think it's good. Okay, that's my stance.

John [01:10:54]: All right.

Nicole [01:10:55]: And John's neutral. Like Switzerland.

John [01:10:57]: Yeah, like Switzerland. I'm Switzerland. But I have fondue, so I like fondue. That's how you get the women with fondue.

Nicole [01:11:06]: That's true. We love good cheese.

John [01:11:10]: All right, that's it for this week. Follow us@betterthanperfectpod.com or send us an email@betterthenperfectpodcastmail.com. leave a review.

Nicole [01:11:19]: Yes.

John [01:11:20]: We haven't checked reviews in a long time. I don't know. We'll see. But we'll see you next time.

Nicole [01:11:24]: Bye.