Nicole [00:00:00]: We talked about and we did a whole episode on the one lady who was like, dming people's spouses. This is to cause controversy, distrust. I get why people feel these things. If you're watching some guy interview a couple and all the girls that he interviews are texting other guys or on dating apps, you're going to start to believe that's a majority of even just

John [00:00:21]: stuff like de centering men that's ruining relationships. It's like shameful to have a boyfriend

Nicole [00:00:25]: or is having a boyfriend embarrassing or something?

John [00:00:27]: Right. Like that kind of stuff. It's like it's changing their psychology. Oh, yeah. Like maybe I been being walked on this whole time. They're in a perfectly good relationship. The guy treats them great.

Nicole [00:00:35]: A lot of people don't realize they're being influenced beyond the perfect.

John [00:00:39]: We discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome back to the better than perfect podcast where we help you. I just keep on thinking of big titty pants. Wow.

Nicole [00:01:01]: Well, then why was it gonna help you? Gonna help you?

John [00:01:04]: I don't know. Because it was like. It was like two things going on in my head.

Nicole [00:01:07]: So did you create a whole nother, like, intro?

John [00:01:11]: Yeah, basically. Yeah. That was good.

Nicole [00:01:12]: Where we help you find pandas with well endowed chests.

John [00:01:19]: All right, welcome to the better than perfect podcast where every week we share with you how two imperfect people. I'm still thinking about pandas

Nicole [00:01:28]: helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

John [00:01:32]: That's right. There you go. Thank you. Helping me, helping me.

Nicole [00:01:36]: That's right.

John [00:01:36]: Out of this childish behavior.

Nicole [00:01:39]: Until the next episode, I'm sure.

John [00:01:42]: All right, so what are we doing today? We're doing. Oh, dating advice on TikTok is ruining relationships. Yeah, yeah, but not on YouTube. The Dating Vets on YouTube.

Nicole [00:01:52]: And we're also on TikTok.

John [00:01:54]: Okay.

Nicole [00:01:54]: Well, yeah, so, I mean, I think it. Well, I think you were kind of indifferent about doing this one, but I think it's important for us to do this one because we're on TikTok giving dating advice.

John [00:02:07]: Granted, no one's watching us on TikTok, so.

Nicole [00:02:09]: Wow, you sound like you're salty about that.

John [00:02:12]: A little bit. They used to give us all the views and now they give us none of these.

Nicole [00:02:15]: Yeah, we might have messed up somewhere, but so being people that are making relationship content, I feel like we have to talk about this. Sure. And so, I mean, obviously we're gonna sit here and be like, but our content is different.

John [00:02:31]: It Is different though.

Nicole [00:02:32]: It is different. But in some ways again I think like making content, especially short form content, like people who aren't sitting here watching.

John [00:02:43]: Right.

Nicole [00:02:44]: These whole like hour long episodes. It probably is problematic seeming. Right. Because let's think about what goes viral on social media. It's those small clips that can be taken out of contents, get everybody riled up and have bunch of people fighting in the comments. Yeah, but causing a lot of engagement. Right. So I do think that there probably is and I'm sure that we've even had some clips that got clipped to be controversial.

John [00:03:17]: Yeah, for sure.

Nicole [00:03:19]: You know, and cause a commotion because if you're wanting your messages or your videos or content to get to people and you're on social media, you do kind of have to try to follow the trends of how to get your reach across. However, I do think that sometimes its problematic ways, like clipping something to look controversial. We've all seen videos that are clipped to look controversial. I mean even people who make just random content will put in the beginning like a little snippet of like something that happened throughout the whole video so that you stay through the video. They give you a little bit of drama in the beginning.

John [00:04:00]: Well, some of it's just also just like directly bad advice. So for example, like the ones I can think of when people say that TikTok is ruining like creating distrust and, and ruining relationships is like those little videos where the guy finds a couple and he's like, okay, pull out your phones. And he's like, okay, can we, can we, let's look at your phone. Can we swap phones or whatever. And then they check the girl's phone and there's like all these messages from guys on there.

Nicole [00:04:28]: It's always the girl.

John [00:04:30]: Yeah, I think so. Because that, well that already.

Nicole [00:04:34]: One, I feel like that already sounded contrived in a way.

John [00:04:40]: Because who wants that? Because who wants that Content and cell

Nicole [00:04:44]: guys that are all on the Internet because they're in their mind so they're

John [00:04:47]: gonna get a lot of views on that. That's why. Right. So.

Nicole [00:04:49]: Right.

John [00:04:50]: Or the content where it's like, oh, let's see if, if, if he's on Tinder or she's on Tinder or whatever. And then they check and then like is that you? And they're thinking, no, I don't know why, I don't know, I forgot I had my account on or whatever.

Nicole [00:05:06]: Yeah, but I feel like also people.

John [00:05:07]: Yeah, like, but that's creating the distrust.

Nicole [00:05:09]: Right, right.

John [00:05:10]: Like that.

Nicole [00:05:10]: Well, especially if it's always one person. Because even if it was a girl and she's doing the same thing and it's always the guy cheating, Right. That's suspicious content in general. Right. Or like, even we talked about and we did a whole episode on the one lady who was like, dming people's spouses. Like, this is to cause controversy. This is to cause distrust. And I get why people feel these things. Because if you're watching some guy interview a couple and all the girls that he interviews are texting other guys are on dating apps.

John [00:05:46]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:46]: You're going to start to believe that's a majority of women.

John [00:05:50]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:50]: And vice versa. Like, if you're seeing all these things about this woman messaging all these people's husbands and they're all like, responding back to her, would cheat with her, you're gonna think that every man is like this. And so, yeah, I agree with you. That content like that. Which, like, would you call that, like, dating or relationship advice? I mean, that's more like.

John [00:06:12]: Yeah, I mean, it's still just like, stuff around in that realm.

Nicole [00:06:16]: Yeah, but.

John [00:06:17]: But even just stuff, like, like the women we did the one on de Platforming men or not decentering men. And it's like all these women, like, that's ruining relationships, right? Because you're like, selling that. That is like, shameful to have a boyfriend or like, like, basically, like, disrespect your man. Like, women are. Men are not. Not that. And like, it's like, like that kind of thing is like, I need to decenter my boyfriend from my life, from

Nicole [00:06:39]: my husband, from my having a boyfriend. Embarrassing or something.

John [00:06:42]: Right? Like that kind of stuff. It's like, because a lot of women are jumping on the bandwagon of that. They're seeing it's popular. It's changing their psychology. Right. They're being influenced by the thing and they're saying, oh, yeah, maybe this is right now. They're questioning their belie. Like, like, maybe I've been being walked on this whole time. I've been. They're in a perfectly good relationship, the guy treats them great, and now they have now come up with this. This thing.

Nicole [00:07:05]: They're being influenced.

John [00:07:06]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:07:07]: And a lot of people don't realize they're being influenced. Like you've said in the past, like, like people think that they are immune to being influenced, but if you're constantly seeing one certain type of content and it's content like boyfriends are embarrassing or like, your boyfriend's not a big deal, like, stop treating him like, stop. Like, stop Centering your life around your boyfriend or men or whatever.

John [00:07:31]: Right.

Nicole [00:07:31]: Like the more you interact with those videos or the more you see those videos, they will start to change something in you, like you said. And so I definitely agree with that. That like, I think people are getting influenced. Especially so many people are on TikTok or Instagram these days. And you know, if something goes viral, especially something like you said about the interview thing where it's like drama or controversial, people eat that stuff up. Like, people are still consuming majority of like. What's the word I'm looking for?

John [00:08:07]: Like brain rot.

Nicole [00:08:09]: Brain rot content. Yeah. Or like drama or like bad negative content.

John [00:08:17]: Right? Yeah, yeah. And it does influence you, whether you think so or not. That's why it's like these platforms are actually just probably not good to be even though we're on the platform. But. But what? But it doesn't matter. I still call it as it is because it is going to influence you. Like what you're scrolling. Like you can say that it doesn't influence you, but every single advertiser in the world, every Coca Cola and marketing or serial marketing is like, good. Please tell us it doesn't. Doesn't work on you. Like you're the one. It doesn't work. They love that. They love when they hear that. Because it does work on you. Because that's why they do it. They don't spend billions of dollars on advertising and marketing because it doesn't work on you. Right. It does work on you.

Nicole [00:08:59]: The bad thing too is that. Sorry, go ahead.

John [00:09:02]: No, no, go ahead.

Nicole [00:09:03]: That anyone can market to anyone now.

John [00:09:06]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:09:07]: Like, it's not just companies. It's not just like celebrities. It's not even just like people who got popular on YouTube like years ago. It's. Anyone can post any video and it can go viral and so many people can see it. And so, you know, that can be really damaging if it's the wrong message. And I think that recently too, I feel like people have trying to been like focusing more on following people or viewing content that's positive or like supports what they want for their life rather than the brain rot sort of like negative, like drama sort of thing. And I do think that's beneficial. I mean, obviously if you look at you and I, if someone's watching this, right, and they want to have a relationship like we have, then they should be watching our content.

John [00:10:06]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:07]: You know, we're kind of biased because we think everyone should have a modern, traditional relationship like you and I have. But it's like, if you're watching couples fight all the time on TikTok.

John [00:10:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:19]: Do you think that you're going to be loving and happy with your spouse? Like, even if, like, you're not arguing with your partner?

John [00:10:28]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:28]: Do you think that constantly consuming that content is going to create a deeper connection with you and your partner?

John [00:10:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:36]: Does that make sense?

John [00:10:37]: Yes.

Nicole [00:10:37]: You know what I mean? You have to be very conscious, especially today with, like I said, anyone being able to post anything that goes viral.

John [00:10:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:47]: With how you spend your time consuming content. And I think it is important for people like us to do podcasts like this or post content, because I know that deep down we want to help people. We've always tried to be transparent and open and real and honest about all the things going on in our relationship. How it's not always easy, but it should be easy to be with your partner. Like, life should be hard, not like your marriage shouldn't be hard sort of thing. And so, you know, I think that if we for some reason stopped because we felt like we were part of the problem, I don't think that would help the problem. I think it would make it worse.

John [00:11:36]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:37]: And so that's also why I wanted us to do this topic, because it's like, we should talk about the things that are potentially even hurting our message from being heard, which is all of these negative things. Chinese.

John [00:11:55]: Okay, sorry, go ahead.

Nicole [00:11:56]: No, I'm done.

John [00:11:57]: Yeah, okay.

Nicole [00:11:57]: You can go ahead.

John [00:11:58]: No, well, I mean, I was going to talk about also, like, don't get me started on the. The content that's aimed at young men. That is, you know, like, obviously, like that. That stuff that is super negative towards women predisposes them to believe all these things about women that are not accurate. Right. And then that causes plenty of problems in relationships. Right. There's just a lot of content that's created out there that is not designed to help you.

Nicole [00:12:25]: Right.

John [00:12:26]: It's designed to get views.

Nicole [00:12:28]: Engagement.

John [00:12:28]: Exactly. And it's a destructive philosophy. Right. But those are the things. But. But we're influenced by how many likes it has or how many comments. Like, there's a bunch. You go and you scroll down, you see a bunch of comments, a bunch of people agreeing about the thing, which is a bad idea, and then suddenly you think it's a good idea. Right, Right. That's what starts to happen.

Nicole [00:12:48]: What do they call that? It's like something confirmation, like confirmation bias, maybe. That's what it is.

John [00:12:55]: I think it's. I don't know. There's Some other psychological term for.

Nicole [00:12:59]: Right. It's like when everybody agrees with something, even though you don't agree with it, you start questioning it because everyone else agrees with it.

John [00:13:08]: Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:13:09]: That is a huge problem.

John [00:13:10]: Yeah, yeah. So. And that's what happens with a lot of this stuff. That's why all these bad ideas end up becoming so ingrained in people's heads and then they think they know it because they've seen it on TikTok and a lot of other people created copy content of it. Because that's what happens. One viral idea and then people create copy content of that same idea and then it makes it look like that thing is actually valid, even though it's not valid. Right. But there's a lot of advice like that that is horrible, especially. But the most, the worst one is just anything that's divisive. Like I try to be as neutral as possible on the you're good Switzerland. But because divisive stuff against men, against women. Right. Like it's okay to talk about the things that happen, but when we make them divisive, then that is the kind of problem.

Nicole [00:13:59]: I know, I'm a problem.

John [00:14:00]: No, you're not.

Nicole [00:14:01]: On the last episode. No, I didn't get a little heated because it, it is a lot. Right, but no, you're right. And that is the better way to be. And it shows a more well rounded and mature approach to it. So like you said, when you see the like really divisive content.

John [00:14:22]: Yeah, because it charges people against, like, against their partner and stuff. Like even when, like, you know, it's like, like some woman's watching some content and then the guy's just sitting on the couch and then she fucking throws a pillow out of his head and is like, what the fuck did I do? Nothing. But. But someone on TikTok said some shit about men and now I'm angry at you because you're a man. And like, whatever. You know what I'm saying? Like that's the. That's what ha. Like that's a very dramatic version of it. But that's what happens. Like you're slowly programmed against your spouse or your partner because you're seeing rage, bait, content that is making. That's divisive. And now you're like, oh, I wonder if they're like this. Or I wonder if they're thinking this or you know, like which they don't even know why they're in trouble. Like what they did, you know, I'm saying it's like, I think that's what happens a lot.

Nicole [00:15:06]: That's true. Well, and the same could be for men because like you said, there's a lot of like, anti women content for men out there. And so, you know, they can start. Because I've heard stories even of men in relationships changing start watching.

John [00:15:22]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:15:23]: Anti women content. And then they start treating their spouse differently. So it definitely, like you said, goes both ways. But I think that a lot of content is not, like, specifically or consciously based on fear, but it is based on fear.

John [00:15:42]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:42]: Like, we're so connected to just everybody in a way that we're not used to. Like, we're used to now, but we weren't before.

John [00:15:53]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:53]: Like, so you could come across a video of some woman talking about her divorce and what her ex husband did. And then like you said, now some wife is like, what the heck? This lady's husband, like, went to Jamaica and told her that he was at work. Or, you know what I mean? And then now when her husband goes to work, she's gonna be like, where are you? Where are you?

John [00:16:20]: Jamaica.

Nicole [00:16:21]: So it's like now you're just hearing everybody's like, drama, right. And it's making everybody fearful and paranoid.

John [00:16:33]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:16:34]: And yeah, there's some highlight reels. Like people used to talk about, like, oh, like social media is just like the highlight reels. But now I think it is more it. People started diving into producing more realistic content. So they would talk about things like maybe they're going through a breakup or divorce and they would talk about it. But then they realized, I think along the way, that in a lot of ways the drama based ones or the more like negative ones are now getting more views, like you said, than the positive stuff used to get. And so now, and even there was a time where we were making content for your business that you literally said any, like, publicity is good publicity or whatever. And I'm like, I don't like that. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want. And like I said, look, our best

John [00:17:25]: video is how to Kiss a Girl.

Nicole [00:17:26]: So which that's not too controversial, like

John [00:17:29]: 15 million views or whatever.

Nicole [00:17:30]: But. Which that's a good thing. But like I said, like, there have even been times where we've clipped some parts of our videos.

John [00:17:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:37]: To try to like, get people like, hooked in and want to watch the videos. But that shouldn't be how we do it. You know what I mean? Like, we do have to make clips. Like, we do want to help spread our message. Right. Because we come here to record these podcasts to help people and help their relationships. But I apologize for any clips that we have made that have come across maybe disingenuous because I don't want to be grouped in with the people that are problems on TikTok. Like, I want to be. I want us to be like the podcast that does actually help people in their relationships.

John [00:18:23]: Well, yeah. And we've been. We've been. That's part of the reason why we've been slow grow. Right. Like, we're growing slowly. We're getting more. Like we're finding our people and they're finding. And like our. Our episodes are starting to get more views, but very slow. It's been two years compared to, you know, we could grow a lot faster by making the content that are just going to go more viral.

Nicole [00:18:46]: Right.

John [00:18:46]: But it would be disingenuous, so it would be kind of like missing the point.

Nicole [00:18:51]: Right.

John [00:18:52]: So.

Nicole [00:18:53]: Right. Which, like. And I also get. It's hard to even determine who's genuine these days on social media and who's not. And that's hard for people to navigate. Right. Especially if they've been consuming so much negative content. They could watch our content and think that we're just making things up or something like that.

John [00:19:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:14]: I mean, speaking of, like, brain rot stuff, I've been watching Love island uk.

John [00:19:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:20]: But I bring this up because there's a couple that have been coupled up from the beginning and they almost got kicked off the show because they are like you and me. They spend all their time together. They've already, like, told each other they loved them. They're very respectful on, like, all the challenges and things like that. And like, you can tell they genuinely really like each other and people want to kick them off because they're not.

John [00:19:49]: Because they're boring.

Nicole [00:19:50]: Yes. They're not causing drama. They're not like, exactly mixing it up. And that's the problem. That's why I bring it up. It's like, like, we want to help people.

John [00:20:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:03]: But we're not growing as much because we're not trying to be. I mean, we've had some controversial things. We have some controversial opinions.

John [00:20:11]: Right. But they're.

Nicole [00:20:12]: But they're. We still respect people. We respect their decision.

John [00:20:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:18]: And we're not doing it. Not genuinely. Does that make sense?

John [00:20:23]: Yeah, it's a real controversial opinion, not a manufactured one. In order to get.

Nicole [00:20:27]: Right. To get views or get people to follow our podcast. And again, like, there might be some clips or something or some sort of conversations that we've had to, like, We've contributed to maybe some mainstream things, but I feel like we've always been very true to who we are and our relationship and our mission to, like, help people. I know, you know, people might not get a full picture because they don't see us all the time and we don't have, like, people who know us like in our everyday lives on here all the time. Maybe we need to get John and Sabrina back on. You know, like it's been a while. It's been a year, so. But like, we have helped a lot of people in our personal lives and we want to be able to spread that to as many people as we can. That's why we come on here.

John [00:21:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:16]: And we talk about all the stuff.

John [00:21:18]: We don't make any money. We pay money to produce the podcast. Right. Like it's, it's a negative. Every month it cost us a couple thousand dollars or so, like in all the costs to produce the podcast.

Nicole [00:21:29]: Right. So we're here. Look like, would it be nice if we got paid to do this? It would be nice. But, but for two years.

John [00:21:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:37]: We've just been doing it because we want to help people and that's always going to be the biggest thing. And again, that's why I'm saying, like, the people who know us, they. One can see how genuine we are and how we care about each other, but also that we want to help people and we do want to promote relationships. I know our last episode that was a part tour might not have seemed that way.

John [00:22:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:01]: But we do want to help people have relationships.

John [00:22:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:04]: And it might seem like sometimes we're hard on men, sometimes we're hard on women, but you do have to challenge yourself and better yourself and challenge each other in a relationship and grow together.

John [00:22:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:20]: And so, yeah, like I think that like you mentioned, there is a lot of kind of very shallow surface level content that is negative, that's dramatic, that is making people afraid of relationships, afraid of putting themselves out there, afraid of dating, afraid of men, afraid of women. And I think people need to stop consuming so much of that.

John [00:22:46]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:47]: Granted, that's like me sitting here trying to like fight against the popular thing, but. Well, it's like we do make a difference. Like, yeah, if you want better in your life, you have to focus on the better.

John [00:23:02]: Right. You need, well, discernment. Right. So it's like, right, okay. Every single piece of content, when you look at it, like regardless of what it's saying, you have to look at the, the, the, what is the character of the message, right? Is it love or fear? It'll always fall on one side of this, right? So it's like, if someone's saying something, are they saying it out of fear to inspire fear coming from a place of fear, or are they saying it from a place of love? Right? So that's what, you know, I like to think that our content comes from a place of love. We're trying to help you. We're not trying to, like, get you afraid of something. We're not talking from a place of fear. Right. It's coming from a place of love. So when we're speaking the truth, you might not agree with it, but we're doing it in a way that is coming from. We're just trying to help.

Nicole [00:23:50]: Right. We're not trying to get you to agree with us by tapping into your fear.

John [00:23:55]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:55]: We're trying to make you understand where we're coming from and understand that we've put a lot of thought and sometimes our own lives, mistakes or whatnot into it in order to get to the wisdom or point that we're making.

John [00:24:12]: Because even, like, you take some content, right? And someone says, okay, women initiate 90% of divorces or whatever. Statistically they do. Right. Okay, so why are they saying that? Are they saying that because men.

Nicole [00:24:24]: To be afraid of marriage?

John [00:24:24]: Well, maybe, like I'm. They could be saying that because of love. They could be saying that women, women initiate 90% of divorces. So as a man, you need to understand this because there's something that you might be messing up. And like, if you understand this, this will help you. I'm just making it. I'm just spitballing here. Or they could say, women initiate 90% of divorces. See how bad women are? You see what I'm saying? It can be multiple angles. Yeah. It's not necessarily the words. It's like, what are they trying to do with the words? Is it like trying to charge you against someone else so they're angry or upset about someone else, Are trying to help you understand something, to help you in your life?

Nicole [00:25:04]: Well, I do think if someone's just like, women initiate 90 of divorce and they don't say anything else. Yeah. I think that is trying to rope you in, like, with controversy. So, like, you do have to explain the different viewpoints. Right. But I get what you're saying that, like, someone can start a video with that and then throughout the video, it can be.

John [00:25:23]: It's like, what is. What is the. What is the connotation of the video? Like, like, what what are they trying to do? Yeah, right. With the video. So that's the thing is like with any of the content, it's like what is the motive? Like what are they trying to. Is it something that is hateful or something that's loving?

Nicole [00:25:40]: Right, right.

John [00:25:40]: And hateful content, you can see what it is you and, and you might agree with what they're saying. But if their motive is hateful content, then that's probably not good. Like it's, it's influencing you in a negative way. Whereas you could disagree what someone is saying, which is fine. But if they're. You don't have to agree with everyone's opinion. You don't have to agree with everything we say. But the question is like, where are they coming from? Are they coming from a place of divisiveness, trying to turn you against someone, trying to like influence you in a negative way? Like from a hateful place. Are they coming from a place of love and acceptance?

Nicole [00:26:12]: Yeah. No, I agree. I think the bad thing is too is that fear based or driven content creates more of a hunger to continue to consume that content. Right. So like if you're watching the news and like someone got murdered.

John [00:26:31]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:33]: Well, maybe, maybe men don't think about this but. And it was like right down the street from your house.

John [00:26:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:41]: You're going to want to keep watching the news to keep getting updated on that. Is he still out there? Is he close to my house?

John [00:26:49]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:49]: Like did they find him? Like is he in jail? What did he actually do? What's the crime? How many people did he kill? Or like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, you're gonna want to keep consuming. So that's too why people, when they create the fear based content, it's to keep you hooked in the.

John [00:27:06]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:27:07]: You're more likely to be hooked in even if it's a really good, a happy story. It's like, oh, like, you know, this is how I found my dog on the side of the street. And we've lived 10 years happy together and we've traveled all these like, that's cute and that's a good story. But that doesn't reel you in to keep wanting to know the rest of the story. Like the fear based stuff.

John [00:27:32]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:27:33]: And unfortunately I think that's why all this negative content gets so much popularity. Like I will say that some feel good content for sure does get popular.

John [00:27:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:44]: But it's typically like very simple, shallow content. Whereas I do still feel like the negative and fear based content gets more attention.

John [00:27:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:56]: And the more we consume that just as a society in general, the more negative we have all become. Like, it's already happening.

John [00:28:05]: Like the big one is like, when it's not your fault content, right?

Nicole [00:28:09]: Oh, yeah.

John [00:28:10]: If it's not your fault. If someone. Exactly. If someone's like, oh, it's not your fault, it's this, it's that. That's what hooks people in. They want. That's the addictive content. You want to keep on consuming that because you don't want to like, but

Nicole [00:28:24]: which I think that that's more men content. Honestly. Like, I'm not saying that there's none,

John [00:28:29]: but decentering men is. It's not your fault. It's men. Men are the problem. It's not your fault.

Nicole [00:28:34]: I feel like that's actually saying it is your fault. Like you're centering men in your life and you need to stop. I think that's actually the opposite.

John [00:28:41]: No, but that, that's, that's a false responsibility. A spot. A false taking responsibility. Because it's, it's blaming, it's, it's saying it's not your fault. It's like, see, I would interpret that

Nicole [00:28:54]: because it is your fault. Like, if I was watching that, I'd be like thinking, oh, it's my fault. I need to stop focusing on men so much.

John [00:29:01]: Yeah, it's your fault because men are so bad. It's your fault because you see what I'm saying? Like, it's, it's actually, I don't know, it's your fault that you don't know. It's the same thing when, when guys are like, you know, it's your fault because you're, you're dating a thought. Like western women are thoughts so.

Nicole [00:29:22]: Well, see, I think the better example is when men are like, it's not your fault. Like, women are biologically chosen or like biologically wired to go for 2% of men and you're not the 2% of men. And so it's not your fault. That is what I feel like is blaming other people content. Like, I don't think the decent. I think honestly, I'm being honest. Like, I'm not trying to be contrarian. If I saw decentering men content and I was single, I would think that it's my fault for putting men in the center of my mind. And I would feel like, I do feel like women do actually tend to blame other women, whereas men blame women. Does that make sense? Like, I'm not saying they, I think women, their hateful content is based out of Fear, like the man versus the bear. It's like, who's more scary? Who's more likely to murder you? Like, that's not really blame.

John [00:30:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:30:17]: I think women, if they're going to blame anybody, they're going to blame other women.

John [00:30:21]: That's interesting. Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:22]: Because even if a man cheats indirect, they don't typically blame the man. They blame the other woman.

John [00:30:28]: Hmm.

Nicole [00:30:29]: Which they should blame both of them. But you know what I mean?

John [00:30:31]: I see what you're saying. Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:32]: I mean, we have dealt with this personally.

John [00:30:36]: Yeah. I think women tend to create that. Yeah. Create content that is more like. More like shaming women. Shaming themselves.

Nicole [00:30:45]: They blame each other. Or shame.

John [00:30:46]: Shaming women. Men create content to shaming women. Women. Right. Everyone creates content shaming women. There you go. Yeah, but that's what sells. Right? But yeah, no, that's exactly. That's exactly right. Because women. Content that's aimed at women does not say blatantly men are bad. It says you're an idiot because you are listening to.

Nicole [00:31:10]: You listen to a man or something. Yeah, yeah. Well, there probably are some.

John [00:31:14]: Yeah, there's some.

Nicole [00:31:15]: I'm not gonna say. There's not.

John [00:31:16]: It's less of it, right? It's less of it. It's more like, I mean, even when

Nicole [00:31:20]: women get cheated on, they're like, oh, what was wrong with me? They're not ever, like, not initially. Usually like, oh, well, that was his problem. That.

John [00:31:29]: Yeah, it is, it is. It is not as simple as. Like I said, it's like, like, not like it's not your fault.

Nicole [00:31:37]: Right.

John [00:31:38]: Because. Because, because there is a lot of content that appears to be positive. Right, Right. Like, you need to do this with your life and do this. And it's like. But it's really just like blaming you for. It's blaming men or it's blaming women, or it's like. It's like. It's indirectly being like, you know, so it's.

Nicole [00:31:56]: It's like subliminal.

John [00:31:57]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:31:58]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

John [00:31:59]: So that's where the. The. Is it coming from a place of fear? Because even if you're someone telling you to do positive things for yourself, but it's coming from a place of fear.

Nicole [00:32:06]: Right.

John [00:32:07]: That's. That's the indicator.

Nicole [00:32:08]: Right.

John [00:32:09]: But is it coming from a place of love? Right. Because it's like, oh, you need to.

Nicole [00:32:12]: It's like love yourself. Or is it. Is it like, do these things so you can pour into your own cup or do these things or else a man's never gonna wanna be with you ever again. You know what I mean? Or, like, you won't be attractive.

John [00:32:22]: Yeah, but the biggest ones are just the ones that are causing relationship issues because they are divisive against the sexes. Right? Like, that's. That's the ones that I think are the most.

Nicole [00:32:36]: I mean, even, like, our, like, research for topics and things like that. And one of them being like, is having a boyfriend embarrassing? Like, people are so afraid, or they used to be, or they still are. To, like, show affection in public, to, like, show that they love someone. To, like, put those vulnerable words out there. Because they're afraid to look stupid if something were to happen. Right? Like, they're afraid to be like, I love this man so, so much. And then a year from now, if he cheated, she has to take all that down. You know what I mean?

John [00:33:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:14]: Or like, a man be like, I love this woman more than anything ever. And then they get a divorce, and then all the guys are like, I told you so, bro. Like, people are so afraid of those things happening. They're so afraid of, like, showing how they feel and being genuine and something bad happening and then making them look stupid or making them look just like what they saw or like, being like, see, I told you so. Like, they're so afraid of all the negative becoming true. Yeah, but we push each other into those negative positions and situations when all we do is consume mostly negative, controversial content, and then that's the only way we know how to live, because we're not consuming positive content or content of people that we admire or look up to.

John [00:34:09]: Yeah, well, and I think a lot of it has to do, too, with the algorithm, too, because, you know, I'm OG on YouTube, like, 20 years, right? Like, basically, I've been doing YouTube for 20 years. I've been doing.

Nicole [00:34:19]: That's a long time.

John [00:34:20]: Is that true? Am I lying? 46, 36, 26. No, it's pretty close to. Maybe it's. Maybe it's like 18 years or something like that. But. But back in the day in social media, you followed people or you subscribed to their channel, and that's what you saw, right?

Nicole [00:34:34]: Only their.

John [00:34:35]: So even on Facebook, like, you would see your friends, you would. You would see their stuff on Twitter, you would see who you follow.

Nicole [00:34:42]: Instagram. Right?

John [00:34:43]: Instagram, you see who you followed, right? And so when you did follow a creator, right? A lot of it was your friends and stuff, but when you did follow a creator, you picked which creator that you followed and you watched their content. And when new YouTube videos came out it was from the people that you subscribe to. Right. And so then you were picking. Right. Whereas now it's being fed to you.

Nicole [00:35:07]: That's true.

John [00:35:08]: And so you were selective. Yeah. So that's what's. What's fielded a lot is because. Because you could pick the good stuff that you want, that you agreed with. That was good message, that was positive. But now you can't. Now you're force fed whatever comes down the feed.

Nicole [00:35:22]: Well, true, but on TikTok you can't. There is a tab just for people you're following.

John [00:35:28]: Yeah, there is, but people don't use that.

Nicole [00:35:30]: I use that.

John [00:35:31]: Oh, you do use. Okay.

Nicole [00:35:32]: Yeah, I do. Because sometimes stupid stuff comes up and I'm like, I don't want to see all this random stuff.

John [00:35:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:38]: Like, I want to see the people that I chose to follow.

John [00:35:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:41]: I don't know if I know. Like Instagram, I don't think does that. I think there's still random stuff in there.

John [00:35:47]: Yeah, but still you're still going to find yourself on the regular feed a lot of times as well too. So it's like. And then you're going to get. You know.

Nicole [00:35:53]: Yeah.

John [00:35:54]: Because how do you find that?

Nicole [00:35:54]: But at least there are.

John [00:35:55]: But at least there's a way. Yeah, that's true.

Nicole [00:35:57]: That's it with that. So I don't know if it's on the other ones, but. But no, you're right. And I think people kind of need to go back to that. They kind of need to figure out a way if it's using like on TikTok, just the people you're following. Like, you should be following people that you admire or you value their content or their wisdom or whatever they're doing. But unfortunately, sometimes people follow people just for the drama or like, what crazy thing are they going to post or what are they going to do next? Like, you should be wanting to take advice from people you look up to. Or if you're looking for relationship advice. Like, I'm not gonna follow some reality star couple that has all this drama. If I want a healthy relationship, I'm gonna follow people that are promoting a healthy relationship.

John [00:36:50]: Right.

Nicole [00:36:50]: That like, put it to the test, that, like do that show that they do that. I'm gonna follow them. I'm not gonna follow somebody. Relationship that I don't want.

John [00:37:00]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:37:01]: You know what I mean? So that's. I think we need to get back to that. Like you said, get back to kind of like the old days. I mean, we can't make it totally where you just see the people you follow, but be more intentional with who you follow or who you. Whose videos you watch. And even if you are on a feed where you can't control what pops up, you can scroll. Like, if someone starts talking and they start saying some crazy stuff that's controversial or negative. Yeah, scroll. Don't finish it.

John [00:37:30]: Consciously.

Nicole [00:37:31]: Yeah, don't finish it.

John [00:37:32]: But you know what happens, though? The algorithm's smart enough that if you just. If it. It knows if it caught your attention. Even if you scroll, it knows if you. If you. If your eyes went to the thing.

Nicole [00:37:42]: If you're like, is it watching our eyes?

John [00:37:44]: I think, I think it. I think. I'm not sure on that. I can't tell you for sure, but it. It. It knows behavior on how long it took you to scroll or if you put your finger off or put it back on and like, to that level of, like, this one caught your attention.

Nicole [00:37:58]: TikTok has it, but I know, like, Instagram has, like, I don't want to see this type of content. People need to be using that as well, too.

John [00:38:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:06]: So that should. Hopefully they shouldn't overpower that. I hope. But who knows?

John [00:38:10]: But I want to see this kind of content. Better than perfect podcast type of content.

Nicole [00:38:14]: That's right.

John [00:38:15]: I guess we should probably wrap it up. Unless you got 37 bits.

Nicole [00:38:20]: Is it because it's 37 or because it's over 30 minutes?

John [00:38:24]: I mean, yeah, just you're like, both. Both.

Nicole [00:38:27]: But I mean. Yeah. So, I mean, I think that we just needed to talk about this.

John [00:38:32]: Yeah. Only watch our content, obviously. Like, the rest of the content is trash. Yeah, that's. I mean, that's all that you really needed to hear.

Nicole [00:38:41]: I feel like that's not realistic. That doesn't seem genuine. Even though we do give good advice. Like, I think that kind of seems a little part of the problem.

John [00:38:53]: I'm not biased. Okay.

Nicole [00:38:55]: Yeah, you don't seem biased at all.

John [00:38:57]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:58]: Based on what you just said. But no, we're going to keep showing up. We're going to keep being genuine and help people. Hopefully, that's what we're here to do.

John [00:39:09]: All right, we'll see you next week. Make sure you check out our website@betterthan perfectpod.com and you can subscribe in there and shoot us an email. Betterthenperfectpodcast gmail.com. see you next week. Bye.