John [00:00:00]: Even if you like her enough to be in a relationship, if she doesn't pop the question, you can't do it. You're dooming yourself from the beginning if you do that as a man. If she wants a man bad enough, then. And she wants him to not be dating other women, she has to say something about it. I did not bring up the. The subject of exclusivity. You did.

Nicole [00:00:17]: I knew how I felt about you, and I could tell that you felt the same.

John [00:00:20]: Yeah, but. But I created enough indications that you felt confident enough that that was not gonna get shot down.

Nicole [00:00:26]: But I also think that a guy shouldn't be just, like, waiting around for her to say something.

John [00:00:31]: Well, y. That, like, take through every fault. We find you are dating someone. Can you just assume that you're exclusive or not? Do you owe someone exclusivity before you've agreed to it? Actually, that's a better way of phrasing. My answer is no. What's yours?

Nicole [00:00:50]: I think it depends really.

John [00:00:52]: Okay.

Nicole [00:00:53]: I think that if you've been dating for a really long time, then maybe you don't owe. You don't ever owe someone. Exclusivity. Right. But you owe them a conversation. I guess I should say, because men do typically use this line more than anyone else. You could date a man for six months.

John [00:01:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:15]: And you could be like, exclusive. You're only seeing him.

John [00:01:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:19]: And you could feel like he's only seeing you.

John [00:01:21]: Right.

Nicole [00:01:22]: But the second you're like, well, what are we doing? Are we going to get together? And he's like, no, we never said we were exclusive.

John [00:01:30]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:30]: So, like, I get that. But at the same point, like, when the relationship gets to a certain level, there needs to be a conversation. And I feel like to me, I wouldn't say it's a red flag, but it's maybe like a. What's it in between? Like a yellow flag, an orange flag. Where, like, if it feels like the relationship is or the like, dating is progressing towards a relationship, and they still seem like they're trying to keep their options open.

John [00:02:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:01]: Like, yes, that is your right.

John [00:02:04]: Right.

Nicole [00:02:04]: But the fact that you're exercising that makes me feel like I don't want to be in a relationship with you. Does that make sense? Like, I feel like guys typically try to use it as, like. Well, we didn't say we're exclusive to, like, as a kind of get out jail free card.

John [00:02:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:18]: But as a woman, I feel like, yes. Even though that's technically correct.

John [00:02:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:02:22]: I feel like, personally, me, like, Back when I was single, if we're progressing that way and like it's getting serious, right, and you still are acting like you want to have other options, right? And you don't want to have a conversation, right? Or I have a conversation and you're like, you know, you don't want to settle down. That would actually make me not want to be in a relationship with you. It would make me not want to be exclusive with you.

John [00:02:50]: Yeah, that. That makes sense. Well, a couple of things. So. So one, it's. It's a person's responsibility if they want to be exclusive, to say they want to be exclusive. So they have to say that.

Nicole [00:03:01]: That's true.

John [00:03:02]: Second thing I would say is that a woman should always do it.

Nicole [00:03:06]: Okay, I knew you were going to

John [00:03:08]: say that for a couple of reasons, right? Because it's about what is valued by the other party, right? So a woman's bargaining chip is sex. A man's is commitment. Now, woman, and we've talked about this before, woman gives up sex early. She don't have very much to bargain with anymore, right? It's fine. Okay. A man gives up commitment early. He doesn't have much to bargain with anymore, right? So the thing is, is that if a man is going to give up his leverage, right? Which a man needs the leverage because he has to be the leader, right? So if he's going to be leading the relationship, being the one in charge, being the one who's paying for everything, like we talked about in the last episode, being the man, then he cannot be coming to a woman and saying, let me lead you. Let me be in charge of you. Let me be, you know, your financial provider. That's a very weak position to come from, to be like, let me do this, right? Because that's what he has to give up is commitment, right? Because a man that has options, successful with women, successful man, his optionality is of value to him, right? For him to give that up, to commit to one woman is a trade that he's making of losing that optionality, right?

Nicole [00:04:39]: Well, typically, exclusivity is not the full blown commitment. It's just that you're not seeing other people, slash, sleeping with other people, right?

John [00:04:47]: But that's still something that he's giving up is commitment, right? But the thing is, before he gives that up, in order for a relationship to be successful, the man needs to have what we call the captain of the ship talk with a woman, which is basically, I'm the captain of the ship.

Nicole [00:05:04]: But isn't that before the Relationship. Are you saying they should do it when they're.

John [00:05:08]: Wait a minute.

Nicole [00:05:08]: Asking about exclusivity.

John [00:05:10]: Hold on. These are the same thing. Exclusivity implies relationship. Unless you're saying.

Nicole [00:05:14]: Not always.

John [00:05:15]: Always. If you're exclusive, you're in a relationship with someone. You can't be exclusive with someone and not be in a relationship with them. That's some kind of weird kind of voodoo.

Nicole [00:05:22]: I'm not saying that I don't agree with you, but I'm saying that sometimes, yeah, 2 of damaged people might just be like friends with benefits sort of thing. They're exclusive with only seeing each other.

John [00:05:35]: No, there's no friends with benefits. And. And you're not in a relationship, but you're not exclusive. Then that's fine, but you're not exclusive.

Nicole [00:05:43]: So you're saying exclusive equals relationship.

John [00:05:45]: Why do you care what someone else does with their private parts if you're not in a relationship with them?

Nicole [00:05:51]: Because if you're doing something with their private parts as well too.

John [00:05:54]: That. No.

Nicole [00:05:56]: Yes.

John [00:05:56]: You don't have no claim if you're dating someone. You're not controlling what they're doing with their private parts. You can't be like, okay, if I'm going to go on a date with you, you have to be baptized.

Nicole [00:06:05]: Yeah, but I'm saying if you go on enough dates with somebody and you're doing things with your private parts, then you talk about exclusivity.

John [00:06:12]: No, you talk about relationship. There's no.

Nicole [00:06:15]: Okay, I think you're calling it relationship, but most people would classify with what

John [00:06:19]: I'm saying, boyfriend, girlfriend, or if you're over 60, lady friend, guy friend. Okay, that is what it is. There is no in between stage.

Nicole [00:06:30]: You're showing your Gen X ness.

John [00:06:33]: You're either dating non exclusive or you're in a relationship. There's no, there's no fluid. There's no fluidity in this. There's no like non binary dating. There's like, you're either dating, not exclusive, or in a relationship and then there's marriage.

Nicole [00:06:52]: That's what it would be.

John [00:06:53]: There's married, then married is for life. But. But there is no. I'm not even going to entertain the other stuff because it's just ridiculous.

Nicole [00:07:00]: Like, look, John, I understand what you're saying, but you can't act like the world is so black and white.

John [00:07:05]: I can't act like it's so black and white?

Nicole [00:07:07]: No, because you've done some things that were not so black and white. And I'm not bringing those up. I'M only saying that it is messier. Life is messier than you're making it.

John [00:07:16]: I get it. Like, there's. But that's. There's. Okay, fine. I'll add one more state to make you happy. There is dating.

Nicole [00:07:24]: Okay.

John [00:07:25]: There is exclusivity in a relationship, and there's cheating and there's married. So I've been in the cheating state before. That's true.

Nicole [00:07:34]: I'm not even talking about that.

John [00:07:35]: Okay.

Nicole [00:07:35]: I'm just talking about, like, that I've

John [00:07:38]: been dating someone for a very long time. Right. I know what you're talking about.

Nicole [00:07:42]: And you weren't exclusive.

John [00:07:44]: Right? And it wasn't exclusive. There was no.

Nicole [00:07:46]: Yeah. And you pulled the thing of like. Well, they didn't ask.

John [00:07:49]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:07:50]: Exclusive.

John [00:07:50]: Because.

Nicole [00:07:51]: But I feel. Okay, look. Yes.

John [00:07:53]: Right.

Nicole [00:07:54]: It is also a woman's responsibility to ask.

John [00:07:57]: Right.

Nicole [00:07:58]: But is it not also the man's responsibility to say something instead of just taking advantage of it to cut her.

John [00:08:05]: To cut her loose? If there's truth to that, there's truth to what you're saying.

Nicole [00:08:08]: Because you can't sit here and be like, if you're exclusive, then you're in a relationship when like.

John [00:08:15]: But.

Nicole [00:08:15]: But I was this gray area of like. But then why would you string somebody along? People. So they're in situationships.

John [00:08:22]: So.

Nicole [00:08:22]: So that's the thing. Yeah. That is exclusive.

John [00:08:25]: That's a woman that doesn't. That's a woman that's not valuing herself high enough.

Nicole [00:08:30]: True.

John [00:08:31]: Because she. First of all.

Nicole [00:08:33]: True.

John [00:08:33]: Don't keep giving sex or don't even give up sex to a guy. I mean, we had that one woman on the podcast, and she's like, three months. Okay. Which made. It actually makes sense. Right. Which is weird for someone who was teaching pickup artistry. But. But it's. But it's still true. It's still true. It is a value thing. Like it is. And so, you know, so. So that the issue there is a woman that doesn't value herself enough because she's giving up sex and she's allowing a guy to have access to her while not giving her any kind of commitment. So she's giving a lot of stuff. Again, did I take advantage of that situation as a man?

Nicole [00:09:11]: Look, I'm not trying to bring this up to talk about.

John [00:09:14]: I know. But I have to be. I have to be honest and say that I did.

Nicole [00:09:18]: I'm only bringing it up because you made it seem so, like, cookie cutter of these things.

John [00:09:23]: Did I take advantage of that as a man? Yes.

Nicole [00:09:26]: You're not the only man.

John [00:09:27]: Was that an honorable thing to do? No, it was not an honorable thing.

Nicole [00:09:31]: You're not the only man to do that.

John [00:09:32]: But I also had. I also had a bigger fish to fry. I was also in a different kind of mess that I shouldn't have been in, so that, you know.

Nicole [00:09:41]: But men who aren't even in the situation you're in, is what I'm saying, still sometimes will take advantage of this. And I get that it's still a woman's responsibility to be like, hey, I want to be exclusive, or, like, I don't want to see other people. Yeah, I get that. And I'm not excusing that.

John [00:09:58]: I'm not.

Nicole [00:09:59]: But also, as a man, if you feel like a woman is.

John [00:10:03]: But I can't. Here's the thing is, though, look, as a man, like, again, maybe I'll backtrack a little bit on this, because as I think about this, I can, as a man, be like, what are we. Or be like, no, hey, we've been out for a long time. Like, do you want to make it official? I can't do that. I cannot do that. Because.

Nicole [00:10:20]: But if, you know, you're not serious about that woman, you can stop taking advantage of her.

John [00:10:26]: And how does that conversation go? You see what I'm saying? She's got to be like, I know

Nicole [00:10:30]: you haven't said anything, but I just can't see a future like us getting into a relationship. And so I don't want to waste your time because.

John [00:10:39]: Because she hasn't said anything. Yeah, that seems kind of weird. Like, if everything's going good, but she hasn't said anything. Like, I.

Nicole [00:10:44]: What do you mean it's going good? If you liked her enough that you would maybe. Okay, look, here's the can't, though. Here's.

John [00:10:50]: No, you got. But you got to. Maybe you got to create the.

Nicole [00:10:52]: You have to do something. If you liked her enough, you would do something.

John [00:10:56]: You show her that if she asks you to be in a relationship, she's got a green light. That's what it is.

Nicole [00:11:02]: You did things without telling me that you wanted to be with me. That showed me you wanted to be with me.

John [00:11:07]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:11:08]: And so that's what I'm trying to say is, like, yes, it is her responsibility.

John [00:11:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:14]: However, I also think that it is a man's responsibility at some point.

John [00:11:18]: But you. You drugged me and then. And then said, see it, say it, say it. And I said, I love you. And he said that. That. That, you know, that we're In a

Nicole [00:11:26]: relationship now, we're drunk on love. You are drunk on love. And I could see it. So I told you to just say out loud.

John [00:11:35]: So, so then you basically like, assumed, assumed the relationship. You're like, you know, that means like, that's it.

Nicole [00:11:42]: You can't tell someone you love them.

John [00:11:43]: Yeah, but I could have, I could have refused the offer at that point, which, you know, which I didn't. So that's why we're here. So, but, but in general, like, the woman has to initiate the conversation of the relationship of either what are we or I want to be. Because the man needs to be able to hold the power to be able to have the captain of ship talk and say, I'm the captain of the ship. That means that, you know, I go down with the ship, but I don't have a co captain of the ship. I'll always be the captain of the ship. You don't have to be on the ship, but I'm a good captain. I take care of my crew. I take, I, you know, I, I make sure I put my crew first. If you're on my ship, I'll take good care of you. But you don't have to, but there's not going to be any kind of co captain ship of this ship. That's how I am. And then, I mean, but he has, if he doesn't, if he doesn't have that, then he can't have that conversation. And there's no reason why he has any expectation like he's wasting his time. Because a woman that doesn't comply, doesn't trust you enough for you to lead and comply to. That is not a woman that you're going to want to be with long term because you're going to be fighting a battle forever that you're going to probably lose. So getting that compliance is going to require some amount of leverage. Right. Like, so he cannot be the one asking.

Nicole [00:12:58]: I think though, that women, if it's been enough time now, if it's too fast, then yeah, it's going to turn women off. But I feel like women do actually, like when a man is like, hey, I don't want to see other people, that's not being like, I want to be in a relationship, but it shows that he's super serious about you. And I feel like sometimes women do wait for a man to say that.

John [00:13:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:13:19]: And that's also why women might not say, have the exclusivity talk first.

John [00:13:26]: It's, it's better for a man doesn't say I don't want to see other people, though. It's just, it's.

Nicole [00:13:30]: I mean, I think it's good. I think as a woman, like, I think she can, early on you can

John [00:13:35]: show her that he doesn't want to see other people. He's spending more time with her. He's not.

Nicole [00:13:38]: Like, I don't think it hurts to say I don't want to see other people because I think also, like, especially in the beginning, a woman needs to feel like a man is equally as invested as her. And sometimes they're so nonchalant that like,

John [00:13:53]: well, he could show that then it

Nicole [00:13:55]: kind of messes up the relationship.

John [00:13:57]: I mean, he can show that in other ways though.

Nicole [00:13:58]: Like what?

John [00:14:00]: Like, like the, the things that he treats her to and the time that he spends with her and the commitment and like.

Nicole [00:14:07]: But men can have whole other lives.

John [00:14:11]: Yeah, but you.

Nicole [00:14:11]: And he's spending time with you, but he could have a whole other.

John [00:14:14]: Yeah, but you know, but that, that's when you have to ask the question. Then you have to, do you have

Nicole [00:14:18]: a whole other life?

John [00:14:18]: No. He's like, well, can do. Do you want to be exclusive? Like, I want you to be like you. You've got it. Like, a woman has to be the one that's initiating that because her, like I said, the woman's leverage is sex. A man's is commitment. Like, that's what, you know, the man's trying to get sex, the woman trying to get commitment for from what she considers a high value man, a man that she wants.

Nicole [00:14:38]: Okay, what if a woman says, I only want to see you and the guy says no? Then you break up with him.

John [00:14:43]: Then you break up with him. You know what I mean? Otherwise you're lowering your value.

Nicole [00:14:47]: That's true.

John [00:14:48]: I mean, you can accept less than that. Don't accept if you want, but you're going to be. But you're never going to. Like, you've already lost all your bargaining power, right? Because the one last bargaining power that she has is that she can break up with you. She can be like, no, the deal's off. Then he's losing access to sex. So. So she's actually taking the sex back, right? So that is. It's still a viable, you know, chip that's in play. But you gotta, you know, if you, if you give that one up, you got nothing. You got. He can do whatever he wants. You, you got nothing. Because if you're like, oh, I want to be exclusive. And he's like, nah. And then you're like, well, okay, we can just have sex anyway. Then he. Then you're never gonna. That guy's never gonna be exclusive. You're ne. He's never gonna ask you to marry him. He. You're just going to go on forever, right? Because you got nothing else. What else are you going to bargain with? You got nothing.

Nicole [00:15:37]: I'm not disagreeing.

John [00:15:37]: That's what I'm saying. But that's why the dynamic has to work that way. It's not. It's not like. Like I'm trying to be mean about it. It's just like, it has to work that way because women want the commitment and a man wants the sex, you know?

Nicole [00:15:49]: Okay. And I'm not saying that I don't agree. I think you make a good point. But I also think that men will take advantage of the situation for as long as they can.

John [00:16:00]: Right. So that's why, as a woman, you got to be like, no, I gotta have a high value of myself, and I'm not gonna.

Nicole [00:16:04]: But I think also as a man, you should.

John [00:16:06]: As a man, a good person, you should be. Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:09]: And not take advantage of someone for a long time.

John [00:16:11]: This woman is not someone that I'm gonna see myself with because she doesn't necessarily value herself high enough or whatever. And.

Nicole [00:16:19]: Or you don't like her enough to want to be in a relationship. Like, that's the reality.

John [00:16:24]: But it doesn't matter, because even if you like her enough to be in a relationship, if she doesn't pop the question, then you can't do it as a man. You're gonna give up way too much. Like, you're dooming yourself from the beginning if you do that as a man.

Nicole [00:16:38]: I'm.

John [00:16:39]: Cause you're giving the thing for free.

Nicole [00:16:41]: I'm not just understanding what I'm saying.

John [00:16:42]: No, no, I understand what you're saying. But in that situation, what can you do?

Nicole [00:16:47]: Break up? Like, end it?

John [00:16:49]: And then what?

Nicole [00:16:49]: Be like, I don't see this progressing into a relationship.

John [00:16:53]: Yeah. But then it's because you don't. She doesn't value herself high enough.

Nicole [00:16:56]: If you're like, sure, maybe that's it. But also, maybe you're not compatible. Maybe she's not the person that you want to see yourself with. Like, because when you're dating, you have to get to know each other.

John [00:17:05]: Let me give you the scenario then.

Nicole [00:17:07]: Okay.

John [00:17:07]: Okay. Guys dating a girl, right? He likes her. He would get an exclusive relationship with her, but she just hasn't asked for it yet.

Nicole [00:17:13]: That just seems immature.

John [00:17:14]: So does he break up with her.

Nicole [00:17:15]: That seems immature.

John [00:17:16]: What's immature? What is he supposed to do?

Nicole [00:17:19]: What's his say something.

John [00:17:20]: He can't, he gives up too much of his.

Nicole [00:17:22]: He can't talk.

John [00:17:24]: He's going to say, can we get an exclusive relationship?

Nicole [00:17:26]: I didn't say he could say that.

John [00:17:27]: What is he going to say then?

Nicole [00:17:28]: He could be like, hey, how are you feeling about us dating? Like, where are you at? Okay, that, like, come on, you can't say. Like she has to learn to speak up and then the man just is not responsible for speaking up at all. I mean like, especially if he wants a relationship, but he's waiting for her. Like, like what if she's waiting for him? That's like, I, I get it, but

John [00:17:51]: she can't like, like that.

Nicole [00:17:52]: But women don't know that they have to init unless they're watching this. Because a lot of times women don't want to initiate that either.

John [00:18:01]: If she wants a man bad enough then, and she wants him to not be dating other women, she has to say something about it. Now maybe she won't say anything because she doesn't think he's dating other women. Bad, bad choice like in the man and, and just choice in general. Right. Like a man is going to be more valuable to women if he's dating other women.

Nicole [00:18:21]: Sure.

John [00:18:21]: But like she's got to like, if she assumes this guy's valuable, she has to then, you know, give up some.

Nicole [00:18:28]: But if a man likes this girl and he's just waiting for her and he's just gonna wait, I mean, then

John [00:18:33]: I think he makes it, like you said, he makes it more known to her by showing her acts of devotion that show her that he is ready if she asks him that he would be exclusive with her. He may, he does those things. He shows, he goes to Florida and visits her. Pretends like he's at his parents house, but he's at her house. Right? Like, you know, he does stuff like that. You know, he does some cute stuff for her. You know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:18:58]: Like he shouldn't be pretending he's.

John [00:19:01]: Or whatever. You know? You know, he does, he does things that, that indicate to her that she's more than just a. Yeah, but the

Nicole [00:19:10]: thing is like I knew that you were dating other people. I didn't know the full story until the very end of all of that. But like, but still there was a part of me that like we didn't live close. I couldn't ask you for exclusivity. Like that just seemed like out of, but you did. But I didn't.

John [00:19:28]: But you.

Nicole [00:19:28]: Not directly.

John [00:19:29]: Well, you did. At some point I could tell I

Nicole [00:19:33]: knew how I felt about you and I could tell that you felt the same.

John [00:19:36]: Yeah, but I did not bring up the subject of exclusivity. You did, right?

Nicole [00:19:42]: Yeah. I said, well, now we're boyfriend and girlfriend because you said you loved me.

John [00:19:47]: So I was like, that's still bringing up the exclusive exclusivity. So you did. So, so. But I, I created enough indications that you're felt confident enough that that was not going to get shot down.

Nicole [00:19:57]: But see, that's what I'm saying, that's what I'm saying from the very beginning of all this with exclusivity is that like you will still know, right? You'll still know where the relationship's going. And sure, like, I understand where you're coming from. I do think the woman should say something, but I also think that a guy shouldn't be just like waiting around for her to say something.

John [00:20:17]: Well, yeah, well, but like take my long running relationship, the example where that went on for several years without, you know, without any exclusivity, right. I, at that point with what was going on in my life, no offense to the person, but if she asked me for exclusivity, I would have said no.

Nicole [00:20:38]: So you were worth like you, you would have risked not having that anymore.

John [00:20:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:44]: If she asked that.

John [00:20:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:45]: But you didn't want to also give it up, so that's why you didn't say anything.

John [00:20:49]: I didn't have any need to write like, because, but I think like morally

Nicole [00:20:55]: you should, I guess is what I'm saying. Like, I get that men care about sex, they care about these like intimate relationships. But that's my thing is like you

John [00:21:04]: don't see it going like there should. You should, you shouldn't, you shouldn't waste a woman's time because her time is precious.

Nicole [00:21:10]: Right?

John [00:21:10]: That I'll give you. That I'll give you, right? So you should be like, okay, well like, like I, since I don't see, like even if she asked for exclusivity, I wasn't going to continue this then at some point, okay, four weeks, five weeks, six months, whatever, that's enough time, right? You know, like not years of time. I agree.

Nicole [00:21:26]: That's what I feel like I messed up there.

John [00:21:28]: That was

Nicole [00:21:30]: that in general, like, I'm just trying to point out that like if you know, because like you said it was a long time and you still knew that if she asked you, you Would have said no.

John [00:21:39]: Yeah, but in my situation, I had other shit going on.

Nicole [00:21:42]: I get that.

John [00:21:42]: Worse than that.

Nicole [00:21:43]: But there's there, you know, like different, like. Yes, but men will date women that they don't really want to be with, they just want to sleep with.

John [00:21:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:21:52]: And because she hasn't said what are we? Or she hasn't asked him for exclusivity, he keeps her around for one thing.

John [00:22:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:02]: And sometimes that could be a very long time because maybe the woman does

John [00:22:05]: have low self esteem. May not also be one thing. He could like her too and enjoy.

Nicole [00:22:09]: But not enough to be in a relationship, which is what women want.

John [00:22:12]: Or their situation could be bad enough that like other extenuating circumstances that it's still bad.

Nicole [00:22:19]: What I'm saying is if you know you don't want to be in a relationship with somebody.

John [00:22:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:25]: Unless you have a friends with benefit thing, which you say doesn't exist. So according to you, if you know you don't want to be with this person, you should leave them here.

John [00:22:34]: I'll give you this.

Nicole [00:22:34]: Or like you should be like, look, I don't think we're going to work out.

John [00:22:37]: I'll give you this. As a woman, you should, if you want to be in a relationship with a man that's exclusive, you should ask him. You should have the value. And you should not be having sex with a guy over a period of time that you don't. That is not giving you commitment, exclusivity. As a man, if you're with a woman and you don't see it going, you wouldn't say yes to her being exclusive. Okay, then you should cut her loose and not waste her time.

Nicole [00:23:06]: Yes.

John [00:23:07]: Especially if you think that she would want to be exclusive with you.

Nicole [00:23:09]: Yes.

John [00:23:10]: Then you should do this. Even though you could do it, you shouldn't do it.

Nicole [00:23:13]: Yes.

John [00:23:14]: Okay. And if you do want to be exclusive with her, then you should give her the indications that, that you do. Now if you're giving the indications and then she still doesn't say anything, then you're in the clear. Right.

Nicole [00:23:23]: Then you should walk away too.

John [00:23:24]: Or you're in the clear. Then it's. Then it's fine at that point.

Nicole [00:23:27]: Because benefits.

John [00:23:30]: No, you're not.

Nicole [00:23:30]: Yeah, you are. Because you're still banging each other.

John [00:23:33]: Yeah, but like you're just dating.

Nicole [00:23:36]: But you're dating, but you're on a road that goes nowhere. It leads to a dead end. That's friends with benefits. That's like you said, that doesn't exist. Now you're Saying that it does.

John [00:23:46]: It's friendship benefit.

Nicole [00:23:47]: Why would you date somebody that you already know? She's telling you she doesn't want to be exclusive.

John [00:23:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:52]: And you want to keep doing what you're doing.

John [00:23:55]: I don't know.

Nicole [00:23:56]: Because doesn't that mean you have low self worth as a man? No, because, look, if you, you all of it was good until the very end. It was all reasonable until the very end.

John [00:24:06]: You want to be exclusive with her. Right.

Nicole [00:24:08]: And she says no. Have some self respect.

John [00:24:11]: If she says no. But you're never gonna ask her. You can't ask her as a man. That's what I'm saying. It's like.

Nicole [00:24:16]: Or if you feel like she's stringing you along, you should leave.

John [00:24:19]: Yeah, if you feel like she's stringing you along, you should leave. That's if that's the case. But. But like she has to ask. So it's not. It's really hard to like discern if she's stringing you along, you know? But why hasn't she asked? I guess like that's the. If you've given her all the.

Nicole [00:24:33]: Know if she likes you or not.

John [00:24:35]: Yeah, I guess if she's giving you all the indications that a girl is

Nicole [00:24:39]: more likely to be like talking about exclusivity before a guy is if she likes you, if she wants to be in a relationship with you. If she, if you ask as a man or you hint at it and she's like wishy washy, she doesn't probably really like you. Same with like a guy.

John [00:24:56]: You really don't want to date a woman that is like, has. Is pretty loose with her sexuality. So it doesn't reflect well on you. Like, you know, so.

Nicole [00:25:08]: So just Xna, that whole part where you like just messed up your own analogies.

John [00:25:13]: Well, I mean, at that point, like you, you should cut her loose for a different reason.

Nicole [00:25:18]: Yeah.

John [00:25:19]: This is because it's. Because it's definitely not. This one is probably not going to be marriage material. And then like.

Nicole [00:25:24]: And so that's getting very judgmenty.

John [00:25:27]: And no, it's not judgy. Like, that's what a woman's like.

Nicole [00:25:30]: I think it's better to just be like, she's not. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and she wants to do things that you don't want in a relationship. Like you don't want in a person that you're looking to have a relationship with. That's all it has to be.

John [00:25:44]: I mean, it's still a reflection of her, like, moral character, like, and how her value of herself, her self worth and value at that, at that point in time.

Nicole [00:25:51]: Yeah. So sure. But I don't think that it has to be so negative in order to make a guy feel better about himself.

John [00:25:58]: No, it's not. It's just like the same thing.

Nicole [00:26:00]: That it doesn't have to be the opposite for women.

John [00:26:02]: Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's just, it's not a good situation to be in as a man.

Nicole [00:26:07]: Like, either way, like, a person shouldn't be using another person. And that's the whole part of the exclusive, like, exclusivity thing is like, well, you didn't ask. It's like, it's kind of like using someone to still get, gain access to them while still gaining access to other people.

John [00:26:23]: Yeah. But they have to ask. Like, it is on them to be

Nicole [00:26:26]: like, no, it's on everybody to have a conversation to be like.

John [00:26:29]: It's more on, on, on a woman to be like, this is what I want.

Nicole [00:26:33]: Yeah. If she likes you, she's gonna ask

John [00:26:35]: like some way, like, status quo. Right. If it's status quo. In order to upset the status quo, the person who wants upset the status quo needs to be the one to do it. Right.

Nicole [00:26:47]: Yeah. I'm not disagreeing.

John [00:26:49]: Which it has to be a woman for, For a man, otherwise he's not gonna, it's not gonna work out as a relationship. So.

Nicole [00:26:55]: Yeah, I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm just saying though, that also if you're a guy and you really like this girl and she hasn't said anything, there are ways that you can hint at that. You want that as well too.

John [00:27:08]: I agree.

Nicole [00:27:08]: Like, it's, it's not very mature to like, be like, well, I have to wait for her. Like, you can put things out there. Because if a woman likes you, she's going to want to ask you to be exclusive.

John [00:27:20]: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think if you're, if you're a smart guy and you're like, trying to attract a woman, that would be a good partner for you. You should just be like, happy with your single life. And then if a woman comes along and you, you like her enough and then she wants to be exclusive with you, then she will take you off the market. And you'll let her take you off

Nicole [00:27:42]: the market because you're the princess.

John [00:27:45]: Because. Yes, because you're the princess. No, because it's because you have to.

Nicole [00:27:48]: Because guys are the prize.

John [00:27:49]: Because. No, because commitment is the, Is the prize that women want.

Nicole [00:27:53]: I understand why you're saying, like, look,

John [00:27:55]: but it also solves the problem. Look, if women never give up sex unless they're in an exclusive relationship, that also solves the problem, does it not?

Nicole [00:28:02]: I would think so.

John [00:28:04]: The guy is going to, like.

Nicole [00:28:05]: You really think that there's men that wouldn't leave a woman just because she doesn't want to sleep with him? I'm not saying that. He's a good man.

John [00:28:12]: I'll give you the turnaround. I'll give you the turnaround where the man can ask a woman for a. For exclusive relationship. You want to know what it is? She doesn't have sex with them. She says, I only have sex with guys that I'm in a committed relationship with. I don't give up my sexuality that easy. It costs being in a committed relationship. I don't want to have a bunch of flings. I only want to have guys that I'm in a committed relationship with or married to. Like, if she wants to really go that far. But okay, then if the guy likes her enough, he's like, I want to have sex with you. She's like, yeah. Do you know what that means? Or he says, I want to be in a committed relationship.

Nicole [00:28:46]: Man. If I said all that to a man and I was like, I wanted it to be with someone that I love and that I'm in a committed relationship with, and he's like, I want to have sex with you. So you want to be together? I'd be like, no. Did you understand anything that I said?

John [00:29:00]: No. He's agreeing to the terms.

Nicole [00:29:01]: He's like, yeah, in a horrible way.

John [00:29:04]: And. Yeah. I'm not saying to say it that way. I'm just. You did. I'm not saying to say it that way. I'm trying to say that, like, I

Nicole [00:29:11]: feel like he doesn't understand at all. This guy's definitely not. I'm not committing to. If he's like, I want to. So I'll date you.

John [00:29:18]: Where do I sign? I want to say, so let me sign the paper.

Nicole [00:29:21]: Yeah.

John [00:29:21]: Yeah. No, no. I mean, you wouldn't say it that way, but. But he's agreeing to, like, in that case, she still has the negotiation power there. Right. And then he's now able to, you know, to say, hey, I guess the

Nicole [00:29:36]: thing is, like, it kind of goes against a lot of things that also happen. Like, you know, we have a daughter and she got asked a homecoming. The guy asked her.

John [00:29:48]: Yeah. Don't get me wrong. Guy asks girl to Go out on a date. Girl does not ask guy to go out on a date. Girl asks guy for commitment. Yes.

Nicole [00:29:58]: Have you never seen where the guy's like, oh, will you be my girlfriend? And he does all these elaborate things?

John [00:30:03]: That's. I'm not going to say the word, but it's. That's pussy boy. John. That wasn't the word I was gonna say, but. But that. It's. No, no. Oh, no, don't do that. Oh, don't do that as a guy. Never, never ever do that as a guy. Horrible. Horrible, Bad.

Nicole [00:30:20]: Why?

John [00:30:21]: Oh, my God, So much respect lost for you.

Nicole [00:30:24]: Why? Because you showed you liked her.

John [00:30:26]: Because you asked her to be your girlfriend.

Nicole [00:30:28]: Why does that lose respect?

John [00:30:30]: Because you now do not have. Because. Commitment. You just. It's the same thing as a woman being loose with her sexuality. A guy being loose with his commitment loses respect. Man will lose respect for a woman that shows that she will sleep with any guy. A woman will lose respect for a man that gives up his commitment super easily. Absolutely. It might seem cute, but it's going to be loss of respect 100% of the time. Not just for women, but for all the other guys that see you, like, just being. Being like that. Like, it's. Look, show your devotion to a woman. Show that she's beautiful, that she's wonderful, that you love her, whatever. Or that you're. That you like, like, do, do do gentlemanly things, but do not ask her for commitment. Especially in a cute way that is. No, not good. Not good. You'll be cute like all the women. Like, oh, that's so cute. But not loss of respect 100%.

Nicole [00:31:23]: But a man asks a woman to marry him.

John [00:31:25]: Yeah. That's different.

Nicole [00:31:27]: That's the ultimate level of commitment.

John [00:31:28]: That's different. That's the ultimate level of commitment. Because when a man asks a woman to marry him, Right. She's already in an exclusive relationship with him. Right?

Nicole [00:31:37]: Yeah, hopefully.

John [00:31:38]: Yeah. The sex and commitment have already been given up. Right? Those bargaining chips have already been given up. Okay. Now he's showing, like, a higher level of commitment for, like, that he wants to be with this woman for the rest of his life. That is honoring her. That is showing, like, that's him now taking the risk. He knows her, he's dated her, he's been in a relationship with her. Right. He's showing her that even more than just having sex, that he wants to be with her. He wants to give something to her. Right. But he then expects her loyalty at that point.

Nicole [00:32:15]: So it goes like Guy asks for date. The woman has to ask for a relationship, but guy asks to marry.

John [00:32:20]: Exactly. Exactly.

Nicole [00:32:21]: Why?

John [00:32:23]: Because he's taking on that responsibility of her. Of her whole life and financial.

Nicole [00:32:28]: I know that, but I'm saying, I just don't get why the middle part.

John [00:32:31]: Why? Why? That's because at that point, he hasn't given up commitment. So that is still. He needs that in order to negotiate. The captain of the ship talk, right? Because. Because that's what he can bargain for. He can trade for that. Right?

Nicole [00:32:47]: So it's business.

John [00:32:49]: No, it's not business. It's just. Okay, let's suppose, let's. Let's suppose it's the other way. Let's say that a man, right, Suppose he hasn't had the captain of the ship talk, and he's in an exclusive relationship with a woman, whether she asked him or he asked her, whatever, they're in it right now. He wants to have the captain of the ship talk. And he's like, hey, I'm the captain of the ship, right? She's like, get out of here. And he's like, okay, bye. What can you do at that point? Nothing. He's like, okay, well, I'm going to break up with you if I'm not the captain of the ship. That's pretty weak and lame. That's pathetic. Like, oh, so if I don't listen to what you say and you're not in charge of me and, like, you're not the kid. Like, if I don't. If you're not the leader of the relationship, then you're going to break up with me. That's a pretty weak position. The stronger position is to be like, oh, look, my life is cool how it is. I really like you, whatever. But if you want to be with me, if you want me to give up and be committed to you and you're the only woman in my life, then I need to be the captain of this ship. Like, I'm the captain of the ship. Like, this is what my requirement is. Like, I'm happy either way. Like, I'll just, you know, I'm happy going on my merry way. But if you're saying, hey, you want to start something with me and you want to be exclusive, then this is what I need. This is what my requirement is, because this is what a relationship with me looks like. It looks like me being the man being the one who's, who's calling the shots and, and, and, and leading this relationship. You see what I'm saying? Like, it, it just doesn't work the other way.

Nicole [00:34:22]: I get it. But there is a part of me, too, that, like, in the very beginning of the relationship, that is still kind of like a hard time to have the captain of the ship talk it it. Like, because you still don't really know each other that much, and your finances

John [00:34:41]: aren't connected, but that's why you're not getting married. Like, if a woman is not going to trust or agree to a guy enough that she understand that. Because, look, it's still a trial period, right? You can date a guy and be like, okay, I understand. Like, at least, okay, you don't have to agree that he's the captain of your ship for life. You're just like, I understand that this is the kind of guy that he is not going to accept. Like, he's going to be the man. And so I will date him, but I have that understanding. And if I don't trust this guy and I feel like then I can get out of there knowing that I would have to agree to that. Like, he'd have to be that level of trust. So it's a good thing for both parties because she's already knowing what the expectation is. Like, this guy is gonna be the one calling the shots. So if I don't trust this guy to call the shots, I better not continue to be in a rush. I'm not gonna waste my time. Otherwise, she ends up wasting a bunch of time because she's like, oh, I can control this guy. I can do whatever. And then someday he's like, oh, by the way, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I'm actually going to be in charge now.

Nicole [00:35:45]: That's true.

John [00:35:46]: Not good. Right. That's nay.

Nicole [00:35:47]: And so I see where you're coming

John [00:35:49]: from, but it's just because it's practical. It just makes, you know, I mean, like, I've coached enough guys, enough time disasters have happened because the guy did not. Did not establish from the beginning that he's going to be the one leading this relationship.

Nicole [00:36:02]: Yeah, I understand that. And I think it's fair, like you said earlier, for women to have the exclusivity talk.

John [00:36:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:10]: But for men to also.

John [00:36:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:12]: To not leave if they know they don't want to be with somebody.

John [00:36:15]: I agree.

Nicole [00:36:15]: After enough time, like, I'm not saying. I'm talking about guys that will string a girl along for months.

John [00:36:22]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:22]: Knowing that they don't really want to be with her.

John [00:36:25]: Yeah. But.

Nicole [00:36:25]: But because they didn't say, okay, here's where it's different.

John [00:36:29]: I, I would take offense to the stringing. A long word. And I'll tell you why. Because if I, I will give stringing along under this condition, if the woman talks to the guy and, and she's like, what are we? And he's like, ah, yeah, I don't know, whatever. Like, I'm just, We're just having a good time. Like, I don't want to, I don't want to change things. Like, I don't want to ruin things by putting words to this. Right. And then, and then he's still, you know, and then a couple weeks later, she's like, well, you know, which guys do say those things, then that's stringing along. That is stringing along. Right. But if she never had the conversation. No, it's not stringing along a guy. An honorable thing to do would be to cut her loose anyway. But there are plenty of guys that have had that conversation and have said, oh, I pushed it off. And like, yeah, no, like, if a woman know.

Nicole [00:37:14]: If you're stringing a woman along.

John [00:37:16]: I've had women ask me that type of thing. Like, the what are we? And I've just straight up told them, like, look, I'm, I'm not, I'm not getting into a committed relationship.

Nicole [00:37:25]: Okay, but the one that didn't. You knew was exclusive. Yeah, you.

John [00:37:29]: That was.

Nicole [00:37:29]: And so that's my thing. My point too, is that, okay, yes, it's still her responsibility to have the conversation. I'm not excusing that.

John [00:37:37]: Right.

Nicole [00:37:38]: But some guys will know a woman only wants to be with him. Or she'll be like, you're the only guy I'm seeing. Which isn't like, what are we? But she will say, you're the only guy I'm seeing. And he will still continue to string her along. True that. Stringing along, it's.

John [00:37:52]: I still don't say string along. If she hasn't. And she hasn't asked for. Like, you can't, like, you can't really string someone along unless they ask you for something and then, you know it's a dishonorable thing to do.

Nicole [00:38:04]: It is, but it's very dishonorable.

John [00:38:05]: Yeah, but it's not string along.

Nicole [00:38:06]: The most dishonorable.

John [00:38:08]: The most dishonorable.

Nicole [00:38:10]: You are bringing shame to her name.

John [00:38:12]: Yeah, that's true.

Nicole [00:38:14]: So it is dishonorable. And again, it does feel like you're kind of tip to. I'm not.

John [00:38:19]: You're wasting her time.

Nicole [00:38:20]: I'm not saying that she shouldn't say something. I Am saying that she should still say something. But there are times when a woman doesn't say anything because she's scared or whatever.

John [00:38:30]: Right.

Nicole [00:38:31]: Which again, she should still say something. But a man will use her, will

John [00:38:36]: string her along if she doesn't say anything. It's not string along. It's not using women.

Nicole [00:38:41]: Please say something then. Because.

John [00:38:42]: Yeah, yeah. If she said something and then he's still like, avoiding the question, then it is stringing along. Then I would give you 100% stamp of stringing along.

Nicole [00:38:50]: I still think if you're benefiting from someone not asking you a question, that's.

John [00:38:55]: What if she's benefiting from it? I mean, look, but then would you

Nicole [00:38:59]: not want to be with her?

John [00:39:00]: Let me give you.

Nicole [00:39:00]: Because you said, then she's promiscuous.

John [00:39:03]: Let me give you a real situation. In the real situation that we're talking about, in the situation I was in, I was taking this girl to Disneyland. I was like taking her to nice restaurants, like on trips, all kinds of stuff that I was paying for. So she was getting a lot of benefit out of it.

Nicole [00:39:20]: It sounds like someone who likes you.

John [00:39:22]: Yes, yes. But what I'm saying is that. And I, and I enjoyed the company. Right. I was just in a situation where I was not going to, you know, I don't know how, like, you wrangled me, but it's good. It's because it was. Because it was you. Like, you know, I mean, like, it was different. Like, like, you know. So what I'm saying is that, like, you can't just assume that, you know,

Nicole [00:39:43]: you gave her the impression that you did want to be with her.

John [00:39:46]: No, I didn't.

Nicole [00:39:46]: You took her all these nice places.

John [00:39:48]: Yeah. But I was also, like, it was very clear that I was going to Vegas. I was going to, you know, to other places. And so, you know, so that was very clear about that. There wasn't an actual conversation about it, but she didn't bring up the conversation. Now, will I admit that it was dishonorable for me to continue to waste her time knowing that. Yes. Was I doing other things I shouldn't have been doing at that same time? Yes.

Nicole [00:40:15]: Why string a woman along if you have other women? That's. I guess the thing is it wasn't

John [00:40:19]: stringing along if she doesn't say anything. That's what I'm saying.

Nicole [00:40:22]: This was years. It was not good.

John [00:40:24]: But it wasn't stringing along. Like, like I said, you don't know who.

Nicole [00:40:27]: This just sounds like an excuse to not feel bad. For like, having someone there just because they didn't ask you a question. You know what I mean?

John [00:40:36]: I mean, again, like I said, I'm not going to say that you shouldn't say, okay, like, we need to end this or whatever. I'm not saying that you shouldn't do the right thing.

Nicole [00:40:46]: It kind of sounds like.

John [00:40:47]: No, I'm not. I'm not saying that you shouldn't do the right thing. You should still do the right thing. However. I'm just saying that however, women. It's not stringing along.

Nicole [00:40:54]: Say something. Yeah.

John [00:40:55]: So string along. If no one says anything.

Nicole [00:40:56]: This is the excuse that guys use. You didn't say anything.

John [00:41:00]: Guys will. Frequently the woman does say stuff and he's like. He avoids the questioner. He, like, pushes it out another couple weeks. That's stringing along. That's what stringing along is.

Nicole [00:41:10]: Okay.

John [00:41:11]: It's like you're very triggered by that word. Well, because it's not really stringing, like, stringing along.

Nicole [00:41:16]: Stringing along is like just, I have stringed men along. Like, not really been wanting to be in a relationship, but maybe would still go on dates with them. Like, just. It happens. It's not the right thing to do.

John [00:41:29]: Yeah, but that's like, for attention, because they like the attention of.

Nicole [00:41:35]: Were you not string. So you. Okay, it's. So it's worse to string along for attention than to string along for sex.

John [00:41:41]: No, no. It's not stringing along unless someone has said something like, here, let me. String along means to create a phone call.

Nicole [00:41:51]: You don't want to be in a relationship with them, but you continue to act in a way like you would be going towards.

John [00:41:57]: Okay. String along. String along means to create a false pretense.

Nicole [00:42:02]: Yeah. Isn't still going on dates and doing stuff with someone that you don't want to like.

John [00:42:06]: Not necessarily. Not if it's very clear that you're not exclusive and that you're going and doing.

Nicole [00:42:10]: Is it very clear that you're not

John [00:42:11]: exclusive when you make it very clear when it's. It's.

Nicole [00:42:13]: But that's the thing. Did you make it clear you're not exclusive because she didn't ask, but did you make it clear you're not exclusive because you assumed you're like, I'm going to Vegas. Yeah, but that she could have trusted you.

John [00:42:27]: But okay, yes, I did make it clear because I was like, yeah, let's pick up a third. A second girl.

Nicole [00:42:33]: Okay.

John [00:42:33]: So that's pretty clear, right? That's pretty clear. There's nothing more Clear than that. Like, yeah, let's. Let's get you. You pick up a girl, that's like

Nicole [00:42:40]: a slap in the face.

John [00:42:41]: But hey, but that's what I did, so that's. That's clear.

Nicole [00:42:44]: Okay.

John [00:42:45]: Right. Well, yeah, it's not. It doesn't clear up the, like, are we in a relationship?

Nicole [00:42:49]: Part.

John [00:42:49]: I'll give you that. And still would have been the more honorable thing to like, not. But. But again, like I said, that was. In the situation where I was at, that was the least of my concerns because I had a lot of other.

Nicole [00:42:59]: You were doing a whole.

John [00:43:00]: That was cooking that I shouldn't have been doing. So.

Nicole [00:43:02]: Yeah, you were like, Breaking Bad level cooking.

John [00:43:06]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:07]: You cooked up a whole lot of this stuff.

John [00:43:09]: Yeah, it wasn't good. It wasn't good. I don't condone it. It's tough.

Nicole [00:43:12]: I still think you should say something. But I agree that if you made it that obvious about that you're not that serious. Then also, she's responsible, but. Yeah, yeah, a woman is responsible to say something. But again, I don't think men should take advantage of that, which is what I'm trying to say.

John [00:43:27]: Yeah. And I get that, like, you, you

Nicole [00:43:29]: know, if you're especially, like, you talked so lowly of, like, women, like, and judgmental of women, like, sleeping with people.

John [00:43:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:38]: But then it's like, guys will string a woman on along.

John [00:43:43]: Right. Well.

Nicole [00:43:43]: By being like, if she does ask and say, like, I don't know.

John [00:43:47]: Yeah, See, that's fucked up.

Nicole [00:43:48]: And then that's messed up. Yeah. So, like, if you have a problem with women sleeping with people.

John [00:43:53]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:54]: Don't be part of the problem.

John [00:43:55]: Well, I think. Well, that's not true because. Because it's two. Two counter forces that you need that are pushing against each other in order to have that friction. Right. Like, the man is trying to get.

Nicole [00:44:07]: Like there's a limit to it.

John [00:44:08]: Yeah, there's a limit. There's a limit to it. But. But what I've always told guys is that if a woman asks you, what are we? And you're not trying to be exclusive and you're trying to play the field, then just be straight up with her and be like, look, I'm not interested in a committed relationship. I'm interested in having a good time or whatever and not committing to anyone and seeing other people. And if you're not cool with that, totally understand. It's not your cup of tea. It's fine 100%. If you are, then things can stay the same. But it's it's, you know, like that's, that's at least being straight up and honest about it. Right. Especially the thing is, like. And the reason why that's, that's often the right response is because sometimes women will ask that after two dates. Well, I know. You gotta be like. You gotta be like, look, I don't

Nicole [00:44:54]: think it should be said so soon.

John [00:44:56]: You still don't want to string her along. You still don't want to be like, ah, I don't know, we're just having

Nicole [00:45:00]: a good time to say, like, it's only been two days. Like, we're still getting to know each other.

John [00:45:04]: Exactly. That's. That's fair. Like, you know when you're stringing along at that point. Yeah. But it does require the other person to be asking questions.

Nicole [00:45:12]: I agree. You can't just not say anything.

John [00:45:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:14]: That's on you too. Especially for years. That is on someone else as well.

John [00:45:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:18]: But also as the person that knows that they don't want anything serious, it's your responsibility as well, too, not to string someone along.

John [00:45:27]: Yeah. Yeah, I could, I could see that. You just. Or you can just pop a. Give them a ring. Just be like, oh, just give them a ring. Just get engaged. You're just like, that's your first question is. Or like, like, like they do in every single play. Or every. Like in the old times.

Nicole [00:45:41]: Or like, yeah, they've talked.

John [00:45:42]: I love you. Yeah, they talk. Like after one time, they talk. They're like, I love you. We're getting married.

Nicole [00:45:48]: Yeah. Literally, it's been a day.

John [00:45:50]: Yeah, that's it. Very quick courtship. That's how it used to be, though. Quick courtship.

Nicole [00:45:54]: Just quick and messy.

John [00:45:57]: Well, if you have a question for us, if you disagree, don't string us along. Send us an email at. You're really better than perfect. Better than Perfect podcast@gmail.com and you can check us out at. On the website@betterthanperfectpod.com. don't go to betterthanperfect.com because that's not our domain. Pod.com. i'm trying to buy it. We'll see. We'll see you next time.