Nicole [00:00:00]: I think women who like 50 50, they're just afraid to be taken advantage of emotionally. Or like a guy holding things over her. I gave you this. You have a roof over your head and a bed to sleep.

John [00:00:11]: Again, the same cure for men, right? I said a man that's worried of being taken advantage of is because he values himself low. If he values himself high, no one can take advantage of him. Same thing for a woman. If a woman values herself low, then she's scared. Then she's like, oh, a guy will control me, or he'll use these things against me or whatever. No, if you value yourself high, that can't happen. Because are you going to stay with a man just because he provides you food or just because he provide you shelter? But he's not a good man and he doesn't treat you right? It always comes from a low value of yourself. Because someone who has a high value of themselves, they don't need someone else to tell them what they're worth.

Nicole [00:00:40]: That's true.

John [00:00:45]: All right, today we are going to re open the can of worms of

Nicole [00:00:50]: everybody's favorite can of worms.

John [00:00:52]: Yes, the 5050 relationship. But it's because it's going around on the Internet.

Nicole [00:00:57]: Is 5050 fair if someone makes like, three times the amount?

John [00:01:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:03]: Well, it's funny because when I dated the guy who was like, Super 50 50, he definitely made at least twice as much as me.

John [00:01:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:14]: And he still expected me to pay the exact same amount as him because that's what was fair.

John [00:01:21]: Well, okay, that is fair, right? If you're.

Nicole [00:01:24]: Which we talked about that, like, equal.

John [00:01:26]: Because just because you make more money doesn't mean you should have to pay more money. Like, that's, that's very, like Atlas Shrugged. Like, very much like the whole. Like, to each who, you know, to each what they need and to each what they earn. Like, type of thing where it's like, he who earns more contributes more, and he who needs more, gets more.

Nicole [00:01:48]: But this, this is not even 5050 in the sense that you're talking about, like, it was like Excel spreadsheet level.

John [00:01:53]: Yeah, that's.

Nicole [00:01:54]: But I'm talking, like, would make dinner at his house and then he'd be like, what are you making next?

John [00:02:01]: Yeah, like making. That's fit for tat. 50 50.

Nicole [00:02:04]: Yeah, very extreme.

John [00:02:06]: Yeah, but it's. But that's the thing is, like, that's, you know, like, if you're gonna go 50 50, my argument is then, then it's 50 50.

Nicole [00:02:15]: But a lot of people don't go 5050 to that extreme. And I don't think it's beneficial because even with, like, my friends, I would not tit for tat them.

John [00:02:26]: No, no, exactly like that.

Nicole [00:02:28]: So why would you do that with your romantic partner if I'm not doing that with my friends, if I'm like, no, girl, I got you.

John [00:02:33]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:02:34]: Why would I want to be with someone that's like, no, I don't got you. Look at the Excel spreadsheet and Venmo me what you owe me.

John [00:02:41]: Yeah, yeah. Like, that's not my rule, is like, any time I'm out somewhere, I pay the bill.

Nicole [00:02:49]: I know yours. But I'm just saying, though, that, like, this is the issue with super equal 5050 is like, if you wouldn't even act that way with your friends.

John [00:02:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:00]: Why are you treating your romantic partner that way?

John [00:03:02]: Well, and. And we'll get down to the brass tax right away, which is that the man pays for the thing. The man pays for everything. That was to be a man. You don't have to be a man if you don't want to be a man, but if you're a man, you pay for shit.

Nicole [00:03:16]: But I think that's also where this question comes from, right? Because it could be the woman. I'm not saying that. Who makes three times more.

John [00:03:24]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:24]: But say that it's the man that makes three times more.

John [00:03:28]: Right.

Nicole [00:03:29]: And he still wants to do 50, 50. So, like.

John [00:03:33]: Yeah, that's like, it's just being pathetic. That's what I would call it. Like, you, you, you like a man wanting to do 50. 50 is pathetic. Like, man takes care of it. Even if he makes less, he still pays the bills. That's how it goes. That's what being a man is like, because it's the difference between the masculine and the feminine. Like, the man, he should be. He's supposed to be the leader, right? He's supposed to have the authority. Woman's supposed to listen to the man, do what he says. He's the decision maker. He's the leader in the relationship. She's supposed to do what. What he says to do. Right.

Nicole [00:04:05]: Like, well, she's supposed to trust him and in order to do those things.

John [00:04:08]: So along with that responsibility also comes the responsibility of providing, of paying for the thing. And you might think that's not fair. And. But you don't have to be a man.

Nicole [00:04:20]: You can't be a leader if you don't have more skin in the game.

John [00:04:24]: Right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And that's how it should be. That's like, that solves the problem. Because the thing about it is, no matter how you try and figure out 50 50, this is why people are getting in such a mess with this. It's never going to work. There's no way.

Nicole [00:04:37]: It's always going to be tit for tat.

John [00:04:38]: Right. It's just not going to work. It's not going to. How do you divide the bills and who pays the mortgage and who pays for dinner? It's.

Nicole [00:04:47]: But even if you hide it.

John [00:04:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:48]: It can still feel unequal. Like, it's never going to truly feel equal.

John [00:04:53]: Right.

Nicole [00:04:53]: Like, and even if you make it super equal with your Excel spreadsheets or whatever, then it, then you don't have the polarity, you don't have the romance, you don't have a deep connection because there's this, like, loomingness of everything has to be equal.

John [00:05:11]: Right, Exactly. And the thing is like, and you can try to devise different scenarios. Like, let's say the guy makes three times more than the woman. So you could just do a 5050 and split everything down the middle. Or you could say, well, since I make three times more, I'll take whatever it is, I'll pay three times as much. And then you pay the. We split it so that it works out where my portion is three times as much as your portion because it's based on how much income we make. No matter how you slice this, it's not going to come out good. Because if you do the 50 50, the other person who's making less is going to feel like this. Like their, their, their quality of life is a lot less because it costs them more. And what if you want to live an extravagant lifestyle?

Nicole [00:05:50]: Right.

John [00:05:51]: And then they got to boot the, the 50 of your extravagant lifestyle because you, you want to like you. You see, you're making a lot of money. It doesn't matter to you if you spend a couple thousand dollars on whatever.

Nicole [00:06:00]: Yeah.

John [00:06:00]: To them it's, it's their whole paycheck. Right. So it just, it doesn't, it doesn't work.

Nicole [00:06:05]: But how do these men not become resentful? Because I think that's the problem. Because even with 50, 50, they can be resentful. So you're telling them that they got to pay for everything. And I feel like then they start resenting the woman and, or they'll be like throwing it in their face. I pay for all this.

John [00:06:22]: And it's what I come back to all the time, which is that men today generally lack pride and the way that you don't be resentful is you have pride in being a man. Like, you pay for the things because you have some pride in yourself as a man. Like, you're the. You're the man that makes you the man. Like, you can't claim to be the man if you're not doing all this stuff. Right. And again, if you're doing it and counting the cost, then you're not really doing it. Like, that's not. The whole point is that you do this because you are the man and it's the right thing to do. That that's what you feel like you're taking care of the people that are under your care. Right. That's why you're the leader. It's not just because you're. You have a penis. That doesn't make you. Like, it's because of what you do as a man.

Nicole [00:07:08]: You know, I hope that becomes a quote on the website. You're not a man just because you have a penis. I'm putting that on a shirt.

John [00:07:15]: And I know a lot of guys are going to be upset and they're going to cry about it, but they always do. But it's like, times are hard. Oh, the economy is hard. It's hard. It's hard. Hard. Yeah, it's hard. It was harder a couple hundred years ago. It was harder back in the. In the middle Ages or whatever when. When being a man was like, dying for your. Like in. For your tribe or in battle, you

Nicole [00:07:40]: know, like, just trying to get food.

John [00:07:42]: Yeah. Just trying to get food. Like. Yeah, it's hard. Yes, it is hard to be a man. Right. But. And it is to some degree a thankless job. But that's why it has to be pride that motivates you, you know?

Nicole [00:07:55]: Thankless job.

John [00:07:56]: Yeah, for the most part. Because I.

Nicole [00:07:57]: Thank you.

John [00:07:58]: No, I know, but like. But no one. But no one is really going to understand your struggle. Like, you know, as a man. Women are really not going to understand that. Like the burden that's on your shoulders. And it's not their fault because they just can't understand because they can't be in your place. They don't understand.

Nicole [00:08:12]: But they kind of know if they're doing 50, 50 and taking care of the kids in the house, they know more than men, actually, probably in some degree. So.

John [00:08:21]: Yeah, but. But like, to. To.

Nicole [00:08:23]: But I know what you're saying. Like to carry the entire financial responsibility and.

John [00:08:27]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:08:27]: To truly be the leader and be responsible for everything, because you can't.

John [00:08:32]: When I Say it's a thankless job. I don't, I don't mean that you appreciated. But what I mean is that you can't expect the thanks for it. You can't expect the appreciation. Because if you're looking for that, like the approval of even your woman in order to do those things, then you're going to not be able to do it because you're not always going to have that. Because sometimes the guy in charge gets the shit travels upwards. Sometimes you get blamed for all the shit too, Right? So that's what responsibility is. And so it has to be something else that's keeping you going, which is the pride, Right? It's like, I do this because I am this kind of person and this is what my values and beliefs are. And I take pride in being the man who is able to take care of the people who are in my life, able to support them, able to carry the load so that they don't have to like, because there's no other. And the reason why I keep on emphasizing that, because there's no other way that it makes sense. Because a lot of guys are going to complain that they're going to whine and be like, oh, yeah, that's not fair and it doesn't make sense. True on both parts. I agree with you 100%. It's not fair and it doesn't make sense. Why would you take that deal? The only reason why you would take that deal is to have the title, to be able to say, I am the man. And to me, and if you don't see the value of that, then don't be the man. And that's fine, you don't have to be the man. But for the real men, they will see the value in that because it's something that you can't put a price on, on being that person. Because you go to bed at night and you lay your head on your pillow and you know you're the man. It doesn't even matter if anyone else does. You know that, you know what you've done. Exactly. And that's the only thing that really matters. You know what I'm saying? And so that's why I agree with those guys that are like, nah, that's not fair. That's ridiculous. It's. Why should anyone ever take that deal? It's not a good deal, it's a shitty deal, but it doesn't matter because that's not why you're doing it. You're not doing it because it's economically advantageous. To you. You're not doing. Because you're bartering for sex or whatever it is. Like, you're not doing it because, you know, it's, it's, it's fair. You're doing it because you, you lay claim to that title and you want to be the man.

Nicole [00:10:46]: Yeah.

John [00:10:46]: For you.

Nicole [00:10:47]: I agree.

John [00:10:48]: Well, because I would feel like less of a man. Right. And I don't want to feel like less of a man.

Nicole [00:10:53]: Right.

John [00:10:54]: That's why I would do it, you know what I'm saying? Like, because I believe it's the correct thing.

Nicole [00:10:56]: Well, because you know what it feels like to be the man.

John [00:10:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:59]: And I think some of these guys have never felt that way.

John [00:11:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:11:02]: And so they don't understand the feeling, maybe. Because I guess, like, besides what you just said, which I think is really good.

John [00:11:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:10]: How would you help a 50, 50 guy become a man? Like.

John [00:11:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:16]: How would you coach a guy into being, you know, someone who is a leader and takes financial responsibility completely and those things. Like, because I feel like even, I mean, I'm not a man. But hearing what you just said. Yes, it's inspiring. But I feel like maybe they don't even understand what you're saying about being a man. Because like you said, like, as a society, I feel like we have kind of lost that.

John [00:11:43]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:43]: In a lot of men, unfortunately. How would you take those men and help them become. Or those boys and help them become men?

John [00:11:50]: Yeah. It should be an intrinsic thing that's within you. Right. So I think that all men have this intrinsic pride. It just has to be tapped into. And maybe you tap into it through the motivations of like, hey, if you're the man, women will be more attracted to you as the man. Right. Women, whether women say that they want or not, or they're like, oh, this guy's chauvinist right now. This guy is, like, ridiculous. I don't want a guy that's going to tell me what to do and is going to like, take, pay everything and whatever. It doesn't matter. That's what they actually do want.

Nicole [00:12:20]: They want a good man to do that. Not a controlling or like, you know.

John [00:12:24]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:25]: They want the right kind of man to do that.

John [00:12:27]: Right, right. But that's what you will be if you do that. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you're taking care of everything, if that's like your, you know, if you have the pride in doing it. So I think that's a motivation to do it is to say, okay, well, I mean, you Know the people who, who are willing to take on this kind of responsibility also get the, those benefits. You can't do it for those benefits only because, like I said, you're not always going to get those benefits. It is somewhat a thankless job, but. But that can help to motivate. But it has to be something intrinsically in you. You have to like, you have to. I think the way to, to talk to a boy, to help him to understand what it is to be a man and to motivate him is to find that hole in him where he's like, where he doesn't feel good enough

Nicole [00:13:11]: or he needs external validation or something to fill it.

John [00:13:16]: Yeah. And then help him to realize that by becoming what he's meant to be, that is the fulfillment of it. Right. Like when you're living your purpose. Right. And you're taking care of the people in your life and you have pride in being that person, that gives you a meaning. It gives you something that is fulfilling instead of seeking the external validation all the time. And if you're thinking that this will bring you the external validation, it could. But in general, it's not. Like I said, women will be more attracted to you, but you're also going to get people that are going to not like you because of that. Right. So you can't really draw on that. It has to be something that's inside you that says, okay, I have a sense of pride myself as a man. Like, I should do these things. And it's like an elevation of yourself.

Nicole [00:14:04]: Yeah.

John [00:14:04]: You know, but makes sense. But if you can't find someone to have that, you're never going to make that. It's never going to be a good deal. That's the thing. I can't make a logical argument and be like, oh, yeah, yeah, you should do this because. And then give you a bunch of reasons that will help you because it's going to be negative to you to do this. Right. You're taking on more of the share. You're taking on more of the burden.

Nicole [00:14:25]: Well, I think they're afraid of being taken advantage of. Or I think it's on both sides a protection mechanism. And that's why 5050 breeds more so to individuals just living under one roof. Like, you can't really become one.

John [00:14:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:40]: You can try with like a joint bank account, even though you're 50 50. And maybe you operate in some ways like a more traditional relationship.

John [00:14:49]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:50]: But really the core of 5050 is always going to be kind of two people, two individuals, like living Together. Not really like merging into one.

John [00:15:02]: No. Yeah. They're going to be bartering basically because

Nicole [00:15:05]: it's protection on both sides, I feel like. And that's why, I guess trying to focus this episode on the 50 50, on how men can feel prideful and how they can get to that place might be more beneficial because I feel like I understand why women do it. They're afraid of a controlling man. They're afraid to let men lead unless they feel like he's a man that she can trust. But women need to work on their thing is less about like the 5050 money.

John [00:15:35]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:35]: Because we've done episodes where you talk about that men don't care about women's money. I mean, some men will say that they do. Those are the 5050 guys, the heavy 5050 guys. But so they need to focus on finding a man that they can trust and releasing control and allowing a man to lead, which is hard. And that's hard for women. And that's where she needs to focus. But it sounds like men's flip side to get away from the 5050 is learning, you know, to work hard and take pride in being a man and, and giving and providing for the person that you care about.

John [00:16:08]: In both cases, it comes to a high esteem for yourself. A high self worth. A man pays for everything and does everything because he has a high self image of himself. A woman allows a man to do those things because she has a high self worth, a high self image of herself. Right. Because he's like.

Nicole [00:16:28]: I think they think the opposite though.

John [00:16:30]: I think they would think that 50, 50 is that I'm valuable enough that you have to pay for me, you have to take care of me, you have to do all this stuff for me because I have a high value of myself. That's what a woman should think. And a man should think I do all these things because I have a high value of myself. I am the man. Right. You know what I'm saying? Both of those things come from a high value of yourself.

Nicole [00:16:51]: I think men are afraid of those type of women that have a high

John [00:16:54]: value of themselves, that know what they're

Nicole [00:16:56]: worth, that are like, you gotta pay for me to do these things or whatever.

John [00:17:00]: Well, again, you don't have to demand it or say it. You just know what your intrinsic value is. You're like, okay, I have an expectation that a man is going to take care of me because I'm worth being taken care of. I'm worth like not paying for my dinner. If someone wants to go on A date with me, they need to pay for dinner because that's what my value is.

Nicole [00:17:20]: I agree with that. But that's also why I'm trying to focus on men.

John [00:17:23]: And they put a higher value on their sex as well. And it solves a lot of the problems. Women don't give up the sex easy. They have a high requirement for how they should be treated.

Nicole [00:17:35]: And, you know, I don't think it solves a lot of the problems because I think if men don't feel prideful in being a man.

John [00:17:43]: Yeah. Oh, no, I just.

Nicole [00:17:44]: A woman still can't find that man.

John [00:17:46]: But. But it solves a problem for that woman. You know what I'm saying? Like, it solves well, it like, weeds

Nicole [00:17:51]: out, you know, things easier.

John [00:17:53]: Yeah, because if you hold yourself to the higher value, then you're going to. Other people are going to treat you. No one is going to treat you more valuable than you treat yourself. That's the way to put it. But I'm just saying it's the same on both sides. It comes from seeing yourself as a high value. Man sees himself as a value based on what he can provide and what he does provide and what he's willing to do. Woman sees herself as a high value based on what a man will provide for her.

Nicole [00:18:26]: I feel like there's still this, like, fear that men have that women are taking advantage of them. So, like, what if he wants to be a man and he's like, okay, I'll pay for the stuff. But then like, he's like, oh, she's using me. Or.

John [00:18:41]: Yeah, but if you think that way, then you're already not a man, right? Because no one takes it. You can't. No one can take advantage of you. That's the whole thing. It's like, it's like if I go out to dinner with. With people, right? And then I pay the bill for everyone. I'm not like, oh, this person I think is taking advantage of me. And this person's not like, I don't think that way. If I think that way, then I'm not really being magnanimous. I'm not really, like, it's just fake. It's just transactional. It's like, then what can you do for me? Right? Because the only way someone can take advantage of you is if you think tit for tat. If you're like, what can you do for me? Because if you're doing something for someone else, they can't take advantage of you because you're voluntarily doing. Now if you Feel like they're forcing you to do something because there's some kind of emotional blackmail or there's a societal pressure or there's some reason why, or you're going to get something from them and they're going to take it away from you. If you don't do this thing then that's a different situation. But no one can take advantage of you. It's small minded thinking to think in terms of someone taking advantage of you.

Nicole [00:19:49]: I agree with you.

John [00:19:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:50]: I'm just trying to connect the dots because I feel like it's hard for you to put it into perspective because I feel like from the very beginning basically of your adult life, you've basically had this mindset. I know that you at some point didn't feel very good about like how you looked or something. But you've always seemed like, you know, you take care of people and that you're a good man. So I think that even though what you're saying is true, right. Yeah, I'm trying to like bring some of the things.

John [00:20:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:23]: The things that people have complain about or.

John [00:20:25]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:26]: Because I think that even though what you're saying makes sense, I don't think men are going to understand how to go from having the fear mindset or the like that woman's just going to take my money or whatever or to having the mindset that you have. And I know that it does start with like just telling yourself like starting to believe these things. But is there other ways that they can like.

John [00:20:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:52]: Gradually get there? Because I just don't want it to seem like one extreme to the other because it is going to take some time.

John [00:21:01]: I mean you do have to adopt the mindset, right. Like you have to dispel these, these limiting beliefs and these bad thoughts about the situation. Like, like a way that I would always think when I would go on a date with a girl is I would always think, damn, like she's lucky to be going on a date with me. So like there's no woman that would take it like would, would go on a date with me in order to just get food. That would be stupid. That would be like, like, like I'm worth way more than the food. So if you're going on a date with me to just get food, it's, I'm still happy, I'm still having a good time, I'm still eating dinner. A little bit of a bill doesn't mean shit to me. But you're wasting your time. Like, like, because you could have gotten way more than just food, you know what I'm saying? Like that, that's what I'm, that's, that's my mindset as a consumer. Right? Which, but if you don't have that mindset, nothing is going to fix that. Like you have to develop that mindset. You have to value yourself high enough that like when you value yourself high enough, then you don't think that people can take advantage of you.

Nicole [00:22:00]: That's.

John [00:22:00]: That's what I'm saying. And so I get that. If you're not there, then you have to do things in order to build your own self image so that you can be there. Otherwise.

Nicole [00:22:09]: I get that. I agree.

John [00:22:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:11]: But I think that you're still not hitting on like maybe the fears that are there. Like is the fear that they don't make enough money and so they feel bad about themselves and so they project. Like, that's what I guess I feel like is missing. Because what you're saying is true again, it just seems like it's not really like it's going from they're here to like, here's how you just be like you. You know what I mean? So I think my thing is like trying to understand where this even stems from. Like, like I said, is it the fear that they don't make enough money and that's why they're so stickler with their money?

John [00:22:51]: It's not. That's what I used to think, but it's not true. I'll tell you why. Because if you don't have a lot of money, then you take a girl out for a hot dog at the hot dog stand and you pay for both hot dogs. You know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:23:03]: So you go on a cheaper date, whatever.

John [00:23:05]: Yeah, whatever your budget is, but you still pay for it. Because I'll tell you what, if you take a guy that's thinking that way, right? And I've seen these guys, and you give him a bunch of money and he's making millions of dollars, he's still going to be a cheapo. He's going to go to an expensive restaurant and still want to split the bill. Or he's going to be the expensive restaurant and he's still going to be like, oh, is she taking advantage of me? He's going to be worried all the time that girls are just take advantage of him because he has a lot of money.

Nicole [00:23:28]: Is it scarce mindset? It's a mindset.

John [00:23:31]: It's a value of yourself. How you treat other people is a reflection of the value that you have of yourself always. And so if you have a high value of yourself, you're going to treat other people well, and you're not going to assume that people are going to take advantage of you because you don't care. Because your goal is not to get something. The only way that you can think someone's going to take advantage of you is if your goal is to get something from them. If your goal is to give something, then no one can take. Like, never. Do you give a Christmas gift to someone and be like, oh, I think they're taking advantage of me. You gave the gift if it had strings attached. And then you feel like they're not going to obey your strings, then you feel like you're getting taken advantage of. But when you're actually giving something, when you're actually a generous person or magnanimous person, then no one can ever take advantage of you because it's an impossibility for you to think that way. The only way I can have in my head that someone's taking advantage of me is if I'm trying to take it instead of gift. But what if I'm trying to give? How could they take advantage? If I give you a gift, can you take advantage of that gift? If I keep on giving you gifts and you give me nothing back, but I like to give you gifts because I enjoy giving people gifts, are you taking advantage of me? Some other people observing the situation might say, yeah, oh, he's being taken advantage of. You don't know me. I like giving gifts. I don't care if someone gives a gift back. I'm not giving a gift in order to get something back. I'm giving it because I like giving a gift. If there's another reason why I'm giving a gift, it's not a gift. It's a contract. It's a requirement. It's strings attached. And so that's where it doesn't matter how much money you make, because guys will be like, oh, that's easy to say if you make a lot of money. Now, if you're cheap when you don't have any money, you're going to be cheap when you have a lot of money. It doesn't make any difference. Money is just a multiplier for who you are. If you're a junkie, a drug addict, and you get a lot of money, you're going to overdose, you're going to be even more of a junkie, right? If you're a selfish and stingy person and you get a lot of Money, you're going to be Uncle Scrooge. Like, it's going to happen, whatever it is. If you're a very kind and giving person and you get a lot of money, you're going to give a lot of money to charity. You're going to help a lot of people with that money. Right. Money people are like, oh, well, money corrupts and power corrupts. No, the person was already corrupted. The power, the money just multiplied what they already were. You just couldn't see it because it was too small. Right. But once you had the money, it magnified it and then you could see the real person. It brings out the true colors. And so that's why it's like, money doesn't solve anything. Money only magnifies the thing, the problem or the solution. And so that's why all these guys that are like, oh, it's so hard. The economy is so hard. I don't make money. You don't understand. You're a boomer. Whatever.

Nicole [00:26:09]: Did you say you're a boomer?

John [00:26:11]: Yeah. It's all just rubbish thinking.

Nicole [00:26:14]: Yeah.

John [00:26:15]: You know what I'm saying? Like, if you want to be able to make more money and you want to be able to treat people better, like when I say treat people, but like, like in a monetary way.

Nicole [00:26:23]: Yeah.

John [00:26:24]: Then, then do it, then make more money. But you don't have to. Like, you can live on meager means and still buy two hot dogs instead of one hot dog. That's, you know, there's no reason why you can't do that. Because if you won't do that, then you definitely, like, you're like, oh, if I get more money, then I'll. I'll give more. I'll be more gen. No, you won't. You'll be more stingy. You'll be more worried that people are going to take your money, that people are going to take advantage of you. That's how human nature works.

Nicole [00:26:48]: That's a good argument. So do you think 50, 50 guys are takers then?

John [00:26:53]: Yeah, yeah. Because. Especially because they want a lot of 50. 50 guys still want the authority. They still want the respect of being a man. Right. And then. But a lot of times, even also, they don't want to do household chores. So, yeah, that sounds a lot like taking to me. Right, right.

Nicole [00:27:12]: You know, and they only want to provide half.

John [00:27:14]: Yeah. And even if you're just thinking, like, just in general. Right. Like, okay, as a man, I'm going to take care of you. 50. 50, right. I'm not 50. Sorry. I'm going to take care of you 100%. Right. I'm going to pay for everything.

Nicole [00:27:25]: Oh, you're downgrading me to 50.

John [00:27:27]: But. But what do I tell you when you go out with your friends? I say pay for everything because that's how you think in our relationship. Yes, I'm going to pay for everything. I'm going to take care of everything. But you, even as a woman, should never be like 50, 50 with your friends or 50, 50 with other people. You should be magnanimous and generous and not think someone ever going to take advantage of you. You should always be giving because that's the way to be. You know what I'm saying? That's just the way to be. Because otherwise you're living scared all the time. Oh, are people going to take advantage of me? Or like, it is a scarcity of mindset, like, oh, there's not enough. Like, if I give to someone else, then I will have less. And that's just if you live. If you think that way, you're going to live your life in constant stress and fear of other people instead of in constant love. It's always, you're either on the spectrum of fear or love. Like, that's a spectrum and you have to decide where you are on that. And you're always doing things or living out of fear or love. If you're living out of love, you're not worried, you're not counting the loss, you're not counting the things, the costs.

Nicole [00:28:28]: Tit for tat.

John [00:28:29]: Yeah. You're not thinking someone take advantage of it. And that's why the idea of 50, 50 is like, even if you're in a relationship, even if you don't agree with what I'm saying. Right. You're like, oh, well, the man doesn't have to pay for it. Okay, then both of you in a relationship should just, anytime that something comes up, offer to pay for it. You should both offer to pay for it. Then, like, if you don't agree with me, then at least the next best thing, if you don't believe in man and woman and in the traditional sense. Yeah. Then you should never ever put a spreadsheet or never ever count any of the stuff and just be like, every time both of you should be racing to take care of the other person. Exactly. You're just like, okay, let me take care of you, let me take care of you. And that's how I am with my guy friends. Right. I just make sure that I try to take care of the bill. My Guy friends also are trying to take care of the bill or whatever. I buy something for tickets for someone. Don't worry about it. It's not a big. I'll take care of it. I'm not going to try and charge them money. So I don't know. That's the way to be in general. But anytime you're trying to get into counting things, then you're going to go into the wrong. It's going to end in disaster.

Nicole [00:29:41]: That's true.

John [00:29:42]: Because things are never always going to be equally fair, no matter how you slice it. Life isn't fair. And that isn't it. Like 50. 50 is literally an expectation for life to be fair in some way because you're trying to create, impose.

Nicole [00:29:54]: Yeah. Trying to make it equal all the time.

John [00:29:57]: Yeah, but how can you value someone's contribution? How can you value or make the decision, oh, well, this person makes three times more money. Well, maybe they work three times as hard as you and you're sitting watching TV on your ass all day and so then they should pay more. Or maybe they're not. Maybe they're lucky and they're making three times. Who's to value that?

Nicole [00:30:15]: Who's making money watching TV all day?

John [00:30:18]: I mean, day traders, I don't know. People using their AI to run everything. Yeah, but, but what I'm saying is that you have to put evaluation on something that you can't really put evaluation on. Like, it's not going to be fair. Like life is not fair.

Nicole [00:30:31]: Yeah.

John [00:30:31]: You know, if you're trying to make life fair, you're going to be always counting the losses, like, and always looking out for your back and who's, who's screwing you over and who's not screwing you over.

Nicole [00:30:41]: Yeah, that's true. So how do. Maybe if a guy's listening to this and you've convinced him to be a man and handle all the stuff, how does he go from 50, 50 to traditional? Especially if he's already in a relationship and he wants to transition.

John [00:30:58]: Yeah, I mean, you just start doing it. You just start paying for the thing.

Nicole [00:31:02]: What if they have a house that needs dual income or something? They should move.

John [00:31:07]: And then you start figuring out the plan. Like, I mean, you should. Like, really my advice would be down that you can't afford it. You downsize. And if your wife was like, oh, I don't want to downsize, and whatever, then look, then you got to make it. You got to make a choice. Like, you're the man, you want to be the man. You got to step up and make the man and make the family make a hard choice.

Nicole [00:31:27]: Yeah. What if she wants to work so they could stay there?

John [00:31:30]: You got to have a plan, like a transition plan. I think like I would say no, you got to. You're already living above your means, but you got to have a transition plan. I guess if you, if you're going to. I mean, you might be already be in a situation. I can, I can get that. But like it's your choice to. It's not maybe not your choice. Well, maybe. I mean, you got yourself there, but it's your choice to stay in a situation or not and to change the situation. You know what I mean? So you gotta, but you gotta start

Nicole [00:31:58]: stepping up as they start taking on more responsibilities.

John [00:32:00]: Yeah. Yeah. Even if you can just start paying for more of the things like, and moving it where you're, you know, where you can pay for more of the things. But it's not easy. Yeah, but that's what the cost is of, of pride of being able to be the man. But that's why you should never get into that situation the first way. And like, that's why I always tell guys that if you can't support a woman and a child, then you're not ready to have a relationship.

Nicole [00:32:26]: You said to date last time.

John [00:32:28]: Yeah, to date. Well, I mean, if you're dating, why are you dating? You know?

Nicole [00:32:33]: So you were dating for a while. You weren't looking for a date?

John [00:32:37]: I wasn't dating. I was, I was.

Nicole [00:32:39]: You said dates earlier or whatever. You said you take some girls on dates.

John [00:32:45]: Yeah, but, but I have the money to do it.

Nicole [00:32:48]: That's true.

John [00:32:49]: So, so there.

Nicole [00:32:49]: Well, no, I'm just, I'm just saying. Even dating.

John [00:32:52]: Yeah, yeah, even dating. Like you should, you just have, you should be working on other things in your life.

Nicole [00:32:57]: Yeah.

John [00:32:57]: Getting your shit together right. Before you like involve someone else in your life as a, as a man. Like you need to be making, making enough money and it doesn't have to be a huge amount of money. You just have to like, whatever your means are going to be. If you want to make, you know, 50 grand a year and have a wife and advocate and you guys live in a trailer. That's fine. I'm not judging. That's fine. Like that's live a non materialistic life. Yeah, like I'm not even judging. I'm just saying like that's fine. You find, you'll find a woman that, that will, will do that with you because loves you and you're A good man and you take care like a woman. You know, I know most people are going to disagree with this, but a woman would rather be with a man living in a trailer if he takes care of her and takes care of everything and, you know, and whatever he has, he. He gives than a rich man who. Who doesn't. Right.

Nicole [00:33:50]: This is very anti what the guys

John [00:33:53]: think it is anti with it. But. But it's. It's not. I don't think it's accurate. I think women are attracted to money for sure. I think Amanda has money, but stability

Nicole [00:34:05]: is different than attraction.

John [00:34:08]: But okay, imagine being married to a rich guy that's stingy versus a poor guy that gives you everything he has.

Nicole [00:34:18]: That's true.

John [00:34:18]: You know what I'm saying? Which is going to be a better life in the long run. Which, you know, you might have this lifestyle where you're getting an allowance from a stingy guy, or you might have a lifestyle where someone is working for you and doing everything they can and giving you a budget and taking care of you and your child and your family. Because. Because that's what he's about. And he's a hardworking man. Like, you know, a lot of guys would be. But I think truly, that is, you know, ultimately, you know, if you ask a woman, would you rather have a rich man or a poor man? Of course you would rather have a rich man who wouldn't.

Nicole [00:34:51]: But it's not that easy. Like you said, there might be stipulations. There probably is stipulations, Right?

John [00:34:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:58]: And I agree with you. I think that she would choose that.

John [00:35:01]: Right. So that's what it is. You don't even have to make a lot of money. But if you're going to. Whatever lifestyle that you're going to support, it needs to be able to support three people at least. Or you could say two. If you're not going to have kids, that's fine. But it needs to be able to support whatever three safest anyway, Right? Yeah, that's true.

Nicole [00:35:22]: Or however many kids you have.

John [00:35:24]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:25]: Might be a lot.

John [00:35:26]: Some guy wants to marry my daughter, the first question I'm gonna ask him is if he can support her. Because he should be able to. Otherwise, what business. Why are you here? I don't have anything to talk to you about. Because that's what she deserves. Right. You know what I mean? That's the value that I would place on my child. So you should place that value on yourself as a woman. As a man, you should place a value on yourself that you would take care of the person that you care about. Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:35:52]: I agree with you.

John [00:35:53]: But if someone doesn't understand that, then I'm not going to make them understand that. Like, they, they either get what I'm saying and they're like, yeah, that's right. Or they're like, this guy's crazy. He's ridiculous.

Nicole [00:36:04]: They don't get what you're saying. After this episode, I tried to pull out every excuse in the book.

John [00:36:11]: Yeah, you don't have to be a man. That's what I'm saying. It's like, you don't have to make a lot of money and you don't have to be a man, either one of those. It's. It's fine. But don't pretend to be a man. That's the thing.

Nicole [00:36:21]: Sure.

John [00:36:21]: Because a man does what. What men do.

Nicole [00:36:25]: Yeah. You know, I agree. But then they get upset that, like, the woman is running everything or controlling everything, but they're not. If you're in 50, 50, like you said, there's. There's no real leader here.

John [00:36:36]: You got no claim 50. You got no claim to the throne.

Nicole [00:36:39]: That's why I'm saying it's like two individuals. Because there's no one can be the leader.

John [00:36:44]: Yeah. Because if you're, if you're ever like, oh, why do you. Why do you get to be the leader? And said, like, like, do you eat food? Do you sleep somewhere? Do you like. Do you do any of those things that create those things? No, it's not like, it's.

Nicole [00:36:57]: But I make the food.

John [00:36:58]: Yeah, you make the food. But. But like, I, I can say those things. If I were in a 50, 50, I can't say those things. Like, why should I have to listen to you? Why should you be the leader? Because I have a penis. Like, that's the only thing I can say. Right. What else can I say in that case? But I take care of everything. Yeah, no, I say I take care of every. Like, what's mine is yours. I give you more than what I give myself. Like, I take care of you first before anyone, before myself. Like, all the things that I have, I give to you. That's why. Like, I can articulate a reason why you should listen to what I have to say or you should follow my leadership. But if I don't have that, then what other reason that's true. And maybe you believe that it should be 50, 50 in terms of everything, like the leadership of the relationship. But, man, the people that think that have never run a business or worked for a company.

Nicole [00:37:57]: I think women who like 50, 50, they're just afraid to be taken advantage of, like emotionally or like a guy holding things over her. Right. Like you just said like you never do this, but, but again, some guys would be like this. I gave you this. You have a roof over your head and a bed to sleep and food to eat.

John [00:38:15]: All because again, the same cure for men, right? I said a man that's worried of being taken advantage of is because he values himself low. If he values himself high, no one can take advantage of him. Same thing for a woman. If a woman values herself low, then she's scared. Then she's like, oh, a guy will control me or he'll use these things against me or whatever. No, if you value yourself high, that can't happen because are you going to live in that? Are you going to stay with a man just because he provides you food or just because he provides you shelter? But he's not a good man and he doesn't treat you right or that he doesn't do these things for you? You know what I'm saying? So if you have a high value of yourself, then you have nothing to fear either. It always comes from a low value of yourself. Is, is that. Yeah, well that's what the fear is, that the fear comes from a low value of yourself because someone who has a high value of themselves knows what they're worth and they, and they, they don't need someone else to tell them what they're worth.

Nicole [00:39:07]: That's true.

John [00:39:07]: But if you need someone else to tell you what they're worth, then you're going to be afraid that people are going to take advantage of you because they're not going to be paying your worth. But you know, this is my worth and this is where, where it'll be just like the same thing. If I'm, as a man, I'm going to be the man. I'm not going to be in a relationship. I never at one point ask you permission if I could pay for things or open doors or be the man. Because it's a non negotiable. I know what my value is. Weird. Yeah, I know.

Nicole [00:39:32]: I pay for things for you.

John [00:39:35]: People do this, they ask this stupid question. Yeah, they do. But I know it's weirder than just doing it, but yeah, I don't think that I can have a really good argument as to why this is an advantageous thing for you to do as a man. It's not, it's not a fair thing. It's not advantageous to you at all. But you do it because you have pride because you're a man and you have a high esteem for yourself, a high value of yourself. But like I said, but just being a good person, you have a high value of yourself and you would just do things and be generous to people.

Nicole [00:40:09]: Yeah.

John [00:40:09]: You know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:40:10]: No, you're right. And I think that that's good you hit on the self esteem thing because I don't think we've talked about that in this sense before.

John [00:40:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:40:19]: But I hope that people are ready to be a man after listening to you explain all this. But like you said, I know you can't force them to, but maybe there are some people that have felt like something is missing inside of them and they're ready to take charge and be the man that they want to be.

John [00:40:38]: And I guess, I mean, one argument could be that, that I could make is that you have to have polarization in the relationship in order to have a attraction in a relationship and to have a sexual attraction or to have a romantic attraction in the relationship. And so if you depolarize, if you don't have the polarization, if the man is not masculine, the woman's not feminine, then you're just going to have a flat. You can be roommates and do 50, 50. And so there has to be a difference there. And so there is an advantage, like a benefit to it in the terms that if you want to have a relationship like we have where we're always going to be hot for each other and always want to be with each other, then you have to have a dynamic that is polarized where that's true on two different ends of the pole.

Nicole [00:41:30]: Yeah, so that is true because. Yeah, if you're in 50, 50, it's, it doesn't have the polarization, it doesn't have the like two roles because both people are kind of doing in some ways both roles. Sometimes it's not, sometimes it's not even 50, 50, like you said, sometimes it's the woman's working and she's doing all the household stuff and the guys just working.

John [00:41:52]: Yeah. And even if that's the other thing I didn't address is like, even if a woman wants to work, it's okay if she wants to work, but she

Nicole [00:42:00]: shouldn't need to to support the family.

John [00:42:02]: Yeah. But her money doesn't need to go to, you know, like all the money goes into one place. I think that's, that's, that's true. But like you, as the man, are

Nicole [00:42:12]: the one that's not relying on her money.

John [00:42:14]: Right, Right. You take advantage. You take care of her. You take. Like, I don't think that she should just have her own money. That's like, I think hiding away. I think that's kind of silly, too, because it should all be like. But you manage all the finances, right? And so it's like, it's bonus money or let her volunteer or let her do work that she doesn't have to make a lot of money. Like, maybe. Maybe she likes the thing that she does. Maybe she's an artist or something or whatever it is. Or like, she just enjoys, like, to do something that, that, that. That brings her joy because she likes doing that thing. That's. That's fine. But that money should not be. The budget should not be relied on. And if she wants to quit, then she should be able to quit, you know, so that. I think that's the other piece of it. It doesn't mean that she has to, you know, stay home if she doesn't want to do that. But. Yeah, but I think most women would want to be taken care of anyway, so.

Nicole [00:43:06]: Yeah, I think they do, deep down, even though they might not say it, I think they do want to. And again, like, I'm not saying that this is all men's thing. Like, women do need to learn. You can read the Empowered Wife book or the Surrendered Wife. That's a good book because she talks a lot about women letting go of control. And I think that that's the hardest thing for women. And I think the fear of, you know, being taken advantage of by a man or in whatever way, or, you know, not having the security from a man or protecting herself from a man because she's afraid what he could potentially do. Like, she has to work on those things.

John [00:43:48]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [00:43:50]: And in order to be in a traditional relationship and have the polarization and, you know, be a unit rather than 5,052 individuals.

John [00:44:00]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:44:01]: So it's not like women don't have anything to do, but there's this monetarily based. Yeah, in that instance.

John [00:44:08]: Well, because the other thing is like. And it encourages women to do that if the man is taking care of everything, because if the man is making the money and he's taking care of the family and the decisions and he's the leader, then the woman's role is to support the man and to make him as powerful as possible, to give him as much resources, his ability, energy, whatever he needs in order to do those things. Because that benefits her. Right. Because she doesn't directly create the money or those situations, but her contribution is

Nicole [00:44:40]: towards her man, which is than to get them.

John [00:44:43]: The more empowered he is, the more empowered she is.

Nicole [00:44:47]: Right.

John [00:44:47]: You know what I'm saying? Because she has a team. Exactly.

Nicole [00:44:50]: It's like a race car driver, right?

John [00:44:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:53]: He drives the car, but he comes into the Pit Stop and he has all the people helping him so he can get back out there and keep going.

John [00:44:59]: Exactly, exactly. That's exactly right. Yeah. She's the pit crew. But it's true. But it's super valuable and it's not less important. It's super valuable because she, like, a woman that learns those things can magnify her man, which will magnify her standing.

Nicole [00:45:15]: Right.

John [00:45:15]: And women are like. Women know this intrinsically because why do women want to date celebrities or want to, like, you know, have men of high status? Because the higher the status of men that they're with, the higher their status is. That's true. And so the more you lift your man up, the higher that you are lifted up. But if you tear your man down, you're just tearing yourself down. Even the Bible has a thing in Proverbs where it says, you know, a woman who, like, basically. I misquoting it, but basically, like, tears her man down with his. Her tongue, divides her house in two or, you know, something like that. The idea is that if she's. She's like, wherever her man's status is, that that is where she is because she's married. She's chosen that man. That man is the. The man that's. That's in charge of that household that's leading her. And so her status is going to always be tied to him.

Nicole [00:46:05]: That's true.

John [00:46:06]: I mean, it doesn't, like, no matter what. And it's the same thing as a man, you know, if I'm. If you're who. How you are as a person reflects on me, right? So, like, if you're out there wearing skanky clothes at a nightclub, it brings my status down as a man. People see that and they're like, oh, yeah, your wife or, or you're just like talking like a sailor to. To everyone and, you know, being rude to people or whatever, Boom, it brings me down, you know.

Nicole [00:46:35]: True. So very true. Well, hopefully we've convinced people of the modern traditional relationship that we have.

John [00:46:43]: I'm. I'm very interesting to see the. The comment, the shitstorm of people wanted,

Nicole [00:46:50]: but I don't know very well.

John [00:46:52]: Yeah, well, like I said, you don't have to. Don't have to do it.

Nicole [00:46:55]: No one's forcing you.

John [00:46:56]: And it doesn't make sense. I'm never going to make the logical argument that it makes sense. So it's something you do because of who you are, because of, you know, your value of yourself.

Nicole [00:47:04]: So touche.

John [00:47:06]: That's it. All right. Well, check us out@betterthanperfectpod.com and email us

Nicole [00:47:15]: if you have any questions. Better than concerns.

John [00:47:18]: Yeah. Betterthanperfectpodcastmail.com and we'll see you next week.

Nicole [00:47:22]: Bye.