John [00:00:00]: I'll not talk to AI when I'm spending time with you.

Nicole [00:00:03]: Okay. Pinky promise.

John [00:00:04]: Fine. Pinky promise. Okay.

Nicole [00:00:06]: You gotta do things like this. You gotta, like, compromise, you gotta talk. But you also have to be realistic, like, as a woman, especially if you're a woman in a relationship like we have, you know, where you're the leader and you're the provider. Even though I want to spend all my time with you and all your time with me.

John [00:00:22]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:00:22]: We would have no money.

John [00:00:24]: Beyond the perfect we discovered through our flaws, we complete each other.

Nicole [00:00:30]: Better than perfect. Perfect.

John [00:00:32]: We stay through every fault.

Nicole [00:00:36]: We find our way.

John [00:00:40]: All right, welcome back to the better than Perfect podcast, where every week we help. Dang it. I just.

Nicole [00:00:47]: We share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship. You kind of sounded like a pirate in the beginning.

John [00:00:56]: I did? Yeah. I. I don't know. I'm selling something else, I guess.

Nicole [00:00:59]: Are you still thinking about the pandas?

John [00:01:01]: I'm always thinking of the big titty pandas.

Nicole [00:01:04]: That's weird.

John [00:01:05]: I don't know. Btp. What else does BTP stand for? You tell me. Better than perfect. Okay.

Nicole [00:01:12]: Wow.

John [00:01:13]: We'll take it. Okay, so let's talk about today, another one of those questions. Which would women prefer? Type of question. A man who.

Nicole [00:01:25]: These are always trick questions.

John [00:01:26]: Okay, well, this is kind of like what women say that they want versus what do they actually want? Type of thing. Do women want a man that. Cause women say that they want a man that is with them all the time. It's caught in flight. Right. So spend as much time as possible with them. But in reality, I guess I'm leading the witness here.

Nicole [00:01:47]: You are?

John [00:01:48]: Yeah, I am. So do women want a man that is with them all the time or a man that's working hard, spending a lot of time working on his mission in life, and, like, kicking ass? That's.

Nicole [00:02:05]: I think one of the question. The problems in general is that men think more in black and white and women don't.

John [00:02:13]: Okay.

Nicole [00:02:13]: So men can't accept that. It's a complicated answer.

John [00:02:19]: Okay. I mean, sure.

Nicole [00:02:20]: Because it's. It's somewhere in the middle right of there, which I feel like you're gonna be like, no, if you had to pick. But women want in the middle. And it's the same thing with, like, when women confuse men and they say they want a nice guy.

John [00:02:38]: Right.

Nicole [00:02:39]: They want a guy that is kind to them but also stands up for himself.

John [00:02:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:02:46]: And they don't describe that very well. They just say Nice guy. And then guys are like, what do you mean? I'm nice, but he's a pushover. You know what I mean? Like, it's not black and white, it's gray.

John [00:02:57]: Sure.

Nicole [00:02:57]: And so. So when you're saying, does a woman want a guy she's with all the time or a guy that works all the time? Neither of those are good. Like, I mean, look, if I could spend every day with you, I would like that.

John [00:03:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:18]: However do I feel like you would feel fulfilled. Like, I think that you would still need something to be working towards, and I would respect that.

John [00:03:29]: Right.

Nicole [00:03:29]: You know what I mean? But I also do enjoy spending all my time with you, so it's hard. But also, women don't want a man that works more than she even gets to see him.

John [00:03:42]: Right.

Nicole [00:03:42]: Because then what kind of relationship is that? So it's not an easy yes or no.

John [00:03:48]: I think the thing is, where it kind of comes down to is more of the, like, okay, women say that they would want a guy to be attentive to them all the time, but in reality, that kind of guy would not be attractive. And they would lose interest in that guy because he would be. Basically, instead of pursuing his mission in life and doing what he's supposed to be doing, he would be being swayed by her. And then she would feel like she's like, he doesn't really pass the test. He doesn't actually stand on his principles or what is. Like, he's a pushover to a degree. Right. Like, it would make him more of a pushover. Right. Because a guy that is not doing, like, spending the time that he needs to, to accomplish his goals in life,

Nicole [00:04:37]: he's pushing off his responsibilities. And that's unattractive.

John [00:04:40]: Yeah. Yeah. He's just like. So I think that's what it comes down to is that, you know, women say that they want a guy that is there all the time. Right? Like, they say that's what they want, but just, like, I would say that, yeah, I wanna eat my favorite dessert every single night or dinner, whatever. You know, eat at whatever restaurant, you know, But I don't wanna eat the same thing every single night. Like. Like. Like, I don't want to just, like, have every day be a vacation day. I would say that I want that, but that's not what I actually want. Cause if I had that, I would not appreciate that.

Nicole [00:05:14]: No.

John [00:05:14]: I would be like, look, I need to do something else besides, you know, in fact, when. When I. A good example of this was back, like, you know what 12 years ago or so, when I quote, retired, right? Had the passive income to, like, I quit my job. And I was like, okay, I can just live off of my rental income. I went to Hawaii to go live there for two months, right? I was gonna just live there permanently. I tried out for two months, and I was miserable. I was the most miserable I'd ever been in my life. Because even though I was like, okay, I just want to sip my ties on the beach and play video games all day, when I had the ability to do that, I didn't enjoy that because it felt meaningless. And so I think a lot of women think that that's what they want, but they don't actually want that. They want a man that's ambitious, going after their goal, his goals in life, that is actually earning a living, that is accomplishing things, because that's what actually also makes them attracted to the man. And so a man without a mission, without a purpose, you know, wouldn't be as attractive.

Nicole [00:06:14]: But if he's too far on the other side, that doesn't promote a loving, deeply connected relationship either.

John [00:06:20]: Yeah, I think that's the case. I think that's like. Cause and we've been kind of going through that lately as I've been starting up this new company and I've been working like, I don't know how many hours, like, 14, 15 hours a day. I don't like it every day, including weekends. But I've been spending time. Like, we went on a date last night. We went out to dinner. Like, we're going to. We're doing dinner. Like, I have dedicated time that I'm spending with you, you know, so. And you're going to get that. And you're going to get that G wagon. So

Nicole [00:06:49]: the G wagon helps. Spend a lot of time with you, though. I would take time with you over the G wagon, for sure.

John [00:06:55]: Yeah, no, I know you would, but.

Nicole [00:06:56]: But, no, but I. I do agree. I think that maybe, I don't know, I'm weird, but, like, at least as far as, like, wanting a kind guy but has a backbone, I, at least as a woman, always knew, like, I didn't want a guy that just did everything that I want, even if it upset me, even if I obviously wanted it. And then, like, you're like, no, like, we're gonna do this. Like, that's obviously upsetting. But if you never. And again, I don't want you to push back just to push back either.

John [00:07:35]: Right?

Nicole [00:07:35]: And maybe this is where men act like women are complicated, but the Thing is.

John [00:07:39]: No, that's not complicated.

Nicole [00:07:41]: It's not, though.

John [00:07:42]: No, it's not.

Nicole [00:07:42]: It's not complicated. Because the thing is, it's not that complicated. I want you to be true to yourself.

John [00:07:46]: Exactly. That's. Exactly.

Nicole [00:07:47]: And that's the key, right? Like, that's hard to explain because you're like, I want a guy to be kind but then stands up for himself, but then has to tell me no if he really genuinely thinks no. Because you can't trust somebody if the person can't do that. Like, you can't fully trust a nice guy because you don't really know what he's thinking.

John [00:08:06]: Right.

Nicole [00:08:06]: And so if a man just agrees with you all the time.

John [00:08:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:08:10]: You probably don't trust him fully.

John [00:08:12]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:08:13]: Because he's never opposed what you've had to say.

John [00:08:17]: Like, oh, you don't need to go to work today. And he was like, okay. It's like, yeah, but you're supposed to be accomplishing your shit as well. It's like you as a woman are going to try and get him to not go to work today, but he has to stand up as a man and be like, no, I'm gonna go to work today.

Nicole [00:08:33]: It would be nice if he was like, okay, well, you know, you wanna go do this thing? Maybe I can take a half day or something that's even. Like. Because sometimes maybe you do wanna do something for me. Like, maybe it's. I'm asking for something that's kind of like a time constraint thing.

John [00:08:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:08:53]: But I would respect it more if you were like, okay, I'm gonna work today and we go tomorrow. Or I'm gonna work half the day and then we'll go in the evening. Like, even that is more. Or like, if it's a big enough deal, you'll be like, okay, well, I need to get these things done tonight. I might have to work till 10 so that we can go tomorrow, you know? Or like, no, we can't go. We'll try to go when it comes back or something. You know what I mean? Those sort of responses are respectable responses.

John [00:09:22]: It's taking care of the responsibility.

Nicole [00:09:24]: Right.

John [00:09:25]: I think it also depends on what the man's doing, Right. Because a lot of women get upset, right? One of the chief complaints is that he works too much. All he does is work, Right. And ignores me. Ignores. And it's like, okay, I think it depends on what he's doing too, Right. Because which kind of relates back to the status, right? So if a man is working for some. Some regular job that's not a high paying job. And he's working overtime for his boss, who's. And his boss is an asshole. And it's just clear that he's doing this because he needs to please the boss or he's afraid he's gonna lose his job if he doesn't work all

Nicole [00:10:03]: these hours or he wants the boss's validation, right?

John [00:10:06]: Then it's like he's kind of a pussy. Like that's why he's working all these hours. It's not because he's ambitious and he's trying to build something or he's trying to make this money so he can invest and have a better future. It's like he's just like, just overworked,

Nicole [00:10:22]: trying to please somebody.

John [00:10:23]: Joe Blow, who's just like average dude. But he's working all these extra hours kind of because he's a loser, right? Because it's like he's got to work all these hours because he doesn't have a better job or a better ambition or he can't build his own business. Right? And so I think a woman more likely is to resent that guy and divorce that guy because he works too much and doesn't. As opposed to the guy that is building his own business and working all these hours in order to do that or to give them a better life and really pursuing his passion in life, something that lights him up. Or the guy that's maybe even an investment banker that's making a ton of money on Wall street and he's working hard. He might not be self employed, but he's ambitious and there's a purpose to what he's doing. He's not just avoiding being home to work, you know what I'm saying? Cause there's guys that, that avoid being home, they just go to work because they don't want to deal with home life.

Nicole [00:11:15]: Right?

John [00:11:16]: And there's a difference between. It's like I have to do this thing. That's the problem. Yeah. And that's the thing. Like there's. I have to do this thing and like I have this ambition, I'm on this mission versus I'm just like, I'm just avoiding. I'm goofing off at work anyway, but I'm just not coming home because I don't want to.

Nicole [00:11:33]: But see, that's different. Like they're probably saying they're working, but they're like you said, they're avoiding. And that's a huge problem, right? If you feel like your husband is working, but it's more. So avoiding. That's a bigger issue. And I don't think people really realize, like, women will be like, oh, he's working so many hours and I barely see him. A man who owns his own business is working 24 7. You'll be at date night with him, and he's on his phone handling stuff. So it's definitely hard.

John [00:12:08]: Like, which. Like owning your own businesses is. You get to choose whenever you want to work. Whichever 90 hours of the week you want to work, you can choose.

Nicole [00:12:15]: Yeah. Which is all the time. You're always working.

John [00:12:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:19]: But.

John [00:12:20]: But, but it's. But it's like, for a purpose, for a mission. Right. As opposed to just, like, avoiding life. Right. Like, that's. I think.

Nicole [00:12:28]: But I also don't think, like, the level. Like, look, the level. You're starting something new. You are at a high level of working right now.

John [00:12:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:38]: Now, if this was like, the rest of our life, that would be really hard to sustain for sure.

John [00:12:43]: It would be hard for me to sustain for any.

Nicole [00:12:45]: So, like, you also, I think, have to understand as like, a wife.

John [00:12:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:51]: And also have, like, realistic talks and things like that. Or realize that this can't go on forever. You really realize it can't go on forever. Like, create, like, date nights or designated times that you spend with each other, and you have to follow through with those things.

John [00:13:08]: DDNs. Designated Date Nights.

Nicole [00:13:13]: You need to get away from the acronyms. Yeah. Because then you'll just use the same one. Come up with new ones. No. Don't even do it. But yeah, it would be different if, like, you worked at a business, like, a job and had a boss, and then you were just constantly there. That kind of doesn't make sense. Unless you're like. Let's say you're a lawyer, you're working on a case. But even, like, that's not all the time. Like, if you're working all the time and you have a job that also kind of, like, doesn't even really make sense why you're putting it. Putting in overtime sometimes.

John [00:13:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:13:47]: And you're avoiding your household. You got some junk under your rug, and you need to go watch the resentment episode and, like, figure that out. Because there's a reason you don't want to go home.

John [00:13:59]: Right.

Nicole [00:13:59]: There's a huge difference between working a lot because you're driven, you have ambition, and working a lot because you don't want to go back to your house.

John [00:14:08]: Which. Which is, again, also comes back to. I mean. Yeah. That there is that, like, at the Base level. But I think also just the tolerance that a woman would have for a man that's working a lot comes down to status, right? Because if he's doing something important, okay, there's a lot more slack cut For a guy that works a lot of hours, that's doing something important like running his own business, has ambitions, you know, a lawyer, doctors, like, saving lives. Like, even Wall street banker. Making a lot of money versus working. Like, unambitious. Working a regular job, being a slave to the office. Like, why are you working this shitty job? Like, you're always at this job. You're always doing the stupid thing.

Nicole [00:14:49]: Well, because then what is the actual drive behind it? Because the latter is not just they like the job or anything to do with the job. It has everything to do with their relationship and why they don't want to come back home. And so I don't even know if it's more towards status. I know what you're saying, but I think it's more of like. Because I think also if a doctor, if he never comes home, not really. And is also, like, avoiding. Cause let's be real, some of those people can avoid. It would still cause the same alarm bells. But like you said, with more high demanding jobs, it's more so you know that that's gonna happen. Or like, if you're building a business, you know that there's gonna be long hours being put in. And so they can probably get away with. If they are avoiding for longer. Cause you just can't tell, is he actually working or is he avoiding? Whereas, like, someone that's working, you know, at FedEx or something, that's picking up extra hours, like shots, right at FedEx.

John [00:15:54]: Why do you need FedEx employees watching? They're like, what the fuck?

Nicole [00:15:58]: Why do you need. Why do you need to pick up extra shifts all the time delivering boxes? You know what I mean?

John [00:16:04]: Yeah. Damn FedEx people are crying right now.

Nicole [00:16:08]: I mean, FedEx is not a bad job. I'm sure they're a good company. But I'm just saying, like.

John [00:16:13]: Yeah, no, I know what you're saying.

Nicole [00:16:14]: If you're a doctor, maybe you're working extra, extra long. Cause you're about to do some crazy brain surgery or something. Or you gotta go to the hospital because you're preparing for this brain surgery that's different than you work at. What do you want me to say? Pizza Hut? And you're just making Pizza Hut. Pizza Hut's bringing back their old school.

John [00:16:41]: The buffet. Yeah, I want the buffet. All right. I'M going to Pizza Hut buffet. That's what we're doing for dinner tonight.

Nicole [00:16:47]: I want the buffet. I don't know if they've done it yet, but that's the rumor. They're trying to go back to like their 90s.

John [00:16:52]: Oh, there was this one Idaho pizza place that they had this buffet too.

Nicole [00:16:57]: Like Cici's Pizza. That was a buffet pizzas place pizza place.

John [00:17:01]: It's like, maybe it's an Idaho pizza company. Like, why does Boise have all that? Okay, okay, but here's something. Here's a question. So like, okay, suppose that. Cause I think maybe it's not all the money in status. I think. I think I may be wrong about that. So let's suppose that the crazy hours I'm working now, right? Obviously this is going to make a billion dollars. But if it wasn't going to make a billion dollars, if instead I was an artist and I was spending a ton of hours in my studio making some beautiful art, would that be kind of equivalent, you see what I'm saying, Versus Pizza Hut? You see what I'm saying? Like, putting in the hours. Let's. Yeah, whatever.

Nicole [00:17:47]: But if you're doing something. Yeah, but like, and it's your passion.

John [00:17:50]: Yeah. Don't you feel like that would be. That would justify the hours? Even if it's not producing a lot of money, it's not a high status thing.

Nicole [00:17:58]: It's your passion.

John [00:17:59]: Right. It's something that like, as opposed to, hey, if you work for, I don't know, like, whatever, XYZ technology company and you're like doing tech support or whatever, like, and you're working all these extra hours, even if you're getting overtime, you're getting paid overtime. It's like. But you're not really, like, it's harder to justify. Like, why aren't you spending the time with your family?

Nicole [00:18:19]: Right.

John [00:18:20]: You know what I'm saying? But if you're creating art, there's some kind of greater thing, or you're building this business or building this empire, there's some kind of greater thing because I

Nicole [00:18:29]: think that passion has to drive those things. Does that make sense? Unless you're doing art recreationally. But if you're like, I'm gonna chisel this marble and make a statue of my wife, which you should do.

John [00:18:46]: I already did. That's what I am doing, actually.

Nicole [00:18:49]: Then that's a passion. Someone's gonna carve a statue. I mean, who even does that, really, in today's age? That would be kind of crazy. That would be like this person really wants to do this.

John [00:19:00]: Sculptors, dude. That's their business.

Nicole [00:19:01]: That's not carving.

John [00:19:03]: They sculpt.

Nicole [00:19:04]: They sculpt, but they're not. That's. I think you have to chisel marble.

John [00:19:07]: Yeah, that's still sculpting.

Nicole [00:19:09]: No, sculpt, I think, is, like, malleable.

John [00:19:11]: It can be either, I think, you know.

Nicole [00:19:13]: Is it?

John [00:19:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:14]: I don't know. We're not obviously, sculptors or whatnot.

John [00:19:18]: What would you call it if it's not a sculptor, though, like a chiseler? I think it's sculptor.

Nicole [00:19:24]: Well, like carving, but I think that's more wood.

John [00:19:27]: Yeah, I think that's.

Nicole [00:19:28]: I think it has to be wood, but, yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Okay, guess Sculptor. Okay, my bad.

John [00:19:33]: A statueist. Okay, go ahead.

Nicole [00:19:40]: But I think that involves, like, this passion, right? Because, like, look, even if you work at Pizza Hut, going back to Pizza Hut, and you have a passion for pizza, then why aren't you working to make your own pizza place? You know what I mean? Like, you can work at Pizza Hut and have a passion for pizza. Maybe you have to work at Pizza Hut until you get enough money to get a little cart so you can make, like, pizzas in your cart. Until you can get a food truck, until you can get a business.

John [00:20:09]: It shows ambition, right?

Nicole [00:20:11]: Like, so you can still have passion. And, like, look, I would honestly respect somebody if they were like, look, I'm working at Pizza Hut right now because I have no money and it's the only place. And I just got out of jail and I want to own pizza.

John [00:20:28]: People have to be jail, have to be convicts. That's it. I don't know if pizza even Kyra

Nicole [00:20:33]: say that, but I'm just trying to, like, cover all my bases here or something for you. Why they're choosing Pizza Hut over somewhere else. I'm just trying to figure it out.

John [00:20:43]: These convict pizza people are going to come to our house and be like, fudge this bitch.

Nicole [00:20:48]: Look, I support.

John [00:20:49]: Like, I am a convict, but fudge you anyway. Don't fuck with convict support.

Nicole [00:20:53]: Convicts, Pizza Hut employees. Okay? I'm not saying I don't. That's why I'm using them as an example. So they're passionate about pizza. Like the Dave's killer bread guy.

John [00:21:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:04]: You know what I mean?

John [00:21:05]: Okay.

Nicole [00:21:05]: He was a convict and he made bread. So I'm saying, like, if you got to go to start at Pizza Hut.

John [00:21:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:13]: And you're really passionate about pizza.

John [00:21:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:15]: And you got to save up money at Your Pizza Hut job, and then you start going on your own, and you start going out on your own. I respect that. Yeah, I respect it if you have a passion, but it's kind of hard. Like, how do you have a passion for delivering boxes? You can care.

John [00:21:32]: Damn.

Nicole [00:21:33]: You can care about, like, your customer service.

John [00:21:38]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:21:38]: I'm not saying you can't, but what passion is there?

John [00:21:41]: Right. It's not a justifiable excuse to not be spending your time at home or with your wife. Right. Like, that's. I think that's the thing is, like, if you're making a sacrifice, it has to be a sacrifice that. That has value.

Nicole [00:21:53]: Right.

John [00:21:53]: In some way. Like, even if it's value to you.

Nicole [00:21:56]: Yeah, exactly.

John [00:21:56]: Yeah. It just. Like, you're making a lot of money. Like, you're doing something that you love, but you're working a shitty job and you're spending a bunch of hours at the shitty job instead of being at home with me, with your family. I don't care if you make the overtime pay, that little bit of extra money. I'd rather have you the time. That's what a woman thinks, but.

Nicole [00:22:13]: Right.

John [00:22:13]: But it's not that. When it's like building your empire, your business, or building your. Your pizza factory.

Nicole [00:22:20]: Right.

John [00:22:20]: Like, whatever it is like that, that's something that has. It's a greater good type of sacrifice. Like, the man is on a mission, because a man that's not on his mission, like, that doesn't make his mission. Number one in life is a man that a woman is not going to be attracted to.

Nicole [00:22:38]: So are you saying I'm not number one?

John [00:22:40]: I mean, my mission, you're like, I'm

Nicole [00:22:44]: number two, but you don't want to

John [00:22:46]: come before my mission. Otherwise, like, every time that you're like, I want to spend time with you, then I would just drop my mission and spend time with you.

Nicole [00:22:53]: But what do you love more?

John [00:22:54]: Me or I love you more? Okay, that's the only answer that exists. Yeah. Yeah. But I wouldn't be myself.

Nicole [00:23:01]: But if I was drowning or your AI, which one would you say?

John [00:23:05]: 100%.

Nicole [00:23:05]: But that's not your mission.

John [00:23:06]: The AI have a backup copy of wow.

Nicole [00:23:10]: Maybe you could clone me. You'll be like, bye, I'll just make a new one. I have a billion dollars. It doesn't matter.

John [00:23:18]: I've actually already cloned you.

Nicole [00:23:20]: Oh. Oh.

John [00:23:20]: It's gonna take a while for them to grow up, though, you know? Wow.

Nicole [00:23:26]: Just waiting for my clones.

John [00:23:28]: Yeah, waiting for your clone to grow.

Nicole [00:23:30]: That's messed Up.

John [00:23:30]: That is messed up.

Nicole [00:23:32]: This.

John [00:23:33]: She's like, is that.

Nicole [00:23:34]: Is it true, though?

John [00:23:35]: Is it true, though? Does it, like.

Nicole [00:23:37]: Episode has taken a strange turn in many ways.

John [00:23:41]: What was I gonna say, though, before

Nicole [00:23:42]: I went off, Before I distracted you about your mission has to be first.

John [00:23:46]: Oh, yeah, yeah. So, like, okay, yeah. So if I didn't. If I wasn't on my mission right then I'd be a shell of myself.

Nicole [00:23:55]: True.

John [00:23:55]: So you get to spend all the time with me, but a shell of myself?

Nicole [00:23:59]: Yeah, well, you've kind of been a shell of yourself.

John [00:24:02]: Kind of like, not to, like a complete collapse degree, but definitely not the version of have something that you were

Nicole [00:24:08]: really, really, really passionate about.

John [00:24:09]: I'm a much better version of myself now. So the time that you spend with me, even if it's shorter, is more multiplied because it's with a better version

Nicole [00:24:19]: of myself, but it's also with AI.

John [00:24:20]: Okay, well, yeah, okay, I'll not talk to AI when I'm spending time with you.

Nicole [00:24:25]: Okay, you heard it here. Pinky promise.

John [00:24:29]: Fine, pinky promise. Okay.

Nicole [00:24:31]: You didn't want to do it.

John [00:24:33]: Well, if emergency comes, but okay, emergencies are different. Someone will have to call me and tell me it's an emergency.

Nicole [00:24:38]: So they will. If it's an emergency.

John [00:24:41]: If it's an emergency. There we go.

Nicole [00:24:42]: Okay, but see, you gotta do things like this. You gotta, like, compromise, you gotta talk, you know, but you also have to be realistic, like, as a woman, especially if you're a woman in a relationship like we have, you know, where you're the leader and you're the provider, like, you have to provide. That's the thing too, is, like, even though I want to spend all my time with you and all your time with me, we would have no money. You know what I mean? And, like, I don't need you to make a billion dollars. If you want to make a billion dollars and you're passionate about that, and passionate about what you're doing, sure. But, like, time with you while also supporting you in your passion and what you like is important, but you have to be realistic, obviously. Like, if your man is the provider, he's got to do what he needs to do to provide. Now, it does need to be balanced. I mean, you saw it here. You know, he's going to not be on his AI when we're together, but you have to talk about this kind of stuff, you know, like, you have to balance it out. Because I'm sure if I just roguely was like, yeah, do whatever you want. Work whenever you Want?

John [00:25:49]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:25:50]: When would we see each other? Not very often. I mean, like, we value each other enough that we would make the time regardless. Yeah, but I'm saying that like, what if we were a nonchalant couple or you know, something like that? Then you do run into the risk of like living separate lives. That's what it can turn into, is living separate lives. And so because even though you're working at home and like I might be home sometimes I'm not, I don't see you.

John [00:26:19]: Right. Yeah, a lot of times. Yeah, you don't.

Nicole [00:26:21]: So you do have to prioritize the relationship and make sure that it balances out the priorities of also your business or your mission or things like that. And I think it has to go both ways because also if you were like, no, I'm gonna work every single day no matter what, like we're not gonna have any date nights or whatever, like we can only do those on the weekends or something. And that's. If I don't have this, that wouldn't be very sustainable either.

John [00:26:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:52]: So it's like the man also has to figure out a way to fit some stuff in that feels a little bit more spontaneous. Because you also don't wanna get in a rut where you feel like it's just again like your roommates or you're living separate lives. But you also don't you wanna like balance it out. Yeah, but it would be hard if like you worked at Pizza Hut and you were just constantly at Pizza Hut. Yeah, I'd be like, what are you doing at Pizza Hut?

John [00:27:23]: Ever since you got out of jail, you've just been spending all your time at fuckin Pizza Hut. What is.

Nicole [00:27:27]: Yeah, but also if you got a job at Pizza Hut and you were

John [00:27:30]: like, I see your parole officer more than I see you.

Nicole [00:27:32]: I wanna have my own pizza place one day. And you're approving that and I could tell you were passionate about it. That'd be different. We would have conversations.

John [00:27:40]: Yeah, but John's killer Pizza

Nicole [00:27:47]: Lord. Well, is there anything else? I mean, you're the. You need to give a little bit more than that. We've just been joking for half of this time.

John [00:27:57]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:57]: Which is fine, but we can't have just the 27 minutes.

John [00:28:01]: 27 minutes of jokes.

Nicole [00:28:02]: Yeah, that's what people want.

John [00:28:04]: No, no, I think that's. I mean, I think we've pretty much covered most of what I was gonna want to talk about, but yeah, just like the choice. Because I think a lot of women complain that man works Too much. And that seems to be a relationship issue. But it's not that he works too much. It's that what he's doing is not important.

Nicole [00:28:23]: Right.

John [00:28:24]: Okay. He's not making a lot of money, or he's not, like, saving lives, or he's not doing his passion. Like, somehow it's not actually his mission. He's just doing this job to make money. It doesn't have that. And then also that he's not putting specific time. Right. Because it's not quantity of time, it's quality of time. Right. That's what you prefer. Right. So he's not creating the quality of time where something is planned out, where you've got his undivided attention, where you are made to feel like the time is quality. And that's what the real issue is. Because you could work crazy, ridiculous hours. Right. And a woman will be okay with

Nicole [00:29:08]: that as long as she feels prioritized or made to feel like you care about her.

John [00:29:14]: Yeah. And if you're a guy that's just available all the time, spending not on your mission, at first, a woman might think that she likes that, but pretty soon she's gonna be like, okay, like, go do something.

Nicole [00:29:27]: Or if you're used to hanging out together.

John [00:29:29]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:29:31]: Cause women do like that. Like I said, like, if I had the choice to hang out with you all the time, and then somehow we miraculously made money, I would like that.

John [00:29:39]: But would you rather hang out with me all the time, a shell of me? Cause I have no purpose or mission in life.

Nicole [00:29:46]: No.

John [00:29:47]: Versus hang out with me some of the time, but then I'm on my purpose.

Nicole [00:29:51]: No, I don't want you to be a shell of yourself.

John [00:29:53]: That's the thing.

Nicole [00:29:54]: I'm saying that, like, if you've been hanging out all the time and now you're trying to get back on your mission as a man, she might be upset at first. Because women do want to spend time with you. That's a good thing. I don't think you want a wife either, that doesn't want to spend time with you. That's like, sure, honey, whatever. And maybe that's also why some of these guys don't want to come home, is because they feel like their wives don't care if they come home or not. That could also be part of it too. Or it might be something else. But, you know, she might be upset at first if you have to focus on your mission. But she should understand and you should have a conversation and explain it to her. Tell her that you Love her first.

John [00:30:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:30:32]: But the mission.

John [00:30:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:34]: You know, you have to do the mission first.

John [00:30:36]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:30:37]: Because I think she'll understand. It's all about the communication, too. Because again, why is the guy who's not really on his mission but working all the time doing that? Like there's something going on.

John [00:30:47]: Yeah, Well, I have guys do that. I've coached too, where their wife complains they're working too much. And then so then they. Because their wife's complaining about it, then they back off and they're not working the hours that they should be, and they're not taking care of the responsibilities that they should be. And so then they get a divorce anyway. Because the wife is not happy anyway. Right. So. Because that wasn't the problem. Their problem wasn't. They thought it was, they're working too much. The problem was that they weren't doing something meaningful. They weren't dedicating the quality time. They weren't making her feel valuable. Right. So the work was not the issue. And they were a pushover already. Like, so they were. Again, like I said, they're in the situation where they're working all the time because it's which boss are they responding to? Right. Whichever one is putting the most pressure on them at the time. Right? So the woman boss, their wife boss is the boss that's like, hey, you're working too much. So then they're like, okay, I'm stop worrying. And then the boss boss is like, hey, you need to come in and do this work. And so they're just going back and forth, trying to please both people. And they have no backbone. Instead of being like, okay, making a decision for themselves, what should they do?

Nicole [00:31:58]: Yeah.

John [00:31:58]: They're the ones making the decision on their life, on what's important, on how this is gonna go. Right. As opposed to just going to whichever.

Nicole [00:32:06]: Which is true. But they also have to consider, if you're married, you have to consider your spouse as well, too. So it's not like, yes, it's like, where is your mission? That is a man's choice. But you do have to balance it.

John [00:32:19]: Yeah. Cause you have other responsibilities besides that.

Nicole [00:32:23]: Right. Your wife is also your responsibility. So you can't just be like, I'm gonna work whenever I wanna work.

John [00:32:29]: Like, well, it's like, even with, like, you know, in the last weeks when we had Sophia, right? And it's like, even though I have all this work, right? We made an agreement. Like, I was going to take her to the places, so I took her to the places. Right. So it's like, you know that I care about you because I'm doing the thing that I said that I'm going to do. Taking care of all the responsibilities, even if I am working a lot of hours, you know, that's like, I'm following through on what I said.

Nicole [00:32:57]: That's true. Yeah. Which that is honestly the most important thing.

John [00:33:00]: Because if I didn't do that, if I was working, like, imagine how the situation, how you would have felt if I was like, I told you that I was gonna take Sophie to these places, right. Drop her off at camp and stuff like that. And then. And I was like, well, I'm working so much, I need you to go and do it. Right. Considering the circumstances, you would have probably been like, not very supportive of what I'm doing now. Like, you would been probably upset and been like, okay, like this work is causing too much.

Nicole [00:33:29]: Right.

John [00:33:30]: You know what I'm saying? Like, you would have a different opinion of it than you do now.

Nicole [00:33:35]: That's very true.

John [00:33:36]: Right. I mean, I feel like it would have been different.

Nicole [00:33:38]: Yeah. No, you're right. Well, there's a lot of, you know.

John [00:33:41]: Yeah, there's a lot of stuff around that, but like, you know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:33:44]: No, but yeah, you're right. And that's a good point.

John [00:33:49]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:50]: And I think the follow through too thing is the most important. Like, you can't just put that above everything. You have to follow your word. You know what I mean? Like, if you're working a lot, but you told your wife you guys have a reservation at 7pm Right. Like, even if you're like, hey, I'm gonna be late, can you drive there separate? Like, sure. That does make a woman feel like you couldn't even prioritize, like, getting to the, like, it's different if it's like an emergency, but it does make a woman be like, okay, like, I've been holding space that you've been working a lot. And then you're still. Yeah, like, I don't feel prioritized in the little time that I get with you. You know what I mean? Or like you said you were gonna do this. Like, you can't. You couldn't have left a little bit or so major schedule where you aren't going to run into problems again. Like, if it's like some sort of accident or something. That's different. Yeah, like, but yeah, no, that's true. Like, and you know, if you're committing to your mission to that level, you also have to commit to Your other commitments to that level. You know what I mean? Like, you have to balance it out. You have to figure out when and where. Like, you're gonna have to organize and it might be kind of crazy sometimes.

John [00:35:08]: Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:08]: But as a man, I mean, you tell me all the time that you can handle that sort of stress, you know what I mean? And I do think men can handle that sort of, like, stuff better than women can.

John [00:35:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:19]: Like, I think that they can do it from a more like calm, not overwhelmed place and plan everything out.

John [00:35:26]: But.

Nicole [00:35:26]: Yeah, you do. It's a. It's a delicate balance. But if you do it right, like you said, you normally don't run into any problems. Like if your wife feels considered and feels respected and you're following through on the things that you say, you shouldn't have a problem working as much as you need to work. I mean, again, like, long term.

John [00:35:49]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:49]: You can't, you can't be working like 24, seven for five years.

John [00:35:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:55]: But also as a wife, you have to be understanding of like, what your husband is doing, where he's at. And I mean, he should be talking to you about this stuff as well too. But, you know, you have to do your part in understanding. A man has to do what he needs to do, but also prioritize time with her and then commit to being present in that moment.

John [00:36:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:19]: So, yeah,

John [00:36:24]: I think that's about. That's all that I've.

Nicole [00:36:26]: We had two long ones and two short ones not that long ago and then two short ones back to back.

John [00:36:32]: I mean, like, technically the one was a very, very long one because it was two hours.

Nicole [00:36:36]: That's very true.

John [00:36:36]: So.

Nicole [00:36:37]: That's very true. That was like a two hour one.

John [00:36:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:40]: Well, hopefully people actually got something from this one because it was a little silly, but also some good tidbits that

John [00:36:46]: you get something to get. Is the silly fun? Fun? Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:52]: As long as you stop talking about the pandas. I hope you forget about that. I hope that does not come.

John [00:36:57]: It'll forget in two weeks or so. Or what, four weeks or so. All right, that's it for this week. Make sure you check us out@betterthenperfectpod.com Send us an email if you have a question. Better than perfectpodcastmail.com Leave a review. Yeah, leave a review and we'll see you next week.