John [00:00:00]: Social media and dating apps have made it so women have more access to men and men have more access to women. Women have higher standards than men in attractiveness. So that means the top guys on Instagram, dating app, whatever, will get a lot of women that are attracted to them. So then those guys have all these women, so they don't want to commit to any of them. And so these women are batting above their league, right? They're batting above their level. They wouldn't be able to lock down a guy of that caliber with the level that they are. So they set their standards that. Because they don't want to believe what's actually going on. And then men are upset because they don't have any women and they're all going to the top. Beyond the perfect, we discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect. We stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:01:01]: That's right. And last week it was about the ladies, but today it's about men checking

John [00:01:08]: out of the dating market, men opting

Nicole [00:01:10]: out, which I swear we've already done. But I don't know.

John [00:01:13]: I mean, it's a topic that keeps on coming up. It's the, you know. You know, so it's. It's in the popular zeitgeist, I guess. Is that. Is that the proper way to use that word? I don't even.

Nicole [00:01:25]: I don't know.

John [00:01:25]: I think zeitgeist.

Nicole [00:01:26]: Define that. Define that word.

John [00:01:28]: I think it's like the culture. Like, what's the norms of society at a given time. If, you know, I have to ask Alexa, but Alexa. You trust Alexa to define things. I mean, the new smart one, sort of.

Nicole [00:01:45]: She doesn't seem much smarter, but she does give some side comments now. But.

John [00:01:49]: Yeah, but, yeah, I mean, I think the thing is that, you know, well, it kind of relates to what we talked about last week, which was women decentering men like this kind of sort of. And also, like, okay, the bear versus man thing, right? Like, all of this kind of stuff has gotten to a point where I think a lot of men feel like, why try? Yeah, like, I'm just gonna be labeled the villain no matter what. And so women don't like me. They don't. So why am I doing all this work? Like, let me just. I'll just live my life and just eat Cheetos and play video games or whatever it is, you know? Like, I'll just pursue the other things in life and forget about women. Right. But we've been through this cycle before, right? Because the whole mgtow thing and that was the extreme version of this. But it's all of these things that started in this microcosm, I think, in the whole, you know, the red pill space have become mainstream now, right?

Nicole [00:02:55]: Oh, for sure.

John [00:02:55]: Andrew Tate kind of broke the beachhead on that. And then all of this stuff became mainstream and unfortunately, it's infiltrated all the way down to, like, all the kids on social media are now mogging people. Look, maxing with their. Yeah, look. Smacksing and mogging people and chads and. And all of this stuff, you know,

Nicole [00:03:17]: and so unfortunately, they're mogging people.

John [00:03:19]: Yeah, I know what it means to

Nicole [00:03:21]: mog someone steal their girl.

John [00:03:23]: No, it means to like that. Actually, you know what's funny is that's actually what it used to mean.

Nicole [00:03:29]: It doesn't mean that anymore.

John [00:03:31]: No, it means to, like, out be attractive.

Nicole [00:03:34]: Out chad somewhat.

John [00:03:36]: Yeah, to out chad. To have the better jawline. To like, to mog them.

Nicole [00:03:40]: I mean, when kids started to give them. There's even an app or whatever. I was like, this is not good for society.

John [00:03:45]: There's even like a MOG app where, you know, that Omegle app, that old, like, where people would randomly. You randomly connect with people.

Nicole [00:03:53]: Like video chat.

John [00:03:54]: Yeah, but you randomly connect with people and try to mog them. It analyzes your face and sees if your face is more attractive than their face.

Nicole [00:04:02]: That's terrifying.

John [00:04:02]: Yeah, that is.

Nicole [00:04:04]: I mean, I do think also the looks stuff is also making guys not want to try either.

John [00:04:11]: Oh, yeah, for sure. 100%.

Nicole [00:04:13]: Like, I think, like, yes, probably most of it is the same sort of stuff like we talked about with the decentering men with women, is that. I think the majority of it is that, like, men get such a bad rap that they don't even want to try. But also now you have other men calling other men ugly, Right. And, like, this looks maxing thing, they definitely don't. Now they also don't want to try because, like, women already hate them and they're ugly, according to this looks maxing thing, Right? Yeah. Why? Why even go out there? But at the same time, I do want to say that I think at least half of these people never even try, though.

John [00:04:53]: Yeah, exactly, that's.

Nicole [00:04:55]: And so their whole experience is just based on online mumbo jumbo. Because honestly, if you're not online, right. Women aren't really, like, hating men in public. Like, Women are still pretty, you know, like, cordial with anyone in public.

John [00:05:12]: It's just.

Nicole [00:05:13]: It's mostly online, which is where everyone goes to, like, talk their smack and, like, feel safe behind their keyboard.

John [00:05:19]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:20]: So. And then also, you don't have someone in the grocery store being like, I just mogged you because I'm more attractive than you. Like, good luck with your vegetables. You know what I mean? Like, people aren't doing this stuff in real life. So. So, like, also, if you're that affected by it, like, get off the Internet.

John [00:05:38]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:38]: Like, at least, like, limit your Internet usage. Because a majority of the stuff, even like the woman versus bear stuff, that's all like, online.

John [00:05:47]: Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:47]: Mumbo jumbo. I mean, even, like, looks maxing. Like, now there's everything maxing. Like, everybody's adding maxing to everything. Like, we're so chronically online Pepsi maxing. That like. Yeah, exactly. It's like you. You just add it. Like, sleep maxing. Like, we just got a sleep mattress.

John [00:06:05]: Oh, we're sleep maxing. We're hardcore sleep maxing. We're sleep maxers. So, like, we gotta eight sleep.

Nicole [00:06:11]: We're. We're literally frying our brains.

John [00:06:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:14]: And it's not helping the dating situation, but. And again, like, men are online and then they're like, why even try? Like, I get it. Like, if women hate you, if everything you read is like, women being like, I would choose the bearer. Which, like, as a woman. I don't fully admit that I agree, but I. With some men, like Ted Bundy. Sure.

John [00:06:39]: Okay. Yeah. But you have to have the full scenario. It'd be like, you're out in the middle of the forest, no one's around. Right. Would you rather encounter a bear on the trail or a man?

Nicole [00:06:53]: A man. Because you can, like, manipulate them.

John [00:06:56]: Yeah. Yeah, Right. Like, I mean, yes.

Nicole [00:06:58]: Even if they're gonna kill you, you could still probably outmanipulate. Right. We watch enough, like, True Crime at this point as women, like, we could. We could find a way out, but

John [00:07:06]: the average man is not going to kill you or do something. Like, there are some. Right. And a percentage, even if it's a.

Nicole [00:07:13]: And honestly, if I'm being honest, I've seen a lot of women killing people lately.

John [00:07:17]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:17]: More than normal.

John [00:07:18]: That's been a lot.

Nicole [00:07:19]: So, like, women, we're not doing. We're. The men are going to start picking the bear. And I don't blame them either because I've seen a lot of stories about women killing their entire families now. Like, what the hell is going on? But we won't get into that. I do think it's the hopelessness of like everyone feeling hopeless, but because it's

John [00:07:40]: not based in reality. Because even the women that are talking the shit online on TikTok have never

Nicole [00:07:48]: seen a bear in real life.

John [00:07:50]: I wasn't going to go with the bear. Yeah, they have. Yeah. If they saw a bear in real life, they, they'd be like, I wish there was a man here that the

Nicole [00:07:57]: bear could eat and I could run away.

John [00:07:58]: Exactly. Yeah. You'd be like, yeah, if you saw a bear in real life on a freaking trail, a big ass bear, you would be like, I wish there was someone else there and I wish that was a man instead of a bear, I promise you. But I was talking about just like even on TikTok, even with the decentermen and saying all this stuff, a lot of these women talk a big game online, but in reality, are they actually dating? Are they actually. No, some of them are sabotaging their relationships for sure because they're very stuck in this feminist agenda and man hating agenda. But what I'm saying is that you're seeing that as a man and you're getting an unrealistic picture of what's out there in the world. Right. Just like the same happens where men get an unrealistic picture and they think all women are thoughts and all hoes and you know, or only want like

Nicole [00:08:53]: for everybody, super hot, successful men.

John [00:08:58]: Yeah. Yeah. And so. But men are getting this unrealistic view of how much women hate men and on how ugly they are. Right. And how much looks matter. Right. Because there's all of these things. Because it's so much easier to make some content that shows that this alpha looking Chad guy, he goes on a dating app and he tells women, I want to break your fingers or whatever. And they're like, oh, that's hot. Or whatever. I don't know, I'm being extreme. It's not that extreme. Or like I'm a criminal and I was a pedophile or whatever. But. Oh, it doesn't matter. I don't care what you did in the past. Those are real things. But. But that content will go viral, right? And because people want to watch that, it's not based in reality. Because if you create, let's say, a Tinder profile and you have a model guy that women are attracted to and you have him message 500 women, and to all of them you say you're a pedophile. Yeah. A couple of them will Respond positively. And then you screenshot that one, and then you Forget all the 401 that are like, I don't care how hot you are, you're a sicko. Like, why would you message me and block. Right. You ignore that stuff. But what I'm saying is that they're getting unrealistic views right now. There is some truth to it in the sense that women are saying these things, women are projecting some things, but

Nicole [00:10:31]: there are men doing the crappy things that women are saying too. So you can't really use that as an example. But I also just want to add before we get too far away from it.

John [00:10:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:40]: That even, like, men acting like they can't get women unless they're successful is not true right now, if women could pick, would they pick, like, an attractive, successful man who is a provider and is wonderful and. But then, like, stands up for himself?

John [00:11:01]: Right?

Nicole [00:11:01]: Yeah.

John [00:11:02]: Right.

Nicole [00:11:03]: But even men saying this stuff. No. Men that are not successful, that are in relationships and married.

John [00:11:09]: Right.

Nicole [00:11:10]: They know men that are not attractive that are in relationships and married. Like, so like you said, they're going based off of these viral things that are not even the majority. Just like women are going off of viral things that are not the majority.

John [00:11:25]: And I don't understand, though. Like, okay, if men are like, women. Men are attracted to women who are young and hot, then why is there a problem if women are attracted to men who are successful, like, biologically? I'm not saying that's the only. Right.

Nicole [00:11:44]: It's not.

John [00:11:44]: But I'm just saying you can't be like, oh, yeah, it's obvious that men like women with big boobs that are hot and young.

Nicole [00:11:51]: Right. And then you're like, how dare you judge me for how much I make and how tall I am and what I look like?

John [00:11:59]: Right. It doesn't make any difference sense to me. Right. That's why I'm like, it's not as extreme. Right. As people paint it to be.

Nicole [00:12:07]: Right?

John [00:12:07]: Right. I mean, in this world, it's become more extreme because of social media, because of Instagram, because women can't get access to professional sports player for a night or whatever. They'll fly her mouth.

Nicole [00:12:21]: But the men are also allowing that.

John [00:12:22]: Right? Right.

Nicole [00:12:23]: So how can you blame her if he's like, sure, yeah, come over.

John [00:12:27]: Like, yeah, but it's different men. That's why, like, it's like, you know, like, the guys that are allowing it are not the ones that are complaining.

Nicole [00:12:34]: Yeah, but they're screwing over other guys.

John [00:12:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:37]: They're screwing over Other guys, the guys that are being screwed over aren't holding these men accountable, they're holding the women accountable. But, like, if she couldn't go home with that guy.

John [00:12:46]: Right.

Nicole [00:12:47]: She would probably lower her standards, right?

John [00:12:48]: Exactly. Exactly. Exactly, exactly. That's where we always come to the same thing.

Nicole [00:12:54]: I know we've had this conversation, but

John [00:12:56]: I mean, because it's the same. Because the dynamic that's happening is exactly that. It's the same cycle. It's that men who. It's that social media and dating apps have made it so women have more access to men and men have more access to women. And women have higher standards than men in attractiveness. Right. And like, in what men, they'll sleep with, biologically sleep with, let's say.

Nicole [00:13:23]: Well, actually, I think men have a very low standard of what they would sleep with.

John [00:13:26]: Exactly. Men have. That's what I'm saying. Men have. Women have a higher. Did I say men? I said women.

Nicole [00:13:30]: No, maybe I got it wrong.

John [00:13:32]: Women have a higher standard. So that means that the top guys on Instagram, dating app, whatever, successful in life, will get a lot of women that are attracted to them. Right?

Nicole [00:13:45]: But also, like you said, if he said something weird, a lot of women would also be like, no, like, even your attractiveness is not worth it.

John [00:13:52]: But some would because women send letters to serial killers in prison. You know, it's like there's some weird thing about that. But my point is that, like, it's the cycle. So then those guys have all these women, so they don't want to commit to any of them. And so these women are batting above their league. Right? They're batting above their level. They wouldn't be able to lock down a guy of that caliber with the level that they are, but they think they can. So they set their standards to that because they don't wanna believe what's actually going on. And why would you? Right? And then that causes the cycle to repeat. So then those women have higher standards, which means that less men are acceptable to them, which means men are upset because they don't have any women and they're all going to the top. And so the cycle continues and women get frustrated with the dating market because they're like, there's no good men and the men at the top are the only ones winning. That's the only. The women aren't winning.

Nicole [00:14:47]: Because if you think about it, only

John [00:14:48]: the men's at the top are winning.

Nicole [00:14:49]: There are no good men in women's perception of this. Right. Because the ones that aren't getting anything are pissed. And they're not blaming the men, they're blaming the women.

John [00:14:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:14:59]: So they're pissed at women. And then if they do get one of the guys at the top, he doesn't want to settle down, so she's pissed at him.

John [00:15:04]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:05]: And then, like, if she happens to find one rare needle and a haystack in between those two things.

John [00:15:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:14]: Then she might find a husband. But the majority is either the guys that are pissed at women because they're not getting any.

John [00:15:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:23]: And so what woman's going to want to be with a man that hates women?

John [00:15:26]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:27]: And then the ones that are getting whatever they want so they're not settling down, which women think that they can lock down, but then waste all this time trying to. And then they realize they can't.

John [00:15:39]: Or.

Nicole [00:15:39]: Or maybe they are actually dating a guy for years, but he doesn't want to get married because he thinks something else is better out there. Whatever his excuses.

John [00:15:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:48]: So she just wasted all this time on this person. And so, like, that's where the confusion is.

John [00:15:54]: Yeah. And I wish we had a solution for it, but we don't. That's like, there is a solution. I mean, there's like, be a man. Yeah. Yeah. The best solution for a man is to be in the top 20%, which isn't that hard to do because most guys aren't even trying. You know what I mean? Like, it really isn't that hard to be in the top to beat four other men, to be one out of five to be top 20%. It's like half of them aren't even trying. They're not even trying. They've already checked out, which is good for you. Right. So you only have to beat be better than 50% of the ones that are trying, probably. Like, that's solution for the men, unfortunately. Which actually, you see, men are in a better spot because they can actually solve the problem.

Nicole [00:16:34]: Yeah, we've talked about this before.

John [00:16:36]: Women can't really solve their problem. Like, the only thing they can do is get a boob job, is be young and hot and utilize that to get the best man that they can. But make an accurate evaluation of what man that they can get and not aim too high and just be used Right. To hold. Which the only way you can do that is by holding out sex, because then you'll find out whether you could actually get the guy or not. Because if the guy just doesn't want to have anything to do with you if you're not gonna have sex with him, then he's not of the level that you can get. Right. So I think that's the only. But it's not a great solution. It's kind of a fucked up society that we're living in.

Nicole [00:17:17]: No, it is. It's just getting worse.

John [00:17:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:20]: Cause I don't feel like even when I was in my early 20s that men and women hated each other like they do now.

John [00:17:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:28]: And I don't think it's going to get better. I think that these men that are mad.

John [00:17:33]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:33]: And not even trying, like you said, are just going to turn to AI or robots or. Yeah, whatever. I mean, we're already heading in that direction. And again, like without getting too morbid. That's why I think us as humanity are going to eventually. Because like men don't want to put in the effort. Let's be real here.

John [00:17:53]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:54]: They don't want to put in the effort.

John [00:17:56]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:56]: To be a man.

John [00:17:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:59]: That would attract a woman because they think it's easy. Things like, oh, well, I should have been born attractive. I'm not, I'm never going to amount to anything. Some women aren't young and hot ever. Yeah, when they're young, they're not hot.

John [00:18:11]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:12]: You know what I mean? Like they still go about their lives. They still like look for a partner.

John [00:18:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:17]: Like, so there's no excuse. Like if you're like, oh, I don't have the whatever. Like men focus. Men need to realize they focus nowadays I would say potentially even more about how they look than women do.

John [00:18:33]: For sure. Well, women have been look smacking for a long time.

Nicole [00:18:36]: Oh yeah.

John [00:18:37]: Hair extensions, makeup, eyelash extensions, filler. You know, all the things, all the things women have been look smacking for. Now men are joining the looks maxing world. But women have just. This is the default for women. Most women are look smacking just by default. That's what they learned.

Nicole [00:18:53]: It's honestly as a woman personally unattractive for a man to look smacks that hard. Like you would be more attractive if you owned how you looked and you grew your confidence.

John [00:19:05]: Yeah, for sure.

Nicole [00:19:06]: Than if you hit your jaw with a hammer or whatever the heck people are doing.

John [00:19:11]: You're zygote, you got, I don't know, chiseled the zygote.

Nicole [00:19:15]: I don't even, I'm upset that you even know that that's where they're hitting it at. That's my point is like if you're contemplating like plastic surgery as a man or all things, like again, I'm also saying this as a woman who wouldn't personally get plastic surgery. So if a man got plastic surgery. Absolutely not. And again, it's probably cuz women getting it is more normalized.

John [00:19:40]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:40]: But if you care more about. I, I don't know, I've always been like, if you as a man care about your looks more than I care about my looks as a woman.

John [00:19:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:48]: Instantly unattractive.

John [00:19:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:50]: Because it's not masculine and manly to be so vain and so concerned with how you look. It's feminine.

John [00:19:57]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:58]: Like it's actually really.

John [00:19:59]: Gaston is insulted. You have insulted Gaston.

Nicole [00:20:02]: But like, it's true if you really think about it and if men really think about it, it's feminine to be that concerned with your looks.

John [00:20:11]: It is. Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:11]: And it is unattractive.

John [00:20:14]: You know who's concerned with their. What guys are concerned with their looks that much? Who? Gay guys.

Nicole [00:20:19]: Well, but not even, I feel like not even gay guys are that concerned.

John [00:20:22]: That's true. Yeah. But I'm just saying, like, that's why you're right, like you're, you're on the spot. Right. I mean, I don't think, I think gay guys will agree with me that they're very concerned with their looks. They're more feminine. Sure.

Nicole [00:20:30]: Right. But like, that's what I'm trying to say is like, it's women. Again, I can't speak for all women.

John [00:20:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:40]: But I think if women were allowed to be in their feminine and were able to be in their feminine more, they would say that they want more masculine men. For sure. A man who's more concerned about his looks than she is is feminine.

John [00:20:54]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:55]: Like, and how can you feel safe if your man is masculine sometimes but super feminine and being like, oh, I need, I need plastic surgery, like, I don't look good. You know what I mean? Like, this is an extreme version, but like, I think men need to realize because they're going too far down this looks maxing thing.

John [00:21:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:16]: That like you're actually making yourself more unattractive by being so concerned with how attractive you're appearing to women. Like you're actually repelling women.

John [00:21:26]: Right, exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:27]: You know what I mean? Like it actually is doing the opposite of what you think it is.

John [00:21:32]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and it's because a lot of guys think that. That. Well, because most, a lot of guys experience today in dating is online.

Nicole [00:21:44]: Right.

John [00:21:44]: It's not in person. It's not going into a club or a bar or a grocery store and meeting women there.

Nicole [00:21:52]: That's true.

John [00:21:52]: Right. And so if your experience is only online, then what is the only thing that matters online that's true is your looks. And what kind of car do you have in the picture that is on your dating profile? Right. Like your looks and lifestyle. That's what is gonna make the difference in online. Because women have such a broad selection of men online that they're gonna, of course, choose the things that there's more men on dating apps than women. Right. But in reality, in real life, you don't have to be that attractive. You don't have to. You just have to be able to be funny and talk and be confident and make a woman feel attractive and make her feel like she's having a

Nicole [00:22:34]: good time and safe and secure.

John [00:22:36]: Yeah. And that's what. But. But so many men today aren't going out into the world and experiencing women that they're just seeing the online, you know, dating apps and all this stuff, and that's what's causing that.

Nicole [00:22:49]: That's true.

John [00:22:50]: So in that point, like, it does make sense. Like, if you're like, oh, shit, I can't compete in this space, then checking out, and then everyone hates me anyway, so.

Nicole [00:22:57]: But don't check out, like. And don't do anything.

John [00:23:00]: No, no.

Nicole [00:23:01]: Go up to people at the grocery store.

John [00:23:03]: Yeah. Like, you got to figure it out.

Nicole [00:23:04]: Practice approaching people in real life. Like, I get being frustrated. I get that it's more looks focused on online dating. I get that.

John [00:23:13]: We both know.

Nicole [00:23:13]: But I don't think it's fine. Like, I don't think it's fine to just be like, I give up.

John [00:23:17]: We both know a guy. I'm doing this again, that is somewhat short. It's not the ethnicity that most women would prefer. And he has had a lot of success with women over his life. And we know this guy very well, and we have seen him operate. And if this guy can pull it off. I'm just saying.

Nicole [00:23:39]: But see, the guys act like, well, that's rare. But no, that's what confidence is. That's what women actually want. Like, when you go too far in the. Like, I want to look pretty, they don't want to look pretty. But I'm just saying it. You know what I mean? Like, they want to look pretty. I want to look like a model. You know, I don't make enough money. No one's gonna like me, and I don't look like a model. And I don't. Like. Like you said, we've already done episodes where it's like, men have more Control over how attractive they can be. Because their attractiveness is not nearly based as much on things that they can't control, like youth and beauty. Like, again, that's. Women, for a long time have been trying to optimize their beauty.

John [00:24:26]: That makes sense, right? Exactly.

Nicole [00:24:27]: Because they know that there's very limited things that they can, like, appease in a man. Like, I'm not. And a men should not. Honestly, I don't even like putting the focus on that either, because.

John [00:24:39]: No, no, it's. Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:41]: If you marry a woman just for how she looks, that's gonna end in disaster anyway. Like, men have to also find women with substance.

John [00:24:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:49]: Like, you can't have a deep, meaningful relationship if it's just based on that she's young and hot. Even if that's what men want the most. But like you said, even if women want the most. Yeah. A guy that's attractive and is a man and, like, is successful, that doesn't mean that she can't find the man of her dreams that doesn't have all those things.

John [00:25:10]: Right. Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:25:12]: Like, that's just like, the ideal, and everyone has the ideal. Like, a man's ideal is young, hot woman.

John [00:25:19]: Right.

Nicole [00:25:20]: Who. I don't know what else. Young, hot woman. That's my caveman voice.

John [00:25:26]: With big boobs and big butt.

Nicole [00:25:28]: Right. With big butt.

John [00:25:29]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:25:29]: And. Yes. And then women would probably pick what I just said. So it's like. But that doesn't mean that someone can't be completely happy and fulfilled. Because honestly.

John [00:25:42]: Right.

Nicole [00:25:43]: If we're being honest and we tend to go from, like, a spiritual place anyway.

John [00:25:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:25:48]: Who you are trumps how you look and any of the. How young you are, what money you make, whatever, Any day. Because right now, if you somehow your muscles deflated and you lost your job, I would still love you just as much because I love you for who you are as a person.

John [00:26:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:09]: And that's really what it has to be.

John [00:26:11]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:12]: And so if these guys also focus on being a good person, a good man, and women focus on being a good woman and a good person, they'd

John [00:26:22]: have a lot more success even to speak to that, to the guys that lose their job and lose their women afterwards, their woman afterwards, and then they're like, oh, then she left me. I lost my job. And then she left. Like, I fell on hard times. She left me. Well, it's more likely that losing that job changed the person you are. You know, I mean, like, your confidence, your identity changed, and then she became less attracted to that.

Nicole [00:26:47]: But there's also a statistic that men are more likely to leave women when they become more successful. No, ill like cancer or they're dying. Like men are more likely to leave the situation than women are.

John [00:27:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:01]: So it's like it happens. I'm not saying it doesn't happen.

John [00:27:06]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:06]: But it's also like you can't like based your whole life off of like the what ifs. And I feel like a lot of these guys, especially the chronically online ones, are like, oh, this happened to some, somebody. I'm not going to do that. Like.

John [00:27:20]: Yeah, well, I always tell guys too. Like I always used to say when I was coaching them or when I was in some of the black pill places in there, I'd be like, okay. Because they're all preaching gloom and doom and like, oh, women don't like me, blah, blah, blah. I, I tried everything. It doesn't work. Pickup doesn't work. All this stuff doesn't work. And I'm like, okay, lift up your shirt. Like, let me see your six pack abs. And then I'm like, okay, if you don't have six pack abs, then I can't.

Nicole [00:27:48]: Then you haven't tried everything.

John [00:27:49]: Yeah. You haven't been trying that hard. Right. Like you either don't want it bad enough, you just rather complain about it, or you haven't been trying that hard. Right. I'm not saying it's easy.

Nicole [00:27:58]: Do you think a six pack is like that much of a woman grabber?

John [00:28:02]: No, no, it's not. It's not that much of a woman grabber. It's a gay guy grabber for sure. But I mean it definitely helps. Right, but what I'm saying is it illustrates the effort that you've put in. Right. I'm not saying that it's easy to get a six pack. And that's the whole point is that like if you're at your end of your rope, like desperation, right. Then have you actually really tried everything? Because if you show me a guy and he lifts up a shirt and he's like, yeah, I have six pack abs. I've been working. I mean it's a little easier to get now with Tirizepatide and Mounjaro and Ozempic and all that stuff. But before then, let's say then you've put in a lot of work. But my point in saying this is just simply this is that I have never encountered a guy that bitch and complained about women and about not being attractive that picked up his shirt and had six pack abs. Had anywhere close to that because he hasn't put in the work. Not to say that if you have six pack abs, that means you instantly have women. I'm just saying that you're just using

Nicole [00:29:06]: it as a way to measure.

John [00:29:08]: Yeah, you give up before you've actually tried hard enough to make. If you tried that level of hard and you still haven't, then I have some empathy for you. Like, okay, buddy, but you haven't tried as hard as you could. You know, it's like what it takes to actually succeed is way harder than what most people think. Like, I think a lot of problem why guys are checking out too is they think it'll be easier than it is. When I was coaching guys and coaching them on pickup, I remember telling guys like, oh, I did a video once and I was like, yeah, I mean you're probably gonna have to talk to 300 women before you get a successful result. And they're like, what? That's crazy. That shouldn't be, it shouldn't have to be that hard. It's ridiculous. It's crazy. Like this is, there are some, obviously you're not attractive if that's the case. It's not. Juice isn't worth the squeeze. And I'm like, that's just like, you're just underestimating. You think it should be easier than it is, but that's what it takes. If you're going out and you're going out to a bar or something. This is for guys. You talk to probably like 20 women in a night and maybe, maybe, maybe one of them will go home with you if that's what you're looking for. But maybe like a few of them, maybe three or four of them will give you a phone number. Maybe you're gonna get one date out of talking to 20 women. But that's just how it goes. That's just par for the course. And maybe if you're a really, really good looking guy, then you'll have to talk to 15 instead of 20. Like it's not gonna change it that much. Like they think it'll be like, oh, a really good looking guy would just talk to three women. It's not going to happen like that. That's not how it actually works. So getting healthily grounded in reality.

Nicole [00:30:48]: Yeah, they need to get rid of expectations.

John [00:30:50]: It sounds like to realize it takes more effort than you think for all of the things in life to build a business, to be successful, to build muscle, all of these things. That the reason why you're unhappy is because you think you want the easy way and you think that it should be easier than it is. But when you set the expectations realistically right. Then you know, then you're not disappointed. Then you don't give up so easily. But a lot of men are giving up because they have a picture that it should be way easier than it is and it's not.

Nicole [00:31:21]: Right. And then they make excuses for why. Like you said. All I heard when you said the 300 thing was all these excuses. Oh, it should be easier than that. Why does it have to be like that? I'm not attractive if it takes that many.

John [00:31:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:31:34]: That's just exhausting. Like, you're not ever even living your life if you're just giving up and trying to find excuses before you even try. And you can't even really try and, like, talk to three people and be like, it didn't work for me.

John [00:31:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:31:48]: Like, that's not really trying. Yeah. Now if you talk to like 300 people, like, for six months, like, each time you went out or whatever.

John [00:31:58]: Sure.

Nicole [00:31:58]: Or like, you know, you got to that. Or you went. Got talked to 600 people and it wasn't working. Sure. But then you would talk and you'd be like, okay, well, maybe there's something else going on. Like, you would focus on some other aspect that's maybe off. Like, just giving up is never gonna get you what you want in life. And I don't understand where men don't realize this, because the thing is, they want women. But again, just like we talked about with the women and the decentering men, how are you expecting to get a woman when you think so poorly of women?

John [00:32:30]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:32:31]: And like you said, like, a woman is more likely to get a man. That's just like a people pleaser.

John [00:32:37]: Right.

Nicole [00:32:37]: But a man is not going to get a woman that talks crap about men very easily. I mean, women very easily.

John [00:32:43]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [00:32:44]: Like, you rarely see that.

John [00:32:46]: Yeah, yeah. And again, it's the same thing. If you're looking for that as men, that's what you're going to find. You're going to find the kind of women that. It validates your opinion about women. Right. But if you're looking for the opposite, then you're gonna find that if you have a positive mindset about it, then you're gonna find more success and more results.

Nicole [00:33:09]: Well, men have to think about it this way too. And like, I mean, they might make excuses for this as well, too. But I'm gonna say it like, it does have to be harder as a Man to have a woman choose you or you choose a woman.

John [00:33:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:23]: Because if a woman is going to center her life around you, Right. And choose you.

John [00:33:30]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:31]: She has to feel like you're safe and that she really knows you and that you're capable of being a man or being the man that she needs.

John [00:33:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:41]: Because it's too risky.

John [00:33:42]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:43]: Like, you as a man are stronger than her. You have sometimes more access to things that women don't have. So, like, it is more of a detriment. And again, like, the bear versus man thing, like, men are more likely to kill people, men and women in general. So, like, it is a lot more on the line for women to pick the right man than for the man to pick the right woman. And so, yeah, a woman might be more selective or like, not give you the time of day or be a little, like, wishy washy. And you shouldn't try to take that personally as much as you can. I mean, like, I still think that we can hear some of these things and, like, ask ourselves truthfully, like, do I need to work on this or do. Or was this just like a misalignment of two people together? But I think men need to realize that it's hard for them because a lot is on the line for women.

John [00:34:40]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:41]: And, like, maybe they can take things less personally if they realize that, like, maybe they just didn't align or whatever. Or if they're like, maybe this woman didn't feel safe around me, so maybe I need to, like, work on being a good guy who, like, you know, is kind but holds boundaries. You know what I mean? Like, instead of being like, oh, this is too hard. Like, if you understand the perspective a little bit more and don't think like, oh, women just want hot, successful men. Well, why do you think that women want more successful men? Like, that's more security financially. So if you understand this from the reason why, it's not because they're greedy or they just want to buy whatever they want.

John [00:35:26]: And even if it was, if that's what the fish that you're fishing for likes for bait, then that's what the fish like. Like, what are you gonna do? Like, not be like, okay, I guess you could be like, I don't want any fish. Then, like, okay, fine, but you can't change it. You can't shame.

Nicole [00:35:46]: You can't excuse it away.

John [00:35:48]: Yeah. Like, it is what it is, right? Like, so what? Like, what are you gonna do? You're either gonna adapt to the game or not. Or not play the game, which, I mean, a lot of guys are saying, I'm not gonna play the game, which is fine. But if you choose that path, then you're gonna just miss out with your

Nicole [00:36:03]: chest, like, choose it and be like, no, I'm not doing that. Not be like, blame it on women. You know what I mean? Like, if you don't want to do what is necessary, own that.

John [00:36:15]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:16]: Don't blame it on other people. But I mean, they probably still are. Cause if they make excuses about that stuff, then they're probably gonna blame other people.

John [00:36:23]: But so. But yeah, I mean, I guess the other aspect of it is, like, women are noticing that men are, like, not wanting to have relationships and date as well. And so.

Nicole [00:36:33]: But is that any different, though, than before?

John [00:36:37]: I think that's true. I think more men are, like I said, the red pill type of stuff has gone more mainstream. So more men are, like, anti women now.

Nicole [00:36:48]: But the funny thing is in all of this, to me is that it's gotten so bad. Right. That if you're a good man. Oh, you're instantly off the market. So actually, like, if you're a man, that's growth mindset and, like, wants to be in a relationship.

John [00:37:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:06]: The good thing is, is the market's so crappy because guys are taking themselves out of it.

John [00:37:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:11]: Or like, the top guys are still, like, messing around and, like, not wanting to settle down. That if you listen to this and you became a really good man, you could have any woman that you want. I know I've said that on other episodes. It's true.

John [00:37:26]: I agree.

Nicole [00:37:27]: Like, actually, if you're willing to put in the work, now's the best time. Because women are still going to want to start a family and be married.

John [00:37:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:37:36]: For the most part.

John [00:37:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:38]: She needs a man to do that.

John [00:37:40]: Yeah. For the. For the most part.

Nicole [00:37:42]: For the most part. But, like, someone wants to have a human.

John [00:37:45]: They claim that they don't. They claim that they don't, but they do.

Nicole [00:37:48]: I mean, she could go to, like, a sperm donation place.

John [00:37:50]: Like, it's.

Nicole [00:37:51]: But no woman wants to be a single mother unless she can't find a man.

John [00:37:55]: Even the women that say that they do online, they don't really want to. Like, they're just. They're also giving up and checking out, and that's why they're saying this stuff. Right.

Nicole [00:38:04]: Look, I even said if I didn't find a man by 35 or whatever, I would have had a kid on my own because I wanted to have a kid. And I Don't want to be based on a guy. So, like, I get it. But the thing is, luckily you came along. But. No, what I'm saying is, though, that ultimately a woman wants a good man, a real life human being.

John [00:38:24]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:24]: To spend the rest of her life with and start a family with. And so if you're seeing all these guys check out or all these guys, like, you know, not acting right, if you got your shit together.

John [00:38:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:37]: You'd have success. I'm not saying it'd be instantaneous, but women are still looking.

John [00:38:43]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:44]: And so you have a lot better chance than any of the other guys that come along. And plus, since the cream of the crops gotten so bad, you're gonna look even better.

John [00:38:53]: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And if all these guys are giving up, then.

Nicole [00:38:56]: Right, and you're not. Wow. You're, like, way ahead of them.

John [00:39:01]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:39:02]: So. Yeah.

John [00:39:05]: All right, well, I think that's. I think we're good. Unless you got more. You can.

Nicole [00:39:09]: No, I mean, I thought you would have had more because it's more towards.

John [00:39:13]: I mean, I feel like it's. It's. It's the same. Same stuff. Like, it's, you know, like you could take the point of saying, like. Of like, oh, it's so bad out there. And we did a little bit like, yeah, it is harsh. Women are kind of harsh to guys today. We talked about it last episode with the Decenter Men and the man versus Bear and all that stuff. That's true. Right. But, like, I don't like that. I don't like that. It's not helpful. It's victim mindset. Right. It's like. Cause if you focus on that, sure, there's truth to it. I don't deny it. But that's not the thing to focus on. Cause you can't change that.

Nicole [00:39:53]: I think, weirdly, it's the wrong way to do it, but I think women give men shit to try to toughen them up and be the men that they want them to be, but it just tears them down. I'm not saying it's the right way, but I think with a lot of this stuff, the way that women handle it and the way that women handle men sometimes, by being, like, mean to them, they want them to, like, step up and, like, stand up for themselves.

John [00:40:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:40:19]: And then when they don't, you know, then men just get more dejected. You know what I mean? Like, again, I don't think it's the right way to go about it.

John [00:40:27]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:27]: But you just talking about it made me think that like, maybe that's what they're trying to do. Because no matter what women say.

John [00:40:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:40:35]: And again, like, I was more on the, you know, feminist side sort of thing before we met. No matter what women really say, they want a man. A man that will step up and handle things and even tell her at times, no, we're not going to do this, or whatever, because that shows that he has boundaries, he has standards. He's going to do what needs to be done. And women respect that. And a woman cannot respect a man that doesn't have that ability.

John [00:41:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:08]: And so I guess the thing is, like, women have lost some respect for men because men don't respect themselves.

John [00:41:14]: Yeah. Well, we said about the thing in the last episode about men just letting women say decenter men and, like, they're in relationship, those women, and they're just okay with it. They're get on board with it.

Nicole [00:41:26]: Right.

John [00:41:26]: They let that happen.

Nicole [00:41:28]: Yeah. Because they don't have respect for themselves. That's the point exactly. Is like, if you started slandering women, I would be like, I respect you, but I would be like, you can't talk like that. Like, that's not acceptable. That's not cool. Like, how are we supposed to have a relationship if you think this about women?

John [00:41:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:47]: Like, I would have to stand up for that because I also respect myself as a woman. You know what I mean? And, like, if you're a man that has a girlfriend that is, like, all men suck, you don't respect yourself. And if you're, like, taking yourself out of the game before you even try, you don't respect yourself.

John [00:42:06]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:07]: You know, and so maybe you need to work on that. Like, you need to start having some boundaries in your life and, like, stand up for yourself and, you know, like.

John [00:42:17]: And it's not as bad as what, again, like, you're going off of other people's experience. A lot of guys, right. Have their own experience. And I get it. Yeah. Young guys hear all these horror stories and whatever, but. Or you have very limited experience and you got rejected one time, or that's why I'm saying that is harder than you think.

Nicole [00:42:33]: Yeah.

John [00:42:33]: But I mean, when I was out there and it wasn't that. That long ago, like five years or whatever, I didn't have any. I didn't feel like women were mean or horrible. Like, I felt like there was a lot of women that were just fine,

Nicole [00:42:46]: you know, like, the guys we're talking about listening, this will be like, venturing tall and jacked and successful.

John [00:42:52]: John. But does that change women, like, how they act in general? Maybe a little bit differently acting, but not in general. Like. Like. But I wasn't. I didn't have a predisposed idea that they were bad.

Nicole [00:43:06]: Right, right.

John [00:43:07]: Like, I didn't. I didn't.

Nicole [00:43:08]: And you should have.

John [00:43:10]: And I should have. Right?

Nicole [00:43:11]: You should. You. It would have made more sense that you would have.

John [00:43:14]: It would have. It would have made more sense. But I still did it. But I did. Yeah, I. Like. You know what I mean? And so that's what I'm saying is it's like you need to go and get your own experience.

Nicole [00:43:23]: Right. And get away from the excuses.

John [00:43:26]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:26]: If you want something, you have to make it happen.

John [00:43:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:29]: And it might take a lot of work.

John [00:43:30]: Yeah. That's it. And you just have to be willing to do it. That's fine.

Nicole [00:43:34]: Right. And we believe in you.

John [00:43:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:36]: It's possible.

John [00:43:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:39]: So.

John [00:43:40]: All right, well, we'll call that one no end segment. Yeah, no end segment for us.

Nicole [00:43:49]: Every time.

John [00:43:50]: I was thinking, though, one real quick thing, because I was thinking about from the last one when I was talking about. What also has helped me is trusting your intuition more.

Nicole [00:44:02]: You did say that the other day, which. Thank you for saying that.

John [00:44:08]: Yeah. And changing the way that I give guidance where I don't. Again, don't take it personally. Right. So it's like, because you had an issue with a friend thing that was going on, I won't go into the drama of it, but, you know, I think maybe in the past I would have, like. I don't want to say judged you. Judged me. Yeah. But maybe that, like, I don't want to really, because that carries too much of a negative connotation, but kind of, in a way. But I was just like, okay, here's my wisdom on this. And you can take it or you don't have to take it, but I'm not offended either way.

Nicole [00:44:46]: No, I did appreciate you talking it through because I also do value seeing all the sides. And I asked you sometimes, too, I'm like, am I being honest?

John [00:44:59]: But I was able to give you an honest. But I was able to give you an honest opinion without having my ego attached to it. Right. Whereas I think in the past, a lot of times, if I gave you that evaluation, my ego would be attached to it, and if you disagreed with it, then I would feel like, okay,

Nicole [00:45:14]: well, you're not offended.

John [00:45:15]: Right. But you're not listening to me here. Whether you think so or not or listen to my wisdom, it's still wisdom. And I know it's wise. Right, True. So you see what I'm saying. That has helped me a lot because I don't have to worry about, does someone actually think what I recognize. I recognize it. That's enough. And I can just be here. So I think that's been helpful to me in general. It just made it where there's less friction on my part because it's like, okay, I can tell you the thing. I don't have to be afraid to tell you the thing. And at the same time, I'm not just gonna be telling you the thing. And now my ego's involved in the thing. So.

Nicole [00:45:59]: Yeah, no, yeah. And I did appreciate your perspective, and I did take your advice, ultimately, from what you said. But I also did appreciate you saying that you trust my intuition more, because it does be right.

John [00:46:13]: Especially about blueberries.

Nicole [00:46:15]: Yeah, that's right.

John [00:46:18]: All right, that's it for this week. If you want to check us out, check us out online@betterthanperfectpod.com I did update the website, so the newest episodes are up there. And you can email us if you have a question@betterthenperfectpodcast Gmail.com. see you next time.