John [00:00:00]: It is weird to do social activities aside from a hobby that are co ed and to not have your partner go, like running, for instance. Right.

Nicole [00:00:08]: Like, you do people definitely, like, meet people and like, date people and run

John [00:00:12]: clubs, but it's not like the thing that you're doing it for.

Nicole [00:00:15]: Again, like, people are using run clubs.

John [00:00:17]: Yeah. So if I join a run club, you're gonna come with me to the run club?

Nicole [00:00:21]: No, but I'm gonna be like.

John [00:00:23]: Beyond the perfect we discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than per perfect we stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:48]: That's right. And guess what we're doing today? We're going to find out if we're compatible.

John [00:00:53]: And if we're not, then we're going to get a divorce on the show.

Nicole [00:00:57]: Why would you say that? No, we're not. We're going to do what you said in the last episode and figure it out.

John [00:01:05]: Okay. We'll push Fig, put the round peg into the square hole if we can. No, I'm sure we're compatible. Anyway, so. But I did find a quiz. This one's from the Reconnection Institute. We'll see.

Nicole [00:01:19]: Oh, it's from an institution.

John [00:01:21]: Yes.

Nicole [00:01:21]: That means it's legit.

John [00:01:23]: Well, it doesn't mean it's legit, but it does mean that I'll have to put in my institutionalized my email address and then we'll get. Get a bunch of solicitations to get the results. I'm sure we'll have to put an email address. So this has got some questions. Yeah. Okay, so I'm just going to read the questions and then we'll debate them and see.

Nicole [00:01:41]: Okay.

John [00:01:42]: Okay. These are scored from 1 to 10.

Nicole [00:01:45]: Okay.

John [00:01:47]: Number one is, do you enjoy engaging in similar activities or hobbies?

Nicole [00:01:52]: 10. Well, 9.

John [00:01:56]: You think? 9.

Nicole [00:01:58]: I don't want to go on a run with you.

John [00:01:59]: Exactly. And I'm. I mean, I would dance, but. But not like, not heels dance.

Nicole [00:02:06]: Thank you.

John [00:02:07]: So I think that, like, I mean, for a lot of hobbies, and so I would put us somewhere like a 7 or 8.

Nicole [00:02:13]: Really?

John [00:02:14]: I mean, how many hobbies do we do? How many hobbies do we do that are engaged in similar activities or hobbies? I mean, we do a lot of.

Nicole [00:02:21]: What do we do that we don't do together besides running?

John [00:02:25]: And I guess we do lift weights and stuff too, so.

Nicole [00:02:28]: Yeah, with Me even sometimes.

John [00:02:29]: Yeah. Okay, I'll give, what do you say? Eight? Nine.

Nicole [00:02:32]: I said nine.

John [00:02:33]: Okay, we'll go nine. We can go nine. Okay. Can you both find humor in challenging situations? How's this like a 1 to 10. Can you both find humor?

Nicole [00:02:46]: I think we're like a five. It's like we're serious, we need to like get this stuff done. But like we can laugh about it

John [00:02:53]: it a little bit.

Nicole [00:02:54]: I mean, what do you think?

John [00:02:57]: I think we're higher than that. Finding humor in challenging situations. We don't fight in challenging situations. No, but we don't always find it humorous.

Nicole [00:03:05]: Right. That's why I'm thinking five.

John [00:03:08]: Okay.

Nicole [00:03:09]: Do you agree?

John [00:03:10]: I don't know because I'm thinking like what do they mean by humor? Do they mean like hahaha, or is it like you don't let things bother

Nicole [00:03:19]: you, you're like tire explodes on the side of the road and it's like you make a joke about it?

John [00:03:27]: Yeah, I'd rather a little higher than a five. Then like seven.

Nicole [00:03:31]: See but the only thing is I don't think we joke all the time with serious stuff. Like we don't argue.

John [00:03:36]: But can you find humor in challenging situations? Can you?

Nicole [00:03:39]: Oh, can you?

John [00:03:41]: Yes.

Nicole [00:03:42]: Not do you?

John [00:03:43]: Yeah, yeah, See, I think that's okay.

Nicole [00:03:45]: Then I would say higher.

John [00:03:46]: What would you say?

Nicole [00:03:47]: Then I think seven.

John [00:03:50]: Okay, we'll go to seven. Number three. Do you feel that your shared interests and values provide a solid foundation for deeper discussions and philosophical exploration? Wow, I feel like that's gotta be 10.

Nicole [00:04:05]: Yeah, but I don't think that like the things that we do do that besides like just that we talk and we do do that. Does that make sense?

John [00:04:13]: I think so.

Nicole [00:04:14]: Do you understand what I just said?

John [00:04:16]: I mean this is our like our shared interests in relationship. Right?

Nicole [00:04:21]: That's very true.

John [00:04:21]: And just like deeper discussions and philosophical exploration.

Nicole [00:04:24]: Yeah, I think we, we do that. We definitely we do that. Okay, we do be doing that.

John [00:04:29]: Number four. Do you and your partner share similar core beliefs and values?

Nicole [00:04:35]: I think so.

John [00:04:36]: Yeah. I would, I would put us at a 10 there.

Nicole [00:04:38]: You think 100%.

John [00:04:42]: I mean, do we have core beliefs and values that we don't share?

Nicole [00:04:49]: I don't think so, but give me a moment.

John [00:04:52]: And what would you put it at?

Nicole [00:04:55]: Maybe a nine. Just to leave.

John [00:04:58]: Yeah. Okay.

Nicole [00:04:59]: For error.

John [00:04:59]: Yeah. You're a little more environmentalist than I am. I guess.

Nicole [00:05:06]: That's very true. Yeah. I don't like to kill spiders. You're like kill it.

John [00:05:10]: Actually I, I, yeah, I'M I don't step on ants.

Nicole [00:05:14]: But you kill spiders.

John [00:05:16]: Yeah, I mean, spiders, they're in my house, they gotta die. How aligned are your life goals and moral compass from 1:10? These are kind of like very ambiguous questions.

Nicole [00:05:33]: Life goals and moral compass. I would think high.

John [00:05:36]: I think it's pretty high. Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:38]: I mean, your moral compass was broken at one point, but I think it's been restored for sure.

John [00:05:46]: Where would you go? Nine.

Nicole [00:05:48]: Why nine? Because it was. Yours was broken, so it's got a little crack in it. All right. All right, that's fair.

John [00:05:54]: Well, in life goals, you know, it's like, you know, I mean, I think they're. They're.

Nicole [00:05:59]: I think our goals is the same though. Like.

John [00:06:01]: Yeah, I think so. How satisfied are you with the sexual aspect of your relationship?

Nicole [00:06:09]: 100.

John [00:06:10]: Okay. I put 10. I put a note by it. So do you feel comfortable discussing your sexual needs with your partner? I'll put a 10.

Nicole [00:06:21]: Yeah.

John [00:06:22]: Do you feel the same?

Nicole [00:06:23]: Mm.

John [00:06:24]: Okay. Are you sure?

Nicole [00:06:25]: Yeah.

John [00:06:26]: Okay. Are you both open to exploring and adapting to each other's desires? I would put a 10.

Nicole [00:06:34]: Yeah. Yeah.

John [00:06:35]: Okay. Do you feel your turn ons and turn offs are understood and respected?

Nicole [00:06:41]: Yes.

John [00:06:41]: Yeah. What do you want to put 10?

Nicole [00:06:45]: Yeah.

John [00:06:45]: Yeah, I would put 10.

Nicole [00:06:46]: Do you feel differently?

John [00:06:47]: No. I'm just curious. How often do you and your partner share laughter?

Nicole [00:06:54]: 10.

John [00:06:55]: Yeah, that's a 10 for sure. Do your philosophical perspectives and beliefs about the world complement each other? Ooh, philosophical perspectives and beliefs about the world compliment each other?

Nicole [00:07:07]: I think sometimes we're a little. I. Well, complement each other.

John [00:07:16]: Yeah, I think mostly.

Nicole [00:07:20]: Yeah. I mean, I don't think I'd put 10.

John [00:07:22]: Yeah. What would you put?

Nicole [00:07:26]: Maybe eight.

John [00:07:27]: That's what I figured. Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:28]: That's what.

John [00:07:28]: Okay. Are your spiritual beliefs and aspirations aligned in a way you both find pleasing? These are very weirdly worded questions.

Nicole [00:07:37]: Yeah.

John [00:07:37]: Is it pleasing?

Nicole [00:07:39]: It's pleasing.

John [00:07:41]: 10.

Nicole [00:07:41]: Yeah.

John [00:07:42]: Okay. Are you moving towards common goals in your relationship and personal lives?

Nicole [00:07:47]: What did you just say?

John [00:07:48]: Are you moving towards common goals in your relationship and personal lives?

Nicole [00:07:52]: Okay. I thought you said a different word at one of those times.

John [00:07:56]: Which one are you? I don't know which word.

Nicole [00:08:00]: I'll tell you later.

John [00:08:01]: Okay.

Nicole [00:08:02]: But. Okay. Working towards common goals.

John [00:08:04]: You just mean personal wives.

Nicole [00:08:06]: No.

John [00:08:07]: Okay.

Nicole [00:08:11]: Oh, I think we're always working towards common goals. What was the second half of that?

John [00:08:16]: Are you moving towards common goals in your relationship and personal lives?

Nicole [00:08:21]: Yeah.

John [00:08:21]: Okay. Yeah.

Nicole [00:08:22]: You don't think so?

John [00:08:23]: No, I think it's hand. I'm Just trying to read it slowly so I can see. Which word. What's the word? Are you moving toward common gold holes?

Nicole [00:08:37]: No.

John [00:08:37]: Common holes in your relationship. Coming. Moving. I don't know. How willing are you to compromise on individual aspirations for the sake of the relationship?

Nicole [00:08:54]: Ooh. I mean, I think we're pretty compromising.

John [00:09:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:02]: I think I'm maybe more compromising than you.

John [00:09:05]: You think so? On individual aspirations? Maybe. I don't know. You don't know what I aspire to do.

Nicole [00:09:14]: Oh, do I not?

John [00:09:16]: What would you put on the number? I think we're both pretty compromising on, like, think of the.

Nicole [00:09:26]: But I think, like, I'm a 10, you're an 8, so maybe we should put 9.

John [00:09:30]: Okay, we'll put a 9. Yeah. Do you regularly discuss and reassess your shared vision for the future?

Nicole [00:09:39]: Discuss and what? Reassess.

John [00:09:42]: Yeah. I feel like we talk about where we're gonna live and stuff.

Nicole [00:09:47]: Yeah.

John [00:09:47]: The plan.

Nicole [00:09:49]: Do we ever reassess? I mean, I guess talking about. It's like, reassessing. Yeah. 10.

John [00:09:54]: Okay. We're just. We're extremists. We're either. We're tens, and we do 10. All right.

Nicole [00:10:01]: There's five in there.

John [00:10:03]: How effectively do you both handle unexpected obstacles and life changes that may aff your shared goals and direction?

Nicole [00:10:14]: Repeat that one more time.

John [00:10:15]: How effectively do you both handle unexpected obstacles in life changes that may affect your shared goals and direction? I mean, I think we handle it pretty damn good. I think a 10. We've dealt with a lot of obstacles, unexpected obstacles and life changes.

Nicole [00:10:34]: Yeah. But they're hard. So it's like. Is it just that you deal with them.

John [00:10:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:41]: Without being upset?

John [00:10:42]: No, Effectively to handle them.

Nicole [00:10:46]: So, like, you just take it on the chin.

John [00:10:48]: Yeah. I mean, you get through them.

Nicole [00:10:50]: Yeah.

John [00:10:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:52]: It would be pretty high. I mean, maybe, like, a nine.

John [00:10:55]: Okay. We'll put it in a. How satisfied are you with the level of interaction with each other's friends and family?

Nicole [00:11:04]: I mean, I wish we could see our family more. Yeah, Your family, my family. So, like, in that instance, I wish we could see them more, but I think that we do a good job.

John [00:11:16]: Yeah, I think we're.

Nicole [00:11:19]: What would you say?

John [00:11:22]: I mean, I would. I would put a 10.

Nicole [00:11:25]: Okay.

John [00:11:26]: But if you disagree, we can.

Nicole [00:11:28]: I think maybe a nine.

John [00:11:29]: Okay, we'll put a nine. Do you feel supported and included in each other's social circles? We don't really have, like, separate social. I mean, we have a little bit of separate social circles, but not much,

Nicole [00:11:41]: really, but, like, Even.

John [00:11:44]: But I feel accepted.

Nicole [00:11:45]: And, yeah, I think a 10.

John [00:11:47]: Okay. I don't have any friends.

Nicole [00:11:51]: So you do have friends.

John [00:11:53]: I don't have time for friends. All right. I have some friends. Not many friends. Are there any conflicts around? I just don't have time. That's my problem.

Nicole [00:12:02]: You have friends.

John [00:12:02]: Okay.

Nicole [00:12:03]: Don't diss your friends.

John [00:12:04]: I'm not.

Nicole [00:12:05]: I'm just. By saying I don't have friends, I don't have. Don't worry. All your friends watching this. I'm whipping him into shape.

John [00:12:16]: I just don't hang out with friends because I don't have time.

Nicole [00:12:18]: You do occasionally. I get that. But you have friends.

John [00:12:23]: Yeah. Are there any conflicts arising from differences in social preferences or expectations?

Nicole [00:12:37]: What does that even mean?

John [00:12:38]: I don't know. I'm trying to analyze.

Nicole [00:12:40]: I love the, like, silence.

John [00:12:42]: Are there any conflicts arising from differences in social preferences or expectations?

Nicole [00:12:47]: Maybe that means, like, if I wanted to go out and you wanted to stay home or something like that. We don't have that.

John [00:12:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:55]: So do you do one or ten? Are there any conflicts? So there would be no conflicts. So that's a one. Right.

John [00:13:04]: I would go with 10. I don't. I feel like.

Nicole [00:13:06]: Wait. What? Repeat it one more time.

John [00:13:08]: Are there any conflicts arising from differences in social preferences or expectations?

Nicole [00:13:12]: No. 10 would be that. There are tons of conflicts.

John [00:13:16]: Hold on. Let's. Now we have to read the instructions on the quiz. Okay.

Nicole [00:13:25]: Hopefully we didn't do this backwards the whole time, but I think that would be backwards to put 10 on that one.

John [00:13:34]: Okay. It doesn't say how to answer. Your final score out of 100 will reflect the overall health of your relationship. So if it's out of 100, then it should be a 10.

Nicole [00:13:50]: But that makes no sense.

John [00:13:51]: I know it doesn't make any sense, but they're going to add them up. Although there's 40 questions, so that's 400 points total. Maybe it's going to be a percentage. I don't know. I feel like maybe they just AI generated this thing, but.

Nicole [00:14:05]: Okay, great. So AI is going to tell us if we're compatible.

John [00:14:09]: How well do you both accommodate and support each other's preferences for socializing either intimate settings or large groups?

Nicole [00:14:17]: I think we do a good job. 10.

John [00:14:20]: Yeah. I would say.

Nicole [00:14:20]: Okay.

John [00:14:21]: How effectively do you and your partner resolve disagreements?

Nicole [00:14:27]: We've gotten better.

John [00:14:29]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:30]: I would say nine.

John [00:14:31]: Yeah, I would say nine.

Nicole [00:14:33]: Cause we're not perfect.

John [00:14:34]: I mean, I think on most people's scales we would be a 10. But on our scale, we'll put a nine.

Nicole [00:14:38]: Yeah.

John [00:14:40]: Do you feel like you are both able to compromise and find mutually beneficial solutions during disagreements?

Nicole [00:14:47]: Yes.

John [00:14:47]: Yeah. Nine or ten?

Nicole [00:14:49]: Nine.

John [00:14:50]: Okay. Are you both able to maintain respect for each other's boundaries during conflicts? I think so, for the most part. I mean, aside from some.

Nicole [00:15:03]: Sometimes not.

John [00:15:04]: Okay, we'll get into eight there. I mean, you agree with eight?

Nicole [00:15:09]: Yeah.

John [00:15:09]: Okay. Do you feel safe expressing your needs and concerns without a fear of judgment or retaliation?

Nicole [00:15:19]: Yeah.

John [00:15:20]: Well, how. How?

Nicole [00:15:21]: Well, yeah, it's gotten better. I would say I'm at a nine now.

John [00:15:27]: Okay.

Nicole [00:15:28]: How do you feel that I. Yeah,

John [00:15:29]: I feel like nine or ten. So.

Nicole [00:15:31]: Okay.

John [00:15:32]: Yeah. Yeah. How well do you understand each other's thoughts, feelings and experience?

Nicole [00:15:43]: Thoughts, feelings, and experiences. How well we understand them. Yeah, I feel pretty good. I feel like a 10.

John [00:15:50]: Okay. Yeah, I feel like a 10.

Nicole [00:15:52]: Wait, can we go back to the boundaries thing? Because we have a whole episode, so we might as well talk about the thing. Because we put an eight. I just want to say that, like. Because people are probably like, what, they put an eight and they've given each other tens and. Yeah, yeah. So the reason we put an eight is that sometimes we don't respect each other's boundaries, but that is not in a mean way.

John [00:16:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:18]: Like, sometimes I'll be like, okay, I'm not going to continue this conversation. And John wants to continue the conversation.

John [00:16:24]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:25]: And I don't. I'm not upset by that. If I feel like he is, like, trying to resolve the situation. And I'm sure it's probably the same for you, like, you might say some sort of boundary. But if we're trying to actually solve the problem, that's where we'll step over the boundary.

John [00:16:44]: Yeah, I agree. Also, like, sometimes it's not like, I mean, in that situation. Many times that's a false boundary as well. Right. Because if you say, I don't feel like continuing this conversation.

Nicole [00:16:57]: Well, I said that, like, because I feel like you're committed to misunderstanding me. It was that one conversation.

John [00:17:03]: That would be a false boundary, though, because, like, if it's, like, if you call me shithead again, I'm not gonna have a conversation with someone that calls me shithead. Okay. That's a boundary. But, like.

Nicole [00:17:13]: But how is having a boundary with someone that's committed to misunderstanding you different?

John [00:17:18]: That's your opinion. That's how. Because committed to misunderstanding you is your opinion. It's not a fact. It's not.

Nicole [00:17:24]: Okay, but if we explain the situation multiple times.

John [00:17:28]: But it's a moving It's a moving target. So if I say. If I say I'm gonna have a boundary with just the same boundary, like with you. I'm not gonna continue this conversation if you're committed to misunderstanding me, and then I get to determine if you're committed to misunderstanding me. It's not objective.

Nicole [00:17:47]: But here's the issue with what you just said, okay? Is because later in that conversation, you then told me that you did understand me, but you weren't gonna tell me that you did.

John [00:18:00]: But I wasn't purposely misunderstanding.

Nicole [00:18:02]: Regardless, that's purposely withholding your understanding. So I was correct that you were misunderstanding me.

John [00:18:09]: It still doesn't make it a proper boundary.

Nicole [00:18:11]: Okay?

John [00:18:11]: You can't make it on something that only you can determine whether the boundary. Okay, let's just look at it this way. The same scenario I gave to Sophia, I have a yard, right? Okay. I have a fence in the yard, and it's a boundary. That's a physical boundary between my yard and the neighbor's yard.

Nicole [00:18:30]: Yeah.

John [00:18:31]: I can't just not have a fence and be like, oh, you're in my yard. Like, well, where's the line? It's there, right there. Right where I say it is. It's like, well, yesterday it was over here. No, no, no, no. Now it's here. Like, it has to be like this. Both people can see it and know. It's like, if I set a boundary and I say, if you call me names, I'm not gonna have a conversation with you. I'm going to leave the room. But then I know when you're calling

Nicole [00:18:58]: me names that it's nice to call you shithead.

John [00:19:01]: Well, but it doesn't matter because calling names is a clear thing that both people can delineate.

Nicole [00:19:08]: And see, that would be a better boundary than if someone is, like, committed to misunderstanding you. And this. Then the conversation is going around in circles and nothing's actually getting accomplished.

John [00:19:20]: To say that even. Even something like, look, if we can't resolve. Come to a resolution in the next 30 minutes, 30 minutes, or whatever it is, then I'm going to, like, you know, I'm not going to keep on doing this.

Nicole [00:19:39]: That sounds like the same thing, just different.

John [00:19:42]: No, it's. It's. It's. It's objective because 30 minutes is a. Like, you're not determining what 30 minutes is. 30 minutes is 30.

Nicole [00:19:51]: So if I had just said it with adding a time frame.

John [00:19:55]: No, you can't use the committed to misunderstanding. You can't insult someone in your boundary with your opinion but you were committed

Nicole [00:20:04]: to misunderstanding because you did understand and you withheld it in your opinion. I just wanted to say. But you know, obviously we enjoy philosophical debate.

John [00:20:17]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:20:18]: This is what happens.

John [00:20:19]: No, but just in general, a boundary has to be.

Nicole [00:20:22]: I'll be better about figuring that out.

John [00:20:25]: But it's better to not put boundaries down at all, as much as possible in general.

Nicole [00:20:32]: And that's why we have an eight there.

John [00:20:34]: Yeah, but it's better to not put boundaries, like in. Especially in a relationship, like, you should only use boundaries when you absolutely have to. Because boundaries are like a last resort. Exactly. Yeah. They're something that, like, you know, when

Nicole [00:20:48]: you need to people be throwing them around like candy.

John [00:20:51]: People way use overuse boundaries because as soon as you've set a boundary, now you've. You've. Now you've. You've created sort of battlegrounds. Like. Yeah, you've created distance. Exactly. Because now there's consequences. Now action is restricted to a degree. Right. It's better to have more action, more free range. Exactly. Again, there's places where it's necessary. If you're arguing with your partner and they're hitting you or they're calling you names or they're yelling in your face or something like that, you need to create those boundaries because those are going to be healthy for the relationship and they're necessary. Right, that makes sense. But if you're like, I don't want to talk to you anymore, I'm making a boundary. Or like, if you say something, I'm committed to mistake. If you say something I don't like, I'm going to leave the room. Those are bad boundaries. You can have those boundaries if you clearly define what they are. They could technically be valid boundaries. They can't be subject to opinion, but they're not a good idea because you're just creating distance. So, yeah, there we go.

Nicole [00:21:50]: Makes sense.

John [00:21:51]: Everyone thought they weren't going to get anything out of this episode, but they just got it. All right. How effectively do you and your partner learn from past conflicts and use those lessons to improve your communication?

Nicole [00:22:03]: A hundred

John [00:22:06]: as we just.

Nicole [00:22:07]: 100%.

John [00:22:09]: How comfortable do you both feel expressing your honest thoughts and feelings, even when it might be. Be difficult or uncomfortable?

Nicole [00:22:17]: Wait, side note, I'm gonna have to have you repeat that again, but was that a synchronicity that we both did the same thing at the same time?

John [00:22:23]: I think so.

Nicole [00:22:24]: Okay, sorry.

John [00:22:25]: Too bad there's not a synchronicity question on here. How comfortable do you both feel expressing your honest thoughts and Feelings. Even when it might feel difficult, might be difficult or uncomfortable. I feel like that's a 10. But, yeah, I would say 10. I mean, we definitely express them.

Nicole [00:22:43]: Some things I should not express that just pop up in my head, but I do it anyway.

John [00:22:48]: Are you both actively engaged in listening and showing interest in each other's lives?

Nicole [00:22:52]: Yes.

John [00:22:53]: Yeah. 10. Are you satisfied with the distribution of household responsibilities? Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:03]: You help me, like, when I need help. So.

John [00:23:05]: Yeah, I mean, I'm working in your. You know, taking care of most of the household, but when you need help, I mean, I do trash and whatever, you know, like.

Nicole [00:23:12]: Yeah.

John [00:23:13]: So how willing are you to adjust your assignments based on changing circumstances?

Nicole [00:23:19]: I mean, I feel like we don't need to adjust them, but I guess changing circumstances. Yeah, that's not a big deal.

John [00:23:25]: Things like transporting Sophia. Like, we've had some ones where. Oh, yeah, but it's no problem. Do you communicate openly about expectations and preferences regarding household tasks?

Nicole [00:23:37]: We don't have expectations.

John [00:23:39]: Yeah. So I'll just put it 10, because we do. You both regularly express gratitude and appreciation for each other's contributions to household chores and responsibilities. This is a big sticking point for most people. That's why you need to have a traditional relationship. How supported do you feel by your partner during times of stress or illness?

Nicole [00:24:03]: 10.

John [00:24:04]: 10. Yeah. Are you both able to provide comfort and understanding when needed? Yep. I put 10. All right. Do you feel emotionally connected and validated in your relationship? Yep. 10. All right. If either of you have experienced a significant trauma or emotional wound, is it well understood and supported? Yeah, I pretend. How? Support. This is question 37. How supportive are you and your partner of each other's career goals and personal aspirations?

Nicole [00:24:36]: 10.

John [00:24:37]: Yeah. Are there any conflicts arising from differences in career ambitions or priorities?

Nicole [00:24:45]: I don't think so.

John [00:24:45]: Yeah, I don't think so. So put 10. Even though that's weird to put a 10, but. Okay. Do you both actively encourage and empower each other to pursue your dreams?

Nicole [00:24:55]: Yes.

John [00:24:55]: Yeah, I put a 10. All right. How well have you balanced your individual career ambitions and priorities while supporting each other's personal and professional choices?

Nicole [00:25:05]: What? Reveal that one.

John [00:25:06]: How well have you balanced your individual career ambitions and priorities with while supporting each other's personal and professional choices? I feel like that's.

Nicole [00:25:15]: I think we do. Good.

John [00:25:16]: Yeah. Okay.

Nicole [00:25:18]: Well, is that the end?

John [00:25:20]: That's the end. 40 questions. Oh, I didn't even have to put into my email. Your score is 95%. You have strong compatibility, indicating a healthy and fulfilling relationship. That's good.

Nicole [00:25:34]: 95.

John [00:25:34]: We don't have to get a divorce.

Nicole [00:25:37]: I would have thought it would have been, like, 98.

John [00:25:40]: I mean, we didn't answer all of them, you know, 10.

Nicole [00:25:43]: Yeah, but they still were pretty close.

John [00:25:46]: A score of 70% plus indicates a robust and highly satisfying level of relationship compatibility.

Nicole [00:25:52]: 70.

John [00:25:53]: 70 plus.

Nicole [00:25:54]: Wow. That's a generous gap.

John [00:25:55]: Yeah. Couples who achieve this benchmark have successfully navigated the key pillars that form the foundation of an enduring partnership. Their bond is reinforced by open and honest communication, allowing for vulnerability and emotional intimacy. A sense of mutual understanding, respect, and acceptance permeates their relationship. Shared values, life goals, and a commitment to each other's growth enable them to thrive as a unified front.

Nicole [00:26:19]: So, yeah, compatibility. So we're compatible.

John [00:26:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:24]: But do you think that people can be together if they're not compatible?

John [00:26:29]: Not with that quiz. Like, it depends on how you define compatibility, but compatibility with that quiz, you should be pretty much scoring nines and tens on all the questions.

Nicole [00:26:42]: Well, let's just say that that is the definition of compatibility that we would use. Do you think a relationship has to have compatibility?

John [00:26:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:51]: In that case, because it's moral compatibility and, like, emotional and all those things.

John [00:26:57]: Yeah, I think. I think so. Like. Like, you've got a.

Nicole [00:27:00]: Well, and then what if your relationship. Because a lot of those things can be fixed.

John [00:27:06]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:07]: So is compatibility something that can be altered?

John [00:27:12]: Oh, well, yeah. I mean, like. Okay, let me put it that way.

Nicole [00:27:15]: In a relationship.

John [00:27:16]: Yeah. You have to. In order to have a healthy relationship, you have to be answering nines and tens. And most of those things, I would

Nicole [00:27:22]: say that's a 70% to 100%.

John [00:27:26]: Yeah. But I disagree because, I mean, it's also weird, too. Like, a lot of the things we're focused around, a lot of the sticking points for couples on household chores is a big one, which really shouldn't be a thing at all. I mean, again, according to our relationship guidance philosophy of having a traditional relationship, the man should work and the woman should take care of the house.

Nicole [00:27:53]: Yeah. Well, it does alleviate a lot of that. It's like we've done when we did the traditional relationship episode a long time ago when we first started this. You know, it is hard to delegate chores when two people are working because it's like a lot of it ends up being put on the woman and she's working, and then the man just has to work.

John [00:28:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:19]: And then he comes home and he can sit on the couch and whatever, but the woman has to take care of the kids and make dinner and do the dishes or whatever. Maybe he takes out the trash.

John [00:28:27]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:28]: But in a 50, 50, that is going to cause a lot of problems, you know what I mean? Because she's, she's picking up, pulling more weight in the relationship, in the household than the man is.

John [00:28:40]: I mean, I think, I think the thing is, like, I would have no problem doing all the chores if I needed to. Right. Like, I appreciate that you do them, but I wouldn't get into, like. Like, if we were both working, I have no problem cooking dinner. Like, I mean, I would pay to

Nicole [00:29:01]: have the laundry done, but that's probably safer anyway.

John [00:29:05]: Yeah, that's, that's, it's safer. But I don't, like, there's nothing that I'm like, oh, I wouldn't do these, these things. I would be fine with doing those things.

Nicole [00:29:15]: So you think men should do more chores?

John [00:29:18]: I mean, if you're in a 50, 50 situation. But it's also like, I don't think, oh, I can't make dinner or I can't do the dishes or I can't clean up something, because that's your job. I don't think of it that way. Like, if I need to pitch in or do something, I'm going to do the thing. Right. If something. If I see something that needs to get done, I'm going to do it. Like, you know, for the most part, unless I'm busy, have to get to work or something like that. But in general, so true. It is, it is, I think, a bigger source of conflict for a lot of people. That doesn't need to be a source of conflict.

Nicole [00:29:54]: Why do you think men don't do it then? You know, like, typically, like, I'm not saying, like, you're saying you would do it. Why do you think there's men that don't have the same concept that you do?

John [00:30:09]: I don't know.

Nicole [00:30:09]: Because they just.

John [00:30:10]: It's an ego thing or they're just been babied or.

Nicole [00:30:15]: Oh, like mommy's boy sort of thing.

John [00:30:18]: Yeah. But when you're out on your own, you got to do your own chores. So I don't, I don't get it. Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't make a lot of sense. I mean, the other conflict point was that I think a lot of people get trapped into. Which is the same thing. Again, comes back to traditional relationships is career goals and ambitions. Right. So having different. Or that one. And then different social circles, which both of those can be eliminated too. Right. Because again, traditional relationship, if you've got the man, that is. It doesn't mean that the woman can't even work. But the man's career is a primary one because he's the one that's supporting the household. And you know, so I think that makes. It gets rid of a lot of conflict.

Nicole [00:31:02]: Right. Well. Cause there's one main like career in the house. Like, not like you said, like a woman can still do what she wants to do.

John [00:31:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:31:11]: Like as far as like if she wants to get a part time job or whatever. But it's like if there's a provider in a traditional relationship, that job is the source of providing. So that's gonna take precedence over.

John [00:31:26]: Yeah. And same thing with the social circles too. It's like that one can be avoided too. I mean, mostly we hang out with couples. Right. And then like we've got.

Nicole [00:31:37]: But I think.

John [00:31:38]: But even then I feel like the

Nicole [00:31:40]: social circle thing is like if you have like a ton of single friends or something.

John [00:31:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:31:46]: And then even the single friends that like we might have, it's not like a huge group where they're like trying to get you or me to come out and like come drink, you know what I mean? Or like come party.

John [00:32:00]: Because that's when that actually becomes a problem.

Nicole [00:32:02]: Right.

John [00:32:02]: Right. Is when you're going out to like bars and stuff and doing activities that you're not doing with your partner.

Nicole [00:32:08]: Right, Right.

John [00:32:09]: Like the activities that you do with your friends are mostly around like dance or book club or like, you know, women only type of things that I wouldn't go to.

Nicole [00:32:18]: Right, right.

John [00:32:19]: Not because you.

Nicole [00:32:20]: Craft night, you don't want to make a tote, you don't want to paint a tote.

John [00:32:23]: I mean, I would, I would.

Nicole [00:32:26]: You're like, actually I do, but it's

John [00:32:29]: a woman only event.

Nicole [00:32:30]: Right.

John [00:32:30]: It's not like there's like, if you

Nicole [00:32:32]: want to paint a tote, we can paint toes at the house.

John [00:32:35]: I mean, but we still got to you. You.

Nicole [00:32:37]: That's true.

John [00:32:38]: Yeah. You know exactly what I'm going to talk about. Exactly.

Nicole [00:32:41]: Yeah.

John [00:32:41]: Yeah. You're on craft timeout, so you do that. I keep on seeing it. I'm like, but no but, but I think the thing is it is weird to do social activities aside from a hobby that are like, that are co ed and, and to not have your partner go.

Nicole [00:33:03]: Yeah. I mean, even hobby.

John [00:33:05]: I'd be like, well, like if, like running for, for instance.

Nicole [00:33:09]: Right. Like you do dance, run clubs and stuff. People definitely like meet people and like date people and run clubs.

John [00:33:16]: I. Yeah. I mean, I can I can see it. But it's like. Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:19]: And like, dance is all women for me, so. So yeah, for the most part, it's not the same. But run clubs, people are definitely using run clubs to, like, meet people and date people.

John [00:33:29]: They are, but it's not like. It's not like the. The thing that you're doing it for

Nicole [00:33:35]: for most, but it's still. It's questionable. I feel like that's questionable. It'd be different if you're like on a pickleball team with your partner or something. Like you're on a team doing something like that and it's co Ed. Yeah, but I don't know still, even, like, again, like, people are using run clubs.

John [00:33:52]: Yeah. So if I join a run club, you're gonna come with me to the run club?

Nicole [00:33:56]: No, but I'm gonna be like. That's questionable.

John [00:34:00]: Yeah, but I'm saying that's the situation where the hobby. Right. Like, if there's a hobby that you're not. That your partner's not gonna do.

Nicole [00:34:11]: Cause I guess. Okay, think about this. If I was the runner and I joined a run club, you'd be fine with it. I'd be running with you if you didn't want to.

John [00:34:20]: But I would want to run with you. Why wouldn't I run with you if

Nicole [00:34:23]: you just hate running?

John [00:34:26]: I hate running.

Nicole [00:34:29]: Okay. Okay. What if I joined CrossFit and you didn't want to do CrossFit and it's co ed? You think it's fine?

John [00:34:41]: I mean, I would probably do CrossFit.

Nicole [00:34:43]: See, the thing is, though, you just would do the thing.

John [00:34:45]: I would just do the thing. Yeah, that's right. But I'm not running, but like, knitting. Knitting class I wouldn't do. Probably.

Nicole [00:34:51]: I mean, that's probably not coed. If you wanted. Probably Grandma.

John [00:34:54]: If you wanted me to do it, I would do it.

Nicole [00:34:56]: But that's probably Grandma's. That's not co Ed. That's not the same as run club or CrossFit or something.

John [00:35:02]: Okay. Yoga class. Like yoga. Yoga classes, co Ed. Right.

Nicole [00:35:07]: So I don't sometimes.

John [00:35:08]: But in general. Rarely classes or Pilates classes. I mean, Pilates is probably almost mostly women and gay guys, but.

Nicole [00:35:14]: But honestly, Pilates and yoga.

John [00:35:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:18]: Maybe has one guy in it. Yeah, occasionally.

John [00:35:21]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:22]: It's still not even like as co Ed as like. But a gym.

John [00:35:26]: Yeah. But just having like different social circles is. Is weird. Like, you know I'm saying, like, completely different. So that's.

Nicole [00:35:34]: No, I get what you mean.

John [00:35:35]: Like, so, like you have a group

Nicole [00:35:36]: of friend that like you. Your partner never hangs out with you and your friends in that.

John [00:35:40]: Yeah. When you're doing just random.

Nicole [00:35:42]: Right.

John [00:35:42]: You know that you could like it's different when you're having a girls like book club or like a craft thing. Like I'm not going to go crash a girl's craft thing. But like if, if you're just like hanging out somewhere like or going like hiking or something. Right. And it would be weird to like have those social groups that you're not a part of. Exactly.

Nicole [00:36:05]: Yeah.

John [00:36:06]: Yeah. So I think those are the things that like a lot of the things are. Are issues that can be easily avoided.

Nicole [00:36:13]: True.

John [00:36:13]: With traditional relationship.

Nicole [00:36:15]: And so watch the rest of our episodes and figure out how you can have a modern traditional relationship like us and score 95%.

John [00:36:25]: That's right.

Nicole [00:36:25]: Or better.

John [00:36:26]: Yeah, yeah, we can. You know, we only missed a couple of points there, but I thought we were being like a little generous given that tens for everything. But I do. But I do think that it's still correct that the 10.

Nicole [00:36:38]: Well, and I think that you can again, like you can increase your compatibility if that's what compatibility is. Like we have grown in a lot of those areas. Like yeah, I still think we would be in the 90s even before percent based on this test. But I do think that we've improved and that we can continue to improve that.

John [00:37:01]: Yeah, I think there's a lot of the compatibility that by having the masculine and feminine roles it solves it because then, you know, that direction, the leadership is the man. Like so a lot of the core values and beliefs are going to be. He's going to be leading in the spiritual direction of the home.

Nicole [00:37:19]: Well, and women can be feminine. They can actually be feminine. And you have to have like the masculine handling all the masculine things in order for a woman to be feminine and be safe and be free. Like feminine energy is like this free spirit sort of thing. Not saying that it's like do whatever you want, but it is. It's not as structured like just like male hormones. They're very structured. You have the same hormones every day. Women, it's a 28 day.

John [00:37:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:50]: Cycle of hormones. It's not. It's not the same every day.

John [00:37:54]: Right, Exactly.

Nicole [00:37:55]: So we have to go with the flow. Literally. Whereas men, they're more of like regimented. You know, you should make a T shirt.

John [00:38:03]: Go with the flow. I'm seeing it now with some blood. Yeah, exactly. That has to exist. I'm sure that I'm Gonna look it up right now because I'm pretty sure there's a go with the flow T shirt.

Nicole [00:38:17]: If not, we will sell better than perfect and go with the flow T shirts.

John [00:38:21]: Just have to do it before this episode publishes. Before someone steals it.

Nicole [00:38:25]: You think they're gonna sell steal it? I can trademark it.

John [00:38:29]: You can't trademark it.

Nicole [00:38:32]: Does someone have it?

John [00:38:33]: You're like, there's go with the flow, but it's like, it's an otter.

Nicole [00:38:38]: Oh, that's not the same.

John [00:38:40]: Yeah, this is not the same

Nicole [00:38:44]: comment. If you would like to go with the flow T shirt,

John [00:38:51]: alpha male.

Nicole [00:38:51]: Okay, we're getting sidetracked.

John [00:38:53]: Oh, there has to be one, though. Let me just double check real quick here. What do I search? Like, go with the flow.

Nicole [00:39:00]: Menstrual T shirt. Menstruation T shirt.

John [00:39:09]: I think this may not exist.

Nicole [00:39:10]: You were really taking time out of an episode to look up a T shirt?

John [00:39:14]: Well, I mean, it just like, I can't believe this doesn't exist, that no one's thought of this besides us.

Nicole [00:39:22]: I doubt that.

John [00:39:25]: Yeah. I mean, the big thing is just the otter thing. Wow. Okay. I mean, I think there's an opportunity here if you act fast. Oh, wait, here we go. I found one with image.

Nicole [00:39:42]: That's a horrible one.

John [00:39:45]: It's like bloody waves.

Nicole [00:39:47]: Yeah, but it's like clip art.

John [00:39:49]: Yeah, it is bad.

Nicole [00:39:50]: Does not look good.

John [00:39:51]: Yeah. I don't know, like, who's gonna actually buy the go with the flow T

Nicole [00:39:54]: shirt, but women everywhere.

John [00:39:57]: That's true. Like, if you made it, like, so it was, like, a little artsy.

Nicole [00:40:00]: I think I could make it cute.

John [00:40:01]: Okay, do it.

Nicole [00:40:02]: Let's see.

John [00:40:03]: That's your challenge by the next episode.

Nicole [00:40:04]: That's my challenge.

John [00:40:05]: You gotta make $100. What?

Nicole [00:40:08]: What's your challenge? You have to knit a sweater. You said you would knit, and you have to wear it on the next episode.

John [00:40:19]: Oh, knit one. Didn't wear it. I could crochet one. I don't know.

Nicole [00:40:24]: They're similar.

John [00:40:25]: Yeah, they're similar. Just give me.

Nicole [00:40:27]: You said knitting, though.

John [00:40:28]: I mean, I don't know how to

Nicole [00:40:29]: knit, but you gotta learn.

John [00:40:34]: I feel like your challenge is easier.

Nicole [00:40:36]: How? I gotta make a hundred dollars?

John [00:40:38]: Yeah. From selling a go with the flow T shirt.

Nicole [00:40:40]: Yeah.

John [00:40:41]: Sell it to all your friends and they'll.

Nicole [00:40:42]: That's true.

John [00:40:43]: Yeah. Sell them to them for 50 bucks each.

Nicole [00:40:45]: All right. You can crochet your sweater, I guess. 50 bucks each. I'm not selling to my friends for 50 bucks.

John [00:40:53]: You can get it embroidered There but

Nicole [00:40:58]: anyway, compatibility can grow.

John [00:41:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:01]: It can fluctuate. So if you don't feel like you and your partner are compatible, you can work on these things.

John [00:41:08]: Yeah. The freebie ones is like I was saying was the masculine, feminine roles. But then you get almost all of the questions except for the conflict. But that one you can get from watching our episodes, how to resolve conflict. Because the con. The conflict. Like that should be the only ones that you're really struggling with. Incompatibility is the conflict, but people do struggle with the other stuff. Yeah, you should, though. Like, that should be like, well, okay, okay. But you should both be willing to do. To do whatever. Chores.

Nicole [00:41:40]: Yeah, but, but, but a woman's watching this and she's like, yeah, I've been saying that. It's like, you know who the chore thing is about, John.

John [00:41:48]: Yeah, I know it is. It's true.

Nicole [00:41:50]: And, you know, women say all the stuff that you're saying, and then it goes in one ear and out the other. I mean, what are they supposed to do?

John [00:41:55]: If you don't want to do chores as a man, then you need to work a job and have your wife not have to work a job. Fair enough.

Nicole [00:42:06]: True.

John [00:42:06]: Or make enough money where you can hire maid service and whatever, you know,

Nicole [00:42:12]: to a private chef.

John [00:42:13]: Yeah, Private chef. If you want New Shores or a nanny. Yeah. Or you meal prep. Buy a meal prepping service.

Nicole [00:42:21]: Whatever.

John [00:42:22]: So. Well, all right. Anything else on that? Or should we call it.

Nicole [00:42:29]: I think that is it.

John [00:42:30]: All right. I mean, at least we've proven we're compatible. So the proof is, I guess we can continue the podcast. We're certified. We need to get it.

Nicole [00:42:39]: I mean, I'm not really happy with 95. I mean, it should be better.

John [00:42:44]: You pick the eight for the.

Nicole [00:42:49]: I'm just saying we got some work to do. You got a knit sweater. Okay, I gotta make the shirt.

John [00:42:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:55]: And we got some work to do.

John [00:42:56]: Yeah, I mean, you got to make the shirt before the next episode because someone's going to watch this and make millions off of that shirt.

Nicole [00:43:04]: Millions.

John [00:43:05]: Millions. Yeah. It won't look like it'll beat out the otter shirts. All right, if you have a question for us, you can email us at get better than Perfect.

Nicole [00:43:19]: What? No.

John [00:43:21]: BetterThanPerfectPodcastMail.com Send us your T shirt designs, and you can check us out on the web at betterthenperfectpod. Com, which is.

Nicole [00:43:33]: There we go.

John [00:43:34]: That's it. All right.

Nicole [00:43:35]: And see you next.

John [00:43:36]: Yeah. Go with the flow.

Nicole [00:43:37]: And, John, we find our way.