John [00:00:00]: Guys are like, women don't have empathy. She doesn't care about my accomplishments. She's just going to nag me about the milk. I just made a million dollars. You're going to complain about the milk. A woman doesn't care if you made a billion dollars. Making money doesn't make you a man. She. She cares more about your core of who you are, then she's calling you out on that and what she wants to see your response be and that you're not going to just succumb to that and be deflated. Then she senses him as weak. If she can deflate him, then so can the world. All right, welcome back to the better than Perfect podcast, where every week we how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:38]: That was the first time in a while.

John [00:00:40]: Well, I was like, why did I just look at my microphone?

Nicole [00:00:43]: We look like news anchors right now. We do this like today.

John [00:00:47]: Today's top story.

Nicole [00:00:49]: Today's topic is.

John [00:00:52]: And the flight situation. It was a nightmare for the holidays. Yeah. Because we had our flight canceled to Dallas and then we had to run. Well, we had to work with another airline.

Nicole [00:01:05]: Yeah. After being ultimately.

John [00:01:07]: Yeah. And then. And then run. They gave us like a 30 minute connection or something like that. And we had to run. Yeah, run. I never saw you run before. I mean, I still didn't really see you run. I wish I had on video. Sophia saw you run, I guess, but because I was way ahead of you. I don't run, you know, but at one point, and I was like, you were catching up to me. And you're like, john running.

Nicole [00:01:28]: That's why I told you.

John [00:01:29]: And I was like, if Nicole is running and telling me to run faster, what. What is going on? What bizarro dimension am I living in that Nicole is telling me to run faster because I'm running too slow for.

Nicole [00:01:41]: That's why I told you. Because I'm like, if I'm this close to him, he's not going as fast as he can.

John [00:01:45]: No, I definitely wasn't.

Nicole [00:01:46]: And then you did kick it into high gear and it literally looked like a Christmas running through the airport movie because there was playing Christmas music because it's the day after Christmas. And Yeah, like, he's running through all these people. It was. We made it with like three minutes to spare. And to be honest, I don't think we had three minutes because the guy had closed the door, but he was like, it's the holidays. I'm like, this is the best Christmas present. You could have gave us.

John [00:02:09]: Yeah. And then. And then coming back. We did last night. We couldn't land in San Diego because of the fog, so I had to.

Nicole [00:02:16]: Well, we were up in the air for 45 minutes. Extra 45 minutes.

John [00:02:20]: And then airport divert to an hour and a half away drive.

Nicole [00:02:24]: Yeah. And then they're like, oh, well, we're gonna get gas and see if we're going back to San Diego. And then while they're making the announce, like, no, we're not going back to San Diego. Which we weren't planning to fly back anyway because at that point we didn't want to risk it.

John [00:02:36]: But, man, we. I mean, I give us props if we handled it, but, I mean, we always do, me and you. But any other person I would have traveled with in a romantic relationship, it would have been World War Three, for absolute sure. Like, just there, like so many. It would have been snipping.

Nicole [00:02:54]: And it was so many things. Especially like when we were going.

John [00:02:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:59]: When we were leaving San Diego, like, we were up at like 6am and the lines were crazy and, like, John went to the wrong line and he was pissed off. And then, like, we get through all that and then we go and our flight's canceled, and then we're like, back in a line and they can't give us a flight for, like, the worst flight you could ever think of is the best possible one. And.

John [00:03:24]: It was.

Nicole [00:03:24]: It was a lot. But no, like you said. And we've been through other, like, travel things too, and handled it really well, which is also why I'm like, we could handle whatever. Because if we can be cordial and, like, actually help each other and work as a team in these situations that most people just yell at each other.

John [00:03:42]: Then I mean, even like last night, like, get, like, getting. Being in the air after being all day traveling, and then we're stuck in the air and then we have to divert to another airport and then get a rental car and drive all the way. Right.

Nicole [00:03:57]: It's like, but look, what is complaining going to do?

John [00:04:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:02]: Nothing. And you're the same way. You're like, what? What is that going to actually help us?

John [00:04:06]: Taking action. That's right.

Nicole [00:04:07]: Right, exactly. So it's like, it is what it is. We can't fly the airplane ourselves or go land it.

John [00:04:14]: I knew it with you when. When we went to the Strawberry Festival in Tampa and I lost the keys out of my pocket and we had to have a LOCKSMITH at like 2am drill the lock and. And I was like, she's not, like, losing her shit. I'm like, wow, this is a quality woman. Right?

Nicole [00:04:35]: Well, I was also like, wow, he's actually doing something about the problem. This is great. Like, he takes action. Like, I don't have to figure this out. He's, like, getting it handled. This is fantastic. Because that' how normally I would just act and be like, well, let's just figure it out instead of being upset or, like, causing unnecessary problems. And you're the same way. So it just. It works out really well because we both know that each other's gonna figure out the situation. Like, like, they're. We're not gonna get upset. Like, even if we're frustrated or whatever, we're not going to take it out on each other.

John [00:05:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:07]: And we're more so focused on how to fix the problem rather than complain about it.

John [00:05:12]: Yeah. I just realized we should probably just announce the podcast episode and then go into the small talk. And then this way, people are like, oh, I like. They stay to listen to our small talk because they want to hear about the.

Nicole [00:05:27]: I love that you're brainstorming.

John [00:05:29]: It's good.

Nicole [00:05:30]: Live. Live and in action. Well, it's not, but right now it's live.

John [00:05:34]: It's live for us.

Nicole [00:05:35]: That's right.

John [00:05:36]: So we're alive.

Nicole [00:05:38]: We're live, but it's not live.

John [00:05:39]: Total's alive. Everything's good.

Nicole [00:05:42]: Look.

John [00:05:43]: Okay. All right, so the topic is. Drum roll, please. Beyond the perfect we discover through our.

Nicole [00:05:53]: Flaws we complete each other Better than.

John [00:05:57]: Perfect we stay through every fault we find our way. Women are supposed to be difficult. So I came up with this topic idea for a couple of reasons. So one was because when we did the topic on women don't care about man's feelings, you know, there was. I think we explained it well, but there's still some misunderstanding about this. Right, guys?

Nicole [00:06:29]: Oh, really?

John [00:06:29]: Yeah. They're upset about. I mean, some of the clips and stuff. Right.

Nicole [00:06:33]: What were they upset about? I haven't seen it.

John [00:06:35]: I mean, they're just like. They're just not getting. I mean, they're on the bandwagon of the title. Right. But they don't get the deeper thing behind it of. Of. Of their part in this, I suppose.

Nicole [00:06:50]: Oh, okay.

John [00:06:51]: And then the second reason was I reread the way the Superior man book. Really good book. You'll have to read that and see what.

Nicole [00:07:00]: So we can do a episode.

John [00:07:03]: It's actually to give credit where credit's due. That book. Also, David Data was the book that really was the thing that clicked in my mind and made me understand the masculine feminine dynamic, because he's sort of the master of that. And it really changed. I mean, I have so many highlights in that book. Probably the most highlighted book that I have. So it's a book that I need to reread because I always get something good out of it. But after reading that rereading that, I was like, oh, wow. This is something that, I mean, he addresses a lot in the book. He doesn't call it that. He doesn't say women are supposed to be difficult, but that's essentially what he's talking about, is how, as a man, to deal with it. And so when I say women are supposed to be difficult, what I mean by that is that it's supposed to be hard as a man to deal with a woman in a relationship. Right. And for.

Nicole [00:07:58]: Great.

John [00:08:00]: It's a good thing. I promise you.

Nicole [00:08:01]: I'll just chime in when I can.

John [00:08:03]: Because I'm like, you'll get it. Once I get going, you'll see where I'm going with this.

Nicole [00:08:08]: Okay.

John [00:08:09]: But the thing about it is that the reason why. And when I say difficult in relationship, I mean that a woman will test you as a man, right? Because she will accept nothing less than the maximum potential of who you are, your. Your full masculine energy as a man. And so she's seeking that because that's what makes her feel safe and secure, what she wants from you. And she wants you to be that. And so what? A lot of guys are thinking that a woman's being difficult.

Nicole [00:08:46]: Mm.

John [00:08:47]: It's a reframe. Right. Instead, what she's doing is she's bringing out the best in you. She's. She's not accepting less than what you're capable of being. And that's a good thing, not a bad thing.

Nicole [00:09:01]: Okay.

John [00:09:02]: Because that's what's going to make you grow and be stronger as a man and is going to make you live at the level that you're supposed to be living. Okay, now you see where I'm. I'm going with this.

Nicole [00:09:12]: Yeah. How does a woman do that?

John [00:09:16]: In a lot of different ways. One of the biggest ways is by not allowing a man. In fact, let me just give you an example that he had in the book. Right? So he has got this example in the book where the guy comes home from work, and he's finally achieved his goal of making a million dollars. So he made a million dollars today. And he. And he comes home and he tells his wife, and he's like, I made A million dollars today, right? And she's like, you, I asked you three times to get the milk on the way home, but you forgot the milk, right? And like, you know, it's like, as a guy, you could relate and be like, what the. Are you serious? Like, like, did you hear what I just. And this is where a lot of guys. This is actually where I was thinking about this, this episode is because this would gu, like, See, women don't have empathy. Women don't care. Women don't care about a man's. Women don't care. She doesn't care about my accomplishments. She's just going to nag me about the milk. And as David Dana would say, a lesser man would agree with that, right? It makes sense. Like, hey, I just made a million dollars. You're going to complain about the milk about like, okay, big deal, I forgot the milk. Not a big deal. Right, but that's that. But what he's saying in the book is he says that as a man, it's not about a woman doesn't care if you made a billion dollars. She senses that you're not being true to your purpose. You're not fulfilling, you're not genuine to your word. Your integrity is lacking, right?

Nicole [00:11:01]: Because you said you were going to do it and you didn't do it.

John [00:11:03]: There's a rift in the relationship. You're not caring about her, right? So it doesn't matter if you've made a million dollar, billion dollars. And so, but that is useful. It's good because it's making you be true. It's like making money doesn't make you a man. Having these big financial successes or all this other stuff, accomplishments, those are great. But she, she cares more about your core of who you are. And are you living to your fullest? Are you living with integrity as the masculine man that you are and giving your gift to the world in love? Are you doing that? And you're not in that moment, right? Then she's calling you out on that. And what she wants to see your response be. And he says in the book is that. I forget what he says, but tackle her like, you know, hug her and say, oh, I'll, I'll show you the, the milk or whatever and you know, and kiss her and, and spin her.

Nicole [00:12:09]: And then go get the milk though.

John [00:12:10]: But, but spin her. You know, that, that, that you're not going to just succumb to that and be deflated, right? She's kind of trying to deflate you. You just had this big accomplishment, right? And there's one part of it that is you're not living to your, your true core. But there's also another part of it that is like, what happens if I try to deflate him in the situation? Like, does he care so much? And this is, again, it's not my own wisdom. Some of it's mixed in. But what David Data is saying in that is he's saying, look, if she can deflate him, right, then so can the world. And also if he cares so much, if his happiness and his, his mission and purpose and fulfillment in life is based on her mood, whether she, she's mommy, if mommy's happy, right, Gives him the approval, then she senses him as weak because, because he, he needs that validation from her. But if he responds and, and yeah, she's upset about the milk and he jokes around and spins her around and kisses her and, and gives her, responds to her kind of deflation, a negative thing with love, then she feels great because she knows she has a strong man who's really living to his real purpose and is not going to be deflated by anything in the world. You know what I'm saying? You know, that's my way of, of synthesizing it. But, but definitely the book is worth, worth reading. But, but that's the core of, that's how a woman does this. You know, where we look at it and say, oh, a woman's being difficult. But if you understand that, you understand how useful that is as a man like that, that's the, your greatest ally is someone is having a companion, a woman who will do that for you and is forcing you to play bigger, to live bigger, and not to just. Because, yeah, if, if you didn't forget, if you forgot the milk, you come home and you made a million dollars. And she's like, oh, you're great. You made a million dollars. You're such a big, strong man. And you're happy about that, it's fine. But she's not really helping you to become stronger and to grow and to learn how to open your heart in love. Even when you're faced with this difficult circumstance, even when someone's not patting you on the back, you know what I'm saying? It's like you're still being a little boy if you need the pat on the back. I don't know. Am I conveying it? Does it?

Nicole [00:14:43]: Yeah, I mean, it makes sense. And I think that's why too, that men think they want a woman that will just do whatever they want, but they don't like, they. At their core, they don't. They do need to be challenged in order to overcome challenges. And I'm not saying pick fights just to pick fights or create challenges just to create challenges, but like you said, like, hold a man accountable so that he can step up and be the man that he is deep down and not just, you know, become submissive himself or give up or whatever. Like, I know men say they want peace, right? But true peace, kind of like we talked about in the last episode, is working together. I feel like when you're like, as a man, your wife helps you be better, right? And you help her be better. That's when you achieve peace. It's not when she just shuts up and does whatever you want.

John [00:15:49]: Right?

Nicole [00:15:50]: Because that's like you said, like, then what are. How are you growing from that? How is she helping you grow in that sense if she's just doing whatever you want and says whatever you want or whatever? And again, I'm not saying to start problems just to, like, no, you know, create some challenges or whatnot, but like you said, like, you have to prove that you're constantly strong to a woman, because like you said, there are plenty of men who go from being strong to just giving up or submitting or being like, I'm not gonna deal with this anymore, or whatever. And they succumb to the challenges. They do it even if a woman isn't in their lives.

John [00:16:28]: Right.

Nicole [00:16:28]: They do it. Oh, work is too hard. I'm not gonna do that job. Or, you know, this is too difficult. I'm not going to do that. So it's not really even necessarily a woman's fault thing in my mind. No, it's that the second that as a man, which I'm not a man, but from my understanding that you stop taking the challenges and you just kind of give up is when you start losing your masculinity to the level that you had when you took the challenge and you fought the fought and you won the fight. And how you feel when you. Like you said, he came home, he's like, I've made a million dollars. But it's like at the same time, you're making promises you can't keep. And as a woman, too, I'm sure that the wife also was feeling like, oh, he cares more about the million dollars than he cares about me, because I've asked him three times, and he still showed up with nothing. But, hey, I made a million dollars.

John [00:17:24]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:26]: So, you know, she's gonna say something like that if You. If she asked you that many times, Right. And that's why I said, well, did you go get the milk? I mean, like you said about a lot of things, a lot of times women just need a hug or they need affection from their husbands, even if they're upset about something. And she probably would just forget about the milk if he responds that way. But also if she's trying to cook something and it needs milk and you're supposed to be the one to bring it home, someone's still got to go get the milk.

John [00:17:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:53]: So, yeah, I guess that's. Women are supposed to be difficult is. I'm like, well, we still need the milk too, if I'm cooking something.

John [00:18:01]: But you could go out to eat, you know, I mean, it's, it's not about the milk. It's about the, like, do you care? Do you. Are you going to respond to the situation in love?

Nicole [00:18:08]: Right.

John [00:18:09]: You know, is it. And, and you can have peace, but you're going to have depolarization. You're going to have. You don't have the sexual polarity. Right. If you have that level of peace. Because the masculine and feminine, it's not peace that you're after. It's. It's, it's to be in the dance, the tussle of the masculine and the feminine, there's always going to be some amount of. Of con. Not. It doesn't even have to be conflict, but there is conflict. But it's. A woman's always going to be emotional, right. There's always going to be that element of chaos. A man's always going to be trying to order things and trying to have it all planned out. And those things are going to come into contact with each other. And it's good because that polarity is what creates the sexual attraction, is makes the masculine and the feminine different. And then when you create a relationship where it's not like that, you might get along as great friends, but you're not going to have that sexual attraction. You're not going to have the dynamic that makes it an actual romantic relationship. And so that's where you're shooting yourself in the foot if you're trying to. You know, we did videos on this even on my channel about making woman a bro, you know.

Nicole [00:19:18]: Yeah.

John [00:19:18]: And it's like, you think that's a good thing as a man, but it's not. You want to be fighting these fights. You want to be having this struggle. You want your woman to always be emotional, to stay in that state. And for you to learn how to handle that and to deal with that and that, to respond in love to those situations because it's causing you to grow and it's keeping the polarity in the relationship. Right. Which keeps the attraction.

Nicole [00:19:44]: Well, just like we were talking about with women, you know, about. She doesn't want a man that's just like, yes, honey, whatever you want. She wants a man to put her in her place sometimes. And that keeps that polarity. And like it's the exact same thing with guys. It's like they, all these people, men and women, think they want somebody that just does what they say.

John [00:20:06]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:07]: And that's not actually the key to the best dynamic and the best relationship. It's to embrace the masculine and the feminine.

John [00:20:16]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:17]: And embrace the differences and, and like value what those combining forces when they come together gives you that you can't get by yourself. A man can't get that by himself and a woman can't get that by himself.

John [00:20:33]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:20:34]: Or herself. If she, well, today maybe, maybe she'd go by his self.

John [00:20:43]: But, but it, I mean it's the masculine and the feminine, right? It's that dynamic. So it could even be same sex couple or whatever, you know, it could be that or, or the opposite, you know, polarity. But, but the point is, is that you got the masculine and the feminine. That's, you have to have that dynamic. And that's why a lot of like what we say, it's not just the guy should work and the woman should stay home because we're like, oh, you know, beat you over the head with the Bible or whatever because we're not even religious. But it's not because it's like a sexist thing or like, or oh, this is the way, the old fashioned way. It's because you need to have that polarity in order to have a strong relationship and to have that sexual attraction to maintain that over time. And so you have to have a masculine, someone who's acting as the dominant masculine role and someone who's acting as the feminine submissive role.

Nicole [00:21:36]: Right.

John [00:21:36]: It's, it creates that element that you want to have in the relationship. That's true, you know, and it's funny because gay couples do understand this because there's always a feminine butcher, a top or bottom, like that type of like, they're very familiar in that, in that subculture, talking about these things because they understand it, that you have to have that. And that's an important element. Otherwise you're not going to have that attraction. So it's not even a man, woman thing. In most of the case, most of the times, that is, a man is masculine, a woman is feminine, and. And that's who you are at your core. But it's. It's a masculine, feminine thing that is. Is essential. So.

Nicole [00:22:18]: Well, what. Are there other ways that women are difficult?

John [00:22:21]: Oh, so many. So many ways.

Nicole [00:22:22]: Okay, tell us what.

John [00:22:25]: What. Let me see. So, so many it is. Well, I mean, one of the one. And I'll. I'll just kind of go over some of the ways that, you know, men complain because the whole venting emotion, right? Because guys are always like. You see it in our comments where they're like, why does. Does she get to, like, be emotional and to have all of her emotions and I have to listen to it. But then she doesn't listen. But if I try to tell her my emotions, then she, you know, she's not attracted to me, right? So it's. The whole thing is that. That is, again, part of the. The feminine. So you can look at it as difficult, right? Like, a great example was just today as we're driving over here, right? You know our dog Toto, right? You've got a collar on her and.

Nicole [00:23:15]: Like, they're getting stuck.

John [00:23:17]: It was getting stuck, right?

Nicole [00:23:18]: And, like, choking her.

John [00:23:20]: And. And the realistic, you know, like, I know that we've had this collar and this bed, you know, for two years, nothing's ever happened to her. Like, nothing's really likely to happen, but.

Nicole [00:23:32]: In the past two weeks, it's happened.

John [00:23:33]: Yeah, she's gotten caught on it. But, like, from a rational, logical standpoint, I'm like, okay, yeah, it's fine. Like, Like, I wouldn't even worry about it. Not even at all. But you're upset by it in the car, right? And so.

Nicole [00:23:45]: Still upset.

John [00:23:45]: And you're still upset, right? And so I'm checking on. On Toto, Like, I care that you're upset about it, and I'm going to make sure that. That she's taken care of. Even if I know, like, in my masculine mind, I'm like, oh, this is ridiculous. It's not a big deal at all, right? It's like, that could be my masculine, but it doesn't matter. That's not. Like, I. I care about how you feel about it, right? And I care about you. And. And I care about your trying to.

Nicole [00:24:15]: Put your male logic on my female emotion because.

John [00:24:21]: Because I could be like, oh, what are you doing? Like, we got to record a podcast. Don't worry about that. That's silly. Like, we Got important stuff to do. Like, why are you bothering me with this stuff? Like, I could be like that, but I would never be like that to you.

Nicole [00:24:31]: Toto's important.

John [00:24:33]: She is important. I'm just saying, like, as a, as a, as a, as a man thinking that, that there's nothing that's going to happen to to Toto anyway. So it's like. But, but, but you see, what I'm saying is that to me that's not a burden. I'm glad that you're coming to me with that and that you're sharing that with me and that I can support you and make you feel loved and that I do care.

Nicole [00:25:00]: But what about men who don't want their wives to come to them? Because I think there's a lot of men who are like you said, they're like, well, I can't do it. So I don't want her to come to me with her problems.

John [00:25:11]: That's the whole thing about it is what, what happens for me when I respond to you in the right way, when you're bringing this to me. Right. It's a test for me as a man because what am I wanting to really do? Right?

Nicole [00:25:30]: I mean, that's no big deal.

John [00:25:31]: No, no. I mean, like in my life.

Nicole [00:25:33]: That's what you want to tell me?

John [00:25:34]: No, no, I don't even want to do that. I don't even want to do that. I don't want to do that.

Nicole [00:25:38]: Your masculine mind wants to, but you care about me.

John [00:25:42]: So you're like, to me, if it were like, like I wouldn't worry about it myself. But I don't want to impose that on you. I don't want you to unnecessarily worry. I care about what your state is.

Nicole [00:25:55]: Right?

John [00:25:55]: Right. But what does that do? Like, ultimately what I want to do is to be able to give my gift to the world, to love the world, to, to, you know, to, to be that person.

Nicole [00:26:09]: Right?

John [00:26:09]: And so what, what someone might say, what a guy might say, oh, I don't want this. You're missing the opportunity because this makes you better. Right? It helps you to grow and to be more empathetic and to, to understand people and to understand life better and to be a more open hearted person, which is a good thing.

Nicole [00:26:33]: Right?

John [00:26:33]: Right. These are things that, that you need to, to develop with. Within yourself. So it's not a bad thing. Plus, not only that, but it's the exact same thing. It's like, well, okay, do I want your feminine energy when it comes to the Bedroom. Because it's the same emotional, feminine energy do I use. You know what I'm saying? It's like. So if you turn off the. The spritz. Spigot. Yeah. I don't know. The spigot. If you turn off the spigot, you turn off the spigot, you're not going to get any of that flow. Right. I mean, literally, I guess. Yeah. No pun intended. But it's also. You're not gonna get any wetness.

Nicole [00:27:14]: Oh, my God.

John [00:27:16]: Could you turn off the spigot?

Nicole [00:27:17]: That's right. You just like saying spigot.

John [00:27:21]: But you get what I'm saying.

Nicole [00:27:23]: Did you make that one? That was a very. John.

John [00:27:26]: Oh, yeah, that was me.

Nicole [00:27:27]: Yeah, that was good.

John [00:27:28]: That was me.

Nicole [00:27:29]: But, yeah, no, you're right. You're right.

John [00:27:32]: So it's a good thing. It's not. It's not a bad thing. But guys are. That's why, like, the things that guys are thinking women are supposed to be difficult and that they're thinking that are difficult. They're attributes. They're good things. You want a woman just like we talked about before. About what? The Jurassic park thing. It's like, I. I do want a woman who will cry at an animatronic dinosaur being left behind on the island with the volcano. I don't want a woman that's gonna be like, yeah, it's just an animatronic dinosaur. You know, it's like. Like, I don't care about that.

Nicole [00:28:08]: Yeah, we can fist.

John [00:28:09]: Like, don't cry. It's not a big deal. Like, you know, and, hey, this is life. People die. Stuff happens. It's a sacrifice. They're safe. The animatronic dinosaur is dead. It's life. I don't want a woman like that. No, no. Right.

Nicole [00:28:27]: Well, you definitely didn't get one like that.

John [00:28:29]: Right?

Nicole [00:28:30]: Like, we must save the animatronic.

John [00:28:32]: You want a woman to raise your child and be like, that's tough. Oh, you scrape your knee. That's tough. Big deal. Life happens. You scrape your knee, you get blood. You know, just happened. It's life. Right. You don't want that.

Nicole [00:28:44]: That's true.

John [00:28:45]: So, yeah, but.

Nicole [00:28:47]: Okay, so I'm just. I agree with everything you're saying.

John [00:28:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:28:53]: What about the guys, though, who, like, don't see the value in what you've been talking about? Like, what would you say to them? Like, because, yeah, some guys will get it, but I can already hear Kevin or someone else being like, women aren't worth it. I don't care to be a man when the women suck. So, like what? Like, is there even anything that you would say to those guys? Because I'm just playing devil's advocate here.

John [00:29:24]: I mean, it's about. It's about your. Your journey on. In personal growth. Do you want that or do you not want that?

Nicole [00:29:32]: Right.

John [00:29:33]: Do you want to grow?

Nicole [00:29:34]: Because I feel like there are a lot of guys who don't. And what do you feel like sparks, that desire to grow in men? Because just like, when I was dating before, I feel like it was really hard to find a guy with a growth mindset.

John [00:29:53]: Yeah. Okay, I'll tell you this. What is it? I think most men would say that they want to be more of a man or to be more masculine, that have a masculine core to them. Right. And so what does the masculine thrive on? Challenge. So are you avoiding challenge because it's hard?

Nicole [00:30:16]: Right.

John [00:30:16]: Are you. You know, because. Yeah, logical argument. Any challenge that you can put up, I can say, well, that's stupid. You shouldn't do that. That's. It doesn't make financial sense, right? Or doesn't. This is. This is going to destroy my. But what's the thing you always say about my financially ruined.

Nicole [00:30:34]: I'll never financially recover from this, right?

John [00:30:38]: You could say that, like, why are you going to go run a marathon? That's dumb. You're just going to, like, put extra stress on your heart. You might die sooner, Right. Or whatever. You know, any kind of thing like that you can respond to. But, but the masculine embraces challenge, right? And so this is a challenge. It's that. That's where guys are viewing it wrong, right? It's like, it's the challenge of winning this woman, of overcoming this woman. And she wants you to overcome her because that turns her on, right? She wants to feel your strength. She wants to feel that she can't move.

Nicole [00:31:16]: Well, overcome her in the right way. And like you said, the right way would be like hugging her and being like, I'll show you the milk or something.

John [00:31:23]: Yeah, give me some milk.

Nicole [00:31:26]: But I wanted to say that because again, some people will take that the wrong way and they'll think, just be bossy.

John [00:31:34]: No, no, no. Mean, that's actually not. That's her getting to you. That' overcoming you.

Nicole [00:31:40]: Because, see, that's important to make that.

John [00:31:43]: Because look, because that's the whole point of this whole thing is like, if you respond the wrong way, if, if she upsets you and you let it upset you, which again, we're all guilty of this. This guy, I'M thinking.

Nicole [00:31:57]: I'm like, what about the McDonald's?

John [00:31:59]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:32:01]: You're like, not right now. Not right now. It just popped into my head.

John [00:32:06]: It was a very tough. I got to give myself credit. And it was also like a very toned down. I wasn't like, I didn't flip out.

Nicole [00:32:14]: No, you didn't.

John [00:32:15]: But I did. But I did close off my heart slightly.

Nicole [00:32:19]: Yeah, you did.

John [00:32:20]: And that's not.

Nicole [00:32:20]: And I could tell then that's not.

John [00:32:22]: The person I want to be. Right?

Nicole [00:32:24]: Right.

John [00:32:24]: Because I did. I did close off my heart. I did close off love to a degree. Right. I could have responded. Right Again. I could have joked and said, are you going to be all Miss Crabby Pants about the. You know what I mean? And gave you a kiss and said, you know, I didn't want a meal, you know, and made and. And laughed. Right. And been loving. I could have. That would have been a better response. Right?

Nicole [00:32:52]: Yes.

John [00:32:53]: So. So I'm learning still right now. I lost my whole train of thought. But it was a good one.

Nicole [00:32:59]: No, it was a good time, like, right, you know, responding.

John [00:33:02]: But see, look, you just did it right then, right? You just challenged me on this podcast. Right? But look, had you not done that. This is perfect example. Had you not done. See, I could be like, oh, she just disrespected me.

Nicole [00:33:14]: Why would you bring that up?

John [00:33:15]: Yeah, why would you do that on the podcast and make me look bad? Right? I could do that. But. But. But honestly, like, had you not done that, I probably would have glossed over, because in my head, did I know that I did not respond in love? Like, even did I play it over and be like, yeah, it's not a big deal, though, right? But you brought it up, and now I can't ignore it. And now I had to confess it. And actually, that's where the growth happens. So it's a very good thing, right? That challenge. It's good. But instead of. But this time, I made the right choice because instead of shying away from the challenge and being like, oh, she's. Oh, moving on to the challenge, or she's difficult. Women are difficult. Right? Like, that's like. And being upset by that, I said, oh, no, this is an opportunity. Right? And that's the key. That's the key to it. So. So, yeah, you just answered your own question.

Nicole [00:34:12]: And I just proved that we are difficult.

John [00:34:15]: But in a good. But it's a good thing. It's because what is my true nature? Who's the man? Do I want to Be. Do I want to be the guy that's like, big combo meal or whatever, or do I want to be the guy that's like, laughing about it and just loving you no matter what? And even when you do something that, you know, whatever, like, who cares? Like you said, I'm moving, right? That's where I was going with the train of thought is that. That a woman wants to know that she can't move you.

Nicole [00:34:47]: Right?

John [00:34:47]: Move you off of who you are. She wants to know you're so who you are as a man, that nothing she can do is going to move you off of that. And that turns her on, and that turns the spigot on.

Nicole [00:34:59]: Well, and I feel like, too, when you're talking about that, that's how people write romance novels, too. And that's the type of guys that women love to read the books about, right? Is like a masculine man, that he continues to be masculine, but he's soft for her, but he doesn't change his other, like, manly ways. He doesn't, like, give in to her, right. Either. Like, she doesn't change him into, like, the submissive guy, right? He's still the masculine guy, still in control, but he's soft around. Like, he loves her and he shows her that, and he's not afraid to do that. And that doesn't make him less of a man. Because I feel like sometimes, too, guys get afraid that showing love or doing something like tackling her with, like, a hug and saying something like that makes them feel less of a man. I would think because it's like, loving, and they think, like, love is weakness.

John [00:35:50]: Or, you know, whereas it's more of a man. Because she's not winning. She's not getting to you. She's trying to dig at you. Not. Not even consciously.

Nicole [00:36:01]: No, not her subconscious.

John [00:36:03]: Her subconscious is like, I need to test this man because I want to.

Nicole [00:36:07]: Feel his strength or hold you accountable.

John [00:36:09]: Right?

Nicole [00:36:10]: Like you just said, you were talking about all that stuff, and I was just like, but we went to McDonald's last night, you know, and.

John [00:36:15]: And how would you have felt if I just did the thing? I just was like. Or I was like. And later on I was like, why did you say that? I mean, you would have felt a little bit less like, I'm like, why'd you just.

Nicole [00:36:25]: We just talk for an hour about this and then.

John [00:36:28]: But you probably would have been a little disappointed. Like, I was hoping he was stronger than that. I was hoping he. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you want to see that in A minute. And again, no, we're not gonna be perfect. Right? But. But the point is, is that this. The very fact that I can be here having this episode and that, you know, that I still need to grow, right? And to become better at this just shows that this is a valuable thing. Because if you haven't even gone anywhere down this path as a man, you're weak. Because this is the other thing. And this is why women get this and why women do this. And again, it's not totally my original thought. A lot of David Data in here with the way the superior man said to give credit where credit's due, but is that if a woman can move you off your purpose and who you are as a man, so can the world. And so why a woman is attracted to that and why she values that and why that she will continue to test you and push you as a man is because she wants to know that when the shit hits the fan that the. That other people aren't going to. The world isn't going to beat you down and move you off your path. That you're true to who you are because that's safe, that's secure. And also that another woman's not going to come along and tempt you or whatever it is. Wear something skimpy and you're moved off your. You know, who you are as a man. You know what I'm saying? So that's really the core to it. And that's a valuable thing, to be a man who is unmovable and shakable and to have a companion by your side that every time you're not living up to that, she's, like, poking you and being like, hey, you know, it's not a. I'm trying to nag you and. And you're, you know, I'm trying to be difficult. It's. I know that's not who you really are.

Nicole [00:38:13]: Right?

John [00:38:13]: Like, let's, you know, like, I know you want to be here, so here, like, you're not there. Right? That's a good thing. It's not a bad thing.

Nicole [00:38:22]: That's true. I agree.

John [00:38:23]: That's the best thing.

Nicole [00:38:25]: I agree. And a woman, I feel like, is more receptive to a man like that too. Like, because the thing is, being a woman and being emotional feels very uncertain, like unshaky, you know, because emotions come and go, or they last super long or they get worse or you forget about, but then you freak out again. And when you have a man that's just solid and who he is, how.

John [00:38:48]: Much I Love you. Thank you.

Nicole [00:38:52]: This is sticking up.

John [00:38:53]: Just wants to. There we go.

Nicole [00:38:55]: Okay. Thank you.

John [00:38:57]: Okay, go ahead.

Nicole [00:38:58]: But if you know that the man you're with is grounded and solid and he isn't gonna, like, go wishy washy, like you're wishy washy with your emotions, then you know that you can count on him. And it makes it safer as a woman to come to a man like that with your emotions, because there is a part of it too where, you know, a woman doesn't want to. Gonna come to a man who's also super emotional with her emotions, because that typically doesn't go very well. And I'm not saying a man can't be emotional, but if you're not as. As easily influenced as women are with their emotions and by the things that people say to them, then they have more trust in you and it's easier for you to take the lead and to be the man in the relationship because you're, you're proving yourself right. And it's not like women are actively testing men all the time. But in some ways, we do want to know that you're still the man you say you are.

John [00:39:59]: Right.

Nicole [00:39:59]: And we can't just take your word for it.

John [00:40:02]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:03]: Like, there has to be something to prove that. And women don't even, like, consciously do that. But like you just said, like, I didn't even consciously just be like the McDonald's thing. I was just thinking of it.

John [00:40:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:15]: But it.

John [00:40:16]: Because it's truth.

Nicole [00:40:17]: But it's the but. Yeah. And that, like, you know, will show you where your man is at. Like, is he kind of like, down and kind of like, like allowing the things to influence him or is he like, firm? And that can change too. Like, nobody's perfect. Like you said, like, I'm not expecting you to never, like, be down and not being firm in something. Like, I expect you to like, with the McDonald's thing. Like, I don't, I don't hold that against you. I know that that's not who you are and not the person that you even want to be. And again, it was not a big deal at all. But I'm just saying that, like, I know what you're striving for as a man, and I know how hard you work for that, and I know the man that you are. And so even if you're not acting like that, I'm not necessarily, like, concerned about it. But I can see where women are constantly testing men who maybe they are concerned, like, well, what's going to happen Especially too, like in the 50, 50 relationships or the relationships where the women's taken care of, the financial stuff or whatever, you know, those sort of dynamics. It's even harder to feel like the man is grounded in his masculinity in the way that a woman needs.

John [00:41:32]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:32]: If that makes sense.

John [00:41:33]: Yeah, no, it makes perfect sense. But, yeah, that. I mean, that's it. It's not. It's not being difficult. It's not, you know, for that. For the sake of being. Being difficult. It has that. That purpose, just like you said. And like you said, it is. It's how, you know as a woman.

Nicole [00:41:50]: Right. It gives you that security. Because I'm not saying you can't take men at their word, but it's better to see a man's actions than his words.

John [00:41:58]: Yeah. And it gives you the safety to be emotional, because being emotional is a fragile place to be. And so if you know that you've got a secure rock of a man that is not going to also go into an emotional frenzy.

Nicole [00:42:15]: Right.

John [00:42:15]: Then you can do your part of being the feminine emotional. But if you gotta hold the shit together, then you cannot. You gotta fight back those emotions and press them down because otherwise everything is gonna. The ship is gonna sink.

Nicole [00:42:32]: Yeah. Men need to realize that if they want a feminine woman, they have to accept what a feminine woman is. Because I still think a lot of men say they want a feminine woman, but they don't want to deal with her emotions or, you know, they want her to go to work and make money like they do. But that's like, you know, you. They're still not appreciating the feminine for what it is. And even, like you said, I think it's a whole nother level of appreciation for the feminine to appreciate that we are difficult.

John [00:42:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:00]: And see that as a good thing.

John [00:43:02]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:02]: Because like you said, and I mean, like, not to go into a whole thing, but there are ways that women also are challenged by men and things that women need to learn. And so it's not like, just like women are just difficult to a man, just deal with it or like, you know, just. Because that's how it is. And we just want to be pains in the butt, but.

John [00:43:23]: And we talk about those things, about accountability, some of the things that guys complain about. But the thing is, you know, I was thinking about this today too, is that if you as a man are. Because you're supposed to be leading and you are unmovable and unshakable, and even when she's throwing some darts at you, you're dodging the darts and twirling her around and not letting it phase you, then she's going to want to be better. Right? Because there are some, you know, obviously there's blatant disrespect and things like that. And as a man, your focus shouldn't be on what I mean, as anyone, you should. Your focus shouldn't be on what the other person's doing, but as a man, your focus should be on what you're doing. And if you are with a woman and you're unfazed and you don't let her get to you with the, you know, and you're, you're. She's. She's being difficult, but you're responding in love, truly in love, and you're still not liking it. Like, her energy and her vibe is not, you know, she's just not responsive to that or she's, it's just, you know, it's not what you want. Then get out. But don't get out because she got to you and is pissing you off. You know what I'm saying? Like, be stronger than that and respond in love. Learn how to do that and then see where you're at. Right. Probably it's going to change the. It's probably going to change the dynamic because she's going to want to step up. Maybe she's going to start reading some books and, and trying to be more feminine. But more likely than not, your masculine, just like a magnet will. Will induce her magnetic pole to be more feminine. That strong mag. Masculine energy will make her more feminine. And so you won't even. She won't even have to try.

Nicole [00:45:22]: Yeah.

John [00:45:23]: You know, so well.

Nicole [00:45:25]: And I think the last thing I want to add too, is that also too if you take like the instance, like you said, like the guy comes home and he forgot the milk or whatever and he responds in that way. And then also him taking it into consideration for the next time, I think that's really a big key too. Right? Like the next time she tells you, hey, can you pick this up to try to prioritize that more so she doesn't have to ask you three times because that will show her even more that you're solid in who you are and you're listening to her and you care about her and you care about, like, the relationship.

John [00:46:01]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [00:46:02]: If that makes sense. Because I just don't want guys to be like, oh, well, I can just like poke fun at her and, you know, give her a hug when I mess up. And that I don't have to think about the thing that she's actually upset about or testing me about or whatever.

John [00:46:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:15]: And in some ways, she might be testing you and it means nothing.

John [00:46:18]: Right.

Nicole [00:46:18]: But sometimes she might be testing you and it does actually mean something. Like she, you know, if she tells you, I asked you three times to get the milk and you didn't get it, like, deep down, too. Besides, the milk part is that I had to ask you multiple times for you to even consider what I'm asking you, and you still didn't do it.

John [00:46:35]: Right.

Nicole [00:46:36]: So, like, typically, there's a deeper meaning. And what will also mean a lot to her is that you handled it in a way where she didn't influence you and you paid attention to what it was that she was talking about.

John [00:46:51]: Yeah, yeah. Because. Yeah. I mean, if you dissect the milk thing, the thing is, in order for you to respond in a way, in love, where you're joking around about it or whatever, there's two parts of it. One is just the being unfazed. But if you're unfazed because you're just a. An uncaring. Right. That's a different kind of unfazed. That's not a good phase. It's like, oh, I'm just gonna get around this by just, like, tickling you.

Nicole [00:47:17]: Right.

John [00:47:17]: No, that's not. The. That's gonna wear out real quick. It's not even gonna work the first time because your heart is not actually, you know, when you're coming from a place of. You know, of. Yeah. Like, you're so busy you forgot the milk, but she knows you love her, and. And you're. It's just like, you're not going to do that again, but you're joking around and. And not letting that, you know, bring you down. That's a different place you're coming from than one of being consistently not caring and being an ass.

Nicole [00:47:48]: No, I agree. But I think. And more so, I think it's the men who, like, look at women being difficult as a bad thing that would just try to get out of a bad situation by doing that. But I wanted to bring it up because there are those people out there and they do need to know the difference.

John [00:48:04]: But the mantra is, again, and I think this kind of solves it for a lot of guys. And as I was reading the book, I've been having this mantra in my head is, respond in love, respond in love, respond in love. Because there's so many times that you're just gonna. If you have that in your head. You're like, okay, just respond. And it doesn't even just mean with your woman. Right. It just means whatever's happening, just respond in love. What does that look like? Every single time? Because if you can do that all the time, then you will be a superior man. That is the key is because then you're not being shaken and being put off of your. Of who you are, because anytime that. And this is why. You know what? I did a lot of coaching on guys, and guys don't like it very much when I want to talk about how anger is not a good emotion. It's like, oh, there's righteous anger and all this. Every time you're getting angry, you're being put off from who? Like, it's. Someone else is getting to you. They're. They're controlling you. They're leading you by your collar. Right, Right. And so it's the same thing here.

Nicole [00:49:04]: As I thought about Toto, because you said, caller, sorry.

John [00:49:08]: They're able to pull you off, to manipulate you. And so you want to be a man that is not able to.

Nicole [00:49:14]: And you're not going to respond in a way that makes you feel good about yourself.

John [00:49:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:49:17]: When you're coming from a place of anger.

John [00:49:19]: Yeah. When you are responding in love to everything, then no one's moving you off because that's who you are. You are love. We are love. When you recognize your identity as love, then no one can pull you off of it, and that is powerful. But as soon as you're responding in.

Nicole [00:49:37]: Some other way, watch the last episode because we talk more about that.

John [00:49:40]: That love is enough. That's right. Watch the. And watch the next episode, which we don't even know what it is yet. I guess we should probably wrap this up since we got it.

Nicole [00:49:49]: I don't know what our end is, but I mean.

John [00:49:52]: Did you have anything else, though, on. On this topic before we.

Nicole [00:49:58]: I have a silly one.

John [00:49:59]: Okay. Yeah, give it to me.

Nicole [00:50:00]: Do guys, like, when women are high maintenance then? Because that's like another level of difficult.

John [00:50:08]: Like, what do you mean by high maintenance? Like, they got to get their nails done and they're.

Nicole [00:50:12]: Yeah. Two hours to get out the door. They, like, got to have their outfits when you're on a honeymoon and you have to drag the luggage across the cobblestone.

John [00:50:24]: That's that. But that is the feminine. Right. That's a good.

Nicole [00:50:28]: It's so even in that sense, they.

John [00:50:31]: Should appreciate the difficult, especially if they're trying to. Well, okay. I think it depends Are they trying to look good for a vanity sake or for you as a man? That's where it matters. Right. Because if it's like you're wasting my time and you're just trying to get other people to look at you and now I'm waiting for you, then as a man, I feel pretty disrespected. Right, Right.

Nicole [00:50:54]: How do you tell.

John [00:50:58]: I mean, I feel like you should be able to.

Nicole [00:51:00]: I mean, I agree with that.

John [00:51:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:02]: You know, just for the people who don't know.

John [00:51:04]: Yeah, but. But high maintenance is a good thing in that. In that respect.

Nicole [00:51:08]: Well, because there's some guys who, like, I don't want to pay for her nail appointment or her hair appointment or whatever.

John [00:51:14]: You know, if a woman's excessively high maintenance in a relationship, it probably means that you're not giving her enough praise and attention and. And validation because she. See, she wants us to get her validation from you.

Nicole [00:51:26]: Right.

John [00:51:27]: And so I'm not saying that a woman's not still going to want to get her nails done and wear in nice outfits. I think that's a good thing. But if it's so excessive that she's so desperate for validation and that then it's probably. You're really not lifting her up. Men respond to challenge. Masculine respond to challenge. The feminine responds to praise. You're never going to motivate a woman by challenge. Not the. Not the feminine part of her. Right. But praise does. Right. And so, I mean, you can motivate a guy by calling him a. A lazy piece of. And he'll be like, no, I'm not. I'll show you. But if you. You're. You're never gonna be like, to a feminine woman, you're a lazy piece of. And she's like, no, I'm not. I'll show you. She's gonna just cry. You know, she's not gonna.

Nicole [00:52:16]: Or not talk to you.

John [00:52:17]: Right? Yeah, it's not. That's not the thing. But praising is what's gonna cause that. So. Yeah, so I think that's the thing about it. But. All right. Yeah, so. Yeah, so we don't have. I mean, yeah, I mean, except for what you just did on the podcast. No, no, it was good. No, I'm just joking. So. But, but, but that was a perfect example, actually. So that was perfect. You just. You made my point for me. No, but it was good. It's good thing. Seriously, it is a good thing. Like, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not being.

Nicole [00:52:46]: I just don't Want you and other guys to feel like women do this, like, intentionally. It's not like an intentional, like, picking on you or. No, you know, it is a more accountable thing. You know, like when a guy says one thing, but then you're like, but then last night this happened, and it's like, you know, she's not trying to, like, beat you up. She's just trying to be like, well, you just said this, but then this happens sort of thing. But like you said, that's her trying to help you be held accountable. And like, at the highest standard that she knows that you could be.

John [00:53:15]: Well. And the question is, is it truth? Is it light being shined on your darkness? Like, it is truth. It's light. So what kind of person turns away from truth and light? Not the kind of person you want to be. So what kind of person doesn't? Like someone who's shining truth and light, not the kind of person you want to be. You see what I'm saying? So if you're a man and you got options, right? 1. First of all, you shouldn't be moved by it. Even if she's annoying and you don't like it, whatever, don't let it affect you. At least be strong enough. And then if you don't like her and she's annoying, then get out of there. Then get rid of her. Right? That's fine if that's what. But there's not a guy that is thinking that. That is a guy that's unfazed.

Nicole [00:54:01]: Right?

John [00:54:01]: You see what I'm saying? So first, be the unfazed guy. That's. That's what I'm saying. And if you still don't like it, then fine, you can make your choice. But this is about you as a man. Like, are you going to let this. It's not about her.

Nicole [00:54:12]: Right.

John [00:54:12]: It's about, are you weak and susceptible? Where you're going to let this phase you.

Nicole [00:54:17]: You can let a woman do that. You could let the world do that.

John [00:54:20]: Right?

Nicole [00:54:21]: You're right.

John [00:54:22]: Yeah. All right, I think that's it. We gotta go.

Nicole [00:54:25]: We gotta go.

John [00:54:26]: Yeah. So, yeah, give us a review. Yeah.

Nicole [00:54:30]: Like follow, subscribe. Thumbs up.

John [00:54:33]: Email us if you want to share with your friends. Yeah. If you got some podcasts for us to be on. Yes.

Nicole [00:54:39]: Oh, or whatever podcast you like. Topics you want to be on.

John [00:54:45]: Yeah. Coaching. We want some coaching.

Nicole [00:54:49]: True.

John [00:54:49]: Whatever it is we got, you hit.

Nicole [00:54:51]: Us Up Better Than Perfectpodcast@gmail.com.

John [00:54:54]: That'S it. All right. See you next time. Through every fault we find our way.