Nicole [00:00:00]: I have never felt better in our relationship than I was when I was single because.

John [00:00:05]: Hold on, say that again. You never felt better in our relationship than I was when I was single.

Nicole [00:00:10]: Like, I feel so much better in our relationship than I did when I was single.

John [00:00:13]: Okay, that's like.

Nicole [00:00:14]: I've never felt better being in our relationship.

John [00:00:18]: No, no, you felt the best. You've never felt better being single than you have felt being in our relationship. I think.

Nicole [00:00:24]: Yeah, sure. Yes. That is what I mean.

John [00:00:28]: Beyond the perfect we discovered through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome back to the better than perfect podcast where every week we share with you how to imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:54]: He's mastered it. He's got it down. Pack. Well, as you guys can see, we are not in the middle of the ocean anymore. We are back.

John [00:01:04]: It's kind of sad, but it was an adventure coming back for 40 hours. It was a 50 hour day but a 40 hours of travel. So that was a lot.

Nicole [00:01:15]: Sleep schedule is finally getting somewhat normal, John? Definitely not.

John [00:01:21]: I took a lot of melatonin last night and I feel better now, but.

Nicole [00:01:25]: I feel like a little bit back to normal. More back to normal, I feel like. Than you feel.

John [00:01:29]: But that's good.

Nicole [00:01:30]: Yeah, it definitely took a lot.

John [00:01:32]: As you get older too, then it does.

Nicole [00:01:35]: Jetliness admitting to being old right now.

John [00:01:39]: Hey, I'm older than you.

Nicole [00:01:41]: That's true.

John [00:01:43]: And I always will be.

Nicole [00:01:44]: That's right.

John [00:01:45]: So unless you and you know, time travel or you know, get into a really fast spaceship that goes close to speed of light. So. Which is which?

Nicole [00:01:53]: I have one of those. So watch out. But yeah. So we're back and actually we're here.

John [00:01:59]: Spaceship.

Nicole [00:02:01]: Okay, before we go down space travel topic zone, anything else you want to add for our things that catch up.

John [00:02:12]: And I mean, I don't know, like there's some topics that came up that were. I don't know. I saw one from what's his name this morning.

Nicole [00:02:22]: What's his name?

John [00:02:23]: The guy from Australia. What's it? Oh, I can't think of his name right now.

Nicole [00:02:29]: Is his name Zach?

John [00:02:30]: No, it's not Zach.

Nicole [00:02:33]: Jake.

John [00:02:33]: Jake. Jake Maddock. That's it. Yeah, check him out on Instagram. He's good. But he did a reel that a lot of people were pissed off at. He's doing a lot of them. Like, but he said that it basically started off with like, screw your career. Like, who cares about who Gives a flying about your career, you know? You know, and he was telling this woman, like, you know, she's like, I don't think I'm ready to give up my career into, like. And the man was like, wanted her to help him with his. With his business and he would take care of her and start a family and stuff. And so Jake was like, you know, screw your career. And then there's a lot of women in the comments that were like, a woman has to have a backup plan. She can't put, you know, like, the whole thing. And so. And then I responded. My comment was, I didn't do anything.

Nicole [00:03:20]: Oh, you commented.

John [00:03:21]: Well, yeah, because I was like, this is good, you know, But I said to a lot of the women that were saying that, I was like, look, you gotta be all in, 100%. I was like, do you want a man that's not all in, that has a backup plan, a plan B that's like, you know, if this doesn't work out, I need to make sure I got my. You don't want that. Right. And I said, because one of the women cited that, you know, so many marriages end in divorce. And I was like, a lot of those marriages are marriages where people aren't all in. Right.

Nicole [00:03:46]: They have backup plans.

John [00:03:47]: Yeah. So it's like, yeah, you get like the whole, give up your career advice. I think that is good advice to give to women. And all the women were like, this is so dangerous advice. And it's like, you know, I mean.

Nicole [00:03:59]: I get what he's saying and I get what you're saying, and I agree with you. I have to give the woman side of it, though. And it's that if a woman enjoys what she does, that's the hard part. Because I'm not saying that she shouldn't focus on being a mom and that she should give up her career, like, not give up her career.

John [00:04:19]: Right.

Nicole [00:04:20]: But if it's something that she really enjoys doing, and plus two, if she's really good at it, especially, like, if she's in, like, certain positions where she's like, developing something that can help a lot of people or certain things like that, then that is really hard to give up. Whereas, like, if you're just in a working a job and you want it as a backup plan, that's not a good excuse because like you said, then you're not all in and you wouldn't want a man that's not all in.

John [00:04:49]: Right.

Nicole [00:04:49]: But, you know, there is. I feel like as long as in that situation, she's still given the opportunity to pursue the things that she likes to do, then it's not necessary, necessarily an issue.

John [00:05:04]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:04]: But if somebody is like, give up your job, just stay home sort of thing. That. And like you, you know, you have to let that go. You can't do it part time, you can't like do it as a hobby or anything like that, then that is a little bit harder for a woman to swallow because it'd be weird to see she loses her identity. Right. And like, well, a mom. Well, I'm. Let me finish before you get. Jump in, jump down my throat.

John [00:05:34]: The.

Nicole [00:05:35]: A woman is always going to have the identity as a nurturing motherly figure, even if she does not have children. To our core, that is what being feminine is and that's what being a woman is. But at the same time, as a human being, you need the things that interest you in your life.

John [00:05:56]: Yeah, for sure.

Nicole [00:05:57]: To feel like an individual. Because every woman has that motherly figure. Every woman is nurturing and caring deep down, whether they show it or not. That doesn't differentiate her from anybody else. But if she's a mother who likes to dance and so she goes to her dance classes, or she is a mother who likes painting, or she's a mother who really believes in this charity and is involved in it and volunteers to help people do like those things, help make her feel like her. Like in my instance, that is what makes me feel like Nicole rather than just any other woman out in the world. And not every woman is acting in a motherly way or in tune with her feminine side, but it's the hobbies and the things that make her her that are important. And so that's why, if she's attached to her career because it's a part of her passion in life, then she needs that in some degree. I'm not saying that she needs to be a full time person doing that, but she needs to be able to still do those things in her life to keep her feeling like her and to keep her happy. Like, I'm not saying she can't be happy just being a mom, but I don't know any mom who is just a mom and does nothing for themselves and is of course like super happy.

John [00:07:31]: I mean, we're talking hobbies, we're talking like no one, no one should be restricting you and being like, I don't want you to do anything besides stay home, watch the kids and make sandwiches.

Nicole [00:07:38]: I mean, I would say like even part time, I don't know.

John [00:07:41]: But like, if, if the man's asking you to say, I want you to, I, I want you to take care of the household and the children and like, and support me and help me. Then I say no, then not the part time, no, especially if he's willing to take care of you. And that's, you know, because the thing is you still have the roles. Right. And also it's two become one. Right. So yeah, there's an identity, but you have a identity as a couple, you know, and I think that's more important than that individual identity. So. But I don't think anyone should restrict you from obviously doing your hobbies and things that you want to do that, you know.

Nicole [00:08:19]: Yeah, I understand what you're saying, but I think it is a little different because you're coming at it from a perspective of you're providing everything so you get the freedom to do whatever you want to do. And I think that you could. I'm not talking part time where it's like, I don't even know, like a more almost borderline full time, but every few days going in to do something that they're passionate about and that they're good at and that they've, they're valued for is a necessarily bad thing.

John [00:08:51]: It's. No, it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm just saying like, you know, it's, it's a matter of, you know, you don't need to work, you don't have to, you know, provide like, you know, doing a part time job, but you can do whatever you want to do in terms of passion, dancing, you know, hobbies, those type of things. It's just, you know, don't interfere with the role of the masculine role and be in the feminine role. Right.

Nicole [00:09:15]: I think that's a better way to explain it because I think men sometimes don't understand why women jump down like someone's throat for saying that stuff and vice versa. Women don't understand why men jump in and they get so upset about certain things and it's because, and I can especially view the woman's side because one, I am a woman and two, women value safety and a safe environment so much.

John [00:09:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:40]: But a lot of women who are saying stuff like that, they are afraid of losing their identity.

John [00:09:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:48]: And like even in the Empowered Wife book that we're reading, which is similar to the Surrendered Wife book that we already reviewed.

John [00:09:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:56]: She talks about the way that her marriage got better was actually by focusing more on herself.

John [00:10:03]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:10:03]: And what she wants to do rather than focusing on her husband. And that's not to say that she's just being selfish or whatever, but I think it goes more along of what I was mentioning to you, that a woman still has to do things that she likes to do. And you're right. So let's say a woman likes to paint.

John [00:10:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:23]: When you give the reins over to a man that you trust and you are able to stay home and take care of your family, you also have more time because you don't have to go to work to do those things. That's also not stressful. Like you're not on a, a deadline. You're not, you know, you don't have certain things that you would necessarily have when you're working. And plus two, it's not like a job, but you could even sell those things on your own time with like a Etsy shop.

John [00:10:51]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:51]: Again, it's not to have your own stash pile of money.

John [00:10:54]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:55]: But it's that if you wanted to have. That's what I'm saying, like part time, like something light like that, that doesn't interfere with, you know, providing for the family or being there to support your husband and your kids.

John [00:11:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:10]: But still allows her to have those things. Because women, it's kind of like men, when you say something and they hear something totally different and they go on this tangent. When a man says something like that, she's like, oh, he's saying, I can never do anything. I can never leave the house and all I can do is make sandwiches and spend time with my kid and my husband. And. Which, like, it's not like she doesn't want to do that, but she hears, okay, I can never do anything ever for myself. Again, it has to be all about them.

John [00:11:36]: Well, a lot of the women in the comments were talking about the idea that it's, it's too much of a risk, that if she does get a divorce, then she won't have skills. And those were the arguments they were making against it. Or, you know, why should she have to get her career?

Nicole [00:11:50]: Which is which, again, legitimate to some degree. Because. But at the same time, as someone who doesn't work.

John [00:11:56]: Right.

Nicole [00:11:57]: But has worked before we got together, I don't really have a fear that if, God forbid, something happened to you and I, which I don't think would happen, that I couldn't go out and find a job.

John [00:12:08]: Sure. Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:08]: But, yeah, that is not.

John [00:12:11]: Well, and that's not what they were saying. They're saying if, if you can trust the man. It's like you get into a marriage, 100%. You don't think about alternative plan B. You're in it. You're two, become one. Like, all of this is a unification. So.

Nicole [00:12:26]: Right.

John [00:12:27]: You can't be thinking individualistic when you are in a marriage. You know, you have to think about becoming the part of the whole. And so that's the. The issue is that they're trying to mitigate the risk, right? Just like, you know, we talk about this all the time. Mostly we talk about men trying to mitigate the risk and, you know, not being all into it or not even wanting to take a risk in marriage at all because.

Nicole [00:12:52]: But also, you just made something light up in my brain that I'm like, I can't wait to say this, but. So men are so afraid that women are going to take all their money, right? But yet women want to keep their jobs so that they still have money when they leave. How does that work? If she only wanted to take your money, she'd be like, yeah, I want to stay home, right? Pay for everything, and then I'm gonna take your money when I leave, right? No, she's trying to have her own money. So when something happens that she's prepared, it's not. She's not trying to. Like, so how does. How does that math work?

John [00:13:22]: The math ain't math. And that's a no, the math ain't math. Because people like to whine either way. You know what I mean? People just want what they want, right? The guys want to say this thing. The women want to be like, oh, I'm independent, strong woman. I. How dare you tell me I can't have a career, you know, I don't need a man. That the whole thing. And that's where, you know, Jake was just saying, like, stop it. Who cares about the. You're trying to get a 10 out of 10 relationship. You got one, you got the guy just, you know, cares about your career. Like, just, you know, stop it. Like, don't. Don't jeopardize this on something that's not even that important to you. As, you know, you're here trying to get.

Nicole [00:13:57]: It's not that important to you. The definition.

John [00:13:59]: Look for a relationship with a masculine man that is going to take care of you and provide for you.

Nicole [00:14:03]: Go to the 50, 51. Plenty of guys, at the end of the day that are still going to stick to that. They're not going to listen to our advice. And there's, you know, like you said, you can go in that situation and, like, we've just Been talking about that if you're with a good man, right. He will give you the opportunity to partake in the things that you like to do and that make you who you are while giving you the freedom to not have to work and to focus on your family.

John [00:14:29]: Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And that's valuable, right?

Nicole [00:14:31]: And that's a better way to explain it. And I know it's probably edited just to ruffle some feathers.

John [00:14:36]: I'm sure. I love. I mean, he's just, you know, off the cuff. But again, it comes down to the same thing, is like the most immature, childish behavior is, like, whining about, you can't tell me I can do what I want to do. You know, that whole, I'm not going to listen to anyone, you know, no one's my boss, you know.

Nicole [00:14:56]: Well, both sides do those things.

John [00:14:58]: But that's the most child. It's like, look, if you don't want someone to tell you what to do, don't interact with them, then you don't have. No one can make you do stuff, you know? So unless they got a gun, jeez.

Nicole [00:15:10]: And even then you have.

John [00:15:11]: Even then you still have a choice. So that's why I just don't like the victim mindset. It's just I don't have any empathy for it because it's like you're making choices. No one's. Like, you don't need to assert yourself and tell everyone that you. That you have free will. We all have free will. Surprise. We know we don't have to do anything. No one can make us do things.

Nicole [00:15:27]: Right. Well, one thing I want to add before we move on to the actual topic is that what I think is important in this conversation is that women need to realize that if a man is willing to provide for the whole family. Yeah, that is him investing 100% in you.

John [00:15:42]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:15:43]: And you have to realize that as a woman, it's not trying to control you. I mean, maybe there is some men out there that are using it as a control tactic.

John [00:15:52]: Sure.

Nicole [00:15:52]: I'm trying not to generalize things, but for a majority of men, if he's going all in and telling you you can stay home, that's because he's going all in on you. Because if you think about it, if you guys did, God forbid, get divorced, it's his income that he's been providing. And as we all know, I'm sure every person has seen men in the comments somewhere. You can look at our videos, and they're like, I'm gonna lose half my Stuff. So if a man is willing to lose half of his stuff if you guys get a divorce.

John [00:16:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:16:25]: Because he's been the one like getting the money. Not saying that women aren't doing anything to provide to the household, but he's providing financially.

John [00:16:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:16:33]: He's investing 100% in you. And so instead of meeting that with, well, I want to have my nest egg in case we divorce, you need to realize he's investing 100% in you and you need to invest 100% in the relationship. And then you can still do the things that you like to do. But like I said, it's not. I mean, within reason, you know, your hobbies, the things that you enjoy and get the freedom of not being on that time constraint because there's plenty of stuff going around the Internet.

John [00:17:04]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:05]: Where there now people are starting to realize that women and their like monthly cycles and just their feminine nature and how we're, our hormones are not geared to deal with stress. The amount that we are stressed out and work a lot of jobs.

John [00:17:24]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:25]: And men can handle that because they have a 24 hour sort of hormone cycle and women have a 28 day. I think it's 28 days hormone cycle. And so it fluctuates for women. And some days when like our testosterone is up. Yeah. We're like, a guy will be like, yeah, let's like, let's get this stuff done. But then there's other days, like when we're, you know, in our menstrual cycle period, and we're like, I just want to lay here and rot in bed. And so it's harder for you to continuously act one way.

John [00:17:52]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:53]: When you're on this like roller coaster of hormones. And so some people have embraced that. Like, some women have been like, wow, this is true.

John [00:18:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:01]: And I'm going to like embrace my femininity and my feminine side and realize that I don't like being stressed out all the time. And it really does give you that. I'm not saying that nothing ever comes up and you're never stressed out because staying at home and being a mom is stressful. It's in different ways. It's still a job. Like, you're still doing a job and you're doing the most important job. No offense to you, but you're raising.

John [00:18:27]: Yeah. No, it is the most important.

Nicole [00:18:28]: The future of your family. Like, you are more so influencing. I'm not saying that the father doesn't at all, but if a mom staying at home, she's with the kid Majority of the time she has a higher influence.

John [00:18:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:41]: Men are essential also in having a family and influencing their children. But the mother is the one that is there majority of the time. And that is a huge job in itself. And so when you have the stress from that job, you don't want the stress from a career.

John [00:18:58]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:18:59]: You want to be able to focus 100% on that. And like you said, the women who want a career, then you need to find a man that wants that for you guys as well.

John [00:19:12]: Yeah. And good luck because it's not going to be the kind of relationship you want.

Nicole [00:19:17]: Well, and it's really hard, like you.

John [00:19:19]: Might think it will, but it's not going to be because that's going to be the guy that's like not willing to step 100% up.

Nicole [00:19:25]: And I get that some people, it might be that they're in the position that they just don't have the luxury right now to do it. Like, I know my parents worked really hard to provide for my brother and I, and I understand that. But at the same time, they were both working so much that my brother and I didn't get as much time with them. And that is a choice. And like I said, I love them. I understand now that I'm old enough and when I was old enough that they did it to provide for my brother and I. And I'm glad because I got to do things because they did that. But at the same time they had to give up something to do that.

John [00:20:03]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:20:04]: And I get that wasn't an easy choice to make, but it is a choice. Whereas if a man's providing 100% now, at least one parent is with the child most of the time.

John [00:20:14]: What do I tell men all the time? Like, when are you ready to date?

Nicole [00:20:19]: Not until you're older. Not until you're old enough.

John [00:20:22]: Well, till. Also till you can financially support a woman. Right.

Nicole [00:20:26]: Which typically comes with you. Not a lot of 20 year old men can financially support a family.

John [00:20:32]: If you cannot financially support a woman and children, if you're gonna have children, then what business do you have dating as a man? Like, if someone comes to my house to date my daughter and they're, and they're like, I don't have a job, what's your intentions with this young lady then? Right.

Nicole [00:20:55]: She's gonna be my sugar mama.

John [00:20:57]: I mean, you gotta think about it, right? Because like, you know, and she's young now, but I'm saying like, let's say she's in her 20s or whatever, you.

Nicole [00:21:03]: Know, it's like, you're gonna talk to him.

John [00:21:04]: Yeah, I'm gonna talk to him and be like, what's your.

Nicole [00:21:07]: The.

John [00:21:07]: The. His intentions is either to get a. You know, get what he wants. Right. We'll keep it pg, since we're talking about her. Yeah. So, but. Or it's to, like, marry her and have a family. Right. You know what I mean? Or to just play around, just have fun. I don't know. You know what I'm saying? Like, so if his intentions are pure, if they're good, which is to, you know, pro. To have a future together, then you need to be able to provide. Otherwise, I'm gonna assume your intentions are the other. Don't even come to my door unless you got the money to be able to support her. Otherwise, why are you dating her? You see what I'm saying? That's the thing about, you know.

Nicole [00:21:45]: But good luck to her boyfriends in the future.

John [00:21:50]: They better stuff. But that's how it used to be. Like, I. I would, you know, have the audacity to. I couldn't meet someone's dad not knowing that I couldn't take care of his daughter. I'd be like. I would feel like. Like I didn't have any shoes on. You know what I mean? Like. Like I just showed up without shoes on. Like, I would feel so raw, embarrassed. Like, who am I to stand here and talk to this man about his daughter when I can't even take care of her? Are you kidding me? So anyway, my point is, is that if men follow this advice, then it won't be a problem in the future.

Nicole [00:22:26]: Right.

John [00:22:27]: You know, saying so, and that's how it should be.

Nicole [00:22:29]: That's true. Well, that was like half of the episode. See?

John [00:22:33]: Yeah. Well, there was. I was going to say one other thing too, though, because, you know, about. Well, okay, because I think this is important. And then we'll get into the real episode, which I guess we don't have much. You know, this is a mishmash. A couple of episodes. Yeah. So the biggest thing that women screw up in relationship. It could be a whole episode itself. But let me tell you, because I've been coaching, I upped my coaching. I'm doing a lot more relationship coaching with guys lately. And I can tell you over and over again where women screw this up, because I. And believe me, I talk about playing things that men screw up, but where women screw this up is trying to show how strong they are to the man instead of being vulnerable. When the woman is vulnerable, the guy Crumbles. He's like, let me help you. She gets through to him immediately by. When she's soft and vulnerable in an argument. Argument, whatever it is. Right. When she's like, I'm the alpha, you know, chick in this relationship. Or like, I don't need you. Or she tries to show how tough she is. Which, again, I'm saying this because of the career thing, because that's what Jake was saying was like, stop this. Stop posturing. Like, right. Like, the career thing. Forget about that. Like, it's like, don't. That's not going to attract a man by showing how independent and strong you are. So the biggest thing that women screw up is showing how independent, strong they are instead of just showing how weak and feminine and soft and vulnerable they are. Like, when you come to a man like that, immediately, it takes everything out of him from the argument. It takes everything. Like, he's doing what you want. You could completely control a man just by doing that. Now, I'm not saying that you should, but I'm saying you have so much power as a woman when you do that. And I'm seeing this more and more as I'm coaching guys, and obviously I'm helping them to lead and to. To fix the things, but I'm. I'm like, wow. Like, it's like, man, women are just missing this so, so badly.

Nicole [00:24:27]: Well, it's an act.

John [00:24:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:29]: And they might get upset over that. And even if it's not, they don't feel like it's an act. It's something that they've adopted that isn't natural to them. And it's because they got hurt somewhere by being vulnerable. And so they put on this facade.

John [00:24:43]: Right.

Nicole [00:24:44]: And they fully believe it and they fully embody it, and that feels safer to them. Yeah, but you're right. And I mean, I struggled with this. Sometimes I still even struggle with this, because as a woman, when you are vulnerable or anybody when they're vulnerable like that, the second somebody stabs you when you open up your guard or take your armor off, you never want to not wear that again. Men are the same way. And so women are terrified to show their softer side because they feel like they'll be hurt again like they were for the first time. But what women need to realize, and like you said, is that you can be vulnerable and not allow a dagger to your chest after you took your armor off to hurt like it did the first time. It's still going to hurt when you're vulnerable and somebody still lashes out at you or treats you poorly when you are trying to come to them in a very, like, vulnerable state. But when you realize that, you decide how you react to something. So let's say you're vulnerable and someone abuses that or someone hurts you while you're trying to be vulnerable. Because it's not to say that men are gonna 100 do the right thing when a woman's vulnerable either. Men might, say, still lash out at a woman, right? Especially if he's upset because his needs weren't getting met or something. He might see that as an opportunity to really dig at her, just like women do. The same thing is use when men are vulnerable to really dig at them, because that's when you can really hurt somebody, anybody. You have to realize that you can decide what you do with that. You can decide whether it was a big enough dig to draw a boundary, which is probably what you should do. Whereas, like, look, I came to you in a vulnerable kind way, and you treated me this way. And so in the future, if you talk to me that way, then we. The conversation will end, and we will only continue it when you can come to the conversation in a calm, collected, also vulnerable way, or whatever you want to say, have a boundary, or straight up leave if you feel like that person has showed you constantly that they cannot handle treating you with care in a vulnerable state. But like you said, most men will because they don't want to see a woman hurt. But women also don't know how to be vulnerable because they have put up that guard for so long that even when they're trying to be vulnerable, it's not true vulnerability, because there's still a part of them that's, like, trying to hide it because it's so precious and it's so sensitive.

John [00:27:35]: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, you. And you'll see, too, in that. In that book, she has a whole section on it, on how to do it, which I think is. Is good. It's useful. But, yeah, I agree with you 100%. It is. It is hard. And then. And women aren't used to doing it. But I can tell you from, you know, again, and when I'm coaching these guys, there's all the things like, I'm like, okay, like, a woman doesn't have to do that necessarily in order for the guy to be like. The guy can bring it out, right? So the guy can bring it out, right? But it's a shortcut for a woman in a relationship. If she realizes if I do this, I'm gonna get a much better response. From the guy, you know, especially if I'm consistently showing up this way. Right? So if you just consistently show up as a woman, as vulnerable and soft, and you're not trying to assert yourself and trying to, you know, like, trying to show how tough you are, you're gonna have a lot better.

Nicole [00:28:24]: Which women don't want to do that. They feel like that's what they're supposed to do. And maybe this needs to be a whole episode at this point, because.

John [00:28:32]: Wicked.

Nicole [00:28:32]: You've even seen it. Men being like, I don't want another dependent. Why can't women do stuff for themselves? You know? Yeah, they're so. This is so weak. Like, you're a woman, you're so weak. And like, they use the things that make a woman feminine and weaponize them against them. And so women want nothing to do with that because they don't want to be with somebody who thinks they're weak. And they think. They see men talk like this and they assume that all men think this deep down. Even if a man tells you different or even if he doesn't act like those guys, she's believing what those guys are saying.

John [00:29:11]: Well, when you say weak, what do you mean by weak? Like, why is that a bad thing?

Nicole [00:29:16]: Well, like, a woman can't take care of herself. Like, she's a weak, defenseless little. She's just emotional and can't do anything for herself.

John [00:29:24]: Oh, well, okay. I mean, that's. I wouldn't really call that weak.

Nicole [00:29:29]: Well, a lot of men use that, and they use women being emotional as them being weak and not able to handle things.

John [00:29:35]: Right.

Nicole [00:29:36]: Which is not.

John [00:29:37]: No, it is true in the masculine world and masculine viewpoint of how things should go. You see, what I'm saying is it's.

Nicole [00:29:43]: Like in their world, but they're not. Like, they're not women, like, if it.

John [00:29:48]: Comes to, you know, going and hiking up a thing and I'm going to, like, do all this stuff and then it's like, yeah, women are weak in general.

Nicole [00:29:55]: Like, but what if she hikes up there with you?

John [00:29:57]: Now, some. Some women can do that, right? But most women, they don't. They're not going to be able to do the kind of work. Like, I know that, you know, as a man, and most men know, it's like, yeah, like a woman's not going to be able to handle the kind of stuff that. That you deal with on a daily basis. She just. She wouldn't even be able to handle it. Right? So. But here's the thing, okay? Because I'm getting to the good part of this. That's the masculine viewpoint of the man's world. As if that matters, right? And so many men get stuck on this and they're like, she just, she just doesn't have any ambition and she just like, she, she needs to toughen up. She like life, like a little thing in life smacks her around and then she's, you know, she can't even stand on her own. She doesn't even, isn't even equipped to handle life. Right? And we've had some people we know that have said these things exactly that you know I'm talking about. But, but that's such a wrong viewpoint because that is doing exactly what you're saying is making that into a bad thing, right? It's like she's delicate. The answer is she's delicate. Look, I'm not saying that women can't do things, but you need her to embrace the delicacy. And when you're like, when you're making that a bad thing, it's like, yeah, maybe she can't handle life as good as you can. Maybe she doesn't have the toughness that you. But that's why you're valuable as a.

Nicole [00:31:11]: Man because that's why she's a woman.

John [00:31:12]: And that's why you're protecting that. You're enveloping that. You're being the thing that's taking the beating and keeping her delicate and soft, you know?

Nicole [00:31:21]: Yeah, but more men need to perpetuate what you're saying because I've never heard any man say what you just said. Yeah, never in my life. And that's the whole thing is what I'm trying to tell you. And all these men who are expecting women to be feminine in the face of majority of men saying things, saying how women are weak or not like other men or can't handle her emotions. And I'm not saying that those things aren't necessarily correct, but that demonizes femininity, right? And pushes them further from finding the woman that encompasses that. Because a woman will never be feminine, right, Unless she's around a man who, who understands and appreciates femininity. And these men say they want femininity, but they don't appreciate femininity. They are downplaying it. They're talking bad about it.

John [00:32:12]: Right?

Nicole [00:32:13]: To the point where women, and I was one of these women, don't even know what femininity really is, right? Because men have made all of the traits seem horrible. They have made them not even appealing to women, right? Oh, yeah, because they're like, why? Well, why would you do. Why would you be so emotional? Why would you do this?

John [00:32:31]: But men aren't doing that on purpose there. It's ignorance. Right.

Nicole [00:32:37]: Because it's like still having these.

John [00:32:39]: Oh, yeah, I agree with you. They're judging women by the man's world ruler and they're. And she's falling short. And then they're criticizing her and says she needs to be able to take care of herself. Like, how can she even survive in this world? I don't even understand how, like, without me, she would just further away. And they're making that be a bad thing.

Nicole [00:32:56]: Right.

John [00:32:56]: When that's a good thing in the, in the sense that, like, I'm using extreme language, but what I'm saying is that that's good that she depends on you and that she like is.

Nicole [00:33:04]: Well, now, women don't want to depend on men, and that's caused a lot of this problem because they have actually made women become somebody that doesn't have to depend on men at this point. Women can live without men. They don't want to. Yeah, they can, because they have been pushed so far into this narrative that we're talking about. They can live without men. So in order for her to find the value in a man now.

John [00:33:29]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:29]: You have to be a diamond in the rough. You have to be a man that supports her and protects her and allows her to open up to her feminine again. Because so many women have been pushed here. Like I said, I don't know any other man who has explained how valuable femininity is. And that's also what women don't understand is because, like, women now are trying, I guess, to show other women how valuable. Valuable femininity is.

John [00:33:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:00]: And I'm not saying that they need a man to tell them that that femininity is valid, but if they heard even just this, like, hopefully this. These clips get cut up real good. Because if they heard a man talk about femininity the way that you just talked about, they would have hope that there are other people out there who embrace the femininity rather than trying to diminish it. And it's confusing because, like I said, I'm not saying that women just follow everything that they hear or see men say, but when you constantly have men putting women down for their feminine attributes, but yet say they want feminine women.

John [00:34:43]: Right. They don't even understand what they're asking for.

Nicole [00:34:45]: Right. It's. It's so confusing. And women would rather take on masculine traits and Just be alone and learn how to be on their own. Then be with these men who say they want feminine, but when you're in a relationship with them, they're like, why are you being so emotional? And you're just weak and you need me.

John [00:35:02]: Like, they're like, I want an orange, but I want it to taste like an apple.

Nicole [00:35:05]: Right, Exactly.

John [00:35:06]: It's like, you gotta pick. Like, you can't. You don't understand how oranges work.

Nicole [00:35:11]: Right.

John [00:35:11]: They don't taste like apples. Just. They don't like that. The thing that makes it look like an orange is the thing that makes it not taste like an apple.

Nicole [00:35:16]: Right?

John [00:35:17]: Tastes like an orange.

Nicole [00:35:17]: Exactly.

John [00:35:18]: And. And that's. But that. But again, it comes from ignorance because again, I get on coaching calls with guys and they're like, she's just like, the littlest thing bothers her and she can't handle it. She'll be stressed out about these little things. She can't handle these things. It's like, she doesn't even know how much I have to work and how much stuff that I'm dealing with a daily basis. If she dealt with 10% of what I'm dealing with, she would crumble. And I'm like, I agree with you 100%. What's wrong with that? I'm like, yes, that is how women are from the man's viewpoint. It is true. But none of those things you described are bad things. That just means that you have a purpose in life. Because men are like, what's my purpose? Purpose? Your purpose is, yeah, you are tougher. Like, but don't belittle the woman for not being tougher, because then she's going to try and show up tougher.

Nicole [00:36:01]: Right.

John [00:36:02]: And then you're going to be like, she keeps on trying to show me how tough she is. Yeah. What you're. You're giving her that. That yardstick to measure. It's like the same thing as, like, if you measured a man and, like, into, I don't know, ballet or. Well, I guess men are in ballet, but, you know, like a dress or something. You're like, his shoulders are so big. It's like, yeah, because that's not the thing that he. Like, you can't measure it against that thing. I'm trying to think of a good feminine thing to measure a man against. But my point is, is that men are measuring women against the masculine yardstick. Right. And. And that in the masculine world, in the masculine yardstick, being weak has no value. Right.

Nicole [00:36:42]: Well, they do that with everything Though, because we've done other episodes where men will be like, oh, she just wants a chad. That's them putting their preferences on the woman.

John [00:36:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:36:52]: Women aren't searching for that, but their brain can't comprehend that. Women aren't searching for mostly visual what.

John [00:36:59]: They would be doing.

Nicole [00:37:00]: They're searching for largely visual. I'm not saying entirely, but that is why. And then people are like, I'm tired of the men visual thing. Like, okay, yes, everybody's visual. But a man will make certain decisions based more on appearance.

John [00:37:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:15]: Than women would.

John [00:37:17]: But. But I'll tell you what, what women need to do, though, is okay, because I said the thing about, you know, about femininity, but women need to demand to show up feminine no matter what. And then if the guy isn't gonna. Then he's not the guy for you. Like, you have to force him. You'd be like, look, this is how I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be. I'm gonna be vulnerable. I'm gonna be emotional. I'm going to get upset. I'm not worried. Need to climb the mountains that you can climb. Your job is harder than mine, and that's fine. I don't care. Like, this is how I am. Right. And the guy that is, like, perfect. That's the guy for you. The guy that's, like, what? He still needs to grow up and learn some things.

Nicole [00:38:03]: Right.

John [00:38:03]: I mean, because you just have to insist that I'm not going to let the world shape me and change me. I'm going to be feminine regardless.

Nicole [00:38:10]: Well, I think what you said is. That's very true and very valuable. And I think that women need to find the power in being feminine, and it's not the power by being masculine.

John [00:38:24]: Right. I know what you're saying.

Nicole [00:38:25]: Because when they think power, they're like, okay, act like a man.

John [00:38:28]: Right.

Nicole [00:38:28]: Like, they're not thinking that, but they start doing the actions that are more masculine.

John [00:38:32]: Yeah. The empowerment by being feminine. Maybe that's the word.

Nicole [00:38:35]: Well, I mean, I still think there is power behind it, because like you said, you show up and you're like, this is how I'm gonna be.

John [00:38:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:38:41]: You can take it or you can leave it.

John [00:38:43]: Right.

Nicole [00:38:44]: And there is power in that. There is power in owning up to who you are.

John [00:38:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:48]: And putting that out there, and that's even being vulnerable by telling somebody, hey, this is who I am. I am. I'm soft. I want to frolic in the field with flowers, and I'm going to tell you how I feel. And I might cry. Like, women have gotten to a point, too, where they're. They try to act like it's a good thing not to cry, and they try to make other people be like, oh, well, if you cry. I was also that woman where, like, I got so masculinized by all of these things that I was like, I don't ever want to cry. But now that's not the case because I'm wearing my feminine. But, yeah, like, you have to own up to these things, and by owning up to them, there is power in that.

John [00:39:24]: Yeah, no, you're right.

Nicole [00:39:25]: I think that when we think femininity and they are all these more vulnerable, soft things or, like, weaker.

John [00:39:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:39:34]: People think that there's no power in that. They think that they don't have any leverage for anything. They don't think that they can, like, use this in the fight against whatever they're facing.

John [00:39:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:44]: But the thing is that a good majority of women have been masculine at some point. So, you know, you have the power to get things done. You know, you have the power. You felt it.

John [00:39:57]: Right?

Nicole [00:39:58]: And you can use that power in your femininity, like we were just talking about.

John [00:40:04]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:40:04]: So, like, even if I was vulnerable and you attacked me, which you would never do, but even if you're a woman who's like, okay, well, I'm gonna embrace being feminine. I'm gonna embrace being vulnerable. And the next time a man hurts me, I'm just gonna be like, that really hurt me, right? Like that. That really hurt my feelings. And, you know, I feel this way about it. And if a man's like, get over it or like, whatever, you saved yourself years of life. That's all you say is okay, and then you leave.

John [00:40:32]: That's it. Because you save yourself time.

Nicole [00:40:34]: You cut to the trees. You have the boundary. Be like, look, I came to you vulnerable. I told you, you hurt me.

John [00:40:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:41]: And you've just continued to do that. And so for my sake and this conversation, it's going to end right now.

John [00:40:48]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:48]: And when you can talk to me in a way where I can open up to you and it's not met with an attack, we can continue this conversation. That is not. Not being vulnerable. That is having the power in the vulnerability.

John [00:41:00]: But I'm going to continue to be vulnerable. Even if you respond however you're going to respond, I'm still going to be me.

Nicole [00:41:06]: Well, here's the thing. Too vulnerable that I also think will give people power. And being vulnerable. Yeah, you're speaking your truth. When you're vulnerable.

John [00:41:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:14]: Every other time you're putting a mask on, either you're. You're sad and you're lashing out because you're sad and you're. You've turned it into anger, or you're sad and you're trying to, like, manipulate somebody to, like, give you what you want. When you're vulnerable, you're just stating the facts.

John [00:41:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:31]: And so even if somebody misuses that or. Or uses it against you or anything like that, it's not like they have anything that you didn't offer up. And so when you're being vulnerable, just speak your truth.

John [00:41:45]: Right?

Nicole [00:41:45]: And even if somebody's, like, tries to make a joke about you, because I guess that's what people also get afraid of is like, they're gonna make jokes about. They're gonna be like, she told me I hurt her feelings. Okay? Every single person in this world has had their feelings hurt.

John [00:42:00]: Right?

Nicole [00:42:01]: So if somebody tried to use my vulnerability against me, I'd be like, I spoke the truth and I expressed how I was feeling. Like. Okay, I don't understand where you're trying to, like, use that against me.

John [00:42:12]: What you're talking about is how vulnerability makes you invulnerable.

Nicole [00:42:15]: Right.

John [00:42:16]: It makes you bulletproof.

Nicole [00:42:17]: Yes.

John [00:42:17]: Because if you're like, I'm just like, oh, that hurt. Oh, that stings.

Nicole [00:42:21]: Right?

John [00:42:21]: Oh, actually, it's funny in that. In that book, the Empowered Wife, she says, ouch. Right? Just out. Right.

Nicole [00:42:27]: She said that in the other one, too.

John [00:42:28]: Yeah. And it's like, when you do that, then now this stuff can't actually affect you so deeply because you're already out there all the way. And your response to someone hurting you is, that hurts. Right. So there's. It's like. It's almost makes you invulnerable because nothing can really, you know? Yeah. The things still hurt, but they can't destroy you. You know what I mean? Because.

Nicole [00:42:47]: And now you're getting somebody's reaction based on your true feelings. Right. Because if you're not being vulnerable and you're, like, upset about something and you're yelling at your husband, and now he's responding to your yelling, you feel like he's responding to your sadness, but really he's responding to your reaction. Whereas if you're vulnerable and you're like, ouch, that hurt me. He's directly. He has to directly respond to your emotion or your, like, topic of what is bothering you. There's no anything in front.

John [00:43:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:18]: So if he doesn't treat you well, by that you also get his pure reaction and you can make a decision like, okay, I came out here and I was vulnerable and I did this and he treated me this way. That's not really how I want to be treated exactly. Especially if I'm giving him this raw emotion and there's no fluff in front for him to defend himself and he's still gonna come and attack me.

John [00:43:41]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:42]: That is something that a woman would need to consider.

John [00:43:44]: Not a good guy to be with.

Nicole [00:43:45]: Right, Exactly. You wouldn't want to be with somebody.

John [00:43:47]: Like a man that can watch a woman being vulnerable and showing her weakness and like just like cry, you know, and can respond in a negative way and again, maybe a slip up, you know what I mean? But. And then realizing it, but to just be able to see that happening and then not have, not be pulled to comfort and protect her, that's a bad man. That's a, you know, it's like, you know when they, when, when kids torture and dissect animals and stuff and they're like, okay, like serial killer, you know, it's like, it's the same type of thing. Like you can't, like there's something broken inside you as a man if you don't respond. It's like a woman that doesn't respond to a baby cries. Right. Women respond to baby, you know, so if you're a mother and you're in, the baby's crying and you're just, oh, like in Oppenheimer, right. When we're watching that movie. Right. He comes home from work.

Nicole [00:44:42]: Yeah.

John [00:44:42]: She's drinking, the baby's just screaming, you know, and she's not phased by the baby crying at all. That's a bad sign, you know, I mean, something's wrong. So it's the same thing. If a guy doesn't have a response to that, he should have a response to that. There's something wrong. If that's. So that might be a guy that is a bad guy, you know, like a really to the core bad guy. So.

Nicole [00:45:02]: Yeah, so. And it's hard to learn how to be vulnerable as a woman who has put her guard up and has lived for a long time with her guard up.

John [00:45:10]: It's.

Nicole [00:45:11]: It's going to be not an instant thing, but it's worth, worth learning and it's worth committing to continuing to do and try to do even if you mess up.

John [00:45:21]: Right.

Nicole [00:45:22]: Don't give up and just put your armor back on.

John [00:45:25]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:26]: You need to learn how to continue to be vulnerable and realize that you create Your own safety, like you said.

John [00:45:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:35]: When you're vulnerable, you actually become invulnerable.

John [00:45:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:39]: And that, I think, will help women because they're already in this mindset where they have to be strong and they have to be independent.

John [00:45:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:45:48]: So if they realize the strength in being feminine and even the independence like we talked about in the very beginning of this episode, that a man gives you when he takes on the masculine things in your life and provides for you, so you have the freedom that, like, this is the true femininity. This is the femininity. The femininity that women want.

John [00:46:12]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [00:46:14]: And that they'll feel the most comfortable in.

John [00:46:17]: Yeah, yeah. And that's, you know, but it's. It's hard. It's hard to. Well, and I want to say one thing about the power thing, too, because here I got for King book for you. The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene. Art of Seduction. So in that book, he talks about seduction, but really a lot of it is about feminine power. Because one of the examples, a classic one, is Cleopatra over Marcus Anthony. You know, the. And. And, you know, Cleopatra, he's. He's running the Roman Empire. Right. So. But she's controlling him right now. She could. She. She controls him for manipulative purposes, but it's her feminine power that controls him. So you take as powerful as a man can be, a woman will always be powerful because you can take the most powerful, successful man in the world, and a feminine woman can control that man. You know, I mean, and again, I'm using the word control because I'm being extreme. But what I'm saying is that she has power over the man. Right. A man, however powerful he is the right woman. Right. That acts in a feminine way. The damsel in distress, he's still going to respond to the damsel. He's still. So I guess women don't realize how much power they have by being feminine because, you know, I'm not saying to cry crocodile tears and, you know, but if you're authentically expressing yourself and being feminine, you're going to have a big sway on a man. Let's say that you're in an argument about you don't want to move to North Dakota or whatever, and he's taking a job in North Dakota, and you're like, it's not fair. You shouldn't make us move to North Dakota. I don't want to. I'm never going to like it. Like, you don't care about me. Okay. But then instead of that tactic, you Say you just start crying and you just say, I'm. I'll do it. But I just. I'm just so sad, and it just. I just.

Nicole [00:48:07]: I don't even think you would say, I'll do it. Because, I mean, she knows that. I think the feminine response would be like, I'm really worried about making new friends or finding new things. Like, talking about what you're actually worried about.

John [00:48:21]: Right.

Nicole [00:48:22]: And then that is the way to get a man to understand. Like, talk about how it makes you feel. Not, like, in the way, like you said, being like, you don't think about me, but talking about your actual feelings about why are you afraid or what makes you scared of moving. Like, what are your concerns? Like, I'm gonna miss my family that's here. You know, if you live near your family, like, things like that is a better way to handle it than like you said.

John [00:48:51]: Exactly. Yeah. Just being, you know, 100% and crying, you know, being. He's going to come to your rescue. I mean, maybe you're not even going to move to North Dakota, or maybe he's going to care about all those things and try to fix those things and then make you feel better that you want to go. But ultimately, at the end of the day, if you're acting like that and you don't want to go, he would give up his job. He would give up his career. I mean, I can't speak for all men, but I'm saying, as a man, that most men would do that, he.

Nicole [00:49:17]: Would try really hard.

John [00:49:18]: Is.

Nicole [00:49:18]: Yeah.

John [00:49:18]: If there's any other way, you know, so. But that's the thing is, like, taking that approach. You have so much more power. Right, Right.

Nicole [00:49:24]: And women don't realize that, but. And again, that's what I'm saying. It goes back to a majority of men perpetuating these negative things about women that are actually the feminine qualities that they supposedly want, but they are causing women to be further and further away from that.

John [00:49:42]: Right.

Nicole [00:49:42]: Because a woman doesn't want to be. She doesn't care about being vulnerable. She doesn't care about looking weak or anything like that. If she doesn't have a man that values that.

John [00:49:52]: Right.

Nicole [00:49:53]: Like, if she feels like no man values the feminine qualities.

John [00:49:56]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:57]: Then any woman's gonna just not follow through with those.

John [00:50:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:50:01]: Plus, if she's more masculine, she feels like she can handle her own life, rather than if she was, like, feeling like, oh, I'm so weak, or I'm just sad all the time, like, that's gonna. And she's Single.

John [00:50:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:50:14]: That's just gonna push her further in a direction that men don't want women going either, which is more of like depressed and hopeless.

John [00:50:21]: Well, yeah, I mean, that's not.

Nicole [00:50:23]: And I, And I'm saying this because a woman can be feminine.

John [00:50:27]: Right.

Nicole [00:50:27]: And single and get her stuff done. And that's what I'm trying to say is most women are in that state of their life.

John [00:50:34]: Right, Exactly.

Nicole [00:50:35]: And so they just need to shift when they get into a good relationship and realize the power that they have in the femininity. Now they can really get into their feminine energy because now they've had. They have a man that takes over the masculine part that she had to do, which is like, take care of the bills and go to work and things like that. The more masculine traits. And now she can just focus on this half of her.

John [00:50:59]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:00]: Whereas in. When she's single, it is more split.

John [00:51:03]: Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Nicole [00:51:04]: And so in order for her to survive. But a woman, like we said in the beginning, if you have a man that is investing 100% in you by telling you, hey, I'll handle all the finances, I'll work so you don't have to, you can stay at home and handle the home and the family matters and things like that, and then you can still have the time to do what you want to do and be in your feminine energy, then what more could you want as a woman? And if you realize the power that you have, like you said.

John [00:51:31]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:32]: As a woman and the power in being vulnerable and that nobody can hurt you unless you allow them to hurt you.

John [00:51:37]: Right, right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:51:39]: So it's like a. A mindset shift. And don't listen to the guys that talk bad about femininity. Like you said, those are not the guys for you. Like, like you said, if you get into a relationship and you're like, hey, I'm a feminine woman and I'm gonna be upset sometimes, but I'm working on, you know, also have accountability. I'm working on the way you. The way. Yes. And I will be vulnerable and I'm very nurturing and caring and I will live in this soft off sort of place.

John [00:52:06]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:52:07]: And that's who I am. And someone tells you, I don't want that. Go get a job. You know that they're not for you.

John [00:52:14]: Right. And. And it's again, it's. It's your chance to become the magical unicorn. Right. Because, you know, it's like a guy that understands these things and will treat a woman, you know, that in a masculine. Will be masculine and treat a woman in a delicate, feminine way is a unicorn. Is a rare rarity. Right. But it's the same thing if you want the unique trait being a woman, that a man is going to be like, what? You know, it's going to be that. It's going to be, like, consistently showing up as vulnerable and soft and, you know, and not asserting yourself, not trying to act that way. Because if you constantly are like that, guys are like, I've never seen this before, you know.

Nicole [00:52:57]: Right.

John [00:52:57]: So.

Nicole [00:52:58]: Well, and you get a sort of confidence, too, when you come at somebody with like, this is who I am.

John [00:53:02]: Right.

Nicole [00:53:02]: And they don't have to. You have to be okay with them taking it or leaving it sort of thing. And that will make you the happiest too, because, you know, somebody is there for you.

John [00:53:13]: Yeah. Well, I guess this is gonna be. Yeah, we were gonna talk about not having friends of the opposite sex, but, you know, this is.

Nicole [00:53:20]: Well, you opened this camp.

John [00:53:21]: No, it's good. I think it's a good topic because, like I said, I've been doing a lot of coaching lately, and it's like. And. And, you know, I could talk about all the things that the guys are doing. You saw my little lead magnet that I made that had the five, you know, But.

Nicole [00:53:33]: But I keep on seeing that women are doing.

John [00:53:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:53:36]: So it is important to talk about.

John [00:53:38]: It's just like, to me, it's like, it's not even like a. Like a nitpicky. It's just like, if women understood how much power they had by being. Having a feminine response, a soft response instead of a hard response. Because when I'm talking through these things with these guys, I'm like, like, I agree. Like, I'm like, dude, I agree with you, but, like, you're the leader. And let me tell you, I was like, yeah, if she acted that way, that would be wonderful. Right? I was like, but. But you can't assume that's going to happen. So I'm giving him the advice. But then at the same time, I'm also thinking, man, if women could hear this, like, if I were coaching women right now, if they could hear this, what this guy is saying, and like, a hundred other guys that are saying the same thing, they would approach arguments a lot differently. Like, they would be like, oh, wow, if I just start crying and I act feminine, he's going to.

Nicole [00:54:22]: Don't just start crying.

John [00:54:24]: Not crocodile tears, like, but instead of.

Nicole [00:54:26]: The anger response, if it's natural to cry in that moment, instead of the.

John [00:54:30]: Anger response, allowing the hurt response.

Nicole [00:54:32]: Right.

John [00:54:32]: You see what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying. That's the authentic response. Because the anger response is, like you said, it's a facade, it's a fake response. It's not hiding the thing, it's hiding the hurt emotion. Every anger hides a hurt, you know, but. But if women understood that, if they did that, how much that would move these guys and completely, you know, they would do it because it's just, you know, it's the same, like, the insights that I. That I try to give where it's like, where guys. I don't. If guys understood that. If you understood how to emotionally validate a woman, that. That she. She doesn't care about whatever happened. She cares about knowing that you care about how she feels and that all you have to do in the conversation is literally just let her, like, authentically, not just say words, but authentically indicate to her that you care about how she's feeling right now. That ends the entire thing. There's never going to be an argument, and she's going to love you for it. Then I feel like guys would do that, you know, but. But again, maybe it's the same thing because I. I tell guys this and they're like, no, it doesn't work like that. She's wrong.

Nicole [00:55:40]: And it's like, still committed to defending themselves.

John [00:55:44]: Yeah. Because it's the magic bullet. It's like, men have a magic bullet. Women have a magic bullet. Men's magic bullet is to really understand how to emotionally validate a woman and just focus on that and not explain away. No.

Nicole [00:55:55]: You know, or defending.

John [00:55:56]: Yeah. And women's magic bullet is being vulnerable and, you know, soft and crying, you know, like.

Nicole [00:56:04]: Right.

John [00:56:04]: It doesn't have to be crying, but, you know, what I'm saying is expressing their hurt, letting their raw hurt be seen in front of a man. If you expose yourself, expose your raw hurt. Exposing yourself also works, but expose your heart, you know, then you're gonna. The man is gonna crumble. No matter how tough he is. The tougher he is, the more he'll crumble. If you express your raw heart, which.

Nicole [00:56:28]: I've already told women what to do, and I'm not saying that they shouldn't do the things or any of those things. Let me preference, like preference all this stuff. But one thing that men do need to do, regardless of anything, is learn how to appreciate the femininity for what it really is. Not have the man goggles on and Viewing a woman as trying to fit her into the man standards. Truly appreciating femininity.

John [00:57:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:02]: And outwardly showing that. I'm not saying, like, comment on something that you wouldn't normally comment on just to like, be promoting this stuff. But. But if you see some sort of content, like our content, right, and it's talking about this and you leave a comment, if you're like, yeah, I agree with that. Like, I didn't understand that. I was maybe looking at it at a different. Like, say those things because women are paying attention to that and women will tell you that they're not influenced by a man. They are to some degree, no matter what. I'm not saying in every single way, but they are. And women have seen plenty of men talk about how they're weak and they need a man up, basically. Like, that sounds ridiculous, but, you know, or that they're act dependent like a child. And, you know, me, myself, I've had somebody tell me, like, oh, you just want to stay home because you don't want to work. Like men perpetuating things like that pushes a woman further from her femininity. And yes, it is women's responsibility to still be in her feminine and to find that power in being soft and vulnerable and feminine. That is true. But the more that men are demonizing or like, trying to put down femininity, they will never get the feminine women. It'll be harder. Like I said, it's still on women to be that.

John [00:58:26]: Right.

Nicole [00:58:27]: Regardless of how men are acting. But men really need to be champions of femininity rather than tearing it down.

John [00:58:35]: Yeah, yeah. And like I said, a lot of it is the ignorance because they don't even understand that. Like, you know, like that comment you said of, oh, you just want to stay home and you don't want to have to work. It's like, it's the man that's the. Like, she's not a bro. Like, you're, you're not. You didn't make a business partnership. You know what I mean? Like, that's not the deal. It's not like you're just 50, 50 equal. Like, she's. You're getting the wrong viewpoint. Because as a man, I'm like, oh, well, if I add one more resource to my household, then we'll have double the income and then we could. You know what I mean? But we only have to have one house, so we have 50 of the. The same expenses, but double the income. That's smart, right? It's like, yeah, from a strategic standpoint, but she's not a resource to be used. You know what I'm saying? Like, guys are thinking of it that way. It's like, well, you know, I'm tough and I can handle these things. And then if she's tough and she can handle things as well, then who? Together, we're this huge shield. You know what I mean? We're a shield wall, right? It's like, no, no, you're the shield wall yourself. So that's why guys are thinking this way, because they're thinking from a man. A strategic. Like, this makes our us stronger. When we're both making money and we're both stronger, it makes sense from a logical standpoint. But what they don't understand is it just makes you bros. Like, you might as well just have a fraternity, and then you can all, like, pool each other. You can make a commune of all dudes, and you just pull each other's money together, and if one guy's not working hard enough, you kick him out or you beat them up or whatever it is, you know, and you can just. You can. You can, you know, grow out. Yeah, you can. You can do romance, make a syndicate or whatever. But my point is, is that the. The weakness that you're. You're missing in that is the feminine part of things, which is valuable and prized. And that's what, you know, I think we were talking about in the other episode is like, yeah, about the. The like a piece of art, right? Like, and you're like, well, what does it do for me?

Nicole [01:00:24]: Yeah. And it's like, does it make me money?

John [01:00:26]: It looks beautiful in your living room.

Nicole [01:00:28]: Can it carry my groceries?

John [01:00:30]: It's like, you can't. You know, that's why. What does she bring to the table? Like, it's like, again, these are not questions. These are not things that men are willfully doing because they're trying to be jerks. They just are ignorant. A lot of men, because they're looking at it completely through this masculine lens of the world, which is good for them. But you can't look at women that way because you're missing that. That value, because it's like, she's a piece of art. You know, even. Even this morning, one of the guys, you know who I'm talking about, that I mentor, that he was. Who's like. He was complaining because you were in the podcast episode we did on. On Josh's podcast that you were more centered and I was more to the side behind, and I was like, look, he's like, you should be the center and she should be to the side. And I was like, look.

Nicole [01:01:22]: I was like, look, he's giving Anthony Johnson, like, lean in you lean.

John [01:01:25]: I was like, look, my. My woman, you know, okay?

Nicole [01:01:29]: My woman, she.

John [01:01:30]: She's gonna be in the front, in the. You know, and. And I'm going to give her the good seat, okay.

Nicole [01:01:38]: Every single time.

John [01:01:39]: I'm going to, like, make her, you know, let her present, you know, well, and look good for everybody. Okay. And I'm gonna take a side to that. Like, that's because I'm a gentleman, and that's what. How men. Gentlemen treat a lady.

Nicole [01:01:55]: That's right.

John [01:01:55]: Right. And so. And I. And, and. And the only person who needs to know that I'm the man is her, and she knows it. I don't need to show it to the rest of the world. I don't need to be like, look at me. I'm the man and she's the woman there.

Nicole [01:02:09]: Right.

John [01:02:10]: She will show that to the world. I don't need to show. I don't need to prove it to the world. I only need to show it to her if she believes that I'm the man. I don't care what other people think about that. You see what I'm saying? And that's. That's the thing.

Nicole [01:02:21]: They don't get it. But I will say, as a woman, it's getting kind of old to say that. It's just ignorance because there's plenty of stuff out there now. There's this. There's this whole episode. And so. And the thing is, I think some men, too, are ignorant. You're right. Some are stubborn, and they don't want to adapt to what we're saying, even though they know it's true.

John [01:02:50]: Right.

Nicole [01:02:51]: But like, we've been talking about, like, that's. You're gonna end up just being unhappy.

John [01:02:56]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:02:57]: Like, if you're not willing to accept the reality of things, if you're trying to always put a woman into men's standards, you're gonna have a very masculine woman, and then you're gonna be like, well, why aren't you feminine? You made her this way.

John [01:03:10]: Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:11]: Like you've talked about that. You know, women are the garden, and you're Men. Water the garden.

John [01:03:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:18]: Like you're putting her in a masculine. Like she's in a masculine garden. You can't expect to have feminine flowers in a masculine garden.

John [01:03:25]: And that's the thing that I just don't understand, because you're right about that. Is this, like but guys don't understand it. They don't understand what feminine is. Women don't even understand what feminine is for the most part. It's like, that's why this is so important, our gospel that we're preaching. Because, you know, because, because the thing is, is that, that when you don't understand it, then it's like, okay, I want a woman that stays home and takes care of the, has kids and you know, all these things. But then it's like, but that same woman has the attributes of not having a job.

Nicole [01:04:01]: It's like, like she's going to work and then you expect her to come home and do all the normal things.

John [01:04:07]: And she's going to be emotional. She's going to be. Because those things. So it's like, like if you pick one, I'm okay, right? If you're like, look, I want a woman. There's no such thing as masculine and feminine. We're all equal. Like, it's all a social construct. And so a woman should do 50% of the share of everything. She's just, you know, she shouldn't be exempt because she's a woman. So whatever. Yeah, maybe she has some physical differences, but financially she can do the same. She should be able to handle the same mental toughness, all that stuff. And so that's what I want. I'm okay with that. I'm not gonna argue with you. If you think that that's fine and you're good with that, then I don't think it's the best way. But sure, at least from an idealistic standpoint, I don't say that you're an idiot, right? Or if you say the other way, if you're like, okay, I want to be the man and I want her to be the woman and I'm gonna be the masculine. I'll take care of all the bills and she stays home and she, you know, I take care of her and I protect her. I'm okay with that. What I'm not okay with is when you try to combine the two. You want, want this from this buffet over here and then you want to go over. It's like bringing your, you know, your Subway sandwich into a five star restaurant. Like, you can't do that. You can, you can eat a Subway or you can eat at the Michelin restaurant. You don't get to take the Subway sandwich and eat it over here. You know what I'm saying? It's like you have to pick which one you want.

Nicole [01:05:25]: I agree. And I think people, because you're talking about mental toughness, which as a woman, I'm like, mental toughness. And some women win long races in the middle of the desert. So.

John [01:05:39]: Yeah, yeah, no, it's true.

Nicole [01:05:40]: Right. And so what I'm. What I need both men and women to realize is that when people say we're not the same, which is what we say, right. That does not mean that one is below the other.

John [01:05:53]: Right.

Nicole [01:05:54]: Women have a variety of attributes that put them right here. And men have a variety of attributes that puts them right here on that. Not since we are equal. I think the yin and yang is the best way because they're composed of the same colors.

John [01:06:09]: Right.

Nicole [01:06:09]: But they are bulging in different areas and they are composed in a different way to fit together as one cohesive unit. But you. It's not like one is men are better than women or women are better than men.

John [01:06:24]: Right.

Nicole [01:06:25]: They just have different things and different amounts of those things.

John [01:06:31]: Right.

Nicole [01:06:31]: In order to make up who they are.

John [01:06:33]: Right. And, and you could do either. Like, like you said, there's. I forgot her name, but she does amazing 300 mile race and she, you.

Nicole [01:06:40]: Know, I don't know her name.

John [01:06:41]: She's got a huge amount of mental toughness. Okay. Now that is a more masculine trait. But a woman could develop that masculine trait. That's fine. Just like, hey, as a man, I could probably become really, really good at ballet. Okay, I'll teach you. I'll keep on. Right. I could, I could do it. Right. But you know, the things associated with that would be more feminine traits. Right. But I could, you know, it's just that not only am I at a disadvantage because that's not my natural inclination, like I don't have a natural strength there, but I could still develop it to better than.

Nicole [01:07:16]: A lot of men have an advantage in dance, okay. Because there's not that many. And so they're put on a pedestal besides that.

John [01:07:22]: Okay. You know, you know, a different example, but you know what I'm saying. Yeah, but just like, like, you know, the woman that wins those race. I wish I could remember her name, but you know, she might not have started with the mental toughness that a man might have started with, but she superseded a lot. Almost all men. Right. So you could still choose those things, but not only are you not better suited for it or better equipped, but you're also not better suited. It's not the thing that's probably going to make you happy.

Nicole [01:07:47]: It could, well, it'd be harder and then, you know, but I'm just saying that it's like a mixture because maybe she's really masculine in that sense and that she does that, but maybe in a different area. She's super vulnerable and feminine and knows how to do that. And so it's like, it's not black and white, and it is a lot to it. But what everyone needs to realize is that we should both be embracing the differences in each other, because it's when we come together that it makes us feel the most whole and the most like ourselves than we've ever felt. Like, I have never felt better in our relationship than I was when I was single. Because.

John [01:08:27]: Hold on, say that again. You never felt better in our relationship than I was when I was single.

Nicole [01:08:32]: Like, I feel so much better in our relationship than I did when I was single.

John [01:08:35]: Okay.

Nicole [01:08:36]: That's like, I've never felt better being in our relationship.

John [01:08:39]: No, no, you felt the best. You've never felt better being single than you have felt being in our relationship. I think, yeah, sure, I was.

Nicole [01:08:47]: Yes, that is what I mean. Like, I felt immensely better in our relationship than I did when I was single.

John [01:08:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:08:54]: And, like, people be like, oh, I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted to do, but I was carrying so much stuff because it was just me and I was dating people that I still had to carry the same amount of baggage, you know, the masculine and the feminine. And then I had to deal with them because it was like a 50, 50 thing. And so it was just stressful. And this has been the easiest, most loving and soft that I've got to feel in my entire life. And it is nothing but a benefit. There's been nothing but benefits. And like you said, and people should. I know women probably picked up on what you said. The fact that you do allow me to sit in the comfy chair every single time we do something like that. And that you are man enough to not have to try to project your manliness because you know who you are and I know who you are. And so when someone's like, why didn't you sit in the chair and sit in the middle? It doesn't phase you. And that's an actual man.

John [01:09:57]: Right.

Nicole [01:09:59]: And that's why women need to realize when that comes around and someone's willing to invest in you a hundred percent, you need to go all in, and you need to let go of. Of your armor that you have hiding your vulnerability. You need to embrace your feminine attributes and find the power in them. The power in being soft.

John [01:10:24]: Right.

Nicole [01:10:24]: Because no offense, and I'm not trying to belittle men. Yeah, but it takes a lot more power and a lot more strength to be soft.

John [01:10:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:10:36]: In the face of. Of being hard.

John [01:10:39]: Yeah, I agree.

Nicole [01:10:40]: Being hard is easy. That's why women do it when they're hard and they're not vulnerable. It's easy. Yeah, but being vulnerable is hard.

John [01:10:48]: It's hard. It's hard to do it as a man. It's hard for anyone. It's hard.

Nicole [01:10:51]: Right. So embrace that. You can do hard things and you've already did. You've already been masculine. You know, you can do all that stuff.

John [01:10:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:10:59]: You don't need to prove it.

John [01:11:01]: It's funny. I'll geek. I'll go a little nerd in here for a second here. But. But it's like an mmo, right? You've got a. A, A tank, right? And you got, you know, or maybe you have a healer and a tank, right? So the. The tank is mmo, a multiplayer online game, like a World of Warcraft or something, Right? So.

Nicole [01:11:21]: Oh, my gosh.

John [01:11:22]: But I mean, the geeks will understand. What I'm saying is that, like, the. The tank goes out in front and swings the sword and takes the damage. He's got a lot of armor on, right? And the healer is in there. Just keep on healing the tank, right? That's a smart strategy because then you keep his life high while they're beating him down, right? You don't send the healer up there and get smacked by the enemies and he dies. Right? The healer just sitting back there. Right? And so it's like, the thing is, when you're in a relationship, the masculine and the feminine, you're choosing, yes, I could be feminine. Yes, you could be masculine. But we're choosing the roles. I'm the tank, you're the healer or whatever, you know what I'm saying? And so. So we're specifically choosing those roles because it's more beneficial. We're going to be more successful in our game, naturally. Yeah. And it comes more naturally. Just like you could have the healer, you could get up his stats so he had high hit points and give him a sword. Right? But it wouldn't work as well as having the tank do that. You know what I mean? So we're making that choice to dive even deeper into our roles so that we can have the synergy of it where one plus one equals five instead of two, and we can get a lot further in the game, you know what I'm saying? Rather than if we're independently doing it or if we're both trying to be. If we're both trying to be tanks, no one's healing. That's the whole point of it. It's not that you can't do it as a woman or you can't do it as a man. It's that you're inclined in one direction, and then you choose to go full into that role because you realize by having two people that are full into their roles, you create a polarity that makes them more attracted to each other and makes the relationships better and makes you stronger.

Nicole [01:13:01]: Right.

John [01:13:01]: And that's the. And I was just going to say, I was like, man, you've made it hard for me to. Oh, we got it in this episode. But I was like, what am I even going to title this episode? But then I thought of the title of the episode, which is vulnerability makes you invulnerable.

Nicole [01:13:15]: That is a good title.

John [01:13:16]: That's the title.

Nicole [01:13:16]: That's a really good title.

John [01:13:17]: I guess we should do the quick, like, what happened? Or do we have anything? We don't.

Nicole [01:13:20]: No, I got nothing.

John [01:13:21]: We're. We're.

Nicole [01:13:22]: What do you. Can you think of anything?

John [01:13:25]: I don't know. We didn't. We don't have any arguments.

Nicole [01:13:28]: No.

John [01:13:29]: Yeah, we didn't.

Nicole [01:13:30]: And we traveled, like, so much. Well, if you watch some of the other episodes, there were a few times when we traveled in the very beginning where, yeah, little things popped up, but not for, like, a few weeks.

John [01:13:44]: Yeah, we just kept getting better and better.

Nicole [01:13:46]: And like John said, In the 50 hours we went on. Yeah, we had, like, no sleep and we still didn't.

John [01:13:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:13:53]: Come at each other.

John [01:13:54]: Yeah. 24 hours a day, next to each other, all 100 of the time.

Nicole [01:13:58]: Yeah. And here we are. And that's why. Yeah, you can listen to what we have to say because we spend all of our time together and we're still not tired of each other. And we want everyone to have that.

John [01:14:06]: I have one last thing. We read the other. Thank you guys for leaving us itunes reviews.

Nicole [01:14:11]: Yes, thank you.

John [01:14:12]: We have one another. Because, you know, obviously you left this review knowing that we would have to read this, so. Chains. Chain. Chanel S96, whatever it is, thanks for the five star review. He says banana fingers.

Nicole [01:14:31]: Or she.

John [01:14:31]: Or she. Banana fingers. So banana fingers. Go to bananafingers.com.

Nicole [01:14:36]: Whatever it is.

John [01:14:37]: I don't know what it means, but hopefully it doesn't mean something really bad. Like, what if it's like a. Like a pedo type of. I don't know.

Nicole [01:14:43]: Better now?

John [01:14:43]: Hopefully not.

Nicole [01:14:44]: Well, you told them to go to some website that we don't even know what it is. Put the website on there.

John [01:14:49]: Yeah, he didn't put the website. He just said banana fingers. So, yeah, if you'd like us to maybe.

Nicole [01:14:54]: Your fingers are so long, they're like bananas.

John [01:14:56]: Oh, I have banana fingers, all right.

Nicole [01:15:01]: Okay, on that note, goodbye. Jesus, John. Why was he.