Nicole [00:00:00]: That remind me of that guy that, like, trying to sell me some marketing stuff. And then he, like, DM me like 15 times or whatever. And then he was like, I hope that you don't treat the girls in your DMs like this.

John [00:00:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:00:11]: And I'm like, that's exactly how. Like, I don't even read their method. I don't even.

John [00:00:15]: You got a little taste, too, of what it's like to be a woman. Because even if you ignore a man, he's like, that guy. And he's like, hey. Hey, what's up? A week later.

Nicole [00:00:24]: Yeah. Friend request. Friend. Oh.

John [00:00:26]: Two weeks later. Hey. A month later, you.

Nicole [00:00:30]: Beyond the perfect we discover through our.

John [00:00:34]: Flaws we complete each other.

Nicole [00:00:37]: Better than perfect we stay through every.

John [00:00:43]: Fault we find our way.

Nicole [00:00:48]: Welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other equals one better than perfect relationship.

John [00:00:58]: There we go.

Nicole [00:00:59]: There we go.

John [00:00:59]: You would think that we would just automatically have it, but just need to.

Nicole [00:01:03]: Say it every day, like, chant, I did that once with something, and then it just got stuck in my head for years. So I dare not do that.

John [00:01:11]: But what was it?

Nicole [00:01:13]: I don't know.

John [00:01:13]: You can't, like, bring it up and.

Nicole [00:01:15]: Then be like, I don't even know what it was now.

John [00:01:17]: Was it like an inspirational quote or a mantra?

Nicole [00:01:22]: Something I was trying to remember, like, where I put my keys or something. I can't even remember what it was now, but it was like, it was something like that I don't want to recall.

John [00:01:28]: Every morning you're brushing your teeth, you're like, the keys are on the hook.

Nicole [00:01:32]: But then it's like, when you wake up, then it just starts playing in your head. So it's like one of those music, like a soundtrack that plays in your.

John [00:01:38]: Head, like Dexter's Laboratory when he is learning French, and it gets stuck on cheese omelette, and it's just omelet du fromage. And that's all he can say because he got stuck on that while he was sleeping. So that's the only French word he knows how to say.

Nicole [00:01:53]: Something like that, so.

John [00:01:55]: Sounds the same to me.

Nicole [00:01:56]: Yeah.

John [00:01:57]: Okay. Well, besides cheese omelettes in French, today's topic, I figured we could talk about how social media has affected dating and relationships today, because I feel like. I mean, we're obviously not in on the dating scene now, and I don't think that it necessarily is too much involved in relationships, but what scares me involves a relationship. I'm saying, like, the next Point that I'm about to say is what scares me for people who are dating is AI and being used on social media.

Nicole [00:02:35]: Oh, interesting. Okay.

John [00:02:36]: Yeah, like that's kind of like a separate. But yeah. Social media in general. Yeah. That's involved in relationships, but like thinking about all the AI stuff that's being used these days.

Nicole [00:02:47]: Yeah.

John [00:02:48]: Would terrify me as someone dating, you know, because you don't know what's real, what's not. I mean, unless he's got like six fingers on one hand and you're like, what's up with that? Because I heard the AI has a hard time with hands and stuff.

Nicole [00:03:02]: Oh, I see. But yeah, you could have like the perfect guy just has six fingers on one hand and you like.

John [00:03:08]: Yeah, the perfect guy online. You want to have an online boyfriend that you never meet.

Nicole [00:03:13]: In real life, people have six digits. It's a. It's a real medical condition.

John [00:03:19]: A six digit real hand versus a six digit AI hand. Let's be real here. But yeah. So I guess, like, what is your take on this? Or should we do, like. I mean, it's kind of like a broad thing. So I guess let's start with dating because that's where everything starts.

Nicole [00:03:40]: Yeah. So the worst invention of all time is social media was the iPhone. I remember watching the keynote when Steve Jobs came out there and introduced that thing. And nobody knew at the time that it would become the worst invention of all time, that it would cause the most number of divorces and broken relationships and problems.

John [00:04:06]: Mental illness.

Nicole [00:04:07]: Yeah. Because that is what allowed social media to become in your pocket.

John [00:04:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:13]: When social media was Facebook or MySpace on the computer, that you just, you know, whatever a couple hours or whatever when you get home from work or whatever, that was fine. It wasn't a big deal.

John [00:04:25]: I know. I saw this video that actually, it's like when you used to be on AIM, talking to your friends, used to be like the door BRB or like, talk to you later. Like, you would have to go.

Nicole [00:04:35]: Yeah.

John [00:04:36]: And you weren't just like perpetually stuck to the thing because like you said, it was on a computer. So you'd have to sit there and you can't take it with you. You can't take it to the bathroom. You can't, like, you know, in the car while you're waiting or anywhere while you're waiting. You had to like sit down at the family computer. It was like in front of everybody seeing what you're doing.

Nicole [00:04:56]: Yeah.

John [00:04:56]: And you know, do your whatever. Talk on aim or go on MySpace. Or Neopets.

Nicole [00:05:03]: Yeah. And the family computer, too. That was it. But. But yeah, I mean, not to go too far off topic, but. But yeah, I mean, social media messed up everything. Like, it messed up people's psychology, definitely messed up dating and relationships. It's. It ruins a lot of relationships for sure. I mean, when Facebook first came out, I was like, oh, this is the great. The tool to be able to get in touch with your high school sweetheart. This sounds horrible, you know.

John [00:05:27]: Well, I do agree that it's probably done more harm than good.

Nicole [00:05:31]: Yeah.

John [00:05:31]: But I do feel like I have to say that, like, we potentially might not be here.

Nicole [00:05:37]: That's true.

John [00:05:37]: Without it. Because we met on a dating app. And so I do feel like it expands people's range of who they can be introduced to and connect with. But that's also a detriment too, because it feeds into the grass is greener on the other side episode sort of thing that we did. So it's like, that part is good, but I feel like that has become such a small part in regards to all of the harm that it's doing. And people, I feel like will say maybe this stuff was going on and it was to some degree, but it wasn't as easy to do, you know what I mean? Like, people still did the wrong thing. They still went out and lived, like double lives and had secret families and all that stuff, but it just wasn't easy to find out or something, you know, or like the person you had a secret life with couldn't go on, like, Facebook and be like, he has a whole family. Let me, like, yeah, I don't know, you know, be like, hey, you also have a family over here?

Nicole [00:06:47]: Yeah, it's usually, you know, a traveling salesman on this train, get on the train and, you know, another family in Chicago or something, you know, But.

John [00:06:57]: But we're just still horrible.

Nicole [00:06:59]: But, but, yeah, but I mean, social media in general, though, I mean, it's. It's that what it's done, it's done a lot of bad things. So one of the biggest things I think is that it has made people unsatisfied with, you know, because, you know, if you were. Hey, back in the day when you. If you lived in a small town, you know, let's say you're a small town girl.

John [00:07:23]: I did live in a small town.

Nicole [00:07:25]: You know, the most number of men that you seen was, you know, you didn't see some TV celebrities, you know, you had your. Not as picky. You know what I mean? And likewise for men as well. But I'm just saying it's like now that social media creates that exposure to. I mean, it not only creates the exposure to a wider selection than what we actually even need as human beings, which makes our selection criteria go beyond what it needs to be, which we kind of talked about in that other episode, but also it creates now this inflation of value, too. Right. Where now. And I'll just use a girl example, but there's likewise for a guy. But a girl can get on social media, post a picture of herself, especially when she's really young, like a teenager or something, where she is insecure, and then she posts a somewhat provocative picture.

John [00:08:19]: A teenager better not be doing that.

Nicole [00:08:21]: Hey, teenagers do that. You know what I mean? That's what I mean. TikTok and all that stuff with the dance videos, that's initially what it all. That's why it blew up was because teenagers were getting. They're doing dance videos and skimpy stuff and they're getting validation online. And that's why.

John [00:08:36]: Which isn't that illegal?

Nicole [00:08:39]: Yeah. And that's why it's not on there anymore. But I mean, that's how TikTok started. But still, what I'm saying is that it doesn't have to be a teenager, but a woman might post pictures, get validation, and then that's creating this inflated view of herself and her focus on where she gets a validation from, which is from her merely from the physical appearance. And so it's created a situation where that affects dating because she's not as satisfied with the guys that are actually available to her. And then now you've got all these guys that you've got the whole SIMP culture of just paying girls or paying so much compliments and attention to women online where they don't even know how to interact with a real woman in. In real life.

John [00:09:30]: So, yeah, people can live like a whole life just online now and I guess be somewhat fulfilled from that because they can do so much and they're always connected to it. So it feels like they're living a real life, I guess.

Nicole [00:09:44]: Yeah.

John [00:09:45]: But I feel like there was a point I was going to say, but it's like lost in my brain. We need our.

Nicole [00:09:51]: We need our notes. Yeah. Get our notepads. Yeah.

John [00:09:56]: Oh, I was gonna say that I don't feel like there's anything wrong with being picky because I don't want people to settle and be like, oh, I shouldn't be picky. And then they settle and then they're unhappy.

Nicole [00:10:07]: Right.

John [00:10:08]: I Think it's less about, like, they're too picky and more about, like, they don't. The grass is greener. Well, so they don't want to pick one, even if that is a good guy that they normally would pick. They're like, but what if this other guy is, like, one smidge better? And so it's like, always, the grass is greener. Grass is greener. Grass is greener.

Nicole [00:10:31]: And I agree with you. And I disagree with you. Here's what I'll say, because I think we're probably on the same page on this, but we'll check. So pickiness, right? I think it's a bad thing. It depends on what you're. It depends on what you're being picky about, right? So if you're being picky about physical appearance status, dumb stuff like that, superficial stuff, not a good thing. If you're being picky about personality traits, like, does this person treat you well? Are they actually respectful to you? Do they actually have good character and moral values and things like that? And do they know how to treat a woman for a woman? Is the man masculine? And those character traits, obviously, you should be very picky on those things.

John [00:11:16]: Well, yeah, that's exactly the episode that we did. So without going and redoing all that over again. Yes, I agree with that. Like, but it's just, like, people, especially women here, like, don't be so picky. And then they think that they have to compromise on those moral values or that, like, they go on so many dates and they see that a lot of men are, you know, maybe don't have some of those things. So they're like, maybe they don't even exist. And so then they end up compromising. So that, like, I agree with exactly what you said, but I also don't want women. Cause I feel like more often it is women being told, don't be so picky. I was told that, you know, myself, and I'm glad I didn't listen.

Nicole [00:12:00]: Well, guys aren't told, don't be so picky.

John [00:12:03]: Because they'll take whatever is there. They're like, oh, okay, I'll take.

Nicole [00:12:06]: Oh, the girl's interested in me. Oh, okay. This is like, I'm good. I'm good.

John [00:12:09]: Exactly. So I don't want to, like, you know, say, don't be picky without, like, at least going a little bit more into it. But I think you hit the nail on the head and definitely go watch the episode where we talk all about this because it is important. But, yeah, I Agree with that. I feel like there's another point, too, to what you said that my brain has now.

Nicole [00:12:31]: Oh, okay. It's lost in the. But I mean, it might come back, but. Because we'll circle around.

John [00:12:37]: Yeah. Well, I do think perpetually being online also has made everyone more vain. And, you know, things like that. The one thing I do like that, like, Instagram has done and that I started doing when they rolled it out is I hide my likes.

Nicole [00:12:56]: Yeah.

John [00:12:57]: Because I'm like, I don't want to focus on that. And especially, like, younger kids, like you said, the ones that are, like, trying to get validation in that way, it's, like, so harmful for them. Like, it's so harmful to post something just to be like, okay, how many people are gonna like this? Like, it shouldn't be about that. It should be that you like it. You want to share it for some reason and not have anything to do with the engagement that you're getting. Like, obviously, if you're doing something like we're doing here, it's like, we want people to watch it and we want to get engagement because we want to help people.

Nicole [00:13:29]: Right.

John [00:13:29]: But it's not like we want people to validate that we're good at podcasts or whatever, or like, our advice is good because it's like, how I feel, and I know you probably feel the same way. It's like, listen to this and take the advice or don't. Like, it doesn't matter.

Nicole [00:13:43]: Yeah. Or have a horrible life. So, I mean, if you want to have a horrible life and a horrible relationship, a horrible marriage, don't listen to us.

John [00:13:49]: But, I mean, even if you take some little tidbit, it's worth it. So it's. It's a little bit different from this perspective, but, like, from a individual perspective, like, everything has gotten so vain. And, like, a little bit with the AI too. It's like you don't even know what's real anymore. People can AI themselves.

Nicole [00:14:10]: Yeah. And you got these filters. I mean, the filters was even before.

John [00:14:12]: Filters, but it's like.

Nicole [00:14:14]: I mean, that's a form of. Of AI, but it's. Yeah. And then it's like. And then people get attached with the filter version of themselves. They don't even like the real stuff.

John [00:14:20]: Like, it's like creating a cell phone. They don't have any pictures unless they have a filter on.

Nicole [00:14:23]: And if you think that doesn't play into the dating. I mean, one, you're catfishing people. Let's be real about that. And then second, how Much insecurity are you walking into that relationship with, right? When you. You don't. You. It's not even. I mean, some girls have insecurity with their makeup, right? It's like, I. I can't imagine the level of insecurity now that, like, I don't. I can't be. See you in real life because I don't have a filter. I can't even. I can't even. This with the makeup, you know what I mean? And people are getting all kinds of unnecessary surgeries in order to look like they're filters. It's just. It's bad. So it's like everything becomes about. Instead of the person and connecting it becomes about the vanity of it. This is like, what can I get from people? Right? You're not even viewing people as real. I mean, you look at the comments again, I have seen this firsthand. And I mean, we see it and you've seen it firsthand, but people say stuff online that they would never say to your face on social media. And it's like you're dehumanizing people because there's this level of. And so.

John [00:15:24]: Because you can detach easier because you're not having to look somebody in the eye and be like, you're ugly, fat guy. Like, I don't know anybody even, like, the bravest person who would do that to somebody. And if they were, then they're the biggest jerk. And no one would talk to them. Everyone, you know, like, it would just be a whole thing. But people feel like they can put their avatar as some picture that's not them, like a table, and then go around on the Internet and almost, like, get off on being an asshole to other people to make themselves feel better.

Nicole [00:15:57]: And that's the real them, right? That's the real one, right? And then they go out on a date, right? And then, you know, if the girl rejects them, then they can now say all the stuff that they wouldn't say to someone's face, but they can say it behind. You know, you got the.

John [00:16:13]: And you can't really even, like, give them the natural consequence, right? Because, like, they're. They're on the Internet. You can't like, go over and look them in the eye and be like, are you okay? Because, like, obviously somebody doing that is not okay.

Nicole [00:16:28]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

John [00:16:29]: But it's like, you can't even, like, reason with these people because they're so, like, high on tearing people down to make themselves feel better. And the only way they can do it is online because they don't have the balls to do it to your face. And then, like you said, too, it's scary as a woman where a guy online can either be like, super nice and then be like, hey, I'm not interested. And then he turns into one of those guys. You know, it's scary to even have interactions like that online because you don't know what links people can go to. Just like, there was. I don't know if he still does, like, tick tocks or stuff. There was this person who could. You could send him a picture and he could exactly pinpoint where you were.

Nicole [00:17:13]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

John [00:17:14]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:17:14]: Yeah.

John [00:17:15]: People can do all these crazy things that, like, if we never started posting on social media, we never started doing this stuff.

Nicole [00:17:22]: Yeah.

John [00:17:22]: That, like, people wouldn't be able to do these things. Now they can. Like a crazy guy, if he's at home, he looks at your picture and you're, like, standing somewhere and you're like, oh, in my neighborhood, he can, like, look at a street sign and then, like, figure out where exactly you live and then, like, come to your house. Like, that's an extreme.

Nicole [00:17:40]: But, yeah.

John [00:17:40]: Scenario. But it's true.

Nicole [00:17:41]: Yeah.

John [00:17:41]: So, yeah, it never would have happened if it wasn't for that sort of thing.

Nicole [00:17:46]: Yeah, but. But yeah, I mean, I think the. The other thing that happens with social media, too is that it also causes. It's like I said, the connections that should just be dead. We stay in touch with people we shouldn't stay in touch with. Right. So it's like when Facebook first came out, a lot of divorces happened because people got in touch with their high school sweethearts or just their people that they knew from high school and then they started affairs. You know what I mean? So it's like, it's a dangerous kind of thing. Like, you don't need to have all these connections. You don't need to stay in touch with all these people. Yeah, the close people that you're close with. But it's created all these opportunities. Right. And then there's a lot of hiding.

John [00:18:28]: I would say maybe romantic, because I think there's something, like, nice about connecting with, like, a childhood friend that maybe moved away that is like your, like, a girl in my instance or like, if it was a guy in your instance. Like, but obviously if it's like a romantic interest or even like some random guy from high school. Yeah, I agree. I don't have a need to establish that connection. But like I just said, if it was like, you know, my best friend in fifth grade who moved away.

Nicole [00:18:56]: Yeah.

John [00:18:57]: And now I can see and talk to her, which is fine, you know, and kind of see where her life ended up. And she can see where my life ended up. And we can stay in touch. Like, I think that is a good thing.

Nicole [00:19:08]: Yeah, I think.

John [00:19:09]: I think so.

Nicole [00:19:10]: I mean, it's just.

John [00:19:10]: I agree with what you're saying as far as, like, why do you need to be in touch with, like, your high school boyfriend?

Nicole [00:19:17]: And even then, like, like, you stay in touch with, like, okay, so now you can see this person's fake life for their. Because that's all.

John [00:19:25]: You're right about that. A lot of people post good stuff.

Nicole [00:19:28]: Yeah.

John [00:19:28]: You know, and that's.

Nicole [00:19:29]: You don't really, like, call them on the phone. Then you. Then you really know what's going on. You know, it's like. So it's just a proxy for real human interaction, is what it is. It makes us feel better, but it's a proxy. And that's. And that whole mentality gets carried forward in dating as well and in relationships. Right. In the sense that.

John [00:19:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:19:45]: You know, it creates a kind of a disposable. But it does also open up, like I said, a whole world of temptation to people because all they gotta do is just slide in the DMs.

John [00:19:55]: So easy now.

Nicole [00:19:56]: You know what I mean? And that's it. And definitely for a woman having a public social media profile, like an Instagram, if she's attractive and she's in a relationship, a committed relationship, that should be private because she's gonna be getting a lot of DMs from a lot of guys. You know what I mean? And so it's like.

John [00:20:13]: Yeah. And it's just, if you're private, it's something you don't have to deal with. And this is coming from somebody that. Who has a private profile. And when, like, you first posted me, or even when you posted me on your stuff before we started this, the amount of friend requests from guys who follow you and the amount of repeat requests, which means that they requested me, I denied it, and then they saw that, yeah, they could request me again and then did it and have some of them have done it like four times.

Nicole [00:20:45]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

John [00:20:47]: That's just crazy to me.

Nicole [00:20:49]: Yeah, that's how it is. But that. But you got to think about it too, in terms of, like, let's say you're not in a happy relationship, or, you know, people have relationships that are on the rocks or that it's like, this is a relationship killer. Absolutely. Because DMs are being slid into. I was like, okay, well I'm just going to chat with this guy, you know, you know, all of a sudden you have an emotional connection because you're just like, you're just dumping your shit about your boyfriend or whatever to this guy. And then you know, all of a.

John [00:21:14]: Sudden you're in not a good idea.

Nicole [00:21:15]: I mean, and obviously for, you know, it's not one sided, Obviously guys also, they're liking girls pictures online, they're trying to slide into girls DMs. You know, how many guys have I had, the coach that are like, oh, why are you in trouble? It's like, oh, because my girlfriend looked at my phone and she saw that I was messaging all these girls. And then it's like. And then the most embarrassing part is that they didn't reply back and it's like you attempted to cheat.

John [00:21:42]: That's not most embarrassing. Maybe for him, but.

Nicole [00:21:44]: Well, I mean it's like worse on top of the, you know, it's like, okay, it's one thing, but now it's like not not only does she discover that her boyfriend is a cheater or trying to cheat, but also that he's also not very appealing to the women that he's.

John [00:22:00]: Women don't think like that as much as guys think that they do. But I understand what you're saying. I want to speak on that though, because I feel like we've talked about this too and I feel like I'm not saying it's only a guy thing, but it is more of a guy thing just because women get dolled up and things like that. But like it's especially bad for men because one, they're looking at women who are posting their best pictures. They're done up Photoshop potentially or now AIED women are posting that and then they're like, oh well, this girl's super hot.

Nicole [00:22:33]: Yeah.

John [00:22:33]: You know, and they think that she looks like that all the time. They think she looks like that in real life because they've been with their girlfriend or whatever and then they've seen her without makeup on. And like even when she gets dressed up now seeing her not dressed up has like diminished that in a way. Like her best now is somewhat diminished. I feel like in guy's eyes because he's seen her at both sides. So when he sees a hot girl and all he's seen is that she's super hot and it's new and she looks great, they're like so attracted to that because they've like diminished their. Their person that they're with.

Nicole [00:23:13]: Right.

John [00:23:14]: Because of that perspective. I'm not saying all guys do it, but I'm just saying that, like, yeah, it's valid. And then they're looking at another girl that also is at her hottest or like half naked. Then they're looking at another one. So they never see these other girls look like his girlfriend. Like, they never see her right before she goes to bed and has no makeup on and all this stuff. They don't. He doesn't see that. So he's attracted to that because he doesn't see.

Nicole [00:23:38]: See. Right.

John [00:23:39]: The normal.

Nicole [00:23:40]: And that's valid. And that. And that messes up relationship. Because the thing is, if you take away. Without social media, that wouldn't exist. Right, right. It's like you'd have to go looking for trouble to find trouble.

John [00:23:50]: Right. And you'd have to commit to that. You know, like, you'd have to commit to like, seeing a woman, like going for her when she's all dolled up when you met her or something, and then like realize that she's gonna take her makeup off at the end of the day or whatever.

Nicole [00:24:04]: Yeah. I mean, trouble comes looking for you on social media. That's. I think that's the. And that's probably the biggest issue with dating and relationships on social media is that trouble can come looking for you.

John [00:24:12]: That's true.

Nicole [00:24:12]: People will sign into your DMs doing.

John [00:24:14]: Absolutely.

Nicole [00:24:15]: Temptation is coming for you as opposed to you going out. Before, you had to go out and look for that. But now it's gonna show up in your feed. It's gonna like, you have to be mindful of that stuff. And that's true. Yeah. And even for women too, it might seem innocent. Guys sliding into your DMs or whatever, saying some stuff, and you just start talking with them. And then prison, you're having these conversations, like whenever they. I know it's a little bit, you know, manufactured. Well, not manufactured, but like they're. They're selectively picking the edits that they show on or. Which. Which ones. But the, the phone swap thing that we talked about. That, that TikTok guy. That. That same for doing that. Every time that they grab a woman's phone, just about every time there's embarrassing conversations she's having with guys, which, which again, it's not necessarily that she's cheating or that they're sexual or whatever, but.

John [00:25:05]: It'S just that guys use that to get in the door a lot of the time. They use the innocent like, oh, are you okay? Or like, do you want to talk about it? And like, women believe that it's innocent because us as women could reach out to somebody and it be innocent, but it's usually never innocent with a guy pursuing or messaging a girl.

Nicole [00:25:27]: Yeah. So it just creates all these opportunities where. And like we've talked about in other episodes before, but constantly it just amazes me how many guys will message me and say, is this appropriate that my girlfriend's doing this or that I'm. And it's like all of the things that they're talking about usually involve social media.

John [00:25:44]: Right.

Nicole [00:25:44]: Almost always. It's like, okay, yeah, you shouldn't be liking girls photos on social media. Like, this is. Should be obvious, right. We've talked about this before, but you shouldn't be talking to people. You shouldn't be messaging. It's just like, you know, we have a daughter.

John [00:25:57]: You know, like people have normalized like the wrong thing. They've normalized like, well, I'm just liking something. I'm not commenting on, I'm not. Whatever. But they don't realize that that is sending the person a message. Yeah, exactly. Be it just like that you're interested enough to hit the like button.

Nicole [00:26:15]: Oh, yeah.

John [00:26:16]: Is still sending a message.

Nicole [00:26:19]: Like the love is blind, you know, for the people that are watching. Like that. And you know, there was that. I forget what the couple. Right. But the one girl that he didn't pick or whatever, she messaged him on Instagram, right? Oh, right.

John [00:26:33]: And she was Sarah Anne and Jeremy and what's Lauren, I think is.

Nicole [00:26:38]: I think so. Yeah. So Sarah Ann had messaged Jeremy and had said, you know, whatever. You know, maybe, you know, if you feel like you made a mistake, you change your mind.

John [00:26:47]: Either way, we could be friends or something.

Nicole [00:26:50]: And then he hearted it. You know what I mean? Right. And it was like some people, I think if you paused it right there and didn't see what was going to happen next would have been like, that's ridiculous. Because he was trying to paint it as ridiculous. Like, it's not a big deal. I just acknowledge. That's how you acknowledge it. Just to heart it. Right. And maybe that's even true. Even maybe some guys might think that, you know, I mean, I was naive enough to think that at one point, probably, but a woman takes that as an image. There was a conversation between two of the girls before the one. What's her name? The. The black girl that. Ashley or something.

John [00:27:22]: Ad.

Nicole [00:27:22]: Ad. Yeah. Right. And she was like, oh, did you leave the Door open. Like she specifically used the terminology. Right? And she was like, yeah, I left the door, you know.

John [00:27:31]: Well, he.

Nicole [00:27:32]: Or he left the door open. That's what she was, she was saying. So. So, so anyway, the point is that like, eventually then he did go and meet up with that, that girl. And so it's like it gave her the green light.

John [00:27:43]: Right?

Nicole [00:27:43]: Is what it did.

John [00:27:44]: And like, people don't even realize. Like you said, like, you could just heart it and acknowledge it.

Nicole [00:27:50]: Right.

John [00:27:51]: But you could hard it and have that motive and the person on the other end doesn't know. And of course, Sarah Ann sees he hearted it as a woman. I would be like, oh, he. That means like, he agrees.

Nicole [00:28:03]: A heart.

John [00:28:04]: Yeah. Or like he agrees, you know, like he hearted it like he liked it. He could have just not said anything.

Nicole [00:28:09]: Right.

John [00:28:10]: And that would have given her the, like, impression of like, okay, well, like, obviously he's not interested and, you know, that would have been the right thing to do.

Nicole [00:28:19]: Right, Right.

John [00:28:20]: And he might have seemed like, it's not big of a deal, like you said, like, Jeremy might have been like, it's just I didn't respond. But it, it is giving her, you know, a little bit of the, oh, he might be interested. It might happen. Like, he at least responded. So that means something.

Nicole [00:28:38]: Right. And that happens on both sides. Like I said, you know, it's like if you're social media, if you're in a serious relationship, you shouldn't be following a bunch of other exes or females if you're a guy and vice versa, if you're a woman and chatting them up, there's no point in doing that. It's not a good plan. But people do it because it's innocent. And they might mean it to be innocent, but then people usually don't set out with the intent to do something wrong. That's what I'm saying. So everyone that I ever say this to you says, oh, well, that's. I trust my or. Or they have some kind of excuses to why it's not going to happen to them or why they're above it. But that's everyone who's done it also at one point thought they were above it or that their partner was above it. Right. And so that's why it's so dangerous, and that's why people ignore the danger.

John [00:29:30]: To be paranoid, Right. Like, it's not good to be paranoid.

Nicole [00:29:34]: Right.

John [00:29:34]: But it's just better to not like, even have that there. Like, what's the point? What's the point of you know, following a bunch of guys as a woman, like, even with guy friends that I had, like, before we started dating, it's not like I was like, I hate you all, Bye.

Nicole [00:29:51]: Right.

John [00:29:51]: You know, but it's like, I don't. I have you, you know, I have our relationship. Like, if those people are in a relationship too, then, you know, sometimes we've met up with them and things like that. So it's not like you're like cutting everybody out, but it's definitely like single people and random guys or like girls for guys or, you know, whatever. It's just like you have to be able to, like, let that part of your life go.

Nicole [00:30:17]: Yeah, of course.

John [00:30:19]: Move forward with your partner. And if you have a good, strong connection, you're not going to want anything to interfere with that. And it might be innocent, but it could be misconstrued as something else. Kind of like the episode we did where if like a guy goes to a bar, even if he's not doing anything, right, it can be misconstrued. It can be turned into something else. It looks bad. So it's just. If you really care, it's not that big of a deal to just let it all go and focus on your relationship, right?

Nicole [00:30:52]: Well, it comes down to one of two things, right? If it's like, because people have hard time letting go of the friends of the opposite sex, which I don't want, you know, derail us, but it comes down to one of two things, right? Honestly, it's like, okay, either you can just let them go because they're. It's not. It's just. It doesn't mean very much to you at all. So just goodbye, like, I don't need to talk to you anymore. Or it's. You can't just let them go because it's a really meaningful relationship that you have with them, in which case you have a meaningful relationship with some of the opposite sex, right?

John [00:31:26]: So you might like them more than just as a friend that become.

Nicole [00:31:30]: If it's. If it's not meaningful, if it's not meaningless enough that you could just drop that, then it's meaningful enough that it's a romantic relationship, right? Regardless of whatever you call it, if it's that important to you, it's now moved into the romantic. Even if you haven't done anything sexual, even if you haven't said anything sexual in your mind, it's in a romantic relationship bucket. Because it's meaningful, it's that you can't drop it. So it comes down to one of those two. And that's where like that. This is why no one gets away from this. It's like, if it's so easy, then let go of it. If it's not, then you got a problem.

John [00:32:05]: Right. And it should be easy because you're focusing on the person that you're building a life with, that you live with, that you're building a family with. Like, that should be your main priority. And I don't want us to sound like, throw all your friends away, you know, because, like, that's not the right thing. But go watch our episode on Friends of the Opposite Sex. Have we done one yet?

Nicole [00:32:26]: Actually, I think we did it in the Rules of Relationship. Maybe we didn't do the whole.

John [00:32:31]: Yeah, we haven't done a full episode. But the rules, one, go watch that. But you know it. You do have to focus and make your priority your relationship, because that is. That's what you're in every single day. That's what you're building. That's what you're going to be in for the rest of your life.

Nicole [00:32:48]: Right.

John [00:32:49]: So it's like you don't need Friends of the Opposite Sex because that's just going to lead to problems, conflicts, nothing good.

Nicole [00:32:59]: And it wouldn't fly before social media. What would have happened? You would have had to call them up on the phone.

John [00:33:05]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:05]: You're really going to be talking to. Are you really going to be so bold to talk to a person of the, like a friend of the opposite sex when you're like, in a relationship with, like in front of your partner? Is that it's really like, if it's just a text or it's just. Just on social media, it doesn't seem like it's as. That's. And that's why social media is dangerous, is because it makes things that seem like they're not or that are a big deal. It makes them seem like they're not a big deal.

John [00:33:31]: I agree.

Nicole [00:33:32]: And that's why. And people, like I said, no one sets out with the intention of, you know, of getting into trouble usually.

John [00:33:38]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:38]: But they do anyway.

John [00:33:40]: Well, like you said, it's a lot easier because it's very like minuscule things like parting a photo. Like, you don't think that that's a big deal, but it's like in today's day and age, you don't know what that means.

Nicole [00:33:53]: Yeah.

John [00:33:53]: The person could be interested in you. They could just be being nice, but you don't know unless you ask them. And then if you have to ask them, then you're going down a whole nother wormhole because you shouldn't even be doing that. So it definitely, like, complicates things so much. And I guess this is a good segue into, like, how AI, I feel like, is gonna make at least people dating so much worse.

Nicole [00:34:17]: Oh, I do have one more comment on that before we get into the AI.

John [00:34:20]: Okay.

Nicole [00:34:20]: That remind me of that guy that was in my message requests in the. That DM me, like, trying to sell me some marketing stuff. And then he like, DM me like 15 times or whatever. And then he was like. He was like that. The last one that we looked at was like, I hope that you don't treat the girls in your DMs like this.

John [00:34:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:38]: And I'm like, that's exactly how, Like, I don't even read their method. I don't even know that acknowledge they exist. So, yeah, and that's how it should be.

John [00:34:45]: You got a little taste, too, of what it's like to be a woman. Because even if you ignore a man, he's like, that guy, and he's like, hey, hey, what's up?

Nicole [00:34:53]: A week later, hey, friend request. Friend request.

John [00:34:56]: Oh, two weeks later, hey, a month later, you.

Nicole [00:35:00]: She's married and, you know, and they have a podcast. It does. I'm sure she'll like me. Like, oh, friend regrets are again.

John [00:35:07]: Yeah, Yeah. I don't. I don't get it. Like you said, it makes people. Social media makes people on social media so much bolder than they would be in real life. Because, you know, all those guys, too, would not just be going up to a girl and be like, hey, hey, hey, you know, or like, talk to me or something. You know, they wouldn't be like, begging a woman the way that they do in the DMs or anything like that.

Nicole [00:35:31]: It also makes people who are not autistic, autistic, because when they go out on dates, when they go into the real world, a lot of guys especially, they don't know how. They don't have social skills. They don't how to talk to people. They don't know how to have a conversation or how to. Where do I look at when I go on a date with a woman? Like, you know what I mean? They don't know how to do that stuff. And it is because of social media, because if they didn't have their phone, if they didn't have their, you know, constantly messaging online, if they had to actually communicate with real human beings, then they would develop some social skills. And women, too. The same thing. You know, women get to. I mean, a lot of women go on dates because we did a video about it, and it got a lot of views because it's a common thing where they're just, like, on their phone on the dates. Like, they're just so. Oh, well, let me respond to this message. And. Oh, look. Look who likes my photos. And it's like, okay, I'm listening. You know, and that's what happens. But that's also acting that way. So.

John [00:36:27]: Yeah, it's because they build fake confidence. They have confidence online.

Nicole [00:36:31]: Right.

John [00:36:31]: On their online Persona, but they don't have that confidence in who they actually are. Because a lot of times, like, even though you said the guys that are acting that way, that's who they really are. And that's true.

Nicole [00:36:43]: Yeah.

John [00:36:44]: But they're not bold enough to be that way in real life. So it's like people, men and women, build confidence online.

Nicole [00:36:50]: Yeah.

John [00:36:51]: One way or another. And then when it push comes to shove and they're in real life in a situation, they don't know how to act because they didn't. It's not who they truly are in person. It's who they are online that they have the confidence. Not in person.

Nicole [00:37:07]: All right, so now we can get into the AI. Go ahead. You have the floor.

John [00:37:11]: Yeah. I mean, I guess I just realized how crazy it is. I saw a video of this girl who said that a brand, like some erectile dysfunction medication brand, took her likeness from a video and made an ad out of it.

Nicole [00:37:30]: Yeah.

John [00:37:31]: And it looked just like her.

Nicole [00:37:32]: Yeah.

John [00:37:32]: And it sounded just like her.

Nicole [00:37:34]: Yeah, yeah.

John [00:37:35]: And that's just a video part. But, like, you've seen all the AI to pictures on TikTok of people being like, this is me in the 80s, or whatever. So it's like, anybody can do that these days. And I've heard that, you know, people have put them on their social media profile pretending that that's a real picture of them.

Nicole [00:37:53]: Yeah.

John [00:37:53]: And I'm just like. I've always felt like catfishing is the dumbest thing. Unless you're trying to, like, scam them. And you're never gonna meet up in person.

Nicole [00:38:03]: Yeah.

John [00:38:03]: Why the hell would you catfish someone you're going on a date with? Maybe you're gonna have to see in.

Nicole [00:38:09]: Person because maybe you're so charismatic that you're just like, absolutely not. I may look like a troll. Like, it's like Beauty and the Beast. It's like, you know, but once you get to know me, you know, I might have fangs and a tusk and whatever and a hunch back, but once you get to know me, you're going to be like, oh, kiss that beast.

John [00:38:28]: You know, I could see guys doing that because their confidence and their ego is just, like, out the roof a lot of the time. But women, why? Like, you know, a guy is going to see you if you go on a date and you use pictures that don't look like you. I mean, like, guys do it, too. I'm not saying that guys don't do it, but I think guys do it for the reason that you just said that. He's like, oh, well, she'll love me anyway because I'm just like, the best.

Nicole [00:38:55]: Yeah.

John [00:38:56]: And then they get there and you're like, dude, you used pictures from 10 years ago.

Nicole [00:39:00]: When you catch a catfisher, though, what do they say? They always say the same thing.

John [00:39:04]: They always say, I don't know, I've never caught one.

Nicole [00:39:06]: Well, they always say, like, Well, I mean, it. It. It does look. That's how I used to look. Like, that's how I like. It's just, you know, it's like how I like to see myself. Like, I don't. I'm not trying to deceive people. Like, that's what they. They've lied to themselves to the point in their head. Right. And you have, you know, people like this who use a lot of filters and also have the same. They don't realize that they're actually catfishing people because it's become so extreme. And the reality of who they are and what they have not accepted and what they wish that they were, that they actually believe that they are what they wish they were, and they hold on to that. And so they don't. Like, their whole reality has become, you.

John [00:39:48]: Know, I guess, fake. So two. I guess I'm thinking of, like, extreme catfishing.

Nicole [00:39:55]: Yeah.

John [00:39:56]: Because I did have, like, a group of friends, and one of the guys in that group, when I was single, went on a date with this girl, and the rest of our crew kind of showed up right at this bar. And he was like, oh, she's a catfish. And we were like, okay, show us the pictures. She maybe was like 5 to 10 pounds heavier than the picture. She was not that different looking. But he was like, she's a catfish.

Nicole [00:40:19]: And I was like, someone used a good photo of themselves, right? That's not the same thing.

John [00:40:24]: Yeah, that part I don't get. Yeah, I'm. I'm talking about the people extreme.

Nicole [00:40:29]: Like, like, if I use a Photo of Brad. And I'm Joe.

John [00:40:33]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:33]: Like Brad the male model.

John [00:40:34]: And not like total different pictures, but like five to ten year old pictures. They're holding on to it because guys will do that. Like especially guys who are losing their hair, no offense. They'll like use a picture where they have hair and then you'll see either their Instagram or go on a date with them and they have no hair or they're like significantly losing their hair. And I get that that's like a really hard thing to go through. So I'm not trying to invalidate that. As someone who had a bald spot before her wedding day, I understand. However, it's best to just be confident in where you're at right now. Rather than post a picture of you, you yawning over there, post a picture of you when you had hair and you obviously don't have hair anymore. And like, for women, I feel like they use the term hatfish because guys put hats on for this reason and stuff. So like, I'm just saying for men and women.

Nicole [00:41:34]: Oh yeah.

John [00:41:34]: But, but so I don't get the extreme catfishing where it's like you're going on a date with somebody, you've used these pictures. What are you going to do? I agree.

Nicole [00:41:43]: Guys.

John [00:41:43]: And they might be like, well, I'm amazing, so she's not going to care. But women like what? Like, you know, and guys are so into looks. I don't understand how a woman thinks that she could just charm the pants off of a man. And this is a girl who has girl game. Like I have girl game and I would not show up somewhere where I used a picture of me like blonde or something.

Nicole [00:42:04]: I mean, sometimes girls do try to exactly charm. They're like, I'll just sleep with them. And then like he'll.

John [00:42:10]: How is that charming? A man giving him exactly what he wants.

Nicole [00:42:12]: It's not a good plan. I'm just saying.

John [00:42:14]: Yeah, that sounds like the dumbest plan.

Nicole [00:42:16]: Once he finds out I don't look like the picture, then I'll just sleep with him and then he'll be happy.

John [00:42:21]: Yeah, and never talk to you again.

Nicole [00:42:23]: That's the logic.

John [00:42:23]: But that makes zero sense. But so don't do that. Women don't do that and guys don't. Hatfish, catfish, whatever. Like no one should be catfishing.

Nicole [00:42:31]: Well, the social media general has made it where that's where. Because people feel insecure about reality, they're comparing themselves to all these pictures online of other people. And so, and that, and that's you know, the AI arms race with the.

John [00:42:45]: Right. Well, that's what I'm saying now is now, you know, people can do these AI photos and unless like you really look hard at it.

Nicole [00:42:54]: Yeah.

John [00:42:55]: Some of them are hard to tell. Like, you know, I feel like I can spot pretty good.

Nicole [00:43:00]: Yeah.

John [00:43:01]: Like some of the AI things. But if I was like on a dating app, I don't know if I would know.

Nicole [00:43:06]: It'll get to the point where you won't be able to.

John [00:43:08]: Well, that's the scariest part. It's like.

Nicole [00:43:11]: But then it becomes to the catfish question, like you said, is like, you know, why do that?

John [00:43:17]: I think we're. It would lead to social media. I think social media is going to get to a point where people abandon it to some degree because it's so hard to tell what's real. It's so like it's way more of a hassle to deal with than actually deal with. And the hard part too is that I feel like social media was trying to get back to people being real and like even us doing this, like we're being real, but there's still people who are watching this who are probably like they're just doing it to make money or they're just doing it to.

Nicole [00:43:50]: Like we do have these filters on that. It's like I'm not really buff either. I'm like just, we just in post we get it, you know, get us looking good. So.

John [00:44:02]: They probably might think that too. So who knows? But you know, this is all AI generated. No. So it's like even if you're being real and you're being like raw, people don't even know now. And I feel like people tried to go back to that so that people knew that they were being real and honest and who they are.

Nicole [00:44:20]: Yeah.

John [00:44:21]: But there's so many people too taking advantage of that. Kind of like we talked about the issue we had of the week was that we were watching that tick tock and you didn't believe the lady's story. It's like she could be telling the truth.

Nicole [00:44:34]: Yeah.

John [00:44:34]: But at the same time, like you said, she's probably making money.

Nicole [00:44:37]: Yeah.

John [00:44:38]: So it's like you're conflicted because her story sounds real. It seems real. It's a little like crazy what she goes like went through. But that crazy stuff happens to people. But because of all the like lying and manipulating and things on social media, you don't know who to believe now. So it's going to, I feel like it's going to get to A point where it's like nobody knows what's real and they're just going to give up on it until something happens. Like maybe something will happen and it's going to bring it back.

Nicole [00:45:10]: Then let it be destroyed. Because that's, you know, like I said, it was the greatest evil that humanity has ever seen.

John [00:45:17]: But at the same time I'm like, I can't imagine it being destroyed because it's so integrated in people's lives and business, businesses thrive off of it. I mean like.

Nicole [00:45:28]: But it'll change. I mean, in some. It's funny because I had a guy in one of my coaching things and he. His idea for his business, which I. Maybe I shouldn't say, but I mean it's like not a non obvious thing, but was to do real life dating apps like you just speed dating like.

John [00:45:50]: People used to do.

Nicole [00:45:51]: Yeah, like, like speed dating, but a modernized version of speed dating. And I was like. He was like, I'm not sure if that's a good idea. I'm like, that's a brilliant. It's genius. Let me tell you why people are sick of the apps. They don't want. They want to just. And, and with AI and all the stuff, you can see a person in real life and talk to them. People want that.

John [00:46:10]: They don't steal this guy's idea. We will find you.

Nicole [00:46:13]: Yeah, that's true. But I mean there's going to be. Well, the beautiful thing about this idea is you can't just have one company that does it like an app.

John [00:46:21]: Right.

Nicole [00:46:21]: You have to do it local.

John [00:46:23]: So you have to.

Nicole [00:46:23]: So, so do steal the guy's idea where you're at. Start it up. No, because everyone will have to create their own, like locally. Like there'll be multiple competing.

John [00:46:32]: Yeah, because you're meeting in person. Right, I get that.

Nicole [00:46:34]: But. But it's valuable.

John [00:46:35]: But he could franchise it. So don't.

Nicole [00:46:37]: That's. That's right, you can do the franchise. But, but that's funny though because this morning on my Mastermind call, I said that AI and basically, well, AI and sex robots will save humanity. Right, But I do think that that's true because.

John [00:46:57]: Should that be the title on YouTube?

Nicole [00:47:01]: Maybe. No, but. But the reason why is because historically, when frustrated sexless young men reach a certain population of society, there's violence and there's an overthrow of the. That usually is how empires fall. Like if you really read between the lines historically and see what's going on, it's usually, you know, it's blamed on all these Other things. And there's some other economics, but it comes down to that frustrated, angry, sexless young man. And so.

John [00:47:41]: But AI is giving, like, Terminator vibes to me.

Nicole [00:47:44]: But I mean, AI, okay. Sex robots that they already have, like these sex dolls. Sex dolls.

John [00:47:51]: What do they call it? Hyper aware. And then now we're getting killed by sex robots. That seems like even worse way to die than a Terminator.

Nicole [00:48:01]: I only have one weapon. Okay. And it's hard.

John [00:48:06]: Before we go into a place where YouTube will ban us forever or all the. All the platforms.

Nicole [00:48:14]: That's the world. That's dystopian future. You should write a novel. We are.

John [00:48:18]: Don't steal my novel idea.

Nicole [00:48:20]: Sex robots penetrate you to death. That's okay.

John [00:48:23]: We need to get back on track.

Nicole [00:48:24]: They kill all of everyone by.

John [00:48:27]: Yeah, okay.

Nicole [00:48:28]: The end. Yeah.

John [00:48:30]: No, no. All right, we need to turn here.

Nicole [00:48:35]: Yeah, but I do think that that AI in the sense, like, what I'm saying is a joke, but it's also real. Like. Like sex dolls. And AI is going to solve the problem for a lot of men that will be happy with that. I. At first, I mean, many years ago, like five or six years ago, I was talking to this guy that, you know, those. One of those, you know, cults. And. And he was just proud of the fact that he had sex dolls and. And the future. And I was like, this guy is.

John [00:49:05]: That saves people's lives.

Nicole [00:49:07]: And he had an AI girlfriend there. Like a. You know, it was a very simplistic one. And I was like, okay, you're. You're psychotic.

John [00:49:13]: But it sounds like the TLC show where, like, people are like dating a roller coaster.

Nicole [00:49:21]: But hey. But. But in reality, that a lot of people will be fine. And that is going to make things.

John [00:49:27]: And you know what? To be honest, I don't care because it saves people's lives.

Nicole [00:49:33]: Yeah. At first I was like. Now I'm like, go for it. That's. If that makes you happy, go for it. Because, you know, but. But yeah, it's going to be a different. And already guys are using AI to chat with. Like, so they would have multiple Tinder profiles even on multiple phones. Right. And they can just have AI. So they're just matching, you know, swiping. It can automatically swipe and then it can just auto get the conversation to.

John [00:49:59]: The point I knew somebody did that. That's insane.

Nicole [00:50:02]: Or they. Or they outsource it to someone and then it's like.

John [00:50:05]: Because I feel like men are abusing dating apps though, too. And as a woman, I feel like you actually use it and you actually go through.

Nicole [00:50:14]: Yeah.

John [00:50:15]: And it is harder for men because women are picky on those and it's more physical based, like I've said.

Nicole [00:50:20]: Yeah.

John [00:50:20]: But men are doing that. They are just swiping on every single person. And how is that beneficial? Like, you're. They're using it just to hook up, which, you know, some of them are more heavy focused on that.

Nicole [00:50:32]: Yeah. Yeah.

John [00:50:32]: But at the same time, like, it just feels like you're trying to hack the system, which as for me as a woman, I would be even more like, this sucks.

Nicole [00:50:43]: Yeah.

John [00:50:43]: You know, like, guys aren't even taking it seriously.

Nicole [00:50:46]: Yeah.

John [00:50:47]: But it's. So I think we need to give some sort of, like, help because again, we've met on. We met on a dating app, so I'm not saying that they're all trash and people have met and gotten married on dating apps. So I do think there is some good.

Nicole [00:51:00]: Right.

John [00:51:01]: So I think we need. On top of all the bad, we need to give some good. Like, I think that if you get fed up with the dating apps and you feel like there is AI or like some guy just swiped on you and he doesn't care about you and, you know, you're just over it. Like, try to go out and leave.

Nicole [00:51:18]: People in the real world.

John [00:51:19]: Talk to people. Yeah. Like, put yourself in certain situations, which I know women try to do too.

Nicole [00:51:24]: Yeah.

John [00:51:25]: You know, they've done that before. But maybe something like what you talked about will pop up or maybe more people or organizations in general will have, like, speed dating again and things like that. Because I think that is where things are heading because it's just gotten so bad with the catfishing and.

Nicole [00:51:43]: Yeah.

John [00:51:43]: You can't trust, you know, all those things. And I will say, like, when I was using them, I made a guy, like, he either had to send me his Instagram.

Nicole [00:51:52]: Yeah.

John [00:51:52]: Or like, verify his profile enough where I felt like he wasn't gonna catfish me. And I never got catfished by somebody. So I feel like as a woman and a man, like, do your due diligence.

Nicole [00:52:04]: Yeah.

John [00:52:04]: And you can avoid that and you can filter out the people who are catfished.

Nicole [00:52:08]: Someone can always send you a picture with them holding two fingers up or whatever number.

John [00:52:11]: Make them write your name on, like, a piece of paper and send it to. To you. Look, I don't think that's a bad idea. Men and women, like, I'm sure men also get afraid of the cat if you're.

Nicole [00:52:22]: If you're nervous about it. I've, I've had people where I was like, I'm not sure about this picture. Send me a picture. Like a real picture.

John [00:52:30]: And otherwise women are more nervous about it because it's more scary for them.

Nicole [00:52:34]: Yeah, it's scary because the guy could be a totally psycho.

John [00:52:37]: Yeah, right. Like, so women, I do feel like it's more important and I feel like you're kind of making it like, whatever, but as a guy perspective, it is more.

Nicole [00:52:46]: Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

John [00:52:47]: But from a woman's perspective, you do have to be safe. And I had plenty of guys back then that would be like, screw you. Like, I'm not taking a picture to, like prove I'm real. And I'm like, good, I'm glad I did not go on a date.

Nicole [00:52:58]: Yeah, you already got.

John [00:53:00]: Yeah, you just filtered yourself out.

Nicole [00:53:01]: There you go.

John [00:53:02]: So, you know, women don't feel bad about, like having a guy verify himself or, you know, do something.

Nicole [00:53:08]: There's nothing wrong with that if you're.

John [00:53:10]: Going to keep doing the dating apps. Because I don't think people should give up on dating apps. Totally. But I feel like, like I said, we're, we've crapped on a lot of the social media and dating apps for good reasons.

Nicole [00:53:19]: Yeah.

John [00:53:20]: But if people want to use those, there's ways that they can use them beneficially.

Nicole [00:53:26]: Yeah.

John [00:53:27]: And as far as the AI, I don't know what to tell you because right now I feel like you can still kind of tell with the AI, but like you said, eventually it'll be so good that you won't know.

Nicole [00:53:36]: Yeah. You won't be able to tell what is what. Right. They already have AI influencers that are like getting brand deals with all these companies and stuff. And, you know, just some 14 year old kid made this AI girl. And, you know, so it's like, I mean, that won't last for, you know, forever, but it's like. Yeah. So you won't be able to tell what's real and what's not. And, and people even, even know that it's not real. Like there's Instagram model AI women that.

John [00:54:05]: Yeah, but who is that? Mostly.

Nicole [00:54:08]: Oh, yeah, yeah. But, but, but they'll even say like, this is AI. And they're like, I don't care. I still, I still like the picture. I'm still gonna message her. That's crazy.

John [00:54:18]: Okay.

Nicole [00:54:19]: Like, you know, so, but, but I.

John [00:54:22]: Do think it's because people can live a whole different life online.

Nicole [00:54:25]: Yeah.

John [00:54:25]: A life that they would want in real life. And that is, I Can understand where it makes people feel good, but it's so damaging because they're focusing more on that life because they have more control of that they feel like, than their own life.

Nicole [00:54:41]: But yeah, and if most people. I'll say this, I'll go on the record. It's like if most people actually did that, are in relationships, saw their partner's social media, like, their messages, they would not be in their relationship anymore. It would end, like if they just. If you froze time. No deleting stuff. Here you go. I think that's.

John [00:55:06]: I think because the normal thing is that people are just convince themselves that it doesn't matter, it's not a big deal. Kind of like the phone, the video we did that people were mad about when we did the episode and. Or the little snippet in the beginning where the guy was like, I need. I want to look through her phone.

Nicole [00:55:23]: Yeah.

John [00:55:24]: And you were like, let's go through each other's phones. And so many people were like, absolutely not. Whatever. It's like, yeah.

Nicole [00:55:30]: Because they know they're guilty.

John [00:55:31]: Yeah. It's like, you know, you're basically saying that you have shady things on there or things you wouldn't want your partner to see. And, like, why are you with somebody if that's how you're operating? Because you can't also fully be yourself even.

Nicole [00:55:45]: No.

John [00:55:45]: If you're living this separate life or have these things you want to hide from the person that you're with.

Nicole [00:55:52]: Yeah.

John [00:55:52]: That you're supposed to be open and honest and transparent with. So.

Nicole [00:55:55]: Yeah. And I don't know, the other thing we didn't really talk about social media real quick because I think it's worth talking about is it gives the way that it can ruin relationships. Also is it gives people bad ideas as well as, like, images. So one is that you see a lot of stuff that you maybe should not see that we've already kind of talked about that comparing your partner to or whatever for both men and women, because women do see. See plenty of that as well.

John [00:56:23]: Right.

Nicole [00:56:24]: You know, there's some thirst traps and stuff that, you know, guys put out and stuff, you know, but. But it's also what you're exposed to because how many relationships are ruined by. And it goes both ways. You know, guys listening to a bunch of this junk on the Internet of guys, you know, slandering women and. And they can make a very convincing worldview. And some of the stuff that they're saying is true, like I said. So that's why it's very Convincing. It's like if you just tell someone a bunch of bull crap, then they're not going to believe you. But if some of the stuff, especially you're preying on people's insecurities and the things that they've been hurt about in regards to women, if guys can get guys where. Now this guy, that was a normal good guy, he starts listening to this stuff and then he starts becoming abusive in his relationship or starts thinking, oh, well, she's not yours, it's just your turn. So I'm going to start treating her like she's just my turn because I know what she's really thinking or what she's really doing. And all women are like this. All of a sudden, that. But also with women too. Right. Women can be looking at media and a lot of social media can have a lot of very feminist, anti men type of stuff. And now someone's getting these ideas and that can wreck things too. So it's.

John [00:57:43]: I would even say that the good stuff can ruin things. Cause kind of like we talked about in our very vulnerable episode that you see, couples look like they never fight, they never argue. And I mean, even on my social media, like I post the good stuff. I'm not posting. Like, John and I had an altercation about apple cider vinegar gummies today, you know, so I get that. But that's also why we came on here to be real and to open up and show that side because a lot of people don't do it. And so then people are like, oh, well, I fight.

Nicole [00:58:17]: I fight with my adhd, I have to.

John [00:58:20]: I fight with my boyfriend. Like what feels like too much. And so maybe we should break up. Maybe we're not together. So even the good stuff.

Nicole [00:58:29]: Yeah.

John [00:58:30]: Is, you know, makes people second guess their own lives. So it's just, I guess.

Nicole [00:58:36]: And then they start getting mad at their partner for no reason. They're like, I watch a bunch of good videos and now I'm angry at you because you're not as good. Or it's like, yeah, it's like, that's true. Not good. Like you're doing.

John [00:58:49]: People in the good videos are just doing it for content.

Nicole [00:58:52]: Exactly. It might not even be real at all. So.

John [00:58:54]: So take everything with a grain of salt. Except our podcast, because it's real everything out here, you know, so you can, you're safe here.

Nicole [00:59:04]: Yeah.

John [00:59:04]: But at the same time, like, you know, we've kind of aired all the things out. So it's hard. It's hard because like the good stuff, you have to second guess the bad.

Nicole [00:59:11]: Stuff and all this stuff. I will say again, airing the things out, but I just don't want to beat the dead horses. Like I was that guy. Right. And you know, like on the. I was. We did a whole thing on, on me being a cheater in my, you know, in my previous relationship and stuff. So I don't want to like beat a dead horse. But I like the social media, all the stuff we're talking about. Yeah. You know, chatting it up, you know, it's like. So it got me into. It's not, it's not like that's the sole reason, but it enabled me to be able to do shady stuff that I should have just dealt with and confronted.

John [00:59:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:59:48]: You know, at the, at the time, you know, so there is.

John [00:59:51]: Made it easier for you to be shady.

Nicole [00:59:52]: Yeah. And I'm not that guy. So like, that's what I'm saying. And I guess that's why I'm saying that is because a lot of people will say that's not me or that's not my partner. Well, hey, the tool can still be converted, right?

John [01:00:06]: Be converted to the dark side.

Nicole [01:00:08]: Yeah.

John [01:00:09]: So you better not be converted to the dark side.

Nicole [01:00:13]: Never. I would never, never ever. So.

John [01:00:18]: Well, now it's your turn.

Nicole [01:00:20]: Oh, yeah. What is our segment for the week? I mean, last week we had such a wonderful week. The week. And then I think the only thing that ever came up this week was last night a little bit, I was gonna say.

John [01:00:36]: So speaking of social media. Yeah, social media, no one is perfect. I had a momentarily brief insanity moment where I was like, john, you didn't like post anything about our anniversary on social media. And I posted stuff and you like reposted the stuff, but you didn't like, make your own post. And I was just like, it made me sad. But then I got so absorbed with that that I missed the other things that you did. Not fully, but you know.

Nicole [01:01:09]: Yeah, I know what you mean.

John [01:01:10]: I didn't think as much about it. And I guess too it's because like, social media is your job.

Nicole [01:01:16]: Yeah.

John [01:01:17]: It's what we're doing here. And you know, before you do. Not before, but in general you post things about us. So I guess I was just like, like having anxiety about it. I'm like, why doesn't he want to post us? Like, does he like, not, you know, feel the same way or like it's not as important to him to post it? But again, like being transparent here. We're not perfect. I'm not perfect. We just told you the whole thing. We realize how social media is.

Nicole [01:01:47]: Yeah.

John [01:01:47]: Changing things, but you just have to acknowledge it. Like, after we talked about it, I was like, yeah, I'm falling into this. Like. Yeah, into what we just talked about. Like, I'm falling into the social media thing where I'm thinking that this. If you don't do this, you don't care as much, which is not how it actually is. And so I apologize to you because that was wrong of me.

Nicole [01:02:12]: Yeah.

John [01:02:12]: But just saying, I'm glad you brought this up because I was gonna say this for our thing for the week and, you know, throw it in there, because.

Nicole [01:02:20]: But it was. There was no argument. There was no lack of love or respect. You know, I think it was. It was just a thing that we just. Just talked about. So.

John [01:02:30]: Yeah, no, it wasn't a bad thing, but I'm just saying that.

Nicole [01:02:33]: Yeah.

John [01:02:34]: Even the things we talked about, that I struggle with. Yeah, of course you might struggle with. Or things like that.

Nicole [01:02:40]: Yeah. And the whole social media thing. And it was like, I just. I stopped posting so much on my story. I just tired of the social. I'm tired of social media. Honestly, again, I just. I hate it. You could. You could tell with this episode. I mean, I said, it's so bad, but it's. I just hate it. I just hate it because it's. For me personally, it's a treadmill that I've always had to be on, Right. And it's like, okay, I gotta post a story about what I'm doing now. And it's like, I just. I don't want to do that anymore. It's like, you know, so it's like, it doesn't mean that I won't ever post. You know, I mean, we're doing our podcast, obviously, and that's to help people, but I just, like, I got to this point where I was just like, posting stuff because I need to post stuff, and just. I started to take it. And also I kind of felt like that maybe even just with the thing, like, I didn't want to just make a post for our anniversary. And then it's like. And then now all these idiots are looking at it, and it's like, I don't care. I don't care. Like, if it was just my personal account, it's not, you know, then. Then it's, you know, it's like, my friends, you know, but it's like, I guess maybe even just this podcast and some of the reception we've gotten have. Has made it where it's like, I don't care to share this very special thing with. Yeah.

John [01:03:49]: You don't want like the people who are just angry and online and like those guys we were talking about to just.

Nicole [01:03:54]: Yeah.

John [01:03:55]: Not that they could ever ruin.

Nicole [01:03:56]: No, no, no.

John [01:03:57]: But it, like, it does, even just reading it, the negativity, it might not affect you and change your like, way of thinking, but it does like, lower the vibration of this good thing. Right. Like anybody projecting the negativity is gonna impact you in some way, even if you're not like internalizing it.

Nicole [01:04:17]: Yeah.

John [01:04:18]: It's still like out there and it still brings you down a notch, if that makes sense.

Nicole [01:04:23]: And I just. Yeah, yeah, I don't, I don't want that. Like, so I just don't want to entertain that energy anymore. So.

John [01:04:31]: Yeah, that's. But that's also getting. But I celebrated social media.

Nicole [01:04:34]: But plus we're going on, you know, I got us a nice vacation for next week. We're gonna be in Hawaii. So that's also when I wanted to like kind of post and you know, stuff like that. But again, I still don't want to be on the treadmill of posting. Like, I'm posting some stuff from her.

John [01:04:49]: You want to do it when you feel like doing it.

Nicole [01:04:50]: Yeah. And it's like, it's even just gotten to the point where it's like, I mean, that's just also been just something I've been going through is myself as an entrepreneur or artist. It's like, you know, in fact, doing this podcast has helped me with that too. Because it's like I like doing this podcast because I like talking to you and discussing and like I'm passionate about it. It's like I have struggled. So much of what I've done over the last 10 years has been. I mean, sometimes my heart's been in it, but sometimes it's not. And it's like you're just posting stuff, you know, and that's the problem with social media is it's like. And that's why, like the last video I'm working on now with my new kind of videos, like, I'm shooting everything, I'm editing everything, I'm making the art that I want to make and I don't care about, you know, it's like, because I'm trying to get off of that treadmill because it's just, it's so self destructive to you. Like, it's, you know, and you don't realize you've been on it for 10 years. You know what I mean? It's like, so.

John [01:05:46]: And it's harder as someone like you who that's your job. And like, now with the podcast, it's like you feel like you have to post things to, like, keep up with what you're doing and.

Nicole [01:05:57]: Yeah.

John [01:05:58]: So I think too, like, us doing that together also kind of. Because, like I said, like, I do have my likes and stuff turned off, so I don't care how many people like it.

Nicole [01:06:05]: Yeah.

John [01:06:06]: I think it's just that, like, I know that we're perpetually, like, on social media in some extent for those things.

Nicole [01:06:13]: Yeah.

John [01:06:14]: That when you didn't post, it just made me feel differently. But it's not like that. That is how our relationship even normally is. So again, just momentarily just got wrapped up in the social media part of it. But I think we both do a good job of not allowing it to totally take over our lives and make us act a certain way. But obviously people are gonna post the things that are happy and things like that, for sure. Sadness, of course.

Nicole [01:06:46]: Yeah.

John [01:06:46]: Or the things that they're going through. But at least, like I said here, it's like all out and open and real. And it's a little harder with, like, Instagram. I feel like people try to be more vulnerable on Tick Tock because it's a video.

Nicole [01:06:59]: It's more. Yeah.

John [01:07:00]: But also at the same time, again, like I said, you don't know if it's real. Are they crying for the camera? Are they crying because they're upset? I feel like sometimes you can tell, like, if it's true.

Nicole [01:07:08]: Sometimes you can tell, but sometimes you don't know.

John [01:07:10]: You just don't know anymore. So it's just. It's hard. And like, really, social media doesn't matter.

Nicole [01:07:15]: It sucks all the passion out of what you do, you know, I mean, because it's like it becomes lifeless and it makes it so that you can't enjoy the things that you do because, you know, it's like you go to the beach to take the picture. Like, if you're. If that becomes your thing, you know what I mean? Whether it becomes your actual job or you sort of make it your job because that's what you do, you know? I mean, you might even not have a lot of followers. So it is a dangerous thing. Like, it does. And I realized it in my life that it's like, yeah, I mean, I'm doing it for a job and making money, but it still sucks the soul. It's like, why do creators burn out? It seems really difficult to understand. But the reason why is because it sucks the soul out of what you do. It takes the artist away. And when you don't have the artist, you just feel like a phony. Little deep for our final segment, but, yeah, I guess that's it. We'll see you next week.

John [01:08:08]: Through every fault we find our way.