Nicole [00:00:00]: It's hard to find men more masculine than women are these days because they've been taking care of themselves on their own for a long time. I'm not trying to like, shit on men. You have to bring something to the table.

John [00:00:11]: Right.

Nicole [00:00:11]: And it isn't money. What's more beneficial is allowing her to give you her masculine responsibilities.

Unknown_C [00:00:18]: Weak men create hard times. Hard times. Great. Strong men. Strong men create weak times. You know, like, it's.

Nicole [00:00:25]: Well, and it's because it is a cycle. Is because not fight it as hard as they do.

Unknown_C [00:00:29]: Beyond the perfect we discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome to the better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:57]: Look at you. You're professional at it now.

Unknown_C [00:00:59]: You're gonna. You're gonna have to do it one of these.

Nicole [00:01:01]: Oh, really? Because I was, like, banking on you doing it since you have it memorized, but.

Unknown_C [00:01:08]: So the topic for today is why have traditional male and female, masculine and feminine man and woman relationship? Why have a traditional relationship?

Nicole [00:01:21]: Why you should have one?

John [00:01:22]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:01:22]: And I'll define what traditional relationship is. Because we did an episode on 50 50, which is probably not the traditional.

Nicole [00:01:29]: Yeah, that's more modern.

Unknown_C [00:01:30]: A lot of people would compare the two between 50, 50 and traditional. But traditional isn't just. We're not just talking about money. We're talking about the idea of having a masculine and feminine role in the relationship, the man and the woman.

Nicole [00:01:44]: Like, two distinct roles in the relationship.

Unknown_C [00:01:48]: Exactly. Not the same. Not interchangeable. Right. So, like, I would say. I would describe it as masculine versus feminine, feminine versus feminine. So.

Nicole [00:01:58]: Okay, well, you go ahead.

Unknown_C [00:01:59]: Okay, Well, I mean. Well, I guess. I mean, I'll throw it to you. What are your. Like, do you agree with that? You know, what do I agree?

Nicole [00:02:08]: I mean, I agree. I mean, I was hoping you weren't going to start with me, because I feel like I want to just talk a lot about it because it's like, how I grew up. The roles were pretty traditional. Besides, like, that my mom worked and my dad worked, which we already talked about in the other episode, that, like, they did more of, like, the 5050 financially. But, like, you could definitely tell that my dad was like, the man of the house, and then my mom was, like the mom. So, you know, I grew up with that and had, like, a very, like, positive male figure in my life. Like, my dad was very masculine guy. Like, he did all the things that you think dads do, you know, fixes the things and cuts the grass and, you know, takes care of the, you know, I don't just all the guy guy stuff, grills, like, builds things, you know, so he does a lot more things than I can even like, bring up right now. But so I grew up with that. And like, as the oldest daughter, I kind of like rebelled against him sometimes, obviously too, because, you know, I was like the older sister. And like, normally when you have like siblings, it's like the older brother takes care of the younger sister, the younger. But so I was the oldest one, so I still felt like I needed to be like the protector sort of thing.

John [00:03:37]: Right.

Nicole [00:03:38]: And he was a very, like, you know, strong willed role model. So I learned a lot of that from him. And so occasionally we have butt heads, but yeah, so I really looked up to him. He did a lot of, like, I said the very, like, traditionally masculine things. So I kind of grew up having that.

John [00:03:59]: Right.

Nicole [00:04:00]: Portrayed to me and not everybody does. And there was always a part of me when I got older and like, thought about when I got married and had kids that I would want to stay at home just because, like, my parents both worked and I rarely got to spend a lot of quality time with them that I would have wanted. And that I think is beneficial to children as well, too. We've talked a little bit about this. So that's what I wanted now was I, like, that's the only thing I'm going to have. No, because I was willing to, you know, work and do it the way that my parents did it. Maybe not as extreme because they did work a lot. And like, my mom worked graveyard shift and then my dad, you know, did swing shift. So sometimes, yeah, you know, graveyard, sometimes normal hours. So I think that also made it more of a hectic dynamic rather than like two parents working like a daytime shift. And so you still get to come home and eat dinner. And, you know, a lot of times it wasn't like that. So. So I did look at my childhood and be like, these are the things that I would do differently. And it never was like, I don't want a masculine guy.

John [00:05:12]: Right, right.

Nicole [00:05:13]: It was always like, I still want that. I respect that. But, you know, I do think that, like, being able to stay home would be beneficial to my future children because of like, the things that I was lacking because I didn't have that. So, you know, I didn't see the traditional as, as in, like, my mom stayed home and my dad Took care of everything, like, financially. But. And honestly, I thought that that was something that couldn't really happen as much today either, because of, like, how much things cost.

John [00:05:49]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:50]: And I know people still are having kind of, like, an issue with that, with our 5050 episode that we did. And I totally get that. Like, I get that it is really hard financially to only have one income and, like, give your kids the things that they need and, like, even more, you know, like, give them a better life than you had with just one income. So I do get that. But from the, like, masculine and feminine side, I didn't realize how important it was until I met you, because you were so masculine. Kind of like my dad was. You know, like, you could tell that you were more, like, of a manly man than I had necessarily, like, dated. And you had more of, like, the traditional values already. And it just gave off this vibe of, like, you were gonna protect me and take care of me, which is what a father does to his daughter, too, when she's young. Right. Like, he. He's gonna, like, scare off the guys that you bring home, and he's gonna, like, you know, fix things for you, and he's gonna, like, you know, take care of you.

Unknown_C [00:06:59]: And that's why the father gives away the daughter in a wedding ceremony. Cause it's a passing of that responsibility or that role that gets passed on to protect this woman.

Nicole [00:07:12]: Yeah, well, and another thing I realized was when you came along, is that how the yin and yang of masculine and feminine really go together and really harmonize. It's like a feeling that you get. And I know that I was more in my masculine when I was single because I had to be. But the second I got to just be feminine and gave you the responsibilities that were more masculine that I had in my life because you wanted them and I trusted you with them, it just allowed us to harmonize, I feel like, in such a way that people don't really get maybe necessarily when you have not as strong of a dynamic and women get to be more in their natural, girly, womanly mode that we don't necessarily always get to be in when we have to handle all the things.

Unknown_C [00:08:10]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:08:11]: Yeah. So that was very long. See, I was nervous about you asking me first. Cause I'm like, let me go. I'm always like, let's go way back.

Unknown_C [00:08:19]: Yeah, well, I mean, it's good because I think it's good to have the perspective. Because the thing is, a lot of women today are very resistant to traditional roles. And surprisingly, even men are now starting to become. Because the 5050 thing. Or maybe sometimes men think that they can be traditional roles and still be 50, 50, which is. Is, you know, it's not really possible, as we kind of talked about. But. Yeah, but I think a lot of women don't really accept that. And I think that there is a narrative today that's pushed in society that men and women are the same and that it's just societal conditioning that makes men and women different. And, you know, the thing is, we don't really have to get into the science of that or the evolutionary biology. But. But the thing is, whether it even is a societal construct or not, it doesn't really matter. It's just that a relationship works better or anything works better when you have two poles, just like a magnet, you've got a north and south magnet. You take two north magnets, you put them together, and they're gonna repel each other. There's gonna be a conflict of which one is the stronger magnet, and that's what's gonna happen. And it doesn't even mean necessarily man and woman. Right. Most of the time. But even in homosexual relationships, or there's a masculine and a feminine, if that relationship is going to be a strong one, that has that polarity. And I think that's the thing. And I think that polarity is so important because it is like the yin and the yang. It's something that completes you, and then you feel more connected. Because if we're both doing the same thing, if we're just the same, then there's no benefit to each other besides a transactional one. Whereas if it's like you have something that I don't have and I have something you don't have, and together again, synergy. We talk about one plus one equals four or five, that's super, super valuable. And what was I going to say? Yeah. So I think that it is so important, even though a lot of people in society kind of frown upon that, or maybe they even take it to a religious sort of origin of it. And we don't look at it from religious. Right. Because a lot of religious people, which nothing wrong with, you know, whatever you believe, but they take it because it's what the Bible says or, you know, and it's like, yeah, that's fine. However, let's look at how it objectively applies.

Nicole [00:10:45]: Well, and they might think that it works because it's God's way, but they also might not realize that it works because of the differences. And the reason I like the Yin and Yang example. Well, one besides that, the two pieces fit and create this one, which is what a relationship should be. It's this oneness. You have the little circles in the sides. Right, Right. And so that is the little piece of masculinity in the femininity and the femininity in the masculinity, which you don't see. Like that's just one little dot IN this part of it.

Unknown_C [00:11:19]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:11:20]: But everybody does have those two things. It's just that one should be the main component.

Unknown_C [00:11:29]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:29]: Rather than, you know, having them both be equal, you know, like have an equal amount of masculinity and femininity within each person. Because then it's not, it's not a balance. Right. Like it is more of like just a quarter, however you want to see it. Like a half of you. I say a quarter, you know, for like a one as a couple. But the, I think another side thing, that's why I wanted to say about the yin and yang because, you know, everybody still has those things, but it's the balance of the things. And so what I think, women wise, that they're kind of afraid of the traditional is the traditional. Traditional. And we've talked about like, we're trying to create the like modern, traditional version of a relationship. Not we're not going back to, you know, women can't have a bank account and they can't even have a job. So they just stay in the house and they just need to pick a man, any man, because they can't do anything for themselves. Like, we're not saying let's go back to those times. We're saying let's take the things that worked from that dynamic, which is, you know, the femininity and the masculinity and it being more traditional that way.

John [00:12:44]: Right.

Nicole [00:12:45]: And modernize it in the way that we have.

Unknown_C [00:12:48]: Right, exactly. Yeah. And I think, you know, it's interesting because a lot of times I'll be talking to guys and they'll be like, I wish it was like the 1950s or 1960s when, when women, you know, they appreciated a man and, and it was easier to get a good wife. And you could just. And I'm always like, look guys, here's the thing. You don't want to be in a relationship. You don't want a woman to marry you or choose you because she's just trying to survive. Yeah. Because she just. It's harder now, but rightly so. And it's good because you have to actually out compete, you actually have to be a value besides just a financial value. You actually have to be that masculine man in order to create that attraction. Because she actually has to say, well, hey, if I can make my own money, if I can get my own job, I can do whatever I want to do in society. And I like, then why do I need you as a man? And it is because she wants the masculinity in her life.

Nicole [00:13:51]: She wants a man, something she can't get. Now, women can get a job, they can get the money, they can live on their own, they can do all the things essentially on their own. But the thing that they want is for a man to take over the more masculine roles that they have to do when they're single so that they can embrace their femininity. And we've talked about this. Like, I do think it's trying to swing at least femininity wise a little bit more into embracing that. You know, we have like, you know, the self care and the like doing girly things just to make you happy and like, you know, doing the more feminine things that women used to do in the really traditional times way back in the days, right. You know, and like dressing up nice for yourself and like, you know, baking and cooking and you know, doing like the things that make you happy that are more feminine.

John [00:14:42]: Right.

Nicole [00:14:43]: Like women are doing that on their own, right. And but they still have to do the masculine side if they're on their own. So they would even more be able to embrace that if they found a man that they trusted to give those responsibilities to. And now they can, you know, go to the park and paint and you know, you know, bake homemade bread for their family like every week if that's what they want to do. Like, but when you have other things that you have to worry about, like, oh, well, I got to pay the bills and I got to go to work every day and then by the time I get home from work, I'm so tired that I just want to like do my self care, like my makeup or not my makeup routine, like my skincare routine and go to bed. It's like you don't have the time for those things and you want the time, but you're not, you can't balance it as well because now you're trying to be the yin and yang, but you can't, like you're one piece, right?

Unknown_C [00:15:40]: And you're in your masculine because it's hard because the work. And what's interesting, you know, again with modern society today, and I'm glad that it is swinging more towards that direction because it was swinging very far to the direction of almost making it like, oh, if you choose to be a stay at home mom, then you, you're a bad person. Or like, you know, don't let the.

Nicole [00:16:00]: Men win or you just don't want to work.

Unknown_C [00:16:04]: And it became that thing. Whereas it's like, it's, you know, so much of society was pushing women to basically become men, right? Because those are the values that, you know, we talk about. A lot of people talk about patriarchal society and I just thought it was funny that the solution to it was to make women men. Because that system, like men are hierarchical in nature. So a man wants to have a chain of command, like this guy's above this guy. And women are more egalitarian or the feminists more egalitarian, meaning everybody's equal level playing field, like, let's do what's fair. We don't need to have anyone be the winner and someone else be the loser. And so it's funny that the solution to kind of a patriarchal society would be for women to adopt the male values of hierarchy is what ends up happening. And it's not good because women don't want to necessarily compete in that space. A lot of women, and a lot of women don't even realize this until they're actually with a masculine man and they're able to relax and they're feminine. Then they realize, oh, wow, I don't have to. There's this narrative that society gives you that, oh, you got to go and get a job and climb the corporate ladder and do all these things which are really masculine type of things. Not to say that there's an anything wrong with it if you enjoy doing that. But a lot of women are finding that they don't actually enjoy doing that, but they feel like that's what they're supposed to do, right? And so that's why they're lost in life. And then when they realize, oh no, I could actually get into a relationship where there's a man that's masculine that takes care of me, that I trust, then I can relax in that feminine and be that. And maybe it's worth talking a little bit about because I think some people think the whole masculine and feminine is a woo woo concept. It's not real. But like, what is masculine versus what is feminine?

Nicole [00:17:58]: Well, I wanted to add a little bit to that because I think that you can still have the yin and yang with a woman working. But I would say ideally, if a woman wants to work. Because I'm all for, you know, if you went to school and you got a degree and you love what you do.

Unknown_C [00:18:15]: Yeah, for sure.

Nicole [00:18:16]: Do it for sure. But I would say even like part time would allow her to spend time with her children if she has it, allow her to have more of that, like, feminine energy to like, do what she wants. That is like feminine and, you know, her time, her me time, but still get to work and be involved in the career that she really loves. Like you said, some women, they're just like, I have to do this and I don't really want to do it. And I do think women are being more vocal about that. Like we've talked about, like, you see plenty of tiktoks of like stay at home wives and stay at home girlfriends, stay at home moms. That instead of like how it used to be, like you said, where people would be like, oh, you just don't want to work or you're lazy or what are you doing? Like now people are more embracing that. And even women are like, this is the life that I want. Like, they're actually saying that. So I do think it's, you know, it's coming a little.

Unknown_C [00:19:09]: I think so.

Nicole [00:19:09]: But I'm also trying to say that, like, if you are a woman that wants to work, there's nothing wrong with that. I think that you could probably find a better balance than, you know, just feeling like you have to work all the time. Like work the amount that fulfills you while also fulfilling your like, feminine side and your motherly side and things like that, your wifely side. So I just wanted to throw that in there because I don't think that everyone has to just stay home.

Unknown_C [00:19:37]: Oh yeah, no, I, I agree with that.

Nicole [00:19:39]: Like, yeah, it's hard to just stay home, like in different ways. Like, I'm not saying like, right work wise, it's hard. I would say more like mentally it can be like more challenging just because it's like you're in the same space. You get time to do the things that you want to do. But like, your whole life is like relationships and like, I value that. I love that. It's hard for me too at times though, because I'm very like sensitive to other people's emotions and things like that. And you know, there's things that I've had to like, heal and work on and continue to work on because I'm faced with like so many triggers right from like being a parent, like in this parent role, being a wife. Like, I was not Those things like a year ago. So it's like it's, it's constantly learning. So it's like it's work in other ways where I feel like if you're working in like a career outside the home, you're like focused on that type of work.

John [00:20:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:37]: Not saying that people don't focus on their internal work, but I'm just saying like when you are at home, it's different types of work that you need to focus on.

Unknown_C [00:20:44]: Exactly, yeah.

Nicole [00:20:45]: It's not necessarily like good or bad, it's just different. And a lot of actually like stay at home moms or stay at home wives or things like that talk about that.

John [00:20:53]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:53]: Which is also good too. But again, sometimes you get the people who are like, you don't have a job, like, what are, what problems do you have? And like, don't get me wrong, like, I don't have work related problems.

John [00:21:05]: Right.

Nicole [00:21:05]: But they're different and I'm grateful for that. Right, but there are other challenges that you face is all I'm just trying to say.

Unknown_C [00:21:11]: Of course. Yeah. And I think that's very true. And again, it's. I think part of it too, and I'll get into the masculine versus the film, like, what are they? But is that it's. We talked about this in some other episodes, is that there are certain things that as a man in my masculine, it's easier for me to handle. Right, right. And there's certain things that are harder for me to handle that are easier for you to handle. And it's like, it's a synergy, like we're working together, you know, and if you see yourself as one, then you don't really think, oh, well, men and women, you don't really think, well, he. Why does he do these things? And he gets to do this and you know, or however you want to. Because people complain on both sides, like, why does she get to stay home? Or you know, why does he have to be. Why does he. Why is he the boss? Why is he the authority or the leader? You know? And the answer is, if you're thinking in terms of one, those questions don't make any sense at all. Because it's. You're.

Nicole [00:22:06]: Well, and it's actually different. You're like, wow, like, I'm so appreciative that he is taking on this stressor for me because it doesn't stress him out and it gives me this freedom and this peace now. Like, it should be looked at that way that I just described because that is truly what it is. And it's hard for me. It's been hard for me when you're like, hey, I can handle this. Like, give me this. And I'm like, what? Like, no, this is stressful. Like, I'm not giving you this. Like, I don't want to put stress on you. And you're like, no, I can handle it. And you do handle it.

John [00:22:37]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:37]: And it does give me more peace in my life. And so that's what it really should be looked at, like. But I agree with you that some people, it's very like, well, why does she get to stay home? Or, like, why does he get to tell me what to do? And. But the thing is, like, if you're viewing it that way, you have some other sort of problems that are causing you to, like, fight so hard against.

Unknown_C [00:23:00]: This thing, and you can't be feminine as a woman unless I'm taking a lot of that stuff off of you so that you don't. You're not burdened with all of these decisions and the stress. And those are the things that, honestly, like I said as a man, they're easy for me. But then it allows you to be feminine, which then unlocks the thing that's actually valuable to me as a man, which is the nurturing, because I need that. You know what I mean? I need the support, the nurturing, the caring that I don't necessarily have and that I don't have someone else to fill that role for me, which gives me the strength to be able to take on the outside. It's almost like the man is the shield that covers. Protects the family and the woman from the outside. Exactly. And so if that shield isn't up, the softness inside can't be into. There has to be a shield.

Nicole [00:23:49]: Well, the softness has to get hard. Everyone has to be hard to create. Yeah.

Unknown_C [00:23:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:53]: Well, you actually made me think about, like, going way, way back to, like, tribal days, Right. Like, the masculinity is about survival.

Unknown_C [00:24:04]: Right.

Nicole [00:24:05]: And when a woman is taking on the masculine things, like paying her bills so she can survive and having food so she can survive, like, you're in survival mode, which is masculinity.

John [00:24:16]: Right.

Nicole [00:24:17]: Like, back in tribal days, the guy went and got food, and the wives stayed with the other tribe members and took care of the children, and they did. Or they made clothes or they did things like that. Like, that is where they got to use their feminine side to really provide for not only her family, but the whole tribe community. Right. They use their strengths, which was the nurturing and the caring and the home making, or TP making, I guess you could say back then. And the guys went out and they got the food and that was. But that was like the money of that time, right? Like, food was what you needed to survive, and it was not easy to get. You couldn't just go to the grocery store. You had to go hunt. So like today, making the money is almost like the hunting and the gathering that the man would do.

John [00:25:11]: Right.

Nicole [00:25:11]: And he's providing that shield. He's providing survival for his family with those things. And the woman is, like you said, providing like the home and taking care of the kids and like caring about the family unit in the ways that she'll do it.

John [00:25:27]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:25:28]: It's survive and thrive.

Nicole [00:25:29]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:25:30]: He's the survival. She makes you thrive.

Nicole [00:25:33]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:25:33]: You know, so. But. But it is important to have those. Those separate roles. And I guess that's where maybe we've kind of already defined some pieces of it, but just for the. For. For everyone that doesn't understand masculine versus feminine the way I would define masculine. Right. The masculine energy is. Is analytical. Is a rock hard? A rock. Right. You know. You know, you can think of a rock like not being swept away by the wind. Not emotional. Right. Analytical.

Nicole [00:26:01]: I was just literally thinking of a rock like, this is a guy like rock.

Unknown_C [00:26:05]: Yeah. Someone you can count on, depend on.

Nicole [00:26:08]: No, I know what you mean.

Unknown_C [00:26:09]: Unshifting and so. And, you know, seeking to break through obstacles.

Nicole [00:26:15]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:26:15]: Seeking freedom. Right. Those are the things that is masculine. Whereas the feminine is sort of the opposite of that. Right. The feminine is soft. The feminine is nurturing. The feminine is not thinking about the future, but is in the now, in the present moment. That's dancing, enjoying the pleasures of life. You know what I mean? The man's like, no, we don't have time for fun. We got to get work done.

Nicole [00:26:41]: The feminines and more playful sort of thing.

Unknown_C [00:26:45]: Yeah. And. And, and that is an emotional. Right. And the emotional side of things, which neither is good or bad.

John [00:26:53]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:26:53]: It's. It's like a man. I talked about this in one of my videos about if you just had a masculine world, it would not be a very fun place. It would just be work. It would just be like, like the Vulcans from Star Trek, where nothing is. Everything is logical. And. And so the man needs some femininity in his life to actually enjoy life, the thriving part of life. And you know, and if you had a totally feminine world, if it was just feminine, you wouldn't survive. Everyone would be like, oh, well, you know, everything's got to be fair. Everything's got to be equal. There would never be. We can't, we can't kill those people over there because, you know, even though we need to survive, like they're just going to, you know, we.

Nicole [00:27:37]: Are you talking about tribal days?

Unknown_C [00:27:38]: I'm talking about. Because, you know, more tribal days. But I'm just saying that you wouldn't have people to make the tough decisions that need to be made sometimes that, you know, because of that. Because, you know, sometimes you do need to be hard in life and sometimes you need the softness as well. You have to have a balance of the both. Both are necessary in order to survive as a species, but also in a relationship to survive because you can't just be run everything masculine. And what you see is actually, you see relationships that a lot of times today where it's masculine. Masculine, right. And a lot of guys set this up and they don't even realize it. Especially a lot of guys that I talk to in personal development because they get so good at developing themselves. They're like, I'm going to the gym, I'm working on my business. I wake up at 5:40 every morning. I do my things, I plan out my day, right? And then they meet a girl and they're like, all right, I got a buddy now, you know, and they start treating her like a buddy instead of a woman, instead of feminine. And so like, okay, we're going to wake up at 5:40 in the morning, gonna, we're gonna write down our to do list and we're gonna work on our, our businesses together and, and all these things and you know, go to the gym, right? And a lot of times the woman kind of goes along with that. And then, you know, their sex life is gone because there's no attraction anymore. Because they're the same. There's, there's no polarization. They're the same. And so they, they lose attraction for each other. They start to fight, they start to have problems or they just become best friends. And there's no actual sexual attraction. There's no chemistry. Yeah. And that's necessary. It needs to be there. That's what holds the people together is that connection, which is the polarity. I think more so women resist the idea, Right. No man is going to tell me what to do. I can. I don't need a leader. In fact, I just heard one of my coaching clients, is he a discussion with his ex girlfriend, she said I don't need a leader. Why do you think that Women are so opposed to this kind of idea of a man.

Nicole [00:29:49]: I think they don't respect the man enough or they think that they know more than the man. And sometimes they do.

Unknown_C [00:29:58]: Sometimes, yeah.

Nicole [00:29:59]: But sometimes you need to realize that that man's probably not for you then. Like, unless you want to be the masculine and you want a feminine guy. But that normally isn't a very good dynamic just because it's not what naturally occurs. Right. So, like, some people make it work. Does it work?

Unknown_C [00:30:17]: Some people, sure.

Nicole [00:30:18]: Because it is that polarity like we talked about.

Unknown_C [00:30:21]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:21]: But it. It is a little off just because it's not the natural, like, responses. It's like a woman learned to be more masculine and a guy learned to be more feminine. And so it's. But it's not like, their natural way that they want to be. Like, do they exist still in that state? Yes, because that's what they know. And, you know, a lot of people exist in just what they know and what they're comfortable with now, even if it's not the best for them.

John [00:30:46]: Right.

Nicole [00:30:47]: So, like, I think that ultimately, if a woman doesn't respect. Respect your leadership or, like, respect you as the masculine part of the relationship, she might still be operating from a just really highly masculine place. And your masculinity is not overpowering hers. Right, right. Because it's the. I was pretty masculine before you came along.

John [00:31:18]: Right.

Nicole [00:31:19]: But you overpowered that.

John [00:31:21]: Right.

Nicole [00:31:22]: And to a point where. Not, like, disrespectfully.

Unknown_C [00:31:24]: No, no.

Nicole [00:31:25]: Not like, you know, in any other way besides me being like, wow, like, he is a man. He knows what he's doing. I trust that he knows what he's doing. Is there still times where I feel like I might know a better solution to a problem we're having? Right, sure, sure. But, you know, we've had those discussions, and we've worked through those sort of things, but at the end of the.

Unknown_C [00:31:46]: Day, I listen to you.

Nicole [00:31:48]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:31:48]: And I take.

Nicole [00:31:49]: Well, that's the key. And that's what women are afraid of. That's what I think they're afraid of, is that they don't want some guy to be like, I'm the leader. You're gonna do this. And a lot of men that are confused about masculinity, right. They think, okay, I just need to tell her what to do, or, I need to be bossy. I need to be an. I need to, you know, just tell her to do it, and she needs to just do it.

John [00:32:12]: Right.

Nicole [00:32:12]: That's not how it works. You've talked about the captain of the ship thing. And so. And a woman's not gonna respect you and trust you if she feels like she's just. You're her manager, like, exactly. Like you're just telling her what to do. Like, that's. That's not the same as a leader.

Unknown_C [00:32:29]: A leader, Servant leadership.

Nicole [00:32:31]: Right. Like, they want somebody to just do whatever they want. And that's why those guys are like, why can't we go back to the 50s, the 40s? You know, like, a woman was doing whatever a man said because she could not go get a job. She had no money.

John [00:32:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:32:45]: She had nothing. So she did. They were more submissive, but it wasn't because she wanted to. It's because she needed to survive.

John [00:32:53]: Right.

Nicole [00:32:53]: And the difference is a woman will want to submit to you and follow your leadership if she feels like you can handle life better than she's already doing it. And the thing is that women do have jobs now. They can do a lot of the stuff, like get a job, have a bank account, you know, vote now. So men have to bring more to a woman's table.

Unknown_C [00:33:20]: Yeah, absolutely.

Nicole [00:33:21]: Than back in the day. Because back in the day, if you had a job, you were like, you won.

Unknown_C [00:33:26]: Yeah, like, exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:27]: That's why so many people, too, got married so quickly, because it's like, oh, he has a job. He's going to, like, take care of me. Cool. Yeah. Let me wipe him up real quick so that I don't have to worry about being homeless or whatever women had to worry about back then because they just couldn't have a job. They couldn't make their own money. So I think that now men have to kind of step up and prove that they have more to give to a woman.

John [00:33:55]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:55]: Than just financial security. Like, a woman will, like, value that. And some women, that's all they value still.

John [00:34:05]: Right.

Nicole [00:34:06]: Which is, I don't think the right way to be at all either. But now that a woman can have her own job and survive. Right, Right. Like, now she's the hunter, gatherer and the women of the tribe.

Unknown_C [00:34:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:21]: A man has to bring something else.

John [00:34:23]: Right.

Nicole [00:34:24]: And so it should be that masculine energy. It should be that he is so competent. Like, masculine. Yeah. And competent and, like, knows what he's doing in those areas. That she can now give you those masculine responsibilities that she has.

Unknown_C [00:34:43]: Right.

Nicole [00:34:43]: And that, a lot of times is financial. It is, you know, maybe taking on stressors of hers that men can handle.

Unknown_C [00:34:51]: Making decisions.

Nicole [00:34:53]: Right. Making a decision that she doesn't have to Be like, oh, he's going to, you know, go. You know, women can be worried that men are going to spend money on stupid things, too. So it's like, you know, being like, can he even handle his finances? We were talking about this the other day that, like, if a man can't handle his finances.

John [00:35:12]: Right.

Nicole [00:35:13]: I would tell a woman, leave.

Unknown_C [00:35:15]: Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:17]: Like, because what is he gonna do? You're gonna take him on. You've learned to handle your finances.

John [00:35:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:35:23]: And now you're gonna be in charge of the finances. We were actually at the ballet, the Nutcracker, a few weeks ago, and this woman behind us is talking about how she, like, plans to dates. She manages their money.

Unknown_C [00:35:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:35:36]: You know, all this stuff. And I just wanted to turn around, like, leave us.

Unknown_C [00:35:41]: We can help you. Here's our business card.

Nicole [00:35:43]: Yeah, but, you know, we didn't. But still, it's like, so kind of like we were talking about with the marriage. It's like, at this point, men have to provide something that a woman doesn't have.

Unknown_C [00:35:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:56]: And most women want to be feminine, and most women want a masculine man to take over those things so she can embrace her femininity more.

Unknown_C [00:36:04]: And you can't be emotional either, because he has to bring that to the table too. Right. Because she has to be able to depend on. On his analytical mind that he's not going to lose his shit and just start, you know, freaking out. You know, because she might be freaking out. Someone's got to not be freaking out. It's got to be the guy.

Nicole [00:36:21]: And that's not to say you can't talk about, like, when you have problems and, like, things like that. But I do agree with that. And I will use an example of why I feel like, as a woman, you need a man.

Unknown_C [00:36:34]: Okay, let's hear it.

Nicole [00:36:38]: So there was a poor bunny in our yard. Luckily, I was not at home, but still, even if I had been at home, right. John sends me this video of this bird pecking this baby bunny's head. And it was like, I guess had a gash in its side, too, so it obviously wasn't going to, like, survive. And so we're having this, like, real time conversation. He's like, I have to, you know, go take care of this. And I was like, thank God I'm not there, because, like, I don't even want to see this. And he had to chop the baby bunny's head off. And, like, he did it to put it out of its misery. I understand that. And that is the right Thing. However, even though I know it's the right thing for the bunny, I don't think I could have done that.

Unknown_C [00:37:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:24]: Like, because of the like feminine side of me. Right. It's like I understand this, this baby bunny is dying, but like I cannot chop its head off.

Unknown_C [00:37:34]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:37:35]: Like the feminine side of me is like, wants to cry even just thinking about it. But like the fact that you were there to do that, like was the right thing to do. That I don't think I could have done.

Unknown_C [00:37:48]: And for me, it's not like I didn't have any, any sorrowful.

Nicole [00:37:52]: No. Yeah. I'm not saying you did.

Unknown_C [00:37:53]: It was, it was pretty easy for me to do. It wasn't hard. You know, I didn't think about it.

Nicole [00:37:58]: Much more the rest of the street to like cut off those emotions that maybe would build up for the actual situation. But you would be like, I need to do this.

Unknown_C [00:38:06]: Like it's the right thing because it's, it's the mission. It has to be done. You know what I mean?

Nicole [00:38:10]: That's right.

Unknown_C [00:38:11]: And that's the difference, you know, the masculine versus the feminine. And like I said, neither is. Is good nor bad. It's that, you know, you don't want to be someone that can just chop off baby bunnies heads with no care at all.

Nicole [00:38:23]: Yeah.

Unknown_C [00:38:24]: And be that kind. You know, just then he might be a serial killer, but that' where the, the feminine needs to be in your life as well. You need a woman.

Nicole [00:38:32]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:38:32]: That brings the feminine energy, the relax, the chill out a little bit man. Like, you know.

Nicole [00:38:37]: Yeah. Have some fun.

Unknown_C [00:38:38]: Exactly. Right. So I think that's it is, it is really important. But, but I would say that. Okay, so what you described with, with women, with the resistance that they have, you're. You're saying they need a masculine man. And, and I'll say real quick about that. It is like a magnet. In fact, correct me if I'm wrong, I'm sure commenters will, but I'm almost certain of this. There's a thing called magnetic induction. Okay, and what magnetic induction is if you take a north pole magnet and another north pole magnet, okay. And one is way stronger than the other, and you bring this and you push them together. This weaker magnet will actually flip poles and will become a South pole magnet. You don't have to turn it, it will just flip. Its magnetic field will flip just like the earth magnet field is about to flip and we're going to all shit's going to break loose.

Nicole [00:39:27]: I remember this vaguely in school.

Unknown_C [00:39:29]: And so then the north magnet will become a south magnet. And so I think that there's a lot of masculine women, which they have.

Nicole [00:39:37]: To be in some degree if they're.

Unknown_C [00:39:38]: On their own, but they're not going to be as masculine as a masculine man, because that's not their calling.

Nicole [00:39:44]: Natural way. Yeah.

Unknown_C [00:39:45]: Masculine man comes in and this is for the men out there that are like, I can't find a feminine woman. Make one. In the sense that if you are in your masculine and you be the man, even if you encounter a woman that's a total feminist and is very much anti femme feminism. What am I saying? Femininity. Anti femininity. It's those two words. But, you know, if you're a strong masculine guy, she may flip over and become more feminine in your presence and.

Nicole [00:40:17]: You feel more safe. And it's like, like we talked about, if you don't have that masculinity as the outer shield.

John [00:40:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:25]: Then the softness inside has to be hard.

Unknown_C [00:40:27]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:40:28]: To protect it.

John [00:40:29]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:29]: And so it might take a little bit of time to flip a masculine woman into a more feminine woman, but you can do it. She will let the shell down once she realizes it's safe. It's so important for a man to be safe.

John [00:40:46]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:47]: Like, and a woman to feel safe with a man, because otherwise there's no benefit of her having a man. Then she's just taking on more risk if she has a man. That's not safe.

John [00:40:57]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:58]: And I'm not saying that women don't do that. Like, you know, some women don't pick the best guys to be with, and it ends up being more of a hassle on her life than a benefit. But the thing is that there has to be that safety for her to let down her shield and be the soft person that she is, because it's not worth putting the shield down and getting hurt and bombarded. And then that just pushes you more and more to the jaded side, which, like, I was that person too. And I know a lot of women that are jaded like that too. And it's. It's understandable. I mean, like, they've been burned and it's. It is hard to find a really masculine man. And like you said, most women are masculinized these days in one way or another as they are going to be if they're on their own. But I don't know if there's enough of those really masculine men that can transform these women.

John [00:41:53]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:53]: And so that's why it's Harder on everybody. Like, women can't find the more masculine guys that they are really looking forward to trust, put their trust in and be safe with. And then guys, you know, they're. They're like, well, this woman's not feminine, but she can't be until she has that security.

Unknown_C [00:42:13]: Exactly. And guys are confused because society sort of has been emasculating men for a long time now. Telling them by telling men that their masculine is toxic by saying that.

Nicole [00:42:29]: I think there are some toxic.

Unknown_C [00:42:31]: There's toxic behavior.

Nicole [00:42:32]: Andrew Tate.

Unknown_C [00:42:33]: Well, there's toxic behavior.

Nicole [00:42:36]: That's true. There's toxic people.

Unknown_C [00:42:38]: Yeah. And it's not a masculine or feminine thing. Right. But a lot of the core attributes that a lot of young boys and men have, a lot of times in society, the narrative has been that those are not good things. And so they're not encouraged in a positive direction of masculinity.

John [00:42:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:42:58]: Well, I think to. Why you don't hear, like, toxic femininity is because, like, like you said, masculinity is. It's a little more dangerous.

Unknown_C [00:43:10]: Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:11]: In nature, like, going back to, like, the tribal thing.

John [00:43:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:14]: Like, you're going out and hunting and killing something.

John [00:43:16]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:17]: Like, a woman is like, taking care of children. So there's not, like, yes, there are things that you can do wrong in femininity, and there are things that you can really mess up. Like, you can really mess up a child, and that is bad, but it's not like life or death usually in those instances. Whereas, like, manly man tasks are a little bit more like life or death. And so it's a little bit more dangerous for a man to be, like, I guess, toxic masculinity. And I only say that, like, I see that in the sense of kind of like what I mentioned before, where it's like, just some guy who's like, you need to do this. And, like, don't ask questions and just do it. Like, it's more from, like, a misunderstanding of even what masculinity is. And then people call it toxic.

Unknown_C [00:44:05]: Exactly. Yeah. And it comes down to, you know, I would say it's. It's doing things in the right way. It's not, you know, men. Yes. Masculinity. Can it be aggressive and dangerous? Yes. Yeah, sure, it can be, but that doesn't mean that it's bad or wrong. And sometimes that aggressiveness and dangerousness is necessary. Right. And I think what.

Nicole [00:44:34]: In certain circumstances. But I think some people, too, get that mixed up, too. Like, when is the actual, like, you need to be aggressive and assertive. Moment. And when it's not right.

Unknown_C [00:44:44]: Exactly. And I think that there's also this thing that happened or that's been happening recently where I won't name names, but there's some women who are professing femininity. Right. And they're attacking women, which is a very masculine thing to do. Right. In order to do that. And so they turn a lot of women off to femininity because they will say something that they will say, oh, well, you know, if you're a wife, you need to be doing this. And this is why it sucks to be a man today. They will sort of have the narrative that some of these angry men have, which. Those angry men, they eat that up. And to a degree, sometimes the things that they're saying are not entirely incorrect. They're expressing the frustrations of men, but they're not doing anything to help women become more feminine by attacking them. And. And they're displaying masculinity because to be harsh and abrasive is a more masculine trait where to be soft and nurturing and a little bit more. What's the word? I want to say meek, but it's not compassionate. Yeah. To not be as out there is a more feminine trait. And so I think it's an interesting thing. So I guess where I'm getting at with that is that there's still a lot of women that are like, they don't even believe what you're saying when you're saying, okay, they just need to find a masculine man because they're like, I don't even want a masculine man. They're like, I don't need one. I don't believe in masculinity.

Nicole [00:46:23]: That's why I'm trying to explain.

Unknown_C [00:46:24]: So what is the. Yeah, I guess. I mean, and I guess we've. We've talked about that. But. But like, from your perspective, being a woman that was more in her mask and that probably thought, oh, I. I don't. I just want. I want equal partner. Not a. Not a masculine man. I don't need. You know, I don't need that. What makes you change that viewpoint? Like, what is the benefit? Like, how. I guess I could say in this relationship, do you feel that it's better to be able to be in your feminine rather than what you thought before?

Nicole [00:46:58]: Yeah, I mean, I do think it's what I described. And I do think that women who are in their masculine. And if they want to find a masculine guy.

John [00:47:10]: Right.

Nicole [00:47:10]: They need to realize that what they need to do is to find somebody that is like very masculine, that they trust.

John [00:47:20]: Right.

Nicole [00:47:21]: That is going to provide them security in multiple ways because that's the only way that a woman gets out of it. Like, I never was really any different until you came along and you didn't force me.

Unknown_C [00:47:40]: Right. So you're saying, just to interject real quick, we can't make the logical argument to these women, no matter what we say. If we say it's better to be feminine, it's better. They're not going to believe it until they actually experience it and see it. So we can make the argument. And maybe some women might listen to this and be a little bit more open minded, but they're not gonna buy. No matter how much we sell it, they're not gonna buy it until they find that guy and they actually experience it.

Nicole [00:48:05]: I didn't buy it.

John [00:48:06]: Right.

Nicole [00:48:07]: I didn't buy it.

Unknown_C [00:48:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:09]: I thought it was just being submissive. I thought it was just listening to what a guy said until you came along and you were masculine, but also listened to me and valued the intelligence that I had. You valued the feminine aspects of me that I had to, you know, kind of put on the back burner because I was trying to survive.

John [00:48:33]: Right.

Nicole [00:48:33]: You know, which is a more masculine thing, like we talked about. And. Yeah. I wish I could tell you that there would be something that I could tell women. But having been that women, that woman, all I can tell women is that they need to really look for a masculine guy that they trust and that gives them some sort of security.

John [00:48:54]: Right.

Nicole [00:48:56]: Like I said, he doesn't have to pay all the bills. You can work, you know, but you have to put your 100% trust in him or else it's not gonna work.

John [00:49:09]: Right.

Nicole [00:49:09]: Like, and you need to get to that point. Like, I don't, I can't really describe how I knew when I met you that I had that, like, instantly. Because trust is something that you don't want to just like, give 100 to somebody there you're on a first date with.

Unknown_C [00:49:28]: Sure.

Nicole [00:49:29]: But I felt like there were things that, like, obviously you were acting in a masculine way. I could tell you were a masculine guy. You, like, were genuinely involved in the conversation with me. Like, you would tell me things that like, you knew, you know, and like, inform me in a way that wasn't like, belittling me. I feel like women really value that too. Especially, like intelligent women. They don't want to be talked down to or things like that. And that's where Also, like, the captain of the ship thing is important and that men need to realize that it's not just bossing people around. It's like taking into consideration the people on your ship.

John [00:50:08]: Right.

Nicole [00:50:08]: And leading them in a way that you believe is the best because you took all this information in. And so, yeah, like, I think the biggest thing is that women just have to experience it because it's really hard to get out of that. And it's really hard for a woman to, like, make a man masculine. That's not going to work.

Unknown_C [00:50:35]: Yeah. I mean, there are some things I think you can do to encourage the masculine attributes that the man is displaying.

Nicole [00:50:41]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:50:41]: And we could talk about that maybe in another episode. We should probably do an episode on how to be masculine in a relationship. How to be feminine in a relationship. I think that would make sense.

Nicole [00:50:50]: But, yeah, I mean, so, like, I want to tell you that, like, there's another way, but I just. Having been that woman, and that's what I want women listening to this to realize is that I was that woman.

John [00:51:03]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:03]: Like, to my core, you can ask any of my friends who knew me when I was single, I was that woman. And it really is, like a trust thing, and it really is like your masculinity overpowered mine. And like I said, I looked up to my dad as a role model, so I had, I feel like, probably even a little bit more masculinity.

Unknown_C [00:51:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:51:24]: Or I was leaning more heavily on that.

John [00:51:26]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:51:26]: And a lot of times when I'm single, tend to raise their daughters to be more. Because they're trying to teach them survival traits.

Nicole [00:51:33]: Right. And, like, logical things and, you know, how to, like, how to change a.

Unknown_C [00:51:37]: Tire in their car and that kind of thing. Which, yeah, it is important, but sometimes also, it also ends up.

Nicole [00:51:43]: But it's also good because then women won't just go and date some guy and change your oil or something. You know what I mean? So there are. There is a benefit. But the thing is that, like, he has to overpower hers if she's masculine.

Unknown_C [00:51:57]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:51:57]: And that will really only happen. And I'm not saying I don't want guys to be like, oh, I need to, like, tell her what to do and try to make her submissive. It's like, you have to embody that because women can tell if you're a true man or you're not.

Unknown_C [00:52:12]: Yeah. And. And the thing is, a woman always has to choose, to submit to you, to choose. You can't make her. You can't dominate her.

Nicole [00:52:21]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:52:22]: She Chooses to submit to you, you show dominance. You don't dominate her.

Nicole [00:52:26]: And the only way she's going to submit to you by choice is if she trusts you, right?

Unknown_C [00:52:31]: And just to speak to, like, our situation. And how did I act with you when we first met? I treated you in the exact same way that I treat you now that I, even when I just barely knew you. Because I would do this just for any woman, is I would want to protect, want to take care of, pick up the bill, do the thing. You know what I mean? Treat you with respect, make sure that you're treated like a woman and you feel like you're being treated like a woman and feminine, right? And so I didn't try and force you to be, you know, and even I think for a lot of guys, when a woman is putting up this resistance, she's like, oh, don't open a door for me. Or she's. You don't get razzled by that. You just still do what you're gonna do as a man. And if she wants to walk off on the date because you opened the car door for her, then, hey, that's fine. Don't get upset about it. Let her still be a gentleman, you know, whatever. Wish her a good night and say, say that's okay, you know, and that is really being masculine, right? Because you're not being affected by these.

Nicole [00:53:36]: Things again, that's where genuine, which I think is important because, like, you can't just go around opening the doors and, like, and then come back and go on the Internet and be like, I opened your door and she hates me. It's like, okay, you open the door for the wrong. Like, you're not truly embodying being a gentleman, being a man. You're just doing the motions, right?

Unknown_C [00:53:58]: And a woman will test you. She might. A woman needs to test a man to push back and see. So if you open the door for her and she says, oh, I don't need a man to open the door, are you now going to be like, oh, I'm sorry, I won't do it again? Or are you going to say, well, you know, I open doors for women. That's what I do.

Nicole [00:54:16]: Right?

Unknown_C [00:54:17]: And that again, that's not a mean thing. It's not being an asshole to say that. It's just being yourself and saying, I'm not going to compromise who I am, but doing it in a respectful way. Then maybe she's like, oh, okay, well, maybe I'll let you open the door.

Nicole [00:54:30]: For me, but she should warm up if you're doing it for the right.

Unknown_C [00:54:33]: But she's going to test you in some way. Because the feminine is always testing the masculine, by the way.

Nicole [00:54:38]: Well, it goes back.

Unknown_C [00:54:39]: Is he still strong? Is he still hard? Is he going to.

Nicole [00:54:43]: It goes back to the tribe days. It's like, are you gonna actually kill this deer when you see it out? Like, are you gonna bring food home? Like, it's the same thing. Like, you have to kind of do a little testing to be like, is he just gonna, like, let me be the masculine one?

Unknown_C [00:54:59]: Is he gonna do whatever I say?

Nicole [00:55:00]: Right?

Unknown_C [00:55:01]: Is he, Is he ever gonna say no? Is he ever going to, you know, disagree with me? Right.

Nicole [00:55:06]: Or is he just people pleasing?

Unknown_C [00:55:08]: Right. Yeah, exactly. So. So, you know, because guys can be chameleons in the sense that they just want one thing and they'll. Whatever they can do to get that thing.

Nicole [00:55:18]: Women know that.

Unknown_C [00:55:19]: And unfortunately, those behaviors actually, for men actually make sure that they're not going to get that thing. Because women are a little bit smarter than that. What we've learned, they see when you're. When you're trying to. Trying to do that thing. But, but, yeah, but the masculine, you know, the feminine is going to test the masculine, so.

Nicole [00:55:32]: Yeah.

Unknown_C [00:55:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:34]: Well, did we miss anything?

Unknown_C [00:55:35]: I. I think we. I mean, there's a lot to it. The only thing I would say, like, the last thing I'd say is that we talked a lot about women embracing kind of the feminine, some of the benefits for that in the relationship. But I will say to men being masculine in relationship, because a lot of guys are starting to get this 5050 mindset. And, well, if women want this, it should be fair.

Nicole [00:55:58]: Yeah, they're kind of getting more feminine because they're like, well, why can't I stay at home? And they want the benefits of the feminine side as well. And to try to be the man of the house at the same time.

Unknown_C [00:56:13]: And I hear them say all the time, it's like, well, you never blame women for anything. Like, women are responsible for their own behavior, which they are. Well, but if you're the man, you're responsible for everybody in the household's behavior. Now, you can't always control their behavior, but you're still ultimately responsible. You still have to hold yourself.

Nicole [00:56:35]: If you're in charge.

Unknown_C [00:56:36]: Yeah. If you're going to be the captain of the ship and someone in your crew does something wrong and jeopardizes the ship, it's not their fault. It's your fault. You have to deal with that person. Or deal with the situation and hopefully make sure that doesn't happen again. Or figure out where did you go wrong with not giving the correct instruction or doing things in the right way, you know, so. So that doesn't happen. But it's. You have to own everything, right? And so that's the thing.

Nicole [00:57:06]: It's like, well, think of it like a business, right? Like, the man should be the business and the woman is this employee. Right. This is an example.

Unknown_C [00:57:14]: I know, yeah. People get upset, but it's fine.

Nicole [00:57:16]: You go to a restaurant.

Unknown_C [00:57:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:17]: Well, just for this example, you go to a restaurant and you know, Brittany, the waitress is horrible, Right. Are they gonna come to the restaurant, just not request Brittany? No, they're gonna go on the restaurants Google and review the whole restaurant and not come back because of Brittany.

John [00:57:35]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:36]: So the thing is, like, the business takes the hit even though it was this one employee, right? Like, the business is not going to be like, no, it was just Brittany. Like, Brittany's probably go get fired.

Unknown_C [00:57:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:48]: But they're not going to throw, like, you can't just pinpoint it on her. It becomes the business as a whole's responsibility because they hired her. So it is a man's responsibility because he married her. He chose her.

Unknown_C [00:58:01]: See? Exactly. Yeah, exactly. That's it. That's. That's what it comes down to. Because that's what I tell guys all the time. They're like, oh, well, this, you know, my girlfriend, my wife did. She did this to me. This, that, that. I'm like, well, I mean, one of two things, you either chose wrong, which is still your fault, or you didn't give her the right instruction or encouragement or treat her in the right way or training to, you know, how someone should treat you. And that's what happened, right. You know, I mean, like, you didn't. You did something wrong, or when she first exhibited some of this behavior, you didn't end the relationship. So somehow you still have to take responsibility as a man and realize it. And again, if you're the leader and she's following your lead, if she's following your emotional lead, she's following the things that you do, then, hey, then you got to take responsibility. And that's the thing, is that, you know, and it is hard. I think that the last thing about it is, like, because I think if a lot of women are like, oh, yeah, I do. I do believe in traditional relationship.

Nicole [00:59:02]: The new traditional.

Unknown_C [00:59:03]: Yeah, the new traditional. It's hard. It is hard to find men that are strong men.

Nicole [00:59:09]: I'm not trying to, like, Right. Shit on men. It is hard, right? And like I said, it's hard to find men more masculine than women are these days because they've been taking care of themselves on their own for a long time. So like I said, you have to bring something to the table.

John [00:59:26]: Right.

Nicole [00:59:26]: And it isn't money.

John [00:59:28]: Right.

Nicole [00:59:28]: Like, yeah, that should be something that you do bring.

John [00:59:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:59:33]: In one way or another. But it's security in other ways.

John [00:59:37]: Right.

Unknown_C [00:59:37]: It's your masculine presence. It is being.

Nicole [00:59:39]: It's allowing her. What's more beneficial is allowing her to give you her masculine responsibilities and you lean on her to take care of things that she can provide better than you could on your own.

Unknown_C [00:59:54]: Yeah, yeah. And we. I mean, we need more strong men. You know, it's that. That whole. What's the saying is, you know, weak men create hard times. Hard times. Great. Strong men, strong men create weak times. You know, like, it's.

Nicole [01:00:08]: Well, and it's because it is a cycle. Is because not fight it as hard as they do. Like, if you found one that you trust, like, obviously, if you don't trust him, right. If you don't, you know, if you're not willing to put your, like, masculine responsibilities in his hands, yeah, he's not the one for you. But if you find a good guy, he treats you well, you, like, respect his masculine authority and you can give him that. Those responsibilities so that you could be more feminine. Don't try to resist it. Like, and if anything, you should feel somewhat. I'm not saying like an insult, instant, like, relief and relax into your femininity. I felt that. But you should feel some sort of shift. Like, you should feel more soft and more vulnerable in some way when you found a guy that you're like, okay, he can handle this. He's masculine enough that I can be softer and more vulnerable.

Unknown_C [01:01:05]: And men have to. You have to not be afraid to scare away women. And by you, you have to be masculine. Because I think a lot of guys are afraid. They're like, oh, she would never go for that. Or that. You know, there's this thing that was in the, you know, the 90s sitcoms or 2000 sitcoms where it's like, well, she's the boss. It's like happy wife, happy life. Like all these sort of things.

Nicole [01:01:30]: Which happy wife, happy life is, I mean, still true, but.

Unknown_C [01:01:35]: But it is true. But the way that it's used is to be like, just do whatever she wants. And that does not actually make a woman happy. Right, Right. So. But There's a lot of guys that defer as, like, oh, who wears the pants? Like, she wears the pants? Let me go ask the boss. Right? These kind of things that a lot of men have adopted into their psyche, and they're. They get married, and they're like, all right, well, you know, let the. Let the woman be in charge of me. They lose their. They put their balls in a jar, give it to her. And that's not the way to be as a man. Like, you have to. A lot of guys. And the reason why they do this is because they. They're. They like peace, right?

Nicole [01:02:13]: And so they don't, like, passive. It's like. So they're like, not really peace. Because eventually, too, he's gonna have some resentments because he's just. Or he's checking out and he's numb.

John [01:02:23]: Right.

Nicole [01:02:24]: But.

Unknown_C [01:02:24]: Or he becomes real feminine again.

Nicole [01:02:25]: This becomes a whole.

Unknown_C [01:02:27]: He becomes feminine in that case. And she becomes masculine and even more so masculine. Right. Because he is basically deferring to her, and she becomes just like we were saying that at the ballet. Right? That's the situation.

Nicole [01:02:41]: Yeah. And she was tired. That woman was complaining about it, like, she didn't want to do that.

Unknown_C [01:02:45]: So you do have to step up as a man, and you have to insist that you are going to be masculine and be masculine. And don't feel in a respectful way.

Nicole [01:02:53]: Like, again, I feel like men get confused.

Unknown_C [01:02:55]: But don't veer away from conflict and just let a woman have whatever she wants or have her way all the time, or let her make the decision. Because you're afraid. Afraid of conflict. You have to deal with the conflict in a proper way. Because a lot of guys, they're just like, I just want to have peace. And so they'll say, yes, dear. Because that's the more peaceful answer than.

Nicole [01:03:15]: Really split work, too.

Unknown_C [01:03:16]: Exactly. So.

John [01:03:17]: All right.

Nicole [01:03:18]: That's a whole another episode.

Unknown_C [01:03:19]: Yeah, we'll have to do one on. On how to be masculine. How to be feminine in a relationship. Because I think that's. That's important.

John [01:03:25]: So.

Nicole [01:03:25]: Yeah.

Unknown_C [01:03:26]: All right. You're the.

Nicole [01:03:27]: Yeah. Our thing for today or, like, this week. That's hard. I mean, I think we had, like, some conversations about, like, again, I guess kind of goes with this, like, trust, right?

Unknown_C [01:03:43]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:43]: Like, we obviously trust each other.

John [01:03:46]: Right.

Nicole [01:03:46]: We got married. But sometimes, you know, our anxiety or intrusive thoughts can be like, well, what about this? Especially when you're as close as we are.

Unknown_C [01:03:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:55]: Like, one little thing could make you be like, oh, my God, he Like, didn't tell me I love me this morning. And so he hates me. And so, like, is he gonna leave me? Like, even though it's not logical, it's like, those things can still happen. And what we really need to fall back on always is the trust and give each other, like, the benefit of the doubt. Not that we don't do that, but I'm just saying that, like, we realized that when those intrusive thoughts, like, creep in, you gotta be like, no. Like, that's not reality. I trust this person. That's not happening. And I do this all the time. My intrusive thoughts are exactly like what I just said. And I feel like women have that more so. But you were kind of struggling with some intrusive thoughts this week.

Unknown_C [01:04:46]: And so I constructed a whole timeline that didn't exist.

Nicole [01:04:49]: Right.

Unknown_C [01:04:50]: I mean, it was just my mind spiraling into, you know, and, like, Larry talking about, part of it is just because I trust you so much that you're like.

Nicole [01:04:59]: I was like, no, like, miss, am I blind?

Unknown_C [01:05:01]: You know, it's. You know, it's. It's such a shock, a scare, and your mind can go into that. So I messed up. I should have.

Nicole [01:05:09]: No, but it was good because I got. I was. I was in your shoes, right? Like, from. You know, I'm like, would you love me if I'm a worm? Like, that's, like, a dumb example. But, like, I am the one normally with these stories that my brain has created because it's gone, like, on this, like, anxious spiral, and I have to come to you, and you're like, how did you even get here? And. But I was on the side of it right this time, and it was good for me because I'm like, I don't want to do this to you. Like, even though I'm not trying to. It's my anxiety brain.

Unknown_C [01:05:44]: Sure.

Nicole [01:05:45]: That, like, being on the other side of it, though, has helped me, like, realize that, like, the trust needs to be over those thoughts. Because normally it's like, the thoughts are so loud, and I try to push them down, and then they're louder, and then that's when they spiral, when they, like, really take over. And, like, you got to experience the thoughts taking over and going on this, like, joyride of worry and anxiety. But the thing is that we got married for a reason. Like, we went through stuff when we first got together, and, you know, we've overcome a lot of stuff, and, like, we wouldn't have gotten married if we didn't trust each other. And so we just need to, like, lean on that in those moments where our mind is, like, freaking out. And like I said, I think our minds freak out more than necessarily other people's because we're so close.

Unknown_C [01:06:41]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:06:41]: Like, we spend literally every day together. Like, besides, when you're working, like, we're always together. We're always doing something. We enjoy each other's company. So I think it just makes the little things, like I said, like, oh, he didn't bring me coffee this morning. He normally brings me coffee. Is like.

Unknown_C [01:06:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:06:59]: An avalanche of, like, anxiety. Whereas, like, other people would not even. That would not even show up on their radar.

Unknown_C [01:07:08]: So, yeah, it's like we forget that we're two separate people.

Nicole [01:07:12]: Right.

Unknown_C [01:07:13]: And then if you have some kind of event that makes you realize that, oh, we don't have the exact same mind, then you freak out a little bit about that, because now you're just like, oh, wait a minute, I didn't. You know, because you're just used to being synced up all the time. I guess how I describe it.

Nicole [01:07:30]: Yeah. And I mean, like, when you have something you're really afraid of losing.

Unknown_C [01:07:34]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:07:35]: It makes it a lot easier for that fear to come in and the anxiety to, like, try to be like, oh, well, like, this might be happening, or, you should do this. And, like, you know, what if he has this whole other life that you don't know about? So it's like, that is a very real thing. Like, the fear of losing one another can almost, like, cause you to do that, you know? Or, like, get to a point where you might lose each other.

John [01:08:02]: Right, Right.

Nicole [01:08:02]: So that's why it's so. Not that we were anywhere near that point. But I'm just saying that, like, if you.

Unknown_C [01:08:08]: If you let that go, right.

Nicole [01:08:10]: Like, you have to rely on the trust because you know that that's the truth and that's the core of it. And that will help defeat all the, like, anxiety and worries that pop and fear that pops up into your head because you have something so valuable.

Unknown_C [01:08:27]: All right. Well. All right. Good job. We did it. See you next time.

Nicole [01:08:33]: We're so awkward.