John [00:00:00]: I tell guys this all the time when I was coaching them. Would you rather have a girl that is, in your estimation, your rating A7, but just really wants you sexually badly, thinks you're the hottest thing in the world, or would you rather have a 10 who lets you have sex with her?

Nicole [00:00:15]: Men would pick a 10 that lets you would pick. That they should value the seven who actually cares about them. But you and I know.

John [00:00:24]: Look, see you.

Nicole [00:00:24]: That men would pick the 10. No, because this is what men do. They go around and they're like, guess who I banged last. Last night. They pull up the girls Instagram and they're like, okay, oh, you banged a 10. They're not gonna be like, I banged a 7, but she was really into me. The guy's gonna be like, sure, yeah.

John [00:00:41]: But beyond the perfect, we discover through.

Nicole [00:00:44]: Our flaws we complete each other.

John [00:00:48]: Better than perfect we stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where weekly we show you how two imperfect people helping each other become better equals one better than perfect relationship. Did I do it right?

Nicole [00:01:11]: I think so.

John [00:01:11]: I think I did it right. I don't know.

Nicole [00:01:13]: We're still. We're still working it, wondering if we got it right after how many episodes now? Six?

John [00:01:19]: I guess so. Yeah. So who knows? We'll, you know, it's. It'll be. It's better than perfect. A better than perfect intro.

Nicole [00:01:26]: There you go. Yeah. We're human.

John [00:01:27]: Yeah. So, yeah, so we were just talking about the origin of the matrix and I won't use the words because who knows what kind of algorithms might not like it.

Nicole [00:01:40]: That's true.

John [00:01:41]: Yeah. But angry men. Why are angry men in society today and all of those things.

Nicole [00:01:46]: But yeah, yeah, John might have to handle that one.

John [00:01:49]: Yeah. That could be a four hour episode.

Nicole [00:01:51]: I'm exhausted already. From the pre conversation to this conversation.

John [00:01:56]: Yeah, yeah, we'll do some kind of episode around the topic, but not quite. Pieces of different parts of it I think would make sense. Good. Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:05]: Cause we don't need all of what we just went into.

John [00:02:09]: Yeah. But I think it's important to represent, like, I mean, I was thinking about this actually this week because we just published the first episode this last week and we just published the second episode today. So the time travel thing we talked about last week, but there's a lot of angry men. I would, I would say. But I was thinking about it this way. Like, you know, earlier I was thinking about. So it's kind of like we gotta treat it as if we're doctors, right? I mean, cause they're sick, right? And again, it's not like I'm saying these words. I'm not saying it.

Nicole [00:02:44]: I mean, I guess guys don't care about that.

John [00:02:46]: Well, I'm not saying it. I mean there's a lot of people that are sick. I'm not saying it in like a really derogatory way. It's just that there's, there's like you can have these people that are saying all this stuff and, and you can be angry at them.

Nicole [00:02:57]: They're uninformed, right.

John [00:02:59]: And but what really is the problem is they're hurting or they have some kind of like, we should be treating them as a person with a disease that we're trying to help.

Nicole [00:03:07]: Which I have been in the comments, you know, some of them I'm just like, you know what? Like, yeah, I don't have the capacity to explain this to you.

John [00:03:15]: Yeah, you need.

Nicole [00:03:16]: And the hard part is a lot of these men are very committed to the idea that they have. And even if you do present the idea in a nice kind way, they're just really stuck on being hurt or upset.

John [00:03:31]: I'm not saying you can cure them. I'm just saying that they're like a terminally ill patient. They're like, you got to kind of feel bad for them.

Nicole [00:03:39]: Don't think that I don't treat them that way. When I see some of the comments, I'm like, yeah, but you feel bad.

John [00:03:44]: For them because that's really what, what it is. That's how I was thinking about. That's like, you know, they're, you know.

Nicole [00:03:51]: The confusing thing to me is just like guys saying this stuff like do you think women are going to find this attractive that you're talking bad about women? This could be a whole nother episode.

John [00:04:00]: But we can definitely.

Nicole [00:04:01]: Oh, that has always confused me. Like even if you're hurt and so you're shit talking women because you're hurt, right? You think if a woman saw that she's going to be like, that's my future husband. Like what, what you put out there, like you do project, right? For sure. You just further get less women because you are in this like hating women stage, which don't get me wrong, like women get into hating men's stages. I've been in one of those stages. It's just never good. Like if you actually care about having a relationship, like you should try to prevent yourself from getting too deep into this like hurt, I hate the opposite sex stage.

John [00:04:43]: It's like it's like trying to get, like a puppy to come to you. And you're, come here, you little. Why don't you come over here? Why don't you like me, you stupid puppy? Come here. You're like, come over here, puppy. Are my not good enough for you? Aren't you? Don't you like me? You don't like anybody.

Nicole [00:04:59]: Yeah.

John [00:05:02]: That'S why I don't like puppies, because they don't come. It's like, yeah, okay. That's what it is. It's like, okay, well, you know, that.

Nicole [00:05:08]: Was very dramatic and very on brand for how they act. So there you go.

John [00:05:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:15]: Okay, we should probably get to the actual topic because we're just over here going down another avenue, but.

John [00:05:21]: Yes.

Nicole [00:05:23]: So, yeah, the topic for this week is the phenomena of why hot girls date ugly guys.

John [00:05:33]: Okay. All right. I'm glad you went with the full title.

Nicole [00:05:36]: Yeah. I wanted to give, you know, some context because that is. I'm trying to use the language that people actually use, right? They'll be like, why is that hot girl with that other guy? Like, you know, I'm hotter than that guy. So I want to give the floor to you first and then we'll go into it.

John [00:05:54]: So, yeah, so it's interesting from a.

Nicole [00:05:56]: Guy'S perspective because, I mean, like I just said, I feel like a lot of times it's guys being like, why is that hot girl that ugly guy? Or, you know, whatever, before I even.

John [00:06:05]: I have to start by saying what. What the common arguments are or what most guys think. So today it's really weird because it's changed over the years. As we were talking about before, I've been in the man community for a long time and have the social media man community, and I understand all the history.

Nicole [00:06:25]: I love how you're not using the word people.

John [00:06:27]: Yeah, I'm not going to use those words. I'm not going to use those words because it's more than just that word. We could do a whole history lesson on this. But today, to use the terminology that is okay that people use is that most men think that women just want chads. Right. The chad, the chiseled jawline, you know, superior genetic man. And. And they're not entirely wrong in the sense that I think a lot of this comes from dating apps where women are just looking based on looks.

Nicole [00:07:02]: Yeah.

John [00:07:03]: And the chads.

Nicole [00:07:04]: I mean, dating apps, chads do well there. Physical appearance, focused for everybody.

John [00:07:09]: Right.

Nicole [00:07:11]: But since you mentioned that, like, we've talked about this before, obviously, and I want to get this thrown in there while you're on this topic. I've always felt like, though, guys feel that way because they are so physical focused. Like, and I'm not saying that women are attracted to attractive men. That is true. Like, I think all human beings are attracted to attractive people. So I'm not saying that like, women don't want to find a guy attractive or won't find these Chad guys attractive. What I am saying though is that I feel like sometimes these guys that are like, oh, she only wants a chad, are thinking that because they only want a super hot girl or they, you know, want somebody that they find super attractive. And so they're almost projecting their way of choosing a partner onto women.

John [00:08:08]: Right.

Nicole [00:08:08]: Where as we'll get further in that it's usually not physically focused to the extent that men think it is. Like, as a woman, yes, you do have to be attracted to the person that you're with for sure, but it's not to that extent. And that's why there is this phenomena of hot girl, ugly guy. And I'm like, I don't want to call anybody ugly. Like, I feel bad, but.

John [00:08:33]: Okay, so let me break down what I was gonna say. Okay, so. Cause I agree there's a lot to unpack. We'll have to see where this goes. But. So most men, I would say today, believe this thing. And there's nothing wrong with. I mean, there is truth to it, but it's their whole belief. They believe that this governs everything and this is how it works. And this is the only thing.

Nicole [00:08:57]: Oh, that a hot guy is just the ultimate dude and there's none for left for them. Because.

John [00:09:04]: Right.

Nicole [00:09:04]: The hot guy gets all the things.

John [00:09:05]: And so, but the reality of it is like my answer as to why do hot women date ugly men? Because a lot of guys will say they don't. In fact, that's what majority of guys are watching this, this podcast right now. They're already commenting. They don't, they're, they don't date ugly guys. They only date Chad. So I get it. But like, I, I, I'm, I'm one of you guys. I get it. Like, I, I understand you're one of them. No, I understand the mindset. Right. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm a guy. Yes, I, I am, I am one of you guys. So I'm not a traitor to the, to the cause. However, here, here's the thing. I actually believe that it is true what you said is that women will date ugly guys. Hot women will date ugly guys because it's, it's like you said, is that women, men focus on looks and they think that women do because that's what they do. Right. A guy you tell a guy about, he sees a girl and she's attracted. He doesn't really even care about any other attribute about her, honestly.

Nicole [00:10:07]: What does she do? Different work.

John [00:10:09]: Yeah. I mean, maybe we're talking long term relationships and commitment and stuff. That's. Sure. Okay, women. That's not the case. A woman might be attracted to a guy initially, but. But I think what the thing is, is why women will date guys that are not as attractive is because those guys have what is actually attractive to those two women, which is status primarily, and game, like a guy having game. And there's a lot of ways to define it, but basically social skills, social credit, social ability. Right. Value. Social value is what makes a guy more attractive to a woman. Yeah, there's a combination of aspects. But a woman will date a guy that's not as attractive if he has a high degree of status. Other people think that he is. For example, let's look at some of these rappers with tattoos on their face that they're ugly. Okay? They're not. Let's just be honest. I mean, they can take it, they're rapid, they got a lot, they can cry in their millions of doll, but they're ugly. Okay? There's a lot of rock stars that are ugly. There's attractive ones as well. But women will go crazy for those guys. Why? Because they have high status. Right.

Nicole [00:11:27]: Well. And they have confidence.

John [00:11:29]: Right. And when I say status, I think some people think that status just means like you're a celebrity. That's not necessarily it. It's perceived social status and it's contextual. Right. So that's why if a guy goes into a bar and he talks to a girl and he doesn't have to be the most attractive guy in the world, but he's smooth, he's got what we would call game. He's got the million dollar mouthpiece. You could say, right, that he knows how to talk and how to come across as confident, as charming, as funny, as charismatic, those type of things. That he can get a woman's interest and it's not based on looks. And I believe this brings more to the table. Yeah. And I believe this not just from a perspective of this is just, you know, most people go based on what they're told. But because I literally coached guys on how to do this, I did this myself and I'M an ugly guy, you know, so that's why I was so fishing for compliments.

Nicole [00:12:32]: Are we?

John [00:12:33]: No, I mean, I was offended by your topic choice. Cause it's like, why do hot women. Why do hot women like ugly guys? It's like, thank you.

Nicole [00:12:41]: I would not even. I classify myself as hot. And then you're definitely not ugly. Like, we all know that here. So.

John [00:12:48]: No, I'm just. I'm just playing with you. But, but that, but that's my, My explanation for it.

Nicole [00:12:53]: Okay.

John [00:12:54]: I do think.

Nicole [00:12:55]: I think one thing that you mentioned, I actually had like a little eureka moment.

John [00:13:00]: Oh, yeah. Okay.

Nicole [00:13:01]: Because you agreed that men kind of frame how women would go after a guy, right? By being like, he has to be physically hot or you don't stand a chance. Men also do that emotionally.

John [00:13:17]: Okay.

Nicole [00:13:17]: So I think that is where they get mixed up, right? They're like, oh, well, I only care if the girl's hot, so this woman only cares if this guy's hot. So I don't even stand a chance. Just like when they're actually in a relationship. He's trying to logicalize the woman and take away her emotional part because that's how he acts, right? So I think maybe a lot of the struggle for men is, you know, not embracing feminine woman's natural being the feminine.

John [00:13:47]: He's not. He doesn't understand the feminine.

Nicole [00:13:49]: He's expecting a woman to act the way that he would act right from even the very beginning, from even dating, being like, okay, well, this woman only wants the hottest guy there is. But that's not what's important to women, because women realize that what is going to stay long term, which is what women want, is how a person is on the inside and who he actually is. And now, like I mentioned before, I'm not saying that a woman doesn't prioritize being attracted to a man because you do need to be attracted to the person you're with. You do need to, like, want to have the sexual intimacy with the person that you're with.

John [00:14:26]: Of course.

Nicole [00:14:26]: So that is important. So women do focus on. On looks to some extent. But I think women's idea of attractive is also different from men. Like, a woman might be attracted to something, whereas men typically have this, like, almost like certain structure of how they think a woman is beautiful. That's why there's so much plastic surgery. That's why women are getting these, you know, lip injections. Because someone somewhere said that guys like big lips and they like big boobs and they like big butts. You know, so like, I cannot lie, you know, So I think there is a little bit more of like structure for like what men find attractive, whereas women, it's like not as like.

John [00:15:10]: Well, okay, and you can look at the, the material. All right, that, that, the stimulating material for different, different between the sexes, right? So what do men, what do men look at if they want to, or I mean, you know, if they want to get off, they look at, at visual pictures. They look at pornography. Right, right. But what do women typically do?

Nicole [00:15:36]: They read the books like we talked about.

John [00:15:37]: They read romance novels. They read books and, and yeah, some of them are. I mean, they're smutty to degree, but that's still. Even if you just took the smuttiest book, right, that has the, you know, graphic sex scenes in it, it's still not visual. It's still like even at that. But even that, most women, most women, right, they won't even want to read a book that just was nothing but sex scenes. They want a buildup, a story in order to. And then, sure, maybe they like the graphic sex scenes in the book, right? But most women would prefer to use their imagination to make it the ultimate.

Nicole [00:16:15]: Experience in their mind, right?

John [00:16:17]: Because a guy will look at an image or look at a woman and he's like, I'm attracted to her. A woman will look at a guy and she might be attracted to him, but she's more attracted to him by the story she's put in her head of what she believes about him. So that's why it's like how he walks into the room, what he's dressed. You know, women, the lingerie for women is a suit and tie, right? It's not being more naked, right?

Nicole [00:16:42]: That's where it's not a guy with.

John [00:16:43]: A shirt off because the suit and the tie tells a story about the guy, which again is a status based story. But it's these things. It's not even the money, it's the story, right? And I think that's what the difference is, that if an ugly guy can get a woman to construct a story about him that hits her attraction triggers, then she's gonna be attractive. She won't even see that he's ugly. She won't even be able to look at him and see ugliness. She will see a hot guy in her eyes. And you know what I mean? Like, objectively she might be able to say, okay, why do I find this guy so attractive? Right? And the reason why is because it's a different wiring A man's wiring is 90%. He sees something and he's attracted to it. Women's wiring is maybe 20, 30%, you know, and the rest of that 70% is the story that they have about the guy. Right.

Nicole [00:17:42]: Well. And what they end up actually learning about the person, who they are, which.

John [00:17:47]: Which is part of that story. Some of the story is false, some of the story is true, some its imagination. But the more that it matches reality. That's why women get disappointed is because they have an imagination where they've created this story.

Nicole [00:17:57]: Because we what, go watch the last episode, we ruminate on everything, including seeing some guy and trying to figure out his story before you actually even talk to the person.

John [00:18:07]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:08]: So you're not wrong by any means. But yeah, when you had mentioned the thing about though that men think kind of like women think like they think it made me go back to like them trying to unemotionalize women. And so I mean I would say first tip that I would give to men, even though they're going to be like why would you ask a fish and how to catch a fish or whatever the heck they say. Like how do you, you know, you already know someone's going to comment it now because I said it. They're gonna, yeah, that, like don't look at what a woman wants from your perspective, right? Like instead be the guy that you just mentioned. Like have charisma, like have confidence, like go talk to women. Like, you know, be the best version of yourself, right? And like be you. Like we talked about this in the car the other day. Like being uniquely yourself is what will separate you from other people. Like you don't think it is. You feel like you have to like fit into all these different, like oh, I gotta do this to fit in with the crowd. But really like being uniquely you and that doesn't mean like being an or like saying whatever comes to your mind. Like you still need to have manners and whatnot, but like really harnessing the unique things about yourself is when you're dating is what's going to keep you in the running for the person that you like. You know, they're gonna be like, oh, well, you know, there's this and there's this. But that's my first little tip for guys as far as that is like don't, you know, don't think that a woman thinks like you think, right. You don't have to be a chad to get the girl that you even like, right?

John [00:19:53]: And usually the quote chad anyway, you know, if these mythical Beasts exist or whatever. You know, it's like people always are. Like, they can show pictures of Chad, but they can never point to one in reality. You know what I mean? Because. And some of it is because pictures are doctored, you know. Yeah, but. But the thing is about it is that, you know, a lot of guys will focus on that. Well, I was gonna say, well, two things. So one, that the Chad quote guys, the guys that fit that stereotype, they have the other things because not always. Well, when they're attractive to women, okay, so not the things for necessarily a long term successful relationship, but they're confident, they say what they want. Right. They have the other attraction triggers that make a woman believe that this guy is high status and make her attracted to them in general. Because they already have gotten positive reception from people over time that they've been trained into that behavior. Because the reason why I'm making this point is because guys will say, well, you know, I'm just. I'm confident. Or I could be confident. But Chad doesn't need to be confident. It's like, no, Chad is confident. He's a really good looking guy.

Nicole [00:21:10]: But of course, he's got it the easy way. Yeah, he got it the easy way. Naturally looks good.

John [00:21:15]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:21:15]: So you can have it, right? You can have confidence. You just have to work harder than Chad because you weren't genetically given Chad's face.

John [00:21:24]: And here's the thing about that as well, is that, you know, a lot of guys, they will think, all right, well, I'm gonna go to the gym, I'm gonna get jacked, I'm gonna get down to 8% body fat. And they do it and they're like, I'll get jacked and I'll get ripped and then women will be all over me.

Nicole [00:21:40]: No, women will be all over you.

John [00:21:42]: Gay guys will now find you fantastically attractive. Because why? Because gay guys think like guys.

Nicole [00:21:49]: Right?

John [00:21:50]: Right. You know what I mean? At least from a sexual perspective. Right. They still have that wiring. So that's why if you get jacked and buff and ripped, gay guys will like it. If you like that, that's fine. But the thing is, if you're trying to attract women, they'll be like, what will happen is, though, see, if you're attractive to women because you have game or charisma, you've got that going for you. Then the woman will say, oh, look at his bulging biceps. She's not going to say, oh, look at his bulging biceps and be attracted. She's going to. Now look at Your physical attributes in a better light. Right. It's going to magnify those things that you have. Like if you're a buff and ripped guy. Yeah. Women like that.

Nicole [00:22:34]: But it won't save you from all.

John [00:22:35]: The other problems if you're an attractive guy before that. And now you have that. Now she's going to talk about those things. Now it's going to magnify those things. But that alone isn't going to get you there. Right.

Nicole [00:22:46]: I mean, I think we should segue then into the next. Next thing I kind of want to talk about with this topic is that so for a man and for women, like both ways. Looks, though, cannot save anybody, even from a man's perspective. Because a guy will go out with the super hot girl and then continue to kind of date her and then be like there's something missing. Right, right. Like, you know, they, they end up being like, okay. Because it's kind of the same thing with the chat, actually. And it does happen just as much with women with the chads as it does with the Britney's. We'll call it Britney. You know, the hot girl who doesn't have as much depth.

John [00:23:30]: Right. Okay. Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:32]: They both are lacking depth. And a lot of time it's because they haven't had to develop. It's the Becky they have.

John [00:23:38]: There's the word. Yeah, it is.

Nicole [00:23:39]: Oh, well, okay. It was a B. So I was there.

John [00:23:44]: Go look at memes on the Internet.

Nicole [00:23:46]: I guess. I don't. But yeah. So the same thing actually ends up happening with both of these people, the Chad and the Becky. They, they have confidence in themselves because of what they were naturally given.

John [00:24:00]: Sure.

Nicole [00:24:00]: And so a lot of times they haven't developed any other way because they can already get their foot in the door with how they look. And so then people are dating these people and then they're like, okay, but this is as far as it goes because there's no like deeper I can go with this person. Like it doesn't even exist. And it's not like necessarily their fault. But in a way it's like also the hot people can't just rely on their looks strictly either or you end up missing the other part. And the thing is with men and women when they're going for a long term relationship.

John [00:24:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:38]: You eventually have to get over the looks of. Because that is the one thing that will fade 100% with both people. Like, yes, guys might get hotter the older they get, but they reach 70 and they look like, well, the same.

John [00:24:53]: As the woman and the newness of it will fade.

Nicole [00:24:56]: Right, right. The novelty of how hot this person is. Because now you'll see them in very not as hot situations, especially with a guy and a woman. Like, if you go out and you meet a woman and she's dressed up to the nines and she's got her makeup on, she's doing all this stuff, she's not gonna look the same when you wake up next to her in the morning and she took all of her makeup off and stuff. I'm not saying that they look worse, you know, but sometimes it's a drastic difference. So, you know, like being very kind.

John [00:25:30]: But, you know, but. But see, that's why Glow up people are the best. Because.

Nicole [00:25:36]: Glow up people. Oh, yeah, because we already.

John [00:25:39]: We had to work on that.

Nicole [00:25:40]: You were ugly in grade school. You end up appreciating your hotness more when you end up developing other.

John [00:25:48]: Other aspects of your. Of your personality.

Nicole [00:25:50]: No, that's very true.

John [00:25:51]: Yeah. So. So that is good. But you know what's the real shame, okay. Is people who are not the Chad Becky category. Not. And. And they're just angry and bitter, and so they don't develop the other side either.

Nicole [00:26:11]: Right.

John [00:26:11]: And so then they got nothing going from. And then. Yeah. Then truly, I get their plight at that point.

Nicole [00:26:17]: Is that mostly because we talked about this too, that women are typically ones to work on themselves more than men are?

John [00:26:24]: No, it is.

Nicole [00:26:25]: It is more men, normally. That is men who just get stuck in this, you know, angry.

John [00:26:30]: Look, I wish I made a mistake. I wish I would have gotten into the women's personal development space. I would be a billionaire by now. Okay, I'm teaching.

Nicole [00:26:39]: You're a little abrasive for women sometimes.

John [00:26:41]: I'm fine. I'm teaching men personal development. That's hard space to be in. There's not that many.

Nicole [00:26:48]: Yeah, but men should really appreciate that you're helping them out. Because, I mean, we were kind of talking about this. That it's just if they're so angry and they're posting all these things about how they don't like women.

John [00:27:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:27:02]: Do you not think women are seeing that? Like, they see that. That is actually like an ick. But let me give you women further away.

John [00:27:10]: I don't care. I don't care what women think.

Nicole [00:27:12]: But they do.

John [00:27:13]: They're interested in.

Nicole [00:27:14]: That's like, so dramatic. That's acting like a woman. I mean, like, I don't care. It's fine, whatever. I'm happy and they're not. Like, if you're constantly posting how much you hate women or hate marriage or whatever on the Internet, you're not happy. Like, people who are actually happy don't take the time to do that.

John [00:27:32]: No, they don't. They don't. Yeah. There's this book I'm reading called. What is it? It's this kind of really weird book, but it's called Transurfing. I know some people will work on it. But he talks about, I mean, probably one of the most useful things I've read in the book is this idea of a pendulum, right? And the pendulum is sort of like anything that gets momentum. And he says that you, you give the pendulum your energy and your momentum. Whether you give it positive or negative, it doesn't matter which one. It'll take both, Right?

Nicole [00:28:04]: Yeah.

John [00:28:04]: And so that's what happens with, with these guys. They're giving that pendulum energy by, you know, if you're like, oh, women are, are bad, then just don't talk about them, right? If you really believe that, then don't talk about them and don't interact with them. But if you talk about them and you say how bad they are, you're giving that whole thing energy. You're giving it your energy.

Nicole [00:28:24]: Like you're only going to get guys to be like, yeah, brother, right? So like you're not getting girls. Like, if your goal is to get girls and that's why you're so upset, is because you can't get girls. And so you're going to shit talk girls on the Internet, you're only going to get guys, Right? Same like with the going to the gym. Like there is a reason that women like dad bods. Like, I'm not saying all of them do.

John [00:28:49]: Women do not like dad bod.

Nicole [00:28:50]: Some women do.

John [00:28:52]: They're full of crap.

Nicole [00:28:53]: Some women do.

John [00:28:54]: Some women like to socially say that they do.

Nicole [00:28:57]: I think women have different preferences than men.

John [00:29:00]: No, not, not, not.

Nicole [00:29:02]: Like, I'm not saying that. Like, it probably comes from a place where a guy with a dad bod may. Might make a woman feel more comfortable with herself.

John [00:29:11]: Okay, so we'll.

Nicole [00:29:12]: Let's talk about that aspect because that is another thing that even the hot girl ugly guy aspect could involve. Is that right?

John [00:29:22]: Let's talk about.

Nicole [00:29:22]: Hot girls typically can be pretty insecure and that's why they're really focusing on their looks and trying to be as hot as they can. And so by being with an uglier guy, that could create a sort of security for her that, okay, well, I'm hotter than this Guy, so he's not gonna go find somebody else because I'm hot? Like, yep. It's kind of shitty to say, but. And I'm not saying that all dynamics are like, no, because I don't believe that all dynamics are like that. I think it's most of the time the hot girl is just really in love with who the guy is.

John [00:30:02]: Sure, yeah.

Nicole [00:30:03]: But there has to be said that there probably is some dynamics out there where this girl has chosen a guy that is not necessarily on her level because it gives her the security of like, okay, well, you know, I'm up here and he's maybe like over here, right? So he's probably not going to go look for some other woman. Whereas if, like, a woman is with a guy that's hotter than her or, you know, even maybe on the same level, she might be like, oh, well, everybody knows he's hot. Like, people are going to hit on him or, you know, try to go after him, or, like, what if he goes somewhere? You know, like, it could be that.

John [00:30:44]: Right. But wait a minute. Why would she worry about that? Because she's insecure on his looks, though. If women don't select on looks.

Nicole [00:30:52]: They might for the night.

John [00:30:55]: They might. You shouldn't have said that.

Nicole [00:30:57]: Not for. Not for relationships.

John [00:31:01]: You now all the guys, you just lost everything. Because every guy's like, oh, for the night. Then I'm right, Because it doesn't matter, because guys aren't. They don't care about relationships.

Nicole [00:31:10]: They only focus on for the night.

John [00:31:12]: I mean, a guy would rather be attractive to a woman for the night than a relationship. 9099 of guys.

Nicole [00:31:19]: But didn't you also say that guys want relationships?

John [00:31:22]: What? Oh, yeah. No, bar none. You would rather be attractive to a woman that she would sexually desire you than to want to be in a relationship with you. Like, that would like, obviously you'd want a woman to be in a relationship with you that you like, but you'd rather have the one. And. And a guy like me would never compromise the two for the one. Like, I'd be like, no, there's. There's no way.

Nicole [00:31:41]: But I'm not saying that you couldn't have the other way either. I'm just saying that, like, we talked about that. Yes, women still are going to notice attractive people.

John [00:31:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:31:52]: And the only way that that would motivate her in that moment is if it was just strictly for a short amount of time. Because like you said. Yeah, that. That is like a woman is ruminating over who this guy is. If she doesn't see past this point, then it doesn't matter.

John [00:32:11]: Okay, so she's not looking at a.

Nicole [00:32:14]: Hot guy being like I'm going to marry this guy. She's just looking at him like he's hot.

John [00:32:19]: Look, I get it but see this is where we were going with this conversation before this conversation, I won't say that the names of the thing, but this is one of those pill awakenings for guys. Like a lot of guys that never heard this concept, that never heard that a woman would select a guy just for a short term based on his looks. Their hearts all just got broken. They just got smacked in the face with reality hard. And that's what we're talking about. That is a smack in the face that like you, you just uttered some words that most women will never utter and admit to is that women will select a guy based on his looks just for a short term thing.

Nicole [00:32:57]: Yeah, that's. I mean that's also about why a woman is doing that. Because women aren't going to do that at every opportunity. A woman is only going to do that when she's out at a bar, upside said about something going on in her life, needing some validation, needing to go home with someone for the night. So why would she not go based on looks alone? Because she's not looking long term even in that situation.

John [00:33:23]: Right. To counter my own thing. It's not, it's not even looks alone at that point.

Nicole [00:33:31]: That's where, I mean it's, that's where game. Like that's where the game. Because she's not. You're right, she's not. Because I have seen like, well, you're hot, let's leave.

John [00:33:39]: Oh yeah. Even, even. I've seen many social situations in that exact context where it's clear that this woman is going home with somebody tonight.

Nicole [00:33:47]: Right.

John [00:33:47]: And I have seen the hot, tall, good looking guy that doesn't have any game get out maneuvered by the shorter, you know, not ugly guy, but guy that you definitely would not have said this girl's going to pick this guy over this guy. Right. I've seen it happen. So, so that.

Nicole [00:34:06]: And I'm saying games more important.

John [00:34:08]: Oh, it's the number one most important thing for sure.

Nicole [00:34:11]: I mean I think. Because I think that is true based on what we said right in the very beginning because it creates. But all I'm saying is in this instance where the only time that a woman is going to value a man's looks to the extent.

John [00:34:27]: Right.

Nicole [00:34:28]: Is if it's very temporarily and Even then it can be ruined.

John [00:34:34]: And even then that can be overcome by a guy that has more charisma in. In game that creates the story, in the head. In her head that she's. She's looking for. Right. You know, that's.

Nicole [00:34:45]: I mean, yeah, that's.

John [00:34:46]: That's true. So. But. But it is. But. But that's a good example.

Nicole [00:34:49]: Just got so excited.

John [00:34:51]: It's such a good example because that is. What. What?

Nicole [00:34:54]: Yeah, when guys first everything, like I.

John [00:34:57]: Just said, but it's everything to guys.

Nicole [00:35:00]: Because they're thinking like women or like, they think that women think.

John [00:35:05]: No, no, I. Well, it's everything to guys because guys.

Nicole [00:35:09]: Why do they care so much about being attractive? They should care more about having game, like you said, being charismatic and having, like, status swag. What do they call it, Riz, these days?

John [00:35:21]: Right. That is being attractive. Right? So I've always put this. I've put this to guys. This podcast will go a little bit off the PG right now, but cover your children's ears.

Nicole [00:35:33]: Check that box when we upload it.

John [00:35:35]: Okay, So I tell guys this all the time when I was coaching them. I say, would you rather have a girl that is, let's say, in your rating. Again, I don't really like to give, you know, point rating to people, but let's just. Okay, you know, so in your rating that you would rate her as a seven, who is just all over, just so want you so badly. Okay. Or would you rather have. I'm not even using the term that I. But I'm. I'm actually making this pg, Becky. No, no, I'm making it pg because. Okay, I would say it a little bit more vulgarly to these guys, but. But basically, would you rather have a girl that is, in your estimation, your rating, a 7, but just really wants you sexually badly? Okay. Thinks you're the hottest thing in the world, or would you rather have a 10 in your rating who lets you have sex with her?

Nicole [00:36:30]: Men would pick a 10 that lets you would pick that. Look, but you. What you're saying is true, that they should value the seven who actually cares about them. But you and I know.

John [00:36:42]: Look, see you.

Nicole [00:36:43]: That men would pick the 10.

John [00:36:45]: No.

Nicole [00:36:45]: You've even agreed at some point, we've had a conversation similar to this, that men will pick the 10. And even if it's that she let him have sex with her, that is who he would pick.

John [00:36:59]: Okay, we're gonna have to settle this in the comments section. People are gonna have to tell us what they think.

Nicole [00:37:03]: But I Don't think they'll be honest.

John [00:37:04]: I think that your perception of it is just as skewed as a man's perception is of what women want. Because you're thinking of it from, from a woman's perspective, but a man, most men should want the seven.

Nicole [00:37:19]: That is, I'm saying this, I agree with you, but what I'm saying is I really do think that men would go with the 10, because this is what men do here. They go around and they're like, guess who I banged last night? They pull up the girls and yeah. And they're like, okay, oh, you banged a 10. They're not going to be like, I banged a seven, but she was really into me. Guys going to be like, sure, yeah.

John [00:37:40]: But no, I mean, that's, that's fine.

Nicole [00:37:42]: But they do it for clout to.

John [00:37:43]: Like, I'm talking about what do they really want? Because here's the thing, here's the deal, right? If that were the case, if that men would choose the 10 over the 7, who really wants them? All they have to do is hire the hooker, because that's what they do. And a lot of guys do make that. That choice, but they do that. But why do the guys that hire the hooker, why do they still feel like there's something missing in their life? Because they still want to be desired by women, right? Because. And that's why, like, where I got off on this tangent was the whole thing. Why I think that is why what you said is so important to men is because men are going to hone in on the reason why men are so upset by the whole concept of the Chad thing and all this stuff is because every man, deep down wants a woman to be very sexually attracted to him, whether he be single or even in a marriage or relationship. That still is the number one priority for a man.

Nicole [00:38:39]: But it's two sides of the same coin. Because this guy's getting this super hot girl and he's not as into it because she doesn't crave him, doesn't desire him. Whereas women, if the guy's just hot, right. She's missing that.

John [00:38:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:38:58]: So she doesn't want that either. But that's why you said that the game is so important and the charisma is because you have to have that. Like, that is the desire that causes the desire from the woman. If you're just hot, yeah. She'll look at you, she'll go talk to you. But you can ruin that.

John [00:39:16]: Sure. Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:18]: If you have the other parts, that's what creates the desire. And that's why you can't necessarily. Like it's the same thing.

John [00:39:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:39:25]: Like it's two people kind of wanting the same thing.

John [00:39:30]: Right.

Nicole [00:39:30]: Like women don't want this shallow thing. They might for a night.

John [00:39:34]: Right. Right.

Nicole [00:39:35]: But normally, like you said, she still needs more than just you look hot.

John [00:39:39]: Right?

Nicole [00:39:39]: Yeah, but anybody, if they're only looking for something for a night is going to try to find somebody they find attractive and.

John [00:39:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:39:47]: Are interested in to some other degree besides just that.

John [00:39:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:52]: But long term, the thing that is sustainable is who a person is inside. Because looks like will fade, of course, no matter who you are.

John [00:40:03]: Yeah, I agree.

Nicole [00:40:05]: So.

John [00:40:06]: So yeah, so that's. So we were talking about the second or. Well, I mean the other reason why women would be a hot woman would be with an ugly guy is because of her own insecurity.

Nicole [00:40:16]: Right.

John [00:40:17]: And the idea. And I think that is true. I think that does happen. I think that women in, in that case, though, the, the downside of that is that a woman's actually settling in that case because she's not actually. And when we're saying that she's doing it in this case, it's an ugly guy that she's not as physically attracted to, but also doesn't have necessarily the game or the charisma because she doesn't have the story. We could just summarize it by saying she's not sexually attracted to the guy, but she's chosen the guy because he's safe.

Nicole [00:40:45]: Right.

John [00:40:46]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:46]: Women value.

John [00:40:47]: And maybe he has money, maybe he has resources. I mean, those all fall into that same category of he's safe, he's. He's not a guy that other women are going to want.

Nicole [00:40:56]: Right.

John [00:40:56]: And so she's settling and so that she's a flight risk in the sense that that she's. Her desires are not satisfied. Like she might be still looking to flirt with other guys or, or you.

Nicole [00:41:09]: Know, but she's got fully desire the guy's with.

John [00:41:11]: She's got the safety net. And then the guy that. This is something that, again, talking about the pill, you know, guys, is that guys don't realize that women do this, that, that they become the safe guy. And that's the worst position for a guy to be in, to be the safe guy. Because that, that's where the guys that are commenting on some of our earlier videos, that's where they're Right. That's where the situations that they're talking about where the woman takes half the stuff and the kids and like, and because she was never happy to begin with, she settled for the guy. She used him for his resources or his safety or the comfort that he could provide. And now she. When she finds a better option, she is out of there and taken half of his stuff. Like. Like, those guys are right in that.

Nicole [00:41:56]: In that case, if you end up.

John [00:41:57]: Being that guy, you cannot be the guy that women settle for. In fact, I would say that it's important.

Nicole [00:42:03]: How do you know that?

John [00:42:04]: Well, because the woman needs to feel like the man is. Is. Is better than she look up to him. Yeah, she needs to look up to him, not better. Well, in. In a sense that, that, that. That he's at a higher level if you.

Nicole [00:42:19]: She needs to respect him and she needs to trust him.

John [00:42:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:42:23]: She needs to, like, she has to be with somebody that she's proud to be with. Someone who's been with somebody that I wasn't even proud to be with before.

John [00:42:33]: Right.

Nicole [00:42:33]: Like, you and I got together, like, and I. I'm putting myself on blast for right now, like, being honest, but I'll do it. But, like, I was not proud to be with the person that I was with before you and I got together. And it was just like, I don't know, I felt like I was trying to do the other option because as a woman, like, so many people that I knew, like, my guy friends and my girlfriends were like, well, date somebody that's not who you normally would go for, for. And so in my mind, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna date some guy that, like, isn't my typical type that I go for. And like, you know, is. Does this and, you know, is not a jerk and whatever. But the thing is that, like, there wasn't that connection that should have been there. And I wasn't, like, I wasn't proud to be with the person and.

John [00:43:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:32]: They actually ended up being not as nice as I thought they were. You know, like, there's that aspect too. So it's like, you know, I still though, think it goes back to vetting the person, because it does. Like, people are going to get pissed at me. But the thing is, like, you could tell that a woman doesn't have the desire for you, right? You can tell that she doesn't really respect you or trust you. Like, you can tell and like, you have to be the one, though, to have the conversation and leave if that's what the reality still is.

John [00:44:07]: Look, I tell guys all the time, right? I think we said it in the first episode, right? I'm like, look, what is the criteria that you look for in a woman, right, for long term, for that you would marry or in a relationship is that, number one, she has a high desire for you. Number two, she treats you like a king. Or she treats you really good, you could say, I mean, I use the word king. Some people don't like it, but it's fine. Like, I'm just saying, like, that's what it is, that she has a higher desire for you and she treats you really well. And, and, and that if guys are ignoring the fact if they're like, oh, well, you know, she's with me, so she must, like, no, right? Do you feel like she has a high desire for you? If you don't feel like she has a higher desire for you, get out of there. Because she, she might be settling for you and, you know, you want to be the guy that she has the highest sexual desire for, otherwise she's going to have it for someone else. And that's, I mean, these are the hard, cold truths of reality. If you can't become that guy, then you better transform and become that guy by learning some other things and developing your skill and, you know, developing your bedroom skills and all the things that you need to develop on. You know what I mean? Until you get, till you get. Become that guy. Because if you're not, you are in trouble. Like, you are in trouble. And she. And women will make the choice and they will settle for you and they might even love you.

Nicole [00:45:21]: But that, you know, but not to the full extent.

John [00:45:25]: That, not, not to the, not to the full extent.

Nicole [00:45:27]: But some people don't even know what the full extent is in. I get that too. But what you're saying is true. Like, and women want relationships, so they will go try to find a guy that, you know, ticks the boxes. But there might still be important things that are missing. But, you know, and especially because men like to remind us that our biological clock is ticking and our physical look clock is ticking, which just puts more pressure on women to settle down. And then they end up doing what you just said, thinking they're doing the right thing because they want to start a family and they want to be with somebody. But the thing is, like, it's. I don't know, just from a woman's perspective, it's really hard to be dating, like, right now. And I know it's hard for guys too, because, like, with dating apps, it's hard all around. It is really physical, like, looking. And so even though what we're saying Is women don't put as much emphasis on the physical appearance. Like, if it's just dating app, there still is more emphasis because of dating apps. Like, that's what gets you go out.

John [00:46:30]: Into the real world, learn to go and approach women and talk to them. And it still is a thing. I mean, guys don't. Don't like to hear it, but it is a thing. You can go and talk to a woman. You can see a woman walking down the street.

Nicole [00:46:41]: They just have to do it in a respectful way. Because the problem with that is.

John [00:46:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:45]: Is that you're telling men to do that, and they're still kind of angry, but they're like, okay, well, I'm gonna go try.

John [00:46:50]: Well, that's the puppy dog thing. I just. That's why I was like, come over here, you stupid dog. Yeah, I want to love you. Don't you know I would love you better than any other dog owner, you dumb dog.

Nicole [00:47:00]: Well, that's what happens is they, like, come into the grocery store or whatever, and they see a woman they want to talk to. And then a woman might be like, no, I'm not interested. And then it's like, you don't know what that guy's going to do. And most of the time, it's not like, okay, have a nice day, which is what it should be.

John [00:47:18]: Right.

Nicole [00:47:18]: Most of the time it's like, well, why you have a boyfriend? Like, what's wrong with me? And, like, like, I'm just trying to buy some groceries.

John [00:47:25]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:25]: Like, they. Or they'll go to the gym and they'll, like, you know, try to have a conversation, but then if it's not going the way that they want, they, like, freak out. And that is why women have gotten to a point where they're like, don't even talk to, like, I don't want anybody to talk to me. And so it is harder for men to meet women out in the real world, but it's because of the angry guys.

John [00:47:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:45]: Like, shooting their one shot and not knowing how to actually do it, and then getting pissed.

John [00:47:49]: Shooting it so hard. Then it's.

Nicole [00:47:50]: Yeah. And then, like, exploding on everybody.

John [00:47:53]: It's actually more the puppy dog thing is like, oh, come here, cute little puppy dog. Why don't you fucking come on over here? It's like, like, you. You switch it up. It's like as soon as they're not getting the thing they want, then all of a sudden the real truth that the real personalities.

Nicole [00:48:07]: Right, Exactly. Which is also scary as a woman, because it's like, even when you go on dates, you're like, is this how this guy actually is, or is he just going to, like, freak out on me? I mean, like, you've seen some of my friends, what they've been dealing with, with guys where it's like. Like, a woman could be like, hey, just letting you know, like, I'm not interested, but I wish you the best. Like, send a very respectable response. And then they're met with, well, fuck you. Like, venmo me the $7 from our ice cream date.

John [00:48:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:38]: I think it's, like, beyond.

John [00:48:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:40]: So it's like, that is real.

John [00:48:43]: And here's a bonus dick pic. Here you go.

Nicole [00:48:46]: It's a real thing. And it's a real problem.

John [00:48:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:50]: That women face with these guys who are so angry. And they do. I know that they're trying, but they're still not. They're still allowing their anger to, like, spill out. And it's very scary for women especially, because even as this is a whole nother thing, but, you know, as women, we're afraid to even go on a first date. Like, will we be murdered?

John [00:49:10]: Right.

Nicole [00:49:10]: Like, people think I'm being dramatic, but it's like, it's a real thing.

John [00:49:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:14]: So, like, not knowing how a guy is going to respond is a very scary thing for a woman. And so I don't know if we've talked about this already, but I know we will talk about it. Like, I know we've talked about it in our personal lives, but what men don't realize, too, is that if they go up and meet a woman and she's like, you know, I'm not really interested. I'm sorry. And he's like, okay, I just wanted to come talk to you. And then leaves.

John [00:49:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:38]: She might now be interested in you because you just respected her decision.

John [00:49:43]: Yeah, yeah, I. I agree with that.

Nicole [00:49:45]: Like, we're so used to, like, not respecting our decision that when a man comes up and even if he gets ejected and he handles it properly, it's like, oh, my God. Actually, like, he might be my next husband.

John [00:49:56]: And. And again, handling it properly, again, from kind of a game perspective is it doesn't have to be that you just say okay and walk away. It can be that you say, okay, cool. You know, not. Not. Not a big deal. What? And. And you start a conversation from that point, it's like, yeah, I was just a little nervous to come up with you anyway, but. Come up to you anyway. But, yeah, you know, how's your day going? I don't Want to be that weird guy or whatever, whatever you do just to be cool so that it doesn't come across.

Nicole [00:50:21]: Sometimes you need to know when to not continue the conversation.

John [00:50:25]: You have to have.

Nicole [00:50:25]: Also uncomfortable. Even more uncomfortable as a woman if you've told this guy, hey, I'm not interested, and he's still trying to talk to you.

John [00:50:34]: Yeah. I mean, you got to know when to back off. It also depends on the context. Right? So if you go up to a woman in a grocery store and she tells you she's not interested, okay, That's a little bit different than going up to a woman in a bar or a nightclub and she says, I'm not interested, or I have a boyfriend in that situation in the nightclub or the bar, a little bit of persistence may pay off because it may be that she's just trying to deflect all these guys that are coming at her. But you got to still have the social skills, which, again, as I say these things, I caution that I worry that guys will miss. Interpret what I'm saying and do the wrong thing. But if you don't know, if you can't calibrate yourself and know whether the context makes sense and what you're doing and read her emotional cues and that she's giving you all the time, then. Then just walk away.

Nicole [00:51:27]: Yeah. This is like a whole separate thing, so we gotta go back to what we were actually.

John [00:51:33]: Yeah, yeah, we're talking about.

Nicole [00:51:34]: But, you know, a little side note there, A little extra tip. But yeah. So I think the reason I brought this up, though, was mostly for men to realize that women don't go about dating the way that they do.

John [00:51:50]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:50]: And that men think that they do. And that also, I do agree with what you said, that, like, I don't think men should be just settled for. I don't think anybody should be just settled for ever. Like, nobody deserves that. And so, you know, I'm not saying if a hot girl comes up to you and you feel like you're ugly guy, you should be like, what is she doing? You know, because she might actually like you.

John [00:52:14]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:52:14]: Like, you know, so I'm not saying that, but at the same time, be a little standoff. You should be able to figure out if this person is, like, I'm their safety net.

John [00:52:24]: Right.

Nicole [00:52:25]: Or if, you know, oh, they actually, like, really love me for who I am, like, on the inside. And you can tell. Like, you really can. Like we talked about, you know, the desire, the respect, the trust. Like, those things will be there if that Person really values you as a person rather than like just having you there because you bring them some sort of safety or security.

John [00:52:50]: Right? And then like I said, I mean, for a guy, they need to make sure that the woman is sexually attracted to them. That's that, that's how they'll know. Because if you don't see that, then, then she is in some. Some ways.

Nicole [00:53:02]: But to be fair, that doesn't mean that she goes home with you on the first night.

John [00:53:07]: In fact. Yeah, in fact, it might mean not doing which women.

Nicole [00:53:10]: You shouldn't do that.

John [00:53:11]: Right?

Nicole [00:53:11]: Just. We'll do a whole nother episode.

John [00:53:13]: Yeah, we'll do an episode on. On that for sure. On Girl Game, basically.

Nicole [00:53:16]: What, the Girl Game?

John [00:53:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:53:19]: John thinks I invented Girl Game.

John [00:53:21]: I mean, you. You definitely are a pioneer. And then you're like you, but a little bit. But women don't even have any clue about Girl Game today.

Nicole [00:53:30]: I know, for the most part, right? It is. It's unfortunately, like the thing that, that came about was that guys have an agenda, right? So you have to have work the system. I'm not saying lie. I'm not saying, you know, be unauthentic because I've never felt like I wasn't myself when I dated and had to, you know, navigate a guy's agenda. But you do have to be strategic as a woman because guys are only going for one thing initially. And you have to get past that. It's like a game. And you're like, you gotta like, make it past that, like, obstacle that he's gonna put you in.

John [00:54:09]: The guys that you want as a woman are only going for one thing.

Nicole [00:54:14]: Why do you say that?

John [00:54:15]: Because the.

Nicole [00:54:17]: Because then you think, like, guys will be like, oh, yeah, let me take you.

John [00:54:20]: Because all the nice guys in the comment are gonna come in the comment section are gonna come out and they'll be like. Like, I don't want just that. I just. I just want to a girl to love. Because that's what they do. That's what they really want. No, I believe they're nice guys, but.

Nicole [00:54:34]: The first time they meet you, like, I think most women know that a guy would want to go home with you on the first date, the guy that they want.

John [00:54:44]: There's a lot of other guys that would be like, no, I don't want to do that. And they really mean they don't want to do that because they don't know. They can't get in touch with their sexuality. That's a whole nother episode. And that's why? They're not.

Nicole [00:54:55]: I think that's kind of generalizing.

John [00:54:57]: Hey, I. I coach guys. I'm telling you, this is a common thing. Well, promise you so. But all right. I think we. I mean, do we cover all the. The ugly guy.

Nicole [00:55:10]: I mean, like, pretty much. Women shouldn't use men just as a security net. Like, I want to say that I'm not just trying to, like, harp on men.

John [00:55:17]: No.

Nicole [00:55:18]: And whether you're hot or not, embrace who you are, and that's what makes you unique, and that's what makes you stand out. Because, like, hotness is objective. Like I said, like, for guys, there is typically, like, a criteria that they have.

John [00:55:33]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:34]: And they are a little bit less picky. I'm not gonna lie. But, like, you know, for the night, they're less picky.

John [00:55:42]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:55:44]: But the real thing that makes you stand out is being who you are. Like, there's gonna be people who don't think you're hot, even if some people do think you're hot, and vice versa. Like, if you don't think you're hot, someone's gonna think that you're hot. So, like, just embrace who you are. Have the confidence.

John [00:56:01]: Okay. But women say all the time to guys, just be who you are. And that's. It's not really accurate because it's like, just be you. That's horrible advice to give to guys.

Nicole [00:56:12]: Why?

John [00:56:12]: It's. Oh, it's. It's such bad advice. Guys that are like, oh, just. Just be you. Okay. You know, they're like, all right. They get friend zoned all the time if they're just so. So I think the. I get what you're saying, though. And that's why I want to make the interpretation for. For the guys, because, believe me, this is worse than the fisherman thing. Right? This is the whole thing. It's like, oh, just be you. That's what women tell me all the time. It's just, you know, and then the same women tell you that. That friend zone you. That tell you that. Because it's not true what. What it is. But I get the. The heart behind it. And that's why I want to translate it is. Is what it really means is be the un. Be the authentic you without ulterior motives.

Nicole [00:56:55]: Right.

John [00:56:56]: And be that version of you that you have to work on yourself to become that.

Nicole [00:57:01]: Yes.

John [00:57:01]: Right. Because I firmly believe that the purpose of personal development is not to actually become something you're not, but to get rid of all the layers of stuff that you're not that's been built up on top of you that prevents you from being that wonderful king lion, you know, of a man that you are the beast inside. It's there somewhere, even in the nicest of a nice guy. But he's got to get rid of all of that junk.

Nicole [00:57:29]: You have to know how to do it too. You can't just go straight to being an asshole.

John [00:57:32]: Yeah. It's not about being. Yeah, it's not about being an asshole.

Nicole [00:57:35]: You know, about.

John [00:57:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:36]: Being truthful, being honest, having boundaries.

John [00:57:39]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:40]: Sticking up for yourself, sticking up for other people. You know, like, it encompasses a bunch of things.

John [00:57:46]: Because the problem is, like, when. When guys get the advice of just, you know, be who you are or just, you know, just be yourself, they just present themselves as their dorky, hard on their shoulder.

Nicole [00:57:58]: I'm.

John [00:57:58]: More sleeves.

Nicole [00:58:00]: The things that make you unique. Like.

John [00:58:03]: I know. I know what you mean by it.

Nicole [00:58:04]: If you really like, yeah. Cat sweaters.

John [00:58:10]: I mean, then, you know, but you gotta own it. Yes. That's so hard. You have to own it hard.

Nicole [00:58:17]: Own that you are the creator of the cat sweater.

John [00:58:21]: Right.

Nicole [00:58:21]: And like. But you gotta have that be.

John [00:58:24]: You gotta wear the cat sweater with some swagger. You got to have the swagger.

Nicole [00:58:28]: Make sweaters. Forecast cats.

John [00:58:30]: Okay, fine. Yeah. Okay. Whichever one. You know, whatever you make sort of for cats, you gotta have some swagger with. With it.

Nicole [00:58:37]: Right. That's what I'm saying, though. But I'm saying, like, own the things because I feel like sometimes people are like, oh, I can't, like, bring this up because it's not cool or whatever. Like, that's more so what I mean, like.

John [00:58:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:48]: Embrace the parts of you that are, like, nerdy or different because, like, you want somebody that appreciates those things about you. And you will find that. And if you find somebody that appreciates your love for making cats sweaters.

John [00:59:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:59:03]: Don't you think they'll love all the other things about you as well, too?

John [00:59:07]: Yeah, but it has to be presented in the right packaging.

Nicole [00:59:10]: I'm not saying just like, you know, go.

John [00:59:12]: Because that's like I said, guys get that advice and then they, they. They don't. It doesn't end up well for them when they just, quote, be themselves. That you have to develop yourself.

Nicole [00:59:23]: Okay. Well, yeah, no, I think everybody should.

John [00:59:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:59:25]: And that's like a whole separate thing is on, like growth and.

John [00:59:29]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:59:30]: You know, that whole topic. So I won't get into it because I feel like we'll spiral. But.

John [00:59:34]: But being authentic.

Nicole [00:59:36]: Right. Is that seems like, be yourself.

John [00:59:39]: To me, it's. It's. It's.

Nicole [00:59:40]: It's a little bit more defined.

John [00:59:42]: Yeah. It's deeper than. Than being. Being yourself. It's like. It's almost like being your true self. Like the uninhibited self.

Nicole [00:59:50]: Yeah. Like, don't people, please. But don't be an asshole either. Like, don't be one extreme or the other. Like. Like, be. You have standards, have boundaries.

John [00:59:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:59:59]: And embrace the things about you that make you unique.

John [01:00:03]: All right, well, I. I guess we can get to our segment of. Of us talking about us in a relationship. It's my. My turn. I was thinking about this one. I mean, we. We. I guess we had a conversation this week about, like, about leadership in. In the relationship and. And control and authority and things like that. But I think we handled it well. I think we worked through it. We talked about the issues. It was kind of funny. Cause one of it was related to the podcast, like, the second episode of the podcast, where it seemed like I was being abrasive, which I do admit that I do come across as abrasive. I don't necessarily think that's necessarily a bad.

Nicole [01:00:47]: I mean, it's just sometimes it's hard with the videos and stuff, because it makes me, like. Sometimes it makes me sad that, like, people are seeing just this one side of you and they don't see the other, like, amazing part. Like.

John [01:01:02]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:01:03]: You know what I mean? Like, you do show that. I'm not saying you don't at all, but I feel like, you know, when you're giving advice and you're giving guys advice and, you know, like, I get wanting to be direct and blunt because I'm the same way, too.

John [01:01:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:01:15]: So I think that that was just my thing. I was like, I don't want, like, people to get the wrong opinion of you, even though I understand, like, why you're giving it in this way. I don't want, like, people to think that you're just this, like, abrasive guy all the time. Because you're not, like.

John [01:01:33]: Right. You're fun at the end of that episode, you know, so as we had a discussion, and then at the end of the episode, I did talk about.

Nicole [01:01:40]: I know. And that was my fault because I, like, you know, jumped the gun.

John [01:01:44]: Yeah, for sure. That's fine. But it was a good conversation because we had a good conversation about leadership and things like that, and it sparked. I'm sure we'll do an episode on how a man should lead.

Nicole [01:01:54]: Well, that really came from, actually, the Toto thing.

John [01:01:57]: Right, Right. Yeah, yeah. Because there was a. I mean, I don't know if you want to go into the.

Nicole [01:02:01]: Oh, no, I'm just saying, you know.

John [01:02:03]: Yeah, yeah. There was just. Yeah. A conversation we had where it appeared to me that Nicole wasn't following my lead on. On the thing. But we discussed it and worked it out and figured out the thing. But I think a lot of it. I think we do need to do an episode about that so that guys can understand how to properly lead and what's important to a woman to make her feel heard and valued in that leadership, that it's not just giving orders. That's not the whole.

Nicole [01:02:35]: Well and safe, too. Especially, like, if it's not something that she would necessarily do. A certain. Like, establishing that trust to just follow what you're saying, and that can be hard. Especially we were talking about, like, women, when you're alone and you're single and dating, you handle everything on your own. And then you get in a relationship and you find a guy you can trust. Like, you still kind of have to, like, let that go of taking care of yourself. And I'm not saying that you can't bring up, like, your own opinion about the thing. And that's what we were talking about is like, having both opinions or both sides and then still having to make a decision. And that's where the captain thing is the best way to describe it, because a captain just doesn't do whatever he wants. He's talking to the different people to figure out the thing, but he still ultimately has to make the decision. So I agree that it's a good thing. It is hard sometimes to let go of how you've operated for a long time.

John [01:03:40]: It's like a woman has to know the man's character and then just trust that he's gonna make some mistakes. Sometimes he's not gonna do things all the right way or even. No, but if you really know the heart of the guy, then you're gonna know that ultimately he has your best interests at heart, and he's going to evolve and grow and become a better and stronger leader as he makes decisions, and you got to support them along the way, which is, I imagine, it is a hard thing. I mean, you know, sometimes we take. We each take different roles in life, you know, I mean, in different contexts. And it is sometimes hard to be in the follower role and to have to trust someone else and see sometimes them making, well, and even questionable decisions.

Nicole [01:04:26]: It's hard to, like, if you genuinely feel like you have a better way of handling it to still do the thing the other way. I think that's what's really hard. That's all right.

John [01:04:36]: And that's where we could talk about. I think we could do a whole episode and talk about the struggles for women in that and the struggles for men in it because. Because they're, you know, both of those things are. Are difficult. So.

Nicole [01:04:46]: Yeah.

John [01:04:47]: All right, I think that ends it, then. We'll see you next week and down in the comment section.

Nicole [01:04:56]: Bye.

John [01:04:57]: Through every fault we find our way.