John [00:00:00]: Bachelor party or bachelorette party? To me, it sounds like I'm gonna go jump off.

Nicole [00:00:06]: I hope that is made into a clip.

John [00:00:10]: Maybe I've seen enough stuff.

Nicole [00:00:12]: Just end it right there. The clip right there.

John [00:00:15]: Beyond the perfect, we discover through our.

Nicole [00:00:19]: Flaws we complete each other.

John [00:00:22]: Better than perfect, we stay through every fault we find our day.

Nicole [00:00:34]: I'm very impressed. We're literally in the middle of the ocean, and it hasn't normally been this rough. And the reason I can't even get in is. Yeah, it's normally not this high either. And in fact, I feel like it's getting rougher by the minute.

John [00:00:52]: But it is sunny.

Nicole [00:00:53]: It is sunny in comparison to the one we did yesterday.

John [00:00:57]: So welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where we every week and sometimes in the Maldives, we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals not get eaten by sharks.

Nicole [00:01:11]: Okay, don't say that, because we saw one earlier.

John [00:01:14]: One better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:01:17]: That's right. That's right.

John [00:01:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:20]: Yeah. John wasn't even supposed to be holding on to this ladder for this. He was like, I'll just go out.

John [00:01:25]: I mean, I. I don't need to hold on.

Nicole [00:01:27]: I mean, you could until you get swept out and I have to blow the whistle. But yeah, I mean, if you don't know by now, John and I like to do crazy things like this. Not crazy things as in go way out there. We tried that this morning. But here's a crazy thing, though, about it.

John [00:01:47]: This trip is because we're staying in this nice place. But we did. I think we talked about last week, but San Francisco, two nights, pal. Singapore, three nights at the Andaz. And then Thailand. Bangkok, three nights at the Waldorf Astoria.

Nicole [00:02:08]: Yeah.

John [00:02:09]: And then here we are for five.

Nicole [00:02:11]: Nights at the Le Meridian.

John [00:02:15]: And then we're going to be at.

Nicole [00:02:16]: The Alila in a beach villa.

John [00:02:20]: Yeah. For another four nights, then fly back. And then we're. We.

Nicole [00:02:24]: We flew halfway around the world, and then we're continuing.

John [00:02:28]: Yeah. We're going to circle the globe.

Nicole [00:02:29]: Yeah.

John [00:02:30]: And we flew United Polaris on the.

Nicole [00:02:34]: Way here to Japan.

John [00:02:36]: Yeah, to Japan and then to Singapore.

Nicole [00:02:38]: Oh, Singapore. We flew from Japan to Singapore on Singapore Airlines.

John [00:02:42]: Right. In business class. And then we're flying United States Emirates all the way back from.

Nicole [00:02:49]: Not United, just Emirates. Or is it United Emirates?

John [00:02:53]: No, I think it's Emirates.

Nicole [00:02:54]: You said United Emirates.

John [00:02:56]: We're flying the Emirates in business class to Dubai and then from Dubai to Toronto. So.

Nicole [00:03:03]: Yeah.

John [00:03:03]: Oh, no. Montreal. Montreal. But the crazy thing about all that is that it was, it's about a retail value of $54,000 but.

Nicole [00:03:14]: Which is insane.

John [00:03:15]: But we paid $4,000 for it because.

Nicole [00:03:18]: Of points and yeah the points and honestly it was, it would have been even cheaper than that if you didn't have to take seaplanes to get out here in the Maldives which that's pretty expensive per person.

John [00:03:31]: Yeah. If you didn't have the seaplane for like to add another 2,000, over 2,000 to the trip, we would have done the whole thing for 2000.

Nicole [00:03:38]: Yeah.

John [00:03:39]: So. But yeah, so shout out to Trevor.

Nicole [00:03:42]: Yes. Who we actually got to meet in Thailand. Yeah, we met him in, in person. Yeah.

John [00:03:48]: Before I got sick.

Nicole [00:03:50]: Yeah. John got violently ill. Like violently to the point where our second like full day we had in Thailand we spent mostly inside but that's okay cuz he was very sick and I wouldn't have want to drag you through the streets of Thailand like that. I, I wouldn't want somebody to drag me through the streets of Thailand. But we did go to a scalp salon that day later in the evening and that was really cool and you can definitely tell the difference.

John [00:04:20]: But yeah, but Trevor, I was going to say shout out to him milmethod.com.

Nicole [00:04:25]: Yeah, check him out.

John [00:04:27]: 8 clients per month I think.

Nicole [00:04:28]: Yeah, very selective.

John [00:04:30]: If you talk to him, mention better than perfect and let him know that you heard about it. But it's.

Nicole [00:04:34]: But yeah, he did talk about too though doing. He's going to start up something though that if you don't want to do the full programmer, he doesn't have enough space bots. Yeah, he has like a workshop or something similar to that that he will be doing to help people, you know, kind of understand the points and make it work for them and like because we talk about it with him and we've talked about it before in general that it's kind of hard to believe.

John [00:05:01]: Yeah, that's his biggest problem.

Nicole [00:05:03]: It's kind of hard to believe. I mean even now people might be watching this and like he paid them to say like right, like I don't believe this but you should believe it. Like especially like the people who know us personally, we're going like our family, they're like what? They're in the Maldives. Like they understand that we're doing all this with points.

John [00:05:22]: Yeah, yeah. It's just gap. And then and we did our honeymoon, it was like a $50,000 for I think 2000. And then we did Hawaii for a week and we stayed at the grand highway. That's when we shot that other podcast.

Nicole [00:05:36]: Of the Grand Hyatt versus well, no, we shot the other podcast at the second. The Lodge. Yeah.

John [00:05:42]: Lodge.

Nicole [00:05:42]: Yeah.

John [00:05:43]: I mean that's legit. That place was almost $3,000.

Nicole [00:05:48]: Yeah, that. It's hard. It's hard now because you're like, what's your favorite place we stayed at? And I'm like, there's so many different genres. Like when people say hotel, it's like, is this a hotel? Like it is technically, but it's like a villa. And then when we did the one in Hawaii, it was like a house. They called it a cottage, but that is a house.

John [00:06:08]: Yeah, but yeah, I guess we should probably get into the topics of.

Nicole [00:06:12]: Yeah, I guess. What is the topic? The topic could be when you're marooned on an island.

John [00:06:19]: I think we're gonna do. We said the. When women have control in a relationship or when women have control in the.

Nicole [00:06:27]: Dating process and when men have control in the dating process. Because it's still technically the dating process or it should be. Yeah, yeah. So I guess we'll start with the women since they're first. Yeah. The women, they don't realize that when they're first going on the first initial dates, I would say even potentially up to the first five dates, they have the control. Cuz a man is going on a date and even if he's looking for a relationship, he's also looking for something else. Like we know what he's looking for. I don't have to say it. And I'm not saying that all women think that if they give a man what he wants within the first date or even I would even say like three dates in. Yeah, because personally I think you should wait at least three dates. Ah, minimum.

John [00:07:20]: Okay. Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:23]: You know, then he'll like me because I'm giving him what he wants. And this is what men, men want. And like, you know, maybe she's also confident in her ab. So she's like, let me. You know. But it, it doesn't really work that way. Men tell you that's what they want, that is what they want. But if you give them what they want, it will not get you what you want because that's when you have the leverage of. Right.

John [00:07:45]: When you have the thing that the man wants the most. And you. Because women are the guardians of sex, right? It's like, so at that point that's your most valuable commodity that you have to trade. It's your leverage is that you are the one who's going to determine if sex is going to Happen Right. Point in the relationship. And so if you give that up, you're giving up your leverage, your biggest lever. Not that you shouldn't, you know, necessarily. It doesn't mean you should manipulate people with sex or.

Nicole [00:08:16]: Right.

John [00:08:16]: Especially.

Nicole [00:08:17]: But it's not that, because it's too early for it to even be that. Like, you can't manipulate somebody with sex when you're just getting to know them and you're withholding that. Like, that's what I think women and everybody need to understand is, like, you, when you use sex as manipulation, that's further into the relationship. That's when. And like, when you're committed, that is when that happens. But when you're first getting to know somebody, you are not under any obligation to have sex with somebody. Are we. Are we going to blow in? Yeah, it's. It's windy. But that's the misconception. Right? Like, it's not manipulation. And maybe men view it that way and they get mad. And then maybe women are like, I don't want to do that. You know, and maybe they do want to be intimate with somebody. But here's the thing that women need to understand. Even if you want to be intimate with him on the first date, don't do it. Right. Yeah, Like. Like I said, hold out to at least the third date, because then by that point, you'll either want to do it more, which will make it a better experience, or you won't want to at that point and you realize that you don't really like him.

John [00:09:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:09:26]: For, you know, the compatibility that you guys have. And I feel like a lot of women, they. Especially if they've dated a lot and, you know, they haven't had a lot of luck, you know, sometimes they might start resorting to, well, I just want anybody to like me. Like, they're not saying that, but they're acting that way. And so they do try to give the man all these things that he hasn't earned yet either. And just like we've done an episode about how men, you know, try to give women all these things that they haven't earned.

John [00:09:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:09:58]: You can't give a man something he hasn't earned and he should earn. Having sex with you, that should be what he is earning.

John [00:10:05]: Yeah, yeah. People are gonna have to. I mean, that's a good sound. But here's the thing.

Nicole [00:10:10]: It's true, though.

John [00:10:10]: It's true. It is true. And I'll tell you why is because what it. What it really translates to is that he needs to put in the effort he needs to show. Right. The actual courtship.

Nicole [00:10:21]: Right.

John [00:10:21]: Process. Right. Because if he can just hook up, right? Which is. That's what most men want. That's when they're on a dating app, they're looking to hook up.

Nicole [00:10:29]: They're like, but he's not taking a girl to dinner to hook up. You know what I mean? I mean, he wants to, but not. He's not going to take a girl to dinner and pay for dinner, right. In order to get that. But that is what he wants at any time. You know, like, a man's not going to say no to that.

John [00:10:46]: Just getting nervous. But. But what I'm saying is that it's like he has to quit an act. Like, as a woman, you want to make sure that he's going to put in an effort.

Nicole [00:10:57]: Right?

John [00:10:58]: And if you give it up too early, you're more likely to lose him. Because in order for a man to fall in love or to really want something more, he needs to get to know you more and has to put in an investment. Well, has to put into an investment, right? That's what creates attachment. But if you have required minimal investment from him and he's gotten the main thing that he wanted, then why doesn't he just move on? And most time he's going to. Not to say that that always happens. Like, sometimes you have a magical connection and, you know, you hook up on the first date and everything is great.

Nicole [00:11:31]: Right?

John [00:11:31]: But. But a lot of times women give up that leverage so easily, right? And so then the guy doesn't have to put in effort because, look, you know, you've heard that whole saying, you know, why buy the cow if I can get the milk for free? And that's kind of the idea behind is like, a guy is not going to invest time and money and energy, right.

Nicole [00:11:51]: If you're just giving it away. Right? And that's. That's a huge thing because a lot of women will tell you, oh, well, they'll go on some dates with some guy and she'll really like him, and she'll be like, I did everything. I was so nice to him. I like, you know, did all the things that he wanted me to do. You know, I gave him everything that we talked about, like, that he wanted and showed him that I'm. That why doesn't he like me? And it's like, because that is not what it's about. And it kind of goes back to one of the episodes we did about, like, Girl Game and Guy Game and things like that and being Mysterious. And it's not to be deceitful, but it's because when you do give everything right off the bat, then you are more hurt and you do take it personally or you do try to turn a situation that isn't, you know, the best situation for you into something that it's not, if that makes sense. Like you end up making the wrong decisions.

John [00:12:48]: Sunk cost fallacy. You've already put in, given up something that's valuable to you, right? And so now you're chasing what you've invested, right?

Nicole [00:12:58]: Because you got to get something out of it because you put all this effort into it. So now you have to get something from this person or from this situation.

John [00:13:06]: You're trying to make that guy become the one that.

Nicole [00:13:08]: Right. Which a lot of women do that. And that's also, I think, what ends up why they end up not respecting the man and all that stuff is because they've, you know, kind of turned him into somebody that he wasn't or, you know, assumed he was going to change. You know, multiple people do that, but a lot of women do do that, and lot of women too. It's a lot of pressure. You know, I want to have kids. I want to start a family. My biological clock is like, you know, I want to find a guy, like, and not all women do that, you know, And I don't think they should rush it, right? And but it's also like, as a woman, you're like, okay, if you're still single in your 30s or mid-30s, you do kind of feel like, well, I would want, I want to get married, I want to have kids. And you don't want to rush it, but you want to find the right person. And it's, it's a complicated situation for them to be in, but they still, they'll have better luck if they realize that they have the power in the beginning and, you know, walk away. If they need to walk away, definitely, you know, like I said, wait at least till the third date. I mean, honestly, just try not to do it on the first date, like you said. I'm not saying that it never works out, but like you said, you know, a man, why does he need to invest if you've given him everything that he wants?

John [00:14:24]: And this is coming from someone who, you know, for better, lack of better term, pickup art, like taught guys, coach guys on pickup, right? So. And I taught them how to pick up girls and from a bar that they just met or whatever, not even a dudes, right? And bring them home and, you know, it might seem contrary. And a lot of guys will tell you, no, no, no. You should, like, don't be approved. Don't.

Nicole [00:14:47]: You know, and, but, but, but that's them tricking you.

John [00:14:51]: Look, look, you want to filter guys like that, right? I mean.

Nicole [00:14:55]: Right, exactly.

John [00:14:56]: That's what you're looking for. Okay, but in general, if you're looking for a relationship, you want to filter guys like that because.

Nicole [00:15:02]: Right, because.

John [00:15:02]: Because when I'm coaching those guys, right, are they thinking, oh, I'm gonna hook up with this girl and make her my girlfriend? No, they're thinking, I'm gonna hook up with this girl tonight, I'm gonna hook up with this girl the next night.

Nicole [00:15:12]: Right?

John [00:15:12]: And go to this park, this nightclub.

Nicole [00:15:14]: Right.

John [00:15:14]: You know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:15:15]: Yeah.

John [00:15:16]: If they had some resistance. I'm not saying that that's going to make it. I'm. But they.

Nicole [00:15:21]: Men act like they don't like resistance, but in the beginning, they like resistance.

John [00:15:25]: And I was in that mode myself when we met, right? And then. But you.

Nicole [00:15:30]: Yeah, you tried, and I shut it down.

John [00:15:33]: Right, but then.

Nicole [00:15:33]: But you can flirt, right?

John [00:15:35]: But I saw that you're interested. You were. You had high standard for yourself. You're a valuable person. I had fun with you. I wanted to get to know you more. So I did end up going on more than one day had, you know, I just got in my way very simply and easily. I probably still would, you know, you're amazing. I would have gotten. But. But you know, it's. It just makes it less likely, right? Because I'm like, okay, well, you know, I got what I, you know, what.

Nicole [00:15:59]: I came here for.

John [00:15:59]: Do I need to really know more? You know, it's like, right? So. So even though a lot of people will tell you otherwise, you know, this is the truth. This is the real thing that, you know. And guys will get mad. They'll say this. They'll say, oh, well, she makes me wait. She makes the blue pilled simp beta guy wait. But she gives it up for Chad on the first night. She. She runs over Chad's house from Tinder and stuff. And there might be some truth to that, but that doesn't mean that's a smart strike. That's why she doesn't get Chad. That's why she doesn't get the guy potentially. Right? It's like, you should make them all wait.

Nicole [00:16:35]: You shouldn't.

John [00:16:37]: Right? You know?

Nicole [00:16:38]: Yeah. No, you're not wrong. And there was another point that I need to dig into my brain for, you know, that I'm trying to think of. I mean, I lost it, but maybe it'll come back.

John [00:16:55]: This is why people don't shoot podcasts in the water.

Nicole [00:16:58]: It's distracting. I got water in my eye, and now I lost all my thoughts. But no. Like, that's why women should have boundaries in the beginning. Oh, it just came to me. But women will be like, but if I don't sleep with him, he won't like me. And they're like, but if I don't do this, he won't like me. That. That is correct. And that should give you the answer on what you should do with a man like that. If you feel like if I don't do this for this man, sex or not, whatever it is, you know, that seems like, you know, being used for something or something like that, that is your answer. That is not the guy for you. You cannot make him into the. You cannot make him happy by giving him sex if he's using it as like a you have to do this for me to make me happy sort of thing. That is the type of guy you run away from. And, you know, women need to view dating more as a way to gather research. I'm not saying that if you go on a good date, don't keep going on dates with that guy. You're just getting research. But if you view dating as a way to go and meet new people and learn new things about what you like and don't like, then you'll enjoy dating more. You'll put off an aura to you where people will be more attracted to you, it'll be easier to get dates, and you'll have better chances at finding the person you're supposed to be with. And when you run into somebody that you're not compatible with or you don't want to continue dating, just be respectful and be like, hey, I just don't think that we're a good fit. Like, you know, I appreciate the time that we had, but I think it's best we see other people. And a guy might get mad at that. Like, you know, and you can't. People please and be like, trying not to make some guy upset, but have the boundaries in the beginning. And then that also saves you a lot of time going on dates, you know, with the wrong people. And then also, too, if you wait till the three dates to be intimate now, you're not also attached, you know, physically in that way that women do, you know, give part of ourselves to men when we are intimate with them that you haven't given somebody that ended up not being the one for you, that part of you, and you can save it that experience for someone else. And I'm not saying that women don't have needs and they don't want to have sex, and they, you know, don't.

John [00:19:20]: Get the whole sex toy industry.

Nicole [00:19:22]: Right, Exactly. And to be honest, women already know that. You know, a lot of men don't know what they're doing, but a lot of men do know what they're doing, but it's not worth risking it on someone that you're not sure of. So at least by date three, that's why I say date three is a minimum, you're at least a little bit sure of how you feel about this person if you want to continue dating them, if it's worth going to that point with them. But I think if women understand that they have the power front right off the bat from the initial dates, they can make better decisions for themselves and for the relationship as a whole if it gets to that point. Because like you said, the man will also respect you for not giving him what you want. It seems like it doesn't make sense. Men feel like women don't make sense, and women feel like men don't make sense. But that's. If you realize that, then you actually realize how to make sense of it. Like I just said, it's not. That sounded like a whole puzzle. But what I'm trying to say is men tell you one thing, that they want a woman that does everything that they say. But if you act like that from the very beginning, when you're first dating him, he's not interested in you. You have to have a little bit of mystery. You have to have boundaries. You have to have respect for yourself. Because a man, yes, men want respect for themselves in a relationship, but they also want to respect the woman that they're with. And you do that by not sleeping with them and by having standards for yourself.

John [00:20:47]: Yeah. Like, look, you have a kid. Your kid wants a bicycle, okay? So you're like, okay, here's a bicycle, right? The kid, what did he do with that bicycle?

Nicole [00:20:54]: He rides it one time, maybe, and then doesn't.

John [00:20:57]: Doesn't take care of it. Leaves it out in the rain. It rusts, right? The kid's like, I want a bicycle. You're like, okay, well, maybe I have to do some chores. You have to save up for the bicycle. You don't just give him the bicycle. You make him earn the bicycle. Now, the kid appreciates the advice, Right? You know What I'm saying, don't just give people free rides.

Nicole [00:21:15]: I see what you did there. I see what you did there.

John [00:21:17]: But. No, but it is true. Because it's a leverage. You have to use it when you have it, that power. And it is not true necessarily that a guy, like, if you give someone what they want, that doesn't mean they're going to like you more.

Nicole [00:21:29]: Right? But people get that confused, right?

John [00:21:31]: And like, in our circumstance, like I said, I was confused. I was like, what's going on here? I was like, I texted you.

Nicole [00:21:37]: You literally said that.

John [00:21:39]: Because I was like. Felt like you liked me, but it was like. Because I was so used to just like, you're just gonna sleep with me. Right?

Nicole [00:21:47]: But see, women, you have to always keep them guessing. You have to flirt with them. Like, I'm not saying don't flirt with them. Don't be cute. Don't even. Like we mentioned before, you know, give them a little something. Something like shake your booty or something. You know, give him a little something. But don't. But don't, you know, give him the whole thing. Don't give him the whole package. Tease him a little bit with that because you know that's what he wants. Yeah, it's like when you go fishing, we're here in the water, right? You go fishing, you throw your line out there, you reel it in slowly. It's luring. You're luring him in, right? If you just, like, jerk it in really fast, you're not going to catch the fish.

John [00:22:22]: People like, I don't want to play games. And it's like, no, it's like, you. You do have to play games. Sorry, it's. It's not like you don't want to play manipulation, right?

Nicole [00:22:29]: It's not manipulation, but you do have to play some. It's trickling the information. Because why are you. Why. That's. This is why people are exhausted, though, because they give all the information. They do all the things right off the b. And they're like, I'm exhausted. I don't want to go on dates anymore. It's exhausting. Yeah, because you gave them everything on the very first date. That is exhausting.

John [00:22:48]: The girl game. This is what it is, right?

Nicole [00:22:50]: Which is. It's hard to understand, but maybe, hopefully I made it a little bit more understandable. But if you have questions about girl game, you can ask us and we'll.

John [00:23:04]: Do a full episode. Nicole can give you all the Girl game.

Nicole [00:23:07]: There we go. I'll make you do some skits I'm just kidding.

John [00:23:10]: Now the guy. Get to the guy part, right? So, right. Women have leverage in the very beginning. The sex is the leverage, right? You know, girls are. Women are the guardians of sex. Guys are the guardians of the man, right? So this is where I see so many guys making mistake of just giving this up to East. Not to say that you should have a fear of commitment and not commit. You should do that when you find the right girl. However, before you commit, right? At the point where. And never ask for commitment as a guy. That would be like a woman asking for sex, right? If you go on a date with a girl and she's like, can we have sex tonight? As a guy, you're like, are you.

Nicole [00:23:44]: You'll still do it, but you won't like it.

John [00:23:46]: You're like, are you cop? Are you?

Nicole [00:23:48]: Are you a cop?

John [00:23:50]: Do I have to pay you? What's going on? Like, you can't do that. You have to wait for the guy to try and, you know, it's just, you know, so the same thing. If you're a guy and you ask girl. If you're like, you can ask girl on a date, but if you're like, can we be boyfriend, girlfriend, or where are we going with this? Or it's. It's. She's gonna run a wall, okay, Most of the time, so it's not good. But when. When the girl does come and ask for, because she likes you, you're having a good time, right? You know, at that point, she's given up her leverage. The sex part, right now she wants something, right? The thing that you're still holding on to is a commitment. And guys, you have to bring it out to that point, right? She has to be into enough. That means you have to court her enough, you have to charm her enough. You have to have enough game that she wants to be exclusive with you. She wants to lock you down right now.

Nicole [00:24:38]: She's invested right now at that point.

John [00:24:42]: This is where it's crucial that you now have basically the two conversations we talked about on this podcast. On the second episode, we talked about the six rules of relationship, however you want to define that, but I'll go through them briefly. It's essentially, this is where you have the conversation and say, look, you know, if we're going to be in a committed relationship, there's some things that I think are important in order to protect the relationship. I want to. I want to share my location with you, and I'd like you to share your location with me. I'm going to, out of respect for you, not talk to girls. Like, I had friends that were girls. I'm not talking to them just on a casual basis. You know, it's like if someone says something, whatever, but I show you any text that any girls send me, you know, and I, I, I expect the same. And you can have access to my phone and I, and I want access to your phone. Of course. You know, all the, all the things. Right. We won't go through the entire list, but you can watch the second episode if you want to know all of that. So you need to have that conversation. Right? And it needs to be. And, and again, this is the whole thing. A lot of guys are like, oh, she's not going to go for that. Or she's gonna be like, oh, you're controlling or insecure. We've addressed this a lot, but this is the Leonardo DiCaprio rule. Leo rule. Okay? If Leonardo Leonardo. If Leonardo DiCaprio said, I want to turn on the locations on our phone and I'm not going to talk to any other girls besides you and have girlfriends, you know, whatever, and, and all these things, and I'll give you access to my phone and my email, and I want you to do the same. Most girls are going to say yes. Yes.

Nicole [00:26:14]: Yeah.

John [00:26:14]: Yes, Leo. Right? They're gonna be excited about that. If she's not excited about it with you, that might be. It might be time to dump her. It might be time to stop dating.

Nicole [00:26:24]: Her because she doesn't value you or.

John [00:26:27]: You haven't proven yourself to be that trustworthy guy that she thinks is high enough value. So, so that's something to consider. The LEO rule. Okay? We're gonna call that the LEO rule. Okay? And then the second thing that you need to do with slavery is you need to have the captain of the ship top, which again, I think we talked about it in one of those episodes.

Nicole [00:26:42]: I think it was like one of the second one maybe.

John [00:26:44]: Yeah, it might have been. But it's basically where, you know, you're saying, look, if we're going to be in this relationship, I'm going to be the captain of this ship. You know, I don't have a co pilot in a sense. Like, I am the one who's the captain. I'm a good captain. I go down with the ship. I am responsible for the crew on the ship. I put the crew first. You know what I mean? I put everyone else first, then myself. And I will, I will do a great job of leading you. Like, but you do have to trust me. And I'm always going to be a company ship. And again, you can, you know, I'm giving a very short version of it. You know, you should give a more detailed talk about this. But essentially you just have to, however you want to do it, you don't have to do the ship thing if you don't want to. You know, I think it's good analogy, but you just have to make it clear. And she has to be on board with you being the leader in the relationship and her trusting you enough to lead. And if that's not the case, again, maybe it's not time for committed relationship yet, or maybe it's time to move on. But if you have a woman who has agreed to those six things and has agreed to the captain of the ship talk, and now you're getting committed relationship with her, guys, you're not worrying about her cheating on you. You're not worried that she's going to divorce you and take your stuff. Like, she's already valued you and showed you that she has enough commitment and trust for you as a man, that she's willing to let you lead and she's a keeper. So. And this is where you have that leverage. If you try to have this conversation later in the relationship after you've already given her commitment, which is what she wanted, just like a woman giving up sex too early, you don't have as much. You should still have the conversation, right? But now she's just going to say.

Nicole [00:28:24]: Well, you didn't say this earlier, you know, or like say, see you later, right?

John [00:28:27]: I don't want to do this. This isn't the deal. So that's why you have to do with it, right?

Nicole [00:28:33]: And I mean, I'm genuinely curious for the women who. And pay attention, pay attention, everybody. These are the stipulations. If you're a woman who, like John just said, values your man, you respect him, you guys, you know, have that sort of respect and you value each other's feelings. So you don't hang out with friends of the opposite sex and things like that and whatnot. Where, I guess is the resistance, like, where, like what woman who values all the things that you just mentioned wouldn't want that? And I want to know what the women who don't want what you just said, why they don't want it, right? Because in my opinion, most women that I know personally, if their man was like, hey, like, let's not talk to other people of the opposite sex like that, because it's just not very Respectful to each other, and, you know, let's have each other's location so, you know, we can make sure that each other is safe and, you know, what's going on. And, you know, all those things like that. Like, why wouldn't a woman want that if she is with a man that she respects and values? I want to know that. So if you're a woman that respects and values the man you're with, but you guys don't, you know, do those sort of things, why don't you do it? And sometimes I'm like, is it because they've never had their trust broken before and they just have very deep trust in each other? Which, like, I'm not saying that we don't have trust in each other, but I'm just saying that, like, I'm just wondering what it is, because a lot of people like to rush to, well, you don't trust your partner. And that is not the case. It's actually, like, I admire you more for wanting to respect our relationship in that way, and I think that that is a way to respect our relationship because that those are things that I would want on my own, and I'm not having to ask you for that. And as a woman, I feel like we're normally the ones that have to be like, hey, you want to share your location? Or, hey, like, can you not follow girls on Instagram and like, their pictures? It's normally women asking for those things. So what woman wouldn't want a man to do those things himself? And then, I mean, obviously he would respect it and expect it in return, and I think that's understandable.

John [00:31:02]: Yeah. And. And I. And yeah, I. My question also would be for women that Delore opposed to that, again, if Leonardo DiCaprio asks you that, or whoever, fill in your honk. Whatever you want.

Nicole [00:31:15]: Your honk.

John [00:31:16]: Yeah. You know what I mean? I can't.

Nicole [00:31:18]: Your celebrity crush, if you're old Brad.

John [00:31:20]: Pitter, you know, if it's like, if you're old Brad Pitt, Richard Gere, if you're really old.

Nicole [00:31:25]: Oh, God, I don't know if that's our demographic that are watching this.

John [00:31:30]: The guy from Superman or whatever. You know, it's like, whoever. Or Thor, you know, whatever. You can fill in whoever you want, but if that person. Your celebrity crush, whatever. Actually, those. Would you not be thrilled that he's not going to go out on Bachelor Party to Vegas?

Nicole [00:31:47]: Right.

John [00:31:47]: I'm saying, like. And would you not be willing to give that up yourself? It's like, so. And that's that's not for, you know, that's for you to answer for yourself. Right, Right. To really evaluate. And then if you are saying, you know, if you're still like, no, I still wouldn't do it, then I don't know, I don't know what to tell you. But if you would for some other guy, that's your celebrity crush and that would be okay, then you have to really evaluate. One, is this actually the guy that you want to be with?

Nicole [00:32:14]: Right.

John [00:32:14]: And two, like, do you, you know, what, what do you, what are you actually looking for? What are you actually valuing? You know what I mean?

Nicole [00:32:23]: I would say, are you just falling into the normalcy of dysfunctional relationships, which that might cause people to be upset. But when I. And I had these myself, so I'm not being hypocritical. I had plenty of relationships before you came along and dated plenty of people that I was in the same normal, like people acting like it's normal to live in these dysfunctional ways. Like I would go on girls trips when I dated somebody, or I would, you know, go do, go out without my partner, things like that. And it didn't feel abnormal to me because society has normalized that and it has normalized that to the point where they're like, if you don't do it like that, then you're not independent and then you're relying on somebody and you can never rely on somebody. You can only trust yourself, which creates fear in people. And we're not saying to be codependent in the sense of you can't do anything ever without the other person, but you shouldn't want to experience a lot of things in life when you are with somebody that you value so much without the other person.

John [00:33:36]: Right, exactly. And, and, and you know, I don't like to bring this up too much because there's so much details in my background that we did a whole episode on it and maybe we could do another one. But, you know, in the relationship that I was on in before I met you, had there been these things in place, I would have not been able to get away with what I like.

Nicole [00:33:55]: Right.

John [00:33:56]: So again, not. I'm not condoning it. I'm not. You know, I'm just saying that take it from someone who did step outside of a relationship. Right. And again, you know, there's more context to it. You know, it's definitely a wrong thing for me to do, but I'm saying it so you can understand that there would have been no way possible. I wouldn't do anything to do what I was doing.

Nicole [00:34:19]: Had I not, if your locations were on, if all you know, I would have just had to leave.

John [00:34:24]: I would have just had to exit the relationship and say, I'm out, I'm not doing this right.

Nicole [00:34:29]: Which would have been the better thing. But you're just, you're emphasizing the point that these are important things to have.

John [00:34:34]: And that's how relationships should end. They shouldn't end with someone cheating.

Nicole [00:34:38]: Right.

John [00:34:39]: Because it just makes all.

Nicole [00:34:41]: It's trauma, it adds more trauma. It's more traumatizing to be cheated on than someone breaking up with you. Like, initially, that hurts, but it eventually fades away. And you don't typically have trauma left from just being broken up with. But cheating, it. It leaves a lot behind and it can mess somebody up for a lot longer.

John [00:35:05]: And everyone, every single person who's ever been cheated on and every single person she's ever cheated pretty much didn't think it was going to happen to them. They thought they trusted their partner.

Nicole [00:35:16]: Right.

John [00:35:16]: They would have been with their partner.

Nicole [00:35:17]: Exactly.

John [00:35:18]: So what I'm saying is that when people tell me in the comments that are like, oh, I trust my partner, it's different with us. It's. You genuinely believe that.

Nicole [00:35:27]: Right. Which is.

John [00:35:28]: So did every single person.

Nicole [00:35:28]: It's a good thing to trust them.

John [00:35:30]: But so did every single person who has ever cheated on. So did every single person pretty much who ever cheated.

Nicole [00:35:35]: Right.

John [00:35:36]: They also thought the same thing. So you might be right, but they thought they were right and they didn't know. So just put the rules in place for everybody's protection and then, you know, and then you're fine. And then it's a smart, respectful thing to do. And a man that's leading the relationship, whether the woman agrees with this or not, should have the common sense to know that what we're telling him is correct and he should implement that in the relationship because he's supposed to be leading it. So he's supposed to say these are the things that we need to be right.

Nicole [00:36:06]: And women, I know women get very upset or they're scared that men can be controlling because either they've been in a relationship with a man that's controlling or they're just feel fearful of that as a woman because they know what that can entail, you know, with abuse and things like that. But women need to trust their intuition. They need to trust themselves. They need to tap into that feminine part of them that is like, is this a good man or is this, is this man being Controlling or is he having boundaries? Which there is a difference, and we've told you guys what the difference is. Something touched me. So when the guy has the talk with you and he's saying, you know, let's do these things, and they are boundaries. They're not commands or demands. Trust him. Like, trust that this is what you want, because it is what you want. Don't be afraid that he's going to turn controlling. And if he ever does turn controlling, because maybe he projected a boundary, but he's now acting out of commands, you have the power to walk away as well, too. And, you know, the thing is, you can't be. As a woman, you can't be afraid forever. And I get that it's scary. And, you know, a lot of women were saying in our episode where we were talking about how a woman could do everything right and a man still leave, they're like, well, this is terrifying. And I mean it. It's the reality. But that shouldn't keep you from doing the things.

John [00:37:37]: And if a man does these things, implements these rules in the relationship, yes, he could still. Right. You could do everything right. But if you have this, it's like having an insurance policy.

Nicole [00:37:48]: Right. He's. He's showing you. He's investing in you as well.

John [00:37:51]: Because it's not. It's not just. He's not cheating. He's actively preventing cheating.

Nicole [00:37:55]: Right, Exactly. So that's.

John [00:37:57]: That's a good. You see what I'm saying? Like, that's a guy you want to keep and not call him controlling insecure. Because you could lose a very good guy by calling him controlling insecure.

Nicole [00:38:05]: Right. And then you want to go back to him, and then by that point, you can't because you've burned the bridge.

John [00:38:10]: Yeah. It's also very dangerous when a person just trusts you so much. They trust. They don't care where their partner's at or what they're doing. You know, that feels like they don't care enough about you.

Nicole [00:38:23]: Exactly. Well, you said it. I don't know if you said it on the podcast, but you said it best one time where if you have a parent that just trusts you, you know, if. When you were a kid that to go do whatever they want, they didn't even give you any rules or anything. You don't feel loved. Like, that child wouldn't feel loved. They'd be like, why? Like, why are you letting me do everything? Even though that's what they want, and even though a child's brain thinks they know better and that's what they want, and they're getting what they want. The reality of being a human kicks in and is like, well, does my parent even care about me? They're just like. They're just like, go, yeah, go ahead. You know, by. You know, that's. That doesn't make somebody feel like they're invested in them or care about them. Right.

John [00:39:07]: It's like, if your partner was like, I'm going to go jump off a cliff. And you're like, I trust you. You're fine. I trust that they're going to get, you know, okay. That's. That indicates I'm not caring. Right. It's like, so that's what I. When. When people say I'm gonna go to a bachelor party or bachelorette party, it's. To me, it sounds like I'm gonna go jump off.

Nicole [00:39:29]: I hope that is made into a clip.

John [00:39:33]: Maybe I've seen enough stuff.

Nicole [00:39:34]: Just end it right there. The clip right there.

John [00:39:37]: But. Okay. I think we.

Nicole [00:39:38]: We pretty much hit the nail on the head.

John [00:39:42]: Nailed it.

Nicole [00:39:43]: Nailed it. Oh, well. What is our thing for the week? I mean, we talked about in the other episode that there were, like, a few things, but it's really just what we talked about before, that we're just personally working on things that we each need to work on. And we're just gonna continue to do that. Yeah. I think I should put these up and then we just jump in. What do you say?

John [00:40:10]: Okay, let's do it.

Nicole [00:40:11]: All right.

John [00:40:11]: Good way to end the podcast.

Nicole [00:40:12]: There you go. I'll put them up. Since I'm already halfway, whichever.

John [00:40:17]: Cameras are still rolling. We'll see.

Nicole [00:40:22]: I don't think they'll blow away. Right? I'm dying. Sa.