Nicole [00:00:00]: A man can take care of you and make you feel loved and all this stuff, even if you guys are 50. 50. It's about how he treats you. He should treat you like a princess.

John [00:00:09]: He would love you if you're a worm. There we go.

Nicole [00:00:11]: Exactly. That's why they say it.

John [00:00:13]: Shah hulad. I would ride you into the desert.

Nicole [00:00:18]: That is what he's talking about. I am a giant worm.

John [00:00:21]: Yeah, if you're a worm, that'd be great.

Nicole [00:00:22]: Through the desert beyond the perfect we.

John [00:00:25]: Discovered through our flaws we complete each other Better than per perfect we stay.

Nicole [00:00:34]: Through every fault we find our way.

John [00:00:41]: All right, welcome back to the better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:53]: Almost lost it there, but then you got it back. I was like, oh, no. And then you were like, yeah, swerved back in line.

John [00:01:00]: Little notebook here. I feel like I'm a reporter, like, bringing you the latest news. Breaking news. Yes. Oh, this just in. Apparently there's a nuclear bomb that's been set up. Just kidding.

Nicole [00:01:14]: Anyways, didn't you have a question somebody wanted?

John [00:01:18]: Yeah. So we actually have a question. I didn't. I did read it, but I didn't read it to you. So he said, if you could please answer this question on the better than Perfect podcast with your wife, Nicole. So there we go. I will leave off his name due to the nature of the question, which is here's my question. I am 32 years old, male, and have never been in a romantic relationship. I have lots of muscle and make six figures and I'm six feet tall. So he's got the three sixes. Six figures, six feet tall, six pack. That's when women want.

Nicole [00:01:51]: Okay, okay.

John [00:01:53]: But I got into the habit of an early age of 18 seeing escorts. Oh. It started out of curiosity, but became a deeply ingrained habit.

Nicole [00:02:04]: Habit?

John [00:02:05]: Yes, a habit. It is a different world and causes you to view women as sex objects. I never bothered with dating as I was involved with this habit. I would like to have a girlfriend for the first time in the next year, but I don't know how to go about it. Online dating generally doesn't work and I tried joining a dancing class, but I am always perplexed how despite being more muscular than every man there, women do not gravitate towards me.

Nicole [00:02:32]: It's almost like women don't value looks as much as men do.

John [00:02:38]: Also, I don't want to have kids in the future. It gets me down as I want to experience true Romantic love for the first time. But I'm in a dilemma. If I don't want to have kids, how will that be possible? I'm also very selfish and only want the good aspects of a relationship that suits me without dealing with all the headaches. I'm starting to think this is appropriate for this episode. I'm starting to think maybe the best option for me is to become a sugar daddy in the future. That way it is an upgrade on seeing escorts as you get longer term intimacy with hot girls, but you also get to retain your peace and freedom. The only downside is by making it into a transaction and using money, you can never experience proper love and this will eat away at you when you get to an old age. I'm in a dilemma here and it eats away at me every day. I would love some advice on this question from you and Nicole on your podcast.

Nicole [00:03:34]: I'm about to just say screw the topic for this week because there's a lot to unpack here. I should have been writing notes. Why'd you put your phone away? Like I'm gonna forget all the things the.

John [00:03:47]: The thing.

Nicole [00:03:47]: I mean. Jesus. Okay, first.

John [00:03:51]: Yeah. Where do you want to begin?

Nicole [00:03:54]: He. He screwed himself over with the escort thing. Like, I know he wanted to get laid, but he has turned women into sex objects by that being his one. I. It sounds like primary first experience.

John [00:04:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:12]: And majority of his experience, if not all of his experience.

John [00:04:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:17]: So he doesn't even. He's just all sorts of messed up in what he even wants because him even being like, I just want the good things of relationship and not bad.

John [00:04:27]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:27]: You can tell he's never been in a relationship. You can tell he doesn't understand. And I think he understands a little bit how messed up he made himself because he's like, I guess I'll just be a sugar daddy. Because to be honest, where he's at right now, that's his only logical explanation. Because it's basically what he's doing already.

John [00:04:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:49]: He's already giving the sugar that women want.

John [00:04:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:52]: To these women. He's paying women already. Right. So like, a sugar daddy's not far off from what he already is.

John [00:04:59]: Right. Right.

Nicole [00:05:00]: So I would say the first thing that I recommend for him to do is to stop having sex with escorts and to not go hook up with random women either. To stop having sex, I think he needs to, like, cold turkey, cut it off for a while.

John [00:05:17]: Okay.

Nicole [00:05:18]: Where he resensitizes himself to women. Almost like. Like you've talked about when men Go off to war and they see an ankle and they're like, yeah, give me that. Coming in their pants. We might need to cut that out.

John [00:05:32]: No, it's fine. It's fine.

Nicole [00:05:36]: I wasn't gonna go there, but it just came out of my mouth. But, like.

John [00:05:38]: Just came out of your mouth?

Nicole [00:05:42]: But no, I think he needs to, like, desensitize himself to a severe point. Because I told you, I. There's a lot to unpack here. Like, I am shook by all the things that you just said, but I think that is step one.

John [00:06:04]: Yeah, I agree. I think step one is. I mean, I don't think the situation is that much different than most men, actually. I'll tell you why. Because, yeah, he's got the habit of escorts. Of course, there's a lot of guys that do. Right. Obviously that's that. Oldest profession in the world. It stays in business. But. But a lot of guys are also, even if they're not specifically going to.

Nicole [00:06:26]: Escorts, they're hooking up with women to the sexual. And then they're not like they're using them as an object, they're using them for sex.

John [00:06:32]: Well, the pornography, like, they're, you know, the wide rampant, you know, different stuff there that. Where guys are addicted to that. So that it's still. That might even be rewiring the brain in a worse way because that's not even a human. That's a picture on the screen. Right. So at least there's some humanity there. I'm not saying that's a good plan.

Nicole [00:06:54]: But they still have been turned into objects rather than a person. Does that make sense?

John [00:07:00]: Like, yeah, it's a. Well, it's transaction.

Nicole [00:07:02]: Get what he wants.

John [00:07:04]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:04]: Like, he still has dehumanized these women because he says that it's like a habit. He's not. He hasn't said that he fell in love with any of them.

John [00:07:15]: True.

Nicole [00:07:16]: You know, so there's still like, not. Not romantic material. He acts like he's never had anybody that he's romantically involved in. And I think unless he goes cold hard turkey and almost like gets him through withdrawals, like, he's going to have to go through withdrawals like a drug addict. Because he's an addict.

John [00:07:39]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:40]: To this thing. Because if he doesn't.

John [00:07:42]: Right.

Nicole [00:07:43]: He might meet a woman he falls in love with, but he might not be sexually attracted to her because she's not this extreme sexualized version that he's used to.

John [00:07:54]: Right. Well, and then also I think, though, the big problem is that it's just gonna be too. It's gonna feel like it's too hard, right? So it's like, you know, he's used to just paying the money, getting whatever girl he wants. Right.

Nicole [00:08:10]: And probably whatever legitimately he wants.

John [00:08:13]: Right. And then now it's like he goes out to a nightclub, he goes to try and talk to girls, he has.

Nicole [00:08:20]: To work for it.

John [00:08:21]: Like, it's so many steps to get to the end result that it's going to feel like, Jesus, it's like, just.

Nicole [00:08:27]: Be about what you want. Like, I'm assuming, because I've never had a prostitute, I'm assuming it's you pay the money, you get whatever you want, right?

John [00:08:39]: I mean, yeah. I mean, there's like.

Nicole [00:08:41]: You think about your pleasure, you're not thinking about the prostitutes. Pleasure.

John [00:08:44]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:08:45]: That's if you meet a woman in real life. Some guys do operate this way. But you can't just go in and be like, I want to, you know, later. I already said worse things. I don't know why I don't want to say the things. But you know what I mean? Like, you can't go in where you're just focused on you getting off. In real life, no woman is going to want to do that.

John [00:09:08]: That happens most.

Nicole [00:09:09]: It does happen. But also women will be like, no, thank you.

John [00:09:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:09:15]: Whereas, like, he's used to just getting whatever he wants.

John [00:09:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:18]: Because he's paying for it.

John [00:09:19]: Right.

Nicole [00:09:20]: Where in reality, he's gonna meet a woman who doesn't want to do some of the stuff that he's a problem.

John [00:09:25]: Yeah. You can't take shortcuts. Because you take shortcuts. It's like, it's like this. It's sort of like if you. I don't know. Well, okay, well, here's a good example because this one's coming up soon for a lot of ladies, which is, let's say that you're a lady doing only fans, okay? Also from prostitution, you're making the big money, making 20, 30 grand a month. Maybe 50 grand a month. Okay. At some point that gravy train is going to end. Whether it be AI that replaces you or your age, whatever it is. Right. Or new newer, younger girls coming out, whatever, you know, at that point, I hope you saved all that money and invested it in real estate. Because if you have to go and get a job at 7:11 and you're going to make $10 an hour when you were making $40,000 a month doing the thing, almost nothing, just taking naked pictures of yourself, they don't you're going.

Nicole [00:10:19]: To be like 7:11. They can go be a prostitute.

John [00:10:23]: That's the. Yeah, see, that's. See, well, that's what's going to happen, right? Because they're like, okay, how many girls you think leave only fans, try to get a legitimate job, and then they're like, I have to work for five, for $15 an hour, $10 an hour. And then they probably go straight to prosecution.

Nicole [00:10:40]: Because I'm only saying that because, like you said, there'll always be men willing to pay for that. And so, yes, only fans. Women, AI Comes, they get older, whatever, but they can still do that if they want to, because men are not as selective. Right, but my point, especially in this instance, because this man has paid from the very beginning. It sounds like he didn't even try to go get laid. And even if he tried, he didn't try hard enough. No, but he could have learned other things rather than taking the easy way out, like you're saying, right? The easy way out is to just pay for it.

John [00:11:19]: Right.

Nicole [00:11:19]: And you don't actually. Like, he missed learning valuable things in picking up a woman. Like, if he's doing it the right.

John [00:11:29]: Way, like we've talked about, he's devalued. You see what I'm saying? That's what I'm. It's like now if he has to go and do the work and go out on dates and stuff, it's going to feel like a lot more work than, you know. So.

Nicole [00:11:40]: No, I agree with you.

John [00:11:41]: And then he fell into the common mistake that so many guys make, which is thinking that if I get jacked and I make a lot of money, women are just going to fall over me. It's just. It never. You. You gotta be a rock star, okay? A rapper, NBA player. Not. It's not money. It's not being jacked. It's never gonna happen. Here's why I think you have to face it.

Nicole [00:12:08]: Here's why I think women aren't falling all over him. Because like you said, he has the three sixes or whatever the heck you called it. He should be having everything right. He is giving off this energy. Women are very intuitive.

John [00:12:24]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:24]: He's probably giving off this energy that is causing women to stay away from him, even though she doesn't know what he's doing.

John [00:12:33]: Right.

Nicole [00:12:34]: Women can typically tell what kind of vibe. And if he's like, I have all these things, why don't women want me?

John [00:12:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:12:40]: There's usually some sort of other reason. And like I said, when you Were reading it, like, that's not what it's all about for women. Like, I don't know if maybe men will finally realize now that this guy is sitting here saying he has all the things that women supposedly want and no women want him.

John [00:12:56]: Right.

Nicole [00:12:57]: That, like, maybe they'll understand now that it's. It's not viewed the same for men and women. But he's putting some sort of energy out there.

John [00:13:06]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:13:07]: When he's talking to women. And it's either like, he is maybe a little bit more selfish because he's used to just getting what he wants and he doesn't want to put the work in and women can sense that, or it's that he's taken the easy way out and he just genuinely doesn't even have any of the, like, knowledge that you get from dating and meeting women in real life and, you know, valuing a woman. Because I also don't understand what he means by he doesn't want to have kids so he can't find the love that he wants.

John [00:13:39]: Well, I think what he's saying is that he. Women are gonna wanna have kids.

Nicole [00:13:44]: Not all of them.

John [00:13:45]: Yeah. But a majority.

Nicole [00:13:47]: Now more than ever. There's more women who don't wanna have kids than there ever was.

John [00:13:51]: Than there ever was. But I think there's still, you know, it's a pretty likelihood that he also.

Nicole [00:13:57]: Might change his view if he got to a point. I don't think he should in the position he's in. He is in no position to have a child. None.

John [00:14:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:06]: So I can also see he might.

John [00:14:08]: Have a lot of children. Who knows?

Nicole [00:14:11]: Let's hope not. But I think that also too, is affecting his mindset with children. Like, granted, if he really doesn't wanna have kids, I'm not saying he's changed his mind.

John [00:14:20]: No. But.

Nicole [00:14:20]: But he might think he doesn't wanna have children because he's never been in love with somebody. Sex is so transactual or transactual that it's like he only knows it to get this one thing rather than it being a way of bringing life into the world. It seems like he never fully developed like he thinks he has because he has the three sixes or whatever. But by him taking the easy way out in the woman department.

John [00:14:50]: Right. Both ways. Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:51]: Sexually and romantically, he is stunted. And women can tell that.

John [00:14:58]: And this is a problem. I have dealt with this similar issue with so many guys that I've coached, because guys will think, this is the thing. I'll tell you how it is with guys, right? So guys are so afraid to go and talk to a girl, so terrified to do it, to be rejected, that, you know, this is. They're going from A to B, right? So then they'll be like, all right, I don't want to do this. So I'm going to go over here and I'm going to make millions of dollars and I'm going to go to the gym for 20 hours a week and get completely jacked. And then I won't have to do this thing. I'll just get the girl because she'll just. So many guys, that's what they dedicate. They're like, I'm so scared to go and talk to a girl that I would rather work my ass off in the gym and at work in order to make money and to get muscles so that I don't have to do that. But then they come to me and hire me because that didn't work. Because it doesn't work, right? Because you have to go and do the thing you have to.

Nicole [00:16:07]: Well, they're doing it for the wrong reasons, right? They're doing those things to get confidence in themselves. And then those things aren't giving them confidence in themselves to go talk to women. Because what do you need to talk to women? Confidence in themselves.

John [00:16:18]: Oh, yeah. They're like, okay, yeah.

Nicole [00:16:20]: They're like, oh, if I make a bunch of money though, I'm gonna be the man. And if I go get jacked, then I'm gonna be the man and I'm gonna feel good. But. And they get those things, but they never feel good. It's the same thing that happens with women. They're like, oh, when I, you know, get a boob job, I'll feel better because men will want me. Or if I, you know, when I can have money to get fancy clothes, then I'll be attracted to everybody and women will get that. And then they're like, it's no. It's no different because they're trying to get confidence in themselves via these ways, right. That are not actually giving them confidence in themselves. So they're skipping, like you said, right? Learning how to get confidence in themselves, learning to appreciate themselves and their self worth, right? And they are trying to take the easy way by being like, okay, well, if I have all these exterior things, people will just gravitate towards me. But you still don't have the confidence. You still don't know what makes you a special person. Which there is something that makes everybody a special person, right? That attracts the Right. People in their life. That's why these women are. I'm not saying that women are going to come bombard you when you know who you are, but they are more likely to gravitate towards you if you're confident in yourself and you're not afraid of them. If you're confident in yourself.

John [00:17:35]: And that's the thing is, like, these are ways to avoid facing your fears.

Nicole [00:17:38]: Right?

John [00:17:38]: Right. And so that's why, like, taking these shortcuts. I tell guys all the time, no, prostitutes don't do it because it's a shortcut. Look, if you're a guy that could go up and pick up women and get laid and then you went to a prostitute, I still don't recommend it. But I wouldn't lecture you on it and say, because it's not going to stunt you. Right. It's like, if you want to do it, fine, it's whatever your life. But if you can't get laid and you go to a prostitute, it's going to make it harder for you ever to be able to because you've taken the shortcut.

Nicole [00:18:07]: Well, and this is what men don't realize, especially when they're horny. Right. They want to just get there.

John [00:18:15]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:15]: Whatever way is the quickest. They want to get there. They don't think about the repercussions. This man didn't think about the repercussions when he ordered an escort for the first time.

John [00:18:23]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:24]: And he didn't think of the repercussions when he kept doing it because it felt good at the time.

John [00:18:28]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:29]: He didn't understand what it was doing to his life.

John [00:18:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:33]: And now he's in this position, and it's going to take a lot to get him out of this position, like, mentally.

John [00:18:39]: Right? Oh, yeah.

Nicole [00:18:40]: So now instead of going the hard way of talking to women and trying to learn how to get women to like you, to date you, now, he instead created another hard way. It's still hard. It would have been hard either way. Now he has this other hard way of breaking out of that to find love.

John [00:19:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:01]: And I don't think men really think about the long term in these moments.

John [00:19:11]: Plus, he's gonna have to explain his past at some point, which is not gonna be. I mean, that would be a pretty difficult. I mean, either you're gonna lie about it, Right. Which is not good, or you're gonna tell whatever girl that you finally end up with. Yeah, I spent the 20 years of my life just. Or whatever is, you know. How many years? 15. You know, somewhere 10, 15 years my life just banging prostitutes.

Nicole [00:19:35]: That's not husband material.

John [00:19:37]: That's not gonna go over well. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, the sugar daddy thing is another try to do. It's again, it's doing the same thing.

Nicole [00:19:43]: I think he'll be happy because he's already doing it.

John [00:19:45]: Right. It's the same thing that he tried to do before taking a shortcut, trying to get around to feel the exact same. And even just going to the dance class and being jacked and be like, why aren't the women coming to me? It's because you're not facing your fear and going and acting.

Nicole [00:20:00]: You're trying to still do it the easy way of putting yourself in a position where women will approach you rather than you approaching them.

John [00:20:05]: Yeah. And fear is something that will take over your life. It will not. You cannot just relegate fear to the corner and be like, okay, I'm just gonna stay out of this corner and let fear there. Because you. You put fear in the corner and then you're going about doing your thing, and then you look over and you're like, oh, shit. It just grew. It's like it's now it's taking up this part of the room, and it's just going to take up more and more of your life. And so you just have to face it. You're going to have to face the fear if you're going to.

Nicole [00:20:31]: Yeah. I mean, people are definitely afraid to do the hard thing, but they don't realize that a lot of times they make it harder by taking the easy way out. And if you just faced it and you just dealt with it, then, yes, it'd still be hard. But you would have learned so much that it gets easier from there. They don't want to do the initial hard to get to the easier. They're like, well, this is easier right now. And then it makes it hard. All. It keeps going.

John [00:21:01]: Yeah, exactly. For longer. Just gets worse. Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:03]: So he definitely.

John [00:21:05]: Yeah. And as far.

Nicole [00:21:06]: And again, I don't know, maybe we should turn the whole thing into this. Because I'm still shooketh.

John [00:21:13]: If you want to, we could. I mean, we can talk about this.

Nicole [00:21:16]: I mean, it's been 20 minutes and I still feel like.

John [00:21:20]: I mean, this kind of does segue into the idea of. Because I was gonna say about settling. Cause that's what you're gonna talk about on the episode is that he's gonna have to make a choice. Like the requirements that he has.

Nicole [00:21:33]: He can't Settle for a woman. Like a woman doesn't deserve that and a man doesn't deserve a woman to settle for him.

John [00:21:38]: He's gonna have to change his. Like he can't be like, I don't wanna have kids. I want the good parts of the relationship and not the bad parts.

Nicole [00:21:45]: Well, he's delusional right now because he's only had escorts, right. So he's like trying to pick and choose again to take the easy way. I want a relationship, but I don't want to ever argue or get in an argument or have somebody nag me. Stupid. Like, no offense, like, that's stupid. Yeah, like you're trying to pick and choose just like you learned that you could do sexually, right. And if you genuinely think that's how you're going to go into relationship, you're going to end up in a bad situation. Just like you're ended up in a bad situation now. Like, he's doing the same things over again. He's trying to take the easy way. He's like, oh, I've been paying somebody to have sex with me and now I want a relationship. I'm ready for love, but I don't want one. A relationship that's like got problems and I don't want kids and you know, maybe I'll just be a sugar daddy. Like, he's still taking, trying to take the easy way out. Yeah, this is a whole mindset re shift that he can only do it can happen. He can change his life around, but it's up to him. And I think he has to go cold turkey, no sex and change his relationship with sex as well too.

John [00:22:51]: But why? Like that's the. Well, because here's why I asked this because there's plenty of guys on the Internet, you know them, I know them that will say, yeah, this is exactly the lifestyle, right?

Nicole [00:23:00]: It's like, but if it was, why would he be messaging you that?

John [00:23:03]: I mean he. But plenty of guys like, no, it's. You just, you could, if you want sex, you can pay a prostitute or you can go and learn game and pick up. You don't need to settle down with any girl. You don't have to get into any real relationships. You can just play it how you want to play it. Be a playboy.

Nicole [00:23:17]: It sounds how what a man wants. But this is a man literally messaging you that he has all the things that supposedly men want. And what is he still looking for, right?

John [00:23:27]: Love.

Nicole [00:23:31]: Like, honestly, like he has women, he has access to women, he's paying for them. But he has that and he has the sex with women who will do whatever he wants.

John [00:23:41]: Yeah. He's missing love and he's missing genuine desire. Right. Because.

Nicole [00:23:48]: You'Re not getting that from. He's gotten so used to just getting when he wants that he doesn't have anybody who he's not paying. Show him that he's wanted.

John [00:23:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:59]: You're right.

John [00:23:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:00]: But he can't just go and get it now.

John [00:24:02]: Right?

Nicole [00:24:03]: He's messed himself up.

John [00:24:04]: Yeah. No, he's got to do some work to get.

Nicole [00:24:07]: But, I mean, this kind of goes into what me and you were talking about the other night.

John [00:24:10]: Okay.

Nicole [00:24:11]: That I won't go full into because it's really complicated. But this man, like you said, has what every man says he'd be happy with.

John [00:24:20]: Right.

Nicole [00:24:21]: So why is he messaging you? Why? What? Like he should be like, I'm living my best life. Because like you said, I'm sure there's guys watching this and they're like, well, that sounds like the life. Why is he upset? It's because men don't understand, really, that they do want love. They need sex. Yes, they do. That's like, part of how they're programmed. I'm not saying that this man has sex.

John [00:24:48]: Right.

Nicole [00:24:49]: Men also want love. Men want it just as much as women.

John [00:24:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:56]: Because that is what he's missing.

John [00:24:58]: Well, because I was in a similar position until I met you. Right. Everything was going smooth. I mean, there were a little. Little bit of small complications, but aside from that, I was living my best life. I was good. I was having fun.

Nicole [00:25:10]: Well, you also weren't paying people.

John [00:25:11]: I wasn't pay. No, I wasn't paying anyone. But, you know, I was out there living like a playboy. But when I met you, you messed it up for me.

Nicole [00:25:24]: You're welcome.

John [00:25:25]: Yeah, the flashbang. No, but you did mess it up. Because then I was like, I'm missing something. I didn't know I was missing something. I didn't feel like I was missing something.

Nicole [00:25:36]: Because you can cover it up with a bandage.

John [00:25:39]: Well.

Nicole [00:25:40]: And you can fulfill one need that is a really high need for men. But everybody needs love. And guys try to act like they don't. And I'm telling you from. Even when I was single and I saw guys talk about, oh, well, I'll be single forever and I'll be happy and I can go out and get whoever and. Yeah, but they're not really happy. They're not like, they are content. They are getting what they want.

John [00:26:06]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:07]: But they are not happy.

John [00:26:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:09]: Someone doesn't love them and they, they might feel desired by women, but these women don't know who they really are. They don't desire him for all that he really is.

John [00:26:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:23]: And that's what a man wants too. A man does want to be totally accepted, just like a woman does. And for the night, men can feel like the man and she can make him feel desired. But she, deep down too, he knows that she doesn't really know him. She doesn't know his dark side. Would she desire him if she did?

John [00:26:44]: Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:45]: He wants a woman who's seen everything and still loves him and still desires him and still wants to be with him.

John [00:26:52]: Right. Yeah, that's true.

Nicole [00:26:54]: And until men realize that they need women for love, they will continue to use women just for sexual and then be upset when they're missing something.

John [00:27:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:09]: And take it out on women. Like they, men have to treat women better. Like men need the love from a woman. Yeah, they do, deep down, even if they don't want to admit it.

John [00:27:20]: Well, it also, I think also it stunts your growth. Right. Because you should never get something that you, that you can't afford. Right. And what I mean by this is that yeah, financially he can afford the sexual, but he hasn't really earned it.

Nicole [00:27:34]: Right.

John [00:27:35]: Right. So there's like a psychological. That's also why porn can be dangerous for guys too. For the same exact reason is it's because you're tricking your brain.

Nicole [00:27:45]: Your brain. The lottery is also bad.

John [00:27:47]: That's why. Exactly.

Nicole [00:27:48]: Nobody earned the million dollars. So they don't know what to do when they get a million dollars. But if you earn the million dollars, you've been through all of the steps to get to that million dollars and you're going to treat it way different than if you just got it handed to you because you picked the right lottery numbers. Right?

John [00:28:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:04]: So that's what he did. He just. That's a problem he paid for.

John [00:28:07]: He cut corners, he cheat the system. Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:28:09]: And he cut corners on himself.

John [00:28:11]: Well, but. And that's what cuts your personal development is because if you're a guy, this is why I used to always tell guys, look, if you are struggling with women, one, cut out the porn. Okay. Two, no drinking, no alcohol. So no cheats. Right. That's a cheat as well. It's a crutch. You gotta, you gotta end, no jerking it like you, you gotta be 100% eager. Like, you know, you gotta have the hunger where you're like, shit, I'M Whatever it takes, I'm gonna have to do something about this. Right. And so that's gonna cause you to go to the gym, to start eating healthy. It's gonna cause you to go and talk to that girl, even though you're scared to do. Right. You're gonna have to figure out the things that you need to do to get the thing that you want.

Nicole [00:29:02]: Right.

John [00:29:02]: When you get a artificial substitute for what you want, whether that be pornography or that be prostitutes or whatever it is, you don't have as much of a. It doesn't fully satiate the hunger.

Nicole [00:29:16]: Right.

John [00:29:17]: But it makes you not hungry enough. Exactly. It makes you. It fills you up enough that you're still hungry but not hungry enough to go and kill.

Nicole [00:29:28]: Right. Think about, like, fake foods and stuff. Like, fake stuff that, like, yes. Gets rid of your hunger or gets rid of whatever. But like you said, you still sort of feel like you need more.

John [00:29:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:29:45]: Because it's not real. It's not authentic. It's not actually giving you the nutrients or the lessons or the learning that actually going and doing it does.

John [00:29:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:29:55]: So, yeah, it's. That guy is all a mess, unfortunately. But like I said, I think people can change their situations around just based on what he said, though. I don't even think he is ready, like, if he's like, well, I just want love and the good parts of a relationship, not the bad. Like, he has no idea what a relationship is. I mean, hopefully he's watching our podcast, I guess, since he said to talk about it and that's good, that he likes. Is trying to get help.

John [00:30:25]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:26]: But he doesn't even know what a relationship really is. And, like, we even talk about how we have such a good relationship, but it's not. Like sometimes we get the parts that aren't rainbows and sunshine, and we have those less than, I feel like a good amount of people, but we still have those.

John [00:30:43]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:44]: And you're going to have those. But the thing is, he's never even dealt with it at all because he's never had a relationship, a real relationship, so he would not be able to handle those moments. And I get that's why he's like, I don't want those. But you have to go through those.

John [00:30:58]: Yeah, you have. Yeah. You can't avoid the things that you don't like, the things that scare you or that you, you know, you have to face the demons.

Nicole [00:31:06]: Right. And maybe that's why he doesn't want kids.

John [00:31:07]: You don't want to be scared, too.

Nicole [00:31:08]: Maybe it scares him in some way, you know, like the responsibility, the commitment. I don't know. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to have kids. I mean, to be honest, in the frame that he's in right now, he's 100% right. He should not have kids. But I also think that if he figured this stuff out, he might change his mind on even that, you know? But he has to go back to square one. Like, he has to cut out the sex. Like. Like you said, cut out all of it.

John [00:31:41]: Right?

Nicole [00:31:41]: I would say, like, like. No, no. Taking care of it yourself. No, nothing.

John [00:31:45]: Nothing, exactly. Nothing.

Nicole [00:31:47]: And he probably needs a few months doing this to be hon. And it might drive him crazy, but that also might motivate him when he sees an attractive woman to go and talk to her. Granted, he needs to make sure he's not, like, so crazy that he's like. Goes and says something he shouldn't, but that it motivates him to learn how to speak to women, to, like, learn how to romance them. And then he can eventually get what he wants. And he'll appreciate that more because right now he can pay for it whenever. He doesn't even appreciate sex. He doesn't even appreciate the beauty of what it can be. And a lot of men don't because it's different for guys, you know, like, you know, they can. What. What do you say? It's like a one. A scale of one to five for guys or something, and it's like they can get at least two or three or.

John [00:32:34]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:32:36]: Every single time.

John [00:32:37]: Right.

Nicole [00:32:37]: So, like, you know, he's. He doesn't even understand. He doesn't even know. Understand sex with a woman who makes him feel desired and who he loves and how intimate and different of an experience that could be. He has no idea.

John [00:32:50]: Right, Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:51]: And I. I think that's what he wants to experience because he's like, I want to be in love and all that stuff. But, I mean, I'm kind of glad you mentioned this because I think, like you said, a lot of guys would hear this and be like, why is he complaining? This is the life. Like, everybody wants this, but obviously not. And this guy, if he is what he says he is and is successful and has all this stuff, he's still not happy.

John [00:33:19]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:20]: Because what he's missing love. He's missing somebody loving him. And I'm sure getting escorts and whatever has made him probably feel more lonely and less loved because these women don't care about him.

John [00:33:34]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:36]: He's a paycheck to them.

John [00:33:37]: So it's even a different situation. Like I said, like, what I was in, where I wasn't paying, I was. Had learned the skills. I had, you know, had women coming, you know, to me. So. But even still, that was still empty. You see what I'm saying? That's what I'm.

Nicole [00:33:53]: Right.

John [00:33:53]: I'm pointing out, like, even if you.

Nicole [00:33:55]: Work for it in the sense of, like, you romance them or whatever, right. It's not fulfilling. And I've always felt that way when I would see men be like, oh, well, this is the life. I'm like, you're not fulfilled. Like, you're really not. And just, like, women being like, I don't need a man, they're also missing something. I'm not saying that it's just men, but women want love. And it's pretty obvious. And usually the only time that a woman acts like she doesn't want love is because she's been burned so many times. But she still wants it.

John [00:34:29]: Exactly. Well, and that's.

Nicole [00:34:30]: She still wants it.

John [00:34:31]: It's funny because the video that I was editing today, the one that I showed you. Right. When I showed it to the guys in my mastermind, one of the guys was like, yeah, you know that story with the high school crush? He was like, that just hit me. So that's when I was really the most dialed in. And he was like, because every guy.

Nicole [00:34:52]: Has had that moment, right?

John [00:34:54]: And so.

Nicole [00:34:56]: And every woman's had that moment, right? Every woman's loved one or, like, had a huge crush on a guy, right? How many women have ended up with that guy, like, in high school? You know what I mean?

John [00:35:07]: But guys start out with the heart on their sleeve, right? Right. They write a sappy love letter. They see a girl, they fall in love with her without even really knowing her, and then they get their heart stomped on and crushed. And then they. Then they. A lot of times will start to think, oh, that's just a fairy tale. That's not real. You gotta grow up.

Nicole [00:35:31]: And I also like to say that to other women. Yeah, plenty of people said that to me too. But I was like, no, I think you can have love. That is good. You know, I'm not saying it's like the movies, but I'm like, I mean, I agree with that now, but I'm just saying that, like, people tried to convince me. They're like, oh, like, this isn't realistic. You need to, like, lower your standards or get real about what's out there. And I Get why people even say that. But at the same time, I think people do a disservice when they get jaded like that. Like, I'm not saying be like, it has to be perfect. And I'm not settling for anything less than perfect. Have your standards, like we talked about in the other episode and things that are non negotiable, but, like, strive to have the best that you can.

John [00:36:21]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:22]: Without, you know, being like, oh, well, you know, this isn't realistic because then you end up settling, which is what the topic was supposed to be.

John [00:36:30]: Well, I mean, it still kind of is because we. I mean, we got. But it's interesting because the thing about settling also that I think is so important is that you have to be the equivalent. Right. So I did a video the other day, a short, where I was like, imagine you were a hot girl. Right. I can't remember exactly how I said, but I was like, imagine you were a hot girl. Right. Imagine how many choices of selection that she has.

Nicole [00:37:00]: Oh, I saw this video of yours and it was really good.

John [00:37:03]: Would she pick you if you were her? If you were that girl, would you pick you?

Nicole [00:37:08]: Right.

John [00:37:09]: That's what it was. And that's the thing about. And it goes both ways. I said it to guys because that's my audience. But with standards, what people confuse with it. And that's why some people have unrealistic standards, because they're not realistic to them. Because they're not.

Nicole [00:37:23]: Right. They're like, they're not bringing their best self, but they're expecting someone else's best self.

John [00:37:29]: Your resume includes. I would just pick on 7 11, 711 and McDonald's. And you are interviewing for Rolex CEO. Yeah. Of Pepsi or roll. You know, like CEO executive position.

Nicole [00:37:44]: Yeah.

John [00:37:44]: Right. And you're like, that's my standard.

Nicole [00:37:46]: And then you're mad.

John [00:37:46]: I will not take less than. Than $1 million a year. Right. So you have to be the million dollar man or the million dollar woman if you want the million dollar man or whatever. So you have to really think, if I were the standards that I have, the woman that I want, if I were the man, whatever it is, if you're a man or woman, you have to think, would I pick me? Would I be excited about picking me? And if the answer is no, then one of two things has to happen. Either you need to elevate yourself up to that level to become that, or you do need to drop your standards in that case because they're too high.

Nicole [00:38:28]: Yeah. I mean, I agree with what you're saying, yeah, but I had some other thing that I totally lost and I should have wrote it down. I know, but. Okay, repeat what you just said.

John [00:38:44]: I said that you have to decide if you're going to up your level to be up there or if you were going to lower your standards to be where you're at to, you know.

Nicole [00:38:57]: So I know what I was going to say now. You know, I just wanted you to repeat it so you could drive that home. But what I was going to say, like, for this guy, and just in general, is that you don't have to be perfect to be in a relationship or be with somebody. Because I don't want people to think that they have to be totally fixed before they could be in a relationship. That's not the case. What you do have to be, though, is working towards bettering yourself.

John [00:39:29]: Well, and, and I would say that.

Nicole [00:39:31]: And putting it into action.

John [00:39:33]: It doesn't matter where you are. You can get in a relationship, but then you're going to grow together with the person and you're going to do that anyway. But what I'm saying is that if you're here, don't try to find people that are up here and then think you're gonna grow. Like, you gotta find people that are at the level that you are and you can both grow together and be up there. So you gotta decide what you're gonna do. Maybe you're like, okay, well, I want to be. I don't want to get into a relationship until I'm. And. And that's probably good. Like if you're way down here.

Nicole [00:40:01]: No, yeah, you're gonna get into. You should work on yourself.

John [00:40:03]: Nasty relationship. It's gonna be toxic. Right? Because if you're toxic, you will have a toxic relationship. So if you've worked on yourself, it's a guarantee. Right? You know, so it's.

Nicole [00:40:16]: I'm like, I don't think I was that toxic when I had a toxic relationship.

John [00:40:21]: It doesn't mean that you're going to have a toxic. It doesn't mean that you're toxic. You can still have.

Nicole [00:40:26]: But you also had a toxic relationship.

John [00:40:28]: But if you're toxic, you will guaranteed have a toxic relationship, right?

Nicole [00:40:31]: Yes.

John [00:40:31]: Do you see what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:40:32]: Yeah.

John [00:40:32]: Okay. So it just. If you have worked on yourself to a certain degree, then you can get into a normal relationship and you can still grow together.

Nicole [00:40:43]: Right?

John [00:40:43]: But you have to have some semblance of growth to start with.

Nicole [00:40:47]: I mean, but I will say this guy I'm speaking to that guy still. Because that's a lot. But he does have things that he has to do before.

John [00:40:54]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:54]: Like the sex problem has to be at least, like, heavily overhauled.

John [00:41:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:02]: Before he can get in a relationship. Like, there's just no way, like, no woman is going to be able to handle where he's at right now.

John [00:41:10]: Yeah. Especially when he's like, hey, I just need to go to 711 real quick.

Nicole [00:41:14]: Right.

John [00:41:15]: She's like, why were you gone for an hour?

Nicole [00:41:17]: Yeah. She can't trust him. Like, he's not. He hasn't learned. He hasn't. He hasn't even showed that he has self control yet. Like, he has to show he has self control. He has to show that he's working to fix this. Which again, like I said, him messaging you and wanting us to talk about it. I think he is trying to go in that direction, obviously. But there's a lot that he has to do that we can't do for him, unfortunately. But I guess. Yeah, let's. I guess, try to get into.

John [00:41:46]: Yeah. I mean, we kind of are. Because it's. Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:48]: Just for people to know officially, is who settles more, men or women?

John [00:41:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:55]: Who do you think?

John [00:41:57]: Who do I think settles more? It's. I mean, I think it's. It's women who settle more, but it's hard because they also have higher standards. So their settling ends up being. Yeah. Because, you know, I'm trying to think, like, what. What do guys settle for? They don't really know what they're. They don't. They don't really think of it as settling. Like, guys aren't like, all right, I'm just gonna.

Nicole [00:42:27]: But they do in the sense that I feel like a lot of guys are like, the grass is greener. Like, maybe there's a better woman out there.

John [00:42:34]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:35]: And you don't think it's the same as settling because I agree with you. Women settle, I think. I don't know. Okay. No, I'm everywhere. But I think it's pretty even, actually.

John [00:42:48]: Okay.

Nicole [00:42:49]: I think it's pretty evenly split because women settle. I think, because they want a family. Their biological clock is ticking. This guy's close enough.

John [00:42:59]: Okay. Okay.

Nicole [00:43:00]: I think that's why women settle.

John [00:43:02]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:02]: I think men settle because they're like, well, maybe there's a hotter woman or maybe there's a better woman out there. But this woman loves me, so I can't let her down. And so he stays with a woman. Like, but that's not settling.

John [00:43:18]: That's not settling. That's Just a smart choice.

Nicole [00:43:21]: You think that there's better out there. Well, because you're not. If you. As a man. And this is why women tell other women that your husband needs to love you more than you love him. And I don't believe in that, because me and you, I feel like we're on an equal playing field. But there's a reason why. Because if a man does feel like he can do better or there's better out there and he potentially missed out on it, he will not treat you the way that you deserve to be treated. And he might love you.

John [00:43:52]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:52]: But he ends up being the type of guy, like we talked about. And the last episode where he'll date you for eight years, but he's not in a hurry to get married. He loves you.

John [00:44:04]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:05]: But you're not the one for him. Like how. If he wanted to, he would. There's a reason for that.

John [00:44:12]: Yeah. It'll be quick.

Nicole [00:44:13]: And so any man, I think, who doesn't prove that if he wanted to, he would to the woman he's with, he's settling.

John [00:44:22]: I see. I see what you're saying. Yeah. Okay.

Nicole [00:44:24]: So that is how I think men settle. And I think they do do that. I think it is pretty even. I think women settle for the reason that I said it. And then I think men settle for the reason that I just said it. Because it's true. Because how many stories do you hear where women are, like, dating some guy and she's like, all I wanted him to do was, like, be romantic and show me he loved me, and then she finds out by lurking his Instagram or something that he's immediately in another relationship and he proposed to the woman within, like, a few months. If he wanted to, he would. He saw that woman as the perfect woman for him, even if she's not perfect or that he couldn't find better, or he was happy with who she was and fully content, and that is a man not settling.

John [00:45:09]: Yeah. It could also be a mark of personal growth as well, though, because a.

Nicole [00:45:16]: Person has figured out, he grows into it.

John [00:45:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:19]: But I think that would still not be settling. But I think if he. I would find it hard to believe that a man went into a relationship and he was like, oh, well, there's probably other people out there and, like, genuinely was thinking about other women that he could be with. Turning it around. I still think he'd be settling if he went in initially thinking that. Cause it's kind of like if your relationship is not very great when you first meet in the first few months, it's not gonna get better. You might learn to tolerate each other. You might learn to, like, whatever, suppress emotions and stuff, but it's not getting better.

John [00:45:58]: Yeah. Yeah, I would agree. For the most part. I mean, I think maybe in some arranged marriages they can.

Nicole [00:46:04]: I think they just learn to deal with the situation.

John [00:46:07]: I think you can learn to love.

Nicole [00:46:09]: The person you can learn to love.

John [00:46:10]: Because, I mean, ultimately what it comes down to is that you can learn.

Nicole [00:46:15]: To love, like, familial love. Well, not in deep love, because that's the. If he wanted to, he would.

John [00:46:23]: Yeah, but ultimately what it comes down to is that you're dealing with a human being, and true love is loving that person for exactly who they are. Faults in everything. And if you don't do that, you are never going to really get it. And you can put all these requirements of what a person needs to be and all these things, but at the end of the day, there's still going to be a human with flaws. And if you can't see through that stuff and love a person through that, then settling or not there, it's. It's beyond. It doesn't matter.

Nicole [00:47:12]: But we're saying the same thing.

John [00:47:14]: Yeah. Yeah, we are.

Nicole [00:47:15]: We're saying the same thing because.

John [00:47:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:17]: A man who really loves the woman isn't thinking about other women.

John [00:47:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:47:22]: What is the thing that you've been set on for, like, months? It's that song. When a man loves a woman, she can do no wrong.

John [00:47:29]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:29]: That's what you just said. That flaws, whatever. You don't care. You love the person. Right. And I agree with you.

John [00:47:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:36]: But a man who's thinking about another woman or like, there's probably better options out there does not feel that way about the woman. He would not feel those things. And he's not going to say that to the woman he's with. I mean, if he does, then he's an asshole. But.

John [00:47:51]: Well, but. And they do sometimes. But they do Sometimes, though, it's not the person, it's you. Right. It's like you have to learn how to love purely because, you know, it's not like, okay, if you're that guy and you're thinking about other women, if you're, you know, you're not happy or you're thinking there's better options out there and you get a better option, you're still going to be in the same boat because ultimately you're still going to have to love that. So part of it is maybe that's not the right person for you, but also part of it is, like, you have to learn how to love unconditionally, how to do it, because if you don't learn that part, no one is ever going to meet your standards. You're going to settle. Because I agree. The difference, I think, between settling and not settling doesn't have as much to do with the person that you settle or not settle with, but you and your ability to love unconditionally.

Nicole [00:48:57]: I agree. I agree with that 100%. I think the thing to add to that, though, and I want to say that nobody's responsible for anybody else's, like, emotions or things like that. But, like, especially with you and I, you made me want to be a better person without doing anything, without telling me, without forcing me. Right. And I think that also goes into it, though, as well. Like, I think that if someone is good for you, you'll feel it in that way where you want to be better as well. Like, before you came along, I worked on myself. I wasn't perfect, but I worked on myself. Before I came along to you, you worked on yourself. And together we've continued to work on ourselves and work on our relationship. So I do think, though, you're right, that you have to be in the right mindset and you have to learn valuable lessons. But at the same time, I think for the right person, it'll be easier, it'll click, and it'll be more natural, like, in that sense. But I get what you're saying, that, you know, if you're not elevated in your mindset and how you focus on relationships and things like that, it is easier to settle because you just don't even understand the concept fully. Yeah, but, yeah, I mean, I feel like I've talked a lot. Like, is there anything else you want to add? How do you think it's split up as far as, like, men and women? You still think women majority settle more than men?

John [00:50:36]: I think so. I mean, I think going back real quick to what you said, like, I think it can also be the right timing in your life too, which is.

Nicole [00:50:44]: Kind of what I said before episode, though, because I personally don't believe in right person, wrong time, yada, yada. I think that no matter what the time is, if it's right, you'll figure it out. And I feel like we're testament to that.

John [00:50:57]: Yeah, that's true.

Nicole [00:50:59]: You know, I don't really believe in that. And again, I think it could be a whole episode. And because a lot of people are like, right Person, wrong time. And I'm like, you know, I get where people believe in that.

John [00:51:10]: People use that. They use that too liberally though. Right. But if I think about like my own personal development in life too, right. I mean, when I met you, like I said, I had no plans of getting into any kind of long term relationship, but. But that kind of goes against what I was saying, right? Because to play the devil's advocate, I was like, it doesn't matter what the timing of this is. This is the right person.

Nicole [00:51:36]: Right?

John [00:51:36]: So that's.

Nicole [00:51:37]: If you wanted to, he would.

John [00:51:38]: Right, so. So that's where.

Nicole [00:51:40]: Yeah, because you were also enjoying what you were doing.

John [00:51:43]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:43]: You didn't have to give it up.

John [00:51:45]: But. Okay, but there is an element to timing in that, is that at that point in my life, I was going out, I was seeing lots of different women every week. And so I didn't feel like I needed to make a choice or to settle down. Like, you know, so I felt like I had options. And so when I met you, then I didn't want those. You know what I'm saying? You get why I'm saying that is because that means that you had a choice. Well, but had I not, it would have messed up the timing because I wouldn't have seen, you know, if I had dated all these women. And then you're markedly different. It means something. If I hadn't and I just meet you, maybe I don't know how markedly different you are. I mean, I still obviously, you know.

Nicole [00:52:40]: You would have known.

John [00:52:40]: Yeah, I would have. But I'm saying it did make more of a contra. Because, and that's the thing is like when, because when guys ask me, because guys ask me all the time, they're like, okay, bulldog mindset, right? You're making all these videos and pickup and girls and all this stuff. And now you got married, you sold out, you're just, you know, you just fell for some girl, you just went over to the other side, you became, you became soft, you became weak. You know, she's, she's twisting you up. She's, she's made you weak, she's made you soft. She's made, you know, all this stuff like you fell in love.

Nicole [00:53:09]: Sound like sad, lonely little guys who don't have love, but in their life.

John [00:53:14]: But the argument I always tell guys when, when they come at me with that is I'm like, look, it's not like I wasn't out there, you know, doing my thing, right, with girls. So I knew I wasn't in A desperate situation. Right.

Nicole [00:53:31]: You weren't gonna settle either.

John [00:53:33]: I had enough experience to know that, like I was not going to get into any kind of committed relationship with. There was plenty of fantastic girls, but I was not gonna get into any relationship with them. Right. Until I met you. And then. So what I'm saying is that that contrast was so great. Right. That I knew this was the right.

Nicole [00:53:53]: But see, I think this proves my point more.

John [00:53:56]: Okay.

Nicole [00:53:57]: Because how many guys feel that way about the woman they're with? Not a lot.

John [00:54:02]: Right, right.

Nicole [00:54:03]: And I think every guy who doesn't feel that way.

John [00:54:06]: Right.

Nicole [00:54:06]: I'm not saying that they had to go date a bunch of women and to pick their wife.

John [00:54:10]: Sure.

Nicole [00:54:11]: But every guy who doesn't feel the way that you just said that you had all the options and you chose the best option.

John [00:54:18]: Right. They're settling.

Nicole [00:54:19]: They're settling.

John [00:54:20]: You're right. See, so that's why it is a matter of timing as well. Right. Because, well, as a man. Right. In order to not settle, you must have options. A choice without options is not a choice at all. Right.

Nicole [00:54:35]: Okay. You're saying timing.

John [00:54:36]: If you go to in n out and they're like, do you want a burger or a burger?

Nicole [00:54:39]: You're saying timing in a different way. You're saying like, don't get married at 18. I agree. Because you haven't dated that many women. You don't know what's out there. I agree with that.

John [00:54:49]: Well, and you haven't built your ability to gain.

Nicole [00:54:51]: I don't agree with the timing that they're like, I met the perfect person for me, but it wasn't the right.

John [00:54:55]: No, no, that's.

Nicole [00:54:56]: That I don't believe that's. That's the time I'm talking about.

John [00:54:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:00]: But I thousand percent agree with you that I don't think man or woman should get married young because like you said, you don't know what is all out there. You don't know what your options even are.

John [00:55:11]: Right.

Nicole [00:55:11]: You don't. You can't comprehend them because you've been in high school, you've been in a school under parental control.

John [00:55:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:19]: You have no idea.

John [00:55:20]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:20]: I'm not saying you need to spend all your 20s figuring it out, but. And you might be upset by this, but I think women need at least until 25, when their brain is fully developed to figure out.

John [00:55:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:34]: What they want. They understand their options because they're young term men are going to be attracted to them and they can decide what they want. And guys, I do agree they should be a little bit older because they.

John [00:55:46]: Will give them 35.

Nicole [00:55:47]: They mature a lot slower.

John [00:55:49]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:50]: And a lot of guys, I understand, don't have all these options, so they don't fully understand their options. So they should wait longer to settle down and not actually settle, but, you know, to get married.

John [00:56:02]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:02]: But I do think that even women should understand that what it's like to be single and what it's like to be in a serious relationship and things like that. To date so that they don't settle.

John [00:56:16]: I agree. I agree. That doesn't mean from 20 to 25, part of your ass off and sleep with a bunch of guys.

Nicole [00:56:25]: That's not what that means about experiencing life, figuring out who you are, figuring out what you want.

John [00:56:30]: For sure. Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:31]: Right. Like learning and. But see, that's the thing that I feel like a lot of women don't understand is that dating is teaching you things. Dating is teaching you what you like in a man and what you don't like and you're interacting with another human being. I never understood why women are like, I hate dating. Like, I get planning it and all that stuff. That part is. Can be exhausting. But going and going on a date with somebody that you're interested enough in to go on a date with.

John [00:57:03]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:03]: And learning about another human being.

John [00:57:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:06]: And learning what you like and don't like.

John [00:57:09]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:09]: From the experience. What is so wrong about that?

John [00:57:12]: Yeah. No, I agree.

Nicole [00:57:13]: It's like, women need to change their mindset.

John [00:57:16]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:16]: Because I think also that is what causes them to settle as well, too. They don't take dating seriously and they don't find the golden little nuggets in every day that they go in so that they're like, finally, like, curating what they really want in a man to marry.

John [00:57:31]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:31]: And so then they get to however old you want to say, and they're like, crap, I want to get married now. I'm just going to do it. I don't care what the guy's like. I just need to do it. I want to have a family. So I need to, you know, get married by this age and then have this, like, they start planning it and then they don't care as much. And then they treat the man with less respect and they don't really like him as much. Then the man gets the naggy wife and things like that. And men should walk away from women that they feel like are just settling for them. And women should walk away from men who they feel like are just settling for them. Just like we said in the other one, women need to walk away if they're not being proposed to by a certain amount of time. Because you're probably being settled for.

John [00:58:11]: Well, that's interesting, because. Okay, I tell guys, you know what it is the two main things to look for in a woman.

Nicole [00:58:19]: She treats you like a king.

John [00:58:20]: Right.

Nicole [00:58:22]: And she has a high desire for you.

John [00:58:23]: Right. Those are the things. Right.

Nicole [00:58:25]: So that begs the question, now a man.

John [00:58:28]: There you go.

Nicole [00:58:29]: I'm now a Bulldog mindset member.

John [00:58:32]: That begs the question, what are the two things that a woman needs to look for in a guy? Right. To know. Because the reason why a guy needs to look for those two things is so that he knows she's not settling for him.

Nicole [00:58:45]: Right, Right.

John [00:58:46]: Because that is the indicator there. So how does a woman know a guy is not settling for her? What is she looking for? On the spot?

Nicole [00:58:55]: That. I think it's the. If he wanted to, he would.

John [00:59:00]: So he makes. Takes quick action, decisive action.

Nicole [00:59:04]: It doesn't have to be specific things, but women know what that looks like. Women know what? If he wanted to, he would. Is. It's. It's not just proposing to you.

John [00:59:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:59:14]: It's the romance. It's him trying to impress you, you know, show you love in the way that you care about. He makes you feel, like, loved for who you are.

John [00:59:29]: Right.

Nicole [00:59:29]: You know, he gives you the love at the level that you want. Does that make sense?

John [00:59:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:59:36]: So, like, I would say if he wanted to, he would, but he has to. If he wanted to, he would. You.

John [00:59:41]: Okay.

Nicole [00:59:42]: Like, he has to show you that you are valuable to him.

John [00:59:46]: Right? Right, Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:59:48]: Maybe that's a better thing. He has to show you you are valuable to him and his life.

John [00:59:53]: Okay.

Nicole [00:59:53]: Yeah, that might be number one and, like, one and done.

John [00:59:57]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:59:58]: But I guess if I had to pick two, I don't know, I think that might be, like, the main. What? No, we are turning. I mean, yes, but no. Like, we're not turning all of our episod episodes.

John [01:00:11]: He has to know. He has to have a good relationship with the Colonel. Colonel Lingus.

Nicole [01:00:18]: I forgot what I even just said. Thanks, John, but.

John [01:00:22]: You're welcome.

Nicole [01:00:24]: He has to show you how much he loves you.

John [01:00:26]: Yeah. Okay.

Nicole [01:00:27]: Because that's what a woman cares about. Like, he has to show you through his actions. Okay, but the romance.

John [01:00:33]: Yeah, okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I was going to say, well, what if he's a loser? What if he, like.

Nicole [01:00:38]: Then he's not gonna show her.

John [01:00:40]: If he doesn't have ambition, he doesn't.

Nicole [01:00:42]: Have that doesn't show her. Because a man.

John [01:00:44]: Cause it's like if he's a man.

Nicole [01:00:46]: Can take care of you and make you feel loved and all this stuff. Even if he's. You guys are 50. 50. It's about his actions. It's about how he treats you. Like, I guess he should treat you like a princess.

John [01:00:58]: There we go. Yeah, that's it. Yeah.

Nicole [01:01:00]: If you go with the king. Yeah, he should treat you like a princess. Right. And I think that encompasses enough. And I know that you added the desire on because men are very, you know, but the equivalent is the love.

John [01:01:13]: Unconditional love type thing.

Nicole [01:01:14]: Right, the unconditional love.

John [01:01:15]: So like, he would love you if you're a worm. There we go.

Nicole [01:01:18]: Exactly. That's why they say it.

John [01:01:19]: But if you. That's what. That was funny because we were talking about that the other day. It's like. Because that's the question women ask is, you know, would you love me if I was a worm? And now I have a clear answer, which is shahulad, I would ride you into the desert.

Nicole [01:01:37]: That is what he's talking about. I am a giant. If you're a wild ride through the desert. Thanks, honey. That makes me feel like a princess. But yeah. So, I mean, I think we've covered a lot, but yeah, I guess the number one thing is that, you know, he treats you like princess. Like he shows you he loves you.

John [01:01:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:01:58]: And women know the difference. That's why women are always talk about if he wanted to, he would. Yeah, they already know. Because you can tell when a man really loves you for you.

John [01:02:09]: Right.

Nicole [01:02:09]: And when he's trying to use you. It's a little bit harder when you're first dating a man because you don't know him.

John [01:02:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:02:14]: But as time goes on, you can tell a man who's just doing things just to like, be a nice guy and want something in exchange versus a man who loves you and like, who, who genuinely values you.

John [01:02:28]: Well, that's why women ask the dumb question of would you love me if I was a worm? Is because she wants to know, like, no matter what happen, no matter what I look like, no matter, like what are you in love with? Right, right. Is it me?

Nicole [01:02:40]: Right.

John [01:02:40]: Or is it the things that I can do? Is it how I look?

Nicole [01:02:43]: Yeah, especially because every woman knows that men are very visual. So she doesn't. She wants to be valuable to the man. Like, it doesn't have to be. Like she wants to teach you all these things, but she has to feel like, you value her.

John [01:02:57]: Right?

Nicole [01:02:58]: Not just she's just some arm candy or whatever. Like, that you could not live without her.

John [01:03:04]: Right.

Nicole [01:03:06]: And men need to realize that they want love. Like, I'm gonna drive this point home because I feel like it. Also, men would treat women better, and women need to treat men as, well, better, because they need men in their own way, they want men. They act like they don't, but they do. And I think both people need to treat each other better and realize that they need the other person and that that's okay. It's not bad. Like, it will give you a more fulfilling life to just accept that you want and need somebody that you want and need love.

John [01:03:43]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [01:03:44]: And go out and find it, rather than trying to act like you don't need anything.

John [01:03:48]: Right, Exactly.

Nicole [01:03:49]: I mean, even though I won't go fully into the other thing, even though I want to, but it makes sense.

John [01:03:55]: Yeah, I know. Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:57]: But.

John [01:03:59]: All right. I guess it's the R segment.

Nicole [01:04:02]: Oh, yeah. Us for the week.

John [01:04:04]: So actually, this week, there's really not a lot. I mean, which is good. But there were some things that could have come up, I think, that we both handled in really good ways. And so it diffused the situation before it became a situation.

Nicole [01:04:18]: So we're learning.

John [01:04:19]: Yeah, I think we're learning.

Nicole [01:04:21]: See, we're not perfect either, but.

John [01:04:24]: But, yeah. No, I think. I think, yeah. Multiple times there were situations I could have gone south, but we both handled.

Nicole [01:04:31]: I'm like, what?

John [01:04:33]: I mean, I don't know. Just like a few discussions we had, or even. Just. Even just in the car ride this morning. Right. Because I made you a nice bath last night and lit some candles. And then. And then I, you know. And then I said, oh, you know, I'll. You know, I made a bath for you. And then when I was downstairs, I told Sophia, I was like, oh, yeah, let's. I forget exactly. I said, let's get. I gotta. I made a bath for Nicole so she can get out of here so we can, you know, hang out together. Right. And then this morning, I didn't even realize that you were upset by that.

Nicole [01:05:14]: I mean, I wasn't, like, really upset, and I understood the context, but it felt like being dismissed in a nice way. So I couldn't have those emotions, if that makes sense. Not that I had, like, a lot of emotions. Like I said, because it was a nice thing for you to do. I know you did it because you wanted to do it, not cause of whatever did it. Cause he wanted to. Brain was Saying. But in my mind, I was like, if he wanted to just spend time with Sophia, he should have just said that, rather than being like, oh, I made Nicole bass so she could get the heck out of here and we could have fun or whatever that you said. So it was just like that. And again, like I said in other episodes, what you say to a woman really matters. And even if it's. I knew you were joking, and that's why it really wasn't a big deal. I've just been in, like, a weird mood lately, blaming on the eclipse or something, you know, Mercury's and Gatorade or whatever.

John [01:06:07]: But you stared into the sun. Told you not to stare into the eclipse, but, yeah.

Nicole [01:06:13]: So it was. It was not. Not my whole mood, but no, but just part of it was like, dang, did he really make a nice bath to, like, get me away? Like, not that I knew that that wasn't the case because I know you and I know the context, but it's still. Like, when you said it, I was still like, wait, is he doing something nice to just, like, get me to leave? Like, and is that nicer than just being like, hey, can I have some alone time with my daughter? Like, yeah, you know, so that's where my brain was, like, computing. So again, careful what you say to women, because her brain is always computing, whereas guys are like, I need sex. Okay? Pay for it. Don't actually do the other part. Whereas a woman's like, I need this. Should I go here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here. Maybe there.

John [01:07:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:07:01]: Maybe another way. So.

John [01:07:03]: But, yeah, but I mean, my point was that, you know, you brought it up going back to which was which. You brought it up in a good way. And then I handled it in a good way. Right. You know, I just said I didn't want to make you feel like that.

Nicole [01:07:17]: Mysterious guy in the beginning. You can't escape a relationship with just all the good things because we would be the poster child for that. And we still make mistakes so.

John [01:07:28]: Well. And those are the things again. We started out this podcast called Better Than Perfect because we believe our relationship is not perfect. It's better than perfect. And what makes it better than perfect, and we discussed this a lot before we started this podcast, was the fact that you grow well and you deal.

Nicole [01:07:47]: With the hard stuff.

John [01:07:48]: Right.

Nicole [01:07:49]: Which just makes you better.

John [01:07:50]: Yeah. Which makes you better. Which makes you grow. If you had a perfect relationship, that's textbook perfect, whatever perfect is. Which doesn't exist.

Nicole [01:07:59]: Yeah, it doesn't.

John [01:08:00]: You would have.

Nicole [01:08:00]: Because we're humans.

John [01:08:01]: You would have no growth in that. You would have no. You know, you have to dig deep. You have to get the stuff out that are the things that you as a human being have to work on. And through the right relationship, it brings those things out.

Nicole [01:08:17]: Right. Search causes you to grow. Because when you're alone, you think, oh, I've figured it all out. And in some ways, you probably have healed all the things you can on your own, at least in some degree. Not all of them, but a good amount. Where you're like, oh, I feel good. I'm like, I'm doing good. And then you meet somebody else and all these other things pop up. And it's always going to be stuff like that. I mean, life is dynamic like that, too. It, like, life is not always great. It's also not always bad. But if you, you know, take a lot of the advice that we're giving and you work on yourself and you figure out what you want and, you know, you go after it and you face the hard path straight on, rather than taking the easy path that's gonna make things harder down the road. You'll get the things that you want. You'll get the relationship that is easy and feels perfect. And you guys might argue and it might feel hard, but you walk through the hard and it gets better, and it gets better, and it gets better. But if you take the easy way, it just gets harder and harder because now you have more things to cover up. You have more things that you have to, like, deal with, and you just gotta face the music.

John [01:09:27]: Yeah. Your external world will always be a reflection of your internal. So you change the internal, you change the external. You want to attract good things. You have to become good things. You have to do the work.

Nicole [01:09:36]: That's true.

John [01:09:38]: This is our. I need to check our itunes reviews, guys. Let me see here. Better than Perfect podcast. Oh, my Internet connection's not so good here. It was working before. Hold on.

Nicole [01:09:56]: I'm glad we brought notepads to write. Absolutely nothing.

John [01:10:01]: And then you also forgot what you were going to say.

Nicole [01:10:04]: I know. You just scribbled on yours.

John [01:10:09]: Yeah, I did. Okay, I have it up. Oh, and look at that. John and Nicole share refreshing insights on various topics tackling taboo with a balanced perspective. They delve into the nuances of relationship and touch on how men and women seek similar things in different ways. Their discussion on counterintuitive approaches are super insightful and enriched by their diversive perspectives. Thank you, Rodrigo. That was Rodrigo. That was Rodrigo.

Nicole [01:10:47]: Rodrigo.

John [01:10:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:10:49]: Free t shirt for Rodrigo. We don't have any T shirts yet.

John [01:10:52]: But we'll do something, but nobody else. You guys gotta step it up here if you want to get red on the. On the podcast and get a T shirt. That's right.

Nicole [01:11:03]: Yeah, we'll make T shirts or something. Figure it out.

John [01:11:07]: All right, well, we'll see you next time.