John: You can't have women in society change the way that you want them to and be more feminine if you don't do your share. It's not that they don't care how much money you have necessarily. I know I'm going to get some flack for that. What they care about is that you're willing to share what you have, even if it's meager. Right? Because even if you're making a small amount of money, but you're like, "Hey, yeah, we're going to live in a small house. I'm going to make sure that everything is taken care of and the bills are taken care of, and I'll give you what I have." That's what providing actually is. It's not about a set amount. It's not a set amount. That's the way we discover through our flaws. We complete each other better than perfect. We stay through every fault. We find a way. Alright, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we show you how two imperfect people helping each other equals one better than perfect relationship. Boom, there we go. And we're back this week. So, this will be a bit of an interesting episode, I think. We were thinking, like, what episode should we do this weekend? It is my turn to pick one, but we actually ended up not publishing the episode from last week. So then I was like, we should do an episode about why we didn't do an episode last week. Sounds boring, but I promise you it's not. So, the topic will be "When You Screw Up..." because everybody does.

Nicole: Yeah, so to kind of give the background, we came in to record last week, and we ended up ending the recording. The episode was going to be on the struggles of women, just like we did one on the struggles of men, and that was my topic. However, I have to take full responsibility in the fact that I was asking questions in a way that was not very kind and loving. I didn't realize I was coming across that way, obviously, at the time, but when I looked back and reflected on it, the way that I was asking those questions, my intent was to look for deeper insights into the struggles. I just came across like how I would interview a guy. I think that's the thing; I'm used to interviewing guys, doing podcasts, and it is tough. I mean, it is tough every week to come out here, to share, talk about sensitive topics, discuss them, and also to share our own stuff and vulnerabilities. But I feel like we're not being totally transparent if we don't say, "Hey, yeah, from time to time, you're going to mess up, you're going to have struggles." And I think it's important to be honest and to be open. We didn't have to let anyone know that we didn't publish an episode, but I think it's a good thing to talk about.

John: No, I agree. I think it's important. And even though there was a part of me that was like, "I don't want to talk about it," and we talked about that part where it's like, people assume they know you and everything about you from the few things. And we've never tried to act like we're perfect, and we don't fight, or we don't... Well, I don't even want to say fight because we don't yell at each other, we don't call each other names, but that we don't struggle with things. Right? Like, there is definitely a lot of our relationship that's easy and loving and just having a good time, but there are the hard conversations that we have to have. And it's hard to be vulnerable to the internet because they're going to be like, "Oh, well, why are these people giving advice because they're not even doing it right?" You know what I mean? But that is the human experience. And you are right; when we talked about it, it is the right thing to do to put that out there because it just shows that we are actually putting in the work that we say we are. And, you know, we're going through challenges and getting out on the other side of things rather than allowing it to ruin our relationship. So, you're right. It is better to be vulnerable, even though it's really hard.

Nicole: Yeah, especially when people are already attacking you. You know what I mean? Like, every time we publish, I mean, not so much the big episodes, but the clips for sure, it's like there's a lot of... And again, it's a very small percentage of the people, and I try to reiterate that. But it does, you know, it's like people will come out there and attack you. And it's, I guess, not even as bad when you're being attacked on stuff that's not so vulnerable. But like, when you're out here discussing... Hate to see the comments on these clips when we post it. But no, like, I'm glad you mentioned that because I do think too, seeing a lot of the negativity on our videos, 'cause I'm the one that kind of monitors a lot of our stuff, has really kind of put me back in that angry girl mode. And I'm not trying to be. It's just kind of triggered me back into how I was before, where it's, you know, constantly feeling attacked by men or like you're not good enough, or like all of these things. Like now, you know, in the comments, they'll find the smallest thing and be like, "Break up with her, you know, she talks too much," or something. And it's like, I know you would never do that, and I don't really care. Like, I know you're not going to. I can't break up with you. We're... I break up with you. Besides that, I'm like, I know you're not gonna listen to like Bob 57, but it is scary still. It's like someone's telling you to leave your partner. Like, well, more, it's like it makes me feel like I have to be defensive, and that is like a masculine thing. And so, I feel like that's probably why a lot of people feel like I've been more masculine in some of the episodes. And two, it's also like talking about women's perspective of things can be frustrating, just like when men talk about how they can't even get a date. That's frustrating. So, it's not me being frustrated at men currently 'cause I don't care how men act currently. I have the best man that there is, and I'm not just saying that. Like, I genuinely believe that. So, it's not like I'm mad at them 'cause I'm still out here looking for somebody. But I'm frustrated for women 'cause I'm telling the story of what women really struggle with, you know? And maybe last week, I didn't add in some of the things that were important. You're right about that. But like, these are real things that women are frustrated by and upset by, and then it's like men are misconstruing it as like I...

John: I'm still projecting that, or like projecting it on you. And you know, a lot of the stuff we talk about doesn't have anything necessarily to do with me and you, right? But we've been through it at one point in our lives and are trying to help people through those situations.

Nicole: Yeah, our situation, like, I guess one of the clips is, you know, was talking about the 50/50, and it's like our situation is, Nicole, you are a stay-at-home mom, and I take care of everything financial. I'm the leader of the house; you're the feminine one, I'm the masculine one. You know, we have that order, and we have that in place, and it's how we're happy.

John: With you know, it's not, you know. So yeah, I think sometimes people maybe hear you talking in a clip, and they're like, "Oh, she's taking charge, and she's doing," and it's like, no, she's giving an opinion, which I highly value. And that's why I'm letting, like, "Oh, you're just not saying anything." It's like, no, like again, it's a clip, but it's like, no, I value your opinion, you know. And you do, and I know you do, and you show me that by how you lead our family and our household.

Nicole: Yeah, so like, I think too, that sometimes maybe it's more insecure men who can't handle like a woman saying anything at all. And it's like, and I understand that at times I've been abrasive, and so that comes across the wrong way. Like, I take responsibility for that, but like, and on the other side, I feel like from a woman's why they're resisting at times 'cause we do get comments from women too, mostly TikTok. They've never had a man that they trust to lead, and I've never had a man that I trust to lead until you. And I do really trust you and trust in you as a man and trust in your decisions.

John: Yeah, and but I also can see where women hear me say that, and they're like, "Where do these guys even exist anymore?" And it's not the guys that are in the comments, you know. Like, they and women can read the comments and see that. Yeah, but you know, it has been a lot, and like, it's not like the things that these people say like physically affect me. Like I said, like I know you're not going to break up with me, but it's like all the negativity I guess, and like trying to defend either side 'cause a lot of times too, like I can see a man's perspective. Yeah, but a lot of what we talk about in our dynamic of a traditional relationship is that a lot of it is the man's responsibility. That's the thing.

Nicole: Yeah, and so like, maybe people think that I'm like crapping on God, and that's and that's, and that direction of it being the man's responsibility came from me, right? You didn't think it was the man's responsibility when we first met for a lot of things, right? And I was like, no, no, the man is in charge, like in charge but responsible for these things. Like, he's the one who's responsible for the health of the relationship because I've seen how you have handled our relationship and how you've helped me by the way that you handle it and by you taking charge and by trusting you. Somehow something is playing on my phone, or maybe your phone on my pocket.

John: Okay, oh yeah, it's speaking of clips, one of the clips, our own episode there we go. I'm like, where was I? No, by the way that you've handled things, you've helped heal me, and the things that are still my personal responsibility to work through, you've helped me by being somebody that I can turn to and trust and rely on. And I guess too, that that's what women don't, this is not going to turn into a woman's thing, but that's what a lot of women don't feel like they have. It's like a guy that they've ever really felt like they can rely on. There's plenty of comments too of women who are like, "I'm sending this to my husband," or like, "My husband treats me this way." So they're in something that they still don't feel like they can rely on the man that they chose to marry. And so we're just trying to help people have a better dynamic where you do what you do best.

Nicole: Exactly, and then that allows us to be free to be those things and not have to stress about something that isn't even necessarily our lane, you know what I mean? As men and women. And it's hard to do that as a man, even when you know it. Right, there's a lot of guys that don't even realize that that is the important thing, their responsibility. But again, I'll talk about my own mess-ups and where, you know, where I've been wrong or messed up. But pretty much this whole week, I've been doing the opposite of what I preach, not because I want to be a hypocrite but because I just was screwing up. I was letting fears, emotions get the best of me, to be honest. Like if I'm being completely honest, and I was not coming across in a very loving way this whole week, and that's, you know, um, but I know what I'm supposed to be doing. So it's even when you know what you're supposed to be doing, sometimes you can mess it up as a man. And you know, I did a video on my YouTube channel, and I was talking about how it's like every word that you say goes deep into the heart of a woman that you're with, and you know, it's those are very important things for men to understand. So part of the reason why I want to do this episode too is because I wanted to talk about that and say, look, hey, I messed up, but that's okay because I know what to fix, and I'm a work in progress. And you trust me to lead, knowing that sometimes I'm going to fall on my face, and that'll happen from time to time. But it is still like the man's responsibility; he needs to be the lead. It's like, you know, I think what I was trying to do a lot this week, even, was again the opposite of what I've been saying, is kind of blame you for things when I should be taking the full responsibility even for your actions or behavior because it's so influenced by how I'm coming across as a man. Because women are reactive, women are responding. You are the leader; that is how it's going to be. Like, that is what being the leader encompasses. If you're leading and acting a certain way, the people who are following you are going to act a certain way. Like, that's how it is. So like, if you're coming out in a more defensive way, then that's probably what you're going to get. And too, we've watched a few videos from this one TikToker guy; I don't know his handle to put in here, but he said that masculinity is made, and femininity is protected, isn't that what he said?

Nicole: Yeah, preserved or protected, whatever.

John: Yeah, and so like, when you come at a woman in a more masculine way, which is, you know, more defensive, you're not protecting her.

Nicole: Right, exactly, you're fighting her.

John: Yep, so you know, that is part of the leader sort of thing. And even though

John: You might have messed up, and I definitely didn't do everything right. Like I mentioned, some of the things earlier that I think the key is that you don't give up because plenty of people mess up and then they're like, "Well, the relationship's messed up anyway, so I'm just going to do what I want to do," and that's going to end up actually messing up your relationship. But you know, there are going to be plenty of times where we make mistakes, but the difference is that we work through those things. We don't just give up. We're like, "Okay, we made a mistake. We're human beings." But you and I both know that we actively work towards fixing any sort of bump in the road that our relationship has ever encountered. So, like, there's never been a time where I'm like, "Maybe this was a wrong idea." Never. I already know who you are, and a lot of times you're like, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," and I'm like, "Don't be sorry. I've already forgiven you for the things because I genuinely have because I know who you are as a man, and I know that you listen to what I have to say, and like, you know, we've discussed, and that you will actually do what you say you're going to do." And that's part of being a man and being a leader too, is doing what you say you're going to do, and you do do that.

Nicole: Yeah, well, I appreciate that. It's hard sometimes, you know. It is because relationships are hard, even if you have the best relationship that you've ever had, which I feel like you and I have. Things are still going to happen. So, I think you did the right thing by picking this because people need to see that side. Neither of us wanted to come in here today to talk because you don't want to talk about that, but that's also the purpose when we originally envisioned this podcast. That's why we called it "Better Than Perfect," right? Because we never tried to act like we never mess up, and that makes it actually better because perfect is something that can be destroyed. You can break something that's perfect. And it's easy to break it, right? Because one little mistake means it's done; it's not perfect anymore. But better than perfect is where something's refined over time. It's anti-fragile. The more that there's, you know, you fix the things, like it's good. It's like you're purifying like gold in the fire. As you melt the gold down and refine it and get all the impurities off of it, that's what you're doing sometimes when you're going through the crucible.

John: I love your metaphors. And every episode, it's just some sort of metaphor in there. We need to do like a collection of clips of your metaphors.

Nicole: But it's true. That process of, because how do you, and that's the other thing I think that's so valuable too, you know, we didn't really talk about it in the first episode on why I get married, like as a man, and the real value, or one of the real values, is that look, no matter how much personal development you do as a person, and it's not just a man but just as a person, but you know, for men to listen, you can never reach the height of your personal development until you're in a relationship with someone else, right? Like a really intimate relationship. Because I would even say someone that helps you through those, because plenty of people are in relationships that they don't feel like they can even grow because someone's kind of dragging them back down, you know what I mean? Like with negativity or whatever. But I feel like when you really have a supportive partner, like you and I have, you can reach levels like you said that you never would have been able to reach on your own because when you're on your own, you think you have it all figured out, and to some degree, you do because you're not with another human being to the level that you are when you're married or living with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Yeah, so it's like, you always just say, "It's like I wouldn't deal with this kind of person." It's like when you're single, when you're by yourself, you just close the doors. You just be like, "I don't want to deal with that. You're disrupting my peace. I'm a peaceful person." You know, so many times I thought I got it all figured out, you know what I mean? Like, I was like, "I've worked on myself a lot." And then all of these things, that I had issues that I needed to face that I hadn't faced because I didn't need to face them because I can operate just fine. I was fine, but they come up, and then I realize, "Oh yeah, you think that you're loving all the time?" Well, yeah, that's easy. You can be loving all the time when you're not deeply connected to someone, and the things that they do cut you deep to the core. Because when you feel that, are you still loving all the time? Or they hit a trigger, or they hit something that you buried down and didn't actually fully process and let go. But that's a good thing. It's a good thing. It's a benefit to a man, cleaning everything out of there because you do reach a better level of self-actualization and development through that. So, but that's why it's, you know, two people helping each other become one, you know, better than perfect.

Nicole: Exactly. But that's true, and it's been a hard week.

John: Yeah, it's been a hard week, but I feel better. You feel better?

Nicole: Yeah, I feel like we're in a better place.

John: And that's all that really matters, is that we didn't allow that week to make us worse or diminish our relationship. We're using it to make our relationship even better than it already was.

Nicole: Exactly. Every time, yeah. Come back with a new version that's an improvement, you know what I mean?

John: But that's the key. That's what we're trying to help people do, you know. And like you said, that's why this is so important because I'm sure other people too, even though they don't have a whole podcast with their partner, might get in a fight or have an argument or disagreement, and maybe some of their friends are around, and then now they feel like their friends are like, "Oh yeah, how is their relationship?" You know, it's like, that doesn't have to define you unless you allow it. That doesn't have to define your relationship unless you just give up on working through the stuff. And it's a reality. I don't believe anybody, especially being with you, I don't believe anybody who says they don't have any sort of arguments at all.

Nicole: And to be honest, even if someone says that, I wouldn't think their relationship was as deep or as fulfilling or rich as our relationship because, like you said, we've used all these instances that we've encountered to grow together and as individuals too. So, like, it's just normal. It feels shameful, and I guess because people make people feel shameful for it.

John: It or be like your relationship isn't actually as good as you think it is. I'm sure we'll get some comments like that. But when you know what your relationship is and you know that one, people aren't ever going to fully understand but you know what it is, and two, by being vulnerable, you're allowing the people who go through similar things to feel heard and accepted and like it's normal.

Nicole: Yeah, and I think especially with social media and things like that, people don't feel normal. I mean, I feel like it is kind of swinging the other way with people posting more normal content, but a lot of the couple stuff, or like, you know, people you see together, sometimes it does feel perfectly polished. And then you look at your own relationship and you're like, this doesn't feel like that, or it doesn't look like that. But there are things that those people who are even perfectly polished are going through; they're just not showing you.

John: But yeah, I agree with that. We do need to show people the hard stuff too, so that they know that we're not that much different from them.

Nicole: Well, and also, I think you know that sometimes a podcast like this could be discouraging instead of encouraging because people could be listening to it, implementing what we say, and then having some kind of issue, having an argument or a fight, and then they're like, oh, I'm screwing it up, or it doesn't work, or I can't. I guess I just don't have it in me.

John: Right, and that's not true. It's a work in progress. It's an always moving thing. The things that we're saying aren't going to make it so that all of a sudden, well, you're going to implement them perfectly. And even if you did, you're still human; you're still going to make a mistake; you're still dealing with another human who's going to make mistakes. And so, like, I think it's important to show that, so you don't feel so bad. Like, hey, everybody is going to have issues and have things that they need to work out, but the important thing is that you do work them out. And I think that's the other thing maybe that's worth discussing in this is like how to work them out, which again, probably this week wasn't the best example of it on my part because I was not working out in a loving way. But I can tell you as a man, what you should be doing is always checking yourself to say, whatever I'm doing right now, whatever I'm saying right now, is it coming across in a loving way? Does my woman—I'll use that term to catch all—my woman, wife, girlfriend, you know, whatever it is, lady friend, lady friend, yeah, see for the older gentlemen. Alright, does she feel loved right now? And more importantly, well, there's a book that we're going to, I'm hesitant to recommend it because we haven't read it yet, but there was some good stuff in that we'll probably do a whole episode on it called Love and Respect, and kind of the of the book is that women want unconditional love, men want unconditional respect.

Nicole: Mhm.

John: And so, it's like as a man, I can say when you're in a discussion, argument, whatever it is, even if it escalates to fight level, you have to think about whatever I'm saying, is it coming across in a way like, does my woman feel, I don't know what to, uh, feel like, like I'm showing her unconditional love? Even because I can say, hey, I have an issue with this; I can say, hey, this hurt my feelings; I can say, hey, I'd like you to not do this, or I'd like you to do this or change this, but I can say all those things in a way that is a loving way, or I can say them in an abrasive way or like a defensive way. So, I think that's a thing that is very important as a man to remember, which I'm sure is hard for men because a lot of women don't come at conflict or arguments in a respectful way.

Nicole: Right, so I think women need to come in a vulnerable position rather than in a fighting position. But at the same time, I think if she's given unconditional love, it's easier to be vulnerable because you feel protected rather than being defensive. But I also understand men's side where a lot of times, women aren't respectful in a conflict, which I think that women should be. They should be vulnerable rather than defensive. But I think a lot of like what women have learned is that they have to be tough and they have to protect themselves, and so that's kind of become their natural response. You know, but really, being vulnerable is a better way to go about it anyway. Like, I feel like women have been told that that's like a weak thing, or you know, like men being like, women stop being so needy and all these other things have made women kind of shift from being vulnerable and needy to now they can do it on their own. So, what you said is 100% true, that men need to watch their words. I mean, even a lot of these comments, like women are reading these things, and when you say something like, oh well, you just want to be lazy, like now you're pushing women to work even harder and further be further away from the feminine, soft woman that you want. Right, so like, I would even recommend men, even if they're upset with women in some way or another, to practice being more loving. And I'm not saying like going out of your way and like giving love to a woman who doesn't deserve it, but I'm just saying that like watching your words because you're actually perpetuating the thing. Because women are hearing what you're saying, and even though she might not necessarily care specifically what you're saying, she's still reading it, internalizing it, and being like, okay, men don't want this. MH, and pushing her further towards the state that you say a lot of men don't want, and a lot of men say that they don't want, but it's being encouraged through other ways than they think that it's happening.

John: Yeah, and I think the important thing to know about it as a man is that women are responders. Like I talked about, a woman's a mirror; she reflects back to you what you're giving her. She's a garden; the fruit you get is the seed you plant. And how that applies is that, you know, most women will respond to a man showing unconditional love, and they will start to change the way that they come at him. And so it's like if you're a man and there's a really good book that kind of talks about this called The Masculine Relationship by GS Youngblood. I've talked about it before in the podcast, but really good book. But if you're a man and you have a woman that is nagging you, controlling you, being disrespectful to you, coming at you with a lot of these things, you can try and change her, and you can try and tell her why all those things are wrong, and she may listen to you in words, but you're probably not going to get her in heart because she's still responding from those things are coming from somewhere. They're not something she wants to necessarily do; they're coming from somewhere. And instead of going that route, if you go the route of saying I'm

John: I'm just going to try and practice unconditional love. I understand that things need to change, but I'm going to put that on hold for a little bit. Not worry about what she's doing and just show up as a man, giving her unconditional love and acceptance, and then watch how the flower blooms. That's a thing that, if you could get one thing from this podcast as a man, that's the most important thing. Because if you understand that, you will see what power you have to lead, even when she's not letting you lead. Because she's still following you, even when she says she's not, because it is still your lead in the way that you're doing it. Men are the initiators. Men initiate the initial relationship; they go up to the woman and talk to her. Men initiate sex. Men initiate all of these things, for the most part. Not to say that there's never an exception, but in general, your role as a man is to set the example, to create the way.

Nicole: And maybe some women are successful at turning a man around by showing him a lot of respect and doing all these things and not controlling him, but it's a much harder battle. It is because you have to be a man worth respecting. And we talked a little bit about that here and there this week, that you realized that a lot of these men aren't being men that are worthy of respect. So, like, it is harder for men because you're telling men to just unconditionally love this person, which is a little bit easier than getting respect if you don't have the qualities that will get you the respect as easily. Like, some men don't have respectful qualities. I'm not saying at all they don't have any, but like we talked about before, a woman can't really influence a man that much. And for a man to change certain things, in order for him to get more respect, he has to initiate that within himself.

John: Exactly. Rather than a woman, you know, because if a woman just respects a guy and maybe he's not very good with money or something like that, and she respects him anyway, he might feel like he doesn't need to improve that aspect of his life. Unless I'm wrong, unless there's a way that a woman could handle that to get him to improve. But I'm just using that as an example.

Nicole: I think there's a little bit of it that if a woman starts to not control a man, to give him trust and let him fail in some areas, he's more likely to take up the responsibility. But I think that's more in the case of, let's say, people have been together for a while, they're married. Originally, the woman saw this man as a respectable man and someone she trusted, and then somehow she started trying to control everything because she's trying to protect herself. And then he's just given up. So, he doesn't have the confidence in himself. I think in that situation, if a woman starts to back off and say, "Let me just let this man make his mistakes and just show him I trust him even when he's making mistakes," I think then a guy could turn around in those cases.

John: With that, I think in that certain situation, it could be fixed. Like you said, because it obviously had to have respect from the beginning. I think some women that are watching this, sometimes I'm always thinking about men because I think men need to be leaders and stepping up. But if you're a woman in a situation in your relationship and you're watching this podcast and you're like, "My husband doesn't watch this. What can I do?" I would say to start giving him the respect that he doesn't even deserve yet and see how he responds. And look, even if he's not giving her the unconditional love and making her feel protected, I do think that a lot of men, if they saw their wives, their lady friend, being like that to them, it would soften their heart, and they would start to care more. We kind of get because people get in still, they lock horns, and they're like, "Well, you know, I'm not getting the respect I want, so I'm not going to give the love. And I'm not getting the love, so I'm not going to give the respect." And it's like, if one person yields. But women, though, in a more way more vulnerable situation. And if men want women to be feminine, it is a very vulnerable and delicate place to be. Like I told you, a feminine woman is like a flower. And when you come at her in this defensive way, it's like you're drowning the flower with water. It's like you're just dumping it on there rather than gently pouring the water pale. And so, like, you can damage the flower a lot more easily.

Nicole: I would even say, I think your advice is correct, that she needs to try that. And kind of like what you've recommended with men, is like maybe she needs to try that for a few months, and if something doesn't change, have a conversation or something like that. Honestly, like if either position, if you're a man or a woman, and you're really doing that, you're really suspending your own needs and unconditionally loving as a man or unconditionally respecting as a woman, and your partner is not responding to that after 3 months, maybe it's not the relationship for you to be in because maybe things are never going to change. But what if they're married?

John: Even then, maybe it's, you know, I mean, as much as divorce is probably the worst thing a person could go through in their life, you know, you got to think about what's going to happen. How are things going to change if it takes two people? It really does take two people. And so, yeah, it is hard, especially if you kind of forgo yourself. Like for women, it's like forgo that protection and just give something and be super vulnerable. And for men, it's giving love even though you don't feel respected. If nothing changes, then that is a big problem, and maybe you can try to have one more conversation. But I agree with you that nothing can ever work like that one-sided. It is more likely that a man can try to turn things around with a woman, and maybe it might happen woman to man, but it's just less likely for a woman to persuade a man to act differently. But you got to think about it too, is like if a woman's in that situation, the man's not being a respectable man, he's not a masculine man, she can't trust him. You know, she feels like she does have to control him because she has to treat him like a child, or again, it's not true that she needs to, but she feels that way. And then she lets go of all that stuff and puts her trust in him, and he doesn't respond at all, what other...

John: What other solution does she have? I mean, that's the same thing. I could flip it and say for a man too. It's like, if you're either going to just live your life without your needs being met, or you're going to have to take a drastic step. But the only reason I would even give that advice is because I know that 99% of people listening have not actually tried that for three months. Because it's really hard to do. It's hard to do for a day or a week. To suspend your needs and just be focused on someone that you feel doesn't necessarily care as much as you do. That's hard, but just about anyone will respond to that. I truly believe it. But I do believe that, like I said, the thing we talk about on this podcast all the time is that it is the man's responsibility for the relationship.

Nicole: If you're a man watching this, you shouldn't be like, "Oh, maybe my wife should try this for three months." You should be the one doing it because you're the leader. And part of it too is, I think a lot of men are afraid of being a nice guy and a pushover, and that's not what I'm saying at all. You can say no but in a loving way. You can make your own decisions and judgment calls and not allow yourself to be disrespected but do it in a loving way. Even if you're in a discussion and your wife or girlfriend says something disrespectful, you can say, "Look, I love you dearly. However, I'm not going to be talked to that way, so I'm going to leave. You can cool down, and when you're ready to talk to me and have a loving conversation, I'm here. Whatever I can do to help you and support you and love you, I'm happy to do." That's a real thing. It's hard to say in an actual conversation. You need to remember why you married that person. A lot of people, men and women, forget those things, especially in a disagreement or an argument. They treat the person like they don't love them. You married this person or you're dating this person for a reason. In tough situations, you almost need to remember those more to help you stay connected.

John: Yeah, I agree. It's easy to dismiss that and not focus on the problem, thinking maybe we aren't what we thought we were. But it's like you're throwing everything away. If you really felt that way, you probably would have broken up a long time ago rather than be dating for as long as you are or gotten married. It also helps men give unconditional love and helps women respect the man unconditionally too because the respect comes from love. If you try to stay grounded in that, then it's easier to do those things for each other. When a man comes at a woman with more love, it's easier for her to be vulnerable and empathize with what you're about to tell her. It's almost like a little injured baby animal. She's not going to kick it; she's going to want to help.

Nicole: Exactly. Every woman has that within them, even if they have the coldest exterior. They do care about vulnerability and want to be vulnerable, but a lot of times, women just don't feel like they can be. It doesn't feel safe. That's why the motto of masculinity is made, and femininity is protected or preserved is so important. It's important for men to realize that they do have to work on things to be more manly and masculine.

John: Yeah, and it's weird because there's this dynamic too that everyone really wants to be accepted for who they are. So, if they feel like changing is a condition of getting love or respect, they're resistant to it. But when they feel like they're getting that love and respect, and then the person expresses what they would like, they're not resistant to it. It's like, if I change myself, then I'm not being myself, and now the love isn't real. It's like I'm not loved for just who I am. I have to do this or change this thing. That's the trap. So, you have to recognize that and realize you're definitely not going to change someone if you're requiring them to change in order to feel accepted or loved. That's where you get into that standstill.

Nicole: Well, I feel like we did pretty good.

John: I think so. We don't really have anything for this week since we already kind of dished our tea. That is the thing for this week. There was something else I was going to say. Oh, I know what I was going to say. This is kind of just a side.

John: Trail thing because I was going to address the men that get upset about the podcast. Maybe this will become a clip. The thing is, I think it's really important to understand because I was telling you about this the other day when we were cooking dinner. A lot of these guys don't realize that we are their greatest ally because they don't like feminine men and they don't like the way that women are acting today in Western society. What we're talking about on this podcast, to give an example, is a traditional relationship where a woman respects the man, submits to his authority and leadership in the house, and the man loves, provides, and takes care of the financial responsibility.

Nicole: Right, it's like a new traditional, modern traditional. There were some dynamics of the traditional back then that weren't obviously the most ideal, but this is like a true love traditional. The way that everyone can thrive traditionally. The difference is that a woman willingly chooses to submit to the man because of who he is as a man, versus the old traditional was just because he was a man and had a job.

John: Exactly. I think it's so important for these guys to understand that they're shooting themselves in the foot. Women that watch this podcast, some women have a lot of resistance to some of the stuff we're saying here.

Nicole: I mean, sometimes I was that woman. I was never super feminist but very much a woman's woman, and like, we can do it, and we don't need a man, especially how a lot of these men are acting these days. But then when I met you, you didn't even say any of this stuff about masculinity and femininity. It just fell into the natural balance of it, the natural yin and yang. It felt a lot more peaceful and right. I've been both, and maybe we need to do a whole episode on that because it's important. I'm not coming on here saying I've always just followed every man's lead until I met John. I was the women to some extent that these men are complaining about, and I know how these women got there because I know how I got there. It was a natural thing; it naturally happened. It's still the best relationship I've ever had. Women are kind of leaning more towards their femininity. They do want more of what we're talking about. It's just going to take a little bit for the men to get there and figure some of this stuff out. But you guys, especially the ones that are hating the most, should be sharing the clips, sharing the episodes, getting women to watch it because what you're actually trying to do, we're on the same side of you in terms of what you actually want to produce in society.

John: It's not going to come from what you're doing; it's going to come from this. The other part of it is because you can't have the feminine woman who submits to her husband and respects him and follows his lead if you're not the man who takes care of everything financially, physically, emotionally, takes responsibility for the relationship, and all of those things. That's why you're a king. You don't just put on the crown because you have balls. I hear the argument all the time on a certain podcast, the guys are friends of mine, so I'm not trying to throw shade here, but I got to say what I got to say because it's honest. They constantly use this argument of, well, if a burglar comes in the middle of the night, who's going to get up and investigate it? Is it going to be a woman? No. So, what does a woman do when she's single and something goes bump in the night? I guess she just gets killed. But the problem with that argument is that if that's all you're good for as a man, if your only argument for the reason why you should have authority in a relationship and be crowned the king and a woman should listen to you and respect you is because you can protect her in the rare instance that someone breaks into your house, which you can get an alarm system, you can get a Doberman pincher. If you think that's enough to qualify you to be the leader, to have authority, to be the king, to wear a crown, you're mistaken. It just doesn't make any sense. Women can do what a man can do; they can get jobs, they can make money, they can change their own tires, they can get a gun and shoot a burglar in the head. But they don't want to; they would rather have a man take care of those things. What you provide as a man is being a masculine man that takes care of her. Masculinity is created, femininity is preserved or protected. You can't have women in society change the way that you want them to and be more feminine and embrace these values if you don't do your share. It's not about women just wanting money. What women want to know, they don't care how much money you have necessarily. I know I'm going to get some flack for that. You should make some amount of money and be successful.

John: Being able to take care of a house is important, but what really matters is that you're willing to give what you have. You're willing to share what you have, even if it's meager. For instance, even if you're making a small amount of money, you might say, "Hey, yeah, we're going to live in a small house, but I'm going to make sure you don't have to work, baby. I'm going to make sure that everything's taken care of, the bills are paid, and I'll give you what I have." That's what providing actually means. It's not about a set amount; it's about providing what you have to her. It's not a sponsorship or something like that. I'm not saying there are no gold diggers out there, but if you really understand why women want this, it's not because of the money. It's because they want to see that a man is willing to give his resources. Biologically, if you look at evolutionary biology, and I've read a ton of books on this, that's what it is. Look at the book "The Evolution of Desire" if you want a good one on evolutionary biology that talks about this exact subject. The studies show that women want to see that a man will provide his resources. It's not about the amount. Obviously, one with amount has a higher status, but the main thing women are looking for is this ability and willingness to do that. So, you've got to step up and be the man if you want these things. Like I said, we're your allies. You're shooting yourself in the foot when you attack and say things like you should be promoting. You might not agree with everything, and I totally get it, I understand, but especially if you're watching clips, watch the whole episode of this. That's super important to understand because you don't want to shoot yourself in the foot. You want women to watch this and to listen and to see and be like, "Oh, okay, I could be this way if a man is going to be that way." And then you be that man, and I guarantee you, you will have a different outlook on life if you start being that man because you'll attract those kinds of women.

Nicole: I agree with that. Okay, that's my little monologue in replacement of the end, even though the end is supposed to be my segment since you picked the monologue.

John: No, I feel like I've already said everything I need to say, but yeah, you made a lot of good points, and hopefully, this helps people. This episode isn't as organized as some of our other ones, but it had a lot of good insights, I feel like. And I love you, and I'm sorry.

Nicole: I love and I'm sorry too, for the ways that I messed up.

John: Through every fault, we find our way.