Lana [00:00:00]: Give compliments. That's another thing. Like, women so afraid to give compliments because by some reason, they think that it's only a guy's job. Just like a two, three compliments. That said, he's melting. He's yours.

John [00:00:09]: Yeah.

Lana [00:00:10]: So I would say use this tool. It's extremely powerful. Make him feel that he's appreciated, that he's praised, that he's important. And that's when he's like, open up his shoulders and ready. Like, you know what? For other women, I'll go 50, 50. But for that woman, she's worth it. She sees me. She understands my masculinity. She understands my n. So I see her. Female feminine nature beyond the perfect, we.

Nicole [00:00:38]: Discover through our flaws. We complete each other. Better than perfect. We stay through every fault. We find our way. All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship. And today we have a special guest. We have Lana Rico here, and she's having me. Yeah. Thank you for being on. She's kind of an expert in. In. In female dating, on how to attract a man, the right kind of man. And so we thought we would talk a little bit about modern, traditional relationships, basically, like, why is that becoming popular again? You know, and I'm curious to. I think we talked about this a lot on the podcast is about how can women actually find that guy? Because one of the things we're always talking about is how there's so many 50, 50 guys out there. But. Yeah. So thanks for joining us.

Lana [00:01:38]: Yeah, thank you for having me. It's absolute pleasure. And actually, let me fix you a little bit. To be honest, majority of my clients are men.

Nicole [00:01:47]: Oh, really? Oh, sorry.

Lana [00:01:49]: I work with both men and women. Because actually, when you're talking about the core, the reason why dating is so hard is because everyone is making similar mistakes and confused about similar things. And oftentimes, if you are single and you're trying and failing, probably you're not using the wrong phrase or something. There's something fundamentally wrong you're doing, and it's usually unique for not unique. It's actually works both for men and women. So that's why I provide my insight for both men and women.

Nicole [00:02:26]: Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

John [00:02:28]: What would you say is what, like, typically trips people up? Because I'm. I'm curious now, because I agree with you. I think it's people focus on what they're doing, but a lot of times it's more of like the mindset that they're in almost, or something like that.

Lana [00:02:43]: Well, there is several things, but I think number one is the most important thing is that people don't really know what they want. So oftentimes when I ask, like, when they come, anyone comes to me and it's like, oh, Lana, help me. Number one question, ask, what do you want? What kind of relationship you're looking for? And you know what? Everyone's answering, okay, I wanna my partner be this and that, this and that. It's like, okay, I'm not talking about partner, the relationship. And they're like, big difference. Yeah. So. And they realize that, oh, wait, I never even thought about that. And if you haven't identified the most important point, how can you even move from there?

John [00:03:20]: Yeah.

Lana [00:03:21]: So. And oftentimes also people confuse. So they think that, let's say they wanna marry. They wanna. But they're looking for someone who is, let's say, financially stable or likes to travel or likes, I don't know, going out to concerts and stuff or, like, super funny. And you think, like, it's pretty logical. Yeah, you want to have a person, interesting person to be around. But oftentimes those people not really suited for marriage because most important thing for marriage, as you guys know, is reliability. Here is respect. Ability to establish boundaries, ability to solve the conflicts. That's a much more important things than loving and wanting to go to Paris.

John [00:04:05]: Yeah, like the superficial stuff.

Lana [00:04:07]: And a lot of time people think like, oh, I want a financially stable partner. But what they actually want is to solve their financial problems. And they think that the partner will come. Come in where I'm going. That a lot of people, they have some sort of deficiency and they try to fill that gap with a partner. And then they like, okay, I'm obviously looking for partner like that to fill that gap. But they end up in a relationship which actually doesn't make them happy.

Nicole [00:04:35]: Right.

Lana [00:04:35]: Because that's not actually their need.

John [00:04:38]: That's true.

Lana [00:04:38]: So. And that's. I think it's the first step, which everyone has to start with, is to identify what do you want, what kind of relationship you want? And then what kind of partner can suffice that? What kind of partner can give this to you?

John [00:04:51]: Yeah, yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense because I feel like a lot of people talk about women are so picky. And a lot of time it is like, I want him to be tall and buff and handsome and, you know, make a lot of money and all that stuff. And it's like you said, but what about who he is as a person? You know, and same with guys, too. Sometimes they're like, oh, well, she's beautiful and like she's funny or whatever. And then you're waiting for them to tell you what they like about her as a person, you know, so that makes a lot of sense that you have to look at the relationship and the core things that are going to keep the relationship going because we're all going to get old. All of the superficial stuff can change. So the core stuff is what makes the difference. So that makes a lot of sense.

Lana [00:05:35]: Yeah, absolutely. And also what I see, a lot of people, they just dating wrong. They start with the wrong approach, they start with the wrong questions, they go. They plan a wrong date and things like that. And then it doesn't work out because it's been builded on a. Like, let's say, for example, if you need a building, you start with the basement. Right. And oftentimes people start with the roofs, windows, and it doesn't work like that. And then they're wondering like, why is this building failed because you forgot about the most important thing, the basement.

Nicole [00:06:11]: Exactly.

Lana [00:06:12]: And when it comes to dating, for example, everyone goes where to restaurant for dating. And that's one of the worst places actually to be on the first date. If I talk about. Because first dating is about to find out. Do you even click with that person? Is that person adequate? Do you want to even continue with them? And imagine that you sit down, order appetizers and then they said something and then you're like, nice. But you already committed to whole entire evening. You already order food. You have to. You stuck with that person for at least two hours. And then you hating yourself for. Especially if you're a woman getting your hair done, getting a dress all the time. Yeah. And you think like, oh my goodness, all this effort for what? And that's where all this long list come from. Because okay, if I'm making all this effort, I want to at least be this, this and that.

John [00:07:08]: Yeah, right.

Lana [00:07:09]: But you don't have to do that. You can just go on a quick date and I actually recommend 20, 30 minutes max. You don't have to like stay here and know whole entire life. You can, you have second, third, fourth day for that.

John [00:07:27]: Yeah.

Lana [00:07:27]: The first date. You only need to decide if, if that person even worth your time.

John [00:07:33]: Yeah.

Lana [00:07:34]: Do you have a connection? Is there anything in there could possibly happen? Because oftentimes, let's be honest, we can understand that in the first 10, 15 minutes if we click with the person.

Nicole [00:07:44]: I'd say that's true.

John [00:07:46]: What do you recommend for a quick date?

Lana [00:07:49]: There should be two really important rules. First, it should be safe place. That's why it should be public. I would recommend. And secondly, it should have easy access out so you can get out of that very quickly, easily, without any problems. So park coffee. I know it's maybe sounds too banal, but those are good places. They cheap. So you don't. And especially if you. Guy. Oh, I have a. I. I have to tell you this. I had a guy connected with me and he said that he spent US$56,000 in three months on dating.

Nicole [00:08:27]: Oh my God, 56,000 on dating. Okay.

Lana [00:08:30]: And he's like, you know, Lana, I'm done. I was like, no wonder. Why, of course you'll be frustrated. It's a lot of money to spend. Well, of course it wasn't like restaurants. There was like some trips, going somewhere for a weekend. Yeah, but still. And he said, like, all this money I spent on women, I'm not even in contact with any of them.

Nicole [00:08:50]: That's because you're spending all that money on them. They're already getting what they want and they have nothing else to get from you.

Lana [00:08:59]: I hope you haven't been there.

Nicole [00:09:01]: Not me.

Lana [00:09:02]: You just heard. And what I'm getting to, it's create those dates. Like restaurant dates. They might sound logical. A lot of people want to do it, but unfortunately they create a lot of frustration for both men and women. That's why I recommend not to do that for second date option. Sure. Or especially third day.

Nicole [00:09:21]: Okay, that makes sense.

John [00:09:22]: I think that's good for you to say too, because I feel like a lot of women that I even know personally would be like, no, you need to take me to the restaurant to like, show me that I'm worth your time. But I agree with you that like the initial first date, like, it's more about getting in there and actually figuring out who that person is. Like, John and I met getting drinks. Which I know a lot of people don't like that. Especially a lot of women. They're like, no, like, I deserve the dinner. You know, like, they think it more of like, no, I deserve you spending more money on me rather than them viewing it as, no, I'm here to interview you. Basically. I hate to say that, but like you said, kind of like, no, I'm here to get to know you, to see if I even want to spend two hours with you at dinner. And I feel like women kind of confuse that because they're like, they use the dinner date as like, no, I deserve this because I got dressed up and I did all this stuff, which I understand. But at the same time, I feel like a lot of times women need to view it more as like their time is valuable as well too, rather than, you know, kind of like hoping that this guy's going to be the one. So they're trying to fit more into what he wants sort of thing.

Lana [00:10:35]: So I would actually invite this woman to think this way. If the guy comes on the first date, he barely knows you. Especially if you met online and he takes you to the best restaurant in town. He throws all the money. He's obvious red flag if he's doing that. First of all, he's just flushing money on some strangers he barely knows. Just think about like later on if you're with him, it's not because you are so amazing. He will do it with everyone and he probably did it with the previous goals. And he will do continue with another girls because that's his pattern.

John [00:11:08]: That's a good way to look at it.

Lana [00:11:10]: Number two, if he's going and committing so much time, so much money, that means like he has nothing else going on. Okay? He has so much time to do this. And plus also, like you said, why would you spend two hours, you can actually have like two or three coffee dates instead of for that time and filter out.

John [00:11:34]: But also if it's going well too, if you start with like, okay, I'm only going for 30 minutes, like you said, you can get out if you don't want to be there for a long time or if you're having a good time, you can extend it potentially if you want. Cause like, I know our first date, even though we went for drinks, we talked for like hours. But it's like, like you said though, there was an option though, if like John wasn't John and he was some guy I wanted to get away from, I'd be like, oh, yeah, I gotta get back to my dog, you know, I can't be away that long.

Nicole [00:12:01]: I think there's an element too though, because, you know, a lot of guys, they take a woman out to a fancy restaurant and they spend a lot of money, but then of course they make a big deal of it, right? But I always think too that, you know, when I'm coaching guys, like, if it's not a big deal to you, like if you're like, okay, I just, I don't care, I just go to a restaurant, I'm gonna have a Good time anyway, so.

Lana [00:12:23]: But what if you don't. What if you don't like the woman?

Nicole [00:12:25]: Well, I mean, you just, like, have a good, casual conversation. Right. If you don't have expectations. But. But I can see it's most. Most people. It's hard to handle that. Right. So I. So I think I. I agree with your advice. Like to do the short, short thing on the first date and then the second date, then you can do something a little bit more romantic or impressive. But. But again, the idea should not be too impressed. It should just be, you know, it's like I tell guys on a. On a date, when the bill comes, you don't even look at the bill. You just put your credit card in there and slide it over because you're. It's not a big deal. You're not making a big deal of it. You're not making a big show of, oh, I'm paying for the thing. It's just. It's just what you do as a man, you just do it.

Lana [00:13:05]: Unless you already look at the menu and calculate everything in your head.

Nicole [00:13:08]: Right, right. Yeah, exactly.

John [00:13:10]: Like, you already know roughly what it's gon.

Nicole [00:13:12]: So it's like, it's not like you're not going to pay for it. It's not like you're going to look at it and be like, oh, oh, right now. Actually, take that back.

John [00:13:20]: No, that's when they're like. That's when they are like, oh, so you ordered this and you can venmo me later.

Nicole [00:13:28]: Split the bill.

Lana [00:13:29]: I guess if you do that. Second day is not.

Nicole [00:13:32]: Yeah, no, no. Yeah, well, let's talk about that. Let's talk about why, like, the. I mean, you're seeing more people looking for the modern, traditional kind of relation, like the traditional relationships coming back. What do you think? I mean, is that true? Is that, like, what do you think about that? Like, why is that happening now?

Lana [00:13:50]: Yes. And what's interesting you would think, like, what we hear that women are feminists and they want to, like, equal relationships. And the men are those who want a traditional relationship. But actually, I see both men and women want traditional relationships.

Nicole [00:14:05]: Yeah.

Lana [00:14:06]: It's just they express it differently. Maybe that's why, for example, if you, God forbid, if you're on TikTok and you open and you see, like, women say, oh, you have to pay in the first date, but you also do this.

John [00:14:18]: Yeah.

Lana [00:14:18]: Guys think like, okay, you have to do everything traditionally, but I, as a woman, will do everything in a modern way. And that's why guys Think like, oh, that that is not fair. So you want to maybe traditional, but you will be like liberal, modern. Yeah, but that's not women actually saying. When they say like, oh, you have to do this and this. And they just try to express that they want recognition, they want to be seen, they want to be appreciated, they want to like Nicole said that why they want a guy to pay on the first day or take on a nice restaurant to see that I'm worthing your time. I'm worth all this effort I made as well. So you are interested in me? Because if you just took me like somewhere we sit in the car, it's like, you probably don't even remember my name. So that's how a lot of women would think. And which is quite reasonable. But when it comes to relationships, I see that a lot of people actually, especially when they've been in a casual hookups, they hated it. Nobody is a very, very few people who actually enjoying that lifestyle. People in general want a stable relationship.

Nicole [00:15:29]: Right.

Lana [00:15:30]: And only like maybe traditional, at least in our head. Traditional lifestyle, traditional relationship can provide that.

Nicole [00:15:39]: Right.

Lana [00:15:39]: And also I think why traditional relationship comes back in fashion because it has a very strict rules, very strict boundaries. We know exactly how it works.

Nicole [00:15:50]: Exactly. Yeah.

Lana [00:15:51]: So like for example, guys in charge for the money situation. Like woman is taking care of the house, kids. Like maybe majority of time. When we come to 50, 50 relationships. How do you actually calculate that?

Nicole [00:16:05]: Right.

Lana [00:16:06]: Just think about like everyone's like, oh, I want to be equal. I want to be equal. Okay, you said like today I pay for restaurant, tomorrow you. What if we. Today we went to Panda Express and I paid 20 bucks. And tomorrow we went to Italian restaurant, you pay 300 bucks.

Nicole [00:16:20]: Well, you gotta get the spreadsheet so you can calculate it all.

Lana [00:16:23]: We did equally. One evening I paid, another evening you paid, but I paid 20 bucks and you pay 300. And that's why a lot of women end up in relationship like that. They think like, you know what? I feel like you're not doing enough. And like, you know what guys saying that majority of reasons. So women initiating divorce. What an 80% or something?

Nicole [00:16:47]: Yeah.

Lana [00:16:47]: And it's like, oh, it's just women. But they do that because they feel it.

Nicole [00:16:51]: Right.

Lana [00:16:51]: And that's what I just said, that I'm putting all my effort I doing everything and I just don't feel equal. Feedback. I think that you making less. But because according to her spreadsheet.

Nicole [00:17:03]: Right, Exactly.

Lana [00:17:04]: But according to men's spreadsheet, it's like everything Is equal. Like you want it equal? Yeah, we're doing equally. Look, let's pull up our bank account. But in a woman's mind, oftentimes it feels like I'm doing more because she usually ends up doing more than traditional girlfriends and wives do.

John [00:17:21]: Right. She's doing it all.

Nicole [00:17:23]: Yeah, well, yeah, A lot of times in those 50, 50 relationships, the woman still ends up doing the housework and taking care of the children. Doing. Including working and paying for half of the thing. And yeah, I think it's, you know, when the man is taking care of everything financial, taking care of support, you know, the woman. And then she can be in her nurturing, feminine. And women in general are more happy. But I feel like society's kind of given this story that, oh, you'll be happier if you're. If you're more like a man, if you're more independent, if you don't have to depend on anyone. And, you know, there's a trade off to it. And the trade off is that you end up in that. In that situation. I think.

Lana [00:18:06]: Yeah. And I think what's also contributing to that is that especially for women, they receive. While they're growing up in us especially, that's what I saw. They receive a very mixed message because when you're a little girl, you see all this Disney or at least all Disney movies, that you're a princess, you're beautiful, you're just wonderful. Just for simply existing.

Nicole [00:18:28]: Exactly. Yeah.

Lana [00:18:29]: And then there's always like a prince. There's always love.

Nicole [00:18:33]: Right.

Lana [00:18:33]: And beauty and stuff like that. But then they tell you like, hey, be whoever you want to be. You can be astronaut, you can be a lawyer. And they're pushing that. You have to go to college, you have to take care of yourself, be independent, don't rely on guy. Because we know that unfortunately there's some unreliable guys and we look at those scenarios and the women get scared. It's like, oh, my God, I don't want to end up there.

John [00:18:58]: Yeah.

Lana [00:18:58]: But. And then later on she ends up at a place where she wants to be a princess. She want to have that princess treatment, which you probably heard about.

Nicole [00:19:07]: Right.

Lana [00:19:08]: She wanted a guy to take care of her, but at the same time, she wants to be independent and she wants to, like, have her own life, her own career. And those things don't match. But she tries to match them because they both are planted in her head.

Nicole [00:19:21]: Exactly.

Lana [00:19:22]: And that's why I think a lot of women struggling with. Because they can't choose the site.

Nicole [00:19:27]: Yeah. She should Be able to be a princess. That's one thing I talk about on the podcast all the time, is because that question always comes up of, what do you bring to the table? Right. Guys ask this question, and my answer has always been, when you take a work of art and you buy it and you put it on the wall, you don't ask, what does this magnificent masterpiece piece of art do for me? You admire it for what it is, for the beauty that it is. And that's a woman should be able to just be who she is and be appreciated just for being a woman. A lot of guys get very upset at me saying this, but I believe that that's true, because to be a man, men don't have pride anymore today and just allow women, like, the beauty of the feminine is enough. It doesn't require anything else besides that. I don't know. That's how I see it. And I think that it makes things so much easier because then it's very clear. Like you said, the roles are very clear. The guy knows he needs to take care of everything. That's his job, is to take care of everyone that's in his family, his wife, his children. He's the one that's in charge, but also responsible. And. And you don't. You don't require the woman to hold up her half because you're the man. You're supposed to be the man.

John [00:20:43]: I feel like what women bring to the table, too, isn't tangible. So men can't understand it because they think of, like, physical things, like providing, you know, like, money or doing things.

Lana [00:20:55]: Which, like, you can't prove it with the paperwork.

John [00:20:57]: Right, Exactly. And so, like, when we did a whole episode on, like, the what do you bring to the table thing, like, if a man ever said that to me, and when he said it to me, I'd be like, if you don't know, then you won't know, because it's something that. It's that feminine energy, it's the nurturing. It's all of the things that I can't show you. You have to feel it and you have to experience it. And so if you're not, then we're not on the same wavelength, and you don't appreciate what I'm bringing. But if you do, then you already know, and I don't even have to. You're not asking me that question, and I'm not having to answer the question. But I think, too, with what both of you guys know, there's something more peaceful about having the roles and knowing what you have to do and what you don't have to do. Because I've was an independent woman before John came along, I was doing it all on my own. And you do get burnt out doing all the things and I can only imagine how burnt out you get. And I have been in some 50, 50 relationships and IT. I've experienced it. Yeah, exactly. And you get even more burnt out because now you're actually making.

Lana [00:22:10]: Right. Doing more jobs. Yeah.

John [00:22:11]: You're doing more like you're not just taking care of yourself, you're taking care of someone else. But then you're still both like individuals, but then now you're together. So. Yeah, like you said, it's like you're taking on more. Whereas now being in this relationship, like, I know what John is going to take care of and I know he's going to handle it and I trust him. And then he knows what I'm going to take care of and I know what I'm going to take care of. So I don't have to stress about the things that he has on his plate that he's taken off my plate and vice versa. So it's actually more peaceful and more freeing and actually feels more natural than I think people realize when they're like, no, I want it to be fair. And I think a lot of that probably stems from earlier in their life where they felt like things weren't fair. And so now they're like hyper fairness. But when they're in it, like you said, they're not really happy. They think that that's what's gonna make them happy. But like you said, there's no real way to cut it down the middle where it's gonna be fair. Whereas like when you have the traditional roles, it does feel more fair. Like it feels the most fair that I've ever felt, you know? Cause it's like you're working together as a team too. It's not just like two individual people.

Nicole [00:23:23]: Yeah.

Lana [00:23:24]: Also, I'm glad that you brought this up because the whole issue about what you bring to the table, again, I think it's all going down to what do you want from relationship.

John [00:23:33]: Yeah.

Lana [00:23:33]: You don't need to ask a woman what you bring to the table if you know exactly what you want.

Nicole [00:23:38]: Right.

Lana [00:23:38]: And while you're talking with her, you understanding, are you like checking?

John [00:23:41]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:42]: She got it for you. Yeah.

Lana [00:23:43]: You only would ask what you bring to the table when you don't know what you want from that table.

John [00:23:47]: That's true.

Nicole [00:23:48]: Yeah.

Lana [00:23:48]: But if you Know you already see, can she give this to you or not?

John [00:23:51]: Yeah, yeah. No, you're a thousand percent.

Lana [00:23:53]: That's why I think you have to start it with, what do you want?

John [00:23:57]: Yeah, no, that's so true.

Nicole [00:23:59]: Yeah, I think that's. That's good. Yeah, I haven't really thought about that way. It's like, what do you want from the relate. What kind of relationship do you want to have?

Lana [00:24:06]: And be honest with yourself. There's a lot of people who wanna, let's say finance. Like, finances are important, but, like, socially is kind of not acceptable. And you try to hide it, you try to suppress that and you try to, I know, look for love, but still somewhere inside of you, that's not your priority. And just be honest with yourself and you will be honest with your partner. And you know what you think, like, oh, nobody would agree to that. There will be a lot of partners you can find who agree to that. As long as you realize what you're doing, what comes with it, what comes with that territory. You get the rules very quickly, establish the boundaries, and you know what? You could be in the happiest relationship ever.

John [00:24:51]: Yeah.

Lana [00:24:51]: Just as long as you are honest with yourself when you reflect what actually you want.

John [00:24:55]: Yeah, no, that's true. Because I feel like too, if you're not honest and then you get in a relationship, then you're just going to have resentment and that's going to cause more problems. So.

Nicole [00:25:04]: Yeah, that's very true. It was helpful to me because I think. I mean, I wasn't really looking for a relationship when I met Nicole, but. But I mean. But I always thought, okay, if I were to get into another relationship, I mean, I would. I'm. I'm gonna take care of everything financially. That's what I do. You know, I'm gonna be the one that's the authority. But I take care of everyone and, you know, and I want a woman that appreciates that and, you know, and respects me for doing that. And so that. I mean, that made it very clear when I met Nicole that she was that. That woman, you know, so. Because we could have that relationship. So.

John [00:25:41]: Yeah, it was crazy too. Cause, like, growing up, my parents weren't really traditional financially, but I feel like my dad was kind of like the head of the household sort of thing. But I wouldn't say that it was like, traditional in the sense of, like, how John and I am now. And John was the first traditional man I went on a date with. And I was.

Lana [00:26:01]: So, you see, they exist.

John [00:26:02]: Yeah, but it's like, you know, and I dated for a while and I didn't come across any guys like that. And maybe too, that's like, something that I was doing as well. But I was definitely, like, more in my masculine because I was, like, on my own and, you know, being independent. I do feel like women have to be a little masculine when they're single and, like, going to work and paying their bills and all that stuff just to make sure that they get that stuff done. But I do feel like, as a whole, women are getting a little bit more in touch with their femininity, even if they're single, which is a good thing. But when John came along, he was so masculine and took care of stuff in such a way, even on the first date, that I was like, whoa. Like, he kind of out masculined me. And it was the first time that I could, like, relax. Yeah. And be a woman. Yeah. I. I've said it multiple times on the podcast. Like, it was the first time, I feel like, since I was a little girl that I felt like that core feminine part of me, like, overpower the independent part of me. And it was so, like, life changing, honestly. And I felt like John respected me and I felt like he cared about me. Like you mentioned in the beginning, we call it like the modern traditional relationship because it's traditional in the sense of, like, the gender roles and things like that, but it's modern in the sense that a woman is choosing the man and he's choosing the woman and he's taking her into account and he cares about her and vice versa, rather than back, like, you know, in the traditional, traditional days, it was more of, like, when your parents.

Lana [00:27:39]: Arranged, Right, Exactly.

John [00:27:41]: It was like arranged or like, like, it was.

Nicole [00:27:43]: You had.

John [00:27:43]: That was the only single guy left in your town or something. You know, he had.

Nicole [00:27:47]: You need. He has the job and I need to live, so I have to do what he says because he has the job. Right. Like, that's kind of how it was sometimes, but.

John [00:27:58]: Yeah, but it is. We had another couple friends of ours who also do, like, a traditional relationship. Come on. And she talked about, too, how that kind of, like, phenomenon of, you know, feeling feminine and free for the first time in a traditional relationship. Because I feel like traditional relationships just get such a bad rep. And, like, honestly, I think it's because people assume it's like, back in the day, are very controlling or some slavery or something. Yeah, like, something like, which I get because some of them are like that. Like, a lot of relationships can be like, that in general. But I just feel like when you hear traditional relationships that it's usually more on the negative side. Do you feel like that's the case for you too or you see more of the positive now?

Lana [00:28:47]: Well, here's the thing. We had traditional relationships for generations or thousands, not millions, because we don't exist that long, but thousands of years. Yeah. And those new equal, so called relationships is extremely new. We have it for what, 30, 40, 50 years only maybe 60 at the max for some people. So the pendulum still goes toward that, you know, but I think it's kind of like slowly starts going back because a lot of people had a taste of it and like, you know what, maybe that's not for us.

John [00:29:21]: So.

Lana [00:29:22]: And because we had this traditional relationship for so long, we still have mothers and grandmothers who struggle from that and we kind of scared of that because we heard some terrible stories about that. But again, like you said, Nicole, it's kind of a new traditional relationship. Everything is evolving. And yes, women already not sitting in the kitchen and they working, but yet they still are able to fulfill those roles.

John [00:29:48]: Right.

Lana [00:29:48]: And I think it's beautiful things as long as it works out for both of the partners. And that's again, we're coming to the number one question. What do you want and can that partner fulfill that your need and your desire? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think if you look on social media in general. Yeah. I think a lot of people think that traditional has still like that negative flair. But again, because a lot of people try to experience like for example, unicole. Yeah. You say like, you know what, it's actually what is healthy when it's not toxic. It's actually pretty good.

John [00:30:20]: Yeah.

Lana [00:30:20]: And a lot of people start to experience that and they changing their mind. And I think that's what's going on and that's why people desire it more because they see the positive side of that as well.

John [00:30:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:31]: I think one of the things too that is that for men to understand what servant leadership is versus being served. Right. So maybe a lot of the sort of stereotype around traditional relationship is the man is the king and he served. Right. And it's like, yeah, but a good king serves the people. He serves the, the people that are under him that are in his care. And so servant leadership means you're taking on more. It means you're not complaining and expecting for things to be brought to you. It means that you are bearing most of the burden in order to, to take care of the people that, that are trusting you. With that authority, which is when you view it from that perspective, you see how good it is instead of it being a bad thing. And I think that kind of the feminist viewpoint has kind of hammered in on how sometimes men have abused it in the past and have thought, okay, well, I'm the king, so everyone needs to just do what I say and bring me the tea. And it's like, no, you do have authority. Sure, that's true. But the responsibility you have as well, meaning that you're the one who makes sure that if something goes wrong, it's your fault. It's not your wife's fault, it's not your children's fault. You're the one who. The buck stops with you. And so I think a lot of men don't. Haven't really. They don't understand that mindset. And women don't see enough men that get that mindset. That's, you know, And I think the more that men get this and understand, no, this is what it means to be a man. Like, you have to take pride in being a man. You are the servant leader. Then I think more women are open to that. And I think, you know, we're seeing that women want this, but it's. Which is kind of brings me to the question of how do women find these guys? Because I think it is. It is somewhat hard to find. I mean, I have. I do men's coaching, and a lot of the guys I talk to, they're still stuck on this 50, 50 mindset. And like, oh, you know, she needs to also carry the load. She needs to do this for me. And they don't quite get this.

Lana [00:32:37]: Actually, I have a good news and bad news. The good news, actually, majority of guys are masculine, able to handle authority and able to be that. I don't know, how would you call it? Not alpha male, but that leader. Provider. Yeah, Provider that women desire. And actually, I think, John, you would agree with me, A lot of guys actually would feel happy when they feel that they provide a woman and they kind of get that energy back with gratitude for sure. The bad news is that that's suppressed. And it's like, different reasons for that. There is society, because we see that in some countries, there is a lot of masculine guys. Yeah, there's a lot of guys who. Paying for women they took care of. They even say, like, no, you're not gonna go to work. It's like, only stay home, take care of kids. Here is like, as much money as you need. Just stay home. And you think, like, why in some countries it works, but in some countries it doesn't. It's the same man. We have the same DNA. You know, it's not like they're from different planets.

Nicole [00:33:44]: Yeah.

Lana [00:33:44]: So a lot of that is social or societal. I would say like maybe social pressure or cultural even. And another thing is that again is the idea or the rules, what is acceptable, what is correct. Because like I said, my guy who contacted me, he's like, okay, I went on this dates, I spent like 56,000. That's it. I'm not going to pay for any dates. So there is also negative experiences. And he says, like, oh, he hears that, you stupid. Why did you spend so much money? Girls don't worth that much money. And he's like, you know what? They're right because I did all this and look where it led me to. So. And a lot of guys get frustrated with that, but it only takes one woman to unfreeze that state. Okay, bring that back. Okay, okay. So what I would tell the women who want to meet that masculine guy, provider, a leader, you need to do a little bit of work. I would say, okay, as a woman. What? I would say that when it comes to a date, it's very important to say. That's another thing. Remember in the beginning we talked about that people date differently. They asking wrong questions, they acting sometimes really in an inappropriate way, which sets the wrong tone for the relationships in the future.

Nicole [00:35:05]: Right.

Lana [00:35:05]: For example, a lot of girls, they show up and they look down on men. That. But why? She looks down because she said, like, you have to preach me because I, I can spend all this time to do my hair and makeup.

Nicole [00:35:19]: Yeah.

Lana [00:35:20]: And. And she kind of tries to increase her value, if you can say with that.

Nicole [00:35:24]: Yeah, oh, sure, yeah.

Lana [00:35:25]: But the man looks that, it's like, oh, she looks down at me. I' someone who is not worth her attention. She's like disrespecting me. So you see, this is already misconnection and mismatch and misunderstanding starts here.

Nicole [00:35:38]: Right.

Lana [00:35:38]: And man gets into the battling position, you know, self defense.

Nicole [00:35:42]: Yeah.

Lana [00:35:43]: And when a guy's in self defense position, you know that he not gonna be like provider and because like when you're taking care of someone, you should be in a whole relaxed, safe position because that's how you can provide. But if you have to defend, you see, like I got in the self defense position, I got like smaller and. And that's what people do and that's what guys do as well. When they see that there is a woman who may be not going to give him praise, respect. He's kind of gets in the position that he has to be careful with her. You know, he can't be through himself because he's in a survival mode. So what I would say, when you come to the date, if you're a woman, think about what he wants, not what you want, because we already established what you want. It was number one.

Nicole [00:36:32]: Right.

Lana [00:36:32]: So you already know what you want. You know what kind of man you want. Think about, what would he like? What kind of woman would he like? Because I guarantee none of the women go on a date with that state of mind. The only thing, like, I, I, me, me, how do I look? What do I get from this? How this date gonna go? Well, I feel frustrated. How would I feel? Try to think about, how does he feel? Like, what would he like, what kind of person? Just imagine, even if you don't know him, what would he like? Again, smile and give compliments. That's another thing. Like, women so afraid to give compliments because by some reason they think that it's only a guy's job. And especially in us guys. So not get used to compliments that just like a two, three compliments. That said, he's melting, he's yours. Yeah. So I would say use the stuff tool. It's extremely powerful. And that also would let him blossom, let him make him feel that he's appreciated, that he's praised, that he's important. And that's when he's like, open up his shoulders and ready. Like, you know what? For this woman, for other women, I'll go 50, 50. But for those, that woman, she's worth it. I'll pay her bill. I pay all like, her rent, whatever. Because she's worth it. She sees me, she understands my masculinity, she understands my nature. So I see her female feminine nature. So oftentimes, if you come and like in a battling state of mind because you had maybe not a nice good dates and some frustrations in the past, and that creates unfortunately situation where guy has to act 50, 50 with you.

John [00:38:15]: Yeah.

Lana [00:38:16]: Because he just can't open up his potential.

Nicole [00:38:18]: Yeah.

John [00:38:19]: No.

Lana [00:38:19]: Yeah. And sometimes if you want a dominant man, you have to let him lead.

Nicole [00:38:23]: Right? Right.

Lana [00:38:24]: Yeah. Because if you try to battle, if you say, like, if you don't trust him, if you don't trust the man.

John [00:38:29]: Right, Right.

Nicole [00:38:31]: Yeah.

Lana [00:38:31]: Then it's not gonna get you anymore. And like, Nicole, you said that I trust John. I trust that he can cover because. And that's the most Important thing, like say, like, you're the man, I know.

John [00:38:42]: You can do it, right?

Nicole [00:38:43]: Yeah, that's very true. Yeah, I agree exactly with what you're saying. It's kind of interesting too, because when I went on the first date with Nicole, one of the things that I noticed about her immediately was that she admired me. She showed me admiration. Like the way that she looked at me, you know, she was already kind.

Lana [00:39:00]: Of, oh, come on, you're good looking.

John [00:39:02]: You were also looking at me with some goo goo eyes over there.

Lana [00:39:05]: That was all things each other.

Nicole [00:39:07]: I don't mean, I don't mean just from like an attractive viewpoint of admiration, but from like, you know, she wanted, you know, I remember she was showing me all these pictures on her phone and she was excited to show me these pictures. Like she was acting like she admired me, cared about my opinion about the things. So I felt very much respected and like appreciated for being a man. And that, that made me even more attracted to her besides her amazing beauty, you know, this like. But. But it did, it made. It made stick out in my mind. I'm like, I really would like to see this woman again, you know, because. Because she, she did those things right. And I think you did compliment me too.

John [00:39:48]: So, you know, I think women get so afraid of being used by a bad man that like you said that they come right out the gate and they're like so aggressive that they're like, I'm going to show you that you can't walk all over me. But they just met the guy and they're not, like you said, they're not adding in the compliments and they're not like respecting the person because they're so afraid of being mistreated. But they're treating everybody that way, which is not fair to the men and it's not really fair to the women either because they're just living from a place of fear and they're actually pushing away the thing that they want rather than getting it. And like you said, the compliments and like, treating a man well instead of like attacking him on the first date will open him up to provide for you. Because like you said, if he's like in defense mode, he now he's afraid and he's not gonna give you whatever you want. But if you make him feel comfortable because you appreciate him and you're glad to be on the date with him and you're listening to what he's saying and you're like, oh, wow, that's awesome, you're interested, then he's gonna open up more like you said, and provide more for you and step into that natural state that because I agree with you that all men are capable of this at their core. And be it society or like the bad dates or the women that you know they're going on a date with, that's like making them defensive. And now they're afraid. And so women are coming to a date afraid and they're being aggressive. And men are coming to dates afraid because they've been with the aggressive women on other dates. And so it's all from this place of fear that everyone's living from, when the world just needs more kindness, honestly. Because like, what are you losing as a woman being kind to a man? Like if he oversteps, then you'd be like, whoa, that's not okay. But instead there are going straight to like, don't, don't tread all over me. And you're like, I just sat down to the day, like, what's going on, ma'? Am?

Nicole [00:41:48]: Like, I don't need you to open the door for me.

John [00:41:50]: Yeah. I'm like, what?

Nicole [00:41:53]: But, but see, women would say that to me and I just, I don't care. I just shrug it off because I'm like, I'm going to open the door. It's not even a battle for me because I'm the man. I do what a man does, right? And but, but I think most men, you're going to shut them down, right? Because they're not. You're going to out masculine them and they're going to be like, no, it's, it's not. Yeah.

Lana [00:42:12]: Because you tell him what to do.

John [00:42:13]: Yeah, right.

Lana [00:42:14]: You, the lead union leader position is like, don't open door for me. It's like an order.

Nicole [00:42:19]: Right.

Lana [00:42:19]: And of course it's like shuts down a guy because he sees if he's just like second ago he saw this gorgeous, beautiful woman and like when she's like, don't even dare open door for me. He saw this Mrs. I don't know, Smith from eighth grade. You know that teacher who told him, like, don't do this, you know, like, okay, you know what? It's like, totally turn me off. And I agree. I think we really should, especially women should follow. I think, what do you call it in English? Presumed Innocent. Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:47]: Oh, presumed innocent.

Lana [00:42:48]: Yeah. Yeah. So believe me, the guy's bad. He'll prove it.

John [00:42:52]: Don't worry. Right? There'll be signs.

Lana [00:42:55]: And you know what? He gonna show it on the first date.

Nicole [00:42:57]: And you let him show it by being more naive so that his true colors come out. Because when you're in defensive mode, he's gonna pretend also. But sometimes when you act a little bit more, you know, a little more weak, then you see what someone does around someone that they perceive weaker than them, and then. Yeah. And then the true colors would come out and then you'll find out.

Lana [00:43:23]: I really also want to address that because what Nicole, you said that women get into defensive mode because they're afraid to be used. And this is kind of a shrewd irony, because more you're in defensive role, and the more you try to show guy not to use me, more you actually end up being used. Because how it works, like when you raise up your. I don't get the guard, it filters out good guys.

John [00:43:50]: Yeah.

Lana [00:43:50]: But it doesn't filter out the bad guys because they don't care.

John [00:43:53]: That's true.

Nicole [00:43:54]: Right?

Lana [00:43:54]: Bad guys, usually they are a little bit more experienced and they know how to manipulate women. They just jump over. And you in your state of mind that you secured because you raised that, but you missed all this jumping over the fence.

John [00:44:08]: Yeah.

Lana [00:44:09]: And then you, like, I was. I tried to be preventing it. How come I end up in this. Toxic relationships.

Nicole [00:44:15]: Yeah, exactly. That's such a good point.

John [00:44:17]: Yeah, that is definitely. I feel like I haven't heard that. And I think women need to hear that because I think so.

Lana [00:44:25]: Yeah, of course. I don't mean, like, you have to have like a precautions, especially when you go on the first date. I'm saying that be like you guys said, be open, be friendly. And you know what? If guys bad, you always can leave. That's why I said, like, pick the places with the easy access for that reason.

Nicole [00:44:42]: Yeah.

John [00:44:43]: Well, and too, I think women need to have confidence in themselves where you can be kind. But again, like, if something goes wrong, you have the assertiveness. You have that, you know, heat in you to be like, no, this isn't okay. I'm gonna leave. Rather than just using that heat right away to try to prevent them from doing it. But like you said, you end up just pushing away the good guys. And then now you're left with the bad ones that you were trying to avoid. And then now you're even more upset. And then now you're pushing away even more people and you're just getting more and more bad guys.

Lana [00:45:13]: Yep.

John [00:45:14]: So, yeah.

Lana [00:45:14]: It's like a snowball.

John [00:45:15]: Yeah.

Lana [00:45:16]: I have a homework for your listeners.

Nicole [00:45:18]: Okay. You're good. Yeah.

Lana [00:45:19]: Because you mostly have women. Right.

Nicole [00:45:21]: It's about a 50. 50. Yeah.

Lana [00:45:25]: So starting today. Well, if you especially are watching it in the morning, your homework, you have to say thank you 10 times to 10 different people.

Nicole [00:45:34]: Okay.

Lana [00:45:34]: I like that coffee shop. Someone is, I don't know, just help you with some minor thing or push the button in elevator for you. Because you guys think like, oh, okay, I say thank you all the time, but actually, people don't. The other day, I went to Starbucks with my son and he asked for water and they gave it to him, and he's like, oh, thank you. And the woman, the bartender, she just turns around, is like, you're the first kid who said thank you, like, in a month.

John [00:46:03]: Oh, my gosh.

Lana [00:46:04]: And I was like, this is terrible. Yeah, People just take everything as for granted. And like you said, John, that women, when you open the door, they're like, I don't do it for me. Or like, I can do it. Or if I see that sometimes guys open the door and she just like, Right.

Nicole [00:46:21]: Yeah.

Lana [00:46:21]: So always say thank you. And I always say, like, oh, thank you so much. You're such a gentleman. You just die in species. I'm so glad that you're still doing that. And you. No, you think, like, it's so silly, Lana.

Nicole [00:46:31]: No, it's good.

Lana [00:46:32]: You should have seen the guys. They, like, blossom me. And they're just like, starting. Yeah, sure, sure. Because they don't hear that.

John [00:46:38]: Right.

Lana [00:46:39]: It's actually, when you not get used to it, it's hard to say thank you. And that's why we not into that mode. And we look so ungrateful. But sometimes we are. But we just think like, okay, they know. They know that I'm grateful, but they don't. So that's why everywhere you can. It seems like 10 times is not that big deal, but it actually will be difficult.

Nicole [00:47:01]: Okay.

Lana [00:47:02]: Yeah. Because when you not get used to 10 thank yous a day is quite a lot. So maybe start with 5. Start with 5, then do 10. And you would be amazed how your life changing. It will be like 180.

John [00:47:14]: No, that's a really good idea.

Nicole [00:47:16]: Yeah, we. There's a couple of books that we talked about on the podcast. I don't know if you're familiar with them, but one is the Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I think she wrote a second edition, like a revised one called the Empowered Wife. But basically it was a lot of what you said is you can bring out that masculinity in a man by not fighting him, not nagging him, actually even saying, okay, you need to take Care of the finances, giving him the responsibility. And then the other book, the Queen Code by Alison Armstrong. Right. And in that book, she was talking about how women can sometimes be frog farmers, where they turn a prince into a frog. And it's because the guy would have been masculine. But you're doing all of these things. You're emasculating him. And just like you said, when a woman emasculates a man, his shoulders go down. But then when you praise and say, oh, you're such a gentleman now, he's big and he's like, I can conquer the world. But I think that's such an important thing because I think sometimes we focus on. Well, I mean, I know we on the podcast a lot of times focus on men. Like, you need to stand up and be a man. But women have that influence on men to bring out that masculinity.

Lana [00:48:30]: And you know what? It's actually easy to do. It's only words. It costs you nothing. It's like zero dollars. And it's like very little energy saying two, three words. But for someone, it could be just life changing.

John [00:48:43]: No, that's so true.

Nicole [00:48:45]: Yeah. Yeah. In the Queen Code book, I think there is, like, it's a pretty good book. It's like a storyline. Okay, I'll check it out. The woman, one of the main characters in there, she's learning from this older woman about, basically, men, you know, how men are not the enemy and how to treat men. And she's going around her office and asking for help and saying thank you and appreciating the guys. And then now all the guys in the office are trying to do things for her. And all the other women are jealous. They're like, why are all these guys trying to do all this stuff for you?

Lana [00:49:16]: That's what's interesting. They don't know. This is like, what is she doing? What is her magic? Is that new mascara? Is that new dress? Because, like, when you not get used to. You don't. You're totally blind to gratitude when you're not expressing it and you don't see how others do it. And then it's like magic to you. You think, like, how is it happening?

Nicole [00:49:33]: Yeah, but you know what women do? It's. And men do a similar thing, but women do. And we see this even with our daughter. When a woman starts to act feminine, treat men right, they call her a pick me. That's the thing that they say now, right? Because they'll say, oh, well, you're a pick me. Right?

John [00:49:51]: It's like the version of simp.

Nicole [00:49:52]: Of simp. Yeah. When a man acts like a gentleman, I mean, there's instances where the simp label is a little justified.

Lana [00:49:59]: What age we talking about?

Nicole [00:50:01]: She's 14, so. But I see it with adult women, too, is using the word pick me. It's become kind of a vocabulary word on TikTok for any woman that is in any way treating men right. Right. Then they say, she's a pick me. That's why she's doing it, because she wants to be picked. Same thing. Men do that to other men. If a man's acting like a gentleman, they'll call him a simp. If he treats women right, they'll call him a simp. And it really discourages people from being that way. And it's unfortunate, but we have to learn to ignore those things.

John [00:50:36]: But I think Lana said that. I also think your kindness shouldn't be dependent on people because like you said, it's just words. So if I'm like, thank you for holding the door, and the person's like, screw you, I'm like, okay, well, you know, I said thank you, you know, so I can't control how they receive it. But I think that we should practice kindness regardless of what's going to happen. But like you said, it can have such a profound impact on people that we don't even understand. So why not give that out? Even if you're not going to be met with like, oh, thanks, or like, anything like that, it still doesn't hurt you to hand those things out. So I think you're like, homework that you gave is good because I think you should do it regardless of, like, how people respond. They will probably respond well because you're being kind to them.

Nicole [00:51:22]: Yeah.

John [00:51:23]: But even if they're like, screw you, lady, then you can be like, okay, well, I, you know, I did something nice, but it's okay.

Nicole [00:51:30]: It's not even that that they. It's more of a sexual competition thing. So if a woman is being kind to men. Right. And complimenting men, then other women. Other women will call her a pick me in order to get her out of the sexual competition and discourage her from doing the things that are going to make men attracted to her and not them. You know what I mean? The same thing happens with men. If a man is treating women right and being a gentleman and women like that, and they're like, oh, he's such a gentleman, then other men will call him a simp in order to remove him from the sexual competition so that he'll either stop doing it, but that's wrong.

John [00:52:08]: Cause they're not even in the competition if they're putting other people down.

Nicole [00:52:11]: Right. But what they do, like if you hear the kind of psychology behind it, is if you call a man a simp that's treating women right, then the hope is that women will see that people are calling him a simp and think he's pathetic instead of a gentleman. The same thing with the woman is like when another woman says that a woman's a pick me because she's treating men correctly, then the hope is that that man will look down on her and say, oh, she's not sincere. She's just doing this because she just wants any man and she's just doing this to get attention from men. That's why she's acting this way. You see, that's the. It's like a, it's a sexual competition type of.

John [00:52:49]: Does that ever work though?

Lana [00:52:50]: Can I ask you a question?

Nicole [00:52:51]: Sure.

Lana [00:52:52]: Like the little thing I tell about myself that I like to make sandwiches and food and actually a lot of like things for my husband, I like to please him, I like to make him happy. Am I pick me.

Nicole [00:53:06]: No. Exactly.

Lana [00:53:08]: That's what I'm trying to say. People in good relationships, when they're successful, they would never call you pick me because you're not. They see your nature, they see who you are. The only those who will call you pick me or simp are in a frustrated state of mind who are in the trouble with dating relationships just in general.

John [00:53:27]: Right.

Lana [00:53:28]: And do you really care about all these people? And I understand that it's easy to say like, oh, just ignore them. But sometimes we can, we are social animals, we live around people. Just think about if that's your colleague.

Nicole [00:53:42]: Right.

Lana [00:53:42]: That's kind of bullying, you know?

John [00:53:44]: Exactly.

Lana [00:53:44]: And you have to take it not as like, oh man, I'm pick me. No, take it like, okay, she's bullying. And address this as a bullying, not as I'm a pick me.

John [00:53:55]: Right, Exactly.

Lana [00:53:55]: From this point of view. Yeah. And when you talk about 14 year olds is different because what's going on there is different.

John [00:54:02]: That's not.

Lana [00:54:03]: But when you talking about adults, if someone calls you pick me or simp.

Nicole [00:54:07]: Yeah.

Lana [00:54:07]: Just think about who does that come from.

Nicole [00:54:09]: Exactly.

Lana [00:54:10]: And secondly, if it's a person you can't avoid, you either working with them or God forbid, living with them, you have to address it not as, again as a pick me or sim problem. You have to address it as a bullying.

Nicole [00:54:22]: Exactly. Yeah. You're absolutely right. That's true. Yeah.

John [00:54:24]: But I feel like even doing that doesn't get the result that people think that it does.

Nicole [00:54:29]: It does, because what happens is that it intimidates people. So, okay, I'll tell you how it works. I'll tell you how it works.

John [00:54:37]: But I don't feel like it ever makes the man or the woman view the person that they're trying to put down in the way that they want, if that makes sense.

Nicole [00:54:45]: No, it doesn't do that.

John [00:54:45]: I get that. It does prevent people from being kind and acting in a way where they're showing their appreciation, but it never works the way that the person saying the.

Nicole [00:54:54]: Words wants it to. It's bullying. That's what it is. But the bullying does work, because bullying does work. Right. So, I mean, what you're saying is correct. You shouldn't allow bullies to bully you. I agree. But you'll see it, because a lot of men will be afraid to say something nice to a woman. Right. Or to say, oh, you know, to say that a woman should be to compliment her on being feminine or whatever it is, because they're afraid if they say it, they post that online that all the other guys are gonna be like, oh, you're a simp. You're a simp. You're a simp. Right? And that's what they'll do. And so they. They are altering behavior by. By bullying. I mean, yeah, obviously you shouldn't allow bullying to happen, but definitely women are very susceptible to it, you know, especially young women where they're afraid. Okay, well, I have to be a mean girl, because if I'm not a mean girl, then the other girls will say that I'm a pick me, and then I'm gonna get bullied by them. So I'm gonna do this. Even though I don't want to do this, I'm gonna act this way. So it does influence people's behavior, unfortunately, to the negative. But like you're saying, but it is.

John [00:55:56]: Different in high school and stuff. You're like, social relationships are just so much higher than.

Lana [00:56:02]: There's a lot going on because they have totally different boundaries and the way to establish boundaries than adults do. So that's. I guess what they actually doing by that, by this bullying is not to suppress someone. They actually try to show the territory, show their own importance.

John [00:56:18]: Right, right.

Lana [00:56:19]: That's how it is.

John [00:56:20]: But it does plant the seed. Sorry, then, yeah, definitely.

Nicole [00:56:23]: Instagram is high school, so that's true. Don't try to tell me social Media is not high school. That's true.

Lana [00:56:30]: Yes. Yes, definitely. But again, question, what is important to you exactly? Does some comments online really gonna influence your private life?

John [00:56:41]: Right.

Lana [00:56:41]: It's really. If someone, some guy with a dog on a picture will say that you seem really. You would let the good woman go because like some random dude online said that you're simp.

John [00:56:53]: That's true.

Nicole [00:56:54]: Yeah. Some people do though, unfortunately. But yeah, I agree with you.

John [00:56:57]: But then that's a whole nother issue then. If they're gonna let go of the person that they really care about, then.

Nicole [00:57:03]: Yeah, believe me, I get a ton of it directed at me because of the things that I say on this podcast, because I do videos on my YouTube channel where I talk about how that you should treat a woman, how you should emotionally support a woman and allow her to vent and to understand those things. And guys are like, oh, you're just, you're being a simp. Like, we know who wears the pants in this relationship. And it's like, I mean, I just, I just shrug it off.

Lana [00:57:27]: There's plenty of content for them.

Nicole [00:57:29]: Exactly. I just shrug it off.

Lana [00:57:31]: But there's a lot of guys who resonate with you and they just want to learn. They know that this is right, that they want to do it, but they're not really sure how to do it. And I think you're doing great job by providing the guidance exactly how to get there.

Nicole [00:57:45]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I just wanted to bring up that point because it is, you know, we do have a lot of bullying about it for sure, and it unfortunately dismantles what we're trying to do because a lot of people are influenced by people and they're afraid of being bullied and they shouldn't be. But, you know, because, well, what's even.

Lana [00:58:05]: Worse, that people try to choose the partner based on how socially acceptable that partner would be, rather than if that how they person can make you happy. Yeah, that's. I think it's even worse.

Nicole [00:58:16]: Exactly.

John [00:58:17]: Yeah. No, for sure. And I told our 14 year old, I was like, when people use simp and pick me, I don't even listen to those words honestly anymore. Because like you mentioned, I feel like I can tell that that's just a bullying tactic. Like, those words just mean bullying to me. And so I told her, I was like, I would take those words with a grain of salt. I mean, honestly, any, you know, person that's attacking you in any way, you kind of gotta take with a grain of salt because a lot of times it's them projecting their, you know, issues onto you. But the pick me and the simp thing, I'm like, that doesn't even register if someone says that to me. I'm like, that says 1000% more about you than it does about me that you're trying to put onto me. So, you know, trying to instill that in her so that she doesn't feel that way about herself. Because especially in adolescence, it's like, it's a whole different dynamic. And like you said, it's someone's calling you that to put you down so that they feel higher rather than how they actually feel about you.

Lana [00:59:16]: So if any guys watching that and they've been called sims, say this, that's not what your mom said last night.

John [00:59:25]: I love that.

Lana [00:59:26]: So it's play by that rule.

Nicole [00:59:28]: Yeah.

John [00:59:30]: This is painful.

Nicole [00:59:30]: All right. Well, yeah, yeah. Where can people find more about you? I know you have your YouTube channel.

Lana [00:59:37]: Yeah. So if you just want to learn more about me or just see some of my videos, I have a show called Date Makeover where people come to me with their personal dating struggles. Now they try to figure out why dating is not working for them, why they can't meet someone. We sit down and like in a 40, 50 minutes try to solve that problem. I try to guide them, point to the mistakes they're making and guide them into the more happier places. So very different people, men, women, gay, trans. Come to me. So it's very entertaining and educational. So I would encourage to. You can just look for Dating Makeover. I'm sure it will pop up for Lanariko or Instagram London. You can find me as well and you see all my links there as well.

John [01:00:26]: Okay.

Nicole [01:00:27]: And we'll put your links in. If you're watching this on YouTube, they'll be @ the bottom of the video in the description. But yeah, this is a great conversation. Really enjoyed your perspective. Yeah, yeah.

Lana [01:00:39]: Can I have a one more advice?

Nicole [01:00:41]: Oh, sure. Yes, go for it.

Lana [01:00:42]: For everyone who wants to be in happy relationships, only take advice from a married people like you guys or me. Okay. Because if someone is single or divorced or in really terrible frustrated place, they can't give you working advice. Only people like John and Nicole who've been happy, who knew how to get there, they can show you the way. So please be mindful of who you taking advice from.

John [01:01:07]: Yeah, very true. Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [01:01:09]: Very important.

Lana [01:01:10]: And good luck to everyone.

John [01:01:12]: Yeah.

Lana [01:01:13]: All right, well, thank you for having me.

Nicole [01:01:15]: Yeah, thank you so much. Make sure you check us out on our new website better than Perfect Pod. Com. And yeah, if you've got a comment, you can always email us from there or leave a review if you feel so inclined. And we'll see you next week. Through every fault we find our way.