John: My topic for today is, what do you bring to the table? A question that men like to ask women. I think it's important to understand why this is such a bad question, why this is the wrong question, why it doesn't apply to women. It's how men evaluate each other. That's a transactional type of relationship. Men are valued for doing, women are valued for being. One of the things you want a woman to bring to the table is money. To me, that shows me that you have a lack of motivation. That is not a man that you want. In another episode, we talked about the woman being fragile, like a glass ornament. That's what a woman brings to the table. She's something to be admired and adored, and from a safe distance. I'm just kidding. I do think it's valuable for women not to feel like they just have to pick a guy because they need somebody to protect them. They should know how to protect themselves in case they ever needed to. When the switch flipped and you came along, it was kind of like being like a child again. I didn't have all these masculine responsibilities. I could just be feminine. I could just be a woman for like the first time.

Nicole: Would you ask your children, what do you bring to the table? And you're like, oh no, no, because they're children. Okay, wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on. But you chose to have the children, right? You chose to bring them into your life. What do they bring to the table? They're intrinsically valuable because they're your children. Oh wow, beyond the perfect. We discover through our flaws. We complete each other better than perfect. We stay through every fault. We fall. Alright, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship. And we're back. Yes. Well, what's the hot news that happened in the last five minutes? We're doing back-to-back episodes here. I'm trying to think of some other things that have been happening. No one's really hated us lately. I feel like—

John: Don't put that juju out there. We don't want haters. We want to inspire people.

Nicole: Yeah, we did that one. What was the one video that's kind of going viral? That's got like 150 views. There's one about putting women in their place.

John: Oh, that's yeah, that's yeah. And I thought there was another one, there was another one that was like in like a recent one, 30 or 40K.

Nicole: Oh, it was the one about from our reflection episode about validating the feelings. Go watch the last week's episode.

John: Yeah, so that's positive. That's a good thing. Yeah, we're making change. Except on Apple podcast reviews, still banana fingers.

Nicole: Well, for my, I guess we'll jump in since we don't have that much to talk about, and this one I feel like we'll have a lot to talk about. So my topic for today is the dreaded "what do you bring to the table" question that men like to ask women. I know we watched this one TikTok that this guy had like a buzzer. He asked this question, and then every time the woman even said anything, he would buzz it and he would talk over her. And she would still be talking, you'd see in the video she's still talking, but you can't hear anything she's saying because he's just screaming over it and hitting these buttons.

John: But didn't like Fresh and Fit used to do that too? I remember they used to ask this question. Do they not exist anymore?

Nicole: They do. They're most on Rumble now, I think.

John: So, I don't even know what that is, but yeah, it's like an alternative to YouTube that is uncensored. So great, but also not very many people on there. Well, but yeah, that's the, you know, it's a common question that gets asked, like what do you bring to the table? What does she bring to the table? But I feel like there's typically a certain type of guy that asks that question.

Nicole: Yeah, you know what I mean.

John: Well, and here's the thing about it, and we were talking about this. It's a trick question. It's a trap question. There's no good answer to this question because as a woman, if you say nothing, me, I bring myself to the table. Well, I don't think a woman would say nothing, but she'd be like, me, I bring myself to the table, right? Which is actually the most reasonable answer, which we'll talk about. But then they're like, oh wow, you like, okay wow, but I'm working a job and doing all this stuff, and you just bring you to the table? Wow, you're conceited, right? It's like, or if she says, well, I have a job, and I make money, and I can cook, and clean, and I'm a caring person, and whatever, then they're like, oh, oh wow, uh, we don't need any of that stuff. I don't care if a woman makes the money. That's not what's important to a man, right? I can hire someone to cook. So it's like, yeah, I don't think there's an answer to that question.

Nicole: No, but that's why I'm saying there's typically a type of guy that asks that question, and he typically doesn't even like women that much. He's almost trying to humiliate her, like in a way because, like you said, no matter what she says, he's going to have a problem with it, right? And it's not going to be like a reasonable response, you know what I mean? It's going to be some sort of like just hating on whatever answer she gives. And we asked, you know, which we'll go over what response people would want, and we'll get into that later because we'll say them on here, and we'll kind of digest those and dissect them. And the whole problem is that, like you said, the question doesn't have an answer, and the people asking that question, they don't, they're not even really looking for an answer. They're looking to feel better than you or like act like, I bring all this, there's nothing that you can say that would bring anything to benefit me. That's what this whole question is underlying. When someone asks, what do you bring to the table, they're really, in their mind, like, there's nothing that you can answer that, in my delusional mind, right, I can already get.

Nicole: Exactly, yeah, like so they're just saying it to shit on you in a way, and it's not even like flirty banter. It's like downright horribleness because even when I was single before we met, like some people would ask this question, and I would give like the, well, my answer was not me, right? And it was not nothing. It was, if you don't know what I bring to the table, you'll never know. Like, if you go on a date with me or go on multiple dates with me, and you're asking me this question, and you don't already know the answer to the question by being around me and using your brain to figure out the type of person that I am, you will never appreciate what I bring to your life.

John: Right, right. And so, which I feel like is the only way to answer that. And if he gives you some stupid answer after that, you just leave. Like, really, if he asked you this.

John: I would tell a woman to never go on a date with a guy again, to be honest. Like, nothing good is going to come from a man who's asking you what you bring to the table. He's not going to be masculine, he's not going to provide for you, he's not going to be the man that you want and need in a healthy relationship. And I think it's important to understand why this is such a bad question, why this is the wrong question, why it doesn't apply to women. This question is based in a masculine frame. It's how men evaluate each other. If I were doing a business deal with a man, I would say, "What do you bring to the table? I know how to do this, I have money, I can market. What can you do?" That makes sense, but that's a transactional type of relationship.

Nicole: A woman, in her feminine, is valued just for who she is, just for being, not for doing. Men are valued for doing; women are valued for being. You have to do something to be a man; you don't have to do something to be a woman, to be feminine. In another episode, we talked about the woman being fragile, like a glass ornament. It's the way I think about it sometimes. If you had a masterpiece, a work of art, you wouldn't just leave it lying around. You would put a nice frame around it and hang it on your mantle. That's what a woman brings to the table. She's something to be admired and adored, and lifted up because of her beauty and not just her physical beauty but the feminine essence and beauty because that's a valuable thing in itself.

John: That's why the question is so wrong. When you're asking that question, you're putting it into a man's world. You're asking her, "Are you a better man than me?" You're asking her what she is going to provide. I get that they might try to act like they're asking what she would provide feminine-wise because there are things that a feminine woman will provide you, but they're not physical. It's a sense of being, not of doing. If you don't see the value, it's like if you had a work of art, a masterpiece, and you're like, "Yeah, but what does it do?" You don't understand art. It has value because of what it is, because of the beauty of it, because it's valuable intrinsically. A woman is valuable intrinsically. Her feminine essence, a woman who is living her feminine, that's valuable intrinsically. It doesn't have to have a qualification in order to justify the price tag.

Nicole: Here's the worst part for these men who ask this question. They don't even think they're realizing that they're perpetuating the exact same thing that they say they don't want. When you go up to women and ask them what they bring to the table, you are pushing women further into their masculine. Even if she responds with feminine things like, "I'll bring you peace and joy and love and cookies," you're going to shit on that answer still. You are just looking to kind of push her buttons, and so you asking her this is going to make her be like, potentially, unless she already knows how to answer this question, "Oh well, I need to make more money and I need to do all these masculine things," right? That you supposedly don't want in a woman. But you asked her what she brought to the table, you pushed her to now be more into her masculine, to be more into her career and make more money and do all these things that you want her to bring to the table. And now you're upset that women are masculine and in their masculine and hard to get out of their masculine when you're telling them to man up and be a man. You're telling her, "What are you bringing to the table, bro?" Basically, you might as well add "bro" to the end because it's like, are you guys comparing dicks? Because it's not going to work.

John: A lot of guys want that, actually. A lot of guys are like, "Yeah, I want her to make some money and bring contribute to the table." They think they want that because they don't want to have to do the work. They feel like, because they're gold diggers, it'll make it so that it's easier for them. But if that's the case, then just get a bro, just get a roommate, just go partners with a buddy of yours and combine all your assets. You can be buddy wives or something like that. But that's not the point. If you think that's good, which you might, you might be like, "Oh, double the money, that's great, double the help." The issue is that, yes, from a financial perspective, it might be better for you, but you'll be missing a piece, which is the feminine element. Because a woman that is doing those things and is measuring dicks with you is not going to be feminine. She's not going to be bringing the actual things that are valuable, which is the nurturing, the caring, the compassion, the support for you, being your number one biggest fan, which I thought was a good one. Those type of things that you actually, if you're a successful man, value more than money, more than doing the housework or sex. Because you know that those things you can buy, those things you can get, those things you can make, but the true feminine essence of a woman, you can't create that on yourself, and you can't buy it.

Nicole: Exactly. Well, and so the issue too that these men who ask this question have is that from the very beginning, they're asking this question. It's typically in the first few dates that they ask this question.

John: People really ask this question?

Nicole: They really ask this question. Not a lot, because I don't know, maybe I swerve enough.

John: Have you been asked this question on a date?

Nicole: Yeah. Are you serious? Not very often, but yeah. And obviously, I never talk to them again. But I thought they just asked it on podcasts.

John: I can't believe people actually ask this in real life. No, I think too they say they're not maybe as angry as the people online. You say it, and they're being like joking, but at the same time, if you ask this question, that's the last date that anybody should go on with you. Because the thing is too, that you're making a woman masculine, like I said, by asking this question, right? And go watch our episode on this, but it is insanely hard once you're well into a relationship with a masculine woman to make her more feminine.

Nicole: Yeah, it is so hard. And so instead of asking, "What do you bring to the table?" and trying to act like you know, comparing what all these things on the first few dates, you should be acting like a gentleman. And you should be watching our podcast and watching your YouTube channel and things like that, and learning how to be a man that provides and protects the feminine and values the feminine. Because from the very beginning, you'll have a feminine woman, and that's how it has to be to have the best chance of making it long term.

John: Absolutely, yeah. And I don't know if this goes with this, but we were talking about it the other night because you were saying that initially, you were saying that a man can't turn a woman more feminine, or you know, like she, you know, he only has so much influence or whatnot. Well, I was talking about how the world has basically taught women the wrong things and has made women this way in a negative way. And what we like, someone had commented on one of our videos on that, and yeah.

Nicole: At first, I was saying, yeah, you know, if it's what women have become, it's not women's fault. But it is man has created this influence of the world that we live in, and that has created the things that we don't like. But my rebuttal to that was, BookTok ladies, I'm talking to you, if one of those men came out of your book and came up to you, you'd be feminine real fast. And you'd be leaving whoever it was you were with. You would do whatever that man told you to do because he is a man. They write these books about men who are masculine and present masculine, and they will protect and provide and do all these things, but for her, he is soft, and he cares about her.

John: And so I'm saying this because, again, men, if you ask what a woman brings to the table, you are not that man.

Nicole: Right, exactly, you're not. And there were a few people who said, "I don't ask that question; it's a wrong mindset." That's right. Because if you're asking a woman what you bring to the table, you're going to get a masculine woman. It doesn't matter if she shows up feminine. You're going to convince her that now she needs to be more masculine because she needs to bring something to the table. She needs to provide you with these physical things that you're asking for, money, or whatever that you want her to bring to the table. But like you said, they don't even know what they want. So instead, if you come as a gentleman who's manly but has that soft side of him that values the feminine and how beautiful it is, like you said, like it's a work of art, and just because it is, is what makes it beautiful, then you will get a feminine woman more often, or you could turn a very masculine feminine woman right into a more feminine woman.

John: Exactly, yeah. Because like I was talking to you about this too the other day when I was going for a walk. I was like, you know, John didn't really do anything to like put me more in my feminine. He just was so masculine that I trusted him. I trusted that he was the man that he was coming across as, and you know, he could handle stuff. Like I could see how tough he was and like who you were as a man. I could tell not by just what you said but how you acted. And so naturally, it was like a switch flipped.

Nicole: Yeah, and I was like, wow, I'm like safe, and I can be girly and like feminine, and you know, all of these things. So it wasn't like something that I even had to think about. And I think for a lot of women, that same thing could happen to them. But to the point of where women are now, and even me, it took a really masculine man like you to instantly flip that switch.

John: Yeah, yeah. And so instead of men watching clips on what do women bring to the table, they should be watching your stuff or similar things about being a man and taking pride in being a man and valuing women. And I understand that there are women out there who do things that are messed up, just like as a woman, I understand there are men out there who do things that are messed up. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to treat everybody like that, and that doesn't mean that you should either. Because if you do, if you genuinely believe that all women are bad, that's all you will see. Even a good woman that you went on a date with, you will see something bad in her if you have that mindset. And so many men have that mindset, and it might not seem like it, but asking, "What do you bring to the table?" is that mindset.

Nicole: Exactly. And you know, I've said it before in the podcast, I said it all the time when I'm coaching guys, and we've talked about it, especially with the passport bro thing about Western women and they're trying to go somewhere else. It's like, look, you don't have to look elsewhere because if you're a man and you're a masculine man, just like, like you said, like a guy from the romance novel, then even feminist women, they will be attracted to you, and they will change their entire belief system to be with you. That really does happen because it's like you have to treat, I tell guys all the time, I'm like, look, if you're talking to a feminist woman and whatever, and she's spewing all this stuff, or she's like, "Don't open the door for me," or whatever, just be like, you don't have to say these words, but in your head, be like, "Oh, that's cute. Isn't she so cute? Look at her, you know, like, ah, you know, darling, whatever." If you've seen, you haven't seen Star Wars, but Han Solo in Star Wars, Princess Leia is this, she's actually a pretty businesswoman. She's the daughter of, you know, she's like the princess of Avalon or what, I can't remember the name of, but anyway, so she's like royalty in her planet, and Han Solo is this smuggler, you know, rebel type of guy, and they end up crossing paths, and he ends up having to, you know, help her out and take care of her, and she's being all princessy and trying to command him and order him around, which is very masculine, right? And he's just like, he's not even for a minute phased by it. He's just like, "Okay, princess, darling, sweetheart," whatever he calls her, you know, he's like, "All right, yeah, you know, yeah, you."

John: You could take care of yourself, right? And he's just playful about it. He's not trying to argue with her and be like, "I'm the man, so you know, do what I say." He's just acting like the man. He's just treating her, for lack of a better term, like a child, right? And again, I'm careful when I say that because it gets interpreted wrong, but it doesn't mean less intelligent, it doesn't mean less capable. It just means that that's how you, as a man, need to act as the patriarch, as the father figure, with all the people you interact with because you're the man because you take pride in doing that. But anyway, the point is that you treat that as if it's not a big deal. It's not a fight. You don't argue it. If you sit there and argue with a feminist and try to explain to her why she's wrong and why traditional masculinity and femininity, you're just going to get nowhere, and you're going to seem like your position isn't very strong because why are you going into her frame? Why are you arguing the thing that she believes? Your frame, your belief in it, your masculinity should be so strong that you just ignore it like it's just some cute thing that she's saying, like she doesn't know what she's talking about, and it's cute. Again, you don't need to say those words; that's probably not going to go over well, but act that way and just go on, open the door, just keep on doing the things that you do as a masculine man, and she's going to, just like Princess Leia does in Star Wars, she's going to come around to it and be more attracted to you and see, "Oh wow, this guy, he doesn't care. He doesn't care that I think all these things or that I think I'm just as strong as him. He just continues to treat me like a delicate flower despite that." And then pretty soon, she's going to start acting like that delicate flower.

Nicole: You know why I think I know why? Tell me why. So, obviously, feminist women, right, they're like, "We can do whatever men can do, and you know, we don't need a man," and things like that. Well, they'll say that feminism is about allowing a woman to have a choice in what she wants to do, right? But a lot of the extreme is like hating men and things like that. And so, if you do come across a feminist woman and you're a very masculine man, the reason that you can change her over is because deep down, us women, we want to live a soft life. We want to be in our feminine. We want to enjoy the things that are part of our nature, right? But we've gotten lost along the way and had to be very masculine and high stress and things like that, that we don't do well with. Like our bodies are not made to be working 9 to 5, right? They are not. We cannot handle stress the same way that men can handle stress, but we have lived in this world that we've created of doing all these things despite our bodies not really being properly made to do those things as often as we're doing them, right? And I'm not saying that women can't work, and I'm not saying we can't handle stress or any of those things, but sure, you know, we're not made like men. And so, when a woman comes across a very masculine man who can handle all these things, she has, she is probably going to test them a little bit. Yeah, you know, like you said, she's probably going to say some stuff, and she's probably going to act like, "Oh, you don't need to do this for me," or "Don't do it for me," and try to act like whatever. But if, like you said, you come from the masculine frame that you have, and you don't let anyone else deter you from that, and I get that that's what you're saying, is that like, you have to be so confident in who you are as a man that you're not going to allow anybody to cause you to not act like a gentleman, right? And so, the more you do that, the more you're actually showing her that you are reliable and trustworthy, and you do what you say you're going to do, and you actually are the man that you say you are. And so, eventually, she feels like she can let all of that go. She doesn't have to be working all the time and stressing herself out. She doesn't have to be, "Oh well, I got to fight all my battles," because now she has somebody that's proved himself that he can do that, and he will do that, and he'll do that for her, right? And now she can switch over into this more feminine side of herself.

John: Exactly, yeah. And so, you know, it is possible. Yeah, and I think women are more able to change into that if there are more men who are willing to be men, gentlemen. You know, we watched a video about a guy who was saying that like, he wouldn't even call a lot of men men; he'd call them males or something like that, right? Because like, being a man involves a lot of the characteristics that we talk about, like providing and protecting, and not just like, "Oh, I'll get the intruders when they break in." No, it's like protecting in all the senses, especially emotionally, like we talked about. Like, a woman can only be feminine with safety. That's the only way. And that's why you can take a feminist woman and make her more feminine because she feels that safety, and she feels like she can hand you these responsibilities that she had, and you can better handle them, and she can finally be more soft and be a woman. And you create that as a man, just like we've talked about many times about the analogy of planting a garden, right? You get what you plant. The woman is the plant, and you create the soil and the fertile conditions which either get you a nag weed or a beautiful blossom.

Nicole: Yeah, and you're planting a nag weed the second you say, "What do you bring to the table?" Exactly. And just, you know, we were talking about this the other night too, is as an example to understand how this works, imagine if you have a boy. If you're a man and you're raising a boy, you don't want to coddle that boy, right? You want to expose him to the world. You want him to toughen up. You don't want to protect him all the time. You got to let him scrape his knee and do those things because why? Because you don't want him to be weak. You don't want him to have to be feminine as a man. You want him to be strong, you want him to be masculine, to be manly. You don't want him to be fragile. You want him to be the opposite of fragile, which is strong. And so, if you imagine that, if you imagine that overly shielding a boy would make him feminine, then now you understand why you have to overly shield a woman to allow her to be feminine. You will create the environment. You think that as a man, you don't have that power. You think you have to go to some other country in order to find a woman.

John: That's already like that which, news flash, they're not going to be all the way already. They might have conservative values, but that doesn't mean that they're actually living totally in their feminine. And even if they were, if you take that plant and you take it out of its soil where it was getting the nutrition it needed and it was protected, in a lot of those cultures, they're protected by their fathers until a man comes along. Now you plant it into your garden, which has no protection, which has shitty soil. Do you think that it's going to stay feminine? It's not. It's going to start to become masculine. So yeah, you could live over there, but even if you live over there, you're still bringing your garden with you because it's your house, right? And so, it's a delusion to think that that's, you know, you would, if you raised a boy right, and for guys that are raising a boy, you know that you have to expose him to the world. You know that if you shield him too much, he will become, he will start to display feminine attributes. So why would you not think that a woman, given that protection and shielding, would not start, even if she was rough, that she would start to display feminine attributes? It makes sense to me.

Nicole: No, it does. And I know you're not comparing women to children, and I'm going to compare women to children, but not that we are children. But we talked about this the other night too, that, you know, when you're a kid and you're like six, you're just doing whatever you want to do. You're not worried about getting hurt, you're not worried about whatever, 'cause you know that your parents will be there. You know that, like, you know, it'll be fine, like you'll figure it out. Like, you're just going for it 'cause you have this protection of your parents. And that, like, everything, you're not thinking of this actively 'cause you're 6 years old, but the way that they behave is in a way that they know that they have safety, that even if something bad goes wrong, Mom and Dad will be there to help, right? They have that protection. And even if you don't, like as a kid, have maybe your parents as a protection, it's just, you know, maybe you could say that you don't understand the risks and things, things like that. And there is some truth to that, but there is something about the safety of the family unit that kids have, and that allows them to be more outspoken or take more risks or do things like that because they have that safety. And then, you know, as a woman, when you start becoming like a teenager and you know, going to high school and definitely when you go to college, you're kind of being prepared to be an independent woman. And again, you do need that because I do think it's valuable for women not to feel like they just have to pick a guy because they need somebody to protect them, right? Like, they should know how to protect themselves in case they ever needed to. And so, you're kind of learning those things in your teen years and obviously, like into your 20s and things like that. But when the switch flipped and you came along, it was kind of like being like a child again. It was kind of that, like, I don't want to say totally carefree because when you're an adult, there's obviously things that are going to be on your mind, but it was almost like feeling like a child again in the sense of that I didn't have all these masculine responsibilities. I could just be feminine. I could just be a woman, MH for like the first time because you're not even a woman when you're a girl, you're a girl. But it was like being a woman without the stress of the masculine responsibilities and what being independent makes you have to do. And so, it does kind of feel freeing, like you're a kid again in some ways.

John: Yeah, and it's a great feeling. That's why we started this whole podcast. Like, I was the independent, like I talked about it in the other episode that came out not that long ago. Like, I was like, I don't need a man, and I was fully content of, you know, staying single until I met the right person. And I'm glad that I did, honestly. But, you know, when you came along and you showed me this dynamic that I didn't think even really existed, 'cause I watch, you know, romance movies and, you know, occasionally read a romance book every once in a while, and I get the appeal that these women have to these men, right? But it's like, when you live that life, no romance novel or romance movie even holds a candle to how it is in real life, living with someone that makes you feel so safe and protected and loved and cherished. And yeah, so the "what do you bring to the table" just sends men in the wrong direction. Like, and they don't even realize that they're making their own lives harder, right? Because they don't, they want the balance, like everybody wants the balance. That's what causes the peace.

Nicole: Yeah, yeah. But you can't have balance if you're making a woman more masculine. And you can't, you're not even going to get a woman, honestly, if you hate all women or you think they're all bad, right? Because that will come out one way or another and set you up for failure.

John: Yeah, you have to see the beauty deeper in. And you, you have to say, even if there's a rough exterior here that's been shaped by this world, this woman is a victim of this world. She's not the thing to be hated, right?

Nicole: Right. And we're all are. I mean, because a lot of men talk about Western women, but what about Western men? Like we talked about at the beginning of the versus the Russian guys, where they want 50/50, where they don't want to protect and provide, where they're not stepping up, where they don't have any pride in being a man, you know, all of these things. So you're also brainwashed, right?

John: Yeah. I get women are brainwashed by society, by, you know, the liberal politics and wokeism and all this stuff, but you're also brainwashed by a different set of things. And there's men that are brainwashed by that too. But as a man, you know, why, why are you asking, if you're asking the question, what you bring to the table, you're also brainwashed. 'Cause that's not how it's supposed to be. By YouTube, which, which, which, which man that's a really masculine man that you can think of, ask that question? Like, if you really think about that, not no, not anything I can think of. The other, I got another one for you, another argument against this, which is because you're talking about children. Would you ask your children what you bring to the table, right? And you're like, oh no, no, because they're children. Okay, wait a minute, hold on. But you chose to have the children, right? True. You chose to bring them into your life, to support them, and pay for their food, and take care of them, and protect them. Why? You choose that. What value do they bring to your life? Why? What do they bring to the table? Oh, because they're intrinsically valuable because they're your children, because they just exist. Yeah. Oh wow. Can you imagine, can you imagine that that could be possible for a woman as well? Like, you get it with children, right? Men's defenses, that unconditional.

John: Love is only for children. I get that, but that's besides the point.

Nicole: Because there's no point in arguing that, right? Because it's besides the point. So, you're still making this choice, and you still have an example that it's possible. Something that you're not asking a question about. What do you bring to the table? Like, everything in your life is not transactional. Some things you love just because you love them. Do you ask your dog what does it bring to the table? I mean, some people do. They're like, okay, it's a hunting dog; it needs to do whatever. But it's a companion. So, there's a lot of instances where not everything in your life has to bring something to the table that's tangible. Some things you just want because they are what they are.

John: Exactly. So, yeah, well, that's my argument. Let's go into some of these answers, I guess.

Nicole: Okay, yeah, let's talk about it. I'll do the three that were on the podcast Instagram, which you guys need to follow. But the first one is the question is too confrontational. I would only ask if a woman acts entitled.

John: Yeah, and I get that. But also, if she's acting entitled, shouldn't you just not go on a date with her again? That's probably the better way to handle that, in my opinion. It is confrontational, but at the same time, if you believe it to be true deep down in there, just wait. This actually proves exactly what I said in some ways. That he would only ask if a woman's entitled, so it would only be to put her in her place. But the thing is, it wouldn't put her in her place, right? Because there's no right answer. You're not providing any additional information to why, like what she needs to bring to the table.

Nicole: You're right. That's entitled. But instead of asking her that question because she's entitled, you should just not go on a date with her. And that would prove more of a point than being like, well, what do you bring to the table? And you're measuring her by the wrong yardstick if you're asking her that because she's entitled. You're measuring her by your metrics, right? Which it's like going to a dog show, and then the Maltese is measured by a different set than the German Shepherd. You don't take the same characteristics that make this Maltese a prime specimen as a German Shepherd. They're different breeds; they have different things that make them good for that breed. Men and women have different qualities. If you ask that because she's entitled, and you're like, okay, well, I'm going to put you in your place because, do you see, I make money and I do all this stuff, right? You're trying to measure against that.

John: Now you're entitled, right. Doesn't work. So, the next one is, I don't ask that. Wrong mindset, which I think I mentioned earlier. And that's a fantastic answer to that because we explained why it's better to be a gentleman. It's better to not even have the mindset of what do you bring to the table because at the end of the day, it's just going to put you down the wrong path with the wrong woman. That's not what you want.

Nicole: And then the last one we had is feminine energy, support, loyalty, a best friend, respect, appreciation, genuine interests in our interests. And here's the thing with this one, and I'm sure you had some which you'll have to go over the ones that were on your Instagram. But these things aren't bad, right? And it's not unreasonable to want these things. What's unreasonable is expecting a woman, however many dates in, to give you this spreadsheet, right? Because support and loyalty and a best friend, you know, things like that, that's not necessarily something that she wouldn't say on her own. But feminine energy, like we just expressed, has to be protected, has to have safety. And a woman can be feminine on some dates with you, but she's also not going to be fully feminine, right? Because she doesn't know if you're safe yet or not. And if anybody's asking this question past date three, definitely don't go on a date with them, or like, freaking break up with them if they're your boyfriend. If someone asks you in your marriage, it better be a joke. But I'm saying, like, if this is a question that's being asked past date three, it shouldn't be asked at all. But that's a huge red flag. But you can't provide a lot of this information, right? You have to see it when—

John: Yes, when a man asks you this question because it's way too soon. And like, I'm not saying that you should give people based on what they deserve. But that's why when I got asked this question, I would just say, if you don't understand what I bring, then you won't ever understand. Because if I have to spell out for you the things that I'm going to provide to your life, and you're not seeing them from me, from my actions, right? And some ways, like obviously, it's early in the dates, but I feel like you can get a good vibe of how someone is. If you can't get a vibe of the person that I am, you're never going to appreciate me just saying, listing them for you.

Nicole: Right, exactly. Yeah, it's because you don't even see them in front of your face. Right. Now, so it's kind of funny too because you wouldn't ask a friend, like, what do you bring to this friendship, right?

John: Exactly. Just wouldn't. And you might say, oh, it's not the same thing because you're not getting married to you. And I get that. But at the same time, like, if you're asking this on dates, yeah, that's... At that point, it doesn't make any sense.

Nicole: But yeah, I mean, it's a decent answer, in terms of like, these are the things that you would want. But it's still the wrong question to ask. And it doesn't change that. And just look for those things. Like, this answer with all the things that we just mentioned, like those are good things to look for in a relationship. But you can look for those in a person without asking them what they bring to the table. And that's what you should be doing. And look, what were those things again? Feminine energy, support, loyalty, a best friend, respect, appreciation, genuine interests in our interests. Yeah, those are the things that you plant, right? Because you're not going to get those right away. You plant those. It doesn't matter. When I tell guys what to look for in a woman, I tell them two things: that she treats you like a king and that she has a high desire for you. That means that she looks up to you, she has that right, and that she has high desire for you because all...

John: Those other things, those can be shaped. If you are acting as a man and a leader, and she has a high enough desire for you, she's going to conform to those things because that's the standard that you're setting in your relationship, in your house, because you're leading her in that direction.

Nicole: Well, and if you're a man, a lot of these things fall into place. Like we've already talked about the feminine energy, the respect, the appreciation. You can't admire or treat a man like a king and desire him and not appreciate and respect him. You're going to bring those things out in her.

John: Right, that's the thing. By you being a man, that will help naturally get the things that you want.

Nicole: Exactly, because you are embodying the things that you're talking about. You have to be a gentleman and someone who treats people well to get respect or admiration or whatever it is. It's very hard if you show up to a date and you're like, "What do you bring to the table? I don't respect you. I don't admire you. I don't desire you. I desire to end the date." How you act will also determine how quickly you can even get these attributes from a woman. When you go on the first date and you're right off the bat a gentleman, a manly man, you can get it as early as the first date. By the end of the date, she'll be acting like you're the king of England.

John: I told you before, every woman that I had interactions with, once I developed my masculinity, treated me just like that, no matter what her background was. Lots of feminists, lots of whatever, it doesn't matter. There maybe there's one exception, two exceptions where, but then I ended the date right because I don't have time for this. So, but that's the thing, once you're acting that way, you bring that out. So, you don't have to look like if a woman has to justify it and has to spell it out for you, you don't understand. You're the one that's responsible for producing those qualities. There are other qualities that you should be looking for, evaluating like I said, but primarily it's that she has a high desire for you and that she is treating you right. But even the treating you right probably can come a lot from how you allow someone to treat you.

Nicole: That's true. So, let me pull out my list here. You had a lot more than I did.

John: Yeah, so I asked the same question, and let's see what some of the responses are. Okay, got the signals. Signal, oh there we go. Okay, peace and lots of feminine energy. So, that's a pretty good answer.

Nicole: MH. Well, but it's like again, still the wrong question. You have to be a man to get the feminine energy, and the dynamic of the feminine and the masculine in the relationship will bring the peace and the harmony. But at least that's the thing that you want from the relationship with a woman. It's like, that makes sense.

John: Sex. What do you bring to the table? Sex.

Nicole: Yeah, what do you bring to the table's sex. Okay, as a man, alright, you're a gentleman, so I know your answer. But look, you're telling me if you went on a date and you asked a woman what do you bring to the table and she said sex, that you would respect that woman and or you'd be like that's my future wife right there?

John: No, I'm not saying that you wouldn't continue to date her, but I'm saying you wouldn't marry her.

Nicole: Well, we know what reason you continue to date her for, but yeah, that's not the... but you can get that other places. It's not enough to bring to the table, if you're going to judge what you're bringing to the table. That's not enough. So, empathy, emotional support, helpfulness, and kindness, good sex, 50/50 input equals output, 50/50, pretty tall order there.

John: Wait, you expect women to say they bring 50/50 to the table?

Nicole: I think, see, that could be the answer. I mean, that's not... is that what they're looking for? I think that's what he's looking for. So, they want, when they're asking a woman what you bring to the table, they're expecting a woman to say the other half, like the other 50 to your 50, pulling my weight, pulling my share, and they want all the other stuff that he just mentioned.

John: Yeah, I would be like, what do you bring to the table then? Like, I'm a billionaire. I'd be like, then why the fuck are you asking me for 50/50?

Nicole: Right, that's true. What, yeah. Are you cheap skate? Loyalty, trust, and responsibility. Again, not a bad... good at cooking, but I'm guessing they're not... I mean, that's a pretty low bar. Just, you're good at cooking? Okay, you're in, you're good, you're hired. Uh, loyalty and submission to a true leader, fire emoji.

John: But yeah, okay, but here's the thing. Is like, you really think a woman would say submission to a good leader? You have to bring that out again. It's all these things. You have to be a good leader. You have to prove that you're a good leader. It doesn't naturally happen. I don't ask, the actions will tell me.

Nicole: That's good. Yeah, don't ask. Being your number one fan. This one, I like. Again, we still know it's the wrong question, but that's something that is a good thing. Your woman should be a number one fan in your life.

John: So, yeah. Money, sex, loyalty, money. Wait, I'm just really shocked how many men are blatantly saying that they want a woman to say money. These guys, they don't know what they're setting themselves up for. Because what, yeah, kids, peace and quiet, loyalty, and laughter.

Nicole: Okay, lot of L's. Trick question, I do not ask, I observe actions. Another, that's the right answer right there, honestly.

John: Oh, I get this now. I didn't get it the first time I read it. Chair, what do you bring to the table? Chair.

Nicole: A chair, a troll. That's a troll. Need a chair at table, trolling. A chair, peace, peace and blessings, peace and support. Peace is the most common answer. Men want peace. Men always say that. Men always want peace, but you can't have peace with a masculine woman.

John: Well, the problem is that a lot of men that want peace, they avoid conflict because they want peace. Just like again, another... we were watching a lot of TikToks last night, doing trying to do some research, but the guy that called into that show, what's his name, the show that, uh, John Dempsey, I think, yeah, and his wife was having an affair for eight years or whatever, and it was like he was just avoiding conflict for like he do well, and he was like she can decide if she wants to, and he was like no, you decide.

Nicole: Right, exactly. So, peace becomes something that becomes a weakness for men, that they desire peace so much that they are willing to accept things they shouldn't accept and avoid conflict.

John: Well, and if you want peace...

John: Peace too. Watch our last episode on women validating men's emotions because a lot of times, if their emotions aren't being validated, then they don't feel peace because their problems never go away. They just keep shoving them down and can't talk to their wife about them. So, check that one out too.

Nicole: Yeah, for peace. If you want peace, I don't think you should marry a woman because you're going to have an emotional roller coaster. Women are emotional. You can't have peace with me. I have joy, not peace. Joy is better than peace. We generally have peace, though, like me and you, but it's not the expectation you should have. Even though we have peace, you're going to have some kind of emotional situation. If you want peace, you should be single. It's the only way you can get peace. You can't be with anybody. If you're going to have kids, you're not going to have peace. So, you might as well get used to not having peace, I guess. But you don't need peace all the time, right?

John: And that's the thing. I think they mean mostly like how you and I operate, where it's mostly peaceful, good days, and there's not conflict. Because then you do feel like your life is peaceful. I think that's what they're looking for because I don't think they want peace 24/7. I think they want a majority of the time to be without conflicts. But unfortunately, for a majority of couples, the majority of the time is conflict. But you have to deal with all of the conflicts in order to get to that stage.

Nicole: No, I agree with that. And we have dealt with a lot. I mean, we started in a pretty good position, honestly, because we both had a lot of emotional intelligence and development. But in the course of the time that we've been together, we have worked through a lot of conflict in order to get to that stage. But you have to work through all of that conflict. And I'm sure there's still some because, if I don't say that, we know what will happen.

John: So, we're not perfect. We're humans. It's the same thing like women say, "You're a nice guy." Men's language, "I don't know, what do you bring to the table?" I think he's basically saying that that's what a man says when he doesn't like you.

Nicole: Yeah, I see. It's like there's no right way to answer that, and it's usually just trying to belittle a woman in some way. The ejection button.

John: Yeah, this is a nice date. You seem like a nice girl, but what do you bring to the table?

Nicole: Loyalty, a place of peace and harmony, a fierce loyalty to future husband, and willingness to serve others. Not a bad answer, but brain, period. Peace, food, and love. Like their brain.

John: Yeah, I think so. That they're intelligent. I bring a brain to the table because that's also like a nickname for something else, I think.

Nicole: What is brain a nickname for? You should look it up on Urban Dictionary. I'm not going to say it.

John: I'm going to look up brain on Urban Dictionary, and it's going to... Alright, I'm going to have to look it up real quick because, I mean, if we have time.

Nicole: Because I think like you, it's intelligence but could also be something else.

John: What? I can't believe you never heard that.

Nicole: I never asked for brain. It's because most male brains reside in their penal regions.

John: Back to our normal. I'm not going to read the example sentence, but it has to do with her having a foot-long tongue. Which, that's just... Okay, so it could be that one, but I think intelligence. I think, why wouldn't they say her brain if it was her intelligence?

Nicole: Or just intelligence. Maybe he could have said "brain, brain" or something. Alright, a great question for a terrible question. That was a female answer: cooking, accountability, and staying in shape.

John: Business skills, good with finances, fit, adventurous. So, their business coach?

Nicole: What do you bring to the table? What can you do for my business, ma'am? You better be a business coach.

John: Yeah, it's like you don't really need a girlfriend. You need a bro, a business executive.

Nicole: Exactly. What do you bring to the table, bro? Like, go get a friend. Don't go on a date.

John: Teammate for everything.

Nicole: Yeah, I want to see that. All of them. Oh wait, can I see this guy's profile?

John: Which one?

Nicole: I was trying to see the one that wants the business.

John: Did you go through all of them?

Nicole: Yeah, that's all of them. So, peace is the most common answer, which...

John: I think you're going to scare men away from getting married if you're telling them that they're not going to have peace.

Nicole: Well, but I get what you're saying. It's but we have things that we go through together. Not all conflict is between us, but in a relationship, living with someone, you're going to go through things. Because you have two people that can be hit by things, and if either one of them gets hit by something, both of them don't have peace.

John: Right, and now you have support, though. Like when you get sick, even if I don't get sick, it's not peace. If I get sick, even if you don't get sick, it's not peace.

Nicole: Right, like that's what I'm talking about. It doesn't mean we're fighting amongst each other, but you just have more surface area to get hit by.

John: Yeah, I mean, that's a good way to put it. But life is just never... You get peace when you can rest when you're dead. You're not going to get real peace until you're... But you can live in a place of peace by making a choice not to allow the things to get you and by watching all of our YouTube videos to make your relationships better and more peaceful.

Nicole: Exactly. But all of the things that they said, for the most part, are things that you create or co-create. They're not the things that come in the box. You got to assemble this.

John: No, for sure. And like, you can't just ask somebody that, especially like these podcast dudes who ask random women. What do you expect her to say? You're a random guy; she doesn't even know you. It's hard to even give an answer to a guy that you know. That's why it's not like if someone asks that, don't go on a date with them again.

John: Just say, look, if you don't know, then you're never going to know because that's the truth of it. If you're a man asking this question, you probably should do some more research on dating, how to be a man, and how to attract a feminine woman, rather than or go find a friend, like you said. If you're looking for someone to bring something to the table, go find a business partner and start a business, or create some sort of real friendship. Friendship shouldn't be tit for tat with your friends either, but if that's what you want, you're better off finding it somewhere else than with a woman. And like, the fact that a lot of those guys said money, even if some of those people that answered this question do 50/50, I respect those people a 100% more than the ones that said money because if one of your things you want a woman to bring to the table is money, to me, that shows me that you have a lack of motivation and you have a lack of drive, which I feel is even more important for a man to have. If a man is asking you to bring money to the table, I'm not saying don't do 50/50, but if he's asking you to bring money to the table, that is not a man that you want. He will not be masculine, he will not step up and be the man that you need him to be because he's asking you for money.

Nicole: Basically, yeah, exactly. And don't do 50/50, have more respect. Obviously, we're Team No 50-50, but if you find the perfect man and right now you have to do 50/50 or whatever to make it work, I don't think you should throw somebody away for that. But if he's asking you for money or if he's saying that he wants you to bring money to the table, run away from the table. A better question to ask, rather than what do you bring to the table, is, there are two levels of it. Rather than asking that, if you really want to know this, then you can ask, you know, what makes you a good partner. That's a better question. But an even better question is, what values and what things are important to you because then you're going to find out actual information that's going to be useful to you.

John: I would say that the second one you said, like what values and what things are important to you, is the best one to ask because even asking like what makes you a good partner, it's kind of giving interview vibes. It's like a job interview. But the last one that you said actually sounds like you want to get to know that person for who they are and what makes them unique and special.

Nicole: Yeah, because those things will come out. You'll figure out the things by what's important to a person or what they say is important to them, rather than trying to evaluate what you bring to the table. Because if you're trying to figure out, okay, is this woman going to be loyal, going to support me, and provide the love and nurturing and feminine kind of environment, you're really going to find that out through experience. But if you ask questions about what's important to her, a woman that values those attributes, those feminine attributes, which again, it could steer you wrong because, like I said, a lot of women today, given the right environment, but they don't consciously. But if you're looking, if you're like, no, I just want to cut straight to the one that does, then asking what's important to her, she's going to start talking about things like family, relationships, those types of things.

John: Yeah, so, love. I agree, love. Well, yeah, so our new segment, hopefully for a long, long, long time, is random facts, which I'm probably going to have to give John a random fact for himself again. I'm not committed to the random facts thing yet, but for now, what do you like for the end segment? What do you want to do then?

Nicole: Maybe we can read people's questions when they ask us questions.

John: Okay, well, we can't do that now, but we could do a random fact for today.

Nicole: Are you going to pick your random fact, or do I have to pick your random fact for you?

John: Yeah, you can pick my random fact. How about that?

Nicole: My gosh, what's a random fact for you? I'm trying to find like a good... I got one. I wrote two books on software development.

John: I was thinking more random, but that's good because people that know the podcast don't know that I'm a big nerd.

Nicole: Right, so that's true. I guess I'll go with the easy one. My random fact is I'm still technically a licensed cosmetologist in Virginia.

John: When is, how long does a license last?

Nicole: Well, my parents keep renewing it for me because they're really nice, and it's not a bad thing to have. But the hard part is that if I were to cut hair here in California, you have to see how many hours, like if Virginia has more hours, then I could just transfer it over. But if California has more hours required, I would have to go back to school for those more hours.

John: Oh, I see. And get the California license. But it's like, or you could practice cosmetology without a license. That's dangerous.

Nicole: A black market, just be like, hey, hey, come here, come here, come here, get in. We're looking all right, get in there, get in here, sit down, sit down, sit down, put the cap on you. Let me get some scissors.

John: Yeah, no. Want some Botox?

Nicole: Botox, no, we don't do Botox. Maybe some waxing. I'm going to wax your eyebrows, but don't do... Anyway, yeah, there won't be any bootleg hair salons. Only said cash, that's it. Or Bitcoin.

John: Under the radar. Bitcoin, yes. Bitcoin haircut.

Nicole: All right, well, that's... Well, John doesn't like the random fact, so hopefully next time we'll be back with something better.

John: Yeah, all right. But do email us at betterthanperfectpodcast@gmail.com and leave us a review because banana fingers.

Nicole: Yeah, raining, raining. I just don't want .com. Yeah, I don't know. It's like, I'm tired of saying it, so we're going to ask at the beginning of the episode now.

John: You know, that's actually probably better. The people who don't care to watch to the end will leave us nasty reviews. Like, they always ask. Comment what our random facts are if you watched this far, and we'll give you a prize. Do something.

Nicole: Yeah, we'll dance. That's the prize.

John: All right, that's it. We'll see you next week. Take care. [Music] Bye.