John [00:00:00]: A woman should be entering a man's world, ultimately in the relationship, not him entering her world. Right. It's like she should. She should be coming, becoming a part of his life. And that's what it is traditionally anyway, right? In terms of the father gives away the daughter, you know, she becomes part of the man's life. Like he. She becomes his responsibility, you know, instead of. It's like, I think a lot of couples don't think of it that way, and a lot of guys don't think of that way. Because if I think of it of you entering my life. Beyond the perfect we discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every fault we find our way.

Nicole [00:00:50]: Aloha. Welcome to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where each week we show you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship. That's right.

John [00:01:06]: And this week, let's see.

Nicole [00:01:09]: Can you guess where we are by the intro?

John [00:01:13]: We took our. It's our first anniversary and we are in Kauai, Hawaii.

Nicole [00:01:19]: Kauai.

John [00:01:20]: My first time on this island. Your first time on this island?

Nicole [00:01:23]: Yeah.

John [00:01:24]: Although I went to high school in Hawaii, all four years of high school on Oahu.

Nicole [00:01:29]: That's right. And you tried to live on Maui.

John [00:01:31]: Yeah, I learned to live on Maui for two months.

Nicole [00:01:35]: So he's very into the Hawaiian ness, which I don't blame him because we don't want to leave. I mean, yeah, it's gorgeous here. I'm sure we can put in some footage maybe of what we've seen in.

John [00:01:53]: This video, but it's a whole different feel. It's like a different vibe. Like, people sometimes compare Hawaii to, like, the Caribbean and they're like, you know, it's just. But it's different because Hawaii has a totally different culture vibe. Aloha spirit, I guess you could call. It's like. Yeah. So it's not just like an island or just like a tropical destination. It's a. Yeah. Of life. Like.

Nicole [00:02:15]: Yeah. I really like how they're very nature focused, especially on this island. It's very nature y just in general compared to the other ones. I mean, Maui is naturey too, but yeah, like, I like that they're very into the. The earth and the nature and they appreciate all the things, you know, the water, the reefs, the plants.

John [00:02:39]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:02:40]: The. Their food, you know, and then there's.

John [00:02:43]: Like, the food here is so different because it's like you have like, weird, like, Hawaiian people.

Nicole [00:02:48]: We've been trying to find plate lunch junk food, which is like Hawaiian food.

John [00:02:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:55]: And it's been so hard.

John [00:02:57]: It's like. It's weird. It's like, if you haven't had Hawaiian food, it's not like, really Hawaiian. It's more. Hawaii is like a mix of Portuguese, Japanese, Chinese, American, American, Hawaiian food. And so it's like, you know, plate lunch is like a scoop of Max out scoop of white rice, sticky rice, and then like, either calbee beef or katsu chicken or lomi lomi shrimp. Salmon or. Yeah. Or fish or shrimp or like kalua pork. It's like all these different kalua things are spam. Spam is a big thing. Spam musubi, Simon. Like, there's all kinds of stuff that's just, like, Hawaiian.

Nicole [00:03:39]: Yeah. We've had a hard time finding, like, a lot of plate lunch. I think we've tried a few times. I think we've given up on that for here, but.

John [00:03:47]: Yeah. But we figured we'd talk about. Well, and then also, I guess the other thing that might be confusing is that it's our anniversary.

Nicole [00:03:55]: Yeah. But if you don't follow us on social media, you don't. You don't know the complicated.

John [00:04:01]: Because we got married while we had.

Nicole [00:04:03]: Our wedding, like, our ceremony and everything in October.

John [00:04:08]: Right.

Nicole [00:04:08]: But we got legally married in November.

John [00:04:11]: Of the previous year.

Nicole [00:04:14]: You're good. I wasn't going to confuse them that.

John [00:04:16]: Much, but Our anniversary is March 7th.

Nicole [00:04:20]: Yeah.

John [00:04:20]: We picked it because we decided we want to pick our own date for our anniversary. So that's what we did.

Nicole [00:04:25]: Well, 37 is our. Our number. Yeah. So, yeah. You know, that why we picked it. We wanted it to be a special day, which I feel like. Yeah, a lot of people do pick their anniversary date for, like, a special reason, so.

John [00:04:40]: Yeah. And. And it was like, you know, we got to actually ex. Celebrate our zero anniversary, which most people don't get to do, so that's.

Nicole [00:04:50]: Well, I told John most people celebrate their zero anniversary by having the wedding. Yeah. So. But last year we went to Palm Springs for, like, a long weekend and celebrated. But now we're in Kauai. It's been beautiful. I mean, we haven't had as much sun as we would like, but it's still been really nice.

John [00:05:13]: Yeah. Yeah. Been back. Yeah. And we were staying at this super nice place. It's.

Nicole [00:05:19]: It's gorgeous. I don't want to leave. I just want to live right here.

John [00:05:24]: We got it all. For points, we did this point thing with credit card mile point that we got this. You know, it's like $2,300 a night. We got it for free. It's.

Nicole [00:05:36]: It's gorgeous. It's literally so amazing with like these huge doors that open up so you can have like the outdoor indoor living situation.

John [00:05:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:46]: But, yeah, you might see us on Kauai maybe permanently one of these days. Oh, we've liked it a lot. You said it's like your favorite island, I think.

John [00:05:55]: I think so. It's so laid back, just chill and like, just so much nature, like, undisturbed. Like, Maui has a lot of nature, but it's. I feel like so much more of it's manufactured.

Nicole [00:06:07]: You think so?

John [00:06:08]: I think the beaches and stuff are. They're not as many natural beaches. I think this is more natural.

Nicole [00:06:14]: The freaking mountains with the waterfalls here. Like, there was waterfalls in Maui when you're driving along the road, but there's like this huge mountain, these huge mountains in the north shore that we saw yesterday. I mean, it was like rainy most of the day, but the. You could see the waterfall, like, all the way down. It was crazy.

John [00:06:37]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's. It's nice. It's just too bad we have to leave.

Nicole [00:06:42]: I know, but visit.

John [00:06:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:46]: Be respectful.

John [00:06:47]: Yeah. So I guess this week is my week, right? I think so. And so, yeah, it is my week, so. The episode. But I thought. I almost thought for a second, maybe we should just talk about us as a. You know, our. You know, just our relationship and stuff and our history. But maybe. But I don't know, we could talk some about that. We already did, kind of with the anniversary. But I was thinking to talk about, like, when should you live together, travel together? Like all of these kind of the things about Stone sort of things. Yeah. And also just how the. How to test a relationship in various ways of life. Because, like, even in our relationship. Right when we first met.

Nicole [00:07:36]: Yeah.

John [00:07:37]: I was traveling on a. Speaking at a conference. And so, I mean, our first date was. It was kind of a normalish first date, but then our second date was playing mini golf at Universal Studios and our third date was Spain, Brussels Studios in Florida. And then. And then when we. And the next time we saw each other, we got the honeymoon suite in.

Nicole [00:08:01]: You got the honeymoon. Sweet.

John [00:08:03]: Yeah, I got the honeymoon suite in Cancun for five days, you know. Yeah. And so it was resort, you know, so it was like it wasn't real life.

Nicole [00:08:12]: Didn't.

John [00:08:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:08:12]: It didn't feel like reality. Yeah. That's why I was like, no, you have to come back and we have to just like go on normal Dates. We have to see if we actually like each other and we're not living in this, like, fantasy thing. But I feel like a lot of people don't do what we do. You know, like, they go on normal dates first. They don't, like, have some guy that comes into town and goes. Because some people. A lot of people don't live where, like, Disney is, like, theme.

John [00:08:42]: Huge theme park, or they're in the same city, so they could just date.

Nicole [00:08:45]: Right. Like normal. So it's like, you know, most people are doing it the normal way, but we did it the not normal way. But at least we knew that. You know, it's like we need to see if. If we're living in a fantasy world or if we could actually deal with each other in everyday life.

John [00:09:04]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:04]: So it was good that you came and, like, we just had a normal week.

John [00:09:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:10]: Before we. Before it went even more crazy.

John [00:09:16]: Well, it's interesting too, because I was thinking about that because I think it is important to have the different context that you test a relationship in to see how people.

Nicole [00:09:25]: People.

John [00:09:25]: People behave differently around their friends as well. Right. Around their family.

Nicole [00:09:29]: Yeah.

John [00:09:30]: When they're on vacation versus when they're stressed out at work and, like, the grind of the day. But what was interesting about our relationship, too is that we sort of start our relationship the opposite way. Well, living like a married couple almost. Right. Because. Yeah, the first three dates, that was different. That was not. Yeah, that was. It was still extravagant because we didn't. I didn't live in the city, and it was still. But then immediately after that, like, I guess it was, what, four months later, the next time we saw each other, we were living together in, you know, I mean, we stayed together 24 hours.

Nicole [00:10:09]: Right.

John [00:10:10]: For four or five. Five days. I think it's four or five. Four. Yeah. Four or five days. So we hardly knew each other, and then we. We were in close proximity for five days straight.

Nicole [00:10:21]: Right. Like.

John [00:10:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:22]: Cohabitating.

John [00:10:23]: And then even after that, when I came to visit in Tampa, you stayed in my apartment. I stayed, yeah. So we lived together. That's true. And then as soon as I moved to Tampa, we immediately lived together too. So. But. But the only. I think the only reason why we're able to immediately jump to moving in together right away when I moved to Tampa was because we had already spent four or five days together in Mexico. And then we spent almost a week together at your place in normal life. More. More normal life situation.

Nicole [00:10:55]: Right.

John [00:10:56]: And so, you know, we. We had seen the different side There wasn't going to be any major surprise. You know, we. We got along. We were able to.

Nicole [00:11:05]: You know, it's funny because I tell John that he like manifested us getting married because he got. Why he got the honeymoon suite.

John [00:11:13]: That's true.

Nicole [00:11:14]: Then when I got there, everyone was calling me myths on mez. And I'm like, no. And they're like, what? They're probably like, why are you guys in the honeymoon suite then? But yeah, he, he manifested us being here.

John [00:11:30]: All my friends were like, why are you. Like, why would you get the honeymoon? So what are you doing? Like, like if you take this girl to Mexico, you're going to get laid. Like, you don't need to get a honeymoon suite. And I was like, I want the honey. I want, like this. It just felt special to me from the very beginning. Like, that's why. And it was like. And I wanted to. I mean, I wanted to like have this. Like, this is the life that I wanted to have. And now I do have it.

Nicole [00:11:53]: But I want to say too that John was respectful. Even though he's sitting here saying, talking in his dude language of like, you're going to get laid, bro. Like, well.

John [00:12:03]: But he was respectful because that's the way I was living at the time. Right. I mean, I was. I was living a very different life, you know, I mean, so like, that's how I thought back then. Like, that was.

Nicole [00:12:16]: Yeah, but you didn't in that instance. No, you got the honeymoon suite.

John [00:12:20]: Yeah, yeah. No, that's. It was different because it was like, it was. It was literally special. Like I was just. I mean, because even in Orlando when we first had met, I sent you that video that.

Nicole [00:12:31]: Waiting to add that in.

John [00:12:32]: Yeah. I was like, you know, I just. I just am happy to know someone like you exist. And it was true because in my mind it was like, even though I was living that kind of lifestyle, I wanted what we have. And I didn't think it was possible for me. Like, just knowing that a person like you exists in the world, I think to some degree, like, it makes me happy inside. Like just. Just knowing you're out there. You know, obviously there's complicated situation we won't get into.

Nicole [00:13:05]: That's awful.

John [00:13:06]: We did the episode on the cheating thing, but, you know, before. But, but yeah, I mean, I was in a relationship and it was. There was a lot of complexity to that, but.

Nicole [00:13:16]: And situationships.

John [00:13:18]: Yeah. And situation. It was a mess. It was like. That's why I didn't think that was possible for us to have what we have for me to have any kind of.

Nicole [00:13:26]: And this is why you don't get yourself in such a mess, guys. Because if you end up doing that, what if you meet the love of your. And then you're in a situation? I mean, it might work out like you and I, but.

John [00:13:36]: Yeah, but it is.

Nicole [00:13:37]: Don't be deceptive and get yourself in situations.

John [00:13:41]: A lot of things have to go. But. But I do think that it's important that. I mean, a lot of people, I think they date for a lot, a long time, and they're living separate lives, which, I mean, yeah, you're living in different places you're going to, but. But even then their lives are too separate in the sense that, yeah, they don't know where each other is. This always amazes me, right, When I'm talking to guys and like, girl cheats on them or. Or whatever, he suspects something in them. Like, how do you not know where each other are at 24 hours a day? How do you not have your locations on? Or even if you don't have your locations on, how you're not telling each other? Like, if I'm dating someone, I know where they're at. You know, if it's like, I know where they're at. If I don't know where they're at, that's a problem. But people are kind of living that separate. But then they get together, maybe they first move in or whatever, and they haven't really tested the waters. They haven't gone on a major trip where they spent 24 hours together for several days. And then it breaks down. I mean, you see it on every time on. On Love is Blind. Right. As soon as they get together, especially, well, usually when they're in the. In the vacation, it's usually like, if it's not going good there, that's a real problem. But. But as soon as they get back to the real world, that's when the shit falls apart. Right? It's like. Because then it's like, oh, you know, when they're living their regular life.

Nicole [00:15:04]: Right, Right. Yeah. When they're on their honeymoon, it's. They're like, oh, we like each other. And then they get back and it's crazy, but I mean, yeah, I agree with all that. I think, you know, I've always been somebody that is very. Like, live with a person before you get married, before you get engaged. Like, it's very important. I mean, I understand the rel aspect is what a lot of people who don't do it, that's normally the reason, but. And, you know, you're gonna do what you're gonna do religiously. I'm not gonna tell you how to live, but if that's not a, like, situation for you, live with somebody before you get engaged and married. And it's because it's like, you don't know. You don't know what it's going to be like having somebody in your space all the time. And, like, I lived with a boyfriend a long time ago in college, and, like, it was fine, but it wasn't as, like, natural as it was with you and I. And I don't know if that's because we did it so quickly. I think it's because of our connection. But, like, it just. It. It is different. Like, you have to see if you can, like, cohabitate with this person in a way that's not gonna, like, you're gonna have resentment. Because I think that's what I had in the beginning. Like, I wasn't as connected to that person or whatever it was, but I was, like, building resentment because of, like, oh, he wouldn't, like, do this, and so I'd build resentment, you know. But with you, that's never the case. And it never was the case exactly. Like, I never minded having you in my space, like, when you first moved into, like, with me. And then we got our own space. And then we got our own space and, you know, it just felt normal. I do think, too, that, like, ideally, especially for, like, long, long term, I think people should move in somewhere together.

John [00:17:01]: Like, Absolutely. Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:02]: I think it's a little bit difficult no matter what. If it's like, let's say you had a house.

John [00:17:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:10]: And you lived there by yourself or whatever. And then I moved into your house.

John [00:17:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:17]: It's like yours. And, like, you decorated it and, like, yeah, we could change this stuff, but I think it's better to kind of, like, have a fresh start. So that's why, too, when we got, like, our apartment, it was like, a good, like, fresh start for us. Not that I, like, minded that you were in my apartment.

John [00:17:36]: No, no.

Nicole [00:17:37]: But I'm just saying that I think, like, if you can do it to, like, when you decide to move in, get a place together. Don't, like, move into each other's places.

John [00:17:46]: I agree.

Nicole [00:17:47]: Or at least, like, move into someone's place until you guys both, like, do it. But, like, not long term. Be like, oh, like, move into my house, you know? And I know with the economy and stuff, it's hard to just, like, up and get a new house. But I think it's just like a better foundation for a relationship is, like, not having, like, one person. Like, you're moving into one person's house.

John [00:18:10]: Yeah, I agree.

Nicole [00:18:11]: Because even if somebody's like, not that type of person that's like, this is my house, you know, it still, like, can feel like that to the other person no matter what.

John [00:18:22]: And I think on the religious side of things, because, you know, it's funny because almost everything that we talk about this podcast, like, religious people will agree with, but maybe not this one. But yeah, if you're honest, right. Like, most religious people, like, the reason why you don't live together before you're married is because you don't have before marriage, and you're already doing that. So then you might as well at least test the waters.

Nicole [00:18:46]: I agree with that. If you're already doing that, if you're not upholding part.

John [00:18:49]: If you're not already doing that, then.

Nicole [00:18:50]: Fine, then, yeah, if you're upholding that part, then no. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. But if you. Like you said, if you're not upholding the sex before marriage, then why. Why not move in?

John [00:19:02]: I guess because your parents and everyone will brown on you and whatever. But it's your life. You need to. You need to figure this stuff out because. Yeah, because it'll be a different dynamic when you're. For a lot of people, it ends up being. For us, it wasn't a different dynamic.

Nicole [00:19:17]: But no, it felt very natural. But no, it is a different dynamic for a lot of people. And like I said, I feel like you either start building more resentment and it divides your relationship even more.

John [00:19:29]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:30]: Or it brings you together closer, like, makes you stronger, which I feel like that's what it did for you and I.

John [00:19:36]: And, like, because it's a test of, like, we did the episode on Becoming One. And it's like if you move in together and you try to live separate lives, you're going to have conflict because he's going out. Jimmy, you know what I mean? Hanging out with his friends or whatever.

Nicole [00:19:59]: Girlfriend.

John [00:19:59]: Doing this thing that she usually does. She goes out dancing. She does, Right. And it's like, well, it's because you.

Nicole [00:20:06]: Live different, a different life when you're on your own, no matter what, no matter who you are. Like, it's like, okay, when I lived on my own, like, I would come home, make dinner, maybe watch some Netflix or something, and then, like, take my time to get ready for bed and whatever. And now, like, that we're together. It's like, I don't. We. We cook together, we eat dinner together. It's more of, like, an experience than it was when I just lived by myself.

John [00:20:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:32]: And, you know, or we'll play a game or do something rather than just watch tv. Sometimes we watch stuff like Love is Blind, but.

John [00:20:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:40]: You know, and then we have, like, times where you read a chapter of a book before we go to bed. So it's like, yeah. You know, you. You create different habits and routines when someone else is in your space. You also have someone else to consider, someone else to, like, keep in mind. And like, your hobbies and things that you do change when you go from being single to in a relationship. Like, when you're single, if your friends call you up on a Friday night, you might be like, sure. You know, throw on some clothes and go.

John [00:21:11]: Right.

Nicole [00:21:12]: Doesn't matter if you come home at 2am or whatever. But if you're in a relationship, you're not just gonna do that. You know, like, it's. It's just a different.

John [00:21:21]: And it doesn't mean that you don't have anything that you, like, hobbies that you do.

Nicole [00:21:25]: Yeah.

John [00:21:26]: Style for hang out with your friends. But it's like, it's part of the one life that it's like, you know, as opposed to, I'm gonna do my thing and you're gonna do your thing, and then we're gonna meet up right when we're ready.

Nicole [00:21:38]: When you're single, it's totally. You're totally focused on yourself.

John [00:21:42]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:42]: That's all that you have. Like, and that's all. You don't have a, like, responsibility to anybody else. But when you get into a relationship, it's like, I'm. Like, you said, you're not. Not doing things that you want to do, but now you have to be like, oh, hey, like, I, you know, I'm planning to go have lunch with my friend at, like, 12. And then. Because it's like, what if you have a doctor's appointment? I mean, like, we share one car because it works for us. And so that's also another reason to keep that in mind. But it's like, you still go do the things that you want, but you have to keep your partner in mind. And it's not like it shouldn't be a thing that, like, bothers you to do. I guess because some people act like it's such a bother to, like, be considerate of their partner.

John [00:22:29]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:29]: Which is also weird to me.

John [00:22:30]: Or they think of it as they're like, I heard people use the phrase I need to tell everywhere I'm going or.

Nicole [00:22:37]: Yeah.

John [00:22:37]: Or like what I need for everything that I do. And it's like, no, you're thinking of it the completely wrong way. Right. If that even crosses your mind. You just, you're not getting it. Like, that's not how it is. It's not, it's. It's just you're thinking, you need to be thinking of living one life.

Nicole [00:22:52]: Right.

John [00:22:53]: And so.

Nicole [00:22:53]: To the oneness.

John [00:22:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:55]: You know, like you are one. Even when you move in, it's like you're one. You're living under one roof.

John [00:23:00]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:01]: Like, you should already be operating from the place of oneness. I feel like, because like plenty of people asked me after our wedding and stuff, they're like, oh, how's like married life? And I'm like, it's the exact same, but in a good way.

John [00:23:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:14]: You know what I mean? Like, I feel like it's dangerous when people treat marriage like some huge transformation in their life because it's like you should have already been operating relationship wise from that place. Now you're just legally adding a title. But you should have been operating this way.

John [00:23:30]: That's why it's so bizarre when people are like, not to get off on the bachelorette bachelor party again, but. And they're like, my last night being single, like, no, that wasn't. That was before you.

Nicole [00:23:40]: That was before you said, yes, I'll be your girlfriend. I agree.

John [00:23:44]: That's like, yeah, it's. If you're thinking that like you're, you're in trouble because you're thinking the wrong way, like, now things are going to change because now you're not. Now you're married. No, it's not.

Nicole [00:23:56]: And I mean, don't get me wrong, like, going on a trip with your friends sounds like a great time, you know, like, for what it is, like a vacation with your friends. But I feel like personally when I see people like go all out, like super all out for all of this wedding stuff.

John [00:24:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:15]: Like with all of the, with the bachelorette with like the bridal showers with all this stuff, spending all this money, I'm just like, it just doesn't feel genuine. You know what I mean? Like, we spent a pretty penny on our wedding, don't get me wrong. But it was, if you went to our wedding, it was very intimate, very, like just everybody having a really good time.

John [00:24:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:38]: And so the money felt like it was spent for more meaningful rather than like, we spent thousands of dollars on flowers that are gonna die. You know what I mean? Like, tens of thousands of dollars that some people do. Or, like, you know, go, like, spend thousands of dollars on a bachelorette trip with, like, between. Where you're actually going, airplane tickets, all the gifts you're supposed to get, all the people.

John [00:25:02]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:25:02]: Like, it just turns into this, like. Like super expensive, like, production.

John [00:25:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:25:11]: I guess, like I said, don't get me wrong, like, because we thought about doing a combined, like, bachelorette bachelor party with, like, other couples.

John [00:25:20]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:25:20]: Which I think that's fine because it's like a vacation for your other couple friends.

John [00:25:25]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:25:26]: It's like, so that. I'm not saying that, like, we're totally against vacations with your friends or whatever, but it has to be within the context of, like, where you are. And like, you said you're not single. Like, you shouldn't just go out with a bunch of your girlfriends. Like you would if you were single. Like.

John [00:25:43]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:25:43]: Get your couple friends.

John [00:25:45]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:25:45]: Together.

John [00:25:46]: But speaking of the travel, too, I think that's a good test of the relationship itself, is like.

Nicole [00:25:53]: Yeah.

John [00:25:53]: The first time you travel. Because especially tests. What'd you say?

Nicole [00:25:59]: The poop.

John [00:25:59]: The poop.

Nicole [00:26:01]: Like, you're gonna have to poop in front of them.

John [00:26:04]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:04]: That's always awkward. It's the first time pooping.

John [00:26:07]: Yeah. Unless it's always like. I mean, you can wait until you go out to the restaurant and then you can be like, oh, I gotta hit the restroom.

Nicole [00:26:16]: Which that's definitely what people do. People definitely try.

John [00:26:19]: Never in the.

Nicole [00:26:19]: Everything they can. Yeah, they try.

John [00:26:21]: But why do hotel rooms. Every hotel room, mandatory, should have a fan. A loud fan. And sometimes a lot of hotel rooms, especially nice hotel rooms, it's like a glass enclosure for the tour.

Nicole [00:26:33]: Yeah. It's, like, clear. You're like. You get to watch, too.

John [00:26:36]: Why would this even.

Nicole [00:26:38]: You know what's happening?

John [00:26:39]: Or it's like, all the way. It's like a. Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:42]: You get here. It's not like a sound. Soundproofing. Sort of.

John [00:26:46]: But I was thinking more in terms of, like, the.

Nicole [00:26:49]: No, I know. I know the logistics.

John [00:26:51]: Things are stressful. Right. You're.

Nicole [00:26:53]: Yeah. Trying to get to the flight.

John [00:26:54]: How the person gotta, like, get your stuff packed. You know, there's like, you gotta check in or the rental car where you're gonna get this and, you know, and.

Nicole [00:27:03]: Things are gonna go wrong.

John [00:27:04]: Yeah. And then you.

Nicole [00:27:04]: And you can see. Yeah. You can see almost like, you know how people are kind of like. Oh, let's, like, we always refer to love as blind. Because we, like, watching love is blind and, like, dissecting it. But, like, when the couples were like, you know, I think it was Amy and Johnny were like, we need to get into, like, a fight to see what we're gonna be like.

John [00:27:24]: First big fight.

Nicole [00:27:25]: It's kind of like that. Yeah, you kind of. You want to get into a situation where it's a little stressful and, like, things are happening to see how that person's gonna react. Man or woman.

John [00:27:35]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:27:35]: You know, because, like, a lot of times women can freak out and stuff, too. And a lot of times men can freak out. So it's like, yeah, how is this? But especially as a woman, it's like, how is he going to handle this? Like, if you're letting the man lead when things get rough.

John [00:27:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:27:51]: You want to see how he's going to handle it.

John [00:27:53]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:53]: Right. It also helps build your trust in him.

John [00:27:56]: Right.

Nicole [00:27:57]: As a leader to see that. Like, I'm not saying that, like, if we're in a stressful situation, I'm just going to be like, go ahead, John. Figure it all out. Like, I'm obviously going to help you.

John [00:28:07]: But the man should be on top of it, figuring out you're right. Like, if he starts reacting, it starts snapping, and it's like, whatever. Or he just delegates, like, abdicates. And it's like, you figure it out or, you know, instead of taking charge of the situation and getting it taken care of, then you're getting a lot of information about how he's going to handle life.

Nicole [00:28:26]: Right. And we're saying this from a place of. Both of us have traveled with previous partners that have made it horrible.

John [00:28:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:36]: And John and I have traveled many places now together, and we've dealt with our own, you know, wrenches and plans, and it's never been like that.

John [00:28:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:48]: So it's a really good, like, test. I'm not saying, like, go to a different country or fly somewhere to just to test your relationship, but, like, definitely, if you're kind of, like, in a position where you're like, I'm having, like, some. I don't want to say, like, second thoughts, but if you're kind of like, I don't know about this person being the one for me.

John [00:29:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:29:12]: You could even do, like, a weekend trip somewhere. Because even with the weekend trips, you're gonna run into something. I mean, it's a little bit less if you're not, like, flying or something. But if. I think even a weekend trip could get you a good sort of, yeah.

John [00:29:28]: It's good to have a good four to five days together, though, because that's again, most longer than, like, even if they're living together, most people are working.

Nicole [00:29:36]: Right.

John [00:29:37]: So they're not spending four to five days together, like, totally together. You spend four to five days together and see. And play some overcooked and see where you're at.

Nicole [00:29:48]: If you really want to test your relationship, play overcooked, which, like, we're saying this as people who don't fight during overcooked and get the four stars, but sometimes even we will be like, why didn't you chop the tomatoes? But it's nice. Like, it's not.

John [00:30:05]: But yeah. Especially that amount of time together, like, constantly.

Nicole [00:30:10]: Right.

John [00:30:11]: Like, it's weird because I know that most people, when they hear that, they're like, oh, yeah. But it's like, for us, it's. Honestly, there's no, like, we can't get enough. It's. Right there's. Neither of us know it. Or like, I just need my space. I can't wait to get back and just have. I never feel like that. I know you say that. You never feel like that either, so.

Nicole [00:30:29]: No, yeah, I know. I'm like, we could stay for however.

John [00:30:33]: Long we want it, but trips for guys, right? It's like, you book everything, take care of.

Nicole [00:30:43]: Good luck with that.

John [00:30:44]: The dates, plan out the hotel, all the rental, all the stuff. That's a man's job now. And the reason why I say that specifically is most guys delegate that to a woman, right? They're like, you pick the place, you. And it's like you're.

Nicole [00:31:03]: But don't hold it over her head because I've also had somebody plan things and be like, I planned everything and you didn't do anything. And it's like, you could have asked me.

John [00:31:13]: Yeah, that's not the point. You just do that because you're the man and you take care of the things so she doesn't have to worry about these things and you make it nice.

Nicole [00:31:21]: Well, it also, again, is another thing that shows her that you're taking the lead. Authority.

John [00:31:29]: Yeah, that's what it is. So, yeah, so that's important to do that stuff. Take care of everything, make sure it's all taken care of.

Nicole [00:31:38]: Yeah, that's going to be a hard one, I think, for guys.

John [00:31:40]: Yeah. But it's important. That's.

Nicole [00:31:42]: But you have to care enough. I think that's the thing is that guys, like, they're planning trips and they don't really care enough or maybe they don't even really want to go. Maybe they have. Maybe their wife or their partner or whoever makes trips unbearable and so they're not planning, you know, I get it if that's the case. But then you have to sit there and be like, what am I. What am I doing?

John [00:32:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:08]: And you need to do this before you get married.

John [00:32:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:10]: Right. Or if you're. If it was fine and you got married and now you're in this place of. You're like, I can't stand going anywhere with her, then you need to work on your marriage. You need to figure out what you guys need to work on and see.

John [00:32:21]: And that was a good indicator. When I was with you, when we traveled on our first trips was stressful situations did come up, and I was, like, amazed that you're just being cool about it. That there was like. It was like, even if we're, like, coming close to being late for a flight or whatever, it was like we were just working together. No one was getting all snippy. And.

Nicole [00:32:48]: Yeah.

John [00:32:48]: Like, you were just so calm. And I was like, okay, this is not what I'm used to.

Nicole [00:32:53]: Well, what are you gonna do? Like, what is yelling and freaking out gonna do? Nothing. Ever. What is yelling and freaking out ever gonna do? I mean, it's one thing if you're like, on the edge of a cliff and you're about to fall off, then you could freak out.

John [00:33:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:07]: It still probably isn't gonna help you, but. Yeah, you know, like, that's. But that's my thing too. And then, you know, for me, a lot of the things that I was like, wow. Was if, like, maybe I wasn't feeling good because, like, sometimes I get sick feeling when I travel or, you know, I'm really tired because of. You know, when we went to Mexico, I was up at 3am and I was so tired, and you weren't like, what? Like, I paid for this trip. We just got here and you want to stay, sleep. Like, plenty of guys would act like that. But I was like, you understood, though, that I got up and you appreciated what I went through to get to where we were. And I feel like a lot of people don't do that. You know, a lot of guys don't do that. And. Or they'll be like, well, I got bought this, all this, so we could, like, have a good time and in their head and get laid, and that's all they care about. They don't care about the actual person that's there. But you always cared. And, like, you Know if we went somewhere and I'm like, my stomach hurts. You're not going to be like, well, we still need to go.

John [00:34:10]: Or. Or I'll drop you off at the hotel and I'll go out.

Nicole [00:34:15]: Right.

John [00:34:15]: Like that. And people do that. That's the other thing is they go on trips together and then they do separate things.

Nicole [00:34:21]: Right.

John [00:34:22]: Well, I'm going to stay out at the bar. You're tired, go to bed or whatever. No, yeah, that's not that. And that. The war, that. You find that stuff out too, you know, that's true. But yeah, the other thing I was going to say too, is like, so we talk about the trips is friends, like, how you got to find out how your partner acts in front of their friends.

Nicole [00:34:46]: Because, yeah, some people.

John [00:34:48]: And family, but. But friend. Well, family, I guess, too, because they were. Sometimes people will revert to a different version of themselves when they're around family or they'll.

Nicole [00:34:57]: Well, it can be triggering. So I get it.

John [00:34:59]: But especially, I think women need to see how a man treats his mother, I think. Right.

Nicole [00:35:06]: Just, you know, in multiple ways. Like, obviously, if he doesn't treat her very well, red flag. But obviously, if he's, like, too attached. Red flag.

John [00:35:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:15]: Like, you can tell if he, like, cares and, like, takes care of her without it being, like, overstepping your relationship, sort of.

John [00:35:25]: And I think a guy should also see a woman's relationship with her father. I think that's important too, because it doesn't. I mean, if it's a bad relationship, then it can. There can be some problems off of that. You know, if she has a good. If she. I think for. For a man, like, when he sees a woman interacting with her family, with her father, especially if she looks up to her father, if she respects him, if she feels like he's a man, like, and if she. If, you know, she treats him with that kind of authority or respect, that's a good sign because that means that she probably respects a man. I mean, she's going to have a high standard for a guy, which is good. But that means that she probably respects him. But if she's totally disrespectful to her father, then you can expect that she's going to probably be totally disrespectful to you.

Nicole [00:36:14]: She's probably never, ever respected a man in her life. So.

John [00:36:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:21]: Which, you know, you also can't pick who you grow up with. So I'm not saying that there's women out there who have. Maybe have a dad. They don't respect. And they could still respect men, you know, if they've interacted with good men. So it's not a for sure thing. Obviously, like, people need to use the knowledge that they have. But I agree with you that, like, I don't think I'd maybe break up with somebody, but it's a good indicator to, like, kind of see what could happen potentially.

John [00:36:51]: Because you're getting like when people are comfortable around. And they're usually comfortable around their friends and their family.

Nicole [00:36:59]: Right.

John [00:36:59]: And that's the thing is you want to see how this person reacts in situations where they're. Because they're on their best behavior, especially if it's a new relationship. Right. Because they don't want to mess things up or they might be infatuated with you to the point where they're acting differently because they're afraid of losing you as opposed to what's going to happen when that goes. Because that usually goes away.

Nicole [00:37:20]: Right.

John [00:37:20]: You know, to the point you get more comfortable.

Nicole [00:37:22]: And then now they're comfortable with you.

John [00:37:24]: Right.

Nicole [00:37:24]: But now you're so far in that it's harder to leave for a lot of people.

John [00:37:29]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:37:29]: Because they've spent so much time, they invested so much time, but now the person's changed, you know, and you just really never saw them. So. Yeah, that's a good indicator.

John [00:37:39]: And in front of the friends, too, I think, is a big one too, because it's like kind of like with.

Nicole [00:37:43]: Kids, you know, like how they act at home versus when they act when they're with their friends, when they're showing.

John [00:37:49]: Off in front of their friends.

Nicole [00:37:50]: Right.

John [00:37:50]: Yeah, exactly. And it's like you get to see. Because a lot of times people will. They'll start to. They might even be mean to their partner to like, show how cool they are, like showing off in front. And that's like they're there, right there. You get to see what choice they're making.

Nicole [00:38:09]: Like, who are they really valuing the most about?

John [00:38:11]: Or are they trying to look good in front of their friends?

Nicole [00:38:13]: Right.

John [00:38:14]: They care about their partner. Or do they stop being affectionate in front of their friends too? Right. It's like, oh, I don't want my friends to see that. I, you know.

Nicole [00:38:22]: Well, I struggle with affection too. And some. It's not that sometimes, which I'm not, like, totally not affectionate towards you. I think mine too is just. I hate people feeling like a third wheel or something. Like, you know, like awkward around two people doing pda because we can be very affectionate. So I'M always like, what's a. What's an appropriate amount? And like, sometimes I feel like I hold back too much because I know how much I could be affectionate towards you.

John [00:38:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:51]: And I'm like, I don't want to, like, scare people with, like, how affectionate we are. But you're always like, it's fine.

John [00:38:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:58]: And it's just like, it's something that I'm learning.

John [00:39:01]: I think it's fine balance. It's fine to be as affectionate as you want, even if other people around to your partner. You just have to be careful with the sexuality line. That's where. Where it's.

Nicole [00:39:12]: Yeah.

John [00:39:13]: Because no one's really going to be super uncomfortable if you're hanging on your partner. If you're, you know, I mean, people are.

Nicole [00:39:20]: Because they don't, like, they don't even maybe feel that with the person that they're with, you know? Or like, they're like bitter because they haven't found somebody.

John [00:39:31]: But that's not something you should cater to.

Nicole [00:39:33]: I know, but it's like, you know, I just think about all the people. But yeah.

John [00:39:39]: But it's also not good for them because they're. They're not seeing the example that they should be looking for.

Nicole [00:39:44]: Yeah.

John [00:39:44]: So it's better for people. It's like even the same thing. Like, we've had talks about, like, with. With my daughter and stuff. And it's like, yeah, we want to be as affectionate as possible around so that she sees. Because it's very easy to. To make the argument and say, oh, well, you know, don't want to make her feel bad or whatever. And it's like, but now you want her to see this is how people who are married, who are in love, how they treat each other and they, you know, because it's funny because even she was like. She was like, I don't know. Remember she had that conversation. She's like, I don't know if I want to get. I don't want to get married. I don't want to. You guys are just boring. You just like.

Nicole [00:40:19]: It's like, you guys just like, eat and go to bed. And we're like, no, we go on dates when you're not here because we want to spend time with you when you're here. Like, hello. You know, and she's like, oh. And we're like, yeah. You know, like, it's a little different because we have our 50. 50. But it's.

John [00:40:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:40:37]: You know, we spend the week with her. With her.

John [00:40:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:40:40]: Because we know we'll have a week to go on dates or, you know, do whatever we want to do, but, you know. And she sees us play overcooked.

John [00:40:47]: Yeah, but she.

Nicole [00:40:49]: I don't think she likes overcooked, but, you know.

John [00:40:51]: But have you ever had situations where people are different and for other friends.

Nicole [00:40:57]: I mean. I'm sure I have, but it's hard because it's like, you don't. You're not in that relationship, so you don't see them, like, go back, you know, but then you see the couple. I don't know. Because sometimes, too, maybe people act more affectionate in front of their friends to look like they're happier, and then at home, they don't, you know.

John [00:41:17]: Oh, yeah. They can put on the friend.

Nicole [00:41:18]: So it's, you know, it's hard to, like, tell for sure if people are doing that. But I know what you mean, because I think it's. That's why I mentioned the, like, kid thing. You know, how kids act different in front of their friends. Like, at home, they, like, you know, do what they're supposed to, but then when their friends are here, they're like, do you want to paint the. On the wall? And you're like, what? Like, no.

John [00:41:40]: Yeah, but I mean, the drinking, too, can be a thing, too. In front of the friends, too.

Nicole [00:41:44]: Or it's like, yeah, well, that's. Go out with drinking in general. If you're out with friends and stuff, they're. They're gonna enable you.

John [00:41:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:53]: Like, that's just gonna happen. Yeah. Like, when I was single and I would go out with my friends, they would always try to get me to drink more. And I'm like, no. Like, I never had a problem being like, no, but they'd still try. And so it's like, you know, it's. Even if you're a couple, too, and you're going out with other couples and you're drinking, your friends are gonna enable you.

John [00:42:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:12]: And, like, try to be like, oh, go do this. Or, like, you know, whatever, but. And then two, that can make you, like, more affectionate than normal because you're inebriated. And, like, that might not be for the right reason or, you know, I don't know. It's just.

John [00:42:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:32]: All that kind of stuff kind of murkies the water of the relationship. But it is important. It is important to put yourself in these situations. The traveling, the seeing how people are around, friends and family, living with each other. Because that, like, I feel like you have to do those things.

John [00:42:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:53]: In Order to like really get a good grip on can I marry this person?

John [00:42:57]: Right.

Nicole [00:42:58]: And if you don't want to get married, then I guess, you know, do whatever you want to do. But even if you just plan to stay in a long term relationship, you still need to do those things before, like to figure out if it is going to be a long term relationship. So really everybody should be doing it. Unless you're in a situationship or, you know, you just started dating. Like, I'm not telling people to go to Mexico on the fourth date like we did. But like it is important because we've both been in situations where, you know, we've been on trips and I mean, luckily I was in one where immediately after the trip, during the trip, actually I wanted to break up, but we had like five days. So I was like. And it was a 10 day trip. So I was like, I can't do this obviously here and now, like, you know, I need to wait. But immediately after I broke up with them, like, it is a big deal. Like it's.

John [00:43:53]: Yeah. You find out a lot of information.

Nicole [00:43:55]: You do.

John [00:43:56]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:56]: Like you see how people really treat you and like I said, like in the stress, especially in stressful situations, because life is. There's always going to be some stressful situation.

John [00:44:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:06]: And you need to see how the person's going to react.

John [00:44:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:10]: And it's like, because you could be, you know, calm, cool and collected and you're with somebody that blows the heck up.

John [00:44:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:19]: And it. I don't think people realize how much that like drains you. Even if you're trying to be the rock.

John [00:44:26]: Oh yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:27]: Like, even if you're trying to be calm, cool and collected. Even if you're trying to figure things out, somebody like totally going off the rail or freaking out just. It can ruin your whole trip.

John [00:44:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:40]: And you know, just let them be with someone else that also freaks out. And then they can freak out and you find somebody that is, you know, on the same page as you and makes even a stressful situation enjoyable. Because that's what I feel like me and you have. It's like, even if for some reason they're like, you know, oh, like one time we got stuck in Charlotte with Toto and like, you know, we didn't do anything crazy. But it wasn't like no one was. We weren't mad at each other the whole time. Sitting in the hotel room situation. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

John [00:45:11]: But part of it also too is that like, as a man, I handle situations when they need to be dealt With, Right. I think if I wasn't like that, you'd probably get annoyed.

Nicole [00:45:24]: Well, yeah, I think too, as a woman, personally, like, like I've said in other things, like, when you're on your own as a woman, you have to figure things out. And so if you're in a relationship and the man, instead of like, okay, let's figure this out, is like, oh, my God, what are we gonna do? Like, I can't deal with this. It's almost like, gives you the ick because you're like, well, what are you gonna do? Like, how did you survive life until this point? Like, you just freaked out, right? It's like, that's not going to get us anywhere. Like, so I think it's just like you said, it does show what the dynamic is going to be. Because if he's freaking out over this, what if, like, your. His car breaks down on the side of the road and instead of like, just sucking it up and calling AAA or a tow truck, he calls you and he's like, I broke down. Like, like, I don't. I'm just gonna sit here for a while because I don't know what to do. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, it's just.

John [00:46:22]: No, and part of the whole thing too, I think, just even with the travel and like, I was talking about booking everything is like. Then it's like, okay, well, if we're booking a trip, I'm taking care of that. Like, that's a micro for it, right?

Nicole [00:47:11]: You're encompassing everybody in that because it's under your responsibility.

John [00:47:16]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:47:17]: Yeah.

John [00:47:17]: And that's the thing is. And even with the spaces and. And getting together and, you know, I think a lot of the conflict and issues happen where the guy's not viewing it as a woman or the couple's not viewing it that way, the man's not setting it forth. Like, okay, you're entering my life, so I'm going to take care of you and make sure that all these things, you know, even if a woman's entering a guy's space or does he give her a toothbrush and like, like, does he give her the big closet space? Does he, you know, or is she like, like a secondhand citizen? You know, I mean, right.

Nicole [00:47:51]: Like, he's still about him, but.

John [00:47:53]: Right.

Nicole [00:47:53]: You know, she's just there now.

John [00:47:55]: Right.

Nicole [00:47:56]: Yeah, I think. But I think too, that kind of goes into maybe a whole different topic of like, I just don't feel like men take pride in taking care of a woman. They see them as a child or, you know, it's not. And which even makes me more afraid that men view taking care of their women as similar to a child.

John [00:48:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:18]: Because that makes me feel like they wouldn't. They don't really care about taking care of their child either. Like, it's like a burden.

John [00:48:25]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:26]: So be careful of those sort of men, ladies, if they. If they are telling you that taking care of a woman is like taking care of. It's like another child or dependent.

John [00:48:35]: Yeah. If they say you're.

Nicole [00:48:36]: Don't reproduce.

John [00:48:37]: Yeah. They say you're with them, don't date them.

Nicole [00:48:39]: Yeah.

John [00:48:40]: These are. Yeah, that's.

Nicole [00:48:42]: That's a whole nother episode. Because that really should be a whole nother episode.

John [00:48:45]: So you want women to be.

Nicole [00:48:49]: Men are gonna be. That's keyboard warriors in the comments for this one.

John [00:48:53]: That's how you want it to be. That's how it should be. So.

Nicole [00:48:59]: Yeah. So, yeah, definitely do all those things.

John [00:49:02]: We should probably move to our segment.

Nicole [00:49:05]: What is the segment?

John [00:49:07]: I mean, I don't know. I mean, we've had a great trip. But.

Nicole [00:49:13]: I mean, I guess the only thing is that you felt like I didn't initiate.

John [00:49:19]: Oh, yeah. Yeah. The beginning of the trip.

Nicole [00:49:22]: Certain activities. But, you know, that's. It wasn't Feel like a huge thing. I think it was just something that I needed to be reminded of because again, that, I mean, I guess we could have. Should have mentioned it in. Was it the last episode that we talked about, like, intimacy.

John [00:49:42]: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:44]: Because when you told me about like, what, like, makes you feel desired and like, initiate. Like, I thought initiate meant like, me do things to you, which I do. But you. You view it as like, me telling you what you want me to do or like you to do to me. And that has, like, been hard for me to fully process.

John [00:50:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:50:12]: So it was really just kind of like a refresher thing of something we already talked about. It wasn't like a big, huge thing. And. Yeah. I just feel like kind of that sort of stuff and like the clingy stuff, it's. Women just get really confused about those sort of things because they're told so many different things.

John [00:50:32]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:50:33]: And they feel. Still feel like they're pushed to be very independent by most men. And so it's, you know, I feel like a lot of that kind of confuses women when you're in a situation like this, like, oh, you want me to be clingy? Oh, you want me to, like, tell you what I want you to do, you know, like in that way. So it's like, you know, something that I'm just trying to still process, which I feel like I've been better because this was like the beginning of the week.

John [00:51:02]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:51:03]: And yeah. You know, it's just, it's a learning curve, you know, like being with you helped me naturally fall into like a more feminine role. Like just on its own because you're so masculine. But there's still parts that like, I learned as a woman in today's society of like, do things on your own and don't be clingy and don't like, act like you need him, you know, like too much.

John [00:51:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:51:31]: So it's just you have to like, unlearn a lot of things. And it's weird because, like, in some ways you need to know that, like when you're dating.

John [00:51:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:41]: Because you don't want to give a man things that he doesn't deserve, he hasn't earned.

John [00:51:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:46]: But at the same time, it's hard to unlearn them when, especially like when you're dating for so long. Like you and I met when I was like the end of my 20s. And so that's like a long time dating with these sort of things that were beneficial dating. But then when you're in this dynamic and you know, you're. You, like, they're still ingrained and you gotta like chip away at some of that. So.

John [00:52:11]: Yeah, no, that makes, you know. Yeah, it's true. And I think the biggest thing is it's like the feminine requires safety.

Nicole [00:52:20]: Right.

John [00:52:21]: And because all of those things are things that require vulnerability, which requires safety. Because the feminine is fragile.

Nicole [00:52:30]: Right.

John [00:52:31]: Delicate.

Nicole [00:52:31]: Well, and, and I think as a woman, you're so used to like being screwed over. Like, I'm not saying men don't get screwed over.

John [00:52:41]: I'm not saying that.

Nicole [00:52:42]: But like, look at Love is Blind. Like, how many men on that show.

John [00:52:45]: When they are fragile have done.

Nicole [00:52:48]: Yes. Where women are vulnerable and you know, and guys are acting like they're pretending like they care.

John [00:52:55]: Right.

Nicole [00:52:55]: And then they don't actually.

John [00:52:57]: Right.

Nicole [00:52:57]: You know, or they're saying all the right things and a woman believes them and then they leave them high and dry at the altar. So it's like, you know, it's, it's a scary, it's scary for women, you know, and that's why, like, it's, it's confusing.

John [00:53:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:53:13]: Because you learn one thing and then when you're finally safe, you're almost like afraid still. Or like you still have some of those things. Like I said, like, I'm not afraid, right? But there's still, like. It's just incredible part of me that's like, I don't want. I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to, like, you know, like, tell you what to do or whatever. But it's not that way. But it's like, that's what was programmed in my brain.

John [00:53:39]: And. And not only that, but it's like, even when we make these episodes and the comments on the clips and stuff, it reinforces that to a lot of. Because guys are like, I don't know. It's like, instead of. There's not very many guys like, that are in their masculinity that are like, I want a woman that depends on me, right?

Nicole [00:53:58]: And I'm gonna. And I want to take care of her, right? How many men have you seen come on somewhere and been like, I want to take care of a woman. How many?

John [00:54:05]: Right? You don't see that.

Nicole [00:54:06]: And none.

John [00:54:07]: In fact, they're saying the exact opposite things, which makes sense.

Nicole [00:54:10]: And then women read that, and they're like, okay, I don't see any men saying, I want to take care of a woman, so I need to make sure I take care of myself. Because I'm reading all these comments of men being like, I don't need another. I don't need a kid.

John [00:54:22]: And like I say all the time, guys are screwing themselves over because the things that they do want, the feminine things that they. That they want, they come from that safety, which is the responsibility of taking care of a woman. That's when she gives you that feminine side, and it's like, scale.

Nicole [00:54:42]: So I'm still messing up sometimes, but I'm trying. Hardly.

John [00:54:47]: Hardly.

Nicole [00:54:48]: I'm trying.

John [00:54:50]: All right, well, I guess that's it for our episode in Paradise.

Nicole [00:54:54]: Aloha.

John [00:54:55]: Aloha. Mahalo for joining us today.

Nicole [00:54:59]: Mahalo for joining us today.