John: It's kind of like that trope where women used to make fun of men, saying they will never ask for directions because they're too prideful. But today, I guess men are like, "You drive; you figure it out." That's what's missing, and that's why also men should be fixing their relationships and taking the responsibility. If you think Western women are broken, don't blame it on them; blame it on you. Take responsibility. Don't have enough pride to be like, "I'm a man; I can handle this." Men don't realize that when they act like they have it handled and try to actually handle things, a woman will trust you more. Beyond the perfect, we discover through our flaws. We complete each other better than perfect. We stay through every fault we find a way. Alright, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole: You did it.

John: I did it.

Nicole: You go, boy. But yeah, that was good. I was waiting. I was like, is he going to say it? And you did. It was flawless. Alright, well, there's plenty we could open this up with. Do you want to open this up with anything specific, or do you want to go straight into the topic? I mean, we should address the topic of today, not the Passport Bros thing, but we just talk a couple of things, clarify a few points. I think that people have misconstrued about the subject. First of all, the racism, I think that's a pretty ridiculous thing. Obviously, we're not saying that people or women in other countries are lesser or not in any way. We're strictly talking about women who are repressed in whatever country it is.

John: And in whatever situation that might make her repressed. In some countries, it's the actual laws that make women repressed. In some countries, it's just the culture, or certain things like that, that make women repressed. And those are typically the women that these men are going after.

Nicole: Right, exactly. Because they haven't worked on themselves, they want somebody that will just not hold them accountable. And that was the whole point of the Passport Bros. We're not talking about guys in the military or guys who are just traveling, and they meet a woman. This is specifically about Passport Bros.

John: Yeah, the guys who hate American women and then want to go find a certain type of woman. And then some of the men too were trying to be like, "Oh well, there's women who work and have good work ethic and do things like that in other countries." We're also not really talking about those women because, to a Passport Bro, that's not the type of woman they're looking for.

Nicole: Not looking for a woman that has similar attributes that an American woman would have, like working and focusing on her career and things like that. They're looking for the more traditional woman, which is what they say. So, a lot of the guys in those comments were trying to manipulate what we were saying. Again, they were going off of the clips mostly. A lot of these people got to watch the full episode.

John: Yeah, they don't watch the full thing. So, they're going based off clips, and then they're throwing all these accusations out. But yeah, it's like, you know, there's going to be women in a lot of those countries where they are legit running scams on the guys that are coming in trying to—

Nicole: Right, which it's not all women, but it's not all of them there. But American women can do the same thing, and like any woman anywhere can do the same thing. That's what guys call gold diggers, right? Like, that's essentially like a scam, using somebody for something. Just to think that you can go somewhere and all your problems will be solved is the problem with the Passport Bros.

John: It's trying to get a CR. It's like, look, if you're a baseball player and you couldn't make it in the major leagues, or whatever, and then you went and joined a little league team, right? And you're like, "See how good I am. I'm the best," knocking 5-year-olds out of the way. It's like, okay, yes, you're winning the games, but you're playing in the little leagues now. So, that's kind of what it looks like to me when you're going to another undeveloped country.

Nicole: Right, an undeveloped country, right. Where there's not as much opportunity. It's like being a billionaire in the United States. You're going to have a lot of women that will suddenly be very feminine to you, will pretend to be very—they're going to cook for you, clean, they're going to do whatever you want. Are they really interested in you, or are they interested in the opportunity to be with a billionaire? You go over there, you know, you're American, you make decent money, whatever, you go over to an undeveloped country, a third-world country, it's like being a billionaire there. And yeah, when you say, "Oh yeah, the women are so much better there." No, better to you, because you're like a billionaire, you know what I mean? That's the same thing. You're playing T-ball.

John: And these women want good men too. And a lot of these guys go over there, and they can pretend to be a certain type of guy. They can pretend to be a good guy for like a week, and then they get married really fast or whatever they're trying to do. And then the situation isn't necessarily the same. Just like in the full episode, they don't usually have that intimacy and that connection that a real relationship has because it wasn't—He didn't have those intentions from the beginning.

Nicole: No man that I've seen that supports Passport Bros is like, "I want a woman who loves me and desires me and treats me like a king." It's always how he is always describing how she has to act.

John: Right, and that's what he's looking for. So, it's not about her; it's not about loving somebody; it's not about being in love. It's about having these certain characteristics. She has to be traditional, and she has to not talk back, and she has to be this, this, and this. Not once do they mention, "She has to like me for me; she has to love me." And that's the whole issue.

Nicole: Yeah, and there are two ways as a man to get a woman to be submissive to you and respectful and more feminine.

John: One of them is by being a man who earns that because of who you are and shows her he can do that. The other way is through arbitrage, where you're going somewhere where you present such a good opportunity.

Nicole: You see what I'm saying? It's not because of—Well, one's sustainable, and one's not. Because how long can you act like the man versus actually being the man? And those guys even admit, they're like, "Alright, 'cause we're like, 'Oh well, what happens when you bring her back to the US?' And like, 'Oh, we're not going to do that.'"

John: Right, like, yeah, 'cause—

John: You know what will happen because you know that you're just running a sham. It's not a legitimate relationship; it's more of an arrangement. We kind of talked about this at home. We didn't talk about it on the episode, that it's not even like an arranged marriage because in an arranged marriage, both people are working on it, right? And they're trying to make it work.

Nicole: Even if they got set up and they didn't know anything about each other, they're working towards love. They're working towards building an actual relationship, even though they didn't start out finding each other and having that instant connection. Whereas with the passport bros, again, I've never seen any of them talk about the connection, talk about building the love. And even in one of the comments on the YouTube video, it's just about, "Oh well, my friend went and got a wife from the Philippines, and she works really hard and now she makes more than him." There was nothing about love. They might still be together, but there was nothing about love, there's nothing about how well their relationship has developed and how much respect and love they have for each other, and they're the love of each other's lives. Like, none of that. There's never any of that.

John: No, and again, I don't disagree with the guy. I think I told you, I think Filipino people are really great. There's a lot of really good, hardworking, you know, it's a good culture. If I hire someone, I usually hire people from the Philippines because of that work ethic and just how they are. But that doesn't mean that you still can not have the other stuff. You still need to have the relationship. And again, the biggest thing I always tell guys all the time is it doesn't matter what you do, it matters why you do it. Nothing is wrong, right, by why you do a thing. So, it's like, look, because I have coaching clients of mine that have gone overseas, not for the purpose of because they couldn't get laid here, so they have to go there, but because it's a better opportunity for them starting a business, it's cheaper cost of living, and whatnot. And then they have found that, "Oh wow, I'm actually having a lot more dating success here, and the women treat me better." And like, I'll admit that that is the case in that. But the difference there, right, is that these guys are doing it not because they can't get laid in the US or they hate American women. They're doing it because they went for a different opportunity, and now they're there, so now they're dating. That's again, that's not the same. That's not a passport, running away from something. You're not being a victim. You're not not working on yourself. It's like, you know, if you're like, "Oh, I can't, I'm not good enough here, so I'm going to go over there," right? That's you're just running away from your problem, and that's the biggest issue that I have, is because it's the victim mindset. Like, fix your problem, and then if you're like, if you legit tell me, "Hey, look, I have success dating in the US. Women are great, but I prefer women that are Asian. Like, I prefer the look, I prefer, you know, and so that's why I went over there to date them, and I find that I just have better compatibility." Okay, fine. I'm not going to complain about that. That's still not a passport.

Nicole: Everybody knows what we're talking about, but they're trying to manipulate the situation. The whole thing because we're not talking about those instances. And I think we made it pretty clear, but if we haven't, then this part definitely makes it clear. But yeah, it's just not the same, and there is a difference. And men know there's a difference. The comment that you read is a passport bro. It's that disdain for American women. And the issues that are very, very obvious when you read that comment, what this man has, and instead of working on himself and trying to figure out where he might have some healing that he needs to do, he's going to go and just try to put a Band-Aid over it with some woman from another country. And with these guys need to realize, the thing too is that, like, I understand the problem with Western women, with Western culture, with Western society. Let's make it more broad instead of calling out women because that same disease that infects Western women infects Western men in a different way. And this is what we see from it. So, it's like you're looking at these women, and you're calling out they're on OnlyFans, they're showing their butt on Instagram, they're, you know, all the things that they're doing, right? Partying and not caring, all the, all the, I know what it is, and the wokeness, and all. Believe me, I'm not for all that stuff. I get it, I understand it. But you're not realizing that on the flip side, right, if we look at that same point, poison, that same poison is the same poison that you're ingesting in a different way. It's just you're not putting your butt on OnlyFans as a man, but you're becoming angry, you're becoming, and then women don't want anything to do with you, so they're doing everything else to try to not have to deal with men like that. Exactly, selfish, 50/50 men, all of, I could list the whole thing, and we will in this episode. But I'm just saying, is it's like, yeah, there is a problem with Western society and Western culture. We all know that, but it's not specifically just to women, and it's not specifically just to men, right? It is, you know, we all have to take, women have to do better and take more accountability and fix those things. And that's, but men have to learn to lead because they're the ones that set the pace and set the example. And that, and masculinity is the action-taking, forward-moving, right? And femininity follows it, and femininity needs a masculine space, protection, in order to exist. So, when guys are complaining about women not being feminine, they are responsible for it, not them directly, but come for you. But it's true because femininity cannot exist without having the space for it to be.

John: I mean, I agree. And even women that are, because again, I've mentioned this many times, I think women are trying to get back to being feminine, right? But, and the thing is, when a woman's single, she is in her masculine. When she goes and works and things like that, that is a more masculine thing.

Nicole: But at home, she's doing more feminine things because that's her safe space, right?

John: Yeah, and so, and when you're dating as a woman, dating is not safe for women. It's not safe to automatically jump out the gate and be 100% feminine towards a man, right? You don't know what his intentions are. And I'm not saying that women should be masculine on a date, but I'm saying that she's still going to have a blend of feminine and masculine when she goes on a date with you because she has to. I literally used to go on dates with a box cutter in my purse. Like, that sounds ridiculous, but as a woman.

John: You have to be prepared. Like now, if we went somewhere and I'm with you, I don't carry around a box cutter because I have you. But I'm just saying that men have to understand that even if they're not creating an unsafe space for a woman, women have to be safe. And guys don't get it because they haven't seen the text messages. They haven't seen them.

Nicole: Right, I've seen them from you. I've seen them from your friends. I've seen them when I dated women, and they showed me the things. And it's like, yeah, guys are... I mean, they'll be the nicest guy in the world saying all this stuff, and then as soon as they feel like you're ghosting them or rejecting them in some way, they're like... I mean, I would be scared if they had my address, you know what I mean? Because I don't know what they're going to do.

John: Exactly, exactly. Yeah. So, it is... Yeah, I hope people can understand you saying it though because I know even when we first got together, like you understood, but like you've said now that you've seen some of my friends and you've seen the reactions too from us doing this together and things like that, I think you have gotten a better understanding. Not that you didn't understand before, but it's like you are actually kind of on the other side.

Nicole: Yeah, and a lot of guys are saying, "Oh, she's changed you. She's..." you know, and it's like, no, it's more of a magnification, right? It's like it's more of me doubling down on the stuff that I was already saying.

John: Right, proof too, right? Like before, you would maybe be like, "Oh well, maybe it's not that big of a deal like you're saying it is," which a lot of men do. They're like, "Oh, women, you make all this stuff up." But now that you can actually see some of the stuff, you realize that it's more important to give this message to men. And men don't see that because they again don't have that behind-the-scenes, like seeing this stuff actually unfold in real life. They think it's a myth that they don't want to believe.

Nicole: Right, they don't want to believe that men get angry and do this sort of stuff to women, even though if you look at the comments, these men are angry and they're saying a bunch of stuff in the comments. So why wouldn't they say that to a woman that they're upset with? So yeah, I... you know, I'm glad that you're getting more of a perspective. Again, I'm not saying that women don't have any responsibility and don't need to take accountability and don't have things to work on. But, and again, this kind of goes back to when we try to do an episode on the woman's side of what they struggle with, and you had to do it because I was like, "Look, if I say it, they're not going to believe it at all. Like, they're not really going to listen." And they probably didn't even fully listen to you. But it's different when you actually see it.

John: Yeah, and like I said, I mean, it's not me changing my viewpoint. I've always been against the victim mindset. It's, and it's also not that women don't have any problems. Right, like I said, we just did an episode on a book that women should read called "The Surrendered W." You know, it's like women have a lot of issues, and there is a lot of issues in Western society that is systemic and causes problems. But my whole thing, you know, because I've been coaching men for a long time, is that I do expect, and I guess we're going to get into the topic, but I do have a higher expectation of men because they are the leaders and the protectors and the fighters. Right, and so I could sit here, and I could bash women. I could point out plenty of flaws about women, right? And but there's no purpose in me doing that because I don't expect that to be effective, and it wouldn't be right. But I do expect men, when I call out their flaws and their issues because they're leaders, to step up because I know that that is what is going to make the change. Is men. I don't expect women to lead the charge of changing Western society. How foolish would that be if what I'm saying is that men should be leaders and stepping up and being men, but I expect women to lead the charge in that happening? It doesn't make any sense.

Nicole: Authoritative, right. So, like, I think a lot of guys think that I don't understand the whole, the bad things women do. I completely understand. I completely... believe me, I have a daughter, right? We have a daughter, and I... we just had a conversation this week about, uh, strippers and not, you know, stuff like... like so, just this kind of stuff that, you know, they get in their heads from what's out there and from what women are doing. So, I understand completely all the stuff that... Well, and here's the thing that I think both men and women need to realize when they're single is that you can't change. Women can't change men, and men can't change women. Change yourself. Focus on the things that you need to work on yourself, and then when you get in a relationship, you'll realize there are things that you need to heal within that too. But you'll be in a better headspace, and you'll have known that you can do hard things, like break bad habits or heal certain things that you've been carrying around that you don't need to carry around. And then it'll make when you get in that situation better because women can't fix these men, and men can't fix women. Like, they can though, by being better versions of themselves. And that's why, and same with women, like you can attract the man or you can influence them.

John: Yeah, yeah, influence them by not being with them. I used to tell people, like when I was dating, that women don't realize that they have a certain influence over a man by not being with him. Like if he's interested in her and she's like, "Hey, like I've enjoyed talking to you, but there are a few things that, you know, I just don't think we align on, and so like I don't think we're a good fit." Right? And if he likes you, he might realize, again, you can't control this, you're not doing this to manipulate him, but he might be like, "Oh crap, yeah, I am acting this way, and I just lost a woman that I do find valuable." Right? And so maybe I should work on this thing. Like, women don't realize the power in saying no. And again, some of these men probably will be like, "Fuck you, fuck you," you know, that's normal. Every woman has dealt with a man who acts that way. But at the same time, you never know when you might have influenced a man to better himself because he did value you, and you respectfully declined him and told him why.

Nicole: Right, yeah, I agree.

John: Yeah, so again, I think instead of men blaming women and women blaming men, they need to focus on themselves and have standards and have boundaries. Yeah, because you will influence the people you're trying to influence by healing yourself and having these boundaries.

Nicole: 100%. Well, I guess we should get into the actual topic. I mean, it kind of all goes together.

John: The biggest problem with men today is...

Nicole: My topic, so yeah, clarify that. She made you pick this topic, John.

John: I just wonder why these guys think that somehow you're controlling me. What's so crazy about this is that we literally talk about how the man should be the leader. That's what we talk about on this podcast. We're on traditional relationships that they supposedly want. You're constantly giving me glowing reviews and praises on this podcast about how I am the best man ever. So, I'm like, how in what way is it that, you know, it's just... I think they don't believe it, or they think, I don't know, maybe they're jealous. But I think if people really realize and they listened and they saw a glimpse of our relationship, they would want the same for themselves. Instead of fighting us, right, they should be listening.

Nicole: Even if you don't agree, that's fine. And I think we've said it before, like if you have an actual educated sort of discussion you want to have in the comments, that's fine. But this whole "this is stupid, STFU," like okay, you look like a 13-year-old who's on the Internet. I clearly lead our relationship, but I do it with love. And I think that's what they can't comprehend. They can't comprehend it's possible. So, it's like, "Oh, she must be manipulating you. She must be..." you know. That's not the case. And I think they're still stuck in the traditional relationship of the '50s. They think that they want a woman that doesn't really have any input. And that's just not going to happen these days, and I don't think it should happen anyway. Because I think you're such a better team when you can communicate and have a sort of conversation about something. And even though you're going to ultimately make the decision at the end of the day, you see the benefit in us having these conversations. And I see the benefit of when you help me with certain problems that I have, and you make certain decisions. And I want to know, hey, why did you make this decision? It's from a place of curiosity and learning and growing rather than like a dictatorship, which is what they're thinking of in their mind. Because that's how it used to be with a traditional relationship. They don't even understand how a woman can help you grow, right, if she gives you her input. And again, it has to be in the correct way, which we've talked about on this podcast too, which I guess they forgot about. But I agree that women can be very reactive to conflict or certain things, and they don't handle it properly, and they don't handle it respectfully. We've had plenty of conversations about that, and that does need change. That's why we recommended that book too, right?

John: Yeah. And the thing to remember is that a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. So, in this case, a woman convinced... But if you run things like a dictatorship, if you have a wife that does not give any kind of opinion, that she just does what you say, and she doesn't have any kind of... She's just like, okay, I just have to do what he... Yeah, she's a yes woman, basically. Then she is still of the same opinion. You haven't won her heart. You may have won her mind. She might be obeying you, but she's resenting you. And, I mean, even in her mind, she might be disagreeing, but she might not be saying anything. And like you said, then all the resentment is building up. And then something's going to eventually happen. A good leader wins hearts and minds. A good leader leads people by example. They want to follow him. They don't feel... You know, it's like there's a huge difference between fear and respect. And yeah, you can have people fear you, or you can have them love and respect you. And that's a much more powerful form. Because what happens when the fear is gone away? This way also, guys, and rightly so, they complain. They say, "Oh, when I lost my job, then she was gone. Like, she, you know, as soon as I came on hard times, she was gone. As soon as I wasn't as successful, she was gone." Yeah, that's because, in many cases, she was only there because you were the dictator. You had the power. And because you had the power, she was listening to you based on you having the power. Once you lost the power, she doesn't actually respect you as a man. So that's it. But okay, getting into the thing, what is the biggest problem with men today? I would boil it down to one word. I would say there's actually two things, but one word, which is they lack pride. That is the biggest thing. And so, what do I mean by pride? I mean that it means something to be a man. And this comes down to all of the things that we've talked about on this podcast, that all the guys have complained about. And I'll tell you, the 50/50 guy, right? Why am I going to pay for... Why am I not going to allow a woman to pay for something for me? Because I'm a man. Because I have pride. Because it would be embarrassing to me to lower myself to let a woman pay half of a dinner or to pay something for me or to give me... Like, I can handle it. I'm a man. You know what I'm saying? It's almost like the pride. It's almost like I would rather see these guys be more chauvinist. And maybe that's a more chauvinist viewpoint, but maybe I'm chauvinist. But I've got pride in being a man. You know, and I think it should be more though about taking care of people, especially people that are more vulnerable and softer. Because what happens when you have a soft leader? Nothing's going to get done. Like, it's just not going to happen. A leader, a true leader, like a gentleman, like you are, you are caring, but you are firm. And that's what they don't realize. And what we've talked about too is that with the 50/50, if I'm also working to contribute half, but then I have to come home and do all the womanly duties still, right? Why wouldn't I be the authority? Why wouldn't I be the one who's going to work just like you're going to work, but when you get home, you're playing video games, and you're watching TV, or doing whatever you want to do, like relaxing. But I come home, and I have to do dishes, and I have to cook dinner, and I have to do laundry for both of us. I'm doing more work. Why wouldn't I be the authority figure? And this is not how our life is. I'm just saying, like, as a woman, this is often times where a lot of these women get in the authority.

John: Just like, know if a guy came and he was 50/50, and he did the laundry, and he did the dishes, and he did whatever, I'm sure the woman would be like, "Okay, cool. Yeah, I can just sit and..."

John: Watch TV, like, sure, say whatever you want, which, you know, she should be doing that. Yeah, but it still goes in the same respect because if a man is being a man and he's handling things financially and doing all those things, she will not have a problem with him being an authority because he is showing her he can handle it.

Nicole: Yeah, most women won't. I mean, if they logically think about it. If they're very stuck in their masculine and very feminist ways, then yeah, they're still going to resist. You shouldn't be with that woman then. Have the boundaries, like we're talking about. And it's like, I mean, we're talking about this the other night, but it's a lot of guys, rightly say, they say that a woman has more respect for her boss. She treats her boss better, more respectfully than she does her man, her husband. And they're right, in many cases, that's true. But the difference also is that the boss, right, he's getting paid more money, he's doing more work, he's in charge, he's taking responsibility.

John: Right, he's so if you want that respect, again, you should have the unconditional respect. And we talked about that. But what I'm saying is that you can't be acting like an inferior and expecting superior treatment. Like, if you're the boss, then that doesn't just mean that it's just as a title that you have. It means that you have that extra responsibility. You have to take care of things, right? And they don't have the pride to have the responsibility. They don't see that as a prideful thing, that they have this extra responsibility that they have to take care of their family unit, their wife, their kids. They literally will be in the comments like, "I don't want another kid," like calling their wife another kid or dependent. Like, that mindset is what is keeping them from being the men that you're talking about.

Nicole: And you know, the thing that if you wanted to motivate me more than anything else to just bust my butt and make money and work as hard as possible, you know what it would be? That you could do what you could say, "I'm going to get a job." Because my pride will not allow it. I don't care if I have to work three jobs. I don't care what I have to do. There is no way I'm going to let my wife have to work to make money for a family because I'm not making enough. Do you understand what I'm saying? It's like, that's what pride is. Men lack this. They don't understand. They're trying to think, "Oh, it's not fair." I'm like, "You're a man. You're supposed to be a man. Does it not mean anything? Do you not have enough pride in yourself that you're not going to, you know, that you're like, 'My wife isn't going to work. My wife is going to be taken care of because I'm the man.' You know what I'm saying?"

John: Do you think that maybe it's because they haven't accomplished very much, so they kind of put themselves down so much that now they kind of live in that expectation?

Nicole: I don't know. I'm trying to think of why. Because again, it's the same poison, like I said, that they're complaining about that has influenced Western women, has influenced them. But see, they're complaining that Western women are woke and feminist, and all this stuff. And I get it, but they don't understand that it's the same poison they're drinking that makes them not have pride.

John: Right, because if you have pride as a man, then it doesn't matter what anyone else is doing.

Nicole: Right, yeah. Exude pride in yourself and who you are, and that's the main thing. Because all of these problems that men have, like, it's the same thing. Like, if I hear some woman saying something that I think is preposterous or ridiculous or I disagree with, like some of these guys do, I'm not going to comment and want. I'm going to laugh to myself and be like, "Oh, she's so cute. Bless her little heart," because I'm prideful, you see what I'm saying? Because I'm a man. I have enough pride in myself that I'm not going to belittle myself to show up in the comment section and put myself at that level, if I think it's a lower level, which I'm not saying that when a woman says something that it's at a lower level. What I'm saying is that, but if I thought that, that's how I would act.

John: I think that is the best point, to not bring yourself down to the level of someone acting that way. And a lot of these guys are at that level, you know, and women don't want to be on the level with them. They're so upset, they're so angry at women that they're actually repelling the women.

Nicole: Right, yeah. I mean, it's almost like that trope, like, you know, women used to make fun of men and say that they will never ask for directions, why? Because they're too prideful to do it. But today, I guess men are like, "You drive. You figure it out." Right, it's like, that's the thing about it. It's like, you, that's what's missing. It's missing again. Maybe that, you know, being so proud that you can't get, that's a different, you know, but I'd at least rather see that character flaw than what we're seeing now. Because now it's just like, you know, like, you should have that level of like, "I don't need help." And that's why also men should be fixing their relationships and taking the responsibility of, look, if you think women, Western women, are broken, then don't blame it on them. Blame it on you. Take responsibility. Fix. Don't have enough pride to be like, "I'm a man. I can handle this."

John: Right, it's like when guys complain, it's like, "Oh, the woman needs to do all these things." And she, it's like, "No, I got it handled. I will make sure that it's taken care of because I'm the man. I don't need outside help." That's the kind of mindset again. And I'm using an extreme version of this, obviously, but I'm doing it to get the point is that that's what's missing.

Nicole: Yeah, but, and men don't realize that when they act that way, when they act like they have it handled and they're trying to actually handle things and they're trying to figure things out, a woman will trust you more because you are showing her you're trying to figure this out and you'll do whatever it takes to figure this out or take care of your family or anything like that. Then she'll have more trust in you as a man.

John: Exactly, yeah. But that's what it just, it's just missing. I just never hear guys saying, you know, being proud of being a man. And I think part of it, they don't understand masculinity. They haven't been.

John: Raised in that way to be prideful, to think that you know, it comes down to the other thing that a lot of guys are criticizing about. It's because they're like, "Oh, you're just joining the bandwagon. It's always a man's fault, right? And now you're siding with the women against men because whatever, she's gaslighted you, you're manipulated." No, I call out men for two reasons. One, I can't stand the victim mindset anywhere. When feminists have it, I don't like it. When men have it, and they're doing the exact same thing feminists have, I don't like it. Okay, they're gonna be upset about that. Well, that's how they act. They act like the exact opposite of a feminist, the male version of a feminist. That's how they act, a lot of men, not every guy, you know, just like not every woman. But the thing is, I have higher expectations for men than I do for women. I have high expectations for men. That's what, because you know what they're capable of because you do it. So that's why I come down on them. And maybe I'm being a little harsh at times, but it's because I expect, as a man, you can take a beating. You can take the beating that I'm giving you and shape up and realize what I mean and take responsibility. I wouldn't talk to a woman the way I'm talking to men. I wouldn't tell a woman, you know, but a lot of men are talking to women that way, and it's like, that's not... You have to edify and lift up a woman and praise her. That's how women respond. Men are supposed to respond to criticism, essentially coaching like the hardship. Adversity is supposed to bring out the best in the man, right? And so when I'm coming down on men, it's not because I hate men. That would be such a weird thing. It's because I love men, and I want to see them do better, and they're not doing so good. A lot of men are doing good, but a lot of men aren't, and so they need a harsh message. I want you, as a man, to take responsibility, not to put it off onto society or women, even though I know the problems with society and I know the problems with women. I want you to take full responsibility and say, "I'm not going to complain. I'm not going to whine about any of these things. I'm just going to do what I can do." And see, that's the problem that I have. That's why I get upset about this because so many guys don't want to do that.

Nicole: Yeah, I feel like they have so much emotional damage that they can't get away from, and it's the same thing with women who act disrespectfully and lash out and act, you know, the woman version of how these men are acting. It's all this built-up emotional trauma and issues that, instead of working through, they just continue to add up. So they're just coming from such an emotional place that when you say these things to men, it's another emotional trauma to them, right? It's another emotional stab in their body that they have.

John: Yeah, so instead of listening and being like logically, which they're supposed to be more logical than emotional, they're just taking it in emotionally. They're getting hurt, and then they're lashing out, which is what these women that they have an issue with do.

Nicole: Right, exactly. And they're acting the exact same, and that's also why these people can't go together, and they're attracted to each other because they're the same sort of emotional mess. And so they don't even realize that they're attracting each other towards each other. And until they work on themselves and work on this part and kind of get through a lot of that emotional issues that they have, they won't attract a partner. And even if they do somehow attract a partner who's not an emotional mess like they are, they will not want anything to do with them. And just like I said in the beginning, if you can't look at yourself or you're like, "Oh, I really like this person, but they told me, you know, this is the issues that they have, maybe I should work on these things." If you can't do that, you'll continue the cycle. And it's the same with women, right, who go after men that aren't good for them. They never take a look, and they're like, "Why am I attracting this sort of man? Why do I want to be in these sorts of relationships?" And the second that they do, and they really kind of work on those things, a lot of times, they'll break out of that cycle. But until then, they're dating the same type of man, just in a different form.

John: Yeah, yeah. And then they're like, "Why is this happening?" And it's like, you have some things that you have to deal with. And it's the same thing with men. They're like, "These women all suck." You probably are attracting women that are the same emotional mess as you. And there's really not much you can do because, again, you have to work on yourself first.

Nicole: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's, and that's why, like I said, it just comes down to pride. Because if someone tells me there's some flaw in my work, right, there's something that I'm doing wrong, and I'm prideful, then I fix it. Like, I'm embarrassed by it, like, "Oh, shit, I don't want someone to see that I'm doing something." If I don't have any pride in myself, then I just defend it. Then I'm just like, "It's not me, it's you." It's like, you know, it's your eyes, not my work.

John: Right, yeah. So that's the thing. It's like it comes from that same place. It's like having that, and it's weird because, you know, pride is considered to be a bad thing, but it's more of the pride in the form of dignity. It's like I have such a high respect for myself and high standards for myself that I couldn't imagine a woman paying for a meal for me because I have that amount of standard and respect for myself, as you know, I think I'm that capable. That's where it comes from. And the second part of it is, the other biggest problem with a lot of men today is that they can't handle adversity. Right, because adversity is so important for a man in order to become a man. It shapes him, just like a sword is put into the fire and hammered on in order to sharpen that blade. That is the same as building the masculinity in a man. And so many men today, whether it's because they've been coddled by their mothers or I don't know what the cause is, or maybe it's just because we're living, you know, there's that whole "Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men." So we're in the weak.

John: Men cycle unfortunately because there's been too much good times. It's been too easy. You know how long ago we had a major war? World War II. And you know, men had to learn how to be men. And you know, at 14 years, you don't have to wait for a war to do it. You just have to have the self-discipline. But you need adversity, right? And you need to be able to face adversity, right? And it's like, so many men, when they're presented with a challenge, right, they back down. And that's also why the whole passport Bros thing is like, okay, so it's harder to date Western women. There are some challenges there. So you're backing away from the challenge to go somewhere where it's easier. That lacks pride, right? It's like going to the video game and going, you know, it's on normal mode, and instead of going to insane mode, you're like, easy mode. You switch the difficulty to easy because you can't be on normal mode, right? It's like, no, I'm saying, hey, you're like, no, I can take insane mode. That's what you should be as a man. But so many men today are afraid of adversity. They just can't handle it; they can't face it; they can't overcome. And they're doing themselves a huge disservice by finding the easy way. And it's the same thing, you know, we have pornography easily accessible, right? That's again, they're not facing the adversity of going out there, if they want to get laid, and having to actually go and talk to women and actually figure out some game and learn how to, you know, they could just get it right there, you know. It's like, or prostitutes. We talked about this on the episode before. It's like, there are so many things that make it so easy, and they're not really learning anything, right?

Nicole: Yeah, and I think it too comes from them being in this emotional state, right? Like, because if you look at masculine women, which they're probably going to get upset about, right, you know, they're oftentimes not as emotional, and they're getting stuff done, and they're becoming entrepreneurs and CEOs and things like that, now because they're in a more masculine place, right? And it's almost to a point where women have more pride than these men do.

John: Yeah, exactly. And that's also why, if a woman has all this pride, do you think she's really going to be with a man who doesn't? No, unless she's okay with being the one in charge, right? Then maybe she'll be with a man like that. But to be honest, even really prideful women don't want a man that has no pride in himself. They want a man who has as much pride as she does.

Nicole: Yeah, exactly. So, it's that's why it has to be this way, right? Because guys constantly like, well, why don't women fix it? Why don't women, you know, and again, there are things that women need to fix, right? And I agree with the things, you know, like I said, I know all the things. I don't talk about them on this podcast because there's no need to disparage women and say all this stuff, you know. We talk about some of the things, but it's not, I don't need to go and tell you that prostituting yourself on OnlyFans is bad, or like sleeping with lots of men, you know. It's like, yeah, we talk about that stuff when it comes up, but I don't need to just keep on harping on that because that doesn't matter. What matters is that men step up and take responsibility and take charge because they have the ability to change these things, or at least in their own life, you know what I mean? It's like, but they lack the pride to do it. That's the thing. And here's the real reason, in my mind. So even if a ton of women became super feminine and everything that these men want, right, these men still haven't healed. They will ruin that relationship. It will not make him be the man that he needs to be because, at the end of the day, he has to take accountability, and he has to gain the pride and whatnot. So even if women became what these men want, right, they're still not men. They're not really masculine in the state that they are right now. And you cannot tell me that these men, if they found a woman like that who was like, yeah, I like you, they wouldn't just jump in and marry them and go ahead, right? And so they're not actually bettering themselves in any way. But on the flip side, if these men become more manly and more masculine, right, they could find more feminine men or women that they want, and they can flip more masculine women to be more feminine because they will trust this man. So that's why a lot of times we stress that men do typically need to go first in this sort of healing process because they have more influence.

John: Exactly, yeah, absolutely. That's because women do not. Because even if a woman is exactly what you want, you haven't become more of a man. It's just the easy mode, like you said. You just found somebody that wants to be with you. But now you still have all these issues, and that will still bleed over into your relationship, even though it might not be the same sort of issues you might have with a more masculine woman. But if you become the man and you become more masculine, now you will be able to get more feminine women who are just naturally more feminine. And you might be able to get these women who are more masculine to become more feminine, right? And so you have more options.

Nicole: Exactly. And it's like a lot of guys are saying they want a feminine woman, right? And what does that really mean when they're saying that? Is they want a woman that will submit to them. Okay, again, I don't have a problem with that. I think that's actually a good thing if a woman willingly submits to a man because she thinks that's a beautiful thing, and that's great. Okay, however, what does that mean if a woman submits to you as a man? That means that you're leading. You want to be the leader, right? So how are you going to put it on women to initiate the change, lead the change? That's what I'm saying. That's, I mean, it's just logic. It's not that I'm trying to bash men. It's just like, look, the responsibility, you want to be the leader. That's what you say you're looking for, is to be a leader in a relationship. You want a woman to submit to you. But then when I put it on you, put everything on you, you say you blame men all the time. It's always men's fault. Well, that's what the leader does, right? It's like we were talking about this before too. It's like in the military, they say gripes go up; they don't go down. It means that you gripe up to your superior officer; they don't gripe down. If you're a superior officer and you're griping down, you're going to lose so much respect because the buck stops here, right? That's another saying. It's like, I got it. I have the responsibility, right? Because I'm the leader. If you want to be in charge, if you want to be.

John: You want a woman to look up to you, if you want to be the authority, then you have to say the buck stops here. That whatever happens, I'm responsible for this crew, I'm responsible for this ship. We talked about the captain of the ship talk; it's all the same thing. You have to take responsibility. And so, if I then say, "Hey men, you need to man up," you know, I'm going to give it to you and say it is all your fault because you're the one who's responsible. It doesn't matter whose fault it is; you're the one who's responsible because you want the responsibility. Then you have to take it. If that's what... How could that even work? How could you be the leader in a relationship, have a woman that submits to you, but then you're not wanting to take responsibility and lead? It's so funny because so many people complain about having responsibility without authority. They're like, "Well, if I have all the responsibility, then I need to have the authority to make decisions." But then, what about the flip? You want the authority but you don't want the responsibility. They want their cake and eat it too. It's essentially because it's coming from a place of very selfish behavior, really, at the end of the day. They want, and that's the same thing with the 50/50, right? Like the guys who want 50/50 but they want to be the authority. In what way does that make sense? It's just you manipulating the situation so you get all the benefit, and then the person you're with doesn't get any benefit. Whereas if you're a man and you take the responsibility, even if you're trying to resist that, you will get the benefit, even though you don't realize that you will. Like the benefit is you have pride in yourself, and that you're taking care of the people in your life that you care about.

John: Right, yeah, exactly. They don't understand, and because it's pride, because it's not something that you can logically understand, you just have to say, "I have pride." That's why I do. Pride is logical, in my opinion. It's like, "I'm willing to take the short end of the stick of the deal because I'm prideful. Go ahead, handicap my position when we play the game. I'll still win because..." You see what I'm saying? That's what it is when you're like, "Oh, it's not fair." It just lacks pride. Life isn't fair. That's what I'm saying. It's an intangible thing. You have it, or you don't have it. You have to have this sense of pride, of having that high self-worth as a man, which is, by the way, very attractive to women as well. Right? Because women want a man that has that sense of self-worth, that has that high value of himself. How is she going to value and esteem you when you don't even value yourself that highly? You talk like you do, but you don't really back it up. Right? Because if you're coming from a place of scarcity, even if we talk about the money thing, with paying, you know, 50%, if you're like, "I'm worried someone's going to take advantage of me," or "It's not fair," it's like you're coming from a place of scarcity. Like, if you're like, "I have plenty of money, and I can make more money, and I don't care about spending $50 on a date, even if a woman just wants to take advantage," who cares? That's pride. That's like, that's prideful. You see what I'm saying? That's having a high esteem for yourself. That's coming from a place of abundance instead of, you know, who wants to be with a man that's from a place of scarcity? It just... That person can't lead you. How? You're afraid. They're afraid for their own self. They don't even think they can take care of themselves. They're afraid they're not going to have enough money if they pay for some date, or they're going to get used. So then, how do you then have confidence in them and look up to them? You see what I'm saying? You have to be the kind of person that a woman would look up to, that anyone would look up to. I think men have a hard time, though, with confidence and arrogance, 'cause I hear what you're saying, and you're talking about confidence, but I know men often hear that, and they're like, "Okay, I got it," and then they go to arrogance.

John: Well, I got a simple definition between the two, right? Okay, so confidence is what you know about yourself. Arrogance is what you want other people to believe about yourself. You're projecting about yourself. Right? So if I'm confident, you know, it's like Muhammad Ali, right? The boxer, right? He used to say, "I'm the greatest. I'm the best." Right? He was not arrogant when he said that. People believed because he really believed that, and he really was the best. He wasn't coming from a place of, he didn't believe it himself. He believed he was the best, and when he said it, it wasn't arrogance, and people didn't really take it as arrogance.

John: But if you say it because you want other people to believe it, and you don't believe it yourself, they can tell. It's arrogance then. It's arrogance 'cause it's false. 'Cause it's like, "I need you. I'm telling you the thing I want to believe about myself, so that you to say it back to me, so then I believe it." Right? That's what arrogance is.

John: Right. Well, I just wanted you to mention that confidence doesn't have to prove anything. Right? And that's where it has to come from, the pride too, right? The pride has to come from confidence, not arrogance. It's not a fake it till you make it thing. It's like knowing that you've done hard stuff in your life. 'Cause even these guys who are complaining, I know that they've been through/done hard things in their life, and they've survived it, and they've come out on the other side, and they have to harness that and turn it into the pride that you're talking about.

John: Believe me, the reason why I'm so hard on men is because I love them, and I want to help them. Right? Like, and I believe in them. Otherwise, I would just give up on them. Right? You know what I mean? I would just say, "Sure, okay, whatever. Yeah, women suck. Okay, yeah, go to whatever country." Like, but that's not what I'm doing. There's no benefit for me in preaching a message of, "You guys got to do better and sack up and be a man," because no one wants to hear that message. It doesn't make me money. It doesn't make me popular. Right? It's like, but it's the truth. Right?

John: It's not, and I'm not trying to cater to women so women will like me. Absolutely ridiculous. Like, I don't need to. I have the best woman in the world. I already won the prize. What else do I need to get? I already got it. You know what I'm saying? So my motive is because I actually love men. I want to see them succeed because, and here's what it also is, I was one of them.

John: Have pride, okay? I didn't have enough self-respect for myself. I wasn't able to understand social intelligence and how to interact with women properly. I felt I didn't have an internal sense of validation. I was that guy, you know, maybe not angry. That's how you know it can be done too, and that's why you're so passionate about it because you've been there and you've made the changes. So, it is possible.

Nicole: Yeah, I get that. And when we talk about this, we mention that men don't realize their mindset is something they can change, and they can work to change it now. It might take a while to change your physical physique, but your mindset can change if you decide to. It won't change unless you decide to. A lot of people, not just men, view bettering themselves as work. The second you view it as work rather than a way to make your life more peaceful and better, you're not going to want to do it. If you view it as something that's going to help you get the things you want in life, you're more likely to go after that and start doing the work on your mindset and healing things in your life.

John: Exactly. There was a comment on one of the videos, I forget what it was specifically, but what I replied back was, isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? That's what these men are doing. They're literally doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result. And what's the one thing that you can do? Change the things that you have control over.

Nicole: Yeah. It's tough. The message doesn't seem to get through, but to give credit, there are some people that listen to us, that watch us, that are not the ones causing trouble. It's almost like when your sibling does something bad, and then you get punished for it. We're punishing some of the guys that, you know, they're a minority of people that comment ridiculous stuff because we have maybe 100,000 views on a video, but they're the guys who are going to watch this and know that it's not about them.

John: Just like you said, they can watch something and be like, okay, this doesn't pertain to me. They have that awareness, that maturity where they can watch something like this and not feel like we're attacking them because it's not about them. And they understand it. They might not comment, but they're sitting here watching this and they're like, yeah, I did that. That's how I'm the man I am now because I did what they're talking about. I made the change.

Nicole: And even if they don't comment and be like, yeah, I agree, they're watching it and they're like, okay, they're talking to the guys who are still struggling, not the people who have done the work. There are too many yes men out there that are giving guys the message they want to hear. You can't trust a lot of the media today. You were even telling me that a lot of the TikToks and things you see with interviewers, they're not random people. They're skits. So, we're trying to be the last real thing out there.

John: Yeah, and people still might think that we're not, but we'll continue to show people that we are. We literally make zero money from this podcast, and we put thousands of dollars into it every month. We like to try to help people, and even if we don't hear from those people in the comments, people benefit from what we have to say. Maybe they'll watch it years from now and realize, oh, they were telling us this the whole time. We weren't listening to them.

Nicole: Yeah. I don't know where you get a sense of pride as a man. I think it just comes from you just have to want better things for yourself and think you deserve better things. To truly believe it, and that's where the pride comes from. So, for the guys out there that can realize you might have a lack of pride, you've got to just want better for yourself. You've got to believe better of yourself, expect better of yourself, and you'll get those good things.

John: Stop being a sexist and start being a chauvinist, a little bit careful. You understand the balance.

Nicole: I know. I joke about it, but what I mean is that, like, think so good of yourself as being a man, not that you have to tell everyone else, but that you internalize that. You're like, I'm not going to let a woman beat me. I'm a man. I'm going to prove myself. I don't need to tell her and complain about her and whine about her because that's actually beneath me.

John: You see what I'm saying? It's like, I think they have to get rid of the victim mindset first because I can definitely see men not working on themselves and then doing what you're saying, and it's not going to work.

Nicole: Well, again, that's arrogance, right? Because confidence is knowing. That's why I talk about the difference. But you can't have the confidence genuinely unless you've worked on yourself and got rid of that victim mindset. Otherwise, that's just going to perpetuate angry men. If in their mind, they're just like, okay, I can fix it by just being like, you're a stupid woman, and I'm just not going to respond. They're still not healing themselves. Like you said, it is arrogance at that point. They need to come healed, not in the victim mindset, and then have that sort of mindset about themselves.

John: Yeah, because it's like you have to believe it. You have to prove it to yourself. It has to be a truth, and you have to actually do things to have the proof in what you're saying. That's where the true confidence comes from.

Nicole: So true.

John: So, you got our topic of what we went through this week. Well, we didn't have any drama for you guys, I'm sorry, but our daughter is out of school for the summer. And so, before she came over for our week with us, we were talking about, you know, let's make like a summer schedule. And when I was making it, I was like, maybe she should pick like what time we do the things and like what day. But then you were like, no, let's give it some structure. And we did that too because we've realized that our daughter thrives off of structure. And I think a few episodes ago, you mentioned this in the car, and I was like, that's such a good idea. And granted, this is the first week that we've done it, but it has been really good for her. And I've recommended it too, to other people that I know that have kids.

Nicole: Yeah, that I know. And I think it's just been really beneficial for her to the point where, you know, we have a few park and pool days, basically days where we have to be outside for 2 hours. And then she likes to do crafts, so we do two craft days. Yesterday, we did learn a new skill day, which was good for her, especially 'cause she's a teenager, you know. So, that can be things that she's learning to cook things on her own, and you know, it can be whatever really that she wants to learn the new skill of. But she's actually taking an initiative to learn some things that will benefit her when, you know, she's older. And then the weekend is like our family day, so that's stuff that we all decide together. But when we went to the park one of the days, when we were driving back, she's like, "I feel so much better after I've been outside." I'm like, you know, like that's what it's supposed to be, fun. And then today, we did crafts actually before the podcast, and she's like, "I've been so happy this week." And I can't say it's all because of the schedule, but you know, especially if you have kids in this day and age, they're so attached to the screens, that could be their phone, the computer, TV, whatever it is. And even taking 2 hours out of their day to do something that gets them away from that, yeah, can really benefit them. So even as an adult.

John: Yeah, true. If you're suffering from depression, it might be because you're glued to your screen all the time, and you need to go and you need to make a summer schedule for yourself.

Nicole: It's true because, yeah, no, you're definitely right. And so, you know, that was a, that's been a really good sort of thing we've implemented so far. And we didn't necessarily have that last year, you know. We kind of just had a very relaxed summer schedule. And this, again, is not super regimented because it's only two hours of doing whatever that day is. So, it's still not a ton of time, but it's enough to keep her away from the screens, so that she's getting that hands-on activity of whatever we're doing. And yeah, it's been really beneficial.

John: So yeah, if you're watching this, and she also has a reward of some accomplishment she's doing it, creating a thing, learning a thing, is like, again, a lot of people would be served by, instead of, as much as we enjoy the engagement, you know, uh, you might be so angry because you haven't done anything. Like, go and do something. You can listen to the podcast while you're doing a craft or something that you want to do. So, you can, you know, do both. But yeah, it's the accomplishing things that really makes you feel good to do as a person. And it gives you pride in yourself. It gives you pride, accomplishment.

Nicole: Yeah, right. If you're just scrolling and all you do is just whine, you don't, you don't feel good about yourself because you haven't done anything. You go out and do things. Well, it's such a low vibrational sort of thing to just whine. And even, you know, playing a game, you can win it, and that might give you some sort of accomplishment. But there's something about like making something with your hands or coming up with an idea that you bring to life in real life rather than just sitting in one spot, you know. And being outside, I mean, tons of people will tell you that just going outside for a walk if you're feeling down will make you feel better and put you in a better mood, and you'll get the vitamins from the sun. It's just, it's proven that it'll make you feel better. Get that vitamin D.

John: That's right. But yeah, so if you have kids, or if you don't, and you just want to give yourself some more things to do to make you feel better, create like a little schedule. And it doesn't have to be just summer, it can be seasonal or however you want. But it's been definitely been benefiting our daughter so far. So, all right, well good. Well, yeah, so hopefully, we won't have more drama.

Nicole: Yeah, leave us a review on iTunes.

John: Yeah, please. Yeah, I mean, if you want to give a one-star review 'cause you're so angry about, go ahead. But no, don't do that. Be a bigger person. Just scroll.

Nicole: But if you agree with what we're saying, and you think that, you know, maybe you need to, yeah, show a little love, man up a little bit, then yeah, then support it. Support the message. Let us know that you're out.

John: Message. All right, well, that's it for this week. See you next time. Hopefully, we find our way.