John [00:00:00]: If a woman is going out to a bar or a nightclub and she's planning on getting laid, she doesn't need to be there for very long. Right?

Nicole [00:00:05]: Right.

John [00:00:05]: She. She'll find the guy, Maybe she wants to have a little fun, then she. She picks the guy and she's gone. Right. But most women, most of the time, are not planning on it.

Nicole [00:00:12]: Literally, my friends and I would just go and dance. We used to go and dance and then go home.

John [00:00:18]: Yeah, that's what I tell guys. I'm like, look, the girls are just here to dance. They're not. You think they're here to get laid? They're not. But you're gonna. You're gonna sidetrack their plan, and you're gonna come in there like a smooth criminal and get them off of their plan. Beyond the perfect we discover through our.

Nicole [00:00:32]: Flaws we complete each other.

John [00:00:35]: Better than perfect we stay through every.

Nicole [00:00:41]: Fault we find our way.

John [00:00:46]: All right, welcome to the better than perfect podcast, where every week we show you how two people helping each other become better equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:58]: I don't know if that was fully it, but it was.

John [00:00:59]: I think it's like. I think that there was too much betters in there.

Nicole [00:01:02]: I'm just two people. You didn't ask me to do it again.

John [00:01:05]: Two people helping each other. Maybe that's what it was. Equals one better than. I don't know. We have to go and look at the notes. But it's close enough so it doesn't. It's just. The point is to get the point across.

Nicole [00:01:14]: There you go.

John [00:01:14]: Pretend like you know what you're talking about. So there you go.

Nicole [00:01:18]: Exactly. All right, so for this week, the topic is girls night out and guys night out.

John [00:01:27]: Okay.

Nicole [00:01:29]: So I forget how we typically. Sometimes I start, and sometimes you start. So I think you should start.

John [00:01:34]: Oh, okay. I think. Okay. Well, let's see. So, I mean, we talked about this a little bit in the one episode where we talked about the boundaries or the rules or it depends on whatever way you want to phrase it, depending on how sensitive you are. So it's okay to be sensitive, but however you like it. And one of them was obviously the girls not out, guys not out thing. Right. And so obviously I'm against that. And I wasn't always.

Nicole [00:02:01]: You look so happy about it. You're like, I'm against that.

John [00:02:04]: I mean, the thing about it is that the big defense for it. We could start with that, because that's exactly where people are going, is that, oh, I'm not doing Anything wrong.

Nicole [00:02:15]: Right, Well, I was gonna say why. You just said you were okay with it before, so I was gonna ask you why you were and why it's different now.

John [00:02:24]: Well, I mean, there's two reasons why. Okay, so one, I was okay with it before. First, because I wasn't gonna do anything, so I didn't think of anything wrong. Right. And then second, because I was gonna do something.

Nicole [00:02:37]: Wait, what? You just said first, I wasn't.

John [00:02:40]: First, I wasn't okay with it because I wasn't gonna do anything, and second, I was okay with it because I was gon. Either way, you're gonna be okay with it. Right. So that's also the problem. But we have another episode where I talk about that, which is mistakes. Right. But yeah, I mean, that's why I was okay with it before. But that's the defense. Right? The defense is I wasn't gonna do anything. Right, Right.

Nicole [00:03:06]: Which I feel like is most people's defense.

John [00:03:09]: And whether you're planning on doing anything or not. And then also, I mean, especially when alcohol is involved, you might not. I mean, some people plan, some people don't, but when things happen, most people didn't plan. And then they're like, oh, yeah, oops. Right. And so you can't say I wasn't planning on doing anything or I wasn't going to do anything, or I would never do anything. And then later go, oops. That's why oops is in the dictionary is because it's a mistake that you didn't plan on making. Right. So you can't ever use that argument to say, oh, that's. So the real answer, I would say is that it's more important. The appearance of wrongdoing is what's more important than the actual wrongdoing. Because if you go about and you have the appearance of wrongdoing or you put yourself into a place where you could oops. Then when you oops, it's much more grievous because you've now made a conscious choice to put yourself in the situation. Just like I was just reading the Nicomedian Ethics, the Aristotle's book, and he was talking about how they judge. It goes into ethics, basically. And they're saying that. He was saying that if someone drinks and then they commit a crime, then the penalty is twice. And the reason for that is because you've made a choice to put yourself into a situation and then the bad thing happened. And so it's, it's, it's even more.

Nicole [00:04:37]: Conscious even though you're choice to inebriate yourself. Exactly. And do it well. So I was going to say you said it's more about the oops, but I would say it's more about the things you can't control, because I do understand the defense of. Well, I'm not going to do anything. And I do believe most people who say that.

John [00:04:56]: Yeah, of course most people.

Nicole [00:04:57]: But it's the things outside of your control. Like, we were kind of talking about this a little bit before the podcast officially started, but it's like the fact that guys may approach you as a woman or, like, you might get too drunk and, like, go off with somebody or talk to somebody for too long and they might think you're interested or.

John [00:05:15]: Put your hand on you. Those things happen.

Nicole [00:05:18]: So I don't think it's necessarily as much as the oops. I know you do because of some situations that you've been in, but I think it's more so when you get in a serious relationship, you realize it's not the oops because, like, if I went out for some crazy reason, I went out for a girl.

John [00:05:35]: Yeah, I know.

Nicole [00:05:36]: There is no oops.

John [00:05:37]: Right?

Nicole [00:05:37]: Like, there's absolutely no.

John [00:05:39]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:39]: Like, I don't care. Well, I don't drink, but even if I did, there would be no oops because I don't care what anybody has to say. You're never too drunk to make a mistake to that level.

John [00:05:49]: Well.

Nicole [00:05:49]: Period.

John [00:05:50]: You know, you are too drunk, too, and that's the reason why you have to not drink in those situations.

Nicole [00:05:57]: Never been so drunk that I would make that decision. Like, I am still. I've been pretty drunk back in my day when I drank.

John [00:06:04]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:04]: And I still knew what I was doing. Like, yes. I'm more likely to make, like, careless things.

John [00:06:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:11]: But I would never, no matter how drunk I was, like, cheat on somebody or, like, let it go to that level. But what the thing is here for me is that if I went out right now, I don't know who would approach me.

John [00:06:27]: Right.

Nicole [00:06:28]: I don't. People would think that I'm available because you're not there or whatever and, like, even with the wedding ring. But that does not deter men, and it doesn't deter women either. Supposedly, according to.

John [00:06:39]: It actually enhances the.

Nicole [00:06:41]: Yeah, well, they're like. We're not even going to get into that part yet, I guess, but.

John [00:06:45]: Well, because women are mostly attracted to. To men that other women are attracted to. That's the biggest attraction.

Nicole [00:06:51]: Well, yeah, that is. That is not always in demand.

John [00:06:54]: Is a thing the man that's the most in demand.

Nicole [00:06:56]: A woman wants to feel like her man's desirable and wanted. But so what I'm saying is, for me, it's not this oops thing. No, it is the other outlying factors that most people don't even realize because they are like, well, I'm not going to do anything. So that's all they're focused on. They're like, I know I'm not right. But what they don't realize is all of the things that are happening behind the scenes. Because even when you walk into, like a restaurant, there could be people checking you out. But at least if you're at the restaurant with your husband or something, and I'm not saying you can't go on like a girl's dinner or things like that, but even in that situation, someone could approach you, but it's less likely as if you're at a bar or a club where people are trying to mingle and hook up with each other and take each other home and how does it look?

John [00:07:43]: And that's the thing. It's like, that's why the appearance is so much of an issue. I was actually listening to a long, long time ago, but I thought this was pretty brilliant. I think it was like Billy Graham or something very famous pastor. And he was talking about how, like, he's never, ever allows himself to be alone in a room with a woman. Now, obviously, I mean, the guy was older too at the time. And he was like. But he just made that his rule because he never wants anyone to ever accuse him. There always has to be witnesses. And he just doesn't want any kind of appearance, like he's not going to do something wrong. He knows it, but he doesn't want any kind of appearance of the wrongdoing. And it's for his reputation, which also it's for your reputation as a woman, as a man, right? If you're going out on girls nights out, you're out there at a bar, at a nightclub, even if you're not doing anything, it is hurting your reputation, which also hurts my reputation as a man. Because one of my friends sees, oh, hey, I saw your wife out there at a bar. Looks like she was drinking a lot or whatever, having a good time. Okay, that reflects poorly on me. Now all these people think I know you, right? But they see you out there, they don't know you. Just women are women, right? So it's a poor reflection. Same thing. But we could flip the tables. And if I'm out there drinking at a Bar with the guys. And then, hey, come my guys friends are hitting on girls or whatever, or, hell, one of them brings a girl over to the table. I got nothing to do with that. Right. Because I'm loyal. I'm not interested.

Nicole [00:09:18]: So she might try to talk to you now because she likes you better than the people who brought her over.

John [00:09:21]: Even if I shut her down, someone else sitting over at another table looks over at that, sees me. They see, they're like, oh, that's the guy from the Better Than. That's the guy that kissed the girl. You know, if they say you're the.

Nicole [00:09:33]: Guy from the Better Than Perfect podcast, they better know you got away.

John [00:09:36]: They might say, bulldog minds, you know what I'm saying? But then how bad does that look on you? Even if I haven't done anything, even if I've properly shut her down, done all the things, but because I put myself in the situation, right, People are going to look down on you because you're my wife. You know what I mean? Like, I would be disrespecting you by putting myself having any kind of appearance of wrongdoing.

Nicole [00:09:56]: I agree. And what you mentioned earlier about the story about the guy who wouldn't even be around a woman, like, by himself.

John [00:10:03]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:04]: Some people, I don't know, they might interpret that in like, some weird way, but to me, that is like the ultimate level of respecting the person that you're with. And that's what it really is. Like, if you don't realize, if you think it's, like, controlling, right, to not go and put yourself in a situation, like going out where, like, single people do stuff and single people try to hook up with other single people and things like that, then you're missing the whole point because it's the respect for your partner. And like we mentioned in another episode as well, too, like, you, why do you need those things anymore? Right. Like, yeah, there was a moment in our relationship where, you know, you were here and I was in Florida and we were kind of like, going through something.

John [00:10:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:49]: And I went out with some of my friends because she had just gotten engaged. And I went to bars that I had gone to and had a great time. And like, you know, when I was single.

John [00:10:58]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:58]: And it just didn't feel even the same. So my thing with a lot of the, like, going out when you're in a serious relationship or married is like, what are you lacking?

John [00:11:09]: Right. You shouldn't.

Nicole [00:11:10]: From your relationship where you want to go and do what you did when you were single because the whole time I was there, it was not the same. Like, even, like, dancing with my friends, like, just being exposed to, like, other people who could approach me. It just felt wrong because we were still, like, together, but, you know, like, going through our own stuff. And so I guess that's where I have a hard time, like, understanding where women come from for, like, still wanting that. And don't get me wrong, like, I go and hang out with my girlfriends from, like, madhouse. We do, like, brunches or well, not with bottomless.

John [00:11:49]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:50]: Or like. Yeah, a lunch date or. Yeah, or like, do an activity. Like we did reef making class, you.

John [00:11:57]: Know, or you go over, you know, watch a movie or something. Like.

Nicole [00:12:00]: Right.

John [00:12:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:00]: Like, you do, like, little house parties, which women do that more so than guys. They'll have, like, cute little party get togethers at their house. But yeah, you know, so. So I'm not saying. And I don't want anyone to think that, like, I'm saying that you can't. You get in a relationship, you can't hang out with your girl.

John [00:12:17]: Right. It's. That's. Yeah, I think that's what I'll just think.

Nicole [00:12:20]: And that's why we said, like, girls night out, guys night out. Because normally that entails, like, going to a club or a bar, some place like that. Not like, you know, you can say girls night. And that can be like, in, you know, have your girls over and watch movies and, you know, paint each other's fingernails and, like, share all your secrets and. But girls night out is usually going to the bars.

John [00:12:44]: And part of it is just like you said. It's like, if you're not into that anymore, if you're a vegan, why are you hanging around a sausage factory? You could be like, yeah, I just like to hang around sausage factories. And. Okay, sure, but why don't you just go and hang out at the vegan cafe instead of the sausage factory? You know what I mean? If you go out to the sausage factory, people are gonna assume you're there for a sausage, right? Like, you know, not. Not for a vegan salad. Okay? So that's all I'm saying is, like.

Nicole [00:13:11]: You hear, like, analogies every week.

John [00:13:14]: It's a good one. I mean, you know, works on multiple levels. That's why I see what you did there. But the thing is. But that's the truth. You know what I mean? And so that's why it just doesn't make sense. Like, because, you know, the defense of, oh, I just want to go and dance. Go to madhouse Dance. Not official sponsor, but to kind of segue. But you can do that in other places. You don't have to go out and go to one of those and be in that.

Nicole [00:13:39]: Yeah, I want to segue into kind of what we were talking about though, before a little bit where. Because we were talking about guys going out and girls going out. And the difference, I feel like as a woman. And as a woman.

John [00:13:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:13:52]: Who like, knows she wouldn't do anything if she went out. Just like we had that conversation just now.

John [00:13:57]: Right.

Nicole [00:13:58]: I do feel like it is easier for a woman to go out in that situation and not get herself into trouble. I'm not saying that never happens.

John [00:14:08]: No, no. It's easier for sure. Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:09]: But because men are visual creatures. Well, it's very hard to believe that guys can go to a guy's night out at a bar and not be sitting there with his bros and oogling women.

John [00:14:22]: That's. That's correct. But let me give you two pieces on this. Okay, so the first one is this is that, look, guy goes out to a bar, he doesn't have women coming up to him, throwing themselves at him, wanting to have sex with him. Hey, let's leave the bar right now and have sex. Yeah, okay.

Nicole [00:14:36]: But he's star a woman.

John [00:14:38]: Okay, that's true. Like, the guy might be more causing the trouble, but most guys, you could let them do whatever they want to do and they're not going to come back with anything. You know what I mean? And I speak about this from coaching a lot of guys, and one guy in particular got the hall pass and he couldn't do anything with the hall pass. And then his wife left him because she was like, this guy's pathetic, sad. But I'm just saying that, well, she.

Nicole [00:15:07]: Should have left him anyway, whether he succeeded or not.

John [00:15:10]: I'm with you. I agree. But I'm just saying it's like, so. And most guys that are listening to this, that's exactly what you're gonna be like. You know how hard it is as a guy to even pick up a girl. It's like. But.

Nicole [00:15:21]: But I do.

John [00:15:21]: But guys are throwing themselves at girls.

Nicole [00:15:23]: But that's what I'm saying.

John [00:15:24]: So that's why when a girl goes.

Nicole [00:15:25]: Out, you know how hard it is because you've talked about it and I understand and you've seen it.

John [00:15:29]: You've seen. We went and coached the guy.

Nicole [00:15:31]: That's why I know how hard men will work to get it. And that's why I. Even if you are in a relationship or something. I'm not saying that you're going to, like, pursue a woman, right? But men are visual creatures and you will look at women, right? But women, your friends are there too. If you're there with single guys, they're gonna be like, look at the hot girl. What are you gonna be like? No, I'm not going to.

John [00:15:54]: As a woman, you know, if. If it's. If your guy's a danger risk or not. You know what I mean? It's like.

Nicole [00:15:59]: Well, to be honest, you know what I mean?

John [00:16:03]: Like, he either is or he is.

Nicole [00:16:04]: But I feel like a lot of women do get surprised though, sometimes.

John [00:16:07]: No, no, that's true.

Nicole [00:16:08]: That is true. I think that show that men are trying to prove something. In those instances when, like, a woman trusts her man and then she's like, I didn't think that this would happen. He's trying to prove something.

John [00:16:21]: Yeah, it's better not to like, be like, okay, well, you know, my dog never bites, so I'll let it go off.

Nicole [00:16:26]: Right, Exactly. It's still.

John [00:16:28]: It's gonna come back. It's gonna bite someone sometime. Like, it's, you know, it's like, yeah.

Nicole [00:16:32]: Or chase after a squirrel.

John [00:16:35]: But my point is that women go out. Literally, guys are throwing themselves at them. Or like, I will have sex with you right now. Right. But a guy goes out. It's not the same thing. However, that doesn't excuse it. I'm not saying that I still say no girls and I have no guys night out. I'm just saying that it is a little bit of a different situation.

Nicole [00:16:52]: Well. And men don't take no for an answer. And you've even coached men not to take no for an answer. So if you're out as a woman and you're like, no, thanks, with somebody, they'll be like, well, here's the other thing. Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score.

John [00:17:06]: And here's the other thing, though. See, and usually it does involve alcohol, but it doesn't necessarily have to, but definitely if it involves alcohol. Believe me, I've been coaching guys for a long time. I've been coaching guys in Vegas. Okay? I've been out there. Most women do not plan on anything happening. They don't. No, it's true. I mean, look, if a woman is going out to a bar or a nightclub and she's planning on getting laid, she doesn't need to be there for very long. She'll find the guy. Maybe she wants to have a little fun. Then she picks the guy and she's gone. But most women, most of the time, are not planning on it. And that is the exact strategy that I tell guys when they go out. I'm like, look, you think that women are at this bar because they want to get laid. Wrong. They're at this bar because they want male attention. They want you to Google her. They want to dance with their friends. They want to have a good time. They're not playing against. You're here to get laid. That's why there's five guys to one woman here. Right? However, here's how you get through. They're not expecting it. That's not what they came here for. But you sweep them off their feet, you seduce them, and then they're like, oh, it just happened. It just. Everything just happened. You're the mastermind, planning all these things. And in her mind, she's like, this is so romantic. It just happened. You know why it just happened.

Nicole [00:18:22]: You know why you're able to do that? And okay, before I go on here, okay, Every single person is responsible for their own act, for sure. I am not saying that. I am not saying any of that.

John [00:18:34]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:35]: However.

John [00:18:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:36]: If you are able to do that to a woman, right. Her man is not fulfilling. That's right, her needs. But is that because no woman is going to risk her life with a man that's treating her right, doing everything for her, loving her, making her feel amazing.

John [00:18:56]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:56]: For some Joe Schmo at a bar who just knows some pickup lines.

John [00:19:01]: But what percentage of women you think that is?

Nicole [00:19:04]: A lot? Because there's not a lot of men like you.

John [00:19:07]: As we've seen from our TikTok, which is a lot. Which. Which side is the lot? Just to make it clear, I mean.

Nicole [00:19:14]: I feel like there's a lot of women who aren't with partners that they really are invested in.

John [00:19:19]: So a majority of the time, when women are out and they don't plan on doing anything, they say they would never do anything. They're still susceptible to the charming guy, especially with alcohol. Right situation, right guy, right circumstances. He's smooth. I don't know what happened. All of a sudden I'm in his room. But I also think she's still responsible. But I'm just saying that when. When women have in their head, they're like, girls night out is okay, because I'm not going to do anything. I'm in control of myself. I wouldn't do it. Look, the women that are in a completely secure Relationship where all their needs are being met. I do believe them. Okay. With alcohol though it depends on the person. Then it starts to even become a little. But I think I would still give them the okay, the thumbs up. Okay. But 90% of women, they cannot say that they're. All their needs are being fulfilled in.

Nicole [00:20:10]: Their relationship and they're perfectly man stepped up and became the type of man that she's looking for.

John [00:20:15]: Sure.

Nicole [00:20:16]: Then she would. And like that would happen less and.

John [00:20:19]: I understand then she wouldn't want to go on the girls night out.

Nicole [00:20:22]: Exactly. And it's still her choice. And I'm not saying before the guys come for my neck and be like, you're just saying women can never do anything wrong. What I'm saying is like also in this situation, guys, if you feel like your woman doesn't value you, what are you doing? Then you should be leaving or whatever.

John [00:20:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:40]: Either step up and be the man.

John [00:20:42]: Exactly. Or you got two choices.

Nicole [00:20:44]: Find somebody who appreciates you. But what I'm just saying is that like you're right, it's never planned for women. But it is usually the women who are unhappy or unfulfilled.

John [00:20:56]: Right.

Nicole [00:20:56]: I mean not to like go back, but that's where you were looking for things too. Because of the same reason. Not that it's right. It's never right.

John [00:21:07]: No, it's not right. But that's, that's, that's correct though.

Nicole [00:21:09]: That is what makes somebody open to those things.

John [00:21:12]: Women go out girls night out. But their primary objective get ogled by guys.

Nicole [00:21:17]: Get what? Ogled.

John [00:21:18]: Get attention from male attention. That's what when. Let's just not say girl. Let's just. When women go out, they want attention from guys. When guys go out, they want to ogle women. Right. See, it's exactly the same. Right. It's a different thing, but it's exactly. That's what I'm saying is that when women go out, the reason why so many women put up the defense for the girls night out and there's plenty of guys that put up defense for the guys night out. But is because they know that when they're going out, maybe they're not going to do anything, but they like the attention. That's why they get dressed up. That's why they get out there single.

Nicole [00:21:53]: Girls, a thousand percent.

John [00:21:54]: Right.

Nicole [00:21:54]: But even some girls in relationship, always. Not always, but again with the secure women in their relationship, genuinely, I don't think that's the case, to be honest.

John [00:22:04]: Well, again, we're talking a small percentage.

Nicole [00:22:06]: But Yeah, I know, but women who aren't feeling ogled by their husband. Yeah. They're gonna want to try to go get it somewhere else. Is that right? No, right, right. But it all stems from the stability of their relationship.

John [00:22:19]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:20]: Honestly. And that's. But that's why we're trying to sit here and say, don't do these things. These girls night out, guys night out are unnecessary if you're in a happy relationship. And if you're not in a happy relationship, they're still not necessary. It means break up and be single and do whatever you want, go wherever you want.

John [00:22:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:36]: And then get in a good relationship where those things aren't even appealing to you anymore.

John [00:22:40]: Or stay home and work on your relationship. Like, that's right. Have a couple's night. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? Like, that's.

Nicole [00:22:45]: And if you like to drink, like, we don't drink. But if you like to drink, drink at home, have some, like, cocktails at home, turn on some music. Like, you can have that experience or go to a nice dinner, come back home and have some drinks and whatever. And now you're already home. You're closer to, you know, the room if that's where it ends up going.

John [00:23:03]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:04]: But.

John [00:23:04]: Or you can go to a dance studio. Like, it. Like, you, like, you know, like Hill's dance studio.

Nicole [00:23:09]: Well, that's because, like, even when I was single, literally my friends and I just go and dance.

John [00:23:14]: Right. It's not going to be classic.

Nicole [00:23:15]: We were single, and if a guy came up and he was cute, we'd be like, okay, cool. But literally, we used to go and dance and then go home.

John [00:23:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:23]: Because, like, that's all we knew how to do it. There wasn't a madhouse over there. We would have went there.

John [00:23:28]: And I believe you. But like I said, in those situations, that's what I tell guys. I'm like, look, the girls are just here to dance. They're not. You think they're here to get laid? They're not. But you're gonna sidetrack their plan and you're gonna come in there like a smooth criminal and get them off of their plan. That's the thing. So that's why a guy that knows what he's doing is going to be trying to do that. And so. So that's what I'm saying is it's like, it's just better to avoid the situation, just in general.

Nicole [00:23:52]: Well, you know what I mean? I mean, okay, what does a guy's night out look like for a Married guy. Because from my perspective, like I said earlier, what would happen if I went out? Like, there's no, there's nothing happening. I'm not even like focused on anybody else.

John [00:24:08]: Like, what is it normally like a guy's night out look like for a marriage?

Nicole [00:24:10]: But I'm saying, you know, because we've talked about the women, how like they're not in a happy relationship. This is probably how girls night out goes. But if you are, then this is how it goes. So, like, what about the guy side?

John [00:24:20]: I hate to break it to you, but guys, not very exciting at all. Honestly. Like, then why do they do it? Because literally they're just trying to get away from their nagging wife. Like, that's, that's what it is. Okay? They just want to drink some beers with the bros. Okay? And ugal women maybe Google some girls. That's what, you know, like I'm saying, I'm just saying it's like. But. But they're not most guys going on guys. They're not going to nightclub. That's kind of weird.

Nicole [00:24:43]: Some guys go to strip clubs.

John [00:24:44]: Okay, like secretly. Maybe they go to a strip club.

Nicole [00:24:48]: But secretly is not okay either.

John [00:24:50]: Even then, that's not really a guys night out. It's like, let's go to the strip club, get like bunch of married guys. Not likely. Like, it's just. That's not likely the case right now. Bachelor party different. Right. So. But I would say guys night out is just going to a bar and having drinks with buddies and talking like, you're a big shot man, but knowing that you're not.

Nicole [00:25:10]: Well, but like we talked about, what if, you know, your guy friend brings a girl over and then now you're like, what if she then hits on you? I mean, it's still. No, it's the same situation. Like, yes, women don't approach men, but it's still that situation where you can still appear available. And even if you're. They know you're not available, they could still pursue you and put you in a weird situation. Then what if one of my friends is out, was like, hey, your husband was talking to this blonde girl the other night. And I'm like, what?

John [00:25:38]: Yeah, exactly. So it's just not a good idea. Not a good plan.

Nicole [00:25:44]: Yeah, there's plenty of other things. And even for guys, there's plenty of other things that guys can do to still hang out with their friends.

John [00:25:52]: That is not, of course, go hiking. I go hiking. Go for a run, go to the gym. Right. I don't wanna Go. I mean, sometimes I've gone out for lunch or coffee or something, meet up with someone and something like that.

Nicole [00:26:06]: Yeah. I just want to catch up, stress that it's not like, don't have friends.

John [00:26:10]: It's not. No, it's. It's just don't be doing inappropriate things in inappropriate places that single people do. That's all.

Nicole [00:26:16]: And you shouldn't want to and like, do. Then you should really reflect on your relationship.

John [00:26:22]: Yeah. That's why I said, if you're a vegan, why are you hanging around sausage factory? You can tell me all day long that you don't like sausage and you're not here to eat the sausage. But hey, like, why then, like, then why then why, like, hold to this choice? Right? Why not be like, okay, then I'll just go over here instead?

Nicole [00:26:38]: Right.

John [00:26:39]: That's all I'm saying is like, if you're like, no, we have to go to the nightclub, why, like, why not go somewhere else? You know? I mean, or like our girls trip too is also our guys trip. Same thing. It's like we're going to Cancun, right? Oh, because you're going to go to the beach. Because you know you got to go to Cancun to go to the beach. Come on.

Nicole [00:26:57]: Well, it's a girls trip is essentially like the same as a bachelorette party. And to be honest, you're going to say different because you're talking about Vegas, which, if any bachelorette is going to Vegas or bachelor parties. Going to Vegas.

John [00:27:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:11]: Questionable period people make exceptions for. Yeah, that's also weird to me. Like the whole like, bachelorette being like the last, the last time you're single, you're not single, you've been in a committed relationship, you're about to get married.

John [00:27:24]: Or the last time you can pretend like you're single, let's say.

Nicole [00:27:27]: But you haven't been pretending you're single since you've been in a relationship. So why. That's my, my argument is why is this the last time you're pretending to be single when you haven't been pretending to be single when. Since you got like official with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

John [00:27:44]: Right.

Nicole [00:27:44]: And then now you have this one time, and then now you're gonna go get married.

John [00:27:48]: Yeah. So, okay, so we can talk about that then. Bachelorette, bachelor party. Okay, look, it's accepted by most people.

Nicole [00:27:53]: I went to my brother's fiance's bachelorette party and it was wholesome. And I know that there are who wholesome.

John [00:28:00]: Right.

Nicole [00:28:00]: Bachelorette party.

John [00:28:01]: But that Wasn't. It wasn't really like, well, okay, so you didn't go to.

Nicole [00:28:05]: We didn't go to, like, Vegas. We went to the beach.

John [00:28:07]: And then also, you didn't go out. You didn't go to clubs, didn't go anywhere. Now, some of the girls did, but.

Nicole [00:28:12]: Well, no, they. Well, they went to, like, a bar that was right next to our house.

John [00:28:15]: But you didn't.

Nicole [00:28:16]: That was for, like, a few hours, too. Like, it was not even that level, but.

John [00:28:22]: But you didn't do any of it.

Nicole [00:28:24]: It was a very, like, actual beach trip, like a vacation. Like, and a lot of people do do similar things like that. But a lot of people also, like you said, go all out and act single and, you know, go to these bars and stuff. But it's still like.

John [00:28:43]: Well, but that was also an exception planned ahead of time. And also, you know, but in. I mean, in the future, neither of us would go to a bachelorette or a bachelor party, right?

Nicole [00:28:53]: Yeah, well, like, if it was. If you had a brother or something, it'd be like. And it was like, the same. Along the same guidelines, then I would let you do it. And she's like a sister to me, so that's why it was the thing. Because if it was anybody else, I'd be like, you know, no. Like, I don't want to put myself in that situation. But she is like a sister to me when she's about to start, so. And it was, you know, it was her style, which is very much like, chill and, you know, hang out. But a lot of bachelorette parties can be more wild. Some of them are, though, like, how she had. But yeah, some of them get crazy. And if you think about it, you're wearing, like, all white. You want people to know that it's your bachelorette. You're like. Want people to buy you drinks. And. Yeah, you know, I'm sure there are tons of people are gonna be like, you just don't trust your partner. But again, it goes back to the same thing. It's like, why do you need all this attention? If you're getting attention from your partner?

John [00:29:45]: And if I'm seeing a lot of bachelorette parties.

Nicole [00:29:47]: Well, again, you went to Vegas, which, like I said, Vegas, that's where a.

John [00:29:50]: Lot of bachelorette parties are.

Nicole [00:29:51]: Well, Vegas, if it's bachelor or bachelorette, that's suspicious to me. And I'd be like, why do you want to do that? We need to have a long conversation.

John [00:30:00]: Most people go like, if before we.

Nicole [00:30:01]: Got married, and you were like, I Want to have a bachelor party in Vegas? I'd be like, we might need to reevaluate this situation. Yeah, I'm not even kidding.

John [00:30:09]: I agree. It's, it's just because. Why? Because why? You know, it seems so. And I guess it's, you know, up to us to question these long held beliefs because everyone, you know, majority of people are like, that's fine.

Nicole [00:30:21]: Right, Right.

John [00:30:21]: But why is it fine? Like, is it. It's not really fine if you think about it. Right.

Nicole [00:30:26]: Why don't people adapt? What we were actually thinking of doing at one time, but we just had too much stuff going on. It's like inviting some couples along and having like a couple trip.

John [00:30:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:30:36]: Where it's like joined together. Right? Yes. That makes way more sense to me.

John [00:30:41]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:41]: Or even taking like, instead of doing a bachelorette, why don't you and your partner go on like a, a trip, just you two kind of like a pre honeymoon. You could save the money that you're doing for a bachelorette to do that. And you can still have like a bridal shower or whatever, you know, to have your girls there that are in your bridal party and stuff. You could still have a separate like, get together. Yeah, but I don't understand these like wild bachelorette parties. Bachelor. Bachelor parties are even scarier because I don't know any that are very chill. They normally all involve a stripper.

John [00:31:18]: Yeah, but the, yeah, but the thing which is.

Nicole [00:31:21]: Yeah, that's a whole nother.

John [00:31:22]: I've been to playing bachelor parties as well. And it's like, like guys at bachelor party, it's always like, oh, yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna go out there, we're gonna get some girls, we're gonna do. Nothing ever happens.

Nicole [00:31:32]: Like, yeah, well, but they're trying.

John [00:31:34]: They're trying, they're trying, they're trying. But, but man, it's like, yeah, the, the, the See with the, with the bachelor party, like the level of like the expectation of it is up here, but the actual reality, but then they.

Nicole [00:31:45]: Just end up buying something.

John [00:31:49]: The. It's downplayed to here, but it's actually a little bit higher than that.

Nicole [00:31:53]: Well, you know, so I don't know.

John [00:31:55]: That'S really true because if a woman wants to go wild, she can. A guy wants to go wild. That doesn't mean that he can.

Nicole [00:32:00]: Yeah, but he's gonna try really hard. Trying.

John [00:32:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:03]: Has the same intent as doing.

John [00:32:06]: Look, I believe you. I agree.

Nicole [00:32:07]: So. And then plus if guy tries so hard, what does he go do? Just Pay for a stripper. Just pay for some girl to give him attention. And so, again, they're just all really.

John [00:32:19]: Bad if you're doing those things you have.

Nicole [00:32:21]: I had a friend one time, too. Her boyfriend went on a bachelor party, and when he got back, not that long ago, she found out he was on Tinder.

John [00:32:29]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:30]: And he was like, oh, well, we were just all doing it, and she still, like. She was. She didn't break up with him or anything. And I was just like, what?

John [00:32:40]: Right. Well, yeah. Yeah. And part of it is maybe, you know, she knows that that wasn't going to happen anyway. For him anyway, but. I know. But it's still wrong. That's what I'm saying. It's like. It's still wrong. It's like. Like, you know, but the reality, like, a lot of women know their man.

Nicole [00:32:58]: Any woman who's like, my man is so undesirable. He can be on Tinder. I don't care. I don't know anyone who thinks like that.

John [00:33:05]: No, not. Not. I don't care. Like, he. But. But that.

Nicole [00:33:09]: It's not that big of a deal. It's still the intent behind it.

John [00:33:12]: Yeah, yeah, I agree. No, I agree with the intent for sure. So. But. But that. But the other thing, too, then, because we talked about the bachelor and bachelorette parties is the trips, the girls.

Nicole [00:33:22]: Well, so I was gonna say the new thing to do, you know, for, like, 2024, is being like, this is out and this is in. So we're gonna say bachelorette and bachelor parties. Out and joint couple. Bachelor. Bachelor.

John [00:33:36]: Yeah. We need a name for it. Right? We need a name for it.

Nicole [00:33:40]: I. You'll have to come back to me on that. We'll have to think of it. But, you know, out. That's out.

John [00:33:46]: Yeah, we're over. It's so weird.

Nicole [00:33:49]: We're actually liking our partners in 2024. Okay. We're like. We, like, want to be around.

John [00:33:52]: It is kind of a weird thing that has actually existed for so long and that so many people are just acceptable of not only of having one, but also participating in one.

Nicole [00:34:01]: Right, right. Well. But, you know, I think that's kind of, like one of the last things that are, like, filtering out because look at, like, weddings, you know, like, with our wedding, we didn't do, like, the garter toss, because that's just weird. Yeah, it's kind of weird, you know, like, sitting there when you're. While your new husband, like, takes off a garter with his teeth in front of your, like, whole family. And then throws it to somebody. That's just weird. And like, my wedding planner was like, yeah, like, a lot of people don't do some of the, like, really traditional stuff like that anymore. Why don't we do that with bachelor bachelorette parties? Or, you know, at least make it like. Like we said, like a couple's thing, Right? And then have a, have all your girls at your bridal shower or something. Like, I'm not saying, like, throw your friends away. No, but you don't need to be going out like you're single, right? And if you are single, do whatever the heck you want. Like have. Invite all your single girlfriends and go on a girls trip. Go on a, you know, bachelor go out to the bar. If you're single, it doesn't matter.

John [00:35:00]: Yeah, yeah. If you're single, that's fine. Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:02]: But like, when you're in a very serious relationship, or even if you're in a relationship and you still want to do those things again, you probably should check in and be like, do I even like this person?

John [00:35:12]: You got to make a decision. Like, are you going to invest your time and energy into improving the relationship?

Nicole [00:35:18]: Right.

John [00:35:18]: Are you going to leave the relationship because you got one foot in, one foot out. Like, you're like, I want to have my cake and eat it too. Right. It's like, well, you know, I'm not getting completely fulfilled here, so I'm going to come over here and I'm not going to sleep with the guy, but I get attention from guys or.

Nicole [00:35:31]: Well, I think you know something too, because I'm like thinking about it in my head that I think some people that are married or in serious relationships go on these trips too, to like, get away. And again, that's like.

John [00:35:45]: No, they do.

Nicole [00:35:46]: I like, we spend every day together and I'm never like, damn, I need a girls trip right about now. Like, I need some estrogen around me. Like, no. Like, I hang out with my friends. I feel fulfilled by hanging out with them and doing the girly things that we do. And I really enjoy our time together. And to be honest, I would rather go on every single trip, you and I, than like a girls trip to wherever. Like, I love my girlfriends, don't get me wrong. Yeah, but it's like when you're married, you're in a different phase of your life or a serious relationship where. Planning to get married.

John [00:36:19]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:36:20]: Like, this is the person you're building a life with. This is the person that you live with. You go to sleep with, you have kids. With like, this is your person. And so I don't think it's very far fetched to like put that person right in a position where you want to do all the things with them.

John [00:36:37]: I mean, it comes down to like, two become one, right? That's kind of the idea. I mean, maybe not everyone subscribes to that, but so then why does one, like you're gonna split the one apart, go do girls night out or guys night out doesn't make sense. Or, you know, I'm saying it's like our girls trip or guys trip, like, doesn't make sense.

Nicole [00:36:54]: Yeah, it's like, well, you, like we talked about, you go hang out with your friends, right? During the time that you have, and then you can take a trip with your partner. Like, it doesn't have to be this crazy wild thing. Like, why are you living like you're single again? If you want to be single, then be single. Like, do what you need to do. But also at the same point, like, if you want to be single and you're married, that's a time to have a talk with your partner and be like, hey, I'm missing something. Because this is really appealing to me, right? Like, I'm not saying just leave your husband or leave your wife.

John [00:37:28]: That's a good.

Nicole [00:37:29]: But you need to like, sit them down and be like, hey, I've been really drawn to like wanting to go out and do things that I used to do when I was single. And maybe I'm missing something here. Like, maybe we need to spend some more time together or we need to like, spice things up or we need to go on more dates. Like, I'm not saying just drop everything if you're feeling like you want to be single. But you do have to realize that that's not a normal reaction if you're in a relationship that's healthy and where you really are into it.

John [00:38:02]: And you might start to feel that way because you put yourself into the situation, you know, where. Now let's say you're a woman, you're getting attention from like, you like the feeling of getting this attention. So now you're getting addicted to that. That feeling, which is not where you should be getting that.

Nicole [00:38:16]: Which guys get that too, right?

John [00:38:17]: Or same. Yeah, as a guy, like, you're getting addicted to that feeling, whatever it is. But what was I gonna say? Oh, this is the part where I have to tell the guys, right? About you should be setting these standards for the relationship. As a man, you should be saying, look, the girl's night out, guys, not out. We don't need to do those type of things, right? And explain it to.

Nicole [00:38:47]: Yeah, like this.

John [00:38:48]: Like, we're explaining it because again, like I said, I think. I mean, I would say a majority. Well, a lot of times. And guys will get hit with this when they'll try to do these things that are good for the relationship. It's a thing when guys try to protect the relationship. You're being insecure. You're being. You don't trust me. You're being controlling, right? So I just tell you guys, you have to be immune to all that language. You have to be immune to all that.

Nicole [00:39:11]: I agree that women will say that. They'll say that, but I don't think you can't care about that for the right relationship. Because I would have been that woman if some. My, like, ex boyfriend before you was like, you can't do this. I'd be like, but also, I was doing 50, 50. So I'm like, you can't tell me what to do if we're bringing the same thing to the table.

John [00:39:28]: But there's two things, right? One is that if a woman truly values you and thinks that, like, she should be the one, like we said in the other episode, and I've told a lot of my coaching clients, look, if you tell her, like, we're gonna exchange phones and, you know, have passwords to each other phones and have our locations on, she should be leaping for joy. If she's not leaping for joy, then she thinks she can do better than you. Like, she's not. You know what I mean? She's not seeing you as high enough as the man, because she should be like, damn, a lot of women want this guy. I got this guy that a lot of women want. I want to keep this guy.

Nicole [00:40:01]: Well, I think women should be jumping for joy because a lot of women don't trust men to cheat or whatever. And so that's being transparent, him being an open book.

John [00:40:10]: So it's a red flag on two sides. One, that she probably doesn't see you as high enough value, and two, that her values aren't in the right place. So that's what I'm saying is, like, for guys, look, if you get hit with the controlling, insecure, any of that stuff, look, it's healthy to have boundaries, right? And it's healthy to set the boundaries for the relationship. And you got to be immune to all that shit. As a man, you have to be like, I don't. Like, look, you can't be phased by being Told that you're controlling or a man. Yeah.

Nicole [00:40:38]: Because you gotta be the man woman respects.

John [00:40:40]: Right? And. Well, and that's what I'm saying. It's like, if a woman is gonna say to a guy, hey, that's controlling, or that's whatever, or you're insecure, he's got to be able to look her right in the eyes and say, I don't care. This is important to me. That's it. I'm the man. Right? If you're not that guy.

Nicole [00:40:57]: Yeah, but he has to be the man.

John [00:40:58]: Well, he has to be the man.

Nicole [00:40:59]: How? Men are the man.

John [00:41:01]: Right? But. But that. Look, a woman is gonna make a choice in that moment. You know, you stare in the eyes, you say, I'm the man. She's either gonna leave, be like, fuck you, you're not the man. Or she's gonna be like, all right, you finally get, like, I finally got some. A guy that gets it and sees what I want, that I'm not gonna tell any guy. Right. Like, I can now, I can be vulnerable and submissive to this guy because he's strong enough to actually put it out there, you know, not asking permission. He's like, no, this is how it is.

Nicole [00:41:37]: Yeah, but he has to be the man. That's the only thing.

John [00:41:39]: But he's got to be. He's got to be.

Nicole [00:41:40]: I feel like a lot of men who aren't the man are going to just hear this and be like, this is what you need to do. And they don't take any accountability for themselves.

John [00:41:48]: You got to be holding up your side of it, too. Right. Like I said, it's. It's not. There's no girls. It's no guys. Not out either.

Nicole [00:41:55]: You're not fulfilling her.

John [00:41:56]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:57]: In all the ways that she needs. That's why these behaviors even pop up anyway. But another thing that I think that is very popular is that people just get together to live separate lives still. And so I think that's also why they think going out is fine and, like, doing that kind of stuff, because they're just, like. They didn't become one. Right, Right. They're just still two separate people living under one house. And, like, roommates, basically, or like, friends. Like, some couples are more friendly than even romantic, and they've just, you know, kind of just existed with each other, and so they go about living their own separate lives. And that's where a lot of this comes into, too.

John [00:42:39]: And some. And some people, you know, and they. They've rightly said, because there are Books on the subject. And I've read the books on the subject, obviously, but they talk about this idea of, you know, specifically, even, like, books like Mating in Captivity, right? So the idea behind it is that if you have intimacy, then you have a loss of sexual attraction. Right? And so, like, it's the actual separation that creates sexual attraction, but the intimacy that creates love. And so you, like, you're in this balance between the two. But. But I believe that you're playing at a lesser level, not the depth that you can. So at a surface level, yes, that's true. Right. In just. But if you go deeper than that, then you can get beyond that, where it actually starts to become not true, where the deeper the intimacy increases the attraction.

Nicole [00:43:37]: But I feel like. So some couples that don't have the intimacy and also don't have the desire or the attraction, like, you know, they're so far apart now that that's why they go to Magic Mike shows and guys night out, you know, because they're, like, even further away.

John [00:43:58]: Well, it's like. It's the familiarity is what the argument is. Right. And I disagree with it. Like I said, on a. On a surface level, I think you can have a relationship that is at that level where too much familiarity equals less attraction. Right? But I think there's a deeper level, a deeper level of relationship that is beyond that. Because a lot of people have made the argument. They'll say, well, it's important to have your own privacy or have your own life. And again, I'm not saying that you can't have friends and things that you do apart from the other person. I do think that that's valuable. But a lot of people would say, no, you gotta have your own privacy and a separate life and these things. And you just come together to be a couple and that, like, I think you can operate that way. And if you do, then what those books say is true. What those books say is true. Then you have to make sure that don't become too familiar and don't, you know, like, don't get too close. Otherwise.

Nicole [00:44:53]: Yeah, it's just, like, so weird, though. But I think.

John [00:44:55]: But you can optimize instead of it.

Nicole [00:44:57]: Being, like, too familiar, I think it just becomes your new baseline without going into, like. This is kind of like a whole separate thing that you're talking about. But I think it is, like, just a new baseline. And like you said, you just have to like it. You have to add more to it. You have to, like, make sure that it's above that. So I don't think it like, goes down, but I think that, like, you need. You have to think more about doing the things to show your partner.

John [00:45:26]: Right.

Nicole [00:45:26]: That you desire them. Because it's like, it's become like your baseline of how you operate.

John [00:45:32]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:33]: But sometimes. Cause men do this too with like the romance that sometimes, right.

John [00:45:37]: It becomes a baseline.

Nicole [00:45:38]: It becomes like, you know, you're like. Like not doing it as much or in a new way or a, you know, way that makes your partner feel that way.

John [00:45:46]: Right.

Nicole [00:45:47]: And we're all changing in our relationship, so it's like you have to constantly check in with each other.

John [00:45:54]: Right.

Nicole [00:45:54]: And you know, Which I guess is.

John [00:45:56]: A good stuff segue into. Into like our. Like unless you have something else you have on the.

Nicole [00:46:02]: No, I mean, I think we covered it because I feel like bachelorette. Bachelor.

John [00:46:06]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:07]: Trips are the same as like. Like a girls trip or a guy's trip or things like that. So unless you can think of anything. But I think we.

John [00:46:13]: I think, like I said, a lot of people are gonna be resistant to this. I guess we could say that. And it's like, I get it because I was there at one point. Like, I'm as you were as well. But if you really think about it, what we're saying makes sense. Even though majority of people would agree, would disagree with it.

Nicole [00:46:30]: Like, you know, it's about respect. I think for me, at the core, that's what it is.

John [00:46:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:46:36]: Because if you hear all this and you're still like, they're crazy.

John [00:46:41]: Right?

Nicole [00:46:41]: Then I would say you don't really respect your partner if you're fighting so hard to keep your guys night out or your whatever, you know, And.

John [00:46:49]: And just about every, you know, to add one more thing is 90% of people, like just about every person that said, dang, I made a mistake. Right. We're the exact same people that said, I would never do this. So you might think you know yourself, right? But do you need to put yourself into temptations way? You know what I mean? Like, again, yeah, you should be resistant to it. I agree. I think if you're in the relationship where all your needs are being met, then you have extra armor. However, majority of people that thought that they were untouchable find their faults when they put themselves into temptation's way. And so do you want to be.

Nicole [00:47:31]: That they weren't fully anyway. But maybe it's more of a guy thing, because I see it more as a guy thing. You'd probably see it more as a girl thing because that's your perspective. But I see it more as like guys have a harder time because guys typically are the ones that are giving in physically, doing that kind of stuff. And that's what we're talking about when we're talking about a nightclub is giving in physically. And I'm not saying women don't do it, but I'm saying that a woman is not going to throw away her relationship as often as a man.

John [00:48:02]: I agree.

Nicole [00:48:02]: For a one night stand.

John [00:48:03]: But she getting more opportunities to do so.

Nicole [00:48:05]: I understand.

John [00:48:06]: Which is.

Nicole [00:48:06]: But that kind of.

John [00:48:07]: It balances out.

Nicole [00:48:08]: She also. It's like Russian roulette though. Guys are not really good at sex.

John [00:48:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:14]: So if you're going home with this guy, like you are risking that. Whereas a guy can just get whatever he wants. It's not the same.

John [00:48:21]: But if she's only had bad sex, she's not gonna know the difference. So that argument's gonna be taken off the.

Nicole [00:48:26]: She still doesn't want to add to that tally.

John [00:48:28]: She doesn't know.

Nicole [00:48:28]: She thinks another bad sex.

John [00:48:30]: She thinks it's good. She thinks it's good. Besides, women aren't having sex with guys in order to enjoy themselves. They're having sex with guys in order.

Nicole [00:48:40]: To prove themselves because they're not being fulfilled in their relationship. Which again, that doesn't excuse cheating.

John [00:48:48]: I'm just saying, like if you look at every person who's cheated and you say did you intend to cheat? 99% of them are gonna say no, it just happened. Right. Like I was there.

Nicole [00:48:59]: But 99% of them have an underlying reason that drove them to even being pushed to that.

John [00:49:05]: But don't put yourself in this situation. Work on your relationship instead. That's all I'm saying. Because you're gonna become a percentage. Just like everyone thinks they're the best driver. Right. But people get in accidents, you know, it happens. So the same thing, like you might think that you're untouchable.

Nicole [00:49:19]: I'm not even gonna say what I was gonna say. Acts are not an accident. Like a car accident. Like, oops, I accidentally just, you know.

John [00:49:29]: No, but one. But one thing leads to another. So it's not an accident. But it's like self control though you're still guilty as charged. Like I'm not trying to say anyone escapes responsive or responsibility for it. I'm just saying that it's like you put yourself in a situation where you make a bad judgment call. That's not.

Nicole [00:49:47]: Yeah, but I'm just saying in a car accident, someone can hit you and it not be your fault. That's not the case. It takes two to tango. It a takes chewed a horizontal mambo. Okay?

John [00:49:57]: If I'm on a diet, I'm not going in Krispy Kremes, okay? I could swear to you up and down I will not eat a donut today. But if I stand there and they're like fresh made donuts, the hot sign flashes on and they're like, would you like a free sample? You know what I'm saying? It's like so I understand what you're.

Nicole [00:50:14]: Saying about not even go there, but also self control. Self control.

John [00:50:18]: Well, yeah, but. But don't test your self control. That's what I'm saying.

Nicole [00:50:22]: I agree.

John [00:50:23]: Like there's no need to test it, right? You know what I'm saying? Like you think you're stronger than you are, but you know, everyone thinks they're stronger than they are, but they're not. That's what I'm saying is like, yeah.

Nicole [00:50:32]: But some people are.

John [00:50:33]: Some people are. But you don't need to find out. Do you agree?

Nicole [00:50:36]: You know, I agree with that. I agree.

John [00:50:38]: That's right. And someone else that's, that's married to you or is dating you doesn't need to find out either. So that's like think about it. Or your children too, you know?

Nicole [00:50:46]: So yeah, where have we gone?

John [00:50:49]: Where have we gone? Okay, so yeah, so we'll end that, we'll talk about our relationship thing so that it falls on me. So it was kind of what we were talking about a little bit because we talked, we got into some discussions about falling into the rut of showing sexual desire and the importance of it to a man. Because again, and I think this is just useful that for women to know because I didn't realize that women didn't know. This is two things, is one, is that a woman's sexual desire, like I was talking about before, is the most important thing to a man, period. Right? It's not. Women think maybe it's frequency of sex. It's not. It's the actual enthusiasm, it's the actual desire shown, right? And then also in the way that, which men want that to be shown.

Nicole [00:51:39]: That you need to tell because that's what women don't know.

John [00:51:43]: So, so women, I guess I'll say men want you to show your depraved self, your sluttiest self to them, right? As like selfishly, right? It's like I want you to do things to me. I want you to, you know, make me whatever, you know, like we'll try to keep it not too.

Nicole [00:52:01]: Not too bad. Yeah, you can.

John [00:52:03]: In your head, like, whatever. You're depraved, like, selfish sexual desires are in your head. That's what the man wants to hear. Because it's not that you want to necessarily do things to him. That's great. Or that you have sex with him, but it's that. And then on the flip side, for the man, obviously, it's the romance. Right. Because that's what women value the most, is that. That's what shows. I guess I would say a man feels loved by a woman if she shows sexual desire, like, that's the primary way. Whereas a woman feels. And correct me if I'm wrong if anything's. If you don't agree with this, but a woman feels the most loved by a man by the romance that he shows her.

Nicole [00:52:44]: Yeah, I would say so.

John [00:52:45]: Yeah. So. Yeah. So that's what we talked about. So it was good. But it was interesting.

Nicole [00:52:50]: But it was good to check in. And that's what we were talking about. Is that like. Cause I felt like I was doing the things to make him feel desired, but I wasn't like. Like doing it in this selfish way. Like he just.

John [00:53:01]: Right. Which she was trying to be so good.

Nicole [00:53:04]: I don't want to be selfish.

John [00:53:05]: Right.

Nicole [00:53:05]: You know, like, I don't want it to be all about me. Like, it's supposed to be about you. So I was trying to, like, make it about you, but you're like, no, that's wrong. Be selfish. And I'm like, what? Like, this makes no sense.

John [00:53:18]: But if you watch any porno, then you will understand it because.

Nicole [00:53:21]: Okay, well, I don't. We already had that conversation.

John [00:53:23]: But any porno is going to be about the woman making the noises and how much she's enjoying it and. Right. It's like, that's what the focus is. Whether it's female porn or male porn, it's always still the focus on. On the woman's enjoyment. So that's why I think that is. That's the thing.

Nicole [00:53:41]: Yeah. But I think it's hard as a woman to like. Because I think women understand that.

John [00:53:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:53:45]: But I think they don't understand, like, telling a man what they want because that seems selfish.

John [00:53:50]: Right.

Nicole [00:53:51]: And also, if you look at some of the comments on our videos, guys are so butthurt these days, like, why can't you just take care of yourself? Why can't you do this? So, like, it really has conditioned women.

John [00:54:03]: It's true.

Nicole [00:54:03]: And so, like, they feel like they have to do everything on their own or not be too selfish or not ask for too much because it's so heavily pushed in all aspects.

John [00:54:13]: Right.

Nicole [00:54:14]: So that's why when we were talking about this and you were like, oh, you really didn't know? I'm like, no. And I don't know any. No woman has ever told me what you told me. So I don't know if some women know and I'm just late to the game or what, but, like, it's. It's just not normal. Especially, like today with how men act today.

John [00:54:32]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:54:33]: Like, they make women feel so bad for wanting things. And so that's. We have been conditioned. Like, a majority of men act that way. So that's like. It's ingrained in us.

John [00:54:44]: Yeah. Yeah. No, I agree. And it's. I mean, I guess it's kind of the bomb. I don't know for sure. That's why I was surprised that most women don't know that. But I think it's the same way that women don't realize that a man doesn't know. Again, the secret for men, if you want to make a woman fall madly in love with you and just be obsessed with you, is to validate her emotions. It's just simple as. For her to be like, I'm really upset. And then even if she's upset at you, instead of you saying, I didn't do it, or like, whatever, you're like, don't be upset. Yeah, yeah. To just be like, oh, I'm sorry you feel that way. Tell me more. That's it. Then she's like, now she's just gonna melt. Right? So. But it's the secret, Right? But if we were to flip it and say, women, what's the secret to a guy? Be a depraved slutty. You know, show him your depraved, your selfish, slutty desires. Like, bam, you got the guy. He'll do whatever you want. Now it's like. Like, he's. He's like, yeah, this. This chick digs me. She. You know, that's. That's the thing.

Nicole [00:55:58]: This chick digs me.

John [00:55:59]: So that's it. Yeah. So, yeah, now we've given both of the secrets, so everybody should be good now, right? They got all the secrets they need. So let's hope to go. All right, we'll see you next time.