Nicole [00:00:00]: I guess my thing is, as men, it is your responsibility to help actually guide men in the right direction. And with the red pill stuff, it's causing more hate and more problems rather than actually helping men and young boys. That's on men. Because men aren't going to listen to women anyway. And men who hate women.

John [00:00:20]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:00:21]: So it's on men to try to help these people understand in a healthy, proper way how to be a man, not just be fueled by hate. And then now our children are learning these things. Do you think they're gonna magically stop hating them?

John [00:00:35]: Beyond the perfect we discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:01:01]: And we're back for round two.

John [00:01:02]: Round two of episode 100.

Nicole [00:01:05]: Episode 100.

John [00:01:08]: Yeah. But it's actually 101.

Nicole [00:01:10]: Yes.

John [00:01:10]: So figure that out.

Nicole [00:01:11]: It's actually 101.

John [00:01:12]: Yeah. So what we're doing is we're recapping some of our episodes and giving a synopsis, some points if we change our mind on them. We went through on episode 101 through 50. Yep.

Nicole [00:01:25]: So go check that out.

John [00:01:26]: Yeah. So we'll do 51 through 100.

Nicole [00:01:30]: Yeah.

John [00:01:31]: All right, let's see. Let's. We'll have to speed run it still, because it's still a lot, so.

Nicole [00:01:36]: That's true. We like to talk.

John [00:01:37]: All right, so episode 51 was Men Set to low standards for women. Remember what we talked about there? No.

Nicole [00:01:50]: I mean, I would think that maybe it's kind of what you said in some of the other episodes, that women just need to be attractive to men. They don't really think about the other sort of things as much.

John [00:02:01]: I think that's.

Nicole [00:02:02]: That's what. I would assume that that's what it is.

John [00:02:04]: Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to see what they need.

Nicole [00:02:07]: To vet, is what I'm thinking, which is what I said in the other ones.

John [00:02:11]: Oh, a difference between expectations and standards. We talked about that. So it's like.

Nicole [00:02:15]: In that.

John [00:02:16]: Yeah, yeah. How to shift from having expectations to standards. Like, men should have these standards, the way that women should treat them, the way that they should. Like, they set too low standards in terms of the treatment that they get from women. So they tolerate disrespect. They tolerate yelling in their face. They tolerate physical abuse. Like, things like that, where they shouldn't be tolerating those things. They should have from the beginning. Exactly.

Nicole [00:02:38]: Yeah.

John [00:02:39]: Yeah. How long should you be unhappy in a relationship? Episode 52.

Nicole [00:02:45]: Oh, didn't you say like years? You said like years. I think I said maybe two years, but I think you said five or something.

John [00:02:55]: Technically forever. Right. Because you talked about the parachute, pulling the parachute. Like, we're not talking about abuse, but if you made a commitment to be married to someone, it's. It's to death do you part.

Nicole [00:03:07]: But two years of trying, is that not the same episode where you talked about where if you give it your all and don't worry about your needs.

John [00:03:15]: Right.

Nicole [00:03:16]: For three to six months. I can't remember how long you said. Yeah, then, then you can make a decision.

John [00:03:24]: That should be in a, it should be in a long term relationship, but not necessarily in a marriage. Like a marriage is something that, like, unless there's abuse, you shouldn't really be exiting that.

Nicole [00:03:35]: I mean, I agree with that.

John [00:03:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:03:37]: But also, it's like abuse, cheating. You think someone's not gonna cheat if they're unhappy for two years? Like, I don't think it's okay.

John [00:03:46]: Well then if they do, then for.

Nicole [00:03:47]: Five years, Like, I feel like that's when people do cheat. Yeah, is. And then they don't talk about it. They do stuff behind people's backs because they're unhappy, but they're supposed to stay there. You see what I mean? Like, I don't think we talked about this in that episode though. But like, being that unhappy for that long, for years, is usually what ends up causing people to go behind the person's back and make things even worse than if they just.

John [00:04:15]: Had a conversation. Did you leave a marriage just because you're unhappy?

Nicole [00:04:19]: I don't think, like you should if you haven't worked on it and you're just like, I'm unhappy, I'm gonna leave.

John [00:04:27]: But then why are you making a commitment? Why are you getting married? Just don't get married. Just stay together and live in a long term relationship and live together.

Nicole [00:04:34]: But that's why I think, like, if you're happy enough and you really want to be with that person and you know that before you get married, I don't think you will really even get to that point.

John [00:04:45]: You shouldn't. But you should be sure that you're making, like, if you make the promise, if you say I will love you, like, I will be with you till death do us part. Right. And sickness and health, also mental health. Right.

Nicole [00:05:00]: Then for better or for worse.

John [00:05:02]: For better or for worse. Right. So that's not. There's no wiggle room in there. That's like, well, if I'm not happy, then I'll leave. If it's been two years, I'm not happy, I'll leave.

Nicole [00:05:12]: But then if you cheat, what you shouldn't do, then someone leaves.

John [00:05:15]: So it's like, then that's different because that's. That's breaking the contract. At that point. It's. It's open because they've already broken.

Nicole [00:05:22]: Either way is breaking the contract.

John [00:05:24]: So I guess being unhappy isn't breaking the contract.

Nicole [00:05:26]: If you, like, left because you were unhappy.

John [00:05:28]: Yeah. That's breaking the contract. Exactly what I'm saying.

Nicole [00:05:31]: Right.

John [00:05:31]: Is that so. So being unhappy should not be a reason to leave. I think in a marriage.

Nicole [00:05:37]: I agree.

John [00:05:38]: In a relationship.

Nicole [00:05:39]: But I think if you're so unhappy that you're going to cheat anyway, you might as well end the relationship before you cheat.

John [00:05:45]: Right?

Nicole [00:05:45]: Yes.

John [00:05:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:46]: Yeah.

John [00:05:46]: Or. But just don't do either of those things. Right, Right.

Nicole [00:05:49]: No. Like, if you're committing. You're committing to work through it no matter what. Yeah.

John [00:05:53]: It's like, if I'm like, I'm so stressed out, I need to smoke a cigarette. So I'm either gonna be stressed out or smoke a cigarette. No, no, no. You could do neither of those things.

Nicole [00:06:00]: Like, find a different way.

John [00:06:01]: Right. Find something else. Right. So, like, work on the relationship.

Nicole [00:06:04]: The problem. Yeah.

John [00:06:05]: Like, you got to think that you're hitched to this person permanently.

Nicole [00:06:08]: Right.

John [00:06:09]: Like, there's no escape plan. There is no parachute. There's no. You know, that's really what it is.

Nicole [00:06:15]: And that's why you have to make a really good decision when you get married. Yeah.

John [00:06:19]: But also, things can happen that are outside of your control. Your spouse could be in a car accident. Their face could be disfigured. They could be in a coma. They could.

Nicole [00:06:29]: And people leave people like that, though I don't think those aren't. Okay.

John [00:06:32]: They could have a debilitating illness. That happens. Right. My mom, that's how she passed away from Parkinson's. My dad stuck with her till the end.

Nicole [00:06:39]: Yeah.

John [00:06:40]: So. So there's value.

Nicole [00:06:42]: Yeah, there is. There definitely is. I agree.

John [00:06:46]: All right. The most important relationship lessons we've learned. Episode 53. That was kind of a bit of a recap. Ish. Kind of episode.

Nicole [00:06:56]: 53. I wonder which ones we said in that one.

John [00:06:59]: Let me see if I can.

Nicole [00:07:00]: I mean, I'm sure we, like you said, recapped.

John [00:07:04]: Oh. Being defensive was the big one. That was the big one. Yeah. Vulnerability is the key to unlocking true intimacy. Hitting dangers of letting issues fester. Transformative power of timely, thoughtful communication. How to balance the masculine and feminine energies.

Nicole [00:07:21]: Yeah. Being defensive is probably still top tier because I feel like that creates a lot of the actual conflict and arguments where it gets messy. I think a lot of things would be fixed a lot easier without the defensiveness. And it's really hard to not be defensive.

John [00:07:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:41]: You know, unless you've really practiced it and worked at it.

John [00:07:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:45]: So. Yeah.

John [00:07:46]: Yeah. But those are good. Yeah. And that's helped us a lot. I ain't saying she's a gold digger, but episode 54.

Nicole [00:07:56]: So men talking about gold diggers.

John [00:07:59]: Yeah, I think it was.

Nicole [00:08:03]: Oh, are men gold diggers? That's what it was. Men are the real gold diggers.

John [00:08:06]: That's what we were saying is that the episode synopsis says John and Nicole explore why feeling unworthy destroys relationships and how to embrace our flaws leads to deeper connection.

Nicole [00:08:17]: No, it was that men are the real gold diggers.

John [00:08:22]: The surprising truth about Gold Diggers and why Men's Fears are Often misplaced.

Nicole [00:08:26]: It's because they're the gold diggers.

John [00:08:28]: It's because they're. They're the gold diggers. In terms of.

Nicole [00:08:35]: Some of them are just straight up gold diggers.

John [00:08:38]: Some are just straight up gold diggers. That is true. But more men think that women are gold diggers, but what they're really looking for is they're gold diggers. They're looking for success. They're looking for men that are committed.

Nicole [00:08:51]: To excellence, to success, ambition, and drive and purpose.

John [00:08:55]: They're gold diggers.

Nicole [00:08:56]: Sure.

John [00:08:57]: Which is good.

Nicole [00:08:57]: They're gold diggers.

John [00:09:00]: Avoid the friend zone by learning to flirt like an asshole. That's a good title. Episode 55 there. We talked about the flirting. So you don't be a nice.

Nicole [00:09:11]: I'm sure it's like coming across with confidence and assertiveness.

John [00:09:15]: Yeah. Let's see. Oh, this is.

Nicole [00:09:18]: Learn how to flirt. Go listen to that one.

John [00:09:20]: Have Modern Women killed chivalry? Episode 56.

Nicole [00:09:25]: Yeah, I think we said that they did in some ways, because when they get pissed that a guy's holding a door open, it makes a man less likely to do that. And it's just straight up rude. Like, it's just straight. You wouldn't yell at some granny who held the door open for you.

John [00:09:38]: Right.

Nicole [00:09:39]: So why are you yelling at a man who held the door open for you?

John [00:09:42]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:42]: Especially a man that you're going on a date with and he, like, Opens the car door and you're mad about that. Like, are you kidding me?

John [00:09:48]: And I think the thing is, and I think I said in the episode, too, is that men have to not allow women to kill shivers. Like, it doesn't matter. Keep doing what you think. You just keep on doing it. It's like, you know, a woman will.

Nicole [00:09:58]: Appreciate it one day.

John [00:09:59]: I've been on dates with women that tried to say something, and I just, like, that's what I do. So I don't. Like, I'm just. I'm acting like she's crazy. Like, I'm not getting mad and yelling at her or trying to have the debate. I'm just like, because I'm the man. Like, why am I going to buy into your frame, this ridiculous frame, and even argue with you about it? I'm just going to do the thing, like, try and stop.

Nicole [00:10:17]: And it shouldn't matter, because if you're opening the door to try to, like, get brownie points with her, that's also going to come across that way. But if you're opening the door because that's who you are as a person and as a man, that is gonna actually get you what you want because you're standing firm in what you want to do and how you're gonna treat people.

John [00:10:37]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:10:38]: And you can convert her into, like, being like, oh, I was wrong. You're right. Like, that is really nice of you to do because you're holding your ground. Whereas, like, if you're a nice guy and she's like, you don't have to hold the door open for me, and then you. You stop doing it, she's gonna know you're a pushover.

John [00:10:54]: Right, Exactly.

Nicole [00:10:55]: And she's gonna know you're a nice guy.

John [00:10:56]: Yeah. If you're like, I'm sorry. Stop apologizing all the time. Okay, I will. I won't.

Nicole [00:11:02]: I won't apologize.

John [00:11:03]: Sorry. Yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean, I won't. It's like, okay, you're done. You're friend zone. All right. Women Don't Care about men's feelings. Episode 57. This was a super popular episode.

Nicole [00:11:17]: Yeah.

John [00:11:18]: And there was some truth to it in the sense that we were talking about how, like, a lot of men do feel like that. I think we had the little.

Nicole [00:11:27]: It was like a clip of the video.

John [00:11:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:29]: The guy had a hat on. Oh.

John [00:11:31]: He had this spool of wire that represented his life. And then his wife basically belittled what he was saying. And then he was like, that's why.

Nicole [00:11:40]: Wasn'T There something about a hat.

John [00:11:42]: She was saying, like, are you upset because whatever sports team lost or whatever, like, she simplified it down to, she didn't really care what he said.

Nicole [00:11:51]: She wasn't really listening to him. And then women want to be listened to and their feelings want to be heard, but they don't give men the same courtesy.

John [00:11:59]: Yeah, yeah, I think it is. Like, we were talking about how a lot of women do lack empathy, that they have sympathy, but they don't have true empathy.

Nicole [00:12:07]: I think they don't have a lot of empathy for men specifically, too, because of their issues with men. Just like men don't have a lot of empathy for women a lot of the time, too. It's because of that underlying, like, hatred towards each other, like, dislike. Or like, I don't want to be taken advantage of by this person. So they kind of keep each other at arm's length and, like, treat each other poorly, which I don't think is the right way to do it. But, yeah, I mean, and I agree it's more complicated with men, actually, because it's a delicate balance. Whereas, like, women, you know, if they feel like men don't have empathy towards them, it is more detrimental, I would say, to the relationship. Cause women have such big feelings and they're, you know, more feminine, and that's gonna be a lot. But it's harder for men to deal with because they're told by everybody, don't share too much of your feelings with your wife or, like, your concerns, but, like, you still need to talk about them, but then they don't know how, so they shove stuff down a lot, and that causes resentment because they don't know how to talk about. Yeah. So, like, it's more complicated for men. Right.

John [00:13:19]: Because if a man's a crybaby. Right, Then the woman shows him empathy. Exactly. And so men complain. It's like, well, if you women say they want a man who is in touch with his emotions, but then if he shares his emotions, then she's less attracted to him.

Nicole [00:13:34]: Right.

John [00:13:34]: But it's like, yes and no. If you're a crybaby and you show that you're a wuss who can't handle life, or you're unsure of yourself all the time, doubting your own self and you're not confident. And like those, like, yes, as a man, you're going to have some insecurities, but that's where it's like, call your buddy up, you know, have a group of men that you talk to, you share your insecurities. With them, but not with your woman. You know what I'm saying? But it's not the same. Like, she can share her insecurities. That's fine. But you shouldn't be sure.

Nicole [00:14:03]: Well, you're the leader. I think maybe even in that episode. You said it in one of the episodes, you talk about how if you're in the military and your general's like, oh, do you guys want to go in there?

John [00:14:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:13]: And they're like, no, not really. You're like, all right, yeah, we. We shouldn't go in there.

John [00:14:16]: Or if you're like, I'm really scared. Like, I don't know, guys. Like, I just want to talk to you before the big battle tomorrow. Like, I know you guys are scared, but I'm also scared. Like, you know. No, that's not.

Nicole [00:14:26]: When you're a leader, it does make it more complicated because you can't share that stuff. You can't share a certain extent, because then it does at least make the people who are following your lead a little bit more weary. Right? Like, a little bit. Like, okay, maybe he doesn't have it handled as much as he thinks he does. But even if, like, your woman trusts you and, you know she fully trusts you 100%, you can still kind of wear at that, like, leadership, like, her following your lead. If you're coming to her and talking to her about things that you're supposed to be handling, but you don't really feel like you have a handle on it. And then she just listens. And then she can't do anything, though, because she's not supposed to do anything, and it makes her feel helpless. But, like, no, I can help you. But then it's like, so it's more complicated.

John [00:15:20]: Yeah, for sure.

Nicole [00:15:21]: And so women do need to listen to what men want to say, but men do have to pick and choose, like, you said, what they talk to their women about, unfortunately. Like, I wish it could be totally open, but honestly, men need more masculine energy in those moments where they're like, I'm scared. I don't know if I can do this. They need somebody to be like, you can do this, brother.

John [00:15:42]: Right?

Nicole [00:15:43]: They don't need, like, a woman being like, oh, honey, you don't have to do that if you don't want to. Because then they'll be like, okay, yeah.

John [00:15:48]: I don't want to, you know, going to make them feel, like, less attractive to that woman. And. And she's going to feel like she.

Nicole [00:15:55]: Doesn'T trust your lead as much or.

John [00:15:57]: Even if a Guy's like. Like, honey, I'm just scared that you're looking at other men. Like, oh, God, that's gonna kill the attraction. Like, it's so fun. It's fine if a woman says that to a guy, but if you, as a guy are not confident enough that you, like, you're. You're scared. Like, you're. You're showing insecurities in that way to a woman. Not attractive.

Nicole [00:16:17]: Yeah.

John [00:16:18]: Right. So it doesn't work. It doesn't work both ways, but you.

Nicole [00:16:22]: Just gotta know you're a baddie.

John [00:16:24]: Yeah. All right, let me see where we're at. Okay. What do women bring to the table? Episode 58. This was the worst question.

Nicole [00:16:37]: That question.

John [00:16:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:38]: It's such a stupid question. It's still dumb. It's very guys are the princess mindset.

John [00:16:44]: Yeah. Not understanding servant leadership at all.

Nicole [00:16:48]: What did you provide me? That's basically saying to a woman, like, how are you gonna be my servant? When it should be? If you're the leader, if you're the masculine man, a woman should be asking a man what he brings to the table.

John [00:17:02]: Right, Exactly. And he's like this. It's like. Like I said in the episode, it's a magnet. A woman is like a magnificent piece of art. You're not like, what'd it do, though?

Nicole [00:17:14]: Right. But what does it do for me?

John [00:17:15]: Yeah. Like, what can I do with this? You can admire this. This beautiful thing and take care of.

Nicole [00:17:21]: It for what it is. Yeah, yeah.

John [00:17:23]: Not like, what it do.

Nicole [00:17:25]: Yeah. I mean, I think even women should ask men what men bring to the table. I don't think anybody should ask that question. Because if you don't know, talk to somebody. And you. If you can't figure out for yourself what someone brings to the table there, you need to work on some other things.

John [00:17:40]: Yeah. But a man should tangibly bring things to the table. Right. He should make money.

Nicole [00:17:46]: Because she knows what he does for his work. She's been around him and knows how his character is. She should know these things by how he's acting. Exactly.

John [00:17:54]: Rather than his words. No, no. Yeah, yeah. You don't even have to ask that question.

Nicole [00:17:58]: Actions over words in general.

John [00:18:00]: But a woman doesn't need to bring anything to the table. She just needs to be her beautiful self. Feminine self. She just needs to be feminine. Like, a woman has value just being a woman.

Nicole [00:18:09]: Being feminine is valuable.

John [00:18:10]: A man has to create his value in this world, and that's what it is. Like, a woman's value can be lost by losing her Innocence by losing the purity that she has. Right. A man has to create his value in life.

Nicole [00:18:28]: Okay.

John [00:18:29]: Yeah. All right. We are breaking up. Episode 59. It was just about breakups, not about us actually breaking up.

Nicole [00:18:37]: No. Yeah, I knew that.

John [00:18:40]: You knew that. Yeah, but the.

Nicole [00:18:42]: But we were talking about breaking up.

John [00:18:43]: How to break up, and, like.

Nicole [00:18:44]: Yeah. Don't, like, go into a full spiel. Just accept it.

John [00:18:49]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:49]: Or just be like, okay, we're breaking up.

John [00:18:51]: For a guy to be like, oh, we talked about the threat. Like, when a woman says, I'm breaking up with you. And you're like, okay, cool.

Nicole [00:18:57]: Right.

John [00:18:57]: Like, because look, she's made up her mind, like, or she's using it as a manipulation tactic. And if she gets all upset. I can't believe you said, okay, cool.

Nicole [00:19:06]: Like, don't. You can't threaten to break up.

John [00:19:09]: Yeah. If you're like, hey, we need to have a talk because I'm not happy. That's different than I would.

Nicole [00:19:13]: I would break up with somebody if they threatened to break up with me in order to not break up with me.

John [00:19:18]: Right. Yeah. Cause it's just straight up manipulation.

Nicole [00:19:20]: Right?

John [00:19:21]: Yeah, but a lot of guys fall for that. No, I'm just saying that's why it's like the most powerful thing you can do is say, okay, cool.

Nicole [00:19:28]: Right.

John [00:19:29]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:30]: And then. And then move on.

John [00:19:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:31]: And then actually move on.

John [00:19:33]: And then if she is bluffing, then she'll.

Nicole [00:19:36]: If she wants to repair it at that point, that's up to you to.

John [00:19:39]: Decide the highest chance of her changing her mind.

Nicole [00:19:43]: And then you have to be like, you cannot threaten me with breaking up in order to get what you want.

John [00:19:48]: Yeah. That was the one and last time that that will ever happen. So.

Nicole [00:19:51]: Yeah.

John [00:19:52]: Next time you're in or you're out. Like my parents used to say, are you in or you're out? Can't be. Can't be letting air conditioning. Can't be letting the air conditioning out. If you guys are out, you're out. All right. Episode 60. If they need personal space, it's a bad sign.

Nicole [00:20:13]: Yeah. I mean, people. Again, I'm not trying to, like, attack people's relationships or anything, but if you want to be away from your partner.

John [00:20:25]: Yeah. You need a break.

Nicole [00:20:27]: As someone who valued before this relationship, my me time, my alone time.

John [00:20:32]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:34]: If that is more appealing to you than spending time with your partner, your relationship needs work.

John [00:20:38]: Yeah. It should be our alone time.

Nicole [00:20:40]: Right.

John [00:20:40]: And it doesn't mean you don't do things like we said, hey, I go for A run. I go to the gym. We also go to the gym together. But you don't like running. I don't like.

Nicole [00:20:49]: I go to dance.

John [00:20:50]: I don't like shaking my ass at madhouse.

Nicole [00:20:52]: You would like it.

John [00:20:53]: Okay. But you go and you do that, and it's like, so you do have time, or you have time when you're hanging out with your friends. Right. But you don't need alone time where you're like, I don't want to be around anyone, including my spouse. That if that's the case, then there's something broken with your relationship. Because all that time that you have, you should be wanting to spend it with them.

Nicole [00:21:12]: Right?

John [00:21:13]: Right.

Nicole [00:21:13]: And that can be fixed. You just got to figure out what's causing you to want space from your partner. Because it's probably some sort of resentment for something swept under the rug.

John [00:21:22]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:22]: But you can get back to that. Like, your partner should be your best friend, and, like, who doesn't want to spend all their time with their best friends?

John [00:21:30]: Right. And that's why Covid destroyed so many, caused so many divorces. Right.

Nicole [00:21:35]: Because people were forced to be together.

John [00:21:38]: Yeah. So that's a bad sign. Like that. Like, that's. That's what we're trying to prevent.

Nicole [00:21:42]: Right. Like, if you can't spend time with each other like that, you. You need to look at your relationship with a microscope and figure out what's going on.

John [00:21:49]: If you even are like, oh, I just need to get. Need to get a break for my partner or get away for a little bit. That's a bad sign. That's going down that path.

Nicole [00:21:58]: There's resentment there.

John [00:21:58]: Yeah. Is love enough? Maybe not. Episode 61 I don't know. Oh, yeah. We talked about, like, if love can get you through everything, or is it situation or circumstances? And I think we said love wins.

Nicole [00:22:15]: Yeah. I think love is enough. And I think we said that because I think it's true love. I think that's what we classified it as, is true love. Because people say that love is not enough, but they're neglecting all these other things, and it's like, if those things really matter to you, you can still love a person and not be with them. So, like, if you married somebody that isn't really financially literate and he's trying to lead and he just doesn't get it, but you love them. It's like, if that's really that big of a deal where you feel like love isn't enough, that his financial illiteracy is ruining the relationship, Then you shouldn't have made that decision.

John [00:23:03]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:03]: You know what I mean? Like, that's not true love. Because true love is loving somebody for who they are right now. And, like, people could be in the same situation, and he's still not financially literate. But she's like, we'll figure it out. Or he'll figure it out. I trust him, whatever. And still, that is enough. Because she truly loves him.

John [00:23:19]: Yeah, I see what you're saying.

Nicole [00:23:20]: She loves him for his success.

John [00:23:23]: Well, so actually, I take it back now. Now I think love is not enough, because I'll tell you why. Because I'm thinking about that situation as you're talking about that it's like, as a man, like, you gotta, like, you gotta perform. Like you got. There's. You gotta be the leader. You gotta do, like, your relationship will die if it's just based on love. Like, there's also performative actions that must happen. Right. You have to have boundaries. You have to be a leader. Like, you have to do. You have to invest in a relationship and learn and grow. If you're just like, oh, we just love each other, you're gonna have a dysfunctional relationship, which will eventually dissolve.

Nicole [00:23:58]: But I guess I just feel the.

John [00:23:59]: Development needs to be there.

Nicole [00:24:01]: That comes with the territory of love, of true love. True love.

John [00:24:05]: If you truly love someone, you want.

Nicole [00:24:08]: To be the best version for them. You want to better yourself, you want to do stu stuff for them. You care about what they say. That's why it's.

John [00:24:15]: True love is like a chicken or the egg.

Nicole [00:24:17]: True love is enough.

John [00:24:18]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:24:18]: But not just love. Not like familiar love or friend love or this love. That's, like, romantic, but it's a lower.

John [00:24:25]: Level, because true love is willing to do all the things that you can in order to do the best for your partner.

Nicole [00:24:32]: Right.

John [00:24:33]: So if you're not in that mindset, then you might be in love with someone, or you might love that they love you.

Nicole [00:24:39]: Right.

John [00:24:39]: But. Or be attracted to them, but you're not truly in love with them if you're not willing to make changes in your life for growth for them. Exactly.

Nicole [00:24:47]: Yeah. Well, just like, we don't yell at each other or call each other names, right?

John [00:24:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:51]: Like, that's not something that I even think about doing. It's something that naturally happens because I have such a high level of love and respect for you.

John [00:24:59]: Right.

Nicole [00:25:00]: That's what I'm trying to say is, like, there's plenty of people who yell at each other and call each other names that even Love each other.

John [00:25:05]: Right.

Nicole [00:25:06]: But it's not that high of a level of love if you can even do those things.

John [00:25:11]: Right. If you're not working about it without working on, like, trying to improve and not do those things.

Nicole [00:25:17]: Right. I mean, like, even then, I feel.

John [00:25:19]: Like you haven't reached that level of. Of love.

Nicole [00:25:23]: Yeah, yeah. Which you could work towards, which is.

John [00:25:25]: Just in general in life, like, of love. Of life, of people, of being a loving person. Because a loving person does not want to see other people hurt.

Nicole [00:25:33]: It doesn't spread.

John [00:25:34]: No matter what.

Nicole [00:25:35]: Hate.

John [00:25:35]: Yeah. No matter what they've done, you don't want to see them hur.

Nicole [00:25:38]: Hurt.

John [00:25:38]: Like, yes, maybe they need discipline. But that's the difference between discipline and punishment. We talked about this before, too, is that discipline is for their own good. Punishment is for your enjoyment of their suffering. That's what it is. As a parent. If you punish your child, it's for your enjoyment of their suffering. If you discipline your child, it's because you're doing it for their own good. So you don't wish harm on them. Like, even someone who's done bad, even a criminal who's committed a crime or did something harmful to you, you would seek discipline for them or some correction for their own good so that they can become better, not for your revenge. Then, you know, so you haven't reached that level of love as a human being if you're still seeking that. You know, which was the whole problem that with the whole thing that happened with the Charlie Kirk thing was that people were, you know, seeking harm.

Nicole [00:26:30]: They're fighting fire with fire, and everything was on fire.

John [00:26:32]: Yeah. Whether you like him or not, like, it's like, okay, if there's no world in which I accept any kind of stance where you would say that, oh, good that that happened, or be happy that someone else is suffering. Like, there's no. It doesn't matter who it was. It doesn't matter if it was on the other side of the fence or what it was. Like, anyone who ever is wanting, like, enjoying someone else's pain, that says a lot about them as a person. There's no world in which that's good.

Nicole [00:27:01]: I agree, but we're not going to go down this tangent further, so we got to stay on track, but okay.

John [00:27:08]: Oh, this is a good one. Women are supposed to be difficult. Episode 62.

Nicole [00:27:13]: That's right. Yeah, we are. We're a challenge. Men like challenge, but not a challenge intentionally. Like, you're not mean to your husband or whatever to give him a challenge. No, but men and women are different.

John [00:27:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:29]: It's difficult sometimes for me to understand your guy logic, just like it's difficult for men to understand women logic.

John [00:27:35]: Well, and a woman, I think we talk about this too, always has to test a man.

Nicole [00:27:40]: Right.

John [00:27:40]: She's going to continually. There's no point in which she doesn't test you, no matter how much you've proven yourself. And it's not an insult to you. It's just that it makes her feel safe that she's got. That she knows exactly that you're still that strong guy.

Nicole [00:27:52]: And so you said earlier that women need to piss the guy off to see how he acts.

John [00:27:57]: Yeah. And they got to keep on testing it to see. Because you won't feel safe.

Nicole [00:28:03]: Crazy one day.

John [00:28:03]: Yeah. You won't feel safe if there's no boundaries, if you feel like the guy can just be pushed over.

Nicole [00:28:08]: Yeah, that's true.

John [00:28:10]: It's supposed to be that way. And it's a good thing.

Nicole [00:28:13]: And you should view it as a good thing.

John [00:28:15]: And it makes the man stronger.

Nicole [00:28:17]: Right.

John [00:28:17]: Like, the things that. That you feel, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Those things have made me stronger. So. All right. We discovered something amazing. We were missing episode 63.

Nicole [00:28:32]: What is it?

John [00:28:33]: Community. This was because of the.

Nicole [00:28:37]: John and Sabrina's wedding.

John [00:28:38]: Yeah. So I think that was important.

Nicole [00:28:40]: That's true. Yeah. That is one that we really didn't, like. We had friends, but we didn't have, like, such a big group.

John [00:28:49]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:50]: That even now we've, like, continued to expand. Right. Like our friend group and things like that. But we're very intentional with who we like to spend time with, too. And I think that was the first time that we were around a lot of people that, for the most part, were also seemed very intentional and very, you know, aware and wanting to grow and things like that. And there's obviously been some things that happened, though, since that episode. And yeah, it's. I don't want to discredit the importance of community because it is very important, and we did learn that, and it's important to have that community still. But even sometimes you feel like you get a community and there might be people in there that you didn't really know how they were.

John [00:29:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:29:37]: But that doesn't mean to get rid of the whole community or, like, the aspect of community. Like, it's still very important. Obviously, it's important to have boundaries. And, like, if you find something out about somebody that doesn't really align with you, you can still be like, okay, I don't think, you know, we, we can be as close as previously had thought, but it's, it's still very important to have group of people that you can rely on.

John [00:30:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:07]: And that you feel aligned with and.

John [00:30:09]: Yeah, yeah. You have shared values because it also reinforces. Because especially with the traditional relationship, the world is against us.

Nicole [00:30:16]: Yeah.

John [00:30:17]: Most of society does not like what we're doing.

Nicole [00:30:19]: Right.

John [00:30:21]: They don't agree with it. They think they're going to tell you as a woman, oh, he's financially abusing you and suppressing you and whatever. They're going to tell me as a man, oh, you know, she's just going.

Nicole [00:30:32]: To take all your money. Exactly.

John [00:30:33]: And that's. It's not accurate.

Nicole [00:30:36]: Yeah.

John [00:30:36]: I mean, or it's like, oh, it should be 50, 50 and all of these things. And it's. You need the people that understand. Right. And then I think that's also important is like just the aspect of if your friends are into trouble. They're not. Then you're going to get into trouble.

Nicole [00:30:54]: Right. Well, I was going to say, I want to clarify that, like when I say that people are aligned with us, I don't mean that they have to believe everything we believe and the way we live. Even though that obviously is going to be kind of like an easier connection to make. I mean, morally.

John [00:31:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:31:10]: We align because it's like we can have gay friends, we can have people that are in 50, 50 relationships. Like that is not an issue. But morally, if they're doing things that we do not agree with or, you know, they're not living from a place of integrity or things like that, that is what causes the disconnect. Not like different walks of different people. Because I think it's important to have different walks of people of life in your life, but you have to be morally aligned and in your integrity and things like that that matter.

John [00:31:49]: Well. And I think though, that you do still have to have people that are also in traditional relationship. No, I think you can have your circle be expanded, but you need to have some core group of people that are an alignment in your value systems and beliefs.

Nicole [00:32:01]: Well, they help understand more like truly what you're going through the most. So. Yeah, I agree.

John [00:32:08]: Let's see. You need more conflict in your relationship. Here's why. Episode 64 More conflict. Yeah, I think we were talking about.

Nicole [00:32:18]: Like, you got to actually talk about the stuff and not sweep it under the rug.

John [00:32:21]: Yeah. We talked about why tolerance destroys love and how confronting conflict makes you stronger head on. Builds unsafe bonds yeah, exactly. Cause tolerance was the thing is like tolerating. If you're tolerating behavior, suppressing the things instead of just talking about them. Are you tolerating a burp?

Nicole [00:32:47]: I'm supposed to tell my secrets, but no. Yeah. A lot of these, if people haven't picked up on it, are about resentment. Right.

John [00:32:55]: Yeah. Because that's what we discovered in doing this podcast was the number one killer of relationship. We did episode on that. But resentment is the biggest thing that you have to avoid because that's what does it.

Nicole [00:33:06]: That's true.

John [00:33:08]: Brutal truth to young women about how to attract versus keep a man. So this was the episode 65, the.

Nicole [00:33:15]: Young women, which is basically, use your looks to your advantage while you can. And if you find a good man, don't be afraid to settle down with him.

John [00:33:24]: Yeah, yeah. Don't waste your time, you know, but don't, don't settle early just to settle. But if you find a good guy, don't be like, oh, I'm still young, I can still party. Because.

Nicole [00:33:36]: But I do think women still need some time on their own because I feel like a lot of women that aren't truly single or like, live on their own.

John [00:33:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:45]: They're not gonna make the best decision for themselves long term romantically, because they don't know. More codependent. Yes.

John [00:33:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:55]: And they don't understand and like, and.

John [00:33:58]: Then they won't value like a man taking care of them. It's like if you haven't got.

Nicole [00:34:01]: They just went from parents to man.

John [00:34:03]: Yeah. You got to work some shitty job first and then some guy rescues you and you're like, oh, I appreciate the money. Otherwise you might be a little bit of a spoiled brat and it's like, oh, like the money just comes. I just get money. It just, you know, we just go.

Nicole [00:34:16]: On trips to learn from life's experiences.

John [00:34:19]: Yes. Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:20]: And then it helps them make better decisions.

John [00:34:22]: Yeah, but.

Nicole [00:34:23]: But yeah, that's why I don't think they should get married too young. Honestly. I think I said 25 was like a good age.

John [00:34:30]: Yeah. I think I'm fine with that. Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:31]: So, yeah, that gives them plenty of time to get their stuff together and learn a little.

John [00:34:36]: And also they. And they do need to understand that their attractiveness will diminish with time. Like, it's just. It's going to happen like it happens to all of us. But for women, it affects them more. Like, you cannot be.

Nicole [00:34:48]: He's calling me an old T over here.

John [00:34:51]: This is not. Except for. Except for you.

Nicole [00:34:53]: Oh, oh, now you added it.

John [00:34:55]: Well, but the key thing is, though, what's important about that is that if you find the right man in his.

Nicole [00:35:03]: Always, you will always be beautiful to him.

John [00:35:06]: In his eyes, you will always be, no matter what.

Nicole [00:35:08]: Well, I'll always be younger than you.

John [00:35:10]: Well, yeah, that's true. But you will always be radiantly beautiful to him. So find that guy.

Nicole [00:35:17]: Because it helps with the witchcraft, though.

John [00:35:19]: Yeah, yeah, it helps with the witchcraft. But. But, you know, but that time is like. I think the biggest thing was that women, sometimes women, young women, are given the wrong message. And even, like, you know, I showed you some clips from that whatever podcast. I don't always like what's on there, but there's some real truths there where he has women on there all the time, and he asks them to rate themselves, and they always rate themselves a 10. And then he asks them questions like, do you think you'll be more attractive or less attractive in 10 years? And then they always say more attractive. And then he says 20 years. And they still say, a lot of them. I mean, some of them tell the truth, but most of them say more attractive. And they really believe this. And there's a ton of women that believe this, and it's because they've been told this.

Nicole [00:35:56]: Men say the same things, too, though.

John [00:36:00]: It'S not the same. Though it's not the same.

Nicole [00:36:02]: Not all men age. Well.

John [00:36:04]: No, not all men, but they. But they. They can. Like, it's. It's a different. It's a different thing. There's a reason why there's daddy vibes, right?

Nicole [00:36:12]: Yeah, but that's only certain men.

John [00:36:14]: Yeah, yeah, but you could be that guy. But what I'm saying is, though, that it's just a lot of women are given the wrong message. They don't understand that the youth and beauty that they have is a resource that they should capitalize on because it will diminish over time.

Nicole [00:36:29]: I agree, but how do you tell a woman that without making her insecure?

John [00:36:34]: Well, because she should realize that that better not be the only attribute that she has, so she better work on other attributes.

Nicole [00:36:44]: I agree with that.

John [00:36:45]: And while she does have that attribute, she needs to use that to her advantage because she's not always going to have that attribute. Right? Just like, look, I'm not always going to have my knees. I'm not always going to have.

Nicole [00:36:56]: Where are your knees going to be?

John [00:36:57]: I'm not always going to be able to run marathons or lift weights. Like, I'm getting older. Like, when I hit 70. I'm not going to be as strong.

Nicole [00:37:04]: You're going to go, okay, you're going to run.

John [00:37:06]: But I'm not going to be as strong. I'm not going to have the same kind of strength that I have now. I'm not going to have the same kind of heck. Oh, you know what I would have, wish I would have. Someone would have told me when I was younger that when you're 40, you're not going to have the energy that you had. Because I would have worked a little harder at building a business because it's a lot harder to work those 12 hour days now. Those are, those, these are realities of life. Yeah. So Eve, is that's why we called it brutal truth?

Nicole [00:37:35]: Yes.

John [00:37:37]: And then brutal truth to older women about how to attract versus keep a man. Episode 66 John thinks you're an old.

Nicole [00:37:45]: Hag now than the rest of men. But you have your sparkling personality to win men over.

John [00:37:52]: Well, yeah, you better not have all this baggage, right. You gotta work on yourself because you lost some of the beauty and youth that you had. That's true. Like you can't, that's not gonna come back with, with Botox and fillers and all that stuff.

Nicole [00:38:06]: Like, I don't know, these new age facelifts.

John [00:38:10]: I take that the new age facelifts?

Nicole [00:38:12]: Yeah.

John [00:38:12]: Okay. If you got the like 50 grand for the new age facelift, then maybe, but, but even then you shouldn't be relying on that.

Nicole [00:38:20]: Right? It's like it should not even ever. Like. I guess my issue is that I hate even talking about this because it shouldn't be all about looks like. And I know it's not, and I know that's not what you're saying, but like women are already so afraid to get old and then when you hear guys be like, oh yeah, when you hit the wall at 27, you know, you better have all this other stuff because you're ugly now. It's like that's just.

John [00:38:49]: Well, but that's an extreme.

Nicole [00:38:51]: It's not like it's extreme, but a lot of men talk about it.

John [00:38:54]: But there is a point where every woman will wake up and she will realize that she's not that young, hot 20 year old that she was. And now she has to deal with the reality of life. Like that's just how it's going to be.

Nicole [00:39:06]: Which I don't think that that's not like what women face.

John [00:39:11]: Right.

Nicole [00:39:11]: I think it's like, how do you hear men talk about young attractive women all day? And then when you are old and you can't do anything about it. How are you supposed to feel confident that your man even still likes you?

John [00:39:23]: Well, but the, the that's what younger women don't hear the message. That's the thing. But the older women, the message is, is that especially if you're single and you're older, you should, you better not have all of this like, you better be feminine, you better like you can't be this and demand all the stuff that, that maybe you could, when you were younger, you could get away with being annoying and being feminist and all of these things because guys would tolerate it because of your youth and beauty. But at that point you better be a lot more agreeable.

Nicole [00:39:57]: They don't tolerate.

John [00:39:58]: You better not be a frog farmer at that point because you know what I'm saying? But again, I think it's important.

Nicole [00:40:04]: Makes me feel like is personality even really enough for men then if they value so highly?

John [00:40:11]: No, that's what we're talking about.

Nicole [00:40:12]: So when you lose your looks though, how as an older woman am I supposed to feel like that's enough?

John [00:40:19]: Oh, but you're not a single older woman.

Nicole [00:40:22]: Oh, so it's only if you're single.

John [00:40:23]: Yeah, yeah. That's what this whole thing was directed towards. Maybe that's a miscommunication, was that this is towards single women. It's not towards, it's not towards married men.

Nicole [00:40:31]: I feel that every man thinks similar to what you're saying. So like women's fear is that men will find a younger, more attractive woman and run away is what happens a lot of the time.

John [00:40:44]: No woman who has been faithful and loyal to a man and gives him her feminine energy is that above looks. Is eternally youthful and beautiful to a woman.

Nicole [00:40:58]: Is that above looks?

John [00:40:59]: It's above looks at that.

Nicole [00:41:01]: You're confidently saying that.

John [00:41:02]: Yes, in a relationship, in a committed long term relationship.

Nicole [00:41:06]: And you think most people say that?

John [00:41:08]: Yeah, I would say that most men are starved for respect. Most men do not have a woman that truly admires him, looks up to them, that is feminine and soft to him. He would value all of those things above looks for sure.

Nicole [00:41:26]: And if you think he got those things, he wouldn't get bored of that or take that for granted and then want the other stuff.

John [00:41:32]: Nope, nope, absolutely not. Because that's what men really truly want. Now if you're single, it's a different thing because you can't present that part of it to overcome the looks part initially because he's going to get a girl that has looks and has that, because those are out there too. So that's what I'm saying is that, like, you better have that part if you're older and single. It's true. Right. I mean, think of. If you can get both things, why would you choose one? So.

Nicole [00:42:00]: But I understand. Because women would make the same decision, right?

John [00:42:04]: Of course women would make the same decision. But. But I think it's good that you said that, because if are with a man. Right. Like, to me, you'll be eternally beautiful and youthful to me, you know, because of who you are and because of the relationship that we have. Because it transcends the looks.

Nicole [00:42:21]: Yeah. It's just kind of hard to believe sometimes as a woman because you're. You're saying all the things that a lot of men say about the looks being so important. So it's really hard to believe that that's not the case even if you have the other things. Does that make sense? Yeah.

John [00:42:38]: It's because the imprint of you in my mind is permanent. So I always see you just as beautiful and young as you were when I met you.

Nicole [00:42:47]: If you think the same way that I think, because I feel like you don't age. So maybe that's.

John [00:42:53]: But it's because of our relationship, you know, that's why, so. But I think that's good, because I'm gonna get old.

Nicole [00:42:59]: I don't. I ain't doing no facelift. Sounds painful.

John [00:43:03]: Yeah. I wouldn't want you to do that. I wouldn't like that. I like to see you gracefully age.

Nicole [00:43:11]: Hopefully it's graceful and not like a Mack truck.

John [00:43:15]: It won't. And, Well, I mean, they also, like, take care of yourself. Like, don't get fat. Don't. Like. Like, I'm not talking to you specifically. I mean, it's like, just like, for anyone. Yeah. Be like, take care of yourself. Like, you can age gracefully. Like, there's no reason why someone can. And that should be a beautiful thing is aging gracefully and not having to, like, do all these things to try and ch the thing.

Nicole [00:43:37]: But it's like Carrie Bradshaw. Like, I'm. I'm. And Pamela Anderson. Like, it's very inspiring to see celebrities do that because it's so easy. They can go get a Kris Kardashian facelift and look just like they did a long time ago, but they're aging.

John [00:43:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:56]: Like their body is supposed to.

John [00:43:58]: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Episode 67, Modern Traditional Relationships. This one was with John and Sabrina, our first guest. Yes. So that was cool. And we talked about Modern, traditional relationships.

Nicole [00:44:13]: Right. They also have a modern, traditional relationship.

John [00:44:15]: And then episode 68, we still had them back on the show, and we said, can the right relationship heal you?

Nicole [00:44:24]: Yeah. And actually I've been seeing more and more. I won't go too in depth because I know we got a lot to go through, but I've been seeing more and more people, like therapists and things like that on the Internet, talk about how that's the only way, and we talked about it, too, that you can truly get as close to healing yourself completely as possible. Because like you said, when you're on your own, you don't touch on a lot of the points because you don't have to. There's no one there poking those points or reflecting them back to you. But when you're in a relationship, that's when you can do the most transformative healing. I truly believe that. And that's what they talk about as well, too.

John [00:45:02]: I can't reach certain parts of my own back to scratch them. Like, you can't reach certain parts of your own depth. You need someone else to do it for you.

Nicole [00:45:13]: I thought you were implying that I am forced to scratch your back. You're like, yeah, I can't scratch my back. So you have to do it.

John [00:45:21]: The depth. All right. Hard advice to men in their 20s. Episode 69.

Nicole [00:45:29]: Oh, how fitting.

John [00:45:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:31]: What was the hard advice? Do you remember?

John [00:45:37]: Let's see.

Nicole [00:45:37]: Be a man, I'm sure. Take a ride.

John [00:45:40]: Being a man, basically.

Nicole [00:45:42]: What other things? It's your responsibility.

John [00:45:47]: Let me see. What?

Nicole [00:45:48]: That everything's your fault.

John [00:45:49]: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Basically. Yeah. Why traditional relationship advice fails men in how to truly prepare for lasting love. Baggage. Why starting fresh can be an advantage. How to develop emotional intelligence without extensive dating experience. Critical skills, many to master financial stability. Like, you have to make money in order to.

Nicole [00:46:12]: Well. And be able to handle money.

John [00:46:14]: Yeah, yeah. And basically I was telling guys in their 20s, like, don't get married. Don't worry about that serious relationship until you're in your 30s.

Nicole [00:46:21]: Yeah.

John [00:46:22]: Like, focus on, like, getting your shit together.

Nicole [00:46:24]: You know, makes sense.

John [00:46:29]: And that. And then it's hard that, like, being.

Nicole [00:46:31]: A man is hard.

John [00:46:32]: It's going to be competitive. Like, you are going to have to outperform other men and be better.

Nicole [00:46:36]: But if you're a good man, like, you learn how to be a good masculine man. You are a unicorn.

John [00:46:43]: All right, episode 70. She's coming for your husband.

Nicole [00:46:46]: Oh, that was with the lady that was, like, mad at some comment.

John [00:46:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:51]: Commenter. So she, like, Went and found the lady's husband.

John [00:46:54]: Yeah. DMing. DMing people's husbands.

Nicole [00:46:56]: Right. And you said majority of people's husbands would respond.

John [00:46:59]: Would fall for it. Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:02]: And so I'm sure you said that women need to test the temperature of their relationship. That's the thermometer.

John [00:47:09]: Because they're the thermostats.

Nicole [00:47:10]: Well, whip that man in.

John [00:47:14]: Like, you should know whether or not that, like, that relationship's tight enough that if some chick, however hot she was, message your husband, he would ignore that dm. If you don't know that for.

Nicole [00:47:26]: Absolutely confirmed this.

John [00:47:28]: Yeah. You've seen that happen.

Nicole [00:47:29]: Message John.

John [00:47:30]: Yeah, but. Yeah, but like, if you don't know that as a woman and then it's kind of on you a little bit because you should know that you shouldn't. Like, if you're not sure, you better find out. Like, and don't. Doesn't mean like, test it. It means like build the relationship.

Nicole [00:47:47]: Like have a conversation.

John [00:47:49]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:47:50]: Yeah.

John [00:47:51]: All men should read this book, episode 71. I think it was the way the Superior ran. We still have to do one on the masculine in relationship. You have to read that one.

Nicole [00:48:00]: I haven't read that one yet. Yeah. Men should read Way of the Superior Man.

John [00:48:04]: Yeah. Okay. This one book holds the key to ending fights with your man forever. Episode 72, the Queen's Code. Or was it the. Yeah, it was the Queen's Code. I think we didn't do an episode.

Nicole [00:48:17]: Oh, it was Empowered.

John [00:48:18]: The Empowered Wife. This was on the Queen's Code. I think we didn't do one on the empowered Wife because we had already done one on the surrendered wife, if I remember correctly. But yeah, but that's a really good book, the Queen's Code. Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:31]: Seriously. Highly recommend that book as well.

John [00:48:32]: That was where we talked about the frog farmers.

Nicole [00:48:36]: Yeah.

John [00:48:36]: Yeah. But yeah, women really need to read.

Nicole [00:48:38]: That book by Alison Armstrong.

John [00:48:41]: Yeah. Number 73, unpacking adolescence. How the Netflix Hit Show Exposes the Red Pill Crisis. That was a lot.

Nicole [00:48:52]: Yeah, that's. It just shows how messed up though, that men hating women has come in society, that children. Granted, this isn't an actual event that happened, but it could and it has.

John [00:49:09]: There are actual events that are very similar that have happened for sure.

Nicole [00:49:12]: Yeah. I mean, it happens all the time. It's mostly adolescent or young men.

John [00:49:20]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:21]: Shooting people, causing ending people's lives.

John [00:49:24]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:25]: I mean, it's usually men in general, period. But so, like, as men. I guess my thing is, as men, it is your responsibility to help actually guide men in the right direction. And with the red pill stuff, it's causing more hate and more problems rather than actually helping men and young boys.

John [00:49:49]: Right, exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:51]: So, like, that's on men because men aren't gonna listen to women anyway. And men who hate women, the red pill community definitely aren't gonna listen to women. So it's on men to try to help these people understand in a healthy, proper way how to be a man, not just be fueled by hate. And then now our children are learning these things.

John [00:50:15]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:50:16]: From a young age. And then they get hopeless. They hate women from teenage years. You think they're gonna magically stop hating them?

John [00:50:23]: No. And it's just. Even. Just in general, the whole, like, dehumanizing people. Right, right. So it's like, love should be the message. If you're, like, dehumanizing people, you think that whoever it is even political, like, this person's bad, they're evil, They're. That's. Then it allows violence to be done to them. Like, that's the number one propaganda that's always used in war in order to make it okay to kill the enemy.

Nicole [00:50:49]: Right.

John [00:50:50]: Is like. Like. Or for murder, you know, or slaughter of people is dehumanizing them. Right.

Nicole [00:50:55]: And it's never okay.

John [00:50:56]: Yeah. And that's what happens. That's. Unfortunately, that's what red pill does.

Nicole [00:50:59]: Right.

John [00:51:00]: It makes women's thoughts. Right. That's that terminology, that hoe over there. Right. Like, they say things. You didn't know what that meant?

Nicole [00:51:09]: I don't listen to all those, like, words.

John [00:51:11]: Yeah, but it's like those. Those kind of words. Right. It's like, that's what.

Nicole [00:51:15]: Yeah. Why are they inventing these words?

John [00:51:17]: Because those are just the other ones.

Nicole [00:51:18]: Those are just 403 or 304.

John [00:51:21]: Yeah, yeah, 304.

Nicole [00:51:22]: Like, it's like you guys need to realize you're making words and terms that, like, no one else is paying attention to.

John [00:51:30]: It's dehumanizing.

Nicole [00:51:31]: It's dehumanizing, but it's also, like, immature. Like, a man wouldn't do that. Have you ever heard a man call someone a thought? Yeah, a man. A real man.

John [00:51:41]: No. No.

Nicole [00:51:42]: Or a. 304.

John [00:51:43]: Right. Yeah, but it doesn't help. Also, though, on the other side of it, real quick, is that when the whole women versus bear thing came, or men versus Bear? Like, I choose the bear. That was also a dehumanizing moment where women dehumanized men.

Nicole [00:51:59]: Yeah.

John [00:52:00]: You know, was not good.

Nicole [00:52:01]: I mean, they use their fear to justify that behavior. They're afraid of men.

John [00:52:06]: Yeah, well, fear, like you're either moving in the direction of fear or love, not both. Every action that you ever do is always motivated by either fear or love. And so you have to choose love. And that's the thing. Speaking of which, one of my favorite episodes, How Forgiveness Saved Our Relationship and How it can save yours. Episode 74, the Power of Forgiveness.

Nicole [00:52:29]: You have to forgive.

John [00:52:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:52:32]: And wipe clean.

John [00:52:33]: Yeah. Forgiving is forgetting. I think that a lot of people hold on to the I want to.

Nicole [00:52:37]: And the proper way to apologize. And.

John [00:52:40]: Yeah, yeah. That's like. If you watch one episode, I think that's one of the most powerful episodes to change your life.

Nicole [00:52:48]: That's true.

John [00:52:49]: Because a lot of people are holding on to stuff.

Nicole [00:52:51]: Right. Empty your backpack.

John [00:52:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:52:54]: Stop carrying around all your hurt and forgive people.

John [00:52:58]: Oh, this was a good one. This was Nicole's brilliance. Why Men are Dumb and Women are Crazy the surprising truth about relationships.

Nicole [00:53:04]: Right. Because men are singular focused and women are. What is it? Multifocused. Yeah, I forget what she called actual term. But basically men can only think about one thing at a time where women can multitask. And so men come across dumb just to give a brief summary because they only focus on one thing at a time. And women. What is it? Men are dumb and women are crazy. Because she's thinking about a million things at one time. Like I might say to you, like, oh my God, next Tuesday, should I wear this red raincoat or this yellow raincoat? And you're like, what? You're. Why are you even thinking about Tuesday? It's frickin Thursday.

John [00:53:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:53:46]: That seems crazy to you, but yeah. Or we might be in some situation where I'm like, john, what do we do? And you're like, but wait, where are my keys? And I'm like, why are you worried about your keys right now?

John [00:53:57]: Right. Because you focus on.

Nicole [00:53:59]: Right. Like it's that aspect.

John [00:54:01]: The crazy part for the women, though was about the emotions because women experience a greater degree of emotions.

Nicole [00:54:08]: And so, I mean, it's emotions, but I think it's also like doing multiple things at one time that don't. It's not going to make sense to men because they're thinking in one tracked mind.

John [00:54:18]: Yeah. If you're getting, shoot, I'm running out of time. But if you're getting fat in your relationship, listen to this. Episode 76.

Nicole [00:54:29]: It's basically the same of what you said earlier in the terms of like, take care of yourself as you go into old. You should take care of Yourself, anyway, you should, like, live a long time. Yeah.

John [00:54:39]: It is respectful to your partner. It's disrespectful to your partner if you just don't care about how you look like. Would your partner leave you if you got sick? Episode 77.

Nicole [00:54:51]: They shouldn't, shouldn't.

John [00:54:54]: Masculine and feminine roles and the alchemy. Alcohol, alchemical journey with the golden life. This was David and his wife. Yeah, I forgot her name.

Nicole [00:55:11]: I'm trying to summarize.

John [00:55:12]: Oh, David and Alyssa.

Nicole [00:55:14]: I was like, trying to summarize.

John [00:55:15]: We talked about the fight language. She talked about and.

Nicole [00:55:20]: Yeah.

John [00:55:20]: Toxic Relationship survival guide, episode 79. So we talked about. Oh, toxic relationships.

Nicole [00:55:29]: Right. Which I feel like is pretty self explanatory. So go watch that if you feel like you're in a toxic relationship.

John [00:55:35]: Yeah, yeah. If you keep on breaking up with someone and getting back together, you're in a toxic relationship.

Nicole [00:55:40]: Yes.

John [00:55:40]: Hello. I. I'm feeling like, what's it like? What's the guy? And so I married an axe murderer.

Nicole [00:55:51]: I don't know.

John [00:55:52]: Okay. Are women's standards too high or are men just mediocre? Episode 80. That was a good one. About, like, both. It's. Yeah, both. Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:02]: And I think we explained that further in that episode.

John [00:56:06]: How AI will affect the future of relationships and dating. Episode 81. We kind of talked about that.

Nicole [00:56:11]: I just hope ChatGPT doesn't kill me one day.

John [00:56:16]: But I think it might be good that, like, a lot of guys that might have caused trouble in the world will just be happy with their AI girlfriend.

Nicole [00:56:25]: That's a good thing. And that's sad, though. And again, like, as men, that should make you guys sad that, like, as a man, you know, that it's better that some of these guys that are problematic are better off with not real women.

John [00:56:41]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:41]: Like, I agree with you. That is the best case scenario. But that's sad.

John [00:56:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:46]: And as a man, I feel like if I was a man, you're a man. And I know you're on this mission to help men be better.

John [00:56:52]: Right.

Nicole [00:56:52]: But more men should be on that mission. Yeah, like, you shouldn't want to be. I would be sad if I was like, yeah, some women are gonna have to just be with robots. And I'm sure that's. That's a reality as well too. But that would make me sad that that would make me more so want to be like, no, like, you can be feminine and be your true version of yourself. Like, come learn this thing. You know what I mean?

John [00:57:13]: So I have to send a Text because I'm late for a meeting.

Nicole [00:57:22]: We just go off on too many tangents.

John [00:57:25]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:29]: But, yeah, I mean, I agree with you that it would be better for those men to end up with something that keeps them fulfilled and out of trouble, but it's just really sad.

John [00:57:40]: Yeah, it is sad. Like, that shouldn't be the way that things are gonna go.

Nicole [00:57:44]: I do think it's not gonna happen.

John [00:57:45]: It's better than violence. It's better than violence.

Nicole [00:57:48]: Yeah, that is true.

John [00:57:48]: That's what's gonna happen if things kept going that way.

Nicole [00:57:52]: It is better than violence. But I do think we're gonna see less and less babies.

John [00:57:56]: Oh, yeah. Well, the population's gonna shrink dramatically at some point here, very soon. Women have gotten out of control. It needs to stop.

Nicole [00:58:06]: Episode 82, this is Secret Life of Mormon Wives.

John [00:58:08]: Yeah. This was when you had that eye opening, awakening moment of seeing how.

Nicole [00:58:13]: It's not even. It wasn't even really eye opening and awakening. It just was very hypocritical. And I'm like, we can't do that. Women get away with being hypocritical, and that's really not okay.

John [00:58:26]: Yeah. You can't be like, oh, we can go to Chip and Dale's, but, oh, my God, if a man goes to a strip club or if he looks at another woman, like, what if he turns his head and checks out a woman? Well, wait a minute. But if you're going to Chip and Dale's or Magic Mike's or whatever, you're just having fun. Okay, there's a problem.

Nicole [00:58:42]: You just can't be bossy and controlling as a woman and then, like, not expect somebody to be fed up with that. Because no woman would tolerate a bossing, controlling man.

John [00:58:52]: Right.

Nicole [00:58:52]: And if she is with one, then she probably doesn't know how to get out of that situation.

John [00:58:56]: Yeah. And if a man has boundaries and standards that's not controlling and domineering and insecure. It's like, he's like, no, I don't want you doing this.

Nicole [00:59:05]: Right.

John [00:59:05]: Like, he's supposed to be the leader. You can't be like, right.

Nicole [00:59:08]: And you can't manipulate him. Being like, you're. You're just not being fair. Like, that's horrible. Like, yeah, no, that's not okay.

John [00:59:15]: Yeah, it's like, you're controlling me, keeping me. Okay. Lies about marriage that hurt men. This was the Psych Hacks episode where we went through that.

Nicole [00:59:26]: We went through the whole video. So that would be one to go and watch, because we went through, like, section by section.

John [00:59:33]: Yeah. Yeah. He was calling men workhorses. And that was the issue. But you don't owe anyone anything. Episode 84, I think that speaks for tonight.

Nicole [00:59:45]: That's a good philosophy.

John [00:59:46]: Just in general, what happens when a woman compliments a man? This is what Lana. Lana Rico. Yeah. So that was good.

Nicole [00:59:53]: That was a good one. Yeah. Because she talked a lot about how men don't get complimented. And I don't think women even really think about that. We're used to being the ones that get complimented. And she really put in perspective how a compliment makes men feel and that you can actually use it to your advantage. And you should be complimenting men that you enjoy and care about.

John [01:00:15]: Yeah. Women should wait three months before sex. That was also with Lana Rico.

Nicole [01:00:20]: Yeah. And she changed her mind on.

John [01:00:21]: She did. I agreed with that. Like, okay. I mean, that's a long time. But it does make sense. The way she put it.

Nicole [01:00:27]: A man will definitely be invested if he waits that long.

John [01:00:29]: Yeah. Yeah. And I think if you're the right woman of that. Of a feminine woman of that. Yeah. Then it.

Nicole [01:00:37]: You have to be high caliber. For a man to wait that long.

John [01:00:39]: He'S got to be like, why? Like, is this woman worth.

Nicole [01:00:42]: Right.

John [01:00:42]: You know, it's like standards. People will wait in line overnight for that new iPhone.

Nicole [01:00:48]: Yeah.

John [01:00:48]: I mean, that's because they're not going to do that for like a, you know, a normal phone.

Nicole [01:00:54]: Right.

John [01:00:54]: So sim culture of. And pay pigs are rooting society again.

Nicole [01:01:01]: That men complain about all those things, yet men are paying for those things again.

John [01:01:05]: Yeah. 15 most common relationship myths debunked.

Nicole [01:01:11]: That one was like a whole list of things.

John [01:01:14]: So the only way to win your wife back. Nothing else will work. Episode 89.

Nicole [01:01:21]: Having standards. Breaking up with her if necessary.

John [01:01:25]: Yep. You have to actually be a man, like, trying to just beg to get her back. Yep. The crazy things. And that was a really good episode. Like, if you do. If you are having trouble.

Nicole [01:01:37]: Yeah.

John [01:01:38]: Like, we went in depth on how to win your wife back. Okay. The crazy things women will do for rock stars and rappers. Episode 90.

Nicole [01:01:46]: That one wasn't that long ago.

John [01:01:47]: No, that was a lot of. But a lot of crazy. Like, it just shows how status.

Nicole [01:01:54]: Yeah. But you shouldn't be somebody that will throw your morals out the window for a man that has status as a woman. Like, it's not respectable of yourself. It shows you don't have self respect.

John [01:02:08]: Yeah. Men are wired to cheat. Women are wired for status. Episode 91. So then we did go even more into depth of the status.

Nicole [01:02:21]: The chat.

John [01:02:21]: The chatis.

Nicole [01:02:22]: The chatis.

John [01:02:24]: I invented a new thing. The chatis.

Nicole [01:02:27]: No, don't be like them making words. John.

John [01:02:30]: Is this financial abuse? $250,000 a year and gives her an allowance. Episode 92.

Nicole [01:02:37]: I'm just going to add to that. I'm not being financially abused like everyone thinks I am.

John [01:02:42]: Twice if you're being financially abused. Morris code message TikTok. Oh, my God. That's just ridiculous. But okay. Yeah, that one was just crazy about financial abuse. Like the problem I had also with the word. Like we talked about this before, but abuse the word abuse.

Nicole [01:03:02]: Right.

John [01:03:02]: Like, don't take the power away from that word. Yeah, because like, people who are actually being abused, like physically abused or emotionally abused. When you say financial abuse, you're lessening their actual.

Nicole [01:03:14]: What they went through.

John [01:03:15]: It's like using the R word or stuff like that. Like just to describe things like. No, like these are things that are.

Nicole [01:03:21]: Right. They're serious.

John [01:03:22]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:22]: You don't use the word unless you're serious.

John [01:03:25]: And then we had the extra dirty truth or drink. No booze. All pain. Wheel of hot sauce. Episode 93.

Nicole [01:03:31]: Maybe we'll have to bring wheel of hot sauce back when it. Maybe not hot sauce.

John [01:03:34]: No, I'm not.

Nicole [01:03:35]: That didn't mess up my stomach for a while. But Wheel of something. Yeah, we'll bring the wheel back in the game.

John [01:03:42]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:43]: Would be fun too.

John [01:03:43]: Yeah. The wheel of shots.

Nicole [01:03:45]: No needles or drinks Needles.

John [01:03:49]: No.

Nicole [01:03:51]: Live Nicole getting over her fear. Needles.

John [01:03:54]: Number one killer of relationships. No one talks about. Episode 94.

Nicole [01:03:58]: Resentment.

John [01:03:59]: Exactly.

Nicole [01:04:00]: Go watch all those if you're feeling like you got resentment.

John [01:04:03]: How to completely destroy your sex life. Episode 95.

Nicole [01:04:08]: How to completely destroy.

John [01:04:09]: That was the guy that, like, had.

Nicole [01:04:12]: Oh, the guy who was like, if you don't do this, I'm going to go find someone else. And you need to watch corn so that you can act like that.

John [01:04:21]: Exactly.

Nicole [01:04:21]: Yeah.

John [01:04:22]: Yeah, I have to actually. Episode 96 for us. It just came out today. How a man should take care of his woman. I'm testing titles on this one. It's like I have the title of. Oh, is it going to show me the title? Because they add this new title test feature. I think one of them is like a kept woman. One's like, how a man should take care of his woman. And then I can't remember what the other one was. But yeah, so that one was about, like, actually how to not financially abuse. Like what it actually means to take.

Nicole [01:04:56]: Care of how to treat your woman. Well, when you're a good man.

John [01:04:59]: Yeah. And to make sure that when you die, everything is good. That you.

Nicole [01:05:03]: Oh, yeah. That you have everything set up and that you're not just leaving her. Because that was other people's objections. They're like, I've seen women that when their husband dies, they don't know anything. And he left her with nothing to figure out. Like she has to figure out all this stuff.

John [01:05:21]: Yeah. And then episode 97, what was that after that episode? It was about some Reddit thing, I think.

Nicole [01:05:32]: Don't you have them on the published thing? Yeah, we didn't think.

John [01:05:36]: No, I didn't.

Nicole [01:05:36]: We didn't put the title.

John [01:05:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:05:40]: Because we're ahead of you guys.

John [01:05:42]: Yeah, I don't. I don't recall.

Nicole [01:05:45]: Let me look at my notes.

John [01:05:47]: Maybe it's back to 98.

Nicole [01:05:49]: Therapy speak fatigue.

John [01:05:50]: Oh, yeah, yeah. That was 97.

Nicole [01:05:53]: I don't know. I have financial setup.

John [01:05:55]: I think. I think it was a therapy speak fatigue.

Nicole [01:05:57]: Yeah.

John [01:05:57]: That's where we're using those words. And then 98.

Nicole [01:06:03]: That was a mystery. I don't have it on here. The therapy speak.

John [01:06:08]: I know what 99 was, though.

Nicole [01:06:11]: What's 99? Because that's the one we're missing.

John [01:06:13]: That's the one that was.

Nicole [01:06:14]: Oh, that's the one we did before.

John [01:06:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:06:16]: Early. We don't know 98.

John [01:06:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:06:18]: We're very organized.

John [01:06:20]: Yeah. What was 99? What did we do?

Nicole [01:06:23]: You're the one that has the things.

John [01:06:25]: It was the one about men like that if they want a long term relationship that they need to go for the sex instead.

Nicole [01:06:34]: Yes, that was 99. Yeah. And then obviously 100. I can't remember what 100 was about was our recap. But before we go, since we don't have a end segment thing, what is something that you've learned while doing the podcast? Like that we've learned. You've learned along the way or something that really stood out to you. It doesn't have to be new, but maybe that you fully or more fully got a grasp of Spawn while doing this.

John [01:07:06]: Gosh. There's a lot of things I would say that. I mean, the biggest thing is just the power of not being defensive. I think that's the biggest thing that I've learned.

Nicole [01:07:21]: And you have done really well with that because you went from being very defensive to not being defensive.

John [01:07:27]: No, I wasn't.

Nicole [01:07:29]: That's not easy to do.

John [01:07:31]: I was not defensive.

Nicole [01:07:32]: As you can tell, it's not easy.

John [01:07:34]: Like, I think you're mischaracterizing me.

Nicole [01:07:37]: Just kidding.

John [01:07:37]: Just kidding.

Nicole [01:07:38]: No, you've done a really good job with that. But yeah, I mean, I think along the same lines of that, you know how our conflict management has evolved from like the start, you know, we used to have basically something every week.

John [01:07:55]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [01:07:56]: And now we don't. And if we do, it can still be a little intense sometimes. But that's usually because I feel I forgot to not be defensive or something. But it still improved a lot. I feel like even from episode one, we have less things that bother us. We have more open communication and talking about the things. And especially I want you to be able to talk about whatever's bothering you. I'm working on not being as defensive myself. Really listening to you and being there for you. Cause I feel like I do support you and do a lot of good things when things are good, but I wanna be able to be there for you and not feel like our relationship's just gonna crumble. Even though I never feel like that is actually gonna happen, but it's still like a thing that scares me, you know? And I feel like that's when my self sabotage acts up. I'm like, oh, well, it's ruined. We had an argument. It's ruined. Oh no, it's okay. Whatever. Like I'll figure it out somehow. But that's not the way to be. And so I feel like by facing a lot of this stuff.

John [01:09:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:09:05]: It's helped me heal a lot of those things and that our communication has gotten better and conflict resolvement has gotten better.

John [01:09:13]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [01:09:15]: But you have a call.

John [01:09:17]: So it's a.

Nicole [01:09:18]: It's time for us to go.

John [01:09:20]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:09:20]: But I hope you've enjoyed are 100 and 100.5 episode.

John [01:09:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:09:28]: We hope to crank out 100 more.

John [01:09:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:09:31]: Even if no one watches some different balloons for 200.

John [01:09:35]: But I think after doing 100 episodes you're in the like top 10% of podcasts or something. And like most like 9% podcasts don't make it to 100 episodes.

Nicole [01:09:43]: I can believe it. It's been almost two years.

John [01:09:46]: It might even be 95%, I think.

Nicole [01:09:47]: So it's been almost two years since we started this, so haven't missed a week. But check us out on betterthanperfectpod.com yeah. Which has all the other avenues of where you can watch our podcast like and share and subscribe.

John [01:10:02]: And we'll see you next week.

Nicole [01:10:03]: Tell your friends to watch our stuff and family. Bye.

John [01:10:07]: See you next Tuesday.

Nicole [01:10:10]: John.

John [01:10:14]: Way.