John: But women watching our show, you know, they can say, "Hey, when I go on a date, the guy needs to have some standards. He needs to take care of me, he needs to pay for things." How many times have I gotten by as a guy saying, "Oh, we'll go out for a couple of drinks"? That's how we went on our first date. Not letting a guy get away with that because, you know what he's thinking. He's like, "Okay, minimum investment in order to get laid." But I knew you weren't getting laid, so I was like, "Alright, I saw nipple, but that's all you get." Beyond the perfect, we discover through our flaws. We complete each other better than perfect. We stay through every fault. We find our way. Alright, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole: And today, we have some special guests in the Our Guest. Yes, our first guests, John and Sabrina Bradrick. They're friends of ours. We talked about their infamous week-long wedding that was us, the community, and they made us the little jumpsuits that we wore.

John: Yeah, we wore them on the podcast. Two more imperfect people helping each other grow, trying to be perfect for each other. And that's why you guys make perfect first guests for the podcast.

Sabrina: Yay! It's so much fun to be your guys' first guest. We're super excited it's happening. But yeah, I mean, I guess we start off with our little small talk about what's going on. Anything interesting you guys have encountered?

John: Oh yeah, like, I mean, we just got married, so interesting or like pretty epic, honestly.

Nicole: Yeah, no, your wedding was insanely epic. It was basically like a weeklong festival with our friends. It was just so beautiful and spiritual. It was beautiful to hear, like, one, to experience, obviously, two, how many people felt like recommitted in their relationships or like rejoined in the relationship.

Sabrina: Yeah, I think the energy was just such full of love energy that we had a bunch of people that were inspired. It felt like there was a lot of inspiration around connection and love. So we're super grateful for it. Inspired 26 people to get a tattoo. 26 people got matching tattoos, so I would say it was very inspiring for sure.

John: Yeah, so that's been the big excitement. I mean, freshly married. You know, I think just saying "wife" is an awesome feeling.

Nicole: I love saying "husband." Like posting on Instagram, "I got my husband this," and then having my best friend respond, "Husband."

Sabrina: Like, yes, he's my husband. So it's all fresh and new and really exciting.

John: Does it feel any different?

Sabrina: It does. I think the difference from fiancé to husband, it solidifies it. It's official. And we actually made it Facebook official.

John: Oh yeah. Oh, you did? Wait, did I do that? I'm pretty sure. I had just been on Facebook for the weeks, and she's like, "Oh, it's official on Facebook." But it's not yet until you accept it. Shit, on Facebook now, you got me thinking, did I make ours official on Facebook?

Nicole: Yeah, otherwise, guys would be hitting you up on Facebook.

Sabrina: You think so? I mean, I changed my name on there. I know that. But yeah, and did all the name changes on like Facebook, Instagram. I still haven't. We have to do the legal one. But I think that we got past, you know, changing passports. All that's a headache, so we'll take time on that. Like, social, my name is now Sabrina Bradrick.

John: Yeah, even in the book that we're book clubbing right now, one of the quotes said, "Sabrina B." Did you notice that? It's like a synchronicity.

Sabrina: Yeah, it was. But yeah, I mean, the changing your name process too is long, but it's not actually as bad as you think it is. Like, the passport part is the most. We have upcoming travels, so we're like, alright, wait until we get those done. And we had a weird thing with booking the airline tickets in one name, and then when you change the airline ticket, you have to show the new passport and send them that. It's like, I'm just going to come with like a files of all the things.

Nicole: Is it weird, like hearing your new last name or like writing it?

Sabrina: I love it. It's so cute. It's Sabrina B, Sabrina Bradrick. It's hard sometimes. We'll go to like Chick-fil-A or something, and they'll be like, "Nicole S," and I'm like, "That's not me." Nicole H, and I'm like, "Oh wait, I am." Oh, she was like practicing her signature for...

John: Oh, so you were like...

Nicole: I don't even know your maiden name.

Sabrina: Hazelwood.

Nicole: Oh, Hazelwood. I made it my middle name, actually, because I was like, my middle name was Marie. I'm like, everybody has a middle name that's either Nicole or Marie or an or something. So I was like, I could keep my old last name as my middle name. But it's a long middle name.

Sabrina: But yeah, it's pretty though. I mean, yeah, it's like, well, I was the only Sabrina to got, actually, like, if you Google me, ever, ever.

Nicole: Yeah, she was like the only one that would come up on a Google search. So like, but even letting that go, it just, it feels good. It's like, we're the Bradrick.

John: Yeah, it makes you like solid.

Nicole: No, yeah, it's so cute. And then when we came home from our wedding, our friends Dane and Lauren put on a piece of, just like, white paper towel, "Welcome home, Mr. and Mrs. Bradrick," and then just taped it to our kitchen. It's still up.

Sabrina: So cute. I saw it when we were at your house. It's probably going to stay up until we move.

John: Frame it.

Nicole: It like a, yeah, yeah, it's a good idea. Alright, well, I guess let's get into the episode. The topic for today that we talked about is modern traditional relationships. So basically, the polarity dynamics between masculine and feminine and how that has changed for us and, you know, embracing kind of the...

John: Yeah, and I think that that's something that a lot of modern society kind of skews people away from these days, is the idea of like a man providing for a woman and a woman taking a more feminine role. I mean, we're seeing a lot of this modern-day feminism push away from that. But I guess it's maybe not for everyone, but for us, the idea of me taking on the masculine role, her relaxing into her feminine, me providing, her being the heart of the home, I think, just for us specifically, and I can't speak for everyone, but it works really well.

Sabrina: Yeah, I mean, like even when we first started dating, years ago, before we were like boyfriend and girlfriend, it was like, you were looking for someone that was more so like CEO, like can keep up with you. I thought I...

John: I wanted someone more professionally driven, which I think was influenced by my upbringing. The media often highlights strong, powerful women excelling in their careers, and I thought that's what I wanted. However, after dating these types of women, there would be clashing within a few months. It felt like we were both living in our masculine, bringing home the stress of work, and it was like having two dudes in the house. I realized I needed to be myself and allow my woman to embrace her soft, beautiful, feminine side.

Nicole: Yeah, we often talk about how men try to turn their women into a "bro" without realizing it. Men think they should help their women achieve goals in the same way they do, like waking up early, hitting the gym, and setting goals. But this well-meant approach can end up turning a woman into more of a man, despite women having different drives. It's not always about breaking through barriers or accomplishing goals, although women can certainly do those things. Many men mean well, but they don't realize they're actually undermining the relationship.

John: Exactly, and I think it's also about fear. We're taught to be independent to the point of having backup plans in case a relationship fails. For men, it's about finding a partner who contributes financially to lessen their own burden. This fear-based mindset hinders the ability to invest 100% in a relationship. In a traditional relationship, men invest financially, which is often their biggest fear, and women invest by staying home and starting a family, putting their trust in one person without a financial backup. This full investment encourages both parties to work harder to make the relationship successful.

Nicole: Society has trained us to not trust each other, always protecting ourselves. But in a marriage, it's about trust and dividing responsibilities, realizing you can't have one without the other. In our home, when everything is in order, and Reggie, our dog, is taken care of, it creates a positive environment for both of us. Recently, I've been able to work less and embrace my femininity more, creating a safer household. Society pressures us to keep working, but realizing that we don't have to follow that script has been liberating.

John: When the home is well-kept, it allows me to focus on my work without distractions. Trusting Nicole to handle the home front enables me to concentrate on providing for us. It's like a rocket ship analogy: one might think having two rockets is better, but a single rocket with the right fuel goes much further. Nicole's support and feminine energy fuel me to achieve more, creating a synergistic effect where together, we accomplish much more than we could individually.

Nicole: It's interesting because that rocket ship analogy came from a conversation with John. It highlighted how my support enables him to excel. Men tend to focus on the big picture, while women excel in the details, such as managing the home and nurturing relationships. Our strengths complement each other, showcasing the power of embracing our traditional roles.

Nicole: Like you said, it's like 5 or 10x when everything else is fueling us like that. Well, I feel like as women too, and I'm curious if you feel this way, that ever since John has taken on the masculine responsibilities and I don't have to worry about that, I've been more feminine. But I've also been able to love deeper and express that to people better than when I had all the masculine responsibilities on me as well.

John: I speak to that. Like, if I'm not living in my masculine, if I'm not handling things at home, it just starts to feel off. I'm like, okay, what's going on here? You're trying to identify it, and if you turn that around and look inward, I'm like, well, wait, how am I showing up right now? Oh man, I haven't set the tone. I haven't been assertive about things. I'm like, I'm not handling things like a man does. Alright, switch that, all of a sudden, I start taking initiative and handling stuff, everything else in our relationship just comes right back into harmony.

John: And I think that that's something that a lot of men that I meet, they'll have their things to say about their relationship and their wife, and it's like, well, yeah, they're talking about everything that their wife might be doing that's off, and it's like, well, how are you showing up? Because if you're showing up and you're not thinking about what she's doing, if you're just focused on what you're doing, you're not going to have to worry about what she's doing because it's all going to work well. Like, if I'm just like, don't worry about what she's doing, let me just show up as hard as I can in my role, then she flourishes, and then she handles all her stuff because I'm leading the way of like, hey, we're getting stuff done, she starts getting stuff done. But if I'm just kind of like, oh, things aren't getting done, what's she doing over there? Then she's just sitting there like, well, I'm just chilling because he ain't doing anything.

John: So, the woman is a flower. The flower has to bloom. You can't look at the flower and be like, why aren't you blooming? Like, you need to bloom, and then I'll water. It's like, it has to be watered first. It has to get the nutrients in order to bloom. And if you're looking for it to bloom first and criticizing the flower for not blooming, it's because you're the gardener.

Nicole: And I've even used my environment, like in previous relationships in comparison. I was never in an environment that I felt like I could truly feel my truest, highest self versus when I'm with you. You have truly given me the opportunity and the environment to bloom into my femininity, and it's so empowering to be able to feel creative, loved, happy, joyful, and have these woman connections that I didn't have in the past. My brain is sparking on so many different things that you didn't notice before because you weren't in that super feminine space. That's how I felt too. I had good connections, but I didn't have really feminine women that had men that were taking care of stuff, and I didn't know how that changes you until I became that.

Nicole: But I love that you guys are our first guests too because we sit here and we talk about a lot of this stuff, and I'm sure a lot of people are like, yeah right, like they don't believe it. But you guys being here, you're also a testament to what we talk about all the time.

John: And you both were in, and I can speak to the fact that this isn't something that I've had dialed for my whole life. Like, I was living with the societal, you know, be careful with women, watch out for gold diggers, and so like society kind of pressed this, don't trust women, don't want someone who's going to contribute 50/50, all this stuff. And so, I was accepting that as maybe that's the way things should be. And then, as soon as I myself made that shift and was like, no, you know what, let's try to show up in this kind of new way of like, let me just be the masculine male, let me handle stuff, and then I got to see the changes.

John: Even with her, for a lot of the time we were dating, we weren't in this style of, yeah, we didn't have the polarity, and we would be at each other's necks about different things. She was living in her masculine a lot more than she should have been. That would make that emasculate me, makes me act like kind of a jerk, you know, being a jerk. Or it was like we would teeter-totter and tiptoe around things because, in the beginning of our relationship, we weren't really fully open and honest about, and I mean me personally, I wasn't confident enough to be like, I want XYZ.

Nicole: And you had this perception of like, well, I don't want a gold digger, and I was like, well, and I internally, I was like, I just want a man that takes care of me, you know? Like, I really yearn for that, but then I don't want him to think that I'm being a gold digger and taking advantage of him. It's like this weird, but then, and he's like, yeah, like, I don't want to feel like taken advantage of. But anyways, once we broke through that, and I mean, it takes some time, and that's why it's great that we're talking about this because it should be an open, honest conversation with your partner of what you expect from each other.

Nicole: But yeah, now that it's just fully laid out on the table that I love you wholeheartedly, and I want to be able to fulfill my role as a woman within the home, like creating the warmth, the creativity, you know, in the next few years, having kids with you, taking care of, taking care of you, all of that just gives me the best ooey gooey feelings. And seeing you strive to be the strongest man, it's amazing. But I felt weird being like, can you take care of me, and can you pay for all the groceries, and pay for the mortgage, and oh, and then I'm, when we weren't, before that.

John: Transitioning was tough. I kept trying to cover bills, but then she was making way less money and was stressed all the time. It made me wonder what we were doing. You can't just ask, "Hey, can you pay the bills?" It's something a guy has to bring up, right? Because I was trying to do it by covering smaller things like the WiFi bill.

Nicole: Yeah, I did that in the beginning too. I think a woman has to have standards. Girls didn't know this because men weren't introduced to this, but women watching our show know they can say, "Hey, when I go on a date, the guy needs to take care of me. He needs to pay for things." How many times have I gotten by as a guy thinking, "Okay, minimum investment to get laid"? But with you, I knew I wasn't getting laid, so it was different.

John: Right. I saw a nipple, but that's all I got. For us, it was four or five dates before anything happened, just kisses. Those were real fancy dates. My dad's been watching the podcast, so now he's going to know I saw your nipple on our first date.

Nicole: But that's the thing, having those standards. It's funny because both men and women get flack from their peers. Guys get called simps for providing for a woman, and then women get harassed by other women for not being empowered. It's so shitty, like belittling a stay-at-home mom or wife. It's not even men doing it; it's women on woman crime. It's jealousy, I think. If you don't have a man taking care of you, and you see another girl happy and living in her feminine because her man takes care of her, I can see why she'd be upset.

John: Yeah, and it's weird because this is new. Back in the '50s, it was the norm. We had to prove ourselves before becoming a stay-at-home wife or mom. I went to college, I have a degree, I could do something if I needed to. And that's a big part of why I'm so down to take care of Sabrina, and you're down to take care of Nicole. We know that if we're not around, you guys represent us well. You can handle shit, speak intelligently, and represent our families well.

Nicole: Managing a household is a full-time job, especially with how we tear through shit. I'm grateful you're not a messy person. You just like to leave your hats everywhere.

John: Yeah, we all have our little things. But it sucks to see women being demonized for wanting this soft life and being made to feel smaller than what they are. We're working smarter, not harder. Plus, giving you a soft life is good for us. When I'm out in the world, it's go, go, go, hyper-competitive. If my wife was also living that life, we'd come home with just energy, and I need to let that compress. I need softness at home to help me unload that gnarly tension.

Nicole: Exactly. There's also the conversation of moderation. As a man, you go, get it, but then you come home and get to soften and rest. That gives you the rise to go back at it. And for women, we're built differently. We can't handle that non-stop.

Speaker 1: Going to a 9 to we we are up and down up and yeah and then up we're on like a 28 day cycle yeah guys are on a 24-hour cycle. They, their testosterone hits the same time every day. They can do it every day, but ours, we're not the same. And it's like, why have we been feeding, why has society been feeding us this lie like, "Oh girls, be a boss babe, do yourself." Then you get to tax two people in a household. So, I mean, it's really, it's a lot of the same reason that society has, I mean, trains workers instead of entrepreneurs. It's like, that's true, it's a control mechanism. And I think making women work is a way to control society.

Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. And it's just, it's more empowering to be able to know like, I have a healthy, strong, firm home, and I am the foundation. I'm like, I am the heart of the home, right? Versus like, I'm trudging to try to keep this chimney, or like this, uh, not chimney, uh.

Speaker 1: [Laughter] Um, the chain rolling, yeah, yeah. It's just like versus just being like, I'm just here, like being like strong for my man, and he comes home and like, well, you're always home 'cause you work from home.

Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know, can turn off properly. I mean, I think that's why this is so important and why John and I wanted to start this, and especially glad to have you guys on, is because there needs to be more content like this, right? Because we've been fed so much content like, we've been talk about like, be independent and don't trust people. Finding friends like you guys in girl rooms, there's a lot. We don't, we don't, you know, we have some friends like you guys, and then we have other friends that we've known for a long time that are, you know, just kind of living, you know, men that are bit in their toxic masculinity, women that are, you know, out grinding, and you know, that she can't really be real about our own life.

Speaker 1: 'Cause she's like, has to be right. Yeah, well, I mean, you know what it is being a girl, right? Like in a girl's room, you're, you know, there's all this like chitter chatter to be like strong, be independent, and it's, and sometimes us as women are our own worst enemies. Like, and I don't know where it stems from necessarily. Like, I know we touched on it slightly about like, you know, the jealousy aspect of it, but also like being honest with yourself, knowing that like, it's okay to want to live a soft life. It's okay to say like, I don't want to have to be in charge of it all. And that doesn't, for the woman, for the men, they are, that doesn't make you lesser. I am a strong, powerful, beautiful woman, and I'm like fully empowered in my life to live a great, grand life.

Speaker 2: Like, I feel like they just have never experienced, unfortunately, what you and I have experienced. And I think it comes more from a place of lack of knowledge of what they can do with their femininity when they are with a strong masculine man than anything. But what you said is a hundred percent true. And what they also need to realize, like you said earlier, is that because you guys have the dynamic you have, you are also free, without the pressure of like financial matters or things like that, to pursue what you want to pursue. And John would support you, and you don't have to worry about, "Oh, I got to pay my 50% with my business that I'm starting." You can just be like, "Oh, John's got that handled." They're both John, by the way, did we say that earlier? Wait, hold on, there's a clear difference. He's Johan, and he's John. They're different, same same but different.

Speaker 1: I think also people get afraid because of, and that's why we call it, we invented the word by the way, the modern traditional relationship. Because traditional relationship, right, the way it used to be was the woman stayed at home, you know, is in the kitchen, taking care of the kids, and the man, you know, he works, and traditionally, I think the reason why she had to listen to him, obey your husband, and it was because women didn't have a way to support herself. Like she had to find a good man that maybe not even a good man but a man that makes money is a good man, like with a paycheck, right? And so, that's how things were. And so, the submission of a woman to the dominance of a man was not voluntary, it was out of necessity. And so, people are afraid of that. They're afraid of, "Oh well, I don't want to go back in time where women were," and, and, and, "I don't want to be this macho man that just tells a woman what to do." And things were like that, perhaps, for a lot of relationships, traditional. But the modern relationship is all out of whack where everybody can do what, but right, what we're trying to say is that it's the most beautiful thing in a relationship because the woman has the choice to.

Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. She's chosen. I trust this man. I'm putting my life into his hands, not because I could make money on my own. I don't have to. I'm not forced into that situation. But I listen to him, I let him lead because I trust his judgment, not because the Bible says so or whatever it is. It's because this is a man I understand, and I want him to lead my life. I feel like he can do a better job of leading my life than I could, and I'm cool with that. That means a lot more because you're, when you're not forced into the situation. And that's what we're, that's why I think that's so valuable. And that's the most powerful thing.

Speaker 1: No, it's totally true. It's like, I have wholeheartedly, like the utmost trust in you to like lead our family. Right now, with that being said, right, like, is it like I'm just like bending down at your will every, no, obviously, we're having conversations about like, would you like this or would you like that? That's where I think there could be a mistake around that, as if it's like, uh, like in this type of relationship, I like run shit, and I'd say it's like, I run shit, yeah, outward facing the world. I'm running shit. We're partners, then like, the her feminine power is so strong that I want to go run shit in the world to give her the life that she deserves. And I think that that's something that gets mistaken. It's like, oh, women are weak for wanting this life, and it's like, no, you're so strong in your femininity that this masculine man like wants to give you the world.

Speaker 2: Yeah, 'cause it's, you know, like if Nicole is, if you guys are, and I'm trying to think of like an actual like maybe a touchpoint specific, but like if there's something, there's always a conversation. It's never like, and I think women are, are afraid of like the control of a man. And I think there are men that can be controlling, and that can be scary, and that is toxic. But when you know that when you're in a good relationship, when there.

John: Is that like, yes, I'm going to follow you, but also like the conversations and flows because it's all of it's all like, "Hey babe, it's like we now realize like we've been trying to move away from the you like you're doing this, no it's like if I were to come at her about if she's not doing something that I something I don't like and I need to address it if I'm like you're doing this wrong, you're doing this wrong," I'm like attacking myself in a way. If I bring her down, if I knock her down a couple pegs, exactly, that is basically just knocking me down. It's just changing the energy in the home. She's sad now, all of a sudden, like things aren't right. And so what we've been really trying to focus on is like it's we with everything. And so if we're coming at each other, then we're not, you know, we're doing damage to us, right? And if we're building each other up, we're building up us. And so, yeah, I think that is one thing that people get mistaken with in this more modern is that it's like, "Oh, the man's in charge and he's running shit because he's making the money." It's like, no, the reason I want to go make that money is because my woman's so powerful, yeah, and she brings so much like heart into the home that I want to just feed that and give her the life that she deserves. And I think of it as, you know, I like to use the analogy of the captain of the ship, like a good captain of the ship, he goes down with the ship, right? So he's still in charge, right? Ultimately, he's going to call the shots, and, you know, and the crew is going to respect him because they trust him. But the reason why the captain of the ship is trusted is because he should be putting the crew first, the welfare of everyone else. That's why, like, the captain goes down with the ship, everyone else gets rescued. And so as a man, if I'm expecting a woman to follow me and to listen to what I have to say, to have that authority, then I have to have responsibility because you can't have responsibility without authority. And so I know in our relationship, you know, Nicole trusts me to make decisions. Obviously, I'm going to solicit her input on the things. Ultimately, even if she disagreed with me, she's going to go along with what I said because she trusts me as the leader. But the reason why I would say that she has that trust is because she knows that I'm putting her first. I'm putting the ship first, the family first. It's not my own motives or not my, I don't want to have power for the sake of being power. I want that your intention is like is for the good of the family, for the good of your home. And that's like the biggest thing, right? Is like, where is your intention lying, right? When you're looking at these different polarities, it's like, is your intention by being hypermasculine as a woman for yourself or is it for the good of others?

Nicole: You know, we've had this conversation a lot recently where it's like, it's not just all about ourselves. It's about like, how can we be the best selves to provide service to others versus service to ourselves? And being led with great intention and like honorable, you know, integrity. And that's why Nicole trusts you, you know. And that's why I trust John. It's just like because I know his intentions will never lead me astray.

John: Right, right. Yeah, good leaders don't have to say, "You need to do what I say." Yes, technically, I have the authority to say that, right? But I would never use that, right? Unless it was an emergency, and there's like, it's like, "No, come, we got to go now. This is what we need to do." Like, yeah, in that situation. But a good leader, even not in a romantic relationship but as a leader of men, is going to, people are going to follow because they trust because they know that that person is looking out for them and the good of the team. And so that's the reason why, you know, I think a lot of people picture in their head as just barking orders, but that's not even good leadership in general. Even if you have the position of authority, even if you're the president of whatever, and you can command by giving orders, if you follow, if you see a good leader, they're never going to do that. They, even if they have that 100% authority and everyone has to listen to them, they're going to get people to follow them based on, first of all, servant leadership, that they're doing the actions first by example. And then because those people know that it's for their good, not for your own gain, you know. So yeah, I know that they're afraid of controlling men. That's a big fear that's pushed on women. But I think women also need to have the confidence to know that they know what a controlling man is because they definitely encountered one at some point versus the kind of man that we're talking about, 100%. And like, have your wits about you, you know. Like, I've been in a controlling relationship where it was just like, "Whoa, like this is," and where it was disguised as like, "I'm trying to be masculine, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah," but it's like, no, you're like micromanaging me in a very toxic way.

Nicole: Right, right. Versus like with John, like, I'm fully empowered to be, you know, my own person but also one within the relationship. And it's like, come on, guys, like, let's use some common sense here, you know. Like, if it's an apple, it's an apple. Like, you will know the difference. You will know the difference. Like, there's a little voice inside of your head that tells you, "This is not okay," right? And, "This is right." You know, and having that honest, true inner monologue with yourself and inner conversation with yourself to be like, "Am I happy right now? Am I in a safe space right now?" Because there is that worry, right, within a traditional relationship about the control, and it's like knowing, no, you're in a safe space, you know. And a lot of women, you know, me personally, have come from like abusive homes, you know, and where, or abusive relationship, or whatever it might be, and relinquishing that control, or like whatever, can be daunting. It can be scary. It could be traumatizing. But knowing like when it is the right person, knowing when it comes from a good place. You just have to know that it is the right person, right? And internally, your heart's going to know. Trust your intuition. Trust your intuition, women. It's the right person. It's the right person. Because the thing is, you know, because guys sometimes mess up, and women will often use the words controlling and insecure to cut a man to, you know, because many times, guys will say things like to try to put boundaries and say, "Yeah, I don't think it's a good idea for us to be going out," or, you know, "to be going out with the girls to a."

John: You know, when it comes to being controlling or insecure, it's not about that. It really depends on where the guy is coming from. One guy might be controlling about where you're going and what you're doing, and that's coming from a different place.

Nicole: Yeah, so it really does come down to trust. If you trust the person, you know where it's coming from. And for women who aren't in a relationship and are listening, they should have the expectation when going on a date to find a man who will take care of things.

John: I think women should hold standards. There are also women in relationships who should up their standards. If you're with a man who's not living in his masculine and you're battling with him all the time, he might just need you to ask for more, to rely on him more, so he can step into that masculine role.

Nicole: You've read "The Empowered Wife," haven't you?

John: I haven't yet.

Nicole: That's essentially what she tells women to do. It's about women who have become more masculine and find it hard to relinquish control. But you're spot on.

John: Coming from my experience, Sabrina and I have been together for seven years, off and on, and steadily for three. In the last year or two, I've really started stepping into my own self-development, reading "The Way of the Superior Man" and diving into mindset coaching around masculine and feminine energy. As I've been learning and implementing these things, Sabrina has been pushing me to be that better man.

Nicole: And it's beautiful, even if you're in a relationship currently. We've been officially together for 3 years, and before that, we were friends with benefits. When she started asking for things, I was motivated to make them happen. It's all about how you ask. If it feels like an attack, it's different than saying, "I would love it if you took me on a cute date."

John: Exactly. A man can step into his masculine, and his woman will be more feminine. A woman can ask for what she wants out of a man and relax more into her feminine side. And about the whole patriarchy thing, it's not about bowing down. Patriarchy, in the sense of fatherly taking care of people, is a good thing.

Nicole: It's powerful to be able to say, "I want this," and then it happens. Women will always be more powerful than a man in that sense. It's not about being manipulative; it's about encouraging your man to step up by expressing what makes you happy or turned on.

John: And even the most 50/50 guy will respond to that. It's about feeling provided for and being able to be in your feminine. That's how you get a guy to step up.

Nicole: There are probably people who disagree with everything we're talking about right now. Those are people who aren't owning their roles in the right way. I would have pushed back on this too, back in the day, when I was kind of brainwashed by current society.

John: Gers, and you know, you don't need that. That was just me living out of fear. I was the same way, but the woman version. And I've said the same thing. Like, I would watch stuff that we do now and be like, "Yeah, okay, whatever." But that's why I think it's a lack of knowledge from people. And hopefully, even if they haven't met their perfect person like we've met ours, they can still listen to what we're saying.

Nicole: If they haven't met their perfect person, they shouldn't worry about meeting the better version. They should worry about becoming the best version of themselves. And then once they do, like the rest, you know, the universe takes care of. And here's the best reason for it, I think, that is the most convincing. Like, the most relationships, what happens is that you do have some kind of polarity to begin with; otherwise, you wouldn't have been attracted to each other. So, the guy's at least somewhat masculine, the woman's feminine. You get around each other too much, and you rub off on each other, and then you depolarize, and you're kind of the same. So, what happens to that sexual desire that you had? It fizzles. And most people think that's just normal, that you get out of the honeymoon phase, and that. But if you have a relationship where you constantly have a masculine and feminine, you're constantly going to have that sexual energy all the time, and it's never going to fizzle. And you can live your whole life like that. And I used to wonder how people did this because I remember one time—

John: Stay turned on by each other. Yeah, I was listening to this radio, uh, you know, back before I met Nicole, uh, in and when I was married before, you know. And this lady called in because they're talking about, you know, how much do you love your spouse, what. And this woman, she's like, "Yeah, I've been married to my husband for like, I think she said like 10 years, and she said, 'I'm just like, I'm still just so turned on by him. I'm just every day, I'm just so in love with him.'" And when I heard that, I was like, "What? How's that even possible?" You know what I mean? But probably, they had that kind of dynamic in their relationship. 'Cause that, 'cause most people think that, you know, and science tells you, right, the chemicals in your brain, you know, that you have the bonding, the oxytocin, and that, and that's why you get together. But then over some period of time, then that diminishes, and it's biologically created so that people would mate. But it's supposed to diminish over time. That's not true. It doesn't. You can keep it flowing.

Nicole: Yeah, yeah. I mean, like my grandparents, um, my grandpa passed away in 2016, but like, he would forward emails to like my dad, saying like, "This is the special pill I'm using," like because they were in like a relationship. Yeah, like, um, you know, Richard and Adaline Smith, just still humping. Like, I mean, honestly, I mean, and I can say it truthfully, like a few months ago, when I was like still trying, like grinding my butt off trying to run my business, I, at the end of the day, I'm like, "Don't even touch me. Yeah, like, I'm tired. I am like dry up in the Sahara desert right now. I just want to go to bed. Like, my brain is tired, my eyes are tired. I don't." And like, right now, I'm just like kind of chilling and like getting stuff done throughout the house and like, obviously, just soaking wet. I mean, like last night was fun, you know. But like, it is true, like our sex life has gotten incrementally better, like substantially better than what it was when I was stressed out.

John: Yeah, like, well, just 'cause like, it goes both ways. Like, a man's going to be more turned on by this woman if she's more feminine. And how is she going to be more feminine? Well, you get her out of her masculine energy, and then all of a sudden, like, you're looking at her, and you're like, "Damn, there's that little spark, you know, that little, oh yeah." Like, versus she's living in her masculine, has that energy, you're kind of like, "Oh, just avoid this right now. That seems like trouble." So, yeah. And the feminine mind, like, I mean, just like the sex part, the lesson on sex is that the feminine mind, I mean, you girls can correct me if I'm wrong, but when you're having sex, like if there's other things that are in your mind, like there's, you know, "I got to take care of this," or like, "This is going," like all those thoughts are going on in your head. No, like my RAM is full. I'm like, if I have 30 emails and like a meeting tomorrow, like no, I'm not thinking about fucking you. My brain is at capacity, sir. Get dick away from me because literally, absolutely not.

John: Women have a diffuse attention where they're paying attention to multiple things, and all these things where men compartmentalize. As a man, I'm like, "Okay, it's work mode. Okay, now it's sex mode. Okay, it's like, you know, like whatever I'm doing, that's all I'm focusing on." Crying, and then John will be like, "All right, you ready?" I'm like, "No, I'm like, I'm still emotionally processing."

Nicole: Yeah, no, we take so much longer to process things. Like John, you know, when I would be working in my office, some random days, it's funny that you say like sex mode, work mode. He would come into my office, like at the door, and he'd be like, "Do you want to fuck?" And I'm like, in the middle of like designing whatever I'm designing, I'm like, "Absolutely freaking not. Like, I definitely don't." Want to start off the work mode. Let's go. Mentally work yourself up as a woman. But as a man, if you create that's the incentive for men, is that if you de-stress her by taking care of all the bills, taking care of when you do travel, you take book all the things, and figure out all the logistics, do all the stuff so she could just be a little princess and just relax, then she's, and then she's like, and isn't it worth it? There's less things on our mind, so it's easier to switch into the mode that you want us to be in.

John: 100%. And it's just like, I mean, even like, I traveled with my best friend, a girl best friend, for a long, long time. And I was the one planning, booking all the flights, booking all the Airbnbs, and I was getting really stressed. And this is like pre me knowing anything about femininity and masculinity. And I started doing some random Googles, like, "Why am I so stressed out, blah, blah, blah," and just like in Google. And it was like, "Oh, I'm living in my masculine." And then I go to my best friend, I'm like, "Can you start booking things because I'm miserable right now?" And she was like, "Oh yeah, you know," like 'cause she was being just a girl. 'Cause a girl, she was being just a girl.

Nicole: Stressed, like, no. Yeah, I'm like, "Why do I hate you so much right now, but I like love you, but I'm like?"

John: Stressed out, you know, like you're both supposed to be just girls, but these things end up like it's... People are so opposed to it, and they think... If you just let go of that for a minute and just realize that hey, maybe see what it feels like to live as a man, in your masculine, to take care of all the things, and as a woman in or feminine, it's just better. Forget about people opposed to it, like your viewers, equal rights, and all this stuff, and all these things that they... If you just forgot about all that stuff that you knew before, and you just said okay, let's try this out, right? Then you would find a lot more peace and joy and happiness in that. You don't have to represent all the things and be like, "Oh, I'm not holding up my part of the feminist movement," or whatever, all that kind of stuff.

Nicole: That you know we get in our heads is like, and I'm all about like, hey, let's make healthcare better for women, contraception better for women, like all of those different things in regards, yes, 100%. But I think making women feel like they have to be the man in the relationship is detrimental to our health. Like, just, I mean, I can show off, I don't have my phone on me right now, but like, if I go through my aura ring compared from now to like four months ago when I was just working nonstop, stress levels were just off the charts, and it's just not natural. This is really like a push for men to step up to the plate and also women to ask for it, hold your man to a higher standard. It pushes us to be better.

John: Yeah, we do. Like, we can push ourselves so far, but when our woman wants more from us, we're going to just continue to evolve so much faster.

Nicole: Exactly. I want another part, and men are opposed too because of the whole 50/50 thing, and they're afraid of being... How many guys tell me, "Oh, if I take a girl out on a date and pay for it, then she'll just be taking advantage of me." And I'm like, you got the wrong frame, dude. Because, you know, if a girl has the privilege of going on a date with you, then that is worth more than the meal and anything else. And if she just wants the meal, then it's fine. There's plenty, you have an abundance mindset. If you're thinking people are going to take advantage of you, they are. But if you think you're so valuable that how could someone take advantage of the financial part of you when they would be missing out on the greater part else you offer because you're a man and you're in your masculine and you take care of people, you get your shit, then it doesn't matter.

John: Then you're not worried about that kind of stuff. But so many guys now are caught up in this, like, I'm amazed by how many guys are sick of the woke liberal type of propaganda and media, but at the same time, then they want to do 50/50, and I'm like, you can't have both. If you want to be like, go and dye your hair blue and do all that kind of stuff, go ahead. But if you want to be the man, and you don't like any of that stuff, then you can't be 50/50. You got to step up 100%. And I think from a man's perspective, you also have to, like, if that's where your head is, then there's probably some other stuff you got to work on too. Like, if you're tripping on a girl taking advantage of a meal out, then you need to make more money so that doesn't bother you. Like, if you're like, these little things, if you're fat, you're poor, you're whatever, fix it, dude. Focus on yourself. The right woman's going to come along. Don't worry about what women are doing. You still have some work to do on yourself before you worry about what a woman's doing. 100%.

Nicole: All right, well, I guess we should do the end segment here, and then we can... Oh, is that how long we've been going? An hour?

John: Yeah, we do them about an hour.

Nicole: So, this is where we share our shit, basically. So, it's up to you how much you want to share, divulge. But, I don't know, whose turn is it? We weren't like arguing, but I was being negative. I forget why. It was probably just stressed out from, like, Sophia was kind of upset about something, and I'm very much an energy taker on her. So, like, when she's happy, I'm like, yeah. When she's sad, I'm like, it's okay, but then she keeps me sad, and I'm like, oh, now we're all sad. So, I think I was just overwhelmed, and John was like, "You're being negative," and I'm like, "I don't know how to be sad and not be negative." And so, we just had a long conversation in the tub, but it was good because I think what came out of it was this idea that, like, I think because you had this concept in your head, well, it still kind of relates to feeling like you have to earn love, right? And I think what we were talking about was this idea of the opposite, that you can't have gratitude and negativity at the same or victim mindset. So, like, the negative come from the victim mindset, but once you're looking at the lens through gratitude, then you can't have the mindset. You have to pick one. And so, by focusing on the gratitude, like turning the things around because I think a lot of the even just the self-talk that you gave yourself sometimes would be a little bit harsh on yourself as opposed to like, 'cause you, I think one of the things you said was like, "How do I know you're never going to leave me?" or it was something like that, or "You won't get tired of me." And as opposed to turning around and saying, "Oh, it's so great I have a guy who's never going to get tired of me." It just seems so delusional to me though, which it's like, I know, but you got to pump yourself with that, you know? And that's what is, is that, 'cause that gratitude, hard 'cause I'm still, you know, there's still times I get stuck in like the scarcity mindset or like abandonment or whatever it is, or all the things, and I'm like, "Oh, I don't know, and I'd rather not. I'd rather worry about it so I'm prepared." But it doesn't actually prepare me, and it's like, I know all these things in my mind, but it's breaking that.

Nicole: Breaking the habit of being yourself is such a good book. It's essentially about getting into habits that you have to break. John helped me with this by changing it. Instead of beating myself up and shaming myself, which is not good, we focused on replacing the habit with something positive. It's a better way to look at it than just trying to stop cold turkey. It is hard to do, but it does work.

John: Like when we focus on gratitude. It's funny you say in the tub; we just jumped in the tub, and we were talking through some of our stuff. Then we started leaning into what we are grateful for. Obviously, I'm grateful for you, Reggie our dog, our house, and our car. But then we dug deeper, like being grateful for our family, my brother and Tessa, his girl and their kid, your family, and then our friends. We've changed the proximity of the friendships that we're in and really started leaning into all these different little nuances of things that we're grateful for.

Nicole: Yeah, and you know, you go through that session for like 10-15 minutes. We've done that a few times. You come out on the other side of it, and everything else you were bickering about, you can just handle in two seconds. It's like, "Oh, this is what we're fighting about? Okay, well, here's where I should have shown up better or here's how you could have shown up in a way that was going to be more conducive to our success in our relationship," whatever it is. But you can knock that stuff out so much easier. A lot of that comes with moving your body, being in a good physical state. If you're just sitting there on a couch, scrolling on social media, and in a hole of depression, you can't see it. I'll see her start to go, or she's supposed to be talking to me, and I'll just feel the energy shifting. I'm like, "Get up," and she's like, "I don't want to." I'm like, "You have to. If you don't want to, then you have to. Get up." "Don't touch me." "Alright, I'm picking you up then." The demonstration of being masculine is not being phased by it and not reacting moodily but being responsive instead of reactive.

Nicole: I'm trying not to show that because it's like the whole "be responsive instead of reactive." My instant reactivity is like, "Come on, you can't do that." So then it's like, "Alright, take a deep breath. Your old response would be like, 'Okay fine then, I'm just walking away. I'm not dealing with this.'" But he just embraces it fully and is like, "Nope, come on." He's literally picked me up off the bed, and I'll be like, "Alright, I guess we're in a mood right now. If you're in a mood, I guess I'm in a mood, so we're in a mood. How do we fix this?" And then in the motion of picking my little bratty ass up, I'm just in a better mood immediately. Then we start talking about what we're grateful for, and all of a sudden, we'll address whatever the issue was, and it's usually from a place where none of the issues are really ever that grave.

John: It's usually just like mindset, and one of us is not in the right mindset, and we start acting wrong to each other. It happened like a week ago. I was dealing with one of my companies being audited, and it's like the most California bureaucratic nonsense. It's just the most frustrating thing. I was dealing with it all day, and my energy with Sabrina was stressed. I was putting that out instead of handling it myself or calling and talking through it. I was putting it on Sabrina, and then all of a sudden, her mood shifted. She started being snappy about stuff, and I had to go internal and think, "Wait, what just happened? She's been soft all day, now this all changed. How am I showing up?" And I realized I'd just been dumping my stress on her all day.

Nicole: And then it's like, "Okay, what happened here?" And then I had to come back and be like, "Babe, I just put that on you all day." I think as a man, if you just flip inward and look at how you're showing up and take that extreme ownership, you'll see how fast, as soon as I owned it, I was like, "This was on me, babe. I'm sorry I brought this energy." I watched her change her mood. She's just like, "Oh, I didn't even realize what that was, but yeah, cool, now we're good." It turned the whole day around because our day was going south, and then it was like, "Oh, you just own it, and it's better."

Nicole: And because women, we're such empaths, right? Naturally, we take on, we're just emotional little creatures. It's very dependent on a man, and it's not to say that you're not allowed to have your emotions. Please, have your emotions, but how it's conveyed, and then realizing, "Oh wow, like what you were just saying, I'm having this negative emotion. How can I come at this from a better and grateful angle?" And you did because that day, you're like, "I'm grateful that I'm getting audited. What's the positive stuff from this?" And then all of a sudden, yeah, it turned everything around for us.

John: Yeah, it's so easy to flip a woman's emotions, but I forget that myself. You know, but that's the thing, it's like you can fight it, and then you're...

John: Going to have a fight, you can get down on that level with them and bicker, and now you're both being a bit... Or you can scoop them up, or literally just scoop them up, and then just be like, "Not doing this, let's play."

Nicole: Yeah, yeah, and that's so cool.

John: Yeah. All right, well, awesome. It's great having you guys on. Guys, that was really fun.

Nicole: Yes, would you like to come back for the next one?

John: In five minutes, since we... Well, thanks everyone for joining. We'll see you next week. Make sure that you leave us a review, you know, on the Apple podcast app or Spotify. We still have "banana fingers" for the last review, so they cannot keep on continuing in 2025. So, it's your mission to put something else there.

Nicole: I have a lot of questions.

John: And we'll read it on the air, obviously. So, it's a good... you know, whatever you want to put, whatever your message is. So, hopefully, it's positive. All right, guys, we'll see you next week. Through every fault, we find a way.