John: It's going to be a dog-eat-dog world, and you're going to have to compete with other men. The solution is to start taking pride in the fact that it's hard. Sometimes, I have coaching clients that would complain, and I'd be like, "See these Marathon medals? You want me to just give you one of these?" And they're like, "Seriously?" I'm like, "Yeah, no, seriously. I'll send it to you. What's your address?" And they're like, "Uh, no." "I'll send it to you, then you can put it on your wall, and you know, you have a Marathon medal." "I don't want it because I didn't run it." And I'm like, "Oh really? So, wait a minute. Are you telling me that you want things to be hard so that you can overcome it, and then you can feel good about yourself? So why do you keep coming to me and telling me that you want things to be easy?" The funny thing is, too, when you just described that, it's like they don't realize that once you get past the hard, it does get easy. Beyond the perfect, we discover through our flaws, we complete each other better than perfect. We stay through every fault, we find our way. Welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we show you how two imperfect people helping each other is better than a perfect relationship.

Nicole: That's right. See, and we help each other out. That's right. I just wanted you to, you know, be able to pitch in there.

John: Oh, well, thank you. It was a test to see if you would help me out. You know, I got your back.

Nicole: There we go. So yeah, so it's your week.

John: Yes, it's my week. And you know, even though the complaining guys do get on my nerves, I do empathize with them. It just made me angry at first. Well, not like angry, but just like annoyed and frustrated, I guess. And like, "Just get over it." Which then I reflected, and I've also been reading this book, and I was like, "Okay, well, that's not very empathetic of me, you know?" So, and they're obviously like going through stuff. They need to heal their stuff. Granted, I don't think that the way a lot of them are responding is acceptable, right? Like, regardless. But at the same time, I understand that they're really struggling, and that's why they're acting out like this, right? So, I wanted to dedicate today to... It's not really like, I guess, a specific topic, but maybe you can just talk about the things that men struggle with, and especially with dating and relationships, and like what they can do. 'Cause I do feel like they listen more when it comes from you. 'Cause I'm a fish, and you don't ask fish how to catch a fish, you know? So, uh, I guess just like you exploring that, me asking you questions. Like, I'm going to try not to convert it over to a woman's side, but maybe add a few things in here and there if I feel like it's beneficial. But, you know, giving those guys who are really struggling, you know, a whole episode basically based around them. They're still probably going to be mad, but you know, I do see that they're really struggling. And you know, it is, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't force them to drink. So, we can give them this information, we can have all this, and they still might be upset, but at least we tried. So, okay, well, that's... I don't know what you'd really call the topic, though. I mean, I suppose it's... I don't know, the gripes that men have? Like, struggles, relationship, yeah, I guess that. I mean, it is a thing. It is a real thing for sure.

John: Yeah, I'm not saying that it's not. That's the thing, is that's why I do understand that. I guess what frustrates me and annoys me is the constant complaining about it. But again, like, I also see the other side of the coin, where they're complaining because they are hurt in some way, and they haven't healed some part, or worked on some part, or changed something. So, that's why I wanted to have today, you know, where you could talk about those things and also, like, give them some advice.

Nicole: Sure, okay. And whatnot. Sounds like a good plan. Well, I guess let's start with dating because that comes before a relationship anyway.

John: Yeah, that's so... Like, I guess, what is, like, if you could just pick three, what are the three biggest struggles guys have when they're dating?

John: Yeah, I mean, well, we've kind of talked about this a little bit before, right? And I don't know if it will nicely slice into three, but essentially, what most, I think, what the biggest frustration that a lot of men are facing today is that, well, I guess maybe it can divide into three. That is, number one, a majority of guys just are not... They're not the ones that are the guys that are treating women like crap and the jerks. A majority of the guys, they're upset because they feel overlooked, they feel rejected, they feel like women and dating isn't even really accessible to them at all, which is upsetting. Like, I understand that. And then they feel like women shit on men in general, and they're like, "I'm not part of those guys." 'Cause you're choosing, I think a lot of guys are like, "You're choosing these guys that you're matching with on Instagram or dating apps that are like the top 10% of men in terms of looks, and then you're shitting on all men because these guys are, you know, are being jerks." So, I think that's probably the number one complaint that men have. And then, I think the second thing that men struggle with in dating is that they feel like a lot of the values, right, the values that we talk about on this podcast, that women don't have those today in society. They see women twerking all over the place, right? There's nothing wrong with twerking in certain settings, certain settings, but you know, all over on their Instagram, and you know, and well, sometimes it's your job to twerk.

Nicole: Oh yeah, sometimes it's your job.

John: But, but, but that's, I would say, that's also part of the thing, is like, you know, jobs like OnlyFans and, well, we're not talking about that, no. But, but, uh, a lot of women in Western society today do not have good morals or values, right? They're out there, uh, just freely like expressing themselves sexually, which, you know, might seem like a good thing, but it's not a good thing if you're a guy looking for potentially a wife, and you're like, "There's no wife material out here at all that I can find." Right? Uh, which, those women, it's very hard to not... I know, I'm just giving you the thing. But, but women don't respect men in general, right? Shit on men, they don't need a man, right? Toxic masculinity, like, all that kind of beats up on a guy, I think. And so, so I think a lot of guys are struggling because of those things. And then, I think the third thing I would say is that they've heard the horror stories about divorces where guys have lost everything, can't even see their kids anymore. A woman gets bored of the guy and then cheats on him, or, you know.

John: Like decides to get a divorce because there's no penalty for her, but there's a big one for him, right? Like, he, I think they've heard these stories of these guys, and maybe some of them have been these guys where they've devoted their whole life to a woman. Now again, all of these things, obviously, I have counters to, but I'm just giving you the perspective. But maybe they devoted their whole life to a woman, worked hard, good job, you know, tried to raise a family, and then the woman leaves them, and then they have no recourse for that, and then they end up getting screwed over because they lose half of their stuff, they can't really see their kids anymore. They never wanted that to happen, and so they're afraid. I think a lot of guys are afraid that they can't trust a woman, and they can't even get a woman anyway, and so they're feeling really hopeless. And that's where I think all that anger and bitterness comes from, is that they've been rejected, they have this idea that women are only having sex with these Chad guys, which there's a lot of merit to that, there's a lot of truth to that. A lot of their complaints are rooted in truth, but they just feel like it feels hopeless to them. And that's where that anger and frustration comes from, is that this feeling like if you felt like you had no romantic prospects ever, you would probably be pretty upset. It's hard to deal with that, and especially, I think that there's so much information that comes from other men that tell these men that they're screwed and that they should just give up, and that there's no point. Women just want Chads, women just want this, all women are [___], all women are whatever. And so they're hearing all these messages about how Western women are so bad, and no woman is loyal anymore, and all women disrespect men. And they see the TikTok videos where the guy goes to the, like we were talking about last week, where he goes up to a couple and he's like, "Do you want to do a loyalty test and let's swap phones?" But they only show, obviously, the clips of the ones where the woman's cheating on the guy. And so, guys are seeing all of this stuff, and then they're getting angry, and they're getting bitter, and they're getting jaded because their experience matches what they're seeing, even though they have very little experience. So I think that's kind of the chief complaint. So yeah, what do you think about those things?

Nicole: Well, to not get into a different topic that I know we will get into eventually because we got into it this week talking about it, I'm just going to say that I feel, I hear what you're saying, and I understand that perspective. And I feel like what I came to realize was that women also have similar, yeah, sort of issues, for sure. Like, we came to the realization together too that both sides are kind of upset about or afraid of the same things or struggling with the same things, just in slightly different ways sometimes. So I do understand the guy's perspective. One thing, though, that when you were describing it, and I know you were describing it from their perspective, it just seems like an all-or-nothing sort of thing. Like all women want to do OnlyFans, all women are doing this. And just as men hate when women say all men are doing this, exactly, they are actually doing the same thing. I'm not saying that there aren't women that are doing all those things that you're saying. There are. I know there are. But at the same time, it's like, you know, this, like you've even said, like these statements or this, like, you know, "all women are like this" is also making them more and more upset with women and actually pushing them further away from what they want, which is to be with a woman. I mean, not all men want to settle down. I mean, I think they do to their core, right, but maybe they're not there in their point of their life right now, but they do eventually want a person to spend the rest of their life with. So, right, I guess what frustrates me when I see these things, these comments of all these angry guys, is that they're not realizing that them even just leaving like a really angry comment on something is pushing them further away from their goal. Exactly, right. And I guess too, like not even as a woman but as somebody who, like, has always, from like a very young age, like worked really hard to get out of a bad situation or things like that, and people might listen to me say these things and be like, "You never struggled." But everybody has struggles; everyone struggles one way or another, right? And so, being somebody that, when I did struggle, did I get upset or angry at times? Yes. But did I allow that to keep me in that position? No. And so, that I feel like is where men are kind of getting stuck. And I get that they're angry and frustrated by all these things, but I don't feel like they're doing all that they can. And I get that it feels helpless and it feels hopeless, right, and all these things, but they're not like, they don't realize the power that they have. And like, yes, there's only so much you can do about your physical looks, but there are things you can still do. There's only so much you can do, you know, about society, exactly. But like, your mindset, your drive and determination, and like, you know, working towards something, that is something you do have control over. So I guess that's what frustrates me when I see this, and I'm like, well, yeah, I'm not saying they're not doing anything because I don't want to say that either because I don't know. But all I do know is if you're taking the time to sit on a post that you might not necessarily agree with, and instead of like giving your opinion, because I even mentioned in one of the comments, I'm like, "I don't have any problem with you coming in the comments and being like, 'Actually, no, this is how reality actually is for a man.' I'll be like, 'Oh wow, yeah, I didn't realize that.' But if you're just like, 'Shut up, [___],' I'm like, 'I have zero respect for you.' And that's the issue too that we've talked about in other things too, is that women don't have respect for men anymore. And I'm not going to turn this into a woman thing, but I'm just saying that like those sort of comments, like you're hurting yourself. Like, you think that you're, it's making you feel better, and it does for like a second because wow, you really showed me by commenting that, but really, it's like you have all this anger inside of you that is pushing you further away from women because if you can say that to just some random woman, like even the woman that you like, if she does something to upset you, you're probably going to harness some of that energy, give it to her as well, too, and mess up your actual relationship. Right, exactly. Yeah, I mean, the truth is, like, and you know, I understand all.

John: The things that the guys complain about, right? Because to some degree, I felt many of those things, maybe not to the degree because I didn't have those things in society at the time. But I have felt them. I've known what it's like to be the loser guy or to feel like the loser guy. I mean, you know, that's the problem. They think they're losers, but they're not, you know what I mean? It's like, but I know what it's like to feel like that. And then I also know what it's like to be the guy that all the women swipe up on the dating apps, and you have a lot of options. I know what the difference is, and so I can tell you there is a difference. I can tell you that these guys aren't making it up, that they are envious of what women have. And I can tell you about some of the dark things about women's nature and sexuality that men don't want to know and that women don't want to admit. However, the thing is this, right? A woman will never understand a man's struggle, never. But that's okay. But at the same time, I feel like a man will never understand women's struggle. It's like you're never going to fully understand. You can't fully put yourself in someone else's shoes. Yes, if you're like dating a lot of people and interacting with a lot of people, you feel like you know the opposite sex because I felt like that when I was dating, and you felt like that when you were dating. But it's like you said, it goes both ways, though, at the same time. And I agree with what you're saying.

Nicole: Yeah, it does. It does, and it doesn't. It's like, it's a different set of struggles. But the thing I think this is where you lose your audience, right? Like, as far as men go, is that men see this, right? Men see an attractive 20-year-old girl, 20-something-year-old girl, right? She can make money with her looks. Okay, everyone worships her because of her looks. She can get into anywhere. She can go to Vegas, and she can have a table and have free drinks and free everything. And the life, she can travel. Guys will fly her out to different places. She's got the life. She doesn't have to work at all to have that life. Whereas a guy in his 20s is struggling. No woman will pay attention to him. He swipes and swipes, and he's getting no matches. He has to fight for everything, and the world is looking down at him. Every movie that comes out is like, "Men suck," and here's "Women Ghostbusters" in your face. Like, because we got to, you know, all of the things that you believe in about family values and all this stuff, let's shit on that. Let's shit on masculinity. So that's where he's feeling. He's like, "This is not fair. Women have it so easy." And again, it's not that I agree with this. I'm just presenting the viewpoint. But this is the perception that they have, and this is why they're so angry. This is why they're so upset. They're like, "All I want is just, I don't even need to be a Chad. I don't even need to have all these women. I just want one girl that's good, that I could have a family or have a prospect with, but I don't even have that because of the way that things are." And that's the frustration that they have. That's why they're like, "Women will never understand a man's struggle."

John: I understand what you're saying, but at the same time, just to add something in there, what you just said about women being flown out and all that stuff, that is the equivalent to women wanting the top 10% of guys. That is the top 10% of women. That's maybe not even 10. Like, guys think more women are getting flown out and all this stuff, but they're not. And to be honest, again, I'm not going to go too in-depth because this is about men, but those women are not even happy themselves. Like, their life is not as luxurious as they make it out to seem. So, without going more into that, but like when you explained it, it goes back to like both sides are fighting the same battle against each other. Because like, if he's worried about these women being flown out and these OnlyFans girls and these whatever, then he's aiming for the top 10% of women or top 10% of women in hotness, in like, you know, sexual desire sort of. I don't know how to describe it, but most men aren't, though. That's the equivalent, though.

John: But see, look, a woman that, again, I don't like to use rating numbers, but that is objectively rated at like a five or a six, still, maybe not as extreme, but still, she has plenty of options. She, like, makes more sense. I'm just saying if you're comparing a guy who just wants one woman, no, no, to like a woman being flown out, that's not even a reality for a majority of women. So, like, guys think it is.

Nicole: Yeah, yeah, they think it is because they see it. That's what they see, right? But what is the reality is that a woman that is just average look, just a five or six rated, that her inbox on Instagram is filled with DMs. It's that if she goes on the dating app, she's got a ridiculous number of matches. That if she does go out to a bar, there's plenty of guys that will buy her drinks. There's, you know what I'm saying? Like, her life is still easier at that age than a man's at that age. And that's true. But here's the thing that I have to say about this, right? Is that it's like, I understand that a woman will never understand a man's struggle, and no woman will ever understand how she will never understand a man's struggle. But it doesn't matter because as a man, life is hard, and it's supposed to be hard. And you have to suck it up as a man. And these are the lessons in life that teach you to suck it up. And this is what separates the men from the boys, right? And it's like, but here's the thing, the hope that is within this message is that it's accessible to you to become a top 10 or top 20% man. Because so many men are just going to sit and complain and whine. Every time that I hear a man complain when I, you know, I've been doing coaching, coaching men for a long time, right? I would always say, "Let me see your abs." And they're like, "What does that have to do with anything?" Like, "Let me see your six-pack abs." And they're like, "You think if I have six-pack abs, then all my problems will be solved?" I'm like, "If you're really trying everything that you could, then you would have done that." Like, you know what I mean? Like, the obvious thing to improve your...

John: To maximize your physical appearance, where's your six-pack at? So, if you don't show me your six-pack abs, I don't want to hear your bitching and complaining because you haven't tried everything yet. You haven't done everything. I'm just saying, that's a measure. If I were in that desperate situation and feeling like it, I would at least get there and then I can complain about the Chads. But if you're not there, then you can't. What's missing, and this is what I was talking about the other day, is that what's missing from men today is pride. Taking pride in being a man. I had a friend who's in the Marines, and he would be like, the Marines pride themselves on one thing: they get the shittiest food, they have the shittiest conditions, it's the shittiest job, it's the shittiest branch of the military, and you're treated like shit. And we pride ourselves in that. They pride themselves in the fact that they're Marines because it's hard. We have men today, no offense guys, but being babies, complaining about all the stuff. And I get it, I understand the struggle. I just voice the struggle. I understand exactly what it is and how hard it is, and you're being a baby about it, whining, complaining about this stuff instead of taking pride in that it's hard. I like that it's hard to be a man. I like that when I stand above other men, that I have actually done something. I've actually climbed a mountain that is hard to climb. I don't want the playing field to be level. I like the fact that the 20-year-old girl has the world as her oyster. Fuck her. I don't care. I like the fact that I have to compete with that because it makes a challenge something hard that I can take pride in as a man. And what's missing from men today is pride. They don't care. They don't take any pride in the fact that it is difficult, but they want the easy way, and then they can't get the easy way.

Nicole: Well, I think in general, a lot of people don't work hard towards things anymore. Like even developing yourself as a person is hard. But like you said, there is pride in that. There's an accomplishment when even if you're working on your mindset or something, being like, "Oh well, last year, I wouldn't even have had this response to this. I'm growing. I see that I'm growing." It wasn't easy, you know, but here I am. And when you were describing the abs thing, I also understand that it's hard for men because sometimes they might feel like who they are is not enough. And that's true. Who they are is not enough. Guys, listen, who you are is not enough. And no woman will ever love you just because of who you are. You have to be something. You have to be a man. And a woman can be loved for just who she is. A man can never be loved for just who he is. Now, I say that meaning that if you prove yourself as a man and a woman truly sees you, and she sees that ambition, that drive, that masculine vein in you, then she will love you for who you are because that will be who you are. But you have to develop the "who you are." You cannot, the "who you are" as you came out of your mother's womb as a crying little whiny baby boy, no woman, your mom will love you for who you are, a woman will not. She will not be sexually attracted to you, and she will not love you for who you are. And I'm sorry if that's hard news. But you know, some guys hear this news and they're like, "Well, screw that, like everything sucks, and women suck," and it's like, women's fault that it's like no, that's how they're biologically wired. And it's supposed to be that way for the survival of our species, is that women are supposed to have a high selection criteria, and men are supposed to compete. I mean, look at animals where the guys have to do this mating performance to get the attention of the woman, like a female of the animal. So, it's like that is just our biological way. We are animals. We're smarter animals, but we're animals. And so, it's not so farfetched, like you said, that a man has to put in a little bit more effort to get a woman because it is a big deal for a woman to get pregnant and have your child and do all these things.

John: Absolutely. And like I said, not everyone that listens to this podcast knows my history, but I've been all the things. I have the full perspective. I was the nerdy, dorky guy, the loser guy. I have photos. You've seen the photos. It's why I don't get why men don't listen to you because, no offense to you, I love you, but it's not like you've looked like this your entire life, if you know what I mean. And I understand people who get frustrated with attractive people who have always been attractive, complaining about maybe their hair doesn't look, you know, like I get that. But like you said, in a situation where you haven't always looked this way or acted this way, had the confidence, you know what I'm saying? Because a lot of it's not just the looks, it's how you carry yourself. But I was this shy, introverted, scared of life guy. And definitely, no women were interested, and when I was interested in women, rejection, rejection, rejection, of course. But then, you know, I went through the spectrum and ended up on the other side of that where I was a player, going out and picking up women and teaching other guys how to do that. And that was, you know, obviously, that's not the lifestyle that I'm promoting either, but I did that.

Nicole: And how did you get there?

John: By trying all the things. By figuring it out. By not looking at the things that I'm saying that are hard about being a man and about women and some of the dark nature of women and understanding those things and saying, "Ah, someone's giving me the playbook." Like, I'm not angry about that thing. It's like some guys are like, "Well, you know, women like this kind of, they like bad boys," right? And it's like, some guys are like, "Well."

John: That's stupid. I hate that. Like, why are women so trashy and dumb? I was like, okay, well, how can I incorporate some of those traits? It's like I'm getting information. I'm not upset about this. I'm glad to get the information, right? So, that's it. It's like, what's the one thing you can control? You can't control women. You can't control society. You can control yourself.

Nicole: Exactly, yeah. So, like, I understand being upset by the things that women do and what society is perpetuating, but what can you actually control? And I guess that's what frustrates me. I don't even understand being upset by it, to be honest. Like, if you really get it, because it's just what is, right? It's like, you know. But I also went through a divorce, lost half my shit, right? So, when I'm not talking out of my ass when I'm talking about all these things, I understand fully. I have felt the risks that guys are complaining about. I've felt what it's like to be the guy that is rejected. I felt what it's like to be the guy on the other end, that women are just, they don't care. They're just like, you know. So, I understand exactly what the struggle is. But that's why I'm saying to men that you have to stop being weak. You have to stop whining and complaining. And yeah, there are people that understand your struggle. Women never will, so stop trying to convince them because it doesn't matter. And the way that men are trying to convince them is so dumb because you're not going to convince someone that you have it hard by bashing them and telling them how bad they are and how easy they have it. That's never... They're very intelligent, but even then, you're not convincing them. It's just like, I can tell that you're like from acting this way, but there's plenty of guys that know that the struggle is real, and I get it, and I empathize with that. But at the same time, the answer is suck it up. The answer is grow some balls. The answer is if you want something, go after it. The answer is that it is going to be a dog-eat-dog world, and you're going to have to compete with other men. But you can compete. And the reason why it's such a great time to be alive as a man today is that almost every man has opted out. They're weak. They're pathetic. They don't care. They're not trying to help themselves. They're not trying. They just have a negative attitude. And so, you know how easy it is to step over those bodies? Just step over them. Climb up the mountain by stepping over guys that are just opting out. By default, if you're literally, as a guy right now, and if you're going to the gym, okay, and staying in shape, you're already above 60% of guys, right? And if you are working on yourself, reading books, self-improving, you're in the top 90% right there. You know what I'm saying? If you go out and actually learn to talk to women and overcome that fear, you're in the top 99%. Like, it's so easy to be up there as a man if you're willing to put in the work, right? And so, you can complain about it and how hard it is, but it doesn't ever get you anywhere, and it's never going to change anything. And no matter how hard you complain, even if you come up with the best argument possible, right, and you become viral on social media, and women are like, "That's right," and men are like, "That's right," it's not going to change anything. Women are not going to stop doing the things that they do just because you have communicated how hard it is to be a man, even if they agree with you. It doesn't matter. So, there's no point in doing well because it's still your struggle as a man, right? Like, even if women do understand it, who still has the power to change things? Not women, right? Like, they might act a little different, but they're not going to act that much different, right? You know. And I would say that if I was a guy, my first focus would be on mindset because that's it. Exactly. That is the biggest thing. Like, yes, obviously, being in shape is good, but there are women who don't even care as much about that. No mind. So, one thing that everybody cares about, including the guy, is the mindset, right? Like, you'd be happier too, and you're not being so negative and wasting all your time commenting on random videos on the internet. Like, and you live from a more positive and uplifting place and empowering. Like, that's the thing. I guess I'm just like, like, you have so much power over yourself. Like, everybody has so much power over themselves, and they don't even... They just throw it out the window. They're like, "No, I don't." And I'm like, "Yes, you do." Like, you could literally... I could leave right now and go to Greece and never come back. Like, I have so much power over my life. Like, granted, I'm not going to do that, but I'm just trying to say that people have so much power in so many areas of their life that they forget. And I do think that people have just forgotten.

John: Yeah, but I guess trying to make them realize that they can change their life. And like, that's why I guess I don't understand why men don't listen to you because they've seen your pictures, a lot of them who follow you and whatnot, from where you were and where you are now, and even could go back and watch some of your videos because you've been on social media for so long, of like even eight years ago, and compare. So, I'm just like, if they're not listening to you, then who are they going to listen to? Like, then I guess they just need to listen to themselves. They need to wake up and be like, "I have the power."

Nicole: Yeah, and plenty of guys do, you know what I mean? It's just the ones that we see that don't listen. And I mean, and that's why I called my company Bulldog Mindset. I didn't call it Bulldog Fitness or Bulldog Money or whatever, dating.

John: It's like, it's because mindset is the most important thing. But, uh, but yeah, it's... You're absolutely right. Like, you have a lot more power, personal power, as Tony Robbins would say, then you realize that you have.

Nicole: Right, right. A lot of guys think that they're stuck in the situation they're stuck in, and there's nothing they can do. But the hopelessness is what... And, unfortunately, the internet breeds that. Like, the way that the internet is structured today, social media is today, is that you can stick your head in the sand, and you can only hear the things that you want to hear, right? Whether that be from a political position, right? You can just get the Facebook stuff that you want to see, right? You know what I mean? Or just from when you have the wrong mindset, and there's plenty of these, you know, I'll call them cults, on the internet that guys fall into where they're just being told the same thing.

Speaker 1: Like one story about this one girl that cheated on this guy and did all these things, it's just repeated. It's just a legend now. It's like, where's even the source? There are guys that are 20 years old that are like, "Yeah, I don't want to like women, you know, they'll cheat on you," and all these things. And I'm like, where did you even hear that? You're 20 years old. How do you even know this stuff? It's like you don't have firsthand experience. They're allowing the fear to control their life. They're allowing one story, which is not a good story, right, to cause them so much fear that now they don't even want to be in a relationship for the fear of something that could happen. Which I understand, like I get that, but I also get that you can't allow the fear to control your life, and they're allowing the fear to control their life and put them in this pessimistic attitude. Which I'm also reading this book about optimists and pessimists, and the helplessness comes from a super pessimistic attitude. And so they're not even realizing that by viewing the world so like, "I can't, there's nothing I can do," it actually perpetuates the bad things to keep happening to them.

Speaker 2: Exactly, that's exactly it. And I guess that's where I just want to shake them and be like, "Look, you can do it. You have the power, you know? Like, I know that it's hard, but there are some good in all the things, and maybe the good is just that look, I'm down here right now, that means I can only go up."

Speaker 1: That's right, exactly. Yeah. So, they have to just reframe a lot of how they're viewing things, which I know is not easy either. I'm not trying to make it seem super simple, but it takes some pride in that it's hard. That's what I'm saying. That's why I'm saying the solution is to start taking pride in the fact that it's hard.

Speaker 2: Sometimes, I have coaching clients that would complain, and I'd be like, I'd point to my wall and I'd be like, "See these marathon medals? Do you want me to just give you one of these? I could get your name engraved on that, and I give it to you." And they're like, "Seriously?" I'm like, "Yeah, no, seriously. I'll send it to you. What's your address?" And they're like, "Uh, no." I'm like, "Why don't you want it? It's a medal. I can put your name on there. I could put a time on there, and then I'll send it to you, and then you can put it on your wall, and you know, you have a marathon medal." And they're like, "I don't want it 'cause I didn't run it." And I'm like, "Oh, really? So, wait a minute. Are you telling me that you want shit to be hard so that you can overcome it and then you can feel good about yourself? So, why do you keep coming to me and telling me that you want shit to be easy and want me to make it easy for you? I don't understand. Which do you want? Do you want the medal? I can send it to you, or do you want to earn the medal?" The funny thing is, too, when you just described that, it's like they don't realize that once you get past the hard, it does get easier, right? But only then, right? Only then does it get easy. Once you get past the hard, and then you have something else that's hard, you need to get through and then make it easier.

Speaker 1: You're constantly going through that, right? But if they want easy, they don't realize that first you have to go through the hard to get to the easy. Because I mean, you've run a lot of races, so the first one, I'm sure, was hard for sure. And then once you did a few of those, it probably seemed a little easier. It seemed easier. You picked a harder race, a harder run, sure, and it was hard, and then you kept going, you know what I mean? Because it seemed a little bit easier. It's never easy to run long miles, I know that, but I'm just saying, like, what they don't realize is that once you get through the hard, it gets easier. It does. Yeah. And you start to take pride in it. Like I said, that's the thing, is you have to take pride in the fact that it is hard. It is a struggle. I'm not disagreeing with guys. I'm not saying that it's easy. I know 'cause I fought the battle, you know? I still fight the battle. It's still a struggle. I still have to wake up every day and be a man, right? And it's not an easy thing to do.

Speaker 1: I think the other thing about this, too, the hope in it, is that as far as women and society, is that, and we were talking about this the other day, and I did a video about this, but the idea that men have a large influence on the women that they're with, that they don't understand. So, I think a lot of men are like, "Oh, well, I see all these women with their butts out on Instagram and all of this stuff, and these are not quality women that would be a mother of my child." And it's like, okay, I get that viewpoint, and I understand that. But look, that is a majority of women out in Western society today, sure, that's true. Okay, however, a woman is a reflection of the man that she's with, you know? She's like a mirror. I talked about it. It's like she's like a garden, right? And you plant the seeds in that garden, and most women, if you treat them right, if you are nurturing their spirit, if you are uplifting them, and you're a man with a backbone, right? You still have to be a man, right? You have to have clear boundaries and not tolerate disrespect. But if you are loving her in the right way, and she feels safe with you and protected by you, she's going to be greatly influenced by you. She's going to build her life around you, and who she is going to become as a woman is going to be a direct reflection of who you are as a man and your values. And that's different, and I think men don't understand that because that's not how it is with men. A man who is a good leader will greatly influence a woman in many, many ways, whereas a woman doesn't have as much influence on a man. Like, a good woman can definitely improve a man's life and inspire him, but he's the initiator. He's the one who plants the seeds, you know? The woman is like the fertile soil, right? And he plants a seed and he waters and nurtures that seed, and it grows into whatever fruit that is produced from that is a direct result of the care he's given it. Right? And the same thing, like I said, if we look at the mirror analogy, a woman's a reflection of the man.

John: That she's with, and so I think for a lot of guys that are worried, some guys are like, "Oh, well, you just need to get a passport and go to other countries." It's like, no, don't even give me that. It's like, if I understand that this is a world where a lot of the morals and common sense have been abandoned, right? And that we're living in a super liberal kind of society. I think it's swinging back the other way a little bit, but it's always going to be a pendulum of extremes, right? You're always going to have super crazy conservative people and super crazy liberal people, and it's going to swing back and forth, and it's never going to be in a sensible place, right? So, you just have to understand that you, as a man, have to have your values and your mission and who you are as a man and stand in that, and then women that you meet, they will tend to conform more to your values if you have strong values and you're a strong man.

Nicole: I do think you still have to be compatible, though. Like, I agree, maybe you can convert a woman who's like the extreme to what you're saying, but at the same time, I think it is important to let men know that compatibility is important too. Because then he might get frustrated if he is being this person but he's aligned with somebody that is also pretty firm in what they're going to do, and you know, you guys kind of clash, right? That it might not work out where she just totally changes her mind because, no, that's... Yeah, we are very compatible with each other on top of that, and plus, you treat me very well, I treat you very well, and so it does fall into this like equilibrium and, you know, sort of thing. And so, I think that's important, and I think the respect thing too, which women will respect men more if they have something to stand for and they aren't just like jerks or whatever.

John: Yeah, 'cause that's the thing. I feel like, as women, like guys don't really know how to do it the right way. And so, I guess I just wanted to throw that... That's a good point. I think saying that you could change any woman, that's not what I'm saying, but yeah, I'm glad you said that because, yeah, I just... 'Cause you also have to filter, right? As a man, like you should be cutting her loose if she doesn't have a strong enough pull that she is pulling towards you and seeing you as a leader and looking up to you. Then that's not the one for you, right? But a woman that does that, that sees your value, she's going to start to move in your direction and sync with you, right? And so, that's why it's important for a man to be a leader and to have his own value and not to worry about these things, right?

Nicole: Like I said, it's like if you worry and say, "Okay, well, all these women are doing all these things," well, yeah, if they find the right man and you are the right man, some of these women would gladly give that up and look for a better way. They just don't... Again, we're not talking about the struggle of women on this episode, but we could do a whole episode talking about the struggle of women because, you know, you're well acquainted with it. I'm well acquainted with it through you and through other women that I've talked to. And yeah, but you think again, you think you know everything, but there's really... Not everything, but that's why I wanted you to be able to talk about the guy's perspective because I understand, I feel like, a little bit more than even most women, but I still know I don't know the full picture. And I also know that no man could ever understand the full picture of a woman either. So, it's like, and again, I think that also goes back to why, like, we're kind of fighting the same battle, you know? Like, men are upset about the same things that women are upset by, right? But they're just a little different because men and women are different.

John: Yeah, yeah. So, and I think the other thing that men need to understand is that they're in their 20s and they're getting upset because it's not fair. Well, believe me, the playing field will be leveled. Okay, well, men mature slower than women do, and so it does take them a little bit more time, typically, to get their shit together, right? Before they're even ready for a relationship. They think they are fresh out of like high school or whatever, early 20s, but they don't even... A lot of them don't even have their careers figured out or like what they want to do with their life because they're already getting in this sort of like hopeless place, right? And then it just gets worse, right? 'Cause then they get hopeless about one thing, and then they get hopeless about the next thing, and then it's just like, then like, what do they have to live for? And it's like, they need to... Yeah, you got to... You got to rein it back in. They need to be patient 'cause timing is everything, right? Women start with a very high value, and their value declines over time in the sexual marketplace. Men start with a very low value, and they can build their value, but some men don't, so they never reach any kind of value, right? But that's the truth is that, again, if we look at that 20-year-old girl that's being flown out everywhere and whatever, when she hits 30 or 40, that's not going to be her life, you know? It's true. It's not going to be her life. It's going to be a harder life than a man's life that has put in the work at 30 or 40 years old. Like, he's going to have an easier time. He's going to be the one that that girl is going to be jealous of at some point. So, it will flip the other way. However, if you're a man and you complain and whine and you spend your 20s or your early 30s whining and complaining instead of actually taking the action, then by the time when it should be your turn at 35, 40 years old, whatever, you're not going to be in a good position, right? But if you stop thinking short term and start thinking long term and think about how can I build my value as a man so that when I hit my 30s or whatever, then I'm going to be super valuable, then yeah, then it's going to turn for you. But that's where guys got to be thinking, right? And that's... It's like, you know, I think guys should stop thinking that women's value is just based on her age, but talk because I think that perpetuates problems with men as well too. I understand what you're saying, and that's typically true, is that women are most attractive in their 20s. However, like, I do think a lot of women these days who are older look a lot better than maybe they did back in the day, not all of them, some, some. But there's also some men in their 20s who don't look great at all.

John: And I highly doubt it's going to get better for him either. At least, I don't condone plastic surgery, but women who get older do plastic surgery quite a lot to look better for their age. I don't think it necessarily looks better personally, but all I'm saying is like, there's not really plastic surgery for guys to look better. But at least a woman has that option, you know, if she has the money.

Nicole: He doesn't need to, that's the thing. So, that's what I'm saying, a man's value isn't just based on looks, his sexual marketplace value. Again, we're talking, on hers either, we're talking about...

John: No, sexual marketplace value, yes it is. Oh, I feel like some women look their best in their early 20s and actually look better. Those are rare exceptions. It does happen.

Nicole: Yeah, it does happen, but I'm saying that on the basis, you can't count on that, right? Women can count on their value being highest when they're younger and declining over time. And men can count on their value being low when they're younger and then potentially rising over time if they do the right things. And that's just... But here's the quick thing, though, right? You're essentially telling men that they're not hopeless. They could even be 50 and be in their prime, right? But you are creating a sense of hopelessness for women for something they can't control at all. You're sitting here saying that women are most attractive in their 20s and by 30s they've lost that, so they have something they could never get back. That creates more of hopelessness than anything that we've been talking about.

John: But if we're being honest, that is true. That they have something that they can never get back, like they have lost. I'm not saying that it doesn't mean that their lives are hopeless or that they're worthless or anything like that. It just means that when you're at your highest value, you should capitalize on that. And I'm saying women should capitalize on that when they're at their highest value. Men should capitalize on that when they're at their highest value. That's why also the age gap makes so much sense, right? A guy in his mid-30s can marry a woman in her mid-20s, where they're both at their highest value. Now, it doesn't always work out that way, and it doesn't have to work out that way. I'm just saying that, look, if you're a guy trying to get your best options, it's going to be in your 30s, right? Or maybe your 40s. Like, it's going to be somewhere in that range. Like, if you've worked on yourself. If you're a woman trying to get your best options using your attractiveness, it's going to be probably in your 20s.

Nicole: Like, that's... And the way you describe that is way better. But the way that you initially described it, it was almost like putting down women. Like, I know you weren't doing it intentionally, but like, we had this whole conversation about men and helplessness. But what is most helpless feeling is something that you can't control. So, I just wanted to bring that up.

John: Yeah, no, that's a good point.

Nicole: And at the end of the day, women are going to get older, whether you marry her at 25. So, it needs to be like, yes, I know men value attractiveness, but you need to also be with a woman for more because she's going to get older. You're going to get older, and even though you both might be in your prime, that's going to fade for everyone, right? Like, for sure, for everyone, looks-wise, everyone's going to fade. Like, yes, sometimes guys get lucky, and they can be like in their 60s and still look good, but even after 60, most men also too are going down the...

John: Yeah, but so, I just wanted to bring that up because, like, I don't think that, you know, being so... phrasing it like that just, I feel like almost perpetuates this mentality that these guys already have, right? Then they might go to the extreme and be like, well, you're 30, so like, you should just settle for me, you know what I mean? Like, you already lost your stuff.

Nicole: Yeah, that's not the way to look at it at all. But you know that men do too, like, they'll use that to their gain, to like almost, well, not all men put women down to get them, but you know, some men use the tactic of making women feel lesser in order to be the only one to get approval from. And that's the other aspect that I missed out on, which is that, you know, the other major gripe that men have, which is related to that, is that a lot of guys will be like, okay, these girls in their 20s, they don't want to have anything to do with me, right? They're just like swiping on these Chads on the dating apps or whatever, whatever, you know, they're like having, they're partying, they're having sex with all these guys, and then now they get to their 30s, and now they can't find a man. And now, I'm like, sh... you, you wanted to just have fun, sex all in your 20s, and you didn't want to have anything to do with me, and now I'm a man, I've got a job, I've got money, I've got value, and you're in your 30s, no. So, there is that aspect of it too, like a lot of guys are bitter about that. But again, that's where I was going, you do a whole video on why not to be like that either, right?

Nicole: Well, and my whole point was just like, there's... yeah, don't be bitter, right? Exactly, you saw that video, like, don't be bitter, be better, right? Because there's no need to be bitter about that, right? It's like, because if you're going to hurt yourself because of that, like, if you think you're going to get back at someone, it's like, you're going to get back at some random girl in her 20s now because you're rejecting some girl in her 30s now? That's stupid. It's just stupid. I mean, my thing is too, that you could be preventing yourself from the thing you've always wanted, right? Like, I mean, you, we, I've already mentioned this in a different video, but you lied about your age on a dating app, right?

John: Yeah.

Nicole: But if you would put your actual age, there was a time where my age range didn't even go up to your age. So, like, you know, I was almost kind of blocking myself from these things. And it's like, granted, I don't think you have to set it on like 60 to make sure, but I'm just saying that if a guy is so bitter that some woman in her 20s, right, you know, didn't want him, and now in her 30s she did, and then he goes and meets like a 35-year-old, and he, let's say he's 40, and he really likes her, but he's like, well, this woman might have denied me, and that woman did, and now I don't want any 35-year-old, like, you're also like putting blocks on yourself, you know what I mean? So, I.

John: I think when anybody gets very bitter about that sort of thing, you're putting a block on your life, and that could block the relationship that you've always wanted. So, I agree with you. Don't be bitter about it, just be better at choosing the people you date. Like, you know, choosing the people you be around, and then you'll get what you want, be that a 25-year-old or someone closer to your age. You should be open to it because it's not about if you're making your choices based on a sense of revenge or bitterness, you're just screwing yourself. That's the thing about it. If you want to make your logical choices based on that or this what you prefer, that's totally cool. But if you're doing it based on bitterness or revenge or just because now you're angry, now you're like, "Well, when I, you know, these 20-year-old girls when they had the world, now they, you know, like now you're not going to date anybody that's 30 when they were 20 and they might have rejected you."

Nicole: Yeah, just, but the valid complaint though that still remains is, I think, a lot of guys also, they don't want to have a girl that gave more to other men in their 20s and now gives them less, which I don't think is about sexuality.

John: That's only viewed that way.

Nicole: Well, okay, so like sexuality. So like they were promiscuous in their 20s and now they're not as sexually active, I guess you're saying.

John: Well, yeah, I guess like maybe a guy would be like because there's a lot of women that do this whole "I'm a born-again virgin" right, and then it's like, "Well, okay, you were partying and having wild sex in your 20s, and now I go on a date with you, and now you're this good girl." And it's like, that's the frustration I think a lot of men have. Like, I get it. It doesn't make sense.

Nicole: So, you rather them just be like still wild?

John: Well, see, that's the thing that doesn't make sense. That's what do they want.

Nicole: Well, they're just bitter about it.

John: That's what I'm saying. It's like, but you know what I mean. But it is like a valid concern that a guy would have. But at the same time, it's like, no, you, you know, like, that's people. People have made mistakes in their past, and that's fine. Like, you have made mistakes in your past as a man as well. So, right, you know what I mean. So, I don't know. It's just there's a lot of pieces that a lot of guys hold on to in order to become bitter. But I think it goes back to mindset, you know. If you learn to let that stuff go, to learn from it but let it go, right, then you just get better from it. You don't let it cause you to be pessimistic and helpless and negative.

Nicole: Exactly. Yeah. Did we hit the relationship part? I guess, like, some...

John: Like, for our week?

Nicole: No, I meant like 'cause in the beginning, I said like dating and relationship struggles, but it felt more like dating. But I guess some of the end was a little relationship too.

John: Yeah, I think, I mean, that could when you mentioned the mirror thing and like in relationships, like what you plant is what you grow. So, yeah, I mean, there's a lot of frustrations that men have in relationships, but it's not the same frustration, nagging, and you know, that stuff in other episodes. I mean, the primary ones that men have in relationships is like I said, there a woman nagging, disrespecting him, uh, dead bedroom, not having sex with him anymore, not being sexually attracted to him, or um, yeah, I mean, I think those are well, and no offense to the guys in the comments, but I'm assuming every single one of them is single. So, the dating part, that's why it's yeah, that's why. So, I mean, those other issues are real issues that men struggle with, but those issues we talk about every week.

Nicole: Right, right. Because if you're listening to what we're saying about how to be a man in a relationship, how to deal with the woman, how to have a good relationship. If you have a good relationship, if a woman feels like she's loved and she has a good relationship, she's going to have a lot of sex with you, and she's not going to nag you. That's the truth. Like, there's, you know, that's the remedy for that.

John: So, yeah, so I feel like we don't really need to go into that so much.

Nicole: Makes sense. I just wanted to make sure we cover bases.

John: All right, so, uh, we're on the segment of our week.

Nicole: Mhm. I don't have any drama for, look, don't look at me. I did my part. I came here with the topic.

John: Yeah, I mean, there's really no, no. I know. I can't think of anything off the top of, we're doing like a three-week abstinence.

Nicole: Yeah, well, I guess that goes back into kind of what we talked about last week.

John: Yeah, so we just think it'll be something good for the relationship too and just.

Nicole: Yeah, so, like, what we talked about last week about the sort of the gridlock type of situation. So, that was like our way to try to get out of the gridlock.

John: Yeah, but that's, it's been no like specific thing that I could think of besides that. That's what's going on for this well for the next three weeks. But yeah, I can't think of any kind of anything that, I mean, we just talked about some of the stuff that we talked about today. I think that was what, but it's, it's not doesn't have to do with us specifically.

Nicole: Well, then there you go. Abstinence for three weeks. That's what we're dealing with, which is hard when you're in a relationship, but for sure.

John: But all right, well, I guess that's it for this week then.

Nicole: Yeah, maybe we'll bring you some drama next week.

John: No, hopefully not.

Nicole: No, we won't. See you next time. Hopefully, we'll bring you some drama.

John: John's going to start some drama just for no reason.

Nicole: No way.