Nicole [00:00:00]: Women need to find the value in being feminine again. I was masculine, you out masculine me and finally put me in my feminine. And now I'm like, gosh, I just feel so much better. Like, that doesn't mean that I don't get sensitive and overwhelmed and still have emotions, but it's nowhere near when I was in survival mode.

John [00:00:17]: Beyond the perfect we discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every.

Nicole [00:00:29]: Fault we find your way.

John [00:00:35]: All right, welcome back to the better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we.

Nicole [00:00:38]: Share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

John [00:00:47]: That's right.

Nicole [00:00:47]: There you go. See, we're a team.

John [00:00:49]: That's right. That's right. I did that just so you could fill it in because, you know, that's how we roll.

Nicole [00:00:54]: That is how we roll. So you got any crazy comments to start the whole half of the podcast? Off with the day.

John [00:01:02]: I don't think I got any crazy kind. Did we get any? We did get. Remember, we got some comment on one of the videos. Did we address it, though, on a different podcast episode?

Nicole [00:01:15]: One of them we did. The guy who was like, yeah, that long one.

John [00:01:19]: Yeah, yeah, but the guy that emailed me, right? Yeah, but there was. I mean, we had some romantic ones on the. How guys can be romantic. And. And the biggest thing was just a bunch of whiny baby's crying about, oh, it's. It's not fair. Or I think the big thing I would say is that guys say to that they're like, okay, well, if as soon as you start showing your feelings to a woman, then she loses interest. Right? So it's like, as soon as you. So that was their experience, and that's why they're crying about the romantic thing. They're like, okay, you can't be romantic. And.

Nicole [00:02:00]: But yeah, I would say, does she lose interest because you're not supporting her emotionally? So she's like, why do I need to support you emotionally?

John [00:02:12]: Well, I think what I was.

Nicole [00:02:14]: Or you think from the very beginning, like the first time you do it.

John [00:02:17]: Yeah, yeah, but. But the problem, what I was saying, I think I replied back to him too. I said that you're confusing showing your emotions with being needy or, you know, or like, basically with. Yeah, with being needy. That's what it really came down to. It's like, you know, there's a difference between showing your emotions or like, you know, not having emotional control as a man.

Nicole [00:02:43]: Yeah, right.

John [00:02:44]: So it's like.

Nicole [00:02:44]: Well, because if a man shows Lack of control anywhere.

John [00:02:49]: Right.

Nicole [00:02:50]: Then I feel like that seems kind of unstable for a woman.

John [00:02:54]: Right.

Nicole [00:02:55]: And as a woman, we are emotional, so we often feel unstable. And plus we go through, like a lot of fluctuation in our hormones during our cycle of like the month in general. And so if we feel unstable and we're trying to gain stability, and then we have this other unstable person.

John [00:03:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:03:14]: That just feels chaotic.

John [00:03:17]: And I think that's what's happening. A lot of times when guys have this perception that if they show a woman emotion or show that they care about a woman, let's say that a woman loses interest. Because a lot of times that is true. But the reason why is, as you've seen me put into my YouTube videos, where you are that guy and you write that love letter because you're trying to get something. You're need. It's desperate need. It's not controlled energy. Right. It's not about you sharing your feelings. It's about the fact that you don't have control and you want something.

Nicole [00:03:57]: Yeah. Well, I think too, the opposite of that would be when women maybe sleep with a man too soon, thinking, okay, I'll give him what he wants, right? He wants this. And then he loses interest in her. That's like the female side. I feel like, you know, if a woman does that too quickly, then she's like, why doesn't he like me? I gave him what he wanted.

John [00:04:21]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:22]: And then men are the same way. They're like, why doesn't she like me? I told her how I feel. Isn't that what women want? And they do want that. But like you said, it's the control part. It's that there's a way to express your emotions in the correct way. I think that's probably the thing, because when you express your emotions, it is vulnerable and it. It feels unstable naturally.

John [00:04:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:04:47]: But if you express them in like a chaotic and sort of maybe not neat, like needy like you said, but I'm thinking of, like, you know, irrational or something that just feels like you don't know what this person's gonna do that's scary to a woman.

John [00:05:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:06]: Like, is he complaining about this thing and he's going to complain about it for the rest of his life and not do anything about it?

John [00:05:11]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:12]: Or is he, like, going to do something crazy because he's like having a midlife crisis or something? You know, like if she feels like she has no idea what this guy's going to do in regards to his feelings, rather than just like, Being vulnerable and expressing it and leaning on his woman, then that's when a woman's like, whoa, whoa. You're supposed to be the rock, you're supposed to be the man, you're supposed to be the logical one. Which doesn't mean you don't have emotions. But if you can't stay like grounded and firm and in that.

John [00:05:44]: Yeah. And I think you hit on the main thing is like the right way to express your emotions, right? Because it's like what I was gonna say, but now I'll still say that, but is that the neediness part comes from having expectation, wanting something, right? So what guys experiences and what they're confusing is that if you share your emotions with a woman because you want her to like you back. If you're like, I love you so much, I'm so attracted to you, right? And you're like, I'm just being love bonded, right?

Nicole [00:06:15]: Yeah.

John [00:06:15]: But you're trying to get something back. That's why you're doing it. If you can do that same thing, if you can express those ideas, how you feel about a person, but you're not expecting, you're not trying to get that person to like you or to respond in a certain way to get their validation or approval, then it comes across as more in the romantic and it's not a problem. But I think what you said actually as I was thinking about that even makes more sense, which is I could tell you about my day and I could be like, I got pissed off today. I was just like this guy, we were supposed to do this deal and he just pissed me off. I can tell you that. Or I can be like, I'm just fucking, just so pissed off, like I don't know what to do. Like this guy, he's just like, oh. You know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:07:07]: It's like you're like a ticking time bomb in the second one, right?

John [00:07:10]: Both of them, I'm expressing the same emotion. I'm telling you about my, I'm sharing my feelings, right? But one of them, I'm doing it in the right way where I have mastery over the emotion, right? The other way, it's controlling me, right? And that's where.

Nicole [00:07:25]: And you're spewing it all over me.

John [00:07:26]: Exactly. And so even when guys are expressing this in love, sometimes they're coming across as that one instead of the one like the romantic poet that is declaring his love as opposed to just spazzing out about, you know, So I think it's, it's the control of the emotions. Not. Not having emotions or not expressing. Because a lot of guys are afraid. They're like, oh, as soon as you show a woman emotions, that's what they say, what they want. But then she leaves. Which has been their experience and which has proven to be true for them because they're not understanding the. So they're just playing it safe. Right. They're like, okay, what I figured out is I don't show a woman emotions, and then she doesn't freak out.

Nicole [00:08:09]: Yeah.

John [00:08:09]: And it's working. And so they're like. And then they try.

Nicole [00:08:12]: They're like, bottle up all their emotions, and then they explode anyway.

John [00:08:15]: And then what ends up happening and they repeat it over and over is they finally, like, say, okay, I feel close enough to this woman. I'm going to share my emotions with her. Which they haven't learned how to do it correctly.

Nicole [00:08:25]: Right.

John [00:08:25]: And then she does leave. And then she was like, oh, see, this is how it works. You just cannot have emotions as a man. You cannot share your emotions, otherwise, this is what happens. And that's where they got to that point. But it's because they don't understand it.

Nicole [00:08:36]: So that's true.

John [00:08:38]: So, yeah. So there.

Nicole [00:08:38]: Well. And I guess I forgot about Tetris lover who said, we look like we're interrogating each other and there's no chemistry. And what else did he say? The way we do this looks like a serial killer documentary or something.

John [00:08:51]: Oh, did he say that much? I don't know.

Nicole [00:08:53]: I think I made that part up.

John [00:08:54]: But you want it to look like a serial killer.

Nicole [00:08:58]: Yeah. I'm like, okay, like what? Someone else actually commented on the same thing and was like, no, it's showing, like, the different perspectives of the partners. And I'm like, yeah, thank you. Like, Tetris lover over here just, like, wants to rain on everybody's prayer.

John [00:09:12]: I mean, I'm not sure what he expected is like.

Nicole [00:09:14]: Like, I don't know. He was like, look up how to do a podcast. Bros. I'm like, no, he didn't say bros. But yeah, I don't know. Like, come on, just complain about something better than the way your podcast is set up is wrong. Just so you know. Okay, bye. Like, I don't know. I don't know. Blows my mind. But.

John [00:09:34]: But, yeah, it's your take over the whole.

Nicole [00:09:38]: The whole thing. No, we did. Good. The topic today is going to be, do guys really like boss babes? And before you answer, I already told you in the car that before you answer, I want to say A few things. I am in no way implying that women should not own a business, run a business, do what she needs to do.

John [00:10:02]: Okay, okay.

Nicole [00:10:03]: I'm mostly talking about those women. And the boss babe, I would say, is a woman who is so set on doing it all herself. And, like, I don't need a man, but she wants a man. But then she can't figure out why she can't find a man.

John [00:10:21]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:21]: Okay, So I wanted to, like, clarify a little bit.

John [00:10:24]: And that also in my mind, when I think of boss Babe, I think of that as her identity. She's proud of that thing. She's like, I'm a boss babe. Right. And it's like her entrepreneurship.

Nicole [00:10:36]: She's giving herself the title. And that's why I wanted to use boss Babe, because I know plenty of women who own businesses that aren't in that boss babe mindset. You know what I mean? But there are people that take it to the extreme, and I feel like it's actually hurting them rather than helping them.

John [00:10:57]: It's like your identification.

Nicole [00:10:58]: Right. And it kind of reminds me of when someone who's really insecure is, like, being overly confident.

John [00:11:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:05]: To try to make them so. And I get it because, like, I owned a business. Granted, I did it more of like a side business. And you do get that feeling of like, oh, like, maybe I'm not good enough. Like, should I be charging this? Like, I. I get that it is something that can cause insecurities. I feel like, especially in women, you know, because we weren't allowed to work, you know, in the 50s or whatever, and now we can do that.

John [00:11:31]: But.

Nicole [00:11:31]: But I feel like it kind of bore for me, the boss babe kind of sort of area over compensation. Right.

John [00:11:40]: Borders on this small, small dick syndrome. Like, you know, like, big, big truck, small penis.

Nicole [00:11:46]: Like that. Yeah, I guess that kind of thing.

John [00:11:49]: Or even, like, you know, being a. What's the other one? It's not what's the bad, bad bitch? Like, it'd be a bad bitch. Or like, if a guy's like, I'm an alpha male, where it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Okay, America.

Nicole [00:12:05]: Yeah. Anybody who, like, labels themselves as something like that, it's normally like, okay, you're probably overcompensating for some other sort of feelings that you have inside. But, yeah. So I wanted to talk to you. And I mean, another thing I want to clarify, too, is that I'm not also implying to do things for men. I'm not saying don't start a business because men don't want a woman who owns a business. I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying more of the boss babe, I don't need a man like sort of concept that is more prevalent now.

John [00:12:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:45]: Okay, so now that I've did all my disclaimers.

John [00:12:47]: Okay, now, now I can answer the question.

Nicole [00:12:49]: I mean, there's more things that I want to say, but I feel like I want to get your. I already know because I know you, but I want to get you in here with your thoughts.

John [00:12:58]: So the question is, do men like boss babes?

Nicole [00:13:02]: Yeah. Like, are they more attracted to them? Like, is that what they want? And actually it's kind of hard to ask you because I know what you're going to say, but I feel like the guys in the comments would say something different and maybe you'll address that as well. No, I already knew you said that in the one that came out today too.

John [00:13:24]: Oh, did I?

Nicole [00:13:25]: Yeah, you said the exact same thing. You were like, no, end of podcast.

John [00:13:28]: I'm consistent. But no. Okay, so again, like you said, I agree the same thing. There's nothing wrong with a woman having a business. I think it's great. I think it's great if you have, you know, a business. But identifying with the boss baby, like this idea of I don't need a man, like giving yourself the label of boss babe, it's not attractive. It's not. And, and yeah, maybe some guys in the comments would say, but I still don't think that, you know, a majority of men are not going to like a woman self proclaimed. Just like, okay, which woman is going to like it if I'm like, I'm an alpha male. Right?

Nicole [00:14:05]: Like, I mean, I agree.

John [00:14:07]: Okay. There's a small, very small percentage of women. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, is your last name Johnson? Oh, okay then yeah, we're, we're good to go. You know, like, you know that inside joke. But, but no, I mean, there's. Most women are not going to be turned on by a self. They want an alpha male. They don't want a self proclaimed alpha male.

Nicole [00:14:29]: Right, right, right.

John [00:14:31]: So it's the same kind of thing. Right? Like a guy wants a woman that has that, that is, has some kind of, you know, passion or she's doing something where they're like, she's just doing nothing with her life. Doesn't mean that, you know, a guy's gonna value women on different things. But, but yeah, but proclaiming it and having that mindset is, oh, it's not good.

Nicole [00:14:56]: Well, I think too, again, I'm. People are gonna crucify me, but they do it anyway.

John [00:15:03]: So now you're learning the Internet. But welcome.

Nicole [00:15:08]: I can't speak for boss babes everywhere, but I think their thing, too, a lot of the time is that they are trying to flex their money like a man flexes their money.

John [00:15:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:19]: And I feel like that's not attractive to a man.

John [00:15:22]: It'd be the same thing as if I wore yoga pants. And I'm like, oh, checking me out because I'm wearing yoga. It's like, not going to work. It'll work if you wear them. Not going to work if I wear them. You know, So.

Nicole [00:15:32]: I don't know. Your butt was looking pretty good in your sweatpants this morning. Looked like them yoga pants you talk about with the. Right up the butt cheeks.

John [00:15:41]: Well, it's just not going to have the same effect. Okay.

Nicole [00:15:44]: It's like distracted me, but yeah. I mean. So I think that's the thing that. To talk about is the concept of women feeling like they have to flex their money and how that's not necessarily what men are looking for. At least men that they want. Because let's. Let's look at it this way. Right?

John [00:16:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:06]: I'll give boss babes one thing for sure. They're out there running a business. They're doing what they have to do. That's hard work.

John [00:16:11]: Yeah. That's good. Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:13]: That's hard work.

John [00:16:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:16:15]: But they're looking for a man of a caliber, or they should be. That's high. Because their caliber is high. Right. If you're running a business.

John [00:16:26]: Right. Right.

Nicole [00:16:28]: You're probably not going to want a guy that works at Pizza Hut. No offense, if you work at Pizza Hut. But they're probably going to want another entrepreneur or someone similar. Right. On their level to understand where they're coming from and to help them, I would think.

John [00:16:42]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:43]: But I feel like a lot of those men aren't necessarily looking for someone to compete with.

John [00:16:50]: No.

Nicole [00:16:51]: So when the boss babes come in and they go on a date and they're like, I'm doing this, this, and this and this. A man feels like he almost has to compete with her. This is my opinion.

John [00:17:03]: Okay.

Nicole [00:17:03]: Feels like he has to compete with her in a way. And a man wants a challenge, but not in the business way, not in career way. He wants a challenge, as in he has to pursue you before he gets you. And then he's invested and those sort of challenges. He doesn't want to Challenge, as in, I'm dating this woman who makes this much money and I make close to hers, but maybe not enough. Now I got to make more than her.

John [00:17:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:33]: Or else. Now I have to hear that she makes more than me. Because potentially, the boss babe could be like, what are you doing? I'm making 60k a month, and you only make 50k a month. What are you doing?

John [00:17:45]: Maybe you should jump on my webinar.

Nicole [00:17:47]: Right. Or something like that. So I feel like it's harder for women in that mindset because they're almost kind of in the boss babe mindset. They're almost kind of repelling men because men don't want to compete with them.

John [00:18:02]: Right. It's just not. It's just not even an attractive trait. Right. It's just. It's not the thing that attracts a man. Like, we, as a man, we don't find that attractive. Right. Just, like, as a woman. And the reason why I think women think this is because that's what they find attractive. Right. Woman's like, who calls herself a boss babe. She's like, yeah, these are making money, like, going after your shit. Like, all these, which are some. They're more masculine traits. Like, let's be honest, it doesn't mean that you have.

Nicole [00:18:35]: Like, when men are like, women just want a hot guy. That's what they want. So they're projecting that.

John [00:18:40]: Right. Exactly.

Nicole [00:18:41]: Well, and I think to add to that, because this is a good time to add to it. Women are so afraid to be feminine.

John [00:18:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:50]: Like, they're so afraid to live a soft life, which I do feel like it's kind of swinging back, though, and it's becoming. Yeah, I think, accepted to be feminine and softer.

John [00:19:02]: It depends on what circles you're.

Nicole [00:19:03]: But for so long, like, when women, you know, were able to go out and get a job and do all that stuff, they started competing with men. Not intentionally, but they did start competing with men.

John [00:19:18]: Right.

Nicole [00:19:18]: And now the boss babe mindset, I feel like, is still. It's like almost the extreme version of that still. It's like, it's still competing, like, because you can have a business and make money and not be competing or not, it not be your full personality or it not be something that you use to define you.

John [00:19:40]: Right. And. And because, again, that's more of a masculine characteristic. Right, Right. If a guy has that same mentality, I mean, hopefully he's not calling himself a boss babe, but, you know, if he is, that's fine.

Nicole [00:19:50]: But a boss dude, I don't know.

John [00:19:52]: Boss Dude, I'm boss. Dude, I'm the boss. Just call me the boss. All right.

Nicole [00:19:55]: So that's probably what they would say.

John [00:19:57]: You know, that's an attractive trait. It's an attractive quality. Right.

Nicole [00:20:02]: But also not if he's, like, flexing it.

John [00:20:04]: Well, yeah, not the flexing part of it, but I'm just saying. And this is where women also are, like. It's a double standard. Like, in the workplace and stuff. It's like, if a guy is assertive and says. Speaks up in meetings, he's praised. But if a woman does that, then she's like, you know, whatever. So there is kind of. That. There is some truth to that, but there's also a reason for it. It's because that generally those masculine traits, when a man embodies them, they're looked on as good. When a woman embodies, those masculine traits are not looked on as good. Not to say that.

Nicole [00:20:42]: Which I feel like if you are a woman who's working and wants to work, then you should be able to speak up and be assertive, because if you're gonna be in that environment, you should be able to act the same way without the double standard. But I agree with you that it's. It's like, we're here, and it should be, okay, well, if you're gonna work, period, you're in this work box, then you can be assertive and you can say what you want and, you know, get shit done.

John [00:21:09]: Right.

Nicole [00:21:10]: But it's still like, if you're a woman now, you're bossy, but if you're a man, you're like a great leader. And it's still separated, even though it should be. If you're both at work, you should both be able to do the same things.

John [00:21:24]: Yeah, I agree with that. It's a complicated thing because there are, again, like I said, the masculine traits and the feminine traits.

Nicole [00:21:35]: Yeah. It is more masculine. And I can't speak out of my own experience, but I feel like there are women, especially now, who are trying to maybe go to work. Maybe they are a CEO or something.

John [00:21:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:48]: And they try to go and run their business, and they have to maybe be more masculine, but when they get home, they want to be more feminine. And that's harder.

John [00:21:56]: It is.

Nicole [00:21:56]: It's harder to flip the switch rather than, you know, just being able to be feminine.

John [00:22:02]: Right. No matter what, man needs to provide. Right. The men out here, well, that's the ideal.

Nicole [00:22:07]: Right.

John [00:22:08]: They don't get it. They don't get it. Like, you need to be yeah. Oh. Can a woman do that? And is it fine? And will I applaud her for doing it? Of course. However, you're making it harder on yourself or men are making it harder because.

Nicole [00:22:24]: Now you have to, like, try to make sure that she can flip the switch. Like, what if she comes home and she's still in her masculine. But it's like, if she has to bring home money to pay the bills because you're not paying for all of them. She's got to do it. She has to. I've said this probably in other episodes, but I've always said it in general that when a woman is single and she's working because she has to pay her bills, she's gonna be somewhat more masculine. Because that's more masculine.

John [00:22:50]: Masculine world. Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:51]: So survive. Even if she gets in a relationship.

John [00:22:53]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:54]: And it's like 50, 50 or whatever, she still has to bring home money.

John [00:22:57]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:58]: She still has to be somewhat more masculine than she would be if she didn't have to work and she could stay home.

John [00:23:04]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:04]: Now, I'm not saying that that's also easy, like staying home and raising children and things like that. Like, they both. At least you get to be in your feminine. But it's also hard because you're raising human beings.

John [00:23:15]: Yeah. It's a role you're more suited for. That's the thing, is that.

Nicole [00:23:19]: But it's still hard. But at least it allows you to be more in an element that seems more natural. But especially in my generation, we grew up with, you know, go out, make sure you get a job, which is good. I feel like women should be able to get a job because then they won't be stuck in bad relationships or situations they can't get out of because they can go get a job. They know that they can do it. But at the same time, we never really heard about, you know, the right way to have a traditional marriage, which is also why we started this podcast. It's like we're trying to take the traditional marriage and make it more modern.

John [00:23:57]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:58]: In today's world. And I feel like, like I said, it's kind of shifting more towards women being able to be in their feminine. And also, women are learning about, like, the different phases of their own bodies and, like, when their hormones are peaking and things like that so that they can help regulate themselves. So. Yeah. I just feel like it's really complicated.

John [00:24:23]: It is. It is.

Nicole [00:24:23]: And I'm not saying that women shouldn't own a business, but I'm thinking, like, if you own A business and you find a good man. I feel like he should come in and help you. I mean, he probably has his own business too, but he might be able to help you on like the financial side or some side you're better at.

John [00:24:41]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:24:42]: So you can handle maybe like the day to day business and the creative aspect, if that's your favorite. But maybe you like the financial and he's more creative or something. Like, I just feel like you can still work with owning a business as a woman. I'm not saying it's you. If you own a business as a woman, your life is over and you're going to be alone forever. But there's a way to handle it. And the boss babe mindset, I feel like, would push any guy away because they almost come at it in a way of like, I don't need you and I can do this on my own. I already did this on my own. And that's not going to make a man feel included at all. That makes him feel like you're gonna compete with each other. And that's. Now you've just ruined the whole thing.

John [00:25:27]: Yeah. And like I said, it's just not attractive. Because you gotta think about when you're thinking about attracting a mate, right. What do they value? Not what do you value. Right, right. And it's again, like we said before, a lot of women get in their mind that the things that they're valuing that they find attractive in the man, that a man would find attractive, but that's not the case. And so those are actually unattractive things, right? That, that a woman displays those, those masculine traits. So she's really, I think. And a lot of women were like, oh, well, I don't want to conform to what a man wants me to be. I'm like, okay, it's fine. But you know what if I'm selling a product because you're an entrepreneur, right? You're a boss, babe. You just gonna make whatever product that you want to make. Are you gonna make the product that people want to buy?

Nicole [00:26:14]: Right, right.

John [00:26:14]: You see what I'm saying? It's like you already understand the concept. So you're in the dating market. You want to date a man, you want to date a woman. Okay, then be a boss, baby. I'm sure that will work out. But you gotta, you gotta create the product that, that is interesting. At least the marketing that's interesting to him, which is not.

Nicole [00:26:33]: Probably have the creepiest face on for like the past, whatever. Because I'm like, I don't have my book to write down the thing. But I want to get your opinion on this. Okay, I believe what you're saying, right. I think it's true. However, what about the men who want to be taken care of?

John [00:26:53]: What men?

Nicole [00:26:55]: Okay, the boys who want to be taken care of or the boys who want 50, 50 or the boys who want to be a stay at home dad? What about those? Look, you know, in regards to this, I know what you're gonna say about all of that, but like, I'm saying this because if you go in the comments or even if you go on a date as a single woman who is a boss babe.

John [00:27:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:17]: You're gonna run into guys who are like, yeah, take me on a date, pay for dinner, like, where were we going next? You know? And unfortunately, because the boss babes are repelling the men that they really want, right? They're kind of stuck with these men.

John [00:27:34]: I'll say this. All right, thank you. It could work like that. All right, here's the thing. And this is kind of what we were talking about about traditional roles and stuff because a lot of people are upset about this as well, right? So let's get a few things straight. So one is that maybe masculinity and femininity are social constructs, right? I'm saying maybe because I'm going to give you that, right? The people that complain about that, I'll give you that, okay? So let's say that they are, that they're social constructs. And yeah, boys can wear dresses and girls can play with trucks and whatever, you know, whatever. We just make them into these things, okay? We have to admit though that attraction is greater when there is polarity, right? When there's polarity, right? When you have obsolete. I mean, this is just a law of nature, right? Negative, positive, right? Negative, negative, right? It doesn't, doesn't work, right? So, so we, we like that, we create that. That's, that's what creates passion. Every romance novel, every love story, every movie, romantic comedy, every one of those things is built off of the polarity, right? That's how, how things function, right? Even in non heterosexual couples, relationships, there's still polarity if it's right. So polarity makes things better. So my point is, is that we want polarity. And who should be the man, who should be the masculine? Who should take that end of the pole, right? And who should take the feminine of the pole? I mean, it makes more sense to me that I'm the man. I should just take the masculine end and you should take the feminine end because you're the woman, and. And that makes the most sense, but doesn't have to be that way. You can flip it if you really want, you know, to. To be the feminine guy and this girl is going to be the masculine. You're going to still have polarity, and it's still going to work. I mean, it's not my thing. I wouldn't dig it. But, you know, but yeah, that. That can work. But you have to understand, though, that you're giving up one side, right? And that's the thing. It's like, so what I would say to those guys that are like, oh, yeah, I'd like to be taken care of. I like a boss babe, and all that, okay, fine. But just realize that you now must assume the total feminine role.

Nicole [00:29:55]: Right?

John [00:29:56]: And she. And don't complain when she takes the mask on. She's going to tell you what to do. She's going to be in charge. She's going to be the man of the house.

Nicole [00:30:02]: Like, that's the husband of the house.

John [00:30:04]: That's what. That's what. What she is in this case. So, yeah, it could work like that, but it's probably not going to work. And if you have ambitions of being a man, but then you can't have it both ways. That's what it comes down to.

Nicole [00:30:19]: Yeah. And I mean, I feel like these women get to the boss babe level because they actually become the men that they want, so that then they think, I don't need him because I became him. Like, what's that Cher quote? She's like, her mom is like, oh, marry a rich man. And she's like, mom, I am a rich man, or something, you know, like, oh, these women become the successful person that they want in their life, which is good. It's good to have goals and achieve them. And I'm not saying that, but I'm saying that it becomes so much their personality and what they're focused on that they can't really go back to that soft life because they work so hard. And then now they've gotten here, they're like, well, now I'm making all this money. I can't go back now. This is my. And I got this business. I got to do this. And so, you know, they kind of put themselves in a tougher position. And like you said, I feel like a lot of those women do probably end up with men who don't mind taking a more feminine role, because I don't honestly blame a woman either, because if I worked super hard and made a company and making really good money and I did it all on my own.

John [00:31:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:31:34]: If I can't find a man that can, you know, keep up or, you know, help me or do better than me.

John [00:31:42]: Right.

Nicole [00:31:43]: I'm gonna have to find somebody that's gonna be able to take over the things that I don't have time to do.

John [00:31:47]: Right. So you gotta think about it this way. Right. It's like the guys, just what you were asking before, the boys in the comment section that are like, oh, I wanna be taken care of. They're the ones that are working at Pizza Hut, right?

Nicole [00:32:01]: Yeah.

John [00:32:01]: So to them it's like, yeah, it's great. I want a successful with like those attributes because they're, they're thinking, they're thinking in terms of greed. Right. They're not. I'm sure, I'm sure they're not jerking off on the Internet to women wearing business suits with a lot of money. I, I'm sure that's not what they're. I mean, maybe they are, but I'm sure that's not the case. But they're thinking, oh, yeah, this would be good for my situation. Right. You want to be used for so.

Nicole [00:32:31]: I can play video games all day.

John [00:32:32]: Right? Exactly.

Nicole [00:32:33]: Make the money.

John [00:32:33]: But if you think about the kind of man that a woman like, that's trying to attract, she doesn't really want the Pizza Hut guy. Right? Right. She wants.

Nicole [00:32:43]: Well, if she worked that hard to build a business, you think she's going to want a Pizza Hut guy.

John [00:32:46]: Right. And she needs a guy that's above her level. Right. Because women really need to be able to look up to the guy that they're with. They want a guy that's more successful than they are. Right. I mean, that's really what they really want. So that guy, okay, maybe she's got her own business and maybe she's doing well and. But maybe this guy is, you know, he's got several businesses, he's worth maybe tens of millions of dollars. Okay. He's not impressed by that. Right, Right.

Nicole [00:33:17]: Well, that's not a top quality. Why? He is attractive and wants to be with this woman. And I think that's where the boss. Babe, people, they're like, oh, if he sees I own my own business and I'm doing really well, he'll want me more.

John [00:33:29]: Yeah. It doesn't, he's already got.

Nicole [00:33:30]: But it doesn't factor in. I'm not saying it hurts women. I feel like it hurts women when they are boss. Baby. And they're like, I don't need you.

John [00:33:37]: Right?

Nicole [00:33:37]: You know, and they're going in like that, like going on a date and basically being like, I did all this, like, what do you do? And, like, I don't need you. That's gonna obviously make a man not attracted to you. But I do think what you said is important, to reiterate is that it's not something that a man factors into if he wants to be with you and if he's going to marry you.

John [00:33:59]: It's like this, okay? I go to the grocery store. You give me a list of stuff that you want from the grocery store, okay? I come back, I got lots of bags full of all kinds of stuff, right? I'm like, look at these Ding Dongs I picked up over here. You know, these Twinkies, all this stuff, right? Some Coke Zero, right? I didn't pick up any Liquid Death or what's it.

Nicole [00:34:22]: Yeah.

John [00:34:23]: All right, so. But I didn't get anything on your list.

Nicole [00:34:29]: And I gave you a list, right?

John [00:34:31]: It's like, okay, all that bonus stuff is not as good. If you. If you got everything on the list and you had the bonus stuff, right? That's great.

Nicole [00:34:39]: It Bon.

John [00:34:40]: If you got nothing on the list, then I don't care about the bonus stuff. And that's where the successful guys that are. Have their own business, that are making their own money, whatever, when they encounter a boss, babe, it's like, yeah, being. Having a business, doing all the stuff is great. But that's the. But you got to get the things on the list first. And what's the list for those guys, right? I can tell you it is being feminine, right? Because that guy, he's already got the financial side of his life figured out. He's not Pizza Hut guy. Pizza Hut guy's like, yeah, I would need some money, right? He's got that stuff figured out. So he's saying, what I want is I want a wife. I want her to be a good mother. I want her to. I don't need her to make money. I need her to support me in making the money. Because it's a hard day of work. I need her to be helping me out. Right. Maybe, you know, and again, it doesn't.

Nicole [00:35:36]: It's not even just that women naturally do, like, be nurturing and caring.

John [00:35:40]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:35:41]: You know, have the emotional capacity to do that. I mean, I'm a more emotional person personally, but when I don't have a job to worry about and stress about, it's easier for me to Handle all the things going on in our house and supporting you.

John [00:35:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:35:58]: And my own emotions than if I had that. Had that on top of it.

John [00:36:03]: Right. But that's his list.

Nicole [00:36:05]: Right?

John [00:36:05]: Right. So if you're a woman and you're meeting the list, and then now you're a boss babe on top of this, Right.

Nicole [00:36:12]: You have a business.

John [00:36:13]: That's great.

Nicole [00:36:13]: Yeah.

John [00:36:14]: It's a bonus. Right. But if you're coming with just the things that are not on the list, it has no value at the. Not. Not to. Not in terms of a relation. Not in terms of the guy that you're trying to attract that you know, because he doesn't see that as. Because he's like, well, you didn't get anything that I have put on the list. Like, why are you telling me all this other stuff when I give you a list? Like, this is the list that he's looking for. So if you don't have it, then it's not, you know.

Nicole [00:36:38]: Well, here's the other part that I wrote down that I think boss babes should realize and women who own businesses in general, like, if they're dating and they're trying to find a man, like, if you find a man who has his together and you have a business or whatnot.

John [00:36:56]: Right.

Nicole [00:36:57]: If you're not going into boss babe territory where you're like, I don't need you, like, I got this. When you're with a man who will provide for you and is a traditional man, you can still have your business. And it almost takes the pressure off of you in a way that your business can do even better. Because you're not fighting for your life. When you made this business and became a boss babe, you're fighting for your life. You have to pay your bills, you have to run this business, you have employees. Whatever you have, you are fighting for your life.

John [00:37:29]: Right.

Nicole [00:37:31]: And when you are able to be with a man, if you own a business as a woman and you're able to be with a man who also has his stuff together and will provide for your family and all that kind of stuff, you have the freedom to relax into that and almost bring the feminine to that because he has the bills and things handled.

John [00:37:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:51]: So your business. And I'm not saying that, like, your money from your business.

John [00:37:56]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:56]: Doesn't help pay the bills. I know, but I'm just saying that, like, you don't have to stress in the way that you do when you're on your own or you're the breadwinner.

John [00:38:06]: Right.

Nicole [00:38:06]: When you have A man that wants to provide and help you either by doing all of the providing or whatnot, or even helping you with your business so that he can take some of that off of you. That's still taking some stress off you. You get to be in the relationship and be feminine and stay still, do what you want to do. Like, if you have a business, it becomes easier to do that and you'll be happy. Happier. Because you won't be so stuck in your masculine.

John [00:38:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:36]: It'll be more something you're doing for fun and still your business.

John [00:38:41]: It's kind of like that, that joke, the, you know, poor, poor people. Wife doesn't work. Middle class, wife's works, upper class, wife doesn't work. Right.

Nicole [00:39:01]: Rich wife has a business that loses $5,000 a month. Yeah, yeah. Which. I'm not saying that that's what would happen.

John [00:39:10]: No, I'm not saying that.

Nicole [00:39:10]: But you're implying that when you are taken care of, that you could even start.

John [00:39:15]: You could just do it because you want to.

Nicole [00:39:17]: Right.

John [00:39:17]: Not because you.

Nicole [00:39:18]: Because it's a passion. Because you're not like, doing it as a survival mechanism.

John [00:39:23]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:39:23]: Which is exactly what I'm saying. It's like. And if you even come in with a business right now, you're not in survival mode.

John [00:39:29]: Right. Yeah. And you bought into the man's dream. I mean, they're not even his dream, but his. We're like, you didn't have to do that. Like, you know, and it's great if, you know, but as a woman, you're, you're, you're trying to climb the ladder. That, that Young men, Men, young men. Yes. I'm talking to you. You have to climb the ladder. You better get your. Together and you better start your business and hustle your ass and, and stuff and, and do that to, to survive.

Nicole [00:39:54]: I can already hear that I have to climb the ladder, but she doesn't.

John [00:39:58]: Right. But as a woman, like, you didn't have to do that. You. I mean, it's great. All you have to do is just be yourself and just be kind and feminine at first.

Nicole [00:40:11]: Because a lot of women were stuck in bad situations at first.

John [00:40:15]: Okay.

Nicole [00:40:16]: But where we got really messed up is where we took that too far. And now we were like, we have to do everything that a man does.

John [00:40:23]: Right? Right.

Nicole [00:40:24]: And in the process of doing that, we actually made feminism like. Or, well, made, like being feminine.

John [00:40:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:33]: Bad.

John [00:40:33]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:34]: Like, feminism is supposed to be about being a woman, but now it's about being. How manly can we be?

John [00:40:40]: Exactly. That's what.

Nicole [00:40:42]: Yeah. And so we made being feminine bad. But I think it is on the turnaround, like, there's definitely a lot more feminine, positive sort of content out there now. But I think really, what women should focus on, all women, whether you're single or not or whatever, your boss babe, you own a business or you don't, or whatever, you stay at home. That we need to find the value in being feminine. Because also, men have lost the value in a feminine woman.

John [00:41:14]: Right?

Nicole [00:41:15]: They say they want one, but then they're the same men that say, what do you bring to the table? Which is a masculine thing. If I'm bringing anything material to the table that's masculine.

John [00:41:25]: Yeah. There's no table. Like, the concept, the way of thinking about it is. Is a masculine way of thinking.

Nicole [00:41:32]: Right?

John [00:41:32]: It's thinking transactionally.

Nicole [00:41:33]: Exactly. That's what it is. But. And men don't even realize that they're perpetuating these boss babes and these really masculine women.

John [00:41:42]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:42]: Because they keep pushing this narrative. Right? And so I think what's most important for women and for men is to realize the value in being feminine. The value in the emotional and, like, spiritual things that a woman brings to a relationship to the world, like her intuition, her nurturing, her caring, her, like, essence of who she is is a value. And as women, we lost that. We're like, well, how much money can we make? And I get it to some degree, because if you haven't found a good guy, you're like, okay, well, I have to make the money. I have to provide for myself. And that's why I say that women will always have a little bit of masculinity when they're on their own, because they have to have it.

John [00:42:27]: Right?

Nicole [00:42:28]: But at the same time, it's like, we have to bring back seeing the value in this. Otherwise, we're just all masculine.

John [00:42:35]: Well. And look, it's like this. It's like, you don't look at a diamond and be like, what can you do for me?

Nicole [00:42:44]: What can I cut with this? You're like, I want to see how pretty it is. And, like, how it looks.

John [00:42:49]: There's a reason why we give women diamonds is because it's symbolic.

Nicole [00:42:54]: I'm just kidding.

John [00:42:55]: No, it's symbolic of the idea of something having value for just what it is. It doesn't have to do anything in order to have value. And this is a concept that seems to be lost, is that, yes, guys, women are valuable just because they're women.

Nicole [00:43:12]: Okay? But they're hearing you right? Now. And I can hear their man brain. You're not saying that she just exists and it's fine. You're not saying that. In a way you are, but you're not saying that because I want to be clear. You're saying that the things that women have by nature, right? Nurturing, caring, right? All of that intrinsic qualities, right? A woman just being a woman, a feminine woman, is valuable, right?

John [00:43:38]: She doesn't have to do anything, become anything. She doesn't have to build anything. She's a craving. All she has to do is just be what she already is.

Nicole [00:43:47]: Right. And a lot of women have also ruined that for themselves because they're very angry and they don't know how to control their emotions and things like that. And so, again, we're not saying that women aren't held accountable.

John [00:43:58]: No, no, it's not that they're.

Nicole [00:44:00]: That's also why I'm saying women need to realize the things about being feminine. Because how many times even me personally has a woman heard, you're too sensitive? And that's an insult, right? Women are supposed to be sensitive, right?

John [00:44:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:14]: We're supposed to feel. We're supposed to have emotions, right? That is what makes us women. The ironic thing makes us nurturing and caring and able to, like, bring children into this world and raise them into human beings.

John [00:44:31]: The ironic thing is that it's only very sensitive men that say, you're too sensitive. Right. In fact, sensitive people say, tell other people they're being too sensitive.

Nicole [00:44:43]: Right?

John [00:44:44]: Right. But that's the ironic thing about it, is that those men are being too sensitive. That's why they care about it. So. But you're right, there's so much stuff that boys are telling women and complaining.

Nicole [00:44:58]: About that they're mad that women act this way. And the thing is, women have gotten strong. Like, they've gotten strong because we've had to been masculine. So, like, we know how to be strong. We know how to stand in what we believe in. Now I'm just saying that women need to stand in feminists, like, actual feminism, which is, in my mind, being feminine, right? Turning women back into, like, feminine women.

John [00:45:22]: Right?

Nicole [00:45:24]: We need to be strong in valuing that. We need to be strong. And when a man tries to talk shit about how being feminine is bad, that we're like, no, it's not. And, like, just let him talk if he's gonna talk. But be like, no, this is a good thing.

John [00:45:40]: Right? A diamond is. You don't need to add to the diamond.

Nicole [00:45:44]: Right.

John [00:45:44]: You know, you're Just making it dirty. You don't need to polish like that. It's just, it's a diamond. It's. It's good already. You know, the man needs to work. He needs to build himself up. He needs to be. He's not valuable as he is. That's just how it is. And if you don't like it, I'm sorry, but what man is just valuable how he is to women, to society, to anyone? No one.

Nicole [00:46:09]: Well, I mean, we all grow. And I know what you're saying is like, women just exist and they're good, but we're all like growing. And so, like, we kind of went totally different way. But, well, it still goes with it because I think boss babes have your business. Do what you gotta do, but don't do it in such a masculine way that you are pushing away the men that you are trying to be with.

John [00:46:37]: Yeah, if you're using the title, that's the thing.

Nicole [00:46:39]: Yeah, step away from the title because.

John [00:46:41]: Like I said, if you got what's on the list already, you know, then it's fine. Then all those accessories additions, no guy is gonna be like, oh, I don't like this woman because she has her own business or she's making money. He's going to say, I don't like this woman because that's what she's about.

Nicole [00:46:56]: Right.

John [00:46:56]: She thinks that that's valuable and she's not feminine. She doesn't care about having children or taking care of or nurturing, and she thinks she can do it all. Like, if she had that list, if she was the most feminine woman and she had her own business, that would be a plus. That'd be like, oh, sure, I. Who wouldn't want that situation? Right? So the problem is that that guys dislike women who are ambitious in some way. It's just that you got to hit the main things first. Just like the same thing, you, you know, women have a list for Guy. Right. I'm trying to think, whatever accessories. Like if a guy wasn't very masculine, but he would. He ornament ornated himself with, you know, he was a metrosexual, let's say, but he wasn't any of the other things. It wouldn't be so valuable.

Nicole [00:47:46]: Right.

John [00:47:47]: It's hard to come up with a good equivalent, but, you know, I'm sure there's one.

Nicole [00:47:51]: I mean, you have a list.

John [00:47:52]: Women have a list.

Nicole [00:47:53]: Women have to think about this too. Like, if you are proud of what you built and all those things, that's fine.

John [00:47:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:59]: But when you get to boss babe level. It's. It's not fine. Because it's almost like going on a date with a guy and him being like, yeah, I run, like, a business that makes all this money. You don't. It doesn't matter how much money he says he's making, you're instantly turned off because he's flaunting that that's exactly how men feel.

John [00:48:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:48:17]: When you walk in and you're like, yeah, I have a very successful business, and I make this. Like, you should act actually how actual rich men act or have successful businesses and not bring that up at all. Not until further in. Like, especially if you have a successful business. Because in my mind, I'd be like, is this man a Pizza Hut man that's just trying to hop on my gravy train? Like, I'd be like, no. Like, I'll tell him what I do. Like, I can tell him what I do. Like, let's say I own a dance studio, and I would just be like, I'm a dance teacher or something at first. And then once I got to know him, I'd be like, I teach, but I also own the studio that I teach at. You know, you can add that. You're not lying, right?

John [00:49:03]: No.

Nicole [00:49:04]: But you're not giving away all this information.

John [00:49:07]: Yeah. And modesty is a feminine quality that is highly valued. It's actually a good quality for anyone to have, but it is. It is more considered a feminine trait. And so when a woman is displaying the opposite of modesty, it doesn't sit. Right.

Nicole [00:49:25]: Right. Well, that's masculine.

John [00:49:26]: Right.

Nicole [00:49:26]: Like, to gloat and, like, be almost more egocentric is a more masculine thing. I'm not saying that women have to be, like, shy and timid, but I'm just saying that, like, if you're going around, like, being kind of arrogant, no offense, that is a more masculine.

John [00:49:44]: How much better is it to be more capable and more powerful and not need to display it?

Nicole [00:49:52]: Because you know that's the more powerful people.

John [00:49:54]: Because you know it.

Nicole [00:49:55]: Right.

John [00:49:56]: And then people are pleasantly surprised. Like, you're like, oh, yeah, those are the most powerful. I've played Mario Kart before.

Nicole [00:50:03]: And then you're like, he's telling you what I did to him.

John [00:50:08]: What?

Nicole [00:50:09]: There's a video somewhere, John, saying, you're better than me at Mario Kart, but he's gotten really good, actually. Well, this was on the OG Mario Kart, but.

John [00:50:19]: But it's. It's. It's better.

Nicole [00:50:20]: Right? You know, that's taken by surprise.

John [00:50:23]: It's just like, again, if you're gonna learn to be a man, at least learn to be a gentleman.

Nicole [00:50:27]: Right, Right.

John [00:50:28]: Because a gentleman doesn't brag about his. Yeah. Like, he's like, yeah, you'll see. You know, it's like, I got a house. Yeah. It's like a mansion. But you know, whatever, you know, he's not gonna say that. He doesn't need to say that. Right?

Nicole [00:50:40]: Yeah. So no, I 100 agree with that.

John [00:50:42]: Yeah. But.

Nicole [00:50:44]: And be confident in being a woman. Be feminine. Like when you go on a date and some guy's like, what do you bring to the table if you even ask that you leave the table.

John [00:50:54]: Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:50:54]: Because like he is asking. He's basically outing himself as a man who wants a more masculine woman.

John [00:51:03]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:03]: And if you want to be in your masculine, go right ahead. But I am sure there are plenty of women who are in their masculine who don't want to have to live that way forever. It's exhausting. Women are not equipped, right, literally to be going non stop. And also women are finally learning this too, that like our bodies and the way that our hormones fluctuate. I keep bringing that up, but they did a study where men have very consistent levels of their hormones. So they're able to go to a 9 to 5 and it's fine. But women, it fluctuates so much that them going to a 9 to 5, it doesn't feel the same day to day one day when their testosterone is higher during whatever part of their cycle. I think it's ovulation or around there.

John [00:51:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:51:49]: Like, yeah, they're going to go out there. They might be like, okay, I could do a 12 hour day. But when it's like that time of the month, they're like, I don't even want to leave this bed. But that's normal. But the thing is, we have made it not normal because we've pushed women to be like, go, go, go, just like men do. What are you doing? You're not doing what Amanda does. Then you, what are you doing? You're not worth anything, you know, so we got to go back to be like, no, if I need to rest as a woman, that's fine.

John [00:52:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:52:17]: And I bring these other things to this relationship.

John [00:52:21]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [00:52:22]: That are valuable.

John [00:52:23]: Right.

Nicole [00:52:23]: And I will hold firm that they're valuable.

John [00:52:26]: Right.

Nicole [00:52:27]: And even if some man tries to tell me they're not, then he's obviously not the man for me. And I'm not going to listen to a man like that because there Are men like you out there who find the value in what a woman brings to the table?

John [00:52:40]: And too many people are getting caught up in money too much. Because the thing is too. Because you know my stance on it, a guy should take care of everything, he should pay for everything. Like that's what he should. That's what a man does. A man pays for everything, he takes care of the woman. Now guys push back and they're like, well, that's impossible today. And you know, they. Whatever kind of. Look, the thing is, you don't need the iPhone. You don't like, you can live a much simpler life. And I know rents are high and stuff like that, but you can live a much simpler life where you are the primary breadwinner as a man and you take care. And most women, I know that a lot of guys are like, oh, women like money. No, they want to feel protected and provided for and stable. Right? And it doesn't matter how much that you have, it just matters how much you give.

Nicole [00:53:41]: Right, Right.

John [00:53:42]: That's the difference is like, man, that.

Nicole [00:53:44]: Better be a clip. Because that's true. Because there's plenty of men out there who aren't making a shit ton of money, who are stuck still providers for their family. And that is the key. That's what a woman really wants. Men hear that and they're like, oh, well, I have to make so and so amount of money then.

John [00:54:00]: And it's like, no, you have a better life. You have a better life for your children. If she doesn't work, instead of living in the nice suburban neighborhood with a couple of cars, you live somewhere that's maybe a little bit more off the beaten path that's not as nice. A smaller house, you got one car, whatever it is, okay, you don't maybe eat steak dinners, right? But you're, you're. You have a woman, a feminine woman.

Nicole [00:54:34]: In your house, right, who's making a home, raising your children. Right, Providing support.

John [00:54:38]: She's going to be happier, you're going to be happier. Everyone's going to be happier. Like the money.

Nicole [00:54:43]: Yeah.

John [00:54:44]: You can say if she makes more money, we can get a bit. Yeah, all that stuff. But that never is going to ever make anyone happy. That's never the solution. That never solves a problem.

Nicole [00:54:54]: People still think that money solves all their problems and it really doesn't.

John [00:54:57]: It just creates more. You know, when you don't have money, you're worrying about getting money. When you do have money, you're worrying about how not to lose the money. And I can tell you that the stress of how not to lose it is a lot of times worse than how to get it. You know what I mean? That's the thing. And so you got to figure out what's optimal and work from there and take money out of the equation. And instead of. Instead of letting money drive the dynamics of your relationship, that's not the. That's not the move. Right. And yeah, as a man, if you do the math and you're like, no, there's no way we can live off of $40,000 a year salary. I. I disagree. There are. You can move somewhere, there's different options. But if you really have figured that that's not the case, then you got to figure out how to get to the place where you can take care of your family.

Nicole [00:55:42]: Right.

John [00:55:42]: And if you're a single guy. Yeah, I've said it before, I'll say it again. You don't get into a relationship until you can support a woman. That's how it can guarantee you. If a guy comes knocking on my door, wants to date my daughter, I'm certainly going to be like, yeah, how are you going to provide for her? That's the. That's the question.

Nicole [00:56:02]: Going to be scared just looking at you anyway, though.

John [00:56:05]: But I want to know, is that.

Nicole [00:56:06]: Her school Already are.

John [00:56:07]: Can you take care of this woman? Can you take care of this woman? Can you have a kid? Can you take care of the kid? Can you financially provide? You're going to make her work? No, I don't think so. That's. That's not so. You gotta.

Nicole [00:56:19]: Unless she wants to start her own thing, even if she has to be. Stability.

John [00:56:24]: Even if. He told me, he's like, sir, I'm only making like $80,000 a year. 6. Whatever, you know, by the time. Inflation, whatever. But. And he's like, but, you know, I have a. I don't spend a lot of money. I got a house. I have a mortgage payment on it. It's this amount of money I have. I don't. She doesn't have to work. I can take care of the bills, all that stuff. I don't care. He doesn't have to put her up in a mansion. That's not the point. Is not how much you have, it's how much you give. Like I said.

Nicole [00:56:53]: Yeah.

John [00:56:54]: So.

Nicole [00:56:55]: So to round out our conversation, boss babes. It's not all about the money, guys. It's not all about the money. Everybody's not all about the money. It's about getting back to who we Are women don't feel like you have to be a man. That's not gonna bring you the man that you want. You'll just be competing with each other. It'll be like two guys fighting.

John [00:57:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:19]: Like you have your business wherever it's at. Be modest about it. Don't bring it up. Don't bring it up on the first. I would bring it up maybe on the third date if you actually like the guy.

John [00:57:29]: Yeah, that's fine. Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:30]: And go from and. But don't be like, yeah, I don't really need you be like, yeah, I actually own the business that I work at and it does pretty well. But you know, there's these other things that I, you know, like just move on. You know, you don't have to go into full detail until you guys decide you want to settle down. And then like I said, if he wants to help you or be open to having him be involved in your business in some way where he can maybe take some of that stress off of you. Or if you meet a man who is making more than you and now you can kind of de stress and not be in survival mode with your business. And you might even end up making more money. A lot of times that happens when you're not so like, yeah, you know, involved and then obviously put your money together. Like if you are still having a business and your husband has a business joint bank account, now that's your guys money. But like you said, you, you don't. You shouldn't feel as a woman like you have to start a business, make all this money for a man to want you. Because that's not what a man is even thinking.

John [00:58:39]: And ultimately, even if a woman does have a business, which is fine, the man needs to have the means to provide. If she didn't have in despite of it. Right. Because what that means is now she doesn't feel like she has to work the business.

Nicole [00:58:55]: Right.

John [00:58:55]: Right. Which puts her in her masculine. Right. It's great.

Nicole [00:58:58]: If she's making money, she has to.

John [00:59:00]: Right?

Nicole [00:59:00]: Yeah.

John [00:59:00]: But you as a man can't be like, oh well, she makes good money. So I don't have to make it. No, you have to make enough to still support your lifestyle.

Nicole [00:59:08]: Right.

John [00:59:09]: With her not working, even if she is, that's bonus. Because that's what is gonna. That's what I'm saying. It's like it doesn't matter. Like there's no way around this. You know what I'm saying? Like, because guys are like, oh yeah, whatever. Money, finances, whatever. There and even women are like, oh, I want to be able to work. And that is fine. Like I said, that's totally fine. But that doesn't escape the idea that the man has to still be able to provide.

Nicole [00:59:32]: There's a difference as a woman to working because you want to and working because you have to, right? So if you want to work because you want to, you have a career that you really enjoy doing. It's your passion, right? That is different, right. Than working because you have to.

John [00:59:48]: But I will say this. If that is the case, and you as a woman want to work, which I don't necessarily have a problem with as long as that shopping list, right? You see what I'm saying? It's like if you're not doing the things that are on the shopping list, then maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship, right? So if you're feminine, you're doing all those things and you want to work, fine. But if you're not doing the things on the list that are actually the value.

Nicole [01:00:14]: Right? But that's why I think too, I'm saying that women need to find the value in being feminine again. Because we've even lost it. I lost it. I was, you know, I gotta throw this in there, because I was masculine, you out masculined me and finally put me in my feminine. And now I'm like, gosh, I just feel so much better. Like, that doesn't mean that I don't get, you know, sensitive and overwhelmed and still have emotions. But it's nowhere near when I was in survival mode. And that is why I'm sitting here saying this, because I also looked at, like, oh, somebody's too sensitive or, oh, like, this is a weak thing. And I, when I, when I became more feminine, found the power in it. And so many women have lost that concept of or never even knew that it existed. Because I feel like I have never been as feminine as I am now. Like, maybe when I was a kid, but I can't really think back to that, you know, for very much. But rather than looking at as a weakness, which is what men taught us, because in a man's world, these things are a weakness or they don't provide a benefit materially. So men think they're garbage. As women, we've. We've believed that. And now it's time to go back. It's time to go back to having emotions and being sensitive and following our intuition and providing a nurturing environment for both your husband and your child and things like that and caring about people. And things. That's what we need to go back to.

John [01:01:50]: Right, Right. Yeah, I agree. And it's like, just as you're saying that, I was just thinking about it. It's like. It's almost like I was trying to think of the exact analogy here, but it's like the masculine mindset, what a lot of guys are thinking about. This ignoring the feminine is almost as if you had. Let's say you had movie, Right. And you're like, well, let's just convey the information that we're trying to convey in the movie. There's no art, you know, or like a website that has no design. It's like, this website is functional.

Nicole [01:02:23]: Yeah.

John [01:02:23]: It just needs to be functional. Right. And he's like, why am I gonna pay to have a design that's stupid? Like, it does what it's supposed to do. Like, all this other stuff isn't worth any money. It's like, no, the design is important.

Nicole [01:02:35]: Art.

John [01:02:36]: It's the art. Right. It's like you can't place a. It's the wrong.

Nicole [01:02:39]: Women are the art system.

John [01:02:41]: Wrong thinking system. When. When you just exclude that and you say there's no value in things that are not.

Nicole [01:02:46]: But that's why the two go together too. Right. Like, men are the. More like, you know, information. They're like the logicalness, and women are the emotional. The art, like you said, it makes a movie. You have the words in the script, but if you just had that with no props, no costumes, nothing, that would just be a bunch of words.

John [01:03:07]: Right, Exactly.

Nicole [01:03:08]: It would just be an essay.

John [01:03:09]: Right.

Nicole [01:03:09]: But when you add this element in, it creates this whole different experience. And so people should look at it that way.

John [01:03:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:16]: Men are like the script and women are like the other parts that make a play or a movie. The beautiful thing that it is.

John [01:03:24]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:25]: So you're beautiful together.

John [01:03:26]: Yeah. You can't just think that the functional. All right, so it's the segment of the week. Of the week, really. There's Keep on coming up dry. But that's a good thing. Right. So I. I mean, I think that we did really figure out a lot of the things that, you know, I mean, we are already.

Nicole [01:03:46]: You know, maybe the thing is that one of your buttons is unbuttoned and I been staring at it.

John [01:03:53]: Geez, you could have told me that at the end of the podcast. I should.

Nicole [01:03:56]: Or not.

John [01:03:57]: Yeah, you should tell me that.

Nicole [01:03:58]: That's my bad.

John [01:03:59]: I mean, if it's. We were so fine.

Nicole [01:04:01]: We were so deep in the conversation, I couldn't Just be like, yeah, do this. And also your button.

John [01:04:07]: But. But yeah. I mean, no, there was a little bit of a discussion last night about me being on my phone when we were out, like, I was quiet, and so I had a hard day.

Nicole [01:04:19]: But it's not like you were like, totally didn't say anything at all. But it just seemed like more off from you.

John [01:04:26]: Right. But my brain clicked over and I was like. Because I was surprised. Because I was like, oh, well, I didn't expect you to feel that way at all, you know, because I wasn't even thinking that I was, you know, and. But then my brain clicked over and I was like, it doesn't matter why she feels this way. She feels this way. And I was like, oh, yeah, John. All right. Better than perfect podcast, John. Gotcha. So you're just gonna just listen and just. Yeah, but it doesn't matter. Like, because, you know, the. The man brain wants to be like, defend. But why. Yeah, but it doesn't. But this isn't what I was trying to do. It doesn't matter. It only matters like what. What the. What you feel. And that's all that you care about. You don't care. So I think about, too. It's like, look, which is better. And this is just in general, like, which is better for someone to. If you're offended, whether you're male or female, right? For someone to explain to you why they did the thing and that they didn't intend to do the thing. And so, I mean, in one. In a way, you feel better, right?

Nicole [01:05:29]: Because it's like, oh, because you're like, they didn't intentionally.

John [01:05:32]: You thought that they did this maliciously or. Or whatever, or inconsiderately and it was just a misunderstanding. So which is better to explain that? Or for them to just say, oh, wow, I'm sorry that you feel like that, or like to empathize with you and say, I'll never do that again. Right. Not to explain why they did it or what they were trying to do, but that's so much of a better answer. Right? So it's like. But your. Our brains want to go and defend. It's not even. Yeah, it's just. It's just to give an explanation because we think that that is what someone wants the problem, but that's not what someone. Someone just wants to know that you care and that you're not gonna do it again.

Nicole [01:06:11]: Right.

John [01:06:12]: That's all. That's the most effective apology also. That's true, you know. Right. It's that you Care. And you're not gonna do it again. Yeah. Not the explanation takes away. So that's true. But, yeah. So, yeah, we had a good, good week. Unless. Unless there's anything you can think of that.

Nicole [01:06:29]: No, no. That was, like, the only thing. I guess we'll have to do an episode, though, on that book that we're almost finished that we've been reading. We've been reading it together, so that's why it's taken us so long.

John [01:06:39]: But we have a lot of thought. Love and respect. Yeah, we have to do a whole episode on the love and respect book.

Nicole [01:06:46]: Yeah, we should bring. It started out really good, but then there's some aspects. I think it's just gonna be, like, a remix of it. We're gonna have to do our own.

John [01:06:55]: Dad. Yeah. We'll have to talk about. Yeah. But, yeah, let me check real quick here. Our itunes, since we're at the end of our episode here. Gonna keep up.

Nicole [01:07:05]: Will we have any.

John [01:07:07]: One day I'm gonna come in here and there's gonna be, like, 50.

Nicole [01:07:10]: 50. I hope so.

John [01:07:14]: Cell reception's not so good. Okay, here we go.

Nicole [01:07:17]: It's gonna be. There's gonna be one from Liquid Death, and it's gonna be like, why'd you pick Coca Cola?

John [01:07:23]: That's right. Oh, here, it's coming up here.

Nicole [01:07:25]: Oh. Oh, no, hold on.

John [01:07:34]: Gotta scroll down here.

Nicole [01:07:36]: You have to scroll down.

John [01:07:37]: Oh, no, nothing. Nothing new. Guys, come on. You could be famous. You could be. Literally, I could be reading the words that you wrote. Okay. And I could be saying them for 100 people to hear. Okay. You could even put your own business, your boss, babe. You're like, oh, yeah, your website. I would have read it. I would have read it. That's it. You missed the opportunity. It's free. I can't believe.

Nicole [01:08:05]: Oh, God. Now we're gonna get spammed of just, like, random people putting, like, ads on our thing. But you gotta leave five stars.

John [01:08:13]: Yes. That's it. All right, well, I guess that's it for this week. That's it.