Nicole [00:00:00]: And I've always felt like marriage was very serious to me and that it was always gonna be like we're one person sort of thing. A lot of people don't see marriage like that anymore. It's a lot easier to get out.

John [00:00:11]: Of, and it just. There's something about it that's indescribable. The very last thing you want to do on this earth is get married. I mean, get. Get divorced.

Nicole [00:00:21]: Rodrigo, can you get that one out? You heard it here, folks. Don't get married.

John [00:00:27]: Beyond the perfect we discovered through our fl. Complete each other Better than perfect we stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we show you how two imperfect people helping each other equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:55]: There you go.

John [00:00:55]: Equals three. So, yeah, after the last episode, we are switching to a more themed one again. So we're talking about it's my week. Oh, no, no. It's not my week. It's your week. Ah, okay. Yeah, okay.

Nicole [00:01:16]: Yeah, my week. But, yes, it's my week. So, actually, a conversation that we had a few days ago I thought would be really beneficial, and it's essentially. I guess we'll have to come up with a good topic or, like, title for this, but it's essentially how the oneness of marriage, or, like, a serious relationship even, has been forgotten.

John [00:01:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:45]: It's now, like, more so two separate people living separate lives under one roof.

John [00:01:50]: Right.

Nicole [00:01:50]: So they still have the one. But it's like when you get married specifically, it's. You're becoming one. And a lot of people who are married have forgotten that or even in a serious relationship, like, they don't realize that they're going to become one.

John [00:02:07]: Right.

Nicole [00:02:08]: So, yeah, I guess. Where should we start? Because we kind of like, just jumped into it the other day when we were talking about it, but. And hit on a lot of good points.

John [00:02:18]: Yeah, I mean, I think. I guess we could talk about kind of the issues that are caused by not thinking this way and how it ends up causing harm. Right. I mean, like, even we could talk about, like, conflict. Right. So when you have conflict, if it's, you did this and I did that and you made me feel this way and this and it's. And while some of those things are true, I think every single one of us can get caught up in, like, when you're saying those things, you're saying I and you, you know, instead of us and thinking in terms of us. And so I think that that's a Great example is like, if you're constantly thinking in your head one, then it's like, you know, your left hand. If your left hand messes up, your right hand isn't like you screwed up. It's like, it's still your body. It's still part of you. Like, you. You own the entire thing. Or if your left hand is hurt, you. You don't think the right hand doesn't say, well, you know, it's your problem. It's like, you know, it's like your body, you feel the. The entire thing. It affects the entire body. So well.

Nicole [00:03:29]: And every, you know, therapist, psychologist, type of person tells couples to look at it, you guys versus the issue or the problem rather than versus each other. Right, right. Because that's what's gonna actually solve the problem. A lot of the time is looking at it from a unified. Unified. Unified front.

John [00:03:52]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:03:54]: Rather than, like, two people trying to, like, beat each other up because each person wants to be right because they're so heavily individualized still. And I think that's where our conversation took a turn too, when we were talking about the other day, is that we are so heavily individualized to the point that now marriage doesn't mean becoming one. Like, right now, it's normal for people to get married and still live their individualized lives just under one roof. Or, you know, like, they have a conjoined bank account, but they still have separate finances. And, you know, all of that stuff that I think, too. We also don't depend on each other as much anymore either because of this, like, heavily individualized concept that we've embodied. The optimist book or optimism. I forget the actual title of it. That is probably the most profound thing I learned from the whole book.

John [00:04:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:59]: Was that we are so heavily individualized. And just really thinking about that, when I read the book, I was like, yeah, it's in everything. Like, men are so individualized. Women are so individualized. And then we're so focused on ourselves that when we come together, like getting married, that we're still so separated, like, and we're just constantly trying to protect ourselves rather than going all in and making an actual commitment. We still have all these backup things, right. Like, we still have our own savings account case. God forbid we still have certain things in our name because what if we get a divorce? And then it's all of still focusing on what is going to happen to me if something were to happen.

John [00:05:50]: It's like having a contingency plan is the opposite of becoming one because it's not a trust. You're not having trust. And so you're thinking about. You still have to have a thought about what happens to me, like the individual me, as opposed to going full in and saying, no, I'm committed for life. Aside from abuse situation, obviously, those kind of things. Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:19]: I don't condone this.

John [00:06:20]: Right. Yeah. I mean if you're in abusive situation, obviously you have to get out, but. But you're committing for life. Like there's no take backs. There's no, like you're putting it all in your. You're basically to the point where if you get ruined, you get ruined. Like you trust this person enough that they're not going to leave you. They're not going to.

Nicole [00:06:41]: You say vows for a reason.

John [00:06:43]: Right, right.

Nicole [00:06:43]: Like, I feel like people just think that that's something you do at your wedding now. They don't even realize what they're saying. Like in sickness and in health and richer or poorer, like that is what it's supposed to be. It's not supposed to be, oh, my husband loses his job, now he's poor. I leave because I have my bank account, you know, like supposed to be through all those things because you found somebody that you trust and you want to do life with and you're committing to doing life with them, whatever that might look like. And people, I don't even think they realize what they're committing to these days. I don't. I think they're saying the words and they're not really becoming one.

John [00:07:22]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:23]: As a couple.

John [00:07:23]: Yeah. Because it's not really till death do we part. Right.

Nicole [00:07:26]: It's until I'm done with you, I guess.

John [00:07:29]: Right. Or we fight so much that we don't want to be together anymore. Which is not. That's not the. You can't have that as an option. You can't think of that as an option.

Nicole [00:07:36]: Well, you're going to fight with everybody. Like, I mean, look at your family, look at your friends. Do you have any of those people who you've never had any sort of argument or disagreement with? No.

John [00:07:46]: No.

Nicole [00:07:47]: So it's just not realistic.

John [00:07:49]: Yeah. But it's a matter of resolving them, I think, to get to the point. I mean, we were talking about this the other day too in the car about. It's like plaque on your teeth. And the difference between couples who end up having a healthy relationship and staying together are the ones that go and visit the dentist to get the plaque removed. Right. And the plaque is the bitterness, the hurt, the things that You've had in conflict before. That builds up. If you. It builds up into resentment. Plaque equals resentment. And then if you aren't regularly getting a cleaning, then that will build up until it becomes cavities and tooth decay and the relationship decays. That's true. But I think the other thing about this, which is now we're going to really piss off some people, is the. The whole prenuptial agreement discussion here.

Nicole [00:08:44]: So I guess, like, we can talk about the finances, because prenups go into that. But also like we kind of talked about with the 50. 50, but the, you know, separate bank accounts and things like that, too. And even if a man is leading and he has all the money and he's, you know, handling that, but he's like my wife, that. So she'll spend all the money. How men can help their wives with that. And you know, what they should be doing in that situation too.

John [00:09:16]: Right. Right.

Nicole [00:09:16]: So, yeah, I guess we'll go into the. We'll start with the prenup.

John [00:09:20]: Okay.

Nicole [00:09:20]: So since I know you're excited.

John [00:09:21]: Yeah. So. Yeah. So, I mean, the question everyone had asked me being John Bulldog mindset, you know, was, of course you got a prenup. Right. Like, you know, you have some money, you've already been through a divorce. Right. Did you get a prenup? And my answer is no, I did not. And. And did you ask me to get a prenup? Did you ask. Yeah, exactly. Did you ask me to get a prenup?

Nicole [00:09:44]: No.

John [00:09:44]: Did the. Did you. Topic even come up? Did you even say that you would. You are, or did you ask me not to get a prenup?

Nicole [00:09:51]: No.

John [00:09:51]: Right. The topic even come up.

Nicole [00:09:53]: No.

John [00:09:54]: No. Because a lot of guys were like, oh, well, she must have convinced you to get. And I get a prenup. And. No, not at all. I made that decision myself. And I'll tell you why. Okay. Cause I've been through divorce before. I already have got my assets cut in half before. Right. Recently. Well, not. But recently enough that I didn't forget it. And the thing about that is that I went into this fully trusting you, knowing that I'm all into this. I'm committed to this thing. Yeah. Someone might say it makes logical sense. I mean, no matter how you feel now, you don't know how you're going to feel 20 years from later. You don't know what she's going to do. All of these excuses or what if something happens? What if she cheats on you? What if all these. What if she changes Right. You know, people ask those things. But I wouldn't have gotten married if I wasn't willing to make 100% bet. And if I'm not gonna. If I'm gonna bet with my life, I'm gonna bet with all my money, too. You know, I bet it all, right? Because I didn't want to have. And someone could say, well, yeah, you know, John, it still makes sense. Even if you believe all that stuff, why not just put the. Have the paper just in case that you're completely wrong? And the answer is. Because then you're not completely in, right? Because if I'm, you know, on the.

Nicole [00:11:29]: Another genre, it's coming.

John [00:11:32]: You knew it's coming. If I'm on the tightrope and I got my little pole and I'm walking across the tightrope, right? And there's a net underneath me, am I all in on the tightrope? No, I'm not. But if there's no net, and if I fall, I'm falling to my death. I got to be real serious to walk across that tightrope, right? So that's the thing is, like. And I'm not saying to not get a prenup. What I'm saying is don't get married. What I'm saying is, if you're feeling like you need to get a prenup for any reason at all, then just don't get married. Live together, whatever you want to do, but don't make the vow until death do you part, if that's not the vow you're making. Because. And the thing is, you might think there's no harm in it, but the harm is psychologically, you know, there's the net. Psychologically, you're not going to be full into it because, you know, there is a way to get out. You know, there's something that you're not completely ruined, but if you're fully, 100% into it, then when you do get into that conflict and you are thinking about saying the D word or, you know, you have second thoughts because you're like, no, no, I'm fully into this thing. This is. There is no alternative. There is no. What if she changes? What if she turns? And so you got to also evaluate your partner and say, hey, this is worth taking any risk. I would bet everything I have on you. And I will. And I have. And I do bet everything that I have on you because I love you and I. I trust you 1 billion percent.

Nicole [00:13:07]: Right? I agree with that. And so. And I guess, too, another point we Made just like briefly throw it in is that I think men do have to invest 100% like that and not do the prenup thing because that's what they really focus on a lot. And what a woman is investing is like biologically like her body being able to have children, bringing children into the world, and she's trusting you to be a good father and provider and husband.

John [00:13:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:13:41]: While you guys raise a family. So it is like the trade off. Right? Like normally men are getting women who are, you know, younger and they can have kids and then they're having kids with this person. And you know, that's an investment that a woman is making. And same with like a man that if he can't put all of his money into a conjoined bank account with the one person that he's supposed to trust, then what is he doing?

John [00:14:07]: Right, Exactly. Yeah. And I mean, you can say that, you know, along those lines that a man who made a wrong choice or mess, he could start his life over again and have a family later in life. A woman really can't do that. Like by that time she may not be able to have kids anymore. You know, a guy can have kids when he's 50 if he wants to, 60 years old if he wants to. Maybe not the best idea, but he could do it. You know what I mean? A woman, her youth will be gone.

Nicole [00:14:37]: It's harder for her to date when she has a kid too, for multiple reasons.

John [00:14:40]: So she is taking a significant risk. It kind of comes back to that first episode. But the whole point of it is that you are thinking in terms of being one. And so if you're thinking prenup, that's not thinking in terms of being one.

Nicole [00:14:56]: Well, same with the separate bank accounts or like, you know, hidden bank accounts. If, you know, oh, if this doesn't work out, well, at least I got my bank account that I didn't put all my money into our joined one, you know, like, yeah, I don't know, it's just so weird to me.

John [00:15:12]: And not to name names, but did some, some women tell you to have a separate bank account? It's like just in case he, you know, don't quit your job, hun or whatever. You know, it's like, make sure you have some money stat. When he gives you, you know, $200, take 100 and put it in.

Nicole [00:15:27]: Yeah, that's, that's wrong. But. And people do say that. And you know what? It has become the normalized thing, especially among women.

John [00:15:35]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:36]: Because you know, they're kind of hesitant towards men, but at the same time, they also don't want to be like left high and dry if they do get a divorce. And then, you know, because I also know some women who are going through a divorce and the guy's dragging it out and he's like trying to, you know, get 50, 50 everything down to like the table salt shake. So it's like, you know, it's complicated. And I guess the biggest thing too is just knowing who you're marrying. And some, I'm not saying that, like, things don't change and people don't change and situations don't come up that you weren't expecting to happen. But like you said, you have to invest 100%. You have to accept the consequences. If you accepted the contract of marriage, which is becoming one, right. Which people have forgotten, then you have to accept the consequences. You have to accept that your husband might drag out the divorce for 500 years because he wants to be petty or same with wife or, you know, like that you're going to lose half of your stuff or whatever. Like, you have to accept that.

John [00:16:42]: Right. But you should expect that that's not going to happen because you're, you're trusting. Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:16:46]: That's the main thing. It's like if you're really thinking about it becoming one and trusting that person 100%, you're not worried about those things. But I'm just saying for the people who are like, well, what if this happens? You know, like, because some crazy things do happen.

John [00:17:02]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:02]: But the actual answer is that you have to suffer the consequences of the choices that you made. Like, you can't have an actual good marriage if you're constantly setting up all these things behind the scenes. If you guys do get a divorce, like, you can't be doomsday preparing for a divorce.

John [00:17:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:23]: And have the fulfilling relationship and marriage that you want. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. Exactly. Can't be having all this, like, preparations, right. And then have this happy go lucky, totally one union.

John [00:17:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:37]: And it's just not possible.

John [00:17:38]: And neither people can do it. Right. Just like, you know, the guy can't get a prenup or a woman shouldn't get a prenup either. And then the woman, if we're talking traditional roles, she shouldn't be squirreling away money into a separate account of just in case. Or like, oh, I can't quit my job because then I won't have any skills and I won't, you know, if I get left high and dry. It's like, those are valid concerns. They are. However, if you have those concerns, don't get married. Or you're gonna take the risk and say, look, I trust this man enough that I'm willing to like, whatever ends up happening to me, I accept it. And that's. Which is what you're saying. And what's funny about that is we talked about this the other day, too, is like, in fact, you read my mind on this, because we thought the exact same thing. It's so funny how often you read my mind. But you know what's an interesting commitment that people make that it's a no take spacsy is having a child. And I compare having a child to getting married. Right. Because it should be the same.

Nicole [00:18:39]: Right.

John [00:18:39]: You don't just have a child and then you're like, lily, this is a.

Nicole [00:18:44]: Pre on the floor. So I'm gonna send him back, I think.

John [00:18:47]: Or you don't sign a document that's like, well, I guess I'm gonna have the child, but I want the option to have him adopted if I decide I don't want to have a kid.

Nicole [00:18:57]: If we don't get along very well.

John [00:18:59]: Like, no, it's for life, no matter what. Some. That child might become a serial killer, like something, you know, but it's still your child for life. Right? Right. It's like, you're bound. You're bound for life, and it's the same thing. And so it's interesting how people will treat a marriage lesser than having a child. That is a lifelong thing, and it should be. And that should be the response again, like I said, there's some exceptions to it with abuse situations, but aside from that, that's what it really means to be one.

Nicole [00:19:33]: Right? Right. Marriage. Yeah. Or like, even in a serious relationship, I would say, like, you should be heading towards these more, like, solidified oneness. Right. Like what we're talking about. Like, a woman takes on the man's last name. Like, you are now one family unit. You're one surname. Right. Like, it's all about coming together. And people have just totally, like, stopped thinking of marriage like that. Or they're resisting against it. I don't know. Or they're getting married for the wrong reasons, and then they're not happy. And divorce is, like, less stigmatized and more accessible, you know? Like, I don't want to go back to the days where you couldn't get a divorce. Or like, people, like, shunned you because you got a divorce, but people should people should take it seriously?

John [00:20:22]: It's not so bad to go back to that. I mean, if you really think about it, maybe it's not so bad. Like, I don't have that stigma.

Nicole [00:20:29]: I don't think it's, like, beneficial to shun anyone about anything but a little social pressure, though, you know, I'm just saying that, like, maybe there's a way for them to take it more seriously.

John [00:20:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:41]: And really realize what marriage actually is and how far off we've gotten. Because people are so afraid to be codependent. They're so afraid to, like, tell people that they enjoy spending time with their partner. Or they're so afraid to, like, spend too much time with their partner and then they look, like, too needy or, like, clingy or like, people are so worried about those things now that you're. They're separating marriages under one roof. Like, some couples don't even sleep in the same room.

John [00:21:13]: Yeah, I know that's a trending thing now, actually, there. There's like, people are being. They're trying to.

Nicole [00:21:17]: So now you're basically roommates.

John [00:21:19]: They have these studies where they show that you get better sleep and that's. And it's better and. And I get it. But still no, like, you know what I mean? Like, you can justify and try to make this. But it, It. It sure feels like they're trying to justify a thing rather than.

Nicole [00:21:33]: Well, people are trying to justify it. That's why it's. This, what we're talking about. The, like, division is more normal than what we're talking about. The oneness. Like, this is going to be a foreign thing. Like, not so foreign, but a very, like, strange thing to be talking about. Because people don't.

John [00:21:52]: Even.

Nicole [00:21:52]: People who are married don't talk about being one. And a lot of people don't operate as being one. They don't, you know, they view it so negatively. Like, we were even talking about how, you know, people joke about someone being like, oh, well, let me go ask my husband or let me go ask my wife. And they're like, oh, why? You gotta ask her. You gotta ask her everything. Your wife, you know, you gotta ask your husband everything. You can't make a decision for yourself. And that's what perpetuates this division. Right. Because then people are like, oh, well, I don't want to seem like I can't survive without my husband, but in reality, it's like, I'm not going to come home on a Tuesday and be like, hey, John, I just bought us a New couch.

John [00:22:31]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:32]: It's like if we were talking about buying a new couch, and we would, like, I would still even want you to go with me to look at it. And then I'd be like, hey, this couch is maybe $1,000 out of our budget. Do you think it's worth it? Do you think. Not like I would consult you on all those things. Because it's not because I can't make the decision. It's because our whole household is us. It's me and you. It's not me or you or it's not me sometimes and you. Sometimes it's us.

John [00:23:05]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:23:06]: And so I think all these things have gotten people afraid to even seem like they like their partner or they value their partner's input or, you know, any of those things. They care more about what people say about them than their relationship, which we've also talked about sometimes in other episodes.

John [00:23:24]: And it works into the whole. The masculine, feminine dynamic, too. Right. Because, like I would say in that situation, yeah, the man should be making the final financial decisions in the relationship anyway. But people have a resistance to that, and part of the resistance is because they're not thinking of it as one. See, I think a lot of people that have resistance to the roles in the relationship to the masculine and the feminine, a lot of their resistance is because they're thinking of separate individuals instead of one. But if you think of it as one, then it's one entity with two different aspects of that entity.

Nicole [00:23:59]: Two puzzle pieces that come together to.

John [00:24:01]: Make the one a masculine and feminine side. And so does it. You know, if a woman's offended, oh, I'm never going to submit to a man. I wouldn't follow a man's lead, or I'm my own strong, independent woman. I can understand that perspective. Unless you're thinking of as one. When you start to think of as one, then it becomes silly. Then it's like one part of your body fighting against a different part of the body is like, I want to be the head. Well, that's. You know, it doesn't make sense like that. You wouldn't think of that way. So, you know, a man leading and being out there being the head of the relationship does not make the woman lesser because you're getting rid of the distinction between the two. You're emerging as one, and not one is greater and not one is less. They all are part of one thing that's greater than the.

Nicole [00:24:49]: Helps it operate.

John [00:24:50]: Yeah. So I think that it helps to think that way, and that's why I think there's also a lot of resistance to the traditional relationship, to the gender roles in the relationship or the masculine and feminine is. Because when you're not thinking in terms of one, then those things, you could pick them apart and they don't make as much sense. But when you are thinking in terms of one, then it's like, well, what is best for the entire entity.

Nicole [00:25:15]: Unit.

John [00:25:16]: Right. Yeah. I was going to say organism, but we are one organism.

Nicole [00:25:21]: Well, yeah. So I guess, too, that can kind of segue into something else we were talking about along these lines is men who handle all the finances and things like that and then be like, well, I can't let my wife do anything, or, I can't, you know, put all of my money in one bank account because she doesn't know how to manage her money.

John [00:25:41]: Right.

Nicole [00:25:42]: And I get that.

John [00:25:44]: Right.

Nicole [00:25:44]: There are some women that will act that way. There are some women who never, you know, learn those things. There's also men who embody these same things plenty.

John [00:25:53]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:25:54]: And so I also understand people, too, being like, hey, I can't give this person something like all this money, and they aren't being responsible with it.

John [00:26:04]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:05]: To. What I would say is that how can you help your wife be responsible rather than out here airing out her dirty laundry, that she spends all your money on shoes or something? You know what I mean? And I'm not saying that every woman's gonna be super receptive to it, but there are. There's certain things that you can do. Like you can give her a budget.

John [00:26:26]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:26]: If she totally throws that out the window and doesn't care, give her a prepaid card with only a certain amount on there.

John [00:26:34]: Look, I'm saying. I know you're saying I'm just. And I'm ready for it, but I agree with you. I'm just ready for the but if you're the blowback. But it's true.

Nicole [00:26:42]: You're white.

John [00:26:42]: Exactly. But. But yeah. Because you're doing it from the right spirit of it is, I'm trying to help her.

Nicole [00:26:49]: And you do have to come at it from a loving way. Like, you can give her a prepaid card without being like, you can't do anything at all. So take this. It's not gonna work. There's that way. Which some men will do that way. And then there's another way. Like, hey, you know, we've been working on this.

John [00:27:06]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:06]: You didn't really have the best luck with the budget thing. So let's try this. Like, it has a certain Amount.

John [00:27:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:13]: So you can use whatever you want, but it has only a certain amount. Like you can still come at it from this loving way you are teaching her.

John [00:27:21]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:21]: And so many. I feel like you hear men say this, but women say it too, is they view it as like, oh, I don't want another child. I don't want to like, dependent. I don't want, blah, blah, blah, like to have to teach somebody something. But like, this is your partner. You're one. Like, why would you not want to help your right arm learn how to do what your left arm can do? Yeah, like, yeah, it's. It just blows my mind and, and it goes.

John [00:27:48]: And, you know, I'll set it out here for, for, for everyone listening to. It's like the way that it should work in a marriage, right outside of the marriage, it becomes a little bit more murky waters on. But if you're in a marriage, the man should be in charge of all the finances for the entire house, whether both people work or not. If. If both the man and woman work, all the money should go into the same bank account and the man should manage that bank account and he should pay all the bills and he should make the budget and he should do all the financial planning and take care of all of that financial responsibility 100%. Not his money, not her money. What happens in most marriages is this is actually what happens is that the man makes the money sometimes or the woman does too, if they have a dual income. And then the woman manages all the money, she pays all the bills because those bills got to get paid on time. He's not responsible enough to pay those bills on time. That's what she thinks. And she's actually kind of being controlling in that case. And a lot of times for good.

Nicole [00:28:50]: Cause usually it's probably because the bills have gone unpaid.

John [00:28:53]: Right. But you gotta let him fall down. You gotta let the man mess up and not pay the bill and suffer the consequences.

Nicole [00:29:00]: But from a woman's perspective, it is scarier because it's like, since you are one, you're suffering one consequence. And women might not feel like a man is viewing it as a oneness. He might think that it's just his consequences and not be thinking about how he's also having her suffer consequences. Like, yeah, I feel like it's harder for you to understand because you do get it.

John [00:29:27]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:29:28]: But some men are very, like, focused on themselves. And so that's where it is hard for women to, like, you know, suffer the consequences of a man that she Feels like is not embodying everybody in the situation.

John [00:29:45]: And there's two things I would say about that. One, don't marry that man. If you don't trust him, don't marry him. And two, that's true a lot of guys, once you actually give them the responsibility and they, and they suffer the consequences. But also wife is not happy because she's suffering the consequence of it. They'll have to learn to step up because if you keep on protecting them from their own what should be their responsibility, they won't ever learn anything. So I think it is important to give that responsibility. But regardless, that's how it should be. The man should be doing the finances. He should be. And there's some rationale and some reasons for this besides some of the obvious ones. And one of them is because guess what a woman can't do. She's thinking about all the bills and all the stuff. She can't be in her feminine. Right? And I don't know, you know, I mean, maybe some guys like this, but when it's sexy time, I don't want, I don't want to, I don't want you laying there thinking about did we pay the electric bill? Like, I want you fully in the, in the focus moment. And women can't do that if they got that stuff going on in their head, right? I mean, am I, am I talking the truth? Right? Cannot handle it as a man to understand. Like again, I'm trying to appeal to men as why this is important is being masculine in the relationship. Being that part of the whole is critical because you should be taking all the stress of as much as possible off of your wife so that she can become more feminine and be in her feminine more. Not even become more, just be in her feminine more. Because that's where the things that you want her to do and to be come from is from not having those things. So a man should be taking the checkbook. He should be making sure that he's again, not being a tyrant with the money and greedy and selfish. That's not what we're talking about. In fact, I think most men would be more generous with their wives than with themselves in terms of gifts and spending. I would hope so that would be the case.

Nicole [00:31:57]: I don't know.

John [00:31:59]: I think most men would honestly, like, you know, that are married in a relationship.

Nicole [00:32:04]: You know, I was going to say it all goes back to the oneness and like you said, of like two puzzle pieces fitting together. Because let's say you have a two puzzle piece Puzzle. Right, Right. That's crazy. But, you know, it's two puzzle piece puzzle.

John [00:32:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:18]: But if you have two people acting both masculine and feminine, now you have four pieces to a two piece puzzle.

John [00:32:25]: Yeah. It's just what you're saying. Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:32:27]: Going together like it should. You take one piece from each and you put it in there. Right. Like, you give up certain things to certain people to balance out the dynamic and you become one. Like, one cannot really function without the other. Like.

John [00:32:44]: Right.

Nicole [00:32:44]: You cannot really function without me. In certain scenarios at home, like if I was gone for like a year or, shoot, just gone forever, you'd be like, you'd be missing the things that I brought to our home.

John [00:32:56]: And.

Nicole [00:32:56]: And if the same happened with you, I wouldn't be able to function. So it's like, it might seem like you have more that you could survive without me or vice versa, but you really do need both of those things. And it's not a bad thing. It's actually what makes you one. You're depending on each other for those things, which is why you got married, which is why you became one, which is why you decided to spend the rest of your life with one person. Like, I, I just don't get where it got so, like, divided under one roof. Like, it's just why even get married if you're. You have separate everything and you just live in the same house.

John [00:33:38]: Yeah. And. And it's. And it's the synergy of it. And that's kind of what we talk about at the beginning of this podcast is, you know, how two people helping each other become one equals better than worker perfect relationship. So it equals more. It's, you know, one plus one doesn't equal two, it equals three. Or it equals four in this case, because it's. And that really does exist because just like you're saying with those puzzle pieces, you know, if you. And it's funny because we're just having this. I was just having this discussion with someone else on another podcast and he was saying that, you know, as you basically become more aware and more enlightened, then you have the masculine and the feminine, you become more androgynous. And I didn't disagree with him because I do believe. But there's an aspect to the truth of that is you learn as a man to understand women and then you can embody some of those things and the woman can understand a man better. And I think that that's true. However, even when you become that you choose to play the role, you choose to Be the masculine as the man, perhaps, and the woman as the feminine. And different other relationships can exist where you still have a masculine and feminine element. Doesn't have to be that way. That's just generally how it is. But you choose to play that role. And the reason why is because I was trying to think of a good analogy for this with your puzzle pieces.

Nicole [00:35:03]: But it's like it simplifies your life, right? You're not having to do all the things, but all the things are still happening.

John [00:35:11]: Well, yeah, because it's like if we were going on a trip. Okay, let's say we're going on a hike, all right? You know, we need a compass. You know, we're going on a hike in 1940, okay. So we need a compass, we need a map. All right. We need some pots and pans and, you know, some cookware.

Nicole [00:35:34]: We're camping, right?

John [00:35:34]: Yeah, we're camp. It's a long hike. Okay, so we need all these supplies, right? And so there's two ways you could approach this. You could have your own set of supplies, everything that's necessary, and I can have my set of supplies, everything that's necessary. And we can carry a doubly heavy load because you carry all the load that's necessary for you, and I carry.

Nicole [00:35:56]: All the load that's necessary, my pots and pans and tent and sleeping bag, and carry your own.

John [00:36:01]: Or we could say you're going to have the pots and pans and whatever, and I'm going to have the tent and the sleeping bag or whatever it is, and we split it up and you got the compass and I got the. And then you might say, well, shit, what happens if one of us gets lost and the other one's going to die, too? Yeah. You're in it together. Right. But your load will be less. That's the synergy. Because now the one plus one equals three or four. And that's what the whole oneness and coming together is. And having the masculine and the feminine, the relationship is. Yeah. Can a woman do just about anything a man can do today? Absolutely. Women become CEOs of companies. They can. I believe they can even become weightlifters. And I mean, and compete with, you know, in certain areas with men, maybe not. Not as well in certain areas, and. And vice versa. But practically, for all practical purposes, any woman can pretty much do what any man can do for practical purposes, right? I mean, there's some extreme outlying things and the same for men. Can men do what women can do? Yeah. Can they take care of A baby. Can they do. Of course they can do these things. Right. But it's not necessary to have those skills in duplication. It's a waste. And if you say, I don't want to be dependent on someone else, then you probably shouldn't get married because you should bind yourself together in such a way that if one of you is gone, the other one is screwed. And again, you can. From, like, if something happens and you die and stuff, you can have wills and financial. And then. Yeah, then you have to operate independently at that. But until that day comes, you should be putting it all in and taking it, not carrying your own package. If you're carrying your own pack, you're doubling the load.

Nicole [00:37:47]: Well, what I mentioned when we talked about it earlier, and I feel like I should mention it now, is that people need to lean on the fact that before they got married, they did it all on their own.

John [00:37:59]: Right.

Nicole [00:38:00]: And instead of holding onto that in their marriage and for the rest of their life, when you get married, like, just take the knowledge that you had from that time of your life and knowing that you can do it and hold on to that, but become one. Like, all you have when you get married is that you did it before, you did everything on your own. You could do it again, but you're not, because you don't have to. So all you're really holding onto is the knowledge that you've done it before. You could do it again if you had to. Not keeping separate bank accounts, not like actually living that way. You're only holding onto the notion that you did it right. You know how to do it.

John [00:38:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:45]: And that's what's. That's what people can do without feeling like, oh, well, like, I'm just giving up all my things. Well, like you said, you shouldn't get married if you feel like that. If you feel like you're just going into the oblivion.

John [00:38:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:58]: Like, you should know who you're marrying. But you don't have to live like doomsday preparing. Like I said, you don't have to live like you're single in your marriage just in case you become single again like you were single before.

John [00:39:12]: Right.

Nicole [00:39:13]: You don't need to, like, do the actions to prove that you could do that again if, God forbid, that happened.

John [00:39:20]: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. And if it came down to it, then you would figure out a way to survive. You know, it's like, that's how. But you. You don't need to carry the double packs. I mean, if you end Up. I guess maybe a good way to that analogy is like, you're hiking together, so you don't need to carry the double pack, right?

Nicole [00:39:36]: Exactly.

John [00:39:37]: But if at some point you end up having to hike alone because your.

Nicole [00:39:40]: Hiking partners, you'll have the knowledge of when you hiked al or when you.

John [00:39:44]: Had to, then you can load up your own pack with everything that you need. And that's how it should be. But it's interesting too, because I had a friend of mine was struggling with arranged marriage situation and asking for my advice on it. And it's kind of funny because, I mean, obviously I told him there were circumstances where it definitely didn't make sense for him to do an arranged marriage associated with the pressure and everyone trying to get him. But. But it did make me think, and I was like, you should almost treat the marriage like a lot of arranged marriages actually do end up becoming successful because a lot of the culture is like, hey, you're together forever. Like, this is it. There's no new overs. Like, I hope you like each other because you're gonna. Right. And I was thinking that mentality is actually a pretty healthy mentality. So it's like, I'm sort of on the fence on arranged marriages, to be honest with you, because I do believe that there's some merits to it in the sense that what's instilled in those people is like, look, it's not about being attracted or love. I mean, again, not that that's a bad thing either, but that's not the primary thing. The primary thing is, look, you are going to have a person and this person is going to depend on you and you're going to depend on this person, and they're not going to be a perfect person. See, the illusion that we get into when we fall in love and we marry someone based on that is that sometimes we think that they're a perfect person. And then that illusion gets shattered. And so they're already starting off with that illusion shattered that it's, this is not a perfect person, but you're going to love this person and you're going to learn how to love them and, and be loved by them and accept them for exactly who they are, imperfect in everything. And the same goes for you. And I think that's kind of a beautiful thing. Right? And that's how we should be approaching. We should have an advantage.

Nicole [00:41:46]: Well, they're trying to do that with love is blind and married at first sight, but it's still not working the way we want it to.

John [00:41:53]: We should have an advantage having actually seen each other and being in love.

Nicole [00:41:57]: We got to actually pick the person.

John [00:41:59]: And if you can kind of combine those two things together, then you get what we're really talking about, which is this. This idea of. Of a oneness that's inseparable.

Nicole [00:42:09]: Yeah. I feel like people just shouldn't be afraid to be one with their spouse. Like, yeah. Rely on each other. Depend on each other, like, enjoy each other. It's so stigmatized. And I was on the other side, too. I'm like, would see couple happy couples and be like, you know, I was a little bitter because I wanted to be happy. Relation. But like, ew, they can't be, like, happy all the time. You know what I mean? Like, and I'm sure people look at us and feel those things sometimes too, but now being in it, it's like I couldn't imagine it any other way. And I've always felt like, though marriage was very serious to me.

John [00:42:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:47]: And that it was always going to be like an all in, like we're one person sort of thing. But, you know, a lot of people don't see marriage like that anymore. It's a lot easier, like we talked about, to get out of and.

John [00:43:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:02]: You know, things like that. So I do feel like it's taken less seriously, but it should be taken seriously because I think if you do view it as you are merging with this person, you are them and they are you.

John [00:43:13]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:14]: Then it becomes a lot bigger of a deal and it's a lot more on the line. And if you're still willing to make that commitment, then you really love and care and trust this person that you're about to spend the rest of your life with.

John [00:43:28]: And people don't realize the implications of it. I was on a podcast this morning where I was being interviewed, and the guy I was talking to, me, myself, being divorced. And he was divorced. He was married for 20 years and divorced. And then unfortunately, his new wife that he married got killed in shooting in a parade. Yeah. So very, very. Yeah, yeah. Very tough. But, you know, it was interesting because he was talking about. Because I was talking about this, this topic about how marriage is not, you know, and he's very Catholic and, you know, very Christian. And I was also talking about the dynamic that, like, what's kind of cool about us is that we're not really religious, but we have. Like, someone would think that we're fundamentalist Christian, like, because we say the exact same things, because there's truth in these, in these Things. Right. And so it, like, we can kind of appeal to maybe an audience that doesn't have to be religious, but these things are still true. Right. But he was like, man, it's like you could just be preaching, like, you know, and the thing that we're talking about, about the sanctity of marriage was how horrible divorce is. And I think a lot of people don't understand. And he understood because, you know, I was relating to him my story about how. And you were there, that we watched my mom pass away from Parkinson's for seven days or however. And I told him that as hard as that was, that a divorce is five times worse than that. And he was like, yeah, he's like, it's the worst thing that you can possibly go through in life. Worse than death, worse than anything else. And people don't realize that it doesn't matter if you don't like your spouse. When you join together, the separation of that will cause you a great amount of. It will. It will. It will disrupt your entire life. It will cause you a great.

Nicole [00:45:23]: I think it's. If you take it seriously, Right? Because I think it's the people who don't take it seriously.

John [00:45:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:29]: I mean, like, they still deal with the part of, like, the annoyance of separating all the things, but there are people who don't feel that way. And I'm not saying that, like, one way or the other is right or wrong, but I think it's the people who aren't taking marriage seriously, who don't feel as deeply as you do, or the other people that you've talked about, because I feel like the people who feel the way that you do did take it seriously. And that's the thing, is that, like, that's what goes back into. You should be taking it seriously. Because I feel like people aren't as serious phased by divorce. Not all of them.

John [00:46:05]: Right.

Nicole [00:46:05]: But these people who aren't taking it seriously to begin with.

John [00:46:08]: Right.

Nicole [00:46:09]: So it's not that big of a deal. So then they just keep trying to do it, and they're not doing it the right way. Like, it should mean exactly what you just said. It should be a big deal. It should be avoided at all costs.

John [00:46:20]: Well, here's a cautionary tale, okay. About that, because I get what you're saying. However, I've been coaching guys for over 10 years now, and I have worked with a lot of guys that have gone through divorces and even some of my friends. And at the surface level, they're fine. But regardless of how they Think that they're not gonna. It's not gonna affect them. When we dig deep, some of them don't even deal with the things that they need to deal with. But it's still like the cautionary tale.

Nicole [00:46:52]: Take marriage seriously.

John [00:46:54]: It doesn't even matter so much. I think that it is still. Whether you take it seriously or not is a serious thing, and it will have serious implications, especially if there's. Because, remember, you're joining families. There's extended families. There's children potentially involved. There's a lot of things that.

Nicole [00:47:12]: Well, I guess I was going to ask. What makes it so serious then, especially with the people that aren't really taking.

John [00:47:17]: It seriously, is because even if you're not taking it as seriously as you should, you have the extended families that are joined together. You have the children for sure. You have your job, you have your workplace, you have your friends, you have places you go to eat. Everything. Your entire life will be completely torn from you.

Nicole [00:47:39]: The change of it, the drastic change.

John [00:47:42]: Yeah, yeah. And then it just. There's something about it that's undescribable, that someone who hasn't gone through it won't really understand. But I'm telling people that the very last thing you want to do on this earth is get married. I mean, get. Get divorced.

Nicole [00:48:00]: Rodrigo, can you get that one out?

John [00:48:03]: No, get. Get.

Nicole [00:48:04]: You heard it here, folks. Don't get married.

John [00:48:09]: Get. Get married if you're going to get divorced. Right? Like, that's. That's the last thing that you want to do. So don't. Don't do it. You know, it's just. Yeah, it's just not something that you want to go through, and people take it lightly because they don't realize what they'll go through. But, man, even one of my friends I was telling you about, you know, I won't say his name that lives in Idaho, and he. I mean, you heard me talking to him, and he's. He's. He doesn't even. He wanted to get divorced. He still wants to be divorced, but he's still going through a lot because of it. You know what I mean?

Nicole [00:48:47]: Yeah. But I do think it's more of, like, the change, which is hard. And anybody would think that that's hard for sure. What you said, the, like, drastic change of your life, especially for 20 years, you know, that's a really long time changing drastically. So that would shock anybody.

John [00:49:05]: But I'll tell you what.

Nicole [00:49:06]: But I guess my thing is, like, I do feel like, though, the people that you've talked to do have taken it seriously. So it's like, it depends.

John [00:49:13]: But I'll tell you this. This is what I'll tell you, though. I would go through 20 divorces to marry you.

Nicole [00:49:20]: Wow.

John [00:49:20]: Yeah. So. And that's true. I would. So. Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:25]: Well, now that we've went through the divorce part, that's the only time that you should be separated. And hopefully, like John said, you're avoiding divorce and separation. But, yeah, we. Was there any part that we, like, missed? Because we really were talking a lot about this and the oneness and there were so many different aspects, but I think we hit a lot of the points.

John [00:49:50]: Yeah. I think we pretty much covered. I'm trying to think what else. I mean, it's. Yeah. I think the biggest thing that people resist is the financial side of it, and they don't realize that if you don't join financially, then it's going to be hard to join in other ways.

Nicole [00:50:05]: Yeah. I think it's an ego thing, too. I think it's, like, what people think and.

John [00:50:10]: Right.

Nicole [00:50:11]: And less of, like, just connecting with your partner and what you guys want to do. Like, we want to be together all the time. Like, yeah. If you don't want to be together with your partner and you want to live these kind of separate lives, it's almost like, well, what's making you feel that way? Like, and can you fix it? Because I know you've been working hard to, like, help guys specifically fix their relationship if they feel like it's kind of in a tough spot.

John [00:50:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:50:40]: But again, I think it all goes back to picking your partner, like, and putting the severity of marriage, if that's what you're going towards in your dating experience out there, and think of it as becoming one. Like, this person. Be like, could I be one with this person?

John [00:50:57]: Right.

Nicole [00:50:58]: Merged. Like, we are each other.

John [00:51:00]: Right. No contingencies.

Nicole [00:51:02]: Right. Like, yeah. Would I be okay with that?

John [00:51:04]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:05]: If your answer is no.

John [00:51:06]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:51:07]: You shouldn't be with that person at all. Or if you want to, just like you said, just don't get married. Like, don't become one. Because that's what it is. Like, when you get married, it's becoming one.

John [00:51:18]: Yes.

Nicole [00:51:19]: Taking each other's names, becoming a family, merging your finances. Like, your consequences are now my consequences, and vice versa. Like, you're all in.

John [00:51:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:51:29]: You can't be not all in. You can't be having a bank account that you're saving for a rainy day when you guys get into a fight. Like, it's not how it goes, no.

John [00:51:39]: You gotta trust this person entirely with.

Nicole [00:51:40]: Your life and suffer the consequences if unfortunately you have to suffer them.

John [00:51:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:45]: I think people are just trying to avoid that. I really think that's what they're afraid. And again, they're thinking about them. It's all about me. It's all about the individual. Like, how can I prevent this from happening if it does happen? And then they're almost kind of causing it to kind of get worse and worse to head that way because they're so prepared for that to happen.

John [00:52:07]: And that's where all the conflicts in a relationship come from. Right. It's always the thinking about me.

Nicole [00:52:12]: Right.

John [00:52:12]: You never get into a conflict instead of we. Right. I mean, you think about it. Right. You never get to a conflict unless you're thinking about yourself. Like, it has to.

Nicole [00:52:21]: Yeah, yeah. Like you said, it'd be like you're right hand fighting with your left hand.

John [00:52:25]: Why does this hurt me? Or why is the, you know, why are they attacking me or doing this to me? It always has to be, you know, and. But. And that's something that I think is. Is that you'll continue to trip up.

Nicole [00:52:37]: Yeah.

John [00:52:38]: You know, even if you're, you know. Because it's so hard to not.

Nicole [00:52:42]: Right. Well, it's hard to not think about that to that extent, because your life is yours. You know, it's.

John [00:52:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:52:49]: You know, people say you think about yourself and not like, fully, obviously not be like selfish, but it is your life and you want to be happy and you want to do these things. But again, when you become married, it's your lives together as one. So how can you guys balance it out with your two puzzle pieces to maintain that balance with the masculine and feminine? Like, how can you give. How can I give you something and how can you give me something to make all of our lives better and easier and more harmonious?

John [00:53:22]: Exactly. Yeah. Take the plunge. Or don't. Don't. Yeah. One foot on the dock, one foot in the boat. That's not the way to go. Yeah.

Nicole [00:53:32]: You gotta go all in.

John [00:53:33]: And that's why I think a lot of marriages also fail too, is because if you're one foot on the dock and one foot in the boat, they're.

Nicole [00:53:41]: Going to separate enough where you're in the water.

John [00:53:43]: Yeah. You're most likely to. You know what I mean? If you're fully all into this thing, that's when you start to say, well, I'm never using the D word more. And you're like, we never use a D word. I'm not going to use a D word because that's not an option. And if you think of that's not an option, you're going to have to figure out it also controls what you say. If you're going to live with a person forever, you might not want to say certain things to them that you have to, you know, live with forever.

Nicole [00:54:10]: Yeah.

John [00:54:10]: Right. So you're going to control your tongue a little bit better as well. Right. But if you think that in that moment in your mind, you're like, oh, I'm just. I'm getting divorced from this person. This is bullshit. Like, you know, and then you call them some names and say some stuff, and then later on you try to work it out.

Nicole [00:54:25]: But you.

John [00:54:25]: But you've said some stuff. Right. But if it never was an option in your head at all, that divorce was off the table completely, then you might look at the entire disagreement in a different light.

Nicole [00:54:39]: Yeah, you're right.

John [00:54:41]: All right, well, I think we can go to the R week thing.

Nicole [00:54:47]: That's yours.

John [00:54:48]: Okay. It's mine. Oh, great. So, I mean, we had a really good week. And then. And then I did kind of mess it up a little bit this morning. No, I did. Because. Well. But I think it's related to just what we talked about. It's like, you can know all this stuff, and then it's possible to get into the me mode and be like, how does this affect me? You know, And I do feel like I did get a little bit into that, so, I mean, we didn't have a huge, you know, whatever, but we had more of a discussion. And, you know, and. And yeah. And I do take responsibility because I was thinking in the. In the me term, so.

Nicole [00:55:32]: Well, I was, too. And like you said, that's it's normal. Like, it's a human thing.

John [00:55:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:38]: But when you're in a marriage, you do have to almost, like, fight against your. Like, especially in a disagreement or something like that. You're like, fight or flight is in check. Right.

John [00:55:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:50]: Like, you're like, am I gonna fight or I'm gonna flight? And I guess there's freeze, too. But, you know, like, instead, you have to almost override that.

John [00:55:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:00]: And all the, like, natural instincts that are like, I feel this way. Why are they hurting me? And I'm in pain and blah, blah, blah.

John [00:56:06]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:07]: And instead be like, okay, what happened here? Like, what. What did we do wrong? Because it's us.

John [00:56:15]: Right?

Nicole [00:56:15]: Right. Like, we both did something wrong. It's never you or me. It's We.

John [00:56:21]: Right, right, exactly.

Nicole [00:56:22]: Like, even if you called me a fathead or something.

John [00:56:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:56:26]: There's still somewhere where I also did something.

John [00:56:30]: Yeah. There's like, maybe not deserving of that.

Nicole [00:56:33]: Right. I'm not saying that I deserve it, but I'm just saying.

John [00:56:36]: But there's something. It didn't just come out of nowhere.

Nicole [00:56:38]: Right, Right. Which you would never even say that. I'm just trying to, like, think of a thing. But I'm just saying that, like, people.

John [00:56:44]: I did call you a fat ass, though. Remember that? When you.

Nicole [00:56:48]: Yeah. You're like, what? It's a good. You got a fat ass. I'm like, you're not using it in the proper context.

John [00:56:56]: It was used as a compliment, not as a. So just as a funny compliment.

Nicole [00:57:01]: But yeah. You have to almost like override that natural instinct.

John [00:57:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:06]: As like an individual. And not go full blown into the individual, like, sort of mindset and think rather like, okay, where did we mess up? How can we fix this?

John [00:57:16]: Yeah. And a good rule that I came up with today that I learned that I think would help me in the future is as soon as you screw up, meaning me, then your grievances are stamped void. Like, they're like, you don't get to worry about your grievance. So, for example, you're in an argument or a discussion or something and you. You handle it the wrong way. Well, then whatever. The thing that you had a problem with is now void because now you've just done something as well. So it's like. And I think that's a good, just way to be like a good rule because then it prevents you from getting into trouble. And really what we do a lot of times is the reverse, actually. Right. So a lot of times we'll do it such as that the other person does something and then we're like, oh, well, now they did. Now it's. Now I'm justified in everything I do. Now it's. Everything I do is justified. And so it's the reversal of that. It's to say if I do something, then everything that I had a problem with is now null and void. I, like, I can't bring that up anymore because it's done because. Because I now am the perpetrator. And I think that's just a, you know, following that rule makes a lot of sense to me.

Nicole [00:58:29]: So what about the mirror thing that we were talking.

John [00:58:32]: Oh, the mirror. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That you had a really good thing about the mirror. Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:35]: Like, weren't on the same page as your mirror. Analogy. Like, I thought. Like, I thought you meant it one way and you meant it a different way, which it still means the same, but.

John [00:58:45]: Well, I said that. I've said that a man, a woman is a reflection of the man she's with. So she's like a mirror, and she reflects back to what you are. And my original thinking of that was to be that, like, you know, you look in, you see a woman, and she's acting a certain way or she's got certain qualities or, you know, and those are the things that you have caused her to have because of how you have treated her as a man and not loved her or, you know, not loved her in the right way. And so that's that reflection that you're seeing. But then you actually made it even better by saying it's an immediate reflection. Like, I was like, oh. Cause you were talking about the mirror. And I was like, what are you talking about? That's not what I mean. But it's like what you're seeing right in this very moment is what you are doing right now.

Nicole [00:59:39]: The actions that you're doing is being reflected back.

John [00:59:42]: Right.

Nicole [00:59:43]: Like, a lot of times, and I try really hard not to do that, and I try really hard to do.

John [00:59:48]: The right thing, but it's hard to not do that as a woman, too.

Nicole [00:59:51]: Right. Well, and especially because, like, we've talked about, like, it's harder for me to influence you, like, with my emotions and actions, like, in that way.

John [01:00:00]: Right.

Nicole [01:00:01]: Whereas it's easier for you, like, if you started out, like, in a certain way, then I would just match that. Like, a lot of women match men. And that's the mirror thing. Right. Like, that's the matching. Is that, like, they'll match whatever energy that there is. If there's, like, hostile energy, chances are she's probably going to be hostile. Right. If it's loving energy, depending on the woman, she might still be a little hostile at first, depending on how mad she is. But she. It's quicker for her to get. But I would say that women shouldn't be hostile at all. It's easier for her to not even act that way. But I also know that some women are a little much sometimes, but. Yeah, so that's how I was envisioning. Is that how, like, a man comes out of situation? A lot of times he's met with however he handled the situation.

John [01:00:51]: Yeah. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, that makes sense. Well, good. All right. I guess that's it for this week. See you next time.