Nicole [00:00:00]: Girls night out, guys night out, there's.

John [00:00:02]: Nothing wrong with that. But when you're in a committed relationship that you're truly happy to be in, do you even want to do that? But I'm not saying that you can't still hang out with your friends. I'm going tomorrow to, like, a painting class with my friends.

Nicole [00:00:14]: You don't have a nude model, though?

John [00:00:16]: No.

Nicole [00:00:16]: Okay. All right. Just kidding.

John [00:00:17]: You just gotta watch out for the bottomless mimosa.

Nicole [00:00:20]: Beyond the perfect we discover through our flaws we complete each other Better than perfect we stay Every fault we find our way all right, welcome to Better Than Perfect podcast again, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other become better equals one better than perfect relationship. Like how I did that? Yeah, I memorized it this time.

John [00:00:53]: You only had to say it about 10 times, but you did good because I would have definitely messed it up.

Nicole [00:00:57]: We'll see what happens next time. I think it's in my head now.

John [00:01:01]: So I think so. You're pretty good at that kind of stuff.

Nicole [00:01:04]: All right, well, I guess we should talk about what the topic is today.

John [00:01:09]: John's picking the topic. So we decided on the way over here that we'll kind of flip flop between who's going to pick the topic for the week. So this week is John's choice.

Nicole [00:01:20]: Yeah, but you get. Nicole will pick the relationship thing that we'll talk about. Yeah. So that could be dangerous. So. Okay, so the topic for this week is inspired by some conversations I had in a video that I had done about this topic, because I think this is a really important one, especially for men, which is what are the rules or guidelines that you could say? Boundaries that you should set in a relationship? And the way that I talked about it was that a man should. Because I think a man should be leading the relationship. But I mean, it still applies just in general. What are the boundaries that we should have in the relationship to make it successful?

John [00:02:10]: I think boundaries is a better term than rules because people are going to do their own thing. But everyone should have boundaries, regardless of what your relationship looks like. It's very like, regardless of what your relationship looks like, you should have boundaries. So, yeah, I think that's better word.

Nicole [00:02:30]: Than rules, but yeah, and I guess that makes sense too, because then if it's boundaries, then one person could have different boundaries than the other one. I mean, it's probably ideal if you settle on these things that we'll talk about. So, yeah, so I suppose I can.

John [00:02:46]: So which one are you Going to start with which boundary.

Nicole [00:02:49]: I could give you my list.

John [00:02:51]: Oh, you want to do a whole list?

Nicole [00:02:52]: And then you could, we could talk about each one or you could say which ones that you agree or disagree. Or maybe you have some already. I mean, we've kind of already talked a little bit about the subject. So you already probably know what I'm gonna say.

John [00:03:03]: I do. So that's why I was like, do you wanna like, so maybe it's best.

Nicole [00:03:06]: If I just go through the list. Cause if I said, hey, which ones do you think? Then you know, it would be you be cherry picking the ones that, I mean, you wouldn't be coming up with something original because we've already talked about it.

John [00:03:18]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:03:19]: Okay, so my list is basically this. Number one, no friends of the opposite sex. Right? And I mean like friends you hang out with, do stuff with, talk to on a regular basis in a committed relationship. Committed. Okay, these are the, the boundaries for a committed relationship. Number two is no talking to exes, period, unless you have a kid with them and you have to communicate for that reason. All right? And then number three is if I can remember them all, but I'm sure I'll get them all. Is you. Oh, locations. You have your locations on at all times, right? I know your location. You know my location. Number four is email and phone access. Like the password to you and the email I think is optional is what I would say, like depending on. I mean, you might not want to share your financial information with someone that you just just became your girlfriend or boyfriend. That's an email.

John [00:04:18]: I mean, sometimes you have surprises, like if you ordered something, if someone has your email, then they like might see it and be like, merry Christmas, you just ruined the surprise.

Nicole [00:04:27]: Right? But they should have some way to get into it or I mean, at least your phone password. They should have access to your phone at all times. Not. Okay, not that they have to check it all the time, but. And then, oh, if someone of the opposite sex sends a message, you don't have to ask about it. It's shown, it's automatic. The boundary is you must show the message if someone has messaged you. Right. Aside from something that's obvious, like a totally work related thing, but if it's a coworker outside of work hours, something like that on a text message, then yes. And then the last one is no girls, guys night out, none of this guy strip girls trips. Yeah, basically anything in that category of going out and drinking with single people or you know, without your partner in a group of people. I suppose in any case, that's just the boundary, so.

John [00:05:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:22]: Those are, those are my. What are your thoughts on those?

John [00:05:25]: Yeah, you just throw all this at me, like, what are your thoughts?

Nicole [00:05:28]: I mean, we could break them down one by one if you want to.

John [00:05:31]: I mean, I think we should.

Nicole [00:05:32]: Okay.

John [00:05:33]: I mean, I think those are pretty reasonable. Like, I can't think of any boundaries that you mentioned or like that you didn't mention that I would want to add. But if after we talk about this I have something, then I will. But I do want to talk about all of it.

Nicole [00:05:49]: Yeah.

John [00:05:50]: Because let's talk about why. Yeah, well, let's actually go way back.

Nicole [00:05:55]: Okay. Okay.

John [00:05:56]: Before we even were together.

Nicole [00:05:57]: Okay. Yeah.

John [00:05:58]: If I had heard a man say that, I would have been like, no.

Nicole [00:06:03]: Right, right.

John [00:06:03]: Like I would have been like, what the heck?

Nicole [00:06:05]: Right, yeah. Controlling, insecure. Well, just like lack of trust.

John [00:06:09]: That's a lot of like, it does seem kind of like rules.

Nicole [00:06:13]: Right.

John [00:06:14]: When you put it that way.

Nicole [00:06:16]: Right.

John [00:06:16]: But I think that what like people don't understand when you're on the outside of this is how these things are just natural boundaries that you have when you're with somebody that you like fully trust and you realize that it's actually not a control thing, it's a full blown trust in this person thing.

Nicole [00:06:38]: Right.

John [00:06:38]: And so I think like people just, they can't even fathom trusting somebody to that extent. And I was one of those people, like I had never met a man that I would be like, let my masculine side down for because I'd be like, oh, he's got my back. Like, I never had met a guy like that. So I didn't really fully trust any men to this extent. And I mean, I had guy friends. They're still like acquaintances.

Nicole [00:07:03]: Sure.

John [00:07:04]: You know, when they're in town with their like friends or I mean their girlfriends or things like that. Like we've met up with some of them before. So like you're. What you're also not saying is that like, if you have like friends of the opposite sex that are also a couple or things like that, that you can't go out as a couple. And that's how it really should be once you are a couple. Because if you are in a relationship where you do want to spend a lot of time with your partner, then you'll want to go out as a couple instead of doing your own thing. I mean, you should be doing your own thing in your every day to day life. Like going to your own hobbies, going to your own workouts, running your own errands that you need to do whatever you want to do. We have that. So it's not like we don't have any separation. But at the same time, there's no point where I'm out somewhere or would go out with my friends and be like, I'm glad John's not here. If anything, it's the opposite. It's like, I wish John was here, because look at that guy over there. He looks like this one movie character we saw one time. So, like, the whole. That kind of went on a tangent.

Nicole [00:08:18]: But no, no, it makes sense because there's a lot.

John [00:08:21]: The Prince of the opposite sex thing, I think it's also. We might need to save this as a whole separate episode.

Nicole [00:08:29]: Oh, sure. Yeah.

John [00:08:29]: Again, because we'll go a little bit into it. You feel like you can have friends of the opposite sex because you don't have romantic ties. However, you don't know what your guy friend is really plotting behind your back. So. So that is also a whole nother can of worms.

Nicole [00:08:46]: Oh, yeah.

John [00:08:46]: But. So I do agree with that. And it's not to say that, like, the guy friends that I had when I was single or whatever, like, I was just like, screw you guys. Like, talk to you never. But at the same time, it's also a respect thing. Like, I wouldn't want you to be, like, texting your girlfriend that you also used to have a friend that was a girl who you would talk to about things. That's not to say that you haven't also did, like, had a girlfriend. So you understand. And I've had guy friends, so I understand. And the real kind of danger point for both men and women having friends of the opposite sex, especially, like, really close friends, is when you start confiding in those friends about your relationship. I mean, you really shouldn't even do that with your own family because you could poison the well there, too.

Nicole [00:09:38]: Exactly.

John [00:09:39]: But especially with friends of the opposite sex, where you start talking about your relationship, it also puts your opposite sex friend in a very hard place because they're either gonna support you, which you feel like you want them to do, and be like, yeah, he sucks. Or they're gonna be like, you know, I don't. Like, maybe you should leave him or something. You know what I mean? I don't know. It's not a good scenario either way. So, you know, I do understand where that boundary is. And it's not like a controlling, mean thing. It's not like. Like, we talked about it's not like, screw you, I never want to see you ever again.

Nicole [00:10:16]: It's just demoting them to acquaintance is what I call it, right? Because it's like, with that, it's not like you just ditch people completely. It's just that when I say friend, right? I know that social media has really loosened the definition of friend, but. But friend is someone that you talk with on a regular basis, that you hang out with, that you share personal details of your life with. Friend is not someone that says happy birthday and you say thank you. That's not friend, right? I mean, sure, some of the people that used to be friends, and this is where things get confusing, are now people that you had a good, deep relationship, friendship with them, but you just don't have anymore. Cause a friendship requires maintenance. And so now they're acquaintances, which is fine. Which, again, that's the issue. It's just when you're spending time with people, confiding in them, right? So as a man, it would be inappropriate for me being in a relationship with you to have a girl that I'm texting on a regular basis as a friend or that I go and hang out with, watch a movie, go to dinner, right? These things, they sound so ridiculous, but so many people do those things and they think it's okay. And they're like, oh, well, I trust my partner. And believe me, guys can't be trusted first. I mean, they really can't. Because tell it like this. I mean, I coach guys all the time, and I'll tell you. And I just asked one of them the other day, who's a really good, outstanding guy. I was like, look, if you went out with this girl that you were attracted to, that is, quote, a friend of yours now, and you're alone with her, and you guys had a couple drinks and she started hitting on you hard, and you knew that she was just ready to sleep with you, and she was making it very, very clear. I was like, I'm not saying you would do it, but would there be some kind of temptation there? And he was like, yeah, honestly, yes, I wouldn't do it, but there would be temptation. And I was like, well, it would.

John [00:12:02]: Take a lot to tempt a guy at the same time, but the thing.

Nicole [00:12:05]: Is to not put yourself in compromising situations where, hey, if anything is a temptation, you have to ask, well, how many drinks does it take before or how bad of a fight do you have to have with your partner before? Plus how many drinks before you give in to a temptation? So better to just avoid that 100% completely. And that's kind of the idea behind it. And plus, the other side of guys is that almost always right in the situation, let's say that you're friends with a guy, all right? And he's just friends or whatever it is, if you say, hey, let's go have sex, he's probably going to say yes. Even if he wasn't planning on it. Even if that wasn't his plan, he's probably gonna say yes. Cause that's.

John [00:12:56]: I mean, I'm not.

Nicole [00:12:57]: We know what guys, right? We know what guys. But most of the time, what is an innocent friendship, and it might even be subconscious. A lot of guys will make friends with a woman who's attractive, and they won't even at a conscious level, know that what they're doing is they're being around her because they are attractive.

John [00:13:15]: They just wanna get in the door any way that they can. So sometimes they wanna go the friend way. So it makes sense. But in order to make it to some of the other points, I'm trying to think of what the second one was.

Nicole [00:13:26]: The second one. Oh, actually, hold on. Before we get to the second one, there is one more thing, because I was going to say before we got into any of the points, which is this. Is that my take on this too? Because you were saying about, like, as a. As a woman, you wouldn't have trusted a man, is that these are. The point at which this conversation should occur is when the woman asked for commitment from a man. And I'm not trying to be sexist by saying that the woman asked for commitment, but the reality is, if we're just honest, men primarily want sex. Women primarily want commitment. Not to say that neither doesn't want what the other wants, but I'm just saying the primary motive when a guy goes out on a date, he thinks, I hope I get laid tonight. When a girl goes out on a date, she doesn't think, I hope I get laid tonight. Because she knows she could if she wants to. I hope this guy is a good enough guy that I don't have to get on a damn dating app ever again. And I can be done with this whole dating process.

John [00:14:26]: Well, and looking or asking for commitment can look different. Because I think a lot of girls ask, what are we? You know, like. And that you would say is asking for commitment, but how I asked you for commitment was not asking. So, ladies, you don't always have to ask, like, what are we? You can be like, hey, bro, you just literally Told me you loved me. And so if you're saying that, then that means you want to be with me romantically.

Nicole [00:14:54]: You're not one more, one more guy, one more boundary. Don't call me bro. That was back then. No, I know, I know. But that one should. Guys should put in place too. But, but where I was getting at was this is, is that. And because that initiates the conversation. So right. Wherever it becomes a point that the woman wants commitment, right. However that's initiated. And again, guys should not be chasing commitment from women. It just doesn't come. They might want to find a long term partner, but they should let the woman do the chasing of the commitment. The man has to woo the woman, the woman has to ask for the commitment. That's kind of how it should go, right? You know, we're not the politically correct podcast, but. But it's fine because we're trying to deliver the real truth, even if people don't like us for it. And I think that's good because we don't have. We're not even religious like we were talking about in the car. It's like, this is just.

John [00:15:46]: A lot of mistakes and a lot of wisdom.

Nicole [00:15:49]: So at that point, that's where this should happen. And the guy should be the one saying this because he's got the negotiating power at that point. Right? The woman is the guardian of sex. The man is the guardian of commitment, typically. Right. So if sex is going to happen, it's because the woman is allowing it to happen. It's not. Right. If commitment's going to happen, it's because the guy is allowing it to happen. Right? And so at that, at the point which, which again, at the point that the woman has sex with a guy, she should have some standards. I mean, we talk about a different. There's so many.

John [00:16:20]: This is a different. Yeah, we're totally gone from the friend thing now.

Nicole [00:16:24]: I'm just trying to build up to the. Okay, so I'll skip that part. But when the man is going to give a woman commitment, that's when he has the most power to implement these boundaries for the best of both of them. Not because he's afraid and he's trying to, excuse me, he's trying to like, you know, monopolize her sexuality or, you know, that's not the idea of it. The idea of it is that these are boundaries. The man should be leading the relationship anyway. And so as the man who is the leader of the relationship, he should be leading it in the right direction. And that's why he should be saying, for both of our safety, for our protection, and for protecting the relationship. These are the boundaries that are. These are the standards I have for myself in entering a relationship with women. And these are the ones that I want us to agree to and talk about right now. Right, right.

John [00:17:18]: And a woman should have the exact same ones.

Nicole [00:17:22]: And it's a red flag. I've told guys this multiple times. If a woman hears those and she doesn't want them, a woman should want.

John [00:17:31]: Them more for the exact reason that you explained. Because if you are pushing to hang out with a woman, you have ulterior motives to want to bang that woman.

Nicole [00:17:41]: And that's why it's a red flag. Because when the woman hears that she should be the one pushing for it, she should be like, really? You want to do all these things and share our locations and phone passwords? She should be like, that's awesome. I love that. Right. If she's not reacting that way, it tells you one of two things. One, it's either a red flag or it's not the relationship for you that she doesn't have enough trust in you as a man. You know, she's being prematurely asking for commitment because she's not ready to really commit to you.

John [00:18:07]: Right. Like, it's not as serious.

Nicole [00:18:09]: Okay, so now we're the second one. The second one was this one will be easy. No talking to exes. Except for.

John [00:18:16]: Okay, yeah, that's just like, you don't. Again, you don't have to hate your ex.

Nicole [00:18:20]: Right, Right.

John [00:18:22]: But what's the point? Like, if you still want to be in communication with a person that you had a romantic relationship with, it makes me feel like you're trying to keep a spark of that there. Or like, you know, have it as another out or something like that. Like, obviously, like you said, if you are co parenting, that's way different. You have to be in communication with your ex or the parent of your children, even if you're not married or whatever. But it's just, you don't have to hate them. It's kind of like the friend thing. You don't have to be like, f you friends, like guy friends, bi. You can still respect them and care about them in a different way without having them involved in your life. It's just gonna hold you, your relationship that you're in now back. If you're now introducing, are keeping around the past in your present. Does that make sense?

Nicole [00:19:24]: Plus romantic relationship equals friendship plus sexual desire.

John [00:19:31]: That's true.

Nicole [00:19:31]: If you've got Someone that you had sexual desire for. I mean, there's no reason to think that you don't now. And now you have friendship with them. Why aren't you actually in a relationship with them? You see what I'm saying? Like, if you could have been friendly, the reason why is because you're volatile. Because it's a toxic relationship, because it's not the one.

John [00:19:50]: And that's even the worst to keep around. Because you'll forget the bad, and then you'll be like, but it was good those few times. And then you might want to go back. And then a lot of people who do go back to the toxic relationships are like, oh, I forgot all about the crap. But the whole point is, you're right. This is a pretty simple one. It's like, you don't have to hate them because you don't have to talk shit about them. But you do have to let that part of your life go. You have to let a lot of your past go in life. And that's the same with relationships. It doesn't have to be any ill will, but you have to let it be the past. And you can't bring it to your present, or it'll just be messy.

Nicole [00:20:29]: And a lot of times women, I think it's more so that they want to communicate with the exes because they're like, well, we're friends now. Cause they want to be they friend zone guys. They're like, now we can be friends. And I don't want to ruin our friendship type of situation. But however, the thing that. The way I like to flip it is women might be fine with it, thinking, okay, well, I can talk to my ex, and you could talk to your ex. But if the man's ex was a swimsuit model or, like, all of a sudden, I don't think she would be fine with it. And so it's the same thing. It's like, you know, I just use that as a.

John [00:21:08]: It doesn't. To be honest, even if she's not a swimsuit model, it's not respectful.

Nicole [00:21:12]: It's not respectful, no matter what. I'm just saying that sometimes women that are resistant to this can see it when they think of that.

John [00:21:19]: Well, I think they just like women in general, when they're done, they're pretty much done. Whereas men, they might make a rash decision and then a week later be like, oh, I messed up, and then try to get that thing back. Whereas when women are done, they're pretty much done. I'm not saying that that's not the case all the time. But I think that's why women probably think, oh, I can be this person's friend because I. My feelings have totally shut down. But that doesn't mean the other person's has.

Nicole [00:21:47]: But it also doesn't mean that they can't be reignited, too, because that's true. I don't know how many times again, like I said, I've been coaching guys for 10 years, and, oh, my God, how many stories of, oh, she just hung out with her ex, and then, you know, we were having a fight, and then she stayed the night over there. Boom.

John [00:22:04]: Well, the whole thing with the X thing, too, is that it's comfortable, right? People like comfort. And again, another topic for another day. So let's move on to number three, because we'll run out of time.

Nicole [00:22:15]: Number three was the locations, locations, locations.

John [00:22:20]: Okay, this is just dumb to me that people don't just do it because as a woman, right, if you're going on a first date, you're sending your mom, your immediate best friends, your location, this guy's name, his phone number in case you get abducted and murdered. So, like, the fact that you don't want to give your partner, the person you're in a relationship with, like, a committed relationship. Cause you said you would bring up these boundaries once it's official, your location, like, it's because it's coming from, rather than a place of, like, oh, well, if I give him my location, if I'm in trouble, you know, he'll know where I am. Or if I'm, like, you know, running behind, he can see I'm still at the grocery store, and that's why I'm late for dinner or something like that.

Nicole [00:23:06]: That's practical.

John [00:23:07]: Like, that's how people who look at this. Like, why would you not do it? But it's the people who are like, again, kind of, like, trying to view it through, like, a controlling lens of, like, oh, well, why does he need to see everywhere that I am? I'm like, why? Why are you hiding it? Like, why do you think that he sees you at Michael's? Is he gonna yell at you for buying more craft supplies? Like, that's also a problem.

Nicole [00:23:31]: It depends on what Michael's it is.

John [00:23:33]: Oh, my gosh.

Nicole [00:23:34]: The craft store, you know, But Michael's crafty, too.

John [00:23:40]: But what I'm saying is, like, it just doesn't. That part. That doesn't make sense to me. I mean, this is coming from somebody who. My own mother was like, why do you need my Location.

Nicole [00:23:50]: And I'm like, she gets a niche sometimes.

John [00:23:52]: Yeah, she used to go get turned up when I lived in Florida. And I needed to where she is for her safety, not cause I'm like, mom, like, I'm like, you don't live in Florida. I need to know where you are in case I need to come get you. Yeah, but so that's the thing is like, I just view it as that. That's how I've always used it with my friends, how I've tried to use it with my mom, but she refuses. And so why wouldn't I want the one person who's supposed to be like, there to come help me out if I'm in trouble to not know where I am?

Nicole [00:24:19]: Yeah. It's a practice. And again, a lot of these rules or boundaries are for both parties protection.

John [00:24:27]: Because look, I use it for you when you go running. And I do use it well, besides the practical.

Nicole [00:24:33]: Right. I think also it's one. It's just being transparent, which all of these things are being transparent. Right. It's like. And being transparent means, hey, I have nothing to hide all the time.

John [00:24:43]: And you can't have intimacy. I'm stressed this. I'm going to look in the camera right now. You cannot have intimacy without honesty. And what is honesty? Essentially? Transparency.

Nicole [00:24:55]: There we go. Yeah, I like the connection. So, and then the other thing about this is that it's also for your own protection. When I say you, I mean the person who's turning their location on. Because look, hey, people are humans sometimes they make most of the things that happen come from mistakes. Right. You know, so if you know that, you know, guys, you know, if you know that your location is on and being broadcast, then what's going to happen? You know, if you did think, oh, I'll just go over to the titty bar, hell no, you're not going to do it because, you know. Right. And so it is for your own protection to protect yourself from doing something you don't want to do. Right, Right. Because you're creating, you're making it hard on yourself. Right.

John [00:25:46]: So there's no excuse like guys can have some self control.

Nicole [00:25:50]: Right? Yeah, yeah.

John [00:25:51]: No, I'm just saying it's not where you're coming from. They're more inclined to do something like that. Like, women are not gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna go to the Magic Mike strip club tonight.

Nicole [00:26:00]: Not a strip club.

John [00:26:01]: I mean, he comes into town every once in a while. I'm sure he puts on a show. But again, that's a whole nother conversation. But what I'm saying is, like, that isn't as readily available for women. It's not really what they want.

Nicole [00:26:12]: No, but it's other things.

John [00:26:13]: It is a temptation for guys. And so what you're saying is that it does lessen that because you don't want to go and do those type of things or hurt your partner.

Nicole [00:26:24]: Exactly.

John [00:26:24]: They can see what you're doing.

Nicole [00:26:26]: And this is why. It's a protection for the relationship. And this is why, like I said, a guy that's leading the relationship, which he should be, should be implementing things to protect the relationship. Whether sometimes a woman might not agree with it because she might not understand, but she should have enough trust to say, well, if my man, who I trust is saying this and is putting these boundaries in place, I'm going to follow them, even if I don't necessarily agree with them. I know this is. People are choking right now, but it's fun. But it's not about ego. It's about, do you actually trust this person? And do you want a man to lead you? You know what I mean? If you don't, that's fine. But you. I think that things work much better in a relationship in that way.

John [00:27:11]: Well, and see, the issue really would be with these type of boundaries is if a man puts this out there, but he isn't gonna uphold the same boundaries and do the same things and treat you with the same respect. Because I know men value respect, but so do women, and it needs to be on the same level. That's why it's like, you can't be. Like, you can't have guy friends, but I'm gonna go out with my girlfriend to a movie because she wants to watch it. And we've been friends since we were 12. Like, that's not. It's not acceptable when it doesn't go both ways.

Nicole [00:27:41]: And it's about voluntarily agreeing to these things. Right. To do. Again, it should be a standard. Right. As a man, I would tell another man, look, if a woman won't voluntarily agree to these things, do not get into committed relationship with her, because that's a problem.

John [00:27:56]: Well, it's a problem because mostly because you're not on the same page and the relationship's not going to work out. Like, ultimately, at the end of the day, don't get in a committed relationship with someone you're not compatible with. And, like, if they don't want to have a relationship like this, then that's their choice.

Nicole [00:28:15]: Okay, But I'll Push back slightly on that, though, because sometimes you might not be on the same page. Because what point is leadership? If you're always on the same page, then you don't really need a leader.

John [00:28:25]: Yeah, but what I'm saying you need.

Nicole [00:28:26]: A leader for when you're not on the same page.

John [00:28:29]: What you're saying is, if she's not going to follow your lead anyway, when is she going to follow your lead?

Nicole [00:28:35]: No, that's true. That's true.

John [00:28:36]: So let her go and you'll find somebody that does want to follow your lead.

Nicole [00:28:40]: Right, right. So. So you're saying by. On the same page, you're not saying that she necessarily agrees 100% with everything, but she's willing to do the things.

John [00:28:48]: No, I think if you explain it the way that we're explaining it, then she should, like, she should. Like, if she respects you and values you and trusts you. Trusts you to the level.

Nicole [00:28:58]: I agree, in this case, she should. I think there are going to be some circumstances in relationships where the woman might not necessarily agree with what the guy's decision is, but then that's the point of leadership, is that someone has to.

John [00:29:11]: Well, we'll have to do a whole thing on leadership, too. I mean, like, there's so many topics, but. Okay, what was the fourth one? How many did you have? Five?

Nicole [00:29:17]: It was like six, basically.

John [00:29:18]: Okay, yeah.

Nicole [00:29:19]: So the fourth one was the sharing phone passwords. We could say email. I mean, if you're married, you should share your email and all of the stuff.

John [00:29:27]: Well, you're sharing, you're becoming one. So, yeah, it's all.

Nicole [00:29:30]: People don't share their email accounts that are married. They don't have access to each other's bank accounts or any of their personal information or their phones. I mean, it's a shock to me, but that's a majority of people, actually. A majority.

John [00:29:42]: I won't even dive too much into that because it just sounds more of like a roommate that, you know. But.

Nicole [00:29:49]: But let's talk about phone passwords.

John [00:29:51]: I mean, this is like, again, it just. It goes back to the transparency. Like, if you're doing things you're not supposed to be doing, you're worried about this stuff. If you're not and you're really happy in your relationship and you trust the person, you respect them, you could go through my phone right now, the whole thing, and I have no problem. Like, and I could go through your phone and so it's like. I guess I just, like, don't get. I understand. Like, I don't know because also people are like, privacy, but it's like, what is private? And Right. Like you mentioned when you first said all the things like, you're not. If someone's going through your phone every day.

Nicole [00:30:34]: Right.

John [00:30:35]: They don't trust you.

Nicole [00:30:37]: Right.

John [00:30:37]: But, like, you should have the option and it should be open. Because it's just about being open.

Nicole [00:30:43]: Right.

John [00:30:44]: Like, it's about giving them this to be totally transparent with your partner. Not to be like, hey, give me your password. It should be more of like, here's my phone password, here's my email. Like, you know, you might need to, like, answer a text message for me while I'm driving. Or like, hey, can you, like, check? I mean, like, I know with us, like, we tried to do this credit card thing with a bunch of points and you can get into my email so that you can handle that thing for me so I don't have to do it. And it's like.

Nicole [00:31:15]: Or even if you did, even if you, like, had felt like, oh, I feel like they're up to something. Let me check. Like, I mean, you shouldn't. But people are human and you might feel like that and then you're like, okay, well, I can go and look.

John [00:31:29]: And I've done that with John.

Nicole [00:31:31]: Yeah, yeah.

John [00:31:32]: Like, I have had that moment. But it's not like he didn't give me his email. And I'd be like, right. You know, it was in a.

Nicole [00:31:39]: But you could, you could.

John [00:31:41]: Where I was feeling like, you know, anxious about something. Right. And so I tried to like, yeah. Figure things out for myself.

Nicole [00:31:51]: Which, which.

John [00:31:52]: And I want to be open and transparent with the people who are watching this because it's like, I'm not telling you all this.

Nicole [00:31:58]: Right.

John [00:31:58]: Because I didn't make mistakes or I haven't done the things like, you know, I. This is why we're here. But it's also like, that didn't cause us. You weren't like, now I'm not going to let you in my email anymore.

Nicole [00:32:11]: You know, in fact, it's like, okay. I mean, you could. If you said, I just want to check your email, I wouldn't even be offended one bit. Because if you feel that for some reason I want to comfort you, I want you to not have to have that feeling, to have a total. Right. And I would think it would be likewise in relationships. People should want. If someone is having a problem, even if it's their own problem, even if they have some insecurity from themselves and it has nothing to do with your behavior, wouldn't you want to comfort your partner. Be like, hey, look. Look through my phone. I like, Like, I know this is embarrassing for you that you feel like you want to look through my phone. So let me make it as easy as possible. I'm not offended. Look through my phone. Right. I know that sounds weird to say, but that's. If you care about someone, that's how it is. And again, this same thing comes down to the protection of yourself as well, because if you know your partner has your phone password, are you going to be looking up porn sites on your phone? You know, are you going to be doing these things that you're not supposed to be doing on your phone? Messaging people you're not supposed to be messaging. You're not. Even if they're not looking at your phone, you know that they.

John [00:33:15]: I mean, I think even if you're thinking about that, well, that's like danger zone. But.

Nicole [00:33:19]: I know. But.

John [00:33:19]: No, for sure. So.

Nicole [00:33:20]: But.

John [00:33:21]: But what I'm saying is that, you know, I don't. Again, it's. To me, it's like the location, it's like all the other stuff. It's transparency, it's openness, it's being honest.

Nicole [00:33:31]: Right.

John [00:33:32]: Because again, you can't have a close connection. You can't have the relationship you want without that. So it's very important.

Nicole [00:33:41]: And even again, I'll say that I violated all of these things not in this relationship. And I did some things that I'm not proud of that I shouldn't have done. I mean, we can go into detail in some of the other. In future episodes, but just to be fully transparent here is that these things would have protected me from the bad things I did, which, again, I still should have gotten out of that relationship, but the way that I did it was not right. We both know that, and we've had plenty of discussions about that, which again, stay tuned for a future episode. To get the full YouTube channel right. You can watch my YouTube channel, but I just don't want to get into it now. But without context, because there's some split. It's a lot of context. It's a lot. But anyway, those things would have protected me from making bad choices.

John [00:34:31]: Well, boundaries would have protected you.

Nicole [00:34:33]: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

John [00:34:35]: All right, what's the next one?

Nicole [00:34:36]: Okay, next one is. We said passwords, location. Oh, this one. Oh, this one is pretty simple. It's kind of very similar to the other ones, which is if a person of the opposite tech sex texts you. Right.

John [00:34:53]: Okay.

Nicole [00:34:53]: Right. And it's not completely business related. Right. You know, or emails would apply to. Then you just voluntarily show the other person. They don't have to ask you. You show it to them.

John [00:35:06]: Like that's what it is. Like, okay, you already know this because I literally had my ex boyfriend from when I was 16, right. Text me like a few months ago, like love letters that he had kept.

Nicole [00:35:23]: Yeah, yeah.

John [00:35:24]: And sent to me.

Nicole [00:35:25]: Right.

John [00:35:26]: So I could have been like, this is going to hurt John's feelings or like, whatever, like, oh, I shouldn't show him. But that never even crossed my mind. I was like, hey, just letting you know this happened. I didn't respond. Why do I need to respond? Right? Like, you know, that's very. Like, that's just not like, I get that. It's kind of like if you're a nice person, it makes you feel bad for like feeling like you're ignoring somebody, but at the same time, like, it's respect to you and that is the main thing. And they know are my relationship. You are my now husband.

Nicole [00:36:00]: Right.

John [00:36:01]: And so like, what happened at 16, even though he might be holding on to these things and even he was in a relationship, so he really shouldn't have been doing those things either.

Nicole [00:36:10]: Right. Like, well, you know what? This gives me the final thing I've been looking for for the whole not getting rid of friends talking to exes thing. So many people are so more afraid of hurting other people's feelings than the.

John [00:36:26]: Person closest to them.

Nicole [00:36:27]: Right. And that's what it comes down to. That's why all of those things matter. That's why when someone says, hey, I don't want you talking to people of the opposite sex. If we're in a relationship and you ignore that, that is why that is an issue. Because that's what you're indicating. Right?

John [00:36:44]: And it is hard because, like, you know, you are ignoring somebody and it does make you feel like, bad that you're having to do that. But at the same time, it's like, that's not your responsibility. Like, this person sent you these things. Not like you asked them for it and you're ignoring them. Right. Like, that would be rude.

Nicole [00:37:03]: Right. And they know what they're doing when they're sending those things.

John [00:37:06]: All right?

Nicole [00:37:06]: Right. It's not an innocent thing.

John [00:37:09]: And again, this goes back to like, guys, do they ever really, like, let it go? You know, women can do this too. But again, it's like I hadn't talked to this ex besides, like, he would occasionally say something to me when I was single like, happy birthday. But I didn't even keep in touch with him. Like, we weren't friends to that extent. And then it still happens. So it's like, you know, it's just, just, it's best to like be transparent about all the things. Like even the other day, this guy that I went to high school with, we played a prank on my parents and he texted me and I like, you know, told John. I was like, you know, and he had only texted me because my parents were in the restaurant.

Nicole [00:37:44]: Right, right.

John [00:37:44]: And he was like, I think your parents are here. And so then we were like, and.

Nicole [00:37:47]: He'S gay too, so.

John [00:37:48]: Well, I mean, but still, like, I mean, we wouldn't.

Nicole [00:37:52]: But that kind of the conversation we had with him afterwards would not have felt flown if he was not clearly flamboyantly gay. Right. Like, but because then I would be.

John [00:38:01]: Like, you were like in on the whole thing. Like we were sitting there. It like wasn't like some behind the scenes thing.

Nicole [00:38:08]: Yeah.

John [00:38:08]: And so it's just best to like have the transparency again because it's like something could like, you're. Your old girlfriend could text you at any time and she occasionally has texts and I'll show you and things like that. And so it's just best to keep the whole thing open. Like, everything should be open, everything should be on the table. Because that is what's going to bring you closer to your partner. Especially if you are in a committed relationship, you want to marry this person, this is the person you're going to be with for the rest of your life. They need to be respected at the utmost importance. And if you can't do that, then if you're not already married, then you should really contemplate if this is the person for you. Because it is not hard to respect and trust a person that you truly feel those feelings for and have shown you that you can trust and respect them and have proved to you by their actions and things like that. So that's why these things, they seem different on the outside looking in. But when you do have those things, it's not that big of a deal to put any of these boundaries into place.

Nicole [00:39:23]: And it's protection, like I said too, what can happen. A lot of times people will push back on this or they'll be like, I don't really need to show her everything. So then girl text, and then they're just like, oh, hey, whatever, now she sends a nude. And now the guy's like, well, I'm definitely not gonna show her now. Like, oh, that looks nice. And then it's like, now you're actually doing something wrong. And you just went from. You know what I mean? Because the way you responded to that or that you didn't show that transparently is showing that right now.

John [00:39:53]: It's causing more issues. Little side note, but I'm not gonna let it derail us is that. I mean, there was a time with me and you that your friends told you not to tell me something to try to keep you from hurting my feelings. That's what a lot of people say. Like, they're like, oh, don't show them. Like, that'll just hurt them. And, like, it's not that big of a deal. But what I told you is that I want you to tell me everything, even if it's gonna hurt my feelings, because I will. It will hurt my feelings less.

Nicole [00:40:24]: Right.

John [00:40:25]: For you to be totally open and honest with me.

Nicole [00:40:27]: Right.

John [00:40:27]: Than it would be if you kept something behind my back and decided for me what was best for me.

Nicole [00:40:33]: Right. I agree.

John [00:40:34]: Because then you're not really allowing me to process the situation the way I would want to. You're doing it for me.

Nicole [00:40:42]: Right.

John [00:40:43]: And so you did end up telling me the truth. And then you also realized in that moment by how I responded to what you told me, which was something that was upsetting, but I didn't yell at you. I didn't, like, treat you differently. Like, you learned then and there the importance, really, of telling somebody something, regardless of what you think might happen. Because honesty and transparency is the key to, like, a very close relationship.

Nicole [00:41:11]: Right? Yeah. And that's where all of these things come from, is mistakes we've made.

John [00:41:16]: Exactly. Here we are just talking about.

Nicole [00:41:17]: But then figuring it out and growing from it and having a better than perfect. Like, what we call better than perfect.

John [00:41:24]: Right. Because we're fixing. We're, you know, getting better and better.

Nicole [00:41:28]: All right.

John [00:41:28]: How many more are left? One or two.

Nicole [00:41:30]: There's just one left, which is the girls night out, guys night out, partying with the single people or not single people, pretending like you're single. You know, all the stuff that goes on that we all.

John [00:41:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:44]: I mean, bachelor party.

John [00:41:45]: Even when I used to drink, I didn't really like going out and drinking. Like, I would really do it with my friends, and I would go out with my friends and, like, want to dance and then go home. Like, that literally was the goal. Like, obviously, when you're single, if, like, a cute guy comes up to you and you have a conversation. Cool. That's like A bonus. So, like, now, like, my idea of fun is not the same as it was when I was single. Right. Like, we go to, like, Dave and Buster's or, like, you know, do something that we like to do.

Nicole [00:42:18]: Right.

John [00:42:19]: And I don't really miss the, like, partying. I mean, I didn't. Like I said I didn't really like alcohol and, like, we don't drink now. But it's like, in your whole life, what you think is fun changes. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong if you're at this single. You're single and you're going out and you're having fun, and you're going to bars and you're dancing with your girlfriends. Like, there's nothing wrong with that right now. But when you're in a committed relationship that you're truly happy to be in, do you even want to do that?

Nicole [00:42:53]: Right. That's right.

John [00:42:54]: Like, you should want to be at home spending time with your friends, family, or your boyfriend at, like, midnight or sleeping, you know?

Nicole [00:43:02]: Yeah. That's when you get older, then you want to.

John [00:43:04]: But I'm not saying that you can't still hang out with your friends. Like, I go, I'm going tomorrow to, like, a painting class with my friends.

Nicole [00:43:11]: Right. And see, that's appropriate. No one's been like, oh, she's out of painting class. You know what that means?

John [00:43:15]: She's trying to pick up all the.

Nicole [00:43:16]: Oh, wait, you're not a nude model, though?

John [00:43:19]: No.

Nicole [00:43:20]: Okay. All right. Just kidding. But, yeah, I mean, that's appropriate. Or if I went golf, I mean, I would never. I'm never going to go golfing. But if you like to golf, golfing.

John [00:43:29]: Or running or hiking or on a hiker, yeah, you know, that's.

Nicole [00:43:33]: That's cool. Or even to go out to dinner or something like that, or lunch or brunch or something. Well, not the kind of brunches that a lot of girls go out to, but, you know, a normal.

John [00:43:42]: You just gotta watch out for the bottomless mimosas. But yeah, no, just. What I'm saying is that, like, partying is definitely more of, like, a single type of vibe. And plus, when you're in a relationship, that you just value the things that you guys do together, like, at the top priority. Now, I'm not saying get rid of your friends, but I'm saying, you know, you're not marrying your friends, you're marrying your partner. Like, and you're gonna do life with them, and you spend the most time with them.

Nicole [00:44:15]: Right.

John [00:44:15]: So you live together a lot of the time.

Nicole [00:44:17]: If you're allergic to nuts, you wouldn't go and hang out in a nut factory. Just be like, I'm not eating the nuts. I'm just hanging out. Why would you be in a place where you could accidentally ingest oh, my God. Or you'd be tempted to eat a nut? I don't know. Like, I'm just saying, you know, when you go out to a place that is designed for single people, a lot of times to hook up, or it's not. It's. It's not the place where you should be like a bar or a nightclub, and you're like, well, I'm not gonna pick up anyone or I'm not gonna. It doesn't matter. You're putting yourself in harm's way at risk of temptation, is there? And if you're not planning on eating nuts, don't go to the nut factory.

John [00:44:57]: That's my. I'm not saying that women are less likely to do this, even though I do feel they are a little bit less likely to go out and, like, cheat. But I know women like to go out and dance and stuff. But at the same time, I would say if you're in a relationship and you really still hold on to going out with your girls and partying and drinking and things like that and, like, putting yourself in sort of, like, that sort of situation, what are you missing from your relationship, right? Because, like, if you still value that. And I'm not even saying if you and your boyfriend want to go out, like, go out together, that's. That's fine. If you still want to, like, go out and drink, I mean, then you should be probably going with your partner if you want.

Nicole [00:45:42]: You're, like, stressing there's a problem.

John [00:45:44]: Girls only, like, getting plastered, right? And whatever. Then, like, what are you missing from your relationship? Like, what is. What are. Like, what's keeping you in this state, right? Rather than in, like, okay, like, I'm ready to, like, you know, do a nice puzzle with my boy. I'm not saying you have to do a puzzle, but you know what I mean? Like, yeah, we could. You could be going to a nice dinner with your man instead of, like, getting drunk and ending up diving into a bush, right?

Nicole [00:46:13]: It doesn't. Yeah, it's just not. It's not the thing. It doesn't make any sense that this, at this point in your life to do that thing. If anyone.

John [00:46:20]: I think people, like, also confuse that as, like, you can't hang out with your Girlfriends or you can't hang out with your guy friends. Like you. So I'm like. But it just, I just think naturally the things that you want to do change. Because there was even a time where like you were here and I was in Florida and I had gone out with some of my friends and like, we were, you know, going through some stuff, but I wasn't like out drinking, but I had gone out with like one of my friends who just got engaged and her, like, guy. And I was out and we weren't even like. Like you weren't there. And I felt weird.

Nicole [00:46:56]: Yeah.

John [00:46:56]: Like, and that. And I went to a place I had always gone to party. I had like, you know, it was the same type of vibe it always was, but it just like wasn't for me anymore. And I'm not saying that everyone's going to feel that, but I do feel like if you're really invested in a relationship.

Nicole [00:47:13]: Yeah.

John [00:47:14]: The things that you did on your own, like in this kind of like partying, like, dating scene is not gonna appeal to you as much anymore.

Nicole [00:47:25]: And if you want to dance, then go to Madhouse.

John [00:47:30]: It's like, it's even better. It's even better than going out to the bars and the clubs. It is even better with all your.

Nicole [00:47:37]: Girls cheering you on. And then you can show your, show your man the video of your. Of your dance.

John [00:47:42]: You know, they even do like couples classes sometimes. So. Yeah, no, 100% agree. Like, you know, you can still do the things, the core things that you loved about going out.

Nicole [00:47:54]: Right.

John [00:47:54]: Like, you could even have like date nights at your house with your man or even with your girlfriends. Come to your house and you guys make little like, you know, different cocktails and make it like a fun thing. It doesn't have to be like this.

Nicole [00:48:10]: Raunchy or get couples friends and you can do things together and have board game nights or whatever. Or even if you guys want to go out to a concert or something like that, or go on a cruise ship, there's stuff you can do as couples.

John [00:48:23]: So I think we covered all, dissected all of it.

Nicole [00:48:26]: Good job.

John [00:48:27]: Very well. But yeah, so there wasn't any we missed, right?

Nicole [00:48:32]: I think we pretty much covered it. Yeah.

John [00:48:34]: But I do think people. I'll add one little thing. I do think it's important to have an in depth discussion. Like, because sometimes guys could be like, don't do this. And then they don't really, like explain it.

Nicole [00:48:45]: So, yeah, I can talk to that. The way that you should approach this, guys Is this. Is that. Again, like I said, when the woman is asking for commitment or saying, where are we? You know, is indicating she wants commitment, is that you say, look, hey, you know, before we do this, it's very important to me that we, that we take this seriously. Like, I take commitment seriously. And, you know, especially if you're dating multiple girls and you're like, okay, I'm gonna just date you and we're going to be in one, you know, and you should be moving in the direction of, you know, marriage. You should, like, that's what the purpose of it is. If you're going to be. Why else would you be in a committed relationship?

John [00:49:24]: You can't see this person as your future partner, like your wife, your husband.

Nicole [00:49:29]: But then you just say, look, it's very important to me, like I said. And so I have some standards that I have as a man that are very important to me and important to the success of our relationship. And here's what they are. And then you list the six things and you have a conversation about each one. And you say why it's important. And what's most important about this, guys, is that you indicate very clearly that I am trying to be as transparent as possible with you. And this is why I'm doing these things and why I have the standard that the same is done. Because you start with saying, I'm being transparent to you, and that's why I hold myself accountable. That's going to get a much better.

John [00:50:07]: Response, how you approach it, right.

Nicole [00:50:09]: Than the, like, you know, the, oh, well, you know, I'm the man. And, you know, and this is what, if you want to date me, woman, you gotta, you know, get rid of.

John [00:50:19]: Your guy friends and someone. You're the man, all right? You are, in fact, not the man.

Nicole [00:50:23]: Right, Exactly. But. But that's how you have to approach it. And then. But you have to be willing to walk too, right? Because if she's not going to agree to those things, right? You have the discussion, then you say, hey, respectfully, I mean, however you want to phrase it, we can still date, but we're not ready for commitment if we're both not ready to do these things, right? And that's it. And then you're not making it all her fault. And hey, maybe you even still date her and you're just not in a committed relationship. And then maybe at some point she's like, man, all these other guys suck. I really like this guy. I guess maybe I'm ready to actually commit.

John [00:50:54]: Yeah. I think people with all their boundaries have a really hard time with the walking away part.

Nicole [00:51:01]: Yeah.

John [00:51:02]: Like, that's what they really struggle with.

Nicole [00:51:05]: Yeah. Every single problem that I see in the guys that I coach in their relationship is because they were afraid to walk away.

John [00:51:11]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:12]: Including my own self.

John [00:51:13]: Uphold the boundary. They're just like, oh, I'm gonna do. I'm gonna go. If you do this. And then they do it. And you're like, no, I'm really gonna go. And then they're like, they still do it. And you're like, no, really, like, bye. And then you're like, you know, kind of walk.

Nicole [00:51:26]: I'll give you one more chance.

John [00:51:27]: Yeah. You're like, all right. They're still doing it. And you. Okay, you convinced me. Like, just don't do it again. And then, of course, they're like, I won't. And then they do it. And again, you're back to like, oh.

Nicole [00:51:36]: Like, yeah, it has to. You have to just be real.

John [00:51:38]: You're gonna go, though. For real this time. And then it's not for real.

Nicole [00:51:42]: Yeah. It's. Love without attachment is what I would call it, where you're not like, I'm. I love you, but it's at. It's. You're. You're not here as a prisoner. If you want to, like, it's gonna be on the terms that you. You know, if you want to be here, then this is how. It's. How it's got to be for our relationship. So.

John [00:52:00]: Right.

Nicole [00:52:00]: And a man has to be willing to lead. And it means that a lot of times, it's going to be a hard path to be a leader as a man. But that's what a leader is. A leader doesn't say, I hope that everyone agrees with what I'm saying, and I will only say the things that sound good. A leader says, I am going to make the choices that is good for the people that I'm leading. And they might not like my choices all the time, but I'm gonna do what I believe for their benefit.

John [00:52:28]: As long as the leader is keeping the person's best interests. Yes. At heart. And he knows them. And he's taken the time to figure those things out by being with them and being around them and things like that. So that's what's important. And that's, like, what I feel like is really hard for women to understand these days about letting a guy lead. I was that woman.

Nicole [00:52:53]: Yeah.

John [00:52:53]: And. But the thing is, like, I think it's more about finding the right guy that aligns with you and your morals and things like that. And trusting him.

Nicole [00:53:05]: Right.

John [00:53:06]: Because you know him. And you guys are on a very similar page.

Nicole [00:53:10]: Right.

John [00:53:10]: To act as if you would act and then that way you can give him your masculine energy and your masculine tasks and.

Nicole [00:53:18]: Yeah.

John [00:53:18]: And then you can rest assured that it'll be done and you can be more feminine.

Nicole [00:53:24]: Yeah, it's. I like the analogy. Maybe we can wrap it with this. It's like is of a captain of a ship, right. The man should be the captain of the ship. And a good captain goes down with the ship. He's responsible for the ship. A good captain is there for the benefit of the crew, to keep the crew safe. He shouldn't have selfish ambitions being the captain of the ship. And he should be willing to let the people that are willing to go under his leadership on his ship. And if they don't, then that's fine. They're not prisoners. They can be on the ship or off the ship. But if he's going to be on the ship, he's going to be the captain. He's going to steer the ship.

John [00:54:02]: But he also has a lookout.

Nicole [00:54:04]: Well, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Well. But a good captain also has a first mate.

John [00:54:09]: Right. And people that help him run.

Nicole [00:54:11]: The navigator or whatever. Yeah. That he relies on people that are wise as well and takes their counsel into his decision making process. He makes the final decision, but he listens to the people who have more experience in different areas. He listens to his first mate and he's looking out for their welfare primarily. And if something goes wrong with the ship, there's only one person to blame, it's always him, because he takes full responsibility and he goes down with the ship. And that's it.

John [00:54:40]: There you go.

Nicole [00:54:41]: So, all right.

John [00:54:44]: So for a little, what we kind of went through this week is that I would say since I get to pick, we kind of had to regroup on our parenting.

Nicole [00:54:57]: Yes.

John [00:54:58]: Not that John and I don't have very similar parenting styles already like we do. And I think that's important. And we also talked about that being important. It's that like we're all changing. Things happen all the time, different circumstances. And even if you have the best interest in mind, sometimes you can get off of the path.

Nicole [00:55:23]: Yeah.

John [00:55:24]: And what we did is we just really talked about it. We talked about what we were doing, you know, what was happening and how we could get on actually a better path than the one that we were even on and the one that we intended to even be on the whole time. But we Were doing it. Like, we were putting in way more effort into this thing that needed something else. And so we could focus the effort that we were trying to put in to, like, make something happen more into, like, love, which we were already doing, but it gave us more space to love and less space to, like, be so stressed out.

Nicole [00:56:07]: Right. And it was good for us to have the discussion, to listen to each other and to come to a conclusion.

John [00:56:14]: Right. And figure it out. And figure out.

Nicole [00:56:16]: And not turn against each other, because a lot of times when the child is. You're having parenting difficulty or issues, it causes fights because both people are stressed out, but instead, we turn to each other.

John [00:56:30]: Worked as a team.

Nicole [00:56:31]: Exactly.

John [00:56:32]: And worked as a team to figure things out and regroup. And I think that's important. I think a lot of people, you know, they have a hard time with change.

Nicole [00:56:40]: Right.

John [00:56:41]: And they have a hard time, like, looking at something that has maybe gone differently than they had hoped.

Nicole [00:56:50]: Exactly.

John [00:56:51]: And instead of being beating themselves up and making themselves feel bad, they're just. They just need to be like, all right, we got here. We didn't mean to be here, but we're here. Let's try to get back, and, like, let's do better than we even were doing before. And so it was just. I thought it was very refreshing and, like, something that I hadn't really experienced. Like, well, with us, we've always been like a team. But I'm saying, in, like, other relationships, like, I never really had somebody to, like, look at the issue as a team, if that makes sense. Like, it was always, like, one against the other. Well, you did this, and so I did this. And then it's like, you're going further away.

Nicole [00:57:34]: Right.

John [00:57:34]: Rather than putting two heads together, figuring out a plan. And now it's even easier to, like, figure the situation out. Exactly.

Nicole [00:57:43]: All right, well, I guess we'll see you next week. Through every fault we find our way.