John [00:00:00]: No. 50. 50. There's no excuses. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to operate your household like this. If you're a man, you should definitely be like, I'm going to only marry a woman that trusts me to lead the house, that respects me as the leader of the house, that submits to my authority as the man taking care of the household. You got to be the man that's earning of that understanding what servant leadership is, understanding how to do it. You have to do it as a woman. That's what you should want from a man. And you should be willing to give up the finances. And if you're not, then that's not the man for you. Beyond the perfect we discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people.

Nicole [00:00:54]: Helping each other grow. Growing equals one better than perfect relationship.

John [00:00:58]: It's been a while since I.

Nicole [00:00:59]: Helping each other finish each other's sentences.

John [00:01:02]: That's right.

Nicole [00:01:03]: Helping you do the.

John [00:01:05]: Just helping.

Nicole [00:01:06]: Yeah, exactly.

John [00:01:08]: So, yeah, we survived the hot sauce from last week. Last week was a bit of a spicy, spicy episode. Yeah. Yeah. I forgot to tell you not to have your kids watch that one. But, you know, and.

Nicole [00:01:21]: Yeah, that one.

John [00:01:21]: Don't have your kids watch that one.

Nicole [00:01:23]: Yeah, that one's not.

John [00:01:25]: Yeah, all age approved. I mean, it wasn't like, too, you know, just vivid descriptions of nibbles. So that's, you know, that's the, you know, the most.

Nicole [00:01:34]: Yeah, some of them were.

John [00:01:36]: Yeah. You know, like.

Brief Speaker [00:01:37]: Yeah.

John [00:01:38]: Some vivid descriptions of days of the week as well. So. Oh, no, I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't. You're gonna taste this episode, you know, with that.

Nicole [00:01:49]: Any other news going on?

John [00:01:54]: I'm trying to think not. Not too much. I'm just. I'm in. In that you never see me because I'm just learning sales and doing sales and, you know, so. But aside from that.

Nicole [00:02:08]: Oh, we're going to a Tony Robbins event in October, so.

John [00:02:13]: So.

Brief Speaker [00:02:14]: Yep.

John [00:02:15]: Unleash the power within.

Nicole [00:02:16]: See how that goes. And I told John, maybe we'll do like a vlog. Cast a vlog. Ish. Podcast episode for that weekend. But. Yeah.

Brief Speaker [00:02:29]: Yeah.

John [00:02:29]: All right, well, let's. We'll. We'll jump right into it then. So this is, like, basically going to be like Reddit edition, you know, like, or whatever. We're going to answer a thing. I Saw this thing.

Nicole [00:02:42]: We're gonna answer a thing.

John [00:02:43]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:45]: But no, we're gonna put our two sets.

John [00:02:46]: I don't know what the title will be like a lot of times. I know what the title is, but I thought we could just talk about this subject, which is I saw this on. I think it was on X. Or maybe it was.

Nicole [00:02:56]: It's definitely on X. Yeah. Based on what you showed me.

John [00:02:59]: Yeah. So it said this. This was the beginning of the thread. There's a screenshot. It says, my husband makes 250k a year and doesn't give me free access to his. Our money in parentheses. Our money. He pays for all the bills and gives me a monthly allowance and money whenever I ask for it. Asks. She actually said asks when and money whenever I asks for it. But I don't have the ability to just spend from his account. We've been married for eight years and stay at home mom for two. How to get out of a financial abusive marriage.

Nicole [00:03:41]: That's a lot. There's also a lot missing.

John [00:03:44]: I'll repeat it one more time just so. Because I read a little bit weird. My husband makes $250,000 a year and doesn't give me free access to his. Our money. He pays for all the bills and gives me a monthly allowance and money whenever I ask for it. But I don't have the ability to just spend from his account. We've been married for eight years and stay at home mom for two. How to get out of a financial abusive marriage.

Nicole [00:04:09]: So there's things here that unfortunately we can't ask about.

John [00:04:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:15]: Because there's parts of it that aren't horrible, but there's parts of it that aren't good.

John [00:04:20]: There's no parts that aren't. What parts are not good?

Nicole [00:04:23]: The parts that aren't good.

Brief Speaker [00:04:24]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:24]: Is that like.

John [00:04:25]: Nothing wrong with this.

Nicole [00:04:27]: She feels left in the dark about the stuff. The good part is, is that, like, he gives her the money if she asks for it. Whatever.

Brief Speaker [00:04:35]: Right.

Nicole [00:04:36]: But I think her issue is that there's not, like, transparency enough for her to feel secure in the situation.

John [00:04:47]: Yeah. Which is. Which I would say is not necessary. And as a man, you should not do that.

Nicole [00:04:51]: But she said our money. So, like, she's not working at all. She stayed home now, but she was working.

John [00:04:59]: Maybe. Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:00]: And what was the situation before that? Was he still doing this before that?

John [00:05:05]: Well, okay. He's making $250,000 a year. That's a lot of money.

Nicole [00:05:12]: Yeah.

John [00:05:12]: That's a good amount of money.

Brief Speaker [00:05:13]: Right.

John [00:05:14]: So this guy is making play. Good money. He's. She's not saying that she has any problem with. With him not giving her money that won't let her spend money.

Nicole [00:05:27]: But it sounds like, though, she doesn't have a credit card, is what she's saying, or something. You know what I mean? Because she's like, I don't have access to that money. So, like, it sounds like she doesn't have a credit card that he, like, is giving her a specific amount or she has.

John [00:05:41]: He's giving her an allowance. Is that what it says?

Nicole [00:05:43]: It's like he doesn't trust her. Yes, that's what she said. It seems like he doesn't trust her.

John [00:05:47]: Monthly allowance and money whenever. And money whenever I asks for it.

Nicole [00:05:52]: Right. But I'm saying, though, it sounds like she doesn't have a credit card.

Brief Speaker [00:05:57]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:58]: So the problem might be the trust aspect. Like, she doesn't feel like he trusts her, which I get. Like, maybe she has a spending thing and so he's doing it to be financially responsible. But if that's the case, has he brought this up to her and she's admitting putting that in here or, like, what. They're still like, unsure things.

John [00:06:22]: Yeah, yeah, I get that.

Nicole [00:06:23]: Because like, yeah, he. If she asks for something, he gives her the money. He's like, I guess the allowance thing, it feels kind of childish. It feels kind of like. Like anybody would feel like their partner doesn't trust them. Like.

Brief Speaker [00:06:39]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:06:41]: So if there's not communication about why there's a allowance, again, like, if it's because she'll just go by designer handbags and she's not good at budgeting money, I can understand this if he's had the conversation with her, but if that's not the case and she doesn't have, like, some sort of spending issue.

Brief Speaker [00:07:03]: Right.

Nicole [00:07:04]: Why is it an allowance? Why doesn't she have access via, like a credit card, those sort of things.

John [00:07:12]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:07:13]: Because it does seem like the way she's portraying it. It does seem a little bit controlling, the way she don't know why.

John [00:07:21]: Well, okay. I mean, I've got a few. Take. I mean, I don't think it's any different than our.

Nicole [00:07:25]: It's like Dave Ramsey or something, like, trying to.

John [00:07:28]: I don't think it's any different than our situation. I think our situation is exactly the same, except that I make more money.

Nicole [00:07:33]: You don't give me an allowance.

Brief Speaker [00:07:34]: Right.

John [00:07:34]: Because I make more money. If I made less money, I would give you an allowance. I would give you A certain amount of money to give me a budget.

Nicole [00:07:42]: I don't think you'd give me an allowance because that seems like more work to be like, here's the exact amount of money you have. Like, rather than just giving someone a credit card.

Brief Speaker [00:07:50]: Yeah.

John [00:07:51]: I mean, I think it's better to manage it of just give a credit card. Right, right. And it kind of comes down to, like, I think a few things. Right. So it's like, the thing about it is that as a man, Right. It's better if. And I'll catch some heat for this one, but I don't care. It's better if your wife does not know anything or hardly anything about the financial situation of the house.

Nicole [00:08:18]: Why?

John [00:08:19]: I'll tell you why. Because she's just going to worry about it. And if there's too much money, then that's not. She doesn't need to know that.

Brief Speaker [00:08:30]: Right.

John [00:08:30]: Because a lot of situations, I mean, you're an exception, but a lot of women will spend a lot of money because there's a lot of money. If there's too little money, she's just going to worry about it. And as a man, you should shield your wife from that. You should take care of the finances, not even really talk about the finances, aside from saying, okay, here's how much you can spend every month, which isn't allowed because the reason why is because if I'm in charge of the finances and I'm handling all the finances for the house and I have all the stress and worry about the bills and are we gonna, like, I can tell you how much you can comfortably spend, and if I just give you that amount and that. And just that information, you don't have to worry about that other stuff. And it's not. Because it's not. Doesn't come from a place of, like, not trusting. It comes from a place of stewardship, of taking care of, of, like, I don't want you to worry about this stuff because, look, me as an entrepreneur, money goes up and, like, I got a lot of stressful. I mean, I share with you a lot of the stressful stuff. Some of it maybe I shouldn't share with you as much, honestly, because it stresses you out some. But I like to share some of the victories and stuff. But, but, but the who. The whole idea behind it is that, like, to shield her from it so she doesn't have to worry about this kind of stuff and, like, the ups and downs, like, if it's, you know, and just like, okay, I know how much money that you can spend, and here's the amount that you can spend. If you need more money, let me know. But like, here's, here's the, you know, that's, that's like the good reason behind. I'm not saying that there's not controlling guys that are like, you know, which.

Nicole [00:10:07]: I agree with what you're saying, but the way that she's describing it makes me feel like there's something else going on because she called it financially abusive or something. Right. Like, that's not normal. That's not normal for a woman who is in like, my position.

Brief Speaker [00:10:24]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:25]: Like that you're talking about. You know what I mean? I feel like there is communication that isn't happening between these two people or something is happening that we don't know the full picture. Because having been in the situation now and continue to be in that you're talking about, Right. There's never a time when I feel like our situation is financially abusive.

Brief Speaker [00:10:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:52]: So why does she. She feel this way? There's like, is he saying that she can't buy expensive handbags or something and she's just calling it financially abusive? Or like he's giving her money whenever she asks, he controlling what she buys? Like, is he like, you can't buy this with my money, or is he doing what a lot of men do that women are terrified of and is saying that it's his money? Because she did say his parentheses ours.

John [00:11:17]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:11:17]: Is he calling it his money?

Brief Speaker [00:11:19]: Right.

Nicole [00:11:19]: And he's controlling what she's doing because of that? I think you have a healthy version of this perspective, and maybe this isn't as healthy as it is like that.

John [00:11:33]: You're talking about 95% of people in the world, in the common US world, let's say, would call me financially abusive. I mean, financial abuse is not even a thing.

Nicole [00:11:45]: Why would they call you financially abusive?

John [00:11:47]: They wouldn't like this situation. They wouldn't like anything that I'm saying here. The financial. First of all, financially abusive is not even a thing. You cannot financially abuse someone. You can physically abuse someone. You can mentally abuse someone. You cannot financially abuse someone.

Nicole [00:12:01]: I mean, maybe it's like financially holding them hostage.

John [00:12:05]: That's. That's not even.

Nicole [00:12:06]: And even though you made the choice, maybe you weren't aware that it was going to be this controlling, and then now you're in it, and then you can't get out of it because now you have no money. It's his money.

Brief Speaker [00:12:14]: Right?

John [00:12:14]: But this points out exactly why that a man needs to, like, in this kind of situation needs to be in complete control of the finances is because, and, and it's not a woman's fault necessarily. But okay, the guy's making $250,000 a year, right? That is, that's a, that's a. To most people, most people, that's an astronomically large amount of money to make for one person in a year. Even for a household like most people, most households are living off of like 60, $80,000 a year. Like 100,000 is, is kind of like the median average I think now of a dual income household.

Nicole [00:12:55]: Right.

John [00:12:56]: So for one person to make $250,000.

Brief Speaker [00:12:59]: Right.

John [00:12:59]: That woman doesn't know how. Privilege. I hate to use the word privilege. It's actually making me use the word privilege that she is right. Like, and so because of that she has no concept of, of the reality of money. And so that's why this, the man has to create like handle those situations and dole out the money and be in control of the finances in that, in that situation. You know, I'm not saying it's all situations, but what, what I am saying is that like her unreal, like if he's giving her money and, and, and whenever she asks for it and she's being taken care of, everything is fine. Like her wanting to just oh, I want to have access to the money or I want to be involved in the financial situation and calling that financial abuse. It's, it's, it's crazy ridiculous. Like yeah, if he was making like $80,000 a year and then he was telling her what kind of bread she could buy different, but 250, 000 a year, that's a very comfortable amount that is well beyond what most people make. And that's why I'm saying that it applies in this, in this case because she doesn't know.

Nicole [00:14:12]: I do think it is weird that she doesn't have a credit card or something if that's the case. Like I do feel like it is something weird about the way she's talking about it that makes it feel like she doesn't have money of her own. If that makes sense. Right. She probably does feel controlled. And like I said, if she's not financially responsible, then some of that is warranted.

Brief Speaker [00:14:37]: Right.

Nicole [00:14:38]: However, if that's not the case, I can understand her perspective. If you're like this is how much you get and you don't trust me to have a credit card or you don't whatever, like there is some sort of like trust aspect aspect that I feel like she's struggling with in this instance. The other issue is that I agree with you that it is better for men to just handle the finances, especially if they're the breadwinners and they're bringing in the finances like they. And if they're good with money. A lot of men aren't good with money. So that's where also things get messy. But if you have a business and you're making that much money, you should be hopefully good with money.

Brief Speaker [00:15:22]: Right?

John [00:15:22]: Yeah. We're talking about guys that are successful.

Nicole [00:15:25]: Right.

John [00:15:25]: We're not talking about like whatever Joe, but he should become good with money.

Nicole [00:15:30]: Here's the issue with that though.

John [00:15:31]: And be forced to become good with money.

Nicole [00:15:32]: But what if something happens to him and she's never looked at any of the stuff. She doesn't know what bank accounts, what she can't get into anything. She doesn't know what bills need to be paid. She doesn't need to do. No, she doesn't know any of that.

John [00:15:45]: Well, I mean, document has we updated. But if I die, when I die.

Nicole [00:15:51]: What do you mean document has to.

John [00:15:52]: Be updated when I die. You'll get a document that spells it all out for you and tells you how to take care of the thing.

Brief Speaker [00:16:00]: Right.

John [00:16:00]: I have to update the document. But, but I've, I've pre. Planned ahead of time for my death to give you the, the, the reins and the stress that goes along with it. But also there's other alternatives, right? Like you're competent. So I, I'm, I'm doing it that way. If you're, if you, I didn't feel like you had enough financial literacy where you would hurt yourself, then I would just take out a very large life insurance policy. And then, and then the. In my will, it would say that that life insurance money would pay off all these debt. They would give it a real simple. Like liquidate the assets here. Here you go. And you just have money to live off of. That will be in a safe account to. You don't have to worry about real estate and investments and all that stuff. Right. So. Or running the business. And you know, I haven't set it up quite as you know, but as I get older I will definitely set up more of those things to make things easier. But that's what a man should do, right? He needs to take care of.

Nicole [00:17:01]: Right. But I guess that's the key too, right? Is that if he's not giving her any access to this, it is a man's responsibility to make sure she's being taken, cared for and if something were happening, because she's not going to know.

Brief Speaker [00:17:13]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:14]: If you are taking full control of this, you have to have something like that. Like you're smart and responsible and someone I can trust. I'm not saying that this guy's not right, but she's also probably worried about the same sort of things. If you never seen the finances when you get in a situation like this.

Brief Speaker [00:17:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:33]: It's perfectly normal to be like, well, what if something happens? Unless like you, you've already told me that you've kind of laid all these things out this way before now. So it's not something that I actively stress about. But there is still a part of me too that's like, you know, I don't, you know, deal with these sort of things. So like, who would I pay for this? Or like I know roughly who to pay for this thing. But like what about this thing? What if there's business payments that you have that you haven't really told me? Because I don't really need to know. So like, I just hope that the man that she's talking about has set her up as well. I mean it sounds like he is managing it. If he's giving her an allowance and all this stuff, then he is actively involved in this. So hopefully he does have something like that already set up.

Brief Speaker [00:18:22]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:22]: But again, I just, we don't have the full information on this. So it's a little bit hard to know if this woman is coming from a place of. She doesn't feel like she's trusted by her husband or he told her she couldn't buy a Louis Vuitton and now she's mad on the Internet saying something, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know where this is coming from.

John [00:18:45]: I mean, I would say that it's, it's the, the liberal mind virus that has infected her. Because the thing is like she is entitled. She's coming on X. Okay, posting this about her husband without the other side of the story. And she's, she, she's, she's coming from very, she doesn't understand how most people live. She doesn't understand how good she has. Like, because what you're saying, I, I agree. Like there, there can be something.

Nicole [00:19:13]: I don't think that's necessarily a strictly liberal situation.

John [00:19:17]: It's, I feel like there's, it's a.

Nicole [00:19:18]: Woke conservatives that have a very entitled mindset as well, too entitled, like that sort of problem.

John [00:19:25]: It's, it's more of like a Feminist type of. Of of way of thinking.

Brief Speaker [00:19:32]: Right.

John [00:19:32]: Like that's what I'm saying.

Nicole [00:19:33]: It's more victim mindset way of thinking.

John [00:19:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:36]: Like she's trying to say he's financially abusing her.

Brief Speaker [00:19:39]: Right, Right.

Nicole [00:19:40]: Rather than calling, like just talking about the situation.

John [00:19:44]: Okay.

Nicole [00:19:44]: Based on what is happening.

John [00:19:46]: Well, let's go back to why people would say that I'm financially abusive. Like 95% of people, because they don't understand how things should operate. They believe that a man being in charge of the finances is financial abuse, grounds for divorce. Because they don't believe that a man should be in charge of his household and his wife. They don't believe that. Most people don't believe that.

Brief Speaker [00:20:13]: Right.

John [00:20:13]: And they believe that that's domineering, controlling and abusive. They don't see it as stewardship. They don't see it as a kingdom. They don't see it as servant leadership. They see it as abuse. I'm just saying that's what people see. You obviously know that that's not the case. I know that's not the case.

Brief Speaker [00:20:33]: Right.

John [00:20:33]: Our intelligent viewers know that's not the case. But I mean, when I looked at this thread on Twitter, 90% of people were like, oh, you should leave him. What an asshole. Blah, blah, blah.

Brief Speaker [00:20:43]: Right.

John [00:20:44]: Is because they disagree with. Well, let me set the foundation for like, of. Of how finances should be handled in the house.

Brief Speaker [00:20:51]: Right?

John [00:20:52]: Is the man should be the sole breadwinner. The woman should be able to work, stay at home, take care of the children. She should not have to be financially responsible for the household. If she has a job or whatever. You don't have kids, Right. And she wants to like, do something vocationally. She sure. No problem with that. But she should not be financially responsible. Contributing to the finances of the household for survival.

Brief Speaker [00:21:20]: Right?

John [00:21:20]: Like that's. That pressure should be off of her, because she should. She's not one. She's not designed for. That doesn't mean women can't do it. There's plenty of successful woman CEOs and business owners, plenty of them.

Brief Speaker [00:21:33]: Right.

John [00:21:33]: Some of them a lot more successful in many ways than many men CEOs.

Brief Speaker [00:21:38]: Right.

John [00:21:38]: The statistics show it. However, the feminine is designed for nurturing, wants to nurture, wants to take care of. Is free spirit, is not thinking, not in a logical domain where she's forced into a stressful situation. The feminine does not thrive in that. And as a man, I want my wife to be feminine. I want my wife to take care of the children and to be a mother to them. Not to be in her masculine. If I'm asking her to go out and make money and deal with the stress of the outside world for the purpose of making money, not for a vocation that she enjoys, then I'm putting that on her and I'm putting her in her masculine, right? And that's the thing is like most, most people think that they can't live off of one man's income, but that is the brainwashing that we have been subjugated to in society in order to earn the tax dollars to, you know, to push the industry to, you know, to stand the cost of living, to believe that we need more. We need more material things. We need all these things, right? We have big houses, big yards, all this stuff which necessitates. Necessitates two people working. But in reality, we don't need all that stuff. Our children don't need all that stuff. Like, either. As a man, you can step up and work on your skills because there's no reason why, as a man that if you didn't work on your skills that you couldn't make more than six figures or make enough money even with that standard to support you. It might take you some time to do that. Like I said, that's why I Recommend in your 30s or 40s, you start dating as a man, like seriously dating, or you can live on less. You don't have to have all of the stuff in the latest iPhone, right? And so the foundation should be that the man works, he takes care of the family. If you're not able to take care of a wife and a child, you should have no business getting married as a man or dating, period. And then when a man does have that, he's already coming in in the right way, saying a woman that he's dating, that he's. That he's seeking to marry. I'm going to take care of you. You're my princess. You're my princess bride. I'm going to take care of you. You don't have to work, you don't have to worry about money. So he's already establishing himself that when he's in the marriage, he should be the one that's taking care of all the finances. He should know the money in the accounts. She should not even need to see what money is in the accounts. Again, it's not about like a controlling thing or about like, oh, I don't want you to, like, I want to keep you captive where you, you don't, you don't have your own, own Money, it's because you're two becoming one. If you truly trust each other and if a woman truly trusts a man and he's already established himself because he came into the relationship like that, then the reason for it is because it's stressful. Paying bills.

Nicole [00:24:28]: What about dealing with the asks to see it?

John [00:24:32]: I think that, I mean, I don't know, like, if you ask to see our finances, like all, like I would ask, the first question I would ask is why?

Nicole [00:24:42]: Like, what if it's just like to be get like a baseline of where.

John [00:24:47]: We'Re at, then I can just give you that.

Brief Speaker [00:24:49]: Right.

John [00:24:50]: Like, I can tell you.

Brief Speaker [00:24:51]: Okay.

John [00:24:52]: Know what I mean? Like if, if it's just like, oh, I'm just curious, I just want to see what we're at, then I'm like, okay, yeah. Then let's look at the accounts and I'll like, I'll show. But I prefer to just give you the highlights. The reason being is because I don't want you to stress and worry about the things. You know what I'm saying? It's like that's, that's the problem is what if she asked at a time when finance financial situation is not so.

Nicole [00:25:16]: Good, but then you could explain it.

John [00:25:20]: Yeah, but it is still going to cause stress and it's still going to cause her to worry when she doesn't need to worry. The burden's on me as the man. I'm going to take care of the family.

Nicole [00:25:28]: And she might still worry because she doesn't know.

John [00:25:31]: Yeah. I mean, but a man's answer in all situations, not just financial, should always be, I've got to handle. We're going to be all right. You don't have anything to worry about. That should be a man's answer to anything, basically. Because it should be true. It should be true.

Nicole [00:25:50]: Yeah. And I do agree with you. I think it is different because you show up and you put these words into actions. But I can also see though where someone might still feel like the person doesn't trust them with this information. And also it does seem a little secretive, especially if he never shows you and he's just like, trust me, I got it handled. Like, then it also just sounds like he might be offended that you don't trust him, but he's not telling you. So it seems kind of gaslighty, you know, like, yeah, and I get it. You should be able to ask a simple question. And like, I do feel like it would even be fine just to show her because a lot of times that Would be all that she needs. Like, even if she doesn't understand it, even if she doesn't, like, whatever, it's just that you trusted her to do it. Especially if it's like a trust thing. Like this lady seems to me like she doesn't feel trusted by her husband or something's going on.

John [00:26:53]: But that, but see, but that's also. That can come from a lack of trust.

Brief Speaker [00:26:57]: Right.

John [00:26:57]: So if it's like, if you're like, oh, well, I need to see the finances, then it's like, well, do you not trust me? Like, do not trust. I've got things taken care of.

Nicole [00:27:06]: But I feel like that's different.

John [00:27:07]: I'm out there working, making the money.

Nicole [00:27:08]: She trusts you majority of the time. And then just for some reason she's like, can I see where we're at? I don't see a problem with that. But if she's constantly asking you or whatever, then yeah, I could see where you feel like she doesn't trust you. But I don't think that.

Brief Speaker [00:27:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:23]: Occasionally asking, like a reasonable. Occasional.

Brief Speaker [00:27:26]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:27]: Asking is untrustworthy versus if it's constantly asking.

John [00:27:33]: I think there's. Yeah.

Nicole [00:27:34]: Or trying to take control.

Brief Speaker [00:27:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:27:37]: Of that situation.

John [00:27:38]: It's also like a matter of, I think, like, are you being taken care of?

Brief Speaker [00:27:42]: Right.

John [00:27:42]: Because like, in this scenario, guys making 250k a year, she's got money allowance. When she needs extra money, he's giving it to her. You know, she's. She's able to stay home and work. I mean, stay at home, mom. Like, how. Like to do you. So he's providing a lot of stuff.

Brief Speaker [00:27:58]: Right.

John [00:27:59]: So it's like. But, but that's the thing. But yeah, I agree with you. Like, I mean, if you said, hey, can, Can I. I. I'm curious. I'd like to see where we're at. I would show you, like, like the numbers. I'd show you what the business looks like. You want to look at the, you know, the things. I mean, we could geek out.

Nicole [00:28:15]: I would. I'm just saying that, like, I'm trying to get more of the perspective because something's off. Because I agree with you.

John [00:28:21]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:22]: Ultimately. And I'm trying to figure out why this woman doesn't. Because being in her shoes, granted, like, we haven't had kids ourselves, but we do have a child.

Brief Speaker [00:28:33]: Right.

Nicole [00:28:33]: That it's like, where. What is her actual problem? Because most women in the situation you're talking about wouldn't have a problem.

John [00:28:43]: I don't have a problem. That's that's the problem. See, that's what you're, that's where you're misunderstanding is that you've been out of it for too long.

Nicole [00:28:51]: Well, I mean, like with a man that really provides and he's trustworthy and he shows up in all the other ways and has everything that a woman would want. I do think a woman would not have a problem with our situation now with like a random man who's not good with finances or he provides financially but he's not providing emotionally or something like that. Yeah, there will be problems. But I'm saying, like, yeah, if some, if someone was in my shoes and they felt the same way about you and they had everything they wanted in a man, they would not be feeling, they would not say they feel financially abused. Like, there's no way that I would ever say I feel financially abused.

Brief Speaker [00:29:30]: Right, right.

Nicole [00:29:31]: So that's what I'm trying to say is that, well, what else is going on? Because it's not the financial situation, it's something else, which is what I'm trying to say.

John [00:29:42]: And, but, but a part of it, of what that something else is, is this the feminist type of society that we do live in, like the, the, the woke type of mentality of entitlement that, that doesn't understand this way of doing things that, you know, that majority of women would say, oh no, no man is going to take care, take my fine. Like, tell me what, like what money I'm gonna have. Like, like they would look at, they would look at your situation like most women like, and we'll see, we'll test. I mean, if some clip goes viral, you'll see so many women trying to rescue you from the evil man.

Brief Speaker [00:30:27]: Right.

John [00:30:29]: But if they were so, so they will attack you and they will say, you're so naive. She's, he's taking advantage of you, blah, blah, blah, you need to have your money, girl. Blah, blah, blah.

Brief Speaker [00:30:38]: Right?

John [00:30:38]: Like this is abuse, whatever. But they would also trade you. Like they're going to attack you, but they would trade you. So what I'm saying is that the popular thing to say and the way of thinking about things is that, oh no, like, it should be all, it should all be transparent. It should all be financially equal.

Nicole [00:30:59]: Yeah, but it should be fear.

John [00:31:01]: It is, I think it's, that's what it is, fear. But it's also just a way of thinking of, of, of not understanding the masculine and feminine, not understanding the order of things. It's the same thinking of, no man is going to tell Me what to do. You know what I'm saying? You're not the boss of me. It's the same exact thing.

Nicole [00:31:19]: You're right. But I also think that it is mostly fear and of just not knowing what's possible because again, before you came along, I don't. I wouldn't trust the men that I dated before with all my money. Yeah, that's. I'm being honest.

John [00:31:35]: Yeah, for sure.

Nicole [00:31:36]: And so I think that they're also potentially in situations like that where they can't even fathom trusting a man with their finances.

John [00:31:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:31:49]: But if they met somebody that they trusted and knew was capable and gave them again all the things that you give me, I think they would.

Brief Speaker [00:32:00]: Right.

Nicole [00:32:00]: I think it's just the lack of being in a situation that feels safe enough to relinquish your financial situation to somebody entirely. And there's even been situations, you know, where you and I have been in that we used some money that I had and that was like. If I think about it, I'm like, that's kind of scary. Like I don't have that anymore.

John [00:32:25]: Right, Exactly.

Brief Speaker [00:32:26]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:26]: But I never was like, I shouldn't do this or because I trusted you and you also provide me with so much stuff that it actually felt kind of good to be able to provide that to you, you know, in that instance. But I'm just saying that, I'm not saying none of it is.

John [00:32:43]: No.

Nicole [00:32:43]: I like culture brainwashing people. It's just Definitely is. But I also think that there is like a lack of trust or they're not with the right person. And that's also holding. Because they're afraid. They're afraid for some reason that they don't trust this person with their money.

John [00:33:02]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:33:03]: That's exactly their relationship with a person like that.

John [00:33:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:06]: They're probably not the right person for you.

Brief Speaker [00:33:08]: Right.

John [00:33:09]: You're just too good hearted. I mean that as a compliment. But it's. I mean, but it's true. But, but, but, but you actually are bringing up a point that is underlying. Like. Because what you're bringing up is the point as to why women don't want to have a man be the man of the house and to be in charge of them and to be the leader and be the king in the house and why they don't want to submit to him.

Brief Speaker [00:33:33]: Right.

John [00:33:34]: Because those are all scary words to say.

Brief Speaker [00:33:37]: Right.

John [00:33:38]: But when that man is a servant leader, meaning that he puts the woman and the house and his children, the family first, above his own needs and that's how he's operating, when. When the way he's managing the finances, when the way that he's manag their lives is to optimize for their happiness, not for his, right? Then those aren't scary words. Then submitting to that man makes sense. You know what I'm saying? Letting him be in charge, he can tell me what to do because I trust what he's going to tell me what to do, right? Because he's going to take me into account. Like, then those things make sense. But that's kind of the root of the. Of the whole thing is that I think if people understood that that's what the point of this is. The point of it isn't that, oh, I'm in charge and I'm going to tell you what to do. You're my subservient wife and you know, you go make me a sandwich and you know, and you know, and here's your allowance, right? It's more like if they were to look at our household, they would see me getting up and making you coffee in the morning. They would see, like, me doing more service. Acts like trying to serve you as my princess, you know? Not that you don't do things for me. Obviously you do, but. But that's not what the. It's not. That's not why I'm in charge, right? I'm in charge in order to allow you to be in your feminine, to not have to worry about the stresses of the world in life and to deal with all that stuff. You got your own. But.

Nicole [00:35:06]: But you're rare. You're rare. And that's the reality. I'm. I'm just speaking the truth.

John [00:35:14]: But also as rare as a man making $250,000, giving his wife an allowance and extra money when she needs it, allowing her to stay home.

Brief Speaker [00:35:24]: Right.

John [00:35:25]: And take care of the. So it's like. But he's probably missing something on the emotional connection side because she said, what.

Nicole [00:35:32]: For eight years she did work, and then now she just stopped.

John [00:35:36]: She'd been married for eight years and then last two years, stay at home, mom.

Nicole [00:35:39]: Okay, so, like, why is she reminiscing on working and bringing in money? I guess. And then now she's not, like, now she's not happy.

John [00:35:49]: It's just people don't understand, like, it is a bit of an entitlement thing. It's like they don't understand this order of things. It's just like when we talk about, you know, the whole thing of, like, the rules for the relationship of like, having locations on. No girls night out, guys night out, no bachelor parties or bachelorette parties. And it's like, don't travel without your partner. Like, to go, like, girls trip. Guys, like, people are like, you guys are crazy and controlling because they don't understand it. And so it's like, if you're coming in with that. That mind frame, okay, you can have friends of the opposite sex while you're in a relationship, talk to your ex. Like, people believe that that's true, and they haven't suffered the consequences of that yet. They don't understand those principles. And when you come into that, it's like, oh, well, I should have equal access to the money. I should. Like, I should have all. All of these. These things. Like, you.

Brief Speaker [00:36:40]: You.

John [00:36:40]: You can't tell me what I can spend and not spend. You see what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:36:43]: It's like where I'm confused, I guess, is like, they've been together eight years. So this just started happening two years ago. So is it like the disruption of now? It's different because it's different with you and me. Like, I worked when we first met, but, like, I still wasn't paying, like, half.

John [00:37:05]: No, I was still, like, you know.

Nicole [00:37:07]: I think you paid the majority. But I did give you money.

John [00:37:10]: Yeah, you gave me a little bit of a. This was before we were married, right?

Brief Speaker [00:37:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:14]: So. And before we were engaged, you were still doing. You were still providing more than me, even back then. And so when it transitioned to, like, you provided everything, it didn't seem as abrupt. And I trusted you still.

John [00:37:28]: And that's what I'm talking about and all that stuff.

Nicole [00:37:29]: But that's why I'm like, was it different, though? Like, did this man just get a $200,000, whatever salary now? And he didn't before? Was she in charge of the budget maybe for the. The previous six years, and then now he's making more money and now he's in charge. Like, I'm just missing a lot of information. Yeah, because it's just not a normal response. If everything else is good and you're getting to stay home and your man's providing you, like, whatever you want, basically, you just have to ask for it or whatever.

Brief Speaker [00:38:02]: Right.

Nicole [00:38:03]: Why are you calling it financially abusive?

John [00:38:06]: But have you heard of Occam's Racer?

Nicole [00:38:08]: No.

John [00:38:08]: It says that the. Whatever the simplest answer is, that's probably the answer. And so it's probably answered that she's just entitled. And I'll tell you why. Because when you look at the thread on On X, there was so many people agreeing with her without having any more information, just saying, oh, that's ridiculous. He's financially abusive. Like, get out of there.

Nicole [00:38:31]: I think though, that's cause she used the word abusive. And then people are just going to cover themselves and be like, if you're being abused, you should leave immediately.

John [00:38:38]: There's no abuse in fine. You cannot financially abuse someone. So immediately. When I look at that, right? As a man, knowing that, okay, this dude. Because I crack down hard on dudes, especially when it comes to finances and taking care of your woman, right? And it's like, dude, dude's making 250k a year check, okay? He's given her money that a monthly allowance. So he's allocating and figuring out how much money to give her every month so she has. She doesn't have to depend on him for everything. She's got a way to spend money without having to ask him for everything. And he's giving her money when she asks. Beyond that, I'm like, and he's letting her stay home and not have to work. Dude is like providing. Now he's doing financially, yes, above and beyond. But her complaint was not, my relationship's bad, he treats me bad, blah, blah, blah.

Nicole [00:39:25]: Her complaint was about sexually abusive. So I'm wondering if he's trying to control what she's spending money on, but.

John [00:39:31]: That'S also a reasonable thing. Like, you know, I'm saying like to a degree, but is it right?

Nicole [00:39:36]: But what is the degree? Because you're right. She's all the things that she said until. Financially abusive.

John [00:39:41]: Yeah, but you're trying to make it more complicated. That's what I'm saying is Occam's Razor. Like, she's like, he's providing all this stuff. She's not. She didn't say he's. He. He controls what kind of bread I buy. Like, he's given her an allowance, which. Which is actually better in many cases than just the credit card. Because the allowance is like, here, this is your money. You can spend it however you want to spend it. You see what I'm saying? So that's actually.

Nicole [00:40:03]: But it's an allowance for her, for the family, I mean, for the kids.

John [00:40:09]: But either way, that's still fine. Like, that's still as if he. Because the other thing is he's like, to investigate.

Nicole [00:40:14]: I can't just leave it at like.

John [00:40:16]: I mean, from her own admission, she's saying, he gives me money whenever I ask. So it's like, that sounds pretty good. Like, you know what I'm saying? It's like, no matter how you slice and dice this, she's coming from a very entitled attitude. Like, she doesn't realize how much better she has than most people on this planet and most people in the United States. So that's, that's around, I'm saying. But I mean, yeah, again, there's got to be something going on wrong. Like some, somewhere. Look, when there's a problem, who do I go to for who caused the problem?

Nicole [00:40:50]: Toto. Just kidding.

John [00:40:53]: The leader, the man of the house. Like, all like. So he, he, he up somewhere along the lines, right? Because one, either he like married a, a gold digger, right? Or he didn't, he didn't teach her, right? Like, he didn't like, like help educate her on like, hey, this is like, maybe, maybe they need to do some, some take her to do a soup kitchen or something to see how privileged that she is, right? And how, how most people live.

Nicole [00:41:24]: She could be freaking out that she lost control of finances.

John [00:41:29]: Or number three, he didn't provide the emotional safety and support and trust that she needs to understand who. You know. I'm saying, like, he should have either tossed her out or tossed her out.

Nicole [00:41:40]: They've been married.

John [00:41:41]: No. A long time ago. Like before, like, or educated her or provided something on the emote, not just the financial side that he wasn't like, right. It should have been one of those three things. Is that somewhere he messed up along the line. Because, because I don't like the, the buck stops there, right? Especially you're the dude, okay? You're making 250k a year. You're providing for your, your family. Like, she's, she's working from home. She comes in, she's spouting off on X behind your back about she's working finance or she's staying from home. I mean, it's, it's working from home. You know that. But, you know, but she's spouting on X that he's financially abusive bro up somewhere. Because that's disrespect. That's like, you know, either she, she was. Should not been a woman that you marry or you should have provided some kind of correction or you should, you're, you're not showing up some other place. You know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:42:36]: And they're, that's what I'm saying.

John [00:42:37]: He's clearly the man of the house. If he's taken on the financial burden. Like, he's, he thinks he's the man of the house.

Nicole [00:42:43]: Yeah.

John [00:42:43]: So then the buck stops there like somewhere. You know, I see that happen. I, I'm going to like, yeah, I think she's entitled, but I'm going to judge the man and be like, hey, dude, what Your, your woman is out here on X, you know, like, she doesn't appreciate you, she disrespecting you. Like, what's going on? Like, it's got to be something.

Nicole [00:43:03]: It's definitely disrespectful. And it's not okay to throw out abuse. The word abuse. That's why it was just shocking to me. But it's also, like you said, shocking that she didn't mention how it's abusive. Really. Like she said she, the money is being controlled, that's given to her, right? But she didn't mention why that's a bad thing, what it's preventing her from doing, which would be why it's abusive if it's preventing her from doing something that she feels entitled to.

John [00:43:36]: This, this is like, there's no such thing as financial abuse. But if you're talking about like, like to mentally abuse someone or to like extort someone using money, like this is what women are afraid of. This is a different situation. This is where a guy, he's like, okay, he's, it doesn't really matter how much he's making, but probably he's making less than, than that. Not, you know, and he tells the woman, oh, you can't work, you need this, you need to stay home and you need to take care of the kids. And then he's like, and you need to have my dinner on the table at 5 o' clock and it better be warm. And you know, I mean, and like, and the house better be clean, right? And like, and he's given her all this stuff that he, that he wants from her. You better go do the shopping. And then he gives her a certain amount that she can spend on the, on the shopping and anything that she wants, like, you know, she wants to get extra cleaner or whatever, she has to like go through him and he questions her about, about her judgment on, on that. Why do you really need this? Why did you get this kind of bread?

Brief Speaker [00:44:42]: Right?

John [00:44:44]: She doesn't have money for herself. She has to ask him for, for every single thing he checks. Every single thing. Where are you all the time checking? You see what I'm saying? Like, that's a controlling, that's a real actual controlling situation where that's a totally different thing. And of course, yeah, I don't condone that. Like, that's not. That's not what we're talking about. But you know, giving an allowance, giving a certain amount of money, like get like, you know, making enough money, taking care of where she doesn't have to work. It was like. It's a different thing.

Nicole [00:45:15]: Yeah.

John [00:45:15]: Than what, you know. Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:17]: It's being pretty.

John [00:45:17]: Yeah. I can understand what the actual, you know, like, abusive situation looks like. That's where it's like, oh. Where it's like. And. And he also says, it's my money. It's not. You're like, I'm the one who makes the money. So it's. It's my money.

Nicole [00:45:29]: He holds it over your head.

Brief Speaker [00:45:31]: Right.

John [00:45:32]: You can't leave because what are you going to do without me? You know that type of situation where it's like she has no financial. She's trapped. She's been married to a guy for. She doesn't have skills or a job or anything. And. And he's the only source of. Of money and he's holding on to that money and making her answer for every single Spence expense that she, you know, I'm saying, like unreasonably. So to use it as a control mechanism. That's a totally different thing.

Nicole [00:46:01]: Right. But I think women get afraid. You're right.

Brief Speaker [00:46:04]: Right.

Nicole [00:46:04]: And I'm glad you spelled it out because that is controlling versus what we're talking about, at least what we know in this situation. But I think women get afraid because it doesn't all happen at once. Usually especially early on. Men are on their best behavior.

John [00:46:18]: Sure.

Nicole [00:46:18]: And then it starts bleeding in a little bit. He starts becoming controlling about one thing and then you're like, well, is this controlling or isn't? And then, you know, some people, men and women stay on their best behavior until you get married and then they let it all hang out.

John [00:46:35]: Some people.

Nicole [00:46:35]: And then now you're stuck with this person.

John [00:46:38]: That's what engagement period is for.

Brief Speaker [00:46:40]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:41]: But I think I agree with what you're saying. I just think that women get afraid too because they're very hyper vigilant because they try to pick up on.

John [00:46:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:51]: Is it happening? Like, is it starting to happen? Is he going to turn into this man? Like, he might be this man, but is he going to turn into this man?

Brief Speaker [00:46:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:46:59]: Like, I think after a while, if you've been together long enough and you spend as much time together as like you and I have, like those kind of go out the window. But early on, or like if you had a quick engagement and then you got married and now the person's acting different. I think that's where women get a little cautious, which I'm not saying is what this woman is going through. They've been together 10 years, I guess because they were. No, eight years.

Brief Speaker [00:47:24]: Right.

John [00:47:24]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:25]: And then two of the years she's been at home. Yeah, but there's something just off about this. Like I don't get why. And it might be her. I'm not saying it's not.

Brief Speaker [00:47:34]: No.

Nicole [00:47:35]: Yeah, because there definitely are women and people just in general that will blow something out of proportion and manipulate the situation. But also maybe he is controlling what she's buying and she didn't say it. I don't know.

John [00:47:49]: Not with the allowance. And, and she admits that he gives her money when she wants it.

Nicole [00:47:53]: Yeah, like that's, that's where it's. Like that's where it doesn't believable. But there's still something missing here.

John [00:47:58]: Yeah, I mean it does. Like, yeah, there's something missing. There's definitely some entitlement disrespect going on as, as well, you know what I'm saying? But, but a lot of just people just don't understand, like, and I can tell you from looking at the thread and how many people just like have the mindset, they don't understand that the value of the man being in charge of the house, being in charge of the finance, even. Even in traditional relationships.

Brief Speaker [00:48:22]: Right.

John [00:48:23]: This is the problem. Like, because our closest demographic that matches us, even though we're not religious, is. Is Christian, like Bible believing, you know, Christians. And in many of those households, I can tell you who's got the checkbook. The wife. She's paying the bills, the man's making the money. Sure, maybe.

Brief Speaker [00:48:40]: Right.

John [00:48:41]: But she's really the one who is handling all the finances.

Nicole [00:48:45]: Yeah, Right.

John [00:48:46]: And that's not good. That's not how it's supposed to be. Right. So they don't even necessarily get that.

Brief Speaker [00:48:52]: Right.

John [00:48:52]: What, what I'm espousing is an ex, what most people would call an extreme view, but I think it's a very sensible one.

Brief Speaker [00:48:59]: Right.

John [00:48:59]: If you're the man that you're supposed to be and taking care of your house properly, these things shouldn't be a problem. And also a woman shouldn't have a problem with that.

Brief Speaker [00:49:08]: Right.

John [00:49:09]: Because like.

Nicole [00:49:10]: But if she's been in control of that.

Brief Speaker [00:49:12]: Right.

Nicole [00:49:12]: During your relationship and now it changes, that might also throw her off. And maybe that's what happened maybe the six years before she stayed at home, she was in charge of the Finances or like paid the bills and then now he took it over.

John [00:49:27]: By the way that she, she. Her grammar and the way she phrased things, I seriously doubt that's the case.

Nicole [00:49:34]: But I don't know. But I think that that's also what women struggle with too, is that if they've been doing it. Yeah, hasn't. And now they gotta switch over, then it's like they've been doing it so they know how it operates and they've been doing it right. Now they're giving it to somebody that they don't know if they're going to do it right. And like, a lot of men probably aren't the most financially savvy compared to women. I'm not saying that women are better, but. Because women definitely have their own things. But I feel like that is where a lot of women have pushback is because they don't trust the man to do it right and at least not do it correctly. Maybe. Or like you said or no. In the Laura Doro book where she was like, you know, if the lights go off one month, you got to let it happen. Which is like crazy. Like, no woman wants that. They're like, why? When I could just do it right. Like I've been doing it right.

John [00:50:32]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:50:33]: But so it's, it's a scary thing. I'm not saying that this is what's happening with this lady. It doesn't sound like it, but I'm just trying to throw in.

John [00:50:41]: Yeah, no, it's good because this is just, this is just something that we can have talking point, you know, like the point is not even necessarily to dissect this story, but it brings up the talking points about what you're saying about finances in the household.

Nicole [00:50:55]: But I think it's important. I think if you're a man and you are financially responsible and you come into the relationship again, you're not going to take her money and make it your money when you just started dating.

Brief Speaker [00:51:06]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:07]: But you know, if you come in from the get go and you're financially responsible and she can trust you in that way and in all the ways.

Brief Speaker [00:51:16]: Right, exactly.

John [00:51:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:51:18]: You can transition a lot more easily into living the traditional lifestyle where you're the breadwinner and she stays at home, than if it's like you're coming in halfway, like you weren't doing it before, you just let her do it because she was already doing it and then now you want to take it over. That's going to. Cause yeah, it's issues. It can you. It can still happen. I'm not saying it can't still happen, but she's going to have control issues because she was controlling that thing and now she's not. So it's just better for men to learn this skill from the very beginning. Especially too if you want to be successful in business, in your career, right? It's a good thing to have, right?

John [00:52:01]: And the thing about it, and that's why I said like that when you're dating, like you're establishing these things, like you're not even dating as a man probably until your 30s, aren't like 30s or 40s, like seriously dating. That's my advice. Okay, there's exceptions, but you probably don't have your shit together as a man until until then and have enough experience with women to understand and how know how to handle a woman properly. She's going to run, run you over, right? So, but then also financially, it gives you time to build because you shouldn't be messing around. Like getting involved with a woman in a relationship early on in life is going to slow you down as a man financially, right? You should be thinking about the future, about your family and you should be working hard in your 20s. Again, look, I didn't, I mean I did partial of this advice, but I got married young, you know, so. So I'm not saying that like I'm the perfect know it all, like I know it now.

Nicole [00:53:03]: You learned the hard way.

John [00:53:04]: But your 20s should be spent working hard enough that you're going to be able to support a wife and kids like a family as a man, if that's what you want, right, that you want out of life, then you get into the place where you are financially more successful than the woman. So again, how is this going to work if she's more financially successful than you? It can, but it's hard, right? But if you're working your 20s and that's what you're focused on, then you can be to that point, there's no excuse or reason why you can't do that. And so then as a man, when you're dating a woman, you're paying for the dates. You're like you're already setting the precedent that I'm taking care of you, right? I'm the man. And then when you get engaged now, you're taking over all of her finances because this is a trial period at that point. But you're also having a conversation before you get married, before you get engaged, you need to have the conversation, not before you get a long term relationship. That's fine. Like, you know, you can, you can be in a committed relationship, but before you get engaged, you need to make sure that she's on the same page as you, which means you should have had the captain of the ship talk, but you also need to talk about the financial part of it and be like, look, you know, just so we're on the same page, like, I take care of you now financially, take care of all your stuff. You know, when we get married, if that's, if that, if, if we're going to just want to make sure we're on the same page, that I will take care of all of the finances, all the money, I will handle it. You won't have to worry about all that. And, like, and then if there's problems that come up, then you can discuss. So it's known, like, this is how things are going to operate.

Brief Speaker [00:54:36]: Right.

John [00:54:36]: It's like. And that's because there's no way that things were going to operate differently with me. Like, that's how I was going to operate. Like, that's.

Nicole [00:54:44]: Yeah, but what if you get in a situation like theirs where it changed, like, six years in.

John [00:54:49]: Well, and people that watch this podcast and now they're awakened because we've awakened them.

Brief Speaker [00:54:55]: Right.

John [00:54:55]: And they realize that traditional relationship like, that, they make sense. Then you. You've got to do some trust building and education because if you are switching the situation, it is different. And you're like, okay, well, this is something better.

Brief Speaker [00:55:12]: Right.

John [00:55:12]: It's going to take time. You can't just instantly be like, okay, before, you know, we were like equal partnership and no one's in charge, and it's just everything is split. And now I'm the man and I'm in charge, and you have to listen to me and I'll take care of all the finances. That doesn't.

Nicole [00:55:34]: That's not gonna blend well.

John [00:55:36]: You have to understand this because it's a new agreement at this point. It's like, okay, I want to be able to take care of you.

Nicole [00:55:44]: Yeah.

John [00:55:45]: As a man, I don't want you to have to worry about these things.

Nicole [00:55:48]: Well, I think even if you're in a 50, 50 or whatever, and you transition to a traditional relationship, or if, even if the woman is more successful than you as a man, I think, like we said before, one, you have to put all your money together. Like, if you're getting married, you have to put all your money together. And I think that the man should still manage the finances and lead in those ways.

Brief Speaker [00:56:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:15]: So then if you do ever transition to more traditional, where he's the sole breadwinner and she stays at home or whatever, then you kind of already have that dynamic. And it still takes off the stress from the woman of focusing on something masculine, like which the men will come for me, and they'll be like, taking care of yourself is not masculine. It's being a human. But it's like, if a woman doesn't have to deal with that, even if she's going to work and having to be in that environment, you're gonna see a more feminine side of her at home because she doesn't have to be like, oh, was this bill due? Or is this. She knows that you have it handled. She knows she can trust you. And then that way, again, if you ever transition, it's an easier transition than, like you said, going from, we're two people living under one house, but we live separate lives. Basically, your money's yours and your money's yours, and you do whatever you want.

Brief Speaker [00:57:07]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:08]: Versus, you know, doing that transition into a more traditional. Like, it'll feel more of a shell shock if you're going from two separate people.

Brief Speaker [00:57:18]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:19]: Rather than combining together when you get married, like you should anyway. Even if you're both going to work and even if you both have to divvy up, like, the chores at home.

Brief Speaker [00:57:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:28]: In a. In a way where it's still a little bit more equal. Because if she's working, she's still doing, you know, more. Then when you transition, then she can, you know, drop.

John [00:57:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:40]: The career stuff and focus just on the stuff at home. It just would make things transition a lot easier. And I feel like it'll make you feel more like a unified unit, like team from the very beginning. And then you also won't have. Because I guess the whole thing with that woman's tweet or whatever. Do they call it tweets anymore now that it's X?

John [00:58:01]: I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think you can get the.

Nicole [00:58:04]: Whole thing with that. Is that, why did you marry a man you don't trust? Or why did you marry a man you're talking like this about?

Brief Speaker [00:58:15]: Right.

John [00:58:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:15]: And if you're just upset and you're posting this, that's not good. Because then you're gonna have to be like, I didn't mean it. I was just upset. And if you do mean it, he didn't just get this way. Probably.

Brief Speaker [00:58:28]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:29]: Like, you're eight years in this. He was probably this way. And if you had A problem with it. You should have also left the relationship. Like, you shouldn't leave it now that you're like making this into something. Because if there's actually a problem, you should probably talk about that rather than what she's talking about on there.

Brief Speaker [00:58:50]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:51]: So. And is she doing this because she's upset because he's not providing for her emotionally?

John [00:58:56]: Maybe, Maybe.

Nicole [00:58:58]: Yeah, maybe she's trying to get attention because he's not giving her attention or she wants, I don't know.

John [00:59:03]: Or she's spending too much time on social media and she's got this ideas planted in her head and that, like, you know, it's like. But also that's his responsibility. He should be like, look, this is not healthy. Like, you know what I'm saying? So ultimately it does come back to his responsibility. Like, like I said, if I see this and if I'm, if, you know, I'm a man looking at this and I'm like, oh, your woman just posted. Your wife posted this. What are you doing? Like, there's something like, you tolerate this kind of disrespect in your house. Like, you allow this to happen like somewhere you up, like, you know, again, not, not saying that. Like, you know, it's like, like, what.

Nicole [00:59:39]: Is he gonna do? Be like, no money for you, no allowance for you this week.

John [00:59:42]: No, it's not, it's not like that. It's like, it's, it's already like, that's like, it's like you, you go to a house, right, and it's on fucking fire. And that's the stage you're at at this point. So it's not like, oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try and the fires are like, you fucked up somewhere really far back, back that this happened. Like being a jerk and being like, okay, now you're not gonna like punishing for that. That's not what we're talking about. There's not a. It's. It's a. Like have a talk like this. This is a serious, like, you know, are you, are we really together? Like, this is a violation of my trust and like total disrespect. Like, let's get on the same page here and make sure that this is, you know, figured out because it's something that. It's like had that happened earlier in their relationship, it should have been by bye bye bye bye bye. You know, like, because, yeah, you know, that's a very entitled type of like a disrespectful type attitude. That's that's what I'm saying.

Nicole [01:00:48]: It's just hard to discuss because we don't have the full picture, but I think we did a pretty good job.

John [01:00:53]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:00:53]: Minus the full picture.

John [01:00:55]: But. But it is. It is like, just a matter of understanding how the things should work.

Nicole [01:01:00]: Right. But a lot of people don't know. And that's the thing, that's why we started this podcast, is a lot of people don't know because.

Brief Speaker [01:01:06]: Right.

Nicole [01:01:07]: The traditional of, like, the 50s is not the same as traditional now. Like, things have changed. Like, back then, it was just about money, and you just dealt with it, and they probably did have legit allowances. And it wasn't like a loving situation. It wasn't loving leadership.

Brief Speaker [01:01:22]: Right.

Nicole [01:01:23]: It was, you're stuck with me because you can't buy a house on your own or get a job or things like that. So people don't really know what it looks like. And like you said, I think the only examples they have is religious. And if they're not religious, then they might resist that just because it's. You don't. You never know. So the thing is, people don't really know.

John [01:01:43]: There's a lot.

Nicole [01:01:44]: So this is the way to explain it to everybody.

John [01:01:48]: And that's the thing is, like, you're either in the situation where you're not married yet, so then, no, 50, 50, like, you're hearing it, you learn. You're learning now that this is how you should. Like, there's no excuses. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to operate your household like this. If you're a man, you should definitely be like, I'm going to only marry a woman that trusts me to lead the house, that respects me as the leader of the house, that submits to my authority as the man taking care of the household.

Nicole [01:02:21]: Right.

John [01:02:21]: Again, you got to be the man that's earning of that understanding what servant leadership is, understanding.

Nicole [01:02:27]: You have to do it. Yeah.

John [01:02:28]: But that's how you should be as a woman. That's what you should want from a man. And you should be willing to give up the finances. And if you're not, then that's not the man for you. You need to trust him. If you're already in a situation where you're already 50, 50, that's different.

Brief Speaker [01:02:45]: Right.

John [01:02:45]: But there's. I'm just saying, like, there's no, like, oh, well, yeah, we'll. We'll do kind of a traditional or a modern, you know, traditional relationship, but we'll do a 50. 50. Like, no, you Gotta. If you're not in it already. If you're already in it, sure. Then those are the people that. I get it when you're like, okay, how can we even support one household on one income? Well, okay, transit. Figure it out now that you know what the principal is and figure out how you can get there.

Brief Speaker [01:03:12]: Yeah.

John [01:03:12]: You know, how can, as you as a man start getting control of the finances, you might have to earn some of that trust because you haven't shown it before. You know, maybe get your wife to read the empowered wife book.

Brief Speaker [01:03:27]: Right.

John [01:03:27]: Or the other. I mean, you like surrendered. The surrendered wife. Yeah. And. And the, the queen's coat.

Brief Speaker [01:03:33]: Right.

John [01:03:33]: And you know, as a man, read those. Like you can transition that if that's what you guys want to do and be there.

Brief Speaker [01:03:40]: But.

Nicole [01:03:40]: Right, but.

John [01:03:41]: Yeah, but from the beginning, if you, if you have the. That's why I think it's so important is like, if you have the principles and the fundamentals right from the beginning, you can avoid all of the problems and pitfalls.

Nicole [01:03:51]: That's right.

John [01:03:52]: How many people, like, we just had a story today. I won't, I won't name the names of friends of the opposite sex causing problems. And the relationship that was, I think, close to an engagement. Maybe it was. Engagement was destroyed.

Brief Speaker [01:04:10]: Right.

John [01:04:10]: And it's like if you have these principles, even though you. Some people laugh at us and like, oh, all this stupid stuff that you guys think you don't trust your partner, it's like, no, but if you were living by these principles and you have these principles, it will save you from.

Nicole [01:04:24]: You also don't want to do those things when you are in a relationship and have those principles. Like, I feel like if you lay down principles and you're like, I want to have guy friends still or I want to whatever, then like, you're probably not in the relationship you really want to be in.

John [01:04:39]: And yeah, then it's bye bye.

Nicole [01:04:41]: Because none of the principals or whatever ever feel like I'm bumping into the edges, if that makes sense.

John [01:04:47]: But that's also where kind of a man's. Dude, I know we're going to wrap it up, but a man's duty is to do the education, to have the principles because he's thinking about running the ship. And so the woman sometimes only needs to have the boundaries to know, like, okay, yeah, it's not cool to do friends of the opposite sex. It's not cool to do, like the girls night out. No, no, no, we don't. Like, like, because she might not be Thinking about all the repercussions of those things. Or she might say, oh, it's harmless or whatever. But if, if the man is a trustworthy man who has principles and who understands how to run the ship, he should be putting these guidelines for her own good, for the good of the relationship, and saying, you might not be.

Nicole [01:05:34]: Following the guidelines and he should be.

John [01:05:35]: Following obviously, but he might be. You know, you might not understand why I'm saying this. I will try to explain to you. And you might not agree with it, but this is how we're gonna do it if you're gonna be in a relationship with me.

Nicole [01:05:49]: But I think honestly, if you can explain that it benefits the relationship, then why would anyone even argue with that?

John [01:05:56]: People argue.

Nicole [01:05:57]: I get that. It still happens, but. And I think that it's fear. I do think it's fear. And I think that people are afraid to be burned. They're afraid to be vulnerable and get hurt. And I get that. But at the end of the day, if you're doing something like getting married, you better know if you trust this person or not, period.

John [01:06:14]: And that's ultimately what it is, is it's like a man has to have that trust or the woman has to have that trust in him that, that if he says, okay, these are the things for the relationship that she's might not agree with. She's like, oh, I don't see any. Because she can. People will argue till they're blue in the face about friends of the opposite sex.

Nicole [01:06:34]: Yeah.

John [01:06:34]: And as a man in a relationship, even if the woman that you're with doesn't agree with you and she thinks it's harmless and this guy doesn't, you still have to be like, look, you can't just argue forever. You gotta be like, look, this is just the boundary. You don't have to be in the relationship, we don't have to get married. But it's a non negotiable, like this is the boundary. Like, it has to be like, it comes from a loving place, but it doesn't necessarily be, it's not necessarily understood. Because even, just like, even the whole thing with, with girls night out, because many girls don't understand, like until, I mean, I can put it in a real good way for guys that, that want to communicate this to your girlfriend or wife, as to why girls night out is that when girls go out to a bar, they're like, oh, well, we just go, we just go to dance. And we're not flirting with guys. Like, we're just trying to be friends and. Okay, but if a guy were in a situation where he went out somewhere and 90% of the girls in there were trying to buy him drinks and take him home to sleep with him, no woman would want her guy in that situation. But that is a situation that all women are in. When they're at nightclubs, they don't have to exercise. But you see what I'm saying? But to get that understanding, you, if you're like, okay, I'm just doing innocent things at the. At the nightclub, I get it and I believe it. But it doesn't change that, like, the guy knows the danger of the situation, why it's not okay because she's not thinking about it. If it were reversed, because, you know, if it were the case. No. No woman would ever agree to that situation. Yeah, but that's what every woman. Yeah, we went off, though. Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [01:08:21]: But, yeah, no, I get what you're saying and I agree with what you're saying that, you know, the guy should show up from the beginning really having these principles. And I think that's the most important, honestly. It's not like he can't get them and change the dynamic of their relationship. But really, if you're following what you're saying in that you don't even date till your 30s or 40s, you should already have those principles ingrained in you. And it's way more attractive to a woman that from the very beginning you were trustworthy and responsible than being irresponsible and untrustworthy and then having to gain that back, it's so much harder. So men should really focus on, like, developing those qualities before they get into a serious relationship. Or if you do get in one and you're still kind of slacking that, you quickly learn those things because it'll be a lot easier for you to be the head of the household, the captain of the ship, right? If you already are demonstrating those qualities, then if you haven't for years, and then now she's just supposed to trust you and expect that you're going to handle these things, right? That's going to be really difficult.

John [01:09:32]: And just one last thing before the argument of the passport, bro. Guys come in and be like, oh, that's why you can't find a Western woman. You have to go somewhere else where women actually have those principles.

Brief Speaker [01:09:42]: And.

John [01:09:42]: And is that. And I've told this to many, many guys, because they complain about this is like, look, if you're a strong enough masculine man who has his shit together, right? It doesn't matter. Like convert any woman, the woman will Women. The feminine is follow follower. She, her, her principles will change to match yours if you have a strong enough leadership and trustworthiness.

Brief Speaker [01:10:10]: Right.

Nicole [01:10:11]: Like that's if you're a good enough man.

John [01:10:13]: Yeah. Because she wants to join your cult. She's going to get on your ship. Like that's what.

Nicole [01:10:18]: Well, she wants to be on a ship that she knows.

Brief Speaker [01:10:20]: Right.

Nicole [01:10:21]: Is being controlled the way that she would want to control it.

Brief Speaker [01:10:24]: Right.

Nicole [01:10:24]: And that she can turn her brain off and not have to be in her masculine. Because you have it handled.

Brief Speaker [01:10:29]: Right.

Nicole [01:10:30]: So in order for her to follow you, you have to prove you're more competent than she is.

Brief Speaker [01:10:36]: Right.

Nicole [01:10:36]: That's the only way.

John [01:10:38]: Because guys all the time are like, oh, I can't date this woman because she's feminist. Or just be yourself, be who you are, the masculine man that you are. If you've learned all these principles, take care of her financially, whatever. Like, and just. She will morph to the. She will more or she will be gone. Like, otherwise it'll just be like she, you know, but you, if you're standing firm as a man and you are actually that rock. It's a test. And women will, you know, they will change to be with you if you're worth being with, so.

Nicole [01:11:11]: That's true.

John [01:11:13]: All right. We went a little bit over.

Brief Speaker [01:11:15]: Did we have a thing for your.

Nicole [01:11:17]: Do we have any disagreement?

John [01:11:21]: Did we. We didn't have any arguments or any.

Nicole [01:11:24]: Something about Toto. Right. On vacation.

John [01:11:28]: Oh, just about the total clinginess, the total clinging to you. But. But we didn't even really like, it was just like a, a two minute thing, I think. Unless you thought it was more.

Nicole [01:11:43]: No, I mean, I just felt like you were being mean to her and then you were like she's clingy. So I told you if you stop being mean to her, then I'll.

John [01:11:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:11:53]: You weren't being mean to me.

John [01:11:54]: No, I was being strict. I was being right. I was being masculine voice.

Nicole [01:11:59]: Yeah, but you were also like, you know, kind of dismissing her a lot more than normal. So it seemed to mean in my.

John [01:12:06]: In your girl brain. I can see that.

Nicole [01:12:08]: Yeah, yeah. No, it wasn't like a whole thing, but I think that's the only thing.

John [01:12:11]: That's the only thing.

Brief Speaker [01:12:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:12:12]: That I can think of. Knock on wood.

John [01:12:15]: Here we go. You deserve this award, my dear.

Nicole [01:12:21]: Best couple. I did not buy this at cvs.

John [01:12:24]: That's true. Thank you.

Nicole [01:12:25]: We were hand picked for that.

John [01:12:28]: We walked in the CVS and they gave it to us.

Brief Speaker [01:12:30]: That's what happens.

Nicole [01:12:31]: And then we checked out.

John [01:12:33]: Yeah, yeah. And we paid for it because we didn't. We felt bad for just taking it. You didn't want to be shoplifters either. All right, well, yeah, send us an email @betterthan perfect podcast.com.

Nicole [01:12:47]: No, @gmail.

John [01:12:48]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm confused.

Nicole [01:12:51]: Better than Perfect Podcastmail. But then if you wanna go to our website. Betterthanperfectpod.com.

Brief Speaker [01:12:58]: That'S right. Yeah.

John [01:12:59]: And if you have a question, something that you'd like us. Because I think it's. If we have some controversial things and we talk about it like we did on this episode, that makes a good episode. But if you have a question for us, I think we want to start doing some, like, little short videos and stuff, answering people's questions.

Nicole [01:13:16]: Short videos?

John [01:13:17]: Yeah, like. Like TikToks and things like that. Or maybe we could, you know, do.

Nicole [01:13:22]: A bunch the first time hearing of this, but I'm down with that.

John [01:13:24]: We talked a little bit about that.

Brief Speaker [01:13:25]: But I don't know.

John [01:13:27]: I. I was just talking because I just.

Nicole [01:13:29]: In your mind.

John [01:13:30]: In my mind.

Brief Speaker [01:13:30]: So.

John [01:13:31]: But yeah, if you've got something for us, a question, you know.

Nicole [01:13:34]: Yeah.

John [01:13:34]: Then, yeah, send us an email or you can even DM us on. On Instagram.

Nicole [01:13:39]: So anywhere.

John [01:13:40]: Just send anyway. Yeah, anywhere.

Nicole [01:13:42]: Just. And leave a review.

John [01:13:44]: Yeah, if you. If you would, we would appreciate it. Yeah. Because, you know.

Nicole [01:13:50]: Because, you know. Yeah, we're official.

John [01:13:53]: All right, we'll see you guys next week.

Brief Speaker [01:13:54]: Bye.

John [01:13:55]: Through every fault we find our way.