John [00:00:00]: Women have so much power that they don't know. All you have to do to control any man is be the damsel in distress. I'm not saying you should use it in a bad way to manipulate for bad, but if you want to influence.

Nicole [00:00:11]: If you want to manipulate for good.

John [00:00:13]: For good, yeah. The difference between manipulation and leadership is whether you do it for bad or good. The damsel in distress, if you can swallow your pride as a woman, you have ultimate power because you can come to a man and act a little bit helpless. You have so much more power if you do that. So many situations in which women are like, don't know what to do. I'm like, just act like a damsel in distress. Beyond the perfect, we discover through our flaws, we complete each other. Better than perfect. We stay through every fault. We find our way. All right, welcome back to the better than Perfect podcast. Are you ready to get jacked? We're going to be talking about fitness in. In a relationship, but, yeah, I forgot the rest of the.

Nicole [00:01:06]: Yeah, like, just dropped it and left it.

John [00:01:11]: We're. Yeah. Welcome to the better than perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other get jacked equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:01:23]: I knew you were gonna do that. And you got your arms out today.

John [00:01:27]: Guns out, sun's out, you know, that's it. So, yeah, so no, today we're going to be talking about, I mean, what we were going to call it. Like, I had some. Some, like, nasty names for it, but basically, you know, like, oh, yeah, I'll just speak plainly. It's like, get. When you get in a relationship, don't get fat. Right? Like, that's like. Like, get happy. Yes. Stay. Stay healthy and fit and like, healthy and happy. Yeah. How you can show up for your partner by taking care of your body and. And yourself mentally as well. And it helps yourself. But because this is a problem that both men and. And women complain about, right? Is that guys, you know, they get married, they get fat and happy is what I'm always talking to guys that I'm coaching, and I'm like, what happened to you? Like, I used to be jacked. I used to be, but, you know, you know, had the. Have the wife now and. And so they end up not going to the gym anymore. They end up gaining a bunch of weight and not being. They end up becoming couch potatoes or whatever it is. And same thing men complain about women saying that they let themselves go and they don't take care of themselves anymore. And whatever they lose, attract. So those are the common complaints. So I figured we'd do an episode where we talk about this, why you shouldn't let this happen, how to turn it around, what we're doing, fitness wise, health wise, know. So. Yeah, there we go.

Nicole [00:02:54]: Well, I can start if you want, from a woman's perspective. So I've always.

John [00:03:00]: How have I let myself go?

Nicole [00:03:03]: No, you haven't. But I always felt like I've been a genuinely healthy person, like, tried to eat healthy. And for the most part, you know, I like to indulge every once in a while and stay active. Even when I wasn't, like, actively going to the gym or anything like that. Then I had a job where I was constantly moving around and active. And I liked, when I was single, to go out and dance, genuinely dance with my friends out at a club. I wouldn't just go and stand. So that was also my workout, walking around and dancing for hours. But it has helped a lot. I've never really felt like I would just, like, not exercise or not take care of myself anymore. But it does help a lot that you take such good care of yourself and helped me. Help me take care of myself as well, too. You know, I've never taken so many supplements in my life, but I know that they've helped me, like, I feel like I have more energy when I, like, had low energy. And you take the time to, like, look up supplements that you think would be best for me and, you know, my overall health and things like that. So I am very fortunate that I have you as a partner because I feel like you've helped me become even more healthy than I was before. But, yeah, I can also see, though not from my own personal place, that it's probably a little bit more difficult for women if they've had children.

John [00:04:36]: Yeah, absolutely.

Nicole [00:04:36]: Because it's like, you know, having children and gaining weight and being pregnant and then now you have a baby and now you're trying to get back to. To how you used to look or close to how you used to look. Like, I couldn't imagine the pressure that that must feel and feeling foreign in your own body. Cause it's like, like I said, I've always been pretty active and a fit person.

John [00:04:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:59]: And even I could, like, think about. Just even think about being pregnant and, like, what that would do to my body. And then, like, looking in the mirror and being like, that's not there anymore. And even, like, trying to go back to the gym. Like.

John [00:05:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:13]: Now starting at a baseline that I wasn't even at before having a baby. Does that make sense? Like, a lot of women struggle with that, you know, like, they want to have kids, but they know what it's going to do to their body and they're afraid their husband's not going to be attracted to them anymore. And then, like, you know, what if you're trying to, you know, look better as a woman who's just had a baby, but your husband's not doing anything right, like to encourage you or to do anything himself.

John [00:05:41]: So that breastfeeding calorie burn, though, the, you know.

Nicole [00:05:44]: Yeah, but some women can't breastfeed too. So it's like, yeah, then they have to deal with that too. They feel like, why isn't my body doing what it's supposed to be doing? And they're not getting the calorie burn that, you know, breastfeeding has. So it's just. That's the part where I feel like, yeah, I hope men have empathy for women that have had children.

John [00:06:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:07]: Because I couldn't even imagine being like someone that's active and healthy and then growing a baby inside of me. And then once the baby's out, like having a baseline that I've never had and all the other things that come with having a baby, that your body changes, you might get stretch marks, a lot of women do, or different sort of things that now you have that you didn't before. Whereas like a man, he doesn't experience that. Right. Like, he might get big or gain weight, but it's not cause he had a baby. It's because he ate too much junk food or, you know what I mean? Or he's not exercising enough. So, like, I mean, I am a woman, but I do really empathize with the. The aspect of that part of having a baby and how hard it must be to try to get back to where you were and like, having to accept that you're really probably not. Like, even if you do, your body has changed in certain ways after having a kid.

John [00:07:13]: So some. Some in good and some in bad.

Nicole [00:07:16]: But, you know, say, what does that mean?

John [00:07:19]: I mean, you get bigger boobs, so it's like that.

Nicole [00:07:21]: Like, yeah, but they can still go.

John [00:07:22]: Away after that usually ends up being somewhat of a but but.

Nicole [00:07:26]: Or you might get a lopsided boob because they only sometimes drink out of one. Yeah. So it's not just the positives. Even the positives are, like, rare.

John [00:07:37]: I bring up a good point before we even get into the real meat of the episode, I think it's worth saying that, first of all, this episode is not used to condemn your partner and be like, hey, see, it's for you. All of our episodes are for you, to you, the consumer, not to throw at your partner and say, you need to watch this episode. No, no, no. It's for you to do for yourself, not to judge the other person. That's the key thing. Right. And then the other thing about this is that. And I'll speak to men in this, but the same applies to women, but more so to men, is that do not be one of those guys that. It's like, I'm not attracted to my wife anymore because she had a ba. Like, don't be that guy. And just in general, the physicality. Look, yeah, I get that it's important. We should be taking care of each other. That's what this episode's about. But also, you should also love your partner no matter what they look like.

Nicole [00:08:35]: Right?

John [00:08:36]: Right. Because I've talked to guys too, and they're like, oh, well, yeah, if my. If my wife gained like 30 pounds, though, then I would. I would not be tried. I would not stay with her. And I'm like, okay, look, like, I get that, that. That there's. There's elements to it of saying that if your wife just didn't care and she just gained a bunch of weight, that. That. That would feel neglectful, that she doesn't care about you. I get. I can understand that. But if you're like, oh, yeah, I wouldn't be attracted. Like, you should really have the mindset that it doesn't matter how much weight that she gained, that you would still love her, that your attraction is. Is sufficient. That it is more than has gone beyond the physical. Because, yeah, we all start with just the physical attraction. I get that. But it should be. Because, yeah, I could honestly tell you that no matter what you even looked like, I would still be sexually attracted to you because of the intimacy that we share in the connection that we share. Right. So, yeah, do I.

Nicole [00:09:38]: Which is hard to believe.

John [00:09:39]: But. But. But it is.

Nicole [00:09:40]: But it is like.

John [00:09:41]: But it is true.

Nicole [00:09:42]: Hearing a man say that, it's.

John [00:09:44]: Do I like to. Do I like to look at you stand in the mirror naked, shaking that out? Yeah, I like that. That's good. I like it. I like to watch the dance videos. You're the hottest woman I've ever seen. But it doesn't even really matter. Right. Like, like, in my eyes, that will always be the case. Right. So I think that's a good caveat to say is that that's how it should be. Like, you're not going to do these things in order to, like, win your partner's approval or because they're not going to be attracted to you if you don't do these things. And you shouldn't at the same time also be like, oh, well, if my partner doesn't get in shape, then. Then. Then I'm not attracted to them anymore. That's. It's the wrong way of thinking about. With that said, you as a human being, should you have enough pride in yourself to keep yourself in shape? Should you have enough courtesy to your partner that you want to look the best that you possibly can so that they got a nice, you know, super hot person that they get to have sex with? Yes, you should do that because you care.

Nicole [00:10:46]: Right?

John [00:10:46]: Right. But it shouldn't be something that you feel like you have to do, otherwise you're not gonna be loved or. And you shouldn't expect that otherwise you're not going to love or be attracted to your partner.

Nicole [00:10:56]: Right. Yeah. I might start with the woman side because the pregnancy thing is something that a man doesn't experience. And I feel like it is harder, too, as women get older. It's harder for them to lose weight, too. And there's a lot of different sort of aspects that hormones and pregnancy put on women.

John [00:11:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:11:17]: So I did want to just throw that out there, but I. Because like you said, too, there are some men that aren't attracted to their woman anymore after they've had a baby or they're, like, horrible and being like, well, when are you going to the gym? And she's just had a baby, like, three weeks ago. So like you said, this is not to be like, hey, when are you going to the gym, lady? Or like, should you be eating that to, like, your wife, you know, or your husband? Like, you shouldn't. It shouldn't go either way. No, like, this is more about how actually working as a team and being healthy together also helps both sides. And like you said, and that you have the respect and love for yourself and your partner.

John [00:12:02]: Right.

Nicole [00:12:03]: To be the healthiest, best version of yourself that you can be.

John [00:12:06]: Right. And that's. Yeah. And that's what it should be motivated by. Yeah. So let me see. Where. Where to start with some of these? So, I mean, we could start with. I think I would say, I mean, we kind of talked a little bit about it, but, like, why is this important at all? Right. So we briefly touched on it. But what I could say about this is that, number one, you do want to look as good as you can. You should not let yourself go. Right. Because it's the same thing. We talked about this before in the romance episodes about romance for men, romance for a woman. And we're saying that, you know, women really hate it when a guy, he's all romantic, flower, you know, doing all the stuff, take her out on dates, and then when they get into a relationship or they get committed, he's no longer doing those things. He's no longer trying to seduce her or trying to woo her. Right, right. So it. It's. It's the same thing with your physical appearance, keeping it up. Right. It's like you don't. You also, just, like, you don't want to drop the romance once you get into a relationship or stop doing the things that you did before. You also don't want to drop the physical. Right. You know, you don't want to get into a relationship or marriage. And then all of a sudden, I got a cramp in my hamstring. That's why I'm acting weird. But like a Charlie horse.

Nicole [00:13:33]: Well, I get that, too, that people get comfortable. And I think that's really where a lot of it stems from. When they fall off the wagon with their fitness routine or their diet or just eating healthier, is that they're comfortable and they're like, oh, well, I can be fully myself around this person. And so I can come from a place of a more chilled, relaxed version of myself. But you can do both of those things. I think where people get. They let themselves go is when they just get so comfortable that they're like, you know, they're gonna love me no matter what. Which, like, like you just said. I know that that's true. You've told me that multiple times. But for myself and for you, I wanna be the healthiest, best version that I can be. Has there been times where I have not, you know, gone to my fitness classes as much as I do now or eaten the way that I do now? Absolutely.

John [00:14:28]: Right.

Nicole [00:14:29]: You know, and.

John [00:14:30]: Yeah. And have I ever judged you for it? No, not at once.

Nicole [00:14:33]: Right, right. Well, and that's how it has to be. Like, because like you said, you can't, like, force it onto somebody. Like. And even though I just talked about you getting supplements and things, for me, I never feel like you're forcing me to take them. Because it's not like you're not like, here, take this fat burner. You know, like, you're like, here's some vitamin D. So that you don't feel like you need to take a nap all the time. I'm like, okay, I like that. You know. Or like, fish oil, because this will help with this. Like, it's not, you know, you pushing me to be like, hey, did you go to your Pilates class today? Like, yeah, you're looking a little tubby. Like, you're never.

John [00:15:07]: No, no.

Nicole [00:15:07]: Anywhere close to that. And it should never be anywhere close to that. But I'm just saying that I do understand that it's probably this conflict, right? With, well, I'm comfortable with this person, and they're going to love me no matter what. They told me that. And still wanting to be the healthiest version of yourself, because you can have both. Like, there are plenty of times where I don't have any makeup on and, you know, I just threw my hair up and, you know, you still love me, right? But.

John [00:15:36]: But you also, like, dress up and make yourself look good and put on makeup for me as well. Right? So it's like.

Nicole [00:15:41]: Because it's.

John [00:15:42]: Yeah, there's acceptance, but there's also trying, and they both need to go together. Right? It's like, just like we talked about with the romance side of it is that, yeah, as a guy, I'm not gonna suddenly just drop, like, oh, she just accepts me now. I don't need to, like, impress her by doing nice things for her, like, being romantic, because it's just a given now. I mean, we're gonna have sex. We're gonna do whatever. Like, no. If I have that cavalier attitude, it may be true that you're gonna love me either way, but it's not very nice.

Nicole [00:16:15]: Right.

John [00:16:16]: It's very insulting to you to take advantage. To give a biblical reference, even though we're not religious, is that there's. There's a point, and I think it. For. I forget exactly where it is, but.

Nicole [00:16:29]: They'Re going to come for us, for you.

John [00:16:31]: But Paul says, because they talk about grace abounding, and he says this idea that should we sin all the more so that grace can abound, the more in response to the idea that your sins are all forgiven no matter how much sin, so Jesus keeps in more. So it's like, no, that's not the point. If you have, you know, forgiveness, 100 forgiveness, you don't.

Nicole [00:16:58]: You don't, like, take advantage of it.

John [00:17:00]: Exactly. So it's the same thing. It's like, if your partner loves you, no matter what you look like or whatever, you don't take advantage of that. Like, okay, well, then I can just eat Oreos and do whatever I want to do, because it's. It's. Yeah, that might be true, but it's disrespectful.

Nicole [00:17:13]: Well, and the reality, too, is. And as somebody that has my comfy days where, you know, I don't get all dolled up and maybe I do want to sit on the couch and not go to one of my fitness classes and eat a cookie. You know, like, you can have the balance. It has to be balance. But also, like, you think that if I got stuck in those days where I just sat on the couch and didn't really get myself ready and just ate junk food and I kept doing that. Yes, it feels comfortable.

John [00:17:44]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:45]: And, yes, I feel like a raw version of myself in a way. But I also know that the way that you feel about yourself when you pour into your own cup, when you take the time to get ready.

John [00:18:00]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:00]: When you take the time to go to a fitness class or go to the gym and move your body, when you eat a healthy meal versus a junk food meal.

John [00:18:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:10]: That you can physically feel the difference that those things make.

John [00:18:15]: Yeah, absolutely.

Nicole [00:18:16]: And so really, everything that we're talking about today has to come from a place of you doing it for you.

John [00:18:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:26]: Because even if you're doing it for your husband, you have to do it for yourself first.

John [00:18:31]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:18:32]: First, yes. Like you said, that's the foundation. Because you know what? Just putting on some mascara on a day where you're like, I really don't want to do this. I really don't even want to get ready. I don't want to put makeup on. I don't want to go out of the house. But you take the. Even if it's a little bit of time to, like, put on some mascara and a cute outfit.

John [00:18:52]: Right.

Nicole [00:18:52]: You know how much better you feel after you've done that.

John [00:18:55]: Yeah, I know. I just feel so. I'm like, oh, finally I can be myself. Put on some panties. You know, I'm just like, oh, my God.

Nicole [00:19:05]: You know how. Not you personally, women know how much better they feel. And when you feel better about yourself like that, you have this confidence that's even more attractive to your partner. And so that's why it has to start with you. Because when you pour into your own cup and give yourself that confidence, that good feeling, that healthy energy, then that transmutes to your partner.

John [00:19:33]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:19:33]: By the way that you're responding to them, by the confidence that you have that exudes. And so your partner's even more Attracted to you. Because a lot of people, too, who have gotten comfortable.

John [00:19:45]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:46]: They probably talk about missing, you know, or lacking that excitement in their relationship, that sexual attraction that they used to have. But when you work on yourself throughout the relationship, especially, like, physically and mentally and, like, in regards to your health, then you kind of create this new dynamic in your relationship, and you feel more youthful and you feel like you did when you were younger and pursuing each other. And your partner appreciates looking at, you know, all the ways that your body's changing because you're going to the gym or appreciates the new outfit or hairstyle that you. You're trying and. Yeah, you know, all those different things. So, you know, if you're also in this kind of, like, things have been kind of, like, the same or stale or whatever, because, I mean. Okay, let's look at this. When men or women, I guess, too, cheat, a lot of them start going to the gym and they're looking better, and their partner's, like, kind of still doing the same thing, like, not catching up. And then they're like, oh, well, it's fine. But then the person ends up cheating. It's because they've put all this effort into themselves. They feel so good about themselves.

John [00:21:06]: Right.

Nicole [00:21:07]: That now they want to go share it with the world. Which I'm not condoning that by any means.

John [00:21:13]: No.

Nicole [00:21:13]: But I'm saying that if you do that in a relationship, you're gonna have that same sort of energy.

John [00:21:19]: Well, and. And also, like, this is the kind of crazy thing that people actually do do, which is that when they're getting ready to break up with someone, they start going to the gym because they want to, like, you know, get the. Make their options better for the neck. So it's like, why, for a damn stranger.

Nicole [00:21:37]: Right.

John [00:21:37]: You're gonna do the thing. Like, but you can't do it from your partner. Like, please, do it for your partner first. Don't do it for a stranger that you haven't even met yet. Like, that's ridiculous. You know, it's. But, but, but. But the other part of it, too, is that it's so funny because I actually just remembered I. I saw this clip where this. I was a little bit taken aback by it, but it's actually pretty relevant. Is this guy. It was a podcast. I don't remember what the podcast was, but he said. The woman said. He said, oh, yeah. Were there any times that you weren't attracted to me? And she was like, yeah, there was two times in our relationship that I wasn't attracted to you. And he said, oh, when I gained weight. And she's like, yeah, one of them was when you gained weight, but not, not for the reason that you think.

Nicole [00:22:23]: Oh.

John [00:22:23]: And she said that because there's some period where he let himself go and he gained a bunch of weight. And she said that she didn't even care. Like the physical part of it, he didn't even look bad, but he thought he looked bad. And he had such low self confidence and she lost attraction for him not because he gained weight, but because of what the gaining weight did to him and made him just self deprecating himself all the time and talking about how fat he was and like, and they just made her not be attracted to him, you know. And so the thing about that is that the other part of this, if you think, okay, well I'm just going to let myself go and it's like, and it's not, it doesn't affect my partner or they shouldn't judge me on that. Yeah, but if it affects your own self esteem, you're also hurting your partner because you're going to show up in a way that no one want. It's like you don't want to have sex with someone who's constantly like, oh, I look fat. And it's like, and I was doing.

Nicole [00:23:21]: That not that long ago. I feel so bad because you. But you know, because I want to be honest, because it's not like I don't even still do that. Like I told you that like I have always kind of been healthy. And that is true. But also the reality is that sometimes when I'm feeling a little pudgy, I don't feel good about myself and I feel very self conscious and I'm like.

John [00:23:43]: But you show up in a bad.

Nicole [00:23:45]: Look at my stomach or something when.

John [00:23:47]: You, when you, when you, when you feel bad about yourself, you show up in a, in a bad way for your partner. Because no one likes to have someone around that just is like, feels bad about themselves.

Nicole [00:23:57]: Like, I mean, well, no one likes feeling bad either.

John [00:23:59]: Yeah, no one likes them. So it's like the solution is to do the things that, that make you feel good about yourself. And you're not going to be perfect, you're not going to have a perfect body and you can't wait to feel good about yourself until you have a perfect body. That's not what I'm saying. But if you do the things you're supposed to do, that should be good enough.

Nicole [00:24:14]: Right. Give you a different sort of Confidence. Because, like, I guess we'll go into the things that I've been doing different. Cause I've been going to my fitness classes and things like that. And that's why, too, I think I was extra hard on myself. And that's something to talk about as well, too, because I was going and I was doing the stuff, and I wasn't eating that bad. I was eating, like, one meal a day. But I was like, I don't really feel good. And I know that you could tell. Cause I could tell, like, it was really starting to bother me. And then when you were like, maybe you need to, like, start eating some more protein again, I was like, you know what? Yeah, that's a good idea. And I had listened to another podcast and I was like, you know, I think I need to eat in the morning. Like, I think my body isn't responding well to eating one meal a day.

John [00:24:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:59]: And so what? I've been doing that for, like, this week. And you and I both have noticed a difference. And I do. I feel better. I feel better.

John [00:25:09]: Yeah, it's better.

Nicole [00:25:10]: And I think people need to understand, too, that sometimes you might be doing something, you might be doing a fitness regimen, and you might be doing a certain diet, and you still don't feel good about yourself. Change it. Like, don't be afraid to change it. Change something. Like. And like, you've helped me realize the protein's very important. It's hard to get a ton of protein, but it is doable. And, you know, as women, too, it's not for every woman, but I do feel like my body operates better eating basically three meals a day. At least two. But not fasting. Like, I was fasting a lot of times. The way that you were fasting.

John [00:25:46]: Yeah. See, I didn't even realize you were fasting during, like, doing one meal.

Nicole [00:25:50]: I mean, I wasn't like. Like totally intentionally.

John [00:25:52]: Yeah. But it was.

Nicole [00:25:53]: But it ended up being like, okay, I would just skip breakfast. Or like, you know, because I would go to my classes there typically in the morning.

John [00:26:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:01]: And then it would be roughly lunchtime. And I'd be like, well, I'm not so super. Like, I'm still not that hungry. I'll just eat a snack.

John [00:26:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:10]: And then by the time I'd get really hungry, it would be like four. And I'm like, well, it's almost dinner time, so I might as well just wait till dinner. So, you know, it was basically like one meal a day, but my body just looked not how I was expecting it. To I'm like, I'm not eating that many calories.

John [00:26:26]: No. But. Well, and here's a good fitness tip. I mean, for men and women, but specifically to women, which is that, which is if you do a lot of cardio, do a lot of exercise and you don't eat a lot of calories, you're going to lose weight, but you're going to lose muscle.

Nicole [00:26:46]: Right?

John [00:26:46]: That's all it applies to anyone. But women are more susceptible to this because women will do a lot of cardio. Like, oh, I'm going to get in shape, I'm going to get fit. And they're like, I'm looking worse. What's going on? I'm not losing the fat. And the reason why is because if you don't have enough protein, then what's going to happen is that when you do all this cardio, you're just burning up the muscle that you have. Then you go to the gym and you lift and, and you, you have just enough protein to rebuild what you've, what you've lost in muscle. But you probably still over time lose muscle. But you don't. But the fat just keeps on accumulating. So you'll accumulate fat and you'll lose muscle over time, even though you're working out, even though you're not eating a lot of food.

Nicole [00:27:28]: Right.

John [00:27:28]: Because you're not hitting the protein. But if you eat protein, high protein, then what happens is that you end up building muscle when you do the cardio on top of that, now that cardio is burning the fat, it's kind of a simplified version of it. But yeah, I think most women aren't aware of that. More men are aware of it because we're more reading muscle and fitness, bodybuilding stuff and trying to get jacked. But for a woman, needs to understand, yeah, eating, if you, for anyone, if you want to really recomp your body more than anything else, probably protein. Eating 1 gram of protein per pound of, of desired body weight is, is a good rule of thumb. It's hard to do. That's what we've been doing. Art. We're, we're, we have the protein house now. We got protein shakes, we're doing protein ice cream with the, the Ninja Creamy. We've got protein chips and protein this and protein pasta. And we're just making sure that we, we do the protein because I got to get my 200.

Nicole [00:28:30]: And yeah, you have a lot.

John [00:28:31]: 50 grams of protein in one meal, so.

Nicole [00:28:33]: But it does help too that you're doing it. I mean, you've always been doing something. I mean, when you did the Carnivore diet, I was like, I can't do that. I'm sorry. But the protein, I do feel like I've noticed a difference. And like, we've been talking about this whole episode so far. Is that just the confidence that this, like, what, five days that I've been doing it and noticing a difference has given me more confidence back and that matters the most?

John [00:29:01]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:29:03]: And I think getting more protein is good for anybody to hear, so that's why it doesn't matter. But like, if you're a woman and something's not working out, because also what workout you're doing can affect your results as well too. Like you said, if you're just doing cardio, but you're not getting enough protein, you're also, you're eating weight, your muscles.

John [00:29:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:29:23]: And like a lot of women also, too, if they do like a very high intensity workout, sometimes that causes you to get results that you're not maybe the happiest with. So playing around with different exercises. I mean, honestly, like, going to the gym and lifting weights or doing anything where you're working with weights is the best for women.

John [00:29:44]: Women have to do that for their.

Nicole [00:29:45]: Bones and for just. Yeah, you, you think you're gonna get bulky, but you're not.

John [00:29:50]: You don't have the testosterone to support it.

Nicole [00:29:52]: Yeah, so, but that's. Women are afraid of that too.

John [00:29:54]: But you only look better by gaining muscle as a, as a woman, even if you want to. Like. Well, and women know this. But, like, you want your butt to look better, right? You do squats, you do, you're lifting weights. So it, you know, but the whole body benefits from, from lifting weights for sure.

Nicole [00:30:14]: But you can do other things as well too. Like, personally, I don't do any workouts that involves a ton of cardio. Like, I do my dance classes, some aerial yoga, occasionally some other yoga. Like normal yoga. And then Pilates. Yeah, mostly. And so. And then go to the gym with you. So, you know, but kind of figuring.

John [00:30:35]: Out this cardio, it's cardio for sure. Like, it's not like that. You know, it's super extreme, but it's, it's right.

Nicole [00:30:42]: You know, but it doesn't count in my head, I guess in my personal head as cardio, I'm just like, I'm dancing, so. But you're right.

John [00:30:49]: Yeah. Most cardio should really even be zoned to cardio anyway, which is where you're at, where you can talk comfortably while you Know like a jog, a slight jog, type of. Yeah. So if you're thinking like super intense, like, that's not really even cardio anyway. That's. You're. You're in an anaerobic state where you're. You're burning sugar instead of fat, so.

Nicole [00:31:10]: Yeah. So. Well, I'm just saying, you know, figure out what works best for you. And I use. We're not sponsored, but I use class pass. I wish we were sponsored. Yeah, but I use class pass because that allows me to go to all my different classes that I like to go to with one sort of software and one sort of subscription. But I do buy my dance class packs.

John [00:31:35]: And I had. I had the same thing for the last. You know, it's been off and on, but maybe the last year or so before the beginning of this year, before I started doing the 75 hard and stuff and started running it, where I felt bad about myself and it was like I wasn't looking as good as I like.

Nicole [00:31:51]: I mean, I thought you looked good, but you were definitely hard on yourself.

John [00:31:53]: Right. But my version of, you know, I ha. I know what I need to look like. To me, that's important.

Nicole [00:31:59]: It affected your confidence.

John [00:32:00]: Yeah. And now I'm, you know, back to where I need to be, you know.

Nicole [00:32:04]: For me, I can see your veins from, like.

John [00:32:08]: I like to look in the mirror and admire myself for at least a good 10, 20 minutes a day.

Nicole [00:32:13]: Yes.

John [00:32:14]: And. And, you know, it's an important part of my day, so I gotta. I gotta be able to do that. If I'm looking in the mirror and it's not what I want to see, then it just ruins that experience for me and I just can't enjoy it.

Nicole [00:32:23]: You know, so it's a fun experience to watch. I asked John the other night.

John [00:32:28]: I think I'm kidding, but I'm not kidding.

Nicole [00:32:30]: You could marry a version like yourself. I think you would marry you rather than me. He says no, but I see the way he stares at himself longingly in the mirror.

John [00:32:42]: That's how it should be.

Nicole [00:32:43]: I don't blame him, though, because I stare at him as well, so.

John [00:32:46]: But. But yeah, so. Okay, so. So I think it's worth talking about. Like, yeah, we talked about kind of what you're doing as. As a woman, which, which you're hitting. The big thing now is hitting the protein. Hitting the 130 grams of protein for you or whatever your. Your amount is right around there, around 1. We want to try to hit around 1 gram per. Per pound of Body weight or a little over it actually is probably better. Just be on the safe side. And then you're just hitting workouts, the kind of workouts that you enjoy doing, which is you're hitting them almost every day of the week. And then we go to the gym together on Saturdays and we lift heavy, which is good. And that's what we need to do is to build a lift at least once or twice a week or do some kind of strength training. You do other things that are strength trained too, because you did the Pilates, which is major strength training. And then even that the aerial yoga is big time strength. Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, so and then, and then what I do is crazy. But. Because right now.

Nicole [00:33:49]: Well, especially right now.

John [00:33:50]: Yeah, yeah. I'm doing 75 hard right now. I'm on day what, 61. And so I'm doing. What I'm doing is. Well, 75 hard is. It's a good program for guys maybe to do, if you want to really get back into it is for 75 days you have to do two workouts a day. They have to be 45 minutes. One has to be outside. Can't be something that you're going to do like a chore or something anyway. So you have to do no alcohol. You have to drink a gallon of water for a day. I'm behind. All right. You got to read 10 pages of personal development book and you gotta take progress pictures every day. And you have to pick a diet and stick to it with no cheat meals. So what I'm doing is every day, pretty much I'm getting up, going to the gym for 45 minutes and lifting. And then during the afternoon I'll go and run for 45 minutes. On Sundays I do long runs and then my diet is eating is fasting until 5:00 clock or 6:00 clock, basically until dinner time every single day. And then eating a ton of protein. Except for Sundays, I allow myself to eat more out through the. Throughout the day because I'm doing the long run. So that's my basic protocol. But I'm also eating one gram of protein per, per pound of body weight at least, which is a lot of protein.

Nicole [00:35:23]: Yeah, he's eating a lot of protein right now. That's also why we're doing the Ninja Creamy. And then you're eating like a pound of meat just by yourself. Yeah, yeah, I could not.

John [00:35:33]: And then tomorrow I've got a Spartan race I'm doing. So. But, but, yeah, but we're always like, but we're helping each Other. And, you know, and I think that it's because we've created an environment in our house, right, where there's healthy foods, where, you know, we're, we're doing stuff together, like going to the gym. We have our own things. But. But I think that's important because then it is. It becomes the environment. There's all the protein sources all around. So it's, it becomes that. It becomes the environment that you're in and you're helping each other. So.

Nicole [00:36:09]: Because it's got to be hard. And I know it is hard because I've heard other people talk about, you know, I've had friends that are on their, like, journey to lose weight and be more healthy, but their partner is still eating the junk food and still in the house. And it's really hard, like, and they don't want to force their partner into the diet that they're doing, but they're having a hard time with the self control because it's there, you know, And I get it too, because, you know, we have a child and, you know, thinking about things that she'll eat, but then also has protein and is healthy, but not so healthy that she doesn't want to eat it. You know, it's. It's a delicate balance.

John [00:36:49]: Let's talk about that. So what happens if you have a partner? So I'll talk about, for example, like, the guy situation. I've dealt with this with a lot of guys I've coached. They're like, yeah, my wife is getting fat. She's gained like 30 pounds or whatever it is. She'd let herself go. I'm not as attracted to her anymore. What do I do? What do I say? Every time I bring it up, she gets upset. And it's like, my advice to these guys is usually, well, okay, so first of all, the very first thing that you do before you even say anything to her is you lead by example. You start doing like, are you in the. Like. And sometimes these guys, they already got the check. They're like, yeah, I'm super ass fit. Okay, okay. So then the second thing is, even before you still talk about, you're not even talking about weight or her getting fit at this point, because first you're doing your own thing. The second thing is, then you say, okay, is there an emotional reason why? Like, because if you try to tell a woman, hey, maybe you should take a little bit of care of yourself, but then she feels like you're not emotionally validating her and you're like, leave her with the Kids all the time, and you don't take care of anything. And, like, you've got all this crap that you just dump on her. And she doesn't feel safe and secure in the relationship emotionally. That might be why she's letting herself go, is that she's depressed and she's not feeling loved in the relationship, so.

Nicole [00:38:14]: Or she's stressed out or something.

John [00:38:16]: Yeah. So next address that. Can you remove stuff off of her plate? Can you take care of things? I just did a video on my channel talking about. Because the guy was asking, oh, you know, when do you step in as a man? And I'm like, all the time. Like, take as much stress as possible. You have the checkbook, you take care of the financial things. You take care of all the things, the planning. When you do a vacation, you take care of that stuff. Remove stress from her. So that's number two, is remove stress for her and repair the relationship before you. Even now, if you've done those things and she's not in shape and you want her to be healthy and fit, too. And it's important to you because, hey, it's important. I get it. Like, yeah, we're all a little bit superficial, but you married a woman.

Nicole [00:38:59]: It's good for her, too, like the longevity. So she'll be here, less likely to have health issues and things like that too.

John [00:39:06]: But there's also the real element, and there's. You don't have to feel bad about this, that if you married a woman and you're attracted to her and now she's changed in appearance to fault of her own, and you're not as attracted and you want to have the woman that you married, I think there's no shame in that. It's a valid concern to have. But how you approach it when you do talk to her is you say, hey, why don't we. Why don't we try to be a little bit more healthy? I'd like, why don't we do this together? Why don't we try to clean up our diet together? Why don't we do a diet, a challenge together where it's we now, you know, most people are smart enough, she might figure out that, yeah, you're already fit and you're trying to get her to. But at least in that case, she feels like you're not saying, oh, you need to do this. You're saying, I'm willing to do this with you. I want to. You know, like, I'm looking at as a we, we should. We should be more healthy Together we should try to get more exercise. We should do some fitness stuff. We should. Right? And then again, if that doesn't work, then, then, only then can you be a little bit more direct and say, look, I want to have an important conversation with you. It is really important to me. I love you. I love you anyway. But it, it is harder to be as attracted to you as I was because of these things. I'd love to help you with that. I'd love to. I've already invited you to do things with me for us to both be more fit. But it is really important to me. And if you don't take care of your appearance, it does hurt my feelings because it does make me feel like you don't care about me. Right. And how can I help you? How can I support you in this? Right. And that's the final. Like, you're not going to even get there because if you've done all those other things, the person is going to respond on their own. In fact, what happens in most cases, because guys are saying this, but they're not doing those things. But in most cases, if you are literally just leading by example, especially as a man, and you're taking care of yourself and she sees you going to the gym, she sees you buying healthy food, and you're like, hey, could you buy this kind of food for me? Because I want to. I want to eat more healthy. Is she not gonna probably start to say, oh, maybe I should take care of. Most likely that's what's gonna happen. So if it doesn't. Yeah, then you might have to address it directly, but you probably won't have to. And I think the same. I mean, I don't know, what would you say on the woman side if she's got a man that's. I know you haven't had this situation, really, but if she's got a man that's like, stopped going to the gym. He used to be this stud muffin of a guy, and now he' he's kind of just got this beer belly. He's drinking beers all the time. He's watching football.

Nicole [00:42:00]: That's hard. Cause I haven't, like you said, been in that situation. I mean, when you were feeling bad about yourself, I encouraged you to maybe go try some sort of class that you used to take with the Muay Thai or something, I guess try to talk to him about maybe something that he might be interested in that is a little bit more like physical or like, if he used to run, be like, oh, have you Thought about, like, running again or, you know, do you want to try something different or maybe talk to him about things that he liked to do before or if he wanted to try something new. Another thing that I would recommend is that if he does something that exerts maybe some more, like, physical effort than to praise him for those things, right?

John [00:42:51]: Yeah. Oh, that's a big part.

Nicole [00:42:53]: You know, like, he'll be more motivated to do something like that. Like, let's say he, you know, carried in some heavy boxes or something. You can be like, oh, my God, thank you so much. Like, those were really heavy, and you made it look so easy. You're so strong or something. You know, I know that might sound ridiculous to him carrying a box, but it's encouraging. You can't really be like, you're fat. You know, like, you talk about how guys like to each other, they'll be like, you're so fat, you need to go get gym.

John [00:43:21]: Yeah, that's fine.

Nicole [00:43:22]: But as a woman, you can't talk to a man that way, even if he responds right well from men doing that.

John [00:43:28]: Exactly. So what would you do? If I gained, like, I don't know, like, £60? So I got. I got fat, got a beer belly, was not going to the gym, was not running, like, and you started to lose physical attraction to me? Like, I just really.

Nicole [00:43:44]: I mean, I'd be, like, saying that maybe we need to go back to, you know, keeping healthier options in the house like we used to, because it'll make all of us feel better, give us more energy, and maybe we should go for a walk after dinner and, you know, with Toto or our daughter and, you know, walk around the block or, you know, go to the gym like we used to. I would talk about the things that we used to do, because I think that also is kind of key, because if someone used to do it, they probably still, to some extent, want to do it, because even though when you first started running, you hated running, you started to like running, and then every time that you stopped running, I know you've gotten back into running. So it's like, if someone did something in the past, they probably would do it again if they were committed back then. So maybe encourage you to try some of your other, like, classes like I said that I did. When you were feeling a little bit more. More discouraged about yourself or, you know, do you want to go for a run or do you want to go for a bike ride? Do you want to, you know, try some new things?

John [00:44:51]: How would you address it? Though, like, if it was like, you know, if. If you just were, like. I got to a point where you weren't physically attracted to me or as physically attracted to me anymore.

Nicole [00:45:03]: I mean, I think that it's hard because, like you said in the beginning, like, we have such a deep connection that I don't think it would get to that point, because all the points where you felt bad about yourself. I've been attracted to you just as much as I am now. So obviously you look.

John [00:45:19]: But I never let myself go.

Nicole [00:45:21]: No, I know. That's why it's hard. But like you said, though, it is hard for us to talk about that because it's like, we have such a deep connection that it's hard to, like. Like, fathom that.

John [00:45:32]: Yeah. But I guess, like a woman.

Nicole [00:45:34]: I mean, I think I agree with you. Like, maybe before all those things.

John [00:45:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:40]: I mean, I think I'd maybe still bring up, like, we should, because as a woman who takes care of, like, the meals and things in our house, I would probably start with, hey, I'm gonna, you know, start cooking healthy meals again, like we used to do, and keep healthy things in the house, because I know I eat the junk food when it's here and, you know, things like that. But I'd also talk to you about the other things that you're struggling with, because I do think for men as well, too, it can be emotional.

John [00:46:10]: Yeah. Because a lot of guys are really.

Nicole [00:46:11]: Stuff with work, you know, so to check in and, you know, see if it's something that they're struggling with emotionally and, you know, how they feel about themselves and what's going on and how to help them through that part. And if those things are fine, then maybe, like you said, I still think doing things together is better because I think that anybody, if they feel singled out, is gonna be more resistant. Right. Like, there's a problem with me. Why do I need to change? And I think, too, that the people who get comfortable and kind of let themselves go, there's also some of that, too, maybe subconsciously that they're like, they should love me no matter what. And, like, why do I have to change? Why are they trying to change me? And so then they're just holding on to being in that state that they've let themselves go, because it has a deeper underlying meaning where everybody really knows, deep down, though, that when they take care of themselves, they feel better.

John [00:47:19]: They feel better. They don't want to actually be in that state, but they want to feel like they have control over their Life and their decisions and they're accepted from their life.

Nicole [00:47:28]: But that's why it's about balance. You can have those days, like I said, where you just want to sit on the couch and eat a cookie, but you should live from a place of wanting to take care of yourself because you'll feel better and then you'll be able to take care of everyone else in your life better because you're coming from a place of feeling good. And you can inspire the people in your life closest to you to also make better choices. Because I do think people don't understand the power of influence.

John [00:47:57]: Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:59]: Especially on the people closest to us and especially with something hard to do like eating healthy or things like that. When I lived with my friend Addie years ago, like, she was very much into working out and eating healthy and just being around her, like it was just her and I that lived together, it made it a lot more easy for me to adapt those same sort of. Like adopt those same sort of techniques and ideals. So, yeah, I think that people don't understand how powerful the influence of you doing the things and supporting your partner while doing those has because it makes it a lot easier when you have a partner that wants to do it with you and you guys are doing it together and you're a team. Than one partner just eating whatever they want and you know that they don't care. And then you're trying to eat healthy and go to the gym and things like that. And I do think that women. It's hard that men need to do that as well with women because men can eat more and more unhealthily than women can and still be skinny or still be fit. Like not all of them.

John [00:49:20]: That's not true, though.

Nicole [00:49:21]: I mean, I think it is more true.

John [00:49:23]: It's more. It's more able to do that person. Person basis.

Nicole [00:49:28]: I'm not saying all men, but I'm saying that, you know, that there are also some skinny guys who eat like crap and they stay skinny.

John [00:49:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:36]: And they don't go to the gym.

John [00:49:37]: One of those guys.

Nicole [00:49:39]: Yeah, but.

John [00:49:39]: But I can gain muscle easier. It's like, you know, it depends on what your genetics are. But. But there's also women that they eat like crap and they eat so much. And I'm like, how the heck are you? You know, so.

Nicole [00:49:53]: But usually they're either doing something that's burning the calories off or they're just still young where their metabolism or sometimes being.

John [00:50:01]: Being young. But. But it's. But the thing Is. Is that it's. It doesn't. It doesn't really matter whether it's, you know, it's like, like you have to take care of yourself or some. Sometimes you're. Some people are gonna have. It's easy for them to gain weight and, you know, but yeah, if you blame something, then you're not, you know, it's like it doesn't. It doesn't matter. Like, ultimately, it's still your responsibility. Right. It's like, yeah, you know, yeah. Maybe you're not gonna be. You don't have to be a supermodel. Like, and I would have to be like, at, you know, chiseled low 8% body fat. Right. You don't have to do that.

Nicole [00:50:38]: But, yeah, it should be where you feel most confident.

John [00:50:42]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:50:42]: Right. And most of the time, people, it's not like you said, getting to supermodel skinny or bodybuilder buff. It's to the point where you feel good. And a lot of times it's not this extreme version of yourself, like I just mentioned, that is what makes you feel good. It's. It's just even sometimes the fact that, that you are eating a healthy diet and you are putting yourself together and you are going to the gym, just sometimes even doing those things because you feel better.

John [00:51:12]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:51:13]: And that's kind of where I'm at. Like, obviously I have times where I don't like the way my body looks, but for the most part, I just want to be healthy and I want to look in the mirror and like how I look. And I don't even like getting on a scale as a woman.

John [00:51:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:51:29]: Because I feel like that doesn't matter. It matters how I look.

John [00:51:33]: Right. Exactly. Exactly. That's exactly right.

Nicole [00:51:35]: And so, like, I think too, if more people focused on that instead of like, numbers, like, oh, well, I don't weigh this amount or my waist isn't this size, like, but instead liking the way that their body looks when they look in the mirror, that's all that matters because that is what will give you the confidence.

John [00:51:55]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:51:55]: And then if you're eating healthy and it's helping your body look the way that you want and it's giving you more energy and making you feel better from the inside, then you're also just going to want to keep doing that thing. And if you keep. If you like the way you look.

John [00:52:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:52:10]: And you like the way you feel, you're going to keep doing those things.

John [00:52:14]: Yeah, Yeah. I think. I think also a lot of women end up in situations where they are actually, you know, kind of nagging the guy about, oh, are you going to eat that? Or do you know. Or like, you need to stick to your diet. Or sometimes it's for health reasons because the doctor says, hey, you need to lower your cholesterol.

Nicole [00:52:32]: Yeah.

John [00:52:32]: And then they're like, oh, you're. Are you gonna eat eggs? Or did you go out? And it's like. But guys always resist that, right? You can't.

Nicole [00:52:41]: Well, anybody's going to. Just being told what to do, you.

John [00:52:44]: Know, you can't do it that way. You've got to do it. But. Yeah.

Nicole [00:52:47]: What do you think would be the best way to do it?

John [00:52:50]: I mean, I think would be the best way. If I were a woman, I would say something like, oh, can you. Can you show. I don't know how to work out? Like, I don't know how to lift weights at the gym. Could you take me to and show me how to, like, get muscles? I wanted to build some muscle, you know, I was like, what. What kind of food should we. I wanted to get more in shape. What kind of food should I eat? Like, even if, you know, just ask him so that he'll be like, oh, let me. I'll do the research and figure this, you know, say. And then he's gonna do the thing, right? So you just gotta be. Use that woman card. You know, Use that feminine, like, oh, big, strong man. Help me, help me. You know? And then I think that's. That I would say is most likely to get a guy to step up.

Nicole [00:53:38]: And I feel like women hearing that feel like that's. That wouldn't work. But I know that you're right. I mean, hey, it triggers something in men, but. Well, I only say that because they've probably never even seen their man act that way or even ask them about something like that. So they think their husband just wants to, like, yeah, you know, he's just gonna do whatever he wants and he's not gonna listen and he's not gonna care to, like, give her the information. But I agree with you that that is a good way to get what you want as a woman, because it does tap into the. This sort of primal man part of his brain where he wants to help, like you said, the hero. Like, he's going to save the day, he's going to save you, even though you're trying to help him save himself.

John [00:54:21]: Right? Because you have to swallow some pride because you might be like, oh, he doesn't even know shit. He's just this fat ass Eating Doritos on the couch. Just falls asleep in his own pile of Doritos. And he doesn't ever worked out a day in his life or whatever, if he. But I know all this stuff and I know how to eat healthy and how to buy the right foods. So why am I going to ask him? But you got to kind of swallow the pride and be like, what do you think I should do? Even if you know the answer, so that he can feel like he's doing something because that will motivate him to.

Nicole [00:55:00]: And if you make the meals like I do, just swap the pasta with protein pasta. Put. Do it like kids. Put some spinach in the. Yeah, spinach in there. No, but. Yeah, that is the better way to do it because. But, but you have to motivate him in the correct way.

John [00:55:16]: Right, but you gotta. Because even if you're like, okay, well I'm gonna just start buying healthy foods and you're like, okay, I'm gonna start buying healthy foods, I'm gonna start substituting, like, you know what's gonna happen? The guy's gonna be like, oh, I don't know. I like my sour, my full fat sour cream. I like it. It don't change it. I don't, I don't like the way the low fat stuff tastes.

Nicole [00:55:36]: Like, no, get McDonald's on the way home and then not eat any of the healthy.

John [00:55:40]: Or hide the. Yeah, hide the wrappers. And you know, you just got to like, that's where you got to like ask. You got to get the buy in to like, get him to feel like he's the one leading the thing. And, and that's. It's fine, you know, it's like you just, you know, because that will get him to, to want to, you know, even if he has to do the research, if he doesn't know anything about health, he's going to try and figure it out because he wants to save the damsel in distress. You gotta be the damsel in distress.

Nicole [00:56:04]: Even though he's the damsel.

John [00:56:06]: Right? Even though. Because this is why we've talked about this in other episodes, but women have so much power that they don't know. All you have to do to control any man is be the damsel in distress. I'm not saying you should use it in a bad way to manipulate for bad, but if you want to influence.

Nicole [00:56:25]: If you want to manipulate for good.

John [00:56:27]: For good. Yeah. The difference between manipulation and leadership is whether you do it for bad or good. It. That's, it's the Same skill. The skill is called persuasion. And. And that's. And that's what it is. But the damsel in distress, if you can swallow your pride as a woman, you have ultimate power because you can come to a man and act a little bit helpless. I know it feels, oh, I don't want to do that. But you have so much more power if you do that, because guys are going to respond to it. You know, it's like. But so many situations in which women are like, I don't know what to do. I'm like, just act like a damsel in distress. Just, well, be like, big, strong man. Help me out, and boom, you're gonna get whatever you want, I'm telling you. So it's such a simple power.

Nicole [00:57:16]: The last thing I want to talk about, I guess, is mostly for women is that personally, too, I used to take pride in being low maintenance, and I still do because I still don't want to take, like, an hour to get ready every day. And I think a lot of women, too, that's also potentially why they don't get dressed up, is they don't want to take an hour to, like, have to put on all the makeup and do their hair and do all that stuff. But it is important to take the time to do things that make you feel better. And there's so many ways now for women to doll themselves up that you can go and do or do at home where it kind of cuts your getting ready time in half. Like, you know, I like to do, like, the overnight.

John [00:58:07]: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:58:08]: Heatless curls. That's so easy. Even though I look crazy when I'm sleeping. And, you know, you look like a.

John [00:58:16]: Barbarian princess like Heidi.

Nicole [00:58:19]: But it makes it so easy. I wake up and, like, it looks like I did it and I didn't.

John [00:58:23]: I.

Nicole [00:58:23]: All I did was sleep. And then, you know, I like to go get a lash lift every once in a while. And that makes it so I don't really have to put on mascara and I look more put together. So there's so many ways now, too, where you can do things like that that cuts your getting ready time in half, but you still feel put together and you still feel better about yourself. And then, of course, there's going to be times where you want to get all dolled up and you want to take the hour to get ready. And, you know, also my friend Addie that I used to live with, she would take a long time to get ready, and I would just be sitting there. But she enjoyed doing the process she would turn on her music and have her little chair and, you know, like, really indulged in getting ready. And that is also how women should be doing it. Like, appreciate the fact that you're getting this time to just, like, doll yourself up and, like, do this thing for yourself and, like, you know.

John [00:59:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:59:15]: Even, like, going shopping, trying to get your nails done, like, every once in a while, or doing your nails at home, if you want to do them at home, or you can't afford to go get your nails done or. There's plenty of things these days where us women have come to the rescue of all of us to hack how to look presentable without having to spend hours.

John [00:59:36]: Well, and let me get with it. Let me give this perspective, too, as a man, like, a bit of a hint. Right. So I, you know, as a woman, I would, you know, if you're a woman. I'm not as a woman. As a woman. As a. As an honorary woman. For. For the minute. If you. If you spend an hour or two hours getting ready every single day, then when you don't have your makeup on, you're gonna look like crap, relatively terrifying. So that's not good. So you don't want to set that precedent. That's not good. Because then it's like, then you're one of those women that has to wake up him. And wake up before, put on the makeup before he sees you with the makeup off, because you can't be seen anywhere.

Nicole [01:00:19]: And a lot of those women don't like the way that. Well, just to.

John [01:00:22]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nicole [01:00:22]: To hit on that is. A lot of those women, when they constantly put on makeup, don't like the way their own face looks without makeup.

John [01:00:29]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [01:00:30]: So that is going to drain your confidence. Even though you think you're boosting yourself up by putting on makeup every day, the second you take it off.

John [01:00:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:00:38]: Your. Your confidence is gone.

John [01:00:40]: Right. So don't waste the hour and a half, two hours a day, every single day, getting ready, because that's too much. Because it's going to. By contrast, you're not going to look good without it to yourself or to anyone. And so you're going to have to maintain it and you're going to have to keep it all the time, and it's just fake anyway. Right. So instead, again, my unsolicited, like, why is this guy giving this advice? But it would be to. To. To. To look good, presentable every day. Like, don't just, like, whatever, you know. You know, but, but like, like, try to like do some amount of taking care of yourself, not the crazy amount, but then occasionally get. Spend the hour, two hours, get really like maybe once a week or once every couple weeks, go on a date and you. And do it so that he still is like, oh, damn, he can, you know, but, but it's not such a. He doesn't see that version every single day.

Nicole [01:01:34]: Right.

John [01:01:34]: Where when he doesn't see it, he thinks you look bad. Where, where, where you want it to be. Where when you do get thrown up, he's like, oh, damn, what the heck? Right. Instead of, of he sees that every day and then when you don't do it, he's like, oh, what the heck, what happened here? Right. Because anyone would feel that way for that. So that would be my suggestion. It's just like, yeah, but still do it. But just do it on an occasion. Not every day.

Nicole [01:02:01]: You can do the hacks like I mentioned that don't look as severe as dressing up for gala every day or putting on two hours worth of makeup and your hair. Because you are right that people get used to whatever they consistently see. And so on the flip side, some of these women are probably like, well, if I don't put on makeup and stuff, he's getting used to that and hopefully he'll be attracted to me. But you do have to have that occasional time where you get ready so that you feel better about yourself. Because there are plenty of times where I don't put on makeup for like a whole week. But then there's also still a part of me that's like, well, I haven't really like done much for myself. Like, even though I've enjoyed being comfortable and not having to get ready every single day. And you know, I don't think I look horrible when I look in the mirror even without makeup on. I want to feel like extra nice every once in a while. So. Yeah, I mean, I do agree with you. I think that it's just too much stress also on yourself as a woman to just feel like you have to get ready every single day and you shouldn't be putting that on yourself.

John [01:03:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:15]: And then not liking yourself when you're not wearing any makeup.

John [01:03:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:20]: Or your hair's not done or whatever.

John [01:03:22]: Exactly.

Nicole [01:03:24]: This one's kind of been all over the place.

John [01:03:26]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:28]: I think that, you know, this is the reality like that everybody struggles with, I don't really know, like how men feel about like the self care part, I guess, like going to get a haircut when they want to get a haircut or I don't know. So maybe you can touch on that before we wrap this one up.

John [01:03:44]: Yeah, I mean it's just. Yeah. You know, you take care of yourself. Like, you know, you could dress nice every, you know, it doesn't have to be every single day, but you know, get to a point where you feel proud of yourself as a man that you're doing stuff to take care of yourself.

Nicole [01:04:01]: Yeah. Because some men never look nice either. Never put on a nice shirt, never like comb their hair or trim their beard or whatever. Those things still matter to men too. I'm not saying that you have to doll yourself up as a man every day either. But again, kind of ties into the same thing with women that if you take the time also to get yourself ready every once in a while, you'll also feel.

John [01:04:24]: And let me say this real quick because we're. It's like just some quick, quick win. Some quick tips for. We Talked about the 1 gram of protein per pound of body weight per day is really just a good rule. It's probably going to cause you more positive improvements than. Than anything else that you're doing as long as you're lifting some. Some weights for aging and stuff. Everyone especially you know, if you're young. But even like you should be doing trinoatin. Why do I say it wrong?

Nicole [01:04:56]: Is it tretinoin?

John [01:04:57]: Tretinoin. That's why. Yeah, tretinoin or retin. Retinol. You know, retin A that it's the most proven thing you should be putting on your face. Every single.

Nicole [01:05:07]: Which I need to do that. It makes my skin peel. So I like.

John [01:05:10]: It does. You gotta find the right. But. But it is super, extremely effective. Like everyone should just know this for guys also, look, there's no reason to go bald anymore. Like finasteride, dutasteride, minoxidil, like those are super easy to prescribe. Not a. You know, again, I'm not a doctor. This isn't health advice.

Nicole [01:05:33]: But legally.

John [01:05:35]: But yeah. And then like. And then even with the older. You know, because you talked about the beginning like women as menopause and stuff like that for. Well, for men, you know, testosterone replacement is an option that is. Obviously you got to talk to your doctor about these things but for women, women don't even realize that at the time when women are going through menopause they might need an estrogen supplementation is good. And testosterone. Women need testosterone at menopause. DHEA also can help with a lot of the things. Again, you got to talk to your doctor about all These things, but those are important. And a lot of women, I think, are afraid of taking estrogen after menopause. But almost all the studies, again, you got to talk to Dr. Blah, blah, blah, disclaimer. Because they're afraid that increase in estrogen increased risk of breast cancer. But almost all that has been disproven because women were afraid to take estrogen supplementation because of that. But for the most part, almost all the studies are kind of debunking that. But again, you check your references and check with your doctors and stuff, because I'm not going to be liable for any of those things. But just like some quick things that you can do that are. Are simple, you know, But. But skincare. Skin care is huge.

Nicole [01:06:54]: Skincare. Well, and sunscreen. Even though I know you don't like sunscreen, but sunscreen on your face is a huge thing that they talk about.

John [01:07:03]: Yeah, I'm on the.

Nicole [01:07:05]: I put sunscreen on my face. So we'll see in a few years.

John [01:07:10]: Yeah, I mean, it is supposed to be. That is. But the thing about that is that a mineral sunscreen, because the chemical sunscreens, even though they're more effective, definitely have some chemicals in there that could actually cause the exact thing that you're trying to prevent.

Nicole [01:07:30]: I use moisturizer with sunscreen in it. Hopefully that's good.

John [01:07:35]: Hopefully. All right. I think that's it. Yeah.

Nicole [01:07:39]: Tips, tricks, suggestions. Hopefully they helped you guys. I can't think of anything else, though.

John [01:07:47]: And we don't have any. We've just been vibing, so. No.

Nicole [01:07:52]: Knock on wood.

John [01:07:53]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:07:55]: Don't want to jinx this.

John [01:07:57]: Well, good. Okay. Yeah, I don't. I mean, there's a ton of other things to talk about about that, but we're out of time, so. Yeah, that's true. That's it for this week. Send us an email@betterthanperfectpodcastmail.com Leave us a review. Like, subscribe all the things.

Nicole [01:08:15]: Check out some of our other podcasts that we've been on lately. Love Stories by Charlene Byers. Check her out.

John [01:08:22]: Yeah. And share this with a friend. A fat friend. Wow. Kidding. I'm kidding. But also do it.

Nicole [01:08:33]: And on that note, through every fault.

John [01:08:37]: We find our way.