Nicole [00:00:00]: I don't need a man to make decisions for me. And to that I'm just like, look, I was once like you, woman commenting these things.

John [00:00:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:00:09]: And the thing is, when you're with a man that you trust and he leads, you can, like, relax for the first time in your life, you don't make any decisions where I'm like, what the heck was that? Because I know you and you know me and you take me into consideration. And so instead of viewing it as, like, I'm suppressed, which is what this lady is viewing it as, it's actually, actually a luxury to have somebody that you trust making decisions for you so you don't have to. So you could just be at peace.

John [00:00:39]: All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:49]: That's right.

John [00:00:50]: Yeah. So what do we have for this? Oh, I. I mean, I have a couple of things, so.

Nicole [00:00:55]: Well, hold on.

John [00:00:56]: Okay. Yeah.

Nicole [00:00:57]: Happy 2025, because I'm sure this will come out in 2025. So happ.

John [00:01:04]: I don't know if it's the right. You know, I think it's already, like two weeks in or whatever. I don't know.

Nicole [00:01:08]: Two weeks in. How are you feeling? Let us know in the comments.

John [00:01:11]: At least one weekend, maybe. I don't know. Who knows? But yeah, Happy New Year. So.

Nicole [00:01:15]: But your resolution?

John [00:01:16]: Well, oh, see, the history, the. The stuff. I'm like, the current events are not going to be current events. That's the one thing. Because I was going to say there's like an only fans person who slept with a hundred men in one day. That was the big.

Nicole [00:01:31]: Is she British? I saw that.

John [00:01:33]: Yeah. Some kind of. Yeah. I don't know why she wants to do a thousand.

Nicole [00:01:36]: Why do men objectify themselves in that way? They're just a number. They're fine with that look.

John [00:01:43]: I hate look.

Nicole [00:01:44]: It's wrong.

John [00:01:45]: But that's ridiculous, though.

Nicole [00:01:47]: They're proud of that. You know, the men who did that are proud of that. They're like, I'm numbered 74.

John [00:01:53]: It just.

Nicole [00:01:54]: What number are you?

John [00:01:55]: That doesn't seem very. It doesn't seem very. Doesn't seem very cool. I would want to be anonymous. I mean.

Nicole [00:02:02]: Wait, wait. I would want to be anonymous. So you're like, I would do it, but I want to be anonymous.

John [00:02:07]: If I had to do it, I would want to be.

Nicole [00:02:09]: Nobody's forcing them to do it. If I had to do it.

John [00:02:12]: Right. Yeah. It seemed ridiculous. So.

Nicole [00:02:16]: Or you could just not do it.

John [00:02:17]: Yeah. Just not do it. I mean, that's what. Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:20]: If I had to do it.

John [00:02:22]: Like, if someone was forcing me. Like if there was a, you know, a drone.

Nicole [00:02:25]: None of those men were forced to, you know it. You know it.

John [00:02:30]: Yeah. So.

Nicole [00:02:31]: Yeah. Well, I saw something.

John [00:02:33]: It's just a publicity stunt, though thing like, you know, does it worked? I guess. Yeah, I guess so.

Nicole [00:02:38]: Because, you know about it.

John [00:02:40]: But just to outrage people and.

Nicole [00:02:42]: Yeah, but the thing is, if men, 100 men, didn't line up, she wouldn't be able to do it.

John [00:02:47]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:50]: Like, so I get it. I understand. I don't think it's good that women do only fans and that they promote themselves in that way, because that stuff is always going to be on the Internet.

John [00:03:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:03]: They tell you all those things. The Internet never take. You can never take it off the Internet.

John [00:03:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:08]: So it's not a good idea. But the thing is, she wouldn't do any of that if 100 men hadn't lined up.

John [00:03:15]: Drew. Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:17]: Men need to have some self respect.

John [00:03:20]: Yeah. For that. I mean, for sure that, like, you don't want to be in that line. I don't.

Nicole [00:03:23]: I mean, women should, too, but.

John [00:03:25]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:25]: Yeah, men. Like, the thing is, if I'm selling popsicles.

John [00:03:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:30]: If I have nobody to buy the popsicles, I'm eventually maybe sell cat sweaters or something. You know what I mean? So, like, yeah, look, yes, she's doing it, but can you stop her doing it? No, but you can tell your other bros, like, hey, maybe you shouldn't be number 62. Maybe you should bring back. Find a nice.

John [00:03:48]: Bring back. Shaming. Bring back. I mean, it is a useful thing of society. No, it is. It is a useful thing in society. Like, people are always complaining about shaming, but shaming's pretty useful, actually.

Nicole [00:04:00]: But people also do desperate things out of shame.

John [00:04:03]: Yeah, but shame. Me not being out of shame.

Nicole [00:04:07]: You think if you're shaming them, they're not going to feel shame?

John [00:04:09]: I mean, rightfully so. In that case of being number 97 in the line, you know, so make you think about your choices next time.

Nicole [00:04:19]: But what if you were number one? That's fine.

John [00:04:23]: I mean, Alicia and I, it's. It's better, but it's not fine either. So it's just. Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:30]: Don't stand in the line.

John [00:04:32]: Beyond the perfect we discover through our.

Nicole [00:04:35]: Flaws we complete each other Better than.

John [00:04:40]: Perfect we stay through every fault we.

Nicole [00:04:45]: Find our way we also, bottom line, don't.

John [00:04:50]: We also got Some debate over our. Our video about a man being a gold digger.

Nicole [00:04:59]: A lot of women are like, they've been gold diggers.

John [00:05:01]: Yeah, yeah, we got. It was pretty mixed. You know, some support. Some. Some women there like, yeah, yeah, men. Some stories about men literally being gold diggers. Doing nothing.

Nicole [00:05:12]: Yeah.

John [00:05:12]: At all. Not even having a job, which is weird. But. But also a lot of women saying, oh, no, they wanted the 50. 50. They. They wanted.

Nicole [00:05:19]: They want to help their husband.

John [00:05:20]: Yeah. Which I get. I get the idea behind it, but at the same time, no, because you're gonna. You're not gonna help him by helping him. You got to help him by being like, yeah, get your ass out to work and go and make a living and go and support this.

Nicole [00:05:37]: I don't think he'd be very happy if she was like, go and get your ass to work.

John [00:05:41]: No, but, but I mean, that's. You gotta make him be a man. You can't.

Nicole [00:05:47]: How do you do that In a non emasculating way, in a feminine way?

John [00:05:52]: By going and spending money.

Nicole [00:05:55]: Oh, okay, noted.

John [00:05:57]: So he's gotta go and face some bill.

Nicole [00:06:00]: Got it. All right. I like the way you think. Enough said. Moving on.

John [00:06:04]: By being high maintenance, being like, I gotta get my nails done, gotta get my hair done. What you gonna do about it? Right. Like, we gotta get some. Yeah, that. That got to motivate him a little bit.

Nicole [00:06:16]: Okay.

John [00:06:17]: Right. Yeah. I don't know. But not, not by. I. I mean, I get the sentiment of, of helping him, but you got to downsize. You got to go to a smaller place and that shouldn't. He's got to get his butt in gear because he's the one that's got to. Got to get it going.

Nicole [00:06:32]: Like, you should love and care about him enough to do that, because there's been plenty of times where I'm like, oh, well, let me.

John [00:06:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:39]: Do this. You know, so we're not sitting here saying that like, no, you need to just watch your man flounder and be like, no, suck it up, bro. But like, you can still have that sentiment and even let your man know and be like, hey, I can help you if you want, or ask him how you can help him. Yeah, that might not be financially, but might be some other way.

John [00:07:02]: See, that's. And that's a better. A better plan because you'll be able to help him in other ways that allows him to go and do what he needs to be doing.

Nicole [00:07:11]: Right.

John [00:07:11]: Right. Yeah, that's a better.

Nicole [00:07:13]: So you should still care. We're not saying don't care. Yeah, but he should also want to have the pride in providing for his family.

John [00:07:22]: Right, Exactly. You got to protect his pride to a degree. Right. Let him preserve that, even if he's not preserving that by. No, I'm not going to go to work because I'm not like. Cause you're the man.

Nicole [00:07:35]: Yeah, I'm not going to go to work because.

John [00:07:37]: Yeah, because you're the man. Right. It's like, I mean, sometimes you got to make someone step up. Right. It's just like, even in that book that. The Empowered Wife. Yeah, the Laura Doyle book, where she's like, okay, well, for the finances, here's the checkbook. Like, I'm not going to help you with it because you're the man. You gotta take care. I'm not, you know, don't. Don't give him help. You know, it's true.

Nicole [00:08:07]: Yeah. You can show him love in other ways.

John [00:08:10]: Yeah, exactly. So, yeah, but I mean, but you can't have it both ways either, Right? So a lot of women were complaining about, I want a man to pay for things and to take care of me and to treat me like a woman. But then they're like, but I, I want to be able to be an equal partner in control of the, you know, of the, you know, of the kingdom, instead of.

Nicole [00:08:34]: So they wanted to be the king.

John [00:08:35]: Right. They want to be co king, which. There's no co king. So it doesn't, it doesn't work.

Nicole [00:08:40]: I guess the men are letting them be co king.

John [00:08:42]: Yeah, but that's, but that's what I'm saying is there's no, you know, you got to pick one. Like, if you're a woman that's like, okay, I'm a strong, independent woman and I'm going to do 50, 50 or whatever, then, okay, fine. But then don't complain about a man treating you like a man.

Nicole [00:08:55]: Right. Because you're in your masculine. You're providing what he's providing.

John [00:08:58]: But if you're like, oh, I want to be feminine, I want a man to take care of me, want him to treat me like a woman, then, yeah, he's going to lead you as well. He's going to be the king, you're going to be the princess. That's how it works so well.

Nicole [00:09:11]: And a lot of women were like, I don't need a man to make decisions for me.

John [00:09:15]: Right.

Nicole [00:09:16]: And to that I'm just like, look, I was once like, you, woman, commenting these things.

John [00:09:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:25]: And the thing is, when you're with A man that you trust and he leads your family and the decisions, you know, for everybody.

John [00:09:35]: Yeah. It.

Nicole [00:09:37]: You. You can, like, relax for the first time in your life. Like, you don't make any decisions where I'm like, what the heck was that? Because I know you and you know me, and you take me into consideration. And so instead of viewing it as, like, I'm suppressed or oppressed or suppressed about something.

John [00:09:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:00]: Like, which is what this lady is viewing it as. She doesn't even realize that it's actually a luxury.

John [00:10:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:08]: To have somebody that you trust making decisions for you so you don't have to. So you could just be at peace.

John [00:10:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:17]: And obviously, if you have any questions or like, you're deciding something that you discuss with me, we have discussions. It's not like you're just like, nope, tonight we're doing this. You can't tell me any different.

John [00:10:31]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:31]: Like, that's not how it goes. But again, I also understand that a lot of these sort of comments come from a place of. That she's never been with a man that she probably would trust to make decisions for her. And so she doesn't even know what that would even look like. And she doesn't know the peace that it would bring or the safety that it would bring within her. So she can't really comprehend it.

John [00:11:01]: So, you know, probably really shouldn't be with a man that can take care of himself, though. And so some women do.

Nicole [00:11:07]: I saw that one comment with the lady who was like, I supported a man for six years.

John [00:11:12]: Yeah. But. Yeah, I guess so. So that's the thing is because. Yeah. Because if you can't take care. If. If a person could take care of themselves, then they can probably take care of you. Right. Like, they can make, you know, they're. They're surviving, they're alive, they're functioning. Right. If. If. So. So it doesn't have to be the best decision maker in the world. You can still put your trust in someone who is capable of running their own life. You know, I'm not saying, mansion, step up. I'm just saying, you know.

Nicole [00:11:40]: Yeah. I think it's part of being like the feminine and nurturing, too, to some degree. It's like you take care of children and you're with the children most of the time. You're teaching them things. That's just kind of what comes with the nurturing side is like, trying to teach people, but it can go too far. And, like, with the comments, it's not like a nurturing, feminine teaching of People, it's a masculine. Like, I want to be the boss.

John [00:12:06]: Well, like, the. The most childish thing I think anyone can ever be is when they're like, oh, nobody can tell me what to do.

Nicole [00:12:12]: Right.

John [00:12:13]: Because it's. It's just. We already know that. No one can tell. You can just do what you want to do. You're a human being.

Nicole [00:12:18]: Right.

John [00:12:18]: But if you want to be a good leader, you have to first be a good follower. And you have to be able to follow. You have to be able to take instruction, to take commands, to be able to. If you want to build a lead. Even me, myself. Right. I can't consider myself a good leader if I can't take instruction from someone else. There's positions where I am not the leader and I am not the one in charge. And I don't say, oh, excuse me. Yeah, you can't tell me what to do. I can do whatever I want to do. You're not the boss of me. I don't say that. I just say, yes, sir, and do what I'm supposed to do.

Nicole [00:12:53]: Yeah, it's. It just shows the level of emotional maturity, which is low.

John [00:12:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:59]: In that case.

John [00:13:01]: But that's not the topic for today. The topic for today is alone time, or what do we call it? Private time. That. Now it's sounding weird, but it's like your personal. Personal space. Yeah. Having personal space. Right. Is that right? So, yeah. In a relationship. What are your thoughts?

Nicole [00:13:22]: I'm glad you set me up for success here. You, like, give me five different versions of the topic. So tell me what you think. Well, as someone who lived alone before I met you, I enjoy my personal time and alone time. And, you know, I feel like it's important to have some time in your life where you're alone because it's important for people to enjoy their own company. Like, is important to have that because there's also plenty of people, when we talk about finances and stuff that are like, oh, well, what if something happens to him and he provides a hundred percent, like, like we talked about, In Other Words, episodes. Like, I do think it's beneficial for women to be on their own and to have their own space and, like, have that alone time and to know that they can provide for themselves if they needed to. They also don't need somebody. They're not codependent. They can enjoy the time with each other. Like themselves.

John [00:14:32]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:33]: And they don't need somebody else there. I think it's just very beneficial for women to learn these things before even getting Into a serious relationship. Because when women comment, the things like, oh, well, what if something happens to him? Or things like that, like. Or like, you can't get a job because you didn't have a job. Like, I'm not worried about any of those things. Like, I don't ever want to live without you. I'm worried about that.

John [00:14:55]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:56]: But I'm not worried about, like, could I get a job? I know I could go get a job. Like, I've been in positions before where I've had to go get a job. Like, I can get a job. Like, you've also said, set things up for me where you won't need to. Yeah, right, exactly. Where, like, you know, and I don't want to be in a world without you. But because I had my time where I lived on my own.

John [00:15:21]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:22]: And I know I wouldn't be with anybody else. I could learn to, like, enjoy my me time again. However, like, being in the marriage, there's never a time where I need as much alone time as I did, I feel like, before.

John [00:15:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:41]: And it's a little different for me personally, because I spent also a lot of time alone as a kid, like, in my own room, in my own space. So maybe that's also too. Why, like, I learned from a young age to enjoy my own company and entertain myself is because that was kind of like the way that I handled it. My emotions and things going on in my life is to, like, go to my room and, you know, spend time with myself doing whatever I wanted to do to, like, make me feel better or journal or draw or dance or whatever it was, you know. So from a young age, I very much liked my personal space.

John [00:16:22]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:23]: So that wasn't really out of the ordinary when I got older. But some of that too, was also bad. And I learned that when I got together with you, actually.

John [00:16:36]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:37]: Because some of it was bad coping skills.

John [00:16:42]: Ah. Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:43]: Because it would just be running away from the situation.

John [00:16:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:48]: Instead of dealing with it.

John [00:16:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:51]: Or I would deal with it until a point where I got overwhelmed. And then I'd wanna go be alone. Cause that's what I grew up doing. Right. Like, I would wanna be in my own space and take some time, which is not. Like, you can't take a moment and, like, gather yourself and your thoughts when you're overwhelmed. But, like, you fighting to work through things with me helped me realize that there is a difference between wanting alone time because you're pissed off and, like, you almost want to give somebody the Silent treatment versus like the alone time that you have to just like spend doing what you want to do, which with us, with you working and I stay at home, I try to do whatever I need to do.

John [00:17:43]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:44]: That I want to do with my own time with myself in the time where you're working. Because I enjoy spending the time with you, but there's never a time. And you are the first person that I've been with that I felt like this, that I'm like, oh, I've been spending too much time with John. I need like my own space. But I know people feel that way and I felt that way in other relationships, but this is the only one where I have not felt that way. And if anything, I'd want more time with you rather than more alone time for myself. And I was like, I said a very like, about my alone time sort of person.

John [00:18:21]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:22]: So I'm not saying it's wrong to want alone time, but also a part of me is like, if you're trying to get away from the person that you're with and have your alone time.

John [00:18:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:36]: I would look at why.

John [00:18:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:39]: And what is, what is the main thing? Like, is it that you just do need some time to yourself, then communicate that to your partner? Just be like, hey, and sometimes too, even when we're together, I'll be like, I want to go take a bath and that's time that I'll be up there, you know, with myself. But communicating those things helps distinguish that you're just trying to do some sort of self care or whatever you need to do versus like you're avoiding the situation or you're, you don't want to be around your partner. Because I feel like if you get to a point where you don't want to be around your partner.

John [00:19:19]: Yeah, that's a problem.

Nicole [00:19:20]: There's something hiding under your rugs.

John [00:19:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:24]: Like there's something you guys swept under there that you thought was cleaned up, but it's not.

John [00:19:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:31]: Because there's really never a time that I can think of where I would prefer my alone time over time with you.

John [00:19:38]: Yeah. Yeah. My take on it's a little bit different, but I would say that I will be a little bit more bold and say that it is wrong to want alone time, to want personal space.

Nicole [00:19:49]: I knew you would say that.

John [00:19:51]: The reason why I'll say that is that. Well, okay. And there's some caveats. Caveats to this, Right. So the first one is that you will have alone time. You will have personal space because you're going to do things, right? So for example, I go for runs. I'm going to be running, right?

Nicole [00:20:10]: And I don't go for runs.

John [00:20:11]: Yeah, I would go running with you and that would be fine as well. But you're going to get personal space just by living your life because you're not going to be together all the time. You have a job, you're going to have different things that you're, you're doing are different hobbies and you shouldn't necessarily have all the same hobbies, right? So you're gonna go and you're gonna do, do different things. So I think you're already getting that. But the reason why I say it's wrong to want personal space is because if you're seeking more than that, then there, there's a problem with the relationship that you are not addressing because especially when you're married, when you're at that level of commitment and connection to another person, you should want to spend all your time that you should, you should not be viewing yourself as two separate people, but as one, as we did the episode on that. And so what? The concept of personal space is just like the concept of privacy in a relationship. It doesn't exist. There's no such thing as it. Right? Again, like I said, you're having by default just having some amount of time that you're not with the person, but you shouldn't be seeking that out, right? Aside from very exceptional circumstances where maybe you're doing like a seven day retreat. What is that? I can't remember the name of the meditation. So like, you know, something like that is just a total isolation for a purpose. But you're not getting away, right? Because when, when I hear the word personal space, I think, okay, getting away from everyone, right? Which includes your partner, which is not something that you should ever have in your mind. Because if you have that in your mind, then that means there's something that you need to address. Because why, why is the reason why you need that space. Right. You know, but yeah, so, so I think that, that it's, you know, you don't need to seek it out. That's, that's what I would say about it. You'll get some of that, of that time. But seeking it out is a, is a indication of a, of a problem, you know? Yeah, it's just like the privacy thing. Like you, like when people say I need privacy, it's like, yeah, but you're in an intimate relationship where you're two becoming one. How does the concept of privacy exist in this? Like, privacy from what? Like what are you not sharing with your partner? Like what?

Nicole [00:22:40]: Right.

John [00:22:40]: You know, so.

Nicole [00:22:42]: Yeah, no, I agree with that because I feel like when I go to, like a dance class or something like that, then that is my me time. Like, I don't need. And even if you were like, let's go, or they have a couple one, I'd be like, yeah, like. Like you said. Like, it's not like I'd be like, no, this is my time.

John [00:23:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:02]: You know what I mean? And you've come with me to, like, some of the classes that I go to. And I like that just as much as when I go, probably even more. Because you're there.

John [00:23:11]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:12]: But I also get the other side because again, like I said, I never felt like I wanted to spend all my time with somebody until I met you. And I'm not trying to sit here and be like, if you don't want to spend all your time with your partner, something's wrong with you. But like you said, and like I.

John [00:23:32]: Said, something's wrong with the relationship.

Nicole [00:23:33]: Something. Yeah. Something's bothering you.

John [00:23:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:36]: That you wanna. You'd rather be with yourself.

John [00:23:39]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:40]: Than with your partner. And a lot of times it's something that you need to fix within yourself.

John [00:23:47]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:48]: It's not even something with your partner.

John [00:23:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:51]: You're escaping it to be by yourself because then you don't have to deal with it.

John [00:23:55]: Right. Exactly.

Nicole [00:23:56]: Because when you're on your own.

John [00:23:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:59]: You can think, oh, well, I'm healed, I'm good. I can deal with this. Because. Yeah, it's just you. You can deal with whatever version of yourself that you're with, but when you have your partner there and they're mirroring back to you the situations, then you can't handle it. Then you want your. Your you space. Because it feels way better to be by yourself. Who accepts you.

John [00:24:23]: Right.

Nicole [00:24:24]: And doesn't want you to change than someone showing you the things that you probably should change.

John [00:24:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:30]: Because both you and I have said multiple times that before we got together, we thought we were very healed people. And we were.

John [00:24:37]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:39]: But being together has brought up and will continue to bring up so many things that if I just continued to live on my own, I probably never would have even got close to. Because they could just be lived with. Because. Because they were down inside of me and no one was bringing them out. And I had buried them far enough where I could still live my life. I still felt like I was healed and I Was doing good. Yeah, but. And many people have said that your partner will do that. Your partner will bring out things in you that you think you've healed and you haven't, and they'll help you actually really heal them. So when I hear that people want to personal space, it's really just so they can be more comfortable.

John [00:25:25]: Yeah. It's running away. It's what it is. And if you're continually running away, then you're not going to make that progress. You have to deal with the things out in the open. And you might say, oh, well, I got to gather my thoughts about this thing. No, you can explore those things together. Right.

Nicole [00:25:43]: Well, you're also very understanding and lovely partner. And I believe you when you say what you just said, that you can explore and you can say whatever you need to say, even if it's not like politically correct or whatever at the time. I believe you.

John [00:26:00]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:01]: But I know that not everybody has a partner that can do that. Like some people do. Like, some people do have a high emotional intelligence, and you definitely do. But it takes a partner with a high emotional intelligence to be there for someone doing that.

John [00:26:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:17]: Without getting defensive that they might say the wrong thing. Because that's, I think too, why people want to take time and gather their thoughts so they don't say the wrong thing.

John [00:26:27]: I get that. But.

Nicole [00:26:29]: But even if that is the case, you could be like, hey, can you give me like a minute right here with you where I just like, breathe for a minute and then we can continue. Like, there's nothing wrong with that. But yeah, like, I know that people watching this are going to be like, my husband would never just sit there if I said the wrong thing. And, you know.

John [00:26:51]: Yeah, but it has to be. But that also brings you forward in progress through good conflict. Right. Again, the words are important, like you always say. So as you're working things out and thinking through things, you can do it in a way that's not offensive. Right. You can do it in a way that it might still cause conflict, but that's fine because you're going to work through that in that process.

Nicole [00:27:17]: It's just learning.

John [00:27:18]: Yeah. It's just a matter of I take an extreme stance on this, obviously, but because I know that when most people say I need my space, they are avoiding. It's an avoidant strategy.

Nicole [00:27:33]: It is.

John [00:27:33]: When you're using I need my space to avoid, it's not really. It's not like you. You're just out in nature and exploring the. Your connection with the universe. For a minute. That's not. You're. When someone's saying, I need my space, or they need their personal space, they're saying that I'm avoiding this thing, or you're getting on my nerves or whatever it is, which are all the things that, like, if someone's getting on your nerves and they're your life partner, you're in your relationship, you an intimate relationship with them, then you have to work through that, not run away from that if you want to actually resolve it. Otherwise, what ends up happening is the thing is, every time you run away and you're avoidant, that's shoving things under the rug because when you come back, it will be better, but not because it's resolved, because it's forgotten. It's not at the top of mind. And that's why I've always been very adamant about, no, we resolve things right away because the things should not get forgotten, because when they get forgotten, they're being brushed under the rug. And you just don't, you know, there's a bump there, but you don't know what the bump is, but you can feel it, you know, and that's not a good place because you want to be able to know what the bump is, but you don't even make it a bump. You know what I mean?

Nicole [00:28:46]: Yeah. No, you're 1000% correct as someone who was avoidant. Very much so. And I definitely resisted you on it in the very beginning. And, you know, even sometimes now, I want to just go to the comfort zone, right, of just being by myself. But the thing is, though, you doing that for me has taught me how to be present and not just avoid. And that is important. Like you just said, it's important to be there. It's important to learn how to regulate your emotions in the moment, because you can't learn that if you just avoid. Like, you're not actually regulating your emotions. You think you are, right? But the thing is, the real hard thing is to learn to regulate your emotions in that moment right when it's happening, while you're still looking at the person that hurt you or upset you and being able to do that. And that's why, like, you should still be able to choose the words wisely that you're going to use without even saying, hey, can I take a minute? Because that is what you should be working. You should be working while you're in this hard situation to do the right thing. Because the more that you do that, the more that that will become your automatic response. Like the Reason avoiding became my automatic response is because I grew up in that environment.

John [00:30:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:18]: And I learned that. But you have helped me unlearn that and create an actual secure attachment. Like, that is an avoidant attachment. When someone wants to take space, and especially if it's during an argument, that's an avoidant attachment.

John [00:30:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:35]: Or if somebody's, like, anxiously freaking out and being like, oh, my God, like, is this still. You can have multiple too, you know, like, doing the opposite, being more anxious. That's an anxious.

John [00:30:46]: And.

Nicole [00:30:47]: But sticking it out and working through it is the secure thing to do. And especially if you can get to a level of emotional maturity where you can sit there and have somebody go through the process and it's messy and be there for them and try to help them do that, rather than letting them just go off on their own and figure it out on their own or, you know, create more anxiety inside of them. You know, so the thing is, you have to do it. It's kind of like teaching kids to regulate their emotions. Like, if you don't, or if you're teaching them avoidant style or anxious style or whatever style it is, that's what they're gonna have. And they're gonna have that until they learn how to not have that.

John [00:31:36]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:31:37]: And not everybody has a partner that is secure. A lot of people have avoidant or anxious or a mixture of both.

John [00:31:45]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:31:46]: And so it's even harder when you don't have a secure partner to get out of whatever side you're on. Like, if an avoidance with an anxious person, do you know how hard it is going to be for them to get to the secure place? Like, it's not impossible. It can be done, but it takes the avoidant person not running away and the anxious person facing their thoughts and, you know, dealing with it head on and not, you know, spiraling to create that.

John [00:32:18]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:19]: And so, yeah, it's. It's a good thing, actually, to be in a hard situation. Like in the beginning, like I said, when you were like, no, we're going to figure this out now, I resisted and I didn't want to, and I left the room and I did all the things. But I'm glad that you never gave up on me because it is better now.

John [00:32:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:39]: Like, it is better dealing with the things in this way. And. And I still. Even though you have come to me and made me not run away when I'm overwhelmed and I want to, I still want to be with you all the time.

John [00:32:53]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:53]: So it's not like I need more personal space because I'm not having my avoidant Right. Runaway time met. I still want to be with you all the time, more than my own spending my own time. And so, yeah, it just, it boils down to there's something that's bothering you, like we've said. And maybe you have to sit and think about it because maybe it's not that obvious. Maybe it's from a long time ago, like you said. Maybe you ran away during one of the arguments and you forgot about something, but it's still lingering there. It's still under the rug. Yeah, you just forgot about it because you took a space away from the situation and now you never resolved it. And so now you want more space because something's bothering you that you don't know and now you're pushing more stuff.

John [00:33:42]: Well, and then I think also, and we've talked about this before, about, you know, your problems are my problems. My problems are your problems. Like we don't have our own issues that we have to work out on our own because we work them out together. And that's, that's part of it too, is it's because I think a lot of people like, oh, well, I need my space to work on myself or work on my issues. And it's like, no, you do need to work on yourself, but those are going to be the things. Like I said, maybe you're going for a run, maybe you're doing some hobby or some activity. Right. But you're not doing it to get away.

Nicole [00:34:12]: Right.

John [00:34:13]: That's the thing. It's like you're doing it to do it, not to get away.

Nicole [00:34:16]: Yeah. You might taking a break.

John [00:34:18]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:34:18]: From being around your partner.

John [00:34:19]: Right? Yeah. And so, so that. But that's the thing is, is, is realizing that. No. And whatever kind of issues that you're facing, you, you face. And there's no issue that you have that I don't have because we're in it because we're tied together. And so if you have an issue, I have an issue. Right. We're on the same team. You know, it's like, you know, if you're playing on a, on a team and, and one of the players is injured, it affects the whole team. It doesn't. You just be like, oh, that's his problem. We'll just, I'll just play my game. And, you know, it doesn' and so. But that's, I think that's the big thing about it too is like, because that's where people are saying Okay. I need space because, like, okay, well, I got to fix these issues that are internal issues that are. But. But that's. It's the wrong way of looking at things because you're tied together. You've got. You can't have an issue and the other person not have an issue.

Nicole [00:35:11]: Well, it's like during COVID when it was all the couples couldn't stand being locked in the house with each other. I'm like, what? Yeah, like you can't stand being stuck at home with the person that you chose to marry.

John [00:35:26]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:28]: That doesn't make sense to me.

John [00:35:30]: That means you should be stuck. Right, Because.

Nicole [00:35:32]: Right, because the issue.

John [00:35:34]: Because you have a lot of stuff under the rug. That's why it's uncomfortable. Right. Because you can. Because the longer that you're in proximity with someone, the closer you'll be, which will uncover the rug stuff.

Nicole [00:35:49]: Right.

John [00:35:49]: And so that's why you're like, okay, I can only be for this long because you're at the cordial stage. You're not getting to the intimate stage. Right. But now you're spending enough time, you get down to the deeper stuff, and that's all that stuff is going to surface. And then it makes you uncomfortable. So you're like, oh, I better not do that again. But you have to endure it and go through it if you ever want to dig that stuff right out. Because.

Nicole [00:36:15]: And it does get easier. It's hard at first when you're used to just running away from the things.

John [00:36:19]: Right.

Nicole [00:36:20]: But it's worth it.

John [00:36:21]: But. And that's the reason why I think that our relationship is so strong is because we are constantly digging that, you know, whatever had ever built up, we dug it out and then we keep it clean. And if you keep it clean, then you're going to want to be together and you're not going to have issues and as much and you're not going to suddenly have these blow ups. Where. Where did that come from? Well, it came from a lot of.

Nicole [00:36:44]: The stuff that was buried down there.

John [00:36:46]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:36:47]: Yeah. So, no, you're right. And we're not saying that you can't spend any time away from your partner. Like John said, it should be like you should be viewing the things that you. You're doing, like going to the gym or, you know, whatever that is as your you time. Like, even when I go to the grocery store, I'm like, okay, well, you know, I'm like getting the groceries however I want. Like, this is my me time.

John [00:37:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:12]: You know, like, it's kind of like self care, like, you're gonna go to the grocery store anyway. Like, it's the same sort of like alone time that you would spend.

John [00:37:20]: Right. You're just not going to the grocery store in order to be, to get away. Right, that's the thing.

Nicole [00:37:26]: Exactly. Yeah. So it's. I don't want to confuse people by being like, if you want alone time, you should work on your relationship. But there is something like that is bothering you that you guys need to talk about if you feel like you need the space.

John [00:37:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:48]: Because you should be getting that in other ways and that should be enough to fill your like, okay, like, I'm an individual, like, sort of feeling.

John [00:37:56]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:57]: Because like, there's never a moment though where I'm like, I don't feel like an individual, but we live from a place of one, if that makes sense.

John [00:38:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:06]: Because a lot of people are like, well, you might forget who you are, like your identity or whatever. But it's like, I know my individual identity and I know our identity together.

John [00:38:20]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:21]: Like, and I can understand those things simultaneously. Like, I don't feel like you have to like be hyper independent while you're in a relationship to know who you are.

John [00:38:33]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [00:38:34]: Like, as a person, like, I don't need to be like, hey, John, I need 30 minutes every day to just do whatever I want to do and have me time.

John [00:38:43]: Right.

Nicole [00:38:44]: Like, I know who I am. I know that if I want to do something, then I'm gonna do the thing.

John [00:38:51]: Like, and it's just.

Nicole [00:38:52]: And you would join me or like I would want you there. Like, you just enhance the situation.

John [00:38:59]: Yeah. It's in general, just, even just good wisdom to do things in public, you know, to just to live your life in public, in, in the public eye because it will prevent you from doing things that you shouldn't do. But also it is just, you have nothing to hide. You are, you know, you know, you're not avoiding life, you're not avoiding things. And so I think that's just, just good wisdom in general, right?

Nicole [00:39:29]: Oh yeah, it is.

John [00:39:31]: So they, what do they say? What's like, you know, when you're in, in public, act like you would in private. When you're in private, act like you would in public. Like, or if someone's watching you, you know, essentially. And I think, I think that's, that's good.

Nicole [00:39:44]: So if you can't do that with your partner, who can you do that with?

John [00:39:47]: Right, right.

Nicole [00:39:49]: Like, that's probably besides just yourself, the person that you should be able to do whatever you want to do in front of.

John [00:39:57]: Yeah. And you can do the activity exactly like whatever you want to. It's not like you always have to do the same things, but you don't have to be like, okay, well, I need my time to be able to do what I want to do. No, you can still do what you want to do, whether they're. Maybe they're enjoying you, maybe they won't. That's fine. You know, So I think that is just the way of thinking about it.

Nicole [00:40:17]: To. Your partner shouldn't judge you. Like, maybe these people are afraid that they're going to be judged by their partner. Yeah, I could see how some people are more judgmental than others. Like, you know, but also, if you're one, why are you judging the other half of you? Like, why are you judging your other half? Like, you should love them where it doesn't matter if they like to, I don't know, make their own cucumber recipes. Like, you should be like, oh, that's cute. Do you want me to help you make your cucumber recipes? Like, you shouldn't be like, why the heck is he specifically making cucumber recipes? You know, like that? Also, if you're super judgy towards, your partner is probably pushing them to doing more things on their own. And so that's true. You should come from a place of accepting your partner. You don't already.

John [00:41:10]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:41:11]: Yeah, right. Or, like, support them.

John [00:41:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:13]: Like, obviously, if it's illegal, that's a little different. But, you know, if they're like, I want to make cucumber recipes now.

John [00:41:21]: I want to make that.

Nicole [00:41:24]: That's a little different. Don't do this on a list, John. You're just saying all the things so, you know you're on a list.

John [00:41:33]: Maybe I'm on the list, but you're on the list with me. So you're in the, you know, there and the. On the board where they got all the pins. It's like there's a rubber band that goes from me to you. Pin. So true.

Nicole [00:41:49]: Yeah, don't. We don't condone that behavior. But, yeah, don't judge your partner, because that can also push them towards wanting to do things by themselves if they feel judged.

John [00:41:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:00]: By you.

John [00:42:01]: Now, what about the whole when someone says, I need alone time or I need my personal space?

Nicole [00:42:09]: Well, I think you're best to answer this one, because I'm sure that I told you that in the beginning where I was like, no, leave me alone. Like, I want to Be by myself.

John [00:42:19]: Yeah. I mean, it's tough because also you don't want to be. You don't want to come across as. As desperate, clingy type of. Right. Needy type of thing, which, you know, I don't even like those. Those words anyway, because I don't think that also should be in your vocabulary when you're intimate in a relationship, because that when someone needs you, you shouldn't call them needy or think that they're needy. Right. But. But I think that you, you do have to push forward to.

Nicole [00:42:53]: Yeah. You can be like, I understand that you want your space right now, but we really need to resolve this. So please come out here and you can talk openly about what's on your mind right now. Like, why do you feel like you want to be by yourself?

John [00:43:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:13]: Like, what emotions are causing you to feel that way? Or like, what are you afraid of saying in front of me?

John [00:43:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:20]: But you just have to know too, that, like, they might say the wrong thing. They shouldn't.

John [00:43:25]: Sure.

Nicole [00:43:26]: But especially if they're not used to it, they might say the wrong thing.

John [00:43:29]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:29]: So you also have to try to be not defensive, especially if you're pulling them out of a place where they feel safe.

John [00:43:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:38]: You have to try to make them feel as safe as possible by talking to you.

John [00:43:42]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:43]: Which might be hard for some people, but that is the best way to get somebody from being avoidant and needing their own space and to start not doing those behaviors.

John [00:43:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:59]: More naturally. Like, and making them feel like, okay, this is safe because.

John [00:44:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:04]: In some ways, avoidant people become that way because they don't feel safe.

John [00:44:08]: Exactly. With their emotion.

Nicole [00:44:10]: Right, exactly. With their emotions or expressing them or whatever it is. So that's why they chose to self isolate.

John [00:44:18]: Right.

Nicole [00:44:19]: So you have, you do have to do a little bit extra work by making sure they do feel safe. And that's not like accepting everything that somebody says, but it's being empathetic.

John [00:44:31]: Right.

Nicole [00:44:32]: And being like, no, you, you can talk to me and what, like, is going on. And, you know, try your best to say, like, what you mean without allowing your emotions to overtake the situation. You know, whatever you want to say. That's like understanding. But still, you know, like, try not to just go off on me, you know, but. And then that will show the person. Because the thing is, they have to be shown. You can't just say, no, I. Oh, no, it's. Come on, just talk to me like it's fine. And then they do that, and then you blow up on Them.

John [00:45:12]: Right.

Nicole [00:45:13]: Like, that's not going. They're just going to be more avoidant.

John [00:45:16]: Right.

Nicole [00:45:16]: Actually, so it is. It does take some finesse, some work. Yeah. But. And especially if, like, I got lucky. Because you're secure. Like, you were secure.

John [00:45:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:28]: When we first got together. But with two people that are on the opposite sides.

John [00:45:34]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:45:34]: Then you both have to create safety for the other person in whatever way that they need it. So, like, the avoidant person should be reassuring the anxious person, and then the anxious person should give the avoidant person the safety to, you know, it's safe to talk.

John [00:45:50]: And that's where you really. In that situation, you really need to avoid the personal space thing because you need to be at least in proximity. And that's the other thing I was going to say too, is because sometimes it's not. It's not about the argument of trying to avoid the conflict. It might be someone says, well, I need personal space because I want to. They want personal space to do their own thing or to have some time with themselves or to be in their own thoughts. And I think in that case you can ask and say, well, you know, what do you want to do? Like, what do you want to do in your personal time? Or what is the reason why you need to. You know. And then if they say something like, oh, I want to journal, or I just want to think about some things or try to solve some problems, then it's okay. Well, yeah, you can do that. And I can read a book while you're doing that in the same room, you know, because I think that's a better. I know it might sound a little weird to some people there, but it is better because there's no reason why you have to be alone. Alone.

Nicole [00:46:52]: Right.

John [00:46:52]: In order to. You might be like, well, I just don't want to be interrupted. Which is fine, because sometimes you need to work, you need to do something. You don't want to be interrupted, but you can still be in proximity, which is good. It's a good step. Because if you're like, okay, no, no, I just need to be totally alone, that's when there's a problem. That's when there's an issue. Right. And like I said, it's not even just an issue within the relationship, although it is, but it's also just an issue in general. Like, you should be willing to live your life in public. That's a better way to live. You shouldn't need to go and withdraw into isolation. Right. Even though if you are alone, you should be Comfortable with it. You should learn to be comfortable with it. It's almost like a. You know, you should never be being pushed in. In. In one direction or the other.

Nicole [00:47:43]: Yeah.

John [00:47:43]: Or pushing yourself into one.

Nicole [00:47:45]: I don't think they want to be alone to hide something. I think that I can't speak for everybody. Maybe they do want to hide something, but I think most of the time it's. They don't want to be a burden on someone else.

John [00:47:59]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:59]: And that's why they want to be alone. Like, they don't. Or they don't want to deal with your emotions when they can't deal with their own emotions or, you know, those sort of things are typically what avoidant people do. Right. Like, it's either they don't want to burden someone else.

John [00:48:16]: Right.

Nicole [00:48:16]: With their emotions because they were made to feel like they were a burden in some way, or, you know, they don't have the capacity to deal with their own emotions. So if you started talking and about your emotions and now they can't even process theirs, it's very overwhelming. And so if the person is out of the room, then there's no dealing with those things. Right. Like, they're like, okay, well, they can't hear me. They're not. Or like, they're not reading it. They have the space to, like, not be a burden on them or not have to deal with their stuff when I haven't even dealt with mine. So I feel like that is most of the time why somebody might be like, no, I want to be totally alone. But again, like you said, it's not. That's not. That's just going to keep you being avoidant if you do those things rather than learning the right way to deal with them with your partner.

John [00:49:13]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [00:49:15]: And it makes you stronger. Like when you guys are dealing with things together, especially emotional things.

John [00:49:22]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:23]: Then doing them separately.

John [00:49:25]: And oftentimes, even when you think you're resolving things on your own in your own head, you're many times doing more damage than good because you're not interacting with the real person you're making assumptions about. And you can get into a spiral of getting more and more angry or getting more and more anxious or getting more and more insecure about something because you're. You have your own echo chamber in your head. That's. So you think that you're making good progress and that's what you need, but it's actually not what you need because you need actual reality. No, you're right to be confronted with, you know, right.

Nicole [00:50:00]: And it makes you more self centered in a way. Not like selfishly, like it's not intentional.

John [00:50:07]: Right.

Nicole [00:50:08]: But when, like you said, when you're in your head and you're dealing with it all on your own and you're coming up with whatever that you're coming up with, like it's all you like and you only have yourself to blame and yourself to figure it out and yourself to do all these things. So now you're so focused on that that it's hard because you're not even hearing the other person's side or they're not even actually like giving you the reason that they did something. Or you're coming up with all these things and like you said, sometimes you're coming to a conclusion that wasn't even the right conclusion.

John [00:50:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:50:46]: But. And again, a lot of people end up in this place because they don't even get the opportunity to talk to somebody. Like, you know, they are made to feel like, you know, a burden or whatever that makes them avoidant. But the best way to be is to talk through everything, to have everything out there with your partner rather than trying to separate it because that will eventually lead to probably other things being separated. Like you want more you time and now you're living like the separate lives but in the same house. You know what I mean? And it's just better because like you said too, you do view things as a team. Like you're working through the issues as a team and like I'm here for you, Tell me how you're feeling or what's going on in your head and you don't feel alone and you feel like someone cares about you and wants to help you with the things that you're going through. And so, and I do feel that way. And I feel like even back when I was avoidant, I still wanted to spend all my time with you. But now it's just even more because I know how much you've helped me grow and get away from being an avoidant person and helped me see how much better it is to be with someone that you love so much and you care about so much than just being on your own.

John [00:52:11]: Yeah. Yeah. And don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to knock. You know when people say that they, they need some time or personal space or people that value their personal space. It's just that when you're in a relationship, then it's not like your personal space is together.

Nicole [00:52:28]: Right.

John [00:52:29]: That becomes your. Because you're making a new identity.

Nicole [00:52:33]: Yeah.

John [00:52:33]: That Is the new. I mean. Yeah, you're right. You do have like, you still have your individual but. But the bigger identity.

Nicole [00:52:41]: Right. Your main one is. Is together.

John [00:52:43]: Is the together. Exactly.

Nicole [00:52:44]: Right.

John [00:52:46]: So that definition of alone time changes. It's like we need alone time.

Nicole [00:52:52]: Right? Yeah, that's how it has changed. You know, it's like our time, just you and I. Yeah.

John [00:52:58]: Because that's what leads to. Also a lot of the stuff with the girls night out and the guys night out and stuff. Not that you can't hang out with the girlfriends or hang out with the guy friends. You can, but when that's like, it becomes an escape.

Nicole [00:53:11]: Right. And that's like, I can't wait to go on the girls trip or whatever.

John [00:53:15]: Exactly. That's. It's.

Nicole [00:53:17]: It's more so than being with your husband.

John [00:53:19]: Yeah. Then it's a serious problem. So.

Nicole [00:53:22]: Yeah, I agree.

John [00:53:25]: Well, I think that's. Unless you got something else on. On that. I think we're.

Nicole [00:53:30]: I don't think so.

John [00:53:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:53:31]: I mean, we're not saying don't have hobbies or do things.

John [00:53:34]: Yeah, yeah. You have to have pop.

Nicole [00:53:36]: Just to reiterate.

John [00:53:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:53:38]: But that you should be free to do all those things in front of your partner or, you know, with your partner or whatever. You know. Or you. You will have designated time to do those things on your own. And that should be enough to fill up your. You Time meter that you have because everybody has it. But like you said, like, you going on a run should fill that up. Like, you should be like, okay, well, I've had my me time for the day. For me, going to Pilates should be like, all right, well, I've had my me time.

John [00:54:11]: Yeah. But even. Even when we don't like, because, you know, we've been on multiple three week.

Nicole [00:54:17]: Yeah.

John [00:54:18]: Vacations or trips where we literally spend every minute of every. For three weeks together. And it's fine. And then it's. Then in that moment, you realize you don't need your alone time. Like, you're right. You're. You're fine. Like, it's. It's good. So. Or should be. If it's. If it's not, then that's the. That's Becomes the issue. But yeah, so it's. You know, I guess the thing to maybe think about too is like, when you. When you think about, okay, I need personal space or alone time. Like, why. Like just, you know, what. What is it exactly? What. What is it that. The reason why, like, you know, what is it that you couldn't sit Quietly and read your book next to your partner. You could. Right. You know, it's like there's very few things where you would be. Like I said, the only example that I would say that is an extreme example where like, you're doing some. What's it called, the Vinny Vasam meditation or whatever, something like that, where it's like a specific purpose, a specific thing that you're doing, you know, to like, completely reset your mind or. Or something, you know what I mean? Where you're just isolating yourself from anything, from any kind of stimulus or something like that. That obviously would make sense. But if you continually feel like in your daily life you need alone time for your partner, then I think it's a problem.

Nicole [00:55:41]: So, yeah, you got to think about what that could be and figure it out, and then you'll feel better.

John [00:55:48]: All right, let's stop being this dead horse.

Nicole [00:55:53]: Well, we don't have anything because you don't like the facts thing.

John [00:55:58]: I mean, I don't know, we have to figure out some. Something when we have. Have nothing for the. If we had, like a comment or something to read or. I don't know, we got. Let's just pick a random. A random comment on the TikTok that just came in. Like, what's the latest comment?

Nicole [00:56:18]: I don't think there will be any potentially.

John [00:56:24]: Let'S see. Activity.

Nicole [00:56:29]: Whose random comment will it be?

John [00:56:32]: It's Josie. And she says 50. 50 will never find me because I value myself and I can do it alone. I don't need someone to drain my energy in my bank account. I'm good. So.

Nicole [00:56:46]: But see, this is why, John, I said the world is going to. Is not going to be good if it keeps going the way that's going.

John [00:56:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:57]: We were gardening the other night. That's what they call it. Gardening. Gardening. And I had a epiphany that if men don't learn how to be men and appreciate the feminine for what it is.

John [00:57:15]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:17]: Then all the women will just be masculine.

John [00:57:20]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:20]: And then everybody will just be masculine.

John [00:57:23]: Well, yeah, but those men won't be masculine, though. It'll just be flipped, which is kind of what we're living in now.

Nicole [00:57:32]: I guess you're right to a degree.

John [00:57:34]: Yeah, but. But you're right, it is a destruction of the world.

Nicole [00:57:37]: So, like, men are pushing women to be more masculine.

John [00:57:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:41]: I mean, I've said that before, but yeah, you know, look, that woman's like, I'm not doing 50 50. I'd rather be by myself. There's so Many women who are, like, want to be in a relationship, but they can't find a man that, yeah, has, like, very masculine values. And unfortunately, a lot of women are so masculine that in order to feel safe to be feminine, they need a very masculine man.

John [00:58:06]: Right.

Nicole [00:58:06]: Like, not just a semi masculine man.

John [00:58:08]: Right.

Nicole [00:58:09]: So, guys, follow John on YouTube and allow him to help you get to that place and take pride in being a man. Like, that's really what it is. And it's hard. John can tell you, like, he's been going through some tough times here lately, but when you have a woman to support you. Not to toot my own horn, but, I mean, it makes it a little easier.

John [00:58:36]: It does, yeah.

Nicole [00:58:38]: But, you know, once you deal with and handle all the hard things, you feel so much better. And you got to get through that. The obstacle is the way.

John [00:58:48]: That's right.

Nicole [00:58:49]: So.

John [00:58:51]: All right, well, yeah, shoot us an email at betterthamperfectpodcast at gmail com if you got a question. Need some help? Want to be on the podcast? You're going to be in San Diego. Leave us some reviews and we'll see you next time.

Nicole [00:59:05]: Through every fault we find our way.