Nicole [00:00:00]: I mean, people always cite. They're like Tom Brady, right? Cause Tom Brady, they're like, you could be the richest, most good looking, athletic guy. You could be perfect. And sometimes you're too perfect for a woman and she'll divorce you. I think the Tom Brady thing actually shows the opposite of what these guys think it shows. It shows that you can have all of the superficial things. You can be attractive, you can have high status, you can have money, you can be a professional athlete. You can have all of those things. You can have other women want you.

John [00:00:27]: But if you're not at home and making your wife and your family feel loved. Loved.

Nicole [00:00:32]: She'll give it all up.

John [00:00:33]: Yeah. Beyond the perfect we discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every fault we find our way.

Nicole [00:00:53]: Welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

John [00:01:04]: Do you know how long it's been since you got it? Like 100%.

Nicole [00:01:08]: Yeah.

John [00:01:08]: That was good.

Nicole [00:01:09]: Yeah.

John [00:01:09]: And you did like your little announcer voice. Like, I was like, he's a professional.

Nicole [00:01:14]: Yeah. That turned you on, didn't it?

John [00:01:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:18]: So what. What do we have for small talk today? I don't know.

John [00:01:25]: I'm trying to think if there's been any topics that hoopla on our.

Nicole [00:01:30]: Yeah. Have you been fighting with anyone on the Internet lately?

John [00:01:32]: Not recently.

Nicole [00:01:33]: Rare. I think they've given up. I think they've given up. I was just checking to see if there's any comments or anything. But yeah, I think they're just like.

John [00:01:44]: I mean, people were definitely upset over the boss babe one. Cause a lot of women were like, I don't care to be attracted to you, talking to you. Yeah, but. And it's like, guys, look how I mean.

Nicole [00:02:01]: Okay, yeah, granted, she said, I don't care to be tried to you, but look how unattractive that is. That's just vulgar. It just comes across as crass. Like when a guy does it, it also comes across as crass. Right. You know what I mean? So it's like, why even comment and say that kind of stuff? It's just like. It's just like, this is the point that I'm making. It's like, what kind of guy wants to walk home to that, like, that kind of attitude and just disrespect for just people in general?

John [00:02:25]: Well, he won't have to. But another person. I did not. I won't say argue with. I would say philosophy. Size that I Tried to enlighten, I would say, was the type of people who are like, we don't do it for anybody else, and why is it bad to be proud of your accomplishments? And I was like, here. And I think people need to hear this. Here's the difference. Most truly successful people downplay their success and they don't bring it up because they are afraid that they will be used for that.

Nicole [00:03:03]: Right.

John [00:03:04]: Or that, you know, it will rub somebody the wrong way or influence them somehow. And so the most successful people never bring that stuff up. And even if, like. And some other guy in the comment was like, well, how come women. That's the third question they ask as a man. If you're successful and a woman asks you, what do you do for work? You give her the basic answer, right? Let's say you own a social media marketing company, right? You could just be like, I'm in social media marketing.

Nicole [00:03:37]: Right.

John [00:03:38]: You're not lying, right? And you're not telling this person, I own a business, so I probably have a lot of money. And you. Here's this. Isn't that right?

Nicole [00:03:46]: Yeah.

John [00:03:46]: Because you should not be giving out any of that information. And that's what I'm saying with the boss babe people, it's those sort of women that go on a date and they're like, I own a business and I make this. And they're like, presenting all this information a lot of times, too, without even being asked about it. And so that puts them in a tricky position because they're just giving all this stuff like, no, the guy doesn't have to work for any of this information. And I'm not saying it should be a game, but it is not a good idea for anybody to go on a first date and spill all your beans everywhere.

Nicole [00:04:26]: Yeah, it always. It just reeks of insecurity. And it makes you seem. Like I said in the episode, if I'm a guy going around, if I have a shirt, I'm like, alpha male. It's like, okay, buddy, I saw a.

John [00:04:41]: Guy wearing that shirt. Be like, you're the farthest thing from that. And that's the thing is, like, a man's not going to be like, no, she's not making this money.

Nicole [00:04:48]: Right.

John [00:04:48]: But even if a man did that to a woman, it feels like you're trying to buy their affection or you're trying to use this attribute that you have to cover up all your other attributes that might not be in line with what somebody wants, if that makes sense. Like, I'm not saying that A woman can't be ambitious and own a business. And I think we did a really good job clarifying that. We did in the episode. I know a lot of these people are just watching the clips, but it's the people who are trying to make an argument when we already tied up all those loose ends with the whole episode that we did. But I did want to mention that it's. You don't see successful people going around gloating, and that's the word that I use too. It's. It's this gloating from boss babes and gloating from men who think all their worth is just in their money or what they do, their career. And that's what turn. Turns people off. Because it would turn a woman off if a woman did the same thing. Because there are plenty of women who go on dates and a guy acts like what he does for a living is his main personality. And don't base anything else off of anything else. And I know that career means a lot to a man. And I'm not saying that career can't mean a lot to a woman, especially if she's doing her passion. But also, like, people who are coming from an authentic and passionate place don't talk about money and their success in the way, because it's not about that. Like, they have that. But the most successful people have success because of other genuine attributes, if that makes sense. It's not this like conceitedness, this wanting to gloat, this like, I'm better than you energy.

Nicole [00:06:33]: Right, exactly.

John [00:06:33]: Because that would turn anybody off.

Nicole [00:06:34]: Yeah. And the whole, like I said, the coming across abrasively like, you've already lost your case when you've come across abrasively. Because it's just. We're making the case that boss babes are not attract. It's not an attractive trait. But then you're abrasive and it's like, well, that's even less of an attractive trait for a woman that be abrasive. So, you know.

John [00:06:57]: Yeah, I mean, they're just angry. Just like the other guys are angry. But, you know, you know, it'll even out.

Nicole [00:07:03]: It's. It's whatever we say. It's always, you know, it's like, it's.

John [00:07:06]: Always the other side.

Nicole [00:07:07]: Yeah, it's always like, there's. Okay, though, very impartial people that are like, oh, okay, like, like, let me hear some constructive criticism from me as a man. And also I can, you know, these are what, you know, it's like, so. But that's it's fun.

John [00:07:21]: You know, it doesn't. It is kind of bothering, but it's really not. Because one, I know we both like seeing the other side. And there are occasionally, unfortunately, this is occasional thing that someone will give a perspective that is brought up in the proper way and it makes us think like, okay, well, I could see that point of view. But when you bring it up in a way like she did, where she's just like, well, I don't want you to be attracted to me, like, that's definitely the wrong way to do it. And there's plenty of men who do the same thing. And at that point I feel bad for them because I'm like, you know, I get you're upset, but you have come to a point where you're just spewing it all over the Internet.

Nicole [00:08:03]: Yeah.

John [00:08:04]: And you're not really listening. Like, even if this upsets you to hear or something, or maybe you believe some of it, but you don't believe all of it. If you express that again, going back to our surrendered wife book with the correct wording of things.

Nicole [00:08:19]: Right.

John [00:08:20]: People would actually be like, oh, okay, well, I understand your perspective of it. But when you're just like, you suck or like, I don't care what you think.

Nicole [00:08:28]: Right.

John [00:08:29]: That's not bringing anything to the discussion. And we've always said that we're open to hearing what other people have to say. We're open minded people who would change their mind.

Nicole [00:08:39]: Right.

John [00:08:40]: That's how we've learned a lot of these things, honestly, is like making the mistakes and hearing a whole bunch of sides and seeing a whole bunch of sides and figuring out what makes the most logical sense. And it's just sad when the really upset and angry people.

Nicole [00:08:56]: Yeah.

John [00:08:56]: Just go on this like, commenting spree because it's like, if you listen to some of it, you could benefit your life. But you're choosing to live in this, like, hatred, this anger, this emotional place that's only harming you.

Nicole [00:09:10]: Yeah.

John [00:09:11]: Not anybody else.

Nicole [00:09:12]: And it's not like we're ever unempathetically shitting on people.

John [00:09:17]: No.

Nicole [00:09:17]: We say some things that people don't like, but it's out of love for them. It's never, we're never making fun of people. Yeah.

John [00:09:24]: We're trying to be.

Nicole [00:09:24]: Yeah. We're not making fun of people. We're not saying they're scum of the earth. Right. We're talking about things objectively and trying to, you know, help people. Exactly. So it's, it's never, it's Never, you know, there are. There is content out there that is purposely, like, on people.

John [00:09:42]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:43]: That's not us ever. Not. Not even when we disagree. So, you know, but so many times I listen, I see comments, and. And I'm like, oh, did I say something? Or did you say something, you know, in that clip? And then I listen the clip. I'm like, no, that's perfectly logical. It's like, there's. There's nothing. This person just is whatever.

John [00:10:00]: So they're just upset. They want to be upset.

Nicole [00:10:03]: Well, you got for us.

John [00:10:04]: Today's topic is jealousy and how I think a little bit of jealousy, healthy jealousy. And we'll talk about that. Because, like, what is healthy jealousy is good in a relationship. Okay, so I guess I'll start.

Nicole [00:10:21]: Yes.

John [00:10:23]: So healthy jealousy, I would say, is when you really admire the person that you're with for multiple reasons. Not just because he's super hot and super buff and super tall. Like, not just the physical things, but because he's an amazing human being. He's intelligent, he's kind. He is what every woman would want. And yes, I am talking about my husband and that. That greatness of what you are. Maybe jealous isn't the necessarily right word, but it. It makes me afraid to lose it because I value it so high. So again, I would say it's like, because you have such a high value for the person that you're with, you do get a little nervous. Or like, oh, is like, could he leave me? I don't want him to leave me sort of thing. Like, I'm not saying think about that all the time, because that's not healthy.

Nicole [00:11:24]: Right.

John [00:11:25]: But the healthy part is admiring the person you're with so much.

Nicole [00:11:29]: Yeah.

John [00:11:30]: And all of their attributes to the point where you would be devastated if you lost that person. And you do kind of have that, like, again, like, it's not a place where you're constantly afraid, because that's not healthy.

Nicole [00:11:45]: Right.

John [00:11:46]: It's just this total admiration and love for the person that you're with that, if you lost, would be a detriment to your life. Does that make sense? And plenty of people would be like, that's not healthy.

Nicole [00:12:02]: Yeah. You know, this is gonna be an unpopular episode, probably, because I'll tell you. So we're gonna delve into the deep psychology of this. Right. And the difference between men and women and masculine and femininity. Right. So in order for things to really be successful in a relationship with a man and a woman, we've talked about before how a Woman has to look up to the man. She has to look up to him. And so I think this plays into all of that. And the other thing that plays into this is women's psychology around really, it's just the natural programming of women, of biology that one of the major ways which they value a man is based on how other women value the man and also how other men value him. But mostly, you know, it's selection bias or it's, you know, it's the social proof, right? So, you know, the classic example is a guy walks into a bar with a bunch of don't knock him out, attractive women around him. Women find him more attractive, right. So where I'm getting at with this whole thing is to say that when I coaching guys, I just was talking about this topic because a lot of times guys will get upset if their woman, for lack of a better term, I always say woman, but it's like wife, because it might be your girlfriend. So woman is being insecure, being a little bit jealous. I used to get a little bit upset about that too. But then what they don't realize is that that is essential for the relationship. So I do agree with you. Because if a woman doesn't think that other women want you, if she doesn't think that other people find you valuable, it's going to be hard for her to find you valuable. It's a really good, healthy indicator. If you're in a relationship with a woman as a guy and she's not afraid of you potentially cheating on her, she's not afraid of some woman trying to go after you or whatever, that's a problem because that means that she doesn't have a very high value of you. She doesn't think that other people want what she's got right now. It doesn't work as much the other way around. Not to say that, I mean, obviously you're the world to me, the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. And you are amazing in every way, just beyond what I could ever imagine. You're the kindest person, the most sweet and funny and I mean mostly funny.

John [00:14:47]: Very funny, very funny.

Nicole [00:14:48]: Okay. But, you know, just so many things that I just am amazed by. Right. So intelligent and, you know, so, so kind and, and has the biggest heart.

John [00:15:00]: And buttering me up over here.

Nicole [00:15:02]: All the things, you know, you know, the thing. And such an amazing dancer. But I would be obviously devastated if I lost you. I would never want to lose you. Right. I found the perfect person for me. However, it's not as. As a man. I don't necessarily have the same kind of jealousy because my judgment of you is the most important to me. I don't have that biology that you might have as a woman where if this is valuable to me, it must be valuable to everyone else. And I'm worried there's that piece of that attraction that comes from that. So it's not as important. The other thing about it, I think, is that if a man is acting more jealous, or let's say insecure, in that case, if a man were doing it, it comes across actually, it comes across as insecurity, and that's not attractive. As a man, I have to be like, yeah, I know. I'm the shit. You know, it's like, you know, I have to feel like that. I have to present myself like that. I have to be like, yes. You know, I'm. I'm confident that my woman is going to stay with me because where is she going to find a better man than me? Like, I have to. I'm not trying to be, like, arrogant, but I have to have that in my head. I have to, you know, because that is something that actually does make a man attractive, is that he does have that level of confidence. He doesn't have that insecurity in those areas.

John [00:16:29]: So what would you say that men feel that is the equivalent? Because, like, I think a part of the healthy jealousy is that knowing that you have something that is valuable and that other people would want.

Nicole [00:16:45]: Right.

John [00:16:47]: And that is what kind of gives it, that jealousy. You know what I mean? Like, you have this thing, right, that people would want to come in and get as well, too. Like they would die to have a partner that is like this.

Nicole [00:17:01]: Exactly.

John [00:17:02]: So I don't believe that men don't think that.

Nicole [00:17:05]: Right. It's.

John [00:17:06]: So what do they have? Like, what would you call it? Whereas I'm saying, like, healthy jealousy. That. What would you say? If a man has a good woman, what would he call it?

Nicole [00:17:19]: Instinct to protect the relationship.

John [00:17:22]: Okay, and what does that look like?

Nicole [00:17:23]: So that looks like setting boundaries. That looks like one of our earliest episodes where we did the six rules for the relationship where the man is coming in and saying, look. Yeah, the hanging out with guy friends. No, none of this stuff. Going out to clubs. No, none of this stuff. Girls night, girls trips. No, right. Because he's protecting the relationship because he doesn't want to put it at risk at all. Because he knows he has an extremely valuable woman and he doesn't want to put anything at risk that would jeopardize the relationship on both sides. Right. He doesn't want to jeopardize it, that he would cause himself to be in a bad situation either.

John [00:18:04]: But I would say protecting the relationship, if you really admired the woman that you're with, is also not following Instagram models and not excessively watching porn and not desensitizing yourself to that woman. Because I feel like if you're at this level.

Nicole [00:18:22]: Yeah.

John [00:18:23]: Like, where you have a little bit of jealousy for, like. I mean, I know you're saying that men don't feel that, but I'm saying from, like, a woman's perspective, it's kind of like what we talked about, like, there. I. I used to have celebrity crushes before you came along, but now it's. It's like I am at a point where if I was still single, but I knew you existed, and somehow we didn't work out, but I knew how great you were.

Nicole [00:18:47]: Okay.

John [00:18:48]: I know that those people wouldn't live up to you in my eyes. Does that make sense? So it's like, it totally annihilated any of that sort of thing. Like, they're just. They would never be you. And again, too. I know that we've talked about it, like, just me and you, that we never feel like we need. Like, there might be something better out there because we're already. Like, how is it even as good as it is now? It's like you have that certainty that I've never felt.

Nicole [00:19:20]: Yeah.

John [00:19:21]: Of. There's nothing better than this out there. Like, I have no desire to find out because you are even better than I ever imagined. And this whole episode might sound like us just blowing smoke up each other's asses, but we. I know. We genuinely believe it, so I don't even care what people have to say.

Nicole [00:19:36]: Say.

John [00:19:36]: But I think, though, that is what causes the healthy jealousy. Right. Because it's like, if you have the best to the point where you're like, I know I have the best. Without dating 500 more people, I know it would never get better than this.

Nicole [00:19:53]: Right.

John [00:19:53]: There's gonna be this, like, need to, like you said, protect it and preserve it. And as a woman, you don't necessarily, like, do that. I think the thing would be jealousy, because it's like, you're not gonna go, like, fight people or. I don't know. You know what I mean?

Nicole [00:20:09]: That's why it's a different thing. You know what I mean?

John [00:20:11]: Right. But it's just, like, appreciating what you have.

Nicole [00:20:15]: Right.

John [00:20:16]: And the Jealous. The little healthy jealousy kind of make sure that you continue to appreciate that, if that's makes sense. I know this is, like, kind of confusing because I'm pretty sure I just invented this out of my ass. But the healthy jealousy is a good thing. And I will explain. Explain. Because I've never felt this before either, right? Like, especially when I met you, I was the most secure of my entire life. And I'm not saying I'm insecure now, but I have that, like, healthy jealousy because I'm like, this is a man that woman would want and plenty of women, too, tell me, oh, your husband's so attractive, and blah, blah. And I'm like, they don't even know who he is as a person because they would die, and they don't know the other things he can do because they would die. And I'm like, so I have all this stuff, and they're, like, admiring him for just the outward appearances. Like, they would lose their mind if they knew all the other ways that you were amazing. And so it does create this. This, like, healthy jealousy. Because I'm like, this woman is blatantly telling me how attractive my husband is or, you know, how he seems so great that I'm like, I need to make sure that I continually remember to appreciate that. Not that I don't, but it's like an added, like, bonus to be the best version of myself for you and our relationship and appreciate you for all that you do. Because our relationship is so amazing that I never want you to feel like I don't appreciate even the little things that you do.

Nicole [00:21:45]: I'm gonna try an analogy, and we'll see if this works, okay. Since this is my thing, right? So I think for a woman, right, it's like she's holding the winning lottery ticket. She. The Powerball numbers got read, and it's like, a hundred million dollar Powerball, and she hasn't turned it in yet, right? And so she's like, no one can know I have this Powerball. If they see the Powerball ticket, they're gonna tackle me and try to take it from me, right? So that's the. That's the healthy jealousy, right? For a man, it's like, I won the powerball. I have $100 million in my vault, right? You see what I'm saying?

John [00:22:24]: Woman's in your vault, right?

Nicole [00:22:26]: Yeah, because. Because it's like, I. I know it's extremely valuable. I'm proud of it. I'm proud of my wife. I know that she's amazing, and you.

John [00:22:34]: Take it out with the security of yourself, right?

Nicole [00:22:36]: But it's, It's. It's in my vault. I'm not worried that someone's going to take it, because I know that it's my vault and I'm going to protect my vault. You see what I'm saying? So.

John [00:22:44]: And also that you're. You continue. I think it's the same for men, though. I mean, I can't speak. Speak for you, but I think it would help men as well be the best version of themselves because they realize what they have, right?

Nicole [00:22:57]: And as a man, it's more like I know that what makes me a man is being a man, doing the things, right? And so I know if I have something extremely valuable, like you, like the most amazing woman in the world, I have to keep on performing and being a man. I have to keep on doing the thing because I have to be worthy of this amazing woman that I'm with. And I have to show her that I am every day. You see what I'm saying? So that's the thing about it is why it is different in the sense. But both of those elements have to be there. Because if I were. If we flipped it, and I were really afraid that every time you went somewhere, a guy was gonna sweep you away or hit on you or whatever, and I was acting like that all the time, it probably wouldn't be very attractive to you.

John [00:23:49]: Right?

Nicole [00:23:49]: Like, to me, as a man, it doesn't matter if you're afraid of a woman hitting on me or it doesn't make you less attractive to me at all. Right. You know, in fact, it's more so because I'm like, oh, she really, like, values me, you know? You know what I'm saying? But if I were doing it, it would be less attractive because you'd be like, okay, why is this guy so insecure about. And it is a double standard, but it's not a double standard standard because it's just a difference between men and women, right? It is a difference between masculine and a feminine and the feminine. And so that's why it. It looks differently.

John [00:24:25]: Yeah, well, it doesn't help, too, with the little jealousy thing that there's constantly women checking you out and things like that. Or like the instances where I'm like, oh, that girl's looking at you and you're like, no, that doesn't happen. And then when we talked about the thing from Vegas with that one lady, I'm like, it does happen. And, like, that's not the healthy part of It, But I think it adds to it though. As a woman, I didn't realize because again that I never had a man as valuable as you, that women will try to take that because it's so valuable when they see that. Like when you told me that like women will go after married men and things like that. I don't have friends that do that or like I'm not aware or they would not be in my close relationship sort of circle. But it as a woman that is scary because a woman might try to do whatever she can to get a man.

Nicole [00:25:29]: Yeah.

John [00:25:29]: That she sees is valuable because, you know, either she sees, sees the posts that his wife is making or she sees them out and she just wants to cause some trouble or whatever. I mean, I didn't realize how much that it happened until you told me about it. But it is a real thing. And it. Not that I think that those women could come and take you away from me, but it's that constantly seeing like when we're walking down the street, like people, women specifically admiring you and things like that, it just kind of makes you like, are people sliding in my husband's dms to try to like get him to talk to him or doing something like that. And like, I trust you. But when you. Again, when you have something valuable, you get a little concern and like you being on social media and things like that and you have a big following, it's a little bit more nerve wracking. But that's the reason it's not like a constant insecurity or like a bad sort of jealousy is because I know you and I, and I know where we're at and I know our relationship. But it's, that's why I'm like, you have to have that view of your husband though. Like, you have to. Or the person that you're with, the man that you're with, because if you don't have that, then you kind of feel like you can just get another one. And I say that because that is how I felt before. Like, I was not really concerned about anybody doing anything. Like even the guy I was with, I'd. If he was like, I wanna go out to the bar, I'd be like, okay. Because I was like, you know, I, I don't care as much. Like, he doesn't have all of the qualities that I want. He's a decent guy. But I could probably, like. And in my mind I'm not thinking this out loud or saying it to him. I'm like, I could probably find a Guy similar to him.

Nicole [00:27:30]: Right.

John [00:27:31]: Whereas with you, I know without a doubt, I could not find a guy exactly like you. And so it makes you a little bit more, like, afraid to lose the. This amazing thing that you have. Not that you think that it's going to happen, but you value it so much. It's like, I guess, too, like you with your wedding ring, you're like, oh, I don't want to. You take it off before you go in the ocean because you don't want to lose it or you, like, Right. Try to make sure that you don't risk, like, misplacing it or it falling down the sink or something, because it means a lot to you.

Nicole [00:28:14]: Right?

John [00:28:14]: And that is what I mean by the healthy jealousy, which it's still. People are probably like, no, you're just insecure, girl. And maybe there is some aspect of that, but I don't think it's a bad thing because I don't let it control myself negatively, like, in my life negatively. I use it to admire you and make myself better and continue to grow so that we continue to grow together and we just continue to get more and more in love and have the relationship just get even better. Even though I don't know how it does, but it does. And I just value you. And I make sure that you know that I value you because you mean so much to me.

Nicole [00:29:02]: And I think, yeah, I mean, obviously you're going to get some detractors for the. But. But again, I've been coaching guys for a long time, and I just had a conversation with a guy about this subject, and I was talking about how, look, it has to be this way. Don't get upset if the woman you're with is a little bit jealous or is a little worried that you're gonna cheat on her or that something's gonna. Because that's healthy. That's important that she has that. And what you have to do as a man. See, this is the other part of it, is reassure her. Don't a lot of guys, they do the. They're like, oh, well, I'll make her even more scared and then she'll really like me. And then that actually makes you insecure then, right? So it's like, even when you tell me that women are looking at me, I'm like, no, they're not. Right. Even if they are, I'm like, no, they're not. Because I don't need to say that. I don't need to make you more worried. I don't need to. Because there's nothing to worry about. Right. And again, it's just like you're saying about someone that has money or has a really good job. They don't brag about their job and all the money that they have. I don't need to say anything. I want to reassure you because I know that unless someone drugs me and kidnaps me that there's no one going to be touching me.

John [00:30:21]: Then I'm going to come get you this body.

Nicole [00:30:23]: You know what I'm saying? It's like they can look, but there's nothing they can do because there's nothing that can convince me to not be with you. Because I have found my perfect wife, my perfect woman, my perfect soulmate that I want to spend my life with so well.

John [00:30:39]: And I think one thing I wanted to bring up that's kind of ish along these lines is that, like, when a woman. A woman starts dating a man and. Or even like, they're in a relationship or whatever, and he brings up his past conquests.

Nicole [00:30:56]: Oh, yeah.

John [00:30:58]: To other men, they like to talk about this stuff and it's like, oh, yeah, cool dude. Like, it makes him look better. But when a man talks about women he's had sex with to the woman he's with, right. It does not do that at all. It makes her feel like you're thinking about those times rather than with her. And I know that some men do it intentionally, like you were saying, to try to be like, oh, well, this happened, and he's trying to, like, in the wrong way, get his girl to do something right, or feel the jealousy or something, but like, the insecure, bad sort of jealousy that we were talking about. And so now she's constantly living in a state of fear. And I guess that's the thing is healthy jealousy. You're not living in a state of fear. You're not living constantly, like, each day, like, is he gonna leave? Is he gonna do this? It's. It's just the admiring and like, wow. Like, I. The way that I look at it, and I tell you this a lot too, is that if I wasn't with you, I would want you again. I would not, like, steal you. But if I had met a man like you and for some reason we didn't work out, I would be constantly like, well, that was the one that got away. Or like, I want someone that's just like, that guy. So sort of thing, like, you embody a lot of what women want. And so it's more of like, realizing that, appreciating that. And Knowing that you have something, like you said, the lottery ticket, you have something that people want, but not using that to create fear inside of you, but using that to appreciate and be grateful for that is what the healthy jealousy I would say is.

Nicole [00:32:44]: And this is exactly what men want is a woman just like you who would think those things about the man that she's with and say them so.

John [00:32:52]: Well, you know, but then be the man. That's what we keep talking about, too. I'm like, we have a lot of conversations like this, but men don't realize that if they were even half, not even half, if they were a tenth of the man that you were, they would be getting more women interested. Like, the thing that man. Men should focus on is not even necessarily their looks, their muscles, anything like that. It's being more of a man because that means the most to women. And I know they're going to be like, no, they want muscles. That's not even. And like, you can always get that. You can always start going to the gym. You can always do that. She's going to value more you being a good man, a man that other men look up to, a man that she looks up to. That is what's going to get you more women.

Nicole [00:33:46]: Yeah, I agree. I agree. 100.

John [00:33:47]: And that, yes, it's going to take work because it's a mindset thing. It's changing habits sort of thing. But you. That's something you can control.

Nicole [00:33:56]: Yeah, yeah.

John [00:33:58]: And for all the men that are like, I know and can't do anything, they just hate me. It's like, no, you actually can do that. And you, you really can't be admired. A woman's not going to be like, I love my husband so much because he has a six pack.

Nicole [00:34:13]: Right.

John [00:34:13]: And that's it.

Nicole [00:34:14]: Yeah.

John [00:34:14]: Like, you have to be a good man because that looks fade. Looks are, you know, they'll get you in the door. They mean something. You have to be attracted to the person you're with.

Nicole [00:34:27]: Right.

John [00:34:27]: But we're all going to get old and wrinkly one day.

Nicole [00:34:29]: Yeah.

John [00:34:30]: But what's not going to change how a person is on the inside.

Nicole [00:34:33]: Right.

John [00:34:34]: And so. And if you have somebody that you look up and admire to, you'll focus on being the best version of yourself. If they feel like they value you, which they should. Like, I'm not saying that it's gonna work if I value you the way I'm saying. And you didn't value me.

Nicole [00:34:50]: Yeah.

John [00:34:51]: Because our relationship works not just because of that dynamic, but it is a big driving factor that I value you the same way that you value me. And that perpetuates us working on each other and our relationship. And you know, so you do have to have that dynamic within the relationship. It can't just be one sided because it doesn't work for a man that's obsessed with a woman either. And she's kind of like, eh, you know what I mean?

Nicole [00:35:20]: Yeah.

John [00:35:21]: It has to be mutually exclusive.

Nicole [00:35:24]: Yeah.

John [00:35:25]: So. But I want to hear more about yours because I get the protective side.

Nicole [00:35:31]: Right.

John [00:35:32]: Like, and I get that and it makes sense. But I guess I want to hear more about. You haven't really talked about how a man values a woman besides protecting her, putting her in a vault. Like, like I keep talking about how I admire you. Yeah, but you've, and you've said this before that like, I inspire you to be better. I guess I want to hear more about that part.

Nicole [00:35:59]: About. Yeah, so I think also, you know, the part for a guy is that he knows that when he has an extremely valuable woman that it requires more of him. Like he wants to be a better man. Right. So that's something that you inspire me is you make me want to be better. Right. Because in a way I always have to be like, do I deserve this amazing of a. Of a. You know, am I, you know, it's not that I have to earn, but it does feel in a way like, yeah, I have to earn. Like, you know, am I depriving her of an opportunity where she could be with someone better? Right. I better not be doing that. Because this is your life, this is your one shot, you know, at this. So that's what I feel as a man. And then also I was going to say something about the kind of jealousy side of things. I know. Okay. So the other piece of it as a man is that, well, okay. And I think this is why it's different too, is that a lot of women might think that, all right, well, there's nothing that I can do so much that makes a man be more faithful or that makes women stay, you know, Whereas as a man, I know that if I am the man that I am being and striving to be, that a woman is going to want to stay with that man.

John [00:37:31]: Right.

Nicole [00:37:31]: You see what I'm saying? So that is. But I still create boundaries. I still create the protection for the relationship. But yeah, I mean, I would say that it's more that having such a val. Because I guess what is kind of coming down to the conversation is when you have such a valuable mate, what do you do? What does it cause you to do? What's the indicator of that? And for women, it's that healthy jealousy, like you're saying. For men, it's that they want to go and tackle more things. They want to become bigger. They want to accomplish. Become better men. Right.

John [00:38:12]: They want to provide more for the woman that they're with, is what it sounds like. In all the ways.

Nicole [00:38:16]: Exactly. In all the ways. That's what it is for me. Because as a man doing that, then you know that you're the best option because you want to be the best option for her. Not because you're afraid that you. That she's going to leave necessarily, but because you feel like she deserves to have the best option. So I want to. I can't fall short of being. It's almost like when you're a parent, right? When you're a father, you're like, I got to be good father for this kid. Right. It's like, I got to be a good husband for this woman because she deserves that. Like, I don't want to deprive her of that. And so the more valuable that you feel like the woman is, like you're your catch is, the more that you're inspired to be better. I guess you could look at the contrast, and you can look at the contrast in both. Right. If a woman doesn't really see a man as a catch or as valuable, then she's not worried if he goes out to the bar. She's like, first of all, if he does cheat on me so I can replace him. And second of all, good luck, even if he tries, he's not going to be able to. So that is an indicator. Whereas if she does value him, she's worried. Okay, where's he going? What's happening? You know, Are these women looking at him? Right. So well.

John [00:39:35]: And she might not necessarily be worried about him and what he would do. Because I know if for some crazy reason you were in a situation without me and, you know, you were at a nightclub or something.

Nicole [00:39:45]: The elbow to the face.

John [00:39:47]: Oh, don't break things.

Nicole [00:39:51]: That's what the woman gets. You get the hell with the face.

John [00:39:53]: Well, I mean, I'm just saying that, like, I know that you wouldn't.

Nicole [00:39:56]: Yeah.

John [00:39:57]: You know, compromise our relationship.

Nicole [00:40:00]: I, like, venture or something.

John [00:40:02]: Oh, my God.

Nicole [00:40:02]: Okay, There we go. Okay.

John [00:40:04]: Yeah, I. I'm not worried about what you would do. It's just like knowing that people might approach your husband and you value so much that it just kind of like, yeah, it's not. You're not. Like, even though I know nothing would happen, it just doesn't feel. Feel good because you're like, this is my husband. I love him so much. And someone. Some girl's gonna try to come, like, sneak in there and, like, he wears his wedding ring. What if she's like, I don't care? You know, Guys do the same thing to a lot of women, too, that it's just, like, you don't want that situation to even be able to occur. And it is, I guess, more of like a jealousy thing because men are so visual that women do have to worry more about that. Like you said, like, you know, it's a different sort of dynamic, right. That men know that women aren't. Like, a woman is not gonna go leave her husband that she admires for any guy. Like, a. Women are loyal, right? It's when they don't feel loved or something like that has happened, that they do things that are unloyal or something like that. I'm not saying that they don't cheat and do things like that, but for the most part, a woman will remain loyal, right. For longer and easier than a man would. Because oftentimes men will just see somebody that looks good and potentially risk their relationship.

Nicole [00:41:32]: Yeah. Because a woman could do everything right, right? And a man could still cheat because it's not about her, it's about him.

John [00:41:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:40]: Whereas a man could do everything right, and the woman's not gonna cheat.

John [00:41:45]: Like, well, you're fulfilling all her needs, right?

Nicole [00:41:48]: But if a man's not doing everything right, or it doesn't have to be everything, but if he's messing up, then, yeah, then she's more likely to cheat. So it always comes down to the man, which I know men hate when I say that, but it does. It does come down to the man. But. But the. The opposite side of it, because we said the. I said the woman side of it. Of, like, you know, if a man doesn't really value the woman that he's with, then he's not really motivated to, you know, he's just gonna play video games. He's just gonna, you know, not be ambitious. You know, he's already got her. He doesn't need to prove anything. He doesn't need to go to the gym. He's gonna get fat. He's gonna not take care of himself. He's gonna, you know, not be ambitious.

John [00:42:28]: Just, like, do the bare minimum.

Nicole [00:42:29]: Right? But if a man has a woman that he knows is valuable, that he Values now he's like, putting protection into the relationship. He's improving himself. He's reading books on how to be better. He's trying to become a better man for her. You see what I'm saying? And that also along the same lines, he knows that if he is this man, then obviously no woman would risk losing that. So he's got to be that man man, and he has to keep that bar high. So.

John [00:43:03]: Yeah. And I guess too, that's why it's not the flip side for men. Yeah. That are for women. I mean, that it's not like a woman's like, I have to protect this because like you said, a woman could do everything right and still get cheated on. So I think too, that's why it makes it more of like a healthy jealousy because it's kind of out of your control. Like you said, like, you can do everything. You could be the best person person, but something could still happen. So it's. You don't have that sort of confidence that a man might have because.

Nicole [00:43:37]: Right, exactly. That's.

John [00:43:39]: There's. It's not like, okay, if I just check all these boxes, I'm good. You know what I mean? Like, so many people end up in this situation where. And men too, are like, well, I didn't. I did everything I was supposed to. Most of the time, it's. Men aren't really realizing the things that they didn't do, but they think they're doing everything they could have.

Nicole [00:44:02]: Right.

John [00:44:02]: And same with women. And there might be things that they didn't actually do, but more so because men are visual. It's something that's way less out of women's control than men have. Because like you said, men just be good men.

Nicole [00:44:17]: Right.

John [00:44:18]: Like, just be a man.

Nicole [00:44:22]: Right.

John [00:44:22]: And handle the stuff. Like, you don't even have to be, like, physically the most attractive. And a woman will still admire you if you're the man.

Nicole [00:44:31]: Right.

John [00:44:32]: And you're good. Like, you don't have anything to worry about. You make her feel loved. Like, you do the things you need to do. She will stand by you for the rest of yalls life together. But as a woman, you could do all the things. You could run the house and massage his feet and, you know, pick out his clothes every morning and be pleasant and loving and submissive and whatever men tell you that they want. And they could still throw that all away for someone else for the night. And so there is no checklist that women can do to feel like, okay, I. I don't have anything to worry about. Like, with you, I feel like I don't have anything to worry about because of our connection. And that extends further than just, you know, even the things that we're talking about. Like, we have such a deep connection that it gives us this, like, certainty and we're both on the same page that you do have that grounding and you can have that.

Nicole [00:45:33]: Right.

John [00:45:33]: Like, that is for women, the sort of most grounded you could ever be is if you find a man that feels exactly about you the way that you feel about him and. And shows that to you and treats you that way and you do the same for him. Yeah, but there is still, like I said, there's still that little bit of healthy jealousy because you know that you have a desirable man and you know that women are out here looking for a man that you have. I think that, too, is a part of it. I'm like, you know, I was looking for a man like you when I was single. I know other women are looking for a man like you. So I know I have something valuable and I know how rare it is, and I know what women would do to have a man like you. And so you can't, like, unsee that. And instead, you can use it in a healthy way and appreciate the things. I know I probably sound like a broken record, but I'm just trying to get people to understand this new terms that I came up with.

Nicole [00:46:33]: But it's good. It makes sense. I think a lot of guys would disagree with saying that, oh, as a man, if you do all the right things and your woman will stay with you and she won't divorce you and she won't cheat on you. But the problem with that is I get what they would say and why they would think that, because it may have happened to them. But there's a confusion amongst men about what it actually is to be a good man.

John [00:47:05]: Right. And a good husband.

Nicole [00:47:06]: Right.

John [00:47:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:07]: And they think. A lot of guys think it has to do with, oh, well, I work hard. Right. A woman could give less than half a. If you work hard or not, if you are not showing her love and.

John [00:47:23]: Making her feel loved and. Yeah, right.

Nicole [00:47:25]: You could be making a billion dollars a year. Right. I mean, people always cite their. Like this is one. Or I saw a comment on one of my videos today where the guy is like. Because they love to do the whole. Well, I can't think of his name now. The quarterback, you know, I'm talking about.

John [00:47:40]: Oh, the one who just gave the speech. I don't know.

Nicole [00:47:42]: No, no, not that guy, the Tampa.

John [00:47:45]: Tom Brady.

Nicole [00:47:46]: Tom Brady, right. Because Tom Brady, they're like, you could be the richest, most good looking, athletic guy. You could be perfect. And sometimes you're too perfect for a woman and she'll divorce you. No. And it's like they have to have drama, right? We've heard, you know, you got to have drunk. No, no, you don't. The problem is like, you can be like. I think the Tom Brady thing actually shows the opposite of what these guys think. It shows. It shows that you can have all of the superficial things. You can be attractive, you can have high status, you can have money, you can be a professional athlete. You can have all of those things. You can have other women want you.

John [00:48:22]: But if you're not at home and making your wife and your family feel.

Nicole [00:48:26]: Loved, she'll give it all up.

John [00:48:28]: Yeah, right. I mean, it's true. Yeah, I'm glad you mentioned that.

Nicole [00:48:32]: I say it proves the opposite, right? People use this. So that's where the confusion is. This is like, if I could just drill it. One point home to men to understand is you got it backwards, you got it wrong. Like, that should be an example to show you that you're not. The only thing that makes you safe with a woman is the kind of man you are to her.

John [00:48:54]: That's what I say.

Nicole [00:48:55]: That's the only thing. Right?

John [00:48:56]: That's what I said. Oral skills, being a man as well. But to be the focus on being a man.

Nicole [00:49:02]: Right, but that's what I'm saying is, you know what I'm saying? And that's why there's so much confusion around this topic. Because if you get that as a guy, I can tell you no woman. And you know it. I mean, I don't need to tell you it, but no woman is going to leave a man that makes her feel loved and that he has respect for himself, makes her feel protected and safe and that he creates boundaries, Right. Emotionally validates her. Right?

John [00:49:37]: That's what I said. That's why I said don't even focus about all the superficial stuff. Focus on being a man, because that sticks with you. That is going to. And then if you are a man like that and you're becoming that sort of man, women are going to admire you, right? And they're going to look up to you. And then you can work on the other stuff if you want to. But you will get so many more opportunities to find the woman that you're supposed to be with if you work on being a man.

Nicole [00:50:06]: Right? And that's why it's like, it seems weird to say, but I don't have any insecurity around, you know, because I know for absolute sure that I'm doing the things as a man that are gonna make it so you would never leave me, that you would never cheat on me.

John [00:50:26]: Genuinely. That's the thing too. It's like, right, you genuine. You're not like, putting on some act, right, or something like that. And so that's the key, right, is that men have to embody it. Like, don't just. Again, it's not like a checklist. Like, you can't just be like, oh, well, you know, I'm acting like this now, so you should be attracted to me. Like, you have to embody it. You have to become the man. You have to do the things and show the woman you love her because you do, right? Because otherwise someone can tell if you're just like, okay, well, I'm going to treat her like this because I'm supposed to, and it'll make her like me more and you're indifferent about it. That's going to show through whether you're the best actor or not, Right?

Nicole [00:51:07]: Exactly. Yeah.

John [00:51:09]: So hopefully healthy jealousy makes sense.

Nicole [00:51:14]: It does. It does to me. It's like, you know, and like I said, I think there's going to be some people that are going to be upset that it doesn't work both ways the same way, or they're going to complain about that. That's insecurity, but they don't got it. They don't have it figured. There is a dynamic, and it has to be this way.

John [00:51:31]: Well, and it still is the same thing. In a way. It's not healthy jealousy, but it's that you value the woman you're with so much that you have to step up and be the man. And that's. That's what all of this is about. The healthy jealousy is about appreciating the man that you have and being a better woman for him so that you guys can have a better and better relationship, right? And then it. This. It's the same with men. It's that, you know, protecting it because you value this woman so much that she makes you want to be the best man that you can. And you don't want, you know, any sort of outside drama coming in and trying to affect that in any way. Because women also want to have boundaries, right? Like, just like, you're like, protect me. I don't want you to go out and go to the club or whatever, even though. And People will be like, oh, well, you don't trust him. But it's like, one, when you're in a relationship that you really enjoy being in, you love being in. You don't want to do the things that you were doing when you were single.

Nicole [00:52:28]: You shouldn't want to.

John [00:52:29]: I would rather sit at home and us just sit on the couch and talk than go to the club. Like, it's just not what I want to do anymore. And then two, you just. It's just dumb to put yourself in a stupid situation because even though I know you wouldn't go home with some girl or give her your phone number, why put yourself in a situation to even have to have any of those conversations, which I know we've talked about before, but it's so. It's the same thing. Like, women who have the healthy jealousy also want to have the boundaries, too, because it protects their relationship. So it's like it goes both ways.

Nicole [00:53:04]: Right.

John [00:53:05]: Even though it's a different aspect for women, because it is a little bit more unstable to feel like you fully have a man in your life. Because, again, you can do the things that you're supposed to do and that every man wants, and it's still not good enough. But when you have that sort of connection, like we have, you might have these things, like, we still have them, but you do still have the firm belief. And, like, nothing can shake this, because, like I've mentioned in the beginning, like, without even having to go on more dates, I already know that there's nobody else like you out there. So, like, I. I feel completely content. More content than I could have ever felt.

Nicole [00:53:47]: Yeah. And like I said before, it's like, if you're a vegetarian, what are you doing in the sausage factory? You're like, I'm not gonna eat any sausage. You don't have to worry. Yeah, but are you trying to just get the whiff of it? You're trying to smell the sausage. That's what you're trying to do.

John [00:54:00]: The whiff of it.

Nicole [00:54:01]: You know, when you're on a diet and you're like, just smell, or you're looking at food porn. You know, it's like you're like, looking at Instagram pictures of food and you're like, just because you can't eat or you're watching other people eat food, it's like, yeah, you're probably not content, if that's what you're, you know.

John [00:54:15]: Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:54:15]: It's like there's no, you know, whatever reason people used to justify these behaviors they're trying to get attention or they're trying to, you know, they're like, I'm not going to actually do it, but I just want to, like, you know, feel like I'm going. Or feel the experience of, like, come on, let's be real. What we're doing, when we're doing that kind of stuff. Like, if you. You should not want to go and do those things that you did before.

John [00:54:40]: But I think if you value. Really value the person you're with and things like that, like I said, you. You won't even be interested in those things really anymore.

Nicole [00:54:48]: Yeah, yeah.

John [00:54:49]: Like, it's just not on the top of your list or even on the list at that point. But, yeah, hopefully that all made sense. That one was kind of like, we just invented that.

Nicole [00:55:00]: Yeah, we did. That's good. I mean, it's novel. It's good, I think.

John [00:55:04]: But, yeah, people might come for me, but I don't care.

Nicole [00:55:07]: I got your back. They can come for me, too, because it makes sense. It makes sense. And I've been telling guys this for a long time. It's not.

John [00:55:15]: It's like, here's the thing, though, which, again, didn't stop me from making this whole episode about this. But a lot of people have not experienced this.

Nicole [00:55:25]: Yeah.

John [00:55:25]: So they don't even think it exists. They don't even understand, like, what we're saying because they've never actually got to experience. Experience it. And it, to a lot of people, it sounds like fairy tale mumbo jumbo.

Nicole [00:55:38]: Right.

John [00:55:39]: Which I would have agreed with if I was single and had never felt it myself. But I do think that, you know, the amount of attraction and admiration that both people should have for each other does have to be this high, because what are. What. Why are you in a relationship if it's not like. I know a lot of times you're the one who's kind of like, I don't want to, you know, mess up anybody's relationship, but I'm over here. Like, if he's not obsessed with you and you're not obsessed with him, what are you doing?

Nicole [00:56:09]: But you can build it. That's the thing I will say is that. And again, it's like we talked about in the last episode about that book. It's like, look, maybe you're doing things that are destroying your attraction for the other person as a woman. Maybe you're nagging your man or trying.

John [00:56:26]: To be in control 24 7.

Nicole [00:56:28]: So now you're losing attraction for him because you're a masculine Man.

John [00:56:30]: Yeah, I'm not saying it can't be built, but I'm just. Just saying don't go to the next level, Hope. Okay, I know, but I also, like, want to be a realist because I feel like it is possible for people to do it, but I feel like they might get too much of, like, oh, well, it's not that bad. I don't have, like, I think he's cool, and I like him a lot, and I'm attracted to him, but, like, I don't admire him, and I'm like, no, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, then something's missing. And maybe there are things that you can change, like reading the book. I'm not saying that it can't be built, but I also think there's something to say about, you know, the. Just two puzzle pieces coming together. And I'm not saying that it has to be like fate, but I'm saying, listen to our podcast and work on yourself, right? Because when you are in that space of healing and bettering yourself, you will attract people that are doing the same thing. Energy attracts energy. Like, the same energy attracts the same energy. And so, you know, I think people have to do a little bit more work rather than being like, I am who I am, and if you're single, do the work for yourself. You'll also give yourself more peace in your own life without anybody in it by working on yourself. Granted, as we both know, when you get in a relationship, things that you thought you healed and worked on will pop back up and you'll be like, what the hell? I thought I worked on this.

Nicole [00:57:55]: Right?

John [00:57:56]: But you'll be with somebody if you've already done a lot of the work that also does work on themselves, Right?

Nicole [00:58:02]: Exactly.

John [00:58:03]: And then you can work together to work on those things now.

Nicole [00:58:06]: And, I mean, I think. I hope we would create an example of it, because hopefully people see us continually working on our relationship, right? We're reading books. You know, obviously we're discussing it every week, but we're. And. And from that, you see where we make mistakes and then we're getting better. We fix those mistakes. We're trying to be better for each other. So it does. You know, if you want to have this kind of relationship, you have to want both. People want to have to have a better than perfect relationship.

John [00:58:36]: That's nice. I can't even add anything else to that because you just tied it up so nicely with the bow. But you also have the hard part of coming up with something that we encountered this week.

Nicole [00:58:50]: I don't think there is anything that we. I mean. Cause we're doing back to back episode today. But you know, we talked about. But even the previous episode we didn't really have much. It was just the one thing. So I don't know, I got like.

John [00:59:05]: Wow, is this the first week that we didn't have anything like even a little. I mean, granted it's. Cause we're doing back to back back. But yeah, we didn't have even a little something. Something extra.

Nicole [00:59:19]: I don't think so.

John [00:59:21]: I don't think so either. Go.

Nicole [00:59:23]: It's all good to say we get the award. There we go.

John [00:59:28]: Best couple with some spider webs.

Nicole [00:59:31]: Looks like a man ripping open his own chest.

John [00:59:34]: But that's like one of those little.

Nicole [00:59:36]: A reef. Yeah, it looks like he's ripping open his chest.

John [00:59:40]: It does.

Nicole [00:59:40]: Like, look, this is my heart. It's inside.

John [00:59:43]: All right, that's all you get for our segment today.

Nicole [00:59:47]: Oh, yeah. You know, we forgot last time leave a review.

John [00:59:51]: Did you check that?

Nicole [00:59:52]: Yeah, I did. There no one.

John [00:59:54]: Come on, guys.

Nicole [00:59:55]: This is like free advertising for, you.

John [00:59:57]: Know, like for yourself.

Nicole [00:59:58]: Yeah, you could just read whatever you put in the review, you know.

John [01:00:02]: Okay. Don't go that far because people will be like banana fingers.

Nicole [01:00:10]: Salad fingers. But okay, that's it for today.

John [01:00:15]: See you guys.

Nicole [01:00:15]: We'll see you next time.

John [01:00:16]: Take care. Through every fault we find.