John [00:00:00]: Women, friend zone, guys that they're never going to sleep with. Guys, friend zone, girls that they already slept with. That's how it works. Either way, it's a risk. Because if a guy's already slept with a girl, is he more likely to sleep with her again at some point? For sure, if a girl.

Nicole [00:00:11]: A girl hasn't slept with the guy, she's not going to at that point.

John [00:00:14]: But that's friend zone.

Nicole [00:00:16]: But that's what I'm saying. It is different because you're exactly what you just said. Yes, it's more a guy's way more likely to. Because he already did. Probably. But if a girl's friend zoned a guy, he ain't coming out the friend zone. Usually beyond the perfect, we discuss cover.

John [00:00:32]: Through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect. We stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome back to the Better than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship. All right. And so if that's right. Yeah. The. The book talk women hopefully have not found out where we lived in John.

Nicole [00:01:06]: Why would you even give them that idea? Moving on.

John [00:01:10]: Yeah, moving on. This week we're gonna do a Reddit question that we got from Reddit.

Nicole [00:01:17]: Okay.

John [00:01:18]: They sent it to us.

Nicole [00:01:19]: Brilliant. Yeah, they sent it to us.

John [00:01:21]: We just saw this, and I thought, okay, this is a pretty interesting topic. Cause this is something that we. We've kind of talked a little bit about, but I think it's. It's worth diving into. So I'll just read it and then you can react. How's that?

Nicole [00:01:35]: Okay.

John [00:01:35]: Okay. My partner, male, 35, has said he will never be able to love someone as much as his childhood sweetheart. How do I, female, 30, deal with this? My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for six months. We have been extremely close friends for three years now. We work together. Yesterday, he told me that he has a story to share about his childhood best friend. He still is friends with her and that he had loved her for 14 years. Said he suffered immeasurably as she continued falling in and out of love multiple times without once loving him back. Okay. Eventually, he understood that it is not to be, and he did move on. But he is convinced that he won't be able to love someone as much as he loved her. He. I was extremely, extremely hurt. I know he has a past. We both do. But hearing him say this made me think that I will never be able to measure up. I feel intensely Jealous and like a pathetic loser. I want to tell him to never meet her again. But I also know it's toxic and unfair. I remember all the time I met her. I remember all the times I met her and how I laughed with her without knowing she was such a person. I. I want to demand that he must love me the most in the world. He comforted me the whole night and said he does love me. I am precious to him. However, I feel some sort of way about this. How do I deal with this maturely? Please help. I am in a lot of pain. I have not been able to talk to him properly since the morning. Yeah, okay, so that's basically it.

Nicole [00:03:12]: Dump him.

John [00:03:14]: Yeah, I agree.

Nicole [00:03:15]: Dump him. Period.

John [00:03:17]: Okay. Podcast episode sentence.

Nicole [00:03:21]: Like, she's so afraid to look toxic. Which, like, it's not toxic to not want to be with a man who told you he will never love you as much as another woman. And, like, here's the thing. She might love him a lot, right? But the person you're supposed to be with for the rest of your life is not going to straight up tell you that he will never love you as much as someone else.

John [00:03:43]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:44]: So that's why you have to dump.

John [00:03:45]: Yeah, that's for sure. Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:47]: Like, and then she's like, I want to demand he love me the most.

John [00:03:53]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:53]: Like, she is hurt, and I get that. But do you really want to demand him to love you? Because then you won't know, right, if he actually loves you or if you just demanded him to. And he's already told you he'll never love you as much as he loved her.

John [00:04:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:10]: So even if one day he tells you he does now love you more, do you really believe him?

John [00:04:14]: Yeah. How are you ever going to believe him?

Nicole [00:04:16]: Because he said he loved her for 14 years.

John [00:04:18]: Right.

Nicole [00:04:19]: And he still seems bitter that she never loved him back. So then now you're him, but in a different situation, you've become him.

John [00:04:26]: Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

Nicole [00:04:29]: It's like a spiral. It's going. It's spiraling.

John [00:04:31]: The only way he can prove it is if he does something horrible to this other girl that he supposedly.

Nicole [00:04:41]: But we don't want him to do.

John [00:04:42]: Something horrible if he, like, he has to kill his. His. He has to kill his. Her dog.

Nicole [00:04:50]: You're the reason our podcast views are so low, because you be saying things that they are definitely blocked.

John [00:04:59]: Hear me out. Hear me out.

Nicole [00:05:00]: No, no, we don't want to hear anymore.

John [00:05:02]: Hear me out.

Nicole [00:05:02]: You're losing your marble.

John [00:05:03]: She's like. She's like, he's like, okay, I now love you more than this other girl. So then she would have to be like, prove it. And then he's like, I can't prove it. And she's like, you could kill her dog.

Nicole [00:05:18]: Because then I don't think that girl would say that.

John [00:05:20]: I know, but if that occurred, then she would know. Aside from killing her dog. This is where I'm getting at. I'm not saying he should kill her dog, but what I'm saying is that aside from that, you have no way of knowing.

Nicole [00:05:33]: Aside from something so horrible that you should not do.

John [00:05:36]: Yeah, exactly. That's the only way he could prove it. Right. You get what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:05:41]: Still not even a good way to prove it.

John [00:05:43]: Well, it's not a good way to prove it, but I'm saying he has to do something horrible to her. That's the only way you would know.

Nicole [00:05:49]: But even then, I could see him doing something horrible like that. And then if she was like, but I love you, he'd be like, all right, bye. To his girlfriend. Like, if the OG girl that he's in love with, not his girlfriend, was like, you killed my dog, but I love you anyway, and I always have, and we should be. He would be with her. Yeah, but because he said that he loved her more.

John [00:06:11]: Yeah. So you're saying that even if he killed her dog.

Nicole [00:06:14]: Right.

John [00:06:14]: It still wouldn't be enough.

Nicole [00:06:17]: Because if he's telling his girlfriend right now.

John [00:06:20]: Yeah, but the killing of the dog would prove that he no longer cares about this girl.

Nicole [00:06:24]: No, it wouldn't. Because. No, because if that man has loved her.

John [00:06:29]: Uhhuh. Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:30]: For as long as he has, and he's still upset about her loving everyone else but him. Yeah, to the point he's telling his now girlfriend who he is in a relationship with.

John [00:06:42]: You're saying that it's a permanent condition.

Nicole [00:06:43]: It's a permanent condition. He is permanently messed up. Unless he fully gets over it. To the point that he never tells who he's with, that he loves someone else. I'm glad he at least told her. Yeah, but she needs to dump him.

John [00:06:57]: Yeah, so she definitely needs to dump him. Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:00]: Like, it's good that he actually was honest about that, because he could have blatantly just been, like, in love with that other girl and never said anything. Yeah, but she needs to dump him because it's time. Is not going to make him love her more. If anything, it probably will make him love her less.

John [00:07:21]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:22]: Yeah. Because he's already not as in love with her as he needs to be to get rid of the vision of him with this childhood best friend.

John [00:07:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:31]: And so it's not going to get better, it's going to get worse.

John [00:07:34]: Right. And he can't be that in love with her because he told her this. Because even if it were true.

Nicole [00:07:39]: Well, because he still hangs out with the best friend, so he's still thinking that there's a chance. Yeah, yeah, he still hangs out with her, so there's still a chance.

John [00:07:49]: Well, it's also ridiculous for this is the same thing that. That I tell guys is about stop being insecure about being insecure. She should not have any problem with being like, yeah, you're with me. You're never talking to that girl again.

Nicole [00:08:05]: Yeah, but it's too far.

John [00:08:06]: It's too far. I agree.

Nicole [00:08:08]: Yeah.

John [00:08:08]: But this is just for other people. In situations where it's like, if you are dating someone and they're talking to their ex, it's okay to be like, no, you don't talk to your ex.

Nicole [00:08:21]: Like, if you grab me with me.

John [00:08:22]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:08:22]: We're not talking to.

John [00:08:23]: Exactly. Or even to be like, you don't have friends of the opposite sex that are close friends that you hang out with. You don't do it. It just doesn't. Like, that's your standard. And it's okay. It's not insecure to say that. It's not insecure to be like, oh, you can't be. You can't talk to your ex. Like, being friends with your ex is not cool with me. That's not insecure. It's common sense. It's rational behavior.

Nicole [00:08:45]: Relationship Protection Program.

John [00:08:47]: Exactly. Yes, exactly. The rpp. Yes, the rpp, the Relationship Protection Program.

Nicole [00:08:56]: But he's at the point where he's blatantly telling you that he loves her more than. And he'll never be able to love you as much as he loves her.

John [00:09:05]: Why would he even say that? It's like.

Nicole [00:09:09]: I mean, I'm. Again, I'm glad he did because, yeah, some guys wouldn't have said anything and then would have, like, married her because she's there.

John [00:09:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:18]: And would have been. And then he would have been hanging out with his childhood best friend still and lusting after her, but then going home to someone else.

John [00:09:24]: I mean, if you're a guy in that situation, first of all, you do need to get over the first girl. Like, you need to pretend like she's dead, basically. Like.

Nicole [00:09:33]: Yeah.

John [00:09:33]: But.

Nicole [00:09:34]: Well, no, you need to fully get over her for sure.

John [00:09:36]: Yeah. I don't Know what you need to do? Like.

Nicole [00:09:41]: Block her.

John [00:09:41]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:42]: Well, he should have blocked her. Or, like, not. He should not be hanging around with her.

John [00:09:49]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:50]: You know, like, even though they're childhood best friends, like, you're adults now.

John [00:09:54]: There's none of this.

Nicole [00:09:54]: She probably has a relationship. You're obviously in a relationship. Like, it's not appropriate. You need to let it, like, lie.

John [00:10:01]: Yeah. And there's none of this men and women best friend. Like, I'm done with just. You can't have that. Just not. It doesn't work.

Nicole [00:10:10]: It's definitely not a good. I feel like women can do it. But like you've said before, even if you have the willpower, you still might get yourself in a sticky situation.

John [00:10:24]: You can't do it as a woman either, because even if you do it as a woman. Right, Right. It's. You're. You know that this guy is orbiting. Like, you're just. You're just a vampire for attention in that case, because you know that the guy likes you, so you're just using him for the attention that he's giving you.

Nicole [00:10:40]: I don't think women, unless they've watched this podcast or talked to another man like this, genuinely think that every single guy friend they have likes them romantically. So that's the thing.

John [00:10:51]: You know, you can feel it. You know, you know it. There's no guy that's, like, hiding it that you can't tell. He's just. He's staring at you.

Nicole [00:11:05]: Not all of them do that.

John [00:11:07]: They do. They do.

Nicole [00:11:10]: Some of them also are in relationships.

John [00:11:12]: It doesn't matter. It's not. You can't do it because you. He's like, it just doesn't work. Because if you're going to date someone eventually, then you can't have a best friend of the opposite sex.

Nicole [00:11:24]: Yeah.

John [00:11:25]: So why would you set yourself up for a situation that's no win to.

Nicole [00:11:29]: Have a friend breakup anyway?

John [00:11:31]: Yeah, just don't do it. Yeah, just don't do it. I'm not saying you can't be in a group and have friends that are in the group that you hang out with all together. And it's like, some of them are men and some are a few. That's fine. You have a friend group. That's a different thing. I'm not saying that you. You have to be like, oh, I can only ever talk to other women.

Nicole [00:11:51]: Right.

John [00:11:52]: I'm not saying that. But what I'm saying is that you can't have close friends. Yeah. Close friends. No besties. None of that. Kind of B.S. it just.

Nicole [00:12:02]: But their childhood. So that's the thing, too, is, like, were their parents, like, friends? And that's how they became friends. Were they neighbors? Like, that's where this one's a little bit different.

John [00:12:14]: Yeah, but you got to cut people out of your life.

Nicole [00:12:15]: It's acceptable. But I'm saying, though, it's different than, like. Like, that's probably one of the ways that they came to even be friends.

John [00:12:23]: People are. It's. People are too. Have. Have too much difficulty with cutting people out of their life, even for no good reason.

Nicole [00:12:31]: But you don't want to, like, isolate yourself either.

John [00:12:34]: Yeah, but you got plenty of other friends. You make new friends. Like, no. Like, no person, unless they're a person you're going to marry, get married to, or they're a family member or your child is someone that you can't cut out of your life.

Nicole [00:12:47]: Yeah.

John [00:12:47]: Like, why is this the thing. Why is this even a thing? You don't have to have a good reason. There's plenty of reasons. There's so many friends that I've had, childhood friends, whatever. They're not in my life anymore. We just lost touch. Whatever. They got cut out for no good reason at all. We just drifted apart. Whatever. So you can just cut people out of your life.

Nicole [00:13:05]: You can. But I don't like promoting the idea of just, like, cutting people off. Because so many people these days, if someone says something they don't like, they're like, we're not friends anymore. Which it's like, okay, if it's really bad enough, that, to me, is a justified thing. But a lot of times it's not even as extreme, and people are just isolating themselves. And it's like. And I'm not talking necessarily, like, about of the opposite sex, but I don't want it to be misconstrued that, like, oh, someone you don't like, just cut them out your life. Like, I agree with you that if you're in a serious relationship, you shouldn't have friends of the opposite sex that you're hanging out with.

John [00:13:43]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:13:44]: Exclusively. Or talking to behind your spouse's or partner's back. Because really, like, that's just a recipe for disaster in general. Because if you had a girlfriend, which you did have a friend that was a girl that you would talk to.

John [00:14:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:01]: Like, you had a friend of the opposite sex.

John [00:14:04]: Well, when we first friend zoned, it was a different.

Nicole [00:14:07]: It's still the same. You still went to her and talked to her about stuff. Yeah, that's so like, don't. Don't like, diminish it. Yeah, but you need to be honest because you need to come from a place of like. You understand? I had to tell you to stop talking to her, right?

John [00:14:21]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:14:22]: You didn't even do it on your own. I told you to stop talking to her.

John [00:14:27]: The list of the stuff I was doing wrong at that point, that was like near the bottom of my. My concerns of things that. Yeah, you're right. You're right.

Nicole [00:14:34]: I had to say that to you. You had it like. And I'm not. I had guy friends that I hung out with that I also stopped hanging out with. Like.

John [00:14:43]: Well, it is a risk. It sure was a risk, right? Like that'll give you. Because look, women, friend zone. Guys that they're never going to sleep with guys, friend zone, girls that they already slept with. That's how it works. So either way it's a risk, right? Because if a guy's already slept with a girl, is he more likely to sleep with her again at some point? For sure, right? If a girl.

Nicole [00:15:02]: A girl hasn't slept with the guy, she's not going to at that point. So that's what I'm saying. It's different on the women's side.

John [00:15:08]: But that's friend zone. That doesn't. It's.

Nicole [00:15:11]: It's in the zone.

John [00:15:13]: That doesn't mean coming out. That doesn't mean. Yeah, I know, but that doesn't mean that the guy isn't trying to. Trying to still be zoned.

Nicole [00:15:19]: But I get it. But that's what I'm saying. It is different because you're exactly what you just said. Yes, a guy is way more likely to. Because he already did. Probably. But if a girl's friend zoned a guy, he ain't coming out of the friend zone usually.

John [00:15:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:34]: So he's safe over there.

John [00:15:36]: But his loyalty is divided. So which is this situation, right? Because technically this girl friendzoned this guy, right? The. His childhood friend. The childhood friend. Friend zoned him, right? And he's still pining over her. So his loyalty is divided. Whereas if he had. If he had friend zoned the girl like you. You. It's still a risk, right? But his loyalty isn't divided. He doesn't have any loyalty to a.

Nicole [00:16:08]: Girl that he's friends still talking to her.

John [00:16:09]: He might have sex with her. Yes, that's the risk.

Nicole [00:16:12]: Cheating.

John [00:16:12]: Yeah, I get. I get that. That's the risk. That's bad. That's the. It's bad.

Nicole [00:16:16]: Cheating. Bad. John. That's Horrible example. You're like, he might just have sex with her. That's it. Yeah. No, we don't want that in a relationship. Thanks. My point was that you had a girlfriend that you, like, talked to, and that was a girl that you talked to about things. If you still had that girl, if we got.

John [00:16:35]: Oh, yeah, that would be okay. That wouldn't be okay.

Nicole [00:16:38]: And you went, yeah, to her.

John [00:16:40]: No, that wouldn't be okay.

Nicole [00:16:41]: Especially if you slept with her.

John [00:16:43]: Right.

Nicole [00:16:43]: That's disaster. And even if you haven't slept with your guy friend.

John [00:16:48]: Right.

Nicole [00:16:48]: If he does like you and you're like, my husband did this, or my boyfriend did this, and he's like, wow, he's a jerk. I would never do that to you. Or something like that. Like, it's just not a good situation to be in. Like, you should not be venting about your relationship to a close friend of the opposite sex.

John [00:17:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:10]: Because it could sabotage the situation. Really. You shouldn't talk to really anybody except resolving it between you two.

John [00:17:18]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:19]: Because even family members that can cause problems because they might be like, oh, I don't like John anymore because you told me he said this to you one time. Right. You know what I mean?

John [00:17:27]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:28]: And so. And they don't get the full picture. So. But having that. Those sort of relationships, like you said, it's just not. Even if, again, from a woman's perspective, you can not view a man that way. That is your friend. Like you said, you don't know how he's viewing you.

John [00:17:47]: Right? Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:17:48]: And now, too, you're kind of. Even though you don't know what's really going on, the childhood best friend should have told him, like, hey, like, you, you know, are in a relationship. Like, maybe we shouldn't hang out. Like, you know, just focus on that. Like, she could do that, but it's not really her responsibility. But she could have done that.

John [00:18:06]: No. Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:07]: But the girlfriend definitely should have been like, no.

John [00:18:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:13]: You can't be going and having basically, like, dates with your childhood girl best friend.

John [00:18:19]: Right. Well, and see that? You don't even know what's going on. Like, she's probably like, oh, it's just a girl that is a childhood friend of his. But then he revealed the truth about it, so she didn't even know. So that's why also, you just can't because you don't know. So it just. It just has to be off limits. Like, no, this is it. This doesn't fly in the relationship. You don't have friends of the Opposite sex. Well, it even goes beyond that. You don't hang out with people of the opposite sex. You don't go places with people of the opposite sex like you. You don't go to single places like, you know. You know what I'm saying? It's like you. You're. That does. It's just. No, the appearance of wrongdoing is wrongdoing.

Nicole [00:18:54]: Yeah. You don't even want to put yourself in that situation.

John [00:18:56]: Don't even put yourself in the situation.

Nicole [00:18:58]: Yeah, you got to be proactive.

John [00:18:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:19:01]: And the relationship prevention program, you know, it involves all these things.

John [00:19:05]: Yeah, but that. But that guy should have. Should have. Basically, if he felt that way, he should have either broken up with. With the girl until he can get over this other girl. Right. Or not told her and. And then, like. And figured it out could, you know? Well, I mean, what I'm saying is, like, he didn't need to tell her that if he was working this shit out in his head. That was not the. Like, he's completely doomed the relationship.

Nicole [00:19:30]: Yeah.

John [00:19:30]: Because there's no way she can ever trust him.

Nicole [00:19:32]: He ruins the relationship.

John [00:19:33]: Because that's. That's. It's almost worse than cheating. Right. Because he could cheat on her. No, hear me out. He could cheat on her, right? And then she could forgive him, and she could feel like he's loyal to her again, that it was just a fling, whatever, He. Whatever. But she will never, ever feel like he's 100% loyal to her. You get what I'm saying? Like, there's no coming back from this one. I'm not saying that you should cheat on her.

Nicole [00:20:00]: I'm just saying that coming back from cheating in my.

John [00:20:03]: I mean, there's a coming back from that. Like. Like someone could conceivably say, okay, this person made a mistake.

Nicole [00:20:07]: There's some situation. I'm sure that people can. Can do that.

John [00:20:11]: But. But it's more conceivable than in this situation where you're like, this guy has been obsessed with this girl for 14 years. He's never gonna not be right. Right. He's already told. He had. He had the. The. The audacity.

Nicole [00:20:26]: Audacity.

John [00:20:27]: I'm gonna say audacity.

Nicole [00:20:28]: Oh, like idiot.

John [00:20:29]: Like an idiot. Yeah. To. To tell her that he. That no other girl he will love more than this girl. So.

Nicole [00:20:38]: Yeah.

John [00:20:39]: How can you ever.

Nicole [00:20:40]: Which, I mean, I applaud his honesty again, like, at least he was honest.

John [00:20:43]: No, there's some times where you. Where you don't. Like, there's no. There's a, there's a difference being. And, and, and like revealing too much information.

Nicole [00:20:54]: Yeah, but I don't agree with that because I think that if he didn't tell her, he would not fix this issue.

John [00:21:03]: Well, he's got. Yeah, he's got.

Nicole [00:21:04]: He would not take the initiative because he didn't already. They've been dating for longer. Cause she was like, I've already met this girl. We hung out. They've been dating for a while. I guess, what, six months? She said. Yeah, it's not a long time. It's half a year. That's a decent amount of time. Hold on, let me finish.

John [00:21:19]: Okay.

Nicole [00:21:19]: Because he took six months and he didn't do anything.

John [00:21:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:24]: I don't trust that. If he didn't say anything, he would actually do anything.

John [00:21:27]: But in no world should you ever tell a girl you're dating that there's some other girl that deal that you'll never love more than her. So either, either you should not tell her or you should break up with her. But there's no, there's no world in which that is the right choice to make. Look, that smarter choice.

Nicole [00:21:44]: I agree with you. He should just break up with her. But if I were her, I would be glad that he did say that so I could leave him.

John [00:21:51]: Exactly. Right. I agree.

Nicole [00:21:52]: Because if he didn't.

John [00:21:54]: Right.

Nicole [00:21:54]: And that's what I'm trying to say is that he kept it to himself. I 98% believe he would not have done anything to fix this problem.

John [00:22:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:04]: Yeah. So you can't act like he would because he didn't for six months.

John [00:22:08]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:09]: He took six months and then he told her that he still in love with her.

John [00:22:13]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:13]: So it is good he told the truth for her.

John [00:22:17]: Yeah. But it's also stupid.

Nicole [00:22:19]: No, it's good for him too, because he needs to have consequences. Like he needs to. This might be a wake up call for him to be like, I need to get over my childhood best friend or I cannot have a relationship.

John [00:22:29]: I see that. I can see that.

Nicole [00:22:31]: Like, he needs that. That's the only thing that's going to motivate him to get over that.

John [00:22:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:37]: Because either he needs to pursue her and really pursue her and she needs to really reject him for him to get over it. Because I don't think she's going to accept it at this point because he's like, she's been heartbroken somebody, but why won't she love me? Like, if she hasn't noticed him in 14 years, she's probably not Going to.

John [00:22:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:52]: So he either needs to shoot his shot.

John [00:22:54]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:54]: And really go for it and be like, hey, I've liked you for a long time. We've known each other for a long time. Whatever. She reject him. And then he finally get over it, or now his girlfriend's going to break up with them and he needs to be like, wow, yeah, I do need to get over this girl, because I can't be with anybody else until I get over this girl. So it's good for him, too.

John [00:23:13]: Okay. I agree with you. That makes sense. You can't.

Nicole [00:23:15]: It's good for both of them.

John [00:23:17]: Okay. Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:18]: And this is why the truth is the way you should go.

John [00:23:22]: All right.

Nicole [00:23:23]: Because it seems messy.

John [00:23:25]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:25]: But really, it's the only thing that's gonna iron this out. Because if he didn't say anything, he could have married this girl and then still wanted to be with her. And then what if he cheated with her? Even though it sounds like she wouldn't cheat with him, but I don't know.

John [00:23:37]: What if she figured his out and.

Nicole [00:23:39]: Then, like, he would have. 14 years. You're telling me he hasn't figured it out in 14 years?

John [00:23:44]: I mean, but maybe he likes his girl and then, like, they have a good enough relationship where he realized that he's actually more in love with this girl and. And just was in love with the idea of this other girl.

Nicole [00:23:53]: The beginning of the relationships, when you're the most in love, usually.

John [00:23:57]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:58]: So that's why I'm saying it's not. It's not. It. This is. It would just be worse.

John [00:24:02]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:03]: But it's good for both of them. They're. They're realizing things. They had to learn it the hard way.

John [00:24:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:08]: You know, because this girl, obviously, too, she's. She's been hurt because she's like, I just wish I could make him love me.

John [00:24:15]: Right.

Nicole [00:24:15]: You know, she has some things that she's going through. Like, this is going to affect her.

John [00:24:20]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:20]: In some ways. But at least he was honest about it and he said it to her and she didn't find out via, like, him cheating or something like that. Like, I get she feels bad right now, but they're only six months in. She can get over this guy as well, too.

John [00:24:32]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:33]: It's gonna be harder for him to get over the childhood best friend because it's been 14 years.

John [00:24:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:37]: This guy's been six months.

John [00:24:39]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:40]: So.

John [00:24:41]: Yeah. Well, but this is also just demonstrates why, like, you don't know what's really going on when people Are like, oh, yeah, this is just my friend. Or whatever. Of the opposite sex or whatever. You don't know the real story until it comes out. Because so many times this happens where it's like you're not getting all the information and then something happens.

Nicole [00:25:05]: Orbiters are real.

John [00:25:07]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:25:08]: And girls can be orbiters. You had Orbiter that I also had to tell you was an orbiter because you didn't realize that girls could be orbiters.

John [00:25:17]: Didn't have any orbiters.

Nicole [00:25:19]: Yes, you did. You had the one. Should I say it? I don't know, the one that drove eight hours.

John [00:25:25]: Okay, okay, okay, okay, that's enough.

Nicole [00:25:27]: That's enough for you to know, but, yeah, okay.

John [00:25:31]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, and that happens sometimes, too, where girls have guy friends and they're. They're actually orbiting the guy, and so then they're, like, hanging out with their guy. Their guy friends, you know, hoping that, you know, something will happen.

Nicole [00:25:47]: Yeah, yeah.

John [00:25:49]: The guy will like him or.

Nicole [00:25:50]: But it does typically happen more where guys are the orbiters. Yeah, it does happen because. Yeah, guys do typically fall. Because that's probably what happened to this guy. Honestly, like, it sounds like typical, young, immature guy.

John [00:26:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:05]: Falls in love with the girl, and then that's the only girl he can picture himself with for the rest of his life.

John [00:26:12]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:13]: And he won't let go of that. Like, he hasn't matured to let go of that mindset. He has the scarcity mindset. He's like, this is the only girl that's gonna love me while he has a girlfriend. That's why this mindset that guys have, especially when they're younger, where like, no, this is the only girl I'll ever love. Yeah. Which women can get the same sort of mindset as well, too. It's not strictly men, but a lot of men struggle with this, where they, you know, pick one girl to obsess over and then they hold on like a pit bull and they don't let go of her no matter what happens. No matter if she's like, no, I'm not interested. They're still obsessed with that one girl.

John [00:26:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:53]: And this is happening with that guy with another girlfriend. So. So it's like. It's definitely a mindset thing. Like, he has to face the reality, which he doesn't want to do, even though he knows it. He's like, she's fallen in and out of love so many times, and it's never me. Yeah. Well, then it's time to move on. Like, fully move on.

John [00:27:13]: Well, that's why I tell guys that the, the most important qualities that they should look for in a woman is that she treats him like a king and that she has a high desire for him. Because if those are your requirements for falling in love with a girl, then you're good. Right? Be attracted to someone.

Nicole [00:27:32]: But what if this girl treats her in that way and he still is telling her he loves the other girl more?

John [00:27:37]: Well, then that's it, you know, then, but that's my point is that like, he, like those are the qualities that, that you should be looking for in a woman as a man.

Nicole [00:27:47]: Oh, so then he would be disinterested in the childhood.

John [00:27:50]: Exactly. Because she doesn't meet those qualities.

Nicole [00:27:52]: Yeah, right.

John [00:27:53]: Because of what other qualities are you really looking for, you know, in a woman? As, as a guy? Right. Is she attractive? Okay, sure. But there's a lot of girls that are attracted. Like, you can't base it off of that because that's stupid. Right, Right. So it's like, okay, is she a nice person? Whatever. Okay, sure, those are good things. But it's like if you're thinking about, you know, who you want to be with, like the qualities that you should find attractive in a woman, it should be that she treats you like a king and that she has a high desire for you. Obviously she's physically attractive to you, but those are the more important traits because that's going to prevent you from having the oneitis on some girl that doesn't. Because a girl that isn't meeting those qualifications is not going to be someone that you're going to want to be with. Because those are your standards. Right?

Nicole [00:28:42]: Yeah. Well, and here's the craziness about it all, too. I get their childhood best friends and they probably spent a lot of time with each other and their friends first, which is a good thing. So he does know her, but he's never been romantically involved with this girl, according to what he said.

John [00:28:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:58]: Doesn't sound like it. Never romantic?

John [00:29:01]: I don't think so. Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:29:02]: And he's obsessed over 14 years over.

John [00:29:06]: The idea, not over the actual person.

Nicole [00:29:08]: Right.

John [00:29:09]: Over. He's obsessed over not being able to get something right. You see, what I'm saying is that she doesn't like him. He's attracted to the opposite of what I said. Right. Because I said she treats you like a king, has a high desire for you. She doesn't have any desire for you.

Nicole [00:29:21]: Right.

John [00:29:22]: And she treats you like shit.

Nicole [00:29:23]: Yeah. And that's why you're attracted to, like, A friend zone.

John [00:29:26]: Right. But most guys, if you think if you look at the attraction patterns where guys get obsessed with women, it's because she treats them like and she doesn't have any desire for him.

Nicole [00:29:34]: But isn't it the same thing that you said works with women is what.

John [00:29:38]: If you treat a woman like shit and you don't have any desire for her? I don't think that's going to attract a woman.

Nicole [00:29:44]: It's if you know, you've said it before that you can make a woman attracted to you by like being an essentially. And that's kind of the similar thing.

John [00:29:56]: Yeah, it's.

Nicole [00:29:57]: Which means that he's chasing validation from her because that's the only type of woman that's attracted to an guy is that she wants the validation from someone that's actively not giving it to her.

John [00:30:08]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [00:30:09]: Removing the validation for the validation from this woman that he's craved for so long that it's just continued to get more and more extreme. To the point he literally told his six month girlfriend that he loves someone else more.

John [00:30:23]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:25]: Like he's, he's spiraling.

John [00:30:27]: Right. But which is also again, if it's the toxic quality then she might be more attracted to him because of the fact that he loves some other girl more. Although it, to me it sounds pretty pathetic that he's in love with the girl that doesn't, it doesn't sound like.

Nicole [00:30:45]: She'S attracted to him more. It just sounds more like she's like thinking about their relationship and she feels like it's probably been a lie and she's like why can't he love me is more than he loves her? You know that sort of thing of like she was more blindsided and she doesn't seem like she. But when wants him back.

John [00:31:05]: Yeah, she would. When a woman see him as pathetic in that situation.

Nicole [00:31:10]: Right.

John [00:31:10]: I think feel like that was the case.

Nicole [00:31:14]: But then I also get why she kind of feels pathetic and like a loser. Like, like why didn't I see this? That's because that's why she's like I was sitting laughing with this girl. Why didn't I see him?

John [00:31:24]: Right.

Nicole [00:31:25]: Like acting differently towards her. Yeah.

John [00:31:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:31:29]: And maybe he wasn't as obvious about it. And it's not her responsibility to do that. I want to put that out there. It's not on this new girlfriend. Like it's not on his girlfriend. It's not his girlfriend's responsibility to watch how he interacts with every woman to see if he has some secret 14 year, but crush on them.

John [00:31:48]: But it was her responsibility to not allow that. To, to have the standard, to have the self respect to be like, okay.

Nicole [00:31:56]: This is not like the responsibility was in that they should have had a conversation about having a girl best friend and him hanging out with that girl best friend. That was her responsibility.

John [00:32:07]: Right.

Nicole [00:32:07]: But she views it as toxic.

John [00:32:09]: Right. Because that's what people are afraid of. But, but here's the thing. And this kind of is, Is that the, a bigger subject, which is that whatever you want, that's what you can have. Like it's, it's not toxic or controlling or whatever to demand what you want in a relationship. It's to take it or leave it. Like as long as you're take it or leave it. If you're like, right. Kidnapping someone, it's different. Okay, but, but if you're like, oh, I want, I want this. I don't, I, I don't like you going out to nightclubs or I don't like you having friends of the opposite sex or I don't like, like that's, there's nothing wrong with whatever your list. Or I don't, I don't like that you lick, eat that. People who eat hot dogs, whatever it is. Like, that's fine. Like it's totally fine because it's your choice.

Nicole [00:32:56]: But you have to be willing to walk away.

John [00:32:57]: Yeah. Yeah. You have to be. Will. You can't try and force someone to comply.

Nicole [00:33:01]: Right.

John [00:33:01]: But you can be like, whatever your requirement is. It doesn't, it doesn't even matter if it makes sense.

Nicole [00:33:06]: Yeah.

John [00:33:06]: There's no shame in it. You're not a bad person. You're not toxic. It's not controlling. Right. It's. It's what you want. It's your preference.

Nicole [00:33:14]: Yeah. I think it's better. And I said this in the other episode where we did on this sort of same topic though, that it is better to say that you're both not having friends of the opposite sex and you're both not going out to nightclubs because that makes it seem more like relationship protection program.

John [00:33:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:32]: Rather than being like, I don't want you to go out to the bars. I don't want you to have guy friends.

John [00:33:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:39]: Because some guys will say that too, and then they can do whatever they want. That's not how it is. And women will.

John [00:33:44]: If you're okay. Yeah. But if you want, if you want to say that and that's what you want and someone's okay with it, I mean, it's probably not Wise.

Nicole [00:33:52]: But it's not going to be a but.

John [00:33:54]: It's not quality. It's still not controlling. It's still not. You see what I'm saying? It's like because you're being open about what you want.

Nicole [00:34:00]: Yeah.

John [00:34:01]: So.

Nicole [00:34:01]: But if you want a better than perfect relationship, then you can both have to.

John [00:34:04]: Not exactly. You both have to not do that. I mean, that's the smart thing, like we're saying. Right. But. But the. But the problem is that people are so afraid of coming across in a certain way that they're not actually right. Putting the safeguards into place. Like, I just had a guy, actually, he messaged me, in fact. That's a good one. Let me see. I'll pull it up. Because I thought this one was. It was a good one. It was a comment on one of my videos. Where is it? Oh, here we go.

Nicole [00:34:46]: No, you have to sing a song while we wait.

John [00:34:50]: What's. What song?

Nicole [00:34:52]: You can choose.

John [00:34:55]: This is the song that never ends. It goes in on and on, my friend. Okay. All right. Ready? So he says, hi, John, I was with my girlfriend tonight and she said that last night she was at a sorority party and I got jealous and worried she might have cheated. I didn't outright say that or ask, but I think that insecurity came across. Does this permanently ruin attraction in a relationship or can it be re salvaged? How big of a deal is this? So you see, he's afraid that he came across insecure because his girlfriend was at a sorority party and he was afraid that she might have cheated. Now the afraid of she might have cheated part maybe is a little bit insecure, but it's also not out of the realm of possibility. Why was she at a sorority party?

Nicole [00:35:46]: Is she in a sorority?

John [00:35:48]: It doesn't matter. She's in a monogamous relationship.

Nicole [00:35:52]: But did he tell her she can't go to sorority parties?

John [00:35:54]: That's what I'm saying is that. That's what he should have said. But see, he's too timid. He's too afraid of saying something like that.

Nicole [00:36:02]: I mean, and now he's already in a relationship.

John [00:36:05]: Let's say I go to a frat party for my fraternity. That cool with you?

Nicole [00:36:12]: I don't think that a 45 year old should be going to a frat party regardless.

John [00:36:18]: Like, like they, they have frat parties. If we went to my, my fraternity house, they would have a frat party. They would invite me.

Nicole [00:36:24]: So with the 19 year olds.

John [00:36:26]: Yeah, they always want the alumni in there. Oh my God, like, would that be cool with you? No, of course not. Right, so there's nothing. You see, I'm saying I was there.

Nicole [00:36:35]: That would not be cool because I'm not hanging out with 19 year old frat boys.

John [00:36:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:40]: And neither should you.

John [00:36:42]: But what I'm saying is that in that situation, people are too afraid to say what. And it leads to a situation where they're, they put themselves in those compromise situations.

Nicole [00:36:55]: Right. Well, and they should do it in the beginning so then they don't have to like already be involved in something and then now they're having to deal with this when it should have been a conversation from the very beginning.

John [00:37:05]: Yeah, yeah. So, but, yeah, but, but, but that happens all the time where, where people are afraid to say something. That, that's why, like this girl got into the situation six months in. Right. Because she was afraid to say something because obviously it probably bothered her. I mean, it should have bothered her. It probably, you know, does she know, even if she didn't know, just like that he's hanging out with a girl. Childhood friend.

Nicole [00:37:34]: Yeah.

John [00:37:34]: Don't tell me that wouldn't bother you if you didn't know anything about any kind of.

Nicole [00:37:38]: But he might have been like, oh, no, it's fine, we're just friends.

John [00:37:41]: Yeah, but that's where you gotta be like, no, that's not, it's, it's not.

Nicole [00:37:46]: Okay, you're saying that, but you with your friend that you had, you've defended her for a while and then finally I was like, no, it's not acceptable.

John [00:37:56]: Yeah, but I, like, I was doing all kinds of mischievous. I know and I know you, but. No, no, I'm just saying, like, you know, there's no excuses. For sure. Like, you're right. Like, but I'm just saying I was doing all kinds of mischievous stuff at that point in time that I didn't really have a very good moral compass. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say, but I didn't want to say that. But. Which.

Nicole [00:38:17]: Look, and I felt bad because I know that she helped you with a lot of stuff and she seemed like a nice person.

John [00:38:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:24]: But there was no way that we could continue with our relationship with that scenario going on.

John [00:38:31]: Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:33]: And so, like, I'm just saying that even back then, because we were together for a while and you still had her as a friend and you know, I didn't speak up until finally I did have to speak up and we didn't even do it as well in the beginning because there Was a lot of things going on. There's a lot of things going on.

John [00:38:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:53]: But you know, it is important to say that.

John [00:38:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:58]: Because if you had been like, no, then we probably wouldn't be here right now.

John [00:39:02]: Right. Exactly.

Nicole [00:39:03]: You know, because it's just not.

John [00:39:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:06]: You can't, you can't have like someone else in your relationship like that.

John [00:39:11]: No. No. Even if it's just a friend or whatever. Like it doesn't. Because you, you don't know what, what could happen. Or it's just.

Nicole [00:39:20]: You need the rpp, the Relationship Protection Program. Yeah. But no, it's true. I feel for her, though. But again, I think it's good for both of them because maybe he'll get over either. Like I said, maybe he needs to fully shoot a shot with childhood best friend girl.

John [00:39:37]: Yeah, good luck with that one.

Nicole [00:39:38]: I don't think it is going to work out if it's been that long and he's feeling the type of way he feels. But maybe he will realize that he lost a woman that really liked him.

John [00:39:49]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:50]: And that he needs to get over his childhood best friend or it's going to prevent him from having any relationship.

John [00:39:56]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:56]: Because even if he didn't tell her and they got married or something, something would have. He would have said something or something would have happened. He would have confronted the childhood best friend and been like, I loved you forever. And then she would have told the girlfriend or wife at that point or something. Like it would have blown up worse.

John [00:40:12]: Right.

Nicole [00:40:13]: If he didn't say what he said. So he. It's good that he said that.

John [00:40:17]: Well, that's why you have to break these ties also. Right. Like I said, it's like if you have friends of the opposite sex, as in childhood, which, you know, then you have to just demote people to acquaintance instead of continuing these relations. Yeah. I mean, it's also good to just. But, but depending on the, on the person.

Nicole [00:40:39]: But yeah.

John [00:40:40]: You know, but if they're destructive to your relationships for sure, then you should just act like they're dead. Right.

Nicole [00:40:46]: Yeah.

John [00:40:46]: You know, but, but, but you have to distance yourself from, from a lot of people. It's not just even friends of the opposite sex. It's also just friends that you have from child. Like there's this false loyalty. I, I guess that's the thing that pisses me off. Is loyalty like this or this, this misguided sense of loyalty that people have to people that they. Just because they knew them when they were kids. Who cares? Well, it doesn't matter.

Nicole [00:41:11]: And the length of friendship. Because I was reading something about that jelly roll artist guy.

John [00:41:17]: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:41:18]: And he was talking about when he was hanging out with people that were cheating on their wives. He cheated on his wife. When he was hanging out with people that were doing a bunch of drugs. He was doing a bunch of drugs when he was hanging out with people that were drinking a lot. He was drinking a lot. And it's like, you know, I'm not saying that your friends are like that because most of the time they're not those sort of people. But it's like if you have. When you were single, a bunch of single friends.

John [00:41:41]: Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a big.

Nicole [00:41:43]: Like, you can still have those friends, but you're not gonna go to bars with them like you used to.

John [00:41:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:48]: You're gonna do something. Probably not as often because maybe you used to go to the bars every weekend, but now you're not single, so you're not going there. So maybe you see them for lunch like, once a month.

John [00:41:57]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:58]: So it's like. It's not like they change, but sometimes the dynamic has to change based on where you are in life. Or like, I have some friends that have kids and, like, they have little kids.

John [00:42:07]: Right.

Nicole [00:42:07]: And so, like, their new normal and their reality is going to look different. And I might not see them, you know, because they're busy with babies, but that doesn't mean, like, we can pick up whenever they have time. So it's like you have to adjust.

John [00:42:20]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:21]: But as far as the, like, friends of the opposite sex thing, again, like you said, it's better when it's, like, a group of people.

John [00:42:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:29]: That hang out together rather than having, like, close guy friends or girlfriends if you're of the opposite sex. Because that's just going to cause a lot of problems. And that doesn't have anything to say with who that person is, because it doesn't sound like this childhood best friend girl is a bad person. The girls even, like, we laughed and hung out and had fun, and now I feel blindsided. Like, it's rarely about who the person is.

John [00:42:54]: Right.

Nicole [00:42:55]: Because even if it's a guy and you know that he probably likes you or something, or a girl that you know likes you, they're not usually, like, actively trying to sabotage your relationship. No. It's not a time it will slowly start to erode, like, the boundaries that you have between friend and more than friend.

John [00:43:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:15]: Because it just erodes away slowly and.

John [00:43:18]: It'S just not appropriate. Like, it doesn't matter who the guy is. If some guy texts you, I'd be like, who the fuck are you? Why are you texting my wife? It's like, oh, I've known her for 20 years. I don't give a fuck. Like, why are you texting my wife? Like, you know what I mean? Because I'm territorial. I'm going to be like, get the fuck out of here. You know what I'm saying? Because that's how it has. Because does that make you feel safe and protected?

Nicole [00:43:41]: Yes.

John [00:43:42]: Right. Okay. Like controlled?

Nicole [00:43:45]: No.

John [00:43:46]: Okay. Because you know why I'm doing that? Because I'm not letting anything interfere or come into our relationship at all. You know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:43:55]: That's true. And I'm always like, who's. Who's that number? And it's like something. It's always scammer trying to get you to like, I know. Hey, is this Jeffrey? No. Oh, we can be friends. Anyway, what's your name?

John [00:44:08]: Right?

Nicole [00:44:08]: You know those, like, scams that they have?

John [00:44:10]: But, but, but sometimes you just have to cut people from your life. Like, even if it's old childhood friends, even of the same sex, if they're losers now and they're dragging you down and it's like. Because they will ruin your relationships as well. They'll ruin your life. You know, just like you said with jelly roll or whatever. Like he. He had those situations or. Or even just single friends. When you get into a relationship, like, I'm not saying that you can't have some single friends, but you can't. If you have a friend group of five people, five girls, and they're all single and you're the only married one or you're not hanging out with those five people anymore. That's just you. You. It doesn't make sense. You know what I mean? Like, you're going to get into trouble. It's not. It's not appropriate to do that. Or even. Or even. Just even if you're not going to get into trouble, they're going to poison your relationship because they're like, oh, well, we want our friend back. Right? And so they're going to, like, say all kinds of shit to make it.

Nicole [00:45:02]: You know, like, oh, you're with that guy. Yeah, you really want to be with him.

John [00:45:05]: They're going to poison the. Well, that's what, you know, just like when I left the reservation or whatever. And all the fanboy guys from. From my. Even from just my audience are like, oh, and they're.

Nicole [00:45:21]: That's the reservation.

John [00:45:23]: When, when we got Together. You know? And then all the guys that were like, oh, I like, single John Bulldog mindset.

Nicole [00:45:31]: Oh.

John [00:45:31]: And they're, like, all, like, trying to, like, convince me they're still. They're still. Every time I post a video, at least this one. One dude is still on there, like, oh, you shouldn't have got married. Blah, blah, blah. He's still trying to. Trying it. Right. Because.

Nicole [00:45:45]: Because misery loves company.

John [00:45:47]: Well. And they don't want to see them. They don't want to lose their friend. The attention, the. The time. They don't want you to.

Nicole [00:45:53]: Yeah.

John [00:45:53]: You know what I'm saying? So you have to be wary of that. Of your. Of your single friends when you're.

Nicole [00:45:58]: So you're saying you should block the guy that keeps saying, you shouldn't have got married.

John [00:46:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:03]: Or I'm gonna get on their poodle mindset and be like, shut up.

John [00:46:07]: I'll kill your dog.

Nicole [00:46:11]: No.

John [00:46:12]: Okay.

Nicole [00:46:12]: There will be no dog's harm.

John [00:46:15]: Yeah. I think that's it. Unless you got something else. I don't think about it.

Nicole [00:46:19]: I think telling the truth is good.

John [00:46:21]: Yeah. Yeah. I agree. You convinced me. I mean, it's good for her.

Nicole [00:46:26]: It's true.

John [00:46:27]: Yeah. But she definitely needs to dump the guy.

Nicole [00:46:29]: Yes.

John [00:46:29]: And be. Be done with him and not accept that kind of thing again. And don't get involved with someone who. But that's why, also, it's like, don't get involved with someone who has friends of the opposite sex. It's a red flag.

Nicole [00:46:41]: Yeah. But you. Sometimes you don't find that out for a while.

John [00:46:44]: Or someone who talks to their exes. Red flag. Don't get involved with them before you get into a committed relationship. That's when you actually say this, Right? Oh, yeah.

Nicole [00:46:54]: You talk to her.

John [00:46:55]: I would love to be your girlfriend, except. Who's this Rachel girl? Oh, she's nothing. She's just my childhood friend. Oh, well, let me know when. When she dies. John.

Nicole [00:47:09]: Doesn'T have to be that extreme. You're very extreme. After the book one, you went to the extreme. See, he spiraled.

John [00:47:18]: Yeah, but. But the same thing with guys. I tell guys all the time, like, when the girl wants commitment from you, that's when you're like, okay, well, here's what the. The rulebook is of this relationship. This is what my. This is what it looks like to be in a relationship with me.

Nicole [00:47:34]: Right.

John [00:47:35]: That's a good way of putting it.

Nicole [00:47:36]: Yeah.

John [00:47:36]: Right. This is what my standards are. You don't have to, you know, take.

Nicole [00:47:39]: It or leave it.

John [00:47:40]: You can Be. If you want to be the main chick, you want to get promoted from side chick to main chick, this is what it is. Otherwise you could just be some girl. That's it.

Nicole [00:47:49]: Because that's not supposed to have girlfriends.

John [00:47:51]: Hanging around just like some girl. That's. That's not my friend. That's. Yes. That's not a friend. That's in my rotation.

Nicole [00:47:59]: John.

John [00:48:00]: I'm just saying, like, if you want. If. If the girl wants to have that place in your life. Right. She needs to meet those standards. The same thing. Vice versa.

Nicole [00:48:09]: No.

John [00:48:10]: You should have to have that level of respect for yourself. You have to be what I want.

Nicole [00:48:14]: Away.

John [00:48:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:15]: Man or woman.

John [00:48:16]: And make it clear. And it doesn't. You don't have to be embarrassed of what you want.

Nicole [00:48:19]: Yeah.

John [00:48:20]: Otherwise it's just going to lead to problems down the road. That's. That's what the issue.

Nicole [00:48:23]: Well, and this girl, his girlfriend shouldn't be embarrassed by this either because I know at the end when she was talking about how she feels, I'm sure that's how she's feeling. She's feeling a lot of things. But he told her the truth and saved her time.

John [00:48:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:38]: Yeah. They've been together six months, but he saved her from potentially them going who knows how long. Years.

John [00:48:46]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:46]: And then he never tell her this.

John [00:48:47]: But. But just in general, just for the viewers watching, if you date a guy and he has a girlfriend from childhood or best friend, there's a reason why he's still in contact with her. It's because he's obsessed with her.

Nicole [00:49:02]: I guess. Guy wise. Yeah, probably so.

John [00:49:04]: Just so you know already, save yourself six months and some heartache. Is that. That's why he's still in contact with her?

Nicole [00:49:12]: Yeah, that's pretty.

John [00:49:13]: Regardless of what he says, this guy was honest because he's an idiot. But. But regardless of what he says, you can know that it's the truth. That's what I'm saying.

Nicole [00:49:25]: Yeah. It's definitely not a good look.

John [00:49:27]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:28]: So not after hearing that story either. So.

John [00:49:31]: Yeah. All right. Should we wrap it? Call it.

Nicole [00:49:35]: Yep. All right. Did anything happen?

John [00:49:38]: Anything happen in between?

Nicole [00:49:39]: Yeah.

John [00:49:40]: I don't know. You tell me.

Nicole [00:49:42]: No, we're good.

John [00:49:43]: Okay. Are you sure? Okay.

Nicole [00:49:47]: Unless you're gonna be upset that the things I've said on this.

John [00:49:50]: No, I think it's good. I think I'm glad that you called me out on my bullshit because it was bullshit. Like I was running a Ponzi scheme. Yeah. That's what I was like. I definitely had lost my moral compass. I had a lot of girls that were texting me that I didn't even think, oh, I'm dating a girl now. I shouldn't have this happening anymore. Like, I wasn't doing anything.

Nicole [00:50:15]: No, but I was there.

John [00:50:16]: Yeah, but I wasn't, like, thinking about these things.

Nicole [00:50:20]: I know. I had to tell you.

John [00:50:21]: Right? Yeah. So that's why, you know, it's hard.

Nicole [00:50:25]: To tame a hoe. A man hoe.

John [00:50:31]: All right, on that note, if you have a confession email you want to send us, you can email us@betterthanperfectpodcastmail.com and if you want to check out the catalog of episodes on betterthanperfectpod.com you can also subscribe on there to get a notification when a new episode comes out. Or subscribe on the YouTube channel and.

Nicole [00:50:56]: Leave us a review.

John [00:50:57]: Oh, yeah, leave us a review.

Nicole [00:50:59]: It's been a while.

John [00:50:59]: Yeah, we need a new review.

Nicole [00:51:02]: Yeah, we do.

John [00:51:03]: All right, we'll see you next week. Take care.