John [00:00:00]: That's one thing that women aren't very good at in the bedroom. Saying, I like this. I don't like that a guy is eager to please. Some of the talks I've had with guys about sexuality, I'm amazed that they made it through grade school and didn't learn about the stuff that they should have learned about.

Nicole [00:00:19]: You're right that there is some circumstances where the woman feels like the guy isn't that into it or he, like, doesn't care to care about her pleasure. And that makes it really hard to want to do something when it's not that enjoyable. But you can get better at it, Guys.

John [00:00:34]: Beyond the perfect, we discover through our flaws, we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome back to the better than perfect podcast, where every week we show you how two imperfect people helping each other equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:01:02]: You got it down.

John [00:01:04]: That's right. I should. After 20 something episodes.

Nicole [00:01:07]: You know, that's true.

John [00:01:08]: I'll say something because we don't know.

Nicole [00:01:11]: Exactly where we are right now in time and space, but didn't you want to start the episode with some little.

John [00:01:20]: Well, there wasn't any real good comments or anything. And no one's left us itunes reviews on Apple.

Nicole [00:01:26]: With words.

John [00:01:28]: With words. Yes, we need words. So if you did leave one, you might have been featured at the beginning of this episode.

Nicole [00:01:34]: I mean, okay, wait, there was one. Some guy said, well, King, thanks, King, for supporting, but no, it was when we talked about actually on the past episode about moving in together that some guy was like, you're more likely to get a divorce if you move in together.

John [00:01:55]: Oh, yeah, that's true.

Nicole [00:01:57]: I replied back to that. Like, we talked about this, but I replied back that married men are statistically proven to live longer when they're married. Well, married men. Yeah, that's how I replied back. And so. And then I also just said, like, you can find whatever statistic you want to prove your idea.

John [00:02:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:18]: That you have. And I know when we talked about it, you were like, well, well, you're living together longer and, like, you get more irritated with each other. But I think that's also a good thing. Like, you know, if. If you saw that you guys aren't really communicating properly and people are getting resentful before you even got married because you're living together, then you could have separated before you got married and it wouldn't have led to a divorce.

John [00:02:44]: Right. So, yeah, I mean, I think. I mean, there's a Lot of reasons for the statistic that you could think about and figure out, but the most obvious one to me is religion. So if you're highly religious, you're less likely to move in together before you get married. If you're highly religious, you're less likely to get a divorce, period, even no matter how bad it is or whatever. So that's true. That's the most likely explanation for that statistic, I would say. But common sense prevails to say that it makes sense to live with someone before you commit to living with them for the rest of your life.

Nicole [00:03:18]: Yeah.

John [00:03:18]: You know, and unless you were in a culture where you just were not going to get a divorce, I don't know. But in that case, I guess I would. I would still say it would still make more sense.

Nicole [00:03:27]: You're still kind of just moving in with each other. Like, what's really the difference? Like, even if you move in after you get married, like, I don't think that's going to prevent you from getting a divorce by holding out until you're married.

John [00:03:40]: Yeah. You're taking steps that are progressively harder to undo. Right. So.

Nicole [00:03:46]: Right.

John [00:03:46]: You're dating casually. Easy to undo that.

Nicole [00:03:50]: Right.

John [00:03:50]: Just ghost them, you know, whatever.

Nicole [00:03:52]: No, no, don't go.

John [00:03:54]: I'm just kidding.

Nicole [00:03:54]: Don't give guys. They're more likely to ghost anyway. And you're over here like. Like, it's like they didn't hear anything else besides that. They're like, John said, ghost them. We're allowed.

John [00:04:04]: Do not ghost. Do not ghost. But you get a committed relationship, you break up, you get. You get hurt.

Nicole [00:04:11]: I mean, even if you move in and it doesn't work out, you just move out. And I mean, like, it is harder, right?

John [00:04:17]: Yeah. There's progressive levels. You know, you get married now, it becomes more complicated.

Nicole [00:04:21]: Right.

John [00:04:21]: You get tattoos of each other's name on your genitalia. Now it becomes really difficult. That's. That's unreverse.

Nicole [00:04:30]: Now your whole. Everything's ruined. Now you have to get tattoo removal in a place that it's not going to feel good. And I heard tattoo removal doesn't feel good anyway, so.

John [00:04:38]: So, yeah. So. But yeah. Anyway. Well, let's get to the actual episode this week.

Nicole [00:04:43]: You're just ready.

John [00:04:44]: Yeah. Okay, so the episode this week is, how can women be romantic? It's not what you think. That's the important. So.

Nicole [00:04:56]: Well, then you got to take it away.

John [00:04:58]: Okay, I'll take it away. So. Okay, so romance, as we discussed in two episodes ago, or when I talked about because we already did the episode, and I talked about breaking this up.

Nicole [00:05:08]: About how men can be romantic. Yeah. Because they have a hard time being romantic naturally.

John [00:05:15]: But the key thing of being romantic, and this is why it doesn't look the same for men and women, although there can be some similarities, is that we said that it was being thoughtful. Now, the thing that I wanted to add after that, and I think maybe I said in another episode, was that it's not just thoughtful, but it's effort. So thoughtfulness plus effort is really what being romantic is. And so thoughtfulness means thinking about what is important to the other person, not what's important to you. That's why if a guy gives a girl roses and he's thought about it, and that's the kind of flower that she likes, and he knows that she likes to get flowers, and that makes her feel special that he does it and it's meaningful.

Nicole [00:05:58]: Right.

John [00:05:59]: Just giving roses doesn't mean anything by itself. But that's also why in many cases, it would not be romantic for a girl to give a guy roses.

Nicole [00:06:09]: Unless you're Blink 182. Yeah, I won't sing the song, but.

John [00:06:14]: You have to do your little voice.

Nicole [00:06:16]: Because, you know, that's a different part. But he's talking about that. Where are you?

John [00:06:21]: There we go.

Nicole [00:06:23]: That was really loud. And I was next to. To the microphone. I probably should. Where are you?

John [00:06:27]: Yeah, practice. Sure. But. But my point is, is that it's not the same thing unless the guy really likes roses, like, like you said. But. But it. It's the thoughtfulness and the effort that that's put into it. So that brings us to. Well, what is romantic to guys? What is thoughtful and effort? What do they want?

Nicole [00:06:48]: Because I feel like women do things. It's like. Well, I think women think, oh, like, if I do little things for him, romantic, I mean, that makes him feel special. But you're saying it's not. Well, I'm not saying don't do those things, and you're not saying don't do those things, but it's not the main thing for a man.

John [00:07:12]: Well, I'm saying, again, if you think about it, because the way I like to think about, and this is how I just understand women and relationships, is I think about whatever desires I have or whatever things that I feel emotionally. What is the opposite? Not necessarily the opposite, because not always. But what is the corollary that women experience Right. Or feel right. And so in this case. Right. A lot of women, their chief complaint about a man is he doesn't take me out. He doesn't. He doesn't remember anniversaries or birthdays or special events. He's not romantic. You know, that's how they're describing not being romantic is that their desire is to be made to feel special.

Nicole [00:08:02]: Right? And that, I think, because it becomes more routine. Guys are very routine. And, like, in the beginning, they actually have to put in the effort to, like, get the woman. So they're doing all this extra stuff, right? But then once they have the woman, they just fall back in their routine of almost like they're living by themselves. And then that's why the woman feels like there's no romance, because he's like. He's there. And he might be like, I love you, but he's not, like, doing the extra stuff like we talked about in that episode.

John [00:08:32]: But exactly.

Nicole [00:08:33]: It just falls into this, like, guy routine where it's like, logically, I love you. Why do I need to do this stuff still? Like, because he got what he wanted.

John [00:08:42]: And then if we flip it, because we want to figure out the other angle. So what is the guy's experience? What is his. So which guys.

Nicole [00:08:50]: Every woman knows, and every man knows what typically happens in the reverse.

John [00:08:55]: But they don't think about it, right? So it's like. So what happens in the reverse is the guy starts to feel like, oh, well, she doesn't wear sexy laundry anymore. She doesn't act like she's really interested in me or desires me as much anymore. She's just taking it for granted.

Nicole [00:09:12]: You know, Some of them aren't getting it at all.

John [00:09:15]: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Or not getting it at all.

Nicole [00:09:17]: I read some, like, threads, and they're like, it's been five years. And I'm like, what? Look, if you're not five years.

John [00:09:24]: Yeah. If you're not having sex at least two to three times a week, your relationship's broken in some way. Like, I know that a lot of people are like, oh, different. People have different.

Nicole [00:09:35]: No, I'm sorry, but people like psychologists and stuff and. Or like sex therapists or whatever say the same.

John [00:09:42]: Okay, well, I'm glad that they agree, because whatever excuse you're making for. And I'm not saying that that always has to be case. And I'm not saying that there's not some period of time where.

Nicole [00:09:51]: Or circumstances.

John [00:09:52]: It does indicate that there's a problem that needs to be addressed and fixed, because it's not just a libido issue. It's not a mismatch of libidos. That there may be a difference between men and women for sure, but that's not what that is. Like two to three times a week is. If you're not doing that, there's a problem. And again, there's plenty of people that I have known that have had issues and they. They try to normalize. So my point is, like, you gotta. You either get out or you fix it. You know, don't just tolerate that. So when I hear guys say that kind of stuff, I'm like, okay, look, what are you doing here then? Because are you.

Nicole [00:10:28]: But what do you do if it's a marriage? Because a lot of times it is marriage. Because like you said, the flip of a guy getting into a routine and not being romantic is a woman, you know, getting in a relationship and she's can have sex whenever she wants, like, with the guy. So she gets to kind of determine it and she takes it for granted. And she doesn't do the things to, like, seduce him that she used to do.

John [00:10:51]: So to answer that question, is it. It's still the same thing in the sense that you need to fix it or get out.

Nicole [00:10:58]: Okay, but like, how would you fix it? Like, how would you tell a guy to try to fix it?

John [00:11:04]: Right. Well, if I was telling a guy to try to fix it, I would say, do what we said in the previous episode.

Nicole [00:11:10]: Like, start doing.

John [00:11:11]: Because. And don't worry about her. Like, if you start doing your part, like, just make sure that you're an expert at making her feel loved. If you do that. Don't even worry about the sex part yet. Then if she's not responding to that. And again, I'm not saying that. And the reason why I said it that way is because it's not like, okay, I just took you out to dinner.

Nicole [00:11:32]: Right. Don't do that.

John [00:11:34]: Right. It's like you have to have put in three months of time of putting the full effort and not caring about your own needs and just saying, I'm just going to show this woman that. That she's loved.

Nicole [00:11:44]: Which I feel like guys have a hard time with the, you know, putting in the effort and not being like, hey, I did this for you.

John [00:11:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:11:51]: You know what I mean?

John [00:11:52]: Because it's got to feel. Because again, a romantic gesture has to feel. I guess we could add one more element to it, which is we said that it's thoughtful, it's effort, but also it's has no expectation of anything in return.

Nicole [00:12:08]: Yeah, it has to have that. Otherwise it's manipulation.

John [00:12:10]: Right? So.

Nicole [00:12:11]: Right. Like, if you're being romantic to her just to get laid. That's manipulation. That's not loving at all, actually.

John [00:12:19]: So that's what a guy can do. But we'll talk more about what a women. What women should do.

Nicole [00:12:25]: Yeah.

John [00:12:26]: So if a woman understands that, okay, a guy's experience, it's equivalent to her of feeling like he doesn't take her out on dates anymore, he doesn't pay as much attention to her, all those things that you've said. But a guy's equivalent is like, oh, she's not acting as sexually interested in me anymore. Right. Even if you are still having sex, there's a difference between it being taken for granted and being truly desired, where the woman's like, I can't wait to get my hands on you. Like, she's actively pursuing you in a sexual way. Because a lot of guys, what their complaint is is that she doesn't seem very interested in sex. I mean, a lot of guys complain that they're not even able to get sex at all, which, again, like I said, we address that, but that she's not super interested in it. She's got a headache all the time, all that stuff. And again, some of those things can be addressed by the romantic part. But if you think about what that is and then you think from a woman's perspective, how could I be thoughtful and put an effort. It would be to the opposite.

Nicole [00:13:24]: I would say the first thing that women have to do actually hearing you say that is you have to respect your husband.

John [00:13:32]: Yes.

Nicole [00:13:33]: Because I feel like they're not interested in him as much because they don't respect him. Like, if you don't respect a man or you feel like he's another child or someone you have to take care of rather than someone who's taking care of you and your family, then you're not going to be physically attracted to that person in that way. So I would say the first thing you have to do is respect your husband.

John [00:13:56]: Yep.

Nicole [00:13:57]: And if it's gotten really bad, that's going to seem really hard. But I've been reading this book. I think it's called the Surrendered Wife. Some of it I don't agree with. I'm still reading it. But she does make a lot of good points. Where. And I want to speak on this one, because women will understand, especially women in their masculine and. Or if they're in this, like, rut with their husbands. You chose this man, right?

John [00:14:21]: Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:22]: So you don't respect your own decisions that you're making. You don't trust yourself if you're treating your husband like you don't respect him.

John [00:14:30]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:31]: I hope they heard that, because that was probably the most profound thing, like, I respect you. So this is not something that it's like, eureka, you know, to me, because I do respect you, but you were the first man that I've ever, like, truly respected.

John [00:14:46]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:46]: That I dated. And. But so I can understand where women, you know, they get in this cycle, which is really messing them up in all areas. They're, like, angry because they feel like they have to do everything. They're not, like, allowing their husbands to even, like, have a chance because they don't respect their husbands.

John [00:15:02]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:03]: But if you look at it like you married this man for a reason. You respected him at some point enough to get married. And if you didn't, then you. You messed everybody up by marrying somebody that you didn't even respect.

John [00:15:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:15]: So I think the first thing that they need to learn is to respect their husbands, because that is all the feelings that they feel when they don't respect their husband is exactly what lowers their libido and makes them look at their husband and not want to, like, jump his bones.

John [00:15:32]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:15:33]: Because they don't admire him. They don't look up to him. They think he's below her or, like, on the child's level. So, like, there's not that attraction. Like, there would be if she really respected him and looked up to him.

John [00:15:48]: Yeah. And on the. On the topic of respect, I think also a lot of women might find, or even a lot of guys might say, well, wait a minute. Like, you're saying that what's romantic to guys is sexual type of stuff. But that's not. I don't feel like that's the case. If that's the case, it's probably because the higher need that's not being met is respect. So, yeah, if a man is being respected, the very next thing will be the sexual thing, the desire thing. Right. So that's what I would say. But if he's not being respected, he's gonna be like, look, I would just. The only thing I'm looking for is respect. And again, that is also romantic. If a woman. If you're a woman who hasn't respected the man you're with or hasn't made that known to him, and then you write him a little note and. And say, hey, I just wanted to let you know that I really thank.

Nicole [00:16:41]: You for all the things that you do, and you work really hard, and I admire that about you. And you take care of our family. Yeah. Like, it's not hard, but I know women are like, it is. But again, I think that's why that part of the book stood out to me. I'm like, you married this guy. There's something about him where you were like, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. And you need to find that it's still there. You need to find where you started. Like, taking away responsibilities from him because you thought he couldn't do it. And I, I, I get it. Because sometimes as women, we can be a little controlling. We want things done the way that we want. But at the end of the day, if your husband is trying and he's doing a pretty dang good job, you need to give him the respect. You need to tell him how much you respect him and admire him, and then he'll do more. He'll go above what you're even expecting, and then that just adds more to your attraction to him, and then he will love that. So it's like, oh, yeah. That is like the core of. I feel like a lot of people's problems, like a lot of women's problems with attraction towards the guy that they're with, is that they've lost respect along the way. Not always.

John [00:18:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:00]: But I feel like that's where a lot of that backed up. Like, we haven't had sex in so and so long. It's because she's feeling this sort of way about him, and then that's making him upset, and he's still trying, but she's like, no, so.

John [00:18:14]: Exactly. And, and I think maybe the best. One of the best things in that love and respect book that we did read, even though some of it was still working. Yeah, we're still working. But was a chapter on. I forgot what chapter it was on. But it started off, basically, he told the story of this woman that really didn't respect her husband, and then she went in to visit him at work one day, and he's the big cheese at work. Like, everyone's like, yes, sir. And, you know, calling him sir. Guys that are older than him are. He's in charge of them. And he's got this cute secretary or whatever, and she's, like, looking up to him because. And she was like, man, this same guy that I am treating like a child at home and disrespecting. He's like, everyone else respects him and thinks he's the shit. And she just had this humbling experience. And I think a lot of women, if they saw their man at work, they would have that same thing. And so it's like, don't wait. Give him that respect that he deserves. He's adult human. He can take care of himself. He's probably a lot more respectable and honored at work then you're like, the home where a man is at, his wife should respect him and lift him up and honor him more than at his workplace.

Nicole [00:19:34]: Right. It shouldn't be less life partner. Yeah. And if you're listening to this as a woman, you're like, I can't respect my husband. Your relationship is going down the drain fast, and you need therapy or something to try to salvage it if you think it's salvageable. But if you don't, you need to leave that man alone because he deserves to be respected. And I'm sure to someone else, he's doing everything that a person would ever want.

John [00:20:00]: So. Even with his flaws. Right. Because again, if we flip it and we say a woman has to be.

Nicole [00:20:06]: Perfect to be loved. Yeah, it would be. Yeah.

John [00:20:09]: You want to be loved how you are. Yeah. You're a work in progress. We're all work in progress. A man is not perfect, but he still wants to be respected and treated as such. So. And then again, that's where that's romantic as well. Right. Like. Like we were saying is you start. Because why. Because you think about, right? You think about the other person if you're trying to be romantic, and you think about what would light up their day today. Like, what would make them on top of the world. And for. For different people, it's gonna be different. And between the sexes, it's gonna be different. That's why it's like, for a woman, as a guy, you can think about a lot of things that would light her up. A special trip that you take her on, a surprise, a scavenger hunt, Some kind of thing, romantic gesture. Right. You can think of those things. But how many times, you know, do women think that for their guy?

Nicole [00:21:00]: Well, I think that's, like I said in the beginning, ish. That they think that it's doing similar ish things. Not totally the same, but similar. Like acts of being romantic. Women tend to think, like, oh, well, that'll make him, you know, if I, you know, I don't know, go take his car for an oil change or some guy thing, you know, which is nice. And guys appreciate. But.

John [00:21:27]: Yeah, like, but it's not. It doesn't.

Nicole [00:21:29]: It's not his core. Want his core. Like, what makes him feel loved and romantic?

John [00:21:36]: Well, What's. Again, that's why I asked the question, because I think this helps to really. What would make him feel like he's on top of the world? I would lift his day up. Right. And again, if you're thinking the same things that you would like, you're not really thinking about, that's where the empathy comes in, is to say, all right, what is this guy, you know, and what has he said before that he likes or what kind of surprise or thing would make him just go crazy and feel like he's just, you know, super excited to be alive today? Right. And so if you think of those things.

Nicole [00:22:08]: Talked about a lot too, though. Like. Like, to be honest, there is a lot of talk about men being romantic and how they can be romantic.

John [00:22:18]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:22:18]: So there's not. There's less of an excuse for guys. No offense, but women don't really know. Like, women know that men want sex, but they don't know always how to do it in the way that a man wants.

John [00:22:31]: Okay, so I'll give it to you, right? Because that's where you're. Seduction. That's what it is.

Nicole [00:22:39]: Mic drop.

John [00:22:40]: Yeah, that's it. Seduction. To learn to be seductive to a man. Right? Because again, yeah, guys want sex, but it's not just about the sex. It's about the woman having a high desire, showing that. Showing that she wants it and creating.

Nicole [00:22:58]: Like, an experience for him, enticing him.

John [00:23:00]: Because think about it. It's a reversal. A lot of times in marriages, guys are trying to get the sex. Oh, she's got a headache. Okay, so it's going this direction. You really want to make the guy feel like he's on top of the world and light up his life, change the direction. So you're going after him. So you're enticing him, seducing him in as opposed to him. You know, that's the. Because at one respect, a woman could say, okay, well, I'm just gonna have sex with him more or give him more when. When he is asking for it. And that's okay, and that's good. But what's better and what's actually starts to turn it into romantic is flipping the dynamic and then coming after him because you think about what will actually light up his life.

Nicole [00:23:50]: Here's the thing, though. How does a woman keep from being the sole initiator, though? Because I don't think any woman has a problem with initiating, right. I think she has a problem with becoming the sole initiator. And if she does it as much as A guy tries to be romantic, it does seem like she would maybe become the majority of the initiator.

John [00:24:13]: I don't necessarily think that that's a bad thing. I think that because, and here's the way that this works is the seduction is an open invitation, right? And it's an enticement to draw someone in. So if she's primarily doing that, that's good because let me tell you why. Because women are naturally able to express love and the love part comes easy. So the guy should really be the sole initiator, the majority initiator of the love part of things in the sense that he's creating those opportunities. He's the one who's planning out romantic things for her and trips and doing in dates and things like that. He should be doing that because that's the thing that it's more meaningful coming from him because it's not the default.

Nicole [00:25:06]: Like the one that turns on the faucet and it comes out of her, right? Like the love comes out of her.

John [00:25:12]: Exactly, exactly, exactly. And so a woman, she's got to.

Nicole [00:25:16]: Turn the faucet for the other thing, right?

John [00:25:18]: See, because the guy's going to respond to it and it doesn't mean that he's not going to go out and, and seek it as well. But it's more powerful when the woman does that because again, it's the thoughtful effort that's put into it and that can be done in a thoughtful effort way. A lot of women just, they don't learn seduction, right? It's as simple as, hey, you ask him to come into the bedroom and you're laying on the bed naked, or you're in a lingerie or something like that, or you show up at his office or at his work in trench coat, you know, at his work. I'm just saying, like.

Nicole [00:25:55]: And you get him fired real quick.

John [00:25:57]: No, you go back home, I mean, you figure something. But I'm just saying, like any kind of thing, you wake him up with a surprise in the morning, something that is going to be. You put some thought into this, right? And you're, you're figuring out a way to just like a guy would put thought into a date or a trip or something romantic. Women have to put the same thought into it. And it could be, like I said, if the problem is really the respect, that can be the romantic gesture. It doesn't have to just be sexual, but many times that the guy's two primary needs that are going to make him feel loved. Just like a woman feels loved is going to be respect and not sex, but sexual desire. Because again, the thing about sex that women don't understand, I think, is that a guy can get sex from anywhere. He can pay a prostitute for sex. Like sex in itself is not valuable. It is the desire of a woman. In fact, when I coach guys all the time and we have this topic come up, I've always told guys, I'm like, look, what you're after is not just sex. You're not learning to pick up women just so you can get sex. Because sex is a commodity. Everyone is capable of sex. You can get that from anywhere. I mean, maybe you, you're not able to, but you can pay money and get sex. There's no amount of money that you can pay that is going to get you desire from a woman. Nothing. That's priceless. That's why that becomes the most valuable thing, not just the sex.

Nicole [00:27:19]: I mean, makes sense. What if, like, I know that sometimes women can't go as much as a guy would like. So what do you recommend? Like, for her to still be romantic. Romantic to a guy, but if she can't actually like, follow through with.

John [00:27:38]: Yeah, it's because I think the thing is, it's. It is not the sex. She can still show the desire that she has for him.

Nicole [00:27:46]: Okay, well, can you like, give some other examples besides the like ones that you gave? Because those lead obviously more towards sex, but some other ways that men feel desired by women that maybe aren't like right before you're about to have sex?

John [00:28:03]: Well, they don't have to necessarily even lead towards sex. It's just the knowing that she desires you or that she wants you. That, and I think also the more that a man feels that the less that he requires or tries to get the frequency of sex.

Nicole [00:28:22]: Yeah, I hear what you're saying, but can you give some examples of things that would make a man feel desired besides the ones that you already gave? Because we've had this conversation multiple times and you even just said it that women don't like, learn to seduce. They don't understand even if they've been with a man sometimes what makes a man feel desired. Like, men get it and then they get pissed that a woman doesn't get it. So that's what I'm trying to get you to give women some examples. They don't have to be specific, but something that guidelines. Because they don't, that they can apply to whatever man because she's gonna know what little things that he wants. Like you said, like it's the thoughtfulness. But there might be things that women don't even know that make a man feel desired. There's some obvious ones, like the ones you said, like making an experience, you know, before you guys have sex and pursue him and seduce him.

John [00:29:20]: Right.

Nicole [00:29:20]: But like, what are the other things that make him feel desired as far as like, I guess, some key attributes that she can use because there's not a lot of knowledge around this. Women know that they can use sex to get a man to do basically anything they want, but it's different to make the man that you're with feel desired before the sexual part or add the sexual into something that's maybe not blatantly sexual. Does that make sense?

John [00:29:56]: Yeah, I get what you're saying. I would say that. Well, okay, so it's a mindset. So the very first thing of the mindset is to not take it for granted. Which again, we could say the same thing for men. But what I mean by that is don't just assume that sex will happen. If you had to get sex from this man because he wasn't given to you. And some women are in that situation actually. So that's true, you know, that, that it does seem like some do try.

Nicole [00:30:25]: To seduce and it still doesn't work.

John [00:30:27]: Right. But that's the mentality to have, is if I was trying to get this guy interested in me sexually and to come after me, what would I do? Or that's the mindset. The second part of the mindset, okay, is to have them. I'm not saying to necessarily do this or act all of this out all the time, but have the mindset that you're coming across as a sex crazed nymphomaniac that can, that has to. Because again, if you think about it.

Nicole [00:31:01]: What if you're not in the mood and like, mood is a big thing for women. I mean, not like that you couldn't get there, but in that moment or like, I don't know, because, you know, like I've talked about in some of the other things, it's a light switch for men.

John [00:31:13]: Oh yeah.

Nicole [00:31:14]: So he's instantly in the mood.

John [00:31:15]: Right. So some things to think about in regards to that. Do you think that a guy is always in the mood to go to the store and buy some roses or to plan a trip or to do like, or to do romantic gestures? He's not always in the mood, but he can get himself into that mood. Right. And so it's the same thing as a woman. Yes. The engine takes a little longer to rev up, but she can also rev up her own engine ahead of time so that she can now bring that to the guy. I'm not saying that that has to be the case all the time. I'm not saying that a guy doesn't have any responsibility in revving up that engine. But I'm just saying that it's not like a light switch. And you don't have to fake it either. You can get yourself into the mood. And again, like you said earlier in the podcast about the respect thing, that's a huge thing because if you respect the guy, then you can start fantasizing and thinking about this strong, powerful man that you have and what it would be like to please him. Right? That's gonna help you in that direction. But the whole idea is that you have this mindset of it's not taken for granted, that sex crazed nymphomaniac, that kind of. And again, the reason why I'm using these examples too, and this is mine. And again, I'm not saying that you have to just do that all the time, that you're having sex all the time or that that's, that's. I'm just saying that you're presenting that right. Just like you have a Persona as a woman that you want a man to present. That's a romantic archetype of that. You don't want him to be like, hey, beautiful, I got you some roses.

Nicole [00:32:56]: Okay, I have another question. I have another question. Because yes, everything you're saying makes a lot of sense. Yeah, but now I'm like, moms, okay, yeah, the mom. You can only act like a sex crave nymphomaniac behind closed doors. Like, I'm not saying that you can't like kiss your husband and hug on him and things like that. You should be doing that. But you also don't want to be overly sexual in front of your children.

John [00:33:29]: Right?

Nicole [00:33:30]: So like, that's why I guess I'm saying to what are the more like not blatantly sexual ways that. Because like, there are a lot of moms and there are a lot of moms where their problem is kind of what you said, maybe even the opposite, where men don't really want to have sex with them and they're trying, they're putting on the lingerie, they're trying to seduce their man and he's not interested in her. So what about that scenario? Or how can she make him feel desired when they can't necessarily be naked sitting on the couch or whatever, but she wants him to still feel desired.

John [00:34:13]: Right. So again, it doesn't have to come to fruition, but the want has to be there. Right. So how can you make the want? It can be a text message that you send. It can be a naughty picture that you send of yourself. Right.

Nicole [00:34:34]: Your children.

John [00:34:35]: You're doing something naughty to yourself or talking about something naughty that you did to yourself because you had to do it because you were so filled with lust for this.

Nicole [00:34:45]: Well, let me stop you right there, okay. Because this is something that you taught.

John [00:34:49]: Me.

Nicole [00:34:51]: That I think a lot of women don't understand either.

John [00:34:53]: Okay.

Nicole [00:34:55]: That men want to hear about the things you do to yourself.

John [00:34:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:01]: And they want you to tell them what to do to you.

John [00:35:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:07]: It's because to me I'm like, that sounds so selfish and self centered and like you're trying to make it about him and he feel desired. And as a woman, I'm like, oh, so I'm gonna touch on him. I'm gonna like make. I'm gonna tell him all the things I want to. And you're over here like, that's nice. I'm not saying that you don't think that's nice, but you're like, this actually makes a man feel more desired. And I think women everywhere right now are probably like, what? Like, not that it's like totally shocking, but that it was shocking for me to hear that instead of me coming on to you in the way that I just mentioned, it makes you feel more desired when you tell me what you want from me or you to do to me.

John [00:35:50]: Yeah. Okay. There are a couple of things I could say about that. So one, how do you know that a guy is horny?

Nicole [00:35:57]: It's pretty obvious.

John [00:35:59]: Yeah, but he's like, he's like, he. He wants something from you. He doesn't want to give you something, he wants something from you.

Nicole [00:36:08]: Orgasm.

John [00:36:09]: I mean, if you're putting it blunt. But I think like, I mean, he. He's like, he's seeking after. Like he wants to get gratified from you. Right? That's what. Okay, so that's why when women are trying to display desire for a man and they're like. And again, doing something to him is great as well. But try to keep this as PG as I can.

Nicole [00:36:32]: But yes, please.

John [00:36:33]: Doing something to him by itself is great and every guy will not refuse that and they'll say it's great. Okay. However, either do it to yourself needing it from him or needing to do it to him in order to derive pleasure to yourself. That's what's hot and that's what.

Nicole [00:36:54]: But women would say that that is why they want to do it. Like they want to do stuff to you because it makes them turned on.

John [00:37:01]: But are they expressing that? That is the key, see, because they.

Nicole [00:37:06]: Just got to say that.

John [00:37:07]: Gotta say it, gotta say it, gotta show it, gotta be like, you know, I gotta.

Nicole [00:37:14]: I mean, I feel like they do show it and maybe they're like, I am showing it because I'm doing it and I told you I want to do it.

John [00:37:19]: But then do it without asking, just, you know, go and go for it or do it. You know what I'm saying that that shows, like, because again, when we're talking about desire, right? It's. Well, when. When women want suit of it, right? Okay, think about it as a woman, how do you want to feel desired? You want to feel desired as to like some. Some words or some. Some things or, hey, we're having sex, so obviously I desire you. Or do you want to feel like, ravished? Do you want to feel like, gotta have it?

Nicole [00:37:52]: You know, I think that's why women get confused though, and that's why I brought this up when you talked about it, is that I think most women do feel desired. When she hears what a man wants to do to her rather than like what he wants her to do to him, does that make sense? I'm not saying that doesn't turn her on, but I'm saying that I think like, when you are feminine and being like submissive too, you want to know what someone wants to do to you because their desire for doing those things to you, like, makes you feel desired. Does that make sense?

John [00:38:26]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:26]: So women think if I pursue him like that or like, tell him all the things that I want to do to him, he'll feel desired.

John [00:38:34]: And that's true.

Nicole [00:38:35]: Which I'm not saying that is saying to do none of that there is like, you do still do that.

John [00:38:39]: It just has to come across that way as doing that to him turns you on, then that makes. That creates that desire gap, right? If it's like.

Nicole [00:38:48]: Right.

John [00:38:48]: If it feels in any way like a chore, or if it feels in any way like I'm just doing you a favor. Or if it feels in any way like there's reservation. You see what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:39:02]: It's more the respect thing, I would think.

John [00:39:05]: No, but it's a desire thing. Because if it feels like a favor or a chore, right then.

Nicole [00:39:11]: But if you view it that way, then that's what I'm saying I think it's where the lack of respect or admiration for your man is because it shouldn't be like a chore or whatever. And if you're really into the person that you're with, you're going to be really into the experience.

John [00:39:28]: But that in itself doesn't make it like the desire realm. Think about it. You've talked about this before. Again, we'll keep it PG13ish. Don't want to get the NC17 rating. But okay, so if you are receiving pleasure for those words, then you want it to be done in such a way that someone hasn't had a meal in very long time and they're very hungry. Right? So that's the same type of thing. Right. So that's what I'm saying is that energy, that desire that indicates desire, that's why it's such a turn on is because it indicates a high level of desire. Right. It's not like not just doing the job, but I enjoy doing the job. That's the thing that. So it's the same thing. But, but again, like I said, I.

Nicole [00:40:23]: Mean, I'm just saying this is like more of a directed for the women who are, are trying to show their man desire and they are desiring their man, but he still might not feel desired is what I'm trying to say.

John [00:40:36]: It's hard, but if you really, really think about it, you can figure out the pieces. And again, okay, we talked about in the, in the male episode, what is the bible for, for women? Like you want to understand women to understand psychology and understand being romantic. Look at romance novels. Duh. It's obvious. You just read that and then you can see. Exactly. I mean so many women are consuming romance novels because that's their fantasy that.

Nicole [00:41:03]: You'Re gonna tell women to watch porn.

John [00:41:04]: I'm just, I'm not.

Nicole [00:41:05]: Because we did a whole episode on how porn is cheating and romance novels for research purposes.

John [00:41:12]: Okay, Again, I'm not telling guys to read romance novels and get obsessed with romance novels and jerk off to romance novel the same time. Look, a little bit of research on it, but.

Nicole [00:41:23]: But I don't even know.

John [00:41:24]: I don't even need to say that. Hold on, hold on. Let me say, I don't even need to say it because women have seen it. They know what, what happens in porn.

Nicole [00:41:31]: Okay, yeah, but here's the thing though, here's the problem. I feel like at least romance novels are a little bit more realistic or you can imagine them in a more realistic scenario. Porn is Not Okay.

John [00:41:43]: Yes.

Nicole [00:41:44]: And it feels. As a woman, it would feel like you're being fake.

John [00:41:48]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:49]: And that's unattractive. Like, that's, like, that's. That's what turns women off of this. Like, they don't want to have to act like some, like, ooh, whatever, like, person that's in porn or like some woman who. Who. She doesn't even have sex like that either. Right. She's acting.

John [00:42:07]: Acting. Exactly.

Nicole [00:42:08]: Okay, so, like what? Like, so it's. How can you be authentic?

John [00:42:12]: Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying to recreate the porn, okay? Because we all know it's fake. It's not. Okay. What I'm saying, though, is if you look at how the people who engineered it, what they were thinking, because they knew the psychology of men, they know they're testing it. Right. It's the attitude. It's the mindset. Right. It's again, if you look at it, at the whole, what is it going to be? It's going to be women begging for it. It's going to be women being really turned on by the aspect. The idea of having sex with a man. It's going to be women pleasuring themselves. Like, those are going to be the main things that are going to encompass. Again, there's weird stuff and all kinds. I'm not talking about weird. I'm not talking about.

Nicole [00:42:59]: I'm not talking about thin line.

John [00:43:02]: I'm not talking about weird stuff. I'm just talking about the general idea of it. If you're trying to get into a man's head and understand what makes them.

Nicole [00:43:09]: Or they could just watch this podcast because I feel like it's better than it's watching porn, to be honest, because porn's not even real.

John [00:43:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:16]: And there is a lot of, like, perverted things, like not, you know, not to hate on people's stuff, but at the same time, a lot of the stuff is not a natural thing.

John [00:43:28]: No.

Nicole [00:43:29]: So it's like no woman wants to feel like she has to act.

John [00:43:34]: Right. That's not what I'm saying at all.

Nicole [00:43:35]: Different for her man to feel, you know, and so, like, I don't feel like a man being romantic is acting.

John [00:43:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:45]: Like, you also married this woman.

John [00:43:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:48]: And you love her.

John [00:43:49]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:49]: So it should not be acting to go get some flowers, her favorite flowers, and pay attention to her. So I hear what you're saying, and it's like, you shouldn't be acting to desire the man that you wanted the whole time.

John [00:44:02]: You just say that. Yeah. You hit on the perfect point.

Nicole [00:44:05]: But I think the way that you described it is better than women going to watch porn, to be honest. I mean, I guess if you can find some like normal people having sex or something. But I think it's better for women to hear how you described it because again, it's kind of like telling a man all these intricate, like find this needle in a haystack of being romantic.

John [00:44:31]: Right?

Nicole [00:44:32]: That's the same of telling a woman to watch porn because it's just not. I agree with you, A realistic thing.

John [00:44:40]: I was talking about the mind, like the, what you could garner for it. But, but let me give you. Because you just hit on the perfect point because you said it's not fake when a man's being romantic. So you're right what, what you're trying to get as a woman, you know, the guy loves you, you're trying to get him to show it in this way you desire the man, he wants you to show it as overtly as possible, as personally as possible, not fake. If I'm being romantic to you and I'm being fake, you'll know it right away, immediately. Right?

Nicole [00:45:23]: Right.

John [00:45:24]: If you try to show a guy desire and you're not showing him your real true desire and you're trying to be fake, you're trying to manufacture that just so he feels desired, he's going to figure it out right away. So that's why also the whole like pleasuring themselves like type of, that's why that is actually a turn on for a man is because he wants to see what does your real desire look like. Right. If there's no one looking, what does your desire look like? You know what I'm saying? It's like, what is.

Nicole [00:45:49]: Well, on that I think that she has to have the space to do that too though. And I'm not saying like she needs a whole week, but I'm saying that like we said two to three times a week. So you do need to space it where she could give you, show you that. You know what I mean? If like you're hounding her, you want to have sex every day of the week, which a lot of women feel like a man does feel that way, but you're saying that they don't.

John [00:46:15]: Okay, if you turn it around and you start doing that, like, okay, at some point there's gonna be a shift, right? But if you start turning it around and then maybe the first week you do it every week, every day of the week. But what's gonna happen is now that you're chasing and you're feeling that need, that need is not gonna be as great anymore. And now he's gonna be able to sit comfortably and not feel like he needs the bug because he knows that it's coming and he knows that the desire's there. Cause that's what a lot of guys, women ask the question all the time, do you still love me? They're probing for love right now. They'll be more desperate and more insecure and more needy in the sense that if a guy's not showing them the love, if a guy that is cold and the woman is constantly having to badger him, like, do you love me? All this stuff. And then he turns around and now starts showing her love. At first she's going to eat all that up and she's still going to probably act somewhat the same way. But then when she gets her fill of it and she realizes that this.

Nicole [00:47:19]: Is real, she sees the consistency.

John [00:47:21]: Then she's gonna start to. She's still gonna ask every once in a while and stuff. But what I'm saying is it's the exact same thing. Like everything that you take for a man, you can take for a woman and vice versa. So you just have to figure out what is the flip in the psychology that makes sense. And that's how you can really understand. Because every single one of us, I truly believe this, we have everything within ourselves to know the opposite sex. Because it's literally we have the same types of desires and wants and needs, but a different version of them. And if we can understand our own, we can see that whatever that we're lacking or that we're wanting is exactly the same in the other part. So I agree. You just have to figure out how to flip it. And that's what I'm saying is that's why, like what you said about the, you know, when the guy is being romantic, is he being fake?

Nicole [00:48:09]: Right.

John [00:48:09]: That's exactly the point.

Nicole [00:48:10]: Well, it feels fake when the guy's like, what? I got you flowers. You don't like them. And so like the same could be for a woman who's, you know, doing the same thing, like pretending to be something. And if he doesn't respond, she's like, you don't, you know? Yeah, yeah.

John [00:48:24]: It's like, it wasn't.

Nicole [00:48:25]: I watched the porn you told me to watch and I did all the things, you know what I mean? Like, that's the female equivalent.

John [00:48:30]: Yeah. That loses the whole thing. It's like true love, a true romantic gesture from a guy. It's in his heart already, but he's expressing it well.

Nicole [00:48:40]: And you guys gotta communicate the same thing like you communicate. And that's how he finds out. The things to do to be romantic to you. And you gotta communicate to know what he likes in the bedroom or pay attention to it or little things he says or whatever in those moments. I do want to ask you though, what should a woman do if she's in that situation earlier where she is trying to seduce the man she is trying to give him what you said is romantic and he's still rejecting her or, you know, not wanting anything to do with her. He's acting like it's a chore. Like, we watched Love is Blind.

John [00:49:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:19]: And we saw when Jimmy told Chelsea, like, I didn't even want to have sex with you and you wanted to. Like, there are guys who act like that too. I know that the majority is men not receiving sex from the woman in their lives. But there is a flip flop. And so what would you say to those women, besides the obvious, of like, you should reevaluate this relationship, obviously. But is there a way for her to get that man back? Like, she's trying to do what she can by being seductive and turning him on and enticing him and initiating. Is there anything else?

John [00:49:56]: Well, there's a few things I would say. So the, the first one is revisit the respect part of it and see if that.

Nicole [00:50:02]: Because if that's lacking.

John [00:50:04]: If a man has been not respected for a long enough time and he's just given up on it, he's going to lose sexual attraction for you as a woman. He's just gonna be like, I. Like, he can't see this woman as like, he just can't be turned on her because he's just so defeated and beat down that he's like. Like, I don't have. Because again, a lot of women think it's just about sex for a man. It's not. Right. It's like, it's not, you know, like, sex is important, but it's what it represents. Because men use sex to build intimacy. Right. Women want to have sex when there's intimacy. So for a man, when he's being totally disrespected and it's been a long time, he's not gonna.

Nicole [00:50:45]: He doesn't want to connect to that person.

John [00:50:47]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:50:48]: Yeah.

John [00:50:48]: So that's the first place to check. The second thing is, if that's happening and the respecting is in line is to actually pull back at that point. Right.

Nicole [00:50:56]: Okay.

John [00:50:58]: Take care of yourself, Let him know that you're like, let him know that you are fine, that you're, you know, so you're pulling back and letting him come again. Also, the thing is that a lot of women don't understand how to seduce. So seducing is not badgering, right? So. Or being upset about someone teasing, right? Because, look, as a man, men learn how to seduce. I mean, some men learn how to seduce, but men more so learn how to seduce than women, right? As a man, you have to learn how to seduce if you're going to be successful with women, period. You're not going to be successful. You cannot go up to a woman and be like, hey, I want to have sex. You want to have sex, let's have sex. Like, that's not seduction. Or like, I really want to have sex with you. That's also not seduction, right? Seduction starts with enticement. How do you get the woman as a man to get turned on? You touch her like this. The Trojan horse of sex, of seduction for a man. The simple thing is. How about a massage? You want a massage, right? That's seduction. It's a very crude form of it, but it works every time, right? Because why? Because you are enticing the person into it. So again, a lot of women, in that case, where the man doesn't seem to be interested in them, they're putting on laundry and stuff like that. They have this real expectation. It's almost like a. Almost like a nagging, like a haunting type of, you know, look at me, have sex with me, right? Whereas if you desperate, right. If you slow it down a little bit and you're trying to woo the guy in, right? And you're trying to, like, seduce him, get him turned on, get him, you know, moving in your direction. That's. And again, that might even be some part of seduction is a pullback. The pullback is part of it, right?

Nicole [00:52:51]: So maybe you give them a little bit teasing.

John [00:52:54]: Exactly. You do the pullback on it. So I would say that studies seduction, and that's something that I think there's just not a good resource. There's not a lot of information for women to learn how to be good at seducing. So.

Nicole [00:53:09]: Well, what I've taken away from our guys romanticizing women and women romanticizing men is that it's true what they say, that you have to always, like, treat your partner like you're dating them, like, from the very beginning. Like, men have to do it in the sense of doing the acts and gestures that make a Woman feel, you know, loved and desired in those ways, you know, the romantic gestures.

John [00:53:39]: Right.

Nicole [00:53:39]: And women have to do it in the way of pursuing a man that, you know, might have other options and might go choose those other options, but you want him to choose you instead. And I think that those things get lost on both sides and that's why we're here doing these episodes. But you really have to look at your partner like, you know, you're still trying to get them for the first time. And I know people say that and it's hard to, like, put yourself in that mindset, but at the same time, people can visualize things and they can feel pretty real. So you can visualize, you know, even if you've been together however many years.

John [00:54:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:54:18]: What it might be like if your husband went out and was single again.

John [00:54:22]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:54:23]: And that might light a fire under your ass to be like, all right, well, I don't want him messing with anybody else, so I'm going to be what he wants.

John [00:54:30]: Because believe me, he's thinking about it.

Nicole [00:54:32]: What he's thinking about going out there. Oh.

John [00:54:34]: I mean, he's thinking about what would it be like? Like if. If you're not showing him respect, if you're not showing him any kind of desire at all, if you're not. Especially if you're not giving him sex at all. Like, if that's not happened, then he's thinking about, oh, you know, how would it be out there? Just like a woman would think about, you know, she's reading her romance novels and fan.

Nicole [00:54:51]: What if a guy treated me this way?

John [00:54:52]: Yeah, exactly. So that, yeah, that is the key. And if you look at it again, to tie a ribbon on it. I've coached men for a long time now, and when I coach them on marriages or when they talk about the biggest complaint that men ever have with marriage and in marriages and long term relationships is that she doesn't have the enthusiasm for sex. Like, she used. They're like, remember when we were dating and you just couldn't wait to tear my clothes off? And for us to. You just were going crazy. You had to have sex with me. Right. And then a lot of times women dismiss that and they'll say, oh, well, yeah, you can't expect that now. Cause we're married, we're living together, we have it all the time. And as soon as I hear that, I'm like, oh, man, you really shouldn't have said that because guys will tell me that. And I'm like, that's exactly the same as If a woman complains, you never take me on dates anymore, remember how romantic it used to be? And he's like, oh, yeah, well, now we're living together and I don't really need to do that anymore.

Nicole [00:55:53]: Right?

John [00:55:53]: Boom. Nail in the coffin. So it's like women don't even realize that that's exactly the same thing. And that's, that's the thing to really think about. So. Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:02]: But I think just another thing to add is that I do think men also have to encourage their women because it's very hard for a woman to initiate and be seductive when she feels like she's, like, shut down by the guy. Or like, he also is just treating it like he's just trying to get laid because, you know, there are plenty of guys out there who are very vanilla in bed too, you know? Like, I'm not saying that that's the main cause, but I'm just saying, like, for men, a piece of advice would be to hype up your woman when she's doing the things that you like, because that will entice her. And the same with women to men. Like, if he's getting you, you know, these, your favorite flowers or like, doing these other gestures to show you how much he loves you, you need to, like, hype that up. You need to positively reinforce those things because one, it makes it easier for them to keep doing it, guy or woman. And it makes your partner feel good at the same time. Like, they feel good, they know that they're doing it the way that you like.

John [00:57:10]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:10]: And so they continue, can continue on a path that's going to make you more and more happy, if that makes sense.

John [00:57:16]: Which you brought up an important point. There's so many little pieces. But you, you said also. Because I think this is a problem we didn't address because I didn't even think about this. But it is a problem is that a lot of times a woman might not even feel as much desire for a man because he is. Just doesn't care. He's not very good. He's not very good in bed. He doesn't, you know. So what do you do in that situation?

Nicole [00:57:40]: Well, that's where you buy John's course.

John [00:57:44]: You buy John's course for, for your husband, give it to him. He'll learn all the skills.

Nicole [00:57:49]: Trust me. You want him to get John's course. If he ever makes John's course, that.

John [00:57:55]: One definitely will not be PG 13.

Nicole [00:57:58]: No.

John [00:57:59]: Yeah. So, but, but, but yeah, I mean, he has to learn some of these things. But vocalize what you like, what you don't like. That's one thing that women aren't very good at is in the bedroom saying, I like this. I don't like that. Right. As a guy, you should be asking those questions. But that will help to. Because a guy is eager to please a woman. A lot of times guys don't even think that they can or they don't even understand. I mean, look, some of the talks I've had with guys about sexuality, I. I'm amazed that they made it through grade school and didn't learn about the stuff that they should have learned about. Because I'm like, really? You didn't understand that that's how this piece of anatomy functioned?

Nicole [00:58:46]: Maybe you need to put together a list of resources because obviously you have a lot of knowledge. You make like a list. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that wouldn't be bad because you're right that there is some circumstances where the woman feels like the guy isn't that into it or he, like, doesn't care to care about her pleasure. And that makes it really hard to want to do something when it's not that enjoyable. You know what I mean? Like, but you can get better at it, guys. And that's the thing is, like, you have to want to.

John [00:59:18]: And women have to know also, without going into different subjects, but they have to know it's different. Like, for a guy to, you know, get there, it's pretty easy. It's like, you're gonna figure it out. A lot of women don't even know how to get there on their own. If you don't know how to get there on your own, that guy's probably got no chance at all. So you gotta figure that stuff out and work on yourself.

Nicole [00:59:44]: That's true.

John [00:59:44]: A lot of women don't work on their own sexuality. And so, and I wanna say too.

Nicole [00:59:48]: That women shouldn't be afraid, especially if you're, like, married or in a serious relationship. Like, you know, there's plenty of women who don't do certain things because they feel embarrassed or insecure and granted their partner should make them feel comfortable. Yeah, that's very important for women to open up and do more things. But don't be afraid to, like, explore things with your partner and try things that maybe you're like, self conscious about. Because most of the time guys aren't worried about the things that women are worried about. So, yeah, that's another little tidbit. But before we go, like super long.

John [01:00:26]: Oh, yeah, yeah, Our. Our segment there.

Nicole [01:00:29]: Yes, for the week. So we didn't really have anything. Thank goodness.

John [01:00:33]: No.

Nicole [01:00:34]: Like, as far as staying up till two in the morning talking. But I did get a random text message while John was gone that said, miss you. And I was like, I have no idea who this is. I immediately took a screenshot and sent it to John, and he was like, do you know this person? And I like them. No. Yeah, But I was like, you know, it could be somebody from a dating app a long time ago.

John [01:00:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:00:59]: Because they lived in Florida. So I was like, when you asked me so and so in Florida, and I was like, this name does not ring a bell. And I didn't give out my number a lot. So I was like, I have no idea. So. And John was like, I believe you. And, you know, he's like, it's weird that he said miss you. Which I get that because. And two, I think sometimes guys say stupid stuff like that.

John [01:01:21]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nicole [01:01:23]: Well, when they say it. So that when they pop back up, they may. You're like, oh, he's thinking of me. And you're more likely to go hang out with this person again, even though it's been three, four years.

John [01:01:35]: Right? Yeah, yeah, but.

Nicole [01:01:36]: And at the same time, too, it made you be like, why would somebody say miss you?

John [01:01:42]: It doesn't necessarily look like a booty call, but it is. But it's like, also, it's sufficient. Like, you gotta respond to that like that. That's the idea of it. But anyway, guys, listen up. All right? What I did with that text is I messaged that guy. I was like, hey, you just sent my wife, miss you. Who are you?

Nicole [01:02:05]: Yeah, what are you doing?

John [01:02:07]: And so he responded politely and was like, oh, oops. You know, congratulations on getting married. It was from a dating app. I'll delete it now. You know, so. But guys, you got to follow up with that, right?

Nicole [01:02:19]: No, because I'm glad you did that. I wasn't like, I didn't want to have to tell you, like, hey, can you text this person? But when you were like, I texted him, I was like, good. I'm like. I'm like. Because I don't want anybody contacting me. And to be honest, you think as a woman, it's been three years, right? This person has to know that, like, yeah, like, you're gone. Like, you're expired.

John [01:02:43]: Right.

Nicole [01:02:43]: But in a man's mind, they. They never expire. So they're like, I can just go through my contacts. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what they do when they get desperate and low. They're like, who can I message that might still be single? And in his defense, I was single for a long time, so who knows? He probably thought maybe she's three more years single. I don't know. But at the same time, I'm like, I don't want to talk to this person. I wasn't going to respond. I also didn't him to do the typical guy thing where he's like, hey, hey, what's up? So I'm glad that you did text him, but at the same time, I went. Didn't want to be like, hey, John, can you text this guy?

John [01:03:18]: That's what I'm saying is to guys like, you should do that. Like, again, it's not because I don't trust. Didn't trust you. It was more like it's a protective thing. What are you doing? Do you talk to my wife? Get the out of here. Like, you know, like, so I would.

Nicole [01:03:32]: Have done the same thing if somebody. Random woman texted you.

John [01:03:35]: So. So.

Nicole [01:03:37]: But yeah, that's our thing. And guys don't, like, pop up randomly after however many years. Like, let it die. Like, let a woman reach out to you. Actually, like, if you're a guy, don't pop back up three years later. Yeah, let a woman reach out to you.

John [01:03:54]: I mean, three years. I don't know.

Nicole [01:03:56]: Like, I mean, I don't know that precise. It's minimum three years.

John [01:03:59]: I'm just saying, like, it's, you know, the woman's just going to reach out to you. You can say something, but just don't say, miss you just.

Nicole [01:04:08]: I don't know. I'd say wouldn't do. If it's been three years, let it die.

John [01:04:12]: It's a Hail Mary. You're throwing hail Marys. You know, it's like, okay, hey, find a new one of those Hail Marys will come through. But. Yeah, but. But not if you message Nicole, because that Hail Mary ain't coming through. So you're gonna get a message from me.

Nicole [01:04:27]: And don't message John either, because I will text you. He's nicer than me. He's like, hey, this is where I would have been like, bitch, don't text my man. I don't care who the hell you are. It'll be like, this is your cleaning service. And I'll be like, oh, sorry. But yeah, yeah, just don't do it. Go find someone else.

John [01:04:50]: All right, well, oh, before we part, make sure that you leave us a review on itunes.

Nicole [01:04:56]: As we said in the beginning, I.

John [01:04:58]: Would like to read your, your reviews.

Nicole [01:05:01]: And, and if you ever have any, like, topics you want us to do, questions, send them in a DM or something or email us because I've been meaning to, like, post a thing to get people's ideas on topics. So.

John [01:05:12]: Yeah. And I'll throw this out here. If you're having relationship issues, if you have a question or something, obviously you could, you can ask us. But if you're in San Diego and you're having some relationship issues or whatever, and you want to have a live coaching session with us, you could be on.

Nicole [01:05:30]: Yeah, it will be live, so you have to be okay with your stuff.

John [01:05:34]: Yeah. But, yeah, we could do some of that. So. All right.

Nicole [01:05:40]: All right.

John [01:05:40]: That's it for this week. See you next time. Through every fault we find our way.