Nicole [00:00:00]: I feel like there's definitely an uptrend on the romance because. Yeah, especially with, like, Bridgerton, women are eating that stuff up. They're like, I want a man to, like, write a poem about his, like, love for me. Like, I want that romance, that courting, which goes into the topic that I picked for today is chivalry dead.

John [00:00:19]: Oh, nice. Nice bridge. Beyond the perfect we discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay way through Every fault We find our way. All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:48]: That's right.

John [00:00:49]: Yeah. So what again? Yeah. What's. What's new?

Nicole [00:00:55]: Well, didn't. Didn't you want to add to oh.

John [00:00:57]: From the last episode? Yeah. Cause, I mean, it's too late now. Cause the women are gonna comment. But, you know, whenever I talk about the guys getting physical on the first date, women are always like, I don't like to be touched. Now I'm like, well, you know, the thing is dating leads to touching, so you probably shouldn't go on a date if you don't like to be touched. But, you know.

Nicole [00:01:19]: Right. And there's not, like.

John [00:01:22]: And I get it.

Nicole [00:01:22]: There's not much harm in, like, occasional things. And honestly, if you're not into it, like we talked about in last week's episode, say that so he knows, like, oh, hey, this is a red light, and he should stop. Because that's what we said in there. Like, obviously don't go for it if someone's giving you blatant clues that they're not into it.

John [00:01:41]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:42]: So I don't feel like you can really get that upset. You can't fault somebody for trying. And if you genuinely aren't interested and you don't want them touching, you say, you know, I'm not comfortable with that and they should stop. Exactly that. We never said to not stop. Like, you said, go for the kiss. But that's if you can tell that they're interested. If someone said, I, like, don't do that again or something like. Like, I don't feel comfortable with that, then that's not a yellow light. That's a red light.

John [00:02:11]: Yeah, there's green light, yellow light and red light. Right. Green light is. She's responding back. She's grabbing your hand, she's kissing you, Whatever.

Nicole [00:02:18]: Right.

John [00:02:18]: Yellow light is the neutral. Like, she just turns away. She, like, moves her hand off of, you know, something like that. It's like, It's a passive, you know, it's not a, A negative reaction. Red light is, whoa, hey, don't touch me, or why would you do that? Or like, I don't like that. Or, yeah, don't do that again. That's red light. Then it's done.

Nicole [00:02:41]: And it is your responsibility to define those things. And as a woman who legit told John, I don't do PDA because he tried to hold my hand when he first made met me. Like, I, I get where you're coming from, but like you said.

John [00:02:57]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:57]: You can't go on a date expecting, like, a guy's not going to try to hold your hand or kiss you at some point or whatever. And you should be vetting your dates well enough to know roughly if you would allow that person to hold your hand or try to kiss you at the end of the night. Like, if you wouldn't have that, then you shouldn't go on.

John [00:03:20]: Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:21]: So. Yeah.

John [00:03:22]: And then, you know, you said you don't do pda, but then, you know, we're making out in the restaurant bar, and then. And then I held your hand through the seedy parts of downtown St. Pete. Anyway.

Nicole [00:03:35]: Yeah.

John [00:03:36]: You know, so I didn't even realize. See, that's how ingrained it. Like, I, like, I guess when you said you don't do pda, I had just grabbed your hand and I like. Because what we were talking about last episode is just make it just your def. Just be a physical person as a guy and it's going to be better for you. And then if a girl's like, oh, I don't do pda when you try to grab her hand, then, okay, not a big deal. I mean, I didn't make a big deal of it.

Nicole [00:03:57]: No.

John [00:03:57]: And then I tried to kiss you anyway and kiss you. So that's it. And then I grabbed your hand later.

Nicole [00:04:03]: Now we do do PDA all the time, so it's like, you know the right person.

John [00:04:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:07]: It. You won't even have those sort of, like, strong feelings about it. So.

John [00:04:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:12]: Try to vet your dates well enough where you. You don't feel like you'll be that uncomfortable and go into a date knowing that he's probably gonna try to hold your hand or kiss you.

John [00:04:24]: Yeah. So, I mean, the holding the hand is the pretty advanced move. I mean, most guys don't go for the hand holding. Like, as, you know, it's like the surprise, you know, but, you know, but if you do, it's like if you, if you're if you're more of a guy that. That looks like he might be a player, the handhold is a good one because it's. It's more of a romantic thing. It doesn't. It doesn't really give the player vibes. It gives the, like, romantic vibe. So you got to downplay the player image to the romantic, which.

Nicole [00:04:50]: That's good. Yeah, More guys should do.

John [00:04:52]: Yeah, you should. You should. Yeah, for sure.

Nicole [00:04:54]: Because I feel like there's definitely an uptrend on the romance because.

John [00:04:59]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:59]: Especially with, like, Bridgerton.

John [00:05:01]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:05:02]: Women are eating that stuff up. They're like, I want a man to, like, write a poem about his, like, love for me. Like, I want that romance, that courting, which goes into the topic that I picked for today is chivalry Dead.

John [00:05:16]: Oh, nice. Nice bridge.

Nicole [00:05:18]: You know, I mean, it just flowed, so I had to take my opportunity. But, yeah, I thought it was a good topic for multiple reasons and kind of went into, like, what you're saying with, like, the romance. I think people will probably act like chivalry is dead, but I think it's. It's reviving for the reason that we just talked about. Like, I think there is a big uptick on romance and women wanting that romance. And granted, I think men have, for the most part, shied away from that, but if they embrace that, then they'll already be ahead of a lot of people, because a lot of guys have kind of, like, kicked romance out the window.

John [00:06:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:00]: You know, they're like, why? You know, and it goes back to, like, men are hating women more these days, and women are hating men more these days. So it's like, that's why a lot of this has gone out the window.

John [00:06:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:12]: But for the people who still are into the romance and, like, the chivalry and, like, you know, those gestures that really make a woman feel appreciated, even on, like, a first date or something like that, they go a lot further than men think that they do.

John [00:06:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:30]: And instead of viewing it as, like, weak or, like, too interested in a woman or something.

John [00:06:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:38]: I think it should be viewed as, like, showing who you are as a person. Like, a gentleman would just do these things.

John [00:06:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:48]: You know, because they're a kind thing to do and not, like, as a transactional thing. Like, it just shows his integrity. And I think it needs to come from a place of your integrity, showing your integrity as a man versus, like, people pleasing or catering to a woman, which, like. And if you like the woman you're with, especially, like, if you're in a relationship, like, it's not a bad thing either to act like you like the woman that you're with and treat her a certain way and hold her to the standard like it's not putting her on a pedestal. But if that's your woman, she should be treated like she's different than every other woman. You know what I mean?

John [00:07:28]: And she should be put on a pedestal. As. As weird as that sound. The sense that, because that's what chivalry really looks like is that it's not like, I'm doing this for you because you need this or because you want me to do this. I'm doing this for you because I'm lifting you up.

Nicole [00:07:48]: Right. You are of importance to me.

John [00:07:50]: Right. But. And that's where that whole confusion with the nice guys doing stuff and them being super nice. And I think that's why guys were like, oh, I. I shouldn't do this stuff. It's too. I don't want to be friend zone. I don't want to be a nice guy. And it's like. But they're doing it because they're afraid because they're trying to win approval as a. As a man doing it. You're doing it because this woman is precious and. And you're going to treat her as such whether she believes it or not. It doesn't matter. Even if she's opposed to it. You're still. Because this is how you treat a lady, and this is what I do.

Nicole [00:08:27]: Right.

John [00:08:28]: Not, you know. Right. You know what I'm saying? Not to gain anything.

Nicole [00:08:31]: Yeah. Well, I think it's important for men to court women because, you know, like we talked about in the last episode, like, yeah, there needs to be, like, the playfulness, the flirting, things like that. But I feel like, as a woman going on dates, if a man does open the door for me or pull out my chair, order for me at a restaurant, like, I know that the feminist women are going to be like, I can do that myself. But to be honest, you can even soften those women.

John [00:09:02]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:03]: Because if you're viewing it from that viewpoint, you're viewing it wrong to begin with. Like, a man is not doing those things because he thinks you're not capable. But that's what feminist women think of. They're like, no, let me do it myself. I can order for myself. But as like, someone who now, like, you still do all these things for me, and I appreciate them even to this day, because it makes me feel important to you. Like, that you value me like, that you're trying to do this thing for me, even though it's a little thing, like, you know, I can order my own food, but you want to do this thing for me to show that you're supporting me, like, you care about me, and that you want to do this thing for me. And I think that when people mislabel it and they view it as, like, oh, well, he thinks I can't order for myself, or he thinks I can't open the door for myself, logically, that makes zero sense. Like, there is no world where a man opening a door for you means you can't open it for yourself.

John [00:10:06]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:07]: Like, unless he's opening it, like, oh, it's too heavy for your little lady arms, or something like that still might even be just, like, a stupid joke.

John [00:10:15]: And maybe it is. Maybe it actually is. That movie is like a dungeon door.

Nicole [00:10:19]: And he's like, yeah, but it's like.

John [00:10:21]: Like, I could have done it myself.

Nicole [00:10:22]: Opening all the doors. Like, you're just. And he's, like, ordering for you. It's. It should be viewed as, like, a nice gesture.

John [00:10:30]: Right?

Nicole [00:10:31]: And they're, like, diminishing that by intentionally misinterpreting it. Right. Like, because even before you and I got together, like, I was definitely a more, like, strong, independent woman. And I would never. If a guy opened a door for me, I would never be like, oh, he thinks I can't open the door. I'd be like, that's really nice. You know, like. Or, you know, open the car door, he pulled out my chair. I'd be like, that's just, like, a really nice gesture that not a lot of guys do anymore. Like, it feels like he's taking care of you not because you can't do anything for yourself, but because he wants to. He wants to show you that he cares about taking care of you. And that is so important. And so, like, stand out against a lot of the men today who are 50. 50 guys, or who are like, you go on a date with them, they don't do any other stuff. And then they're like, so, are you. Are you gonna pay for your. You had three drinks. Make sure you get those on yours. Right? Like, it's just. Blows my mind when women try to diminish the nice gestures of, like, the chivalrous thing to do. Or, like, even you do this too. Like, walking on a sidewalk and the man walks on the outside. Like, I notice all those things. And they do make you. Me feel better. Like, as a woman, they make me feel like oh, you care enough about that. Like, you don't want anything happening to me that you're standing on this side of the, like. Yeah, I'm not saying that you think I'm gonna get hit by a car or, like, that's gonna happen or. Yeah, any of those things. It's just the kind thing to do, and it shows that you want to take care of me in the manly way and, like, you value me, Right. As the woman that. With you and your wife. And. Yeah, so.

John [00:12:20]: And if you don't like it and you tell the guy, oh, I don't need you to open the door for me, or I. I find that degrading or whatever kind of silly stuff that. And he does it anyway, then you better keep that man, because then now you know that that's a man. Right. Because he doesn't. It doesn't matter that you're saying that. Right. You might think, oh, he doesn't respect what I'm saying. No, no. He's a man who respects his own principles, and that's. That's going to be more rare.

Nicole [00:12:46]: Well, and it's doing.

John [00:12:47]: And he's not doing it to try and make you like him either. He's doing it because it's the right thing to do.

Nicole [00:12:51]: Right.

John [00:12:52]: And you want a guy that does things because it's the right thing to do.

Nicole [00:12:55]: Right. Because he's a kind person. I hold doors open for people. I'm not a man. I don't view it as that. So it's like, if somebody was like, you're degrading me, I'd be like, it's literally a door that I opened. So you didn't have to, like, just say thank you.

John [00:13:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:13:08]: Like. But, like, really, it bothers me because it's like, I have been the strong, independent, like, don't need a man type of woman, and I still didn't even belittle men who did do these things. And it's not a lot of men who even does these things.

John [00:13:21]: Right.

Nicole [00:13:22]: So why would a woman try to put down the few men that do still do things that are very kind and considerate?

John [00:13:32]: Right. Right. So, yeah, it's treating a lady like a lady.

Nicole [00:13:38]: Right.

John [00:13:38]: Right. And that's. That's the thing about it. And, you know, if you want a woman to act like a lady, treat her like a lady.

Nicole [00:13:46]: That's a good quote.

John [00:13:48]: So. But. But yeah, it is. It does get. Again, like, I said, a lot of the things that guys get this confused and they think it's being too much of a nice guy or. And that's not, it's not being a nice guy if you do it for the wrong. If you're just trying to do everything to make her happy and please her and really like, you can't really be a nice guy in that sense. Unless you're being disrespected and then still proceeding to be people pleasing.

Nicole [00:14:21]: Right. Or still even associating with a woman that's disrespecting you and you had a boundary and she's crossed it multiple times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you said, you just, you should come from a place of who you are. And the thing is, like I mentioned, like with a lot of like the 50, 50 guys these days, I feel like you don't see even the chivalrous acts that cost $0, like it costs $0 to pull out a woman's chair before she sits down or open her car door for her or like open the door so she can walk in or, you know, whatever it is. Those are free and guys still won't do them.

John [00:14:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:14:58]: And I know a lot of it is because again, like, men have got a bad taste in their mouth about women and yeah. Vice versa. But for the men out there who are gentlemen and who are real men and who listen to what you say and listen to what we have to say, if you are already a gentleman and maybe you haven't done some of these things before, if you start implementing those things because they're who you are, they will set you apart from men so fast.

John [00:15:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:31]: That it's such a small little detail that you can add in there that will make a difference when you're going on a date with a woman.

John [00:15:39]: Yeah. No, absolutely. Yeah. Because it is become more rare strangely. And like you said, all the 50, 50 guys. Yeah. You should be doing more than just the chivalry. Right. That. But you know, you should be paying for the dates. You should be acting like the man. That's. That's what it like from a man's mindset. That's what you really need to be thinking is, are you the man or you're not the man?

Nicole [00:16:04]: Right.

John [00:16:04]: Right. I saw a post from, I think it was Ryan Mishler. He has the. That podcast, the Way of the Order of Men podcast. Or anyway, he had posted something on, on Instagram when he was talking about how men basically about men whining and he was like, yeah, saying it's harder. All these things are complete. And it's like, yeah, it's a thankless. You're a man. That's why you do the things. They're hard. It doesn't matter. It's not fair. It doesn't matter. You're a man. You know, I'm paraphrasing, but basically I agreed with him 100. That was like, you don't try and figure out, like, take pride. It's kind of what we talked about before is take pride in being a man.

Nicole [00:16:49]: Yeah.

John [00:16:50]: And part of chivalry is taking pride in being a man. Right. And from your mindset as a man, you gotta think, I do this. Like, I act this way. I do these things because I'm the man. And that's what the man. That's why the man pays for the date. That's why. It's not because what's fair. It's not because what is she bringing to the table, all that. It's because you know who you are, and you're the man.

Nicole [00:17:11]: Right, Right.

John [00:17:12]: And it's like, if you don't have pride in that, then.

Nicole [00:17:15]: Then you're hopeless.

John [00:17:16]: Yeah. Yeah. I can't help you. Like, you got, like, it has to mean something to be the man.

Nicole [00:17:21]: Yeah.

John [00:17:21]: Right. You know what I mean? That's. And. And women want it to mean something to be the man. That's why they're looking for the man. That's why when we did have that clip that was a woman needs to be put in her place. Right. And. And it went somewhat viral, and tons of women were agreeing with that.

Nicole [00:17:37]: Right.

John [00:17:38]: Because they want a real man.

Nicole [00:17:39]: Right.

John [00:17:40]: Again, the context, it has to be said in the right way, done in the right way. It's not. And in that clip. I. I didn't say it wasn't a derogatory thing.

Nicole [00:17:49]: No.

John [00:17:49]: Right. But women want a man.

Nicole [00:17:52]: Right?

John [00:17:52]: Right. So you got to be it. You got to have the pride in being a man.

Nicole [00:17:57]: Yeah. No, I agree with you. And I want to throw this in there. Or I guess I. I should have said this one first. Right.

John [00:18:06]: What.

Nicole [00:18:06]: What is chivalry? Like, what would you classify it as?

John [00:18:10]: Yeah. It's hard because if you go back to the origins of chivalry, right. It's the knights, right, in England, and they would swear allegiance to a maiden, and then they would, like, basically do anything for their maiden and do all these kind of things to prove their worthiness to a maiden. So that's kind of where it originated from. But I think the more modern version of, like, what is chivalry? It is. It is essentially placing a woman on a pedestal. Right. It's. It is again. And that gets misinterpreted. It's like, you shouldn't place a woman on a pedestal and be like. And then. And then. And then think that she's so above you and that you're. You're not.

Nicole [00:18:53]: That's why I was hesitant to, like, use that.

John [00:18:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:56]: But even though I agree with you that that is the sort of idea, because you value that woman so much.

John [00:19:02]: But think of her. If you don't want to think about placing her on a pedestal, which I understand the negative implications of that because that's where a lot of guys have gone wrong in doing that and being a nice guy. Think of her as made of glass. Okay? She's made of glass. She's fragile, right? So chivalry is treating a woman in that way as precious, as fragile as you throw your coat down so she can walk over the puddle, right? Like, you give her your shirt when she's cold. Like you open the door so that she doesn't have to touch the door, the dirty door, with her hand or make the effort. You talk to the waiter for her so that she doesn't have to interface with this, you know, with this peasant or not. You know what I'm saying? But back for the older. But that was what it was back in the old days. You don't have to interface with the servant. I'm going to take care of this for you. Right? It's those things. It's making it so that you're treating her in a precious way, which shows that she's a lady, that being a lady has value in itself, that just by virtue of her being a lady, that these are the things that. Right. Which again, this goes against that whole. What does she bring to the table? The idea is that chivalry really is saying that just being a woman, just being feminine and a female in itself is extremely valuable and should be protected and preserved. And it doesn't even apply to that specific woman. It's the idea. You're lifting up the idea of femininity. You're lifting up the idea that something should be soft and preserved and precious and that everything should be hardened, something should be spared from the harshness of the world and protected. That's. It's the ideal that you're holding up that is valuable. And when you're opening up doors, when you're doing those things, you're lifting that up and you're saying that this is something that is good and I want to keep it that way. And that's what it is.

Nicole [00:21:03]: Wow. We need to take that whole clip, because that was a perfect way to put. Really was a perfect way to put it. And the whole time you're talking, I was like, you know what? John's right. And if. If femininity was protected like this, it'd be more, like, prevalent now. Like, and people wouldn't be confused, and it would be enough to be a woman. Like, we have weirdly made it not enough to be a woman because now we're competing with men. And, you know, like, women are still enough. I'm not saying that they're not. Like, Right. Like, femininity has always been valuable. Like, women are enough just being women. But we've covered that up with a lot of this, like, competing for these things. And until we got together and you provided a hundred percent and I got to be, like, fully in my feminine, I didn't realize how sort of fragile I would feel. Like, I definitely feel more fragile now about a lot of things than I did back then. And it is weird to feel that way. But I also know that if I. I needed to harden myself back up for some reason, which I don't feel like I do.

John [00:22:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:14]: That I've already been there. But, like, you talking about preserving it and that it being enough. Like, I don't think I've heard another man ever say that.

John [00:22:27]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:27]: And I think that is a perfect description of what it takes to have femininity in our society. Like, it has to be preserved. Like, yeah, it has to be taken care of. It has to be nurtured in the manly way.

John [00:22:42]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:42]: Like, in order for somebody to nurture somebody else, they have to be safe to do that. And we've just completely lost that. And it is a fragile thing, like, to be truly in your feminine and embrace all of the, like, emotional and, like, soft sides of being a woman. You need that protection. Like, you need. And you also need that admiration. Like, because it's hard in different ways. Like, being a man is hard and in your manly ways. But being a woman is hard from being so fragile and vulnerable. Like, it's hard in a different way. It's hard to feel so delicate. Right, right. And having the man be the bronze and, like, the protector makes that possible to do.

John [00:23:34]: Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:35]: Like, otherwise, as a woman, you're constantly, like, teetering. Right. Like, you might be feminine when you're at home because you're protected, like, by your home, but out in the real world, if you don't have someone there, you got to do it all yourself. So, yeah, that was just some Truth drops right there. Like, I hope a lot of people, like, I don't know, like I said, I hope we get a good clip of that. And it just is instantly viral because I think that that is such a profound way to put it, and we need that. Like, we've lost that.

John [00:24:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:19]: Like, men don't see the value in women anymore.

John [00:24:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:24:23]: And women don't see the value in men anymore. And it's because we've shied away from what you just described. Like, men taking pride in being the man and protecting themselves and others around them, especially more delicate creatures like women. And also valuing women and what they bring to a man's life. Like, what they. The softness that they bring to this hard life that men have to go through.

John [00:24:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:24:52]: And it makes it worth it. It makes it worth men doing hard things when they feel the tender love and nurturing and care from a woman.

John [00:25:03]: Yeah. Yeah. And so many men would think that women aren't like that anymore.

Nicole [00:25:08]: Right.

John [00:25:09]: And it's like I've said before, a woman is a garden, and you're going to get what you plant in that garden. And it. That garden has to be taken care of. And yeah, society, the. The field right now does not produce those type of qualities in most women.

Nicole [00:25:30]: Right.

John [00:25:30]: But it's still there. Just like a seed can always become that plant or flower, but the seed has to be watered. And so just because the seed hasn't been watered and germinated doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. It still exists in the heart of every woman, but it has to have that right environment that a man has to provide. And so when men are. And that's where, again, it's not like we're trying to crap on Passport bros, because it's because they're not understanding this. They're going. And they're like, oh, well, there's seeds over there in whatever country. You're just seeing some things that have maybe bloomed differently because they had a different environment, but the seed is still there. Like, you're going. You don't need to go. To go find. Like, you're. And the reason why is not. Because I don't. I'm trying to deprive you of getting your obedient wife or whatever. It's because you're missing the point. The point is that you need to.

Nicole [00:26:25]: Be.

John [00:26:27]: Helping these crops grow over here where it needs the most help and the most water, not over there where it doesn't need as much. And. And if you don't understand that You. You don't know what you're actually looking for.

Nicole [00:26:38]: Well, I think they don't understand themselves because the thing is that you're right. Like, focus on the crops here at your house.

John [00:26:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:48]: You know where you're at. But I don't think they're also the very best farmers either. They're not the best gardeners. They're whatever you want to call them, like, and so they're not getting the result they want because they're not tending to their garden, tending to their seeds in the way that it really needs to be tended to. Because I wrote on here, too, like, romance novels. We talked about romance novels and all this stuff. What are all the guys like in romance novels? They put the woman on a pedestal, but they don't take any.

John [00:27:23]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [00:27:24]: And so guys really need to read romance novels to figure out what it is. Because it is. It has to be both of those things.

John [00:27:32]: Right.

Nicole [00:27:32]: Like we talked about, you know, like, a man needs to be able to stand up to his woman and be like, you know, hey, we're not going to talk to each other this way. We're not going to handle this like this. We're going to do it this way.

John [00:27:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:27:45]: We're going to respect each other. Like, he needs to be able to lead. He needs to be able to lay down the line of, like, how to do things the right way while also treating her like she is this delicate, valuable woman in his life.

John [00:28:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:28:02]: Like, it has to be both. Like, that's why women are addicted to these things, because it is the perfect balance of a man being a man.

John [00:28:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:13]: And having that manly, masculine, like, this is how it's gonna be. Like, I'm gonna take care of this. I'm gonna take care of you, but this is what it's gonna do. While also genuinely taking care of her and treating her like a valuable, soft thing that means so much to his life. Because, like, you just said, like, when you were defining chivalry and all these things. Like, I mean, these night guys back then, they're, like, risking their lives to prove to women.

John [00:28:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:44]: That they're worthy or whatever. Like, you don't have to do that in today's age. But why wouldn't you show the woman that you care so much about how much you care about her?

John [00:28:58]: Right.

Nicole [00:28:59]: And those things are easy to do. It's not even like buying flowers or things like that that, like, take a little bit more, like, thought into being romantic. Like, we've done the episode on, you know, how men can be Romantic. They're small little gestures that do feel romantic to women and they do make women feel important to you.

John [00:29:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:29:18]: And yeah, I just, I feel like if men today read more romance novels and saw how those men acted, they would realize, oh, he is still a man, but he just cares a lot. Like he found a good woman.

John [00:29:33]: Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:29:34]: And that's how it should be.

John [00:29:36]: Yeah, yeah. And that, and that's what, yeah, that's what you have to do as a man if you want to solve this problem. Like you're the solution.

Nicole [00:29:46]: Right.

John [00:29:47]: You know, you don't like the way that women are acting. You got it. You got to change that environment, right. And start treating. And again, it's like you look at a flower and you're not like, oh, it's beautiful, but what does it do?

Nicole [00:29:59]: Right. But what does it give me?

John [00:30:02]: You want some nectar? Like, but, but some things are valuable just in their intrinsic quality of what they are, right? Not what they do. Man is valuable what he does. A woman is valuable what she is. That's, it's fine. It's okay for that to be the case. It's important for that to be the case. You know, it preserves something that's important for us to have because in the reality of it, we're both have a masculine and feminine in us. And even a man, even the most masculine man has a feminine part of him that is valuable for just who he is. Right. Like that's not the dominant part. And men masculinity is celebrated for what it does.

Nicole [00:30:42]: Right.

John [00:30:42]: But we can't lose sight of that as, as people and think that things are only valuable for what they just a utilitarian viewpoint that things are viable for what they do, that there's something precious that's lost when, when you have that viewpoint even in your own soul. And so that's why these things are important. Right. Like, and it's not just, you know, it's a principle, it's one that you uphold. That's why it's like it doesn't matter if the woman acts nasty, you still open the door.

Nicole [00:31:09]: Right?

John [00:31:10]: Like you don't have to be around that person, you don't have to date her, but you still treat her like a lady, even if she's not acting like a lady. Right, Right. Because that's what you do. Because you value that, because you're upholding that principle. It goes beyond, it transcends just one individual. And that's, that's the thing about it.

Nicole [00:31:26]: So yeah, no, you've really hit the Nail on the head. I mean, I think you hit on a lot of the stuff, but I wrote here, like, what about guys saying that women aren't worth it anymore? I know we talked about, like, watering the, you know, seeds that are here, but, you know, do you think that those guys. What do you think will take for those guys to realize what you're saying?

John [00:31:53]: Like, it's that fundamental shift. It's. It's that it's not about being worth it. It's not about what women bring to the table. It's about femininity itself being a valuable thing. Right. And maybe a way to get them to understand this is to think of their own mothers.

Nicole [00:32:11]: Right.

John [00:32:12]: And to think about or their daughters.

Nicole [00:32:14]: Or, like, other women that they really care about in their lives.

John [00:32:18]: Is it valuable? Just. Does she need to do anything or be anything in order to be valuable in your heart or to see her as valuable? No. Right. She's your mother. She's your daughter. Right? So. So are all these women mothers and daughters? And so it's not about if she's worth it. It's about. Is the concept. And they all are. And it. It is. That is, like, you just have to see that. Is to see that. That it. It doesn't require. You know, it's not about the actions.

Nicole [00:32:56]: Right, Right. It's about your principles, like you said. And. Yeah. Like, you have a choice whether to continue to interact with somebody or not.

John [00:33:05]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:05]: But painting the whole group of women to be something is just. You're never going to be happy. Like, and it's same with women when women paint men all the same, and, you know, you're just gonna end up finding what you keep calling them. Right. Like, if men keep saying that women do this, they're gonna keep running into women that do that because that's what they're. They think that all women are doing. But I think what you said is really important, you know, like, looking at the women in your life that you value that don't have to do anything. They don't have to bring anything to your table, Right. And you still value them for who they are. Like, there are women out there who are good women.

John [00:33:50]: Right?

Nicole [00:33:51]: And you will find them if you have that mindset that they are valuable just for being a woman.

John [00:33:57]: Well, it's like if you've ever seen, you know, like, the. The oil spills and the. The birds covered in the oil, right? You don't blame the bird because it's covered. You're like, oh, that bird's so dirty. It's covered in oil. Right. The, the oil is the environment that the bird was in. Right. Like that's what happened to the bird. And so even though you might not like the Western culture and the society and I agree with those things, you know, we're, we are trying to fix some of those things with our podcast. And when I agree with the woke and all the crazy liberal type of stuff that's, that's happened. That's, you know, and, and the stuff like going out to the nightclubs when you're in a relationship and all of these things that are the things that men are like, oh, this is why Western women, blah, blah, blah. I get that. But that's the oil that they're covered in. That's not them. Underneath that is, is the precious thing. The precious thing is still there. Right. And so you can't blame, you know, you can't blame that, that environment. I mean, you can't blame the person for the environment that they're in. And yeah, that environment might be a bad, toxic environment. And so what are you going to do about it? Just abandon the be like, oh, that bird's dirty. That bird's covered in oil. I guess it deserves to be covered in oil.

Nicole [00:35:20]: And every bird could get covered in oil.

John [00:35:22]: Yeah, yeah. But you can't be like, the bird deserves to be covered in oil. And that's what's happened. Like, you think that Western women chose all of the indoctrination, all the stuff that society has brought into all of it. And it's not just Western women either. Because if, if you as a man think you haven't been indoctrinated in, in, in in a different way, especially 5050 and all this stuff and, and getting rid of the principles like chivalry and, and you've also been indoctrinated in a way. Right?

Nicole [00:35:52]: You're also covered in oil.

John [00:35:53]: Exactly. So, yeah, you know, that's, that's the thing about it.

Nicole [00:35:56]: It's like time to get the dawn dish soap.

John [00:35:58]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:59]: Get rid of that oil.

John [00:36:00]: Yeah, but, but you get what I'm saying is like, there's something precious underneath the, that oil.

Nicole [00:36:05]: Right.

John [00:36:05]: And you're just looking at the oil.

Nicole [00:36:07]: And you're judging ruined and messed up. And yeah, it's always going to be this way.

John [00:36:11]: Clean it, clean it off, clean it up. Help, you know, like, be part of the solution. Not don't go and be like, oh, well, I'm going to look for birds that aren't covered in oil because they can all become covered in oil. Like you said. And that is like, maybe fix. Figure out how to fix that. That. That problem. Right. And. And don't, you know, don't judge based on. On that. So.

Nicole [00:36:33]: Yeah, but no, I agree. I mean, I feel like we hit on a lot of the things that I wrote down, but, yeah, I hope. I hope this one gets a lot of, you know, attention, because I think there's a lot of valuable insight into what you're saying, and I think it's especially helpful for men. And like you said, they're the ones that, you know, are growing the seeds, and it does start with them, whether they want to admit that or not. You know, a lot of men are upset about that where they have to be the one to fix it. But I think, like you said, it goes back to like. Like, men just have to take pride in being the man, and there are things that you're gonna have to do. But if you value women the way that you've explained it, they will. They will add value to your life.

John [00:37:24]: Right? Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:25]: That isn't what you've been covered in oil to believe.

John [00:37:29]: Right.

Nicole [00:37:30]: Like, you will be able to see.

John [00:37:32]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:37:33]: Once you've become the man that we're talking about, you'll be able to see the value that women bring to your life better. Right now you can't see it when you're like, oh, well, what do you bring to the table? And 5050 and, oh, you're just lazy if you. You want me to pay for everything. And all these ways that they've covered themselves in oil. You've. You've blinded yourself to what a woman can bring to your life and what the love of having that balance is like, because it's not the same. Like, I was in a 50, 50 relationship. Like, the relationship dynamic is not the same when you're in 50, 50 versus, you know, the guy the man's providing. And I get that some people can't financially do that, but there is a way where you can put a hundred percent of your faith in your man and allow him to lead more. Even if you guys are splitting the finances, that it is a different thing than being tit for tat with the person that you're married to or you're in a relationship with. Like, it doesn't feel like you don't feel valuable as a woman. You feel like you kind of have to be a man because you're also providing this other half of this. This relationship. And some of it is a more manly thing, and some of it is a more Feminine thing. And so you're not going to have the same dynamic, but when you come across a man like you who values what femininity really is and protects it and, you know, cherishes it and sees the importance in it, it is totally different. And it's exactly like the romance novels that these women are obsessed with. Like, people got so mad at me because I'm like, I don't need these books. But the thing is, like, I've read romance novels and I get the allure of it, but not since I've been with you because I'm like these. They can't even write men that make me feel the way that you treat me. But I get that women have never even come close to experiencing what you and I have. And that's the only way that they can get it. And that's why they value the romance novels so much, because they're like, wow, this life would just be like a euphoria that I've never experienced. And it's true, right?

John [00:39:50]: Yeah. And guys can be that guy, right?

Nicole [00:39:54]: They can.

John [00:39:56]: It's a matter of. I like what you said is they put her on a pedestal, but they don't take shit. And that's perfect. That's it. That's it. Like you, you can't put a woman on a pedestal if you're going to take shit, right? Because then you're just a pushover, nice guy. That's not what you want to be the white knight, right, that you don't get made fun of, but you can if you don't take shit, right? Because then what's going to happen? Like, if you're not taking shit, then it doesn't matter. You know what I'm saying? It's like when you're, you're doing these people pleasing behaviors in order to please and you're. And you're taking the shit that's. That's given to you. That's. That's the issue. So. But, right. But it's a rarity because guys usually fall into one or two categories. They put her on a pedestal, they're a nice guy. Or they just take. Or they don't take shit. Right?

Nicole [00:40:47]: They're assholes. Yeah.

John [00:40:49]: And it's like, no, you have to.

Nicole [00:40:52]: See the bigger picture because women. And I think like in the video that you were talking about where a lot of women were like, yeah, I want a man to stand up to me and you know, tell me how it is. Because when a man puts you on a pedestal, but he can tell you the hard truths in a still loving way. You're still on the pedestal. He's never taking you off the pedestal. And you don't feel like you're being taken off the pedestal. Like it shouldn't feel like you're on a pedestal. But when you do something wrong and he gets upset with you now he kicks you off the pedestal because that's not it either. If he does it the right way, like we're talking about, you're still on the pedestal, but he's bringing you back down to reality. You know what I mean? Like you're still up there, but he's checking you. Like, hey, maybe you got a little.

John [00:41:34]: Bit.

Nicole [00:41:36]: Altitude got to you a little bit up there, but this is how it is. But he never takes you off the pedestal because he still values you. He would never want to hurt you just to bring you down a peg, right? But he's going to tell you the truth so that you can be in a more level headed, you know, like, hey, this is, this is how it's going to be sort of thing which a woman actually respects more. Because again, if he can do that to you, someone he loves, someone he shows he loves all the time, someone who's on his pedestal, right, that, hey, like this is how it has to be sometimes he will not hesitate to stand up for you or for whatever in an instance where it's someone else that comes along. And so, yeah, I mean, I think we hit a lot of the main things and I mean, I went into this and I was like, I don't even know really what we're gonna talk about. And this, I feel like this has been one of our best episodes in some ways with like the insight. I mean, I really hope people understand what we're saying because I do get that it's a little bit like meta in some ways. Well, compared to today it is. You know, like people are so, like you said, they're so covered in oil with all the other stuff that it might be hard for them to comprehend at first, but I hope they really understand what we're saying.

John [00:43:03]: And it's like the, you know, because I get it. Because I mean, believe me, like, you know, I've been around in the, in the men's space. Like I know all the, every philosophy and every, every dark little corner, right? I know it. All right, so I'm not naive, right? But what I think a lot of guys are, they're just not getting, like you said, is that they want what we're trying to give them they want that end result. Right. They want women to be more feminine again, to be more like women, to be mothers, to be nurturing, to be submissive, to be not feminists. Right. To be soft. They want these things. Right. Every guy that's, you know, whatever, however radical he is, this is what they want. So we're telling you how to do it.

Nicole [00:44:05]: Right.

John [00:44:05]: But it's not going to be abandoning western women and going to find where they are like that. It's going to be fixing your own yard, your own house. This is your house. You got to fix your house.

Nicole [00:44:19]: Yeah.

John [00:44:20]: And it can be fixed. And you might be like, oh, I don't need to fix a woman. I shouldn't need to. And it's not the same because it's just shining some sunlight and some water and.

Nicole [00:44:30]: But it's not fixing the woman, it's fixing yourself first. Because the thing is that women will put a man that we're talking about also on a pedestal.

John [00:44:40]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:44:40]: Like there's two pedestals.

John [00:44:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:44]: And a woman will also treat a man, a real man who's doing all these things and acting this way different than she treats any other man. A 5050 man or a people pleaser man. They're not going to get the same treatment as a manly man, like a, a romance novel man, a knight in shining armor man.

John [00:45:05]: Yeah. But you have to step forward and take the action and do the thing and that changes. If you want that society change, you do have the power as a man, because that's what. There's all kinds of statistics about women's, how they vote and all these things. But you're the one who influences that as a man. Because if you nurture femininity, which means to treat it as precious, then it's going to grow. But if you're like, oh, saying bad things about, about, about women and, and, and, and treating them poorly because they're covered in oil or whatever, it's like you're, you're just pushing them further down.

Nicole [00:46:00]: That path right now. I've said that before.

John [00:46:02]: And that, that's the thing is like, so it's like we want what you want. And so if you were telling you how to get it and it's not easy, Right. And it's going to be a little bit swallowing your pride and you might think, oh, well, it's not, you know, women want to equal, so they should, it should be equal. And, and they should bring whatever they bring to the table. I've heard all the arguments. I know, I know. It All. It's not news to me. Right. I'm not naive about this, but I'm saying that if you start doing these things and acting this way, you will see that change occur in the women that you're interacting with over time. Maybe not right away you don't expect, but if you're consistent and you're being that guy, you're showing up as that guy, you will see those changes happen. Yeah, that's it. So if you want it, you got to do that.

Nicole [00:46:51]: I agree. Which I, you know, I think they just don't want to do the work. But I hope, like I said, after listening to this, that they'll want to, because women want men, like we're talking about. Like they want. And I think that we're seeing a little bit more of it with women openly saying it now. But women want to be feminine and live a soft life and not have to worry about the masculine, manly things of the world and put their trust 100 in somebody that they know will handle those things, so then she can focus on the things that she wants to focus on, like living a softer life. And the issue is, though, that you have to have a man to protect that real fully. Yeah, like. Like I said, a woman can be feminine in certain places where she feels safe, but there are certain places where she does have to be more masculine because she doesn't have someone there handling that stuff for her.

John [00:47:55]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:47:56]: So, you know, and like I said, like, men don't really realize that they're. If you tweak these things and you become a man like this, you will be more desirable than a vast majority of men. Right?

John [00:48:11]: Yeah, yeah. 100%. Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:13]: But you have to make the changes. Like, and it has to come from who you are, because just pretending to be a chivalrous man or like, you know, a man that values women, that eventually. Facade is eventually going to crack. But you have to sit at home and figure out the things that we're telling you and really feel them deep down. Like, I really do want a woman that is feminine and nurturing, and I want to protect her and I want to show her that I love her. Like, envision the woman that you want, like your perfect woman.

John [00:48:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:48:45]: And envision the things that you would do to protect that woman.

John [00:48:49]: Right, Exactly.

Nicole [00:48:50]: And live from that.

John [00:48:51]: Right? Yes, exactly. That's. Exactly.

Nicole [00:48:53]: That's your homework.

John [00:48:54]: And then. And then you'll create that. And then you'll create it. You. You can't expect her to go first.

Nicole [00:49:01]: Right. Well, because she has to make sure it's safe. Right. Like, she's gonna test the waters, especially if you first started dating. Like, she's still got to protect herself because you're not her man yet. Like, she's still figuring it out. But when she sees that no matter what, that you are true to, like, protecting who she is, like, as a woman and just women in general, that she'll be able to let her guard down and she'll want to submit to you and trust in your leadership and trust in who you are as a man and see the value in that. You care about her so much and you're putting her up here and you're doing whatever you can to take care of her and protect her. Like, those things won't go unnoticed. Like, it. It is going to be harder too, even, because as women, too, we've been told, you know, be strong, independent, whatever, you know, which is still somewhat true when you're on your own. But it is possible, like you said, to influence a woman and show her how good it feels to get back to her true feminine self.

John [00:50:08]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:50:09]: And not have to stress about a lot of the things that she's stressed about in her life.

John [00:50:13]: And it makes your life a lot easier as a man because now you have a lot larger selection than you thought you did before. Because that's true. And it's funny because, you know, I, you know, back in the day, I dated plenty of feminist, extremely feminist women. They didn't, you know, even in a short period of time, they didn't act that way to me.

Nicole [00:50:34]: Right.

John [00:50:35]: Because of how I was acting.

Nicole [00:50:38]: I can believe it.

John [00:50:39]: And I wasn't afraid to. I didn't need to have a political discussion about it. Like, that's not the thing. We're like, oh, you know, let's talk about these things. You don't need to talk about it. You just be it. And it's gonna. It's gonna change behavior.

Nicole [00:50:51]: Well, it's more manly to just do it rather than be influenced by how someone else is treating you. That's why it has to come from who you are.

John [00:50:58]: Yeah, but. But you have a much bigger selection than. Than what you think you do as. As a guy. Right. It's like.

Nicole [00:51:04]: Right. And you'll get more successes because a lot of men don't want to do the work and act like this and figure these things out that we're trying to help people figure out.

John [00:51:14]: Yeah. And it also just. Look, you're an advantage being, being a man, because femininity is in the heart of Every woman, and it can be.

Nicole [00:51:25]: Brought out, but you don't think masculinity.

John [00:51:29]: It has to be created, it has to be worked for. Women have to find a man that's already done the work. A man doesn't have to find a woman that's done that kind of work. I mean, obviously it's helpful if she's done some work on herself and she's. But it's really not an absolute requirement. A man can influence a woman and bring that femininity that's inside of her out. But can a woman bring out the masculinity in a man? I mean, to a small degree, but not really. You can't really make a man into a man by how you act towards that man. You can help encourage and develop those traits or increase those traits that are already being displayed, but you can't really make that. He's got to do that on his own. And so that's why as much as guys are like, oh, women have it easy. Yeah, okay, I understand the arguments for it, but hey, you've got a much wider selection of opportunity than a woman. Because as a woman, if you're trying to find a real man, good luck. Right. Good luck today.

Nicole [00:52:38]: They know. They know.

John [00:52:40]: Right? That's. It's true.

Nicole [00:52:42]: I know.

John [00:52:43]: Yeah. But it doesn't have to be. If everyone would just listen to our.

Nicole [00:52:48]: Podcast and I know, share, especially share this one. I feel like it's a good one, but. Yeah, well, I feel like we hit on all the good points with that.

John [00:52:58]: And then the only other thing I was going to say is like, the, you know, the basic stuff is this, like, what is the actions, you know, that you should know as a man, which is obviously opening up doors, opening up the car door, ordering the food. Like, what does that look like? It looks like you asked the. The woman what. Unless you already know what she. She wants. Like if you know her favorites or whatever. But other. But it's more polite to ask her what she would like. And then you're really relaying that, remembering it and relaying it to the waiter.

Nicole [00:53:29]: Right, right.

John [00:53:30]: You know, I think it gives a bad rap because it's like, I'll have the steak and the lady will have the salad. She needs to lose a couple of.

Nicole [00:53:35]: Pounds, you know, which is never how it actually is.

John [00:53:38]: Right, but that's like the trope that's portrayed, right? It's the walking on the street side of the sidewalk.

Nicole [00:53:47]: Or like you said, the jacket. You do that too. Like when she's cold, when she's cold.

John [00:53:51]: Giving her the jacket. It's basically just, like I said, it's all the things it's being thoughtful about, treating her like she's precious cargo.

Nicole [00:54:01]: Right.

John [00:54:02]: Right.

Nicole [00:54:03]: Well, and it's romantic.

John [00:54:04]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:54:05]: Without even like having to think of like an elaborate date or something. They're ways to be romantic that show that you care and you're thoughtful. Right. So just an extra way to be romantic. Extra bonus points for the romance.

John [00:54:20]: Yeah. And. And you, and you, you get more credit too, if you just do this. If you act this way with all women.

Nicole [00:54:29]: Right, Right.

John [00:54:30]: Not just the one, you know, because you open the doors, you treat, you know, you treat women like ladies. Because also the woman that you're with will notice that and see that that is.

Nicole [00:54:39]: Right. And then it'll prove that you think all women are valuable, not just the one that you're. You have or, you know.

John [00:54:47]: Right.

Nicole [00:54:48]: Coming off that way. Well, that was good. I don't think we have anything for the end segment.

John [00:54:57]: Yeah, we gotta maybe change that.

Nicole [00:55:01]: Knock on wife.

John [00:55:02]: Don't say that. Make the end segment a little different sometimes. How about that?

Nicole [00:55:08]: That's true.

John [00:55:09]: Yeah. I don't know what we would even do on the Insight besides proposition dance to leave us reviews and stuff. But. Yeah, but if. If we're also trying to get on some podcasts so to. To spread our message of. Of love and chivalry.

Nicole [00:55:27]: Yeah.

John [00:55:27]: So if you've got some podcasts that you'd like to see us on, post.

Nicole [00:55:31]: Comments, be like, hey, you should get the better than perfect podcast on your podcast. Send them messages. I mean, we're sending out, you know, our own to try, but it means.

John [00:55:40]: More if you send it rather than us sending it, you know, that's true. Like, we're really cool. You should have us on our pod on your podcast.

Nicole [00:55:46]: When you're a kid and you're like, your friend's over and you're like, hey, go tell my mom and ask her if we can have a sleepover, because she'll say yes if you say it. So they'll say yes if you guys say it more than they'll say if we do. So it's like, go ask. And she's more likely to say yes. So.

John [00:56:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:04]: Yeah. Reach out to some of your favorite podcasts, obviously, that are kind of like, talk about what we talk about would be better. But if there's like a cooking podcast, we'll. We can go on there too.

John [00:56:16]: Yeah. And we're open to sponsorships too, if you'd like to support the podcast in some way. Like I said, we do. We do the coaching. We're going to be offering that and then sponsorship because this is definitely a cost for us.

Nicole [00:56:28]: Right?

John [00:56:28]: We don't make any money. Yeah, we haven't make 20. $20 off of YouTube ads, but. But yeah, it's definitely.

Nicole [00:56:34]: It's 20 now.

John [00:56:35]: It's something around there, but it's a big cost. Right. So which again, we don't mind bearing that cost, but if you want to help us out, if you want to support the show and yeah, keep it, keep it going. We definitely appreciate that. Or if you just even want to just donate to the show, like, again, I'm not, I'm not word to ask that. Because we aren't making money from the show. So. No, at some point, maybe it gets big. We. We turn into a business. But at this point, hey, it's just.

Nicole [00:57:02]: Just spreading the gospel truth.

John [00:57:04]: Exactly. So. So, yeah, that's it.

Nicole [00:57:08]: All right.

John [00:57:09]: Email us, you know. Oh, better than perfect. Podcastmail.com if you want to be on the show.

Nicole [00:57:15]: If you let us know. Yeah, yeah, or email us with a question or a situation you're in. We could do. We haven't really done an episode with like, we did a little bit intro to one with that email you got from that one guy.

John [00:57:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:30]: But yeah, we could do a whole episode, you know, if it warrants it for a situation you're going through or whatnot.

John [00:57:37]: So, yeah, or even, even if you just, like, want to be. Ask a question on the show, like, we could schedule it so that they call while we're recording the show. So if you want to ask your question and it'll be on the. On the speakerphone.

Nicole [00:57:54]: There you go.

John [00:57:56]: All right, that's it for this week.