John [00:00:00]: You know, the big thing is, like, a lot of guys, when I'm coaching them, I have to tell them, you have to allow your wife to be upset. If she's going to be upset. Yeah, because they're. They're.

Nicole [00:00:07]: They don't want her upset. Yeah.

John [00:00:09]: They're walking on eggshells. Like, okay, at the end of the day, if she's going to be upset, then let her be upset. You have to be okay with that. Which is. Which is why we did the whole.

Nicole [00:00:17]: Thing, which guys have a hard time being.

John [00:00:18]: Guys are afraid of women. That's why they'll stay with a woman. They'll go all the way to the altar. They'll do all kinds of crazy things because they're afraid of a woman, and it's not. They're afraid of her physically. They're afraid of her being upse. Beyond the perfect, we discover through our flaws we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every.

Nicole [00:00:44]: Fault we find our way.

John [00:00:47]: All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:56]: That's right.

John [00:00:57]: And today we're going to talk about a nice, you know, chatgpt suggested episode title, which I like, is why happy wife, happy life, quietly ruins marriages. Is that right?

Nicole [00:01:13]: I think so. But you didn't have to say it was from ChatGPT.

John [00:01:16]: I mean, I know, but I give credit where it's due, even if it's a machine, you know, So I don't like.

Nicole [00:01:23]: Well, I mean, I think happy wife, happy life in some context is a good thing.

John [00:01:29]: Yeah, I mean, it's. It's. I think that the big thing. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, it's the same thing. It kind of ties into, like, the last episode we were talking about parenting is. It's like, you could say, happy child, happy, whatever. I don't know however that would rhyme. But you could. You could make the same statement of like, oh, just keep the child happy all the time. That's not gonna be the best thing for the child. Right. Even though the child will be happy about that thing, but it's gonna be miserable for everyone else. Right.

Nicole [00:02:01]: See, I thought you would go more of like, if you're just giving your wife whatever she wants, you're not really being a leader.

John [00:02:08]: Well, yeah, that's exact. That's where. Where I'm going. Right. Basically. Yeah, but. Yeah, but that's the. The thing is, like, if you. It's not actually doing the best thing, like Even though, like you're like, oh, I would want everything that I want.

Nicole [00:02:20]: Sure.

John [00:02:21]: But if you got everything you want, it would actually hurt you, not help you.

Nicole [00:02:26]: Yeah, right.

John [00:02:27]: So. Because that's.

Nicole [00:02:28]: I didn't say that I want.

John [00:02:29]: No, no.

Nicole [00:02:29]: Whatever I want.

John [00:02:30]: But you like that the happy. But. Yeah, but, but, but I think in the sense, like you'll be more happy. Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:37]: Not in. Give your wife whatever she wants. But if you make your wife happy because you're emotionally there.

John [00:02:44]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:02:44]: Supporting her.

John [00:02:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:46]: You, you're taking care of her in all of those ways. That is a good thing. And some wives don't even get that.

John [00:02:53]: Exactly. The key is, I think is really that the focus is. If your focus is happy wife and you're trying to make her happy, then your focus is wrong. Because that's not what your focus is supposed to be in the relationship. It's not about making anyone happy. It's about doing the right thing. It's about the growth and what is going to be best for the family, for the relationship, which is sometimes not happy, sometimes there's going to be unhappy, but greater sense of fulfillment. And that's like you're saying is like as a man leading a relationship, like if a man says, happy wife, happy life. That's a common thing that is said now. It's abdicating their responsibility. You can't be a good leader if you're just like, if your thing is, okay, well, let me just make my wife happy all the time. Then you're gonna make poor decisions. Cause not every decision will result in her being happy. Not every good decision.

Nicole [00:03:57]: That's true.

John [00:03:58]: So, yeah, there we go. Episode done.

Nicole [00:04:03]: Extra short one today.

John [00:04:05]: No, but I think that it's just important that men realize that that's not, you know, you have to shift what your emphasis is on. It's not, you know, if you constantly. It's just a way of living your life. It comes down to the same thing as being a people pleaser.

Nicole [00:04:25]: Right.

John [00:04:26]: Because the whole people pleaser thing is like, I need to make people happy as opposed to I need to do the right thing.

Nicole [00:04:33]: Well, I think that like you said with the people pleasing. I think the same way that if people pleasers are making everyone happy, that's what makes them feel safe. That men that just care about making their wives happy, they feel safe. Like they feel like that gives them safety in the relationship. That they don't have to deal with either conflict or, you know, her running off with someone else or whatever they might be afraid of.

John [00:05:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:02]: That gives them the safety, they think. But what really gives you the safety is being fulfilled, like you said, within yourself or like knowing you're doing the right thing.

John [00:05:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:17]: Same with like the people pleasing thing. Like you can't make everyone happy.

John [00:05:21]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:21]: It's not possible. And even if you do, people can still portray you in a different way.

John [00:05:27]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:27]: And same with like being a husband, you might have to make a hard decision, right. That your wife doesn't agree with or that doesn't make your wife or your family happy, but that, you know in the long term is best for the family and you have to have confidence in that. And that gives you safety. Knowing you did the right thing.

John [00:05:47]: Yeah, yeah. That's the key thing. And it is very similar to like a parenting, not in a negative way, but as a man. You always, whether you're a husband or acting in a parent, is that you're always going to come in with a fatherly type of energy. Because that's what it is to be a man, to be a good king is a fatherly type of type of energy, which means that you're making hard decisions, that you're imposing discipline at times when it's the best for, for the people that are under your care in order for their own good, you know. And so if you just give everyone what they want all the time, that's it's very similar as like being a parent. Like, you know, if you give your child what they want all the time, you're trying to make them happy, you'd be a bad parent, you'd be a bad husband if you do the same with your partner. So it's the same kind of mind. There's really almost like not a difference because it's how you're just being, you know what I mean? Like, you're being a good father to yourself, to your child, to your spouse. Because like I said in the other episode is that we parent ourselves, right. And so that that same principle applies, like, and it's going to definitely apply in your relationship. But, but a lot of guys today are making the mistake of, of, you know, of abdicating because it's easier as a man. Right. It's like. Well, the other thing to think about too is this, is that if your focus is on making your wife happy all the time, what happens when you fail to do that? Then what's good? Like you said, because it's safety, right? Which it is, but it's creating a false safety. It's actually creating not safety.

Nicole [00:07:49]: But they think that it is, because.

John [00:07:51]: If you fail to do it, then it's not safe. Exactly. And now she's going to do whatever, you know, whatever you feared because you were just placating her, you know, keeping her happy so that she didn't do the thing that you feared. Whereas it's also a good test. Like if. If a woman really loves you and respects you, then she's going to be able to hear hard truths from you. Right.

Nicole [00:08:18]: Well, you're not authentic if you're just trying to keep your wife happy all the time.

John [00:08:21]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:08:22]: Like, that's not authentic if you don't ever say anything against what she has to say or anything like that. And women don't really even want that.

John [00:08:33]: Right.

Nicole [00:08:34]: Like, they don't really want a man that just agrees with everything that they say, does whatever they want to do. They want a man that, when it comes down to it, if he has to go against what she's saying or disagree or choose a different choice.

John [00:08:52]: Right.

Nicole [00:08:53]: That he will do that and have her in mind. Like, obviously not. Like, again, him doing whatever the heck he wants and he doesn't care.

John [00:09:03]: Right.

Nicole [00:09:03]: Like, but like explaining the decision and showing that it is coming from a place of that he cares. Or if he can't in the moment, eventually explaining it. Because as a leader, if you don't have time to explain in the moment, you do still owe the person an explanation of why you made the choice that you made.

John [00:09:25]: Yeah. I would change the language to say you don't owe, but it's something that you give because you should.

Nicole [00:09:33]: Because if you're a leader, you do have to do that. Like, if you're just doing it, because then it does seem like you don't care. Like, if it's from a place of caring, you're going to want somebody to understand. Cause then she will probably even be like, oh, oh, okay, that makes sense. Like, I understand why you made that decision.

John [00:09:51]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:09:52]: And I was wrong. Like, you know, it's not. Again, like you said, owed is probably a bad word. But if you are a true leader, like, you don't get in the military, sometimes they will be like, go now.

John [00:10:05]: No, it's.

Nicole [00:10:06]: But then they'll explain why you had to do that.

John [00:10:09]: Well, yeah, in the military, they call it winning hearts and minds. Because you can't win someone's mind if you don't win their heart. And so it's like your focus has to be like, yeah, you're the leader, you're in charge. You have to tell them what to do. But Their heart has to be in it. They have to be willing to die for you. They have to be. They have to believe in you. You know, and if you just treat them as an object that just follows orders, even in the military, those men are going to mutiny on you. Or when they get the chance, when they're in. In a firefight situation, they're gonna turn their guns on you and run away because you're the one that's pushing them into the battle where they could die. And so you have to win their hearts. But it's just true in general good leadership, you can't just order people what to do. Their heart has to be. They have to believe in you as a person, which means that they have to feel like you care about them, that you're taking them into consideration.

Nicole [00:11:13]: Well, I would say you extra need that in a relationship. Absolute doing that in the military. Which. Not romantic.

John [00:11:19]: Right.

Nicole [00:11:20]: Whatsoever. But they still care.

John [00:11:22]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:22]: Why would you not do it in a relationship? Right, so.

John [00:11:27]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:11:28]: That's the thing is that, like, women. Women do actually want men that stand up for what they believe in, but in the right way. Like you said, like with the heart part, not just giving out orders.

John [00:11:40]: And a woman will act like she wants the happy wife, happy life because she needs to act that way. She needs to actually try and get all the things that she wants to have. Things always go her way to see what you actually are. Because if she isn't that way, then she's not going to actually get a real test of you.

Nicole [00:12:05]: That's true.

John [00:12:06]: So it's important that. But. But a lot of men don't recognize that and they fail the test. And the common thing is to avoid the conflict.

Nicole [00:12:17]: Well, that's what I was going to say. I think deep down that's really why they're doing it, because, like, the whole episode we did on, like, men are afraid of women, it's essentially part of the happy wife, happy life thing. Like, they just don't want to have an argument with their wife, or they don't want to deal with her yelling at him or whatever, you know, so instead of like, addressing that in a way of like, hey, like, we need to have conversations, but you can't yell at me, you can't talk to me this way. They just try to placate her so that they don't ever have to deal with it. But that's not sustainable.

John [00:12:53]: Yeah. And difficult conversations don't have to be arguments.

Nicole [00:12:57]: That's true.

John [00:12:57]: You know, and there also is an energy that you can carry. When you have a difficult conversation, you're telling someone something that they don't want to hear, where it's coming across in a loving way, where it's difficult for them to scream and yell at you. It's still possible some people, but hopefully you're not married to one of those people. But a lot of it is just the way you can be a person that in the way that you're communicating with someone, that would be very difficult for them to yell and be disrespectful to you because you, when you're telling them the hard truth, they can tell that you're seeing it out of a place of not ego, but of love.

Nicole [00:13:39]: That's true.

John [00:13:42]: But it's hard. Like I said, it's easier. A lot of men would rather be peacemakers and that's where the happy wife, happy life come from, is from being a peacemaker. It's like, I don't want to rock the boat. I don't want to cause any trouble. But I mean, but you know me as a, as a man that like, I mean it must give you some confidence to know that like I'm not going to let something just slide because I, it would be easier, you know, like I'll address something because it needs to be addressed because that is how I am, you know, as a man. And then I'm sure that, you know, like, if, if I didn't act that way, then you would probably not.

Nicole [00:14:25]: I feel like I'm the leader. Yeah, right. If I'm just getting whatever I want and you're just trying to make me happy, I'm the leader.

John [00:14:31]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:14:32]: Which like, yeah, that's not to say that you being the leader, that you don't focus on me and like our family, like that's the thing is like you can be a happy wife and have a happy life.

John [00:14:46]: Right.

Nicole [00:14:47]: Without it going the traditional way that we're talking about that normally is, yeah.

John [00:14:52]: It'S a long term happiness, but sacrificing short term happiness. It's delayed gratification. It's the same principle.

Nicole [00:14:59]: Well, it's actually a happier life. I think it is a happier life because it feels more authentic and things are actually getting resolved. Things aren't getting swept under the rug because happy wife, happy life. The man has to be feeling some sort of resentment at some point because there's no way that 100% of the time he just does actually agree with the wife.

John [00:15:20]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:20]: And like does want to do all those things.

John [00:15:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:23]: Like you said, a lot of Times.

John [00:15:24]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:15:25]: It's happy wife, happy life. So he can avoid something, but he feels a different sort of way, but he just wants to avoid the aftermath.

John [00:15:32]: And the thing that I think most men don't understand is that, you know, because it's a masculine, feminine energy thing as well. Right. So the feminine needs boundaries in order to feel safe. And so because the feminine energy is just kind of going all over the place. So if there's no safe boundaries, just like even we talked about if we took some psychedelics or something, you don't want to be in a public place because you feel not safe, whereas I would feel safe in a public place taking a psychedelic. But it's because it's kind of like the feminine. The feminine is like, I need some kind of rooting or grounding or some boundaries that, you know, encapsulate this because the feminine is such an emotional energy. And you can't just, like, let emotions take you wherever there needs to be some boundary in there, and that creates the safety and security. And so what a lot of guys don't realize is that by creating the boundaries, you're actually making a woman feel more safe and she's gonna trust you more. But a lot of guys are afraid, especially young guys that are like, they're afraid to create boundaries, to say anything. So they're becoming people pleasers, thinking that that's what's gonna attract a woman, but it's not what's gonna attract a woman because she's not gonna feel safe with you.

Nicole [00:17:04]: Not a actually, like, emotionally mature woman.

John [00:17:08]: Yeah, well, I mean, any. Any woman is not going to feel safe in. In an environment where the guy just does whatever. Whatever she wants.

Nicole [00:17:18]: Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Like, I'm assuming you're correct. But I also know that there are some women like, that talk about that they're with a guy that just does whatever they want and, like, whatever. And they seem like they're happy, right?

John [00:17:32]: They seem like.

Nicole [00:17:33]: But yeah, like, yeah. Really, though, I think that being happy in a relationship where you just get whatever you want is sort of an immature mindset to have because it is childish. Like. Yeah, yeah, A childish thing is like, oh, if I want it, I'm gonna. I'm gonna get it, like. Or I deserve to get it. Right. So it's like being in a relationship assuming that your partner's just gonna give you whatever you want or, like, whatever you like and you don't ever have to, like, flip it and do the same for them. Seems immature to me.

John [00:18:09]: Exactly. Yeah, it is. And it's like, I mean, as a man, you should be putting your wife above yourself. Like, serving. Like, it's servant leadership, what we've talked about before. But that looks a lot different than just pedestalizing. And just if you're actually putting someone first and above you, then it doesn't look like just placating and giving like that. Like, you have to do the thing that's the best for the people that are in your care.

Nicole [00:18:41]: Right.

John [00:18:41]: So you should. I was saying pedestalizing. So it's not like you're putting her on a pedestal and you're just like, giving her everything and trying to keep her happy all the time. It's like, okay, no, I'm actually serving you, so that means that I'm gonna do what's good for you.

Nicole [00:19:01]: Well, so does this work the opposite way?

John [00:19:06]: Clarify. What do you mean?

Nicole [00:19:08]: Like, should women not just also do whatever their husband. Like, I mean, if they disagree in a respectful way.

John [00:19:17]: Right.

Nicole [00:19:17]: Yeah, but.

John [00:19:18]: Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I get what you're saying. So, yeah, a wise man takes wise counsel. So if you respect your wife and you respect her wisdom and intuition, which is different than yours. Right. Then you should listen. But as a woman. Yeah, you. You just have to approach it in the right way. If you think about it in a way as like, okay, this is my king. How do I approach my king with something that he needs to hear this or is important to him, or maybe he's making a wrong decision. I want to help him to not make a wrong decision. If you approach it from that mindset, and I know that using the term king, some people could. But. But that's how it should be looked at, because that is, you know, a good king serves. Again, we're talking about servant leaders. We're not talking about a tyrant who just, like, demands things and wants things and just seeks his own pleasure. But I think as a woman, if you're serving the king the best, then you're going to let him know when you're not just going to agree to every single thing. Again, ultimately, he's got the authority. So ultimately, if he says no, this is how it is. It is. But you would be doing a big disservice if you just nodded your head to every single thing and didn't ever say, hold on a second here. Because that's not, you know, that's just a mindless puppet. No one wants that. I think that's. If you were just a mindless puppet who just. Every time I. It's like, you know, ChatGPT does this sometimes where they're like, oh, that's a brilliant idea. That's so smart. It's like you come up with the stupidest thing and it's like, oh, you're so smart. And it's like, no, that's not what you want. Right? You don't want somebody.

Nicole [00:21:14]: It doesn't feel authentic.

John [00:21:16]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:21:16]: You.

John [00:21:17]: You, like, I want your actual opinion. Right? So, you know, like, the value that I, you know, have in you as. As my wife is that you have your own wisdom and intuition. And I want that. I don't want you to just be silent and not to just tell me every idea I have is brilliant. Sometimes my ideas are not brilliant and they need to be. Or even, like on this podcast, like, this is a great example. So many times in the last couple of episodes where you're like, okay, I need to say this because people aren't going to understand this. Take the counterpoint of it. It's like, hey, okay, brilliant man over here. You're not understanding that you need to be talking to people that might not get what you're saying. And so it's valuable that you are telling me these things. I would never want you to be silent and not tell me those things. So it just has to be done in the way, like I said, is that you are talking to the king. As long as the king feels that you're respecting that position, then that advice is. Is welcomed for sure.

Nicole [00:22:27]: Yeah. And men are talking to delicate little flowers, so they need to also exactly it in a way that is kind and gentle. But I was just gonna say that I don't think anybody, any man, should be marrying a woman that he doesn't respect.

John [00:22:43]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:43]: Or have respect for her wisdom or intuition. Like, if you don't respect the woman you're with, like, yes, women need love and men need respect. Like, that's their higher ones. But if you don't respect the woman you're with, you're gonna have problems your entire relationship. And same thing, like, if the woman doesn't respect the man, there's gonna be problems in the entire relationship. Like, you shouldn't even get into a relationship with someone you don't respect. And if you are, like, in the beginning stages and you lose respect and you don't think you can get it back after trying, then you definitely shouldn't get married. But respect does go both ways. It is more important for men. But a man still does have to respect his wife, just like you said, because there are plenty of men on the Internet that are like, no, I just want a woman to do whatever I want. But it doesn't feel authentic. Like you said, it feels like a yes woman.

John [00:23:38]: Well, look at it this way. Here's another way of thinking of this, too. As a man, my responsibility as a king, as a leader, is not to be right all the time. It's to make the final call. So what I mean by that is that it doesn't matter how I arrive there. Like, I'm going to be judged by the ultimate final call that I made. Now, if I want to just make all the calls all myself and risk, that's not the wisest choice to make when you have someone else who can also provide you with wisdom. I could be wrong most of the time, but I'll look like I'm a brilliant genius because I'm the one making the call. If I listen to the advice and then be the one who made. You know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:24:33]: So you're telling your secret plan? Well, I'm just saying, like, your secret.

John [00:24:37]: That it's not about, like, I think a lot of men think being the leader or just, you know, just being a leader in general is like you being right all the time or making. It's.

Nicole [00:24:48]: You have to go with your decision and no one else's.

John [00:24:50]: Right. You're the one who has the authority, who has to make the final call, but it doesn't mean that it came from you every time. You know what I'm saying? If I have a stupid idea and you have a brilliant idea, right? And then I listen to your brilliant idea and I make the final call, like, I still get 100% of the victory even though my idea was stupid. Whereas if you think, oh, it's gotta be the. I have to be the one who came up with it, or I'm the one who decided the thing. That's not what the position of authority of being a king is. It's about you're the one who has to ultimately make the final call, but it doesn't have to be the one that you initially came up with. That's what a truly wise king will do, is get as much counsel as possible, but realize that the burden of responsibility is still on him. And if you get bad counsel, it applies the same. And that's where the happy wife, happy life thing comes in, is that if you are like, oh, I just need to make her happy, and then so she gives you bad counsel because it's about, you know, the things that going to make her happy, but it's not the best thing for the relationship or for the family or. And then you make the call based on that, like. And then it turns out to be a bad call. You're the one who's responsible. Not. You can't blame it on anyone else because you. That's. That's what the authority of the responsibility of the king is. You know what I'm saying? So I think that's the important distinction is it's not about being right and it's not about being the one who's smartest, even.

Nicole [00:26:28]: Yeah.

John [00:26:29]: It's. It's about being the one who's responsible.

Nicole [00:26:32]: That's true.

John [00:26:32]: For the decision. So. So it comes down more to wisdom than. Than intelligence.

Nicole [00:26:38]: No, A lot of times, pride or ego.

John [00:26:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:26:41]: Because I'm sure there are men out there that just go with their decision, even if it's not the best one.

John [00:26:46]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:47]: Just because they think they're the leader, they're the man. And so their pride or ego is going to make them go that way, and then that can cause a whole bunch of problems.

John [00:26:59]: Well, even just as, you know, as a business owner, as a leader in my business, a lot of times people will be working for me and they'll. They'll be like, oh, I don't. Like, you know, they'll kind of give me their opinion and I'll say, no, no, look, I trust you. That's why you're in this position. So you tell me what we should do and I will, you know, I'm gonna. That's what I will decree is the. Is the way that we're gonna go. Because, like, you're the expert, you know, So I trust you in this position. So you've gotta be able to put aside the ego and, and to realize that, okay, sometimes there's a person smarter than you or more experienced than you in this particular. And then you take that into account and then you make the final call based on that. So.

Nicole [00:27:51]: Yeah. No, for sure.

John [00:27:53]: Yeah. I'm trying to think, what else do we have for the. What other.

Nicole [00:27:58]: Happy wife.

John [00:27:59]: Happy wife, happy life. Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:02]: I mean, I think we hit on a lot of stuff. But I guess going back to what I said about, you know, men saying that they want a woman that just does whatever.

John [00:28:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:28:18]: That he wants. Because men will say that that's what they want. They're like, no, that's what I want. But I think if they're really honest, like you. You've said, and like we've said here is that if you don't have somebody that's going to give you their honest opinion.

John [00:28:34]: Right.

Nicole [00:28:35]: And it does still need to be in the right way on both sides. Then you're never gonna feel like you have an authentic relationship, and it's never gonna be as deep and intimate as you want it to be. And if you're just. If you just want either your wife to just do whatever you want or you're doing whatever she wants to keep the peace, you think that'll give you peace, but it'll actually give you the most suffering.

John [00:29:02]: One of the most powerful things that you've ever said to me was after I had to do a discipline. And you're like, whichever way you would have gone, I would have supported you. And, you know, and I forget exactly how you worded it, but it would.

Nicole [00:29:21]: Have been for a good reason either way.

John [00:29:23]: Exactly. Yeah. That was even better than just saying I would support you, because it would have been for a good reason either way. That was probably one of the most impactful things that you've ever said to me. Meaningful things as a husband. Because. Because it's. It's not just that you agree that you would have gone with whatever I said, but that you recognize that I would have been making a decision like, you trust my judgment. Exactly. Right. And so that's. That's the key. So that's the thing is, it's like, when you come from that place, am I going to take your counsel? Absolutely. Right. So I think it's just like, as a woman, because a lot of guys, they do say, like you said, they just want a woman that just says, but that's not what they really want. Because to me, as a man, the most impactful thing is knowing, like, what you had said is that I've got a woman who. A wife who is going to trust my decision and is going to back me no matter what. And so that's the most important thing. And so in that context, if she gives me her opinion, I want it, but I just need to know that even though you're giving me your opinion on the thing or trying to help me, that ultimately, at the end of the day, you're going to trust my judgment and you're going to see support whatever decision I make and know that that's gonna be the best decision. Like, if I feel that, then as a man, that's what I really want. I don't want just a yes woman.

Nicole [00:30:58]: Right.

John [00:30:58]: I want. That's the thing that guys are confusing with just a yes woman is that I Just want her to agree with me. It's a simpler way of. Cause they're not understanding what they actually want. What they actually want is what I just described. And.

Nicole [00:31:12]: But they have to be the man to get that as well. And if you're just like, I want a woman that just does whatever I want, you're not that man.

John [00:31:18]: Right? Yeah. Cause it's not gonna make you happy.

Nicole [00:31:22]: Right. Cause a woman has to trust. Like, that is what trust is like. I trusted that you would have a good reason for whatever decision you made, because I know that you wouldn't take it lightly and that you would really think about it. And so I trusted whatever decision that you made.

John [00:31:42]: And see, and when you come from that place, your influence is magnified tremendously. Because when I understand that, when you're telling me that, and I believe that, then what you say matters even more to me because I know that it's not going to be like, I'm still going to be able to make a decision that you're going to support. And so I know that the things that you're telling me are not selfish. Like, you just want this outcome. It's that you're trying to help me and give me the best advice possible so I can make the best decision. You see what I'm saying? Like, the difference? Because if you're not in that way of supporting me and then you're giving me an opinion, it feels like you're just trying to bully me or you're just trying to, like, take the leadership style.

Nicole [00:32:31]: Are you saying I'm bullying you?

John [00:32:33]: No, you don't do that. But what I'm saying is that, like, that's how it can feel. Right. And so then as a man, yeah, you have to hold your ground and be like, no, like, I'm gonna, like, I'm not gonna be bullied. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna. Like, you're not gonna bully me and make me do this outcome. You know, I'm gonna make the decision. So. So that's the thing is, like, as a woman, if you want to be more influential, you have to come with the approach that you are. Like, that you came to me with. Like, that. Like, if. If I, as a man, I feel that I'm going to listen to what you're saying a hundred times more than if you're not coming with that approach.

Nicole [00:33:10]: But we need to talk about the men who are just giving these women everything. What do they need to do if they're happy, wife, happy lifing before we.

John [00:33:19]: You know, I mean, you have to get a backbone and you have to like, because you have to realize that like, why are you doing it? Right?

Nicole [00:33:32]: You have to be honest with yourself about why.

John [00:33:35]: And part of it is probably coming from a place of not wanting the conflict because it's like just want peace, right? So that's kind of a selfish thing because it's not actually. It's just like, you know, like the parent that gives a screaming child the iPad, right?

Nicole [00:33:52]: They just want peace.

John [00:33:53]: They just want peace. But you're like, that's a horrible parent. Like, that's not a good parent. Like you're not like, this is not what's good for the child doing that. And so a lot of guys are like, I just want to, I'm just going to pacify her just like a child then. Which is interesting because then you are actually treating a woman like a child.

Nicole [00:34:11]: That's true, right?

John [00:34:12]: Like as a, you know, you should act like a parent, but you shouldn't treat a woman like a child, if that makes sense. Even though that seems contradictory. Right? Because what is a good parenting is like, you know, you don't want to just pacify. And so that's probably where a lot of it's coming from. And then probably like you said, like fear of, okay, well if I don't keep her happy, then she's going to leave or she's going to cheat on me or whatever. So you've got to face those demons first because you can't actually take the action until you change the core belief in principle, like we're talking about in the other episodes. It's like you have to understand like why this is not what's best for her and why you're doing these things. Because it's actually like a selfish motive. It's a self preservation motive. That's why anyone is a people pleaser is because it's self preservation. It's a selfish thing. People pleasing. It's like you think that you're being too giving to other people, but no, no, that's actually false. You're doing it because you're trying to protect yourself. That's why people are people pleasers. It's not because they're super loving and giving people. In fact, it's a very selfish act to be a people pleaser because it's not coming from a place of true love. It's coming from a place of scarcity, of like, if I don't keep you happy, then you're not going to love me, which Is not. It's the opposite of love. So I think.

Nicole [00:35:44]: I think most people pleasing comes from a survival mode.

John [00:35:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:48]: Like, most people pleasers in their childhood had to do it. I don't know of any that just spontaneously became some as adults. But you're right in everything that you're saying about it. But also, at the same time, I just want to make the clarification that when you are a child.

John [00:36:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:07]: And you do feel like you have to protect yourself for a lot of.

John [00:36:10]: That's where it comes from. That's where the psychology comes from. But as an adult now, you're responsible for that.

Nicole [00:36:15]: That's true.

John [00:36:15]: Right?

Nicole [00:36:15]: It is.

John [00:36:16]: So. But. But I think that's the thing is, like, you have to understand that as a man, that it requires some amount of bravery.

Nicole [00:36:23]: Yeah.

John [00:36:24]: You got to say, all right, I am the man. I am regardless of what other people think. And if the woman that I'm with doesn't like me because I'm making decisions that I'm not pleasing her, like, purposely doing things that are. That are against my principles or judgment, then she's not the one for me. And she can, you know, she can be upset if she. You know, the big thing is, like, a lot of guys, when I'm coaching them, I have to tell them, you have to allow your wife to be upset if she's gonna be upset.

Nicole [00:37:03]: Yeah. Cause they're like, they don't want her upset. Yeah.

John [00:37:05]: They're walking on eggshells. They're trying to do everything to. It's like, no. If you approach it in the right way, like, don't be a jerk and be like, tough toodles.

Nicole [00:37:13]: Yeah.

John [00:37:13]: You know, Tough toodles. Yeah. You gotta be, you know, loving. But then it's like, okay, at the end of the day, if she's gonna be upset, then let her be upset. You have to be okay with that. Which is why we did the whole.

Nicole [00:37:28]: Thing, which guys have a hard time being.

John [00:37:29]: Guys are afraid of women. That's why they'll stay with a woman. They'll go all the way to the altar. They'll do all kinds of crazy things because they're afraid of a woman. And it's not. They're afraid of her physically. They're afraid of her being upset. And so you have to just let a woman be upset.

Nicole [00:37:47]: Do you think guys can come back if they've been doing happy wife, happy life?

John [00:37:52]: It's hard to gain that respect back.

Nicole [00:37:57]: Yeah. So what percentage do you think it's possible to get out of that?

John [00:38:01]: I mean, it's always possible to change.

Nicole [00:38:04]: Yeah.

John [00:38:05]: I don't think it's zero, but anytime you're in a contract, a relationship, which is basically a contract, and you change the rules, you risk. Well, you risk a loss of it. Like, so you have to. What has to be more important to you as a man is realizing these principles are true and being true to yourself and doing the right thing is more important than having this woman in your life. Because if you don't do that, then you're not actually gonna be true. Right. So you have to realize that, like, if you want. Like, the true way to come back from this is to be willing to lose her. And if you're not willing to lose her, then you can't come back from it. There's no way to. Like, so how they just stay safe, huh?

Nicole [00:38:55]: So what if they want to be with her, though? They just stay in that situation.

John [00:38:59]: It's not like they're gonna make the decision. Like, they have to leave the decision to the other person. It's like, in the sense that, okay, I'm changing the rules to this game.

Nicole [00:39:09]: Oh, so you're saying they have to do it regardless. But I'm saying, if they're afraid to lose the woman, what are they gonna do?

John [00:39:16]: Then they can stay in a pathetic situation that doesn't serve her or doesn't serve them, and they'll always be afraid. It's like, the only solution is to risk.

Nicole [00:39:28]: It's like, that's the survival mode.

John [00:39:30]: A lot of people try to find situations where they don't have any risk involved. Like, even when I'm coaching people or when I'm on sales calls with people, they're like, okay, I just want to not have any risk at all. I'm like, wait a minute. You want. You want a million dollars, right. But you don't want to have any risk at all. You don't want to have any chance that things are going to go bad.

Nicole [00:39:51]: Yeah. Is there anything in life.

John [00:39:52]: I don't know how I can.

Nicole [00:39:53]: Zero risk.

John [00:39:53]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:54]: I can't think of.

John [00:39:55]: Keep on doing what you're doing then, because that. That has risks that you just don't even realize when. Until they. You step on the landmine and it blows up in your face. But you think it's safe. It's not safe. Like, what you're doing is risky inherently. Everything you're doing, every time you cross the street or get in your car, you're taking on a risk.

Nicole [00:40:13]: That's true.

John [00:40:14]: So. So that's the thing.

Nicole [00:40:15]: I Can't think of anything that's not risky.

John [00:40:17]: You can't live your life in fear. And believe me, I'd lived my life in fear for a long time. I was afraid to fly in airplanes and go on roller coasters and all that stuff. And then I had to realize that life is risk.

Nicole [00:40:30]: I live my life in fear. In some ways, I don't like needles.

John [00:40:34]: Yeah, but you can't, like, you know, it's like you. You have to face the consequence that, like, that's what it is. Being true to yourself, too, is like, in really living your most authentic life, is that you're going to lose some things and there's going to be risk.

Nicole [00:40:50]: Yeah.

John [00:40:50]: And like, if you stand up and be a man. Yeah. Maybe some women will not. They will not be like, ah, there's no this. This chauvinist, you know, patriarchy, man. I don't want to date this guy or whatever it is, or be in the relationship with this guy. Look, you got to be. You gotta be like, you're gonna lose those ones. But if you're like, no, I don't want to ever lose anyone. I'm gonna just be whatever they need me to be so that they'll stay with me. That's pathetic. And you're going to lose people anyway because they're not really going to want to be with you. They want to be with whatever you're pretending to be to. To placate them. And as soon as you can't pretend it, or as soon as it's, you know, something that's out of your. Out of the scope of what you can do, then you're gonna lose them anyway.

Nicole [00:41:47]: So. So you would tell them to take the risk.

John [00:41:50]: Yeah, you gotta take the risk. You gotta stand up.

Nicole [00:41:52]: And even if they wanna be with her, they gotta take the risk.

John [00:41:55]: Yeah. Cause you're not really gonna be with her if you don't. You know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:41:59]: Yeah. No, not.

John [00:42:01]: You might have her. You might keep her like Peter, pumpkin, pumpkin eater. Right. Keep her in a pumpkin shell. Like, she's gonna be there, but you're not really gonna have her. You're not really gonna have her heart.

Nicole [00:42:13]: You know, that's true. So you're not wrong. I'm just again, trying to play all sides because, yeah, there are quite a few men that I'm sure do this in one way or another. If not happy wife, happy life, then they're just also just trying to ignore conflicts like you said, because they don't want to leave. They don't want to upset the woman. So.

John [00:42:36]: And I think that there are a lot of reasons why guys get into the state, you know, because we've talked about it before about a guy will open up his emotions to women and then it's like, she's not empathetic. And he's like, I'm never doing that again. That was stupid. So he's like, I'm just gonna say yes, whatever she wants. Like, whatever. Because last time I tried to tell her how I felt about some situation, she just like, shit on me. And so I'd just be like, yes, like, let's just keep her happy. Like, I'll just stuff it down and. Right. That's what a lot of guys get to. And part of the reason is because they don't have experience with difficult conversations and with conflict because they're avoiding all the time. So they're not good at it. So when they do get into conflict, they immediately are like, you know, they're like acting in a way that is not coming from a loving place because they're just immediately into defense aggressive mode. It's like, okay, we're in conflict. Yeah, whatever. It's like, I'm an unskilled warrior. That's what it's supposed to. But. So the problem is that they're shying away from conflict because they're not handling it correctly. Whereas if they listen to our podcast every week and they understood how to handle conflict properly, then they wouldn't need to shy away from it as much. You see what I'm saying? So they're getting a bad taste of it because of things. So they're, and they're like, oh, women aren't empathetic or whatever. And it's like, because they're misunderstanding. If you approach, you don't have to be a yes man and just people please. Your wife, you can tell her no. She's gonna. If you've been people pleasing the whole time and then you suddenly say no and suddenly have a backbone, yeah, you're gonna get a battle. She'd be like, no, where's my pushover guy? Yeah, but, but, but if you can handle that in the right way and not get triggered and defensive and aggressive about it, then over time she's going to respect you more and, and you're going to have a better relationship. She's going to love you more because that's, that's showing love for her, you know? Cause you can feel it. If a guy's not doing that, that's not very loving. That he's just letting. He's just avoiding conflict. He's just telling you what you want to hear. He's stuffing his emotions down because he's like, oh, you're just not even going to. You're just going to react in a negative way. So I'll just stuff my emotions down, not talk to you about things and just say yes to you. You don't really feel loved.

Nicole [00:45:14]: It doesn't feel genuine. Yeah. Doesn't feel real. Yeah, yeah. No.

John [00:45:18]: But it's a pattern. Like, I understand why guys get into that. And they're like, okay, well, she traps me. She trick. She was like, I just want you to tell me how you feel. And then when I do tell her, then bam, I got you, bitch. But it's because you're not handling it correctly in that situation. Get defensive and, you know, it's like, that's the thing that's going on. So. But it's a hard path. Like, it's not easy being a man. You can be a pacifist and just never get in any conflict and. But then you're going to have to suffer quietly, you know, and stuff it down because, you know, or you can stand up and be a man and take the risk that it involves where you're going to disappoint people, where some people aren't going to like you. Some people might even hate you. But you'll be able to respect yourself and you'll know that you're doing the right thing.

Nicole [00:46:16]: So people shouldn't hate you, because everybody should be coming from a place of love.

John [00:46:20]: But I mean. But unfortunately, like, when you come from a place of love, that's the thing, is that some people will respond.

Nicole [00:46:27]: Well, it can still be misunderstood and. Yeah. And not everybody's on the same healing journey in life. So. Yeah, I'm just joking because we talk.

John [00:46:36]: So much about it, but it can trigger the hell out of someone when you just keep on being. But usually, like, when you. When you act loving towards someone who's not used to it, it triggers the hell out of them, and they'll. They'll do a very negative response to you. But if you can keep on persisting, like three, four, five times, eventually they crack. The most hateful person.

Nicole [00:47:04]: Count on it.

John [00:47:05]: No, you can't count on it.

Nicole [00:47:07]: You should do it.

John [00:47:07]: You should do it because that's what.

Nicole [00:47:09]: Because do that. Not because you're. Yeah. Waiting for the fifth time and they're.

John [00:47:13]: Gonna crack, but because no matter how much hate that someone spews at you, you still respond and love goes who you are. Right. But, but, but it does happen. They do crack.

Nicole [00:47:24]: No, it's the only way that they could possibly, like, act that way.

John [00:47:29]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:29]: Is if you come from that place and consistently like you said. But you can't expect it.

John [00:47:34]: You can't expect it.

Nicole [00:47:34]: Like you said with the other stuff, you have to do it because it's how you operate. Yeah, but I also don't want people to think, oh, no, five times.

John [00:47:41]: Five times.

Nicole [00:47:42]: That's it. She hasn't cracked yet. What? John lied.

John [00:47:44]: She must be a banshee or something. Some kind of, some kind of Lilith or some kind of crazy.

Nicole [00:47:51]: Oh, my gosh. But yeah.

John [00:47:52]: Need to get the demon out of her, Lord. But yeah, no, I think that's it. I mean, that's, that's the, the thing is, like, it's, it's a matter of actually standing up and doing the thing, but realizing, I mean, I think it's pretty basic to realize why happy wife, happy life is such a bad idea if you're still at that point of thinking that's a good idea, you should.

Nicole [00:48:20]: Make your wife happy, but not sacrifice yourself or be a people pleaser in order to do it.

John [00:48:26]: Yeah. That's what will make her the most happy, her feel the most fulfilled and safe and secure.

Nicole [00:48:32]: It's like, right.

John [00:48:33]: You know, is having a man that she knows that makes good decisions, takes her into account and is not just going to do whatever. Like, you're not going to feel safe by someone that just tries to make you happy all the time, you know.

Nicole [00:48:47]: Or is just easily influenced even by even me wanting something as your wife.

John [00:48:54]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:54]: I don't want you to be so easily influenced by me. I want you to take into consideration what I said to you.

John [00:49:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:01]: I want you to, like, have listened to what I said.

John [00:49:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:49:04]: But if you're just like, yeah. If I'm like, yeah, let's spend all of our money on a boat and you're just like, yeah.

John [00:49:09]: I'd be like, but that's not even like, that's not, it's not realistic.

Nicole [00:49:13]: But I'm just saying that like, like.

John [00:49:14]: The conversation we had last night, Right. It's like we had somewhat of a difficult conversation that, like. But you know, like, I said some things that were not things that you would necessarily like me to say. Right. They weren't mean things or anything like that. But I'm just saying it's like some truths, but I did them in a way that conveyed that I loved you and cared for you and, you know, and it was, it was maybe not the best received at first, but then it became. But, but that's how it is. Like, that's like, that's, that's the real application of it is it's like, you know, as a man, you can't shy away from that and be afraid, you know, because how are you going to feel as a woman if I'm unafraid, if I'm afraid to speak the truth and to give you guidance when I feel like I need to give you guidance?

Nicole [00:50:17]: Well, you've always told me things that can be hard to hear, but I like that. I don't want you to just tell me that I have no whatever or, like, not try to help me be better.

John [00:50:34]: Right. So, but that's, that's important. Like, that's the thing is like, but.

Nicole [00:50:38]: It has to be done in the right way. And what I think is that it's hard with you because you are at a very high level in all of this. Like, you do operate at a very high level. And most men genuinely are not on that level. They can be.

John [00:50:53]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:50:54]: But I think sometimes, too, they don't even know how to start. And so they go the easy route, like, happy wife, happy life. They don't want to go through all the stuff to be a man in order to get an actual happy life with an actual happy wife.

John [00:51:07]: Right.

Nicole [00:51:08]: That loves and respects them, but they can also be real with. So, like, I think that again, that's why I ask you a lot of times to explain things, because it's like you're already operating on this really high level that everyone can operate on, but.

John [00:51:25]: You have to put in the work. Like, as a leader, you need to be putting yourself through more. You need to be more advanced in the people that you're leading, which it's not like that you're just born with it and brilliantly. It's like, but you need to be putting in the work to work on yourself so that you can be ahead, so that you can lead, so someone.

Nicole [00:51:47]: Could look up to you.

John [00:51:48]: Exactly. Because you have to take that responsibility seriously. Because if you're asking me for guidance, are you looking up, even if you're not asking, but you're looking to me for guidance, and I don't have it because I, like, a lot of guys are like, oh, who reads the, the relationship books in the, in the marriage? The wife does.

Nicole [00:52:08]: Right.

John [00:52:09]: That's what most, you know, I don't know. Oh, well, that's how it is.

Nicole [00:52:13]: You've read the. Every relationship book I've read.

John [00:52:16]: Right. Well, because. Because I'm taking the. The leadership role. But a lot of. A lot of relationships, the. The man gives it over to the woman to be responsible for that. Exactly. And making the relationship better and growing, and she invests time in reading books about their relationship and all these things. Whereas the man should be the one that's putting more effort than her into that because he's the one who's got to lead the relationship. So he better get the operating man know how it works. Exactly right. So that's what it. What it takes is like, to put the investment in so that you can be that.

Nicole [00:52:56]: That's true. Well, and I'll say what I kind of have always said is that if the person closest to you, which should be your spouse, can't tell you the hard truths about you, then who can? Like, who are you actually gonna listen to about the hard truths about yourself? Like, yes, in some ways, we need to know who we are, and we need to be able to do that on our own to, like, face the parts of ourselves and be like, I need to work on this. But if you can't hear them from your partner, especially in a loving way, like, obviously, if your partner's like, you're so stupid or something, that's not the right way. But if your partner's coming to you and telling you a hard truth and wants to help you with it or, like, wants to support you or whatever, if you reject that, then you'll never really work on the things you need to work on. Because if you can't hear it from the person closest to you and be like, oh, shoot, yeah, I do do that. Or, like, I do need to work on this. Yeah, then you're probably not even able to fully reflect inward and find it on your own. Because there are things that we can find on our own. But there are some things that people have to point out to us a lot of the time.

John [00:54:07]: That's the purpose of relationship. That's why our podcast is called Better than Perfect, is because it's. It's two people helping each other grow.

Nicole [00:54:15]: Right. Which includes me helping you. Like, I have to tell you hard things sometimes.

John [00:54:19]: I mean, there's no doubt, like, I would not be the man that I am here today if it were not for you. Like, so much of the stuff that I thought I had perfectly right. It's like, oh, actually, yeah. See how you got upset about that and acted an unloving way? It's like, oh, whoops yeah. Like, I had to recognize those things because you showed me those things. You know, it's like I can sit here and try to pretend like I'm always right and flawless, but then it's like, oh, well, wait a minute. Like, the way that you responded wasn't very loving, was it? And at first I have to. I'm fighting, like, no, no, no. But then when I think about it, yeah, that's actually true. So there's something I need to learn here. And so. But. But that. That process has helped me to grow way beyond what I could have on my own because I couldn't discover those things unless I had you. And so that's true.

Nicole [00:55:18]: And there's definitely things I couldn't have discovered without you.

John [00:55:21]: Yeah. So that's the purpose. That's why we have a relationship, is because it produces the growth that we can't have on our own. Otherwise we would just not need relationships.

Nicole [00:55:33]: Yeah, but you have to be real. You have to not people pleased. You have to not be afraid. You have to not pacify people. Yeah, both ways. But obviously we're talking about the happy wife, happy life thing.

John [00:55:45]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:45]: And so, yeah, it's something you can get out of, but it might not be the easiest.

John [00:55:52]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:55:52]: It's gonna. It's gonna rock the boat. But like you said, I mean, I used to be a people pleaser sometimes I still have tendencies from time to time. Yeah, it happens. But it's. It's not easy to make the first step. But once you do, you know that it's the right thing to do.

John [00:56:11]: Yeah, well, and the thing is, like, okay, I mean, people pleasing is inherently selfish. Like, but as a leader, it's extremely selfish because you're now leading people, like, you know what I'm saying, in the wrong direction because you're doing what's bad for them. You know, it's like you're buying them a bunch of junk food and they're getting fat and they're getting heart disease, and you're the one who's buying them the junk food. Like, that's so, like, people pleasing when it's just you, it's not as big of a deal. Right. It's still selfish. Like, it's still not good, like, when you recognize it. But as a leader, when you're people pleasing, I mean, you're. Now that's. It's really bad at that point because now you're causing other people, like, to be worse than they would have been without you. Like, you're making them worse. Not Better, you know, your job as leaders are making them better.

Nicole [00:57:05]: Well, and I guess what we didn't talk about, too, that I just thought about, is that maybe even some of these guys, too, are doing it out of guilt. A lot of people do people please or let things slide out of guilt or shame and things too, for sure. So maybe that's also one of the reasons that they might get trapped. Like, they feel like they have to repay this debt forever. It never ends.

John [00:57:28]: And people will use it against you.

Nicole [00:57:30]: Too, to keep getting. Especially women. Look, I'm gonna say it.

John [00:57:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:35]: Women will bring the stuff up.

John [00:57:37]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:37]: And keep using it. I'm not saying men won't either, but women are more likely to be like, well, you did this, and, like, hold on to it for a longer time.

John [00:57:46]: The cure to that, the way to take that power away is to truly own.

Nicole [00:57:53]: Right.

John [00:57:54]: Because until you truly own it, they have that power over you. Because when you're not owning it 100%, then they can say, you did this to me. But when you own it, when you're like, yeah, I did do that, and I was wrong and it was a mistake, and, you know, and I wish I could take it back, but I can't. But what I can do is the next best thing, which is I can be a better person and be a better man, and that's what I'm gonna do.

Nicole [00:58:21]: And that should be enough for the person.

John [00:58:23]: Right. But once you've said that, they can't use it against you anymore. It doesn't matter what they say. They're like, oh, you did this. Like, nah. But if you haven't taken that responsibility in extreme ownership, then they can keep on using it against you. So that's the cure to it is actually really owning it.

Nicole [00:58:42]: Right.

John [00:58:43]: Because once you do, then no one can hold it against you anymore.

Nicole [00:58:46]: Yeah. Even if they try, you will feel free of it.

John [00:58:49]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:58:49]: Because you confronted it and you owned up to it.

John [00:58:52]: Yeah. And I've been in this situation. I've been in the situation of the guilt, believe me, where that has been, I've allowed it to control me or to manipulate me, but I've cast that off. Like, I know. Like, I know I've made mistakes in my past as a man, but those mistakes don't define me. Like, those mistakes have shaped me, and I've learned from those mistakes, and I no longer make those. And I take full responsibility and accountability for those mistakes. And so there's no power, no one can say anything to me at this point. That's Going to make me feel guilt or shame, like I've already paid, taken ownership of what things I've done. So.

Nicole [00:59:38]: That's true.

John [00:59:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:59:40]: Yeah. Well, I think we covered everything, right?

John [00:59:44]: Yeah. Actually, I was gonna say one instance of that, actually, is like. Think of it as, like, the whole Epstein thing, right, with these politicians where they're controlled because they had something on them. As soon as you expose it and there's nothing on you, you can't be controlled anymore.

Nicole [01:00:05]: That's true.

John [01:00:06]: So that's the key.

Nicole [01:00:07]: They're not gonna expose that, though.

John [01:00:09]: No.

Nicole [01:00:09]: That one Bill Clinton might expose everybody.

John [01:00:12]: He's gonna take the fall. He's just gon.

Nicole [01:00:14]: What? Just him. He's not gonna take him down with him.

John [01:00:16]: They're gonna, like. He's gonna suddenly get dementia or some kind of thing, and, oh, yeah, they're gonna ped.

Nicole [01:00:22]: Idy him. Didy. You know, he made everybody get pneumonia.

John [01:00:26]: Exactly.

Nicole [01:00:26]: Yeah.

John [01:00:28]: Yeah. Somehow some hand waving like, oh, look at this over here. Oh, look, Venezuela. Look at Venezuela. Go. Look at Venezuela. Oh, wait a minute, Epstein.

Nicole [01:00:37]: Father.

John [01:00:37]: No, no, no. Look at Venezuela. Venezuela. Look at Venezuela. So that's what happens. And we fall for it every time.

Nicole [01:00:45]: Well.

John [01:00:46]: So, all right, with that said, we'll. We'll see you next week.

Nicole [01:00:51]: Go to better than perfectpod.com. check out our website, watch all the episodes. Email us if you have a question or you have a good topic you would like us to cover. Betterthanperfectpodcast.com, i mean, @gmail.com.

John [01:01:05]: You got it. That's it. All right. We'll see you next week. Take care.

Nicole [01:01:09]: We find our way.