John [00:00:00]: We share a location. And the only time I will look at your location is if, like, you're on a hike and it's been, like, an hour longer than I thought you would have been. It's not like a constant monitoring thing. It's literally for, like, knowing where your partner is and beyond.

Nicole [00:00:16]: The perfect we discover through our flaws. We complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every.

John [00:00:28]: Fault we find our way.

Nicole [00:00:33]: All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

John [00:00:44]: That's right.

Nicole [00:00:46]: And we're back with I Don't know what's going On.

John [00:00:51]: P. Diddy's going to jail. But should I even say that? Because what if he gets out and he comes and gets us for the.

Nicole [00:00:58]: Yeah, I don't know if he's.

John [00:00:59]: I don't even know.

Nicole [00:01:00]: I don't think he'll be getting out anytime soon. That's true, from what I've heard. I watch whatever. I didn't even really look into it.

John [00:01:06]: But I don't know the full thing either. But I watched a video from a lawyer guy, I guess, who was, like, reading the paper.

Nicole [00:01:14]: Yeah.

John [00:01:14]: Well. And he was like, the federal government's going after him. And most of the time that means you're in big, big, big trouble.

Nicole [00:01:21]: Yeah.

John [00:01:22]: By the time that they take you to jail. So I think you're right that he's not. He's not getting out anytime soon.

Nicole [00:01:28]: There's not a lot of federal laws to break, but when you break them, you're in trouble.

John [00:01:33]: Yeah. He was kind of over going over the. I guess the paper that has his charges and stuff like that. But. Yeah. I don't know the full.

Nicole [00:01:43]: Yeah. It's so weird, though, because it's like, you know. Well, I mean, guys will say whatever they're gonna say about. But when I see stuff like that, you know, P. Diddy. What's his name, with the Jello Pudding Pops and the.

John [00:02:02]: Oh, Jello Pudding Pops. Yeah. Bill Cosby. I think of Jello Jigglers.

Nicole [00:02:10]: I mean, there's some other ones, too. I mean, Bill Cosby's not the best example, but of rich, famous guys. Right. That are celebrities that drug women.

John [00:02:21]: Wait, let me tell you one thing, though, that the guy said they found.

Nicole [00:02:25]: Yeah.

John [00:02:26]: A thousand bottles of baby oil.

Nicole [00:02:29]: Yeah, that part.

John [00:02:30]: And like, lube or something. A thousand bottles.

Nicole [00:02:33]: Yeah. He likes to be stuck, but.

John [00:02:36]: And then people were talking about how, I guess Katt Williams, the comedian, like, years ago, was like, if P. Diddy asked you to party, just say no or something.

Nicole [00:02:45]: Yeah.

John [00:02:46]: Because I guess, like, you will be covered in baby oil or something if that happens. But, yeah, I don't know all of the details. With the P. Diddy Stu.

Nicole [00:02:57]: Yeah. But with these guys, right? Like, celebrities making, it's like, yeah, just because you are, like, you can be attractive and have money and be a celebrity and not have game. You know what I'm saying? So, I mean, obviously, if you have to drug a woman in order to get her to sleep with you, then, you know. You know, yeah, it's helpful to have money and be a celebrity and stuff like that and be attractive, but you also still have to have some kind of game.

John [00:03:32]: You know, here's what I think actually is P. Diddy's problem, more so P. Diddy's problem, because I think he's not the best example for what you're talking about. But you do the point. I think P. Diddy is such a bad person that he can't get women because women know his reputation or they have heard what's happened to women that have been with him. And so.

Nicole [00:03:57]: But then he chugs them.

John [00:03:59]: Yeah, that's the only way that they'll go with him.

Nicole [00:04:02]: But that's weird because, like, if he's known for doing that. And then it's like, yeah, but I get what you're saying. But also, why. What happened with Puff Daddy? Like, now it's.

John [00:04:12]: Well, they put all of his names on the paper that that lawyer guy was talking about. He's like, he has all the names that he goes by. Guess what the last one was?

Nicole [00:04:19]: What's the last love? Oh, just love.

John [00:04:22]: Like Luv or no Lu. Well, I don't know. He didn't spell it, but he. He was naming all the, like, P. Diddy, Puffy Combs, Sean Combs, or whatever. Like, all the names. And then the N was love. I was like, I didn't even know he went by that. But obviously that's not a good nickname for him.

Nicole [00:04:41]: But. But like I said, it happens a lot of times where, you know, where guys, like, are like that, and then they. You think that they would be able to just get laid all the time, whoever they want, but.

John [00:04:55]: Well, that's Millionaire matchmakers, Right. I think that's a better example because, like, these guys are successful. They have money, and these guys in the comments like to be like, oh, well, if you're successful and you have money, that's all that matters. But, no, there are plenty of people who Make a lot of money who don't get relationships like they want.

Nicole [00:05:14]: You could be successful, make a lot of money, be a celebrity, attractive, and still, you still need some amount of game, you know what I'm saying? Like, you still have to know what you're just like, I forget who was telling me that. He was working at some club nightclub in Miami and basketball guys would come in there and they would get fleeced by a table. Table whores for. You know, I was going to try to put a different name around them, but that's what they are. But, you know, and they know it and they don't care, but that's what they do. So. But he was saying that they, he, you know, basketball, professional basketball players, they're getting fleeced, right? These are tall, athletic guys, but they, some of them, I'm not saying all of them, but some of them don't know how to talk. And, and so they're, you know, they pay for women at the nightclub instead of just going and talking to women.

John [00:06:12]: So maybe they also want the easy way out.

Nicole [00:06:16]: But the, but, yeah, but you don't have to get fleeced in order to, you know.

John [00:06:20]: I don't even know what that means.

Nicole [00:06:21]: Like, to be fleeced. Yeah, like to be taken for your money, you know. Okay, right. It's like where they're like, okay.

John [00:06:30]: It seems like they're allowing it though. Like, I feel like if you are a professional athlete or a celebrity or even a successful person.

Nicole [00:06:38]: Yeah.

John [00:06:38]: I would definitely automatically be like, okay, I need to vet people harder because they might use me for money. Especially like in a nightclub. Like, I wouldn't just be like, oh, these girls like me, they're coming over here. I'd be like, they probably just want the nice things.

Nicole [00:06:53]: Yeah, but see, that's because that's you. Like you're thinking like you. But remember, a lot of people that become celebrities, whether that through professional athletics or through movie stars, a lot of them are sort of just came into this, you know, I'm saying, like they just suddenly became wealthy and famous and rich. And so it's, you know, there's a difference between like intelligently building your way up to that level and you're not going to get taken advantage of. But when wealth comes quickly, it disappears quickly. Think about how many wealthy people, how many celebrities have done stupid things, Right. Just that no common sense person would do. Right. Even just example with what we were just talking about, right? It's like, especially like drugging women. Like, why would you even do that if you're you have so much to lose by, you know, I mean, like, if you're just a normal guy and you're drugging women, okay, you have to get more. You have a lot to lose. You have a lot more to lose when you're a celebrity, when you're making a lot of money, when you're.

John [00:07:56]: You're more likely to get caught when you're a normal person. I'm not saying it's right by any means whatsoever, but P. Diddy did all this stuff because he thought he would never get caught and that he knew enough people and that he could just. A lot of celebrities do that, and even somebody in. Oh, the book that Sophia and I are reading, the Lake Switch.

Nicole [00:08:18]: Yeah.

John [00:08:18]: The guy talked about how celebrities can get away with more stuff. He worked for the FBI. He said that they do typically get away with more stuff. I mean, he said it's because they're attractive.

Nicole [00:08:29]: Well, okay, but temporarily. Well, no, look, you're more likely to get caught if you're a celebrity.

John [00:08:34]: Look, I agree that you have more to lose because you have more.

Nicole [00:08:38]: Right?

John [00:08:38]: But I'm saying, though, that, like, celebrities get away with a lot of stuff temporarily. Everything you do in the dark comes to light, right? No matter who you are, but especially.

Nicole [00:08:49]: As a celebrity, because you have more. They have. People have more leverage on you, Right? Like, if you do something, someone can say, they can extort you. You can't extort just normal Joe, right, Because what are you going to get from him? Nothing. But, you know, that's why people wait. They wait until the opportune time to use it. Right? So. But I'm just saying, like, celebrities do stupid things, and.

John [00:09:16]: I think situations have a lot to lose because you're essentially losing your life by going to jail, by doing stuff like that.

Nicole [00:09:21]: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You lose. Yeah, yeah. It's just you have so much more to lose. Like, what I'm saying is that you have more that you acquired, right? And you have a reputation that matters. Like Joe Schmo's reputation doesn't really matter that much. It's going to cost him his job.

John [00:09:36]: Well, P. Diddy's reputation doesn't matter anymore, obviously. I think he was going down for a while anyway, so. Yeah, like you said, it's only a matter of time for all the shady stuff you do catches up with you. So, yeah, it's not good either way.

Nicole [00:09:53]: But. Yeah, but I mean, the moral story is, like, there's no way around it for. For guys like, you have to learn game. You have to learn social interaction with.

John [00:10:01]: Right. I think that's what the thing is. And if you don't know how to do that, read the Like Switch book.

Nicole [00:10:06]: That's a good.

John [00:10:07]: The Like Switch.

Nicole [00:10:08]: Yeah.

John [00:10:08]: Learn how to tilt your head and raise your eyebrows.

Nicole [00:10:11]: Yeah.

John [00:10:11]: And walk like a zombie towards people. No, but it is kind of common sense to people that already know how to make friends and do things like that. But if you are a guy who's awkward and doesn't know how to talk to people and is uncomfortable in social interactions, then you should read the book because helps you understand how to be more comfortable and what you can do to. To be more comfortable and be more likable and things like that. Like Sophia, actually, I don't know if it was yesterday or today. She was like, he kind of seems manipulative. And the thing is he is because he was using a lot of these things as FBI agent for sure. But I told her, you know, if you're genuinely trying to make friends or you're genuinely trying to find a relationship or something like that, then you're doing these out of a place of genuine interest and wanting a connection. And so intention is the key. But she picked up on this. So don't be manipulative with the things that you learn.

Nicole [00:11:10]: Right.

John [00:11:11]: But you know, it will help you more so in social situations to understand what can seem like comes naturally to other people.

Nicole [00:11:21]: Yeah.

John [00:11:21]: Well, I don't know who the author is though, by the book.

Nicole [00:11:24]: Oh, shoot, that one. I don't normally. I know the authors.

John [00:11:27]: I know you're good with that. I'm not. But it's called the like.

Nicole [00:11:30]: The like switch. Yeah, yeah, but yeah, see, persuasion is the root skill. And then it is either the same thing is either manipulative or leadership. It just depends on whether it's for your benefit and their detriment or for their benefit. Right. If you do something that would persuade someone against their own best interest, then that's the manipulative element.

John [00:11:59]: Right.

Nicole [00:11:59]: But.

John [00:11:59]: Well, and reading his book or listening to it, we're not fully done with it yet.

Nicole [00:12:04]: Yeah.

John [00:12:05]: Sophia also mentioned that he's kind of like flirty, which I think there is something to that.

Nicole [00:12:11]: Like it doesn't have to be in that monotone voice.

John [00:12:13]: He's flirty, but like that because he like kind of low key flirts with people. Right. Like especially the women. He was talking about how he goes up to the flight attendant desks and what he says. If a man went up to a woman and said that it would be Flirty. It would be a good way for him to, like, initiate the conversation. So he went up and, like, after a client was yelling at the flight attendant lady, and he would be like, oh, I heard that there's not any more seats.

Nicole [00:12:43]: Oh, yeah.

John [00:12:43]: And she'd be like, no, there actually is, but that person was treating me poorly. And he'd be like, so are you going to yell at me now? Or something? Like, you know, he would be, like, sitting, saying things that, like, are flirty. He'd say that in a flirty way, you know, and then she'd be like, okay, yeah, here, get on the flight, you know.

Nicole [00:12:58]: Right.

John [00:12:59]: So it's. It's interesting to read and it's definitely written from a male perspective to, like, help other men talk, be able to talk to women honestly.

Nicole [00:13:08]: Yeah.

John [00:13:09]: So it's definitely good for men to read if they need help talking to people or game or something like that.

Nicole [00:13:15]: Yeah.

John [00:13:16]: So.

Nicole [00:13:17]: Okay. There you go, King.

John [00:13:19]: Another book.

Nicole [00:13:19]: Yeah, the, like, Switch.

John [00:13:22]: Jack Schaefer. Yeah, have you read that one? Are you. Oh, okay.

Nicole [00:13:27]: Okay.

John [00:13:27]: Thank you, Rodrigo.

Nicole [00:13:29]: So, yeah, so we get into the topic.

John [00:13:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:13:31]: So it is a. Yeah, I was trying to think of, like, what is the actual name of the topic, but it's Freedom in Relationships. Right. So what I mean by this is, are relationships restrictive to one's individual freedoms? Should they be? What amount of freedom is appropriate in relationships? You know, we can. It's a pretty broad topic. Like Rodrigo said, it could be six episodes, but we'll try to condense it to one, so.

John [00:13:57]: Well, where do you want to start?

Nicole [00:14:00]: Oh, gosh, I don't know. Well, I mean, again, to give another book reference. Have we talked about how I found freedom in an unfree world on this? I don't know if we did. I don't know on this podcast, but yeah. How I Found freedom in an Unfree world. Harry Brown, in that book, he talks about relationships, and, I mean, he revises what he has to say towards the end of it. But he.

John [00:14:25]: As he should.

Nicole [00:14:26]: Right. Yeah. As his view. His initial view on relationships was that there should be no restrictions on any person at all. Zero. So you're in a relationship with someone, they can do whatever they want. They can sleep with whoever they want to sleep with. It's none of your business. It's not your concern. You're free as well. That he said that if people love each other, then they should not limit the person that they love. Right. Which on a surface level, like, it sounds rational. It makes like, from a rational, purely rational Perspective. It makes sense, Right? And he says, okay, yeah, jealousy and envy and stuff like that. Those are defects within yourself. Those are not. You know, like, that's. That has nothing to do with the fact that you're allowing someone to be free. You should allow someone to be free without being envious or jealous. Right. And. And. And then, you know, and then, you know, I saw some comments from one of my videos where the guy is like, oh, where I was talking about, you know, that you have to do this, do this before you get married as a man. Right. Have the captain of the ship talk. And then I talked about the six rules of relationship, and one of them was turning on the locations, and the guy was like, oh, you don't need to know every time your girlfriend goes out for ice cream after work. You don't need to know everything about a person's personal life. Which I replied. And I was like, I want to know what kind of flavor of ice cream she's eating and whether she got a cone or a cup.

John [00:15:58]: Which I replied, you should know if I got a cone or a cup, if you know me.

Nicole [00:16:03]: Right. But. But, you know, and we'll break that down a little bit. But. And then also. And then the. The final thing that kind of brought it all together is like the. We talked about a little bit the real. The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. I wouldn't say housewives because of that Jersey housewives vibe. Yeah. But, you know, there's a thing where they go to Vegas and they're going to a Chippendale thing. Right. And it's like, again, the same thing, like, they tried to use actually, and I think the show is kind of geared towards that, but they tried to use manipulation tactics on their husbands by being like, oh, yeah, it's unattractive when a man is controlling or that he, like, you know, would restrict a woman from just having some fun or good, innocent fun or whatever. You know, that kind of stuff. So anyway, so that kind of sets the stage so.

John [00:17:00]: Well, which one do you want to start with?

Nicole [00:17:03]: Well, yeah, I mean, what do you. I mean, give you a jumping off point since I talk so much here.

John [00:17:08]: So you want me to pick? I mean, I also read the How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World. And, yeah, the relationship. And then like, the parenting advice that he gives initially is just. Yeah, no, but like you said, the concept makes sense, right? The concept of your partner should be free to do whatever they want so that when they choose you, it means that they're choosing you. And I think he even said that in some sort of way in the book where it's like that way when your partner comes home to you or, you know, stays with you, that's showing that that is their true choice because they have this freedom, right. Which like you said, logically that makes sense. However, the issue I have with that is, then why even make a commitment? Why even get married? Because he was married, right? And he still was like, living in this freedom, right. Like, if that's genuinely how you want to live, right. I don't see why you would make a commitment of marriage or even like a commitment of a, like, exclusive relationship. Because he does talk about where, well, if my wife goes and sleeps with someone else, that's not my business. If and I do it, that's not her business. But the thing is that it is your partner's business if you are in a committed relationship, if you're in an exclusive relationship, like, especially like that is if you're in an intimate relationship with somebody else, that also will affect your partner's health, right? By being with other people. Like, it's an emotional well being. Like, yes, like you said. And like he said, the, like jealousy and envy, that is something that is on our paper. As Laura Doyle would say, like, that is our personal thing to deal with. However, if you're making a commitment to me, but then you're also like, but I'm also gonna go do whatever I want, that is kind of contradicting itself.

Nicole [00:19:05]: To me, Right, Exactly. Yeah, yeah. If you have the commitment piece in there, right. So it's like. Yeah. And I think there's a few different flaws in his thing, which again, like, to give him credit posthumously, since he has passed, but he did revise some of it. He didn't do a great job of revising it. It was kind of like, you know, I was wrong about some of these things. Right. But. Yeah, but. Yeah, but one of the things. I just forgot what I was. I had something that was your notebook. I know I need my notebook, but I had something I was gonna say about. I mean, I've got a few things about it, but one of them is just. Oh, I know what I was gonna talk about. It's like, okay, so one of the things you're doing when you're making a commitment, right. Is you are choosing when you're in a rational state of mind that like in a good state over a long term rumination on the. The concept or idea, a course of action that you want to take. Right. And the commitment part of It. It's holding you to that action, right? And when you get married in front of God and witnesses and. And your family and friends and you make public vows, and it's not just for show. It's not just so you can have a party. It's so that you're telling these people. Like, if I tell you otherwise. No, me in my rational mind, who has spent time deliberating on this, have chosen to do this. And so even if I say, no, I don't want this anymore, you show up and say, no, no, you do want this. This is what you told us to make sure that you fulfill your commitment. Right? That's why you made this commitment publicly. You involved us with it. We didn't just have a party, Right? And so, So I think what's. What's, what's critical about that is to understand that, you know, just like if you're familiar with the. The Iliad, right, The long Odessus or I forget his name. I think it's Odess.

John [00:21:18]: Iliad and the Odyssey. Right, right. Isn't that what it is?

Nicole [00:21:21]: But the main. Main guy in the. In the play or. Not the play. I guess it's. I don't know what you call it.

John [00:21:30]: Like, you're asking me to go back to, like, ninth grade, the one time I read.

Nicole [00:21:34]: So in the story, let's say there. There's a point where he's sailing the ship past the. The Sirens, right? The Sirens are these mythical creatures that have, like the. I think the. Is it the.

John [00:21:50]: They sing and.

Nicole [00:21:51]: Yeah, they sing. They're like. They look like, attract. They're like mermaids, kind of like, they're attractive women.

John [00:21:55]: Right. Drown the people.

Nicole [00:21:57]: Exactly. Right. So. But he wanted to hear the song, right? So he told his crew to all put wax in their ears. But he said, tie me to the mast of the ship. Right? And then when we go by. And he said, no matter what I say, even if I'm like, untie me now, no matter what command I give you or order, do not untie me. Right? Do not.

John [00:22:22]: I have a quick question. If they have wax in their ears so they can't hear the song, are they going to be able to hear him say, untie me?

Nicole [00:22:29]: I never thought of that. I think that I either have something wrong with the story or our Homer story is you just put a smackdown on Homer. All right, Good job. So, yeah, that's true. So. But anyway, the point. The point, yes, Is that he wanted. He did not want. You know, in his rational mind, he made the Decision that he doesn't want to go and visit the, the sirens.

John [00:22:53]: Right, Right.

Nicole [00:22:55]: In his irrational mind, when they started playing the music, of course that's the first thing that he was doing is he. Or they started singing and he's like, no, no, no, untime me. I want to go. I want to go, go, you know, take a trip in the ocean. And, you know, and they didn't. But it's the same thing with us, right? It's a very long winded explanation. But the point is, and I think it's really important to understand why commitment is actually important and why we do this publicly and why we spend money and buy engagement rings and all these things is because you have a long time to think about getting married or getting into a relationship. You have a long time because that's why you. But in the split second, those are the decisions that we make that destroy them. Right? And so the point is that you get angry in an argument or you, whatever, you do something that you're upset at your partner, those in your rational mind, you made this choice and you had a long time to deliberate on that choice and you want people to hold you to it. So that's what, what is the problem with what he's saying is that he assumes that people always operate rationally, but they don't. We know when we make a commitment that we are in our rational mind, and that's why we make a vow and we ask other people to hold us to it because we know that at some point we're not going to be in our rational minds. And when you're out at a nightclub, whatever, getting drunk and you potentially cheat on your partner, you. That is in your irrational mind, right? And. But it helps to have the commitment to be like, oh, yeah, I can't do this because I have, I have a. There's a reason. There's penalties. There's like, you know, there's something that's holding you besides just saying we're just free to do whatever we want. Or even just when you get in an argument, like, you come back to the commitment, right? You might be mad, but you don't just break up or you don't just get a divorce because you're upset. Like, you have a commitment that. Right. That matters.

John [00:24:59]: So, yeah, no, that's a thousand percent correct. And I just want to add, though, to what you said, because the way you're describing it, and I know why you're describing it, I know what you're saying really hard, right? To commit and to Honor your commitment. And to be honest, I know why you explained it that way. Because a lot of people treat it that way. Right. Like, a lot of things that we see on the Internet make. I'm like, why did you even get married then? Why did you even pick this person? You act like you don't even like them.

Nicole [00:25:29]: Right.

John [00:25:29]: So I wanted to add that committing to somebody.

Nicole [00:25:34]: Yeah.

John [00:25:35]: Especially someone you married, should never feel hard.

Nicole [00:25:39]: Right? Exactly.

John [00:25:39]: Like, it should never be like, oh, like, I want to go out and, you know, go to the bar and maybe talk to some guys and see what happened. Like, you know, like, that's natural. Like a lot of people like to justify the behaviors that you were talking about, you know, like going out and getting drunk and cheating or like being like, you know, oh, I need to commit with like, oh, we're not supposed to be with only one person. Or like, it's natural to like, be attracted to other people. And all these other things that I'm sure you have heard, and I'm sure there's other variations of what I just said that people have heard, but from someone, and we talk about this a lot that used to maybe be in a relationship and still be committed.

Nicole [00:26:30]: Yeah.

John [00:26:31]: But also be like, oh, well, that person's attractive or whatever. Like, now I never do that. And so I think that people who are coming from a place of like, what I just said, they maybe have just never had the connection where commitment seems like an absolute no brainer.

Nicole [00:26:55]: Right.

John [00:26:55]: Or like, they're genuinely not attracted to other people because they're so attracted to their partner. I understand that they probably never even have experienced that because as I just said, like, I hadn't even experienced that until we were together. But it is out there. And, like, people will try to act like we're the weird ones for saying this.

Nicole [00:27:17]: Yeah.

John [00:27:18]: But to be honest, like, when you have the connection and you have the intimacy and you have the relationship that we have, it, it's a no brainer. You know, like you said that you want to be with this person. Commitment is. It's just a natural thing. There's no other way. Like, you there. There's just no other way. And then you're not, like, attracted to other people. Like, you don't need to be like, oh, that person's attractive. Or like, you know, like, that's not. Or like going to a Chippendales thing. Like when we watch that episode, which we're still not completely done with the series, but I was just like, I can understand if they were all Single?

Nicole [00:28:02]: Yeah.

John [00:28:02]: It's even still not like. Like the best thing, but I can understand it because they're single. It's like, whatever. They're just like, yeah, going to Vegas to be wild and party. And they're not committed to anybody, so it's like, it's just their choice. But for married women to be going to see half naked and naked men, some of them look like they were naked in the previews, just covered up with, like a little hat or something. I just don't understand the desire to do that. And again, maybe it comes from a place of. I have no genuine desire to look at any other man really, besides you, but I just don't get where that is acceptable. Especially because even if they want to act like they'd be fine if their husbands were at a strip club, I doubt that their husbands would be at a strip club. And the other part that I understand as a woman is I do feel like in a situation like that, women can be faithful more than men. I'm not saying significantly more, but I think they can control themselves in situations like that.

Nicole [00:29:15]: A little bit more visual situation. Okay, sure, Right.

John [00:29:18]: But it's still not ideal for anybody. But I'm just saying that I think women justify it because some women genuinely can go. And it's not like that for them.

Nicole [00:29:28]: Right.

John [00:29:28]: Like, to that degree, like, they're not gonna be trying to hook up with the strippers. But if a man went, they would potentially try to do something like that. Not all men. But I'm just saying that it's like, it depends on. I think women justify it because of that rationale in their mind. Right. But even when we were watching it, I'm like, if you love your husband like you say you do.

Nicole [00:29:51]: Right.

John [00:29:52]: Why do you want to do this?

Nicole [00:29:54]: Right. Well, and the thing I think that's important, you know, without sidetracking too much from the topic, but I guess it's related, is that the appearance of wrongdoing is wrong when you're in a relationship. Like, because the reason why it's wrong, the appearance of wrongdoing is because it throws shade on your partner. Okay, we talked about this a little bit before, but guys don't get this or women don't get this, is that look. Yeah. I know that you as, you know, as a trustworthy person. I'm using the general you, not you specifically, but it applies to you, too. But I know that, like, I guess I could just use you. But if you went out to a nightclub with your girls and you had a couple of drinks, that you'd be completely faithful and you wouldn't do anything wrong. Right. However, the fact that you're doing it even though you yourself wouldn't do anything wrong and you never would, that's not the point. And it's not a point of trust. It's not a point of insecurity. It's a point of that. How does that make me look? Like if my wife is out there getting, you know, having some drinks at a nightclub without me.

John [00:31:06]: Well, and vice versa. If you were out doing the same thing.

Nicole [00:31:10]: Yeah.

John [00:31:10]: It's like how it makes your partner look before the women come for you and being like, why is this guy just talking about himself? That's what he's most upset about. It goes the same way for women.

Nicole [00:31:19]: Yeah, of course. Yeah. I mean, I think I talked about on the podcast before, there's a old preacher, Billy Graham, right. He had this rule of, like, because a lot of preachers got involved in scandals or got accused, he was like, he just said, I will never be in the room with the woman alone. Right. If there's a woman, if she wants to talk to me, whatever it is, someone else has to be present.

John [00:31:43]: What if it's your doctor?

Nicole [00:31:46]: Even the doctor. Even the doctor. Just. That's his rule. Unless it's his wife, he's never in a room because. And the reason why is because he doesn't even want anyone to think that there's even any chance of him doing something. Like he's getting rid of the appearance of wrongdoing.

John [00:32:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:32:01]: Because it's respectful to your partner to get rid of the appearance wrongdoing. But. But that's not really the topic of the.

John [00:32:07]: No, I just brought up the Mormon wives thing because you did talk about the Chippendales in the beginning with the freedom. Right. And how they were making it seem like, oh, like, you know, I'm glad you're not a controlling husband. But it's like. And then they were making fun of that one girl, right, because her husband was mad at her, right?

Nicole [00:32:25]: Oh, yeah, yeah.

John [00:32:25]: The general. Yeah. And like, I'm not saying that he was in the right because I think he also, you know, he was trying to also get away with gambling and he's supposedly a Mormon, and I think that's not allowed or something. So I don't know. I think that was. That was a whole mess. But the way that I've also seen other people, like, on social media be like, yeah, it was so refreshing to see so and so's couple relationship like, so healthy that she could go. You know, it's like. I think, which is also why we started this podcast, that what people think is healthy is healthy.

Nicole [00:33:04]: Yeah.

John [00:33:05]: Not because I think they have a mentality like, that is his name Harry Brown, from the first book we were talking about, How I Found Freedom and Unfree World. I think they think in their mind, oh, if the partners let the other person go do whatever they want, right? Then that's healthy. And it's like, yes, that is healthy. You should let your partner do what they want to do. But at the same time, if you're in a marriage, right, you made a commitment. There are some things you should not be doing because of that commitment. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just like, if you. You have freedom to go and book a photographer, right? And, you know, you could be like, hey, I want to do this sort of posing and stuff, and can you edit it this way? And they could be like, no, like, this is my style. You know what I mean? And if you signed a contract with them knowing their style, and you're still like, okay, well, I'm gonna still try to make them do that. Like, you signed a contract. So, like, they can tell you, no, I don't want to work with you, because you're not listening to what they had to say.

Nicole [00:34:11]: Right?

John [00:34:11]: Like, you. You do have freedom to do what you want to do. But also, if you're involving somebody else and you have a contract with that person, which is what marriage is, there are going to be certain things you should and shouldn't do or a way that things should go. Just like when you get married, you shouldn't cheat on them. You know, you should work through things together, and you should stay with them through sickness and health, just like you said in your vows. And richer, poor, like, that's a contract.

Nicole [00:34:42]: Right?

John [00:34:43]: Right. And so people, I think, are getting it confused, like the Harry Brown guy and being like, oh, well, if, you know, they see a couple, a girl going to Vegas and her husband being like, yeah, I don't care. To me, when. I think it was Macy, when her husband was like, I don't care if you're going to Vegas with the girls. I was like, do you care about her at all?

Nicole [00:35:01]: Yeah. Well, okay. And. And to. And another thing is, like, as a man, as a leader, right. As a. A fatherly figure, right? We've talked about this before. That's kind of how a man has to be like, you know, you're not doing a good job if you're not leading, right. If you're not setting the direction, if you're not creating boundaries, if you're not giving correction where it needs to be given. Just like a parent is a horrible parent. If they let a child do whatever they want and they're like, I love you and I trust you, that doesn't mean shit. I would never tell our daughter, never tell Sophia. I love you and I trust you.

John [00:35:43]: Yeah, do whatever you want.

Nicole [00:35:44]: Yeah. Just go ahead and go to that part. Or wear whatever you want. Do whatever you want. Stay out as late as you want. Have electronics as. I trust you and I love you. No, and if someone. If I did say that, no one would be like, oh, you have such a great relationship with your child. It's amazing. It's so healthy, right? Because you just trust her and you just love her and you don't care because you know that she's going to. No, no. A good parent has boundaries, has discipline. Because you see a parent that acts like that, you say, this parent does not love this child.

John [00:36:20]: Right?

Nicole [00:36:21]: Right. When I see a relationship between two people, especially the man, right? Because I can judge from the man's perspective, and the man lets a woman do whatever she wants to do and says, I trust her. I said, that man does not love that woman. Right. That's why I said, I want to know what flavor of ice cream. I don't know if it's a cup or a cone, because I want to be intimately involved. I don't like. Oh, this is another thing I was going to talk about, is that there is no concept of privacy when you're in a relationship.

John [00:36:48]: Well, you can't have deep intimacy if you have private things.

Nicole [00:36:52]: It doesn't exist anymore. Right. And people get upset about this. But it's not just me saying this. Right.

John [00:36:59]: Well, let me say one thing really quick.

Nicole [00:37:01]: Yeah.

John [00:37:02]: You can go to the bathroom alone.

Nicole [00:37:04]: Yeah. But. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Yeah.

John [00:37:06]: But I'm saying, like, I get what you're saying, but I'm not privacy. Like I'm saying for people who are gonna come out of the woodwork and be like, do you go to the bathroom with each other?

Nicole [00:37:15]: You could. It doesn't matter. Like. Like trying to have a concept of personal privacy.

John [00:37:19]: Right.

Nicole [00:37:20]: In a relationship. But. But even, you know, even great philosophers. And it's not just stoics who said this, but I know Seneca had said this, is. He said that what you do in private, you should be willing to do in public. Like, you should have nothing that you're high. Like you should. That you should live in a house made of. Of see through glass.

John [00:37:39]: Right, Right.

Nicole [00:37:40]: Because even if you're even outside of a relationship, if you like privacy. Yeah.

John [00:37:49]: But really, if you feel like you.

Nicole [00:37:50]: Need privacy, it probably means you're doing things you shouldn't be doing. Because if you're living a flawless life, which, again, no one's living a flawless life, but if you are, then you're like, I don't care if my house is made out of the glass. I don't care. Like, I have no. No need for privacy. I don't care if I publicly, you know, everything about what I do and. And everything. You see what I'm saying? So privacy is. Is a. A foothold also, that.

John [00:38:14]: Right.

Nicole [00:38:15]: That, you know. And again, you might think that it's. It's fine. But what's done in the dark, right? It starts small, and then it becomes big. Yeah.

John [00:38:27]: No, that quote is like chef's kiss. Like, that is so true. And I didn't want it. I didn't mean to interrupt you, but, yeah, that's what P. Diddy's going through. Right? Or anybody who's ever, like, done some shady stuff and had, you know, something going on, some skeletons in their closet, and then they got. They came out, like, people should be living. Like, people will find out what they're doing. Like, I'm not saying that, like, certain things you do by yourself, like, that. We're not saying that you need to do everything in front of your partner or tell him every single little detail.

Nicole [00:39:02]: No, no.

John [00:39:03]: But what you said is so important that it's like, if I am getting ice cream with my friends, like, I want to be like, hey, I tried this ice cream flavor, you know? And, like, you're not asking me because you're like, did you eat chocolate or vanilla? I told you to eat chocolate today and get a cup of. You don't need any more cones. Like, that's what they think that it is.

Nicole [00:39:25]: Yeah, that's what they think. Yeah.

John [00:39:26]: And they also think that it's about caring. If you're sharing your location, you're constantly looking at it. Like, we share a location. And the only time I will look at your location is if, like, you're on a hike and it's been, like, an hour longer than I thought you would have been. And I'm like, is he okay? Is his little dot moving on the map so I know that he's, like, moving somewhere? Or I can text you and be like, hey, I see you're still there? Are you still, like, talking to whoever you know? Like, it's not like a constant monitoring thing. It's literally for, like, knowing where your partner is.

Nicole [00:40:00]: And there's a thing, another thing, another thing called trust but verify. Right? I'm sure you've heard that before, too, right? Trust but verify. Right. Which means that, yeah, you should trust. You should be a person who is a trusting person, but you should also verify, because there are times when your trust is misplaced, and no one who places their trust ever thinks it's misplaced. Otherwise you wouldn't place your trust. That's the whole point of it, right? So it's like, just like I talk about all the time, is that no one expects to be cheated on, and no one really plans to cheat either. If you do, you already have dubious intent. But what I'm saying is that 99% of people that will sit here and tell both of us, you don't trust your partner or. Or like, I totally trust my spouse or whatever it is that. That's. The people that are, like, some of those people get cheated on or cheat it just so everyone thinks that they're. That they have perfect judgment in terms of where they put their trust. But it can't be just like, when they do the survey and they're like, are you a better driver than most people? Yeah, you are. 90 of people say they are. But that can't be true, right? It can't statistically be true. Yeah, 90 people can't be better than most people.

John [00:41:20]: Maybe they think they're better than the, like, 10%.

Nicole [00:41:24]: Okay, you could be better than it, but you can't be. But the question is, are you better than a majority of drivers?

John [00:41:29]: Oh, okay.

Nicole [00:41:29]: Right. So you. It can't be true, right? It's the same thing. So that's why it's like, no matter what you think right now, you have to check yourself and realize that you're not above the law. You're not above the. That's why it's important to have, you know, some boundaries in a relationship and to do things like, I just don't.

John [00:41:50]: See what the big deal is. Like, people get so mad at you, like, I guess because they act like you have to check in every time. I think it's being misconstrued. Right. Because of what I said earlier, where these people have never even been in a relationship where they want to tell their partner what ice cream they got when they go out with their friends. Right. The difference is, like, I want to tell you and I want you to have my location because I also want you to know where I'm at in case something were to happen, right? Like, or I, I'm like, hey, I'm going to the grocery store and then I'm gone for three hours and then you can see that my body is in a garbage can behind the grocery store. You know what I mean? Like, I'm being dramatic, but at the same time I'm not. Because you don't know what's going to happen, right?

Nicole [00:42:36]: Yeah.

John [00:42:36]: So like sense it's not from a like controlling standpoint. And plus it's a two sided thing. Like you know where I'm going, I know where you're going, right? Like it's not a one sided thing that I guess they're assume. A lot of people like to assume, right. When a guy has boundaries like that or certain things like that, that he's controlling.

Nicole [00:42:56]: If I needed to check up on you, if I needed to like make sure that you're doing what you're supposed to be doing, because if I wasn't making sure of it, that you'd be out there being a floozy, then you.

John [00:43:08]: Have a child, then I wouldn't be in a relationship.

Nicole [00:43:11]: Like, I'm not like, you see what I'm saying? Like it's ridiculous to be in a relationship with someone that you have to put the boundaries that you have to police. Like the boundaries don't exist so that you can police someone.

John [00:43:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:22]: If you have, if you're placing boundaries in order to police someone, you got a big problem that's like you're not even going to solve that problem. Because people spoof their locations. They'll use a different device, all kinds. Like if someone really wants to get, you know, these are just guidelines about transparency. It's just like, right. You know, and to present the other side of it, because a lot of times women are really upset about this. It's like, hey, if you ever ask me for my phone, like if you're like, hey, can I see your phone? Can I look through your messages? I guess you did do that one time, right? And I'm like, yeah, here, there you go, right. I'm not going to get upset, I'm not going to get offended. Right? Because, because as a, as someone who cares about you as a partner, I don't want you to have to suffer with your own insecurity whether it's warranted or not. Why would I, why would I create an obstacle or be a fit? Like I'm going to Just give you what, Whatever you need in order to help you feel. Maybe. Maybe you watch some movie or about some guy that was cheating on his girlfriend, and maybe you just.

John [00:44:24]: That's. That's what happened. You're saying this because I would totally do that. I'd be like, I watch this movie.

Nicole [00:44:30]: Or maybe you had a dream, right. Or whatever it is. Right. I'm going to just give it to you and not worry about it because I don't want you to suffer with the worry.

John [00:44:40]: Like glass house. And so everything's out there, you know.

Nicole [00:44:43]: And to feel bad about it, to be like, oh, yeah, I'm. I. I'm. I'm. I want to look at his phone, but I don't want to offend him. You can just ask me. There you go. Then I'm not going to make it hard for you. Right. Because that's the whole point, is that there may be a time when I have an insecurity, and then the transparency would help me. But we're helping each other because we're not perfect.

John [00:45:06]: But they don't see that as freedom. But we see that as freedom. Right. We live so openly with each other, so transparent, so involved in each other's lives, that that is actual freedom within a relationship. Like the freedom to have boundaries on both sides and know that your partner respects you enough to live this way and you're gonna do the same to them.

Nicole [00:45:34]: Yeah.

John [00:45:35]: Like, that is the freedom. And people have got it confused because people aren't in very romantic and intimate relationships anymore. Like, they're not like. Like we've talked about. It's. It's hard for us to even, like, be understood a lot of times by other couples, because a lot of couples live the way that we've been talking about, where it's like, oh, I don't care if he goes to the bar, or whatever. And it's like, it's. Yeah, it's like, I. I get what you're trying to say.

Nicole [00:46:08]: I get it. Yeah.

John [00:46:09]: But at the same time, why are you choosing to go to a bar rather than even just staying home with your partner and making drinks at home or like, having a, you know, a night where you guys go out together or, you know, something like that. Like, right. I get hanging out with your girlfriends or your guy friends, and I think that's important. And we've always said that that's important. And you shouldn't not have friends.

Nicole [00:46:36]: Right.

John [00:46:36]: But it's like, you should be doing things that are appropriate.

Nicole [00:46:41]: Right. And every affair starts somewhere. It has to start somewhere, some location.

John [00:46:48]: Right?

Nicole [00:46:48]: That's right. It's like, again, people are thinking, oh, well, yeah, as if you're sitting at home. And then like the seed of. Of it is just planted in your heart. Like you're just like, okay, I'm just gonna go out and cheat. That's not how it happens. It happens innocently 90% of the time. Right? That's what. If you ask someone and they describe what happened, what do they always say? They say, oh, well, you know, I didn't. Wasn't really thinking anything. Wasn't whatever, you know, so it's like.

John [00:47:16]: Well, if you put yourself right.

Nicole [00:47:18]: So if you're. You're eliminating, you know, part of, again, say, leadership of a man in a relationship is protecting the relationship. Not. Again, not protecting, not policing. Because I'm afraid that if I don't keep you on a short leash, you're going to go and do shit that you're not. You know, Like, I don't. I know that I don't have to put you on any leash. I know that how much you love me, how you feel about me, that I don't need to do anything, but it doesn't mean that I don't anyway, because boundaries. Because it's not policing. It's because it's protecting. You know what I'm saying? And that's the thing is you have to protect the relationship. Because even the most in love person, right, who is uncorruptible, let's say incorruptible, if you put them into temptation enough times, they may start to become corruptible, right? It's like, it's better to avoid completely than to risk that again and maybe your relationship, and maybe you will survive through it. It's just like, again, there's that show, right? What does that show? That I was like, oh, man, this is such a horrible show. Temptation island or something. When we saw the previews from that.

John [00:48:32]: I think it's the ultimatum one with like, the people in a relationship and then they can go and talk to other people, though, and see if they want to still be in the relationship.

Nicole [00:48:42]: There's a few shows like that where they have some island and they're, you know, they're like in their swimsuits and they're, you know, just hanging out. It's just stupid. It's just stupid. It's not a test of your relationship to see how faithful you are or if you really love this person. It's just stupid. That's what it is. Because when you set People up. It's just like, okay, look, give you another quote. Jocko Willink said, discipline is freedom. Right? I'm eating what I'm eating now, only meat and eggs, right? There's freedom in that. Why? Because I don't have to decide what else. Like, I know what the rules are. It's meat or it's eggs, right? And so because I have the rules, I have freedom within those rules. But that thing, it's. It's for my protection. Like, if I just do a diet, but there's no rules to the diet, guess how, how much? How. Well, I'll follow that. Like, how effective that diet will be. Zero effectiveness. Right? You see what I'm saying? So that's the thing about it is that it's like you have restrictions that you've put in place, but they're self. Like you've agreed to those restrictions, and those things need to be there in order to protect their relationship.

John [00:49:52]: Right. I think people have an issue with the boundaries thing because they would bump up against the boundaries. But right. When you're in a relationship like we have, you don't even get close to the boundaries because you don't want to. Like, there's no desire to get close to crossing the boundary line. Like, but I think that when people hear these things, they don't like it because they would have a hard time because they would cross the boundary line, right? And then they would get into a situation that the. Their partner wouldn't like. But when you have boundaries that make sense in your relationship, like we do, you don't even get close to the boundaries, so you feel free. Like, it doesn't feel confined. But I'm sure that the people who have a problem with it feel like Shamu at Sea World, where they're like, I can only go so far.

Nicole [00:50:44]: You're stopping me from.

John [00:50:45]: But yeah, we don't. We feel like we're in the ocean.

Nicole [00:50:49]: Yeah. There was a girl that commented on. On, I think on. On the. The video, on. On my Instagram, and she was like, I forgot what. Exactly what she said. I was telling you last night, but she was like, it's like, you're gonna restrict me, stop me from having fun. You know, it's like, if you think.

John [00:51:05]: That'S fun, you should be single.

Nicole [00:51:07]: Like. Like, you should be that. That's what she's saying is like, oh, no. I know one girl who did a. A duet on my TikTok and was like, watch out, ladies, for these kind of man. Right? Don't pick this man or be a pick me girl for this kind of man because he will make it so that you feel like you. I forget exactly what she said. But like, if you're, you're gonna miss out on all the fun, you know that, that you could. Like, just because now you're with him and you should, and he's gonna make you feel like you should be spending all your time with him instead of having fun on your own or whatever. I forget exactly how she put it, but it's just like ridiculous.

John [00:51:52]: You're missing out on fun by staying in with your partner rather than going out with your girlfriends to a bar. You should be single if you view hanging out with your partner in the way that you just described. You should be single. Like, that's what I'm trying to say is like, these people are in relationships that they really shouldn't be in. If you genuinely believe those, these things, that's fine. I'm not saying you're wrong, but I'm saying you should not be with another person if you strongly view going out and partying like you are single as the most fun you're gonna ever have. And then another thing that you said earlier is that, that I think people need to realize when you were talking about how even if you're super committed and in a very loving relationship, if you're put in situations, you're more likely to be tempted to do something. And that's true with everything. Like, that's why they tell you that who you hang out with influences you. It's the same way. So if you're in like such situation where you shouldn't be in hanging out with like another person, another man.

Nicole [00:53:03]: Right.

John [00:53:03]: Like as myself, I would still never ever do something like that. Like, nobody can influence me to do that. But people don't realize how subtly they're influenced.

Nicole [00:53:18]: Right?

John [00:53:19]: And exactly. Will potentially start second guessing it. Like you said, even like, I know because of our relationship, I would not be influenced to do that. But like you said, I still understand that I get influenced by certain things. Like you said when I, when you were talking about, like if I watched a movie and the guy cheated and I was like, you know, that's me being influenced, you know, by like within whatever I'm watching.

Nicole [00:53:45]: Right.

John [00:53:46]: But it's influencing me to now be like, oh, I'm afraid that that might happen to me. Let me go look at his phone or so ask him to look at his phone or something.

Nicole [00:53:53]: Well, check this out. Okay. Remember I guess a week ago when we were watching The. The Mormon housewives thing or the Mormon wife saying, right. And you're like, there was the one girl, right, that was like, not really doing anything wrong. Right. You know, and she was in. Oh, I forget.

John [00:54:10]: The gin girl.

Nicole [00:54:11]: Yeah. And you. And you're kind of getting a little bit like, john, why are you being so harsh on this. This girl? I'll tell you why. I'll tell you exactly why. I had to think about that for a little bit. I was like, why is this so wrong? Why is she even more wrong than some of them? And I thought about it, and I came up to an answer, and it's exactly what you just said. So what happens when you hang around with the wrong kind of people is like, think about it this way. If she was to hang around those people, would she be anywhere near strip club? Would she be anywhere near Chippendales? So relative to them. Relative to them, she's an angel. She's not touching the strippers, but she's still there. So what happens when you hang around the wrong people is you start to have a relative morality where it's relative to the bad things that people are doing. So if you take those other people away and she was at a Chippendales, you're like, what the hell are you doing? Right? But because those other people are there and they're touching the strippers and they're doing all this other stuff, and they. Now. Now what she's doing doesn't seem like as big of a deal. You see what I'm saying? So it creates an illusion in your head that because you're not doing as bad as what other people are doing that you're not doing anything wrong, whereas just being there, right? Like, if you took them away, right. Why are you even in the parking lot of this place at all? You see what I'm saying? Like, just being there is wrong. Right? So I think you get the point that I'm making. But that's the whole thing about it, is that you lose track of. It's a slippery slope. Like, you don't realize that you're slipping. And relative to the people that are further down the slope than you, you're like, I'm still way up here. So you think you're up here, but what's happening is you're both sliding and you're. You're maintaining the same height. So you think you're not going anywhere, but you're sliding down.

John [00:56:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:09]: So, yeah, and the other thing I was going to say is that, you know, when People get into a relationship, how many people think, I hope this ends, Right? No, no, an arrogance, like, why would you commit to someone? Why would you get in a relationship thinking I hope this ends? Right, Right. So relationships end. A lot of relationships, most relationships do end. But I guarantee you, if we were to take a survey and you're so. And you were to look at the causes of a relationship ending, right, I guarantee you 95% of them would have an external factor, external to the relationship as one of the primary causes for that relationship ending. I'm not saying there wasn't any kind of inner turmoil, but I'm saying of the actual nail in the coffin, the thing that cause it to finally end, that destroyed the relationship 95% of the time, I would guess there was some kind of. The external influence was a thing. And so if you're a smart person and you got into a relationship because you don't want it to end, why the hell, like if a relationship ends because between the two of you, it ends because you have irreconcilable differences, right? That's fine. If that's the reason, that's the only reason a relationship should end is because you too can't get along and you can't work it out, right? But a lot of times those relationships don't even have to end because if there's not an external influence, you will work it out and you will figure out how to work out together and to come back together. But what happens is there's an external influence. And so the more that you cut that stuff out. Right. Again, yeah, it might be innocent. Going to the bar with a couple of your girlfriends, whatever, I get it. I totally get. Or go dancing or whatever it is, or guys night out. We go to the bar and shoot some shit that might seem totally innocent, but when the relationship starts to have some kind of trouble, which all relationships do, right. Do you want to be like, oh, you know what? Shit. The reason why this ended, the reason why I wasted all this time and went through all this pain was because of some external influence that could have easily been avoided with the some simple boundaries. That's so stupid, you know, that's why I think it's just, you know, like, yeah, I know that probably no one's going to rob my house, right? Like, I know that it's probably not going to happen. We live in a good neighborhood. I mean, it doesn't even happen. Burglaries don't happen. But I don't leave my door unlocked and I don't leave my door open, you know, and I don't take all my money and leave it in the house. I put it in the bank. You know what I'm saying? Like, it's. Those are small precautions against something that's not very likely to happen, but it could. So it's stupid to. That's why when people don't take care, I think that they're careless. Like, every. Every person that's always like, oh, I trust my partner. I trust them 100%. Like, I. I don't need to know where they're at or anything like that. I know that that relationship is absolutely doomed in there. I know that they don't love their partner because they don't love their relationship enough to protect it.

John [00:59:19]: I mean, sometimes I feel like those people are also doing bad things, you know, because they're trying to overcompensate and be like, you go do whatever you want. Like, I don't care. You know, Go ahead, do whatever you want. Like, that makes me feel like they're doing something that they don't want found out. So they're like, you go and do whatever you want. So then if you mess up, then we both have something that's bad. You know what I mean?

Nicole [00:59:45]: Yeah. And then I. Like I said, I've been coaching guys for a long time too, and I just talked to a new coaching client of mine, and I was like. And I went through his relationship history and the past three girlfriends he had cheated on him. This one, he checks her phone. He doesn't need to. But the fact that he's now the kind of guy that sets boundaries, that is like, ah, that's not cool that you're talking to guys. No, it's not cool that you're talking to an ex. It's not cool that, you know, now that he's that kind of guy, he's able to find a woman that's not gonna do those. You see what I'm saying? But you have to be that kind of person. Like, you have to put prediction in place because that means that you actually care.

John [01:00:31]: Yeah, but they think that it's no freedom. But they don't understand. Like I said, I think it's because they bounce up against the boundaries. But we've already did a whole episode on boundaries, so maybe they need to watch that. But because boundaries are good for every single relationship, not just your romantic relationship. So I think they just. Again, they don't. They don't get it because they also don't have the intimacy and the Connection. But they could have that, right? And I think if they did have that, if they did deepen their relationship and they deepen their intimacy and they had more transparency with their partner, they wouldn't believe in those things anymore, and they would understand where we're coming from.

Nicole [01:01:13]: Yeah. And again, you know, just to reiterate that what we talked about in that episode too, which, you know, just because the argument is always, oh, you can't hang out with your friends. Like, that seems restrictive to get a woman and then tell her she can't hang out with her girlfriend. No, you can. You just have to be doing innocent things, like things that are acceptable.

John [01:01:33]: Not going to the bar, even if.

Nicole [01:01:37]: You'Re innocent, doing it. It doesn't. You know, I'm saying again. And it becomes a relative thing. It's like, okay, pretty soon, then it's like, oh, well, all the girls are going to the script club. But I'm, I'm. I'm not doing anything here. Like, like, like, it's, it's. It becomes dumb. So, yeah, so you can hang out with your friends. Of course you can hang out with.

John [01:01:55]: Your friends, but you want to respect the person you're with, and they should do the same to you.

Nicole [01:02:01]: And the final thing about the whole thing, like with the book and stuff, is because I know Sophia was bringing it up too, when she was reading. We have Sophia reading books every night. Complicated. Personally. She's reading.

John [01:02:14]: We all read.

Nicole [01:02:15]: Yeah, she's reading 1984 now. But, you know, is. Is a thing that. And what I told her and which I think is. Is true. And is. I think is. Is libertarian as, as anything. And I think Harry missed it on this, which is that no one can obligate you. No one can. You don't owe anyone anything. You don't owe people loyalty. You don't owe people anything at all. You don't owe, like, you don't owe your parents anything. You don't owe any. Anything that. But you, you don't owe society anything. Right. You don't have your duty to your country. None of that stuff. That's all. But you can obligate yourself. If I shake your hand, if I make an agreement with you, if I make a vow to you, if I tell you something, if I produce a child through my own, I have created an obligation, and I must fulfill that obligation. If I have created that obligation, no one else can do it for me. No one else can force me to be obligated, but I can obligate myself. And when you do Then you are indeed obligated. And it's not a restriction of your freedom in any way. A restriction of your freedom comes from an external force or something. Like we can restrict our own freedoms, that's fine. But when we do that in that respect, we're making a choice that we freely have made. And yeah, we can freely break our obligations, but there's always a cost to them. And there's the surface level cost which he talked about, like what will it cost you? But there's an internal cost and that cost is an expensive cost. So that's the thing about it is that it's not restricting your freedom. You make choices with your freedom.

John [01:04:04]: I mean. Yeah. And again, I think people who view it that way, they should just be single because that is a more self centered, selfish way to view it, which is, there's nothing wrong with that. But the only way you can live like that is as a single person. Because when you do get into a relationship with somebody, and especially if you get married, it's about compromise. Like it's not about you anymore. It's two people living together, cohabitating, doing life together. Like it can't just be you doing whatever you want. Like you have someone else to keep in mind now. And then when you have kids, you have even more people to keep in mind now. So if you only want to focus on yourself and what you you doing, whatever you want, stay single. Like for real. Because that then you can like no one, it's all about you.

Nicole [01:04:51]: And at the point where this is whatever you want, then that's when you like that it should be whatever you want.

John [01:04:57]: Yeah, it's just like it should be the thing that you want.

Nicole [01:04:59]: It's like, like people could could say to me even now, right as I'm on this, whether you agree with the diet or not, you know, it's crazy diet, but I'm just doing it temporarily, partly just for discipline. But people could say, oh, you're so you don't have any freedom. You can only eat meat and eggs. You don't have any freedom. You're so restricted.

John [01:05:19]: You have freedom to choose.

Nicole [01:05:21]: I chose it, right? No one chose it for me. I chose it. So how could you possibly say I'm not free? How could you? Could you, could you tell me I'm not free, right?

John [01:05:32]: And I'm eating not just meat and eggs, so you know, you're not, you're not over here forcing me to eat what you're eating.

Nicole [01:05:40]: But my point is that could I conceivably do something other than eat meat, eggs to the time that I've committed to it. Yeah, I could. I could. I still have the freedom, right?

John [01:05:52]: You could stop.

Nicole [01:05:53]: Chosen for an end. To create a set of rules for myself that I have chosen to obligate myself and to follow.

John [01:06:01]: Right, right.

Nicole [01:06:02]: And it's the same thing when you're in a relationship. You're doing it for an end. You know that you want this more than you want that.

John [01:06:10]: Right.

Nicole [01:06:11]: So you're creating rules or, or you're agreeing to rules or whatever, however you want to phrase it, you still have the freedom to break them, but you're.

John [01:06:21]: Not going to because you value the thing more.

Nicole [01:06:24]: Yeah, but you've created that thing, so that's not, you know, that's what actually makes you the most free. Because. And this is why Jocko Willink said that discipline is freedom is because when you are constantly controlled by your desires, when you're constantly controlled by your mood in how you feel, you are not free. That's when you're the least free.

John [01:06:52]: Right.

Nicole [01:06:53]: When you think you have the most freedom is when you have the least amount of freedom. Because you're a slave to your lust, to your desires, to your hunger, to your emotion. You're a slave to all of those things. You're not free at all. But when you create discipline and you say, no, I'm limiting the set of things that I can do, of things that I can eat, of people I can sleep with, whatever it is, you create discipline. When you create discipline, you actually create freedom because you free yourself from being.

John [01:07:32]: Controlled by those other things.

Nicole [01:07:33]: Exactly. That master that you didn't like anyway, because you were like, every single person will obey some authority. Every single person. And it can either be, you know, you have either the master of your desires and your emotions and your, you know that, or you'll have the master of yourself. You can be your own master, but it requires discipline and it requires commitment. And that's. It's the same exact thing because it's discipline within the relationship. Like, it's. It's easy to go out and hang out with your friends at bars and do things. Single people stuff. It's harder to say, no, we don't do that kind of stuff. And people judge you and they're like, oh, wow, he really controls you then. Or whatever it is. Or like, oh, yeah, she's got the leash on you. They throw it. Both men and women throw it on. On either side, right? If it's, if it's a woman, they're like, oh, yeah, he's. He's just really controlling. He seems like a controlling man. I'm a little concerned for you. Or if it's on the other side, they're like, oh, yeah, you're pussy whipped, huh? She's got the leash on you. She got it tight on you. You got to check in. Right. Again, people do it both that, that's how they slip in.

John [01:08:42]: Right?

Nicole [01:08:42]: But yeah, that's all right. There's my, my monologue to end this.

John [01:08:50]: Well, for our thing for the week, I don't think we have anything, do we?

Nicole [01:08:55]: No. It's been all peaceful since the big revelation.

John [01:09:02]: That's true. The big bang.

Nicole [01:09:04]: Yeah. No, it's been great.

John [01:09:06]: Yeah. I can't think of anything.

Nicole [01:09:09]: We'll wait. If it persists like this for a year, then we'll declare. Then we'll give ourselves a bigger. We'll be like, yeah, we've made it. We've. We've totally made it. We'll be like. Then we'll actually change the podcast. We'll change it from Better than Perfect podcast. We'll call it to Perfect, like Perfect Podcast.

John [01:09:27]: But we're better than perfect already. So that would be going backwards, I.

Nicole [01:09:30]: Guess that's better than.

John [01:09:31]: Better than perfect, you know, bestest perfect.

Nicole [01:09:35]: So if we make it a year of.

John [01:09:38]: That's a long time.

Nicole [01:09:40]: Yeah, but I don't know, I, I think we're. We're always growing, so we're getting closer to that, that level, but we're still.

John [01:09:48]: Human, so we'll probably make some mistakes. And that's okay. I don't want people to think that.

Nicole [01:09:53]: No, it's not okay.

John [01:09:55]: Or like, you know, you have to be afraid to make a mistake. And, you know, that's not the case.

Nicole [01:10:02]: It's just not okay to make stupid mistakes that could have been prevented by boundaries or common sense. See, that's. That's the thing. That's what we're advocating for. It's like, right? It's like, yeah, it's okay to make a mistake and yell at your partner. Right.

John [01:10:20]: It's not okay to cheat on your partner.

Nicole [01:10:22]: Right.

John [01:10:23]: Right.

Nicole [01:10:25]: And by simple boundaries, guidelines, rules, whatever you want to call it, you can prevent the one kind of mistake from ever possibly happening. So that if you want to get out of the relationship, you have a discussion and you get out of the relationship again. And like, I say this from personal experience. Right. I don't like to go into the history and the details, but I was one of those people. That's why I know for sure that this is the right way to go.

John [01:10:55]: A person who doesn't have boundaries, a.

Nicole [01:10:57]: Person who, like.

John [01:11:00]: Stepped out. Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [01:11:03]: So.

John [01:11:06]: So take it from experience.

Nicole [01:11:08]: I can guarantee you that if those things were in place that it wouldn't have been possible. I would have had to confront the issue.

John [01:11:15]: Yeah, right. That's true.

Nicole [01:11:16]: Because that's what is like, you know what I mean? And then that's the thing, and that's the most painful way for things to end, is for them to end from external.

John [01:11:25]: But I do want to say, whether you have boundaries or not, as you said, you should have boundaries.

Nicole [01:11:30]: Yeah.

John [01:11:30]: Cheating is never acceptable.

Nicole [01:11:32]: Right, of course. Yeah.

John [01:11:33]: No matter what, like, that's still a choice at the end of the day. So before people are like, you're justifying cheating. We never justify cheating in any capacity. It's still a choice. It's still something that you have to face if you do so.

Nicole [01:11:48]: Right. But you can, like I said, you can make it so that it's. It's a. It's not an option. Instead, you have to choose to leave. Right. That's so. All right, I think that's it for this week. If you write us a review. Yeah.

John [01:12:06]: Please do the regular else besides banana fingers, please.

Nicole [01:12:15]: Yes.

John [01:12:15]: Anything besides, like, bananas fingers.

Nicole [01:12:18]: We literally have said, look. Look at how much banana finger. Like, you're gonna let banana fingers get away with this? Because how many times have we said banana fingers? Like, his review or her review went so far. And that could have been you. You could have been better.

John [01:12:31]: The other ones were way better. The actual reviews are way better.

Nicole [01:12:34]: But that could have been you. You could have left the review, and then we could have just kept on talking about your review all the right time, you know, so. But yeah, so. And if you want to get on the podcast and you're in San Diego or you will be in San Diego, then email us@betterthanperfectpodcastmail.com and if you want some coaching, relationship coaching.

John [01:12:59]: That's true. John's coaching.

Nicole [01:13:01]: I was gonna say on the podcast, we were like, would coach.

John [01:13:04]: Or if you don't want to be on the podcast.

Nicole [01:13:06]: Yeah, if you don't want to be on the podcast.

John [01:13:07]: John does coaching.

Nicole [01:13:08]: Yeah. For men, one on one.

John [01:13:10]: Men, yeah.

Nicole [01:13:11]: No, women, one on one, please. I only say it because it's just men, please. Okay.

John [01:13:19]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [01:13:21]: Well, you can. You can. You can email@betterthanperfectpodcastmail.com as well.

John [01:13:26]: So I think you don't even have to say why it's just men.

Nicole [01:13:29]: Yeah, right, exactly.

John [01:13:32]: But also follow us on Instagram, tick tock, YouTube, like, and subscribe.

Nicole [01:13:40]: And if you do, if you disagree with us, leave it, you know, whatever. You can leave a comment, tell us.

John [01:13:44]: But please make sure it actually has some substance to it rather than, you guys are stupid.

Nicole [01:13:49]: Yeah, if we're just stupid and we suck, you can, you can just, you can just send us a personal email. I would prefer, you know, or a letter, if you want to write a letter or something, you know, you can, you can do that as well. But, but yeah, if it's related to, you know, how we're wrong, then post a comment. Bye.

John [01:14:06]: All right.

Nicole [01:14:07]: All right, that's it. Good night.

John [01:14:10]: Through every fault we find our way.