John: So, we're talking about the way of the superior man. Honestly, it was a really good book. I really liked that. Like, it's not about changing your woman. It's not about fixing her emotions. It's more about not allowing her stuff to dictate your actions. If you're going to sit here and tell me that you're more logical than emotional, then as a man, you should be able to not allow my emotions to affect you. This is how to understand what kind of man you're looking for, right? What is an actual superior man? But it's going to be hard to find. And that's in that book because I think I took the only one. But beyond the perfect discover through our flaws, we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay. Through every fault we find our way. All right. Welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole: That's right. Yeah. And so, what's the scoop? I mean, we might as well. We finished Love is Blind.

John: Yeah, we did finish Love is Blind. So, what did you think of this season? I mean, only one couple got married, and to be honest, I thought they weren't going to make it past the you followed me and unfollowed me thing in the beginning.

Nicole: Yeah, it was a lot of drama. I mean, the big thing, which I kind of expected that in Minneapolis, the big thing that dissolved most of their relationships was wokeness because it came down to political wokeness ideas that the women held that when they had the discussions with the men, no, they blamed on all kinds of other things, but ultimately at the end, they came out saying that. So, which is unfortunate. It's sad because then that kind of stuff makes it so that relationships get ruined but that's... I still want to know what the TikTok was that the Sarah girl was so upset over about the Ben guy.

John: Yeah. I don't know. I mean it must be out there, right? Like people must have talked. I didn't look. I'm surprised they didn't play it at the reunion because they're getting messier. They didn't. There's a lot of things that there... I don't know, for the drama's sake, there's text evidence of these things that happened, right?

Nicole: Yeah, but I guess they can't ask for it, or like are they... I don't know, is it the person's denying it? Is some of this drama manufactured, right? Is it like did these things really happen? Because like with the whole thing with the girl sleeping with the guy that was, you know, before... what was her name, Lauren or Laur... her fling. But he thought it was the text between them would clarify whether this was a real relationship or not and what the timing of the things were. So did no one have... he really liked her?

John: Yeah. That wouldn't have mattered, right?

Nicole: Yeah. Because he wasn't even introducing her to his family and like she said he kept saying, "Oh, they would support me on anything that I wanted them to." But then he'd be like, "No, they don't want to be a part of this." It's like, well, if you actually cared about her, then you would want them to be a part of it. So, I think it's funny because he says that his sister didn't want him to be portrayed poorly on TV or whatever, but it seems like he went on the show just to be on TV.

John: Yeah. That's I think a lot of people... it's what's happening with the... Yeah. That's why it's like you can't... there's less marriages and there's only one. Like they must have... I also wonder it's like do they at some point... what do they say that the producers be like all right like we'll give you more money if you get married. You can get an annulment afterwards if you want to but there must be something because what happens if no one gets married then they don't have a show.

Nicole: I don't know, or maybe they can spin it where they have enough drama. But yeah, it's definitely harder I feel like now to get people that don't just want to be on TV and quote famous, you know what I mean? So, who knows? Well, I'm sure we'll keep watching, but yeah. There wasn't that much good like I feel like real relationship problems in this one. I mean, maybe the prenup thing that was like a first, right? Has anyone else asked for a prenup?

John: I don't think so. But yeah, I mean the thing, the big thing was the lesson of like the whole like I said the wokeness was the big thing was that that's what was prevalent in a lot of those conversations where it was, you know, women that were very much on the woke side of things pushing that as the most important thing that exists in the world which, you know, I... it's kind of the culture we live in with people being brainwashed by media today. But it's unfortunate because that's, you know, and it's totally against a traditional type of relationship.

Nicole: Well, and those guys didn't lead, right? So, those guys didn't step up and say, "No, this is what I believe. This is how it is." They were very passive. They're like, "Yeah, yeah, like, okay, yeah, I'm open to that." Or, I don't even know what they're saying or I could learn more about those things. Like instead of just saying okay this is what I believe and this is what... you know they didn't take lead.

John: So yeah, I mean I think the issue is just that I don't think any of the guys made it seem like they don't care about people, but the women made it seem like if they didn't agree 100% that they didn't care and that's not what actually happened, right? So, and that's the problem is that if you just because you don't agree with all of these things that media has made important, like these are the causes that you have to get behind. If you don't agree with those things, then you don't care about people. That's like, you know, that's a narrative that's been fed to a lot of people. And it's unfortunate because it becomes an obsession where like these women were obsessed with these topics, with these ideas. These are not even things that you know that you encounter in your normal day-to-day life, you know.

Nicole: So that's true. Well, without going too far into all of that, yeah, let's get into what our topic for today is. But I do think it's important though because like I said, we are talking about traditional modern.

John: Relationships. Traditional relationship, it's the antithesis of wokeness. They are not compatible. So, you know, that's what we talk about.

Nicole: Okay. Do you disagree? I mean, I just think there's a difference between caring about people and having extreme views. So, yeah, they were pushing their extreme views on other people. But I don't think it's a problem to care about different groups of people, right?

John: And yeah, there's no one that doesn't it's no one is saying to not care about different groups of people, right? Being caring. That's what we're about. But I think being traditional and having roles where a man is the leader and is masculine and a woman is feminine, these are the things that we're espousing, right?

Nicole: Those I don't even think about any of that even like the guys, like you said, weren't leading, right? And so the women were more in their masculine. And so that's what I saw. But the thing is is that women, even if they're in their masculine, are going to care about people. Like not saying men don't care about people, but they're going to care about people in a different way than a man does.

John: Right. Exactly. And it seems just like they, you know, are portraying that they care so much about these people. And I do think they do care about these groups of people, but they don't care about the person that they're with if they feel like that person doesn't care as much as they do, right?

Nicole: And I think men just show that they care about things in a different way and they're not going to be as out there about it as women are. And so, you know, when they've gotten to the point that these women are at, they're so passionate about it that if they don't have a man that is equally as passionate about it, then they're kind of put off by it. And that's what I think happened. And especially, you know, the men weren't really leading the situation. They were pretty passive. And I feel like that is probably what triggered them the most is that if they did have some sort of opinion, even if it was differing, and they could have talked about it in a cordial way, right, then it probably wouldn't even have been an issue. But I think the real issue deep down too was that the women were also taking control of the situation. And so like that is what ultimately ended up happening anyway. Like they're the ones that broke it off because they were dictating all the things anyway. But like it's a complicated web of things. But yeah, like a man has to lead. He has to stand up. He has to own his opinions. He can't be passive, right?

John: Exactly. And a woman's going to care about people, but that doesn't mean that you shun people because they're not showing that they care in the ways that you're expecting them to, right? Because it's hypocritical to the whole idea of being empathetic, right? It's uh what did they call it? The term for it is it's like selective empathy. Well, it's empathetic exploitation and that's what happens. And the media likes to use this. The whole woke movement is based on exploiting specifically women's empathy in a wrong way.

Nicole: Right? And it's like if you change your Facebook profile to a flag of a country, that's not the same thing as actually having empathy. That's the same thing as being on board with what you think is the winning team or what you're supposed to do. But like actually taking action, actually helping the people that you say that you have empathy for. That's actually having empathy, right?

John: And so it becomes this image thing which is again like I said the guys need to take lead on this and say no no no this is what I believe this is what if we have a relationship if we have a marriage if we have a family this is what the value systems are going to be like that it has to be clear that and if that means that the woman's going to say oh no I don't accept that that's fine it's like then you don't accept me because as a leader I'm going to set the value systems for our house we'll talk about these things, but ultimately like you got to follow my lead, otherwise we don't have a relationship. But yeah, I don't think any of those guys had that conversation.

Nicole: No, I think any you're either with us or against us mindset is horrible. Like because we can learn from all perspectives. Exactly. And so no matter what side it is, having a you're either with us or against us mindset is damaging to everybody because I do feel like Sarah's sister who is lesbian. Like she very much was trying to push Sarah to make whatever decision that Sarah or that Sarah's sister wanted for Sarah. And that I feel like caused Sarah to have a lot of internal struggles. And I feel like a lot of people with the mindset that she had and Virginia had, they don't want to seem like they don't care because they do, right? And so they end up in these extreme versions. But the thing is that if you truly have empathy, it's for everybody and it's for every side and perspective and even the bad even the bad guys. That's what bad people aren't totally bad. They don't point. I have empathy for all these people. But the people who don't agree with me or don't agree with that I don't that don't show these people empathy in the way that I think they should be shown empathy. I don't have any empathy for them, right? They can just rot in hell. That's the problem. That's what both of those women were projecting and that's what a lot of people that have those same type of beliefs project and then they alienate people. You know, that's the thing about it. Because it's like, you know, me and you, we love everyone. It doesn't matter. Straight, gay, whatever, trans, doesn't it doesn't matter. Like, we're going to treat you the same. We're going to be loving. We're going to care about you. Like, we're not going to treat anybody differently. But also someone who has a differing viewpoint, they're also not going to get treated differently either because that's it's not you know that it's being tolerant means being fully tolerant of all people of understanding have empathy for everyone and that's I think that's the thing that that's missed but the reason why I point it out so much is because I think it is important in traditional modern relationships because you do have those roles but I also think it's important in dating too. Because today in society and maybe we should even just do a whole episode on it has become so politicized.

John: It's so divisive. It's already hard for men and women to come together and find each other in society when men and women are against each other in our stratosphere type of climate. But then when you throw politics on top of that and very divisive politics and you let that be your guiding north star in your entire life, it's even harder and that's a problem. So I agree.

Nicole: Yeah. But okay. Should we get into the topic?

John: Yes.

Nicole: Alright. So we're talking about The Way of the Superior Man, the book that we've talked about quite a few times on this podcast. I think mostly you because I hadn't read it.

John: That's true. Because you hadn't read it.

Nicole: So, but now I have.

John: Yes, Nicole has read the book.

Nicole: So, what are your thoughts about the book first of all?

John: I liked that he wrote it from a very spiritual loving perspective because I feel like men need more of that honestly especially I feel like it's very important to write a book like this about being masculine from that perspective because a lot of men who maybe haven't been in their masculine think that it's very abrasive and harsh and mean or this kind of aggressive like masculine like this dark masculine I guess you would say.

Nicole: Sure.

John: That's what they kind of think in their head. And I feel like a lot of men do end up kind of going the wrong way sometimes if they don't have the proper knowledge like this book has where you need to come from a masculine place out of love rather than like this aggression or anger or being an [__] or whatever they think that being a man like a true manly man or masculine man means. I feel like he does a great job of explaining what every woman wants in a man, which is like he's tough. He gets his stuff done, but he has a very loving, pure heart that he makes all his decisions from. And like it's hard to put into words, but like that's where he comes from. And so it also kind of lessens some of the more harsh and abrasive things that a man has to do anyway like protecting or providing. It's like those are very from a woman's eyes very straightforward sort of disciplined things that knowing that they come from a place of love. I feel like that is very beneficial to hear as a woman that he's teaching men to do that because I feel like you don't hear that from you and what you teach other men and I know you got a lot from this book I'm sure when you read it but that message I feel like you don't hear a lot today. I feel like the popular message is all this anger and hate right in men. And so that was like really refreshing to see that where he wrote basically the entire book from.

John: Now some parts were still pretty abrasive and harsh and you know you're like well he wrote it for men and like I understand that.

Nicole: Um so I did only give it four stars though because it was a little abrasive at times but I'm a woman so you know it's not but how would you rate it in terms of for men?

John: For men, 10 stars out of five.

Nicole: Yeah.

John: That's because it's not meant for women to read. Look, I'm just saying if people go on my Goodreads, it's going to have four stars because I'm a woman and I already told you that it was at times a little abrasive, but yeah, you were like, it's from a perspective of teaching men. So, I get that. Well, remember I told you that the way that you say I love you to another guy is don't be a [__] [__], right? Which that just doesn't compute. It means I care enough about you to tell you the truth and to be on your side. That's what it but but it's not taken in the wrong way man to man. See if a woman was told another woman that it would be or if a woman told a man that oh that's no right absolutely. So it's just a different perspective for me. But I do think every man should read it.

Nicole: Right.

John: Because it's what the core of what every man should be and where he should come from as a man.

Nicole: Yeah. So, I did think it was really good. It was better than I thought it was going to be. And again, I think because I was expecting it to be a little bit more abrasive. Yeah. And, you know, kind of in your face about some of the stuff. Yeah. But it wasn't. Yeah. It was very spiritual.

John: Yeah.

Nicole: Which I liked. You know, we're very spiritual. So, and I feel like it helps put into perspective the purpose of men.

John: Yeah.

Nicole: You know, from this divine place, right?

John: Because I don't think men realize the gift and the beauty of being a man. But he shows you that. Like I would say that he shows you the beauty of being a man. Maybe as a man you don't want to see the beauty of it, but in some ways if you're coming from this loving place, you do want to see the beauty of being a man. You want to see the beauty of what you can accomplish and what you can do, right? That a woman can't necessarily do. Like, you know, women have become very masculine, but we still don't come entirely from a place that men come from. And like the things that like you said even just telling a guy like suck it up or something like that is a loving endearing thing that a woman would never comprehend that as a loving endearing thing. You know what I mean? So I thought it was a good book like I was pleasantly surprised.

John: I'm glad because I recommend it as one of the top books for men. So I'm glad that you see the value in it and you can see the lessons that I've learned in my life and how it's helped me and apply. I mean the first time I read this book it was eye-opening for me just because I hadn't thought about a lot of things that way. I mean, just even understanding I think the first time I really understood masculine and feminine energy or even this concept at all besides of thinking some woo-woo thing about it was when I went to Tony Robbins seminar and he was talking about he did one of the days on masculine and feminine energy and it was an eye-opening thing because most people don't know they don't understand that masculine energy they think is just like you said it's a masculine energy is anger rage kicking through things like forceful, right? My way or the highway type of thing.

John: And that's just called being immature and emotionally immature, right? Whereas masculine energy is pushing through barriers, focused, logic, reason, right? Strength, power, right? You know, it's the immovable rock, right? Whereas feminine energy is more flowing. It's more soft. It's more in the present moment. It's more of what we consider like mindfulness and yielding instead of pushing through, right? Just like we were talking about before, the empathy of caring about all the little things, everyone needs to be fair, needs to be right. These are all valuable, but it's not that, you know, a woman is more emotional, but she can be in the dark feminine and be angry, and a man can be acting feminine by allowing his emotions to control him in a negative way or in a positive way. He can be a guy that is very feminine because he just wears his heart on his sleeve and ends up becoming that stereotypical nice guy that just spills all of his emotions all over everyone, you know.

Nicole: So, but yeah, this book really makes it very clear what it is to be men, and I would say that the big way that I would describe it is being unfazed. Like, I was going to add that I liked that it's not about changing women, and I'm not saying that in a way that women don't have things to work on and grow and take accountability for, but I really liked that that was not his focus in this book. Like, it's not about changing your woman. It's not about fixing her emotions. It's more about not allowing her stuff to dictate your actions, right? Which I feel like is a very emotionally mature thing in general that everybody needs to learn to do, but especially a man because if you're going to sit here and tell me that you're more logical than emotional, then as a man, you should be able to not allow my emotions to affect you or what I'm doing to affect you. You should be able to have that division and not treat a woman differently, not stonewall her or ignore her or whatever. Like, he never said any of that. If anything, he said if her emotions are blazing, then to love on her and to make the situation lighter. And because he really understands that women, like you said, are very fluid and like if she's upset one minute, that doesn't mean she's going to be upset 5 minutes from now if you do it the right way.

John: Exactly. You know, and he doesn't put all the responsibility on men for women's emotions and things like that, but he highlights that you do make a difference, right, in a woman's life and emotions by the way that you handle things. Yeah. And so, yeah, I really liked that he didn't focus on that it's a woman's fault because so much is focused on it's a woman's fault. But if you really think about what makes a man a good man, in my mind, it comes up that no matter who is trying to affect him, he's not moved, right? Exactly, unfazed. Like, not in the way that he doesn't learn from others because that's also different. It doesn't change his inner right. It's because he does a really good job of being like, you always need to learn and grow as a man, right? But don't allow anyone to rock you into a place that you don't want to be. Yeah. And I feel like that was also a very good perspective you don't hear very often. Even in pain, keeping the heart open in pain, right?

Nicole: What I call, you know, feel the pain and keep on walking. But that and that's where I got the concept of the levels of emotional maturity that you know is from this idea of keeping the heart open because we close our hearts when we're hurt usually, which is the opposite of love. But can you be hurt and be in love at the same time? Mhm. Yes. It's hard to do. It's very hard to do because it makes you vulnerable in that case. It's the strongest thing you can do. Yeah. And it's good like you said because he talks about this idea of you know that you shouldn't try to change a woman. Mhm. It's actually what you want and if you can't handle it then maybe you need to find another woman. Maybe that's not the woman for you. Like, you should be able to embrace this and appreciate the emotionality of a woman. In fact, I love how he opens the book. It's so good. Just the very beginning of the book, the very first chapter where he says, uh, where is it? Well, in the actual chapter, not the introduction, the whole thing. And by the way, he does have an introduction here where he says like it's not just man and woman. Like if you're a gay couple, for instance, then there's a masculine and there's a feminine side of that, you know, that's which I think is good because that's true. It's not just, you know, because I think sometimes people would say, "Oh, well, you don't what about other people that don't fit into the masculine feminine?" Everyone fits into the masculine feminine. All relationships need this yin and yang, this dynamic. No, I think women should even read it, too. Again, you might be turned off a little bit by some of the more straightforward, blunt talk some of the time. But honestly, it was a really good book. But this is how to understand what kind of man you're looking for, right? What is an actual superior man? But it's going to be hard to find and that's in that book because I think I took the only one. But he, besides the author himself, you'll see some of the attributes of it, right?

John: Uh, he says that um, stop hoping for completion of anything in life. That's the first chapter. Most men make the error of thinking that one day it will be done. They think if I can work enough then one day I could rest or one day my woman will understand something and then she will stop complaining or I'm only doing this now so that one day I can do what I really want with my life. The masculine error is to think that eventually things will be different in some fundamental way. They won't. It never ends. As long as life continues, the creative challenge.

John: Is to tussle, play, and make love with the present moment while giving your unique gift. And I think that's just a beautiful way to open it because it is, "Don't wait for your woman to change. Don't wait for anything to change. It's like, enjoy where you're at. Play with life as it is. Deal with it as it is. If a woman's emotional, let her be emotional. Have fun with it. Spin her around." You know, that's his kind of thing, which is instead of resisting these things. And then if it's ultimately like you don't enjoy that, then that woman's not for you. But yeah, don't try and make her change thinking that that's what's going to solve your problem because every next woman will be just like that. If you can't handle one woman, you can't handle another woman. And so forth. So, I think it's really good. But I thought that it's just good for men to think to stop hoping for things to be different, to live where it is and realize that this is like because we talked about this a lot before, is that a lot of men are trying to turn a woman into a man. They're trying to make a woman masculine. They don't even realize it because they wonder, "Okay, just be more logical, be more reasonable, and stop being so emotional. Calm down. It's not that big of a deal. Don't make a big deal out of things." Right? So, these are all the things that guys will say because they're trying to shape a woman into a man. They're not appreciating the feminine aspect of it.

Nicole: And I think that's why this book is good because once you read this book, then you can kind of start to understand as a man, "Oh, wait a minute. I'm supposed to be the father. Like the patriarch, the idea of the patriarch is a father figure. That means that I'm not expecting the people that I'm leading to be doing the same things that I'm doing. I'm teaching. I'm guiding. I'm patient. I'm understanding. I want to have this other side of me that I need as well, the feminine side. It's not just about the masculine side. There's something that you're missing if you're going through life just conquering things and getting things done. What about the peace? What about the tranquility? What about the beauty in nature, in love, and in life in the present moment as opposed to just thinking about the future, you know?" So, I think people in general struggle with that whole concept as a whole. They don't want to keep growing and they don't want to keep learning things and they don't want to keep going through struggles and challenges, but that is what we're here to do and what we have to do and what life is going to throw at you, and either you can resist it or you can go with it. And it's just a good mindset for everyone to have, is that find the beauty in those moments, in the present moment, in the hard things. Yeah. And that can be what you're going to learn from that experience or how you're going to grow and how you're going to live in a more peaceful state now that you went through this or you conquered this thing in your life. And so, yeah, I mean, he has a lot of good wisdom just in general. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Throughout the book. But it's definitely beneficial to men. And women, what do you think about the masculine purpose?

John: I got some notes on the masculine purpose over everything, right? The idea that a man's mission in life should take precedence over everything else. Even the woman. A woman doesn't want to be first. He talks about he uses an example of a man going to war and the woman says, "Oh, I wish you could stay." And then if the guy's like, "Okay, I'm not going to go to war. I'm going to stay." Yeah. And then she would actually be disappointed in him. You know, she doesn't want him to go to war, but she wants him to be the man that he is. And to put his mission in life first, not her above the other things.

Nicole: Yeah. I think that's a hard pill for some women. A double-edged sword here, right? From my perspective, it's like, do I want us to just be able to hang out all day and, you know, do whatever we want? Yeah. Like, and I know that in some ways you want that as well, too, right?

John: Yeah. Yeah. And one day we'll get there, I'm sure, when we're older. But at the same time, I think it boils down to she doesn't want that truly because it would show that you're not the rock that you actually are. And so I think that's the reason why, right, is that even though that is what she wants, right, that if she can knock you from something that you're standing firm on, right, then you're not standing firm and you're not as firm as she thought and then she's going to be afraid that other things in the world might change your mind and knock you off of being the rock.

Nicole: Like I don't think it's that it's about your career or your mission because I feel like your mission could just be helping people and also like a woman wouldn't want you to not help people and just be with her. You know, um, but I think it boils down to that it's about being the rock. Like that is, I feel like from my perspective at least as a woman, the most important thing and I feel like other women would feel the same because if you're easily influenced, right, you're not safe. Even by the woman does not want to be able to pull you from your like even later in the book we were talking about this about where there was some scene where the guy and his wife they pulled over into the forest to have sex and he was practicing like a non-ejaculation, probably a tantric practice. He doesn't say specifically, but I'm assuming that's what it was. And they had agreed upon this and that was the thing they were practicing. And she was like, "No, no, I want you to do it." And then he did and then she was disappointed in him. And it wasn't because of it was because that she was able to pull him from his from what he committed to. And I think that's Yeah. I mean,

John: That's a different conversation because I feel like there are times when, yes, there's that underlying feeling of not wanting him to be off of his rock. But also, there are times where that is what a woman wants, and it would be fine to give that to her because it is a part of what she actually would enjoy and want. So, I'm not saying that every time she says that, that's what she wants. But I do think there have to be times where you do give her that thing, and you can be a better judge of if that is the right time or not. But I feel like just also denying a woman something because you're trying to prove you're the rock is also not what he's saying. Like, that's not actually being the rock. That's like trying to prove something.

Nicole: Exactly. And that comes from a place of weakness. And so I think a woman can tell when a man is disingenuous. If he makes a break from his integrity, we'll say it that way. And so she can sense if it came from a weak place, or from careful consideration, which is strong. So if you're like, "Hey, John, you don't need to go to work today. Why don't you just hang out with me?" And you were just like, "Okay." Then maybe that's from a weak place because you're putting off stuff. Well, you didn't even think about it. You didn't weigh your pros and cons. But I could also be like, "You know what? Today, you're more important than all this stuff. Okay, we're going to go to Disneyland today or whatever." You know, like again, it's the same thing, but one is coming from a weak place, and you can't tell the difference. One of them, if a man feels like he's being disingenuous. But if he's making a conscious choice, and I think that's the difference. Is it something that you are tempted into, or is it something that you are making a choice? Like this liquid death has six grams of sugar, and part of my diet is no added sugar. So, if I was like, "Ah, it's only six grams of added sugar, don't drink it," you'd kind of be like, "Yeah, he's not so attractive anymore."

John: No, that's not true.

Nicole: No, but you'd kind of be a little bit like, "Okay, he's not quite the man that I thought he was."

John: Yeah. No, there would be like, "Okay, he didn't stick as strict to it as he said he was going to," but I would also be like, "He has forgone a lot of stuff."

Nicole: I know. You would give me the benefit of the doubt, obviously. But I'm just saying, in some way, it would disappoint you a little bit in your heart to be like, "Okay, you'd rather see me as a man sticking to what I said, being unyielding in my conviction of what I'm saying and doing, right?" Even though that's a small thing, it's not like going to be the end of the world, but the more that you see me being consistent with that and making my mission first in life, the more that you trust me. It builds more confidence and trust in you because also, if I'm a leader and I'm supposed to be guiding you, leading you, then my highest command cannot be your wishes because that's not a very good leader. I can't make judgment calls if all of my judgment calls are based off of, "Does this make Nicole happy?" because then, now you have no leader because that's just what you're doing. You're making choices off of, you need someone who's going to make higher-level judgment calls that are sometimes going to be things that you don't like but are better for you.

Nicole: I don't know. Otherwise, there's no purpose of being a leader. I think the misconception though is that women make decisions out of how they feel. And to be honest, I feel like women make the majority of their decisions based on how other people feel and how they can serve other people and make other people happy more so than themselves. And like, I just want to make that clear. I'm not saying that women never come from a selfish place, but what do you hear to a majority of moms or women in general? It's like, "Take time to yourself," you know? So, I'm just saying that women aren't coming from a place of their own pleasure, majority of the time.

John: Everyone makes decisions out of how they feel for the most part, right? I mean, it's better to make logical decisions obviously. But what I'm saying though is that it's even just a matter of judgment, right? If you're going to trust someone to lead you, they should have better judgment than you, right? And you should trust that judgment, which means that there's going to be times where you want something or you think this is the best thing, and that person needs to say, "No, this is what we're going to do instead." And if they don't, they're not a good leader because what do they lead? I should also ask you about your opinion because even though they are the leader, that doesn't mean they have the best judgment on every single thing.

Nicole: No, but ultimately their judgment has to prevail; otherwise, they're not really leading, right? And so that means that a man has to be able to say no, a man has to be able to stick to what his beliefs are and not be pulled off of them by a woman's emotions or her temptations or her feelings at the time. Right? He has to take all those things into consideration.

John: Well, he only has better judgment if he's a rock and he's not allowing things to influence him. Otherwise, he's no better than her. Because that's the whole point, right? Because women are emotional, right? And so if men are logical and they're able to not allow their emotions to dictate what they do, right, then that would make them a better leader. But a lot of men aren't coming.

John: From that place either. Like you do, and I trust that you do, and this man, right? But that's also why men need...

Nicole: Exactly. That's why we're talking about the book. So because like, you can't expect to be a leader if you're not doing all the things necessary to lead, right? And the main thing is to be the rock.

John: Exactly. And not like stubborn. That's not being a rock.

Nicole: No. But to be unfazed. To hold firm in what you believe while also being open to hearing other people's perspectives and things like that, and changing it if you need to. Having the humility to be like, you know what, I was wrong. That's also the admirable thing that a man should be doing.

John: Exactly. But see, when you say that you're wrong, when you're changing it, you're changing it because you've reasoned it out. Because you've listened, you've heard, and you've decided that actually I am wrong and this is the right thing to do. Not because she's going to be upset. She's going to be upset with me. She's crying. Whatever it is, she's mad at me now. I'm not going to get sex tonight. Those are not... If you do that now, you're not the rock anymore. And you might think you're pleasing a woman temporarily, but ultimately she's lost respect for you. She might be happy like, oh, we can do this thing that, oh, you're staying home from work and not going to work this whole week. Okay, but she's lost respect for you because she knows that you didn't make that decision out of a conscious decision. You made it in order to make her happy, even though you don't think it's correct. And that's the thing. And that's where it's hard.

Nicole: That's true. So, but that's why being a man is a hard thing to being a man is being a superior man. Uh let me see. I had a few other things that I was going to talk about. I mean we've talked about all the time about polarity, the masculine and feminine energies that creates the spark that creates the attraction. The challenge of feminine energy. This was like from the Grock AI said describes feminine energy as chaotic, flowing, and testing the masculine for your podcast. You could talk about how this test shows up in your relationship. Does your wife see herself in this role? How do you as a husband respond to it in a way that keeps things better than perfect?

John: Nice AI. But I mean, yeah. So, the feminine energy, right? Testing the masculine. I think that was a pretty big theme in there.

Nicole: Well, I think many women are probably triggered by the word chaotic. But the fact is, like I mentioned before, that it's constantly changing, right? It's not linear. Whereas men typically are linear or they need to be more linear, right? Because a chart of like a woman's emotions can be like here and then here and then here and then way down here and then you know like it looks like an EKG. You don't call that chaotic. I mean I'm saying that it is essentially but I'm saying that women might be triggered to hear that but it is true. But the thing is if you guys are both acting like that, then you're just living in chaos. And a lot of men think that if they just ignore it or whatever or blow up or be like, "Get over it," then they won't live in that, you know, chaotic up and down place that women live in, right? But what actually soothes a woman is that you're the rock, right? Like you stay in a straight line for the most part. I'm not saying men can't have feelings, but like if you know how to handle them and you also stay calm in the storm, you help her become calm in the storm and you help her get back on that line of normalcy rather than the chaotic ups and downs, right? Because we experience a lot of emotions and we experience them a lot more intensely than men experience them. And so it is like a storm inside of us a lot of the times and we need you to be the captain that's going to weather the storm. That's not going to be like, you know what, I don't want to deal with this right now. Let me just ignore her and go watch TV or play video games. Like a woman wants to be helped, but it's we don't want to feel like you're fixing us, right?

John: Exactly. Yeah. Because the best way for you to actually fix us is to be that calm in the storm and love. Right. Because and there's a testing element to it whether it's conscious or unconscious because by testing a man and feeling that he is a rock, then the woman feels safe. Right.

Nicole: Right. And so it's like if you have the captain of the ship and the woman comes up to the captain of the ship and she's like, "Oh my god, we're going to die. The waves are crazy." And then you kind of want to see is the captain also going to be like, "Oh shit you're right. What are we going to do?" Right? If he just feels like you're all going to die, right? Then that's why you're testing. It's not testing because you want to see is this do I really need to be worried or do I have if but if he's like, "No, no, it's good. I got it under control. It's all good. We'll be safe. You're going to be fine. It's all good." you know, then you feel a little more secure because you're like, "Okay, well, if he feels like things are good. Like he didn't make him go into a chaotic crazy spin, so I feel safe. But if you got both people freaking out, there's no safety there.

John: Yeah. Exactly. And I think men might confuse this with saying that if they're calm, then there will be more chaos and more craziness.

Nicole: Yeah. But in reality, I think that if you exhibit the things that he says in this book and you exhibit being a rock and staying calm and showing love despite all the things going on, you actually inspire the woman to better handle her emotions, right? And maybe express them to you in a better way or whatever. Whatever positive thing that you're hoping, maybe even less storms in the forecast, those things will happen when you.

John: Do it this way rather than ignoring them. Ignoring them or getting super emotional and lashing out is going to cause more storms and chaos. But handling it properly might feel like you're still dealing with a lot of storms in the beginning, but I promise you, you will get to a place where she feels safe with you, wants to be better for you, and is inspired by you mastering your emotions, which will help her do the same. She's still going to be emotional. There will still be times when her emotions don't make sense to you. But like the book says, you just have to accept that, not try to change that. Men get confused a lot of times because they think, "I just want to fix her problems." It's not that women don't want their problems fixed; it's that they don't want to feel like being emotional is bad. Being emotional allows women to express love deeply and enables men to feel and give love deeply. Those emotions are never going to go away, so expecting them to is just causing more problems for yourself if you resist.

Nicole: Exactly. Go with it. Hustle with it, as you're saying. Dance, play the dance, do the thing there. I was going to read this one part if I can actually find it in here. I was looking for the milk thing, you know, when he comes home from... Oh, I think that's in the beginning. It's pretty close to the beginning, right? There's a thing about that. She's like, "I asked you multiple times to get milk." And he's like, "I just made a million dollars." And she's like, "But you didn't bring the milk." And he's like, "Seriously, all you care about is milk." And she's like, "I've asked you three times." Exactly. Yeah. And it's like, oh, in fact, there was a chapter in here that was the whole "don't suggest that a woman fix her own emotional problem." That's literally a chapter, so it's good. Tolerating her leads to resenting her, right? Women are not liars. There's a lot of good pieces in here.

John: Exactly where that chapter was, but essentially, he comes home from work, he's made a million dollars, and she's like, "Well, you forgot the milk." And as a man, you're like, "Are you crazy? I made a million. Do you not care that I made a million dollars?" That's how you can feel as a man. And as a woman, she's thinking, "All he cares about is a million dollars. He doesn't care about me. I've asked him three times to do this, and he's chosen not to acknowledge that and not to do it." This is actively what the male brain is thinking and what the female brain is thinking, which seems insane to a man, like, "Are you not happy that I made a million? Who cares about milk when I have a million dollars?" But ultimately, it comes down to her not feeling loved.

Nicole: Mhm. And ultimately, his response to that situation is to scoop her up, throw her on the couch, and say, "I'll get you some milk." It's not being phased. It's like, "Oh, you screwed up. You didn't get the milk, but what are you going to do? Defend yourself about it? Get upset at her because she doesn't care that you made a million dollars?" It's also a test. The way to pass that test is to not let it faze you as a man and to help change her mood, to not let that faze you, to bring levity to the situation, and to love her through that moment. It's a tense moment. She's upset at you, you're upset at her, or you could be. But if you're not upset at her, like, "Oh, okay. Well, I did forget the milk, but I love you. I can't stop looking at you." That's the loving spirit that stays there instead of getting upset, getting defensive.

John: Well, I think even owning up to not doing it helps a woman, honestly. Even being like, "Yeah, I forgot the milk, but let me show you the milk." Owning up to that because if you're also trying to sidestep that and ignore that, then she feels like it doesn't matter. And so she's still not going to feel loved, right? And also, you have to be a man of your word. For a woman, actions speak louder than a man's words. So, yes, you can help her get out of the funk a little bit by being playful and fun, but you should own up if you made a mistake because that little thing goes really far with a woman. Then she can trust you. Your words are aligning with your actions, and you're owning up to the things that you may have missed and didn't do. And you're doing that and also showing her love. That should instantly fix your situation by doing these things. And it's not about the milk, right? What is it about? It's about her not feeling loved because of your neglect in doing the things that she asked you to do that you said you were going to do. That shows a lack of...

John: A lack of love. And so by taking the approach of showing her love, it assuages that fear of "Oh, he doesn't care about me, he doesn't love me, he only cares about his accomplishment." So that's why that response of throwing on the couch and joking around about the milk.

Nicole: Yeah, I agree. You know, at some point, you do need to address the actual thing and be like, "Okay, let's go get the milk." But the idea is that she's not feeling loved because of that. And that's why, you know, to make her feel loved is almost always the solution, which again, he talks about that in the book, too.

John: But it makes her, what I'm trying to say, I guess, is that you acknowledging it makes her feel loved. It makes her feel like you're listening to her for the first time. Because if she asked you three times, like in the book, to get milk and you didn't. And then you're coming home and you're like, "I made a million dollars," like she can't get past that for three times she asked you something, you ignored it and you didn't do it.

Nicole: So part of making her feel loved is not again just ignoring it and being like, "I'll show you the milk." Like it is acknowledging that at that point. Like if it's a one-time thing, sure, I think you can get away. Like if she asked you one time and you're like, "I'll show you the milk, whatever." But I do think that a lot of women struggle with men not saying something and not following through with it. And then she loses trust and respect for you. And so I think it is important to bring that up because I feel like even if you hug her and you tell her fun things like that, if you're not matching your word with your actions, that still will disintegrate your relationship because she can't trust you and then she won't respect you.

John: Exactly. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, 100%.

Nicole: There's a couple of other points that were in here. Just looking at the table of contents for some of the... What about the notes?

John: Well, they're not as good as what I thought they would be. It's like living on the edge. And but um living on the edge. There were just a few things that were like... I mean the living as if your father were dead. I think that was a good one about... I mean that one I couldn't really relate to as a woman because it's like the weight of men doing things to get the approval of their father.

Nicole: Let me see. There was this whole... I mean the first part of it is really about being on your mission and purpose as a man and again he emphasized the idea that a man's life is centered on his mission like what is he here to accomplish on this earth? A woman's is on her relationships. And that's also why actually I was just talking to someone the other day, I think yesterday, and about how 80% of divorces are initiated by women and why that is. And if a woman's entire life is based on her relationship, then for her, it's critical if that's not in a good place. Whereas a man can just be like, "Oh, I'll just focus on my work then. I'll just ignore my relationship. If it's not in a good place, I still have something else in my life that's more important to me, right? Whereas a woman's main focus is relationship. So, she's not going to stay in that state. A man could just go in on that state forever and not get the divorce.

John: Well, that's what they do. And then they try to say they're loyal, but it's like, no, you're actually just focusing on something else now, right? Which you can do in a relationship, but a woman can't do because like you said, it affects her whole world. Even if she's a working mom, like her home life is going to dictate her entire life.

Nicole: What did you think about the women are not liars? Because that I thought that's an interesting one because his point was that if you ask her do you want to move to Kentucky or whatever it is and she says yes but then 3 days later she says she doesn't want to and or like or he's another example he used was going to the movies and then she's like no I don't want to go to the movies but then 2 seconds later after you spin her around and give her a hug and a kiss then she's like oh I want to go to the movies so it wasn't it's it's not lying he's saying that a woman doesn't view what she says as a man views. If I say this thing, this is what I mean. Whereas a woman's more talking about about how she's feeling. She's being true to how she feels in that moment.

John: Right. Well, that's what it is. It's like if something else is bothering her, she might not want to go to the movie, but then if you make her feel loved, now she feels happy and she's not worried about that thing anymore and now she does want to go to the movie. Like, I can see where it feels like lying or whatever. They're like, "Is she trying to trick me?" Right? But I think it's also like guys have a more baseline and so they don't experience again the like highs and lows and constant changing. But a woman does.

Nicole: And yeah, you know, if you're like, "Let's move to Kentucky." And she's like, "Yeah." And then a few days later, she's like, "No, I mean, she might have sat and thought about all the things that she's gonna have to leave behind here and what you guys have established and is that really the best situation?" Like, you know, it just it depends on what things she's thinking of and what emotions those are causing. And that's also too why having a man that is a superior man she can talk to and get kind of leveled out again and then make a better decision and you know kind of be on the same page rather like she's left her own mind and it's going a million miles a minute.

John: Sort of thing. So, it's I think it's more about she's like you said emotion driven and so that can change at any time. But if you help her come to a decision and you talk to her about it and you know you're like, I think this would be best for us and you explain why and you really lead that decision, she's going to follow that. Because anything to turn her brain off and not cause it...

John: To allow the emotions to be all over the place and have it make sense to her, she's going to follow that. Yeah. Good. Okay. I wanted to look at this one too. The part I really liked was him talking about the sexual desire that men feel towards other women.

Nicole: Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. And how to not act on those things. Because I feel like as a woman, it's not easy to hear, you know. People talk about how guys will be guys; they're going to look, they're going to be turned on by other people, they want to spread their seed. That's their biology. No woman wants to hear those things and then look at her husband and think, does he think that? I mean, I asked you when I was reading the book, does this not apply to you? He's saying it applies to everybody, and I believe you because we've had a lot of conversations. But what I really liked is that he explained that even if you're a man that has these feelings, how to use them in a better way than pursuing other women or cheating or watching porn. Like seeing a woman and then internalizing that feeling and using it to energize yourself in a different way, not to pursue that woman. To appreciate the feminine but not bringing it to a place of lust.

John: It was more about the mastery of that because I feel like a lot of men don't master that. They allow their sexual urges to dictate their life rather than using their sexual urges to propel maybe their mission forward or their marriage. The whole book is about mastering these things that come up in you as a man because a lot of men use it as a weakness. He is trying to teach you how to use it as a strength and in a way that's respectable and morally correct. If you're getting those feelings, rather than just excusing it like boys will be boys, he's given a higher calling for it, mastering it and allowing him to be better.

Nicole: And I know I just talked about women being emotional, and I'm not trying to say well men are sexual and they don't get an excuse. But he's allowing men to be sexual but changing the way that it's used. The same thing for women is like women are going to be emotional. That doesn't mean they shouldn't be accountable and learn how to handle their emotions properly. Like you talked about the dark feminine. Women should not be yelling or screaming. When I think of the highest feminine, I think of an old lady that is poised and put together but still emotional and nurturing and loving. So, it's the same thing as men should take these sexual urges they feel and use them for better rather than an excuse for cheating or watching porn.

John: And he even tackles the idea of entertaining the idea should you have another woman? He walks you through it. You can do whatever you want to do, sure, but is it really the best? If you can't handle one woman, how could you handle two? Maybe if that is you, maybe you're this artist, and you can deal with all the feminine, but probably you're not that guy. It's a good way of approaching it, instead of saying, "No, this is wrong. This is bad." It's like, "Let me challenge you on it and see will this actually be beneficial to you?"

Nicole: That's what I like about the book, too. He's not going to tell you to go be with multiple women. If you're not treating the one woman you're with properly, he will never promote going to get more. And guess what happens if you can treat the one woman you're with properly. You'll only want to be with that woman. Bingo. That's it. But true. We're running out of time here. I did want to say about the thing about tolerating her leads to resenting her because I thought that was a good point. A man gets resentful and frustrated with his woman when he is too afraid, weak, or unskilled to penetrate her moods and tests into love. He wishes she were easier to deal with, but it's not entirely her fault that she is difficult and complaining. It's also a reflection of her lack of being penetrated by love. When a man resigns and simply tolerates his woman's self-destructive moods, it's a sign of his weakness. His attitude has become one of wanting to escape women and the world rather than wanting to serve women and the world into love. A man shouldn't tolerate difficult and complaining moodiness in his woman. But he should serve her and love her with every ounce of his skill and perseverance. Then, if she cannot or will not open in love, he might decide to end his relationship with her, harboring no anger or resentment because he knows he has done everything he could. And I think that's a beautiful way of looking at it.

John: There's so much wisdom in this book. I've read it, I don't know, like 10 times, and now I feel like I need to read it again because you can keep coming back to it and keep getting pieces that I'm not quite doing as well as I could. It's very challenging, very high level. To be a man, to be a superior man is very hard. It's the hardest thing that you'll undertake, but it also makes you the superior man, and people will know, especially women. It will make your life better, but it's hard. That's why, like I said, I've read the book 10 times. I'm still putting it into practice. I still need reminders of these things. That's why I recommend it to so many men because if you're not even aware of it, life is not going to be easy for you with women.

Nicole: Well, and men really need to read it because even as a woman having read it, I don't feel like there's anything in there that can really help women make a man a superior man, to be honest. They have to take the lead and do it themselves. I'm not saying women shouldn't read it, but this is not the book for women to read to try to make their man a superior man. You can give it to him and hopefully he'll read it and take it to heart, but this is something that men have to take under their own initiative to do. I was even reluctant to have you read it to discover all my secrets. But because we did the podcast, there was a need for you to read the book, so we can talk about this and you can see the value of why I'm teaching this to men. Now that you've read the book, you're like, "Okay, this is why John does what he does, and this is why he teaches this thing to men." It's needed. I told you when I finished it, the world needs more men like that. More men need to read that book and they need to live from that place, and I do think that would help not just the man bettering himself but the community, the world.

John: It covers a lot. We could talk about it for hours probably because there's a ton, but it's good. It should be read by all men. The three books for men that I have are "The Way of the Superior Man," "The Alabaster Girl" by Zan Perrion, specifically for single men but all men should read it as well to understand love and romance and again how to treat women properly. They're in the same spirit of it. And then "Masculine Relationship" by GS Youngblood, which is sort of the spiritual successor to this book that's more focused on their relationship, which you haven't read that one yet.

Nicole: No.

John: Okay, I think that's it. Let us know if you've read it and your thoughts or in the comments if you disagree with it. That'll be interesting to hear someone disagree with it. Do we have a thing for the end of the week? I can't think of anything. Do you have any issue?

Nicole: I don't think so. I feel like everything was pretty much smooth. We had some rough parenting weeks, and we went through it great. Maybe something came up with the parenting with the stress of it, but I think we just handled it and we were talking about it and we were good. So, I can't even remember. It must have been fine. High five. We did good.

John: All right. Well, that's it for this week. Send us an email at betterthanperfectpodcast@gmail.com. Leave us a review, leave us a question. We'll see you next time.