Nicole [00:00:00]: If you want to fix your relationship in one easy way, it's stop picking on each other and making fun of each other.

John [00:00:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:00:08]: Like, you think it's not that serious, but it is that serious. And I guarantee you when you stop doing it, you'll feel so much closer to your partner.

John [00:00:16]: Right.

Nicole [00:00:17]: And your relationship will improve just by not doing that.

John [00:00:20]: Like, your woman should look up to you in reverence, but you should look to her like someone who's in your care. You wouldn't joke in that way to your child, a three year old. You wouldn't be like, you're such an idiot. You just fell over again. Beyond the perfect, we discover through our flaws, we complete each other. Better than perfect we stay through every.

Nicole [00:00:47]: Fault we find our way.

John [00:00:51]: All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow in equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:01:00]: That's us.

John [00:01:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:01]: We're into two imperfect people. And we'll. We'll show you why at the end of this episode. Because we got something for you to this time. Like, yeah, see, every time John's like, it's fine. We've been great. It's like, no, not even the knock on wood.

John [00:01:18]: You're never done. You're never done growing.

Nicole [00:01:21]: That's true.

John [00:01:22]: Like, you know, as long as you're on the path of growth. Right. Because. Because, I mean, we talk about this all the time, but every time we do get into it, I feel like it was productive. I don't feel like it was destructive. Like, I don't feel like, oh, things are going bad. I feel like, oh, I learned things. We both learned things. We're. It's. This was a good thing because it improved the relationship. I'm never. Like, this didn't need to happen at all. You know what I'm saying? Like, because things were addressed that actually helped us grow.

Nicole [00:01:50]: No, it's a good thing. I don't say it as in the sense of like, it makes us lesser.

John [00:01:54]: Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:55]: I just feel like you do jinx up. That's my thing is like, the second you're like, we're doing great, I'm like, oh, God, I can just feel the universe being like, oh, you thought? So let's throw some chaos in there.

John [00:02:08]: We'll get into it at the end. But I literally had just hung up the phone with my friend and just gave him a ton of great advice about how to handle his situation with his wife. And, you know, and because. And then bam.

Nicole [00:02:28]: It's Like. But will you put it to the test? But yeah. Is there any other things we want to talk about in the beginning before we get into the episode?

John [00:02:39]: I like to kind of just get into it. Yeah.

Nicole [00:02:42]: Just like to go straight for it. We used to have a little bit of small talk.

John [00:02:45]: Yeah. I mean, if there's something like, if it comes natural, otherwise, you know, give the people what they. What they paid for. So.

Nicole [00:02:52]: Okay.

John [00:02:53]: Yeah. So this week we're talking about like some, you know, celebrity drama, I guess. Right. Like Singh, I think his name is it the, the comedian.

Nicole [00:03:04]: Yeah. We had a viewer, which we appreciate you commenting and watching, and he wanted. He, she, they. I don't. I'm assuming he.

John [00:03:13]: I think it was.

Nicole [00:03:14]: But they wanted us to talk about this topic specifically, so I hadn't heard anything.

John [00:03:22]: Yeah, I don't.

Nicole [00:03:23]: He left a. He left a YouTube video and I did watch that and then I watched some other ones because the YouTube video he sent was also a little biased. So I was like, all right, I want to get a little bit more of the scope on it. You hadn't heard about it besides the one video.

John [00:03:41]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:41]: That he also linked on the comment. But there was a lot of good things to talk about.

John [00:03:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:48]: Not like good things in the sense of good things happened in the video, unfortunately.

John [00:03:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:03:53]: But good talking points. And I'm assuming that's why the commenter wanted us to kind of dissect it because it does kind of go with something similar. Ish. To the video he commented on, which was the one that came out about like women friend zoning men and men like, friend zoning women that they've slept with. So it's kind of in the same realm of things. So I understand where this came up. And, you know, we want all of our listeners to feel free to reach out to us and ask for us to talk about things or tell us about their scenarios and if they want advice on it.

John [00:04:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:34]: So. And then when we watched the video, obviously we were like, okay, yeah, there's a lot of things that we can go over here and give our perspective on.

John [00:04:42]: Yeah, plenty of stuff. So I guess we'll just start by. We'll just play the video and then. Well, okay, so like the video from. From my old. My old buddy Myron. Not to. Not to give any on this, but just some of the clips that he put at the beginning of it. That. Yeah. So. And then we can kind of pause it and go through it. So let me just turn up the volume.

Nicole [00:05:07]: What I find corny is my Preference is not my women now.

John [00:05:10]: I thought it was. I'm not dating my women, period. Which is the corniest human outside of a criminal to me, period. Akash only dates Brown, has been with one girl in his life who is his wife.

Nicole [00:05:20]: That's my wife.

John [00:05:24]: Okay, so I think just the establishing clip was to say that Akash is a virgin to prove it. Like, before he got married, he was. Yeah.

Nicole [00:05:31]: So, so painfully nostalgic for college, popping my. And living my best life in these white boy frat houses.

John [00:05:43]: Okay, so, well, maybe to just go through all the clips, but these are shortened versions of the clip too, because there's. In that clip. Right. Just. Yeah, we can go through the context first and then we can discuss the points. Right. So in that clip, she goes on to talk about her college days and having a rotation of guys that she.

Nicole [00:06:06]: Partying at the frat houses and all the ratchet songs that were out at the time. And she was also in college around the same time as me, which is also, I think when I watch this, I'm like, you're at a ripe age of at least 33 and you're reminiscing on your college days. Like, it kind of reminds me of like men who reminisce on their, like, high school sport.

John [00:06:34]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:34]: Highlight. It's like if that's the highlight of your life and you're still talking about it.

John [00:06:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:40]: This long. Yeah, that's an issue. Just in general. Like, that's a problem. Just in general. But now you're married and you're talking about this like you miss your single days.

John [00:06:51]: Oh, hold on. This is his wife, right?

Nicole [00:06:54]: That's his wife.

John [00:06:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:06:55]: Yeah, you're married.

John [00:06:57]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:06:57]: Now. And you're talking about it like this.

John [00:06:59]: Yeah. And you're a woman talking about it. I mean, it still would be. Yeah, it still would be bad for.

Nicole [00:07:05]: Your wife to also be like, oh, the amount of blow jobs I got in the day. There was this one. That's disrespectful. Yeah. That is like, I don't want to sit here and make it where men can talk about it and can't. Because. No, I do think it goes both ways. I think it's not acceptable for a man to talk like that either.

John [00:07:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:07:26]: Because I think that's part of the problem why women are doing it.

John [00:07:30]: It's because they think that because men are doing it that they're trying to.

Nicole [00:07:34]: Like, they're trying to down.

John [00:07:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:07:36]: By being like, oh, you think you're so big and bad because you got this. Well, I got this. And even though it's easier for women, that's, like, what they're trying to do with this angle. I'm not saying it's a good thing. I'm not saying they should be doing it, but I think it's a battle of, like, who's doing more crazy stuff.

John [00:07:55]: Right, Right.

Nicole [00:07:56]: And then it just looks horrible on both sides. That's why I don't think it's appropriate for a man.

John [00:08:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:08:02]: Who's married to be talking about that stuff either. I mean, we've talked about things on this podcast, I feel like, in a respectful way.

John [00:08:10]: And it's context first.

Nicole [00:08:12]: Right.

John [00:08:12]: It's not like bragging like, like. Or like.

Nicole [00:08:15]: Or being like, I miss those days.

John [00:08:17]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:08:17]: You know, like, you know, it's. It's different how you phrase it, but I don't think men either should be talking about this.

John [00:08:25]: No, I agree. Yeah.

Nicole [00:08:26]: Because there's also men who would probably say things like this or something, or the men who are like, oh, well, my wife's not as hot as that girl, or whatever. It's the same sort of thing if you're pinning it against what you have currently, which is how she's talking about it. She's like, oh, I miss those days so bad.

John [00:08:46]: Yeah. When the nostalgia gets so bad, that's what she's saying is that she needs so. Yeah. Which is just. It's extremely disrespectful.

Nicole [00:08:54]: Yeah, it is.

John [00:08:55]: Right. It's like, you know, because the thing is about, you know, the whole thing is, like, whether or not, you know, like, this. This guy, I guess they got into beef him and Myron about, you know, like, Akash was. Was telling Myron some. Some stuff about women. And so this is his kind of response for. But, you know, again, not agreeing with the stuff that Myron says. He goes a little too far on that. But. But obviously this. He's got some dirt. Because a woman talking about her husband like this are talking, like, representing her husband. Right. Because that's how I like when you, like when you appear, like, if you create a video, like you do some tiktoks, sometimes you're representing me as a man.

Nicole [00:09:41]: Right.

John [00:09:41]: And so it's like, if you're saying this kind of stuff, that's what you're. You're representing.

Nicole [00:09:46]: Right. And you're very different.

John [00:09:48]: Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:49]: And so that's why if you were over here, like, oh, yeah, I miss going to Vegas and hooking up with all the. Whoever, whatever.

John [00:09:56]: I don't remember those.

Nicole [00:09:58]: But it's the same sort of thing. Like that's disrespectful to me.

John [00:10:02]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:10:02]: And that would be a huge problem. Like, that's what I'm trying to say is like, without going too far, I'm glad she said this.

John [00:10:09]: Right. Yeah. She's outing herself.

Nicole [00:10:11]: Yeah. I'm glad she said this. Yeah. I'm glad she's saying this stuff. People are mad. It's not just Myron making videos about this woman.

John [00:10:18]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:18]: Like, people can tell that this is wrong.

John [00:10:21]: Right.

Nicole [00:10:21]: But I'm glad she said this for him, for her, because she has to learn, unfortunately, the hard way, it seems like that you can't do this.

John [00:10:33]: Right. Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:35]: Like she. Yes, you can say whatever you want, but you will not have a relationship or a husband who's okay with this. Yeah, you, if you're this woman.

John [00:10:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:48]: You're better off single because if you're reminiscing on your single days.

John [00:10:52]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:53]: You need to be single.

John [00:10:54]: Yeah. Because it's not even a matter of just saying this publicly. It's a matter of like, I mean, saying like to have the audacity to say it publicly, to not realize like how you're coming across or how disrespectful it is to your spouse by saying that kind of thing. Right. But also to think it.

Nicole [00:11:12]: Right.

John [00:11:12]: The second problem is like, where are you coming from? That this is some, like, if you're having the, that you're actually, if this is actual truth, which it sounds like it's truth, why are you reminiscing on? Like go back and be that then. Or live those days or again, this is where, where the guys sort of get upset. It's like, oh, it seemed you, you know, you don't want to represent exactly what the red pill talking point is, which is, oh, see, women, you know, when they're younger, they just want to get. Party and have all the guys again. But then when they can't do that anymore because they're getting, getting old, then they settle down and they settle for you. Right. So which probably is the case in this case.

Nicole [00:11:51]: No, here's the problem, actually. I think he, Akash, whatever his name is, did not vet this woman enough.

John [00:12:00]: For sure. Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:00]: No, and it's, it's more so his fault because it seems like she's always been this woman. And I don't mean it's his fault as in he deserves this behavior.

John [00:12:10]: No, no, no, no, no.

Nicole [00:12:11]: It's more so his fault in the sense of like he was never the one for Her, Right. Because she, even if she, whatever she did in her past, right. If he was the one for her, she would not be acting this way, period. Like, she would not be reminiscing on any time in her life.

John [00:12:33]: Right.

Nicole [00:12:34]: Her marriage, the person she's with now.

John [00:12:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:12:37]: Is everything to her. It's greater than anything she could have ever imagined. She would give all of the people that she met along the way up just to meet him before anyone else. That's how it would be and that's how she would act.

John [00:12:50]: Right.

Nicole [00:12:50]: And we'll see on some of the other clips that that's obviously not the case. And so it's far fetched to think that she just turned into this person, turned into someone that's just saying all these things on public forums. And wasn't this way before. And yes, he said he was a virgin before he got with her.

John [00:13:12]: Right.

Nicole [00:13:12]: And got married. And a lot of men who are in similar situations settle down with the wrong woman because they just want to secure a woman and have a wife.

John [00:13:23]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:13:24]: And have a woman in their life. And then they're like, why did this happen? Like, you as a man, you have to pick the right person as well too. Like, she obviously is in like a partying wild phase still in her life and maybe she always will be because.

John [00:13:43]: Well, let's not even call it phase because it's a character. Right. See, and that's the thing is like, so he lacks experience. That was his issue. It's not like the phase thing is actually. What? What actually. And it would, it would piss me off too. And it upsets some guys is that like, no guy wants a woman who was, had a partying, like wild sex be a slut phase. And now she's out of that phase and now she's like in a serious relationship with you.

Nicole [00:14:13]: Like, I mean, I get that.

John [00:14:14]: You see, what I'm saying is because it's like, okay, like that's it. It doesn't, you don't want, you don't want. Like now I'm not saying that people don't make mistakes and they don't have the education and realize things, but like, if it's, if it's a phase and you grew out of that phase, it's like, okay, that whole thing of like, well, if you're not good enough for me at your, your worst, you're not good enough for me when I'm at my best.

Nicole [00:14:39]: I understand, however, like the phase part, to me, I don't think that it should ruffle as Many feathers. I'm not saying that to excuse the behavior in any way.

John [00:14:56]: Right.

Nicole [00:14:56]: But I'm saying that we've all made mistakes. And I get what you're saying. In her sense, it does seem like less of a phase. So you're right. I use the wrong word, for sure, because this has gone on for a really long time. She enjoyed that behavior, and she's still reminiscing on that behavior. So, yes, at that point, it's not a phase, but we all make mistakes, and we've all been through these different parts of our lives. And so I don't think that people should be penalized for them in that way because I think it matters who you are. And like you said, this is obviously who she is. So I was wrong for saying phase, but I don't think the word phrase should. Yeah, well, I'll send guys, because I think you can tell the difference between if you're dealing with a woman like this.

John [00:15:45]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:45]: Or if you're dealing with a woman that's made some mistakes because she was trying to find somebody and she got caught up in some of the things.

John [00:15:53]: Of the world, that's a different thing.

Nicole [00:15:54]: And she shows you that that's not who she is.

John [00:15:57]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:57]: By how she treats you and the things that she say, says and how she respects you.

John [00:16:02]: Well, it's also how she thinks about those times, right? Because.

Nicole [00:16:06]: Yeah. Not missing on them.

John [00:16:07]: Yeah. If you have a respectable woman, she says, oh, when I. When I was making mistakes and when I was very lost in seeking validation because, you know, that's the insight that you want to hear, right? That that's a respectable way. But you're like, oh, yeah, I miss those days.

Nicole [00:16:26]: Like, oh, if anybody says that.

John [00:16:27]: Yeah, that's.

Nicole [00:16:28]: If you said that, yeah, it would not be okay.

John [00:16:31]: Right. Exactly. Yeah, it's not. It's not okay, like, to be in that. In that state. But. But a lot of it comes from him not having the experience as a man. A man has to be able. Well, and not just in the selection, but also in the. I don't want to say the word training, because. But. But it is to a degree. But it, it's like. Because you train people how to treat you, right? So, like, everyone does that. So. But in being a man, the leading of, of the, of the woman, like when you meet a woman, because, imagine. Right. Like, because there's two pieces of it. There's one that she has the audacity to say this out loud, and there's one that she thinks it. Right. And so if I was a man who had no backbone. Right. And just was not masculine at all, was not a leader to you at all. We were just married and I just had money. Right. And I didn't understand those things. Like you didn't trust me as a leader. Right. Would you not potentially find yourself reminiscing about past experiences and things like that? You know what I'm saying? I'm not trying to put you on. Trap you in any way, but I'm just saying I think it would be a natural thing you wouldn't find me sexually attractive if I was that kind of man. And I. And I wouldn't expect you to if I was a man that had no backbone and pushover. Exactly. And so you probably even would think about other situations and when, when things were different. You know what I'm saying? When you had more things in your life that excited you. You see what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:18:10]: Yeah. I'm not trying to be contrarian, but.

John [00:18:12]: No, no, I'm not. Yeah.

Nicole [00:18:13]: I. I don't know. I think I would first like, try to have a conversation and try to like. Even though.

John [00:18:20]: But if that was the guy. But if that was. Because he didn't. Wasn't.

Nicole [00:18:25]: Yeah. But I didn't even get close to marrying someone that's like that. Like. I know that because you know you're.

John [00:18:30]: Not gonna be filmed already, Right? Right. At a sexual level. So why even do it unless it's for the money.

Nicole [00:18:37]: Right, Right.

John [00:18:38]: This is exactly. I don't want to name names. I was actually going to tell you this in the car, but I'll say it without saying his name because we know who the person is. Okay. He.

Nicole [00:18:47]: Mystery.

John [00:18:47]: Yeah, The. The person who's tried to like defame us and has really targeted you. Has targeted you. Okay. This is exactly what's actually happening with the Akash situation. And his wife is exactly what this person thinks that you are and what's happening with us. It's the exact thing that he thinks it is. Am I right? Yeah, it's exactly what he thinks. Right? Like just for the money.

Nicole [00:19:13]: Right? You're him and I'm her and using the clout.

John [00:19:16]: Right? To. To have a platform to talk. Right?

Nicole [00:19:19]: Like, like, yes, because I drag you here all the time and force you. I'm. I'm kicking you under the table as we speak.

John [00:19:27]: Right? And no true leadership and like just. And like reminiscing about that the, the times and like being, you know, like. But it's exactly what he thinks.

Nicole [00:19:35]: Right?

John [00:19:36]: But that's what's actually happening here.

Nicole [00:19:38]: Right? Exactly. It's like the extreme version, which, like, this is extreme. Like. And unfortunately, guys see this video and they think all women are going to act this way, and that's not the case.

John [00:19:51]: Let me play a little bit more, though, so that people can get. Because they're like. What are you talking about? About from that two seconds.

Nicole [00:19:57]: Yeah. He's trying to have an orgy because. And you haven't seen Nav yet, but wait till you see him. His body goes crazy. His face card always slays, never to climb. It's kind of weird because I'm talking to my husband. I just know that Nav's dick is, like, at least 10 inches. Okay. I have two butthole stories. So one time. Okay, so this is her on a podcast with someone else. Some other lady friend of hers.

John [00:20:25]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:20:26]: And she's talking about her. The other woman's husband, saying, I want.

John [00:20:32]: To have a orgy with you. Trying to get.

Nicole [00:20:34]: Yeah, like talking about another woman's husband.

John [00:20:37]: Right this way. I think it's this guy Naz and saying that his body is whatever his. He's always got the face card right. And then he's probably has a huge schlong. Yeah, exactly. Just. Yeah. And I imagine we might as well just go through the whole thing and then we'll.

Nicole [00:20:55]: This guy on Tinder and I, like, woke up in the morning and, like, my. Was a little sore. Oh, my God.

John [00:21:03]: So another. You know, like, there's the further part.

Nicole [00:21:07]: Of the story that are just. You probably should say at all. Even if you are single, you probably shouldn't be talking about some guy that, like, you let sleep in your bed and you woke up and he, like, you're assuming he did something to you. That's like a whole different level.

John [00:21:22]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:23]: When you use a vibrator. I just think my imagination is vibration enough. This thing like my own husband, while I'm, like, doing it. Wait, that's kind of baller. But I can never do that.

John [00:21:34]: Yeah. Okay, so then that one. The longer clip is that she's again talking to her friend. Her friend is the one that says that she just uses her imagination and thinks about her husband and sometimes things about her husband. And then she. This is Akasha's wife says, oh, I could never do that. Right, Right. Yeah. And. Yeah.

Nicole [00:21:56]: So finances. And I'm gonna be really off. I don't. We don't.

John [00:22:01]: We don't.

Nicole [00:22:01]: We don't. First of all, that's a red flag. Any man that doesn't want to have a joint bank account or isn't being transparent with his accounts or has separate accounts, that's a red flag. This is not a two way street. This is a one way street.

John [00:22:15]: And we'll talk about that one too. I mean, maybe we have enough stuff and we can talk about the segments as they come, but you can see what we're dealing with. Right?

Nicole [00:22:22]: So it's like, oh, now we can go in.

John [00:22:25]: Yeah, I think we can go in. Because I want to talk about the bank accounts thing separately. I don't want to get too lost in there.

Nicole [00:22:31]: I mean, I want to talk about one, go all the way back to her talking about her friend's husband.

John [00:22:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:39]: Totally inappropriate.

John [00:22:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:22:41]: Like you even trying to think about her husband. Appendages.

John [00:22:48]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:49]: Or in that way. Or even. I feel like even outwardly talking about how attractive her husband is is disrespectful.

John [00:22:57]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:22:57]: And it proves that you're not attracted to your husband.

John [00:23:00]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:00]: If you're just going around talking about her, how hot her husband is.

John [00:23:05]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:06]: And there's. I don't know if the clip will be in the beginning part, but there's one also of her on the same podcast talking about all these celebrity she has hall passes for.

John [00:23:15]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:23:16]: Which I'm sure everybody knows what that means.

John [00:23:18]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:19]: Which we've already talked about that if you have celebrity crushes, hall passes, those things are. Yeah, those things are red flags.

John [00:23:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:26]: Because you are obviously not fulfilled with your partner.

John [00:23:29]: Right? Right.

Nicole [00:23:30]: And you would give a pass. I don't even care if you're joking, but even if you're joking about it, it's. There's something wrong with the relationship that.

John [00:23:40]: You'Re in and it has to be established. That's why it's like, you gotta like have the conversation be like, yeah, like celebrity crushes are not even cool with me. You know? I mean, like, everyone in their relationship needs to have this discussion. The man needs to lead this discussion and say, like, we don't do these things. This is what you know. Because otherwise it starts there and then it becomes this. And then it's like you can't even. Because it's. I think a lot of people just don't know. Right. So it's like they're think, okay, I have a relationship, but I have a celebrity crush. It doesn't seem like a big deal. Okay. And I think that's innocent. I don't like, I wouldn't fault anyone for that, but I fault the man if he's not Listening to our podcast and isn't learning these things to be able to say, no, no, no, this is how I protect the relationship. Like, he needs to educate the woman in that case and be like, look, I get that you're in that the celebrity cross seems like an innocent thing, but when you're in a serious, committed relationship, it's not. It is not like a silly thing. Like, it's offensive to me.

Nicole [00:24:35]: I fault society.

John [00:24:37]: Yeah. For sure.

Nicole [00:24:38]: And poor relationships for this. Because people are constantly told it's okay to be attracted to other people. It's totally normal and natural. And so that's where I think the celebrity crushes and this jokingly hall pass thing came about. But. And I'm not saying that it's not in our biology. In some ways. We've already did a whole episode on that, so if you want to go deeper into that, you can watch that episode. But I. It is normalizing something that is not there when you're in a relationship that you're fully invested in in all the ways you should be fully invested in. There's no one on this planet that could distract me or take me away from you and how attracted I am to you in all the ways. Like, they're simply not. And people could think I'm lying. That's fine. But it just proves to me that they've never been in a relationship like you and I have been in. Because it would be so disrespectful to even.

John [00:25:40]: Right.

Nicole [00:25:41]: Like, joke about a hall pass or a celebrity crush. Like, that's. That's disrespectful to our relationship and our marriage.

John [00:25:51]: Right.

Nicole [00:25:51]: And definitely you. But to, like, my commitment to you. It's disrespectful to joke about that, to joke about being with anybody else. And I take that very seriously. And I'm not even a religious person, but I don't take it lightly. When I chose you to be the person that I want to be with for the rest of my life, that was a wholehearted choice that I made and I was serious about it. And I wouldn't have married you if I was like, well, I miss my college days or, you know, yeah, I.

John [00:26:21]: Think this might be the best that I can do with my good years behind me or whatever.

Nicole [00:26:26]: Right. Like, that's. Or like, maybe my celebrity crush will come along and sweep me off my. No. Like, and that's my point is that, yes, for these lower caliber relationships, this has been normalized. And people think that it's fine. They think it's Actually a part of a normal relationship.

John [00:26:47]: And you're gonna just have that kind of normal relationship if you allow this.

Nicole [00:26:51]: Right, right, right.

John [00:26:52]: Because the thing is also when you tell your partner, I don't like this, like, I don't like celebrity crush, and even if they're like, oh, that's insecure, whatever, and you're like, no, let me explain to you why. Like, it's an insult to, like, I think that we should be exclusively focused on each other. And once you've established that, then it helps to actually make it that or keep it that. Because it's like, if you tell me, like, if I came into our relationship and I was an idiot and I thought it was fine for me to follow girls on Instagram that are models or whatever and like their photos. Right? Like a dummy. Like, there's guys that do that and they, they're dummies and they don't realize.

Nicole [00:27:33]: It, but women do it too.

John [00:27:34]: But if you told me, hey, that actually hurts my feelings, I don't like that at all. Like, I really want you to only be focused on. On me and not even find other women attractive. Right? Like, once you tell me that, then it's like, every time that I would do that, then I would think that, that, like, I'm, I'm offending you. If you knew. So that's going to change the way the thought patterns and the behavior, hopefully. Right. Versus if you say nothing at all and people are like, oh, just saying that doesn't matter. Well, yeah, but if you say nothing at all and it's just fine to do that, then sure, then, then the person is going to think about other people. But when you have defined that and you've, you've let the other person know that it's not okay. And this is why it's not okay, is because, you know, this is the kind of relationship that I want or this hurts my feelings, you know, then it's, it's confining that it doesn't completely solve the problem. Yeah, maybe there's going to be like, you know, attraction or whatever that, you know, that, that, that, that pops up or whatever. You know, I'm, I'm saying at whatever stage of relationship you're at, but now you're putting things in the right direction of where they need to go, because ideally, in the relationship, just like you said, I also feel the same way. I'm 100% only focused on you, and that's. There's no woman that could distract me from you. And you, you know, when we're both like that. That builds the best relationship that you can have.

Nicole [00:28:59]: Right.

John [00:29:00]: So.

Nicole [00:29:00]: And I think when you have the boundary and someone breaks that, it's now a bigger problem. And then that means, like, this probably isn't going to work sort of thing. So if you have that boundary of, like, hey, this hurts me, this hurts our relationship.

John [00:29:15]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:29:15]: And then they still choose to do it and you feel like it's a maybe similar ish situation as far as, like, this person doesn't want to settle down or they're reminiscing on other people or being with other people or being back in their past when they were with other people.

John [00:29:32]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:29:32]: Then now you can make an educated decision. And that's why I said it's good she said this.

John [00:29:38]: Right.

Nicole [00:29:39]: It's good this is happening. And I mean that in the sense of he can face the reality of what he's dealing with because she is publicly putting all this out there and there's nowhere for her to hide it.

John [00:29:55]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:29:56]: And she. I saw some other things where she said that they joke around a lot and we'll get into that aspect of it. But. But the reality is that no matter if this is a joke to her or not, it's so disrespectful to her marriage that it is, in my opinion, a valid reason for the relationship to end.

John [00:30:17]: Right. And this is not joking around. This isn't joking around because she can say that it's joking around or they joke around about their relationship or like, and there's part where she calls him an idiot and stuff. And I can. That I can see us joking around. You shouldn't joke like that. But I can see that. But when you're giving specifics about, like, your past or like, saying that, like, you. You want this or that's not joking around. Like, that's. That's actually, like, you might be joking when you're saying it's. But there's reality behind it because you're giving enough specifics where it's clearly not a joke. You know what I mean?

Nicole [00:30:54]: Right.

John [00:30:55]: Like what you're saying. So. Yeah. So I don't. Wouldn't let that slide. Even if it was joking around, it still wouldn't let. If it was. I know it wasn't. But if it was, it still doesn't let that slide.

Nicole [00:31:06]: Well, I guess we should go into that part of it because I think that's a huge part of this too, is that. I mean, we didn't see the clip yet, but they're like, in Their closet. And she's calling, she's telling him to shut up. And you know, they're arguing because she has this closet, big closet. And she's not like, yeah. Making it effectively hold all her clothes. And so they're in this argument. And then she calls him an idiot and things like that.

John [00:31:36]: And cheap. Calls him cheap and stuff. And it's like, and, and it's like there are some people could be like, oh, you're taking it the wrong way or whatever. But it's like even just in the tone, like you should avoid the things that, that have to be interpreted by tone. But there's a difference between shut up and like, shut up. You know, like, whatever. I can't even do the, the tone that would make it make sense. But there's a, like, oh, shut up, shut up, shut up. Like something like that would be maybe a tone that I still would say.

Nicole [00:32:06]: No, I still would say it's shut up. Which is minuscule.

John [00:32:11]: Like you're saying like, yeah, don't even go there.

Nicole [00:32:13]: Right.

John [00:32:14]: That's what I'm saying is like, if it has to be interpreted by tone.

Nicole [00:32:17]: Yeah. I think if you joke with your partner like that, that's a one way ticket to disrespecting each other.

John [00:32:26]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:27]: Because to me, calling somebody an idiot or telling them to shut up is not kind anyway. But to do that to your partner, your life partner.

John [00:32:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:40]: You're just putting wounds in your own relationship. Like that is like you said, even if you're joking, that those words still sting somebody.

John [00:32:51]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:32:51]: Because you wouldn't go up to some little lady and be like, shut up, grandma. Like that's, that would be taken as aggressive.

John [00:32:58]: Yeah. Or someone that you respect highly.

Nicole [00:33:01]: Right.

John [00:33:01]: You know, an authority figure or something like that. You wouldn't. Well.

Nicole [00:33:04]: And I would never want you to feel like I was trying to tear you down with words like that. Like, that doesn't benefit either of us and it hurts you.

John [00:33:14]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:15]: And so I think people think that it's fine because they do it to each other.

John [00:33:21]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:22]: But then I think if they really look at their relationship, it's not where they want it to be.

John [00:33:27]: Yeah. It doesn't matter if the camera's on or not.

Nicole [00:33:30]: Right, right, right. Like you shouldn't do it.

John [00:33:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:34]: Even if you're like, well, I was upset because obviously in the video too, she's like, we're stressed out or something because we're about to leave.

John [00:33:41]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:42]: When you start making excuses for why you do the things.

John [00:33:44]: Right.

Nicole [00:33:45]: Then they just keep Happening more and more. And then now you're calling each other more and more mean names. You're doing more and more mean things to try to tear the person down. Because that's essentially what saying this stuff is.

John [00:33:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:33:56]: Is trying to tear the person down to overpower them or get what you want. And even if you're like, oh, well, like, we both do it, it's fine. Like, we know, we're joking. Our relationship's healthy. It's the same sort of thing of like, we have never done that. I think the meanest thing when I was, like, upset with you is I called you a fraud. Because. Because you weren't doing. Yeah. What you told other people to do. Right. Like, and that's. That's the meanest thing I've said to you. And I said it one time.

John [00:34:29]: Yeah, yeah. No, it's not. It's just not.

Nicole [00:34:32]: And I'm. And I'm telling you that that's not right. Like, me doing that wasn't even right. But there's. And that. And I've been upset with you for things.

John [00:34:40]: Yeah, for sure.

Nicole [00:34:41]: We've been through a lot of things and I still haven't done that because I respect you and I love you. And even though I'm hurt, I don't want to do that.

John [00:34:48]: Especially not joking, because that's taking it even lighter, you see.

Nicole [00:34:52]: Exactly.

John [00:34:52]: And it's. And it's. And this is where I'll talk from the man's frame is that a lot of men let this happen. They let a woman talk to them that way. Even joking. It's like, I mean, at any point, if. If I. We're having conversations, even we're joking around and you're like, oh, shut up. It would be a dead silence. I would stop the conversation and I'd be like, what did you just say? Like, like, oh, I'm just joking. Just told you to shut up. Yeah, that's. That's not cool. Like, it has to be that serious. Because. Because, guys, if you want a woman to take you seriously, you have to take yourself seriously. You cannot be like, oh, just. I allow this kind of thing because how are you going to be a serious, respected authority, like in protector and all of these things to a woman and sexually that she's going to take you seriously if you allow her to even joke and to treat you in that. Even if it's a joke, even if it doesn't mean. It's like, whatever. But it's like, you don't say, shut up. You know what? I mean, you know what I'm saying? It's like, you have to have that level of seriousness because that's where it starts. Because I coach a lot of guys and I tell you, it's like, oh, she's screaming at me and she did all this stuff and it's like, she hit me and it's like, yeah, but it didn't start like that. Right, Right. Because she didn't. You. If you were dating her and she did that, you would have been out of there. Right? So how did it get there? It started with a joking shut up. Right? And then a joking idiot. Right. And then a little bit of an angry shut up. And then you didn't do anything. And then you see what I'm saying? That's how it got to that point. Because if you're like, oh, like at the very little of this joke of saying something disrespectful, he doesn't have to be an asshole about it, but you just say, hey, wait a minute, what did you say? It's like, yeah, that's. It's not okay to tell me to shut up. I know you're just joking, but it doesn't. It's still very disrespectful to do that. Like, that's. It's not cool. I respect you. I wouldn't say that to you because I have a high admiration of you, you know? And so, like, so you're setting it like, because as a man, you have to be. To be a leader sometimes, you know, you have to be able to teach and you have to instruct well, and.

Nicole [00:37:08]: You have to lead by example. Like you said, if you don't want her telling you shut up and calling you an idiot, you can't be doing that to her either.

John [00:37:15]: Right?

Nicole [00:37:15]: For sure. Not even, like, come here, woman. Like, I think that's even like, disrespectful.

John [00:37:21]: Yeah, for sure. It is disrespectful to talk to someone.

Nicole [00:37:24]: That way, especially the woman that you're with. And so you're right that they allow this behavior. And then it gets more and more extreme because she needs to feel more and more overpowering him.

John [00:37:38]: Right.

Nicole [00:37:39]: You know, and like, let him know that she's in charge because he's. Let her basically be in charge and disrespect him. And that's probably what has happened here with this Akash guy, is that she's probably always been disrespectful to him in some ways. And maybe it started out just like, joking, like, shut up.

John [00:37:58]: And And I know he jokes about her. Like, we've heard. I haven't seen his. I don't know, watch.

Nicole [00:38:03]: But, like, he's a standup comedian, so I'm sure he says something.

John [00:38:07]: Yeah. But it doesn't make it okay either way.

Nicole [00:38:10]: Right, Exactly.

John [00:38:11]: Like, if I was a standup comedian, I might joke about you. And, like, oh, you know, she likes to go shopping or, like, something. Oh, she's obsessed with Halloween. Like, something that's not disrespectful. You know what I'm saying? Like, you can make some jokes about that, but when I hear standup comics and we. We've. We've been to places where people, like, are like, oh, you know, saying something about their husband or whatever, it's like, okay. Even as a joke, it's just not. It's not okay. Like, a funny, kind of innocent joke of, like, Nicole is obsessed with Halloween. Her favorite movies, Hocus Pocus. You know, it's like, that's a funny thing. That's not a disrespectful thing.

Nicole [00:38:48]: Right.

John [00:38:48]: You see what I'm saying? Like, there's ways you can make fun of, like, or tell a story of something that happened that is comical and exaggerated a little bit, but it doesn't assassinate the other person's character and make them look bad.

Nicole [00:39:00]: Right. Which I feel like that's the most important part of this. Right. Because people are probably listening this, and they're like, these two have a stick up their ass. They, like, never laugh. We laugh at plenty of things, just not at each other. We're not tearing each other down for cheap humor. Like, we laugh about plenty of other things we have. We're like children half the time when we're together and having fun in that way.

John [00:39:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:24]: But we also respect each other, so we enjoy being around each other and having fun in that way. We don't need to, like, laugh by picking on one another.

John [00:39:33]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:39:33]: And that is the gateway drug of kind of ruining your relationship and causing resentment and all this underlying hurt. Because you might be hurt if your husband's like, why are you such an idiot when you do something wrong? And even though you joke around with each other, then you're mentally like, okay, well, we joke around all the time. He probably doesn't mean it, but does he mean it? And you're hurt by that part that's like, does he mean it? There's a part of you that thinks he does actually mean it.

John [00:40:02]: Right. And a lot of guys are talking to their women like they're talking to Their bros.

Nicole [00:40:06]: Right.

John [00:40:07]: Which is like, that's just disrespectful in general. Like, don't. But also don't talk to your bros. Like, it too. Right? It's like, like, yeah, have respect for your friend. Yeah, I'll talk to my friend and say, don't be a pussy, like. Or stop being a little bitch or something like that. But it's not like I'm calling him that all the time. There's some guys that. They're just like, hey, dipshit. Hey, dickhead.

Nicole [00:40:25]: Right?

John [00:40:25]: And it's like, no, I love the men that are in my life. Like, you don't. They're like brothers to me. They're not, like, idiots. And they're not, you know, whatever. Like, I'm not even going to lightly just call those things. Yeah. Sometimes I will use some harsh language, like, to wake him to wake another man up. But it's coming from a place of love. Like, that's a different thing than. Than just randomly calling people idiots all the time or, like, you know, razzing on them for no reason. But definitely, like, if you're doing that, why would you do that with a woman?

Nicole [00:40:57]: Right.

John [00:40:57]: That is supposed to be someone that you're choosing, Right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:03]: So it's definitely not okay for her to be doing that either. And, like, calling him names and. And again, like, he's a comedian, but even in that video, he didn't, like, call her a name back. You know, like it. But if one person's doing it, it's still a potential to hurt your relationship. So if this is happening in your own relationship, you should have a conversation about it.

John [00:41:26]: Right.

Nicole [00:41:27]: And have a new standard now. Even if you've been joking around with each other and doing things like that, just come together and be like, hey, you know what? I know we used to do this, but I think that we should stop. Like, I think that it'll make our relationship better because it's definitely not. Too late Hits. Too late for him.

John [00:41:46]: Oh, yeah.

Nicole [00:41:46]: Too late for a cop.

John [00:41:47]: Done. Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:48]: She's disrespected him so much in so many other ways.

John [00:41:51]: There's no coming back from that.

Nicole [00:41:53]: Right. But if you.

John [00:41:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:41:55]: If you want to fix your relationship in one easy way, it's. Stop picking on each other and making fun of each other.

John [00:42:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:03]: Like, you think it's not that serious, but it is that serious. And I guarantee you when you stop doing it, you'll feel so much closer to your partner.

John [00:42:11]: Right.

Nicole [00:42:12]: And your relationship will improve just by not doing that.

John [00:42:15]: Right. Well, and I guess I could give you like a couple of things from a man's perspective, right? Like, your woman should look up to you in reverence, not look down on you in judgment. Up to you in reverence. And you should not look down on her in judgment either. But you should look to her like someone who's in your care. Right. And so again, I don't like to make this comparison, but you wouldn't joke in that way to your child, like, to your young child, let's say, you know, like, like a, like a little.

Nicole [00:42:49]: To someone that you're protecting, right. And that you have responsibility.

John [00:42:53]: Like, like, let's say you had a two year old or three year old, you wouldn't be like, you're such an idiot. You just fell over again, like in.

Nicole [00:43:00]: A jokey way, not saying what I want to say right now.

John [00:43:06]: I don't know.

Nicole [00:43:07]: Yes, you do. We know somebody that has done those things before, but has done it's wrong before to a child. Yes.

John [00:43:15]: Oh yeah, yeah. Yes, yes. But that's. I'm talking about joking.

Nicole [00:43:19]: No, I know. Yeah, I know.

John [00:43:20]: Like if you're not joking, then it's even that. Yeah, but I'm saying even you wouldn't joke like that. Right?

Nicole [00:43:25]: Right.

John [00:43:26]: And like if you're.

Nicole [00:43:27]: It's like it shouldn't even come across your mind as a joke.

John [00:43:30]: Right. So. So your wife should be looking up to you. Right. In reverence. Reverence is the word. Right. Or you can use other words, but. And you should be looking at like, as someone that you're protecting. Like. So you see what I'm saying? Like, that's how the relationship should be. It doesn't mean that it's a child relationship or that whatever, like you're God or anything like that, but it means that like, those are the ways. It's a model for understanding how it should feel in terms of like, you know, what you would say to someone.

Nicole [00:43:58]: Right. Well, a woman's not going to trust you fully if the person that's supposed to be protecting her is calling her names and making fun of her.

John [00:44:06]: And, and like, not. And as a man. Right. Regardless of what I say, regardless of what I do. Right. In, in my life or accomplishments I've done or what I tell other people I do. Like, the biggest reflection of me is what you, as my wife, who lives with me every single day, who knows my character better than anyone else publicly says about me, and anyone can go back through any catalog, any video, any podcast, any audio of you talking about me. And they will only find you talking positive things about me of the great. You know, so. So my. My greatest thing about me is what you say about me. Like, that's my. Like, no one can argue that, because anything I can prove for. About myself or say, it has no candle to. To the words that you say about me, which is a double thing, because, one, it lifts me up as a man. And. And, like, no one can say, hey, you know, the easiest way to tear a man down is to talk about. Say, oh, well, his wife says this about him.

Nicole [00:45:11]: Right?

John [00:45:12]: Right. You see what I'm saying? But for me, I got a. I got a shining. I'm shining on a hill. Because, like, if someone goes back and goes through the clips of all the things that you've said about me on this podcast or publicly, whatever, like, it's. It's the most fantastic place that I could ever possibly be. Like, no one could say anything better than. Than that. But also, that gives me immense respect for you. You see, I'm saying, like, it works both ways. Like, you lift me up by. By how you represent.

Nicole [00:45:44]: Well, I put my money where my mouth is, but it's doing what I'm saying. I'm not just blowing smoke up your ass.

John [00:45:49]: Right.

Nicole [00:45:50]: Because what you say about me also is the highest form of respect and love that you show me.

John [00:45:59]: Right?

Nicole [00:46:00]: So, like, that is why, though, that we have the relationship that we do, and that's why we come on here and do this podcast, is because all of the things that we're telling people, right, help build what we have. And people can have that, but you have to build it, right? It. It has to be built, and we're giving you all the tools how to build it. And one of those, like I said, is how you talk about your partner and not even joking.

John [00:46:28]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:29]: And, you know, I tell you that I respect you, but if I acted like this woman, it doesn't matter if I tell you I respect you, because my actions speak differently. And so I do respect you, and so my actions prove that. And the things that I say about you prove that. But you also prove that because if you didn't prove it, if you were not somebody that I respected, then we would have other problems because we probably wouldn't even be together. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, there would obviously be a reason why, but I respect you to the highest degree of any man I've ever met because you are who you say you are, and you do what you say you're gonna do. And so it's Easy. And people have to live from that place, though. Like, if you are all mixed up and you're making fun of each other and you got all this resentment, you got all these problems, they can be fixed, but you got to get all of that out there and you have to be better for your partner.

John [00:47:25]: Right. You got to start. Even if, like, you got to start governing your relationship and acting as if in order for it to become, you know.

Nicole [00:47:34]: Right, exactly.

John [00:47:35]: It's like you got to be like.

Nicole [00:47:36]: You have to move differently. You can't do the same things and expect the same results.

John [00:47:40]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:41]: Isn't that insanity?

John [00:47:42]: Yeah, exactly. The definition of insanity.

Nicole [00:47:44]: So you got to do things differently and you gotta.

John [00:47:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:47:48]: Actually respect your partner and do the actions that prove that.

John [00:47:52]: Right.

Nicole [00:47:52]: Because you can't joke around and disrespect each other, even jokingly, and then try to tell people you respect each other or you trust each other. Because I wouldn't trust somebody that is, like, low key, making side comments at me that I don't know if they're kidding or if they're serious. Like, because if there must be some reason they feel that way, Right. A little bit, but they're hiding behind joking. It's like, let's just have a conversation. Don't joke with me about it. Let's, like, air it out there. Let's figure it out.

John [00:48:24]: Right.

Nicole [00:48:25]: And not operate in this way.

John [00:48:28]: And can you imagine, like, I mean, let's say that you. You did that and there was some clips or something, Somebody could totally use it against me and I could, oh, no, no. Nicole's just joking. She. She loves me, whatever. But, like, there's no fuel for that at all. Right? All the only thing anyone could ever say is like, oh, there's not one time that Nicole doesn't sing your praises every single time that, you know, like, anything that you publicly say about me is something that is phenomenal, you know, to me, which makes me, as a man, like, you know how much I'm working with when I'm talking to other guys, because I'm like, does your wife talk about you like this? Does she respect you like this? No. Right? So you see what I'm saying? It's like, it gives me that weight, especially from coaching guys. So I'm gonna be like, like, you know, you hear what my wife says about me, right? Does your wife talk to about you like that?

Nicole [00:49:17]: Right?

John [00:49:18]: Like, but if they're like, oh, wait, there's this clip where. Oh, yeah, she's just joking, though. And it's like, but there's not even that clip. You see what I'm saying? So as a man, it's very, very important. Like, that's what I'm saying is like.

Nicole [00:49:30]: You know, but you have to live it. That's what I, I want, yeah. People to understand because it's very easy for people to be like, oh, well, maybe she just says bad things to you not on camera or not in public. But it's like, no, we live this way.

John [00:49:44]: Right?

Nicole [00:49:45]: Like, and it's not hard to live this way. This actually is the default mode.

John [00:49:49]: Right, Right.

Nicole [00:49:50]: And I get though that it's not the default mode for a lot of people, right? Because maybe you haven't respected your partner from the very beginning and you've had to like, grow that or you don't now and you want to grow that. This is how you do it. But it's. It's not just on camera or whatever. This isn't just like an act. Like, I feel this way about you, and that is why we have the relationship that we have. And I know you respect me as well too. And it's because we have these rules or guidelines for our relationship.

John [00:50:23]: Right?

Nicole [00:50:24]: And it, that is what makes it so high caliber. And people think that it's not possible. But when people are around us, they are with us for like a week. Our family's with us for a week. Our friends are with us for a week. If we go somewhere on a vacation or something and we show them that.

John [00:50:40]: Right?

Nicole [00:50:41]: We're not arguing with each other. We're not calling each other names like, this isn't.

John [00:50:45]: Or even just a show snapping or acting irritated at each other. There's no irritated looks and like, why are you bothering me? Type of thing.

Nicole [00:50:54]: Right?

John [00:50:54]: Like, it doesn't happen because. But. And a lot of it is because we don't. Like, it's just not something that's okay in our relationship. Like, it starts with, like, having a zero tolerance policy for any of this stuff. Even joking around. It's like, so that. It's like, because in my mind, I always want you to be that, like, to be cherished, right? Someone like, you know, you're my wife, like, you're this indescribable treasure in my life that I would never want to tarnish in any way that I couldn't speak in. Some even joking would be. Would be doing a disservice to that vision that I, that I have. And I want you to have an equal vision of me of being a man that is like an Authority that you respect, that you would trust your life with, you know what I'm saying? In your children's life. And, you know, and that, you know, having that utmost respect, whereas you wouldn't even joke about saying something derogatory.

Nicole [00:52:00]: Well, which I think people need to realize is that if you say something to tarnish me, it tarnishes you.

John [00:52:04]: Oh, but, yeah, ridiculous. Yeah.

Nicole [00:52:06]: And if I say something that tarnishes you, it tarnishes me.

John [00:52:08]: The best thing I could possibly say about you as my wife is I was like, look, like, if. If someone's like, oh, your. Your wife is trash, I'd be like, okay, look at the. The videos of how she talks about me. That's like the shining quality that I could prove to other people of what kind of character that you have is, like, how you talk about me. That would be the number one thing. If someone said, give me some evidence, that would be the evidence I could give. Because I could say, oh, she's a wonderful person. She cares for people, but the smoking gun evidence is like, look how she talks about me. You see what I'm saying? And it goes both ways. How I talk about you is the biggest reflection of. Of. Of myself. You know, if you talk bad about me, it would look bad on both of us. It would look bad on you. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I. Then I wouldn't be able to say, oh, you know, but in the same thing, like, if I talked bad about you or joked, like, didn't treat you with that. That level of respect, then it would look very bad on me.

Nicole [00:53:07]: Yeah, you're right. And I think people, if they want to adopt this, which I think everybody should try to adopt, this, is that they shouldn't really talk bad about anybody. Because even when, yeah, we talked about doing this episode, I was like, I don't want to talk bad about this woman.

John [00:53:22]: Right.

Nicole [00:53:23]: And I don't feel like we are talking bad about her. This is about her actions and where she's at.

John [00:53:29]: Right.

Nicole [00:53:29]: And, like, what she's doing and how she's treating her husband and how her behavior is coming across that she's better off single.

John [00:53:39]: Right.

Nicole [00:53:40]: Based on how she's acting. This is not on her. So many of the videos I saw were attacking this.

John [00:53:45]: Attacking her appearance, like, everything.

Nicole [00:53:48]: Calling her names, calling other people, like, assuming things about other people. Like, that is. It's not okay. And I think, like, society as a whole thinks it's okay to attack people that are doing the wrong thing.

John [00:54:02]: Right, Exactly.

Nicole [00:54:03]: We have all at some point, done the wrong thing.

John [00:54:06]: For sure. Yeah.

Nicole [00:54:07]: And the way to have more respect for everybody and bring up the, like, collective.

John [00:54:17]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:54:19]: Humanity and, like, goodness in people is to respect everyone no matter what they do to you.

John [00:54:25]: And you tell Sophia, you tell our daughter all the time. What do you tell her?

Nicole [00:54:32]: There's so many things.

John [00:54:33]: Well, I mean, about this. Like, I. I hear you tell her all the time. It's like, how do you feel when you talk bad about people?

Nicole [00:54:40]: Right.

John [00:54:41]: How does it make you. Because, like. Because there's a. We can see it. It's like she gets started and gets down on herself.

Nicole [00:54:46]: Right. It hurts you to talk bad about other people, even if you don't realize it, even if you feel like it's making you feel better to vent your frustrations about somebody.

John [00:54:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:54:56]: It makes you. Actually makes you feel worse, and it actually makes you spiral. And now you're talking more and more crap about people and you're feeling worse and worse.

John [00:55:05]: Right.

Nicole [00:55:06]: And it's not beneficial.

John [00:55:07]: And this is what gives us the ability to talk about the subjects that we do talk about. Like when we talked about the smut novels and the stuff like that is because we have people in our lives, family members. Right. That, like any. Like, you take all the topics that we've talked about, we're gonna. Some of them are gonna smack someone across the face with it, Right?

Nicole [00:55:25]: Yeah.

John [00:55:26]: But if we talked about smut novels and we saw some video of some girl that was talking about it and we were making fun of the girl and saying what a horrible person she was. Right. How would that play out with people in our lives? That they would feel betrayed.

Nicole [00:55:42]: Right.

John [00:55:43]: Whereas I hope that the people in our lives don't feel betrayed when we're talking about it, because we're talking about it objectively in the harms of it.

Nicole [00:55:50]: Right.

John [00:55:50]: You see what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:55:52]: Not to judge or shame or whatever.

John [00:55:56]: Wrong. Not. You are bad. And that's the key. And I think that's. And we'll do another episode because we'll talk about the red pill thing and whatnot. But that's the big problem with. With anything, with feminism, with. With any of these people. Even a lot of the politics today in the political commentary is. It's like you. You can say, like, these things that a person is doing is wrong and bad, and those are the subjects that we should be talking about and having discourse about, but attacking the person and making them a bad person or horrible or making fun of them, that doesn't.

Nicole [00:56:31]: That just deepens your point you're trying to make.

John [00:56:35]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:56:36]: Honestly. And it kind of invalidates it and.

John [00:56:39]: It gives you a big audience.

Nicole [00:56:40]: Yeah. Because if you can only make a point by tearing someone else down, your point was not strong enough to begin with.

John [00:56:46]: Right. Yeah. Because the point with. With this, this woman is. Is obviously like, he should not be with her.

Nicole [00:56:52]: She's ready to be married.

John [00:56:53]: Yeah. He should not be with her. It's like, you know, it's. It's a. Like she's disrespectful to him. Right. These are her actions.

Nicole [00:57:00]: Right.

John [00:57:00]: You know, it's up to her. Whatever. She's made herself look the way that she's. She's making herself look. But I don't feel any reason to, like, have animosity or to attack her personally.

Nicole [00:57:10]: No.

John [00:57:10]: These things that she's doing that are not good.

Nicole [00:57:12]: If anything, I feel bad for him because I feel like, like I said in the beginning of the episode that he just tracks as someone that he was virgin. And maybe this is one of the few women that, you know, he got an opportunity to be with.

John [00:57:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:31]: And was like, oh, well, you know, he didn't have the knowledge to know if this is going to be a good wife or not.

John [00:57:39]: Right.

Nicole [00:57:39]: And be able to see where she's at. Or maybe he allowed her to disrespect him and he was like, it's fine as long as I have her. You know, some men think that way and got himself in this situation, but unfortunately, I don't think that this relationship can be resolved and, like, fixed to a place where he will be happy. And so, unfortunately, I think that it's the end of the road for them. Again, it's his choice.

John [00:58:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:12]: I mean, but yeah, he's disrespecting himself by allowing his life partner to disrespect him this way.

John [00:58:20]: Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Especially him being a public figure, too. It's like a. Like I said, I mean, even if.

Nicole [00:58:26]: This is a publicity stunt, it is horrible for relationships.

John [00:58:32]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:32]: Like, if they don't care and they just want views or something. I don't know if that's what this is all about, but it is horrible.

John [00:58:42]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:44]: Relationship sort of idealization.

John [00:58:47]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:48]: And also thinking that, like, this is fine. Like this is a fine way to be in a relationship. It's not.

John [00:58:53]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:58:54]: And so I don't know at the end of the day what they're doing and it's his choice, but I know he will not be happy.

John [00:59:01]: Right.

Nicole [00:59:02]: If he is continuing to be disrespected in this way. Just like no woman would be happy continuing to be disrespected if it was the husband doing the same thing.

John [00:59:13]: I've been coaching guys for like 12 years. Okay. When a guy tells me about a problem with his wife or his girlfriend or whatever, I immediately like the way that he describes a problem because, you know, yeah, there's some women that do some, some horrible things, for sure. But the way he describes it tells me all I need to know. Right. Because some guys are like, oh, she's such a, she did this. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. Or some guys are like, yeah, I don't understand why she keeps on doing this. Like, it's like, it's hurtful to me, it's hurtful to her. It's describing the same behavior. Right, right. Like this really tore me up when she did this. Okay. As opposed to when he starts talking about how horrible of a person she is or like starts calling her names or whatever, you know what I'm saying? And so I guess I forgot where I'm going with that. But I think that's just important to understand is like that, that difference of how you talk about someone and it indicates like, what's going on with you.

Nicole [01:00:14]: It indicates who you are.

John [01:00:15]: Exactly.

Nicole [01:00:16]: Right.

John [01:00:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:00:17]: So like she's indicating, unfortunately for herself that she doesn't really have respect for other people, especially her husband and. Which probably means she doesn't really have a lot of respect for herself.

John [01:00:29]: Right, exactly.

Nicole [01:00:30]: And also the way that she's talking about some of these things.

John [01:00:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:00:33]: It doesn't come across in a transparent way. It comes across in a, like over sharing to try to get something out of the situation. Which again makes me feel like she doesn't maybe really respect herself and so she's operating in this way.

John [01:00:51]: Right, Right. Yeah. But I don't think there's any reason to play more of the. No, I think the videos that we.

Nicole [01:00:59]: Pretty much, we tapped on most of the things. But I do feel for him because. Yes, that's rough.

John [01:01:07]: Yeah. But got a lot of, A lot of guys, like I said, they put. That's why kind of the advice is like, to be older, the man has to be older. He needs to learn like, you know, a woman. You need to read the instruction manual. You don't just have a woman in your life without understanding women and understanding how to, like, how to lead as a man. Otherwise you're going to get this, like every time you're going to get this. If you don't understand how to Lead as a man, you know, so.

Nicole [01:01:33]: Yeah, true. Now to get into our.

John [01:01:36]: To our thing. Yeah. Well, where do we even begin on this?

Nicole [01:01:42]: It was a few weeks ago now, and we had to get up really early in the morning and drive, like, three hours away. And I was overwhelmed with the situation. And so you had just gotten off the phone, and I was like, I'm not going to go over to the meeting thing. I'm like, you could just go. And then I'm sure you felt blindsided by that. And you were like, no, it's not like that. And I didn't really feel validated and heard and, you know.

John [01:02:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:02:20]: And I know I didn't do it in the right way. And then you were like, you're really not going to go with me. And I was. Was, you know, still in a stubborn place because I was still overwhelmed and upset. And I was like, no. And then you asked again, and I still said no. And then you went and you were obviously upset by that, and you came back and.

John [01:02:41]: And that's where I. Well, and. And I was. And that's where I. That's where I got out of line, like, completely and, like, walked off. Didn't even have the conversation with you. And started just getting, like, too much into my being upset, you know, to. To the point of, like, we just kept on escalating, but. But that's where, like, I really fell off. Was that. That point where I let my, like, feeling disrespected get the better of me and to do things that I. I wouldn't want to. Like to act in a way that I wouldn't want to act, you know, so.

Nicole [01:03:18]: And it was embarrassing. We were in public.

John [01:03:20]: Yeah. Like.

Nicole [01:03:21]: Well, not for the initial stuff where John walked off and me being like, want to go. We were in the car for that, but then we slightly. Ish. Resolved it, but not really. And then. So when we were waiting in line to go to this show thing, we're, like, arguing in line. People obviously can hear what we're saying. Again, it's not like we're attacking each other, but it's not great. Like, it's obvious that two people are having a disagreement.

John [01:03:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:03:51]: Then we sit down.

John [01:03:52]: Right.

Nicole [01:03:53]: And then it really escalates. And then John walks off, and then he comes back and then he takes his ring off and I walk off.

John [01:04:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:04:04]: Then. So it really escalated and.

John [01:04:06]: Well, because you said that you were going to.

Nicole [01:04:09]: I wanted to go. Yeah.

John [01:04:10]: Virginia or whatever. Yeah. Which is the things we said. Like, obviously, none of these things any of us should have ever done, because it's extreme, but it's like we're trying to amp it to this level. But then I think finally I was like, what are we doing? And I came and talked to you, and it's like. And, you know, we still had to kind of hash some things out, but in public still. Yeah, still.

Nicole [01:04:32]: Which was really embarrassing. Like, embarrassing in the way that, like, I just don't think it's appropriate.

John [01:04:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:04:39]: Have these sort of conversations in public. But we couldn't really avoid that, obviously, because we had traveled so far and we were there for that reason. So, yeah, we had to do it then and there. But it's not embarrassing in the way of, like, us acting. Like, we don't have disagreements. We have disagreements. But I think it was just, like, also the way that it had gotten so severe.

John [01:05:07]: Right.

Nicole [01:05:08]: And I never wanted it to get to that point. Like, when you had walked off, I was like, you know, can't we just talk about this? And, like, I tried to remain the calm one, and I just couldn't anymore after trying so hard. And so I was also making mistakes, like I said, saying that I wanted to go to Virginia. I just wanted space from all the chaos and craziness. And that's part of our thing, is that we don't talk about things like that. But it just felt like I couldn't get through to you. And it's not an excuse that makes it okay, but I just kind of felt defeated and.

John [01:05:52]: Yeah. And. And if I understand correctly, I mean, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but you were getting more upset about my behavior, the way that I was acting towards you, like, in the way that I was being combative in the way that I was talking to you or just walking off. And, like.

Nicole [01:06:08]: Right. It was the things that.

John [01:06:09]: It was a disconnect in the relationship that you felt.

Nicole [01:06:12]: Yeah. Well, like you said, you had just gotten off the phone talking about all the things that a man should do, and you didn't do those things like you did in the beginning, like, by asking. And you were calm when you were like, you're really not going to go with me. Yeah, but I just didn't feel like. I felt like you cared about my feelings, which I didn't handle them the right way by being like, I'm not going to go. That was very, like, defiant, child's like, behavior.

John [01:06:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:06:39]: But I just didn't feel like that mattered to you.

John [01:06:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:06:45]: And then. And so when you were handling it correctly, I was still kind of in a bad place. And then when you got back and, like, you just, you were mad and you went off. I just, you know, I was like, trying to rein it all back in so we could have a conversation, a normal conversation, and try to get you back on track with, like, what I know, you know, to do. And even at one point, it was later on, I was like, this is not you. Like, this isn't how you would react. And I know too, that you don't act that way with, like, anyone else but me. And I get that I can't. I can push you, Your buttons in a different way than other people, but I think it was just. It made me sad that, like, you couldn't give me that. Which you give to other people.

John [01:07:39]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:07:40]: And so. Which we already talked about all this and.

John [01:07:43]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:07:43]: You know, and I think too, that it just makes it hard to feel safe in those instances, because as a woman, you're like. And even to you, I was like, I know this isn't like you, but you are acting this way. But I know you know better.

John [01:08:00]: Right.

Nicole [01:08:00]: So what is real? You know what I mean? Like, that's how a woman thinks. And that's why a man is held to, like, a higher standard.

John [01:08:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:08:10]: If he's the leader.

John [01:08:12]: Right.

Nicole [01:08:12]: Because, like, I'm not saying that a man can't make mistakes, but he does have to turn those mistakes around a lot faster than anyone else if he's the leader. Because otherwise you're leading your. Your partner and your army down a path that could get everyone killed. It could blow up the whole thing. And that's where we were heading. We were going down that path. You were leading us down the path of destruction.

John [01:08:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:08:38]: And it's like, we can't. We can't go. I don't want to go there. Right. And that's. I tried to, like, rein you back in at first, but then when you were committed yourself to the, you know, defensiveness, then I was like, oh, well, now I gotta defend myself, because who else is going to?

John [01:08:57]: And I think the big thing like that, like, why, why My extreme reaction, we kind of talked about it was because it was like the conversation started off with an act of defiance. Right. And I think we. And we'll talk about this more. But we hadn't really established, like, the. Under full understanding of what authority means in a relationship and how important that is to me as a man and what does it really mean? And like, I was getting all of these indications of that lack of understanding, which we Talked about like later about like, you know, as a king in the kingdom, that like, the protection extends to those who are in the kingdom accepting the authority of the king. And that's where my head was. Like, I can't believe how, you know, how much of a defiance this is. Like, is there. Do I. Can I really count on, you know, this, this level of, of support? Regardless, though, that, that's just why I was in such an extreme. It was, you know, in extreme state. But the, the big thing that I learned from this whole experience, because I think that was really the, the key thing was when you told me like later that night, and you're like, I just want you to. Because I was like, well, what do you really want from me? Like, what do you want me to do? You know, like. And you said, I want you to. And whatever it is, no matter how upset you are, that your communication with me is not combative. And I think that's what you said. And not aggressive. Not combative and aggressive. Right, right. And so that's where I really had to self reflect and be like, okay, yeah, I can see. Because I was like, in the past, I was like, okay, well, I can be upset. And it's like, yeah, but you said to me, it's like, even if I disagree, even if you say something that is really, that I don't like, but if you say it in a way that's not combative and aggressive, we'll have the talk and we'll. I'll listen to you and we'll. Right, we can, we can communicate. And that really struck me because that's why I realized, like, that's something that I need to work on because that's.

Nicole [01:10:59]: Like a fight, right? If someone, anyone comes at you with combative or aggressive tone, right. You're gonna be like this.

John [01:11:06]: Exactly right.

Nicole [01:11:07]: Because that's like someone coming at you like this.

John [01:11:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:11:09]: So you're gonna be like ready to defend.

John [01:11:11]: Right?

Nicole [01:11:12]: Right. And so, yeah, that's. I like, we can disagree and we can have a con and you can even tell me like, hey, Nicole, what you said was kind of an asshole thing to say. If you said it in that way, I'd be like, oh, wow. Yeah, you're right. But if you're like, I don't get why you're such an. Again, we don't talk to each other just being.

John [01:11:34]: Having a cold presence or aggressive towards, you know what I'm saying? But like, yeah, you can even be stern, right?

Nicole [01:11:42]: And like blunt about things without being like, combative or Aggressive.

John [01:11:47]: Well, there's like a, like, look, like, I'm serious, what I'm talking about right now.

Nicole [01:11:51]: Right?

John [01:11:52]: And there's a, like, I'm serious, what I'm talking about right now, like, where it's anger.

Nicole [01:11:57]: Yeah.

John [01:11:58]: Coming out. You know, I'm saying like, seriousness without the, like, that's not combat. It's not aggressive.

Nicole [01:12:03]: Right.

John [01:12:04]: It's like, yeah, this is really important to me. Like, and this is. Was not okay. Like, that's, you know, it's a different thing. And so that's what I realized was that like 99 of the time, I mean, I don't, like, I'm very, like, you know, it's very hard to even make me upset. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm a very even. I mean, you've seen the stuff that people try to do to make me upset, and it doesn't make me upset.

Nicole [01:12:28]: Yes, I have.

John [01:12:29]: But then the 1% of the time when I do get upset, it's not like I fly off the handle and like scream and rage and stuff, but I do come across as combative and aggressive in the way that I'm talking, which is in a disconnect in the relationship where it would make you feel like, is he just throwing everything away now at this point? Is it completely. He's done with me?

Nicole [01:12:54]: Because if it's us against each other rather than us against the problem, and when you talk to me in a non combative, aggressive way, it's us against the problem, no matter what that problem is, no matter if I'm the problem or whatever, that's fine as long as we're figuring it out together. Because I do respect you and I respect your opinion about the situation and about me. And like, I want to know the things that I'm doing wrong and like, how I can be better. And I trust you to tell me that, like, from an honest place.

John [01:13:26]: Right.

Nicole [01:13:26]: Because there are things that I can't see that you can. And so, but you need. If you're angry at me about it though, then I feel like I have to just say, yeah, exactly.

John [01:13:37]: Which, which is like, like, I know this, I should know this. And we've been doing this podcast for a long time, but that, but that's where it really clicked for me. And then we had a good test of that because we had some issues that we, we talked about like a couple days later or whatever, or a week later. And, and, and that was where I was like, okay, like, let me lock in and do this actually. And we Talked about stuff that would have been a blowout fight, honestly, but it didn't come to that at all. And I ascribe it to you telling me that and then me carrying out, because we were able to talk about. And what I realized was that you were very correct in that we can talk about extremely difficult things. Like.

Nicole [01:14:23]: Well, I figured we would talk about that on the next episode. Yeah, we could talk about that at the end. But.

John [01:14:27]: But, but it just, just was a good like, like, it proved to you.

Nicole [01:14:31]: That I wasn't just blowing smoke up your ass, that, like, this is.

John [01:14:34]: That this was a shortcut that I had that, you know, again, you being my greatest asset as my wife, because I don't want to go too far. But, but like, like, and we've talked about in the podcast, is that a woman's, you know, a woman seeing your deficiencies as a man and helping you to see them is a huge asset to you as a man, because it was a shortcoming that I didn't see. And now that I see that I have a better way to communicate in those instances, that will be more productive, that will help me lead better. Because, like, what I didn't see and what you showed me was that my direction and wisdom in the leadership comes from the things that I'm trying to communicate to you. But if there's something that's stopping, making it so that it's not the words, but that I'm not able to do that communication, then that makes that whole other part less effective. And so by fixing that issue, which was the aggressive and combative manner in which I was delivering the wisdom from. To lead. Right. If by taking that piece out, it makes it so now this is more effective. And that was a frustration for me that I was never going to get past unless I acknowledged that, which you were able to show me, and then I'm able to take that into account. Right. So it doesn't undermine my ability. It's not like, oh, I'm such a bad person because I made these mistakes. It's just that it makes it so that I can more effectively do what I'm supposed to do. And that's what a good woman does in your life as a man, is that she points out the things. You know, sometimes women can be harsh with a lot of criticism, and that's not super valuable. But to give you. I know you don't really like the book the 50th law, right? The 50 cent book, Robert Greene, but.

Nicole [01:16:29]: The second part's better than the first.

John [01:16:31]: Half the thing that stuck out to me the first time I read that book. And the most salient point that he says is there. I forget what chapter it is. But he says, I want to see reality clearly. That's as. I just want to know exactly what it is. That's the most. The greatest superpower that you can have. Most people don't want to see reality clearly. I want to see it clearly. If you can show it to me. And a good woman in your life as a man will show you the reality clearly. She knows, like, you can hide behind a mask, you can hide in front of other people, you can put on a show, but standing naked in front of the woman that is in your life and sees you every day, she knows exactly where your shortcomings are. And she can show it to you like nobody else can. And so you have to listen to that and take that And a lot of my improvements as a man have come from you being that woman in my life, in this relationship. Sometimes it's painful medicine, and I don't always want to hear it, but you being able to show me clearly the truth of who I actually am so that I can improve those things, and I'm immensely grateful to you for that, and I always will be.

Nicole [01:17:47]: Well, thank you. I feel the same way. And on the next episode, you'll hear where you did the same thing, essentially for me. And that's also, too, why we're here and why we're growing and why we're just getting better and better. Better than perfect.

John [01:18:02]: Yeah. All right. I think we're. We've done enough for this episode, so. Yeah, if you guys want to ask us a question or want us to.

Nicole [01:18:14]: Talk about a topic.

John [01:18:15]: Yeah, just. You can go to betterthanperfectpod.com or you can send us an email@betterthanperfectpodcastmail.com like and subscribe. Yeah. See you guys next week.