Nicole [00:00:00]: I believe women can go out to bars.

John [00:00:03]: Sure.

Nicole [00:00:03]: And not be interested in other men. I think that men have a harder time doing that because they're visual people. I do genuinely believe that a woman can go and not do anything wrong. However, my personal thing is, if I don't want you to do it, I'm not going to do it. And that's out of respect.

John [00:00:20]: Right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But to see the man's perspective, which I understand that, like, a man knows.

Nicole [00:00:26]: Going after your wife.

John [00:00:27]: Beyond the perfect we discovered through our flaws. Us, we complete each other. Better than perfect. We stay through every fault we find our way. All right, welcome back to the Better Than Perfect podcast, where every week we share with you how two imperfect people helping each other grow equals one better than perfect relationship.

Nicole [00:00:52]: I didn't do anything.

John [00:00:53]: I know that's.

Nicole [00:00:55]: And if you didn't know, it is our a hundredth episode.

John [00:01:00]: Oh, wow.

Nicole [00:01:01]: A hundredth or hundredth.

John [00:01:04]: Hundredth.

Nicole [00:01:05]: No, a hundredth. No, one hundredth.

John [00:01:10]: One hundredth.

Nicole [00:01:11]: But A and 1 are similar. Usually a hundredth, like I have a apple means one apple.

John [00:01:19]: I have apples, no apple. Yeah.

Nicole [00:01:24]: So it's the same as 1.100th.

John [00:01:27]: If you have an a hundredth, you.

Nicole [00:01:32]: Don'T have to do and. Because it starts with the H. If.

John [00:01:35]: You have a hundredth episode. Right, but this is our hundredth episode. Wow.

Nicole [00:01:44]: Well, now, you know what all that was.

John [00:01:46]: So what should we do for 100th episode?

Nicole [00:01:50]: You know what we're doing for our hundredth episode?

John [00:01:52]: We're gonna go through our episodes and we will give some.

Nicole [00:01:57]: We're doing a recap. Yeah, basically one of our episodes up until now.

John [00:02:02]: One of those recap episodes. You know those things that you hate when you. When your favorite recap when your favorite TV series. Right. And they like. And it's a new episode that comes out, but it's not actually a new episode. It's like a bunch of scenes from the old episodes. And you're like, oh, God, sometimes you need to write a script, man. Let's not just reh all the stuff from the old episode.

Nicole [00:02:22]: Okay, well, then do you want to do something different? Because you seem to have very strong feelings.

John [00:02:27]: Well, I mean, this will be fun and exciting because a lot of people haven't watched all the episodes, which is.

Nicole [00:02:32]: Why they need a recap.

John [00:02:33]: Right? So they need a recap. Okay, so we'll start with the first one.

Nicole [00:02:36]: Recaps.

John [00:02:37]: Well, it's also like, what we'll do is if you have something comment, we'll briefly Talk about it. If we have nothing to say, we won't say anything. If our views have changed, maybe they've changed.

Nicole [00:02:48]: Right. We'll see.

John [00:02:49]: So we'll talk about it.

Nicole [00:02:50]: We're open minded.

John [00:02:51]: So the first episode that we ever published, episode one, was, is it even worth it to get married anymore?

Nicole [00:02:58]: Yeah.

John [00:02:58]: Have your views changed?

Nicole [00:03:00]: I think it's still worth it to get married.

John [00:03:02]: Yeah. And that one, I think we talked about the idea that, like, marriage is still a useful thing. It's a good thing.

Nicole [00:03:10]: Yeah.

John [00:03:10]: A lot of men are against the idea of marriage. They don't think there's any benefit for them in it. But. Yeah, yeah, but there is a.

Nicole [00:03:18]: But that level of commitment is beneficial, right?

John [00:03:20]: Yeah. Well, I mean, I just. And I literally just had coaching clients that were asking me about this, and I was like, yeah, you. You want to get married even if it's just on paper, like, not legally in the sense of the government being involved. I can get that part of it. But you. You want to have the ceremony, you want to exchange the vows, you want to exchange the rings, you want to.

Nicole [00:03:42]: Put skin in the game.

John [00:03:43]: Yeah. Because they're like, well, you know, should I get a baby mama? I'm like, no, no, that's not a good.

Nicole [00:03:48]: Should I get a baby mama?

John [00:03:49]: Because they want to have kids asking you that. Well, because men are like, I want to have kids. Right. But I'm afraid. But they're afraid of getting married because. Because of the horror stories of divorce and all this stuff.

Nicole [00:04:01]: A child is an even bigger commitment, I would say.

John [00:04:04]: Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:05]: You're committed to being involved with that person for the rest of your life, even if you're not romantically committed to them anymore.

John [00:04:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:12]: So wherever men got this, should I get a baby mama?

John [00:04:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:17]: Who the hell is teaching them that? Because I'm a go. Leave comments. The name. What are you doing?

John [00:04:22]: The name of the game. The name of the game is don't get a baby mama.

Nicole [00:04:25]: Right. Wife that you have a baby with and a family.

John [00:04:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:31]: So Lord have mercy. Well, no, quick thing on that because again, I've been listening to The Matthew. Matthew McConaughey episode of Diary of a CEO.

John [00:04:42]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:04:42]: And it's really good. I actually recommend people should watch it because he talks about, like, since he was 8, he knew he wanted to be a father. That was like, the highest thing on his list of what he wanted to be. But, like, he talks about how people are pulling the parachute too quickly. And again, you should listen to it. It's good because he talks about in relationships how people don't stick it out and work through the things they pulled parachute too quickly when they could have fixed it. And he obviously talks about, like, there are some instances, obviously, like abuse and things like that where you should leave.

John [00:05:19]: Sure. Right.

Nicole [00:05:20]: But there's a lot of situations where you could have fixed it.

John [00:05:23]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:24]: But you just bailed.

John [00:05:25]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:25]: Instead of dealing with it. And so it's kind of like, you know, men are trying to come up with ways to kind of skirt around getting married, but you're still going to end up having. You're probably going to end up having more problems.

John [00:05:38]: Right.

Nicole [00:05:39]: If you skirt around getting married, then if you just found a woman you wanted to commit to and get married to and have kids with.

John [00:05:47]: Right. And deal with, like, I just saw a clip from. I think it's Bruce Almighty. You seen that movie?

Nicole [00:05:51]: Yeah.

John [00:05:52]: Or what's his name?

Nicole [00:05:53]: Jim Carrey.

John [00:05:54]: Yeah. But, but God is the.

Nicole [00:05:56]: Oh, is Morgan Freeman.

John [00:05:58]: Morgan Freeman is God. Right. And he's talking to the girl at the bar. Right. I think is his wife or whatever. And he says, he's like, well, you know, if, if someone asks God for, Was it patience? Do you think he gives them patience or you think he gives them opportunities to be patient? If God. If someone asks God for courage, you think he gives them courage or you think he gives them opportunities where they can be courageous? If someone asks God for. For their family, for love in their family, you think he gives them love in their family or you think gives them opportunities to love each other? That's the thing. But that's the thing about not pulling the chute. It's like you're giving, you're getting opportunities to learn how to love.

Nicole [00:06:44]: Right?

John [00:06:44]: Right. It's like if you just pull the shoot the parachute cord and you just are ready to exit things because they're not going good. You're missing the point of relationship. You're missing the point of marriage. The point of relationship is like, we're together because we love each other. Yes. And because we have crazy sex. Yes. But also, but also because it's on your mind. But, but, but because we, we. It. It's a growth opportunity. Like, both of us have grown from being together.

Nicole [00:07:12]: Right.

John [00:07:12]: From the things that we've gone through, from the conflicts that we've had. Right. Like, those are. I couldn't have gotten to where I am on my own. You couldn't have gotten to where you are on your own.

Nicole [00:07:23]: Yeah.

John [00:07:23]: Together we get further and not just like more success further in Our own personal development.

Nicole [00:07:29]: Right.

John [00:07:30]: Because we have some.

Nicole [00:07:31]: And stronger. Get stronger by facing things together, including things between each other and outside of us.

John [00:07:39]: Right. And I could just be a playboy and whatever. Not get married and. But.

Nicole [00:07:43]: And I can live to be. You plan to do that.

John [00:07:46]: But will I grow as much as I would being with one woman? Sticking it out even when things are hard? You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, that's. That's the thing is, like, for. Because guys don't understand the value of marriage.

Nicole [00:07:59]: Right?

John [00:07:59]: That's. That's a huge value of it.

Nicole [00:08:01]: But I don't make it that hard for you to stick it out.

John [00:08:03]: No, you make it pretty easy.

Nicole [00:08:05]: Pretty easy.

John [00:08:07]: Very easy. I forget that the word pretty to you doesn't mean it's like a coffee or like. Because you're like, how is that? Like, that's pretty good. And you're like, that sounds only pretty good enough. It's not excellent. It's not.

Nicole [00:08:17]: Right.

John [00:08:18]: Extraordinary.

Nicole [00:08:19]: I like men.

John [00:08:20]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:08:21]: To me.

John [00:08:21]: To me, like, pretty good is. It's like pretty good.

Nicole [00:08:23]: I guess it's good for a loser. That's what my brain hears when you say that.

John [00:08:30]: Maybe it's because someone insulted you one day and they're like, you're. You're pretty.

Nicole [00:08:34]: Pretty ugly. That's what they said.

John [00:08:36]: Yeah, something like that stuck. Okay, so that was just the first episode. We got 99 more. So number two was love or control. Six rules that might change a relationship forever. This was one of my favorite.

Nicole [00:08:50]: That one is a good one. I feel like it's a classic one.

John [00:08:52]: Do you remember what the six rules were?

Nicole [00:08:55]: No girls, guys night out, location on no friends of the opposite sex.

John [00:09:05]: Email, phone, password. Yeah.

Nicole [00:09:10]: Six of them.

John [00:09:11]: Yeah. Trying to think. What else was the last one there? No friends. The opposite sex.

Nicole [00:09:21]: Was it no corn?

John [00:09:23]: It might have been no talking to exes or something. Oh, that might have been. Yeah, that was it. Yeah. Because sex is the opposite.

Nicole [00:09:31]: There's one other one. Unless the no corn was one of them. No.

John [00:09:34]: No locations on no girl. No girls night out. Guys night out.

Nicole [00:09:38]: Yeah.

John [00:09:39]: No friends of the opposite sex. No talking exes, email access, passwords. All right. Yeah, I guess you're right. There is. You're always right.

Nicole [00:09:49]: You heard it here, folks.

John [00:09:52]: I only said don't edit that out. I only say that for the hundredth episode.

Nicole [00:09:59]: Oh, okay.

John [00:09:59]: That's your friend.

Nicole [00:10:00]: It's my present.

John [00:10:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:10:03]: Yeah. What's the last one?

John [00:10:04]: Let's see if it says it in here.

Nicole [00:10:05]: I thought it was corn.

John [00:10:08]: Okay. Cutting ties. X's location sharing, phone and email guy sign out bound. No. I don't know. I don't. I don't actually even know our own rules. Maybe it was five.

Nicole [00:10:22]: Please just follow them.

John [00:10:23]: Those are the five most important ones. Whatever the. The sixth one is, it's. It's either. It's either not that important or it's crucially important. So you either duh, or it's not that important.

Nicole [00:10:35]: Okay.

John [00:10:37]: Right. Like, no cheating.

Nicole [00:10:40]: That's a. I don't think that's that. But that is a good one.

John [00:10:44]: Yeah. I mean. Okay, let me just go through the notes real quick that said. Okay. Friends of the opposite sex. This is AI Generated. No. X's location sharing, phone in email, transparency, Girls and guys night out. It doesn't even have. I think it was. I think it was five and we just. We just played y' all and told you it was six. So that's. It's a good marketing technique. We'll tell you. We'll tell you number six in episode.

Nicole [00:11:12]: 101 whole episode to find the six.

John [00:11:15]: Yeah. See if you can find it. It's a secret one. Okay. But that was good. I think those are good. And people want us to change our views on that, but. No, no, they're even. We've seen why they're, like, from friends relationships and other relationships that we've seen why these are so crucial. We have to double down on. On these.

Nicole [00:11:36]: Yeah. It hasn't changed.

John [00:11:38]: Another one. We. We start off with some bangers. Our third episode was why a 5050 Relationship Won't Work.

Nicole [00:11:44]: That's also, like, classic.

John [00:11:46]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:47]: I mean, that's what this whole podcast is based off of.

John [00:11:50]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:51]: So we definitely still believe 5050 relationships don't work.

John [00:11:55]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:11:56]: Not to have the oneness and intimacy and connection and polarity that a traditional relationship has.

John [00:12:04]: Exactly. Yeah. It's not going to be. It's not going to be the same. You can't be like, you know, it's you.

Nicole [00:12:09]: When you do 50 50, it's two individuals. When you do traditional. Modern traditional. Like we have. It's two people becoming one.

John [00:12:19]: Yeah. It's like the Power Rangers.

Nicole [00:12:20]: Right? Like we become a Transformer.

John [00:12:22]: Exactly. You got to have all the little. Except it's only two, but, you know.

Nicole [00:12:28]: Yeah.

John [00:12:28]: But then you become a giant.

Nicole [00:12:30]: You're pretty tall.

John [00:12:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:31]: We could transform into something.

John [00:12:34]: The next one, episode four, was why the honeymoon phase doesn't have to end.

Nicole [00:12:40]: We still. We're still in still there phase. So we still believe in that one yeah. And if you listen to that one, you can, too, stay in the honeymoon phase for what, three years? Yeah, well, I mean, like, you know, we've almost been married.

John [00:12:53]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:12:53]: Legally.

John [00:12:54]: But we've been together for four and a half years.

Nicole [00:12:57]: Yeah, right. We met.

John [00:12:59]: We met almost. Almost five years ago.

Nicole [00:13:01]: No, it's five years ago. Oh, no, you're right. You're right. It's the end of September. I was like, it's already October. Spooky season.

John [00:13:08]: But. But the big lesson from that one too, though, is that it's like my favorite analogy of the. The tooth decay of the way that you stay in the honeymoon. What causes the honeymoon phase to end is not the chemicals, the oxytocin in the.

Nicole [00:13:24]: It's the resentment.

John [00:13:25]: Resentment, exactly. So if you brush your relationship's teeth by clearing out all that dirty laundry and actually dealing with issues, you don't build resentment, which is like tartar, which decays your.

Nicole [00:13:37]: Which. We have a whole episode on that as well, too.

John [00:13:40]: Okay. Oh, the next one is called He Cheated. Yeah, you'll have to watch that one. Yeah, that was my story, which is too complicated to get into on the 100th episode. But I'm fully transparent in what happened with my previous situation and all that stuff. But I mean, you have to watch the episode to get the spicy details.

Nicole [00:14:01]: And obviously cheating is bad.

John [00:14:03]: Yeah, yeah, for sure. Okay. Episode six, how to Handle Conflict in a Relationship. Any thoughts on that one?

Nicole [00:14:14]: I mean, it's important.

John [00:14:16]: Yeah. Important to learn.

Nicole [00:14:16]: It's an important thing. Because that I feel like, is when people want to throw their parachute out.

John [00:14:22]: Right, Exactly.

Nicole [00:14:23]: And conflict can either break you apart or bring you closer together. It's how you view it. And again, if you have a modern, traditional relationship and you view day to day life as a unit.

John [00:14:35]: Right.

Nicole [00:14:35]: I do feel like it also helps. We didn't talk about this in the episode, but I feel like that also helps when conflict arises.

John [00:14:42]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:14:43]: That you do try to stay more as, like, you two fighting the problem versus each other. And I mean, like, we've had moments where it feels like we're fighting each other. It's very easy to fall into that. But I feel like when you, like, regroup and you think about it and how close you guys are, you got married, you love each other, then it helps resolve the conflict, which helps you not have resentment, which helps you stay in the honeymoon phase.

John [00:15:09]: Exactly. Then we have number seven. Why do women date, quote, ugly men?

Nicole [00:15:18]: I mean, I still believe that women will date ugly guys and that they don't Value looks the way that men think women value looks.

John [00:15:27]: We agree.

Nicole [00:15:27]: But I feel like men think, though, that women value looks.

John [00:15:30]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:15:31]: More than they really do. I'm not saying that women don't like looks like a woman wants to be attracted to a man.

John [00:15:37]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:38]: But she can build attraction, like you said in the last episode, based on who he is.

John [00:15:44]: Right.

Nicole [00:15:44]: And he can become more attractive, whereas men are more like, is she hot right now? Then let me get to know her.

John [00:15:51]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:15:52]: So.

John [00:15:54]: Number eight, why traditional relationships are better because they just.

Nicole [00:16:00]: I feel like we.

John [00:16:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:01]: Because I feel like we already kind of.

John [00:16:03]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:03]: Discuss that even in the. When I just explained the 5050 thing, so.

John [00:16:08]: Exactly. Yeah.

Nicole [00:16:08]: But if you want further details, go watch that episode.

John [00:16:11]: No, but I think that's good. I mean, that's the core of our entire show podcast, is that traditional relationships are better. The man is the man. He's masculine. The woman is feminine. The man is the leader.

Nicole [00:16:24]: Right.

John [00:16:24]: Right. He's. He's the authority.

Nicole [00:16:26]: Everybody has their roles, which sounds bad, but I think it only sounds bad to people who are doing all the roles.

John [00:16:33]: Right, Right.

Nicole [00:16:34]: That they don't realize that they already have roles more than they really want.

John [00:16:39]: Right.

Nicole [00:16:40]: And when you have this dynamic, I can give you the masculine roles that I was doing before, and I could do the feminine ones and focus on that, and you can focus on the masculine ones, and it actually is better for everybody.

John [00:16:53]: Right. And you have to know what it is. It's like people dance around it. They don't want to say the man's dominant, the woman's submissive. Be. It's the same thing as, like, if I'm like, if I'm at work and they're like, oh, who's that guy that. Oh, he's. He's sort of like, he. I mean, he. He kind of manages our. Well, I don't want to say that. Like, I mean, we kind of decide together what we're gonna. It's like, is that your boss? Yeah, that's my boss. Like, you know, it's like how. If you don't have the role defined, then how do you understand.

Nicole [00:17:27]: Right.

John [00:17:27]: Like, you can't go to work and be, like. Be ambiguous about who is in charge.

Nicole [00:17:33]: Right.

John [00:17:33]: Like, you have to have someone who's in charge in anything, in a team, in a relationship, whatever it is. Now, where I think men screwed up is they don't understand what servant leadership is.

Nicole [00:17:43]: Servant.

John [00:17:44]: Right.

Nicole [00:17:44]: And you said servant before leadership.

John [00:17:46]: Right. Servant comes first means putting the other people first. Right. It's Like I say, the captain of the ship. The captain of ship, he goes down with the ship. Right. Women and children first. They are getting saved. You are going down with the ship. You're taking responsibility. You're putting their lives above yours. If you're that kind of man, then a woman should not have a problem submitting to your authority and letting you be the leader. But the difference between, I think the old traditional relationships versus the modern one was the woman had to do it because she.

Nicole [00:18:19]: She couldn't get a job and have a bank account and.

John [00:18:21]: Yeah, right. And now she chooses to submit to a man. More powerful. Exactly. Yeah, it's more powerful.

Nicole [00:18:28]: I think there is a Captain of the ship episode, isn't there?

John [00:18:30]: I think there is. I think there is. Okay, next one, Episode nine, How to have a Successful First Date.

Nicole [00:18:39]: Well, yeah, there's. I think that one. We probably still agree with the same stuff.

John [00:18:47]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:18:48]: It's about being flirty and fun.

John [00:18:51]: Exactly. Yeah. Don't. Don't make it boring. Don't make it a job interview. You know, take. Take your minute. Mini golfing. Yeah. So.

Nicole [00:18:58]: Or I kick his butt. A hike.

John [00:19:01]: I'm just kidding. All right. But also, I mean, a hike is good, too. Don't do it like doing something physical. That's like interactive. Like, the point is, like, do something interactive for your great doing. You know, I mean, different. Some women would prefer to do a hike. You know, like, that's a. I know you would not. That's not your idea of a. Of a person.

Nicole [00:19:21]: I don't mind a hike, just not in 100 degree degrees. San Diego weather.

John [00:19:29]: Number 10 is how a man should lead a relationship. So this is still.

Nicole [00:19:36]: Well, what do you think? Leader?

John [00:19:39]: He should like. We talked about the servant leadership. I don't think we talked about so much about servant leadership in that episode. But a man has to be willing to take charge, but to take responsibility.

Nicole [00:19:50]: Right, Right.

John [00:19:51]: So the buck stops there. Right. So if you want authority, you have to take responsibility. Meaning that if someone in your household is not doing what they're supposed to be doing, it's not their fault. Like, you have to coach them. But it's ultimately you. You messed up. Right. It's like you. You got to take responsibility. Like, the buck stops here.

Nicole [00:20:09]: Yeah.

John [00:20:09]: Right. So I think that's really the. The key. And then, like I said, putting everyone else first before yourself. Leading. Not with an authority or authoritative, like, do this.

Nicole [00:20:23]: Right.

John [00:20:23]: But leading in the sense.

Nicole [00:20:25]: Guidance.

John [00:20:26]: Right. Yeah. Or doing the thing first. Like taking the. Taking charge, influence. Exactly.

Nicole [00:20:31]: Yeah. Not demanding the captain of the ship doesn't go, oh, yeah, you guys messed up when the ship sinks and, like, all right, I'm getting out of here. It's your guys.

John [00:20:41]: These guys suck. This crew sucks. Like, you hired the crew. So.

Nicole [00:20:44]: Yeah.

John [00:20:44]: It's like.

Nicole [00:20:45]: And you're. You're managing the crew.

John [00:20:46]: Your choice was to. You should have fired the crew if that was, like, before.

Nicole [00:20:50]: Right. Before now.

John [00:20:52]: Exactly. Yeah. So let's see. Oh, episode 11. This one's a good one. Stop doing girls night out and guys night out now. People hate this. They're like, it's not. I. I trust my partner and. And all of this stuff. But it's like, there's no good. I mean, my favorite thing.

Nicole [00:21:11]: Not even about trust. It's about disrespect.

John [00:21:14]: Yeah. If you're vegan, why are you hanging around the sausage factory? Like, you're just looking at the sausage. Okay. But you're in the sausage factory. Like, if you're going out to a bar, that is the place to hook up with people. Like, it's alcohol. It's people trying to get laid. So if you're just like, I'm just out there innocent, having fun, or you're going to a nightclub. I'm just dancing. No, no, no. Not. Not, like, go and do something else. You can have a girl's night or a guy's night. Like, girls night.

Nicole [00:21:42]: Go to dinner.

John [00:21:43]: Go to dinner.

Nicole [00:21:44]: Right. Do some crafts, whatever.

John [00:21:46]: Yeah. Or guy can go to a workout class. Yeah. You could go to. Go golf. Go for a hike.

Nicole [00:21:52]: Go for a hike.

John [00:21:52]: Yeah. Go to the gym. Like, or even go to dinner, like, but not nightclub, not bar, not single people stuff.

Nicole [00:22:00]: Right, Exactly.

John [00:22:01]: So, yeah. And a lot of women really have the biggest problem with this, I think. And I think the biggest analogy that I found that that's helpful for women to understand is that they're like, oh, well, I'm just going to the nightclub to dance. I'm just dancing with my friends. Like, this is controlling. If you tell me I can't do this, and it's like, okay, but if you had your guy and he went to a place where every woman in there was trying to sleep with him and then giving him free drinks, would you. Would you let him be there? It would change your mind.

Nicole [00:22:35]: My thing here is that I believe women can go out to bars.

John [00:22:40]: Sure.

Nicole [00:22:41]: And not be interested in other men.

John [00:22:43]: Sure.

Nicole [00:22:44]: Like, sure they can. I think that men have a harder time doing that. Even if they're taken, they're still looking at Women, because they're visual people.

John [00:22:51]: Sure.

Nicole [00:22:52]: So I think women don't understand because they can go. And I do genuinely believe that a woman can go and not do anything wrong.

John [00:23:00]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:01]: However, my personal thing is if I can't do it, or like, if I don't want you to do it, I'm not gonna do it.

John [00:23:08]: Right. For sure.

Nicole [00:23:08]: Even if I could do it without causing trouble.

John [00:23:12]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:13]: I'm not going to do it because you can't do it.

John [00:23:15]: Right.

Nicole [00:23:16]: And that's like, out of respect, right?

John [00:23:18]: Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Nicole [00:23:20]: So that's my opinion.

John [00:23:21]: But, but, but to see the man's perspective, which I understand that, like, a.

Nicole [00:23:26]: Man knows if I'm going after your wife.

John [00:23:28]: Right. Like, I know, like, even if I'm like, I trust her and I know that she can resist this.

Nicole [00:23:33]: Right.

John [00:23:34]: It's still a bunch of guys trying to buy her, giving her free drinks and trying to sleep.

Nicole [00:23:39]: Trying to steal your woman.

John [00:23:40]: Yeah, exactly. And so it's like, but if the tables were turned, there is no circumstance where a woman would be okay with knowing, okay, this, this guy's going to a place where a bunch of women are going to try and, and give him free drinks and try to. Try to invite him to sleep with him.

Nicole [00:23:54]: Yeah.

John [00:23:55]: Like, it's, it's just not going to happen. So that's, that just puts it into perspective as to why it's not acceptable. Makes sense, you know, for, for either. But, you know, like I said, women more so give a problem with this.

Nicole [00:24:07]: But I think that's why, that's why I wanted to say it. Like, because they know that they're capable of not doing that. But that still doesn't make it okay. You know what I mean? Like, you can't tell your husband not to go out and then you can go out.

John [00:24:18]: Right? Yeah. Or even, like, guys are like, oh, what is the big deal if I go to the bar with my friends and have a couple of drinks? Well, first of all, don't drink. But, but, but, but second of all, you don't have to go to the bar.

Nicole [00:24:31]: Right.

John [00:24:31]: Like, like, you can go somewhere else.

Nicole [00:24:33]: Yeah, go have dinner with your guy friends.

John [00:24:35]: Yeah, you don't have to go to the bar. So number 12 was, why do women like and losers?

Nicole [00:24:46]: Why do they like and losers?

John [00:24:49]: Yeah, that's what we, we titled it. Like, like, why do women like guys that are like, jerks and guys that live in a, in the trailer park, you know, like, they don't have any money. They're just like, losers.

Nicole [00:25:03]: I mean, I Can't remember exactly what we said. But it's because I guess they have nothing to lose and they are authentically themselves and they speak their mind.

John [00:25:13]: Well, I think like the revision would be that. That the night. The quadrant that I created of the four types of guys. Yeah, right. It's like you have on one side, cares about people versus don't care about people. Cares what people think versus don't care about people think. And women are attracted to guys that don't care what other people think. And so if you're the kind of guy that doesn't care about what other people think, but you're. But you care about people, then you're gentle.

Nicole [00:25:40]: The winner. You're the unicorn.

John [00:25:42]: Yeah, yeah. But it. But most guys that don't care about what other people think also don't care about people and they're an asshole. So they fit into that. That category. And, and so asshole. If you're an asshole, you could be a loser. It's not just like a guy that has money.

Nicole [00:25:56]: That's true.

John [00:25:57]: You know, it's just. It's the quality that he has that he doesn't care what other people think.

Nicole [00:26:01]: I think too.

John [00:26:02]: And then she wants to rescue him, you know, save him, turn him around.

Nicole [00:26:04]: Right. I was going to say I think women want to turn the asshole into the guy that's like mean to the world but sweet to her.

John [00:26:13]: Yeah. Captain save A.

Nicole [00:26:15]: Same with like they'll support the loser guy in hopes that he'll get ambition one day and make this huge thing and he'll remember that she supported him when he had nothing.

John [00:26:26]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:27]: I think that's what happens a lot of the time with those sort of guys on top of that, like, usually they have nothing to lose. So again, they like speak their mind and peace. People respect that about people.

John [00:26:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:26:37]: So I think there's that. But I do think that a lot of the times it's women hoping that the guy's gonna change into the opposite of what he is. Right. And they wait around for that and then it doesn't actually because.

John [00:26:49]: And I think like some revisions too because I think at that time in that episode I talked more about maybe the loser guy is good looking. Which. Which can be the case. But I think more of the attractive element is that he doesn't care what other people think. He just says what. What he means and what. What he wants. Right. But. But I think also on that spectrum of the. The female side. Now I lost my. It was a good one. Oh yeah, yeah. I know what it was. Okay. So a woman is much more likely to convert an asshole. Right. Again, a guy that's already doesn't care what other people think to being kind to her or like she has more hope of that than converting a nice guy to being a stud. Like that's a lot. That's much less likely. The guy that's a nice guy, that is a pushover she doesn't have. Like, there's not much of a chance that she's gonna make him tough. But if he's already tough, then maybe she can make him sweet. You know what I'm saying? Like she can tame him, but you know what I'm saying?

Nicole [00:27:47]: Like so giving like romance books. Yeah.

John [00:27:49]: But one. One has more hope. But women desperately hope for the one.

Nicole [00:27:53]: But you can't be with somebody. No. Based on who you hope they change into.

John [00:27:57]: But that's why women are attracted to.

Nicole [00:27:59]: Well, no, that's what I'm saying. But they're not attracted to why they' with them is because they're hoping that something's going to change. But you can't be with anybody. Nobody can be with anyone that they want to change that they're attracted to what they could be.

John [00:28:11]: Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you just have less chance with the nice guy. So that of that happening. Right. It's like I tell guys all the time, it's like if you have the choice between leaning on the nice guy side or side, lean on the side. Because you can always ask for forgiveness. But once you're labeled as nice guy, you're done. Like you're never, never getting a shot your friend zone permanently.

Nicole [00:28:31]: There's an episode on Nice guys that I'm sure is coming up.

John [00:28:34]: Let's see men's biggest struggles in dating and Relationships, episode 13. And we, we talked about a lot of the.

Nicole [00:28:43]: You're a man. What do you think men's issues talked about here?

John [00:28:49]: I mean the. Probably a little bit of the whole flation type of thing where, you know, women are getting so much like validation on social media that their estimation of their values is way higher than what it should be. Or same thing with dating apps, giving that validation. And then. And then guys that are above their level sleeping with them and they only want to sleep with them, they want to commit to them so they think they can get that guy. So then it makes it harder for the average guy.

Nicole [00:29:20]: I'm sure there's some nice guy stuff in there too. Like we talked about the last episode, like going on a date and being like, I want A wife or giving women all these things right off the bat, and she hasn't earned it, so.

John [00:29:32]: And guys feel like only women are interested in assholes or whatever. Like, you know, so. And then also just the masculinity thing. Right. Because in society, I mean, it's coming back now. I do feel like, since we published this episode, that masculinity is finally being valued again.

Nicole [00:29:49]: Yeah.

John [00:29:50]: In society. But there was a very long period of time where it was like, guys had no identity. I mean, it still is a big problem, right? Yeah, but. But I feel like there's more of a call to that, to traditional masculinity.

Nicole [00:30:05]: Well, I'm doing it in the right way, too, because again, I think even with, like, the traditional marriages, it was like, masculinity back then was, like, forceful and brute and, you know, not good.

John [00:30:19]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:30:20]: It wasn't servant leadership.

John [00:30:22]: No.

Nicole [00:30:22]: It was, like, not a thing that people really want to go back to. So then the pendulum swung a little too hard the other way.

John [00:30:29]: Right.

Nicole [00:30:29]: And now it's like, we gotta get.

John [00:30:31]: Now we get to the sweet spot. Because for a long time, I think the big complaint, too, was that women are told, you can do anything you want. You can. You don't need a man like you. You're. You're powerful as a woman. Be a boss, babe, all these things. And then, like, you're. You're more valuable than a man. You're just as valuable as a man. But then men are told are like, okay, whoa, what?

Nicole [00:30:53]: Like, what about me?

John [00:30:54]: Women get to do all the things women can do. They can be beautiful, they can be all these things, and they can be all the things that men can be. So then what is special about me as a. As a man? Like, that's probably the chief complaint of men. It's like, society has done that.

Nicole [00:31:10]: That's true.

John [00:31:12]: Okay. Episode 14, when you mess up. We had to stop an episode short. This was when we tried to do the struggles of women and I was a dickhead and messed up the episode.

Nicole [00:31:23]: Yeah, yeah, yeah. We stopped it in the middle, right?

John [00:31:28]: Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:31:30]: So I can't remember what you said.

John [00:31:32]: I don't know. I said something like. I wasn't validating your, like, what you were trying to say, and just, like, I was being combative.

Nicole [00:31:40]: Yeah. Oh, yeah. You were, like, really going hard. You were like, men are gonna say this, like, oh, yeah. You were trying to, like, to create extreme. Like, they would be. But it, like, did kind of invalidate the, like, it took away from the episode.

John [00:31:57]: Yeah, I guess we should do that episode, the struggles of women in. In dating.

Nicole [00:32:03]: I think we did it a little bit.

John [00:32:06]: Oh, we kind of did some stuff because we talked about older women and younger women, and maybe that was. I don't know, we could see. Okay. The Next one. Episode 15, marriage is about. I'm trying to beat the clock.

Nicole [00:32:20]: Yeah. We need to not go so far into tangents.

John [00:32:22]: Just the ones that we. That are, you know, that we need to say something. But marriage is about two becoming one. That's episode 52, which we talked about. Yeah. I don't think we need to.

Nicole [00:32:31]: In some of the Earl. Like, in the discussion we're having here, we talked about that and a few of the other ones.

John [00:32:36]: This was a Good one. Episode 16. Pick one. Happy mom or happy wife. About. Really about. Your wife comes first, not your mom. Okay. Don't be a mom as boy. And not anyone else. Not your family. Not like your wife comes first. Even if she's wrong, she still comes first. Like, you back your wife even if she's wrong. Then you have a talk with her privately and be like, hey, like, that wasn't cool what you did. Or, you disrespected my family. That wasn't cool. But you back her so that everyone knows where you stand. It's like, even if she's wrong, I'm gonna back her because she's my wife. So you. You better. You know where it lies. So. But same thing with. With men, too. Like, obviously, you're. You back your husband.

Nicole [00:33:21]: Right?

John [00:33:21]: Yeah. Especially publicly. All right. Can you really be satisfied with just one person forever?

Nicole [00:33:29]: Episode 17, this one still, I'm just, like, asking you occasionally, like, are you sure you want to be with me for the rest of your life?

John [00:33:40]: Who wouldn't want to be with this? Look at her.

Nicole [00:33:44]: But I don't know. I guess it's like, I believe it. Yeah, I do. But I just feel like, as a woman, it is kind of hard. Especially, like, all the episodes talk about men just want to get laid. And you were on this spree before we met. It's like you really wanted to give all that up. And are you sure you want to give all that up for your whole life? It's like, yeah, I believe that you do. But there is a part of me that's like, how do you go from one side to the other?

John [00:34:11]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:34:12]: Sort of thing. But yeah.

John [00:34:14]: And I think that. And then we talked about in one of the episodes, too, is that it's something that women are supposed to be insecure about to a degree. Right. Like you're supposed to give reassurance as a man, but I don't think you ever completely solve that because. And it's almost a good thing is that a woman still needs to feel like that she like to not take the man for granted. She kind of needs to be like, to realize that like. Okay, this is what he's doing. Yeah. That he is making this choice. That he could have made another choice. Right. I think that is important that you know so.

Nicole [00:34:48]: But I don't like it though.

John [00:34:51]: And then we did episode 18, sex. Yes, we talked about. About sex.

Nicole [00:34:58]: Still the same.

John [00:34:58]: Yeah, still the same.

Nicole [00:35:01]: Still important.

John [00:35:03]: This could destroy your relationship. Episode 19. We tried to get clever. I don't remember what. Let's see, I've got the recap here.

Nicole [00:35:11]: Is it really.

John [00:35:12]: Oh, travel. It was traveling with people.

Nicole [00:35:15]: Oh, yeah.

John [00:35:16]: So because we were in Hawaii at the time.

Nicole [00:35:19]: Oh, that's very true. Yeah, I still think that's true. I still think you should go on like a trip.

John [00:35:24]: Yeah. You're dating together.

Nicole [00:35:26]: Yeah. For a decent amount of time. Because things happen when you're traveling. Random stuff goes wrong and you see how they handle it.

John [00:35:36]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:35:36]: Yeah.

John [00:35:36]: Especially if you both are working jobs and stuff and you're not actually spending, you know, 48 hours together. Even a 48 hour trip. You find out.

Nicole [00:35:45]: Yeah. Even a weekend trip. You're right. Yeah.

John [00:35:47]: Okay. Will social media be the downfall of relationships? Episode 20.

Nicole [00:35:54]: Still, I think it's. It hasn't been good for relationships, but I think AI might be the downfall of relationships. Like in the episode that we'll get to eventually. You know, on AI, I said that I think it could eradicate relationships in a way because men can just go get a female robot and women can go get a male robot. And like.

John [00:36:20]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:20]: You know, I don't know. I want to think that humans care about other humans, but I also know that there are people that will definitely jump on the robot.

John [00:36:27]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:28]: Trend.

John [00:36:28]: And maybe it's good to like let those people not reproduce.

Nicole [00:36:32]: Yeah. I mean, it's true. But yeah, I think social media is not great.

John [00:36:38]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:36:38]: Like, just because there's still temptations. Like, oh yeah, you know, you're a public figure. You had some girl get in your dms, you know what I mean? She was beautiful and had like a ton of followers.

John [00:36:53]: In your opinion. To me, she looked like a trash heap. Yeah. If you're watching your trash heap. Literal trash. Like I looked at you, I was like trash.

Nicole [00:37:01]: But yeah. So I mean, I don't think it's great because it still gives people connection to other people. That back like when our parents got married and stuff.

John [00:37:12]: They didn't have Facebook caused so many divorces.

Nicole [00:37:16]: Yeah. Because you can like stay in touch.

John [00:37:18]: Because it's like you're high also in your high school girlfriend. Whatever. High school. Like, it's like you're having some trouble in your marriage. Oh, my God. Like the boomer divorce that Facebook caught, like. Oh, so many.

Nicole [00:37:30]: Yeah.

John [00:37:31]: And then public stuff that was happening. I didn't even tell you the. It was a thing with my ex's family. They had like a whole thing on Facebook where her uncle or something was like his. The. The aunt found. Rekindled the flame with her high school boyfriend.

Nicole [00:37:56]: Off of Facebook.

John [00:37:57]: Off of Facebook. And then he was posting about how he was finger. Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:04]: What? Yeah.

John [00:38:05]: On. And I'm reading the Facebook feed. Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:10]: On Facebook.

John [00:38:12]: Yeah. Yeah. This was happening on Facebook.

Nicole [00:38:15]: That's messy.

John [00:38:16]: Yeah. And then unfortunately, actually the guy drank himself to death over it and died. Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:23]: That's horrible.

John [00:38:24]: And this all happened like the drama happened on Facebook.

Nicole [00:38:27]: That's.

John [00:38:28]: Yeah, they were both publicly.

Nicole [00:38:30]: So Facebook is.

John [00:38:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:31]: Or social media. Yeah. I mean, it's not great, I think. I mean, we're trying to use social media in for sure to like be human and talk about all this stuff. But a lot of people do portray different things then is actually happening. I mean, that's why we started the podcast and had the end segment where we talk about where we deal with our own stuff. Because it. We don't want to come on here and act like we don't fight. We fight.

John [00:38:55]: No, no.

Nicole [00:38:56]: Very minimally.

John [00:38:57]: Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:38:57]: And we're very respectful when we have disagreements. But we have to be real. Like, we don't want to busy having.

John [00:39:04]: Sex to have fights, but you have.

Nicole [00:39:07]: To handle things healthily. John.

John [00:39:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:10]: You can't just.

John [00:39:11]: Okay. Yeah. Just can't just.

Nicole [00:39:12]: Just.

John [00:39:12]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:39:14]: Okay.

John [00:39:16]: But. But, but. Well, I mean, but even with what you're saying. Okay. Which. Which what's going to get more views. Our episode talking about stuff on social media that's important or fresh and fit with a bunch of hoes. Right. Like, you know what I mean? Or whatever.

Nicole [00:39:31]: Podcast is like crazy bad things. Like, I saw some other show or something that was talking about YouTube, like kids and how the dad that was like helping manage this YouTube kid youtuber was saying that people don't want to watch a kid learn how to ride a bike. They want to watch the kid fall off a bike. Do you know how messed up that is.

John [00:39:54]: That's messed up.

Nicole [00:39:55]: You know, how messed up our society is that, like, the things that are popular on YouTube and stuff are not, like, good things. Like, let me learn how to, you know, build a table. Yes. People still look up that stuff, but more views happen to shitty things happening in the video or, like, hate or like, you know, videos like that. So social media.

John [00:40:18]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:40:19]: We're hoping that it changes.

John [00:40:20]: I still will double down on this. I think I said in the episode, the worst invention ever created for humanity is the iPhone.

Nicole [00:40:27]: Yeah.

John [00:40:27]: Because without this, we used to have to talk to each other. You wouldn't have social media because social media is built off of this. Like, yeah, you might have, like, Facebook on your computer, but you're not.

Nicole [00:40:38]: That's different. You have to sit down for a certain amount of time.

John [00:40:41]: This has ruined more lives, ruined more human communication and relationships and caused more division and hatred in the world because you had to, like, again, you could still have some of these things, but you'd have to sit at your computer. People are on their phone scrolling on X and getting pissed off and saying, phones again. Yeah. And TikTok and all that stuff. So how having kids changes your relationship, episode 21.

Nicole [00:41:08]: I'm sure everything we said in there is still the same. A lot of people think that kids will fix their relationship. No, no, no, no. It changes it. It's a different dynamic. It's a good dynamic. You have to be solid in who you are as a couple, though, before you have kids for sure. If you're not solid and you're like, oh, kid will fix this. Do not have kids.

John [00:41:26]: No.

Nicole [00:41:27]: Not until your relationship is solid.

John [00:41:29]: How to romance woman, episode 22.

Nicole [00:41:32]: You just talk about sex all the time. Like, John's been on this episode. No, he has. He knows how to romance women. So you should definitely watch that.

John [00:41:43]: Watch that episode. Yeah. There's too much to talk about there. Should a woman ever propose to a man? Episode 23.

Nicole [00:41:51]: Yeah. We said no. And I think we still think no.

John [00:41:54]: Yeah. I think even more so. No.

Nicole [00:41:56]: At this point, you were already pretty hard now. I was also hard now. Yeah. But more hard of a nail.

John [00:42:03]: Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, hey. How can women be romantic? It's not what you think. Episode 24.

Nicole [00:42:11]: It involves S E X. Yeah. And seduction.

John [00:42:19]: Exactly. Yeah. It's. Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:21]: Still think the same.

John [00:42:22]: Yeah. Who settles more, men or women? Episode 25.

Nicole [00:42:28]: Did we ever even answer that? I don't think we even answered. Who settles more in the episode if I can't remember, maybe we did.

John [00:42:35]: I Don't know if we. I mean, we had arguments for both sides, but both men and women do settle.

Nicole [00:42:42]: I think maybe women do.

John [00:42:44]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:42:44]: Just because biologically. But I also think men do a lot because that's why they're like. Because I think they don't vet the same. And I think they're like, this woman likes me. And I've also seen people talk about how, like, men will only settle down when they're ready to settle down.

John [00:43:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:43:02]: Whereas, like, a woman, you know, she either finds somebody that she's like, okay, I want to be with this person. She'll settle down. Whatever timeline, if the guy is. Right.

John [00:43:12]: Right.

Nicole [00:43:12]: But she'll also settle down if she gets old enough where she's like, shoot, I want to have a family and I'm getting older and I need to have kids. I think she'll settle then.

John [00:43:22]: I mean, I had a coaching client of mine that his Last girlfriend was 15 years older than him, and he wasn't attracted to her. He didn't even find her attractive. And he was in like a multi year relationship.

Nicole [00:43:33]: What was he doing?

John [00:43:34]: It's like he couldn't find a different girl.

Nicole [00:43:38]: Okay.

John [00:43:38]: That was a girl that liked her.

Nicole [00:43:39]: He could, but he didn't.

John [00:43:40]: Yeah, I know. But like, that's what. So that was a good. That's a settle.

Nicole [00:43:43]: It's kind of like maybe we didn't answer it because it's kind of like split down the middle.

John [00:43:47]: It's just in different ways either way. Yeah, yeah.

Nicole [00:43:50]: They settle for different reasons.

John [00:43:52]: All right. Should you ever take someone back? Episode 26.

Nicole [00:43:58]: We said mostly. No.

John [00:44:00]: Right.

Nicole [00:44:01]: But even though I took you back multiple times, it's okay. You lost your marbles a little bit.

John [00:44:10]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:44:11]: You got your marbles back.

John [00:44:12]: Yeah, yeah, I think that.

Nicole [00:44:15]: And there was a different circumstance. You didn't, like, break up with me because you didn't like me or our relationship. It was other complicated things. And so in that instance, people can use their own discretion whether they want to get back together if it's not about the actual relationship. But most people break up because of the actual relationship dynamic. In that case, you should not get.

John [00:44:33]: Yeah. Because it's still going to be toxic. If it's toxic. I mean, you got the. Matthew McCahanahe from the. His parents got married. Married.

Nicole [00:44:41]: Married three times. Divorced twice.

John [00:44:43]: Yeah. You know, and then his dad went out with the bang.

Nicole [00:44:49]: Literally.

John [00:44:50]: All right, so men do not want Boss Babes. Episode 27.

Nicole [00:44:57]: I mean, I think that's true. I think, like, women still obviously, like, I Think women, somewhere along the way, got the message of, oh, you know, I'll be impressive if I do this not just to men, but to themselves, to everybody. And I'm not saying that women shouldn't have goals and shouldn't have things to work for. They can't run a business. But it's like, if you're doing that because you think a guy's gonna be impressed, right? He's not.

John [00:45:23]: He's not.

Nicole [00:45:24]: Like, not that he's not, but that's not gonna be a deciding factor.

John [00:45:27]: Yeah, he'd rather. He'd rather pick up the cashier girl at 711 and wife her up because she's sweet and. And humble and kind.

Nicole [00:45:37]: But you can be those things and run a business.

John [00:45:39]: Exactly. You can. But those are the qualities that the man's looking for. It's not how much money you make or whatever. Like, some guys would.

Nicole [00:45:47]: Would say that, run away. He might be looking for a sugar mama.

John [00:45:52]: Okay, then we did episode 28, Western women are too woke for Passport Bros. That was the whole by what we say on Passport, Passport bro thing.

Nicole [00:46:03]: It's just like, an easy way out. And it's not even, like, easy. You know what I mean? Like, it's. It's like you not becoming a man and doing the things you need to do and going to find other women that want strong men. And then they think that you're a man because you came over there and you're, like, trying to court them. But then a lot of times, again, the guys will be like, we don't take them back to America. But if she came to America and saw, yeah, you are an American, she.

John [00:46:31]: Would have run your ass over.

Nicole [00:46:32]: She'd be like, you're not a man either.

John [00:46:33]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:46:34]: Like, she would know that the jig is up. That's why they stay over there, too. So they're like. Could pretend to be like a man.

John [00:46:40]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:46:40]: It's just like, men would complain if women were doing the same thing. If women were, like, going to other countries and looking for manly men, they'd be pissed.

John [00:46:48]: Yeah, some women do that. Like, they. They go to some countries where there are more manly men, and they're like, they're reporting back. But that's not the general population.

Nicole [00:46:56]: No, it's not. Because, again, it's like, I get it. But usually those women, too, aren't really being feminine here to try to, like, find a man here.

John [00:47:09]: Right. It's not solving your problem.

Nicole [00:47:11]: Extremely masculine men to like.

John [00:47:13]: Well, I mean, and this is a new point of that Is like you're looking for something outside yourself to solve your problem, which the problem is you.

Nicole [00:47:19]: Right.

John [00:47:20]: And it's like, yeah, you can get the easy road and then hopefully that works out for you. But you haven't solved the core problem, which is that you're not the man. You're not masculine enough.

Nicole [00:47:30]: But unfortunately, the passport. Bros don't self reflect like that either.

John [00:47:35]: I love you, but I don't like you. Episode 30. I can't even remember what we talked about there as, like, I mean, I.

Nicole [00:47:42]: Think about that first that are together and. But they don't really like their partner. Yeah.

John [00:47:46]: And they say that like, I love you, but I don't like you.

Nicole [00:47:48]: Right. Like, they're just kind of stuck together because of the commitment.

John [00:47:52]: Yeah. My mom used to say to me all the time. I was kidding. She's like, I love you, but I don't like you right now.

Nicole [00:47:56]: Well, I mean. And I think that's necessarily not bad to say because like, like if in an instance. But if you say that you don't like that person as a person, like, I love you, but I don't like you.

John [00:48:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:09]: I think saying I love you, but I don't.

John [00:48:11]: I'm not happy with how you're acting.

Nicole [00:48:12]: Right now or something like that.

John [00:48:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:48:17]: If you're having a serious conversation. But this is more so the people who are like, I love you, but I don't like you, and they genuinely don't like their spouse and they have resentment. You can tell. Built up and like, you can tell the difference.

John [00:48:29]: All right, we're gonna have to speed run some of these here. I can't believe how. All right, we're on episode 31, the Surrendered Wife. This was the book.

Nicole [00:48:36]: That's a good book.

John [00:48:37]: By Laura Doyle.

Nicole [00:48:38]: Check it out.

John [00:48:38]: Yep. If she isn't afraid you'll cheat, she doesn't love you. Episode 32.

Nicole [00:48:44]: I talked about that too. Where you just talked about there has to be that little bit of. Because that proves that you're valuable in your wife's eyes. Like, it's not great, you know, being on the side of, like being scared that your husband's gonna run away, but you gotta always continue, at some moment it's gon like, come and snatch him away.

John [00:49:02]: But yeah, if you're just sitting on the couch being fat, eating Doritos and you're like, you know, like, your. Your woman should think that, like, other women would want you. Yeah. Otherwise you're. You're not doing what you should be. And. And it kind of goes, you're not being the man. The other way, too, is like, you're. You're like the. A woman should be treating a man like a king, whereas, like, other men would definitely would want this kind of woman. So the biggest problem with men today, that makes them weak. Episode 33.

Nicole [00:49:34]: What is the biggest problem?

John [00:49:36]: I think I said that it was that they're. I think this is one where I said pride that they don't have pride.

Nicole [00:49:40]: Oh, probably that is, I think, pride in being a man. Yeah. I would say that's the biggest one. If that isn't.

John [00:49:47]: Yeah. Lack of pride. That's what I said in there. And inability to handle adversity. So they just run for they want 50, 50 relationship.

Nicole [00:49:54]: Everyone has an inability to handle adversity in country right now.

John [00:49:59]: Yeah. That's what a lot of my bulldog stuff is about now. It's like. Like, lately it's been about how adverse. Like, it's good to. To have problems.

Nicole [00:50:08]: Yeah.

John [00:50:09]: All right. Why do men and women hate each other? Episode 35.

Nicole [00:50:13]: That's a complicated one. People should definitely watch that episode. But a lot of it's just. I feel like it's getting a little better, everybody. Yeah, I think. Well, I think.

John [00:50:21]: I mean, the. The bear thing was not a good step in the right direction, but I think in general, it's getting better. I think more people are going back to more traditional values now.

Nicole [00:50:30]: Right. I think that that helps people appreciate each other more. I think that the hate just in general with everything has gotten out of control. And then men hate women and women hate men, and it's. You know, it just causes this cycle of dysfunction.

John [00:50:44]: Yeah. Is he secretly controlling or confidently dominant? No more girls trips allowed. Episode 36. Well, this was about the whole telling.

Nicole [00:50:54]: The difference between controlling and dominance.

John [00:50:57]: And when women say, oh, that's controlling, or you're insecure, is that. Don't be insecure about a woman calling you insecure as a guy? Because that's a. All right. Why women initiate 90% of divorces. Episode 37.

Nicole [00:51:13]: Because men are afraid to break up with women. They're afraid to have the balls to end it.

John [00:51:19]: And this was the first one, episode 38, where we first really took a stance on this, which is, why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free? It's like.

Nicole [00:51:28]: Like, because you can't give the milk.

John [00:51:30]: Away for free like, that you should buy.

Nicole [00:51:33]: Which is kind of like how women have the power in dating. And like in episode 99, where we talked about, you know, men are Gonna look for sex, but you can't give him the sex. Like, he's gonna try to get the milk for free, but you can't give him the milk.

John [00:51:47]: You have to judge his level of investment.

Nicole [00:51:49]: Right. Well, you have to make him invest.

John [00:51:51]: Exactly. Right. Yeah.

Nicole [00:51:52]: You. Like, he has to. You have to withhold it. So he invests.

John [00:51:55]: Yeah. Yeah. I could see scenarios where it. Sex happens quickly if the, like, two people fall in love and, like, the investment is very high from the very beginning. I could see that scenario.

Nicole [00:52:07]: Gauge that out.

John [00:52:08]: Yeah, but you have to gauge that out. That's not just happening most of the time.

Nicole [00:52:12]: And you still have to be strategic in the beginning to even get that level of investment. Yeah.

John [00:52:16]: So that's what men get out of marriage. Episode 39 is kind of like the. The same as the. The marriage. We rehashed the marriage thing again, like.

Nicole [00:52:29]: Because it's really men who are afraid of marriage.

John [00:52:31]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:52:31]: Women aren't. Women are afraid of traditional marriage and being left with nothing.

John [00:52:36]: Right.

Nicole [00:52:37]: In a divorce. Men are just afraid of marriage and also being left with nothing but. And a whole bunch of stuff as well.

John [00:52:45]: Women are delicate vulnerably. Makes you invulnerable. Episode 40. That was a good one.

Nicole [00:52:50]: That is a good one. That is definitely one that people should watch just in general, because they think a lot of times vulnerability is weakness.

John [00:52:59]: Yeah. Are the five love languages legit? Episode 41.

Nicole [00:53:06]: That's where we talked about how they're more.

John [00:53:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:53:10]: We're talking about how they were masculine and feminine. Yeah, that's the attachment.

John [00:53:14]: Oh, yeah, that's the attachment. But we were kind of like. Yeah. And I still don't think.

Nicole [00:53:18]: I mean, I think it's a good way to, like, understand how your partner feels more loved. Like, yours is physical touch. And you do. Like, when I, like, hug on you, you tell me how it makes you feel better. And I like. I like quality time and.

John [00:53:32]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:53:33]: Acts of service.

John [00:53:34]: But I think we were saying, like, the thing that you crave is probably the thing that you're. You're lacking. It's not necessarily like, that is your love language. It's like, what are you lacking the most at the time? It's like.

Nicole [00:53:45]: Right.

John [00:53:45]: I think that's a better way of.

Nicole [00:53:46]: Thinking, like, what you're needing.

John [00:53:48]: Yeah. We got in a big fight. Episode 42.

Nicole [00:53:52]: I don't even know what the big fight was.

John [00:53:55]: I don't know. It was. We don't have time to get into it.

Nicole [00:53:59]: I'm sure we resolved it.

John [00:54:00]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:54:01]: You can go Listen to that one if you want to.

John [00:54:03]: A woman's role is to support her man. Episode 43.

Nicole [00:54:08]: It's true. You are the rocket and I am the rocket fuel.

John [00:54:11]: That's it. Are men dangerous, the real reason women fear men? Episode 44.

Nicole [00:54:18]: Yeah. Because they don't want to get murdered.

John [00:54:20]: Yeah. And I think that's. I think. I think there's definitely some. Some truth to that. Especially seeing nice guys when you find out what their real. Who they really are when you reject them.

Nicole [00:54:31]: Right, right. Well, a lot of men have undercover anger issues.

John [00:54:35]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:54:36]: And like, the nice guys are kind of the scariest because they come across nice and sometimes they have the worst anger problems because they're nice. Because they expect something back. And when they don't get that, then the angry part comes.

John [00:54:49]: Yeah. And they're real. Yeah. So to see, you know, how a man's character is by making him mad. Okay. Episode 45, when she's masculine and he's feminine, can it be turned around? That was a good one, too.

Nicole [00:55:07]: So he said it can, but it's difficult.

John [00:55:09]: Yeah, very difficult. But that's how a lot of relationships are, where the woman wears the pants in their relationship and the man is.

Nicole [00:55:14]: Just this little submissive.

John [00:55:16]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:17]: Yeah. If you have that dynamic, watch that episode because that is a good one.

John [00:55:21]: Are you self sabotaging your relationship without even knowing it? Episode 46. I don't remember our fears. Like if you're having to. If you're too afraid.

Nicole [00:55:34]: To commit.

John [00:55:35]: No. Like fears of. Of things going wrong in the relationship, of laying fear. Dictate your relationship. Your insecurities can sabotage the relationship. I think that's a very true thing.

Nicole [00:55:47]: Yeah. When they're extreme.

John [00:55:48]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:55:49]: Yeah. I have a hard time with the self sabotage stuff sometimes. Gotten better about it.

John [00:55:54]: No, I don't. Yeah. I think that it's not an issue for you anymore. I would say you're. You get the stamp of.

Nicole [00:56:03]: Of heels. Heels.

John [00:56:05]: You're healed woman. All right.

Nicole [00:56:07]: What? Healed woman.

John [00:56:10]: Traditional relationships limit your life. That was a Good one. Episode 47. Because people like.

Nicole [00:56:16]: People think that. And again, I'm going back to the Matthew McConaughey thing because he talks actually a lot about this same ish kind of stuff.

John [00:56:23]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:56:24]: Where he talks about. And you've talked about it too. For sure. Before that when you have discipline, you get more freedom.

John [00:56:34]: Exactly.

Nicole [00:56:34]: Yeah. And so people listening to this, they might be like, rules. What? Like, even when we did the rules one, I was like, this doesn't feel like rules. I don't want to do any of these things. They're. They're rules that are in place, but I never get close enough where it feels like a rule. I'm never like, oh, oh, oh. I can't cross this line. You know what I mean? Like, I don't even come close. So I get where people who don't understand, they think that it seems more confined, but it actually feels more freeing.

John [00:57:01]: Yeah.

Nicole [00:57:02]: Because you have guidelines, and they make sense. So they don't feel like rules or guidelines, but they help you live a structured life that is more beneficial.

John [00:57:12]: And as a man, you have to create these for the relationship to have boundaries.

Nicole [00:57:16]: Well, you're the leader.

John [00:57:17]: Yeah. So you should be thinking about these things and. Because even like you said, like, a woman maybe could go to a club, whatever, and not even thinking about cheating or it's not even a temptation for her. Right. But. So she might not think that there's anything wrong with that, but as a man, you have to be like, okay, this is not. It's not good. So this is why. You know what I mean? Like, she might not think of that innocently. She might not think of that. But as a man, you should be protecting the relationship. You should think about what the things need to be.

Nicole [00:57:45]: Right.

John [00:57:45]: You know? Should we open our relationship episode 48?

Nicole [00:57:51]: We were not actually opening our two to this. Maybe we should do a part two as the next episode.

John [00:57:59]: We did one. We did one.

Nicole [00:58:00]: No, I meant for the recap, because we're almost.

John [00:58:03]: I thought you were saying for the open the relationship. I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, no, there's no part two.

Nicole [00:58:09]: But then I was like, it's getting kind of, like, to an hour, which is long, so maybe we need to do another. Sorry, repeat that one more time. But, yeah, we need to open our relationship.

John [00:58:21]: Episode 48, part two of this one. I changed my mind. Maybe we should forget about Better than Perfect podcast. This is now the more the merrier podcast.

Nicole [00:58:34]: I did not change my mind. Still not a good idea. Not if you want to have an intimate, close relationship as a unit. As one.

John [00:58:45]: So we're at. Yeah, so I guess we're at.

Nicole [00:58:47]: Yeah, we should end at 50 and then do the other.

John [00:58:49]: And then. And then do other 50. The next episode.

Nicole [00:58:52]: Yeah.

John [00:58:52]: Okay. Because we were gonna do the episode on the smut novels, but we'll save that. We'll save. We'll save that.

Nicole [00:58:58]: Episode 102.

John [00:58:59]: Yeah. Okay. So is. Oh, speaking of which, is reading smut the same as watching porn? Episode 49.

Nicole [00:59:09]: Yeah.

John [00:59:09]: We're gonna revisit this one.

Nicole [00:59:11]: Yeah.

John [00:59:11]: Because it's gotten worse.

Nicole [00:59:12]: We didn'. Change our minds.

John [00:59:15]: No, no.

Nicole [00:59:16]: But we have a lot more to add.

John [00:59:18]: Yeah. Because it's. It's getting. It's getting bad to the point of. But yeah, I think it's something that's worth revisiting. But that's actually a very popular episode.

Nicole [00:59:25]: Yeah.

John [00:59:26]: A lot of people and then a lot of guys. Which is why we're doing another episode about it. It's like, my wife is doing this.

Nicole [00:59:30]: Yeah.

John [00:59:31]: How do I handle this?

Nicole [00:59:32]: I feel this way about it, but I don't know. They're afraid.

John [00:59:34]: Yeah. It's. It's a bad situation. Right. But maybe we can shed some light on it. So. And then number 50, how women try to control men in relationships. This one, I think we did talk about that language.

Nicole [00:59:50]: Yeah. Well. And I think we probably talked about the Laura Doyle book as well, because women like to be in control and lead, and I don't know if we talked about it in there. That it's good for women to be on their own and do all the things.

John [01:00:07]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:00:08]: So that they know how to do it.

John [01:00:09]: Right.

Nicole [01:00:10]: But a lot of times they get stuck in that. And so even if they're with a man that leads and they trust, they still try to control the thing. I still sometimes try to control the thing. Like driving. You hate that. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm like, we can be efficient. I'm just trying to help you. But it's. It does come across.

John [01:00:27]: If you wouldn't tell the Uber driver it, don't tell me it. If you think that would be rude to say to the Uber driver, like, tell him how to drive.

Nicole [01:00:35]: Look, I don't say all that. I would tell the Uber driver all the time.

John [01:00:39]: You do not. When we're in the Uber, you're not like, oh, he goes away.

Nicole [01:00:45]: But no. Yeah. It is hard for women to kind of, like, let that go, especially, too, with all the, like, oh, you don't need a man, and all this stuff. So women try to learn how to do all this stuff, which, again, I think is good.

John [01:00:56]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:00:56]: Because I think that when you find a good man and you give him those responsibilities, even though it's hard and you still want to control, then, like, you can fully give that up.

John [01:01:08]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:01:08]: And you know that you really trust that man because you know how you would do it, and if you would do it better, then that's impressive.

John [01:01:15]: Yeah. Yeah. But sometimes the way he would do it. You might not think it's better, which.

Nicole [01:01:20]: That's the hard part where you're like, I'm just not gonna say anything.

John [01:01:23]: And sometimes it might not even be better, but it doesn't matter because that's, you know, you're. You're giving up one thing in order to get something else, you know?

Nicole [01:01:31]: Right.

John [01:01:31]: It's like, well, even if I hire someone to work for me, Right. They're not going to do everything exactly the way that I would do them.

Nicole [01:01:37]: Yeah.

John [01:01:38]: But if I don't hire them and I'm doing everything all myself all the time, am I going to be stressed out all the time?

Nicole [01:01:43]: Yeah.

John [01:01:43]: Yeah. So sometimes I have to be like, okay, well, they're not going to do things exactly how I want them to do them. Sometimes they're not going to do them how I want them to do them, and they do a better job. Sometimes the worst job, but I have to be able to do that.

Nicole [01:01:55]: Surrender.

John [01:01:55]: Yeah. Okay, well, that's. That's 50. So, yeah, we'll. We'll just do a part two for episode 101. This is the. The longest recap, but I think the recap is actually pretty interesting. So.

Nicole [01:02:09]: Yeah.

John [01:02:09]: Yeah.

Nicole [01:02:10]: Oh, you're com. You're converted to recaps now. At the beginning of this, you're like, recaps suck. And then you're like, okay, not the Hollywood version.

John [01:02:17]: Oh, the John and Nicole version. I like it.

Nicole [01:02:21]: So, yeah.

John [01:02:21]: All right. All right.

Nicole [01:02:22]: See you on the next one.

John [01:02:23]: Well, we got to go to betterthanperfectpod.com and you can actually do your own recap because you can look through all the episodes there and watch them, you know, see how we've changed and evolved.

Nicole [01:02:32]: And I'm like, see you later. Come to the next one. John's like, wait a minute.

John [01:02:37]: We'll see you. We'll see you next week.